The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Patton Oswalt (Re-Release)

Episode Date: February 24, 2026

This week, we're looking back at Andy's August 2022 conversation with comedian Patton Oswalt! Do you want to talk to Andy and friends live on SiriusXM’s Conan O’Brien Radio? Tell us your favorite dinner party story (about anything!) or ask a question - leave a voicemail at 855-266-2604 or fill out our Google Form at BIT.LY/CALLANDYRICHTER. Listen to "The Andy Richter Call-In Show" every Wednesday at 1pm Pacific on SiriusXM's Conan O'Brien Channel. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey everybody. It's Andy Richter. You're listening to the three questions. And today I'm going to pose those three questions to Mr. Patton Oswald, somebody who I have known and loved and enjoyed for many, many years. I mean, too many, really. It's actually, it's getting tired. Yeah, we need to inject some new life into the relationship. Or take a decade off and make it exciting again. Let's just not know each other. Then when we see each other at the end, oh my God, we'll run at each other at a million miles an hour when we see them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it will explode into a million glitter bombs. How are you?

How are you? I'm good, you know, I'm trying to, I got COVID last month. I've got over it, and you have it. And I have it, because we were supposed to do this in person. I have never been to the brand new, brand new, shiny Conan podcast. studio. It's nice. Well, I was just there because I thought I was supposed to come there today.

So I drove there. Luckily, I got there earliest. I was able to race back home and do this in time. But the studios are delightful. I've heard. I've heard. And I was so looking forward to it. But then I went and got COVID.

I went to, I went and got COVID because I just, I'm a joiner. Everyone else is doing it. And so I just decided, ugh. You know, you're like, you know what? I'm not going to do TikTok. I'm not going to do TikTok, and then boom, there's your account. You're on there. Yep, it's how it goes.

So how was your COVID? My COVID was frustrating only because, and I think you're going through the same thing, I'm vaccine double-boasted, so I was shooting a TV show in Savannah, so I had to isolate in place for one week in a hotel room in Savannah, but I really didn't get any symptoms. So it didn't feel like I was, I didn't even get that cool week of fevers and hallucinations and I could pretend it was apocalypse now. I was just sitting there watching, yeah, in a hotel room watching Euphoria on my iPad. It's not the same thing.

And then probably exhausting every possible thing on the room service menu too. Oh, yeah. Well, no, there were, uh, the hotel I was in was a, uh, no, most hotels don't even have service anymore. They just don't have the staff. So it was a lot of creative, um, Instacarting and DoorDashery. Oh, wow. I'm trying to stay healthy that way.

Yeah. And it's hard to stay. Yeah, you got to be home. I was in a hotel room trying to order in a Sahi bowl in the heat of Savannah in June. And they would basically, you know, just bring me a milkshake. So I'm melted and, oh, boy. How are you even? You're pretty busy all the time, man.

I mean, you, you know, you're soaking up all the work, frankly. That's what I want to talk to you. Leave a little for the rest of us. Yeah, please. Come on. Let's do some. I look, I like doing stuff. I like creating stuff.

So if someone wants to hire me, I'm in. I'm not one of these. Oh, I don't know if this. I just, I just work. Oh, the whole, everything that I do will be sorted out after I'm gone. So for now, I just like to work. Yeah, yeah. Are you, do you still push to do like, you know, like a show centered around?

I mean, I know you did. AP. AP Bio. AP Bio. Is that still going on or is that? No, we got miraculously, NBC and Peacock gave us four seasons for a show that, again, critically acclaimed and no one watched. Yeah. But the fact that they stuck with it. Well, you are in one of the great all-time one-season shows, Andy Barker, P.I.

Oh, thank you. One of the funniest. It was a, you know, I feel like if Twitter and the Internet thing that we have now was more solid, that show would still be on the air because every episode was just line after funny line, after funny line. Oh, thank you. Never found its audience. I really, I really love that show.

That was my favorite of the, you know, swings that I took. And the cast was just so solid. I mean, you know, to get to have Tony Hale. on a show and you know and Harv Presnell it was just it was fantastic you know Harv Presnell

the um you know the dad the father-in-law from Fargo was this great he was like a pre Alec Baldwin in 30 Rock where he played everything completely straight yeah everything he said

was so funny and so inappropriate it just killed me every single thing he said killed me on that show He was, you know, he was a big musical theater guy. Like, there was. I know. Like, he's saying, they call the wind Mariah.

Like, that was his song in a movie. And, you know. Yeah. Yeah. If you watch, like, TCM, when they're showing the big studio musicals from the 40s, there's Harve. Yeah. Singing away.

He was really. He was really great. He was, and he also, he's from the Foster's Farm, Chicken Ranch family. Like, wait a minute. Yeah. Wait. the one up on I-5 when you're driving north on five. I think so, yeah.

Like, it's a big family business, and he had, you know, and he would like, that was like part of, when he wasn't acting, he was like going around making sure the chicken business was doing well. Well, that was a man. They don't make him like that anymore. Yeah, and he would, he flew himself around. He was a pilot. He would fly himself around. God. And he said they wouldn't, you know, that like, when he got to a certain age, they wouldn't let him fly so long.

Oh, I think, after a certain age, they don't let you do that. So he would take his, I think it was a doxend. And the doxend would be the co-pilot on the official manifest. Song and dance man, running a chicken empire, pilot. I mean, come on. Yes, I know. He was pretty amazing. A dude's frigging Bukaru bonsai.

Yeah. Oh, my God. I know. Well, now, you're, I mean, you're from pretty macho stock. I mean, wasn't your dad a, wasn't your dad a Marine? My dad was a 20-year Marine, but I, I am from macho stock, but I know. Exhibit macho stock attributes. I was the, I was like, I'm mostly, I think I'm all of my dad's recessive genes in one person.

