The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Paula Poundstone Returns

Episode Date: October 7, 2025

Comedian Paula Poundstone joins Andy Richter to discuss why she named one of her cats after a late-night television host, getting her start at open-mic nights, why she hates driving across town, and much more. Do you want to talk to Andy live on SiriusXM’s Conan O’Brien Radio? Tell us your favorite dinner party story (about anything!) - leave a voicemail at 855-266-2604 or fill out our Google Form at BIT.LY/CALLANDYRICHTER. Listen to "The Andy Richter Call-In Show" every Wednesday at 1pm Pacific on SiriusXM's Conan O'Brien Channel. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Welcome back to the three questions. I'm your host, Andy Richter, and today I am talking to my pal, Paula Poundstone. I love talking to her. She's a prolific comedian. She's the host of nobody listens to Paula Poundstone. And you can frequently hear her on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR Game Show. You can also find her tour dates at Paula Poundstone.com. Here's my meandering, wonderful conversation with Paula Poundstone. This country's fucking crazy, Paula. That's why I brought you in here. Thank you. I brought you in here. Just the person to calm you down. And I also brought you in here, too, because I know how much you hate leaving your neighborhood. Oh, my God.

To bring you over to this side of town, I know infuriate you. It know it's traumatic. I did leave really early. and the route, and in fairness, I can't do anything by myself. I have to use that goddamn GPS. You drove yourself, though. Yeah, yeah.

Okay. But it was very much like going to that place where we last went together. Yeah, yeah, that's why I say, because we did a show, we did. Oh, that place is not even in California. Dynasty typewriter. In Korea, it's just probably because it's Korea town.

That's probably disorienting for you. No, I can know. Korea town is right down the fucking Walsher Boulevard from me. I can get to Korea town. But that's Wilshire Boulevard is where that show was. No, that show was not. No. Yes. Unless, because my

Dynasty typewriter. My GPS takes me like I'm on someone's paper route. Well, that's not. I'm going through neighborhoods. That's not Wilshire Boulevard's fault. No, I can get up and down Wilshire Boulevard. That's not a problem. Absolutely. You could take Wilshire. But that's not on Wilshire Boulevard where we were.

It is absolutely. It was not. It was. I saw. leaving California. I saw leaving California sign. I had to, they checked me for agricultural products to make sure I wasn't spreading med flies.

I got in trouble for having a ring ding in the car. Yeah, no, that was, but this, yeah, I don't know where we are. I'm happy for you though. And I'm trying to, first I pull into the medical garage, you know, because I, I didn't,

read carefully the instructions. And then I, and the guy comes over to the car and he's like, that's where the parking for people here. There's a medical building. Yeah. And we validate for parking in their garage. Oh, wow. I'm just letting people know.

Yeah. This is real inside baseball stuff we're talking. The guy was, why are we talking? Yeah. I thought we were just talking. No, this is podcast. Oh, great. This is podcast.

I didn't say any of that stuff. And that's not my autograph. That's not my signature. I know. And you haven't used. your broadcast voice yet. No. Hello, hello.

Paula Poundstone here. That's good to be, yeah. And the headphone, you can go ahead and grab the mic. And the headphones, you don't need the headphones if you don't want me. I don't even, who knows who's been interviewed in those headphones? Who was last? Boy. Oh, yeah.

Oh, Kimmel was here last night. Oh, Jimmy Kimmel? Oh, gosh. I think he's great. Do they smell of them? It smells like home cooking. You know, some products. I think he uses some product.

He does. He's a wonderful guy. Jimmy is like, Jimmy is such, and I mean, I love Conan O'Brien and I am, you know, he's family to me. But Jimmy Kimmel. Oh, but you just look for places to say that? No, I don't. I don't. Why would I?

Just like if I were to have used a word that began with the letter C, you would go, okay, speaking of words that begin with the letter to see. I love Conan O'Brien. That is so unfair. Because I actually was about to just disc Conan O'Brien just a little bit. Oh, oh. Because what I was going to say is that. It's like fishing.

You know, you let it out a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But then you've got real, you know, bitey trout like you that won't let the bait and marinate for a minute. Nah, yeah, yeah. I'm a big mouth bass. Jimmy Kimmel is the nicest, most generous, most sort of pretty selfless person of any talk show.

Like, talk show host, it's a weird thing to be a talk show host. I mean, you were a talk show host for half a minute, weren't you? I was a talk show host for such a short time that none of the weirdness could infiltrate me. Because it is a weird, it's a weird job and it makes people. weird or it like attracts weird people but it is you are taking and it's you are making yourself a product unlike you do in anything else because even in like if you're an actor you're you're being characters or if you're a stand-up you have an act but when you are a talk show host you are just taking yourself and commodifying it and putting it on the air and it does weird things to you

you know and and i think that jimmy just from the first time that i ever met him was just like the first time that we had you know we saw each other at stuff but years ago he invited me and my kids uh my ex-wife was out of town at the time but i took my kids down to his house uh he has a beach house very like it's a nice beach house but he's a regular guy at a beach house. No, no, listen. Bullshit. You have a beach house. You are not a goddamn regular guy. You live in fucking Santa Monica. For Christ's

I don't even have a view in Santa Monica. Well, that's because you don't open the curtains. No, no. It's because my neighbors, you know, we used to have these little teeny houses in my neighborhood and I live in a little teeny house. And I don't own it. I rent. But see, that makes me a better person. It really

does. But my neighbors knocked down the little teeny house and put up a giant. And one day they had the nerve to say to me that they wanted to put in a privacy wall. And I literally, because they hadn't even moved in yet, they built that damn thing for four years. I literally like burst into laughter on the phone. I go, privacy, privacy. I said, I haven't been able to open the shade in the bathroom for four years because there's

workers looking in. Yeah, yeah. Because it's this big, huge monster. Right, right, right. So Jimmy Kimmel, he was just a regular guy. He had, no, what I mean, it's a beach. It is not, it's not a mansion. There are, say you go, you go to Hermosa Beach, you go to Manhattan Beach.

