The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Sona Movsesian Returns

Episode Date: April 14, 2026

Andy’s longtime friend and coworker, Sona Movsesian (Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend), returns to the podcast! They discuss her current duties at Team Coco, her transition away from her full-time assistant role, what they both miss about the late-night show, why Sona is looking forward to life in the old folks home, her New York Times bestselling book, and much more. Do you want to talk to Andy live on SiriusXM’s Conan O’Brien Radio? Tell us your favorite dinner party story (about anything!) or ask a question - leave a voicemail at 855-266-2604 or fill out our Google Form at BIT.LY/CALLANDYRICHTER. Listen to "The Andy Richter Call-In Show" every Wednesday at 1pm Pacific on SiriusXM's Conan O'Brien Channel. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the three questions. I'm your host, Andy Richter, and today I am talking to my old pal Sonam of Sessian. I've been working with her since 2009 when she started as Conan's assistant during the Tonight Show. Oh, I remember that. You know her as the co-host of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend podcast and is the author of the New York Times best-selling how-to book, The World's Worst Assistant. She's got another book, The World's Worst Mom, and it's available for pre-order right now. Here is, my wonderful conversation with the wonderful Sonam of Sessian. I was like, I think I can handle that. Here's my research for you, sir. I'm not going to look at it. I don't know. Wait. Huge slut in college.

What the? Actually, it was more after college. Oh, really? See, this is from Wikipedia. I don't know. Who's doing your research? Yeah, yeah. My slut phase was after college.

Yeah, yeah. And, uh, me too. I couldn't get laid in college. No, actually, actually, that is, that is kind of true. Same. Same zies. And I never, but I never was like, I, I, I just, I was way too uptight about relationship. I think I'm just being the product of two divorces. It was all so fucking important that I finally like, where I go on dates, you know, even into college.

And, you know, within 10 minutes to be like, where this isn't going to work out, we're not going to get married. Wait, what do you mean product of two divorces? My mom got, my mom divorced my dad, and then she divorced my stepdad. Oh. So I was around for two of them. And then was your stepdad around for a long time? Uh, yeah. I mean, 10 years or so.

Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah. 10 years or so. Did she remarry again? No. No, no, no. It's going to be like, ja-ja. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. No, but I just, I just, it was all too important. And then I just, at a certain. point was like, if I don't calm down, I'm never getting laid. So I had to, you know. I had a lot of like Armenian voices in my head being like, it's not, you can't just sleep with people. Right. To marry people. Yes. A lot of people before you can do that. So that was in my head. You have to marry a lot of people. Not married. You know what I mean? You have to get married first and then do that. And so that. Oh, really? That was the extent of my sex talk. Like it's more Armenian to like get married and then have affairs.

It's no, no, no, no. Or get married serially. No, I don't know why I say get married a lot. I think it just meant you have to like, you can't just like slut around. You have to find a guy. You have to settle down and you have to commit and that's it. Like, you can't just be out there slutting it up. Right.

And so that was just in my head for a long time until I was like, get out of my head. And then it did. Yeah. It doesn't seem. But Armenians don't seem to be traditionally like super conservative or are they? Oh, I think there's a contingent. Is there? Yeah, there are.

We're the first Christian country in the whole world. Wow. 301A.D. baby. Wow. But I don't know why I know that. I think I just know that because it's one of like the cool things about Armenians and that they like to brag about. It was the first time that they were in front of the trends. Yeah.

We're trendsetters. So they adopted Christianity as the national religion. So Christianity and like church and going to church is a huge part of the Armenian community. Yeah, yep. But always Orthodox. Were they Roman Catholic at one point or no? Now you're asking a lot of questions. And I don't want to say yes because I'm going to be wrong.

I know, I know. I'm scared. Don't worry. So I just, I think that like, I'm a CEO, Christian and Christmas and Easter only Armenian. So like we only go and we go because we kind of just have to. Yeah. Because everybody else is doing it. But I've never, I've never read the Bible.

Yeah. I didn't grow up going to church. It's just, but it's like a part, you have to get your kids baptized. You have to do certain things. But, you know, and I do think that there's a lot of Armenians who take that very seriously. And then there's some who are just kind of like, I just have to do it because it's cultural. Right. And also like the, you know, like I, both of the women I married were Catholic, Catholic school girls.

And now, and now nothing to do with it. Oh, okay. Except for the fact that Jen got Cornelia baptized. And that was just more sort of hear grandma and grandpa get her baptized. And and. Are Will and Mercy? No, unless they're grandma. There was a point where Sarah's.

