The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Phil Rosenthal: Restaurant & Service Industry Stories (The Andy Richter Call-In Show)

Episode Date: August 9, 2024

The great Phil Rosenthal (host of “Somebody Feeds Phil” on Netflix and creator of “Everybody Loves Raymond”) joins The Andy Richter Call-In Show this week to talk RESTAURANT & SERVICE INDUSTRY STORIES! In this episode of Andy’s new weekly SiriusXM radio show, we hear from callers about some of the world’s worst customers, dining scams, disgusting kitchens, celebrity restaurants, and one raunchy call that Phil is still recovering from.Want to call in? Fill out our Google Form at BIT.LY/CALLANDYRICHTER or dial 855-266-2604.This episode previously aired on SiriusXM’s Conan O’Brien Radio (ch. 104). If you’d like to hear these episodes in advance, new episodes premiere exclusively for SiriusXM subscribers on Conan O’Brien Radio and the SiriusXM app every Wednesday at 4pm ET/1pm PT.

Hello! It's me, Andy Richter. This is the Andy Richter Call-In Show. And it's my first live episode of this thing here on Conan O'Brien Radio. I'm very excited. I feel like a big grownup radio man, or I guess a radio boy, more like it. And I have such, I'm so lucky to have such a great guest here with me today, a great guest host. Mr. Phil Rosenthal is here. And because of this scam he's got running, where he goes places and people feed him, we are going to be talking today about restaurant and service industry stories, whether you were a customer, whether you were a waiter, you work in the back, you're a host, whatever. We want to

hear that kind of dirt. Did you ever work in a restaurant? I did. I was a waiter for a number of years. Yeah, during college and then a little bit after too. And I was, you know, it's pretty good, but it's an awful job. I tried bartending. Yeah. I wasn't very good.

I managed a deli though for a year on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. It's still there, the deli, PJ Bernstein's. Wow. And wow, that was fun. How old were you? 21. Oh yeah, that's see that's what I was I figured you were probably young. Yeah. And you know, did old deli slicers listen to you like they did it was like my deli from three to 11. Wow. Because the owner I'd come in at three and the owner had me pour him a drink. And he got a little shica as they say and then would go

home and it was my deli. Wow. I gained 15 pounds. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah. Just nothing. Corned beef and chopped liver. And on the upper East Side, we had celebrities come in.

We had Howard Cosell would come in and talk to me. Hello, Philip. I'll have a vodka on the rocks. Oh, so it was a vodka on the rocks. Oh, so it was a bar too, then? It had a tiny bar behind the cash register. So I was running that too. It was awesome. Dr. Ruth Westheimer would come in.

Oh, that's fantastic. She recently passed away, but we were friendly. And not like what you're thinking. Right, right. No, I know. I know. Newscasters like, oh, you're thinking. Right, right, no I know, I know. Newscasters like, oh you're not from New York, so you wouldn't know Chuck Scarborough or Jim Jensen. Of course I do, Chuck Scarborough worked across the hall from us when- Oh that's right, there you go.

Yeah, he and Sue Simmons were across the hall. Love them both. Oh they were great, yeah, Sue was really, Sue was the most fun, Chuck's all right, but Sue was really the most fun, because she didn't give a shit. She, you know, like you catch her on the elevator, you would have a nice ride down or up.

That's fun. Yeah, yeah. But I love that. That was the best part of doing that was the people you meet. Why were you not a good bartender? I didn't know how to bartend. Oh, you didn't know how to meet her.

I was out of work and I lied and I said I could bartend thinking that they weren't going to need a bartender for three weeks and I would learn in that time. Well, they called me that night and said, we have an emergency coming tomorrow. And I came in at a place called Rishu of London in the basement of the City Corps building. The bar was gigantic and it was three deep at lunchtime. Wow. This is 1982. Yeah, yeah.

Two. Yeah. And all the waiters and waitresses are coming to either end asking for stuff, and they're saying words I don't understand, why? Because if you open the menu at Rishu of London, they have two pages of specialty drinks that only they make.

Now I had my Mr. Boston guide and I thought I could look up whatever it would be. I kept it under the bar. So if somebody said something, I could look it up. They're saying these things, I didn't learn this and I'm the only bartender. And they hate me immediately. And- I need a fireman's boot.

Exactly. Yeah, yeah. The reshoe, a Godzilla pop. I don't know what it was, but they were all involved the blender. Yeah. I go up to a nice looking lady at the bar and I think this'll, she looks nice.

She'll be my first. Yeah. I say, can I help you? And she says, yes, I'd like a pink squirrel, please. And I looked in my Mr. Boston under P. Yeah. Nothing under S nothing under R for rodent drinks.

I couldn't find pink squirrel. I went up to her. I said, I'm so sorry. This is my first day. I don't know what a pink squirrel is. Do you? And she said, no. I said, would you like something else? And she said, I'll never forget this act of kindness,

a gin and tonic. Yeah, yeah. You don't have to look at the book even. No, you don't, that's kind of easy. I mean, it is the recipe, the name is the recipe. So convenient. Well, that's, yeah, I think a pink squirrel, I think a pink squirrel is one of those ones

that has like egg whites in it. Or creme de cacao or some weird. Just pour Pepto Bismol in a glass and then. Yeah, exactly, like, oh, just, you know, get the, just chug a bottle of peach schnapps. It's the same thing. People are calling with their restaurant stores. They are.

They're calling. We got some in here. Yeah, we can go to the phones right away. We might as well. We love the people. It's the call-in show after all. Becky from Florida is on. Becky, are you there?

Sounds like there's a hurricane. Hi. Hi. Well, not yet. I'm on the northeast side of Florida. Well, not yet. I'm in the, I'm on the northeast side of Florida. Oh, all right. My name's actually Bethy with a T, sorry. Oh, okay, that's all right, Bethy.

Yeah. Now, I was calling because I hopped in the car and I thought, hey, you know, you're talking about restaurant stories. And something sweet and simple is honestly, the funny thing is I have never gone past being a hostess and that is purely because I see how stressed out the servers can be and that started as young as when I was in high school.