Was your dad, was your dad like a, like a Marine Marine, or, you know, was he like a bookkeeper Marine? He was a, he was a test pilot. He, you know, he, you know, he, flew. the F4 down at El Toro and was, you know, did, but he was one of those guys who he did three tours in Vietnam. So anyone who's actually been in war and seen, and he was wounded and, you know, he was very pacifist, peace-loving anti-poly. Because anyone who's actually been in war is anti-war. Yeah. You know, it's the people that have never been in battle that are like, we've got to go and show our manliness. It's like, actually, we, the veterans are, the,

The actual ward veterans are like, you actually don't. You actually, you need to, how about you stay home and raise your goddamn kids? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go get an ice cream. That's actually nice. I tried it. I did not like it. So I would not recommend it.

And looking at you, I can tell you that you're not going to like it either. I always just, the notion of, of like, having to have lived through a draft, which, like, I even have had friends. Like, I had a friend that had dual Greek citizenship, Greek American citizenship, and and had to go back to serve in the Greek army, what she said was like summer camp. Like, there were like, there were like guys with earrings, you know, like,

and yeah, yeah, they don't care. But still, I just like, the notion of having somebody yell at you and make you do pushups and shit, like, oh, that just sounds, I could, I would not, I just would never. And also, too, like I, a couple of times, played paintball.

The first time was for a Conan remote. And I, and that was, you know, you have this thought in your mind. how would I do you watch movies? Like, how would I do if I were the fish out of water suddenly in the shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I would die. I would die immediately.

I would be shot in the face. I would freeze up and I would hope that whoever came upon me would let me go, hey, I surrender, no, we don't need to do this. Right. You know, that's why I think a lot of people, a lot of gun nuts really, they go so berserk when, like in this Ovald situation where the cops didn't do anything, because that's their biggest fear, because they always talk about, if I was in a situation like that, I have my smith.

But they know that in real life, like my dad was in Vietnam. He had a machine gun. He had grenades. He had a flamethrower. And if someone heard a shot, the whole platoon would freeze. They wouldn't go, let's run towards the shooting. They'd freeze for a second. And these people are, you know, they have the weapons of war and they freeze up.

So there's that weird, you know, wish fulfillment that in real life, they're actually worried that they'd freeze up. too, which is why I think when a cop or security guard doesn't run in, they really skin that person alive. Yeah. Because that's their biggest nightmare. Yeah. Well, and it also does, like you said, it kind of also lays bare the fact that no, more guns

won't help. Like any one of those situations, like, if there's a mall shooting and everybody in the mall has a gun, oh my God, that just, like, how on the face of that you can't see, like, that's a terrible idea. That's just a terrible idea. Can't you tell my loves are growing? So, well, did you feel pressure growing up as a Marine kid? No, not really, because again, my dad was very anti-war, so when he saw me going into entertainment,

he was like, good, good choice, don't go to what I did. He had a really interesting perspective on, I remember I was really down on George W. Bush, because I'm like, he's a draft dodger, you know, but now he's sending kids to know Iraq. And my dad's like, okay, time out. The fact that he's a draft dodger, that's a good thing. The fact that he was smart enough to know to stay out of the Vietnam War, that is actually in his plus column. The only minus is that he knew to stay out of the war,

but you would also think he'd extend that to go, let's keep these kids out of a war. You know what I mean? But he goes, calling someone a draft dodger is not an insult. That should be a in their plus column. He goes, if I had been smart enough to find a way out of Vietnam, I would have taken it. I just couldn't figure out how to get out of it.

Was he gung-ho when he went in? I mean, he obviously, when he was a Marine, you know. Yeah, he joined the Marines and then, you know, so he wasn't drafted. He was already in the Marines and was sent over there. Oh, I see. And when he initially went over there, you know, I have cassette tapes of, you know, real-to-reel letters he would record home to his parents. And two things are going on.

One, he's lying because he's actually on the front lines, but he's trying to make his mom and dad feel better. I'm in the rear with the gear. Nothing's going on. You can hear explosions behind him. He's like, they're testing some artillery. Like, he's just trying to reassure them. But he's also, you know, he's, it's his first year in Vietnam.

He's like, I think what we're doing here is a good thing. And it wasn't until later that he was like, what the hell was that, you know? Yeah. So you see the, you know, you see the evolution there. Yeah. Interesting. Well, that's pretty cool that he, you know. Were there other kids that you grew up with, other military kids who you think that they were sort of receiving the same encouragement?

or disencouragement? Not really, although... Yeah, he was unique. And I also, when I was in college, my roommate was in ROTC. That was the way he was paying for his college. So, you know, so I would hang out with a lot of the ROTC people. So seeing their perspective where it's like, this was my only way out of my hometown. But because of that, because I was put in such a box,

I hope that they were all very anti-war. None of them were like, yeah, let's go. get in Iraq and kick ass. So like, wait a minute, I'm already getting up at five every morning and breaking my back to do this and then taking a full load of school. I don't want the reward at the end of this to be that descent, be sent in the desert to kill people. Right, right. Because that's not what I want to do.

So that was also really interesting. There's a lot of, you know, it depends on the perspective of it. Now, sadly, there are people who join the armed forces that are kind of messed up. And like, you saw the people that were at Abu Ghra. where they got off on the sadism and the cruelty, and that's what they were hoping to do. But I think that those are the exceptions that prove the rule. I hope that's not true.

I hope those are the exceptions that prove the rule. Right, right. Well, we you, I mean, you know, you have, and I mean, it's sort of your persona as a nerd, you know. And I mean, did you, is that what you were as a kid? Like, were you, you know. I mean, I was just enthusiastic about things. something I liked. I wanted to know everything about it. Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, I got very much

into films. I got very much into literature and music. But that's, I don't really fault, like, sports fans, uh, because it's no different than what I do. Right. With my enthusiasm, the fact that they know every single draft picked, every draft prospect, this guy went to this universe and he's here and their, you know, no different than me going, well, I mean, if they do a spinoff movie, if they, they should do a Colleen wing and a Mistest, night movie from Daredevil because those two, like, there's no difference. Right, right. Well, and that's the thing is that, like, it's the sports guys that are making fun of, like,

to me, it's always been hilarious that guys that make fun of, say, like, people that go see a Star Wars movie and dress up as they do cosplay to go there, those same guys that are all macho, we'll put on little uniforms to go to a bar to watch their games. Like, I'm dressed up like my favorite. That's my favorite and I have his shirt on. I'm like him. I'm like him. I want to be like daddy.

