The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Sabrina Jalees

Episode Date: December 31, 2019

Comedian Sabrina Jalees talks with Andy Richter about coming out to her family, her most valued lessons in finance, reinventing herself in high school, and how having a baby has changed her worldview. Plus, Sabrina talks about her new TV show Carol’s Second Act plus what she’s learned about the importance of being open and honest about yourself.

Well, hello, everyone. You have once again stumbled upon the three questions with Andy Richter. I guess I'm Andy Richter. And I'm here today with Sabrina Jalise, the very funny stand-up comedian, mom, Canadian. In that order. Yeah. Right. I'm a mommy-daddy type, baba type lady.

Are you? Are you mommy-daddy? Yeah, like my wife Carrie the baby. Yeah. And I'm like very the person that when I hold the baby, people are like, oh my God, she's so amazing with the baby. So I feel like, you know, very male privilege, when I hold the baby people are like oh my god she's so amazing with the baby so I feel like you know very male privileged patriarchy in the matriarchy

but you don't mind being called mom no but when I'm like at the park I love when daddies come up to me and treat me like daddy oh really? I know this podcast is about honesty and I just wanted to be really honest right off the top no I know well I actually the thing that I always hated about being a dad was like the gross dad part of kind of like.

Pooping on them. Well, and more like, isn't this bullshit that I have to like put myself second, you know? And I was always like. Can we say the F word? Yeah, yeah, of course. You can say whatever you want. It was fucking insane. Can we say the F word?

Yeah, yeah, of course. You can say whatever you want. Oh, it's fucking insane. Like when Shauna was pregnant, there were so many, like I mean many men saying to me like, all right, dude, like live your life now. Once this baby comes, your life is over. Yeah.

You know, your wife's not going to want to fuck you. Yeah. Your baby's not, your baby doesn't like you. You don't have the milk. And I'm like, well, have you ever thought like maybe you suck? Yeah. You suck. I'm not enjoying this conversation with you. I can't imagine being married to you.

But people like, you know, framing having a child as this huge loss. And it's like, get a babysitter and go dance with your wife. We travel with our baby. The other thing is like people that let their babies control their schedule. And it's like the baby is so new. It's like if someone that's never been to L.A. showed up in L.A. And you're like, the baby is so new. It's like if someone that's never been to LA showed up in LA and you're like, all right, take me to Hollywood. Show me those stars. When my ex-wife and I had little kids and we'd go out of town, we would

call the front desk. Do you have babysitters? Yes, they do. First step. They are licensed. Yes. They are insured. They are much better than like the neighbor's daughter. And then you have this person. And some places like that we would go to on a regular basis, like there was this old lady that would bring two shopping bags full of just like garbage drugstore toys,

you know, like $3 toys. And my son was maybe four at the time. And we'd go there and he would just be like, I don't know. This lady is a magician. When's Margaret coming? And then one time we came. Just dead in the eyes till Margaret comes? And in fact, it was at Disneyland because we were going to stay overnight at Disneyland.

And then we would go out to dinner. And there was one time where she came and put down the bags. And he just turned to us and went, bye. Like, my date's here. You can go now. But yeah, early on when I had, because I kind of, among a lot of people kind of of my age, I was one of the first people to have kids. So I had a lot of sort of male peers. Me too.

Yeah. I had a lot of male peers just afterwards have kids and then seek out advice from me and I cannot tell you and I mean like especially the bigger and the more sort of famous and richer the conversation always boiled down to kind of like ah man is it ever going to, am I ever going to get back to

making it all about me again? Is it all going to be about me? I mean is this, and it's like you made a fucking human being you made a human being making it all about me again? Oh, that just sucks. Is it all going to be about me? I mean, is this, and it's like. Is it not enough that the thing looks like you kind of. You made a fucking human being. You made a human being. It's, but that's something that's just like a deeper, like an inability to realize like the value

and deep connection. Like just to look at your baby. I think, I mean, there is a, what we were talking about before of just sharing the load is so important and it's so wild because I started doing standup when I was 16. And one of the first jokes I wrote was like, isn't it crazy how moms just like go crazy.

It's like, what is up with moms? They're just like nuts. And it's like, Oh my God, no society kidnapped them. Yes. Society was like,

what did you want to be? If a dentist, a lawyer, a artist. Oh, too bad, Karen. You're raising these kids now and you should be so lucky, Karen. And I always, I always, I always wonder bad, Karen. Yeah. You're raising these kids now, and you should be so lucky, Karen.

And I always think. No wonder Karen fucking suck. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I know. Just a side note about Karen. Well, there is. I mean, there's all kinds of essays and stuff written about, like, a mom's anger. Like, moms are angry.

Yeah. Like you said, their lives have been taken from them. And also, I think there is the, you know, this is probably way too reductive, but like just the primary. I'm already mad at it. I've already blogged about it. The primary thing of like when we, you know, like in Stone Age us. Yeah. Like there's this woman that has all these kids and they might get eaten.

Yeah. So she's constantly on guard, constantly nervous about some disaster happening. Yeah, well, Ted is chewing on rocks with his buddies. Right, exactly. They're out bringing down a woolly mammoth. Licking toads. Bringing down a woolly mammoth, and by that, I mean fucking each other. They're saying they're bringing down a woolly mammoth.

They're fucking each other. Yeah, yeah, exactly. They're fucking each other. They're l down a woolly mammoth, and by that I mean fucking each other. They're saying they're bringing down a woolly mammoth. They're fucking each other. Yeah, yeah, exactly. They're fucking each other. They're licking toes. Oh, damn. They're talking about how women's vaginas are so gross. Check out that woolly mammoth. Og.

All right. Well, now let's start with the beginning. Sure. But hold on. I have one quick tip. Okay. One thing, if you're traveling and you don't have the access to the cool babysitter, Margaret with the trash bags. Yeah. Yeah. You can now, this is for like, if you're staying at a

hotel with a cool hotel restaurant, baby's sleeping in the crib, FaceTime each other, FaceTime each other and put the FaceTime on the baby and then go down to the hotel bar. And that's called free babysitting, baby. I'm not responsible if your kid gets kidnapped you have to be watching your kid okay you can see the kid in the facetime so you just leave the phone with the baby if you feel like you're in a weird place definitely don't do this like i already regret telling people right right well no i mean 13 children were stolen after the podcast well there's a very limited window of time that you can get away with that like because when the baby starts becoming more.

Old. Older and being able to like. Yeah, when he's like smoking cigars being like, where's Margaret? Or like where it's, like the period that I, like when they start toddling, I always called that high stakes boredom. Because they just, they do the same fucking thing over and over and over. That's good. The, like the chance of the imminent death is always in the air. Oh, my God.

Like they could fall down in anything. They could kill themselves on a corner of a coffee table. Baby Wolfie has a little. How old is Baby Wolfie now? Baby Wolfie is a year and a half. A year and a half, yeah. And he's got this little bike. And he's like BMXing with it.

It's like a tiny little wooden bike. But his game is like, how do I get onto a high thing and then jump off of it? And Shauna went out to go hang laundry. In a second, this kid went like down four stairs with his BMXer and I just hear him scream it and he's like falling down the stairs. And both Shauna and I are like, well, we were both next to him. How did this high stakes boredom? It's amazing. High stakes boredom BMXing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was, and I would always at that age too, people would tell me like, well, I'm never high around my kids.

And I would think, I'm constantly high around my kids. They probably thought you were a cop. I mean, who said that? I was out in the garage with them, watching them just like build blocks, knock blocks over, build blocks, knock blocks over.

It's like, God damn it, something's got to get me through this. Yeah, you got to have a little. This one hitter will help. Yeah, just get a couple glasses of wine in there, change the perspective on it. Yeah, it does help. So you are from Toronto. You are a girl.

I'm a little girl. And you're from Toronto. I'm from Toronto. And is all your family still up there? Born and raised. Born and raised. And they, that doesn't answer your question at all. Yeah, my family lives in Toronto.

Mom, Ursula, Swiss lady. Moved to Toronto in the 70s to au pair for a mean family. Dad, Saeed Jalil. And just stuck around? Or met your dad? Well, my dad became obsessed with her. It's like one of those love stories that like, you know, if you told it

now, it's like, that's stalking, but because it's like 100 years old, JK, however, one was the 70s. 300 years old. Right, exactly. It's like, cute. You know, like my dad basically, they met on a double date, like blind set up double date, and they, my dad was like, I will have you.

And my mom was like, my mom grew up like Swiss people are very like pure and all about normal. You know, the other day I asked my mom how her period cramps were when she had one. She was like, normal. And I was like, did you ever feel like a little crazy, like emotional? She was like, I felt a normal amount of emotion. And it's like, you know, that is like, right. Absolutely. Very conforming. So it was just this wild thing that she,

it's like the crazy, like a clock. Yeah. Like exactly. And like the, the Mary, the Muslim Pakistani dude was not on a number on the clock. Yeah.

Yeah. So it's just a, yeah, they were the original lesbians. They were like, you know, in the seventies holding hands with people being like why the hell what who allowed this and is your dad from pakistan yeah my dad's from pakistan he's the eldest of eight um my mom subsequently after

like falling in love with him realized like when you marry into a family like that you're marrying the whole family so i grew up with like our basement was like basically the landing pad for everyone immigrating. They would land in our basement and then my parents would like set them up with a different place. So my mom has no bitterness about that. She doesn't? No, I'm kidding. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, like I'm like really jumping all over the place.

That's all right. But when I came out to my Muslim family, it was very bad news. It was not nice. They broke up with me, and it was very emotional and sad. But I think there's that. I mean, I'm just literally driving us to a sad place for no reason. That's okay. So you'll have to back us out of here.