Behind your back? Absolutely. Sarah, her mom came when Will was tiny. like and and she would take him out in the stroller and she'd be like, I'll take him out for a while. And at one point, Sarah, my ex-wife was like, I don't know, she might be taking into a church to get him baptized. And I was like, who fucking cares? I mean, yeah. She can get them baptized every other day.

Who cares? You know? But just will and not mercy, you think? Yeah, I don't think she had access to her unfettered. Oh, so mercy's kind of damned. She is. And she was born in California, too. Oh, she's fucked.

Super sinful. Super simple. Well, anyway, I don't know. I was looking at the research that I have for you. I don't know if that made it into the beginning of the recording. I love that you have research. I know, but I have not looked at it at all. Okay.

So I see what goes into your podcast. Well, I mean, I prep for all of our guests. No, I don't. No, you don't. No, you don't. I bet you don't. I bet there's some where you're like, You don't even really have that vague an idea of who they are.

There's somewhere I've seen their names and I'm like, I don't think I've ever seen this name before. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it doesn't happen very often. But then the thing is, and I don't know how I did this, this is like my best grift that I ever did. Conan thinks I'm better unprepared. So he makes a point of making sure I don't know what's going on. And I'm like, okay, if that's what we need to do it. Okay.

Yeah, yeah. They'll print out research and Matt will get a copy and Conan will get a copy and they just know not to even make a copy for me. Right, right. Of the research for the guests. Right. But you know what else? I like that because every time they're talking, I'm genuinely excited and interested in what they have to say. And finding something new out.

Yes. It's like imagine you're reading research, but instead of reading it, they're saying it to you. Wait, Harrison Ford, you were in Star Wars? What the heck? Yeah. Yeah. No, I can understand that. And like you said, the grip, I have that same.

But I can say, like, I have improv training. Yes. Like, whenever somebody on a job. And I mean, like jobs like game shows or things like that where they're like, here, you might want to know about this. And I'm always like, I have improv training. Yeah. And I do mean it, though, because I do feel actually Conan and I, I don't know,

I don't know how many people are aware. But, oh, well, I mean, like, sweetie is aware. But there would be sometimes something would come in last minute. like something that would be kind of complicated, they wouldn't have a written setup. And, you know, Conan likes practice. And Conan likes to know what's going to happen. Yeah. I mean, he's very spontaneous and very improvised, but also really likes, he likes repetition and he likes preparation.

Yeah. And we're just kind of different that way. And there would be times where there'd be this new bit. We don't really have this setup in it. But I'm like, well, you know, come on. How many of these fucking things have we done? Yeah. And he'll be like, okay, I'll say this.

And then you'll say, and then I would go, well, you'll see. And he'd get mad. And I'd be like, it'll be fine. And he goes like, no, seriously, I'm going to say, you know, there's a big event happening downtown. And then you'll say, I'm like, I'll find out what I'm going to say, you know. And he just got you. I think he just stopped. I think he did too.

Yeah, yeah. Because he trusted you. Yeah, yeah. And I can tell, you know what? I can tell you've had improv training. You can tell when people know how to do it properly. Yeah. Like Matt Goreley on our podcast, he knows how to improv.

Yeah, he's been improvising for years. Conan knows how to improv. Yeah. I don't. I don't know how to do it. I did ask Kat recently. Oh, really? At UCB.

Which is a long form improv. For people that don't know, it's a long form improv. And they have a monologists. Yes. Who sort of tell the stories that inspire the improvised scene. work. Yeah. So I was a monologist. Yes. I also, I didn't know that was the name of a person who gives monologues. I was a storyteller. Yeah, yeah. But I went up there and I just told some random stories. And then they just came up with all these. Yeah. And I feel so stupid just being like, can you believe what

these in-craft people do? But the whole time I was watching, I was like, how did your brain work like that? I just, I was so fascinated by it even though I see it all the time. I'm. I'm like around it constantly, but I'm always impressed by it. It's such a skill. You practice. You practice. Yeah. And you learn.

There are techniques that you learn and there are sort of like, you know, you're not just listening. You're listening with a lot of effort, you know, like without showing the effort. But you're listening and you're listening for details to put like that'll be good. Yeah. Like I can do a scene with that little nugget, you know. And it's usually in a side like, you know, you know, my. My mom wore wigs all the time. And then it's like, well, there's a fucking wig scene coming, you know.

And so, yeah, but you do learn how to do it. And there are techniques. But, yeah, I mean, you've got to have a facility for it to begin with. Yeah. So you don't, you know. That needs some WD40, guys. What is this? That's squeaky.

Yeah. Because I move this all the time. I have a nervous. That was embarrassing. What? The way it's squeak like that. That's, that is embarrassing. Yeah.