You know? Yeah. And these guys that like, again, don't, why would you fault anyone for having their enthusiasm? If there are people that are into stamps or watching trains, you have something you like. If that gets you through life, then good. As long as you're not hurting anyone else, I don't care. Right, right.

You know? Or if you're going to, if you're going to be like crazy sports like soccer thugs, Just beat each other up. Don't beat up innocent bystanders. Eat up other crazy sports fans and keep it within yourselves. That's fine. Do you feel because, you know, you are,

I mean, you are such an ardent fan of genre stuff, you know, of like, you know, of all different kinds of genres of stuff. Do you feel pressure, like, to have to keep up on everything? Like, if there's some Marvel show that you just don't care about, you know, I've long ago kind of. stop the whole, all right, I got to check this shit off. I, but I, you know, I do follow things enthusiastically because I genuinely like them. But I've also, I've passed the phase where I'm like, well, I started this series, I got to finish it.

Like if I start a series and it doesn't go anywhere and it's like, yeah, I stopped. I don't care. Yeah, yeah. So there's, there's Marvel things I haven't seen. There's Star Wars stuff I haven't seen. You know, I like the stuff that I like, but I'm not going to, I'm not a completist. I think completism is outside of enthusiasm and you end. up kind of not living a life after a while.

It, yeah, it becomes like a mania or something, you know. Yeah, and it replaces life. Yes. And now you're not enjoying it anymore. Right, right. And also I feel that way, my big thing with it is always like that kind of gatekeeper feeling of, you know, like I, you know, like that somebody's got to be, you know, Like, I'm good, this didn't end the way I wanted.

And so I'm mad because they owe it to me. Because I just sort of feel like the things that I love, like something like, like say like better call Saul. I'm just so happy that better call Saul exists. Me too. I'm just so happy that like, hey, it's your thing, man. I'm just, I'm getting so much from this. And even something as kind of, you know, I mean, Game of Thrones. Thrones is silly. Game of Thrones from the beginning was just like titties and butts and dragons.

And it's like and you know, and then everybody got into it. Because I started watching it from the beginning and I felt ashamed. Like I felt like I was like, I shouldn't even mention this. And then it became so huge. And like when it ended, people are angry. And I'm just like, hey, what the fuck, man? They gave you like however five seasons of dragons and titties. Like, What do you want? Yeah. And also keep in mind, the stuff that doesn't end or rise to your level of what you believe things are, then go make something better.

And in fact, a lot of the stuff that Quentin Tarantino was done film-wise was based on movies that he saw that he thought they didn't take it the place I wanted to. So I just went and wrote my own. Yeah, yeah. I just went and wrote my own scenes and those became movies. So go, and Star Wars started from George Lucas watching. Flash Gordon stuff growing up and going, this is good, but couldn't they have also done this?

So then you went, you did it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go do a better thing. Yeah, yeah, I agree. And also just, you know, and don't be, it's just the babyness of it. Like, I want. My man, man.

Also the weird, like, when you say gatekeeper, I also thought you were talking about, and this is another big problem of it is the, oh, you're into this now. Oh, right. Yeah. You know what? I've got other shit I'm doing.

The art will always be waiting for you. I, you know, I didn't hear what all these people that were going, getting down on people for suddenly getting into Kate Bush because a stranger thing. Why are you mad that a new generation is discovering her? Right, right. You don't own her. Yeah. You didn't hear her in the womb.

You didn't come out knowing Kate Bush. At some point, Kate Bush was new information to you. So fucking relax. Yeah, and I, one thing I remember after Trump got elected, you said, and it might be have been on Twitter, it might have been in an interview. You said something about like, you sort of addressed fandom and said something to the effect of, hey, fandom, maybe we should be paying more attention to the stuff that really matters out in the world.

Do you remember saying that? I can't remember. I mean, I did remember thinking that I was guilty of letting these other realms that I dwell in replaced the real world for me and what seemed like a lot of minor silly stuff ended up being really, really crucial. And especially we're seeing that now

with the midterms coming. I've been realizing, oh my God, the office of Third Circuit Court judge is actually kind of crucial because that's how they're going to throw elections. They're like, oh, shit. I didn't see this massive plan

because it didn't have lasers and ninja swords and kung fu so it didn't keep my stupid attention. Yeah, yeah. I forgot if I said, I mean, look, a lot of people were just November 5th, 2016 was a rude awakening for a lot of people, you know. Yeah, yeah. Of, hey, maybe let's not joke about America will never do. No, America is clearly capable of anything.

Yes, yes. Let's not discount anything anymore. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, like sort of our innate goodness is like, I don't know. Maybe it's not so innate. anymore. And maybe also, maybe our innate goodness was always pretty fucking tarnished with all kinds of ugly, ugly stuff that we, you know, it was just convenient for us to sort of go, well, yeah, sure, we're racist and sexist and all that, but we're really a shining city on the hill. Like, yeah,

that was built by slaves, you know. In my, in my 20s, I was such a douchebag. I was so confused and I was so competitive and insecure and also consequently in denial about what I was and and trying to act like I was one of the good guys whereas in reality I had a lot of problems and then I went in a therapy and really looked at and faced and embraced a lot of the shit that I was so that I could then move I didn't ever I didn't really become successful and happy until I looked at all of my shittiness and went oh okay that's who you are own that and start fixing it but we have our country is in that phase right now of we have always been amazing we have never done anything wrong and we are not going to talk about it and the fact that like they they they they they're I believe

in the Texas school board wants to get rid of the word slavery in history books yeah yeah that is fucking psychotic yeah you know in in Germany there are museums that show you the fucking Nazi horrors and kids growing up, look at that and go, we're capable of this. But knowing that we're capable of this is what will stop us from doing this shit again. Yeah. And a lot of those kids are going, my grandpa did that. Yes. And so it's like, to me, the thing that strikes me about that kind of attitude is it's just so childish.

