The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Patton Oswalt

Episode Date: August 2, 2022

Patton Oswalt joins Andy Richter to talk about growing up enthusiastic, toxic fandom, loving stand up comedy and more. 

Hey everybody, it's Andy Richter. You're listening to The Three Questions. And today I'm going to pose those three questions to Mr. Patton Oswalt somebody who i have known and loved and enjoyed for uh many many years um i mean too many really it's actually it's getting yeah yeah we need to inject some new life into the relationship or take a decade off and make it exciting again let's just not oh let's know each other and then when we see each other again oh my god we're running each other at a million miles an hour when we see yeah yeah yeah and then it'll explode into a million glitter bombs how are you how are you i'm good you know i'm i'm trying to i got i got covid last month i've got over it but now i'm and you have it and i have it because we were supposed to do this in person i have never been to the

uh new brand new shiny conan uh podcast uh studio it's nice well i was just there because i thought i was supposed to come there today so i drove there luckily i got there early so i was able to race back home and do this in time but the studios are delightful i've heard i've heard and i was looking forward to it but then i went and got covid i went to i went and got covid because i just i'm a joiner everyone else is doing it and so i just decided you know you're like you know what i'm not gonna do tiktok i'm not gonna do t TikTok. And then boom, there's your account. You're on there. Yep. It's how it goes. So how was your COVID? My COVID was frustrating only because, and I think you're going through the same thing.

I'm vaxxed and double boosted. So I had to, I was shooting a TV show in Savannah. So I had to isolate in place for one week in a hotel room in Savannah, but I really didn't get any symptoms. So it didn't feel like I was, I didn't even get that cool week of fevers and hallucinations and I could pretend it was apocalypse now. I was just sitting there watching, yeah, in a hotel room watching Euphoria on my iPad. It's not the same thing. And then probably exhausting every possible thing on the room service menu too. Oh, well, yeah. Well, no, the hotel I was in was a no, most hotels don't even have room service anymore. They just don't have the staff. So it was a lot of creative Instacarting and door dashery. Oh, wow. I'm trying to stay healthy that way.

Yeah. And it's hard to stay. Yeah, you got to be home. I was oh wow i'm trying to stay healthy that way yeah and uh and it's hard to stay yeah you got to be home i was in a hotel room trying to order an asahi bowl in the heat of savannah in june and they would basically you know just bring me a milkshake so i melted and oh boy how are you you've been you uh you're pretty busy all the time man man. I mean, you, you, you know, you're soaking up all the work, frankly. That's what I wanted to talk to you. Leave a little for the rest of us. Yeah, please. Come on.

Let's do something. I look, I like doing stuff. I like creating stuff. So if someone wants to hire me, I'm in. I'm, you know, I'm not one of these. Oh, I don't know if this, I just, I just work. Oh, the whole, everything that I do will be sorted out after I'm gone. So for now, I just not one of these, oh, I don't know if this, I just work. The whole, everything that I do will be sorted out after I'm gone.

So for now, I just like to work on new things. Are you, do you still push to do like, you know, like a show centered around, I mean, I know you did AP. AP Bio. AP Bio. Is that still going on or is that? No, we got, miraculously, NBC and Peacock gave us four seasons for a show that, again, critically acclaimed and no one watched. Yeah, I've been in some of those.

But the fact that they stuck with it. Well, you are in one of the great all-time one-season shows. Andy Barker, P.I you. One of the funniest. It was a, you know, I feel like if, if Twitter and the internet thing that we have now was more solid, that show would still be on the air because it,

every episode was just line after funny line, funny line. And I'll take, you never found its audience. I really, I really love that show. That was my favorite of the, of the of the you know swings that i took um and the cast was just so solid i mean you know my god to get to have tony hale on a show and you know and harv presnell uh it was just it

was fantastic you know harv presnell the um you know the the the dad the father-in-law from fargo was this great um he was like a pre alec baldwin in 30 rock where he he played everything completely straight yeah everything he said was so funny and so inappropriate it just killed me every single thing he said killed me on that show. He was, you know, he was a big musical theater guy. Like there was- I know. Like he sang, they call the wind Mariah.

Like that's, that was his song in a movie. And you know. Yeah. Yeah. If you watch like TCM when they're showing the big studio musicals from the 40s, there's Harv. There he is. There's Harv, yeah.

Singing away. He was really great. He was, and he also he's from he's from the foster's farm chicken ranch family like wait a minute yeah wait the one up on i-5 when you're driving north on five and i think what yeah like he's it's a big family business and he had you know and he would like that was like part of when he wasn't acting he was like going around making sure the chicken business was doing well so that was a man they don't make them like that anymore yeah and he would he flew himself around he was a pilot he would fly himself around god and he said they wouldn't you know that like when he got to a certain age they wouldn't let him fly solo i think after a certain age they don't let you do that so he would he would uh take his i

think it was a dachshund and the dachshund would be the co-pilot on the official manifest so song and dance man running a chicken empire pilot i mean Yes, I know. He was pretty amazing. Dude's frigging buckaroo bonsai. Yeah. Oh my God. I know. Well now, um, you're, I mean, you're from pretty macho stock. I mean, your dad, wasn't your dad a Marine? I, my dad was a 20 year Marine, but I, I am from macho stock, Marine, but I am from macho stock, but I don't exhibit macho stock attributes. I was the, I was like, I'm mostly, I think I'm all of my dad's recessive genes in one person. Was your dad like a Marine Marine or, you know, was he like a bookkeeper Marine? He was a test pilot. He, you know, he flew the F-4 down at El Toro and was, you know, did, but he was one of those

guys who, he did three tours in Vietnam, so anyone who's actually been in war and seen, and he was wounded and, you know, he was very pacifist, peace-loving, anti-war. Oh, really? Yeah. And anyone who's actually been

in war is anti-war. Yeah. really? Yeah. Because anyone who's actually been in war is anti-war. Yeah. You know, it's the people that have never been in battle that are like, we've got to go and show our manliness. It's like, actually, the veterans, the actual war veterans are like, you actually don't. You actually, you need to, how about you stay home and raise your goddamn kids and go get an ice cream.