I used to live in Green Bay, Wisconsin and I worked at Fretfarm Steakhouse and the great thing is being the hostess was the best job because you would be sitting up front and you have like very, very stressed out angry servers trying to get other orders in and but you'd be the ones dealing with all the fans and then also the big perk with it is if you were hosted you only had to work the beginning part of your shift and then during the game you could actually go until just a little bit after half time and then you would have to come back to welcome all the rest of the fans and people going to Lambeau Stadium. And then a really cool thing was too is that all the Packer wives would come in and we would just get spoiled with like all the food that they would bring in, especially working

at Breadhart's Takeout. All the cooks would cook different food and they'd bring in snacks and you got to hang out with all them and it was like just an absolute awesome treat and One of the fun things and that's when I learned that being a Vikings like going to a Vikings Packer games Those are absolutely the most fun games because win or lose Everybody comes in heavily drunk but heavily happy and heavily excited to bribe the hostess

to get you to be seated first. We had a game where we had like all the Vikings fans were like, who's going to pay us more? Who's going to pay us more? And meanwhile, we knew like we weren't supposed to take any tips. We're like, okay, come on. We're in high school. Yeah. Yeah.

So you did take the tips, right? Yeah, absolutely. Did they have to be slotted? Now, this is Green Bay, this isn't Manhattan. So, I mean, how much are we talking to get it, like, you know, what are we talking to get a good table? Honestly, if I saw a $20 bill, I was ecstatic. And this is in the early 2000s, so I was ecstatic to get $20. And honestly, it was just the camaraderie was the only static to get $20. And honestly, it was just the camaraderie

of just being able to get people through. Yeah, and I mean, that's a good, I mean, 20 is a good amount. You know, I mean, that's, I don't know. I haven't been bribing anyone to seat me. And you get, Phil gets sad all over town. He just waltzes in. There's a famous place in New York,

really famous, really old, and it's hard to get a reservation, and you get the reservation and you still have to grease the guy where you're gonna be waiting a long time. It's like really old school, and it always made me really uncomfortable to be part of that culture.

That's almost like Soviet, you know? I know. Yeah, it's like so corrupted at its base. Yeah, so that's you, Betty. Yeah, yeah, you're part of the problem. I got a question for you as a hostess. If the restaurant is half empty, do you need to tell people, we're not going to seat you until your whole party is here? It depends on the restaurant for sure.

And sometimes you just tell them that you don't seat them until the whole party is here just because you can. Oh, so it's a power trip. Thank you for being honest because we never understand it. There's no way. Look at all the empty tables. We could be sitting instead of standing outside in the rain. It's for balancing out the servers, to be honest, from my experience is to make sure that like,

the entire table is seated because especially if they have a big party, they may want to guarantee, okay, that server is going to get their tipping. They're going to earn, you know, get in their rotation to have a big table. And so I think it's more so to do it that way. And they're not going to get slammed.

And they were usually angry with me because if you're talking too much, you're have a big table. And so I think it's more so to do it that way. And they're not gonna get slammed. And they were usually angry with me, because if you're talking too much, you're not serving my table. I'm like, I'm so sorry, I'm up here getting bribed with a Viking fan. See? Now, is the Brett Favre steakhouse

like right next to Lambeau Field? I'm not familiar. Yeah, it was right across the street from it. And it's not there anymore? Going to Wurst Park, yeah, no longer there. I think they actually took it down, right across the street from it. And it's not there anymore? So, it's in the worst part. Yeah, no longer there. I think they actually took it down and there's like a big entertainment area

with an artificial snow hill during winter and stuff. That's pretty cool. How was the steak? Yeah, you should, the food, I mean, I thought it was extremely well. And my father owned a restaurant where he designed demi-glace. So I thought it was really good in high school. And so that was kind of a bummer to stop working there.

Oh, well. But look at you now. Look at you now. Well, thank you, Bethy. I know. I know. Thanks for being our first live caller. We're moving on here. Next, we have Loretta. Oh hey, how you doing? I'm good, you're on with me and Phil.

Hi. Where are you calling from? Hi Phil, hey. I'm in Massachusetts. Nice. So, let us know your story here. Oh yes, so, the rats. Rats, love it. The rats. Oh boy. Crawling into a tight space with rats.

Oh no. Coming at me. What? Why'd you do that? So I used to work the Saturday shift. Nobody wanted to work it. Nobody wanted to work it. So I was the only one that was there that people wanted to come to. I was out of school, so the kids knew me. And so that section, my station was the busiest. And I needed to get prep done, you know, second I get in. Paul Mizz, the chef with the keys to open the kitchen, never showed up on time. He was an hour late. I can't be behind. I'll be screwed. So I have a genius idea. I go around to the dining hall where the kids hang out.

That's open to us. This is a college, correct? This is a college, yeah. Okay. So I, you know, the little dish return, you put your little tray on with your dishes, your dirty dishes and throw them in and have the little rolly thing. I have the genius idea I break the lock Jump into the dish return that leads into the dish room that dish room leads into the kitchen. I get my prep done

I've been crawling through and the light from the Dishroom starts getting brighter. I see them. Oh, and they're having grand old fucking time They it's like a disco in there. They're just dancing having great time And I wish we're all shit Okay, I'm just gonna yell at them and they're gonna move. I'm like everybody move like yeah under the giant and So I think they're gonna run the opposite way. No, they've been towards me. Oh This is a horror movie. I'm crawling along

