The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Sam Jay

Episode Date: February 4, 2025

Comedian Sam Jay joins Andy Richter to discuss her love for stand-up comedy, her path to the “Saturday Night Live” writer’s room, her unique approach to late-night television on HBO, and much more.If you're able to, please consider giving to the Pasadena Community Foundation (https://pasadenacf.org). Do you want to talk to Andy live on SiriusXM’s Conan O’Brien Radio? Leave a voicemail at 855-266-2604 or fill out our Google Form at BIT.LY/CALLANDYRICHTER. Listen to "The Andy Richter Call-In Show" every Wednesday at 1pm Pacific on SiriusXM's Conan O'Brien Channel.

Hey everybody, welcome back to The Three Questions. I'm your host, Andy Richter. Today I'm talking to Sam Jay. Sam was a writer on Saturday Night Live. She's a fantastic stand-up comedian. And you've seen her on The Peacock Show, Bus Down, and her own talk show, Pause, with Sam Jay. Check out samjay.com for tour dates. Here's my conversation with the very funny Sam Jay. We're all incredibly busy people. That's what I was about to say. We're busy bees. With very dynamic lives.

So we got a lot going on. Yeah. So you're home right now I'm home yeah in is that Brooklyn Harlem Harlem oh nice nice yeah it's a beautiful looking house behind you oh thank you thank you yeah have you lived there long uh going on three years oh nice nice yeah and and you're married now, right? I'm still engaged, dude. Oh, what is happening? Come on, Sam. Yeah.

You know, what the fuck? I know. What's happening? I know, I know, I don't know. Yeah. We just go back and forth so much about like what to do. And I feel like one day we're just gonna wake up and be like, today is the day type of thing.

You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, what's, I mean, I don't wanna get, you know, like right into the hardest, most personal shit right off the bat, but I mean, sure, why not? But I mean, cause well, I've been married twice. I mean, you know, I was married for 25 years, got divorced. Oh. Yeah, yeah.

Divorce is no fun. So like I do understand You know, it's sort of like the heaviness around getting married, you know, and then I got married again To somebody that like, you know, I don't even know if we knew each other a year when we decided we were getting married but you know, I'm 58, she's 48. And we just, you know, and people were like, oh, well that's kind of fast. And I was like, yeah, but I mean, come on. We're old. We know, you know, and it's like, and I do like being married.

And as my, as my mother said, uh, when I was like, yeah, we haven't really known each other that long, and I was getting divorced again. That is true. But I mean, do you think, is it just that you are afraid of, because you all have been together for a long, long time. Hold on a second. My cat is. Oh, that's okay. Because he knows that I'm.

Right now, everyone, she has muted and gotten up and is screaming at a cat and then clapping. All right. I like that you were giving them the. Yes, yes, the visual. See, that's why the visual has to stay on so I can let the people know what's happening. What was your, did you catch this like need attention

all the time if you're? Kinda, he's like, he's just, and he's like, we got a new couch and he's been like at it. And it's like, oh, cut it out. He has a lot of things that he has to scratch around the house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that drives me crazy.

Yeah. Don't fuck up the new couch, you idiot. Yeah. Cut it out. Well, anyway, back to, I mean, is it, are you, I mean, you guys have been along together a long time. I mean, is it just, do you kind of feel like it's, I guess it's at some point you're like, why are we bothering getting married?

A little bit. It's a little bit of that. It's a little bit of just like, we ain't in no rush. You know, like, you know, off and on for 17 years. Like we met in college, you know what I mean? Like we've been consistently dating for the last seven. You know what I mean? Yeah, I think a part of it is just neither one of us is super motivated.

Like if she was like, we gotta get this done. I'd be like was like, we gotta get this done, I'd be like, okay, we gotta get this done. And I'm sure if I was like, what's up with this? She'd be like, okay, but neither one of us have done that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, that's, I definitely, I would be the one and it sort of been like, well, if you don't wanna spend money on a big party, I'll be happy to not spend money on a big party.

Yeah. And then it's like, it's that it's like, I don't know. We just yeah, I don't know. I think one day we're just going to be like, hey, today. Yeah. City Hall. Yeah. And then maybe throw a party after like leaders. That's the best way to do it. Yeah. Probably something like that. Do you guys have, like, is one of you sort of, like,

the more the motivator of things, and the other one sort of goes along, or do you guys trade off? Are you versatile in that way? I'm usually the motivator of things. Like, I'm usually the one, like, we got to get this done, or this is what we're going to do. Yeah.

She's kind of just, like, down to roll a lot of the times. But then she has her things that she's that way about. Right, right. Yeah, that's my personal life. Okay, all right, all right. All right, you know. That's what this is called, your personal life with Andy Richter. With Andy Richter, the guy that doesn't deserve to know.

Well, now, you grew up in Boston, right? Yes. What was that like growing up in what was one of the most famously racist cities in the entire country? I know everyone says that. You know, I grew up in a black neighborhood. Oh, okay. Around other black people, you know,

my whole family is from Boston. So I had a lot of family in the city. So for me, like, you know, it was pretty just typical. Yeah, you weren't, yeah. Like, I loved it. My family was there like I had my community, you know, I was a kid I was a city kid. So, you know, we did like city kid shit, you know, yeah. Yeah. Um What was it what was it that brought your family to Boston? Cuz I know you were born in Atlanta and a lot of your family is still in Atlanta, correct?