It's putting your fingers in your ears and going la, la, la, la, la, la. And it also, it just, America, love it or leave it has always. struck me as like saying, my mom love her or leave her. And it's like, you know your mom. You love your mom. Sure. But your mom is not perfect. Like, I won't let my mom drive my kids in the car. You know what I mean? So it's like, and that doesn't mean that I don't love my mom, but it does mean my mom can be a very reckless, dangerous individual. And that is the total picture of her. So to say, oh, you know, oh, you don't like this country, it's like, yeah, sometimes it sure doesn't seem great. You know, January 6th, that sure didn't seem great. Not good. Yeah. So it's scary. When did you, did you start to

find that your own ability to be funny was like, it came out of the basis of like coping mechanisms for all of this kind of stuff, but like, you know, adjusting socially and. You know, it was weird. My ability to be funny came out of the same enthusiasm that I had for horror or science fiction comic books. I was a big fan of comedy before I even thought of becoming one. I just loved every aspect of it. And so I wasn't the class clown. I was in a clique of clowns. I was in the click of nerds who loved every form of comedy that could recite Monty Python

that could recite, you know, every George Carlin album, SNL, SCTV, all that stuff. we were it was that enthusiasm and it was that way of going the knowing comedy and and starting to write my own jokes seems to make life way better and way more fun like having that faculty so I learned very early on it wasn't from any like oh my god I'm being bullied or my life is so horrible because I was I was certainly not in the a a crowd but I had friends and I had friends that I liked and I wasn't like God why won't the footballers let me hang out with him like I didn't want to I didn't hate them, but I'm like, what am I going to talk to them about? And why would I inflict myself on them?

I had my group that we all like the same stuff, so I was happy. I wasn't like going to school like, no, I'm so alone. Like, no, I was with my other nerd friends. So it came more about, I love this. Now I want to know every single thing about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? And when did you start to, because you didn't start out, like, say, like college,

you didn't start out thinking I'm going to go be a comedian or an actor. Yeah. I mean, it was, I started off, I don't know if you had the same experience, between my freshman and sophomore year of college. In my mind, I was going to be a writer, I think. But I think in freshman between, that summer was like, oh, I'm going to graduate in three years. I better figure out what to do with my life. Like, I have no job. I have no vocation.

Like, what am I going to do? And that was that summer where I did a lot of different jobs. Like, I tried all these different things. and I mean, I was studying to be a paralegal. I was a wedding DJ on the weekends. I was writing, I was doing, writing sports for a local newspaper covering sports. Oh, wow. Just doing everything.

And then- This is all in Virginia, right? All in northern Virginia. Yeah. And then I started doing open mics because, again, I was still really into comedy, and I was, and that was, this is in like 88. So in 88, there was comedy on TV. all of the time.

There were just showcases constantly, and it looked really fun. And the people that I was watching that I really, really liked at the time, people like Bobcat, Goldthwaite, and, you know, Robin Williams, of course, that were on TV, Jake Johansson and stuff. I was like, I just love this stuff.

And so I went to downtown D.C. and did an open mic. Wow. And it was the one thing that I did where there was no immediate reward. The audience really didn't last. half. What I, like, a couple of comedians were like, gave me the,

uh, that was good. Like, uh, you know, like, um, uh, but it was the thing that I'm like, I want to keep showing up and doing this because I loved the life. What, waiting to go on stage, watching comedians hang out, trade jokes, create together out of thin air after a day of whatever they're doing. And now they, I'm like, this is the life I want. Before I'm even successful at it, I love this hang. I love these hours.

I love this rhythm. This is the life I work. Can't you tell my loves are growing? What is the writing process before that first thing? Like, what do you do? Because I, you know, I don't know how you feel, but I've sat next to people saying, like, friends just pushed me up there, and I did.

And I always feel like, no, you fucking didn't. You know, like you prepared. Oh, are you kidding? I absolutely prepared. I would write out things trying to make it sound conversational. Yeah. Like, you know, instead of like punchline, I didn't understand, I really didn't get, didn't have like punchline oriented stuff.

I just wanted to talk and try to be funny that way. But early on, I still was like, I got to put punchlines in here. So it would be very, I just remember that first year was like, it was like conversation. And then you could feel the gear grinding as I then tried to drop the punchline in. And it was just miserable. Yeah. And but it just, it came from, it's the same thing as someone says,

how do I become a writer? Just start writing. But write what? Doesn't matter. Just start writing. Well, I'm not going to write until like, like, people that are like wait, like, I'll do. I just, I've met people that want to become standups. They're like, but how did you get on Netflix?

I'm like, well, I've been doing it for 30 years. Yeah. But when I start, like, when I start doing it, I want how to Netflix people come and see me. I'm like, don't even think about that right now. Whatever you're going to be doing, I won't have. happen for another 10 years down the road, and this won't matter. And you can see those people that are so, they're like test-oriented. They're still in college. They're like, what are the things I need to do to get the A? And then it's like, there is no, it is all up to you. It is not going to just, you know,

and those people I always sense like they're going to be doomed because they're like, I'll do comedy when I am on TV and I'm getting money for it. I'm like, then you're not going to do comedy. Right, right. You have to like doing this for nothing. You're prioritizing sort of, I mean, it's nice to get paid to do this, but the odds of you getting paid to do it are so slim that you need to find, you need to find the joy in the doing of the thing, which for me, like, for me was improv. And I used to do improv with guys that would, you know, we, like, there was one group I was with that was like a really fucking, you know, murderously talented group of like improv killers that kind of, you know, like a couple of guys were sort of in with the guy that owned the space. There was like these Italian brothers that owned this space in this Italian restaurant. What city was this in? This is in Chicago.

Oh. And after about, I don't know, it'd been about six months or something. These guys just all of a sudden were like, all right, we're rapping this. We're killing this group because we said at the beginning, in six months, we didn't have agents coming and doing the shows, then it would be over. And I was like, I was, and it went around and it was just such wishy-washy, like, guys like, okay, well, if everybody doesn't want to do it. And then it got to me, and I was like, I know, I didn't know.