I'm pulling along on the little roller things tight space Yeah, I got a big ass so they're running on either side of me at least they fork and they don't crawl over me Thank fucking god. Yeah And I'm crawling through and I'd be like Like Indiana Jones shit, you know? Yeah, it really is. Oh my God. I mean, this is not Ratatouille,

they're cute in the kitchen. Yeah, exactly. Not Ratatouille. No, how many- It would help prep, god damn it. How many do you think there were? I mean, I know there's, cause you always, you know, there's,

when people say, like it was as big as a cat, and you're like, I bet it wasn't really as big as a cat. But like legit how many how many do you think there were in there? So it felt like Indiana Jones, the other scene he goes in and wraps in his right there, it felt like that. But it was probably like three or four. That's more than enough. Because one would put me in the hospital. Yeah that and that definitely is problematic with a food service area. Did you let them know, like, hey, I crawled through the dish tube and there were three rats in there? Well, an hour later when the chef finally opened the kitchen, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so what do they do? I like Oh yeah. Well, it's a hundred, you know, over a hundred year old building, you know, schools like 150 years old. So they're

like, yeah, you're gonna have rats in the water in your food. Yeah. You know what people better not to ask. Yeah. Yeah. You don't want to know. It is kind of, it is kind of true. You're gonna have rats. Yeah. That's, you know, yeah, yeah, sorry. It is kind of true. You're gonna have rats. Yeah, that's you know, yeah. Yeah, sorry Thank you so much Loretta, thank you for calling in and thanks for the nightmare. Yes. Thank you Thank you for the creepy crawlies. I

Just want to let everybody know fill them in again. You're listening a film Phil Rosenthal's here. It's the Andy Richter call-in show on Conan O'Brien Radio. We're talking restaurant and service industry stories. You can join the conversation right now because we are live by calling 855-266-2604. So if you've got a good industry story, a restaurant industry story, let us know. I don't really have that many like super good ones, just people running you through the... like I used to

do Sunday brunches, and it was next door. Notoriously the worst. Yeah next door to Wheaton, Illinois, which is where Billy Graham's university and church was. How did they tip? Oh that's what I meant. There was a youth pastor that used to come in and would just, you know, like you'd walk up to the table and you hear like, that's why it's so important for the young people to just feel the love of Christ. And then immediately on a dime go like,

I asked you 10 minutes ago for more iced tea. I'm like, just on a dime dime and I just was always like, kids, don't you see? Don't you see? Yeah, oh well. I remember Christ would yell it. Yes, yes. For more iced tea.

Right, exactly. That's at the Last Supper. That's what he was doing mostly. Where the fuck is the bread? We want more bread. Alright, we got Mike from Connecticut. He's got a deli story for us. Mike, are you there? Mike? Hello, Mike. Mike, Connecticut. Maybe he's at the deli.

Calling Connecticut. Yeah, hey, what's going on? Oh, hey Mike? How are you? I'm pretty good. Sorry. I was muted there. That's all right. So yeah, I used to work used to work at a ski resort out west about 15 years ago and It was really really high volume because it was the cheapest like dining option at the whole Place so we would literally get like hundreds and hundreds of people in there at lunch It was really, really high volume because it was the cheapest dining option at the whole place. So we would literally get hundreds and hundreds of people in there at lunch.

So because of that, you weren't allowed to make any substitutions. It was just impossible to run through that many different sandwiches when people are like, know this, know that, whatever. So anyways, this guy comes up one day and he's like, hey, I want this sandwich. He's like, but I want ranch dressing on it.

I'm like, well, A no substitutions B we don't have range dressing. So he kind of like huffs off pissed off. And then the anyways, few minutes later, I'm making sandwiches. The way I was set up as our backs for it to the customer. And I just get like hit by something on my back. I'm like, what? So anyways, I turn around, um, look down, see like Newman's own ranch dressing packet that I assume he took from the salad bar, which were 99 cents a piece.

And he hooked it at me, looked up, met his eyes. And the guy was like, Oh, yes, I found some ranch. He's like, put that on it. Like super aggressively, you know, like staring me down like a, like a tough guy, like I was in a biker bar. Um, so kind of got a little upset and you know, we went back and forth with the guy and, um, literally like he was just arguing. I'm like, you literally threw something at me, man. I'm like, well, what is going on here? So anyways, he, um, uh, her eye was just like, yeah, so I'm not going to make your sandwich. And I'm like, so maybe you could appeal to some of my coworkers, there were like eight of us to make a sandwich for you. And obviously solidarity, right? Everybody was like, yeah,

no dude, like take a hike. And the guy absolutely just flipped off, flipped out. And yeah, that's kind of the story. But just exciting to me because someone, you know, threw ranch dressing at me. You're lucky that's all it was. Yes, exactly. Did it occur to you for a moment to maybe make the sandwich

and put something other than ranch dressing in it? I think filming spit on it. We used to do silly stuff like that. Like we'd come up with specials and my coworker one time designed a sandwich with Charlie secret sauce and anytime people would ask, we wouldn't even hide it without delay. We'd just go, they'd say, what's Charlie secret sauce? We'd go, it's just ketchup. Oh, okay.

So yeah, it's a lot of table. That's the nice version of the story we were thinking. I'm just curious, did you get backup from your supervisor with this guy? I was actually the supervisor, so- Oh, good. Excellent. ... there would have been a retail manager that would have been above me, but that's kind of why I felt like I had the authority just to be like, yeah, I'm not making you

a sandwich, man. How long ago was this? But this was like 2007. I'm so worried about the way things are now in the world that I would never wanna confront anyone. Because of guns. Because, yeah, people are crazy. Like in a road incident or this kind of incident,

you just don't know. So, like, if you were my son, I would say, please be careful. Right, right. It's also, I mean, an aspect of this story is- Yeah, I think that's kind of- Go ahead. Oh, I was gonna say that like,

that was kind of just the piece that I left out of it is that, you know, there's eight of us, we're all standing in a line like working there. So I mean, like, you know, we weren't really that intimidated, but it was just, it was just more weird that someone would just pick up a packet of dressing, throw it at me. And somewhere in their head, their mind was like, Oh yeah, this will probably work. Yeah, I know how to influence people.

I was being in this corner where I'm like, Oh my God, dude, like, I can't believe you found that. I'm like, I'm such a moron. Like, you know, really you were able to locate something and throw it at me. Like, let me just get on that. That guy's running for office today. Yeah, no, I just, it's amazing to me too that this is at a ski resort.