Well, no, my family's in Boston. I was actually kind of one of the few people in my family not born in Boston. Like both my brothers are born in Boston. Most of my cousins are born in Boston. But at some point, my mom decided to go down south and, you know, try her way in Atlanta. Yeah. And then I ended up being born in Georgia. And then after I was born, my dad died. Oh, like when I was like, I don't being born in Georgia. And then after I was born, my dad died. Oh.

Oh, like, and I was like, I don't even remember my dad. I was like a baby. Wow. Maybe just turning one, maybe. I don't even remember. So my dad died and then my mom, it's weird, but my mom ended up getting in a custody battle with his mother over me because, according to my mom,

because I don't according to my mom, because I don't talk to that side, I've never met anybody from my father's side of the family. Oh wow. But according to my mom, she was trying to get like the social security checks and the money that was left to me by my dad, but her and my dad did not have a good relationship at all. Oh wow.

They were in this custody battle, my mom was like having to go to court and all this shit over it. And so my mom sent me to Georgia, I mean to Boston back home to live with my grandma and my aunt while she was like dealing with this court case. Because she was like, even if I lost, I wasn't giving them my child. So I just got you out of the state. Right.

But she didn't lose, but dealt with that. And then her and my brothers came up to Boston because, you know, that's where her support system was and my dad was no longer around. And then your mom died when you were pretty young too. Yeah. My mom died when I was 16. And is that, I mean, that's got a sort of, I mean, is that, is that loss, you know, like not having a dad? Cause like my parents, I mean, it's not the same thing.

Cause I mean, I had a dad, but my parents divorced when I was four and my dad was not, I mean, I saw him a couple of times a year, but I, you know, but it's like, I, I just remember, like I didn't even, it's like when you're a little kid, I don't even know if you like can conceive exactly of what a dad is or what you know what that even means But there's just like this missing that that component. Well, you know, I had a stepdad Oh you did very young very young and like my mom told me it wasn't my he wasn't my real dad But it was only that I knew you know what I mean? Yeah, so I had a father figure You know good my life and I didn't miss my

Biological dad cuz I didn't know him, you know, right, right, right. It was more of an idea than a person Yeah, and I had no connection to that side of the family. So there was no real connection to him So for me like, you know, the universe starts and ends with my mom, you know, I mean, yeah And I was kind of okay with that. But yeah the the loss, I mean, it was tough, of course. You know, it was tough. I went through a little crazy, you know, rage phase and shit like that. Yeah, I was gonna say like rebellious kind of thing.

Rebellious, drinking too much and like getting blacked out and that kind of shit, you know, spent some time lost in the sauce, you know what I mean? But, you know, found my way up out of it. Yeah. And was it, was there always a, like, was humor, like, were there, were you surrounded by funny people the whole time? And was the sense of humor kind of a survival skill kind of thing? I think I just, my family is funny, you know, like,

my grandma had a lot of kids, 11 kids. They all had like two to three kids, you know. So like, a big family of characters. Yeah. Always joking, always telling stories, you know, the older cousins would always hang out and then come back and have a story about what happened at the bar or had a story about, you know what I mean? And these were stories that went around the family, you know, like, did you hear what happened last night type shit? Yeah, yeah. So like, you know, I had to find that space in that, like my space in that cast of characters,

who was I, you know? Yeah, yeah. So in that way, kind of like always like around that type of energy, witty, funny energy. At what point do you start thinking like, you know, well, I mean, you didn't you came to being a standup kind of late ish, you know, like, yeah. And what was it because you were working as a music manager, like you worked in you did office job. It's a job and then music and I was doing like Managing like artists on an independent label for a while I was like working like all types of various bullshit jobs office in Boston. I'm knowing Atlanta So I moved back. Oh, okay, right. Yeah, and I was just like kind of you know, hang it out

Yeah, waiting in the water, you know what I'm. Yeah. Waiting, waiting in the water. You know what I'm saying? Figuring out who you were and what to do. I was what's do. I came out in that period. I should say figured out because it really didn't feel like coming up. It's so funny. Cause like a lot of my friends were like, you know, why didn't you tell us you were

gay? Why were you hiding? I was like, like bitch, I genuinely did not know. I thought I liked dick up until the point I didn't. So I was like, I don't know. It wasn't like I would ever was hiding because I didn't feel I had anything to hide. You know what I mean?

I just did, I just was oblivious. So then what, I mean, if you say you didn't come out, what was it like, you're just like, oh, by the way, I'm now on the other team. Yeah, it was kind of just like, Oh, shit, girl, you gay. And then it was like, okay. And then I just went to like my family reunion with a girlfriend. I was like, this is my girlfriend, y'all.

And how'd that go over? You know, it was pretty much fine. Because like that point I would say I was already a black sheep, you know I had a bill. I Another thing. Yeah Yeah, they're just kind of like Sam's off doing whatever Sam shit so nobody really like Reacted at least not to me. I'm sure they were saying shit But nobody was like really saying anything to me when when you have that realization after it not I mean You know it not being sort of like something that was sort of with you your whole life

You know because I mean I you know, I mean I've been You know, I've always just been straight and I've had plenty of people. My dad is gay, that was why my parents broke up as my dad finally came out. I think that my dad has, I mean, I shouldn't say I think. I know that my dad just thinks that I'm secretly gay. That my whole life I've been living in the closet and which

like is so, and I was always kind of aware of it and I used to kind of when I was younger, I would kind of think of it as like, well, you know, it's like when you love somebody and you want them to be into the things you're into, you know, it's like I'm a baseball fan. I wish my son was a baseball fan. I'm gonna fantasize that he is a baseball fan, but it's like. Is it like there's nothing you could do to convince him otherwise? I mean, I, you know, get married and have kids and also like for me, the thing is like I'm in fucking show business. Like, like that, like to me, to come from a little town in Illinois and then be like, I'm going to be in show business.