I don't, but. There are thousands and thousands and thousands of houses, you know, near the beach. Oh, are there? Venice Beach. You've been, you've been to Venice Beach. You know how there are houses there that are humble houses that are near the beach. Very, very humble housing. That's what I'm saying.

Oh, that has nothing to do with who he is. No, so I went. Yeah, but it does. It does because he invite, he sweeps up. He does the dishes. He cooked for 25, 30 people on his own, which is like, that does not happen very often. And were any of those people there? Yes.

No, he doesn't have a catering business. No, it looks like he might be, you know, packing on the house a little bit. Most of them were family. Most of them were his family. He cooked for his family. Yes. You know what? I am tearing up, but it's not just, it's not just dry eye. When's the last time you cooked for family?

You know, my daughters and I made. Butternut squash soup together just a few months ago. And then very briefly after that, I put a Pop-Tart in. No, my oldest daughter, I emailed me and said she needed a loan time. We made butternut squash soup and we watched a movie. What? And she said she needed a lone time. I don't even know what it means exactly.

But I wrote her an email last night and said, is it done? Are you done with them? Does she live nearby? Not too far away. Not too far away. Yeah. Apparently not far enough for her. You have three kids, right?

I do. And are they all close by now? No, my son is in Richmond, Virginia. Okay. Yeah. And they're all adults. Yes, they are. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Adults. Yeah, yeah. And, yeah. What? I don't know. Are your kids adults? I have a 24-year-old and a 20-year-old. Yeah.

And then a 5-year-old, too. Because they become really, yeah, because you're a man. And the sperm just keeps coming. It sure does. In fact, by God. I'm releasing some right now. Wow. And it's, it is not, it's a problem.

Yeah. It is, I have been to many urologists and it just, it can't stop, you know. Yeah, it's a leaky thing. That's right. No, but I mean, but as adults, you just, I found when my kids got to be into their young adulthood, that for me was the like the most nerve wracking because it's nerve wracking, yeah.

Because it's kind of like, well, you know, I've done all I can and now there they are and oh shit I don't have any, they're just going to do what they want to do right, you know? Yeah. But here's the point at which you hear here's one of the differences between, you know, raising kids and then when they're young adults

is you hear about the problems when they are in emergency and I would prefer A little lead time Yes Yeah yeah And I have tried to say that In every way I can

Over and over again And it makes no difference And yet I'm not a good example I was not friends with my parents People I started as a comic when I was 19 And people used to say to me all the time What do your parents think about that?

And I was going to stop and go I have no idea I didn't ask them, and I could give a shit one way or the other. You know, yesterday, I was protesting because I protest by myself on Wilshire Boulevard. Right. I go from my dwelling in Santa Monica up to the 405 entrance, which takes me about an hour. And I have a big old double-sided sign. It doesn't have a stick, so I have to hold it with my arms, you know, outstretched.

and I walk on the side with the traffic coming towards me on my way up to the 405 entrance, where I stay for about 30 minutes. And then on the way back, I walk on the other side so that the traffic's coming towards me. And, you know, what's interesting about the... What's on the sign? Well, it changes over...

I've made many a sign, but currently it says, Trump lies, cheats and says, steals every day. And on the other side, it says no one was eating the cats and the dogs. And dogs have spelled DW OGS, dogs. But so I've been doing this for a while. I do a couple nights a week usually. I've been doing this for, you know, months. And I get a lot of, you know, a lot of people honking. What's funny is I don't. That's supportive honking. I never quite know. Right. I often.

assume that it's supportive and then when I wave sometimes I realize oh they're flipping me off oh yeah yeah I mean that could be they could be honking for the sign and then when you look they realize it's Paula Poundstone well it could be a little yeah it could be a mixture of fucking Paula Poundstone yeah it could be sweet and savory I support what you're for but I'm against you that may well be but you know so I get you know you know What's interesting to me is that the Trumpers tend to be like, okay, wait, oh, stand by me, Kiefer Sullivan. Keeper Sutherland.

Thank you. They tend to be like him and his friends in the car, right, that were bashing the, with their baseball bats. The bullies, yeah, yeah. It's a lot of times it's like a bunch of guys. I don't know if it's the same bunch of guys because I walk the same path at about the same point. Right. Maybe they're just coming home for work at that time.

But, you know, we love Trump. You, you know, fuck you. We love Trump. Now, if somebody had a Trump positive sign and I were driving by, I wouldn't do anything. Right, right. My feeling is, go get your own fucking sign. Yeah. So yesterday I'm walking and a guy and his girlfriend walking past me in the other direction.

And the guy goes, like, right, not in my face, but he was pretty close to me. And he goes, you suck! And I had the most natural reaction to anything I've ever had in my life. I just went, huh. Good one. I just, you know, because what he said, and he doesn't know this, but what he said was layered. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, yeah, in some ways. I don't think that makes Trump any better. But yeah, right, right. I don't think that means. What's that got to do with it? Right, exactly. Are we looking at the text? Yeah.

Let's stick with the text. Yeah. It would be like if you, you know, it would be like if you're going over, you know, you're in the eighth grade and you're, you know, the teachers, you know, you're supposed to be reading, you know, a tale of two cities. And, you know, she talks about how Dr. Monet, when he got, you know, nervous when he, you know, he would return to making shoes. And if a kid just went, you suck.

Like, okay, yes, but that's not what we're talking about right now. Yeah, yeah. I may be the worst person in the world. I'm not sure. I was open to what he said. Yes. It may well be that I saw it. You know, it made me reflective for a moment.