That's actually nice. I tried it. I did not like it. So I would not recommend it. And looking at you, I can actually i i tried it i did not like it so yeah i would not recommend it and looking at you i can tell you that you're not gonna like it either i always just the notion of of like having to have lived through a draft which like i even have had friends like i had a friend that had dual greek citizenship greek american citizenship and had to go back to serve in the greek

army which he said was like summer camp like they were like they were like guys with earrings you know like and yeah yeah they don't but still i just like the notion of having somebody yell at you make you do push-ups and shit like oh that just sounds i could i would not i just would never and also too like i a couple of times uh played paintball the first time was for a conan remote and i and that was you know you had this thought in your mind like how would i do you watch movies like how would i do if i were the fish out of water suddenly yeah yeah yeah and i would die i would die immediately i would be shot in the face i would freeze up and i would uh hope that whoever came upon me would let me go hey i surrender no we don't need to do this right you know that's why i think a lot of people a lot of gun nuts really

they go so berserk when like in this eviled situation where the cops didn't do anything because that's their biggest fear because they always talk about if I was in a situation like that I must... But they know that in real life like my dad was in Vietnam. He had a machine gun. He had grenades.

He had a flamethrower. And if someone heard a shot the whole platoon would freeze. They wouldn't go let's run towards the shooting. They'd freeze for a second. Right. And these people are, you know

they have the weapons of war and they freeze up. So there's that weird, you know, wish fulfillment that in real life, they're actually worried that they'd freeze up too, which is why I think when a cop or security guard doesn't run in, they really skin that person alive. Yeah. Because that's their biggest nightmare. Yeah. Well, and it also does it, like you said, it kind of also lays bare the fact that no more guns won't help.

Like any one of those situations, like if there's a mall shooting and everybody in the mall has a gun. Oh, my God. That just like how on the face of that you can't see. Like that's a terrible idea. That's just a terrible idea. Can't you tell my love's a-growing? Well, did you feel pressure growing up as a Marine kid? No, not really. Because again, my dad was very anti-war. So when he saw me going into entertainment, he's like, good, good choice.

Don't go do what I did. He had a really interesting perspective on, I remember I was really down on George W. Bush because I'm like, he's a draft dodger, you know, but now he's sending kids to Iraq. And my dad's like, okay, timeout. The fact that he's a draft dodger, that's a good thing. The fact that he was smart enough to know to stay out of the Vietnam war, that is actually in his plus column. The only minus is that he knew to stay out of the war, but he would also think he'd extend that to go, let's keep these kids out of the war. You know what I mean?

But he goes, calling someone a draft Dodger is not an insult. That should be a, in their plus column. He goes, if I had not, if I had been smart enough to find a way out of Vietnam, I would have taken it.

I just couldn't figure out how to get out of it. Was he gung-ho when he went in? I mean, he obviously- Yeah, he was in ROCC. He was a Marine, you know? Yeah, he joined the Marines and then, you know, so he wasn't drafted. He was already in the Marines and was sent over there. Oh, I see.

And when he initially went over there, I have cassette tapes of, you know, reel-to-reel letters he would record home to his parents. Two things are going on. One, he's lying because he's actually on the front lines, but he's trying to make his mom and dad feel better. He's like, I'm in the rear with the gear.

Nothing's going on. You can hear explosions behind him. He's like, they're testing some artillery. He's just trying to reassure them. But he's also, it's his first year in Vietnam. He's like, I think what we're doing here is a good thing. And it wasn't until later that he was like, what the hell was that? You know?

Yeah. So you see the evolution there. Yeah. Kind of interesting. Well, that's pretty cool that he, you know. Were there other kids that you grew up with, other military kids, who you think that they were sort of receiving the same encouragement or disencouragement? Not really. I would say

unique. Yeah, he was unique. And I also, when I was in college, my roommate was in ROTC. That was the way he was paying for his college. So, you know, so I would hang out with a lot of the ROTC people. So seeing their perspective where it's like, this was my only way out of my hometown. But because of that, because I was put in such a box, I hope that they were all very anti-war. None of them were like, yeah, let's get in Iraq and kick ass. Cause they're like, wait a minute, I'm already getting up at five every morning and breaking my back to do this. And then a full load of school i don't want the reward at the end of this to be that descent be sent in the desert to kill people right because that's not what i want to do so that was also

really interesting there's a lot of um uh you know it depends on the perspective of it now sadly there are people who join the join the armed forces that are kind of messed up. And like you saw, the people that were at Abu Ghraib, they got off on the sadism and the cruelty, and that's what they were hoping to do. But I think that those are the exceptions that prove the rule. I hope, that's not true. I hope those are the exceptions that prove the rule.

Right, right. Well, we, I mean um you know you have and i i mean it's sort of your persona as a nerd you know and i mean did you is that what you were as a kid like were you you know i mean i was just enthusiastic about things if there's something i liked i wanted to know everything about it yeah so yeah i mean i i got very much into films. I got very much into literature and music. But I don't really fault, like, sports fans because it's no different than what I do. Right. With my enthusiasm.

The fact that they know every single draft pick, every draft prospect. This guy went to this university. He's here. You know, no different than me going, well, I mean, if they do a spinoff movie, if they should do a Colleen Wing and a Misty Knight movie from Daredevil, because those two, like, there's no difference. Right, right. Well, and that's the thing is that, like, it's the sports guys that are making fun of, like, to me, it's always been hilarious that guys that make fun of, say, like like people that go see a star wars movie and dress up as there's kids that do cosplay to go there those same guys they're all macho we'll put

on little uniforms yeah they'll bar to watch their game like i'm dressed up like my favorite that's my favorite and i have his shirt on i I'm like him. I'm like him. I want to be like daddy. Yeah, and these guys that, again, why would you fault anyone for having their enthusiasms? If there are people that are into stamps or watching trains, you have something you like. If that gets you through life, then good. As long as you're not hurting anyone else, I don't care.

