The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Rob Corddry: Not-So-Great Outdoors Stories (The Andy Richter Call-In Show)

Episode Date: June 5, 2026

Actor, comedian, and Eagle Scout Rob Corddry (The Daily Show, Hot Tub Time Machine, Ballers) joins Andy Richter to talk your NOT-SO-GREAT OUTDOORS STORIES!  Listeners called in to talk bear encounters, fishing near-disasters, accidental exhibitionism, and much more! Want to call in? Fill out our Google Form at BIT.LY/CALLANDYRICHTER or dial 855-266-2604 with whatever you want to discuss! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Conan O'Brien. Hey, Andy, we got to start the show because we have no music right now. Oh, wait, are we doing, hi, everybody. Oh, we have no music. Well, guys, it's hard everywhere. Even satellite radio has moments where there's no music to start the show. So anyway, hi, it's the Andy Richter call-in show. It's a cold open.

It's an icy, icy cold. open. I can't afford music either. No big deal. Oh, well. Well, thank you, Rich. Thank you for letting me know. We were waiting and waiting. Rob Cordry's here with me, which is fun. I haven't seen him in a long time.

And hit his tune. Yeah, it's the Rob Cordry theme song. Hey, he's like everybody. He's always a guest. It's Cordry, Cordray, Cordray. That's two D's. Yeah. But anyway, it's good to see you. Thanks for coming in. Yeah, man. I've been looking forward to this.

Yeah. I always like seeing you. Absolutely. We were just sitting here bitching. Yeah. Just bitching. Just bitching about the power of yes. Yeah, yeah.

Our lack of ability to say no anymore. Well, I'm supposed to read this. You know, I mean, you didn't say this, but it's in front of me. Yeah, I'm making you read this. You know him, Rob Cordy from. Children's Hospital, Ballers, The Daily Show, Booky, and more. He's currently on The Audacity on AMC, which was renewed for a second season. Congrats.

Thank you. Nice. Way to go. And today we're talking about the not-so-great outdoors. And if you have a story, an outdoorsy kind of story, give us a call at 855-266-2-604. And we'll put you on probably because, I mean, we have very low standards. We can't even afford music. So, you know.

You're probably going to get out. And if you got some music, call in with it. Yeah, call in and sing us a song. Yeah. That would be, you know, that would be good too. Yeah. Although we probably can't pay you, so don't expect that.

So what's up, Rob? How have you been? I've been great. I've been great. How's the audacity? Oh, it's good. Yeah, yeah. It's like a shrilly thing, isn't it?

It is a, nah, I don't even know what it is, man. Really? I said this on KTLA one day, and I just said, they were asking me, what is it? Is it a comedy? Is it a drama? And I said, it's a prestigious. So I don't know what that means, but it's like, it's classy. It's a classy show.

Yeah. With laughs and tears. And scares. Yeah. My character does not know there's a comedy or he just lives in a drama. So, you know, it was a lot. The show's a lot funnier that I ever thought it was going to be. Yeah, yeah.

Because my character's such a sad sack. Yeah. Yeah. And you do drama, too. We were just talking about, you know, that you've been doing a lot of drama stuff lately. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's because, you know, once you get a little gray and you got grobot. It starts to stoop a little bit.

You're like, oh, now that guy, he used to be funny. Yeah, yeah. He's too old to be funny. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I'm waiting into just, I'm waiting to age in to, like, You just don't age. That's the problem. It's a problem.

You look really, you have an age to taste. I bet you. I know, I know. In 30 years you have an age. Well, I'm getting gray at least. But when you're blonde,

it doesn't really, yeah, it's kind of hard to tell. Yeah. No, I mean, I feel it. You got that debonair gray on the sides. Like, yeah. Yeah, like a comic book character. Expensive.

It's very expensive to get that gray's on the side. Yeah. You're lucky. No, when I see, when I see, when I see. video of me from the back, it's like it sends it down like, my dad. You know, I see me from the front.

Yeah, and you're like, your dad. And there's something, I don't know, it's not fair to my dad, but it like puts a chill down my spine, you know. Yeah, because my dad's not a bad looking guy. No, me, mine either. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I'm him. Whenever I would put the clown makeup on for Children's Hospital,

yeah. He wore it once for Halloween at his, you know, he had a Halloween party with a clown makeup. Yeah, yeah. I just see my dad now. Was it the same? Did you try and copy it as? I mean, he didn't.

Yeah, yeah. No, no. He just wore it to copy me as a Halloween costume. Oh, I see. I see. And it was like, mine's professionally done not to brag. I got people there to draw those lines. Right.

But his was kind of, you know, shoddy. But it was, you know, I just see my dad now. Every time I see my face and the clown makeup. Or just in the mirror, really. Yeah. Yeah. Well, do you have any good outdoorsy stories? I have you an outdoorsy guy?

Nothing but outdoorsy stories. Really? Are you an outdoorsy guy? I was an Eagles. I'm an Eagle Scout. Wow. I grew up in the outdoors. I like the way you changed it because you're always an Eagles. Yeah.

Yes, do my duty. Yeah. And yeah, so I spent from, God, 11 and a half on through at least 18. And then with a lot of some spans after that into my 20s in the woods. So where is this? I can't remember where you're from. Massachusetts. From Massachusetts.

Yeah. So this is mostly like a Plymouth. There are big camps there and, you know, Rhode Island. I mean, Massachusetts is very woodsy. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, Western Mass is a little bit more woodsy. Yeah.

But that's kind of where a close call came from in Western Mass. Really? Because most of my stories are great. but there are the random stories that are like, I didn't see a bear, but I could very well have. And I have, I don't even, I've never seen a bear. I've been outside more than I've been in. And I live in fear of it now.

And I don't really go out the woods anymore, but I'm like, someday, they're the sharks of the land. Yeah. They're going to get you. Yeah. They're going to get me. I went, I hiked in. New Mexico, it's like black bear country. I was 17.

Two weeks we were hiking. Yeah. No showers. We had to hang our food in a bear bag. Was this, now, was this adult life or is this Eagle Scout? This was, before I was an Eagle Scout. This was, yeah. No, I, yeah, it was probably almost an Eagle Scout at that point.