There again, that's because Democrats, we've won the decency game. Like you, you know, you're like, all right, fine. I will take your viewpoint into consideration. Yeah. Yeah. I might side. It made me a better person. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. It's a beautiful exchange. Can't you tell my loves it grows? Yeah, it's, it always, it does seem too, like, like you said, when you see, you know, like a pickup truck with a giant Trump flag or something like that. Yeah, okay, well, whatever. And it always does seem like there's such hostility behind so much of the, anybody's response anybody's pro-Trump response to anti-Trump things it just it just seems like you know

something's wrong like there's so much energy behind your defense of this like yeah yeah yeah it's hair trigger you know it's you know not to stick off my shoulder it's like my you know like it's like somebody you know well honestly you know it's a lot of ways like somebody in a family that's you know, that an alcoholic is in charge of is like, he's a good man. You know, it's like, no, no, you know there's problems. Like, you know there's problems. You can hear it in your voice every time you defend him, you know. Yeah, for, yeah, yeah.

What? I love your t-shirt. Oh, thank you. I realize that it is an audio medium, but people need to know that Andy Richter is. A Corningwear T-shirt. He is. He's wearing what was the, um, the trim design around the

around Corningware plates we had them in the 70s or the casseroles that would go from stovetop to the oven to the table and they did and they did and they still do I actually have one I had there's like did Jimmy Kimmel give it to because he's the nicest guy in the world

I'll tell you something about Jimmy Kimmel all right you tell me if he has a corningware casserole ball I thought this is going to be something really. No, he will give it to you. I thought this would be. He's a shirt off his back kind of guy. I thought this would be like insider.

Jimmy. Story. No, I don't even know the guy. You never even met him? I've never met him. And there may be some bitterness there. Wow. But I think he's done a great job when he emcees the, when he hosts the Emmys.

Is that what he host? The Oscars. Oscars. I don't watch the Emmys. Does he do the Emmys there? Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, I think he does just a terrific job at that. Well, you know who does the Oscars now?

You? Conan O'Brien. Oh, Conan O'Brien! Do you want to take a minute to say? No, no, no, no, it's all right. He just, he did the Oscars last year, and he did a fantastic job. Did he do the Oscars last year? Oh, really, it was a joy to watch.

I don't even remember. A joy to watch. The best part was people asking me, what are you going to be doing for the Oscars? And I was able to say, not a goddamn. thing that fucker won't return my calls wow wow yeah no no was there a breach what breach yeah like in the birth no i mean you know did something was there a fissure no no no it's like he's hosting the after what the hell am i going to do was he in his beach house and you were over at jimmy kimball's beach house no i was in my hoveling over the line the line i was in my

rundown shack in pasadena i didn't know you look lived in Pasadena. I do. I live in Pasadena. See, that's a lot closer to. Here? No, whatever place we were at the last time we were together. It is not that much closer than Santa Monica. Yeah. No. It is. Santa Monica is not close to anything. Well, that's your problem. Yeah. Yeah. You decided to live there. I didn't know that when I moved there. You didn't know that like having an ocean on one side of you limits your proximity to other things? I didn't really thought. I didn't really think it through. I'll be honest. I didn't think it through.

I saw that walking closet and I was. My wallet was open. I'm sold. Yeah. This is the town for me. How long have you lived in Santa Monica? I don't know. Oh, well, my kids, but probably, maybe 35 years.

Yeah, yeah. Maybe more. You know what? I remember once, and it's now that we say. You were at my house one time? No, no, no. Because I don't remember that. When I first, when I first got to Los Angeles, which would have been about like, probably

1991-ish something and I mean like got here and lived here yeah I saw you at the bank at Santa Monica on Wilshire Boulevard really I did wow yeah yeah and I was like hey there's there's the there's the very funny comedian did you call the gun I did not no you were yeah no you were writing a note was I writing a note yeah yeah yeah hurriedly scribbling a note to the yeah yeah and then I heard you say don't make me get a gun is what I said in the car yeah this is not my real face i wrote just to confuse the teller i am a paula poundstone impersonator yeah so don't think that what you're don't even tell the cops what you think you see it won't do you any good um you know uh everybody you know talks about florida man and how weird florida is

yeah yeah how there are they do have weird crimes uh in florida have weird everything and it is a weird in place? The last time I was there was in Fort Lauderdale working. And I don't know if I was staying in a bad section of the town. I didn't think so. Yeah. But I went for a walk, you know, just to go for a walk. To go hold up a sign somewhere. And because I can't, I, because I'm so bad with directions and, like, I have no orientation. So I have to just walk either left or right outside the hotel door and stay on that street. If I turn, I'm not likely to make it back. I see. So I was doing that and I'm walking and whew, boy, there was some

a little sketch. Yeah, yeah. A little sketch. And a and a guy that didn't look like he had a lot of choices offered me $5 for five minutes. And I explained

to him about tariffs. This $5 is not just $5. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. There's a tax. Yes. It's a tax.

Five bucks for five. The importer pays the tax. But also, too, that is really, you know, that's really, when you break it down and the math is pretty easy to do, that's not a lot of money per minute. No, and, no, it isn't. And in the airport, in the, I'm in Fort Lauderdale, yeah, yeah. In any airport right now, a bag of laced potato chips. And they're not even, you know, it's not a high-quality potato chip.

But it is a potato chip. Right, exactly. A bag of laced potato chips is almost five bucks. So that guy wanted me to blow him for a bag of laced potato chips. At the airport. I just feel I could do better. At the end. You throw in a soda.

And we find a grassy spot. I'm in. Yeah, yeah. And now, if they were kettle cooked, you know. Oh. Oh, you know. Then maybe, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll even use your name.

Sea salt? Is it going to be sea salt? You know what I do? I don't even get, I get unsalted chips, and I take them down to the ocean and dip them. And that's cutting my cause. We should do a whole thing about how Americans can save money. Save money. Because let's, the truth is a lot of what got us into the mess.

where in now was goddamn eggs. You know, there's one thing Americans could have thought up. Stop bothering chickens. There's a way to go.

But they're not bothering them. Oh, they are. The eggs just drop out of them. They leave them all over the place. No, no. Chickens don't want to make your breakfast. They don't have any choice. Exactly.