We will. But when I just said the bitterness part. It's just a podcast. I know, but the stakes could not be higher for me, Andy. I'm hoping to really launch myself off this. Three questions was going to be the moment that America discovered me. Yeah, that what? Got you a recurring role on a network television show?

That's right. You already have that. Yeah, no one's watching that. Oh, well, no one watches network television anymore. It aired yesterday for the first time and six million people watched it. Oh, no shit. The amount of people, more than they wanted. Holy shit.

So our table read today was my nipples were erect and just bouncing all over the place. Yeah, shooting Krugerrands. One of the suits from CBS stood up and was like, ah, this is a success. And oh, my God. Wow. Yeah, it's an amazing day. But let's get back to this bitterness. Yeah.

Cause I would like to know what that's like to be successful. But anyway, get, yeah. Get back to the sadness. You're so successful. Thanks. What are you talking about? Took you long enough. I was kind of like adding up all your money on the way over here. I think you got a lot.

Oh man. Yeah. Don't ever, those fucking like, how much are they worth things? Yeah. I know that they're arbitrary. It says more than you. Oh my God. Oh says i mean not just like more like 20 times more than you're gonna drive to their headquarters and be like where is my missing money yes where's my where's my wheel barrel full of millions uh but anyway so yeah when you came out to your muslim family i just

like threw that in because i think when I said the, I think my mom did a lot for the family. And I think when they were not able to adapt to me being gay or when it was like so sort of like cut and dry, I think my mom was very sort of like, oh shit. I just like, I spent so much of my energy and life like giving. Yeah. But that's also like the tale of the mother is like so much giving.

Yeah, but no, it's also, I think, I think it's also sort of the story of religious fundamentalism too, I think a lot. Like where people, where it's kind of like, yes, it's all about family and it's all about giving and it's all about sharing until you break a rule. Until you step outside of this box. Yeah, yeah. And then it's like, no thanks. Because it is like, yeah, you guys did all this stuff for these people. The least they could do is be kind and open. But now looking back, I realize like's a a period of coming out to yourself

where you are just as uh hold on one second nice you want to loop that if you want to use that as a sound effect again i'm gonna i'm gonna launch it'll be my uh my my ringtone on a loop rapid fire the what was the thing damn it you know when you do such a good so when you come out to yourself when you come out to yourself there's this period where you're like i'm not gay i can't be gay i can't be gay it's so much denial because you well also different era i associated being gay with like fail like failing to be normal um And they didn't have, like when you come out to someone, especially someone that's like,

has no frame of reference of what being gay is, you're basically like to them saying like, I'm a crackhead and I'm happy. And I inject myself with crack. That's not how crack works, guys. Well, it would hurt. You know. It would hurt to do that with crack.

All the three question heads that are also, you know, 50% of them are crackheads. Of course. They wouldn't appreciate the way I misrepresented crack. That was actually the first merch was three questions crack. That's why you're not making a ton of money. I know, I know. You got to sell the pure stuff. I know, but it's so easy to make.

I know. And once you do make that first batch and you know, but it's so easy to make. I know. And once you do make that first batch and you know you can, you're bored sitting around. The kids are asleep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's magical. Loads crystals form. Whee!

All right, so what did your – What I mean is like I understand looking back, like in the pain of being like broken up with and the drama of that it was like so painful but like looking back and after doing a little bit of ayahuasca uh just feeling like love for them and feeling like wow that was a really hard thing for them to do yeah you know they needed to take you know they needed to like take a walk through the forest to realize that like they were gonna come back is it getting better yeah like i think that the people in my family now, after years, you know, it's just sort of, it wasn't, hasn't never been talked about, but they're just sort of like, you know, I'm back in the WhatsApp family chain. I'm, you know, Wolfie really normalized things for them.

Yeah. We're the first like, you know, gay family that they know. Yeah. And I think for them, it was also this kind of Bollywood drama style showing of like, all right, kids, if this is what you want to do, this is how you get treated. Yeah. You know, because I'm one of the elder cousins. Oh, I see. And have you ever been to Pakistan?

I've never been to Pakistan, but I'd like to go with my dad. Do you have still relatives there that are, yeah? Not, well, we do, yeah, like far down the lineage, like not my dad's direct, like my dad's cousins and stuff. Yeah, yeah. All the siblings are in North America now. Yeah, I'd like to go. It's just like a weird thing.

I have a podcast called The Goody Goody and this week I had my friend Patty Harrison. Yeah. Super funny trans comic writer, actress. She's going to star in a movie with Ed Helms. Oh my God. Oh, that's fantastic. She's shooting it right now. funny trans comic writer actress she's gonna star in a movie with ed helms like oh my god that's fantastic shooting right now but um she was talking about not feeling comfortable traveling because she's trans and i was kind of uh trying to convince her like oh well it's you should

definitely go to vietnam though you you know you're you have that lineage there and then as i'm saying this i'm like oh shit like i haven't been to Pakistan. And part of the reason I haven't been to Pakistan is for sure that I feel like I cannot be myself there. And even the family that I'll meet, it's like, are there rules around being able... I just have to hang out with my family. We're a fun group of friends. Picked up this one and a half year old. He's a riot. Somebody left this baby on me and my roommate's doorstep. And so we're all just hanging. We're hanging it and waiting for the right

fella. To make our lives make sense. Oh yeah. Anyway, just one bed. Just one bed. Yeah, we get cold. Yeah. Well, anyway, just one bed.

Just one bed. Yeah, we get cold. Yeah, yeah, I can imagine. Yeah, but it's easy to tell Patty. Oh, yeah, you do that. Well, that's the thing. Oh, no, you. Yeah, that'll be great.

Sounds great. Sounds easy. No trouble at all. Yeah. Yeah. Now, what did your dad do for a living? What brought him? Was he the first to come over from Pakistan?

He came over from Pakistan. Both my parents were like waitering, but they were taking courses, and they both became computer analysts. Okay. I like to say analysts. Analysts. Well, it was very sex heavy what they were doing with computers. Oh, really? They were fucking each other with keyboards. I hope they're listening.

Yeah, they were just penetrating keyboards. Both of them wore strap-ons. Nice, nice. No wonder you're gay. I'll gather the whole family around for this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do a little listening party. Take it to Pakistan.

Now that we're all back in each other's lives. Uh-huh. Yeah, so they did. But my dad got laid off from IBM too early to retire, and he ended up learning how to contract homes, which was. Oh, wow. It ended up being the way that they retired was that my dad would buy kind of an old crappy house. Yeah. And either renovate it or eventually just tear it down and build a new home. And that's, and I got really into real estate from seeing them do that.

Because I also saw my dad lose money in the stock market, and I just remember thinking, like, what a fucking – I can't. Like, with stocks, I'm just like, that seems insane to put your money – It's like gambling, yeah. Yeah, it's totally gambling. And then there's, like, right now what's happening. I downloaded this Robinhood app and I started like dabbling, which is not good for me because then I'd be like drinking at a party being like, I bet overstock's going up tonight. And it's like, you know, I. Well, I don't know what Robinhood is.

It's an app where you can invest in stocks. So you can. And it makes it pretty easy. Is it different than E-Trade or, you know, any one of those other things? I bet they're similar. Yeah. But basically I was like doing so good

and now like everything's steering downwards. Yeah. And it's like, if I had more than like, you know, a few thousand dollars in this, I would be, my mood would be affected. Oh, I, when, first of all, I'm old enough to where I, when I started at Conan, there was just starting to be this thing called the internet. Like it was –

It's coming. To think that it – you know, to think that like – and the note – like I remember being like, wait, it's called the World Wide Web? And like – That'll never catch on. There's like a Pepsi – like who's going to look up a brochure online? You know, like look up a brochure online? You know, like look up a brochure for Pepsi or whatever. It was so – had no conception of it.

Yeah. But when online trade, like e-trade and all these places where you could do this yourself and it was, you know, the early 90s and there was this big tech bubble. And, yeah, people at work were just like, we're just all during the day, like, oh, you should buy this one. And oh, you should buy that one. And I probably didn't lose this amount. But from my top point, when I finally was like, I can't, I'm number one, I'm stupid. I'm really dumb about money. I'm smart about other things, but money and numbers just are terrible to me. I've always been bad at math and stuff. We've got a couple of stocks to sell you after this podcast. Oh, boy.

I'd love to. I think I got about 200 bucks in my wallet. Andy. But I lost like 60 grand. That's terrible. Like from the top to the bottom. And I mean, it wasn't like the original 60 grand, but's terrible. Like from the top to the bottom. And I mean, it wasn't like the original 60 grand,

but it was probably, I probably did lose 20 grand. Yeah, damn. And it was like, I should not have been fucking around with that money. I should have been giving it to somebody that was smart. And from that point on, I have never, I've only let the experts handle it. I feel like real estate is such a solid investment when you are talking about investing in cities like L.A. or New York. Because even when the market gets whatever it's called, soft or bad or.

Squishy, yeah. Naughty. Naughty. That naughty anal market. Yes. People have to move to the cities to get work. Yeah. So when the economy is rough, even if it goes down a little bit, if it depreciates, it's just like a yo-yo on an escalator is what my dad told me.

Oh. And I think that that's true. If you look at any sort of like all the properties, and I don't think it's just in LA or New York or Toronto, but those are like strong city markets. You look at property, it's always going to go up. So it's a safer place to put your money. Yeah. After renting in New York City for years and years, the first place I bought, like the

first, like within a minute of buying it, I was like, oh my God, why didn't I do this? Yes. I'm not flushing money down the toilet. For artists, I think they always think, or anyone freelance, they always think like the more money I have in my bank, that is going to be, that's my security blanket. When in fact, your security blanket is not throwing money into a fire pit, which is renting. Fire pit, I don't know why. I just like wanted to make it cozy. It sounds fun, like a beach party.

