The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Paul Rust: Rip-Off Stories (The Andy Richter Call-In Show)

Episode Date: October 9, 2026

Paul Rust joins the Andy Richter Call-In Show to talk your RIP-OFF STORIES! Callers share their stories of scams and near-scams - including a Keanu Reeves catfish, a Florida nuclear bomb cult, and a failed attempt at making recreational paraphernalia. Want to call in for a future episode? Fill out our Google Form at CALLANDYRICHTER.COM or leave a voicemail at 855-266-2604.Upcoming Call-In Show Topics:10/14 - ANIMAL ENCOUNTER STORIES10/21 - GHOST STORIES10/28 - WORST BIRTHDAY EVER STORIES Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Oh, hey guys. Uh, we're back. The Andy Richter Collins show. That's what you've tuned into. Um, if that was unintentional. Too bad. Stick around. Laugh your face off.

Um, I'm Andy Richter. I'm the host of this thing. And, uh, we are talking today about rip-offs. Rip-off stories. Um, I mean, that can mean, that can mean whatever you want. want, you know, but if you've got one, give us a call at 855-266-6-04. We may put you on. I mean, if you're good, you've got to be good.

This is satellite radio. This isn't the fucking minor leagues people, which is why we have a heavy hitter here today. Paul Rust is sitting in with me. Yes. Hi, Andy. Yeah, we've known each other for me. I haven't seen you in years. Yeah.

Yeah. It's just, I don't leave the house much. Hey, same. Do you? No. Yeah. It's so you get, it's men when they get into their like 40s. They have a child.

It's just like, yeah, I don't need, you know. Like my wife makes a point. Yes. To socialize. I've heard it as a, was it social topiary? Oh, really? It happens to a man in his 40s. And onward is sort of like you begin making.

clippings and sort of fall away socially. Grooming your friends into Tyrannosaurus rexes or whatever. Yeah, no, I mean, and I don't, there's part of me that's like, yeah, okay. Like, I don't, it's like it's breaking my heart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I still, I mean, and I really do try to remain more open than I am. Of course. But my wife, like, we'll go places.

and especially if it's like something for her business or more her friend side of the friend group. And I usually about 20 minutes in and I'm like, okay, we showed up, we said hello. We can go now, right? Can we just go home and like, you know, lay in bed next to each other looking at our phones? Can we just do that until we die?

Oh, I realize that anytime I'm around like my older sisters, I like revert back to whatever social like graces that gave me, which was just like, I can just leave and sleep in a room. Like a total like adolescent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, it is good. I mean, it's been years. I'm like enough of an Andy Richter nerd.

Uh-oh. And a fan of yours that like I think I like remember and can enumerate like every time I've gotten to meet you and cross past with you. Oh, gosh. Thank you. Big fan. So it is very cool to be here. Thank you. I'm glad you're here.

And also, too, we have attempted to do this or perhaps my other podcast like four times. I think I've canceled on you twice. Oh, I'm sorry. You know how life is. Please, please, of course. No, no. But it's so good to be here. I think we met on the set of semi-pro.

That's right. That would be the first time. You were like an audience nerd. Right? Like, you know, or not audience, whatever, you know, like a fan. Yes, yes. And it was, was it you and Charlene Ye? Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys were like two kids and two like teenagers. It was sort of like a make-a-wish thing. We were in wheelchairs. Yeah, yeah. But you were throughout the movie, weren't you? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

You were there because it was like, you know, different games and there'd be different fans that were there throughout. Oh, yeah. I'm so grateful for, I think it is how I got like a. my sag card because it was, you know, you have to get a certain amount of hours. Yeah. And the production, it was a big studio, they could have been jerks and sort of like, been like, well, these people are only speaking this one day. Yeah.

We'll get lookalikes or we'll get them out of frame. But we were there for like four weeks, just like not talking. It was the best. That was one of the weirdest. Oh, shit, I just kicked over trash. Oh. There's usually not a trash can. I thought that was myself.

No, no, it was me. It was one of the weirdest movies because it's basketball. So they're shooting the basketball. And it was about like three or four weeks of just shooting the basketball. There's other things that happened. But it's so it's seen as to see. The shoe leather that they have to put together of just like it. That's so funny.

Out of all the, any time I've been on set for something, It is the thing when I'm watching a sports or an action movie or anything that requires a lot of like setups. I'm like, oh, yeah, semi-pro. I remember it takes a lot of time to set up the. And, of course, the chance and permutations of whether the ball is going to go into the hoop or not. Absolutely. Absolutely. And the director can either be like, you know, let's just cut away.

Or they're like, no, we have to see in a single shot that it makes it. Because I've done some basketball movie, you know, different basketball or TV shows. and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But that, because I was the team manager and scorekeeper, I sat table side next to Will Arnett and Andy Daly, who were the color commentator and the play-by-play. Yes, yes.

So we were in the same boat as you, but like, you know, like we already had our sad cards. Right, right. And Arnette used to get so fucking pissed because there'd be a whole days where we just kind of, Sit there and honest to God, because I was, my clothes were, it was 70s clothes. So I had like double-knit Sanzibelt polyester pants. Everything was so tight. And I was sitting on a vinyl chair. Yes.

And I grew the biggest ass pimples of my life from sitting for hours in plastic pants on a plastic chair. Yes, yes. Just from that movie. I mean, you know, I'm going to sit next to Will Arnett and Andy Daly. And Will Ferrell's out there and my friend Kent's directing. It was, I mean, I'm fine. You know, I'm like, great. Yeah, I mean, your friend, Ken Alterman, I mean, he directed it.