I was just a Boy Scout. Yeah, yeah. And there's this place called Philmont, and it's like a Scout ranch. And it's so massive. I mean, it contains two mountains. Right. So it's a huge, to call it a ranch is kind of quaint, but they were like, you're going to see a bear. Yeah.

And here's what you do. Don't run. Yeah. And that's it. That's basically just make yourself look big and make a lot of noise. Like, do what your instincts are telling you not to do. Exactly. Which is be a badass.

Hey, over here. Yeah. You bang pots and pads and make your 17-year-old body look bigger than bears. Youhoo, Apex Predator! Right. So I don't, so I never saw one, but they said, like, you can't bring deodorant because there are these horror stories about kids who would wear deodorant and they'd wake up at night and a bear was licking their armpit.

Oh, that's a horror story. Oh, man. But it never happened to me. What I wouldn't give. It never happened to me. And then, so I was lucky. And then I went to, I hiked the Appalachian Trail once, sort of, like, in my 20s, late 20s to, like, wash a girl out of my hair.

Right. And I was hiking. I hiked from New Jersey all the way up into Massachusetts. Wow. And I got into Massachusetts. All on foot. Yeah, I was planning on going by myself up to Maine, up to the end, Mount Kataden. And then my brother was with me for a couple days up in Massachusetts.

So I started seeing these scratches on the trees, the bottom of trees. And he doesn't have as much experience with the backpacking as I did. Yeah. And I was like, oh. shit you know what that means and he's like no what the scratches it's scratches and like no those are bear scratches they're looking for bugs in the trees and he was like oh and it's like where are you parked he's like we just fucking ran to his car like I'm not messing with bears and now the end of this story is is happened happened like a year ago yeah my daughter is in my oldest is in college

at Hampshire out in Western Mass. And they're facetiming me. And they're like, check this out, Dad. And it's this beautiful snowy scene. And about 100 feet away is this huge bear. And they're moving toward the bear. Because they've never had the talk. And I was like, so.

So they're in the backyard. They're not like in the house looking out. No, they're outside on campus. Wow. And they're alone, except for a bear. And I was just like, oh, slown back. Stop, stop moving. Stop.

Okay. Because it took our minute to register what I was saying. And I was like, now this is going to seem crazy, but back the fuck away, slowly and go into those trees and hide yourself and back away. And they were like, okay. And they did. And I was like, what are you doing? I just saved your life. One wrong move.

They are the sharks of the land. They will eat you. They will eat you. And you'll never go surfing again. Yeah, yeah. It's so funny because it just reminded me because the sharks of the land reminded me of my aunt. I'm from Illinois. And my aunt who grew up in Illinois too lived in a bunch of different places.

And one of the places she lived with lived was Florida. And she lived, she backed up against a lake that was full of. Alligators. Yeah. And she had these neighbors that, you know, they were like real Florida people. Yeah. And they would go out. They would go out.

And because that was also, too, when alligators were endangered and they were very protected. Like people weren't, not like, you know, they bounced back really fast. Yeah. Everything bounced back. They bounced back really bad. But they, their neighbors just say like, yeah, we're going out. We're going out. We're going to go, I don't know if they called it hunting gators.

And she's like, you can't. I mean, they go, no, no, we just go out. And we just, at night, we find them and we shine a light on them. And we hit them with poles. We just punch them. We just hit them with poles. And she was like, what are you doing that? We're like, well, you know, we just like to go out and find him and let them know we're there.

And she said, like, aren't you worried about it? And they went like, no, no, they're fine. And then they said, well, you're. from up north right and she said yeah and they said well you got deer and she was like yeah what about and he goes man they said those things will gore you like she's oh are you thinking of live disease yeah that's like no that I've never had anybody they will not skewered on antlers they will run away from you they will strip the bark from your trees they will gore you garden but yeah they're the guys that poke allegation

with poles. Yeah, yeah. All right, let's go to the phones. We're talking outdoor stories 855-266-2-604. We've got Kristen. Kristen, hi. Call it from L.A. Hi, Andy.

Hi, Rob. How are you doing? Good. How are you doing? You know, I'm great coming to you live from a Franklin Village sitting in my car so my dogs don't interrupt us. Oh, that is not the story I'm here to tell you today. That's so kind.

That's so nice. Thank you. And tell them to fucking get a chip. Are they just like, Running around the neighborhood? Yeah. Or they're in the house. You went out to your car to call.

Is that what's... I went out to my car to call. But yeah, they're currently traipsing through Griffith Park or something, who knows. Okay. They're interning on all the burners on the stove. That's Los Angeles. Just let them free. Exactly.

Actually, before I start telling you my story, which does involve bears, I'm sure Rob will be thrilled to hear. Nice. I don't believe him. I... I also lived in Orlando for a year and saw more than a few gators. I have never heard of anyone hitting them with poles, but it seems like a pretty effective method to deter a gator. I don't know.

Sure. It was a long time ago. I mean, now you can, you know, we can go back and make, you know, shoes out of them. Yeah. Oh, my God. Gorgeous bags. Eat them. People are eating them.

They're not endangered anymore. Louisiana. It's on the menu. Oh, they are. They're delicious. I've actually had a fried gator before. Have you had it? I've had it. It's pretty rubbery, actually. I wouldn't recommend it. I like it. I had it at a Chinese restaurant in Coventon, Louisiana. And it was just sort of.

As you do. Those Chicago Gators? Yeah, yeah. I was like, you know, it was, it was, I wouldn't reorder it is what I'm saying. Right. So tell us about, tell us about. Yeah. Tell us about your nature story. My nature story.

All right. So first, for quick context, I'm from Iowa originally. I went to college at Indiana University in Bloomington, Go Hoosiers, and moved here from Chicago in, like, 2013. So most of my prior encounters with wildlife were just, like, garter snakes, like coyotes, like pigs and, like, the occasional recluse spider. Yeah. And, like, I guess, like, my biggest not-so-great outdoors story was, like, the great flood of 1990 drinks before this. But, yeah, so this was in August of 2024.

It was in Steamboat Springs, Colorado for my stepmom's 60th birthday. Your detail is very thorough. You're very thorough. Oh, I did. Thank you. I'm really painting a picture. If I get a little, if I really get a little too involved in it, I'm a No, you're doing great.