Roasting marshmallows. Yeah. And if you have the capability to buy, if you're in that position, do it. Because then your money starts working for you. I have a couple friends, like Andy Daly is someone who moved out here, bought a condo. I think took out a loan from relatives and bought a condo. And I was like, the goddamn presence of mind to do that as a young person just moving to a new city.

I was like, I couldn't even conceive of doing that. Well, what were your parents like? With money? Terrible. Yeah. Terrible. I think it's like, it really is like, I got a head start from seeing what worked for my parents and what didn't.

Stock market didn't really work. Habits of, you know, there's books about like good daddy teaches child to make money or something like that. Yeah, I bought that book. Yeah, did you? And I was like, bitch, I know this shit. Who doesn't know? I'd like a refund. It's just like 10 chapters of like, and then put the money in the bank

and then buy a house. Yeah, yeah. But the lesson that I also learned from them was to hold on to the properties and not just like flip and sell. Because if you can, if you can rent them out, then for all the work that my dad did

to break these houses down and build them and sell them, they would have been in a better financial position if they just had kept them as is, rented them out, and then cashed out when they were retired. Oh, wow. Because that's how much the property value goes up. Wow. Wow.

So that's my lesson on money. When did he start doing that? What age were you? I guess I was a little tween. Oh, you were still in the house. Well, I think he started, yeah, we moved constantly because he didn't have to pay builder's tax if we lived in the house. Oh. So we were constantly either living in a little house that he was eventually going to break down or a big house that he built, but that like out of our price range, but that we were going to sell.

So my friend's parents probably thought my dad had like a gambling problem. It's like, make a decision. Are you rich? Are you poor? Are you making meth in there? Because you should. Because that's the rule that we've decided on on this podcast. But you're just moving around within Toronto.

Yeah. So, but I mean, does it have schools? Does it have, oh, in the same school. So it's like, it's kind of just a weird sort of just like fun like you just you're checking into a different hotel for a year does it make you uh keep the amount of stuff that you have like oh my mom no because my mom would have to do everything so it was like we always we didn't have a ton of things that was like one of like we get rid of stuff every time and then also we would never like people I'd go to my friend's house and they'd have like these posters or these picture frames and the, and colors and wallpaper. And it was like, everything was neutral.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, and there's nothing hung on the wall. No, because it's not. Yeah. You're like kind of living in a showroom. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Was that, I mean, do you think that like impacted you in some way? Did you, did you move into an apartment, your first apartment, and just cover the walls with things or anything? I think that the way that it impacted me was that I didn't realize the importance of aesthetic, like personal aesthetic and living in a place. My wife is very visually like she's just

gifted like she walks into spaces she's a wardrobe stylist she also does some art direction she'll walk into a space like my dressing room uh people say like don't dress don't get your room like dressed up for the first season it's bad luck but like fuck it like i'm right who knows how long you spend a lot of time yeah i gotta use this amenity. So she made it look so great. And it was just from her going to the flea market for a day. But she hung stuff and shelves and appreciating the value in that and personalizing a space. But the positive thing was I think that it made me sort of, I'm not scared to move. Right. Or to take on project, scared to move. Right.

Or to take on project, like house projects. Yeah. Because I saw them do it so often. Yeah, yeah. So for, I guess, like moving, and also this probably comes from the spirit of like two people that came from like oceans away and settled in Canada. But like moving from Canada to New York when I was 22, it's not as crazy because it's like we're constantly moving.

Yeah, that is true. Yeah, I imagine, yeah, especially as a stand-up, you're used to being somewhat, you know, transience is not a... I think of myself as a transient and then a stand-up. I don't mean like, I'm not going to explain this look after this all I have to do is wander around and tell jokes now you know what I mean the stand-up life the life on the road for sure all of that yeah I mean I'm so glad this is I mean investing too is another way for me because that's something that I I love stand up. I love the moment where I'm

on stage and I love connecting with like different crowds or towns or places. But the travel part of it is just not for me. I mean, like once or twice a month, great. But like my life when I first moved from Toronto to New York, the big thing that I had like set up for me in America was that I had a college booking agent. So I was going to do all the NACAs and NACAs, as you know, but maybe the listener doesn't. It's basically like you are like a show pony and you do your like pony tricks on stage and then you stand in a stall next to your agent

and then all of the college students come and talk to you if you did a good set and it's really long, painfully long if you didn't connect. And write down tickets to you if you did a good set, and it's really long, painfully long if you didn't connect. Mm-hmm. And, you know, and write down tickets to, like, book you. Yeah, yeah. So if you do good at NACA. It's like a trade show, and you're a product. Yes, yes.

And so I did, like, I think 25 or 30 colleges the first year that I moved to New York. And it's sort of like, why am I not getting any traction in New York? And it's like, because you're not in New York. Right. And you're also not, I found on the road doing colleges that it wasn't really deepening my voice, that I was getting really good at like doing crowd work and connecting, talking about like, yes, hi, you're drunk, You know, like just being on that level. But it wasn't like I wasn't getting deeper into my voice.

Yeah. And it's a very particular audience and you do end up. You're a truck driver of jokes. Yeah. And you want to, you're there to entertain people and you want to entertain them. And if you, I mean, college kids are college kids. Sometimes you get there. Sometimes like you risk your, it's like planes, trains, and automobiles,

and it's Iowa, and it's the winter, and you've spun out, and you ended up in the fucking between the two highways, and the AAA's got to pull you out, and you get to the gig, and it's like three people, and you're next to a microwave, and you're less interesting than the microwave. The microwave's getting more laughs. Yeah. I got less grounded when the microwave got more laughs,

but I felt like you guys didn't understand how sad it was. I just like the notion of somebody coming in and using a microwave and standing there for two minutes while it heats up their mac and cheese. You know, I had a little taste of the road. Conan, we did a tour in of the road on the Conan. We did a tour in between. What it taste like? Like sadness.

It's sad. Like sadness, yeah. Like potential alcoholism and obesity for my taste. Well, what are you going to do? Yeah. I know. You're going to eat? You're going to reward yourself by eating and drinking? And late at night, too.

It's like, okay, I'm back. I'm hungry. And it's 1030. There's pizza or pizza. And it's, okay, I'm going to eat a pizza. Yeah. What kind of kid were you in Toronto? The best kind.

Like, so cool. Do you have siblings? I have a brother who's two years older, Sam, Samara. Yeah. And he's, like, much whiter. I had a mustache at 12 which I think

like helped me into comedy and I think also just like the big family around like performing for the family yeah I had

I was very I was like much more I think in touch with where I who I was like gender wise when I was younger

like before I started becoming conscious of like what a girl should look like. I had a mushroom cut. Were you a tomboy? I was a tomboy. Yes.

I was a tomboy. Yeah. I played roller hockey. Oh, cool. I used to want to be a tennis player. I played tennis competitively. Oh, nice. But then realized I actually just liked performing tennis.

When I was on court one, that's when I – like in front of the – like near the crowd. Yeah. I'd play great. And then anytime people weren't watching, I'd be like, who the fuck cares? Who cares? Who fucking cares? Yeah. So you were kind of like the entertainer of the family?

Yeah, definitely. Yeah. And just like wheeling and dealing. I was always into making a buck. Like I would sell 50-50 draw tickets at like family events. I set up a little casino in our garage in one of our spots. And the parents of the community shut it down because I was making like, you know, 15 bucks a day. Wow.

In quarters and loonies and toonies. Actually, it was pre-toonies. Oh, yeah. But I said I found this grid in our garage that was, it was just like a screen, but the holes were the size of like if you threw a marble across it, it could kind of like take a little path and then land somewhere. Sure. So I drew circles around for like, okay, if your marble lands here, you double your money, triple your money here.

That's a basic carnival game. Yeah, basic carnival game. And so I was just like pulling gypsy tricks on the block and making tons of cash until, yeah, I think Renee's mom got mad. When I was a kid, they had games that were like that. It was like a big spinning square with holes. Yeah. And they had colors around the holes, and you would put a quarter down on a color. Yeah.

And they'd toss in a wiffle ball. And it would bounce around. And if it would land, you'd win like a dollar. And it was just low-level gambling. Yeah, exactly. And you could only bet a quarter at a time. But my favorite one, and I love this so much, and I can't believe, I feel like I dreamed it,

but I know it really happened, was it was a big square table against, it spun, it rotated like on a Lazy Susan. And all around the edge of it were little holes about, you know, about the size of a big marble, you know, or like you could put a cigar through. And they were numbered. And then you had a square of numbers, like 13, 14, 15, 16, and you put a quarter on that.

There's little drawers on each side. This is complicated. They pull the drawer out. I was trying to visualize it, but now the drawers, I'm like, this is too much. Little drawers on the side of the spinning table. They stop the table. You know what I'm picturing? A cigar going in and out of a hole.

That was the idea. That's what I'm alwaysuring? A cigar going in and out of a hole. That was the idea. That's what I'm always picturing. That's why I said it was cigar. Okay, so the drawers. The drawer comes out. The drawer has a lid. It removes from the side of the spinning table. They spin the table.

An accordion pops out, licks you on the forehead. They lift the lid on the drawer and drop a mouse. What? Into the middle of the table, which is spinning. They bang on it if the mouse is too stunned and it runs down a hole. How are you guys getting might? That's the number. This was like a neighborhood game?