Welcome to the haunted door That is the least threatening haunted door I've ever heard It's really weak You better watch out I'm pretty haunted The freaky shit's gonna go down in here You just wait

It's been months since I've been oils I just heard you out there say like technically you're still Conan's assistant. I am. Are you, I mean, is that? Here's what I did, though. But what does that mean? There's such a shift in what I used to do versus what I do now.

Yeah. But in terms of being Conan's assistant, I cover for David when he's not in town. Oh, wow. That doesn't happen that often. Yeah, yeah. If there's ever a point when David needs to go somewhere, I cover for him and I do assistant shit. Wow. But also, when I was Conan's assistant, everything was under my name.

So his phone was under my name and his car was under my name. And like, you know, the phone number that was given. You mean like the, with the state, like his, the title to his car was under your name? Yes. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. And his phone is.

I could have. I still can. Yeah. Liza's my wife now. But also his phone, like, anytime he needed something with his phone, I'd have to go to the store with him. Yeah. Because it's technically my phone.

Wow. So. Mommy. I want a new phone. I just spent like 12 years making myself indispensable. Yeah. So now I'm still technically in that role, but I probably will do one assistant thing for him, like a month. But are all those things still in your name?

Or are they? Yeah. Like when we book him a car, I get a notification that a car is at the site waiting for him. Wow. And so I have to forward that to David. You know, it's like it's just an extra step. I think it's annoying. But I think also nobody wants to go sit down and go thing by thing by thing and change all the phone numbers to it.

And I'm fine. If I'm getting that paycheck, I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit. Put my name everywhere. You'll get paid to forward texts to David Hopping, who is actually doing the work. You're talking about bursting. That's the ultimate. Yeah, yeah.

I did it. So I am still technically his assistant, but David does everything. thing. Yeah, yeah. You know. And I think also because I'm so, I was so publicly his assistant for so long, that it's kind of like my persona in a way. And I'm, I'm fine with it. Yeah. I don't care. I'll be his assistant until he dies. Yeah, yeah. As long as I get paying her in. He's going to live a long time. Oh, he really is. Oh, he really is. Oh, God. And he's going to work for a lot. I will, too. Even like when he should have stopped. Oh, he should have stopped already. No, no, no, no. I have a mortgage. He'll be, he'll be, he'll be. He'll be. He'll be. He'll be. He'll be. He'll be. He'll be. He'll be. He'll be. He'll be. He'll be. He'll be. He'll be. He'll be. He'll be. He'll be. He'll be be, no, no, no. I mean, he'll work, he'll be one of those people that'll be like on a stage, you know, acting his same goofy spastic self, but like with a big puffy diaper that you can see through his pants. Oh, oh, fuck it. It's what's going to happen. Oh, he's going to, I mean, we all poop ourselves at some point. Absolutely. See, but I will have the dignity to shit myself at home where it's my loved ones problems. Can't you tell my love's a girl? You know when I was having my boy,

because I have twin boys. I know. Who are three now? They're going to be five in July. Oh, my God. You're way off. I am. I am.

They, people were like, well, you got to try for a girl. Because the way a lot of people think about kids is that the boys just kind of forget about you and the girls will like take care of you. Yes. And you can treat them like shit. That's been the, the pattern in my mom's family. Really? Yes.

Her mother treated her like shit, but my mom totally took care of her. And now my sister takes care of my mom and my mom, I'll get like these. Oh, it's no, I don't want to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you don't want to do that. But I mean, that's just, that's the fun version that my family's adopted, you know. Well, my mom watched my grandpa for a really long time. Yeah.

And it physically hurt her. You know, I mean, she obviously loved her dad and do it. But I just say, I'm like, just put me in a home. I'm actually looking forward to being in a home. Yeah. I like camp. It can't be much more different than like being in a cabin at camp. Like you have set times for meals.

All I need is to be fed. I want a magician to come every once in a while and like, you know, entertain me. I have my mom's sister and her husband, my aunt and uncle, they lived out here. And I'm the only relative out here. And when they started to decline, I. it was up to me to find them assisted living. And I had to do that and take care of them on the way out. And I swear, the first time that we went to the one that they ended up staying in,

and I'm like, this is a nice little apartment. Yeah. It's like, can you just sit here and you got TV and just go down for meals? I was like, this doesn't sound that bad. Some of them are luxurious. You know, and what do you have nothing to worry about? Yeah. Aside from the grave.

Okay. The impending death. I mean, that can be stressful, I guess. But I mean, come on, we're all, you know, we all got to deal with that at some point. And I think it would be sad if my boys never visited me. Yes. But if they didn't ever visit me, then I failed as a parent. Right, right, right, right.