Right, right. Or if you're going to be like crazy sports, like soccer thugs, just beat each other up. Don't beat up innocent bystanders. Beat up other crazy sports fans and keep it within yourselves. That's fine. Do you feel, because

you are such an ardent fan of genre stuff, of all different kinds of genre stuff you know of like you know of all different kinds of genres do you feel pressure like to have to keep up on everything like if there's some marvel show that you just don't care about i know i i've long ago kind of stopped the whole all right i gotta check this shit off i but i you know i do follow things enthusiastically because I genuinely like them, but I've also, I've passed the phase where I'm like, well, I started this series. I got to finish

it. Like if I start a series and it doesn't go anywhere and it's like, yeah, I stopped. I don't care. You know? So there's, there's Marvel, there's Marvel things I haven't seen. There's Star Wars stuff I haven't seen. You know, I like the stuff that I like, but I'm not going to, I'm not, I'm not not a completist i think completism is outside of enthusiasm and you end up kind of not living a life after a while it yeah it becomes like a mania or something you know yeah and it just and it replaces life yes and you're and now you're not enjoying it anymore right right and also i feel that way. My big thing with it is always like that kind of gatekeeper feeling, you know, like I, you know, like that somebody's got to be, you know, like I'm mad because they owe it to me because I just sort of feel like the things that I love, like something like, like, say, like Better Call Saul. I'm just so happy that Better Call Saul exists.

Me too. I'm just so happy that like, hey, it's your thing, man. I'm just I'm getting so much from this. And even something as as kind of, you know mean game of thrones game of thrones is silly game of thrones from the beginning was just like titties and butts and dragons and it's like and you know and then everybody got into it because i started watching it from the beginning and i felt ashamed like i felt like i was like i shouldn't even mention this and then it became so huge and like when it ended people are angry and i'm just like hey what the fuck man they gave

you like however five seasons of dragons and titties like what do you want yeah and also keep in mind the stuff that doesn't um end or uh rise to your level of what you believe things are, then go make something better. And in fact, a lot of the stuff that Quentin Tarantino has done film-wise was based on movies that he saw that he thought they didn't take it the place I wanted to. So I just went and wrote my own. I just went and wrote my own scenes and those became movies.

And Star Wars started from George Lucas watching Flash Gordon stuff growing up and going, this is good. But couldn't they have also done this? So then he went and did it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So go do a better thing. Yeah, yeah. I agree. And also just, you know, and don't be, it's just the babiness of it.

Like, I want. My, my, my. Also the weird, like, when you say gatekeeper, I also thought you were talking about, and this is another big problem of it, is the, um, oh, you're into this now? Oh, right. Yeah. You know what? I've got other shit I'm doing.

The art will always be waiting for you. I, you know, I didn't hear, all these people that are getting down on people for suddenly getting into Kate Bush, because of Stranger Things, why are you mad that a new generation is discovering her? Right, right. You don't own her. Yeah.

Let people discover it. You didn't hear her in the womb. You didn't come out knowing Kate Bush. At some point, Kate Bush was new information to you. So fucking relax. Yeah. And one thing I remember after Trump got elected, you said, and it might have been on Twitter, it might have been in an interview, you said something about like, you sort of addressed fandom and said something to the effect of, hey, fandom, maybe we should be paying more attention to the stuff that really matters out in the world. Do you remember saying that? I can't remember. I mean, I did remember thinking that I was guilty of letting these other realms that I dwell in replace the real world for me.

And what seemed like a lot of minor silly stuff ended up being really, really crucial. And especially we're seeing that now with the midterms coming up and realizing, oh my God, the office of third circuit court judge is actually kind of crucial because that's how they're going to throw elections. They're like, oh shit, I didn't see this massive plan because it didn't have lasers and ninja swords and Kung Fu. So it didn't keep my stupid attention.

Yeah, yeah. I forgot if I said, I mean, look, a lot of people were just, November 5th, 2016 was a rude awakening for a lot of people, you know? Yeah, yeah. Of, hey, maybe let's not joke about America. No, America is clearly capable of anything. Yes, yes. Let's not discount anything anymore.

Yeah, yeah. And, you know, and like sort of our innate goodness is like, I don't know. Maybe it's not so innate anymore. And maybe also maybe our innate goodness was always pretty fucking tarnished with all kinds of ugly, ugly stuff that we, you know, it was just convenient for us to sort of go, well, yeah, sure, we're racist and sexist and all that, but we're really a shining city on the hill. Like, yeah, that was built by slaves, you know. In my 20s, I was such a douchebag. I was so confused and I was so competitive and insecure. and also, consequently, in denial about what I was and trying to act like I was one of the good guys, whereas in reality, I had a lot of problems.

And then I went into therapy and really looked at and faced and embraced a lot of the shit that I was so that I could then move. I didn't really become successful and happy until I looked at all of my shittiness and went, oh, okay, that's who you are. Own that and start fixing it. But we have, our country is in that phase right now of,

we have always been amazing. We have never done anything wrong and we are not going to talk about it. And the fact that like they, I believe in the Texas school board wants to get rid of the word slavery in history books. Yeah, yeah. That is fucking psychotic. Yeah. You know, in Germany, there are museums that show you the fucking Nazi horrors. And kids growing up look at that and go, we're capable of this.

But knowing that we're capable of this is what will stop us from doing this shit again yeah and a lot of those kids are going my grandpa did that yes you know and so it's like yeah it's it to me the thing that strikes me about that kind of attitude is it's just so childish it's putting your fingers in your ears and going la la la la la yeah and and it also it just america love it or leave it has always struck me as like saying my mom love her or leave her and it's like you know your mom you love your mom sure but your mom is not perfect like no i won't let my mom drive my kids in the car you know no no no no so it's like and that doesn't mean that i don't love

my mom but it does mean my mom can be a very reckless dangerous individual yes and that is the total picture of her so yeah to say oh well you know oh you don't like this country it's like yeah sometimes it's it sure doesn't seem great you know january 6th that sure didn't seem great not good yeah so um it's it's scary when did you did you start to find that your own ability to be funny was like it came out of the basis of like coping mechanisms for all of this kind of stuff but like but like adjusting socially and. You know, it was weird. My ability to be funny came out of the same enthusiasm that I had for horror, science fiction, comic books. I was a big fan of comedy before I even thought of becoming one.