Yeah. I think he was one of like the coolest directors, certainly comedy directors. And then he goes on and, I mean, he'll get his credit someday if it hasn't already been given. There was a block of 10 years where Comedy Central was his empire. and he was churning out like... It was when it was... You'd name a good show. I mean, aside from workaholics, that was pre-existing.

Yeah. Or, you know, South Park, obviously. But all of those Key and Peel, Broad City, all of those shows. Nathan for you. Yeah, no. All under... Andy Daly's review. Yeah.

Oh, Andy Daly, of course. I knew a sensational show. Those were all Kent's shows. So hats off to him. Yeah. Yeah. And Comedy Central. RIP.

I don't even know what goes on over there anymore. Not comedy, I liked it back when it was the Ha Network. Right. It made more. You didn't have to explain anything. I'm like one of the Pink Floyd only mattered with Sid Barrett guys. I'm like, I liked Comedy Central.

Yeah, yeah, it was the Ha Network. It all went downhill after it. Well, you're here, you're promoting the, The last thing, your most recent project is the movie The Napa Boys. Yes. Which I, is on my list, that list of like, I got to watch that because I know I'm going to like it and it's really good. There's that, you know, it's, we're TV becoming homework and movies becoming homework.

Yes, of course. Oh, you'll love it. It's a, it's a sort of. It's the birthday boys, right? There's a bunch of them. There's some birthday boys in there. Yeah. Oh, okay.

A mixed bag. boys in there. Some dough boys. Some dough boys. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Lots of boys. Lots of boys.

Yeah, yeah. But, you know, it's the idea is that, like, you know, those American Pie straight to DVD movies that end up happening. Sex comedy. Yeah, yeah. But in particular, like, that would have, like, these kind of six to seventh iterations of, like, American Pie presents band camp oh yeah Jefferson Summer

Part 2 Nick Carrassey and Armin Weitzman who made this movie they had this concede of what if the movie sideways had its own

universe yeah a branch of straight to DVD like oh wow and it's called the Napa Boys and it's like the kids of you know Paul Giovanni you know they have to work

through certain legal loopholes to never say that, but that is, if you squint, you can see that it's a sideways universe. Yeah. And it's very funny. I mean, it's a spoof movie, but it's its own kind of special new version of a spoof movie. Cool. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's on Amazon or Apple TV, or you can buy the Blu-ray if you want to be cute and

darling about it. They did their own uncorked edition. Yeah, uncorked, unrated and uncorked. Exactly. Exactly. So do you go full frontal in the unrated one? Come on. I insist contractually there's always an unrated version of all my scenes.

Right, right, right. Right. Where you get to show a little bit of cock meat. Yeah. Cock meat? Question mark. It's what people expect if they're Paul Rust. Look, if there's no little rusty in there, I'm out.

I do play a character named Squirm. Oh. And I'm like the bad guy, like the person who comes in and is like, you, you Napa Boys. The force of no but as opposed to yes and. Yes, exactly. Yeah. You guys stop having fun and being funny. I don't.

Right, right. Stop making this a comedy movie. But I don't know if you remember this, but. on the original Conan show there was a beach sort of blanket bingo spoof where you played like the authoritarian who like comes in. Yes. It's maybe my favorite turn in any sort of comedy movies specifically like an animal house movie. Yeah, yeah. The heel like turns to be in a party dude.

Yeah. Yeah, we had to throw that in. And I think I don't know if we had a much. monical fallout, you know, like when I start, like, you know, like, you kids stop that. And then the music starts, you're like, I'm dancing in spite of myself, you know. Oh, the dancing in spite of myself is like, giving it over to it. Yeah, yeah. Oh, he's a crazy guy just like all of us.

Yeah. And then soon he's getting pegged, you know, because he's like to get him pegged. You can also listen to Paul's horror podcast with Gorley and Rust, featuring Matt Goreley. who is on Conan O'Brien needs a friend. Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's part of the cabal here. Yeah, goarly rules.

And yeah, we do a podcast together about all kinds of horror movies and set of us. Oh, horror movies? Yeah. Oh, cool. Yeah, yeah. Is that your big genre for you? Yeah, we just, I mean, I love them. I love comedies the most of all.

Of course. What if I was like trying to scare people this whole time, not trying to make them laugh? I was doing a really bad job. It's terrible. But no, it came from like a shared love of, I love a Friday 13th movies. And Gorley, he loves the Halloween movies. Oh. It sort of sprang out of that.

I see, I see. And did it start off like where you were at loggerheads about who was. Who could win it a fight? Yeah, exactly. Michael Myers would fucking dice him up, you know. Actually, my beef with those kinds of, speaking of, we were speaking earlier about my movie and TV rules. Sure.

The unkillable killer, not into it. The stakes are gone. I know. Because it's just like, well, those poor humans, they're all dead. That's why I feel like a lot of times the first one or two are kind of the best because after that, the incredulity. Right, right. And also, I really don't like it when they start being able to, like, kind of transport,

like, you're getting chased. Yeah, you're getting chased by somebody. And then you stop and breathe and somehow they're in front of you. I'm like, no, you're better. No. Actually, a name for that, you know, Jason is in Friday of 13 movies. When that starts happening, we call it Teleport Jason. Ah.