What the fuck? Where are you? Right. Right. But I wouldn't, I wouldn't mind it. I don't want my kids to like, at when I'm like 90 or whatever, I don't want them wiping my butt. I don't want, I don't want them like hearing me out of the bathtub. And I have a lot of respect for people who do that for their parents. But I know I don't want to do that. I just want to be in a home. Yeah. I'm actually looking forward to it. Yeah. And I'll say you don't want to do that for your

parents either, you know. I know. I don't know how to tell them that because I am the girl and I feel like right, right. Right. And I just don't, I want to, I don't know when I should have that conversation be like, you don't have to have it. It'll become evident when you don't wipe their ass. They'll get the message. They'll get the message. Well, I guess she's not going to do it. Yeah, no, it's rough. And also, too, and I hope that this is, I have no idea why I would think it would be fixed in the next however many years it'll be till I'm old.

But that shit is so expensive. Oh, my God. So expensive to take care of people towards the end of their life. And it's just, it's kind of obscene in a way. Yeah. Yeah, but everything's expensive. Yeah, but I mean, but this is like, it's. I don't even know.

Oh, these homes are crazy. Are they? Yeah, like the bad ones are still thousands and thousands of dollars a month. Oh, the ones that are just like soul-crushing warehouses of old people. Oh, God. So I should start saving up now. Forget my kids college fund. It's my retirement home fund.

Yes, yeah. Yes. My nursing home fund. It is not. It's, I mean, you know, young people don't worry about it now. It'll be there soon enough. But, you know, it is. It's a bummer when it starts to come around and you start to have to worry about that kind of thing. Oh, well, thanks, Andy. Sure, no problem. That's so fun. Now I'm really looking forward to it. Now I need to have a girl. And also. Now I'm going to go try to get pregnant again.

When I, because, you know, my older kids are a boy and a girl. And when, you know, people say such intrusive shit to you about kids and about having a baby. It's unbelievable. Yeah. But somebody said when Sarah was pregnant with Mercy with my daughter, they're like, oh, you got one of each. Now you can be done. And I was, I'm always like, fuck you. Don't tell us what, you know, about what we're going to do.

And then after... I feel back because I've said that to people. No, but after... Not now you could be dead, but I'm like, hey, one of each. Yeah, yeah. But after Mercy was born, I did, we definitely were like, you know what? It is kind of convenient. Like, we do kind of now, you know, we got one of each flavor, you know, so it's sort of like...

Wait, so you were you ever thinking about a third kid at all? No. No. Well, I mean, there's five years between them. Yeah. Which was, because we didn't, we weren't sure. Will was going to maybe be a only child. Oh.

That was kind of up in the air. And then we had people close to us that had kids right on top like two years apart or something. And we saw how hard that was. So we were like, even if we have a second kid, let's give it a few years. And five years was a good spread. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah, because when the baby is a baby, the other kid at least is kind of self-sufficient. You know what I mean?

can, you know, entertain himself and isn't constant, you know, well, and also, too, he was just kind of easy that way. Oh, he was. Yeah, he was. My boys are not easy. He was very self-sufficient. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I hope that happens soon. I really do. I don't know. They are like who they are. Yeah. The fucking while they're still wet. Nothing shows me that more than having twins. We did everything exactly the same.

I remember when I would, you know, like pumped for eight months, just pumped like a cow. And I would pour the- You mean standing up with them hanging off? Yeah, at a farm. Next to other cows. Yeah, yeah. But I remember I would get the milk and I would measure it and then look up and it had to be exactly. Sure. Everything was exactly the same for the two of them.

And, you know, one of them slept better than the other one. One of them got potty training better. And like one of them scared of these things. One of them is more artistic. One of them's more athletic. Like it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. What we did means nothing.

Well, it doesn't sound that it means nothing. But it kind of feels as if you're right. Like they just were who they were. And then that's it. Yeah. And that's like the good and the bad. You know, like, you know, like Will, my oldest, he was a warrior. Like just natural worry

And he's still I just I'm like you worry too much You know I mean there's all kinds of wonderful things about him too Like just being self-sufficient And being really smart And sensitive and

Intuitive But just you know I'm like I hope you can get over that Oh yeah You know Because it's just it's a shitty way to live Yeah one of my boys worries