Like, you're supposed to be having fun, you know. It's supposed to be vacation, you know. It is amazing what sets people off. We had that in the deli too, that that people would lose their minds over a sandwich. Yes. I literally said to one guy, sir, sir, sir, it's a sandwich. Yeah. Yeah. I think that there's just some people that this is their opportunity to, you know, to do the one, be the one that's shitting on people, as opposed to being the one that's being shit upon.

I was fired today. Yeah, but I mean, there's also just like, all right, here's my moment for, you know, for 12% of a bill, I can be really shitty to someone. I used to think that it wasn't about the sandwich, right? Like that life is bad at home. It's about mommy and daddy or something. wasn't about the sandwich. Yeah. Right? Like, that life is bad at home. Oh no, it's not. It's about mommy and daddy or something.

Okay, but then I meet the kind of person who has everything. Yeah. And nothing ever goes wrong in their life. Yeah. So when the sandwich isn't perfect, they lose their money. Yeah, yeah.

So there's that too. They're not used to that. No. Yeah. Well, Mike, thank you so much for calling in. Oh, maybe we lost him already. Maybe the ranch dressing guy got him. Well, thank you, Mike. Thank you, Mike, thank you so much for calling in. Oh, maybe we lost him already. Maybe the ranch dressing guy got him. Thank you, Mike.

Let's go on. We're moving on. We're going to Aaron from Rochester. Rochester. Oh, Rochester. Aaron, are you there? Hey, how you doing? Hey there.

Hi, it's Andy. I'm here. How are you? Andy and Phil, we're doing well. How are you? Good. It's a pleasure to talk to you guys. Thanks so much, thanks for calling in. Thank you.

So my story is, it's a prank that kind of got my buddy fired, but it was awesome. I love this. So, we were growing up, we lived, we worked at an Italian restaurant that we later found out had some organized crime ties. Nice. But this time we didn't know this. So we were working and he thought it'd be funny at the beginning. And now he took one of those wax pencils

and wrote on one of the plates, help I'm trapped in the kitchen and put it in the back of the plate so the folks would notice. That is pretty good. But the dinner rush happens. I swear to God I can't make this up. All of a sudden we're just rushing, we're putting stuff out, we're getting it out. All of a sudden the door kicks open and there is the owner of the place holding the plate that has leftover lasagna and sauce on it that says help I'm trapped in the kitchen.

It went out to a customer down on the floor and she screams out who did this and everybody in the kitchen immediately points to my buddy without even saying a word. He just turns around and looks at it and she goes do you have time during the night to do that? And he goes, Oh, come on. It didn't take me that long. Oh, and that's when she went, did I fire you or did you quit? And he goes, well, I guess I quit. And he literally put on his coat and walked out the door. That's excellent. A very heartwarming story.

Yeah. Yeah. That's a good one. Thanks for calling in, Aaron. I appreciate it. Thanks, man. All. That's a good one. Thanks for calling in, Aaron. Appreciate it. Thanks, man. Alright, have a good one. Next up, Chris from Illinois. Hi, Chris. How are you? Where where in Illinois? How are you? I'm good. We're in Illinois. I'm from Oswego which is pretty near where you're from. Yeah, no, I know Oswego very well. It's just a couple

towns over from Yorkville which is where I grew up on the Fox River. Right, right. We're so excited to talk to both of you. We're huge fans of both of you and Phil, our family absolutely loves your show. So, so excited to talk to you. Thank you. Hi. So, I have a quick story, a little bit quicker. So during college, I got a serving job at Chili's and I knew pretty quickly that it wasn't a good fit. They didn't really like train me much and then also I used to forget people's silverware all the time, but it's kind of important when you work at a restaurant, I guess. Especially when it's enchiladas.

Exactly, exactly. But one night I was in the back doing something and there was this really loud crash. The nacho machine fell on me. Just out of the blue. Some shelves above it were filled with registers tape. I started to get pelted with boxes of register tape and then a flaming hot nacho machine fell on me. Oh my god. Wow. Oh, I persevered. I ate nachos the other day. It's fine. You say nacho machine, what do you mean? Like it had drawers of warm chips or like the melted cheese

stuff? No, like when you go to, um, like a sporting event and they have those giant machines where they scoop the chips out of. So I was getting pelts with boxes and then this heating machine fell on me. Um, but then after that I realized that this was the final sign that I probably wasn't a good fit to me. So I told my manager, I quit and he didn't even question it. She was like, we totally understand. Like you're good.

I love that you get buried in hot lava basically. And it's the sweetest thing you could say is it's not just a good fit for me. Yeah, yeah. You're so nice. Mm-hmm, yeah. So that's what I got. Don't you think everyone should have a restaurant job

once in their life so they understand what it's like to deal with people? Absolutely, what do you do now, Chris? Absolutely. I no longer work in service, thank God. So I work in tech, which is just equally, different metaphor for getting pelted with nacho chips. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, no, I think it's very helpful. I think it's also too, I don't know

one person that worked in the service industry who isn't a good tipper. Like that's... Absolutely. Yeah. Exactly. If you know a shitty tipper, you should tell them to get a job at Chili's. Exactly. And get it. And the Bob Dylan song, you gotta serve somebody.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's important in life. You gotta know what the other side is. Although the part that really did, I did have these sort of existential moments when I was working and waiting tables where I would realize like, you know, I'd get swamped and I'd realize,

oh shit, I forgot that guy's side of Mexican rice. And then I would realize, the most important thing in my life right now is that guy's Mexican rice. And it would be sort of, it was that feeling of, yeah, I should move on. I was on the same boat with Chris there. Well, thank you, Chris.

We have onward and upward, so we've gone better places. Thank you. Have fun on Oswego. Thank you so much. Hope it's not too hot. It's not, bye. Okay, bye-bye.