Like that's way weirder and more subversive than saying like, I'm gay. You know, like you can be gay in Kansas, you know, it's like, I was like, I want to be in show business. And also I'm in show business. Like you can be the gayest person in the planet in show business, you know? Yeah, especially in the type of, your position in show business, you're in the gay position.

Why not? This is where the gays shine, these type of roles. Yeah. And I just was, I was just like, and I never talked to him about it because he never had the nerve to bring it up to me, but I always knew that it was sort of lurking under there. And I always was like, if he ever had asked me,

and maybe he's still alive, we don't talk much, but if he asked me, I'd be like, yeah, I mean, I don't have any choice in the matter. I'm fucking straight. The only thing keeping me from being gay is being straight, you know? That's so funny that you're having this reversed experience. Well, I mean, but it is, it's just like,

I mean, cause it's when you say like, that you all of a sudden were like, oh yeah, you know what, I am gay. Like it just sounds so, I mean, I can't have been the first person to go like, huh, that's weird. Like to all of a sudden and then, and isn't there like a rough transition period

where you have to like sort of reconfigure everything in your brain? Not really. Really? Because it was so, once I was doing it, it was so natural to me. I see. It was more like those scenes of having a movie where the person's whole life will flash really fast.

And I was like, oh, that was gay. Oh, you loved that girl. Oh, bitch. You are gay, bitch. Like, what the fuck? There's a reason why you always dress like a tomboy. And I'm not saying that's for everybody who does that Of course. It was me, you know what I mean? So it was just like such an easy Because it was just so natural to me. Yeah, it was like like my you know most of my friends just stayed my friends, which I I know that uh

There's people a lot of people who aren't that lucky, you know? Yes. But most of my homegirls that I used to talk about, dudes with are all still my friends and asked me about my fiance. But one of my friends, it took a while, it took some years for us to be cool again. And one of the things- A woman or a man? A dude, actually.

Oh, wow. When I came out and he was just kind of like, after we became cool again, he was kind of like, yo, I just felt like I wasn't going to know you and you are a whole different person. And then we hung out and you're the same exact part. He was like, it was nothing different. Yeah. You know, he was like, that was my ignorance. But that's what I thought.

Like, you were going to be somebody else. Yeah. And it was like like no, you know That isn't necessary. I'm just me. You know what I mean? Right? Right. This was that It was just was that for me like it really wasn't it really wasn't like oh shit It was like I had sex with a girl and I was like, oh Oh, I get it I get it. I get it. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I felt the same way about having sex with girls. This is really nice. I'm really a fan of this activity. Yeah. Like this. Can you tell my loves across? So how do you get from being a music manager and to deciding, you know, I'm going to be a stand up because you know, you're kind of really, I mean, were you sort of still feeling

like you were floating? You know, like you weren't like you hadn't really settled on what you were going to be doing with your life. Yeah, for sure. I knew I was like floating and even like when for sure. I knew I was still like floating. And even like when I was managing music, I'm still like, it's an independent label. So I'm still like working jobs and you know, doing other stuff. You know what I mean?

Like, sure. Of course. I'm not like making a living off of this as much as I'm just like, this is the first thing I'm kind of stepping out on and like, Hey, maybe I can make something happen type thing, you know? Right, right. And you're, and you're, you're already obviously used to kind of the hustle that it takes. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. I mean, and sort of the insecurity because that's, you know, that's one of the things about making it in this kind of life is like, you got to be used to, you know, my parents used to ask me, okay, you're doing this and what happens after this? I'm like, I don't know. I don't know. And they'd be like, what the f- how do happens after this? I'm like, I don't know. And they'd be like, what the f- how do you do that? I'm saying, I don't know.

Yeah, they always ask him what's next. It's like, your family's always like, what's next? You just got, what's next? It's like, dude, I don't know. I'm gonna like, I don't know. Yeah. What's next? What's next?

It's like, I truly don't know. Yeah, yeah. I'm just gonna keep working. You know, I'm just gonna keep trying to be good at this thing And that's all I can really control of next but um, do you have attention stuff? Like do you have attention deficit kind of things? Well, I I don't know about that. Yeah, I first of all, this is all self-diagnosed But I was a course I was talking to my therapist about this yesterday. I'm pretty positive I'm dyslexic.

I've been pretty positive of this for about at least 15 years. Oh really? Yeah, I'm pretty sure so. And what way does it come out? I invert letters, numbers. Yeah, that's it. Yeah Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. And always have. Ever since I was little, I struggled with math and grammar.