I just loved every aspect of it. And so I wasn't the class clown. I was in a clique of clowns. I was in the clique of nerds who loved every form of comedy that could recite Monty Python, that could recite, you know, every George Carlin album, SNL, you know, SCTV, all that stuff. We were, it was that enthusiasm and it was that way of going, the knowing comedy and starting to write my own jokes seems to make life way better and way more fun. Like having that faculty. So I learned very early on. It wasn't from any like,

oh my God, I'm being bullied or my life is so horrible because I was certainly not in the A crowd, but I had friends and I had friends that I liked. And I wasn't like, God, why won't the footballers let me hang out with them? Like I didn't want to, I didn't hate them, but I'm like, what am I going to talk to them about? And why would I inflict myself on them? I had my group that we all liked the same stuff, so I was happy. I wasn't like going to school like, I'm so alone. Like, no, I was with my other nerd friends.

So it came more about, I love this. Now I want to know every single thing about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? And when did you start to, because you didn't start out, like, say, like college. You didn't start out thinking, I'm going to go be a comedian or an actor. Yeah. I mean, it was, I started off, I don't know if you had the same experience, between my freshman and sophomore year of college.

In my mind, I was going to be a writer, I think. But I think in freshman, between that summer was like, oh, I'm going to graduate in three years. I better figure out what to do with my life. Like, I don't, I have no job. I have no vocation. Like, what am I going to do? And that was that summer where I did a lot of different jobs. Like, I tried all these different things. And I mean, I was studying to be a paralegal. I was a wedding DJ on the weekends. I was writing. I was doing writing sports for a local newspaper, covering sports. Oh, wow.

Just doing everything. And then. This is all in Virginia, right? All in Northern Virginia. Yeah. And then and then I started doing open mics because, again, I was still really into comedy. And that was, this is in like 88. So in 88, there was comedy on TV all of the time.

There were just showcases constantly. And it looked really fun. And the people that I was watching that I really, really liked at the time, people like Bobcat Goldthwait and um you know robin williams of course uh that were on tv jake johansson and stuff i was like i just love this stuff and so i went to downtown dc and uh did an open mic wow and it was the one thing that i did where there was no immediate reward the audience really didn't laugh what i i like a couple of comedians were like, gave me the, that was good. Like, you know, like, but it was the thing that I'm like,

I want to keep showing up and doing this. Cause I loved the life. Waiting to go on stage, watching comedians hang out, trade jokes, create together out of thin air after a day of whatever they're doing. And now I'm like, this is the life I want. Before I'm even successful at it, I love this hang. I love these hours. I love this rhythm. This is the life I want. what is the writing process before that first that first thing like what do you do because i you know there i don't know how you feel but i've heard i've sat next

to people saying like friends just pushed me up there and i did it you know and i always feel like no you fucking didn't you know like you you prepared oh are you kidding? I absolutely prepared. I would write out things, trying to make it sound conversational. Yeah. Like, you know, instead of like punchline, I didn't understand, I really didn't get,

didn't have like punchline oriented stuff. I just wanted to talk and try to be funny that way. But early on, I was still was like, I got to put punchlines in here. So it would be very, I just remember that first year was like, it's like conversation. And then you could feel the gear grinding as I then tried to drop the punchline in.

And it was just miserable. And then, but it just, it came from, it's the same thing as someone says, how do I become a writer? Just start writing. But write what? Doesn't matter. Just start writing. Well, I? Doesn't matter. Just start writing. Well, I'm not going to write until like, people that are like, wait, like I'll do, I just,

I've met people that want to become standups. They're like, but how did you get on Netflix? I'm like, well, I've been doing it for 30 years. Yeah. But when I start, like when I start doing it, I want how to Netflix people come and see me. I'm like, don't even think about that right now. Whatever you're going to be doing won't happen for another 10 years down the road. And this won't matter. And you can see those

people that are so they're like test oriented. They're still in college. They're like, what are the things I need to do to get the A? And then it's like, there is no there. It is all up to you. It is not going to just, you know, and those people, I always sense like they're going to be doomed because they're like, I'll do comedy when I am on TV and I'm getting money for it. I'm like, then you're not going to do comedy. Right, right. You have to like doing this for nothing. You're prioritizing sort of, I mean, it's, yeah, it's nice to get paid to do this, but the odds of you getting paid to do it are so slim that you need to find, you need to find the joy in the doing of the thing,

which for me, like for me was improv. And I used to do improv with guys that would, you know, we like, there was one group I was with. It was like a really fucking, you know,

murderously talented group of like improv killers that kind of, you know, like a couple of guys were sort of in with the guy that, that owned the space. There was like these Italian brothers that were in this space in this Italian restaurant. What city was this in? This is in Chicago.

Oh. And, and after about, I don't know, it had been about six months or something. These guys just all of a sudden were like, all right, we're, we're wrapping this. We're killing this group because we said at the beginning, if in six months we didn't have agents coming and doing the shows, then it would be over.

And, and I was like, I was, and it went around and it was like just such wishy-washy like guys like, okay, well, if everybody doesn't want to do it. And then it got to me and I was like i know i didn't know i never remember anybody saying if we don't get agents in here i was like and i said and what what i don't have anything else to do like this is really fun i really like this like why would we end this yeah what is this like a george elliott novel your hand is promised in marriage a year from now you must you must find work. Like, what kind of fairy tale shit is that? Any terminal illness that I'm worrying about, like, as far as I know, I, you know, I'm 22 and I've got some time to fuck around.