No, I mean, they don't have any choice. They're going to be shitting out eggs no matter what. And you think they didn't fuck us. over on the sly. It turns out chickens are very right wing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. Libertarians. And the free range ones are having political meetings over behind the barn. That's why you don't want them to be free range. Right, right. Right, right. My friend has a farm, and right behind the barn,

a bunch of little pamphlets. Oh, yeah. Sometimes they go door to door asking you to sign something on a Little teeny clipboard. Would you peck on this place? Yeah. I said, look, I can't right now, but if you'll leave some information, we can't. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they never can't. No, can't.

We won't remember this. Yeah. Now, you mentioned, you mentioned that when you were young and you started doing stand-up at 19, you kind of, you did just kind of just go out and start doing it, right? And even, yeah. Well, that's what you do. Like hit the road, too, sort of, didn't you? Well, I started out in Boston.

And which is it was and was it a big stand-up town because it has been a different you know what's weird. At that point, was it? Um, you know how, um, okay, I don't know about language, but I know that water travel, um, developed on the different continents at around about the same time, which just fascinates me. It is interesting. Because like they didn't, they weren't talking. Right. They didn't go to the other continent and go, you know what we're thinking about doing. Yeah, yeah.

Just something in the human evolution made us all think, what if we sat on a log? Yes, exactly. Yeah, yeah. And paddled. And paddled, yeah. And in that same way, and I don't think this is a stretch. In that same way. It's definitely a stretch, folks.

The Renaissance and stand-up comedy took place in a bunch of different cities at the same time. Yeah. And I don't really, other than Rob. William's, I don't know what sparked that at the same time. So the Boston comedy scene was, you know, developing. And, you know, the clubs were small. So when I say the places were packed, they were packed because the clubs were small. Yeah. Which, by the way, my manager still doesn't understand. She'll call me up because of theater, you know, tickets aren't, you know, theater's not going to be full when I'm there, which happens. But she'll somehow go,

I don't understand because, you know, in Rockland, Maine, you know, it went so well. I was like, okay, well, could it be that Rockland, Maine sat a couple hundred people? Yeah. And this other place seats 1,500. Yeah. No, I don't think so. She's not that good with numbers. Although she can figure out 15% like that.

Oh, yeah. Oh, 15% of anything. Yeah, yeah. Oh, she's like a master. She's born into the world. 15% of a bag of chips. She probably would know exactly. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. Could have asked for a tip on that, by the way, I would have been okay to ask for a tip. I think so. So anyway, so I started in Boston and right at about that same time, there were other cities that were, you know, whose comedy scenes. And we did not invent stand-up comedy, but there was this renaissance in this form of entertainment. It took place late 70s. And so at that same time, you know, Chicago and San Francisco was a big one.

San Francisco. If you look at a map from the early 80s, you'll notice a trap door that you can go through and you come up from Boston. You come up in San Francisco. It's like the board game clue. Yes, yes. Or shoots and ladders. Yes. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, I'm going to tell you a David Letterman story. All right. Okay. And I. Okay, hit record. This is from. the horse's mouth okay okay i'm not going to tell you the name of the person that said this but one of the people that was sort of you know tangentially involved in um developing uh it was it was a manager

one of david's managers right i don't think i don't know how directly involved he was but you know david would take his calls so when they were developing the david letterman show This guy... The nighttime one. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. This guy calls him all excited because he has an idea. And he says to David, he says, the guests could, it could be like shoots and ladders.

He says, they could come on on a ladder. Was it that? And then they could leave on a shoot. And when David was telling me the story, he goes, I thought to my story. Maybe he's an alien, but he can mysteriously breathe our air. Can't you tell my loves it grows? Excuse me, I have a chronic cough. I had a, that's all right.

I just got vaccinated. Yeah, but you didn't get vaccinated for what I have. Oh, well, man. I love to live dangerously. That's what podcasting is all about. I'm only hoping that there's a vaccination for whatever the fuck RFK Jr. has. And I don't mean his voice. I just mean the whole thing.

You know, I'm from Massachusetts, and I know this to be a fact. There's tons of Kennedys. They just popped Kennedys out. Jesus, there were tons of Kennedy. Couldn't swing a dead cow without hitting a Kennedy. How did we get that one? How did we get the one bad Kennedy? I don't know.

Because it's a it is just, it's a. a wonderful time to be aggressively mediocre and wrong. Or just a nutter. And wrong about shit. Yeah. And just and to exploit the nutters. Yeah. The wronger you are. Yeah. Yeah. You just there is. It's just people seem to really get tired of competence and healthfulness. Well, I'll tell you what. You know, you got to follow the

money. Right now, a big tinfoil through the fucking roof. And it hasn't even been made out of 10 for years. No, no. When I was in the eighth grade, we were presented with the table of elements. What's it called? It's called the table of elements. Yeah.

The periodic table. Yes. Yeah. So our table of elements didn't last. They called it the periodic table. But we were each supposed to pick an element. and do a report on it. This was in Mrs. Boatman's class, you'll recall.

Sure, sure. And so I did tin. And when I began, you know, because you had to have props and stuff. Right. And it turned out that there was no tin. You couldn't really find tin as an eighth grade student. And so pretty messages. Right, right.

You really had no access to tin. And so. Because even by then, I mentioned tin cans were made of steel. or aluminum or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So every, I had props. Yeah, yeah. I had cans and foil and I would go,

well, this is tin foil except for it's made of aluminum. And here's a tin can except for it's made of aluminum. And the kid, I have to say, it was one of the best things I ever did in school because everyone was delighted at like how fucked up it was. Nothing I had really. I mean, you could do that with anything. Right, right.