It was the two things I really struggled with. In school because I invert letters and numbers and shit. I made my own work arounds. And then sometimes when it comes to organizing things, even when I'm writing a script or something like that, sometimes it's like when I'm like Writing a script or something like that. Sometimes it's hard to streamline the ideas that I have to like

Come I have a system of compartmentalization to be able to do that. Yeah. Yeah, but yeah, so maybe so I say all that to say Probably yo, yeah, it's probably from the cereal. I'm gonna blame the Lucky Charms. Yeah, it's the water too. It's the water and the Lucky Charms. And I swear to God, it's TV too. Like when you start, like TV just erodes your attention span because mine is fucked.

Also, I would blame it. Like I feel like, you know, I'm a kid from like the first microwave era Yeah, and that definitely not good like those like my place are good period but the original Yeah, was radiating everything right? Oh, there's also that you know Who knows? I mean god like out here now, you know, we just had these big wildfires and I live in, I live like five minutes from the Altadena fire, you know, when it was burning. We had our bags packed and we're ready to, you know, and I mean, and I was like, it'll never get down here, but it wasn't supposed to get down to where it got, you know, it's

just right. And, but now it's like the, there there's if you want to be paranoid you can find all kinds of information about how you're breathing in asbestos Every day regardless of what kind of mask you're wearing So it's just like oh great, you know You know, it's it's but it's everything I know I know it's like bro. It sounds crazy, but i'm like this is too much information like I can't I can't handle another another thing Yeah, you can't eat anything every day something new got a cola or something You can't yeah You can't microplastics. Yeah, everything that plastics growing in your body

Cancers everywhere everywhere. There's a new flu drop in every 10 days. Yeah, the earth is burning Yes, yeah New York is like Insane there is there is this like an insanity that is happening in New York City where it's like people are throwing people in front of trains People are lighting people on fire on the train. Oh, wow There was a slasher walking around just slashing people. Yeah It's like what? But I know

No, it's like it's not even so much like it's like, you know, I think about like oh I'm walking around and oh in ten Years, I'm gonna have lung cancer just from breathing the air. It's just the, I just, right now, it's the psychological effects of that. And again, and you mentioned it, compartmentalization. Like, you know, I've been in therapy a million years and one of the things that you're supposed to not do if you're going to be healthy is not compartmentalize. You know, you're supposed to kind of have your life be this one big sort of free flowing I'm the same person everywhere. I don't know how the fuck you do that nowadays. Like you got to shove shit in a box just to get up out

of bed. Yeah, well, you won't even go outside. Yeah. It's insane. It's insane. It's like literally like Mad Max like get your gas mask ready get your fucking Yeah, it's about to go down. Yeah Does that just do you think that like? Hurts you trying to be funny, you know, like trying to come up with new material and be funny about stuff I'm the anxiety. Yeah, sometimes sometimes it's like, ain't shit funny. Like this is just sad.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Sometimes, sometimes you just got to sit with it. Well, I feel like you sit with it long enough and you find something funny. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Yeah. You start laughing again and then you're like, okay.

Well, and if that's the way you process things and if that's the way you survive, then yeah, that's your mechanism. So it's gonna kind of work that way. Yeah. Yeah. How did coming out or, you know, you're very passive kind of, oh, casual coming out and stand up comedy,

were they like right next to each other in time and do you think they were linked? Oh No, but I do think it was necessary. Yeah had to come before the other. Yeah for sure I think that but they weren't close. No was was coming out first first. Yeah. Yeah, I Was once I came out I just I was wilding out Andy. I was outside fucking I was in Atlanta This like black gay Mecca Fine women's I was fucking a lot. I was just outside. Yeah, I was like Feeling my dick, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, just debauchery and you weren't worried about a relationship or anything I was I was being bad. I was committing and cheating and doing what I was.

I was living crazy. Do you think that's just like pent up? You know, it's just like, you know, like a peanut brittle can with a fake snake, you know, like a spring snake. Boing, boing, boing. Yeah, dude. I was like, I gotta, I gotta feel everything. You know, like, I want I want it all for sure.

I was I was like, on one. Um, and partying a bunch, you know what I mean? Yeah. And that was a time in Atlanta where there was a lot of like, like, black, gay, lesbian promoters and parties, and you could like go out every night of the week and be like in a different spot with women. So it was nice. Does it get to a point where you're afraid like,

it's too much, like you're gonna lose yourself in this? You know what I mean? Like you're just gonna be like, you're just gonna be in a party all the time. And then you see somebody who's 40 who's been partying you're like oh I don't want to I do not want to head there you know yeah you gotta grow up and get you get you get your shit in order you know yeah and instead it was kind of a part of that like I had hit a wall in Atlanta and everything had kind of really come full circle in a way that it wasn't pleasant

and I was just kind of like what the the fuck are you going to do with yourself? And I knew one thing I needed to do was go back home. That was necessary. I needed to just deal with stuff there. And I went back home and I just was like, I always wanted to try it. And I was just like, I'm just gonna like, try it, you know, like I had, I had done it before. I, like, I got up on stage before it, like when I was like 20 or something like that.

And it didn't go well. Yeah. And then I kind of was just hanging around watching it. And then I got sick and some other shit happened. I was hospitalized for a while. When I got out, I just went to Atlanta. Just got away from my family in Boston drama. And then I just was doing a bunch of other shit, but it always was there.

Like I always wanted to do it, you know? Yeah. And then I was just like turning that corner 29, like your 30s are coming. You know what I mean? Like only thing passing is time at this point. You starting to realize that, you know, coming down to that age. And I was just like, yo, just try this shit. See what happens.