That's when it's Jump the Shark is teleport Jason. I mean, I still love those movies. Was there a set of horror movies you grew up loving or was it never your bag? No, I saw all of them. I saw all of them. And I think probably Friday the 13th. Yeah, they're fun. Yeah, and especially because when I was young, there was more fuck.

in them. I know. There's like that whole sort of like if teens fuck, they get murdered. Yes. Like that whole thing. Like I was like, you know, I don't believe in that. But if I get to see some fucking, that's cool. Whereas now my faves, the conjurings.

Oh, yeah, they're great. I'm not Catholic, but any of that Catholic shit, I'm like, I'm there all day. Demons where there's like secret sex of priests that like battle the demons or there's some old church in Hungary where the devil's buried in a jar like fuck yeah, I'm there. I love the film critic Pauline Kale and her review for The Exorcist is a Howl or she's just like there's no greater commercial for the Roman Catholic Church than The Exorcist. It's not just that the devil exists and he how are you? The only people who can get the devil out is a category. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the conjured works on me as well.

They're orkin. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and they're pretty good. They're orchid. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and like the nun, you know, like the nun movies. Like, I know the nun is easy. I know that's like low hanging fruit and I'm fucking there for it.

You could have that nun in six movies and I'd see every single one of them. Let's go to the phones. 855-266-2-604 is the number and we are talking rip-offs. What if the first guest is a nun? Oh, that would be exciting, talking about how faith is a lie. Oh, my God. Cristiano from Venice, Italy, what the heck?

Cristiano, hello. Hi, can you hear me? I'm talking on a landline. I hear you, and thank you so much for waiting. Had I known that we had an international call waiting, I wouldn't have blab so much. No, it's fine. I just hope, I don't know how this works, because I haven't used this phone in like five years. No, you sound fine.

Yeah, Paul and I are here for you. Hello. We are here for you. Hi. Tell us about your rip-off. Well, it's not exactly a rip-off. It's half a rip-off. Okay.

So basically, like, around, I want to say, three years ago, was during COVID. my dad I came home from the movie theater and my dad just kind of said hey Keanu Reeves is texting me and I was like, what?

Oh boy. The Keanu Reeves? I'm already just on I'm like already suspicious because I know how this works and you're like, no, trust me this is Keanu Reeves. Check this out and it's like a five

second clip of Keanu's thing of actually this is before like chat GPT so it was actually Keanu I was saying oh hey this is Keanu Reeves I could meet you and just that was

all the proof that he provided I was like that let me just kind of use my computer whiz like my fucking computer technology skills to check this to look at stuff for myself and it's quite

it's actually kind of like sick what this person did they took a video that Keanu had recorded for a sick kid where he said Aaron, I'm so sorry about your condition, but I know you're like a make a wish kid, and I want him to make this serious. But it was like conveniently caught off right before he says, hey, Aaron, so it's just like, hey, Keanu Reeves here, please to meet you.

Right. And I'm like, Dad, Dad, this is not. No, trust me, this is Keanu. This did not deter him at all because he had supposedly, like, left the comment on Keanu Reeves' official Facebook page, And I'm just wondering, I don't think Keanu even owes his phone. Like, this is the most private public person on Earth. And I'm just, like, I got found it. And this did not stop there because the next day, he sent pictures of us, like, our family,

and also his co-workers to Keanu, quote-unquote. Because that's what Keanu Reeves wants to see. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And he had a very, like, tenuous grasp on English, like a sub-first grade level, like, oh, yes, this is Keanu, very famous actor. I be Keanu. Exactly.

Kianna, and, and like, but then, like, this was, he was away at work while this was happening, and then he comes back home, and he's just like, it's not Keanu. because my family my family has this really cool like this this tradition this kind of thing in our genes that like we get very close to the

edge of the end of the movie we're like just barely just like right to the edge of the cliff but then we're like oh shit this is a terrible idea and we stop right before we jump off so and this is always happen we never get scammed we always almost get scammed

right as soon as Kear Reeves began asking him for money, he was like, oh, no. That's good. Well, good for him. I mean, that's good because there's a lot of people, I mean, well, if you listen to the Howard Sternstow, or Stern Show famously, one of his, one of his writers' mom has an ongoing thing with Liam Neeson who would ask, who would ask, say that he was stranded in the Australian Outback and needed helicopter fuel money. You know, and it's just, it's so sad. And it's really only one elderly woman who can come save the day. Absolutely. Exactly.

And it's all romantic, too, which is really sad, too. My, I used to have, I used to have, uh. I think it's beautiful. I don't think it's sad. My dad is gay. And we used, in the beginning days of the internet, like he would, he would insist that, like, fill in the blank famous movie star like he's gay and he's posed he's been in gay you know porno pictures and i'm like i don't think so dad i don't think so he goes well i'll show you and then

you know a day or two later i get an email of like the most hilariously photoshopped like mel gibson with just like a goddamn fucking you know stanley cup of a dick and just and I'm like dad that is not real I know as I was hearing the story about the text and then also with this on the internet it is like some sort of new media people fighting away because I can't imagine 40 years ago yeah yeah me coming home and my dad saying like Bert Reynolds called me on the phone yeah yeah asked me to blow him right and I think I gotta I think you know It's in the Constitution. Somehow a phone, if you're longer with that technology, you're able to, like, call out the bullshit easier. You're like, oh, you don't really. Burt Reynolds wouldn't have my phone number here.

You can't call it. Somehow the bullshit. Yeah, exactly. And it's because they want it so bad. Yes, that's true. But, like, I can't be that smug about it because with AI, my older kids, they'll be like, I mean, I've gotten better at it. But when AI first started, I was constantly like,

I just sent him a funny video, you know, and they're like, Dad, it's AI. I'm like, God damn it. Everything that's good is AI these days. And now, like I say, I'm a little bit better at it. Oh, but does it, how does it feel knowing that for the rest of our lives, any image we ever look at, we have to guess if it's real or not. It's fun. It's fun.