I never remember anybody saying if we don't get agents in here in your six months. I was like, and I said, and what, what, I don't have anything else to do. Like, this is really fun. I really like this. Like, why would we end this? Yeah, what is this like a George Elliott novel? Your hand is promised in marriage a year from now so you must find work. Like, yeah, and I don't have any kind of.

Fairly killed shit is that. Any terminal illness that I'm worrying about. Like, as far as I know, I, you know, I'm 22 and I've got some time to fuck around. Yeah. And that's, go ahead, sorry. Well, the whole thing just kind of ended up where everyone's like, okay, yeah, yeah, all right. Yeah, let's keep doing it. And the two guys that were, you know, like had said, we're going to end it, kind of ended it.

You know, like we ended up having to go get another venue and, you know, and it was like, none of us were good at getting venues. We were just doing good at doing improv shows. Are those two guys in the business? Are they successful? One of them has passed away. And one of them, yes, but one of them, still acts and is moderately successful. Yeah. Okay. I just, I think that one thing that I wish someone

had taught me early on, and I try to impress this upon, if anyone ever asked me for advice, is you are not going to believe the ups and downs in your career. And if you think this, if you think your career has to be a steady climb upward or you have somehow failed, then you are not going to make it. You're going to have, I cannot tell you the amount of, pilots that I've shot that went nowhere. Movies I was hired for, TV shows I was hired for that I was then replaced in. You know, huge opportunities that went nowhere or were taken away or things changed that I've seen a lot of other people go, I've been doing stand-up.

Then I got a spot on Letterman. Now I audition for this sitcom. I didn't get the audition. Fuck it. I quit. It's done. Like it's over for me. I'm like, no, it's going to be a steady climb.

Yeah. You know, and there's also people that like, I was on a, I had my own show for two years. And now you don't. It's up and down. There's no, like, you can't, that, that expectation of steady growth, I think ruins more talented people than anything else. Yeah. Each year has got to outdo the last. It's like, no, it will not happen that way.

Right. There will be some years where you're just not really doing anything and you're just not, it's not clicking for you. You just have to keep, you have to keep at it because you actually like doing it, whether you're successful or not. Right. And do you think that's why you were able to absorb all that rejection? Because it is true. I mean, it's just you are rejected.

I mean, I'd say 50 to 1 is probably, is probably conservative. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember there was a time, I'm not going to name names, but it was at a comedy show, a bunch of us during the alt times and a comedian went on stage, and they raged about how, I wrote this pilot and I shopped the script around and everyone said they loved it and no one bought it. Like, what the fuck? And you could see all the other comedians in the room with not, you know, thinking of and not saying it going, then write something else.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Welcome to the club. We've all, I could show you a crate full of shit I've written that will never get made that you write something else. Right. Their whole thing was, I wrote it. everyone said it was good and then they didn't do it so i yeah yeah so fuck this business i'm like yeah you don't understand how the business yeah right right right you absolutely do not understand

how this works and also the whole notion of something working or not working it's like it's always has some kind of alchemy there's always some kind of magic that you cannot you and you can never predict how it'll go no because there's absolute shit that gets huge you know there's like there's like there's like really shitty stuff that gets gigantic. And you're like, okay, you know, there's a, there's a flavor for everybody. And then there's like really fantastic stuff that, like you said, you know, gets its opportunity to be on the air. It's there in front of people.

It's arguable whether or not it's handled well, because that is something that can damn something is the lack of, you know, participation by the people that are actually hosting the place that you see it. But, you know, it's like you never know. You never know. And to think that you do is sitting yourself up for disappointment. I can tell you all through the 90s. The 90s was the golden age of amazing, weird shows being done in black box theaters

where HBO execs, Comedy Central execs are in that audience watching it, watching it kill, and it fucking goes nowhere. Yeah. It fucking goes nowhere. I remember I think I saw you in a thing. if I'm not mistaken, called Not Without My Nipples. Were you for that? Yes, yes.

Which was a brilliant takedown of like lifetime TV movies and then just showbiz in general. And it was just phantasmagorical, genuinely with really funny songs. I'll be your beard. I like it. Like a really lick me down there and all that stuff. And it just nothing happened with it. Yeah. I actually wasn't in that, but it was all the people that I worked with.

Yeah. For some reason I remember, I know Janine was in it. and um my ex-wife was in it yeah so oh okay yeah yeah saw you at one of the things and i probably was there but at the time i was doing cabin boy at the time that they were doing that i was doing cabin boy so i had you know i was that was my big entree into the film business you know and then after it was over i was applying for a job at an assistant as an assistant manager of a movie theater and terrified that cabin boy would show there while I was behind the popcorn counter. Yeah, you can't, like, like, if you have to love doing this first, everything else has to be secondary.

If you are in this for the, if you're in this for the medallions and the badges and the, you know, the certificates of achievement, then you're going to go crazy. Yeah. You will go fucking crazy. Yeah. them. Patty Chayefsky said in that there's that famous, you know, conversations with screenwriters book. And he said, you know, that the desire for fame and money is perfectly okay for young people. But, you know, and it's like, if that's going to be your engine when you're young, that's good. But it will,

if you, if you, if that's going to, if that's going to be your engine throughout the whole trip, it's you're gonna you're gonna be fucking bombed out and and you will go it's why i think so many stars um and this happens in sports as well i think they go crazy because they keep they hit some crazy plateau and then they are determined this must i must now rise above this plateau and it's like no there's going to be ups and down and they cannot handle that and it drives them crazy and that's why It feels like every year one hero, one icon goes crazy because they have been driven by what you just said. Constant growth, constant ascension rather than the ups and downs. Oh, my God, it's just like, I mean, there have been times when I'm like, am I, I guess I'm done.