Yeah. And that's, go ahead. Sorry. Well, the whole thing just kind of ended up where everyone's like, okay, yeah, yeah. All right. Yeah. Let's keep doing it. And the two guys that were, you know, like had said, we're going to end it and the the two guys that were you know like had said we're gonna end it kind of ended it you know like we ended up having to go get another another venue and yeah you know that and it was like none of us were good at getting venues we were just doing good at doing improv shows are those two guys in the business are they successful uh one of them has passed away and uh one of them, but one of them still acts and, you know, and is moderately successful. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. I think that one thing that I wish someone had taught me early on, and I try to impress this upon if anyone ever asked me for advice, is you are not going to believe the ups and downs in your career. You are not going to believe the ups and downs in your career. And if you think this, if you think your career has to be a steady climb upward or you have somehow failed, then you are not going to make it. You're going to have, I cannot tell you the amount of pilots that I've shot that went nowhere. Movies I was hired for, TV shows I was hired for that I was then replaced in. You know, huge opportunities that went nowhere or were taken away or things changed

that I've seen a lot of other people go, I've been doing standup. Then I got a spot on Letterman. Now I auditioned for this sitcom. I didn't get the audition. Fuck it, I quit. It's done. Like, it's over for me.

I'm like, no, it's not going to be a steady climb. Yeah. You know, and there's also people that like, I had my own show for two years and now you don't. It's up and down. There's no, like you can't, that expectation of steady growth, I think ruins more talented people than anything else.

Yeah. Each year has got to outdo the last. It's like, no, it will not happen that way right there will be some years where you're just not really doing anything and you're just not it's not clicking for you you just have to keep you have to keep at it because you actually like doing it whether you're successful or not right and do you think that's why you were able to absorb all that rejection because it is true i mean it's just you are rejected i mean i'd say 50 50 to 1 is probably yeah it's probably easily yeah yeah i remember there was a time um i'm not going to name names but it was at a comedy

show a bunch of us during the alt times and a a comedian went on stage and they raged about how i wrote this pilot and iped the script around and everyone said they loved it and no one bought it like what the fuck and you could see all the other comedians in the room with not you know thinking about saying it going then write something else yeah yeah welcome to the club we've all I could show you a crate full of shit I've written that will never get made that you write something else. Right. Their whole thing was I wrote it. Everyone said it was good. And then they didn't do it. So I. Yeah. So fuck this business. I'm like, yeah, you don't understand how the business. Right, right, right.

You absolutely do not understand how this works. And also the whole notion of something working or not working. It's like, it's always has some kind of alchemy. There's always some kind of magic. That you cannot, and you can never predict how it'll go. No, because there's absolute shit that gets huge. You know, there's like, there's like really shitty stuff that gets gigantic. And you're like, okay, you know, there's a there's a flavor for everybody. And then there's like really fantastic stuff that, like you said, you know, gets its opportunity to be on on the air.

It's there in front of people. whether or not it's handled well, because that is something that can damn something is, is the lack of, you know, participation by the people that are actually hosting the place that you see it. But, you know,

it's like, you never know. You never know. And to think that you do is, it's setting yourself up for disappointment. I can tell you all through the nineties, the nineties was the golden age of amazing, weird shows being done in black box theaters where HBO execs, Comedy Central execs are in that audience watching it, watching it kill. And it fucking goes nowhere.

Yeah. Fucking goes nowhere. I remember I think I saw you in a thing, if I'm not mistaken, called Not Without My Nipples. Were you in that thing, if I'm not mistaken, called Not Without My Nipples. Were you in that? Yes, yes. Which was a brilliant takedown of, like, Lifetime TV movies and then just showbiz in general. And it was just phantasmagorical, genuinely with really funny songs. I'll Be Your Beard.

I like it when you lick me down there, all that stuff. And it just, nothing happened with it. Yeah, yeah. I actually wasn't in that, but it was all the people that i worked with yeah for some reason i remember i know janine was in it and um my ex-wife was in it yeah so oh okay yeah yeah i saw you at one of the things and i probably was there but at the time i was doing cabin boy at the time that they were doing that i was doing cabin boy so, so I had, you know, I was, you know, I was, that was my big entree into the film business. There you go.

You know? Yep. And then after it was over, I was, I was applying for a job at an assistant, as an assistant manager of a movie theater and terrified that Cabin Boy would show there while I was behind the popcorn counter. Yeah. You can't, like, like the, if you have to love doing this first everything else has to be secondary if you are in this for the if you're in this for the medallions and the badges and the um you know the certificates of achievement then you're going to go crazy yeah you will go fucking crazy yeah i i patdy Chayefsky said in,

there's that famous, you know, Conversations with Screenwriters book. And he said, you know, that the desire for fame and money is perfectly okay for young people. But, you know, and it's like, if that's going to be your engine when you're young, that's good.

But it will not, if that's what you're going to, if that's going to be your engine when you're young, that's good. But if that's going to be your engine throughout the whole trip, you're going to be fucking bummed out. And you will go. That's why I think so many stars, and this happens in sports as well, I think they go crazy because they keep, they hit some crazy plateau and then they are determined this must, I must now rise above this plateau. And it's like, no, there's going to be ups and downs and they cannot handle that. And it drives them crazy. And that's why every, it feels like every year one hero, one icon goes crazy because they have been driven by what you just said. Constant growth, constant ascension, rather than the ups and downs that, oh my God,

is this like, I mean, there have been times when I'm like, am I, I guess I'm done. I feel like there was a couple, especially a couple of years, like five years ago, I was in a Broadway play that then folded. And then I sort of got the blame for it, even though it wasn't my fault, but it was. And then I was about to leave New York, but then I got cast in a sitcom with Matthew Broderick. And then we did a whole week of rehearsals. And then I got fired from that. And then I asked, like, I go, I told the producer, I'm like, hey, you'll please keep this out of the press because I've had a miserable month. He goes, don't even worry about it. And then I flew back to LA.