It is fun. Here I am bitching it moated. It's fun. Christian, are you still there? Oh, he hung up. Okay. Well, thank you for the story. Yeah, that was a lot of fun.

I know I just, I just, I all of a sudden thought, here you and I are going off and he's sitting on a landline in Italy. Like, sorry, Cristiano. I don't, you know, send us a bill. We'll send you $10. Yes. No more than $10, but $10. All right.

We got another caller. McCauley from Ontario. Is that Ontario Canada or Ontario? Hello. Is this Ontario Canada or Canada? California. Beautiful Ontario, Canada. Like, okay, that's better, because it seems classier.

Yeah, it's international. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, because if any, there is anything about Ontario, Canada, it's classy. That's true. Yeah. Oh, yes. Right?

You are correct. Well, I have an interesting story for you two. Nice. That's what we're here for. With a scam as well. Oh, nice. And it has some connection with, with a show that you were actually on once, Andy, many, many years ago.

For some context, I, in my spare time, interview, actors, and directors and writers. I've been doing this since I was 15 years old. I'm 21 now. Oh, wow. And there was a phase in my journey where I became very interested in tracking down actors and directors and people that at one point in their life, were in something that was culturally significant, but then just disappeared. And that became a fascination for me. And I tracked down an actor that was in a show called Malcolm in the Middle.

Yes. I know, Andy, you were in an episode of, I was, in 2002 years ago. And the actor in question played Stevie Carnarbon. He was the character in the wheelchair. I loved his character, one of my favorite characters in the show. and I had been in touch with him via social media. He was working in jewelry. At some point, I think his account got hacked.

And I became, I did not know this. And at one point, he basically said, oh, yeah, no, send, send me, like a hundred-some dollars to do an interview. And he's like, my manager, here's my PayPal, my manager's PayPal. And I'm like, heck, no, I'm not going to send you that. But he kept pushing. I'm like, he's like, how about 20? And I'm like, I got 20 bucks in my PayPal.

So I send him 20 bucks. And then I get blocked. And I'm like, Hulk. Oh, my gosh. Wow. What have I got into? But later on, I actually got in touch with him. I told him the whole thing.

I'm like, hey, this happened. Can we actually do something for real? And unfortunately, it hasn't happened yet. But it's weird. This has happened twice now. One actor once, this wasn't a scam. I won't say his name. His agent said, oh, we can do an interview.

Maybe you can send some money to, you know, this business or this charity to do the conversation. I'm like, huh, I didn't go through with that, but scams, man. Scams are crazy. The Tarzana Meth Fund. Yeah, no, that's usually, that's the thing. And I just, I don't know what it is about older people. And I mean, you know, I'm going to be 60 and who the fuck am I to say older people? But, but seriously, like my parents age, that they, because I think that we're now programmed for when they make the plea for money, that's when we go, oh, this is a.

And it doesn't have to be like impersonating anybody. Just, you know, like coupon books or, you know, you know, Or like modeling schools or acting classes or things. That's like a famous one. Yeah, that's sort of pay to play thing. My parents' generation, they're like, well, they ask for money, sure, and I gave it to them. And it's just, I don't know. What do you think it is?

Some sort of pre-watergate, like if you didn't grow up in some sort of suspicion of character? My suspicion is that they were used to giving money to the church. they were used to giving money on faith and so it wasn't like an unusual thing you know whereas like I don't give money to the church shocker folks I know but you know like

there are charities obviously that I give money to but I really have to make sure you know I do a pretty deal just to make sure it's real you know yes and I suppose previously to have a charity that has been endorsed and authorized by a particular church that you go to that makes it all easier to then donate money.

Yeah, yeah. Like it's legit. Yeah. Once that maybe goes away. I also think, because I had people in my family who like would give to televangelists, you know, like old ladies that just give money. So maybe that's why I think it's church related. Yeah.

My family got a scammed once pretty good, which was like, and it was somebody who came and must have seen a community of suckers. Like my town was like 6,000, 7,000 people. It's a pretty small town. Wait, did he start a marching band? Look, he promised us 75 trombos. We're like, okay, he's just a shister.

You can't be a lie. Offer 76. No, it was similar. I mean, it was very, yes, music bandish. But it was somebody came to our town. and told a group of families. And this is Iowa, by the way, for context. Small town in Iowa, northwest Iowa is like, if X number of people agree to this travel package, the rate will go down and then you'll be able to.

Pyramid scheme. It was classic pyramid scheme. The whatever was the top of the pyramid or the thing that was being offered from the top of the pyramid down to us was. it's a heartbreaker to know that inevitably this is the thing it was a Disney cruise ship to Disney World and it was like for myself and my two older sisters

and my mom and my dad and you know for a week we lived in like Bahala where it was like we are going and the other families who were coming since it was like a tight-knit community I mean the thing I remember most is like a distinct memory of like

my sister asking if this one family was going because she had a crush on one of the boys in it and they said yes and my sister like blushing and get like I got excited for her of like her crush is going to be on the cruise ship to this is going to be so romantic for her talk about a meat cute uh then yeah it all fell apart was a substantial amount of money no money I think was put in I think it was like realizing this people figured it out there is this I think what you're talking about before money was put down it was like oh wait and this is a person

Like, they're face to face with this person. Yes. And say, like, I'm a travel agent, I guess, is what they... Yeah, yeah. Provising... Selling Disney Cruises. Yeah. Disney cruises originating in Davenport.