I think like there was a couple, especially a couple of years. Like five years ago, I was in a Broadway play that then folded and then I sort of. of got the blame for it, even though it wasn't my fault. But it was, and then I was about to leave New York, but then I got cast in a sitcom with Matthew Broderick. And then we did a whole week of rehearsals, and then I got fired from that. And then I asked, like, I told the producer,

like, hey, you'll please keep this out of the press, because I've had a miserable month. And he goes, don't even worry about it. And then I flew back to LA. And when I landed, it was a message on my phone going, Paton, I'm so sorry. and the thing in Roddy was like, you know, strike two for Oswald. Like, and for a year it was just like nothing.

And I, and for a year I was like, fuck all of this. I'm just going to go do the goddamn road. I'm going to be a fucking comedian. Like, just fuck this, you know. And it was the not. So, you know, yes, obviously I'm prey to that stuff, but people that think the whole world, nobody was against me. I wasn't anyone's target.

It's just how fucking shit fell. You ultimately don't matter any of this. And once you embrace that, you can go forever. Yeah. How do you divorce yourself from the rejection? You know, like, there's no product. You're not, the product that you're selling is yourself. Yeah, but you know what?

Here's how I divorce myself from the rejection. I remember a great interview. I've always remembered this. And actually two genuine great interviews. One with Charlton Heston, where they were asking him about, you know, you were offered Cool Hand Luke. You were offered Butch Cassie and the Sundance Kid. Like, do you ever kick yourself or not?

Because he turned those down. And he's like, no, the reason those movies worked was because they got Paul Newman. It wouldn't have worked with me. That would have actually hurt my career. If you're rejected for something, it's probably for a good reason. It's probably, you know. And there was another interview with Will Smith where he famously, the Wikowski brothers, pitched him The Matrix and pitched it to him.

very badly and he goes, I didn't get it and I politely turned them down and I went and did Wild Wild West instead. And he's, and he goes, the Saturday after Wild Wild West came out, I remember walking around in malls, like, people going, I'm really sorry. We're working on bad boys too right now. It's going to be okay. Sorry about this. Like having kind of a funny sense of humor about it. But also he said, and you can, and you're welcome because if I had been in, they wanted me as Neo and Val Kilmer as Morpheus. And if he and I had done it, I don't think the movie would have been successful

and there wouldn't have been the sequels. And that's how it was meant to go. Yeah, yeah. So now I really look at it like, oh, if I missed that thing, it was for a reason. Yeah. Yeah, that's, I, you know, I can't imagine Charlton Heston's cool hand, Luke.

And I think Charlton Heston was even saying, he was even saying, and this is a really amazing, thing of self-knowledge. Self-awareness, yeah. Self-aware. He was like, I know what I look like. He looked like a god.

I mean, he didn't look like the kind of guy that Strother Martin could break his spirit. You know, he goes, it's not my fault that I look like this. I look like a demi-god. It's just how I fucking look. I meant to play saviors and indestructible, you know, killing machines.

I'm not this, you know, kind of not self-confident gunslinger or morally, conflicted prisoner, you just don't buy it. Right, right. You know? So, yeah, Paul Newman is this charming, pretty little thing because he was a tiny little man. He was tiny, but you could also see him like, oh, he's actually kind of getting by on some

charm and bullshit, which is why he was so lovable because he really, he had that vulnerability of, oh, no, I know I look, I know I'm really handsome, but I'm actually kind of full of shit. And I'm trying my best to keep that covered. And it's kind of great, you know. God, he was such a brilliant. God damn, was he good. Yeah, he was really fantastic.

Yeah. I mean, especially like, people forget how good he was at playing characters that are full of shit and are completely overcompensating and really connected with people that are going, oh, God, I think I kind of do that half the time. You know, I wish I was that good looking while I did it because he was also, I remember I was, years ago,

I was going out with this girl, and I was really, you know, I love him. classic movies and she doesn't and I think she was taking a plane somewhere she goes should I watch something on the plane? I'm like watch HUD. She was like what? She goes watch HUD. I think HUD's right now on like you know they have those classic movies.

Yeah. She'd never seen HUD. Yeah. And then she like texted me when she landed and she was like oh my fucking God. Why didn't anyone tell me that this guy like she had no idea how redonculously sexy that dude was.

Yeah, yeah. And playing an evil full of shit character. Right, right. Yeah, no, he was like, yeah, it's like, you know, Bill Murray got away with that for years and years. Just playing like, you know, or Ferris Bueller. Like when my, I watched Ferris Bueller with my daughter, you know, a few years ago.

And I was like, Ferris Bueller's a fucking psychopath. I watched it with my daughter and she was fucking awful. And she's like, he's mean. Yeah. She hated him. Yeah. Yeah. That we just aren't as charmed by them.

But it's like, not anymore. The lovable, I don't give a fuck white guy. It's just like, yeah, it's not so much fun anymore. Oh, by the way, there's another quote. I got to, I was at a party. This was years ago. Someone's birthday party. This was decades.

This was like in the 90s at the brass monkey in Korea town. It was someone's having a party. They're having a karaoke party. All the comedians are there. Everyone's hanging out. And Caratop was there. Everyone knows Caratop. His real name is Scott Thompson.

Niceest guy in the planet. He's great. and so he's hanging out and I think I and a couple of other people were hanging out with him talking and these couple of like classic Silver Lake hipsters came up to him

you can tell that they had been like commiserating in the corner like God day you go do it go do it go do it yeah yeah and they're like hey so oh like we're watching that movie you were in like chairman of the board he goes oh yeah yeah he's yeah

why should make that piece of shit and then Caratub went why were you watching it? Like, they paid me to do it. You wasted it all? What the hell was wrong with you? And I was like, yeah, I mean, yeah, it was okay. And then he just like scattered away.

Like, it was, that's what, whenever someone goes, why are you in that piece of shit? I'm like, why did you watch it? Yeah, yeah. You should watch that. It's my job. Yeah. It's like nobody says to Plummer like,

why'd you fix that sink? You know? That thing was full of shit. And you put your arm in it. Yeah. What's what I do? That's how I get money, you dumb, Yeah. Now, you have, you do have, I mean, and, you know, a lot of, when you, when things were rough, you can hit the road.