And when I landed, when I landed, it was a message on my phone going, Patton, I'm so sorry. And the thing in writing was like, you know, strike two for Oswald. Like, oh, and for a year it was just like nothing. And I and for a year I was just like nothing and I and for a year I was like fuck all of this I'm just gonna go do the goddamn road I'm gonna be a fucking comedian like it just fuck this you know and yeah yeah and and it was the not so you know yes obviously I'm prey to that stuff but people that that think the whole world that nobody was against me. I wasn't anyone's target. It's just how fucking shit fell. You ultimately don't matter in any of this.

And once you embrace that, you can go forever. Yeah. How do you divorce yourself from the rejection? You know, like, because, you know, there's no product. You're not, the product that you're selling is yourself. Yeah, but you know what? Here's how I divorced myself from the rejection. I remember a great interview.

I've always remembered this. And there's actually two genuine great interviews. One with Charlton Heston, where they were asking him about, you know, you were offered Cool Hand Luke. You were offered Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Like, did you ever kick yourself or not? Because he turned those down. And he's like, no, the reason those movies worked

was because they got Paul Newman. It wouldn't have worked with me. That would have actually hurt my career. If you're rejected for something, it's probably for a good reason. It's probably, you know, and there was another interview with Will Smith where he famously, the Wachowski brothers pitched him The Matrix and pitched it to him very badly. And he goes, I didn't get it. And I politely turned them

down. And I went and did Wild Wild West instead. And he goes that the Saturday after Wild Wild West came out, I remember walking around in malls, like a lot of people going, I'm really sorry. We're working on Bad Boys 2 right now it's going to be okay sorry about this like having kind of a funny sense of humor about it but also he said and you're welcome because if I had been they wanted me as Neo and Val Kilmer as

Morpheus and if he and I had done it I don't think the movie would have been successful and there wouldn't have been the sequels and that's how it was meant to go so now I really look at it like, oh, if I missed that thing, it was for a reason. Yeah. Yeah, I, yeah, that's, I, you know,

I can't imagine Charlton Heston as cool as Luke. And I think Charlton Heston was even saying, he was even saying, and this was a really amazing thing of self-knowledge. Self-awareness, yeah. Self-awareness. He was like, I know what I look like. He looked like a god.

I mean, he didn't look like the kind of guy that Strother Martin could break his spirit. You know, he goes, it's not my fault that I look like this. I look like a demigod. It's just how I fucking look. I'm meant to play saviors and indestructible, you know, killing machines. I'm not this, you know, kind of not self-confident gunslinger

or morally conflicted prisoner. You just don't buy it. Right, right. You know? Yeah, Paul Newman is this charming, pretty little thing because he was a tiny little man. He was tiny, but you could also see him like, oh, he's actually kind of getting by on some charm and bullshit, which is why he was a tiny little man he was tiny but you could also see him like oh he's actually

kind of getting by on some charm and bullshit which is why he was so lovable because he really he he he had that vulnerability of oh no i know i look i know i'm really handsome but i'm actually kind of full of shit and i'm trying my best to keep that covered and it's kind of great you know god he was such a brilliant actor god damn was he good yeah he was really fantastic yeah i mean especially like people forget how good he was at playing characters that are full of shit and are completely overcompensating and really connected with people that are going oh god i think i kind of do that half the time. You know, I wish I was that good looking while I did it. Cause he was also, I remember I was,

years ago I was going out with this girl and I was really, you know, I love classic movies and she doesn't. And I think she was taking a plane somewhere. She goes, should I watch something on the plane? I'm like, watch HUD. She was like, what? She goes, watch HUD.

I think HUD's right now on like, you know, they have those classic movies. Yeah. She'd never seen HUD. She was like, what? She goes, watch HUD. I think HUD's right now on like, you know, they have those classic movies. Yeah. She'd never seen HUD. Yeah. And then she like texted me when she landed. She was like, oh my fucking God. Why didn't anyone tell me that this guy, like she had no idea how redonkulously sexy that

dude was. Yeah. Yeah. And playing an evil full of shit character. Right, right. Yeah, no, he was like, yeah, it's like, you know, Bill Murray got away with that for years and years. Yes, yeah.

Just playing like, you know, or Ferris Bueller. Like when my, I watched Ferris Bueller with my daughter, you know, a few years ago and I was like, Ferris Bueller's a fucking psychopath. I watched it with my daughter too a few years ago and she's like, heris Bueller's a fucking psychopath. I watched it with my daughter a few years ago and she's like, he's mean. Yeah. She hated him. Yeah.

Yeah. We just aren't as charmed by that. No, not anymore. The lovable, I don't give a fuck white guy. It's just like, yeah, it's not so much fun anymore. Oh, by the way, there's another quote I got. I was at a party. This was years ago.

Someone's birthday party. This was years ago. Someone's birthday party. This was decades. This was like in the 90s at the Brass Monkey in Koreatown. It was someone's having a party. They're having a karaoke party. Karaoke party, yeah. All the comedians are there. Everyone's hanging out.

And Carrot Top was there. Everyone knows Carrot Top. His real name is Scott Thompson. Nicest guy on the planet. He's great. And so he's hanging out. And I think I and a couple other people were hanging out with him talking and these couple of like classic silver lake hipsters

came up to him you can tell they have been like commiserating in the corner like god dude go do it go do it go do it yeah yeah yeah and they walked in like hey so oh like we're watching that movie you were in like chairman of the board he goes oh yeah yeah he's yeah like well why'd you make that piece of shit you're like like and then carrot top went why were you watching it like i they paid me to do it you wasted all what the hell is wrong with you because like yeah i mean yeah it was okay and then he just like scattered away like it was that's what, whenever someone goes, why are you in that piece of shit?

I'm like, why did you watch it? Yeah, yeah. You should watch that thing. It's terrible. It's like nobody says to Plummer, like, why'd you fix that thing? That thing was full of shit. And you put your arm in it.

What's wrong with you? Right, right. That's what I do. That's how I get money, you dumb dumb. Now, you have, you do have, I mean, and you know, when things were rough, you can hit the road. You can go out and do stand-up. And did you find as you kind of started to get more work as an actor, like, that that split, like, did you always want to keep that, you know, your fingers in both of those? Yes.