Yeah. And what, what, what, what do you like about it? Like, what's your favorite part about being a standup? I like that. Like I've always looked at standup as like a thinking man sport, you know, it's, it's about thinking, you know, and I love to think weirdly. That's not weirdly. My fiancee thinks it's nuts. I'm like, oh, I love thinking. She's like, I hate thinking. I love it. Yeah.

I love the process of that, of like, bringing someone along in your thought process and like being the Spangalia of like that journey for them. But it's just them taking a walk in your brain. Yeah. And then the places where you get the affirmations, like the laughter is the affirmation and it's like, oh, I'm not crazy. Oh, I, I, other people relate to this like weird shit that's going on up here. You know what I mean?

And I like that, you can, you know, pull the mirror up in a fun way. And in a way that doesn't absolve you of needing the mirror yourself. Right. I mean, I've dabbled in it. And I just like for me, and I've said this a million times, people listen to this thing all the time. They're like, this again. You just put the tip in? I did kind of just put the tip in.

And no, and what I came to the conclusion of is that I don't like doing it. I don't like being alone on stage. Like for me, it's always been, and I did improv and I don't think it's just because I did improv. I think I was suited to improv because I like being on stage with funny people. And that's where I get the charge is kind of reacting with other people. there's too much fucking homework, you know? Like I hate homework. And so much, you know, you only see like a standup taking quizzes and taking tests, but you don't see them in the library studying.

And that's like 90% of their fucking life is sitting there thinking about this stuff and, you know, and rolling the words around and mixing up being like, oh, I gotta say it this way., I got to say it this way. No, I better say it this way. Yeah. Which I kind of like that. I like writing jokes.

That's so fun. Yeah. Yeah. It's so fun to change a word or change a structure and see how it completely changes how people react to it. Yeah. You take this out, put this in, move this. And wow, now this thing has a real pop it gets a right over here

It wasn't really getting that pop up there. They were like Processing it but I moved it behind this other thought and now it's like smacking them over the head, you know Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I guess it's nerd shit, you know Oh, yeah, absolutely and I do like that and especially like like I used to what I really love when I first got on Twitter was kind of like, like a good Twitter joke was like building like a perfect little like box like that you dovetail, they took a saw and dovetail the edges and it's like all beautifully finished and here it is.

You know, and like where like I always would I always would love to do a Twitter joke where there were three jokes in that small amount of characters. One's just a visual and one's the actual idea and then one's a play on words. But I can't. I think my fiance is right. We're nerds. She always says that. You and your friends are nerds.

Yeah, yeah. I'm like, cool, man. Right. She's like, no're nerds. She always says that. She says you and your friends are nerds. And I'm like, cool, man. Right. She's like, no, you're absolutely not. You're a bunch of nerds. Yeah, but you know what? I honestly, I think she's right. And the comedians that I like best

are the ones that are sort of most, like where the nerd stuff is upfront. The comedians that where they put like, I'm cool. Like, like especially like the super bro-y comics. Like I'm like, you're not cool. You're like, you're like an incel that figured out, you know, how to get laid. You know, it's like, you're not cool at all.

Stop it. You're a weirdo and you're getting up in front of people and you're insisting they all be quiet and listen to you. It's so weird. Yeah. So weird. Sometimes I'm on stage and I'm like, you're just talking.

Yeah. Like who the fuck do you think you are? Absolutely. You're not dancing up here. You're just running your damn mouth. Well, everything, you know, that's the thing about like, about ego in performing. It's like, it is the fucking, the hubris of thinking like, I'm going to go into a room,

they're going to turn off all the lights except the ones that are pointed at me. And everybody's got to shut up and listen and watch me. Like, who the fuck thinks that way? But all of us, you know? It's like, who says like, yeah, yeah, that seems fair. Like, you all should shut up now because what I'm going to say is way more important. That's what I lowkey like, and it is what it is, and this is not like a hate on any particular person, but that's what I low key hate about Instagram, because it's like,

we all feel that way, right? Everybody, everybody has some of that in them. That's what I'm saying is, duh, right? What we used to separate, like, if you get to do it or not, is like, do you have the balls to put it on a stage? Do you have the balls to walk out in the world and like, hold it? And if you ain't got the nutsack to hold it, then you don't get to do that. And now you can just like be in your room. It's like, come on man, these people they're not even sacking up. And then if it doesn't,

if they don't like it, they just delete it. They're just like, well I'll just take that one down and do another one in my room. It's like what? And then someone's watching like, she's killing it in my room. Yeah. Yeah. What? And then someone's watching like she's killing it in her room. She's fucking. And it's like, I guess. Yeah, right, right, right. Right. Yeah. Can't you tell my love's a girl?

You know, one of the worst things about show business has always been there's like gatekeepers, you know? And I always kind of was, you know, like different people have talked about how like Johnny Carson, you know, like with comedians, it's like he would say, why don't you come over here and sit down? And that was a big deal.

Like you got his, you know, the Pope's blessing. And there is something about it where I'm just like, even looking back on it, I was, the Pope's blessing. And there is something about it where I'm just like, even looking back on it, I was like, that's gross. Like, like, why don't let every every stand up come over there and sit down and not and also that it's like, it's got this, everyone knows that if you say, why don't you come over and sit down, that it's like, oh, he approves and, and it always is so gross. But bring it back. Bring it always is so gross. But- Bring it back.