Next up, oh wait, first I'm gonna say, you're listening to the Andy Richter Collins show. Thank God. Phil, you're on the Andy Richter Collins show. I'm so excited. Phil Rosenthal is here with me. We're talking restaurant stories on Conan O'Brien Radio. Next up, we've got Jenny from Illinois, another Illinoisan. Hello, Jenny. Where are you calling us from?

Hi, Andy. I'm calling from Lockport, Illinois. OK, yeah, I know where that is. Yeah. And can you do me a favor? Can you tell Nick Offerman he says Manuka wrong? It drives me crazy every time he says it. Yeah, yeah, Manuka. Yeah, yeah. That's a little town that Nick Offerman is from and he says Manuka, which is like the honey. Yeah, she does. Yeah, yeah, but it's M-I-N-O-O-K-A. Oh, that's not right. I think it's probably an Iroquois word or something like that.

But say it right. Well, we also too, cause Manuka, we would occasionally play them in football. And in our conference too, there's a town called, that's Marseille, like, you know, the French city of Marseille, it's Marseilles. It's Marseilles. So.

Yes, it is Marseilles. You're right there, Andy. It's Marseilles So yes, it is more sales. You're right there. It's more sales. Sorry, it's just more sales. Jenny, tell us, tell us about your, your service industry story. Okay, so this happened back in like 2003 2004. And I was a waitress, and it was a busy lunch rush rush. And I had a, you know, my whole section was filled. I got a three top, you know, three ladies that came.

Uh, so I go up to them. I realized, you know, I can tell they're like on their lunch break. Anyways, this one woman at the table had a real attitude from the beginning. I could just tell that she was going to be trouble, but I just go, you know, take their order Etc they want, you know three separate checks, of course, that's a pain, but you just do what you got to do and The one lady the difficult lady. She told me with her order She wants barbecue sauce on the side and she wants me to heat it up So I have that as part of the order and that's perfect. So anyways, I

So I have that as part of the order and that's perfect. So anyways, I bring the food to the table and I had heated up the barbecue sauce as requested, but it is not hot enough. No, it wasn't. She said it wasn't hot enough. So I take it back to the kitchen and I heat it up more and I bring it back to her. And now she says that it's too hot. Oh boy. So wait a minute. Oh, right. It's Goldilocks, right? Yeah. Yeah. And so then I go, um, I go get a brand new sauce. I heat it up a little bit. And I hope for the best. So anyways, finally she doesn't complain anymore.

So, you know, everything continues, everything's fine. But what you have to remember, what I didn't add at this job, it was, it's one of the, at the restaurant, they don't have a cash register. You hold all the money. It's that's cash, all your receipts and everything for your whole shift and you cash in at the end. Yeah. So I go bring them their checks and then I walk away because you're not just going to stand there. And I come back a little bit later and The two ladies, you know, they were paying with cards and the one woman was gone and they're like, oh she'll be back I'm like, okay, so I go process their cards and I come back she's back

She is paying me in all pennies. Oh, no She had gone to the she went to the bank next door and got enough pennies to pay her bill in all pennies. As a symbol of her... As punishment because you got the temperature of her barbecue sauce wrong. I guess so. When she said... In a bunch of pennies. That's awful. When she said, you said that she said, I want you to heat up the barbecue sauce. Is that how she said it? Did she say, could you please heat up the barbecue sauce? How was her initial? What I'm asking is, did she come in hot? Did she come in terrible? Oh yeah, she was unfriendly from

the beginning. Yeah. I think that obviously somebody who never worked in the service industry, because you never treat anybody that way if you ever worked as a server. Did you get a sense that her dining companions were embarrassed by her? Yeah, I think they were embarrassed, but this know, this was, you know, 20 years ago. Yeah. I think now this kind of thing would, you know, people would say something more like more than likely.

They'd be like, don't do that. That's embarrassing. By the way, I'm sure you've had this Andy, you're out with someone and they're rude to a server. I will never eat with them. Oh, I that absolutely. I could, I could spit out a name right now. I had an agent.

Nope. Never going to humiliate. Yeah. now. I had an agent. Nope, never gonna eat with you. Humiliating. Yeah, yeah, it's the worst. It's the worst. My dad actually waited tables. And this is, my dad and I have our issues, but he has done things throughout my life.

There are things that make me very proud of my father. And he taught at Indiana University for his entire career. And before he got tenure, he would wait tables on Friday and Saturday nights at Sully's Oak and Bucket. Which later, years later, a friend of mine that I knew in Chicago through improv, had a friend who had gone to Bloomington, Indiana, said, this is my friend.

And we were talking and he said, yeah, my folks own the restaurant. I said, oh, Sully's Oak and Bucket. And he said, yeah, yeah, that's their, he said, that's my parents' restaurant. And I said, my dad's Larry, or I said, do you remember a waiter named Larry Richter? And he said, what a fucking asshole.

And I said, he's my dad. Ha ha ha. And you know, he was, and I was not surprised to hear that because my dad, my dad does not suffer fools, but this story reminds me of one time, my dad was, my dad waited on people. And it was like one of the nicest restaurants in Bloomington, it was kind of fancy.

Is it Oak? Oaken, O-A-K-E-N, like, you know. The oaken barrel, got it. Yeah, yeah. And, uh, oaken bucket. Oak? Yeah, Sully's oaken bucket. I think, or oaken barrel.

I don't know, now I can't remember. Do you come across many oaken buckets? Sure. When, in Indiana, that's the only, you know, back in those days they didn't have metal. Metal? This is pre-metal? pretty metal. I don't know I gotta look it up now, but at any rate these people left my dad after his Impeccable service and he probably was pretty good left him a pile of change

And he came out of the kitchen and they were going out the friend. It wasn't a very big restaurant They were going out the front door and he saw the pile very big restaurant, they were going out the front door, and he saw the pile of change, scooped it up, and yelled across the restaurant, excuse me, and they stopped and he said, you obviously need this more than I do, and threw it at them across the length of the restaurant. Wow. Yeah.