Or was there ever a point where you're like, you know, if I can just act, I'm just going to act? No, no. And I remember, I can remember pretty distinctly a couple of comedians who I could tell early on, they are in comedy to get out of comedy. This is a way to get out of it. I do movies and TV shows so I can increase my profile and do more standup. Like my ultimate goal is to keep doing standup.

I'm very fortunate in that, you know, I just get, I've been offered things. I've been in, sometimes I've just been in the right place at the right time. I walked off stage at the Largo one time and walked into the kitchen and Paul Timer Sanderson was standing there. He goes, shooting a movie, you want to be in it the kitchen and Paul Thomas Anderson was standing there he goes shooting a movie you want to be in it I'm like yeah

and then he goes I'll call you tomorrow and then I was in Magnolia because I was just like you know that kind of thing so you know I like the business I like doing creative things and I like working with new people this new movie I have coming up is pretty much a first

time director. It's his second film, but I just love when someone goes, I got this project. It's so frigging weird. I don't know how it's going to work. I'm like, oh, please let me read that. Because I'm a movie buff from that time,

especially the early 70s, where it was like, we're going to go shoot this thing. Don't know if it's going to work. Let's give it a work. That kind of attitude, I love. I love that kind's give it a word like that kind of attitude i love i love that kind of movie making i love that kind of tv especially now now right now television is the way movies were in the early 70s of the the the heads of networks have openly just gone i don't

i don't know like yeah we'll try it i don't why not it's great. Yeah, let's see what happens. Yeah, that's good. It is good. What, what is, is there something, you know, like the juice that you get from, like, and by juice, I mean like the thing, like the thing that hooks you in. Is there, describe the different juice you get from acting and the different, as opposed to the one you get from standup? Like which, why do the two things have their hook into you? Because with acting, you are surprising yourself and surprising another creator by interpreting something that they wrote and you know that they had a way that it sounded and looked in their mind. And then you are bringing something so totally alien to it, but trying your best to interpret

what you think is on the page, but when you see their, sometimes their delight and surprise it, oh, I didn't see it working that way, but that actually works better. So it is very much a collaborative process, or the other kind of juice you get from that is, I'll try it one way

and they'll go try it this other way in a way that you normally wouldn't do it and you'll find a whole other aspect of yourself that was in the words that was in you you didn't realize it was there but it's there when you're in action with other people with your with your scene mate with a director with a writer other parts of you will come out of it which is that every aspect of that is thrilling you know like when you're in a you'll have the scene one way in your head then you'll get into the scene with someone and they'll give you something that you weren't expecting and then you it something totally new comes out of you it's amazing and i love that so there's that with stand-up the thrill for me me is you create something out of absolutely nothing.

There is nothing there but the tiniest idea. I think this might be funny. Maybe there's something to be gotten there. And then you slowly, overnight, you build it. There's that great sequence in Jerry Seinfeld's documentary, Comedian, where he has that bit about think tanks. Like, how do people get fired from a think tank? And he, in the documentary, he shows himself on stage, successive nights, just not delivering. He doesn't have it. He doesn't, he hasn't cracked it. And then they show him sitting with Colin Quinn and George Wallace and George Wallace gives him the nugget that cracks the bit and then he's

got it but it came out of nothing so it's almost it's almost anti-collaboration in a weird way you have to crack open a puzzle that is in your head it's there you just have to unlock it somehow right right and I just love it amazing that amazing footage of Paul McCartney writing Get Back. Oh my God. In that documentary. Out of thin fucking air. Yeah, yeah. Isn't it weird watching that scene and you're watching going, JoJo, you know, Tucson, Arizona, dude.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you already know the song in your head and he's not there yet. Yeah, yeah. Oh my God. And you see George Harrison and Ringo Starr sitting there looking at him and they know like, oh, wow.

Here we go. Something's happening. Yes, you know, there is gold coming out. That's the same thing with the Seinfeld bit. He's like going, he's sitting at that, he's at the olive tree after doing, and again, the bit has not worked and he's like. How sad. That man needs to go to better restaurants.

He really. Not the Olive Garden. No. Okay, never mind. I'm sorry. The olive tree, you weirdo. I'm sorry. He's so rich.

Why would he go to the Olive Garden? Well, in his defense, he had purchased the one that he was in. I love the breadsticks. I love them. It's bottomless. They're never going away. And he's sitting there, so he's like, someone like people get fired from think tanks. Like, how does that happen? You could tell, like, he knows there's a bit there. And then

George Wallace just like tosses off, like the guy getting fired. He's like, look, Frank, sometimes you don't think. And then, and you see Seinfeld's fate, like the whole thing just lights up in his head. Like he suddenly has the entire bit and it's such a great moment yeah that's always fun when somebody can give you like a little nudge that way it's always and he isn't even and george isn't even going do the bit this way he's just like oh i'm just riffing out like let's do this good and and he unlocks it for him yeah oh it's so good yeah yeah has it been hard like you know you've been through some really tough times. I mean, you lost your first wife, passed away. Has it been like is it hard to do comedy in those times, like in rough times in your life?

Is it hard to go out and say, like, OK, here comes the funny guy going to make everybody be funny? Yeah. I mean, I know that people have been able to go up during some pretty horrible dark times and be funny because of the darkness. Richard Pryor, very famously. Dana Gould was amazing at that. Tig very famously went up of her cancer diagnosis. I'm not one of those people. It took me a few months after Michelle passed away. And even then I was just tentatively going on stage and getting no laughs and just getting back into the rhythm of being on stage again, because it was such an alien aspect, you know, and it took me a whole other year to even get, you know,

feeling like I belong because, because in my mind I was like, what fucking right do I have? It was, it was a lot of talks with my therapist about that, about how do I get back up doing this? But it's like, what else am I supposed to do? It's what I do in the world. It is what I do. And my late wife was an amazing investigative journalist. If I had passed away, I certainly would never want her going,

I will never write another word again. I'm like, no, I, the thing that I love, I want you to keep existing as the person I loved. I don't want to, it's bad enough that I've been taken out of the world. I don't want to take you out of the world too, you know? So, but it took me a long time to get there. Yeah. I can imagine. Yeah. Because it was, I mean, it was such, I don't, I mean, I was amazed that you could do it. And I mean, the first times that I saw you out in the world doing it, I mean, you were you and you were hilarious. And I just, you know, it made it, you know, funny and also very, very poignant to see you doing that because.