Bring it back. But you like that? I love that. Okay. Get it back. See, cause I'm like, I, I, what I'm getting to is like, I don't like that. But then I do kind of feel like,

yeah, but somebody's got to filter out this bullshit. I mean, Jesus Christ. There's so much shit where, and it's like, I'll click on something. It's like, they have and it's like I'll click on something It's like they have two million followers and I'll watch it and I'm like, what the fuck is this? What is someone? Why is anyone watching this? Somebody's got to do it. Yeah You ended up on SNL. How did that happen writing for SNL? I did just for laughs and then

New faces and there were some SNL folks out did just for laughs and then new faces. There were some SNL folks out there. They invited me to audition. Audition, they invited me to New York to audition, for like Lauren and the producers audition. Then they offered me a writing job. Were you excited, obviously? I guess you would be.

You know, it was one of those weird things where I never even thought about being in that SNL and never even kind of like, and I don't mean this in a like dismissive way, but I never cared about it. It just didn't seem like something that was on my path. You know, like I don't do improv. I'm not in the improv world. I had never written for TV before.

It wasn't like, you know, I wasn't out there shopping scripts or trying to get a writing job like that. You know I mean I was just really focused on doing stand-up yeah and like getting to do my first hour you know that's really what my brain was and um I knew they weren't like a stand-up centric space they were an improv like you know stand-up yeah sketch yeah yeah so it wasn't even on my radar so it's like one of those things where I didn't care until it was on my radar and then I cared so much all of a sudden. You know what I mean? Like.

Yeah, yeah, I know. You know what I mean? It was like once it was like a possibility, then it was like, is this going to happen? You know, it just started becoming like huge all of a sudden in this weird ass way. But you know, I got it and it was, yeah, it was a life changing experience. You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, what was-

It got to sound hokey or whatever, but it really was. And you had a good experience there? You enjoyed yourself? Yeah, I did. Like it was hard and it, you know, it's tough. It's a tough building to be in. And they have some of that, like, you know, some of that Johnny Carson-isms you're talking about.

You know what I'm saying? Sure, sure, yeah. And there's like, it always to me seemed from the outside and also from right, you know, we were right now, I was right next door for however many years. It seemed like there was like lots of factions sort of like secretly huddled in different rooms and like what are they doing over there, you know? Which is always weird to me because I, you know, it just seemed like that does not seem like the best process to get the funniest stuff.

But you know, obviously it's been working for this long. Right, right, right. Definitely like one of those weird things where until it and when you're in it you get it more you don't necessarily agree with all of it but you see that why the works some it works for the functionality of the show, but sure, there could definitely be another way to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, well, yeah, it's like, it's like this tree has grown this way

and what are you gonna do, cut it down? No, it's gonna just keep growing this way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's something about going through it together that bonds you in some weird ass way to the people that you went through it with. And it was like, I think a necessary growth experience for me. Like it just grew me in so many ways. How did it change your aspirations?

Like what you wanted to do and what you wanted to do, you know, like what you wanted out of your life and out of your career. Man, it just opened my eyes to how much more it could be. You know what I mean? Like until that point, I was just like, stand up and then I'll get to like do an hour and then I'll get more fans and I'll get to do bigger videos. More stand up and stand up and stand up. Yeah, yeah. You know?

And like being there and going through that process, it was like, oh, I like to produce things. I like to write things. I like to make television. I really enjoy seeing ideas come to life in that way. You know, like, I would have stepped out and did my own HBO, like late night show. Had I not done that process, you know, I wouldn't have even thought I could like do that, you

know, like, like build a format, you know what I mean? And not like, definitely I would have felt like I could walk into a show that's already been what it is, but to like create it from scratch and go like, this is the type of late night show I want to do. Yeah. I don't even think I would have had that type of voice in that space had I not gone through SNL. Yeah.

And you're talking about pause with Sam Jay and that it was on two seasons, right? Yeah. And, and it was a really, like, it was a really, like it was a really funny, first of all, funny and interesting show because it was kind of like, it wasn't real easy to sort of peg what the format was. It was kind of like you having conversations in lots of different sort of, you know,

largely in a sort of a party set, house party kind of setting, but out all over the place, you know, largely in a sort of a party, house party kind of setting, but, but out all over the place, you know, and, and was that your concept? Was that something you came up with? Yeah. Me and Princess, the showrunner, we worked on it, you know, it was like, just shaping out what we wanted the show to be, you know, and, um, you know, we had a lot of just chill conversations about like what I thought what I was thinking about the state of the world and then that grew into like What kind of conversation we we want to have on television, you know, yeah what what I saw going on in the space versus what I thought might Add to the space, you know, yeah

and what I thought might add to the space, you know? Yeah. And just how we wanted it to feel different, you know what I'm saying? And then I came up with the like house party concept cause I was just like, that's how like real conversations happen. Cause our whole thing was like, we want it to be like real conversations. I don't, it just, we just didn't want to feel contrived.

We were like, we want our show to be what people are actually talking about and how people actually talk. Not these like canned like sound bites of things, but just like the real process of how we are processing the shit that's going on, you know? And it was like, damn, we could do like a party thing and use that as the like springboard to bring the conversation to a larger context, you know? So the format is really like me setting an argument at a party or an idea and then like going out in the world to see if I'm proven right or wrong.