Oh, but the way it, I mean, devastated my family. Like, you know, all families experience loss. And I feel like, you know, if a human dies, like if a grandmother or grandfather, the family sort of, everybody kind of mourns privately. But if, like, a pet... or a vacation doesn't go through. It's the one time where a family will mourn together. It's my memory of a family weeping together. Like, we're not going to.

Oh, a pet has died. A pet has died here. It's beautiful, though. Yeah. The big family cry that can only come from a dead houseman. Have you ever been on a Disney cruise? I haven't. Have you?

No, but I actually, my family and I are going on one in February with my six and a half years. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, yeah, my wife and a half-year-old and I are. Check the fine print, Andy. I don't know. It's fine. I've heard this before. Listen, it's fine.

We got to drive ourselves to Mexico. No, no. And I am like, I am like ridiculously jazzed about it. Like, way too, like, excited about just. And I, you know. Oh, Bob Odeke has that bit about, like, you can come in with so much cynicism walking into Disneyland. And somehow it's all dismay. You know, we're not advertising Disneyland here.

But it is crazy. Oh, no. How does it chip away at your cynicism? I, yeah, no, I've, like, yeah, I'm as cynical as they come, but like, yeah, fucking Disneyland. Yeah, happiest place on earth. Fuck you. It's true. Get in there.

You'd be happy, you know. Like, these people know what they're doing, you know? Yes, that's true. That's true. McCauley, are you still there? I am still here. Hi there. I appreciate you letting me.

Oh, sure. My final note before I go, please, please. I never want to get back at scammers. You can actually call scammers. People put their numbers online sometimes. So if you've got a burner number and you're bored one night, you can waste their time. And I've done that before.

In fact, I actually convinced some scammers to voice act in a short film. It took me a full day to do. Wow. Oh, cool. That's cool. All right. Love that. Well, thank you so much, McCauley.

Anytime. All right. 855-266-2. four is our number. Yeah, people calling in with scams is kind of the last great prank call. Yeah, yeah. Territory there still is for kids. Well, absolutely.

And it's like good target. Like, they deserve it. Yeah. To have their hour wasted with my phone. Although cell phones do change it because there is like a record of all the calls. Like your parents, when you would make prank calls, your parents, you know, they wouldn't know what calls you'd made. No.

But now, you know. Yeah. Do you have any choice? establishments that uh oh no i was terrible i'm terrible at pranks oh really i just identify with the prank 100 percent i always get nervous and hang up and like oh i'm sorry you know and just hang up because i know i don't like pranks yes i i just feel like and i and people that enjoy them and and then you know like put them out as entertainment i always just feel like ha ha look at that fucking guy. He was just walking around his

life. He doesn't know this isn't a real car showroom. Fucking asshole. Fuck him for believing. Yeah. For like, for just existing and thinking that what he was seeing is what he was getting.

Nope. No, no. It's like, leave him alone. Yes, yeah. That said, to witness a prank call and have a stifle a laugh. I mean, I'm not saying I'm a No, well, I mean, my mom was a teacher, a high school teacher, and then my dad was a shoe repairman owned a small business.

Yeah. And the two frustration are things that people sometimes like to gripe about are some teacher they had or the school or the faculty or the person who's like giving them shit, you know, like it's an easy gripe to make. Yeah. But, man, like, it's entirely limited for me. Like, my heart immediately, like, if somebody's like, why is it taking so long to get this, like, dry cleaning back and, like, this in here? You wouldn't know, would you? Yeah, he probably came in at 6 a.m. Yeah.

We got a call from Iowa. Hell yeah. In fact, Lauren is calling in with a wild card, which is just an off-topic card. Oh, that's what it means. Okay. Lauren, where are you from in Iowa if we may ask? I don't want to get you stalked, but what town are you from? I'm actually in the same university community that Paul belongs to, so Iowa City right now.

Oh, nice. Hi, Lauren. That's awesome. Yeah. I love Iowa City. My niece goes to school there. It's a great school. Amazing, yeah.

No way. That's awesome. And we all send our love except sorry of my voice cracks because the college kids got me sick with a cold, so I'm recovering. That's okay. So tell us your story. What do you got for us? Totally. So I know I am technically not on topic today, but I do have a bit of a rip off at the end.

So I actually have a weird injury from the Scott Ackerman episode. Yes, yes. People should go check that out after this one. Well, thank you, Warren. I had no idea. Oh, yeah, well, totally. I'm obsessed with y'all. You're the best entertainment ever.

Oh, gosh, thank you so much. Thank you. My fiance would be mad if I didn't also say he loves your work too. So, very sad. Well, I love you. But anyway. Yes. He said he could go on forever about that.

He loved your sitcom back in the day. Oh, that's awesome. Anyway, I'll get to it. So I had no idea that I was running a mile on a broken bone until I couldn't walk after the race. Yeah. And it led to 10 years later, me being ripped off. constantly at grocery stores and restaurants. So here's what I mean by all that.

Yes. Interesting. So please it interject. Okay. Yeah, yeah. It's weird. It's weird. So kind of medical mystery adjacent. So early 30s now, injured at 14, freshman year of high school, I was a track and field athlete running the mile, which is four laps around the track. And I had been playing volleyball, basketball, and then track in field with no break

between the seasons at all. Yeah. So constant impact on my feet, doing high-impact sports only. Right. Yeah. I can imagine what might have gone down. Cut to late spring, I had gone from junior varsity to varsity races by the end of my freshman year.