No, this was at a fair. Oh, at a fair. At our fair. I thought this was like at school. No, this was like a traveling carnival game. This is one of the- And you guess where the mouse is. And you guess, and if it runs down your number, then you get

a dollar. That's amazing. 50 cents or whatever. Everything that I said about the stock market being too risky, I do not apply those rules to this specific game. It is incredible. I want to play it. Let's fucking play it. Let's do it, Andy, one day. Do a mouse game? Let's do a charity

night, and let's make sure that that game... A charity night of all's make sure that that like a charity night of like all of like child like I'll bring my marble game right and then you bring a mouse and some drawers

a mouse game a high stakes mouse game high stakes mouse game we just get a bunch of people to do like their thing that they bamboozled people to get money with these mice

were not like refugees from a pet store they were like just field mice they were divas they were just brown you know, like. Don't look at me and say that that way.

I have to look at you. I'm talking to you. They were just brown. You know what? Oh, boy. I just walked into. Oh, no. Sabrina, come back, please.

I'm kidding. I mean, no, I'm not kidding. I mean, they were. They were brown mice. I mean, they were field mice. They weren't white mice. That's my point. Oh, my God.

I'm sorry. No, they were. So brown mice belong in the field and white mice belong in an ivory tower located inside a snake's belly that's right the luxury of a snake's belly no but that i always i like i say i can't even believe that that would happen and also that it was actually you'd win money it wasn't like you wouldn't win a prize. You'd win money. You'd win money. Yeah, that's the – well, I want to alert all the listeners to this way that I lost 150 euros in Paris.

Okay? Oh, good. This is – I lost – this was like five years ago. And I was staying in a – no, not five years ago. Like 10 years ago. I was staying in like a hostel and saving so much money. Just like having this solo trip in Paris and like just trying to scrimp and save. But then I had at the end of the trip was the last day I had 150 euros. And I'm like,

you know what, baby girl, let's fucking go out tonight and eat some fucking oyster. Let's like do it tonight. Okay, baby girl. That's how I talk to myself. I flirt with myself in my mind. When you got money in your pocket, you get a little sexy with yourself. I hope you were in the hostel vocalizing that. Yes. Can you please quiet down? We're all trying to nap. You're not supposed to have a baby in here. There's three German triplets trying to nap

at 2pm. Three German triplets. We are two German triplets. I did the face time we are two German triplets our sister is sick and tired of listening to you so she's in the bathroom we have one German triplet now

please so we hook up me and the German triplet yeah and then that fantasy to the side and now back to reality where I've got 150 euros I'm looking at the Eiffel Tower So we hook up, me and the German triplet. Yeah. And then that fantasy to the side. And now back to reality where I've got 150 euros.

I'm looking at the Eiffel Tower. I'm feeling good. And there's a guy that is doing this game. He's got these paper cups and a little foam ball. Yeah. And he's going, Where is the ball? Where is the ball?

Where is the ball? Where is the ball? Where is the ball? Where is the ball? Where is the ball? Where is the ball? Where is the ball? Where is the ball? Where is the ball? Where is the ball? Where is the ball? Where is the ball? And people guess where the ball is, and they put an amount in front of him, 20 euros or whatever. He picks up the cup, and the foam ball's there.

You double your money. And I'm seeing people fucking, what's like mint money. Yeah, yeah. What's a, I wish I, well, mint is fine. I just thought by the time I reached that part, I'd have like a. They were pulling money out of their ass. They were pulling money out of their asses. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, something like that. So I'm like, I'm going to fucking, I'm going to make this a 150, 300. But I'm not stupid. I start with 50 euros. I put 50 euros down. I know exactly. I saw, I see the foam ball under the thing. He's not doing it fast enough for my cool eyes. Cool eyes, at least. So he lifts up the thing. The foam ball's not there.

Everyone around me is like, oh shit. You know, like, and it's different people around me that are winning and losing. And, and so I'm, I'm like, shit, I got to get my money back. So then I bet again and again, I lose. And the next time next time I like sit back and I watch and then some other people are winning and I'm like okay cool the energy's back I'm going to win this time and what I realize is I lose all the money I go on this tour I come back and

it's the exact same people that are there winning and fucking losing and it's different demos they have like just like a whole casting fucking central casting squad of fucking bamboozlers. Of confederates, yeah. But there was like conscious. You know, that's a classic scam.

Now I know. I know, I know. It's exactly the kind of thing that you have to learn. Oh, yeah, right. A hodgepodge gang. Yeah, yeah. Kind of seems like a cool TV show. Yeah.

Like the New Friends, but they're bamboozlers. The bamboozlers. The bamboozlers. In my old neighborhood in New York, we were looking for a new apartment. And we went to see this apartment. And as we were going in, there was a couple coming down the stairs, like really pretty people. And they were coming down the stairs, and they were just absolutely effusive about the apartment and saying like, well, we're going to come to the office and put down some money right now. And we went up and looked at it and it was kind of shitty, you know, and we're like, oh, okay, whatever.

And it was right around the corner from our old apartment. And the next day I walked by and those two people were sitting and waiting to do the same thing. They were, they were like, they probably worked at the office or something and were supposed to, every time they brought somebody in, they were supposed to go, we're going to take it. Cause you're, cause that will make you, I guess there's some people that are so competitive. They'll move into a shitty apartment just because someone else wants it. I mean, I don't know if you can tell by that last story, but I'm easily swayed. Like I'm easily, I do, I think that that's something. I would not expect that because you have such a grounded smartness.

Like a beautiful sense of gorgeous. Go on. That's the next step. No, no. Like all this real estate shit, that's very smart. Well, but it also comes from a savviness that gets too excited. Oh.

Thankfully, I found real estate. Otherwise, I'd be... Well, my parents also... You'd be standing in front of that guy Uwe LeBalling. Yeah. I'd be like, this is gonna work. Come on. Lightning's got to strike. I'm flying to Paris for business.

Oh, I know where LaBelle is. Yeah. My parents, they, you know, they, I think that you've got like you to get ahead, you have to try a lot of things. And if you're open to trying a lot of things and you'll try bad things. And my parents, you know, they did, they did correct things with money. And they also one time went to a seminar and came home having spent $25,000 on 25 pay phones, like right in the moment where it was like everybody has cell phones. Yeah. Like it was like what? And then they didn't even like it.

There was 25 pay phones that sat in our garage because the next step would be like they've got to go sell these sell these. They've got to like sell people on the idea of putting these weird looking payphones. Go to a cafe and say, you need a payphone. So all we need to do is get a landline over here, connect it to this payphone. It just so, yeah. So like they get excited, you know, they'll get sold in a time shift. Are they still in their garage, the payphones? Did they? I think they ended up like getting someone to pick them up for free after they got dusty. Oh boy. Yeah.

So in high school In high school were you a performer? I reinvented myself as Sabrina the female Jalise. I had the mustache removed.

You were a Tom girl. From 8th grade to 9th grade, I was like, this is going to be a different school. I'm going to fucking show them that I am going to make my shoulders less broad. I am going to make my sensibility Anne Hathaway's.

I am going to be tonally Jessica Alba. I am, I just like, you know, I knew what shape and vibe a girl was, and I knew that I was not hitting the mark, and I was an ambitious girl, so I was like, I've got, I went to Le Chateau, I bought, that's a Canadian, like a Zara, but like Zara's busted sister. Yeah, yeah. Zara's busted German triplet cousin. So I went to Le Chateau.

Où est Le Chateau? Où est Le Chateau? Où est Le Chateau? If you're interested in comments. In Le Mans. In Le Mans. In Le Mans. So I go to Le Chateau and I get these flares,

these like lycra flares. You know them. You remember them. You love them. What year is this approximately? 1936. No, come on. I know you like to guard your age because you are in show business.

I'm 34. I'm kidding. Yeah, guarding age is for losers. I know. I know. I was joking. Guarding age is for losers, okay? Listen, you have 34 tattooed on your lip.

Honestly, stop pretending that's right and i change it every year that's why the floor looks so fucked up what a terrible plan what a terrible terrible plan yeah but it looks cool when i flip it down um so i i had like a beret not a beret, what's it called? Headband, like a metal headband with a butterfly on it. Butterflies are for girls. They really are. I'm killing it. I got like a halter top and I just remember like walking to school feeling like so uncomfortable and like I was in drag and like I just, you know, I eventually kind of settled back into

some, I mean like if you look, if you Google Sabrina Jalise, which let's be honest, you already have. Absolutely. I've been doing it this entire time. I know. Can you look at me? I've misspelled your name six times. Well, Google will correct it. Oh, well, okay.

You're right. I'm using Bing. You'll see some. Yeah, Bing. Bing and I. You know when you start a sentence and you're like, what's your plan with this? He already did Bing. What are you going to do about Bing? I know.

I constantly, I'll start a bit and then just be like, you know what, I'm bored with it. Don't you wish you could just like parachute out of your body and be like, you're on your own, bitch. I don't know why you started the fucking conversation with the fiscal. Yeah, yeah. I don't know why you started the fucking conversation with the fiscal. Yeah, yeah. That happens to me all the time at work when I'm like having an opinion about a bit we're doing. Yeah.

And I have my opinion and then somebody has a counter opinion and it comes back to me and I'm trying to explain my opinion. And halfway through I go like, you know what? I don't really care. You don't fucking care. Now that we've had to have two lines of dialogue about it, I don't care anymore. Do whatever the fuck you want. We can tell, Andy. You're in your bathroom. It's a smoking coat.