I take a lot of notes. I did, I did. You're doing great. This is a podcast story. But, yeah, Steamboat is basically, like, the drive is, like, three hours. It's very, like, Overlook Hotel kind of, like, vibes. You know, you're, like, way up there. And it's pretty quiet in the summer, just big ski town, but there was, like, no one there.

And we had lost my dad the year before, so this is like the first trip without him. And it was pretty bittersweet, but like he loved it there. And so it was just like wonderful weekend, like full of like stories and memories. There were, let's see, I think about, I want to say like 27 or 28 of us there. So pretty big get together. And if you want to interrupt me at all at any point, again. Just keep going, honey. Yeah, keep going.

Just holler. What was the weather like exactly? The weather was... Celsius. The weather was wonderful. Actually, the presides, that, like, meteor shower was happening. Oh, there you go. All right.

Yeah. There's another little detail for color. Did the bear see the meteor shower? You know, I didn't get a chance to ask that... All right. To ask them. Actually, not just one bear, but I'll get that in a moment. There's a teaser.

There we go. Oh, yeah. A little teaser, yeah. So this is, like, on a Tuesday night. We were at this, like, community center in the middle of our condo's complex. Complex itself is, like, up in the hills away from the town. It's surrounded by, like, trees, vegetation and stuff. Like, not isolated, but it's definitely not, like, surrounded by car or foot traffic.

Okay. So we were on my stepmom's birthday trip, but this was, like, the first. night that the whole family was together, and it happened to be my sister-in-law's birthday. So we had this big celebration, like dinner, drinks for hours. I'm not much of a drinker, so I'd had, like, I think, a glass of wine over the course of several hours. But I am a fan of, you know, just plants. I'm a plant lover.

I'm going to lightly censor myself because my nieces and nephews might be listening to this. Smoked a bunch of weed. Go ahead. I can neither confirm nor deny. And it is Colorado. Right. Yeah, it's Colorado when I was on vacation. You got it.

You got it. When in Rome? You got it. Exactly. So around 9 p.m. I think I snuck outside to enjoy the trees. So like this complex, like, pre-standard, like layout, there's like the community center in, like the middle and, like, behind it. and on both sides are like the condo complexes. And adjacent to that center is like a three space parking lot and like a driveway that ends in a roundabout in front of the doors to the building.

None of it's lit because security was out with COVID. So no one is there. Three floors of the center. I went out to smoke just outside of the first floor. Doors were locked. And the other two floors was where my family was split in the outdoor area. There was like a pool and a couple decks, but none of that was easily accessible to me. Kristen, please get to the Bears.

The Bears, I'm dying over here. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. It is, it is just relevant because. I feel like I'm in court. How is your sister's birthday relevant? It's relevant if you listen. Okay, go ahead.

Okay, go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Just get to the Bears. Please, the Bears. And then the Bears. You know, I. Rob hates bears.

and he wants bears. I know. Well, like, Rob had brought up that point in your story before that, you know, like when you were screaming at what your daughter,

that you were your daughters, right? Yeah. About the bears, like, you kind of just in that moment, like, so many things flashed through your head

and you just kind of like, you know, like you don't know, like, like what to say or how to say it. So anyway, like I was very just like blest out, right?

Right. Like I had, you know, we'd just enjoying myself, like, heavily stoned, just like, staring up at the sky and swinging away, when all of a sudden, just straight, like, at my 12 o'clock,

I, like, see this, like, loud, and hear this loud crash and saw what I thought, like, for a millisecond was, like, a large, black shaggy dog. And then I had about five seconds to figure out how to Houdini myself in front of, like, a galloping bear. It was, it was coming. It was fast. And you could like, my stepbrother-in-law said later that he could hear its pause. Like, it was, it was loud. Wow.

So I looked to, to my left, I had the, like, staircase and the locked gates to where my family was. See, it is relevant. And, like, to unlock that, I would have had to, like, jump over the gate and unlash it from the outside. So that was not an option. Option two would have been just straight back to the first floor if security or been there, but that was also not an option. Option three would have been to just run, I guess. Yeah.

And option four would have been to climb this large tree to my right. They were black. There's also option five, and that's to submit to God's will. Yeah. Yeah. Which I think I maybe obliquely considered at one point when I thought, holy fuck, holy fuck, I'm about to be mauled by a bear. Yeah.

You didn't climb the tree, obviously. No. Because they climb trees. Yeah, they're good. They're good at climbing trees. Yeah. Very, just famously, tree climbers. Yeah.

Yeah. So I, in that moment, I, I'm a, I've watched Grizzly Man a bunch of times. A bunch of times. I've seen it. I mean, what? Are you judging me for enjoying a little? Well, I mean, well, I mean, I guess kind of.

Like I saw it once and I was like, okay, got it. That's great. I'm good. I never had to watch. What were you watching it for again? Like just the screaming at the end and the all that, the faces of, you were watching it like faces of death or something? You know, your mind went there, but I'm a TV producer. I love, you know, the poetic images, Timothy, like captioned, please.

All the wildlife is lovely. All right. You just appreciate it. How much of that do we get? All right. Got it. Now I'm getting her off track. May I just ask, like, where was the bear going?

Like, why it was at a full trot and to what end? So it was, first of all, it was not trotting. I swear this, it was galloping. Okay. All right. All right. Yes. Pedal to the medal.

I'm sorry. With what destination could you, could you see? Or was he just coming at you? At that point he was coming at me, and I could not see, but immediately to the right of this bench was a lightly trodden path, I guess, trotten. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. Leading to some, yeah, two industrial-sized dumpsters. So they were, you know, ready for a meal. I see.

And they, so anyway, I, in that moment, was like, okay, what I fuck, I'm going to make myself big. I guess, because like black fight back, brown lie down, I think is what people say. That's what it is. So I hopped up on to the top of this. That was written wrong before racism. It is racist. All right. It's really racist.

Okay. All right. Think about that. Yeah. Yeah. So I jump up on the top of this seat of this swinging bench and I cling to the bar that's holding it up. And my legs are just swinging wild.

underneath me, right? And my back is turned, and the first bear kind of hesitates next to me. And, I mean, he's like, like, I could have touched him with my foot, like, with little effort. Like, like, this thing was close. And then he kind of just, like, goes on his way, at which point I hear the second bear behind me. And I, like, look over my shoulder and this thing is, like, 10 feet away.