I was really like going for it. And I was kind of feeling off, but I couldn't really place it. I couldn't really go as fast as I wanted to. And my habit had been to just like push. through the pain, grit your teeth, bear it. I mean, runners are very self-punishing folks, right? Yeah. I don't get them the slightest.

Now in my life I don't get it either. So you're not alone. But anyway, the coach said I should pump my arms to keep up my speed because it turns out your arms and your legs really want to work in tandem that way. But that trick wasn't working for some reason. So after I finished this race, all of a sudden I couldn't put any weight on my right foot, and there was a big WTF moment. Turns out I had fractured the biggest bone in my foot.

Ouch. And it was a stress fracture. So that's repetitive impacts over time. And the doctor's orders were foot brace until it was healed, rest, gain 20 pounds, which is really easy. It turns out when you're eating like an athlete, but you're not exercising. like one anymore oh yeah sure we know the score but the rip-off finale if i have 30 more seconds is that um there was actually a celiac disease mystery behind all of this so that's where you can't

tolerate gluten right um so apparently it go ahead oh no yes yes no we're just yeah he just said yes oh cool cool well thank you for the acid reason um just just that celiac disease has weird correlations with bone health issues like that. So it turns out that when I got diagnosed with that 10 years later, I started getting ripped off at grocery stores and restaurants everywhere because it turns out that safe food options are like twice as expensive sometimes for celiac people. Yeah. So that's how I'm going to justify it as a rip off.

But now the happy finale is that here in Iowa City, My fiance and I go to the gym. I dream of how athletic I used to be. And then we figure out with good gluten-free food, we're going to cook next to sabotage our gains. Yeah. Now, thank you guys for everything. You're welcome. Yeah.

Do you mean, I'm just trying to get the correlation here. Do you think the celiac made your bone susceptible to breakage? Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. It's been correlated anyway. I can't cite a study to say that it's causing. Right. But I do know for sure there's a lot of correlation between like early osteoporosis, especially in women or in an assigned female at birth people.

I in particular was nerdy and went down a Reddit hole, you know, like looking for stories of anything like mine. And I'm not the only one. So there's been like weird high school athletes who have just folded unexpectedly because they have. otherwise seem to be in good house. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Well, now you've got a grudge against gluten, too.

Blutin ruined your sports career. God damn it. All right. Well, Lauren, thank you so much for calling. Yeah, thank you, Lauren. Thank you. Thanks, guys. You're welcome.

855-266-2404 is our number. Yeah, I think the alpha scam that people first experienced. is in the supermarket when you're a kid with the toy on the box of the cereal. Like the picture I remember would be like a jet swooping out of the clouds. And then I'd get it and be like a hard white, entirely white plastic plane-shaped object. And then the stickers would be separate. You'd have to put the stickers like on the rip off. It's the first time when you're a kid.

We're like, wait a minute. Not everybody's out to help me. I actually, and it's just so funny to me, like, to think about it. Like, I, and I don't, I just don't think I was supervised. And, you know, when I was a kid, it was still in the back of a magazine or a comic book. Yes, yes. You would, like, tape 75 cents to a piece of cardboard and mail it somewhere. Yep.

And I bought X-ray specs. Yes. And was really fucking pissed. I would, you know. Oh, I got, I got ripped up by a C-month. Yeah. Brine shrimp. Somehow I thought that I was going to be able to...

Right, train them. Dr. Frankenstein style activate life. Yeah, yeah. And then, yeah, train them to be my minions. Make little clothes for them. Give them little, like, trident. Remember they were like a little family of them? Tryden.

But as a sort of a, oh, unless there was a, but there's a, in a way that the remedy or the remedy or the antidote to all that was I loved Mad Magazine. Yeah. And they didn't have ads and stuff. It was pretty cool. Right, right. And I'll go back and reread old mads, you know, the ones that I read at the time, but, like, you know, from the 60s or 70s read those and enjoy those too. And rereading them, I'd say 80% of the jokes are somehow based on the idea of you're being ripped off or this is a scam or you're a sucker if.

if you do the, to the point where they'd say it about the magazine itself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you'd be under, like, a heap of shit, like, looking at those backs of the comic books that are like, get your own record player if you work, sell these things for office, you know. I did that. I sold, I sold greeting cards. And, you know, and it was like I ended up getting like $7 or something. To buy some greeting cards, I guess. I guess.

Oscar from Orlando. Hello, Oscar. Hello, guys. How's it going? Good. How are you? Paul and I are here. Good. Want to hear your scam story.

Yeah, so it's a little bit of a scam, but it's also like a wild card. Okay. Thank you. Perfect. I was waiting for the sound. You got it. This is when a coach tried to take me in. a Florida coat that they were looking for a nuclear bomb.

So it's pretty, wow. Wait, a cult that was looking. Okay. A cult that was looking for a- Okay, I mean, yeah, go ahead. I'm sorry, I'm stopping you and I shouldn't. I'm going to be quiet now. Yeah, no, you're fine.