Yeah. It went, it had two really great seasons and I was disappointed to not see it come back and Did they give you like, you know, why is that? You know, I know it's I would think probably not enough people watched it You know, you know what I mean? I think it's like I think we're just in such a world of TV where like, we don't want to develop things for real no more. And we're scared of experiments.

Yeah. You know? And so it's like, there's only so much rope. They're going to give an idea like that. Yeah. Yeah. Hang itself. You know what I mean?

Um, I know I kind of, I mean, I kind of knew the answer, you know, but I mean, because I do like when I, when I saw the show and when I would see the show, I'm like, this is so cool. And oh dear, this is like, I don't see anyone having the faith and like, yeah. Really letting this just live and breathe, you know? Yeah, it becomes something. Yeah, you know, because it really does feel, and I don't even know what to do with it anymore, but like just things have to be so, like one of my jokes is like, you couldn't make a movie, like a movie like say Master and Commander,

like a movie about like a drama at sea anymore. Like you couldn't do that, but you can make Captain Crunch the movie. You know what I mean? Like it has to be something where people are like, oh, I know what that is. Whereas when you do something, it's like, this is kind of surprising and different and exciting

and has the capacity to sort of reinvent itself every episode in some way. I don't want that, you know? Like, if I go to Taco Bell, I want the same fucking menu. You know, it's depressing. I don't, and I don't know what to do about it. You know, I don't know whether to play to it or what You gotta go beat up beat up Netflix and then beat up

I have to do that. Are you gonna come with me? I'll come with you. All right We gotta go beat it up. All right, and then you had your your special was salute me or shoot me was so funny and it had so much funny stuff that when I, I also thought like, I bet you're catching a lot of shit for this for so many of the different things that you said in that, you know, like, especially like, like, well, the, you know, the number one one is like having been a male my entire life and then being like, you know, a husband and a father for

most of my life. Like, you're very sympathetic to the male plight, which is not something, you know, like most of the time when you hear somebody that's sympathetic to the male plight these days, it's like they got a fucking swastika next to them or something, you know, or they're carrying a fucking tiki torch. So it was just really funny to hear stuff, you know, to hear, you know, defensive, you know, like the struggles of garbage night, you know,

like, cause that's, I've made, I've been like, I didn't know how much of my fucking life would be breaking down boxes. Yeah, dude. And and then and being pissed that everyone else because no one else knows how to break down a box or has the energy to break down a box. Why won't you people break down a box? What the fuck? You cannot just throw all these boxes in the trash container. You need to break down these boxes.

That's my my cross crossed bear, I guess. It's really rough. Yeah, man. Yeah. But I mean, was that, did you get, did you catch some slack for some of the different things that happened in that one? You know, not as much as I thought, really.

And then also like, probably I don't go looking, you know? So maybe. That is wise, very, very wise. Maybe, you know what that is wise. Very, very wise. Maybe, you know what I mean? Yeah. You know, I just like, I like, I like, uh, presenting the hard arguments. I like, I like playing with the hardship. Yeah.

It's fun. Do you think, I mean, what, where's, where do you fall on the sort of like, you can't say anything these days and it's killing comedy kind of conversation? I don't know. It's like, I understand on both sides. I know that some is being that, but I really do. Like, I think it's like, yo, there is this layer of just like, I think there's an overall issue in society though, of like, censorship

on both sides. It's like, we have to be willing to have uncomfortable conversations. We have to be like down to push each other and like, and challenge each other in ways that I think both sides are having their extremes of. And that's to me scary, you know, in either direction. And I do think some of that then falls into it affects comedy. But then I also get like, if I feel away about something you said, I feel away about something you said, and I have a right to express that I feel away about something you said, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So I get both things, you know, I just try to stay true to myself. Yeah.

Because what else can you really do? Right, right. Yeah, no, I mean, it does kind of, I don't, I try, well, first of all, I'm not a standup. I mean, I just blab. So I don't have the same issues that a lot of standups do with this kind of notion of, you know, I'm not in clubs getting yelled at and being told I can't say that, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I do kind of feel like, well, it has calmed down.

Like I do feel like 10 years ago, there was more of a hysteria about the things you can and can't say. It does seem to sort of calm down a little bit. But then, you know, but then too, it's like, well, now it's, you know, now the scarier part is, and it's just a flip side of the same coin of like, you can't say, like if you want to keep your job at say like, I don't know, the fucking FDA, you have to

sign a loyalty agreement to Donald Trump. Like that's, you know, that's the kind of thing where it's like, okay, yeah, all right, that that's more scary. Like saying that you can't say a particular word or that, you know, you know, it should be mandatory that you put your pronouns and everything. Like, that's like, you know what, we're going to get past that. We're going to figure that one out. That's going to come out in the wash, you know?

Yeah, yeah. Like where we land on that. But yeah, if you can't, like if you're gonna lose your job, cause you can't, you know, that's where it gets kind of terrifying. Cause you're not loyal to the president. Yeah, yeah. Just it's anti-American. Yeah, cause I also too, like a lot of the beefs

that the comedians have is like, it comes from, like I've said before, it's like, you notice the things that people wanna say, it's never like, it's always about people that are less powerful than the person saying the word or the thing. You know, it's like, it's like, how come I can't pick on those people anymore? And it's like, well, you know, you can, but now people are going to bitch at you about it. Yeah, that's what I feel.