And it was, like, 250 pounds. It was definitely a mama bear. and I just like I am summoning demons I am just I mean just like no bear no bear like ah and um this bear stops next to me and does the kind of like like it's like a huffy like clacky thing that bears do when they're like threatened right yeah so it does this also they smelled like total they smelled like shit that's what I hear yeah any big animal like that's going to sting yeah Oh, it was so bad. And then she continues on her way, at which point I come to and hear my family shouting at me, dogs barking, like horns honking, and my hysterical nieces and nephews just screaming.

And I, like, stayed on the bar until my stepbrother-in-law, who's this big, like, linebacker of a dude just, like, runs out there and literally, like, peels me off and throws me over his shoulders. and that's that. Wow. Wow. And that's our show. Here's your moment of zen. Yep. Well, I'm glad that you made it.

I think that this is really a cautionary tale about the perils of weed. Yep. Yeah. If you'd had your wits about you, maybe you would have gotten out of there in time. Yep. Before you had to. The devil weed. Yep.

Numbed your reflexes. I won't argue that. Well, that was easy. Wow. Another success story. All right. Well, Kristen, thank you so much. And please be careful out there.

Thanks so much. Sorry for talking over y'all. Oh, that's all right. Don't stop it. Come on now. You're the best. It was a joy. All right.

Thank you so much. All right. Next up, we got Jim calling from Bomber. Hello, Jim. Jim? Jim. Hey, what's that fellow? Hi, how are you?

Can you hear me? Yeah, yeah. Fantastic. Three handsome devils on the phone together? Oh, geez. Get out of here. We're going to have to take your word for it. Get out of here.

You have us at a disadvantage. I'm the Brad Pitt of Baltimore. So, tell us your outdoor story. It's a tale of the sea, my friends. Love it. Love it. Another scary place. It was a few years ago.

Yeah. We were so a bunch of college buddies and I, six of us. We head down to the outer banks, North Carolina, for an offshore fishing trip, don't you know? And, you know, we got to be there at the dock at 5 a.m. Yep, always. Why is that? Because that's when the fish are biting. I don't know.

Is that a true? They really do stop biting in midday. Because the whole thing is that there, it's too much light. You know, every fish is worried about another, well, except for the apex. Yeah. You know, it makes sense. Yeah, yeah. It makes sense.

I just always, like, resented having to go out fishing at 4 a.m. And, oh, yeah, it always, it did seem like, like, just a wickedly cruel father thing. Yeah, it seemed like kind of a fuck you. Come on, you kids, get up. Yep, yep. Get out of bed. We're going fishing. Yeah, but anyway, okay, so you get there 5 a.m.

Yeah, the Oregon Inlet in the Outer Banks, if anybody's familiar. And I don't want to take this story too long. Right as we got to the dock, there was the bear. Oh, no shit, really? Oh, shit, there's a fishing story just turned into another bear story. Oh, he's kidding. God damn. Anyway, go ahead.

Sorry, guys. It'd be better if it was in the ocean. I'm reeling, I'm reeling, I'm reeling, and it's a bear. Sea bear. We get to the boat, and it was if he was going to happen. The weather was kind of crazy, and we get there at 515, and the captain's like, yeah, I've been taught, all the captains have been talking. it's too rough to go out right now.

We're not leaving until the sun comes up so we can see. And all the boats are going to go out together like nose to tail in case one boat thinks, you can try and cling to the side of the next one. Nope. Yep. I'm out. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. There's fish. There's fish out there. It's worth it. I'm afraid of the one thing that I'm more afraid of. of is the sea. Yeah, yeah. It's stronger than we are.

Right, right. Jim. All three of us together. And so we're sitting on the boat, you know, waiting to go out. And I'm talking to the captain of the drifter, the name of the boat. And I was like, oh, it's a beautiful boat. Tell me about it. He's like, oh, I got it to salvage.

I'm like, what? A couple years before, it had sunk and just been bobbing around. They had to evacuate everybody. It bobbed around in the Atlantic for like a week and then washed up on the shore at Nagshead. Got a good deal on it. Yeah. We got it. It was dirt cheap.

He bought it. So it's sinkable. With his dad, which sounds encouraging. Yeah. The HMS sinkable. Yeah. So now I'm like, my confidence is real high on this previously sunken vessel heading out into the teeth of the storm. And so to get out to the ocean from there, you got to go through this.

canal. It's pretty long. And like I said, boats are nose to tail. It's a 57 foot boat. It's not small. Oh, wow. That is a big boat. I wouldn't know. Yeah. And we're all piled in the salon. Yeah, it's three feet bigger than a 54 foot boat if that helps.

Sure. Sure. Yeah. So we're heading out, and it's a 57 foot boat, and you can feel the thing go up and then just slam down over the side, you know? Yeah, yeah. It's brutal. But the crazy part is the canal goes out through it through it to the past the beach.

And then you have to turn to port, which is left on land. It sure is. To go down the beach because there's a sandbar. So it can't go through the sandbars. They turn left and go down like a mile or two to find a channel to get out. So now all those waves that we were like, yeah, but all those waves we were like scaling like a cliff are now hitting the boat. on the side. Oh, yeah.

And I'm never forget this. I'm looking up, I'm looking up the port side window and there's no sky. There's just water. Like the boat is completely like 85 degrees on the side. And I can see, you can feel the boat leaving the water and skipping down the sides of waves. It was absolutely terrifying. You know, I'm just like, and we're six dudes and we're all trying to pretend like, oh,

this is fine. One of my buddies was a charter captain himself. like, yeah, no big deal. You know, the day goes out, we wake up. I remember I woke up at one point, and, you know, it's a big boat, and we're kind of down in the middle of a swell, riding between the waves, just kind of cruising with it. And all around this was a pod of Atlantic white-sided dolphins,

which I'd never seen in person, but they're about half the size of a bottle nose, and they're like jet black with a bright white stripe. And there's like 30 of them all around the boat, and they're literally, like, I'm looking up, and they're like 10 feet above the window. just because we're down in this trough in the way. It's incredible. I have a day of fishing.

Don't catch anything. One piece of expensive bait we caught. But on the way back in, it's like glass calm, and I'm sitting on the back of the boat with the mate. And, you know, we're just BS in, and I'm trying to sound tough. I'm like, yeah, this is morning. Not in those ways. That's pretty exciting, wasn't it?