And. Wait a minute, Jenny, did you think of that? Yeah, I had to keep the money because I have to cash out at the end. And if I don't have all that money, then I have to give it out of my tips. We're talking about hundreds and hundreds of pennies. Yeah, but if I were to throw it in,

I think I would have got fired. Yeah, yeah. And I needed a job. Right. And ultimately, the pennies become your manager's problem. Yeah, they did, ultimately, yes. Yeah, yeah. Well, I ended up, I did, I had, when I had time, I went into the bartender at shoes at the bar and I was able to exchange some of them for bills.

But it was, yeah. When you brought back the second time, the barbecue sauce, now you've heated it up and she said it's too hot. Did you think to say, give it a minute? Right exactly or here's some room temperature you can cut it with. You know I did it you know again it was very busy I'm just trying to get away from that table because I got other tables it's so difficult you know. I think you're incredibly sweet to have gone back three times for her damn barbecue sauce. Yeah, exactly. I hate this story. Well, thank you for coming in, Jenny. God bless you, Jenny.

You deserve a nice life after that. Have a good one. Oh, thank you. And Andy, this is a dream come true. Oh gosh, thanks for calling. You and Conan are my favorite in my whole wide world. Thank you. Thank you, Jenny.

All right, now we got Colby. Conan from Cleveland. Cleveland. Yo. Hello, Cleveland. Hello, Colby. Yo. You're going to be a great friend. Alright, now we got Colby calling in from Cleveland. Cleveland.

Yo. Hello Cleveland, hello Colby. You got Andy and Phil here. Awesome, awesome. You sound excited. Listen, that's in Cleveland. There's only so much excitement he can take. Yeah, there's not much.

I love Cleveland. Well, I's not much. I love Cleveland. Well, I guess. Cleveland, Wisconsin. Cleveland. Oh, no shit, really? Oh, well. Oh. Yeah.

I actually think that's better. Right by the lake. It's in. Yeah, you're probably right. You got a bartender story for us. I understand. Yeah. So I cook at this one, one like restaurant or whatever, right?

One night, they're closing down. They're closing down. She's the only one in the building, or supposed to be, right? She's at the register counting the money, right? The bartender. And then, yeah, the bartender, she's counting the money at the register. Okay. Next thing you know, there's still a customer there even though it's closed

and he is eating her ass. What? He's eating her ass? Like you look below the bar and... Yeah like the cooks were gone but salad was getting tossed you know what I'm saying? How bad is the food there? thing how bad is the food there it's honestly pretty good right but still someone not quite satisfied well so we're saving on tips you know I think yeah I think maybe the portions are too small if people still need something was well what was their reaction to you? What was their reaction to you walking out? Oh, I didn't, I just, I don't know, man. I saw it turn right around. Yeah, oh, did you think that they knew that you had seen them?

I don't think they cared. Oh, wow. I don't think they cared. I think the register failed. Before this happened to this young man, he was very outgoing and very effusive, and I think it changed. What we're hearing is PTSD.

I think so. Yeah. Yeah, I just realized yesterday, it's like a certain depth of hell I haven't realized. Every time I work there. This is the greatest and worst story I've ever heard. Well, you know, I think an aspect of it that we need to- Aspect.

Yeah, there you go. That we need to aspect that we yeah, there you go That we need that we need to deal with is it obviously was not that good an ass-eating because she was still able to count the money All I you know, I'm saying register You got it, yeah, how are you gonna keep your numbers straight if you're really that somebody's doing the job correctly your numbers straight if you're really that somebody's doing the job correctly. I'm in shock. Andy, what kind of show are you running here? I'm just look I can't help it it's Colby. He's living in Cleveland, Wisconsin. Ladies and gentlemen, you're not gonna see anything like this on Somebody Feed Phil. No you I promise. You won't.

Well maybe you should undo a somebody feed Phil after dark. The after dark somebody feed Phil. Well Colby, thank you for calling. Thanks for the visual. I need to rinse my whole mind. You know, I think it's a sweet story of customer service. I need to rinse my whole mind. You know, it's I think it's a sweet story of customer service.

Or of a customer service. How are you going to top the story? I think we have a winner. We got. Yeah, there is. I mean, is everything from a close winner, but we got. I mean, we started with a nice, you know. What was it? The very generic Brett Favre steakhouse story? Yes, yes, and that she liked her job. Yeah, to this.

Which, I know, but this is what I want. It's amazing how fast. I don't wanna hear that you liked your job. You wanna hear this kind of story? I wanna hear somebody getting their ass eaten behind a bar. Oh my God. Yeesh, yeah, and the bar floor is disgusting. somebody getting their ass eaten behind a bar. Yeesh, yeah, and the bar floor is disgusting.

I don't understand SiriusXM, I really don't. It's the Wild West out here. SiriusXM, this is what people come here for. I like how casually and low-key he just said that. I mean, you got it instantly. It took me a second to register right what did you just say right well you and I saying you and I probably have a very different browser history so I got it right away Let's go to Pete from Texas. Pete, hello.

There's got to be good stuff happening in Texas. Oh man. Oh man. Well, this is actually from when I worked, when I was living back when I lived in New York. Is this a nice story? I don't know. That's not really.

Well, it's a fun story. Okay. Yeah, the other one was fun too to Andy. You like fun, don't you Phil? I used to. Well, this is, I mean, it's hard to follow what you guys just went through. Give it a try. Thanks. So way back, this is probably 99, probably 99, 2000, I was working at the Rainforest Cafe in the Palisades Center Mall. Oh, wow. And this was like, yeah, brand new mall. And this is Palisades, is this Jersey? No, this is not New York, right?

Oh, New York. Oh, okay, gotcha, gotcha. So, just opened up, you know, we had a few celebrities that lived in the area. One of them came in on a Saturday with, you know, their family or, you know, and whoever they were with. And this person was extremely well known. You're not gonna say? After the whole time.