It was, it was not easy and it was really scary and it was really scary up until i went on stage to that special the one that bobcat goldthwait directed it and until i did like the first five minutes and then i was in it then i'm like now i'm okay now i'm back and i can start to fight my way back but it took that long it was it was rough it's rough well where are you going from here i mean i mean not from this particular, you know, from this interview. Well, I have to pee, so I will be going to, there's a bathroom down the hall. All right. I don't know when this drops, my God.

I have, you know, I'm at Just for Laughs this year hosting one of the galas. That'll be on July 29th. The following week. Here's what happens the following week. Just for you. Yeah. On Friday, August 5th, my movie, I Love My Dad,

premieres in theaters. Is that the one you were talking about before? Yes. Yeah, okay. We took it to South by Southwest, did really well. Now it's in theaters. On the same day, the series The Sandman, which I'm a character in, debuts on Netflix.

So that's coming up. And then at the end of the month, August 24th, my first creator-owned, created-from-the-ground-up comic book that I did for Dark Horse comes out, Minor Threat. So that is also coming out. So right now, this is the promo portion, and then next month, everything's dropping. So it's crazy.

It's crazy. That's nice. Yeah, yeah. Do you pursue film and television product? Are you developing a lot of things for yourself? Is that something that you do still? Yes, I am. Definitely, there was a show that, well,

we were taking it to HBO Max, and now it's back up in the air. I did that show, MODOK, you know, a couple years ago for Hulu and Marvel. Yeah, there are things that I'm developing, but I'm also right now very fortunate to get to go be acting things, to be asked to be in things. So there's a big, huge show for Apple TV that I'm doing. That's me back and forth to Savannah shooting this. And then other stuff that I'm developing for myself,

but it's an embryo and I don't want to talk about it yet. Right. Sure. You know how that is. Do you like being number one on the call sheet or would you rather be lower? Oh, I like four and five is the sweet spot. I don't want to be number one. Right. No, no, no, no, no. I want to be three or four or five. Too much pressure. Perfect. No, man. I don't, no, no, no, no. I want to be three or four or five. Too much pressure. Perfect. No, man. Don't make me carry this thing. I know, I know. Yeah.

It's always too much. Let Brian Cox do that. God. The thing, too, about that is that, like, you also, too, then, are like, you know, I'm using jargon here, but, like, you're laying all the pipe of the story. Yeah. You also, you're not just getting to be the wisecracker that's off to the side you know or or the murderer or whatever you know like have you ever got to be the murderer uh yes live action thing and well i mean live action like yeah and i was the murderer

on um uh the the uh veronica mars revival i was the big murderer and. I was the big hidden murderer in that. I was also the hidden bad guy in both of the Reno 911 movies. Oh, yeah. That was really fun. And then also in a little Quibi series, unfortunately, that didn't go past it because Quibi collapsed.

But it was called, it's Paula Pell's Show. Oh my god. It's like her, why can't I think of the name? But basic, the Maple Worth Murders. Ah. Which was fucking hilarious. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, murdering

is the best. Getting to murder people. Have you been a murderer in things? I was on a, I got to be a murderer on Monk. Nice! I played a murderer in things? I was on a, I got to be a murderer on Monk. Nice! I played a murderer on a Monk episode, and it was really, really, I mean, I just, and it's something, too, that I feel like I could do pretty well. Yeah. You know, I'm always kind of cast as, like, the slightly dumb guy or, like, the friend, you know? But it's like, I always am am kind of like let me have a crack

at dabney coleman like right let me be a prick because i certainly have it in me you know i would really i'd really like to be a prick to somebody yeah um but it's nice yeah and one thing i love like when you were talking about doing uh uh you know things that are just sort of experimental and what the fuck the heart she holler is so like you doing that thing is just so like i just i just love that you did that because that was a lot of work like there's a lot of work in that thing i love it just went off for a day you know no that was That was intense makeup, special effects, covered in goo. But I love Vernon Chapman and I love Mike Lee. And when they pitched that to me and they go, basically, we want to do a comedic version of Wisconsin Death Trip, which is one of my favorite photo books.

Love that book. Michael Lisi, Lessie. And I was like, stop. I'm in. I'm in. I don't care. I'm in. So, yeah.

One of the best things I've ever done. I love that show. Yeah, yeah. It's great. If you haven't seen it, check it out. It's Bob. You won't see anything weird or on television. No, you will not.

You will not. You will not. I do need to pee. I think I'm going to have to end this. All right. Well, can I just say, there is the final question, which is like, what have you learned? Like, what do you, you know, like, you kind of said.

Well, what I've learned, I've learned to, the more comfortable you are with actually not knowing everything and having to ask questions and learn new stuff from people and not have to win every encounter that you're in, you will have a much more adventurous, much more enriching life. Yeah. Rather than go, I've got to be the alpha here all the time. Right. Yeah. Well, thank you, Patton. Go pee.

I'm going to go pee. Yeah, go pee. Have a good, man, that feeling when you really have to go. It's like, oh, those couple of minutes after that, they should make a pill. I've always said they should make a pill of that feeling. Post pee pill. I've always said they should make a pill of that feeling. Post-pee pill. All right. I'm going to stop recording, and I will send you this thing, and we'll be done.

All right. And thank you, all of you out there, for listening. I'll be back next week with more Three Questions. I've got a big, big love for you. The Three Questions with Andy Richter is a Team Coco and Your Wolf production. It is produced by Lane Gerbig, engineered by Marina Pice, and talent produced by Galitza Hayek. The associate producer is Jen Samples, supervising producer Aaron Blair, and executive producers Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco,

and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Make sure to rate and review The Three Questions with Andy Richter on Apple Podcasts.