And the mate, it's like, yeah, some people say it's exciting. But all I could think was there were three times I was sure we were going to die. Professional opinion I literally said motherfucker we could have stayed in it was the craziest like yeah

I'll not I'll not go to see you on the drifter again yeah one of the greatest lessons I've learned is to just not feel like you have to

look cool in front of your bros yeah I'm just like no guys I'm out you guys go I'm scared nope I don't care. I'm too scared. I'm scared. You guys go. And they're like,

Cordry, come on. No. No. What are you afraid? Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's such freedom. Right. I recommend it to everybody. It's called the survival instinct. That's right. Yeah, yeah. This is the flight part. I have, I have nothing to prove. Yeah. All right, Jim. And then we got back to shore and there there was a bear. Oh. In the car. It was your Uber driver. All right, Jim. Thanks for the call. Take care, guys. All right.

Bye-bye now. 855-266-2-604 is our number. We're talking about the out-of-doors, whether on land or at sea. We will listen to the... Carrie from England, you're on with Rob and Andy. Hi. Hi, how's it going? Good.

How are you? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I can't believe it. Like, I've got through. Oh, it's awesome. Oh, well, I'm glad you're glad. Yeah, well, I can't actually listen to it.

this show. But you know what? I saw your post on Instagram and you had me at the word chasing. That's my story. Nice. It was pretty classy. Yeah. God, when you hear this story, it is going to be classy. And I'll just start off by saying, if ever you need me to call in and give you funny stories or anything that's happened to me, just let me know because my life is literally a bloody comedy show. All right. Friend of the show.

My producer is taking notes. Nice. Absolutely. If he can get my number, that would be rad. Yes. So, anyway, so I'm going to be bringing down the tone of the show, like right down into the gutter. And I'm used gutted because everyone's talking about animals, but this is more like dirty, like filth. Okay. So just warning.

Okay. So about 12 years ago, I was seeing a guy going out with a guy that I used to work with. And every, like, so often when we used to work in evening shift, we would meet up in a car park. you know where this is going. Yes, sure, sure, sure. Right. So, yeah, so it was a wooded car park, and it was getting quite dark. So we went up there in two separate cars.

And, you know, we had a couple of beers. We were making out, blah, blah, blah, blah. So one thing led to another, and he, you know, seductively turned me over. I was leaving, well, over the bonnet of the car, basically. And he was having sex with me. And guys, you know what it's like. No. No. I mean, it's a vague memory. Be honest with you. I don't. What?

Anyway, go on, go on, go on. We'll learn here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, so he's fucking me from behind. I've got my glasses off and I'm just like, you know, I'm really vocal, you know. Sure. I mean, I don't know how, you know, there wasn't, you know, anyway, the piece there. So I've got my glasses in my hand. I'm over the bonnet. He's fucking me from behind. I'm vocal and I don't know why but I opened my eyes

I've got no glasses on it's really dark and about 100 meters away I saw this shadow of a human and I'm like oh my God there's someone there and I put my glasses on

I'm an oh my God there is someone there so we stopped and the figure just stood there and then turned around and then just walked away and I was like, oh my God. So inadvertently, I'd had my first dogging experience. So that was that side of it.

And then a couple of days later, me and the guy that I was seeing, we met up a couple of days later at the same place, wooded car park, but it wasn't dark. It was during the day. So we were having some beers. And this like old man, I'd probably say like late 60s, early 70s.

like quachy, like skanky-looking man with his little dog come through the car park. And I'd seen him before walking his dog when you've been up there. Jack Russell runs past and he comes over. And I'm stood between the car door and the car itself. And he comes over really weirdly looking at us with this really creepy smile on his face, walks over and says, I know what you did. And I don't mind.

I walked away and I was like, fucking out. Oh my God. So that is my outdoor story. So I'm so sorry. It's kind of like taking it down into the gut with everyone. No, no. Listen, that was fantastic.

It was fantastic. It had everything you've been on. Carrie, can you tell the story again? But this time you got the glasses on and can you whisper it? Wow. No, no. You're marked. Listen.

I almost got to massive huge cocks then. I can see that if you like. No, that's all right. I, you know, I prefer to be fantastic. Left unsaid. All right. Well, I mean, did that curb your nature is? Yeah, your car park.

Yeah, your car park. Yeah, experiences. It was the first of many. Yeah, I mean, are you stuck with it? Southwest of England. What else are we going to do? Yeah, yeah, I guess.

And also, you know, you were making some, else happy. There's you guys. You're getting something out of it. And this fella. Probably even the Jack Russell. Probably was getting a little bit of a jolly. He sensed something fun was happening.

Yeah, dogs love fucking. You did a great thing. Especially you were doing it his style. Yeah, yes. Oh my God, that's so true. Yes, yes. You know what? He was taking tip.

Right. Me. Yeah, he was taking tip. Yeah, my next bitch is not going to be this vocal. Yeah, no kidding. Yeah. I don't need a, I don't need a, I don't need a carbonet.

All right. Well, Carrie, thank you so much. Yeah, you did a great thing. You are most welcome. Oh, can you let, thank you. Can you just let Conan know he's hot? Yeah, of course. And if you know Craig Ferguson as well, can you let him know that he's hot too?

Sure, whatever. Yeah, yeah. I'll tell every talk show host. I see. Yeah. You're really fuckable, dude. All right. Thank you, Carrie.

Oh, my God. Tell Conan that. All right, I will. Bye. Thank you. All right. I think that's the filthiest call we've ever had. That's great.

I'm so glad I was here to witness it. Thank you, Carrie. Excellent. Excellent. Two things going forward. International and filthy. Yeah, filthy and scary. Scary.

A little spooky. It was like a ghost story and then it wasn't. See, it's like a horror movie. It's always the people who are given to carnal desires and instincts that are murdered. Mm-hmm. So she got off. The universe will punish you for your hedonism. Only the virgins get away.

Charlie from Washington. Bees back, Charlie. Charlie, hey, you got something filthy for us? Where were you fucking? Nothing that sexy. Oh, all right. Well, whatever. Okay, go ahead.

I guess I got a couple options for you. I used to be a hot shot. Do you know what that is? Yes. That's like a firefighter in the woods. Right? Yeah, exactly, exactly. So a lot of stories.