Wait, say who it was. It was Rosie O'Donnell. It was Rosie O'Donnell. Wasn't she in the last story? Yeah. No, we don the last story? Yeah. No. Oh, we don't know that for sure. I'm never going to get that one out of my head now.

Now, that's a glimpse into your internal browser history, Bill, that that's where your mind went. It was sitting out there. You knew there was going to be a callback. So anyway, you got Rosie. She's at the Rainforest Cafe. She's at the Rainforest Cafe. She's at the Rainforest Cafe. Allegedly.

We've got to cover ourselves. Just say allegedly a few times. Fair enough. She had allegedly made the hostess cry by making her wait, because it's a Saturday afternoon, maybe a month after the place had opened up. So we were slammed and buried. So she comes, and I was fortunate enough

to have her seated in my section. Receives to do all the typical nasty snap, berate me, tell me I got the order wrong, just nasty the entire time. Really just like, just horrible. Genuinely like, wow, you always perceived yourself as such a cool person, but wow, you're really not. But you know, me being me and you know, needing to make money as a 20 year old kid, just taking it rolling with it. So she

leaves like, you know, like less than like 5% tip, like whatever. The two tables, you know, and I'm just fine, whatever. But the two tables that were that I was serving out there on either side of her, when she was leaving, both of them just got up and just told them what a horrible person she was Oh Wow and just like really like went into her and they perceived tip generously it was just amazing citizens to the rescue yeah yeah citizens really was what how did how did Rosie react? She didn't take it well. She went off in a huff and Kind of wow And then there's another time this is just a really cool another time

JK Simmons came in when he was the I when he was playing the character on Oz. Yeah. Yeah, and everybody was everybody was terrified Of him just the way he looked I mean he was still in the skinhead mode everything like that He was the sweetest guy. He was so nice. He laughed, he joked. Wouldn't give me any Spider-Man spoilers, but. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.

Well, great. Thank you so much, Pete. A tale of two celebrities. No problem, thank you guys. Pleasure talking to you. Nice talking to you too. Yeah, listen, people, if you're a celebrity, you know, the word's gonna get out unless you're nice.

Oh yeah. you're nice. Always be nice. It's the only reason I'm nice these days. Because you don't want this story. I don't want somebody to call in and tell them. You want the last story. Yeah, yeah. I want somebody to say, I saw Andy was eating ass.

He loved to say, he was such a good tipper. In addition to 30%, he ate some ass. He says, you get behind that bar, and I'm gonna show you how much I appreciate you. Listen, no, keep doing what you're doing, and I'll keep doing what I'm doing. I could throw up right now. This is, yeah, somebody, Unfeed Phil, that's this show.

Somebody hosed down. Somebody do the opposite of feed Phil. You are listening to the Andy Richter call-in show. The last one. No, no, no. There's going to be lots and lots. We're building a dynasty here. You can call in 855-266-2604. We got about a quarter hour left.

You've got a good restaurant service industry story. You got a tough one to beat. Yeah, yeah. You know, the filthier the better. Because we're trying to make, somebody make Phil faint. That's what this show is. It's close to happening. Well, let's talk to Ryan from Florida.

Ryan, come on. How can you hurt Phil today? Oh man, I'll try. All right, good. on what how can you how can you hurt Phil today? Oh, man. I'll try. All right. Good. First of all, thank you for taking my call. Oh, thanks for calling. So this happened back in the same thing about 98 and 99. So several years ago, I was working as a dishwasher. First job. I was working at a restaurant called Otters's Riverside. Just a little bit of background, it was kind of a unique Italian upscale restaurant that

was in the Port of Sanford. So they have the port there that had a lot of higher end boats that people lived on. The point of this is we had a lot of regular customers that would come in each night, yada yada yada. So this particular night, I'd probably been working there a couple months, and the bar manager comes back to the kitchen, gets the bar or the kitchen manager and asks him for some help, his name is Steve. Steve comes over and gets me. He's like, Brian, I need your

help with a customer out at the bar. I'm like, okay, whatever. It's pretty late, so most of the places cleared out except for this gentleman and one other customer. And he's like slumped over the bar. Oh no, is this gonna end the way the other one did? I'm not sure. No spoilers, Phil, let him finish. I'm spoiled for life. I'm being carried away by the visual. Go ahead, sorry.

So he's slumped over the bar, he's still like kind of, he's coherent, mumbling, he really can't make out much of what he's saying. Elaine's just saying, look, he's coherent, mumbling. He really can't make out much what he's saying. Elaine's just saying, look, he needs a shower. He's way too drunk. So we're like, okay. So once again, this particular restaurant had a set of bathrooms on it that also had showers

that the people that were living in the area could use. Oh, cause it's a boating community. Oh. Exactly. And this is, those are the showers that they use as well. When they say he needs a shower, is this something that happened regularly? This is the only time that this has ever happened to me

when I worked there. And like I said, I'd only been there a couple of months. Cause it's quite a suggestion. Well, there's not a lot of restaurants with showers. Right. Yeah. But to say, I understand, let's put them in a cab, but we're going to shower this gentleman? Yes.

Okay, go ahead. It didn't register with me either. So Steve gets on one side of them, I get on the other side, and he's at a bar stool, so it's kind of high up. Yeah. And we have to kind of help him to his feet. It's clear that that's not going to work. We're going to have to hold him up. And as we're pulling them off the bar stool stuff, you know,

I'm noticing there's like, there's something on the bar, on the bar stool. And right about that time, the smell of like crap just... And we realized this guy just crapped his pants all over the freaking place. I mean, we had to throw out the bar stool and everything. Wow. I would burn the bar down. Just start over. I didn't change your name and your identity. I move. You know, the craziest part about it was it was like two days later on a Saturday night Steve grabs me

He's like right take a look at who's at the bar. So it was the same customer as it's like nothing happened Yeah, I mean like that. We couldn't believe it. And then Steve told me, he's like, you do realize, two days later, I've done way less stuff, worse stuff, and was so like in panic sweats the next morning because I couldn't remember it exactly. Not that this story needs, not that this story needs more detail, but you said you noticed stuff on the seat. Does that mean the man pulled his pants down to do that? No. Unfortunately, no, he did not. What he was clapping was just so liquid, it just went right through his pants.