Sorry. Sorry. That's what I, that's how I feel. There's consequence and you got to deal with that part. Yeah. Yeah. That is what it is. Yeah. So, um, I got I got your things coming up here. You know, you're up coming, uh, upcoming stand up shows and dates can be found at punchup.live slash Sam J. Yeah. You're in an upcoming movie called Sneaks. Oh, yeah. Of an animated movie.

Who told you that? It's on the paper I got. All right. Well, that must be true. Is it a secret or have you not been cast yet? I didn't even know that it was coming out. Oh, cool. Well, if if it's not come out yet, I'm going to get myself in it, too, because I could use the word.

I slide up in there All right And then you're also there's a movie people not places Shirley Maclean is gonna be and that's pretty exciting. Yeah, that was an interesting time Yeah, that's already shot Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So are you I mean do you're looking forward to more acting? The reason, what I'm getting to is like, what's next for you? You know what? Oh, the question we said we hate.

Yeah. What's next? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, well, what's upcoming? I don't know, you know? You could say, I'm having Thai for dinner. I don't give a shit. What's next for me is, bro, I'm really just like, I haven't fun on stage again. I think I'm finding myself again. I was

feeling a little lost in the sauce. Oh, really? Yeah. Was there a reason for that or just kinda just sort of happened? Like shit happening. Yeah. Yeah. And now it's so much the more you do this shit, I was just talking to Che about this last night. It's like, when you first do it, you're just so excited about just it.

Just like, right, I got this joke, I got to get out. I've thought about this today and I can't wait to get to a stage tonight and say it. And then when you're doing it, doing it, like now you've monetized it and you've had some success with it And you're doing your own shows you you're doing hours all the time You're you're thinking more about like the whole show and the whole hour and yeah, it's this different work It becomes work. It's in a way and not that you're now a business person You're not like somebody with an exciting thing to say. Yeah.

Yeah. So that, it was starting to feel too business. You know what I'm saying? Absolutely. And that was starting to weigh on me. And I was just like, man, we was just that lightning feeling on stage. I'm not feeling it. I'm up there and it's happening,

but I'm not feeling that like thing. And then just some personal shit was also affecting it. And I just needed to like get back to me. And I went to London for like a month and I just like got a little apartment and I like cooked my own food and just did stand up around. And like, it was really great for my brain. And so I'm just really back in a like super like

having fun with stand up space and just building these jokes out that feel like it's coming to be an act and I'm just enjoying that. That's great. That, I mean, you know, that's the whole, as you get older too, you find out like, yeah, are you having fun? Like, are you enjoying yourself?

Like, that's the shit that really lasts. All the other stuff is kind of like, yeah, you know, it happens or it don'ts. And you go through feast and famine and, you know, as long as you're having a good time. I also, I wanted to tell you that there's the part in your hour where you talk about doing mushrooms in the park and watching white people dance and thinking, aren't they so free because they can't dance on beat? And I had Langston Kerman on here and he was talking about how he had a bit from his special from that same session. Like, what a fruitful session of mushroom taking in the park. It was Langacey's birthday.

We had the time of our lives. It sounds, it sounds so I haven't done anything like that in a million. I'm so, it makes me feel so old. I haven't done that in a million years. You like went to this spot that sells like $3 giant margaritas and it's a go cup. And we all got one. Wow. It's true.

So we just walked around the park. It was beautiful. That's so nice. What a beautiful day. Well, before I let you go, the question, you know, the final, the question that we always ask here is kind of what have you learned? Like, what's the point of it all? You know, whether, you know, it can be advice that you give people or whatever,

but, you know, and it can be anything. So like Padgett Brewster was on here. She gave me one of my favorite answers. She was like, if you have dull scissors, you cut aluminum foil and it sharpens them. I'm like, that's fucking handy. You know, I've learned it. and handy, you know? I've learned it. Time, time is like our most valuable

and most fleeting resource. Yeah. Like just the time I've had on this earth to circle back on things, to mend relationships, to understand people better, to have some of my misconceptions clarified and clear it up, you know, like, time, man. And so it makes you want to get the most out of it?

Yeah, for sure. Like, it also just makes me appreciative of it, appreciative of having the time. I now realize when old people, time is short, you think it's such a just like, you don't got that much life to live, but it's like, it really is. Because once you realize how much time it takes sometimes to heal from things and mend from things, you're like, man, we don't got a lot. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. We don't got a lot. And when you get those opportunities now, I feel way more blessed like, y'all, I'm so lucky that me and my brother both live this long to grow this old, to turn a corner

on a lot of our issues because one of us could have been out of here and there'd been a lot of unresolved shit between us. You know what I mean? Yeah. We wouldn't have been able to come to that resolution without the time and the growth, you know what I'm saying? To learn and live a little and have some shit happen. So it just makes me appreciative of it, you know?

Well, Sam, thank you so much. Everybody out there once again, punchup.live slash Sam Jay. Go see Sam live. She's hilarious. And I appreciate you taking the time and talking with us. And I look forward to whatever you're doing next. Cool. All right, Sam, thank you.

And thank all of you out there for listening. We'll talk to you next week. Bye bye. The Three Questions with Andy Richter is a Team Coco production. It is produced by Sean Doherty and engineered by Rich Garcia. Additional engineering support by Eduardo Perez and Joanna Samuel. Executive produced by Nick Leow, Adam Sacks, and Jeff Ross. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, with assistance from Maddie

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