I'll whittle it down to two. I got a story about a very large black spider and another one about a bear. Oh, nice. Wow. We can choose? You want more bears? I don't know. Yeah, you want it.

Well, you decide which way is better. I mean, you're the cook. All right. Let us know what's good on the middle. Okay, so the bear, the bear. All right, good. I started my career in Alaska. So this is all like north of the Arctic Circle.

And one of the things I had to do was to hike up this. Big old hill. There's not many in Alaska, you know, interior Alaska, but this was big enough and get a whole bunch of water and hike it back down to the middle of the hill where me and my squad bus were staged. And by water, I mean like 90 pounds of water, two, you know, cubic foot boxes of water. And so I'm hiking up there alone. It's probably a mile and a half, two miles. And all of a sudden I see this helicopter like circling low around my area. which, you know, if you know what you're doing, it doesn't make you feel good. Right, right.

This helicopter pilot's looking at something and looking at me, you know, okay. So I get up to the top where there's this, the firefighting, you have a bunch of pumps and hoses and all the shit. And there's this other hot shot there from California, pure California, shirt untuck, baseball cap on, no hard hat, you know, pack is off. He's just kind of panicked. He goes, hey, was that you that hiked up the hill? And I go, yeah. And he goes, I was just on the radio with air attack. Apparently, there's this huge bear that was stalking you.

Like, oh, shit. Because I got to go back down the hill. And he asks me, like, what should we do in case there's a bear? I was like, well, maybe start that really loud pump and make yourself big and, you know, you just scare it, right? It's not my first bear. And I've had the briefing, and he hasn't. Yeah.

So he goes, well, you're going back down there? I was like, well, yeah, I got to. All right, right. See you later. Be safe. And so, you know, I hike back down the hill, scared shitless. I'm not going to let that other hot shot now. Yeah.

But I have essentially like a road flare and like a, at that point pretty dull axe that is covered in these huge boxes of water that I'm carrying down on top of my 45 pound pack. So I'm not terribly mobile. Right. And interior Alaska, the trees are like eight inches wide and maybe 10 feet tall. So it's not like I got, you know, I can't get vertical. I can't get away from the thing. So I'm just walking down, you know, head on a swivel, get down there with my squad boss. And he says, oh, dude, there was a huge bear.

You know, and they were talking about you on the radio. I'm like, oh, crazy. Okay. Fast forward. You know, we had cut that line all the way up that hill in order to burn it. and during the burn operation, we had to go in between two little hills, like a saddle. And what you do is you have one crew on one hill and one crew on the near hill, and you come together in the middle instead of burning through a valley.

While we were doing that, that bear showed up. And the division supervisor, this muck-ty-muck, had the forethought to order up a shotgun for the burn operation in case this bear showed up. You just answered a good question of mine. reluctantly, they had to put this bear down, right? We were standing on these knolls and watch this thing. This thing was massive. Now, everything I've told you is my own personal sight and, you know, sound.

I haven't exaggerated anything. The only thing I think is exaggerated is this figure. We had to roll the thing onto a cargo net and hook it up to a helicopter and fly it out, right? For conservation purposes, they check them for diseases or whatever. and those cargo nets, the long line, the pilot can tell how much is on the line. And he calls down to a division supervisor and tells us 600 pounds, black bear. Wow. Damn.

A 600 pound black bear, right? A grizzly-sized black bear. Shit. And, you know, Rob, how you were saying about, like, all those scratch marks that you saw, they were, like, hiking. We were seeing those, so we cut along the bottom of a river and then turned up the hill. we were seeing huge ones of those like figures in our saw powerheads and stuff and fresh-killed salmon and then you know other things eating the fresh-killed salmon so like it's not just bears bear kills part of a salmon and then something else comes along and eats it turns out that was a wolf yeah it was crazy crazy bear well now when you when you guys put down the bear was it because he was back to stalking you again or is that and it just it's like there's just no question about it in that instance yeah yeah yeah I don't know quite what the criteria is, but it's pretty high. Like, you're not doing it for sport.

You're doing it for safety. And we had to, because we had started that burn down those hills, we couldn't stop it for very long. And when he showed back up, he's threatening, you know, two 20-man hot-shot crews and a handful of other guys. So, like, and you got to remember, like, if something happens, it's not like we're an hour away from a hospital. We're about eight to ten hours, if you're lucky, to get to an evening. you know, emerging, you know,

so. Right, right. You know, oh, well, oh, well. Oh, man.

All right. Well, that's exciting. I don't know why you would have done that in the first place. I know. You must be very masculine.

Yeah, yeah. There's so many other career choices you could have made. I heard you say that, Rob, you had to wash a girl out of your hair.

Yeah, yeah, sure. Oh, that's what you were doing? On TV. Yeah, yeah. There are way easier ways

to do that. Yeah, I hiked through New Jersey and Connecticut. I just hike through Alaska and California. My rule is, I guess, stay out of Alaska. Just stay out of it.

Pretend it doesn't exist. I just like, I'll show her. There's no spiders. There's no snakes. There's nothing poisonous. That's true. There's nothing poisonous. That's right.

Yeah. Okay. All right. Well, Charlie, thanks so much. Yeah. It's a real man. Have a great day, guys. I was a great story.

Good story. All right. Next up, we got Gabe. Oh, Gabe, this is exciting, Rob. Because we'll take basically anything. And this is what we call a wild card. Okay. It's an off-topic call.

We call them wild cards. Sure. Because, you know, it makes it seem exciting. Yeah, yeah. And you got the sound effect. Yeah, yeah. Gabe. Hey.

Hello, Gabe. How are you guys going? Hit us with that wild card. Oh, go. All right. Can you hear me good? Yeah, yeah. We hear you great. All right. So I don't have a outdoor story. I have more of a backdoor story. A couple of years ago. We've had one of us.

Yeah, we kind of had one of those, yeah. Yeah, that's true. It's not quite as sexy. We decided to upgrade our adult toys, and as a free gift, we got a butt with about a footlong fox tail on it. So I guess it's a little naturey. Sure. And my wife was feeling amorous one night and decided to try it. We're in a, again, a dog position. I was behind, and we decided to move positions, and I moved to the left towards a nightstand,

and she moved right towards the middle of bed. And right as she moved, I felt a little tug under my knee and right as my brain processed it. I realized that I was on the tail. She got a quick extraction and a little scream. Oh. Oh. Did she evacuate?