You had to ask. You had to ask. Yeah, you did. You know, God is in the details, so I'm glad that we could get the real picture. Yeah. Well, I'm not the guy who brought that up. You know what's sick is I'm putting this story together with the last story. Oh, no.

Don't do that, Phil. I am. Don't do that. You don't deserve that. You know, I think this is my thing now. Oh, no. Yeah. I think you turned me on to a whole new field of life.

We broke Phil Rosenthal. With a live show. Oh, man. This is a live show. This is a terrible mistake. Well, did you guys drag him? Did you at least get him to the shower and like hose him off? We got him in the shower and we're hosing him off.

We weren't willing to take any clothes off. No, no. We're just spraying him as is. Like in Apocalypse Now when they find the truck load machine. Basically, yeah. We called him a cab. We ended up just getting a trash bag and punched two holes in it and hoisted around his waist like a diaper.

That's fantastic. Excellent. Excellent visual. Yeah. Yeah. It was something to behold. That's great. That's awesome. Well, thank you so much, Ryan. Wow. Thank you for that. That was a spicy one. You know, when you're in the...

Yeah. You guys are off to a great start and I hope to hear plenty more of this. Oh, thank you so much, Ryan. Thank you, thank you. Next week on Shit Stories with Andy. That's a whole nother topic. Trust me, it's coming, but we're saving it for Christmas time.

But you know in a writer's room, nothing tops a shit story. You live for the shit stories. So many people in my life that I've known who said they want to do a coffee table book of shit stories. It's not an original idea anymore. I've had a few different friends be like, yeah. And I mean, and everybody's got a good one. But the writing stops. Oh, yeah. For a good shit. Right, exactly. Who cares deadlines, whatever. Like you got, yeah, it trumps everything.

Does this happen at work where you work people or is it just comedy writers? We got one last time for one last call. Let's talk to Tony from Ohio. We got one last time for one last call. Let's talk to Tony from Ohio Hello hi Tony, how are you? All right, Lorraine, Ohio just down the road from Cleveland nice Johnson. All right good nice I'm more excited about Cleveland than Ohio than Wisconsin. All right. All right. I mean I was just you know Geographic humor it's a you know, it's like the shit story. It only works. Yeah, yeah.

Thanks. So I used to manage in a place, uh, quite a few franchises and we had a lot of scams. Yeah. Which were? One particular one. Uh, the free, on All You Can eat wing night yeah people would bring in ziplock baggies in their purse and keep ordering keep ordering the wings and just put them in their purse and take them home ah see that's called theft I got this one yes it is I got this one table notice the number coming up on the back all the time you know we order 10 and they keep reordering I said I'm

delivering this next order they just ordered like 20 wings and I said well hey folks here's your next order but where's the bones there's no chicken bones yeah and then I see the ladies hiding her purse and I'm like are you guys gotta go where don't we know you share it and you don't take food home with you. Wow. So, yeah. Other times people have snuck in like a washer or a twist tie from a piece of a loaf of bread and mixing them with their salad. Wow. To get the food taken off.

Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. I heard a story. I heard a lot of stuff like that. Somebody brought a human finger. Yes, yes. That's why I keep a human finger on me at all times, just in case. Yeah, yeah. Like, you know, the bill gets too high. I got everybody on the way in. That's if you want to. Check the road. Really, I have ten on the way in. You have a real payday. Let's see those digits, folks.

All right, well thank you, Tony. Thank you for calling in. Ten figures when he got here. That was lovely. That was actually, after the last few stories, that was the nicest one. Yeah, I felt it was gonna be a let down, but no ass eating, just chicken wings. Oh, thank you, Tony. That actually reminds me of another story of my dad, who I, at different times, would see making service industry people cry. But once at a, in like a little town in Indiana,

it was like a Pizza Hutty kind of restaurant that had a salad bar. My dad was eating heart healthy. He ordered just a baked potato, but he wanted cottage cheese on it. They said, we don't have cottage cheese. My dad said, we have it at the salad bar. And they said, yeah, but that's the salad bar.

And he went, well, and I was getting a salad bar. And he went, well, and I was getting a salad bar, and he said, well, he can just get some and give it to me. And they said, no sir, no sharing, strict no sharing. And my dad went, all right, okay, fine, fine, fine. And then, you know, I went to the salad bar, got him some cottage cheese, we sat down. My dad looks and sees the manager standing back, eyeballing him, and my dad takes the cottage cheese off my plate,

plops it on his potato. Like, didn't even look. Just, like, picked it up and put it down with making eye contact with the guy. And the manager comes over and goes, I'm sorry, sir, but, you know, we have a strict no-sharing policy. We let you know that.

And my dad went, call a sheriff! And the guy kept talking, and it's all my dad would say, call a sheriff, call a sheriff. That's a beautiful story. Yeah, yeah, you don't wanna be on the receiving end, but it was pretty fun to be on the other side, on the sidelines. Well, Phil, thank you so much.

I can honestly tell you, I'm never gonna forget parts of this. Oh, good, good, that's what I'm honestly tell you, I'm never going to forget parts of this. Oh, good. Good. That's what I'm here for, is to make indelible memories. You're like a window into the human psyche. Yeah, yeah. Into Poopoo Town.

Wow. Yeah. Somebody feed Phil. You got a new season coming up. Check it out. I don't think I want to do it anymore after this story. Nobody feed Phil. I really.

Yeah, yeah. I think I'm off everything. Somebody make Phil love food again. Please. All right, well thank all of you. This has been great. Doing this live has been a lot of fun. Tune in next week. I don't know if we'll be live.

Nobody tells me anything, but I'll let you know. I'm still laughing. I'll let you know. I'll let you know. Thanks to Phil Rosenthal. Thanks to all of you. I'll see you next week.