So about 15 years ago, me and my friend, Chris Jones, shout out to Chris Jones. We saw this flyer that said, hey, do you want to promote the movie? industry in Florida and this was kind of like a conversation happening back in the day about like trying to bring jobs of the movie making to our state so I was like yeah that sounds like interesting so me and him we drove out and we drove about three hours out of Orlando and we got to this hotel and we're like this is kind of like a weird place to have this meaning but okay so we go inside

to one like a business room when we get there and imagine the only you only you have a few people on your group and you want to say, hey, can you guys sit kind of like apart from each other so it looks like we have more people? Yeah. But they were all wearing the same like beige clothes and they all wear around the same age, right? Yeah, yeah. A bit of all the crowds. And not that, you know, like if you're not old and you're going to be in new movies,

but I would just kind of wear it out, you know, like that they were around the same age. Yeah, you smelled a rat. A beige rat. Yeah. As we walk in, the guy in the microphone is talking, and I kind of quote what he was saying, he was saying how there's five bombs that the U.S. government are not accounting for, like, nuclear bombs, and three of them are the coast of Florida, and we need to do an expedition to go find those bombs. That's what the guy was saying in the microphone as we entered the room.

Yep. Classic movie business stuff. Yep. So we sit down and we're trying to get like our bearings and a guy stands up on the back and then he goes to the guy talking on the microphone and says whispering on the guy's ears and both of them are looking at us and my friend. And you know like sometimes if you're going to whisper to somebody's ear, it's going to be kind of a quick thing. Maybe like, hey, your fly is open or like, you know, like just kind of cut it off. But I just. kept going. It was like a minute, two minute, like five minutes, then whispering and like looking at us, you know, and we're like, this is kind of weird. Yeah. You know, like, okay, we're going to pause it, but we need to make elections to see who is going to be leading this expedition and we need help. And the new members, you know, we would like you to be president and co-president of this expedition.

Pretty cool, sweet game. We were like, what is this doing? And then we look around and everybody's like looking at us. So it was just kind of like a weird thing. We're like really uncomfortable and they're like, okay, we need to talk some more in between us. So we can, you know, give you the inside of the locations of this nuclear bombs. And please don't leave. Like whatever you do, like don't leave.

we just need to like talk privately among ourselves you know but you can have this refreshment on the table and I look and it's like Kool-lay and I'm like come on guys like can you guys like like you guys like like refreshments you know yeah these do Gatorade yeah yeah gateway or something change it up they don't leave they say don't leave so of course like as soon as they turn their back we left yeah oh my gosh we We leave, we open the door and like a young group comes in and they're looking for the filmmakers, right? And I look at them, like, just leave guys, like just. Don't stay here, you know.

But I never know what that was all about. That's so funny. How scary would it have been if you looked over at your friend at the end there and he was like, I don't know, man. Those nuclear bombs, they need to get them. I got family. I could be a co-president here. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we could sell them back to the government.

It's got to be worth money. Did the person out, did they ever address the sort of like pretense that there was film business work? Or was it all just nuclear bomb expedition? It was on nuclear bomb expedition. Wow. And my guess is they have different flyers with different topics. Right, sure, just to get people there, yeah. But, yeah, but it's just like they were outweighing the same kind of beige colors that came like, maybe they went to the same store.

Of course. Obviously, they all knew each other, but they were trying not to like get them met each other, you know. Wow. Creepy. That's really. I'm glad you sidestepped it, Oscar. Yeah. And next time you hear about, you know, folks from Hollywood looking for a bomb, might I mention Ishtar?

Okay. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. God. Oscar, I have to apologize. This is that is some old corn. Oh, my gosh. Ishtar used as a punchline.

I mean, there's been plenty of other bombs after that, but Ishtar has its own. That's Primo. All right, Oscar, thanks so much for the call. I thank you. Appreciate it. Thank you. Bye-bye. Not that bad, Ishtar.

It's pretty good. I don't think I've ever seen it. Unfairly maligned. Oh, well. Mike from Pittsburgh. It was Warren Beatty being like, hey, I want to talk about how Ishchar was. Yeah, yeah. Hi, it's Warren Beatty.

Mike's got a wild card. Colin from Pittsburgh. What do you got, Mike? I don't know what the wild card. That's about weird injuries. Are you familiar with the Darwin Awards? Yeah. Oh, of course.

Right. So I don't have a. Darwin Award. I have a Darwin Award nomination because I did not take myself out of the gene pool entirely. I just came really close. Okay. So I was like my first like weekend back from college and I wanted to make my friend of Bong and I had this like great rupee bottle. I'm like, okay, here we go. And I was smart enough not to put in a vice because I knew like the vice would, you know, crush the bottle and make big mess. Well, I was not smart enough to do with to like find another solution other than like holding it in my crotch and drilling towards my hand. I guess it's a glass bottle. So it was a glass bottle. I didn't have the right drill bit. So I went right through the bottle and it went into my hand. And if I'd been like pushing a little bit harder or a little bit slower, then yeah, would not be expecting my first house. Right.

Oh, like that. Yeah. That was my Darwin award. Well. That's amazing. Yeah, yeah. But at least you were making a bong, you know? Like that's the perfect thing.

And it was for a friend. It was like a nice gesture. It was a beautiful gesture. Like, yeah, you weren't, you weren't wasting time on like, you know, a hearing aid or you know a handicapped ramp no you were making a bong and almost

drilled your nuts off Mike dealing with the hospital is so bad because like yeah they all knew exactly what I was doing yeah yeah I was trying to come up to like plausible reasons for how I had drilled glass into my hand yeah oh student and like nobody

not a doctor not a nurse not a nobody at the assistant desk like they all immediately clocked it yeah yeah you look at the doctor's bong, eh? You look at the doctor's notes later. It's just bong. I'm making it a bong.

All right, thanks, Mike. Yeah. Thanks very much. How good. How many people have been injured or hurt by making their own bong? Yes. Or just, yeah, like attempting to do something like that. Just any power tools while high.