No trauma. No emotional trauma, disemotional trauma, no physical trauma. No, no prolapse. No. No, no, no. Because that's actually that could happen. Next week is prolapse. That's our prolapse story. Oh, here the wrong week.

I have so many prolapse stories. Honestly, that would be, that would be so fucking excited. An entire story of prolapse. You knelt on the fox tail. Wow. What's the deal with the fox tail now? Wait, first, did it make a pop? Did you hear a popping sound?

I swear, there was, there was like that. On a cool pop and then a little scream. Like a... It's like you were there. Fun. Wow. Fun. The great outdoors.

Well, go ahead. You were going to hear a question about the fox tail. Oh, yeah. What's the... I guess just what's the deal with the fox tails? Because I sure, I guess I can understand fun with the butt plugs. But the fox tail detail, it adds a little what to it. A little, like, you know, furry.

I honestly don't know. Yeah, I think it's furry cosplay kind of thing. Because she's got it in her and you're supposed to, you're not, are you like, does the tail do something extra for you? I'm really just good. No, it's just decoration. Yeah, it's cute. When you walk around, it's kind of cute. Sure, sure, sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When we're off the air, I'll show you. I have my, in my bag. You've got, oh, yeah. So you got it word in right now. It's a skunk tail. Oh, man. No, I get that.

I get that. Well, I hope it didn't put her off of butt stuff. Yeah. We took a little break. Okay, good. Yeah, good luck with all your butt play. All right. Be safe.

Thank you, Gabe. Well, I don't know. I'll be calling back next week with pro laps. All right. I don't know what it is about the outdoors theme, but again, this is the filthiest. I think it might be me. I don't know. People think like I'm that guy.

It's court heads. They think it's me. They think that's what I'm all about or something. All right. Rob from Los Angeles. You got Rob and Andy here. You got a Yosemite story? I sure do.

Hey, guys. How's going? Good. How are you? Taking my call. Sure. We're doing great. We're doing great out here in L.A.

It's really cold today for L.A. So we're here too. Yeah. We're here too. Oh, you're here. Oh, okay. So you know exactly how awful it is here. And okay.

Yeah. Anyways. I love it. This is my sweet spot right here. Thank God. Keep that sun away. Yeah. So when I turned 18 and graduated from high school, a couple buddies and I decided to go backpacking in Yosemite.

And I had some maps. And this is before, you know, cell phones and a lot of digital stuff was easily accessible. So I had some old maps. and we settled on a route and we decided we were going to go and do it. And so we drove up with all our gear to the Toomey Meadows Ranger Station and went in to get our permit. And the Ranger kind of took a look at us and we were young and had whatever gear we had. And he said, well, you guys know like you're about to go over a pretty big pass.

And the snowpack up there is still 100%. Are you prepared for that? And we kind of shared a little glance with each other like, oh, fuck, no, we're not prepared for this. But I say, yeah, sure, Mr. Ranger, we're prepared for that. That sounds great. So we head out on the trail, and it was a two-nighter. So the first night, the first day was this really mellow, beautiful hike up the Tuolmi River. And there's, like, very gentle slope.

There's flowers and wildflowers and a beautiful river. And it was just very chill. Yeah, nothing. bad can happen kind of day. Nothing bad could happen. Absolutely not. Right. And the second day was the day that we submitted this path.

Donahue Pass, for those of you at home with your topographical maps open, Donogue Pass, we were hiking up over Donahue Pass and then down the eastern slope towards the June Lake area was our exit. And so we start going up and I noticed that we noticed that the trail had kind of forked. And one was kind of, it seemed like it was going back in a direction we didn't want to go. And the other one was going like up the mountain. Oh, okay, let's go. We got to go up the mountain.

We're going over a path. Let's go up the mountain. And slowly the terrain started getting steeper and steeper. And the rock started getting bigger and bigger. And before we knew it, we were basically rock climbing with 40 pound packs on our back, scrambling over this rubble to go up. And I'm a little huskier than my friends were at the time. And so they were leaving me in the dust.

And all of a sudden I look around. I don't see them. I don't know where they are. I can't see where they are. And so we get separated. And at one point, I'm kind of Spider-Man to the side of this big boulder with this 40-pound pack on my back. And I lose my grip.

And I'm falling back and everything goes into slow motion. And I'd say, this is how I'm going to die. I'm going to break my leg on the side of this mountain. But I kind of landed flat on my pack. And no issue. It was like, okay, we've got to keep going. So I get up. Finally crest over the side of this hill, not hill, mountain.

And look around and the ranger was not lying. The snowpack was 100%. In all directions, it was just white. And I had no idea. There was no trail. There was no marker. I had no idea where I was going. So I just, I was like, I don't see.

my friends, so I picked the direction. I said, I think this probably feels right. I'm going to keep going this direction. So I'm hiking for about 20 minutes. And finally, these people are passing me. And I said, oh, hey, can you guys tell me, like, where's the summit? Where's the past? I'm trying to get to the past. And they pointed behind me, said, oh, you're going the wrong way. It's behind you. So it's like, oh, shit. So now I'm even farther behind my friends. I don't know where they are. And so I turn around and I go back the way that they came. I find the pass and now I'll put them on the other side of this mountain coming down. And on the eastern slope side, it gets all that morning sun. So the snow line was way higher. And as I got off of this snowfield,

the water was just rushing, melt this, the water run up was, it was created like rivers everywhere. I'm post-holding through the ice. My foot is going through the snow and hitting the ground on the bottom with six inches of water on it. It was insane. But somehow I finally find the trail. I'm back on the trail and feeling good. Don't know where my friends are, but at least I'm on a trail. This is good.

But suddenly the trail goes under a river. What usually looks like, what probably looks like a little creek during the drier season was a full-on rushing river. And so, and the trail disappears underneath it. So I hike a quarter mile up the trail to see if there's somewhere I can cross, nothing, come back to where I started, go down the trail to see if there's anywhere. There's nothing. So I'm looking around, what am I going to do? and I find a tree that has fallen across this river. But it was overtaken by like an inch of water.