So anyway, so how does the reinvention, how is it bought at school? And it's in your house is another thing, too. I think everyone was like, good. You're getting normal. You know, I don't know. I think everyone was like, good. Like you're getting normal. You know, I don't know. I think that that's such a tricky age. And it took me so long to get back to, I mean, really actually, it wasn't until I started dating Shauna that Shauna,

I was like putting on a bunch of makeup and Shauna was like, do you like that? Like, is that, does that feel like you? And I was like, you know what? No. Like, why have I been drawing these lines in my eyes? If if I don't if you're down for me not to do this and she's like I'm totally down and it doesn't it's not to say that like everyone that you know Shauna wears makeup it's just it was not I was costuming myself to like fit into something that I didn't need to

be doing it's it's you know like you go so far just to come back and realize yeah it would have been much better if you were yourself all along that's also a good intuitive partner yeah to vibe that and go like that thing you're doing i bet that's not you you know yeah you don't have to pound bronzer on your face for me to love you wish you told me before oh no, well, Andy, it's just that every time I brush up against you, I ruin my white shirt. It's true. It's true. So, yeah, that was the reinvention of high school. But high school, I was like pretty popular.

Yeah? I was good at like, I think because... Still a good tennis player? Still a good tennis player. But I was like letting go of tennis and starting to be like, I'm going to be a pop star or an actress. Okay. Never really. One, there was like a time in my life where I kept on crying before bed um and then I practice um yes practice for my big scene um I I just was there was just this phase and I think that I mean I think about it too now when I get when I'm like moody about something

I'm like oh yeah yeah, your origin story. You just need some attention sometimes. Yeah, yeah. So one time before bed, I was crying, and my mom was like, what is wrong today, Sabrina? What is wrong today? And I was like, I just want to be a pop star. Did she laugh? She took it serious.

She was like, okay, well, then we'll put you in music lesson. Pop star school. She enrolled me in keyboarding lessons. Wow. But it was like stage one, like, you know, lesson, like, you know, grade one of keyboarding classes. in grade one of keyboarding classes. So it was me, and I was, I think, 13 or 14, and it was a bunch of literally six-year-olds.

But the teacher never acknowledged that I was so much older than them, so she was always like, you're a prodigy. Your motor skills, they're advanced. You blasted through this first book. She can do Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. She can do. So, but then I realized that's not what I wanted. I just wanted attention.

And I just, I started, well, finding stand-up was like this big, big moment for me. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And when did that happen? I was 16. 16. Yeah. Now, how does that coincide with coming out and our stand-up and coming out kind of? Well, I was not, I didn't know.

Oh, really? I mean, like, you know, anyone who's gay knows, you always know you're gay, but you never know. It's like I had, like, dreams of, like, hugging Jennifer Love Hewitt and feeling her breasts against my body, but still in my mind being like, it would be the friendship of a lifetime. Yeah. So I was doing jokes when I was, like, 16 like 16 about like you know when you have a crush on a guy then he likes you back and you're like disgusting gotta hang with my friends friendship is everything you and your friend gets a boyfriend and fucks everything up

fridays were ours yeah how about these fucking cooties? Am I right, girls? They're real. And they're on dicks. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, I was on stage. So you were listening to one of your own sets. And you went, wait a minute.

Well, I actually went to Just for Laughs, and I fell in love with one of the drivers at the festival. That was my first girlfriend. Wow. Yeah. And this is in Montreal? In Montreal. In Montreal.

Wow. Yeah. And how, are you a teenager? I'm a teenager. I'm 18. Wow. She was 27. Wow.

And, you know, rode a motorcycle. And, like, so I had this, like, whole gay life in Montreal. I would, like, leave Ryerson, where I went to school, hop over to the bus station, not tell anyone. And tell my parents I was doing, like, an overnight gig or something. And then, like, take it, like, an eight-hour Greyhound. It's only, like, a five-and-a-half-hour drive, but it was, you know, on the bus, like, eight, nine hours. Just to, like, kiss her, you know? Wow. That's so nice. They feel all warm and cudd her, you know? Wow. That's so nice.

They feel all warm and cuddly because of that. Yeah. That's so nice. Yeah. I mean, there was a darkness to that relationship for sure. Like if I painted the whole picture, I mean, the beginning was an affair. I just thought, you know, because in the beginning I thought I'm, this is going to be like the pattern is when I love someone,

when I have a crush on someone and then they like me, I don't like them. Yeah. So I was like, oh, this will be an easy way for me to like, have this sort of like detour into being a lesbian. Whatever that is. Right. I'll dabble. You know, kiss this weird dyke.

And then get back to being a serious Jessica Alba type. Right, right. Exactly. My pop star-ism. Put my butterfly back on my head and kiss boys. Well, and also, too, regardless of sexuality or sex, 27 and 18 is fucking weird. It definitely is.

And when I was 27, I remember thinking that. But, you know, there was just this, I think, at the same time, I was doing, in terms of, like, career maturity and just, like, self-actualization aside from my sexuality, I was, like, leaps and bounds ahead of her. Oh, wow. But in terms of, and, you know, there's something, I think that that's another Hollywood thing where you see, I mean, like, Dane Cook is dating, like, I mean, it is weird. It's weird. You're not in a great, I don't think you're in the most evolved place when you are, you know, matching with people

who are just starting to discover themselves sexually. I think it's kind of. There's definitely, you know, age differences are completely possible. Possible. But when it's like a 40-year-old and a 19-year-old, that's fucked up. Yeah.

It's weird. Yeah, and it's kind of, I think, the mentality around it for like some bros is like, I fucking gamed the system, dude. I got myself a young handbag of a woman. Right, right. Because bros. I was like, I fucking gamed the system, dude. I got myself a young handbag of a woman. Right, right. Because bros love

describing like cool things as handbags. Handbags. Check out this handbag. Dude, you say handbag a lot. Yo. That seems out of character

with the rest of you. Shut the fuck up and suck my dick, dude. Well, all right. Stop being a faggot and suck this dick. Okay, then. I do need nourishment and i

suck my dick i mean like connect with me in a way that i can't connect with the women that i date because you know girls are for putting your dick in right and guys are for for connections for talking guys are the handbags of people what you said it. Dude, you know I was just being a fucking queer that time. You fucking dickhead. Why don't we just spoon, okay? Listen, man, you're my handbag. I mean, bro. Dude.

I fucking love you. So even after you have this relationship with... The person. Yeah, with this Quebecois biker. Yes. You still are like, I'm not gay. No, no, no. I come out from the relationship.

Because I think it takes oftentimes, because it's such a leap, especially if you've normalized heterosexuality. I remember crying and being out with my friends at a bar and going into the bathroom and texting the girlfriend like none of my friends knew and kind of crying and looking at myself in the mirror and being like, no.

And I wouldn't even say you're not gay because that would be too gay. I'd look at myself and be like, no. This is not happening. This is not because there was so much shame. I was watching old episodes of Friends and there's this whole runner with Chandler. It's like, he's gay. What a fucking joke. The joke of

being gay at that time. And I loved Friends, but just thinking about what that was doing to my brain, the pop culture attitude around what being gay was. the pop culture attitude around what being gay was. Yeah. And also it being an entirely acceptable thing to use as an insult. Yeah. Or to use as something like you're less than. Yeah. And then say, I got nothing against it, but just I think you are, you know.

I do think that we need, as we like take the words away from like gay, there was a meaning for when you said, stop being so gay. Yeah. There was a meaning behind that, that we haven't replaced. Yeah. You know, and the R word too.

I think we need to replace the words. Yeah. Like R word, we should replace with laloo, which is Urdu for like that word adjacent. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. But I mean, doesn't that start to do the same thing? Well, I don't think that lulu is connected with mental health i think lulu's just or do for lulu oh okay it's not the same

thing it's not like it's not the message isn't your i mean like yeah i guess but wouldn't it just become meaning wouldn't it just eventually mean something well the same sort of dismissive thing that but gay when people said gay it it meant something different than like you want to i mean like i get that there's an overlap of like if you call a guy gay for being emotional yeah then like it's like you know you're you're fucking pussy you get but like it's like extra and or like kind of like fussy or like. Yes. To me it's like. Delicate. Like my mother has a hard time being emotional. Yeah. And to her I think emotions are gay.

But it doesn't, it's not gay. She doesn't mean it's two people having sex. In the retro form. Yeah. It's not that. It's just like, it's like. And I think it might be from the form gay happy. Like when gay meant happy, being happy is kind of stupid, you know?

And that like, it's like, what the fuck? Frivolous. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Anyways, that whole period was about realizing like, oh my God, there's something so undeniable when you fall in love. It's like this, I can't argue this.

Yeah. And also this doesn't feel wrong. Yeah. So kind of undoing all the messaging and realizing like, oh my God, this is what makes me happy. Yeah. And you stop saying no in the mirror. Yeah.

And start saying yes. I wish I didn't go there. So I started to realize, and the interesting thing is like when I started doing stand-up, I was doing also a lot of jokes about having a Muslim family post 9-11. And it was so powerful because it was like, oh, look at this kid with braces, kind of like changing the messaging. And it all came from this really honest place of feeling frustrated about the way Muslim people and brown people were being portrayed.

And because of that, I had a lot of success really fast with standup. But I completely lost the lesson from that when I realized I was gay. I was so scared to come out on stage, even though I'd come out to my family, I'd come out to my friends. I felt so scared to come out on stage. I felt like, well, Ellen came out in her show and it got canceled. There were successful comics that told me not to come out. It was just like, and now I look at Bowen and Matt Rogers and just like the queer and Patty and just like the freeness in the queer comedy scene now. And I'm just so, I feel so happy about it. Yeah, yeah.