You could do a report. on anything you could you know you could be doing a taft but keep talking about judy garland yes you know you go on that's a natural this is a picture of judy thank you for listening to my taft report this is judy garland this is her when she was francis gum just stumbling out on stage he was large she was not and she was she fluctuated she fluctuated she did have a brief large face um but uh yeah you can do that with god damn anything yeah well i just like it is what is like the kid like kid that would do like boron you know or or xenon you know they were in our class yeah yeah i mean what how are you going to hear some boron you know yeah well yeah but they didn't think to right you know

i mean i was i still went with the visual area yeah yeah yeah yeah it's gonna look a lot like this right on the other hand i know what the boron kid did when we were in the sixth grade there was a thing called the specialty report, and the specialty report was something that sixth graders worked on for months and months and months, oral presentation, and written and posters and blah, blah, and there was a night where the community, it was mostly parents, but the community came, was a little bit like a science fair, came to look at everybody's presentation, and why am I telling you this? I don't know. Oh, I know. Okay. So I still remember what every student in my class, That's what their specialty report was on.

Really? Yes, because it was a big deal in the sixth grade. Yeah. And Julie Farrell did drugs. Oh. And that was when, you know, just saying the word drugs sent a shiver down everyone's mind. And so she, but so all the drugs she had on her, because, you know, she would say it was very similar to my tin report. Right, right, right.

Like notebook paper around oregano. Yeah, there's a capsule. Well, really, this is a contact. Yeah, yeah. You know, it could have been. Here's some cornstarch, cocaine. Yeah, exactly. Don't do not snort.

Do not snort the cornstarts. I'm going to have to put a big DNS on this. Now, in school, were you a smart, Alec? Were you like a, you know, were you funny in school that it sort of? It depends who you ask, you know. Well, I don't have anyone else here. I just had you. Wait a minute.

Julie Farrell, could you come on in? Whoa. Hello. Yeah, put down your drug report for a sec. Keith Stoodley? Keith, come on. Studeley. Keith Studeley did his report on money.

Wow. Which actually is a fascinating idea. I don't think I ever heard him do his presentation. Right. But, okay, Keith Stoodley in the sixth grade. Keith had long hair. Boys had long hair in my sixth grade. And one day he came in and his head was shaved.

He had a wiffle. And, you know, everybody's, you know, by the sixth grade, you know, you try to use some politeness, right? But we kept, you couldn't help. Right. The kid comes in with a shaved head, you've got to ask. Well, you know, I don't think anybody did. But finally, Mr. Walker, in the midst of our math class, he says he does this.

And I think he thought it was great, teaching. I think he was really thinking outside of the box. He goes, would everyone stop what they're doing right now and just stare at Keith Stobley's head? I think he thought he was sort of getting us all past that moment. Right, right, right. I'm not sure that there wasn't a different way of handling. Yeah, I think that, yeah, I think that, yeah, that's probably not the thing to do. Yeah.

Because sixth grade is the, like, that's from my experience, as a parent, I don't remember from my sixth grade. But as a parent, that definitely was the beginning of the, I don't want anyone to look at me for the next four years. Yeah. Yeah. No, wait a minute. You don't remember your sixth grade? Not really. Did you have a traumatic?

Was it something Conan did? Did he say something hurtful? Was it after he rejected you from the Oscars? I'm so sorry about that. By the way, I was hoping it wouldn't come up. That's all right. But I just kept using worse. I just assumed that the host, too, would be able to, like, slide you an Oscar.

Like, they kind of have a bunch of them sitting around. Yeah, come on. Oh, by the way, we are getting a Nobel Prize for this podcast, are we not? Oh, absolutely. Yeah, Trump, if you're listening. Both Andy and I are receiving a Nobel Prize and a Nobel Prize, both for this podcast. Yeah, and a double prize. Yeah.

And I got one. I parked down the street because I couldn't find the parking space and got a Nobel Prize for that. So Trump, if you're listening, I got fucking nothing. I have to move to a new house because I have so many Nobel prizes. And, you know, it's a metal that goes around your neck. And now I have to go to an orthopedic. Because my neck is kind of curved from, I got to know about prizes, up the yin-yang. In Pasadena, there's vending machines at Ralph's.

You just, you know, 50 cents, you know, instead of gumballs. The 50 cents. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, you can't just go in and. No, no, it's not like a 50 cents. What's the thing that he's given away like candy? The presidential medal of freedom. Boy, man.

Whatever, whatever that means. Yeah. Yeah. Freedom. Yeah. They give it to previously caged chickens And now they're out doing politics by the barn Because they're free rage

No, but I was asking, were you a smart-ass and kid? No, I want to go back to your sixth grade. Oh, my sixth grade. Okay, come on, who is the teacher? You know what? I've been in therapy a lot. There's ways of unlocking this. Well, see, no, I'm trying to remember

well, sixth grade, I remember, well, first of all, I don't remember like a homeroom teacher, but, you know, there were different teachers that taught you different things. Sure. And I want to say that there was a Mrs. Pottinger. Say it? And I think, but because I also remember that people called her Mrs. Potty chair. Oh, Jesus. Wow.

Okay. Pottinger, pottinger, potty chair, sure. And then, but then I want to say maybe, and there was, I remember. music teacher, and I think her name was Mrs. Reinhart. Oh, you were Mrs. Reinhart's favorite, I'll bet. Come on. She knew my grandma. Yeah.

And, yeah, so I think, yeah, she used to play the auto harp, and that was like her specialty instrument. And she did, remember those little sort of football-shaped coin purses that you'd get at the bank that you'd squeeze them open? Yeah. And it maws open. Yes. She would cut those and happen.

That's what she would use as the sort of. pick to play her auto harp. She was very resourceful. She really was. Mrs. Reinhardt? Mrs. Reinhardt, yeah. Huh. I see now I could be getting this wrong.

She is at the Hollywood Bowl this summer. And you know, it's funny because she's 107 years old. Not a lot of people are really kicking ass on the auto harp. They really aren't. She makes that thing. They really are. Fucking sing. You know, tears your heart out.