I was like, well, this is my best chance. Like, if I don't get across this river, like, I don't know if I'm going to find my friends. Like, I don't know what I'm going to do. So I throw my backpack across. I get up on this log and kind of put my arms out in a tee to keep my balance. I take one step. And the log was, of course, very slick. And I slipped and slammed my nuts on.

to this log, which was of unpleasant, as I'm sure you may identify with. Hey, you don't know my life, bitch. This insult to injury, the log then rotates and dunks me into the water. Oh, man. So now I'm completely submerged in this snow runoff. That cold water probably felt good on your... Sure nuts, though. Ah, nice those.

It was, and so I come up for air and I crawl my way across the other side and I'm completely soaking wet and in this freezing snow runoff. And it's about that time that I realize like, oh, crap, like I'm on the eastern side of these mountains now. I can't see the sun and it's starting to get cold. Oh, I'm like, oh, fuck. Like, I, is this the point in the story? Is this the point where you start to cry or had you. cried already. There was there was no crying yet, but it

was coming. Okay, good, okay, because there's got to be you're lying if you weren't crying at some point. Because I'm also, I'm also anticipating you getting to the end and telling us you're a ghost. That's right. That's right. At the end, I got shagged on a bonnet. I don't, whatever that means.

All right, so anyway, it's shagged on a bonnet. It's getting dark. You're freezing cold, wet. I'm freezing cold And like in Yosemite in the area, like you're not allowed to build campfires because of fire danger. And like, it's very explicit. Like, you know campfires. But I was like, if I don't build a file.

Oh, and I perhaps to mention we split the gear between the three of us because why should one person take all the heavy stuff and one person take all the light stuff? So my buddies had the tent and I have the food. And so I have no shelter. I don't know where they are. I'm so angry. Like, where have they? I can't believe they left me behind. Right.

But you can eat your feelings. So I get out of my clothes. The Husky guy gets the food. Yeah. That's right. That's right. And so I have to, I was like, I'm going to, I got to find a place to camp, strip out all my clothes, hung him up on a little tree, and made a fire and just hunkered down for the night. And my sleeping bag was probably only rated to zero degree.

breathes, but it definitely got colder than that because I fell asleep but woke up sometime later in the pitch dark and I was full body convulsion shaking from how cold it was. Wow. And so I had to force myself to get out of my sleeping bag and go scrounge for more wood to build my meager little fire to stoke it and crawl back in my sleeping bag to get as close. Are you nude? I was almost nude. I had only my baseway, only a bright.

pair of base layers. So I was essentially nude because all of my regular clothes were drying. Of course. Yeah. Yeah. Was your hair wet? My hair, I, it was when I came out of the water. Yeah, that'll fuck you. Now, do your clothes freeze solid? You know, in the morning when I, when I picked them up, they weren't frozen solid, but they were definitely resembling the shape of the tree. Yeah. They were frosty. Yeah. They definitely got cold. So that process of passing out, waking up with convulsions, getting out of the sleeping bag, stoking the fire, getting back in the sleeping bag, passing out again, happened three or four times. I don't remember because there was delirium. But finally I woke up and I could start to see

the golden sunlight on the horizon. And it was still cold, but I stoke my fire. I said, this is the last time I have to stoke this fire. I've survived the night. and packed up all my stuff. My clothes were dry by that time and got back on the trail and was really at this point, really pissed off at my friends. Like, I can't believe they left me. I almost died. I don't, are they dead?

Like, where the, where the fuck am I? I hope they're hungry. And so I'm back on the trail. Are they hungry? They definitely were. I wasn't hungry. No. And so I got back on the trail.

and came across, the trail kind of turned into a massive, it looked like, it wasn't a Sequoia because we were near somebody, it was a huge tree, had been intentionally fallen across, like, the trail that you could stand like two people side by side over this huge rushing river. And so I sat down on this tree, I got my water filter out, that was pumping water through my water filter to get ready to hike down. And sure enough, my friends come hiking up the trail, And they said, Rob, we thought, we thought you were dead. We got separated from each other. We met each other at the place we agreed we were going to meet.

We thought we were going to have to call the search and rescue and that you were dead. And that's my story of how I survived a very, very cold night in the wilderness. And when the ranger tells you, asks you if you're prepared for 100% snowpack and you're not prepared for 100% snowpack, you should swallow your pride and just don't go. Just turn around and go drive back down to the local McDonald's and have some lunch. I wouldn't even know when he says, are you prepared for the snowpack? I don't know what that means. Like, I don't think I am.

I think the larger lesson, the larger lesson here is just don't be 18 in the woods. Because your brain hasn't formed fully yet. You're not making good decisions. Yeah, you got like seven years. It's not for you out there. At least until you're 19 before you choose to go into the woods. That's right. All right.

Well, Rob, thank you so much for the call. We got to get off the air here. Thanks, boys. Appreciate you. Thank you. Bye. Glad you're safe. All right.

We pick a favorite. I don't even need to go back. The favorite call. It's the fucking bear. Yeah. You know, it's the Alaska bear thing. I can't. What was his name?

That was a great one. Yeah. Yeah. Was that Charlie? Yeah, yeah. I don't know. Kerry from England. It was a lot of fun.

Okay, that was good too. It was a lot of fun. That was good. It was a lot of good calls. I got to say, I don't even remember what the first call was about because it was a lot of, like, details. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just looking at the- I have a very clear picture of the condo settlement.

I do, too, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The compound. I understand the parameters. I can feel exactly what the temperature was and the time. Yeah, no, but see, I got to go with Charlie because for me, between seconds. and death, I always go with death. Yeah. I mean, it's that.

And the Yosemite hike was pretty, I mean, I could, I could picture at least three or four different places he should have died. And that's just the sort of thing, though, when I hear that, I'm like, no, I just know. How about no? No, what you do is, well, we're also older and we're more experienced. We know that when you saw those people that said you're going the wrong way, you just hike down with them. You just stay with them and go with them.

Mind if I tag it along? You're going to cry back here. You guys, you don't have to talk to me. All right. Well, Rob, thank you so much. Thank you. Check out the audacity on AMC. I'll be back next Wednesday,

and we are talking dating app dish or dating app dirt, whatever, you know, depending. Hopefully it'll be filthy like today. It will be. A lot of young people. And we'll be back next week with more of the Andy Richter-Callon show. Still no music? Oh, now it feels like a...

There's that public domain show. Oh, I love it. All right, bye, everybody. This sounds inexpensive. Bye.