I know. I remember what's seen a guy with like a big lizard sitting outside a dispensary. and he was trying to sell it. And I was like, I guess he's going where the most likely buyers will be. The lizard buyers. Some guy coming on stone and pets the lizard for him and is like, yeah, man, I'll buy this. Yeah, I do see a reptile in my future. Or the type of guy who sells a reptile at the dispensary is maybe also a customer there sometimes.

And I'll say, you know, he's like going to turn it right over into weed. Yes. That money's going right inside the door. Amy from Wisconsin, Colin. How are you doing? Hi. Pretty good. This is a story about a rip-off, I feel.

Love it. Last April, my family leased a Toyota Sienna minivan. Uh-huh. And just about five months into the lease, there was a mandatory safety recall to address a problem with the second row seats. Okay. Toyota said nobody should ride in the second row seats. So a minivan, you've got three rows. You've got the front and then you've got that middle and you've got the back.

And we use our minivan to transport a wheelchair in the third row. So this effectively became a two-seater minivan for us. And so we took it in and that was in October. And we're supposed to get it fixed in December, but it dragged on and on and on. So it sat at the dealership until May of this year. So like for a total of seven and a half months. Wow. Whoa.

And during that time, they shuffled us around through about six different loaner cars. We had to drive back and forth 70 miles each time to the dealership. But the kicker was when we got our car back in May, there had been a hailstorm that came through in April. And it now has over $20,000. in hail damage. Oh, wow.

Thanks to having been. It's parked out in their parking. Now, how is the dealership dealing with that? Are they in any way receptive to responsibility for that? They call it an act of God. Well, yeah. And we were upset because they had promised us when they took possession of the car that they were going to move it weekly because we said,

oh, we don't want it to get lot rod if it's going to be sitting. here. Well, at the time, we thought it was going to be only two months, and they moved it twice in the seven and a half months. Both of it in, both of those times, like, we were to prepare for storms that were coming, but then they didn't move it when the hail storm came. Very frustrating. So we're just kind of stuck at this point and feeling ripped off because Toyota knows about it. We talked to corporate, and they said it's just a dealership issue, but they're handling it by saying, well, the dealer can say, um, well, the dealer can at the prices of the cars as they like,

which is kind of a nonsensical response. Yeah. Well, I'm terribly sorry about that, Amy. Yeah, that's infuriating. If Nissan is listening, Nissan or Honda or, you know, Kia, hit Amy up. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. All right, well, thank you, Amy. Yep. All right. Nissan's pretty cool. I used to work at this coffee shop, and they would come in, and I remember I was like spelling it N-I-S-A-N for the longest time on their cup.

Yeah. And it had been, you know, but then they picked it up and they were like, hey, just so you know, it's two S is N-I-S-A-N. I'm like, oh, oh, okay. Is it a person named Nissan or the whole dealership would. The corporation of Nissan would come into this coffee. Sorry, I did not set up that silly. There's someone named Nissan.

You know, it's not a person. It's a car company. Is it spelled with two S's? It is. Okay, whew, then it wasn't. Completely baffled. It was mostly bafflinged, though, what I said. All right, well, this is a point at which we pick a favorite call.

And, gosh, I think I'm going to go. Well, you go first. Oh, oh, oh, these are all our collections of calls. They win nothing. But people are aware of that. You know, I really like the beige cult. The beige cult was, yeah, it was good and weird. Oscar's beige cult.

Yeah. Yeah, but I mean, to call it a cult, I feel like he didn't get far enough to understand like where the, like where the, you know, because usually the cult is about like money or sex or whatever, you know, just weird power. But these just seem like enterprising elderly people. Adventurers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who always wanted to wear a uniform. I think, yeah. I think, yeah, that could have been, you could have stuck with that maybe a couple more weeks.

Yeah. Do some deep sea diving and sea ferry. Yeah, believe in yourself enough to know that you can resist the pull of the nuclear bomb cold. I think mine, mine, because I just kind of do love these, was the Keanu Reeves, Cristiano in Venice, because those are like, they're just so, there's something. I mean, I know that it's tragic and all, that old people are wasting their money. But, I mean, they're almost, you know, they're right. They're hitting the finish line. Why not?

Let the, yes. Yeah. You know, like their kids need money. Better than the slot machine. Precisely. But one of my favorite of those is that I heard somewhere that, like, in fact, I think he had to make a statement from the British bakeoff, you know, Paul Hollywood. Apparently, there's hundreds of fake Paul Hollywoods. Oh, my gosh.

Scamming old ladies out of money. all over the world. He had to make a video like, it's not me, I will never ask you for money. And it's just... And the fake Paul Hollywood's like, don't listen to that one. That guy...

That's AI. He's a dirty line. Yeah, yeah. That guy's Russian. Yeah. All right, well, that's it. For us this week, again, you can see Paul in the Napa Boys

or by the Blu-ray, the unrated and on-court edition in which you get to see. Paul's dick, I guess. It's the menu screen. Yeah. It's a spitz it. I put a little asterisk there.

An added feature. It's a special bonus. Or is horror podcast with Gorley and Rust? Next week, we'll be back with Rachel Cayley. I don't know what the topic is. Sometimes I just spit it out, but I don't have anything. But leave us a call if you got a wild card. 855-266-2-604.

And, you know, maybe it'll fit the topic. Maybe it won't. honestly this is a very low-rent organization but the love that I feel for you all is not lucky you lucky the listeners Rachel Kaylee is the best yeah yeah she's very funny so all right cool bye

bye bye