I feel gay about it. I liked when, I felt when Chris Kelly was running SNL, like I felt SNL like was gay. Like there was like so many sketches that were, you know, before Midnight that would have been relegated to so deep. And sometimes just like so weird. And I was so, I just, yeah, it's, you know. It's so, I mean, and I think, I guess we kind of touched on this idea of like going, you know, putting on all these masks just to come back to like, oh my God, it's so much better to just be you. Like if, like this kind of conversation where we're just being ourselves,

it's like so much more interesting than like if I'd come here with a bunch of jokes that I'd written right right um and well no I mean I wouldn't have a pod I don't want that's not yeah yeah that's not the point yeah and podcast do you know then I get really then she got really loose and stopped saying words which uh but that podcast when when comics have podcasts and they go to comedy festivals, the podcast sells out before the comic. Wow. Which is a message, I think, of people saying, like, stop trying so hard. Yeah, yeah. I'd rather just hear you say something real, dude.

Hear two funny people talk. Yeah. Eavesdrop on an interesting conversation. You know, that's, I mean, that's, I didn't expect to like this as much as I do. But I like it because I'm having conversations with people that I want to talk to. And they're the kind of conversations that I want to have. Exactly. And my podcast, The Goody Goody.

We get it. We get it. You got a podcast. Look, I only have 49 reviews and I want 52 my podcast The Goody Goody is just

I mean similarly to what the kind of conversation we're having here it allows you to needle into someone's life

and like kind of dig for the deeper shit yeah it also too like it's an excuse. Like you and I have been out together, been at things. We knew each other. But I wouldn't have this conversation with you

because it would feel intrusive. Yes, exactly. It would feel like rude for me to sit there and go like, tell me about your parents. When'd you come out? Andy, again, too much bronzer and take that smoking coat off oh it's on fire that candle got too close more than a smile it's a burning coat now the german triplets are back they want money i don't know which one i am i love that we're

such hams that after we establish that people just want real chats, we immediately painted a cartoon. Right, right, right. Sorry, folks. We're our own worst enemies. But that is a ladder back to where we were at with just learning the lesson on stage. I kind of stagnated. It was around the time that I was doing these college tours. And I remember it was like this college in the South.

And I was just so scared also just being in these places and, and like, you know, we're like, I don't know how they perceive me. First there was like the Brown thing that I was cooking up, which I knew that like I was doing brown shows. I did like a tour called Allah Made Me Funny. So I didn't – I could not connect in my brain how they could see the – like I could add the layer of gay and it would be okay. Yeah, yeah. But I remember being –

Which is not – as an artist and as a stand-up is not like – it's not a completely pointless thing to bring up it's like no I'm working on this one this one groove yeah and now do I want to water it down with a whole but it's and not just one little thing but a whole other big thing you know yeah yes that's the way it felt but then now looking back I'm like when I do stand-up I'm not like on stage just mining one thing I'm just being me right right that's I mean like, when I do stand-up, I'm not on stage just mining one thing. I'm just being me. Right, right. But you have,

you did enough, you have the maturity level to be able to do a more holistic version of yourself. Whenever someone says that they want to do stand-up, or like I'm talking to a newer comic, I'm always just kind of like giving them messages around that, which is just like,

just always be you and then add, find jokes within it. But people will always be more interested in hearing a real thing that you feel or have to say than a really clever wordplay. That being said, Wow. We are really getting to the heart of things. And I'm like, pooh, pooh, fart. Bow, bow, bow, bow. Wow. We are really getting to the heart of things. Mm-hmm. So what you were saying, you're in the South. I'm in the South.

And I decided, I just looked around and I was like, wow, well, if I don't come out here, then there's people, I think I saw some people that looked gay. You're out to everybody in your life. Yeah. And I started to have, like I started to write some, I allowed myself to write some stuff. Yeah.

And so I was like, if I don't fucking, if I'm not out here, I might be the only gay person that like is open. And I was like in a relationship too at that time. Like I need to be, I need to be, I am proud of who I am and I need to, I need to be open about who I am.

And then immediately after I started getting comfortable about being open, about being gay, it wasn't even just jokes about being gay, but like things just started to like flush, you know, flood open. What? Yeah, that's right. The floodgates opened. The floodgates open. The floodgates. Yeah.

I wish that I had just like, I need like an index of figures of speech. Is that what they're called? Yes, yes. Yes. You could put that on there. Figure of speech. Yeah. Floodgates open.

Adagists. So much money. It came out of my butt or whatever you said. Right, right, right. Poop money. Yeah, I need adagists. Money shitter. Money shitter.

Yeah, I need adage. Money shitter. Money shitter. So, yeah, things just started flowing again. And it was the exact same lesson of like, you know, what made me strong as a comic in the beginning, which was like being honest and open, especially in the face of like these things that used to embarrass me and turning them into things that I felt empowered by. And that being really, to me, that is sort of the motor or that's the real, whether I'm writing for TV

or I'm acting in a thing or I'm doing stand-up, the deeper thing for me is getting a kick out of that. Yeah. Does this work? Is it funny when this flow starts happening? Yeah, well, in the beginning I was kind of nervous. Do you get funny

all of a sudden? It wasn't like in me. What it was was like I had to also be comfortable with it because there was this, you can posture like you're comfortable

but they can smell it, you know? And if I'm presenting, I'm like, if I'm, my opening. I'm out. Yeah.

And you know, those like, and this is a different era of comedy but like like at that time, it's sort of like, so then I'm gay. You know, it's like, it's something that you're almost like apologetically writing a joke around to reveal this thing about yourself. Yeah, yeah. But then. No, I think, I think when I, the first time I saw you do stand up, I-up, I mean, I wasn't making any assumptions about you. And the way that you let everyone know you were gay is that you made just a casual mention of your wife.

Exactly. Yeah. Which is like such – and that's like time. That's me changing and society changing. Yes. But the more comfortable I got about it, the more comfortable the audience got with it. Yeah, yeah. So – It still feels new and different. the more comfortable I got about it, the more comfortable the audience got with it. Yeah, yeah. So.

It still feels new and different because my son, I have an 18-year-old son who's gay. Yeah. And whenever I mention like, if I tweet about, I'm at breakfast with my son and his boyfriend, I get so much congratulations. Yeah. But it's, and I feel weird like getting congratulated for something that's just as normal as – I think that's just society overcorrecting. I actually just wrote someone – someone reached out and said a nice thing about the show.

And they were like, my kid just came out, and I said congratulations. I think it's a nice way of redefining what that means. Yeah, yeah. Well, I don't mean they say congratulations that your son is gay. They say, it's so great that you just talk about your son and his boyfriend. And it's like, well, what else would I? I mean, and I know what else I would do. Your brain isn't filled with Pukunkle.

Yeah, no, he's, I mean, he's been gay forever. He came out to us when he was 11. Yeah, right. What a cool world. It was, no, it's fantastic. He came out to us when he was 11. Yeah, right. What a cool world.

It was, no, it's fantastic. And I mean, and he has to be, I think, sometimes reminded how lucky that is. Not by me so much, but by gay friends. And people in his life will let him know, like, it wasn't. Yeah. And also it's, well, I think that it's also situational to this, to, you know, metropolitan areas too. Yeah.

This is reminding me something that I also should hold myself to, but like, we can't forget how much the older generation did. And there's like so much baggage. I mean, like the, the stereotypes around lesbians being like bitter and angry. It's so much baggage. I mean, like the, the stereotypes around lesbians being like bitter and angry. It's like, yeah, I mean, like they were fucking considered witches,

you know, like they were. And, and I noticed too, when I, when I started going out, I started, what I started to do when I was traveling would, I would always check out, ask about a gay bar and check it out. And, and the the smaller the town the more people will pierce themselves and make themselves look like you know if it's this thing of like if you think that i don't belong in society well i'm going to show you that i'm outside of society yeah um yeah you don't need to accept me because i reject you before you get a chance to accept me yeah i did i did an olivia cruise. Hold your applause, everybody. It's a lesbian cruise ship.

It's Olivia Newton-John's cruise ship. I did a couple shows on it in the theater of the ship. And I met this woman that was like, I could tell also just the vibe. There is this vibe between the generations that is like kind of, it makes sense because it's like, I think the older generation of gay people are like, we did all this shit for you. Acknowledge us, you know, like don't be embarrassed of us.

Yeah, we have different style. Like we have baggage from this. Yeah, we're old. We're dorks. Yeah. We're like pioneer dorks, you know. Fucking talk to us. Yeah. And I mean, like dorks, you know? Fucking talk to us. Yeah.

And I mean, like, I love Provincetown. I love Fire Island. And I love connecting with older gay people. But I think that we need to remember as the young generation to do that. Yes. Because that's also the generation of people that don't have connections with their family. Yeah. They kind of risked it all and lost it all.

that don't have connections with their family. They kind of risked it all and lost it all. But one lady I introduced Shauna to, and I said, this is my wife, Shauna. And her response was like, your wife. Do you hear that? Her wife. Oh, so do you own her? In my day, we wouldn't say wife. And I'm like, well, you'll just never be happy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, what will make you happy? But that's, you know. Yeah, Jesus Christ, what do you want? Yeah, some people are just going to be angry. Yeah. But it comes from. Did you tell her I spell it W-Y-F-E?

I said I bought her fair and square at the market. At the farmer's market. This is my chattel. I gave three cows and an egg. And I will not be challenged. Three cows, forget it. How about I throw in an egg? She's yours.

Shauna, get my cigar. I want to put it through this hole a couple times. See if a brown mouse comes out. Get him to shine my shoes. Well, that's the carnival for you. That's the old farmer's market. All right, we're going to do this charity one day day and we'll give the money to old gay people. Right.

Are you old? Are you gay? Come get some money. To get them to dress better so the young gays will treat them better. Exactly. Yes, yes. Yes. Yeah.