You can go out as a comedian. And did you find as you kind of started to get more work as an actor, like, that that split, like, did you always want to keep that, you know, your fingers in both of those? Yes. Or was there ever a point where you're like, you know, if I can just act, I'm just going to act. No, no. I remember, I can remember pretty distinctly a couple of comedians who I could tell early on. They are in, in comedy to get out of comedy. This is a way to get out of it. I do movies and TV shows so that I can increase my profile and do more stand-up. Like my ultimate goal is to keep doing stand-up. I'm very fortunate in that, you know, I just get, I've been offered things. I've been in, sometimes I've just been in the right place at the right time. I walked off stage at the Largo one time and walked into the kitchen. And Paul Thomas Sanderson was standing there. He goes, shooting a movie. You want to be in it? I'm like, yeah.

And then he goes, I'll call you tomorrow. And then I was in Magnolia because I was just like, you know, that kind of thing. So, you know, I like the business. I like doing creative things. And I like working with new people. This new movie I have coming up is pretty much a first time director. It's a second film. But I just love when someone goes, I got this project.

It's so friggin' weird. I don't know how if it's going to work. I'm like, oh, please let me read that. Like, because I'm a movie buff of that from that time, especially the early 70s where it was like, we're going to go shoot this thing. Don't know if it's going to work. Let's give it a work.

Like, that kind of attitude I love. I love that kind of movie making. I love that kind of TV, especially now. Right now television is the way movies were in the early 70s of the heads of networks have openly just gone, I don't know. Yeah, we'll try it. I don't, why not?

Yeah. And it's great. Yeah, let's see what happens. Yeah, that's good. It is good. What is, is there something, you know, like the juice that you get from, like, what the, the, the, and by juice, I mean, like, the thing, like, the thing that hooks you in. Is there, what, describe the different juice you get from acting and the different, and as opposed to the one you get from stand-up. Like, which, well, why do the two things have their hook into you?

Because with acting. you are surprising yourself and surprising another creator by interpreting something that they wrote, and you know that they had a way that it sounded and looked in their mind, and then you are bringing something so totally alien to it. But trying your best to interpret what you think is on the page, but when you see their, sometimes their delight and surprise it, oh, I didn't see it working that way, but that actually was better.

So it is very much a collaborative. process. Or the other kind of juice you get from that is, I'll try it one way and they'll go, try it this other way in a way that you normally wouldn't do it. And you'll find a whole other aspect of yourself that was in the words that was in you, you didn't realize it was there. But it's there when you're in action with other people with your scene mate, with a director, with a writer, other parts of you will come out of it, which is that, every aspect of that is thrilling. You know, like when you're in a, you'll have the scene one way in your head, then you'll get into the scene with someone

and they'll give you something that you weren't expecting and then something totally new comes out of you. It's amazing and I love that. So there's that. With stand-up, the thrill for me is you create something out of absolutely nothing. There is nothing there but the tiniest idea. I think this might be funny.

Maybe there's something to be gotten there and then you slowly overnight, you build it. There's that great sequence in Jerry Seinfeld's. documentary comedian where he has that bit about think tanks and like how do people get fired from a think tank and he in the documentary he shows himself on stage successive nights just not delivering he doesn't have it he doesn't he hasn't cracked it and then they show him sitting with Colin Quinn and George Wallace and George Wallace gives him the nugget that cracks the bit and then he's got it but it came out of nothing so it's almost

it's almost anti-collaboration in a weird way. You have to crack open a puzzle that is in your head. It's there. You just have to unlock it somehow. Right, right. And I just love it. That amazing, that amazing footage of Paul McCartney writing back in that documentary.

Out of thin fucking air. Yeah, yeah. Isn't it weird watching that scene? And you're watching, going, Jojo, you know, Tucson, Arizona, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you already know the song in your head and he's not there yet.

Yep, yeah. Oh, my God. And you see George Harrison and Ringo Starr sitting there looking at him and they know like, oh, wow. Oh, here we go. Something's got. Yeah, we're seeing like, yes, you know, there is gold coming out. That's the same thing with the Seinfeld bit. He's like going, he's sitting at that.

He's at the olive tree after doing, and again, the bit has not worked. And he's like, how sad. That man needs to go to better restaurants. He really. Not the Olive Garden. No. Never mind. The olive tree, you know.

I'm sorry. He's so rich. Why would he go to the olive garden? Well, in his defense, he had purchased the one that he was in. I love the breadsticks. I love them. It's bottomless. They're never going away.

And he's sitting there, so he's like, someone, like, people get fired from think tanks. Like, how does that happen? You could tell, like, he knows there's a bit there. And then George Wallace just, like, tosses off, like, the guy getting fired. He's like, look, Frank, sometimes you don't think. And then you see Seinfeld's, like, the whole. whole thing just lights up in his head. Like he suddenly has the entire bit.

And it's such a great moment. Yeah. That's always fun when somebody can give you like a little nudge that way. Yeah. And he isn't even, and George isn't even going do the bit this way. He's just like, oh,

I'm just riffing out like, listen to this go. And he unlocks it for him. Yeah. Oh, it's so good. Yeah. Yeah.

Has it been hard, like, you know, you've been through some really tough times. I mean, he lost your first wife. passed away. Has it been like, is it hard to do comedy in those times?

Like in rough times in your life? Is it hard to go out and say like, okay, here comes the funny guy, going to make everybody be funny? Yeah, I mean, I know that people have been able to go up during some pretty horrible dark times and be funny because of darkness, Richard Pryor, very famously. Dana Gould was amazing at that. TIG very famously went up of her cancer diagnosis. I'm not one of those people. me a few months after Michelle passed away. And even then, I was just tentatively going on stage and getting no laughs and just getting back into the rhythm of being on stage again because it was

such an alien aspect, you know, and it took me a whole other year to even get, you know, feeling like I belong in because in my mind, I was like, what fucking right do I have? It was a lot of talks with my therapist about that, about, you know, how do I get back up doing this? But it's like, what else am I supposed to do? It's what I do in the world. Yeah. It is what I do. And, you know, my late wife was an amazing investigative journalist.