See how to tear it up right now? It's not just dry eye. I'm telling you. That could be whatever is making you cough. Yeah, Mrs. You know what? Do you remember, you remember like with encyclopedic details like every year of school? Yeah.

I don't. I just don't. Yeah. You know, and a lot of people, like my sisters used to say to me that, you know, they were astounded by my memory. Yeah. Of growing up and of school. But if no one else remembers it, then how do they know that I'm remembering it at? accurately, you know, maybe it's not astounding.

Every now and then people will ask me if I know the names of all my cats, which I think is a weird question. But, you know, and then they'll challenge me to say the names of all of them. How many are there? Well, several. But they don't, but they don't have the master list. They don't know if I'm saying, I can just say fluffy, fluffy, fluffy, fluffy. Right, exactly. And they were sired by George Foreman.

Some of them might have friends over, you know. Yeah, well, they, it's a weird question. So the same thing about my memory of, you know, elementary school, you know. Okay, here's what, okay. So when I was even, I don't know how old we were when we took, we had Mrs. Cop was a piano teacher in our town. And by the way, her son. KOPP?

I believe it was KOPP. Yeah, yeah. And her son Barry went on to be a math teacher at the high school. But my sisters took piano with Mrs. and I really wanted to. He really blew it by not becoming a policeman. Honest to God. Officer cop, oh my God.

But even a mask wouldn't have helped him, right? People would still know who he is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the guys whose last name is Ice. Yes. That was my father's middle name. Ice poundstone. So I really want to take piano, but Mrs. Cop had a class,

and the woman must have been, like, She was a genius of marketing. It was insisted upon that I take a thing she taught called pre-piano. I swear to God, because all of it took place in her living room. Yeah, yeah. I swear to God, pre-piano, you weren't allowed to touch the piano. You were in the room with it, but you couldn't touch it. I think it was just...

Like it's a wild animal that needs to get used to your presence. Yeah, it was just a way of priming you just to get that, you know, get those juice and flog. But so instead, and it was a group class, unlike the panelists. Yeah, sure. It was a group class with other little idiots your age. And we all, we played the triangle and I think finger symbols and a Quaker Oats container. And we walked around her coffee table in the living room. And I'm just like, she's a goddamn genius to get a parent to pay for that.

Or how tiresome must I have been as a child? And my parents are like, you know what? Let's just pay the money and have her go play the Quaker Oats container in Mrs. Cop's living room. It was $7,000. Yeah, and worth every penny of it. My mother said she had a headache.

My whole life, she said she had a headache. And she may have. Yeah. Now, when you did become successful as a comedian, you mentioned it before. I have not yet become successful as a comedian. Look at where you are right now. I had to park down the street.

I don't know where I am. Because you didn't read the email. It was printed out for me. It wasn't even just in emails, printed out. I read the part about parking in the medical garage. And when I get in there, the parking attendant wanted to know what was wrong with me. I had to have a diagnosis. We don't do that with everybody, Paul.

It's a specialty garage. Honest to God. He gave me a gown and told me to strip down to my underwear and put the gown on in the back seat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you weren't the opening in the back. Yeah. No, when you got to be successful, did you feel like your parents? As you said, you didn't have a, you know, you went off and just sort of did it. Yeah.

And you moved, you went from Boston to San Francisco and, you know, and then ended up. up in L.A. At certain point, when you're on the Tonight Show, when you have a special, are they, do they show any sort of demonstrable pride in what you've done? I don't know. You don't know? I stopped talking to them a long time ago. No, but seriously, you didn't, you, they never, you know, did they ever come see you do stand-up? Yeah. I think they did a long, long time ago. Yeah, yeah. We didn't have a, we didn't have a, you know, So a close relationship. I would say not close.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Not like you and Conan. Yeah. Or me and Jimmy Kimmel. Or you and Jimmy Kimmel. Would give you the shirt off his back. He would have been at every one of your stand-up gigs if he had been your dad.

Yeah. So you were thinking that it was like in the music man, I would be on stage. And they remember the parents of the music man, that's my party. me when they were playing. Yeah. No, but I mean. I would have read my mother. She would have shouted out.

That's my Barney. But it's a fairly common thing, especially with parents that are maybe skeptical of their children's aspirations to do something creative or, you know, outside of the box. I think it happens in every profession. I had surgery one time. Okay. And the surgeon's mother was there in the room shouting out. That's my Jimmy.

I do not believe you. Oh, yeah. I do not believe you. His hands were trembling because the pressure of your parents are in the wrong. Well, no, when your mother's around, it's very stressful, you know? She kept yelling out, Jimmy, are you sure? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that, should that flap of skin be open like that, Jimmy?

Is it time to suture her up? Well, I mean, did that ever bother you? That they did, I mean, that they were indifferent to you. No, I had long ago cut ties there. Yeah, yeah. So I didn't really care what they thought one way or the other. And did your siblings have that same relationship with them? No.

No. No. They were closer to them? Yeah. Oh. Yeah. I think they had needs. And you don't?

No. No, none. I really don't. I think that I could, I mean, I really started thinking about this during the stay-at-home order because we, I don't know about you, but for me, I really didn't know if we would ever be able to gather, you know, if audiences that gather in the same place would be possible anymore. I mean, who knew where, you know, what was going to happen. And or, you know, maybe they would have to sit six feet apart. You know, if you were, if you're doing a show and say not a big audience shows up and they're separated throughout the room, right?

You know, sometimes somebody would go on before you and go, you know what? Thanks for coming out. I see, you know, we're kind of all over the place here. Why don't everybody just come on down front here, you know, right? You would collect that energy in one place. because it works better that way. Right. But of course, during the pandemic, you can't do that.

Right. They started having shows again, but they had this ridiculous idea that, you know, everybody's going to sit six feet apart. Yeah. Right. And so, you know, you'd be in a theater and people would be all, they couldn't have the theater. Sprinkled. Right, exactly.