I've mentioned this before on the show. To get them to dress better. I've mentioned this before on the show, but like, I would bring in my son's prom pictures, you know, like, cause he just, you know, they're just, it's so sweet. And he and his boyfriend, it's just such a wonderful relationship. And, and I'd bring it in and I'd show it like to some of the gay men that are here who are, you know, my approximately my age. To show them like, isn't this incredible?

Yeah. Like, well, just the way you'd show any of your kids. My kid went to prom. Look at the prom pictures. And I can tell it's such a bittersweet thing for them. Like they're so happy to see it, but they're also kind of like, shit. Like I never got to have that. Yeah, I think there's also that with, like, older gay comics, too.

Yeah. It's like, I never. Scott Thompson was on this show talking exactly about all this kind of stuff. That's exactly who I was thinking about, because I was talking to him a couple years ago at Just for Laughs, and he's like, I still can't hold a man's hand on the street. And it's like, fuck. Yeah.

Damn. Yeah. But don't you think he can? He can. Well, no, he needs to do ayahuasca. Oh. I'm not saying, like, he can't. I'm saying he can't because of. He doesn no, he needs to do ayahuasca. Oh. I'm not saying like he can't. I'm saying he can't because of-

He doesn't feel comfortable enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. That's weird. Yeah, poor guy. Sad. Anyway. But we, you know what?

We fixed it on the podcast. You did? You talked to him a couple of years ago, but listen to the three questions with Scott Topps and I fixed him. I fixed him. He's dating a lovely woman in Miami named Sheila. No, no, no.

He's holding hands with fellas all the time now. He is? Yeah, absolutely. Strangers. They're like, please, sir, let go. Oh, that should be the name of your other podcast.

We fixed him on the podcast. Well, now... Fix me. me fix me you're not broken you know what yeah jesus christ i would have been so pissed if you were like well first of all that no no jesus christ you're you know you're no you come uh you come fully prepared yes fully uh you're you're you're a well-cooked egg. Mmm. Mmm. You know, I lost an egg when I bought my wife. Oh, really? Still mad about it. Oh, it's just the cows weren't enough.

Was it cows? It was cows. It was two cows, one egg, and an arugula. Keeps getting more. Bundle of arugula. The story keeps changing. This is for insurance purposes. You're trying to raise her value. Oh, no, no.

And a roogle, too. Yeah, yeah. And a turnip. Pound of grain. I don't know what kind of grain. Oh, the expensive kind, okay? Yeah, it was organic. So how long were you together with your wife before you decided to have a baby?

Three days, and I suggested. Really? Oh, no, we were together. I met her, and I was immediately like, I want you, please. Can I have you? Can I have you? So I guess I am a bit of a pop star. That worked?

I saw her dancing. Jesus Christ. I think she may be insane. I arranged a flash mob around the song, and everyone really hit their marks. Wow. I want you, please. Can I have you? We were all moonwalking.

No, I tried to talk to her for so long and then finally did. Anyway, we were together. We've been together for 10 and a half years. We were together. We just had our baby a year and a half ago, and we were together for about three and a half years before we got married. Oh, wow. Now, did you always have an idea when you got married that you would want to have kids?

Yeah, we always. She had a dream six months into dating that our kid's name was Wolfie. Oh, wow. Yeah. Oh, that's great. Yeah, I was like, cool, my mom's going to be pissed, but I'm a grown up now. Yeah, yeah. Now I'm a big girl.

Yeah. Did you, what, I mean, were there- Just ask it, Andy. Well, no, I mean, because, well, I, I mean, because I do want to. It's so weird to say, like, how did your life change after you had a kid? Because I know how to change. But when you say it like that, then I'm going to feel stupid answering it. Well, I know, but that's what I was trying to do. Well, basically, we go back a hell of a lot earlier.

I was trying to think of a clever way to ask it. Can I pitch one? Yeah, of course. Sure, sure, sure. Sue. Well, no. Not right now. Right off the bat.

You said clever. That's not clever. That's like society lady. I saw you like your opera glasses. What goes a-rockin'? What changed is that... Well, one unexpected... What changed in that, well, one unexpected. What changed in you, maybe? What changed in me is I grew up, especially because of my parents' different faith.

And then this, like, you know. Do you practice one or the other? I practice zero of the zero. I practiced zero of the zero. And now that with the baby and just like the way the baby came into our lives and just like the flow and the, how beautiful he is and how big the love is, I feel more spiritual and I don't connect it to any brand name, but like, I think that my parents, because of their, because of their story, very much much I grew up with this messaging of like, you do not have to be religious.

And in fact, let's be real. Yeah. There's no Santa Claus God that's sending you to the fiery hell. You know, you do be a good person. Yeah, yeah. And I liked that. But I think that there was all, you know, I had a very sort of like, my guard would go up if someone talked spiritually because I was like, I don't want to be a part of your cult.

And now I feel that way. Do not bring me into your cult. But at the same time, I feel now like, oh, like what you're talking about is the universe. And I also feel like I like to meditate. With Wolfie in the world i recognize the impact that i make on him yeah and i've started to go to therapy just to because i always thought i've always suggested therapy to people and then they'd be like oh so how long have you been in

therapy and i'd be like oh no i'm perfect yeah like for you like you seem like you're going through something you do that shit a lot. Hey, Patty, go to Vietnam. Oh, totally. It's a Jaleesi thing. It's like, hey, Andy, buy 25 payphones. You should try being a vegan. For me. Yeah.

I am very, I mean, yeah, my wife can attest. I know what's best. Jaleesi knows what's best. For everybody, and you don't do it yourself. No, well, I am now, because now that I'm in therapy, I am doing it myself. Oh, really? Okay. Okay, all right. Okay.

Okay. And I'm not defensive. Obviously. Anyone who would say that you're defensive is a fucking lunatic. Fucking idiot. You idiot. Well, um. So, but I didn't finish.

I've got eight or nine more paragraphs that I wrote down for this. Go ahead, please. Having a baby has changed me. That's her papers. In what ways, you ask? Many. Eight or nine more paragraphs that I wrote down for this. Go ahead, please. Having a baby has changed me. That's her papers. In what ways, you ask? Many. All the eyes have hearts on them. I do feel like every morning, I feel like it's a little bit Christmas vibes where getting him from the crib is just so exciting.

And I just love that. And I feel so grateful to like this is what we're this this part belongs in the first part okay so if you're if you were listening to the first part like just fast forward to right here okay okay that the the having having him in daycare sitters, having Shauna to share the load with, it allows both of us to be much more present and happy parents. So I feel grateful that I get to see him just enough of the amount of time to be fully his parent and all that and also be by myself enough time to actually be genuinely so excited to spend time with him. Yeah, that's a really beautiful luxury that – It's a luxurious. Yeah, that not – I mean, no, it's true. It's like it's not – and it's not just a financial thing or whatever.

It's just because a lot of people can make that work with, you know, extended family in different ways. But it is financial for sure. Like there is something – Oh, there's definitely that aspect. But, I mean, yes, if you – there is oh there's definitely that aspect but i mean yes if you if you there is certainly too much child care you know like beyond a certain age i mean when they're infants yeah but there is like you do need to do something other than just take care

of children or it's not it's not just and not just when you have a thing to do not just like oh because i've got to to go to this work thing. Just having also just someone helping you with the kids so that you can think, if you can, this sounds also like, now that we've mentioned luxury, really privileged, but I'm grateful for that. And also, I think if you're listening and considering having a baby, it's, I think, also worth it to,

one part that's really great about women having babies later in their lives is that they are a little bit more financially sound. And so they can afford to keep their identity intact. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. Well, we're hitting, you know, we're hitting the time here. Here's what you should do, Andy. Here's what you should do, Andy.

Yeah, go ahead. After this podcast. I'm ready. Pop up your Redfin. Buy a place in, you know, Altadena. Okay. All right. You're going to want a big, big property with a tiny house on it.

All right. Rent that out for a couple of years. How about just like maybe a stump that's hollowed out? Honey, that was going to be my next selection. That's my next selection. I'm a real estate psychic when it comes to fantasy real estate. Hollow out a stump. Okay.

Put a couple blocks of cheese in it. Sure, sure. Light that on fire. Okay. You got yourself a dinner. No. You're a Woodsy Fondue. Here's what you do, Andy.

Woodsy Fondue, that's an excellent name. Woodsy Fondue. Oh, boy. Open it up. I want three locations by the end of the fiscal year. Welcome to Woodsy Fondue. F it up. I want three locations by the end of the fiscal year. Welcome to Woodsy Fondue.

Fiscal. Be careful of the pine needles. And also something about computer anal. Yes, also. Well, let's get to the where are you going. What's your aspirations? Yeah, the hell out of here. Oh, well, that's going to happen pretty fucking soon.

I think you've poked around in my life sufficiently, Mr. Richter. Listen, whatever. Where am I going? First, I... More kids? What if I just stop talking? Yeah, I think we'll have more kids, but we're having so much fun with one. Today, I talked to my brother about my parents and it reminded me of like, oh, we have to give Wolfie someone to talk shit to about us. Yeah, yeah. It's like such a useful thing.

Yeah, yeah. But at the same time, do we have to? I don't know. Give it some. You're right also to give it some time. Maybe we'll just hire someone to like and like keep on checking in with them over the ages about how annoying we are so that then he can just call that person and be like, oh, it's happening again, the thing from 2002. Yeah.

I don't know why he's talking about 2002. Something you have to know about Wolfie is he's obsessed with the aughts. Well, you know what? Spice Girl songs is all he sings. But I think we'll probably adopt for the next one. Oh, nice. Because. Or just you're already probably at the park.