If I had passed away, I certainly would never want her going, I will never write another word again. I'm like, no, I, the thing that I love, I want you to keep existing as the person I loved. I don't want to, it's bad enough that I've been taken out of the world. I don't want to take you out of the world, too. Mm-hmm. You know, so, but it took me a long time to get there. Yeah, I can imagine.

Yeah, because it was, I mean, it was such, I don't, I mean, I was amazed that you could do it. And I mean, when the first times that I saw you out in the world doing it, I mean, you were you and you were hilarious. And I just, you know, it made it, you know, funny and also very, very poignant to see you doing that because it. It was not easy and it was really scary. And it was really scary up until I went on stage. to that special, the one that in Bobcat, Goldthwaite directed it. And until I did like the first five minutes and then I was in it, then I'm like, now I'm okay.

Now I'm back and I can start to fight my way back. But it took that long. It was rough. It was rough. Well, where are you going from here? I mean, not from this particular, you know, from this interview. Well, I have to pee, so I will be going to, there's a bathroom down the hall. All right.

I don't know when this drops, my God. I have, you know, I'm at Just for Laughs this year hosting one of the gala's. That'll be on July 29th. The following week, here's what happens to follow. Just for a year. Just, just be a year. Yeah.

On Friday, August 5th, my movie, I Love My Dad, premieres in theaters. Is that the one you were talking about before? Yes. Yeah, okay. We took it to South by Southwest, did really well. Now it's in theaters. On the same day,

the series, The Sandman, which I'm a character in, debuts on Netflix. So that's coming up. And then at the end of the month, August 24th, my first creator-owned, created from the ground up comic book that I did for Dark Horse comes out. Oh, wow. Threats. So that is also coming out. So right now, this is the promo portion, and then next month is all, everything's dropping.

So it's crazy. It's crazy. That's nice. Yeah, yeah. Do you still, do you pursue? film and television product, are you developing a lot of things for yourself? Is that something that you do?

Yes, I am definitely. There's a show that, well, we were taking it to HBO Max and now it's back up in the air. I did that show Modoc, you know, a couple of years ago. Right, right. Marvel. Yeah, there are things that I'm developing, but I'm also right now very fortunate

to get to go be acting things, to be asked to be in things. So there's a big, huge show for Apple TV that I'm doing. That's me back and forth to Savannah shooting this. and then other stuff that I'm developing for myself, but it's an embryo and I don't want to talk about it yet. Right, sure. You know how that is.

Do you like being number one on the call sheet, or would you rather be lower? Oh, I like four and five is the sweet spot. I don't want to be number one. No, no, no, no, no. I want to be three or four or five. Too much pressure. Perfect.

No, man, don't make me carry this thing. I know, I know. Yeah. It's always too. Let Brian Cox do that. God. The thing, too, about that is that, like, You also, too, then, are like, you know, I'm using jargon here, but like you're laying all the pipe of the store.

Yeah. You also, you're not just getting to be the wisecracker that's off to the side, you know, or the murderer or whatever, you know, like. Have you ever got to be the murderer? Uh, yes. In any live action thing? And, well, I mean, live action. Like, yeah, I was the murderer on, um, uh, the, uh, Veronica Mars revival. I was the big

murderer in that. I was also the hidden bad guy in both of the Reno 911 movies. Oh yeah. That was really fun. And then also in a little

Quibi series, unfortunately, that didn't go past it because Quibi collapsed. But it was called the, it's Paula Pell's show. Oh my God.

It's like her, why can I think of the name? But basic, the Mapleworth Murders. Which was fucking hilarious. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, murdering is the best. Getting good murder people. Have you been a murdering things? I was on a, I got to be a murderer on monk. Nice. I played a murderer on a, on a monk episode and it was really, really. I mean, I just, and it's something too that I feel like I could do pretty well. Like I, you know, I'm always kind of cast as like the slightly dumb guy or like the friend, you know.

But it's like I wasn't kind of. And I'm like, let me have a crack at Dabney Coleman. Like, let me be a prick because I certainly have it in me. You know, I would really like to be a prick to somebody. Yeah. But it's nice, yeah. And one thing I love, like when you were talking about doing, you know, things that are just sort of experimental and what the fuck, the heart she holler is so, like you doing that thing is just so, like I just, I just love. that you did that because that was a lot of work.

Like, there's a lot of work in that thing. It's not like you just went off for a day. No, no, that was intense makeup, special effects, covered in goo. But I love Vernon Chapman and I love Mike Lee. And when they pitch that to me and they go, basically, we want to do a comedic version of Wisconsin Death Trip, which is one of my favorite photo books. Michael Lisey, and I was like, stop, I'm in.

I don't care. I'm in. So, yeah, one of the best things I've ever done. I love that show. Yeah, yeah. It's great. If you haven't seen it, check it out. It's, Bob, you won't see anything weird or on television.

No, you will not. You will not. You will not. I do need to pee. I think I'm going to have to end this. All right. Well, can I just say, there is the final question, which is like, what have you learned? Like, what do you, you know, like, you kind of said, you know.

I've, well, what I've learned, I've learned to, the more comfortable you are with actually not knowing everything and having to ask questions and learn new stuff from people and not have to win every encounter that you're in, you will have a much more adventurous, much more enriching life. Yeah. Rather than go, I've got to be the alpha here all the time. Right. Yeah.

Well, thank you, Pat. And go pee. I'm going to go pee. Yeah, go pee. Done. Man, that feeling when you really have to go, it's like, oh, those couple of minutes after that, they should make a pill. I've always said they should make a pill of that feeling.

Yeah, post-Pie pill. All right. I'm going to stop recording and I will send you this thing and we'll be done. All right. And thank you all of you out there for listening. I'll be back next week with more three questions. I've got a big, big love for you. The Three Questions with Andy Richter is a team cocoa and your role of production.

It is produced by Lane Gerbig, engineered by Marina Pice, and talent produced by Galitza Hayek. The associate producer is Jen Samples, Supervising Producer Aaron Blair and executive producers Adam Sacks and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Yearwolf. Make sure to rate and review

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