So it was, energy-wise, it was the opposite of, you know, how it works. Right, right. And then you'd have to sort of go out and try to, you know, bring that to life. Yeah, you know, like somebody trying to start up a, you know, an old lawnmower, you know, you know, and in your head, of course, I don't know if you've ever had this experience, but in your head, you know, you're laying out the stuff that, you know, you think is like your best stuff. Yeah, yeah. And it's just going nowhere.

Yeah. And so everything that you know is not your best stuff is on the on-deck circle. Because you're running out of stuff. Yeah, yeah, we are not headed in a positive direction here. Maybe they like my less better stuff. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, maybe some really. They're fans of second tier.

Yeah, maybe some really quirky is going to just catch fire tonight. What is it a, what do you think it was about stand-up that really hooked you? I like saying things that I think are funny and I delight when other people agree with me. Oh, okay. You know, just the sound of laughter is just, it's a joyous thing. And it's a healing thing. And it's, you know, when I was in high school, you know, it's a scaredy little baby. And there were a couple of girls in my typing class that used to bully me.

And they would go like, they were older than me, you know, it was a class that had, you know, you could give seniors down to freshmen in the same class. And they would do something, they would drop their typing paper on the floor, perhaps not purposely, but they'd go. you know, Paula, you pick that up, and by God, I would pick up that paper, you know. And I think the whole time I was like trying to figure it out, like, what do I do about this? This seems unpleasant. And I don't know that I said to myself, well, why don't you make some jokes?

But I think in my nervousness, out of my fear, I did make jokes. And guess what? They loved that. Oh, really? And, you know, it sort of healed this odd, you know, breach. Oh, wait a minute. My flip phone is going off. Flip phone, Paula, really.

I have a flip phone. It's a great form of communication. You mean you talk into it? Yeah. Yeah. Why would you do that? Yeah. No, it's good that way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You talk into it. It's good for it. Hey, do you know. Do you text? This could take, you know. I know it's because it's the old, you got to push three times to get the letter you want. Right.

If you want to take the letter C, to push the two three times. You know, in Breaking Bad, which I, you know, as part of my religion, I love Breaking Bad. I've seen the whole series easily 50 times, no exaggeration. Oh, wow. I have it on DVD. I just play it and play and play it.

For like years on end, I watched it. And they, they, they, they, the time period in which that story takes place is in the flip phone days. Yeah. And they were grabbing the. flip phone and type into each other text like bull fucking shit that never happened you know what never yep yeah they're also it's very satisfying because they use it burner ones and then to break them you know it's always a satisfying thing gus gus was always breaking it throw it and stamping on it

and throw it in the trash right there at the poyo so monos that's not really good security guess so you got your fingerprints all did you like better colesol I did, but you know, I didn't watch it when everybody else did, nor did I watch Breaking Bad when everybody else did, because I knew that I had this little compulsive problem. Right. And also because you're a pill. You are just a pill. Just defiant. Yeah, yeah.

Man, I'm not going to do that. No, when I started, well, I do tend to, I do tend to, the fact that everyone likes something does kind of make me go, maybe not. Yeah. But in this case, I was incorrect. Yeah. So I got it on DVD and I started watching, this is Breaking Bad. And like I say, I watched it literally for years to the degree that, I mean, I really couldn't stop. And so I watched it over and over and after a while you go, okay, is this the best use of my time?

Yeah. And so, and I didn't tell anybody that I was doing this right away. But finally, I sheepishly confessed to some friends like, I cannot stop watching Breaking Bad. And they said, oh, have you tried better called Saul? And they really, they really misread what I was trying to tell them. He was a cry for help. Yeah. That would be like me going, you know, I can't stop doing cocaine.

They go, oh, have you tried heroin? I say, okay, what I'm telling you is I have a mental health problem. I do, I do love. I love both of them. Yeah. I love both of them for different reasons. Yeah, me too. For different reasons.

But yeah, but I think, I actually think, and I haven't watched Breaking Bad for a while and I am due to watch it again but do you want me to do it for you now no no no that's because I can do it line we only have a few minutes left

yeah that is a problem that's a cry for help yeah yeah yeah I've met Betsy Brandt a couple times and I think I make her really nervous well it's probably too when you do the you know the Latino accents

it's probably off put Yeah, the whole just, I mean, I can tell her everything. Yeah, yeah. I can tell her when she inhaled in a scene. And I don't think she's comfortable with that. My God, she was great, by the way, and that wasn't she? Yeah, she was. Everybody was.

Did you know, did you just hear that Tuko Salamanca just sprayed some women with his host because they were bothering him? Oh, I didn't know. I knew that he was arrested for something, but I didn't realize that's when it was. Some women at his house were pestering him and they had come. Oh, my God. I don't know the full details. But it seems like it seems like somebody knew, hey, that's where the actor that played Tucosso Monk who was here.

And they were pestering him and he just like turned the hose on him. I'm not sure that I blame him. No, I don't either. And I also don't think to get a, like really is wedding someone, you know, an arrestable offense? Well, it doesn't seem like. There's a couple of birds I would have taken in if I could have gotten a hold of them. I feel that his reputation should have spoken for itself. I mean, he was not a guy who handled himself well.

Exactly. But again, that is art versus real life, too. Well, maybe, maybe not. I think that they should, you know, he telegraphed enough already about himself that they should know not to mess with him. No, I didn't realize that's what he had done. but allegedly. Right, right. Allegedly.

Allegedly. Yes. He, you know, hydrated them. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for being here. I could see you really thinking over what you were about to say right then. I know that this is an audio medium, but if you could have seen Andy, he was sort of going to. We got to wrap this up kind of doing.

How do I get out of this? Oh, boy. How do I enter the post-poundstone era of my life? Boy, you pulled out the old, well, we got to wrap this out. That was smooth. Well, no, but I just, I want, I wanted to say. I am always the last person at a party. Are you really?