Just grab one. Andy. Oh. That's kidnapping. Oh, yeah, right. That's. Andy. You know what?

Listen, I have made that mistake before and I just never. It's like, you know, it slips my mind. You know what? Give me those photos of your son again. Okay. Because it looks strikingly familiar to a child that my wife and I lost in 2002. Lost. Lost.

We didn't notice for two weeks. I didn't bother mentioning it earlier. Because I'm trying to get back to me. Yes, yes. You have a kid and it's all about them. I know, I know. So many of the questions, oh, what's Wolfie up to? How does that change?

It's like, what about me? What about me? I'm getting a haircut soon. Wow. All right? You up profound. I'm changing my hair. You know what?

Just spoon me, bro. This is a real fun cartoonish time. I'm glad. I'm glad. I'm having fun, too. I'm having fun, too. Rounded cartoons. It's nice. All right, so now forget about the goddamn kid. I'm glad. I'm glad. I'm having fun too. Rounded cartoons. It's nice.

All right. So now forget about the goddamn kid. Where am I going? Forget about the goddamn kid. Where are you going? Where are we going? Where am I going? I'm going where we going.

Because guess what? I love my wife. Okay. Can you time code that and send it to my wife? Absolutely. And then where are we going? Where am I going? Oh, I would like to have a production company one day.

I'd like to create shows. I'd like to write a movie. I'd like to have a production company where I use my keys that I acquire over the years. I'm going to a place where I get keys to open doors. I'd like to open the doors and fill all the rooms with rascals. Yeah. At this point,

like between acting and stand-up. I have like 52 reviews on my podcast, The Goodie Goodie. Please, please, just do this just for my sake. Please just fucking do it.

Get up there. It takes no time at all. Pause this, go review the fucking thing and then come back and we'll finish up. Thank you so much. Yes, I'll be advertising something at the end of the show.

You'll want to hear that. No, but like between acting and stand-up now, do you feel like you're always going to do stand-up or if you start making movies and stuff? It's like within the fluidity of life. It's like whatever's coming your way is like what a cool opportunity. I got this job acting on this CBS sitcom, Carol's second act Thursdays at 9 30 PM. I got that. It's such a fun, cool show. I got it from being in a writer's room with the creators the year before. And they were like, come, I was writing on big mouth. They were like, take a day off and

come audition. And I was like, cool, I'll go get snacks in that room. And then all of a sudden, now I'm like in a show with Patty Heaton and Kyle McLaughlin. Are you a regular? Yeah, I'm on every single fucking episode. Yeah. Jesus Christ. You got to come to a taping. You just planted a money tree in your yard.

Well, yeah, because now the show aired last night and now people are watching it. That's what's called a bonafide hit. Yes, baby. Oh, my God. You can become such a fucking prick now. I'm going to be such a dick. Oh, yeah. You know what?

Fuck all you people. I'm not signing a release. I'm not signing a fucking release. This has been a waste of everyone's time. You fucking losers. Hmm? I bet you don't even know acting's listening. I did get, so I'm not, I'm like not very experienced as an actor.

I know that that's shocking, but I nod and I, my first note that Pam told me, the director was like, okay, Sabrina, cool. Like after you say your line, just remember that you're still in the scene. So like we, you still need to make your face there. Because I would say my, I'd be like, I don't know, maybe we should go for coffee. And then I would just, I'd be like, oh, there's a new snack. I'd just be on my phone. Mouthing the other person's line.

But acting is listening. And then I was watching the show last night, and I'm like, oh, shit, I got to do better, more listening faces. And it's like, what is listening face? It's the face you're giving me right now, but it's so, as soon as you become conscious of what listening face is, your eyebrows furrow and you go like this. Yeah. And then all of your reaction shots are like, someone putting light in her eyes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, that is, that is true. It's like when I always notice it in like my daughter's junior high productions.

It's, there's the different, the dividing line is the kids that act while they're not talking. Okay. So Andy, basically you're calling me a fucking junior high actor? No, I'm saying. Yeah. No, you were when you went in there, but now you're like 11th grade. Oh my God, thank you.

Yeah, yeah. Hit show. All right. On a hit show and in 11th grade. Wow. I'm going to re-tattoo my 34 and turn it into two ones. Because I don't understand how grades relate to age, baby. All right.

All right. Two thick ones. We got the third question. That's the what have you learned? I can't believe we blessed it. We just talked so much about bamboozlers. And, okay. This is the way it goes.

All we got to do is fill an hour-ish. Okay. The questions are all bullshit anyway. Yeah, no one's listening to this being like, she didn't spend enough time on question three. In the beginning they were. And she called her wife her wife. Who does she think she is?

I'm taking back my review. What have I learned? Yeah. Well, I'd like to point back to time code 2250. I'd like to point back to time code 336. You've been telling us all along? As I talk, I memorize time codes and I also account for editing. Right. Of course. Very helpful.

And ads. Very, very helpful. That's just like, I should have mentioned that's like also a trick that I do. That's why I don't know adages. Right. Yeah, you can't remember phrases because you get full of numbers. Here we are at 63 2. Numbers and plugs and callbacks.

Yeah. The phrase is because you get full of numbers and plugs and callbacks. Yeah. So what I've learned is that being yourself and being honest with yourself and being open about who you are is the number one best thing that you can do. And even though it seems like a weakness, even though it has attacks because some people can judge you, you can lose your fam for a bit. The strength that you have when everything kind of, the dust settles, those relationships are so much stronger that you have and you don't have to spend your life, all that energy pretending to

be someone else. Take off the butterfly beret, stop pounding the bronzer or put it on and pound bronzer, whatever it is that makes you feel really good. Because also just like, even like this job is like such an insane, I feel like a contest winner on set. I'm like, I'm so lucky. And the way I got it was from being myself. I used to like, you know, really, I was so conscious of like trying to be this castable woman. Cause that was like the parts that I saw. And it wasn't until I started thinking like, I'm just going to be me and write parts for me. And that's how I'll get cast.

Yeah. That people were like, she's castable. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. Nice scam you got going. I got a little scam.

Where's the ball? Write parts for myself. And the biggest scam part of it is that I'm actually very femme. I just noticed a trend. That's right. Yes, she said that. A butterfly barrette just sprouted

out of her head. Right out of her skull. It was under my hair all along. Sprawling. Well, no, I think that is, I mean, being... The butterfly winks at you. Hi. Hi. We fooled you. My name's pompey oh well i'm not gonna say anything i was gonna you know say something rude philosophical

i say it why well no i just because it is true that i mean i'm 52 and and there is so much and i i talked about this actually with scott like i spent so much time being afraid there is so much. And I talked about this actually with Scott. Like I spent so much time being afraid. I spent so much time like living for other people and stuff. And it really is like the main thing. I mean, I guess everything happens when it's supposed to happen. But the main thing is, is that really you just being agnostic and not believing in some sort of afterlife or something, I think really actually puts more pressure on your life. And not necessarily pressure, but just it, there's a clock that's going and that you got to really kind of, you got to figure out.

You only got one shot. Yeah. Trying to, you got to figure out. You only got one shot. Yeah, you got to be. Lose yourself to the music. And so you got to get to where you're going to just enjoy the passing of time as quickly as you can. And it's so easy as humans, I think, because we are all like, we are actually all attached and linked in cells and all that. It's so easy for us to get bamboozled into thinking that our ball is under the same cup that other people's balls are. Oh, me. Okay. Wow.

If I might dance around language for a while. That's so. If I might make all of your nipples erect. This is like Sabrina Jolise, the callback. Sabrina Jolise, Jolise. Sabrina Jolise, Jolise Jolise Sabrina Jol

J but that you know it's easy especially with our careers it's like sometimes when you're trying to grasp onto like what it is that's going to make you a thing or whatever

you'll look at what makes other people a thing and the way other people do things and then you look back at all the stuff that really meant something. And it was all like you could never have predicted. Other than you being in your power, like feeling like strong in what you're doing, which was all about you being so you. It was never because you emulated what, you know, your friend that got a talk show did.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you so much. This has really been. Thank you, Andy, for fixing me. It's really been, well, it's what I do. Sorry the wrench was cold.

You know what? I actually prefer a cold wrench. Oh, that's good. But the hammer was a little hot. Yeah. Well, I like to heat up the hammer. The branding iron was tepid. I mean, I didn't even get a good scar in.

Well, I just, that's because I don't want to leave evidence for the cops. Ooh. Well, folks. Sabrina. That's my name You can see her In the CBS sitcom Carol's second act

He's at Thursdays At 9.30 That's right Multicam set in a hospital With really cool people And also me baby And it's a bonafide hit Boner

Fi Er Boner fire She also hosts The weekly podcast The Goody Goody With Sabrina Jalise She needs those God damn reviews People I need at least Three reviews Or I am ending She also hosts the weekly podcast, The Goody Goody, with Sabrina Jalise.

She needs those goddamn reviews, people. I need at least three reviews or I am ending it. Or I'm quitting my network show. Where am I going? Fucking not. I'm going to the afterlife. All right. Well, this was great. Thank you so much.

I'm sorry I was too real. No. Sorry for being too real, Andy. She said in the biggest phony voice in the world. All right. Well, thank you so much. And thank you all out there for listening. And we will see you.

No, we won't see you. It's a podcast. You'll hear us next time on The Three Questions. You would have never believed it. The Three Questions with Andy Richter is a Team Coco and Earwolf production. It's produced by me, Kevin Bartelt, executive produced by Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Chris Bannon and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.

Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, associate produced by Jen Samples and Galit Zahayek, and engineered by Will Becton. And if you haven't already, make sure to rate and review The Three Questions with Andy Richter on Apple Podcasts. This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.