Yeah, partly because I like to go in and do the dishes. That's partly why. But also, I get to see what's in their cupboards. I don't know. I guess I don't transition well. And so I'm just, I am where I am. And it's hard to, you know. That's what they say with kids, with little kids.

Yeah, they use that phrase. Like, we're going to be leaving in 10 minutes. We're going to be leaving in five minutes because that quick sort of, hey, get get up, let's go. It's unnerving this. So I probably should have, I don't think it makes a difference. No, I might. I should have probably said, you know,

Paula, we're going to be done in about 10 minutes. Yeah. Well, I have a hard time stopping talking, particularly once I get going. Yeah, yeah. And a lot of times when I do interviews, the interviewer will say, you've been so generous with your time.

It's just a great euphemism, isn't it? I like to imagine you, too, at that point, like trimming your toenails, you know, like just really making yourself comfy. Yeah. You know, a bunch of shopping bags on pack. Well, you know, I used the restroom before I came up here. Yeah. So that I, you know, wouldn't have anything, you know, pressing that I had to go do.

So you could really, you could really luxuriate in this. Yeah, exactly. Whereas you probably normally hydrate people a lot in here thinking. Oh, absolutely. Then I won't have to have the awkward moment where I go, well, we're going to have to wrap it up now. Where can people see you doing stand-up these days? How do they find out where you are? Well, when does this episode drop?

I don't know. Sean, when will this episode drop? There's like four weeks? Yes. Jesus. I got shows backed up here. We load up these things. I guess.

Yeah. Well, then I'll tell you, because I have no idea where I'm in four weeks, people can go to Paula Poundstone.com, and that way there, they can find out when I'm going to be in the theater near them. Nice. And also, you know, for safety. They might want to just know when I'm going to be in town and they

could leave. Yeah, when to really keep the deadbolt locked. Yeah, exactly. When to clear out, went to shut the windows. Right, right, right. Take the screens out. Yeah, when you'll be walking around soliciting five bucks

for five minutes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember when Trump wanted everyone, he said, and I don't remember where he was. Was it, was it because Kim Jong-un, that North Korean stand up when Kim Jong-un walks by, was that what Trump liked so much? It could have been. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he said, I want my people to do that guy. I want my people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, Donald Trump, if you're listening, I would go down on that guy in Fort Lauderdale for five bucks before I would stand up when you walk by. Oh, yeah, that'll tell them. So how many, by the way, how many shows a year do you normally do? Like, do you go out, like, you don't know? I don't know, probably in the 80s. Yeah, yeah. Maybe, maybe.

Yeah, sometimes 90s. Yeah, I do one-nighters. Yeah. You know, one, you know, and then on to the, yeah, and just on the weekend, generally speaking. Right. You know, I often leave on a Thursday and come home on a Sunday. Uh-huh. Sometimes it's a little bit longer than that, but that's generally the schedule.

All right. Yeah. What do the cats do where you're going? I have somebody who comes in and stays with them. I see. Because it's too many to just throw some food down. Right, exactly. Plus, I have a dog and dogs are.

Yeah, they're meaty. They really are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They want attention and love and blah, blah, blah, blah. And throw the tennis ball. Right, right. Could you throw the tennis ball again? Love the tennis ball.

Yeah. Could you throw it? That's a, yeah, I hope your kids don't want that anymore. No. The tennis ball throwing. The tennis ball. Why does the dog get a long time? I lobbied Billy Jean King to use squeaky balls in tennis because I think it would bring in, you know, more.

A canine audience. Oh, my God. They threw the roof. Yeah, they could not. I actually tried to show my dog tennis on television one time. Just wonder what she would think of it. Uh-huh. And I think she.

She did. I think she was baffled. You know, why, you know, Cocoa Groft didn't put that in her mouth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why are they hitting it? Right. Why are you getting rid of it? Right. You're supposed to take it and run. And hold on to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe, exactly. Maybe. Maybe. Well, Paula, thank you. She's polishing off her diet Pepsi here. Having the last Mississippi. Andy, thank you so much. And I hope that you'll have me back because I really want to, what Jimmy Kimmel did for you at his beach house. You know what? I am going to get Jimmy Kimmel to do something with you, whether he just shows up at your house

with some corningware and a casserole. He would give you the corningware off his back. He certainly would off of his head. Yeah. I think he's done a great job. And I love how I love what the late night hosts are speaking truth to power. Yeah. Good for them.

It is pretty good. Yeah, it is. It is pretty good. Yeah. I have a new kitten and I named him Colbert. Oh, that's nice. It wasn't because Colbert's had me on his show because I feel that Colbert has not had me on his show enough.

Right. But it was because he is a goddamn American hero. He's a good guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're not going to tell me a fucking Colbert Beachout story, are you? No.

I was going to say, and you're a good guy too, Paula. No, not real. See you later. I was trying to get, I just trying to land this fucking galumphing plane. Wrap this up. Yeah, yeah. No, but seriously, thank you for coming in. It's always, it's always fun to see you.

It was fun to be with you. I love talking to you and everybody should go. Oh, absolutely, absolutely. You're not, you're not a good house painter. I've hired you numerous times. No, and I'll bet you don't even have five bucks on you. I do, but it's. It's for something else.

All right, Paula Pounceon, thank you so much and thank all of you out there for listening. I'll be back next week with more three questions. The Three Questions with Andy Richter is a team Coco production. It is produced by Sean Doherty and engineered by Rich Garcia. Additional engineering support by Eduardo Perez and Joanna Samuel. Executive produced by Nick Leow, Adam Sacks, and Jeff Ross. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, with assistance from Maddie Ogden. Research by Alyssa Grawl.

Don't forget to rate and review and subscribe to the three questions with Andy Richter wherever you get your podcasts. And do you have a favorite question you always like to ask people? Let us know in the review section. Can't you tell my loves are growing? Can't you feel it ain't you showing? Oh, you must be a knowing. I've got a big thing love.

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