The other one Like he already talks about How he has a girlfriend and he's going to get married, and he's going to have five kids, and he has the names for the five kids already picked out. And I'm like, where did this come from? Who knows what's going to happen when you're older? I don't know, but I want to sit him down and be like,

you have to think about the like socioeconomic thing about having five fucking kids, Mikey. Like that's a lot of kids. But I don't, I'm just like, oh, cool, you're going to name one of them Batman. You know what I mean? Like, it's just you have to kind of go. go with it. But there is a point where I'm to be like, I don't know, you have to rethink the five kids. It's a lot. You could, you could probably save that until the wedding day, honestly. What the fuck? Let him think whatever, you know. I love how we think this planet of his is already

going to be flushed out. Yeah, yeah. He's got plenty. There's plenty of runway before that plane takes off. There is. Because I mean, I think I wanted to have, I thought, love the idea of having a ton of kids. Really? Yeah. And then, but then it's like, well, you got somebody else in the equation and they have to be on board with it too. Yeah. And I honestly, like one would have been good. Two was great. Three's great. You know, I mean. Yeah. Tack and I were fine with two. Yeah. Well, because also we went to go through IVF for our kids. Oh. And it kind of worked out that we had twins. Yeah. Because it was like kind of like a buy one, get one free kind of situation, you know, two for the price of one. Yeah. And we want it. And I don't want to be preys. again. I didn't love being pregnant. Yeah. You know, and I'm in my 40s now. I just have other things I want to do instead. Yeah. I'm binging industry. I don't have time to like go to doctor's appointments. I don't want to do it. That show is filthy. You got to wait till they go to bed. I do. It's like when I was binging heated rivalry or any of the shows I watch because they're all like soft core. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fine.

But I think that I, you know, and that's another thing is when I get to binge my shows, because also TAC does karate three nights a week. So I have to put them to sleep. Tack, come on. And the whole time I'm like, bro, what am I going to binge my shit? Yeah, come on. Put your health on hold. Yeah, go break boards.

Just break boards in the garage for a few minutes, if that's what you're into. This art of karate for you is just breaking boards. Why the fuck else would you do it? And also, there's things. There are saws. There's power tools. Yeah. You don't need to break wood.

I've done zero karate classes and I know how to break a board. Right, exactly. Who's the winner here? You put it between two like cinder blocks and jump on it. Well, did having the kids was that kind of like the real transition into sort of away from being Conan's day to day. Yes. Well, you know, it kind of worked out perfectly timing wise. Yeah.

Because Conan's last day of his show was like June 24th. And then I had my boys July 1st. Oh, yeah. So it's almost as if they waited for him to finish his late night career and for me to just kind of step away at a very clear point. And then David took over for my maternity leave. And then afterwards, we everybody, me, Conan, David, we were all like, David should just stay and do this forever. Because I'm not, I can't prioritize him anymore. Right.

I can't like pick up and go to New York for. two weeks without feeling you have actual babies i have actual babies and so i it it was such a natural transition out of the job yeah and um it was nice because i got to be there for the last show at lago which was fun yeah it was um and then a week later i gave birth and then that was just sort of like it was really interesting the timing of it yeah because i was able to finish that up and it felt like a definitive end. And so everything David's worked with him on is like post late night stuff, which requires more attention, more work, more hours sometimes. Yeah. It's like. Yeah, there's less of a structure supporting the whole thing too. Yeah. Yeah. Like when Conan's had to do stuff on the East

Coast when he's had to like, you know, shoot a movie or when he's had to like do stuff, David's gone and helped him out with that. And I would never have been able to do that with my boys. Yeah. So it just kind of worked out perfectly. Sometimes, though, do you miss kind of, you know? I don't miss the job as much as I miss him. Yeah. I miss Conan a lot. I miss hanging out with him.

I miss going to really nice restaurants. I miss staying in a really nice hotel. Yeah, yeah. But more than all of that, I do miss Conan. Like, this past year during the Oscars, I would call him a lot more. And he would call me just to check in on him, just to see how he was doing. Yeah. I didn't do that that much last year.

But this year, I think because the boys are older and I felt like I had more flexibility, I just was like checking in on him a lot more. And then he invited me to see the cold open shoot. So I went to that. I went to rehearsal. I went to, I got to do that stuff. And so it's not the job I miss as much as I just miss hanging out with Conan.

Yeah, yeah. Can't you tell my love's a girl? I mean, do you miss the show? Absolutely. Absolutely. No. What do you miss about the show? Or if do you, what would you say you miss?

Uh, well, I mean, steady paycheck. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. You get used to those things. And when they go away, yikes. Yowie.

Uh, I didn't really. I spend a lot of money. They turned up that money faucet and all of a sudden, the hose went. dry and I'm like, what the fuck? The flowers are dying. I mean, yes. We're laughing too hard, but that is a very sad thing. That obviously, because you, I mean, and also too, I had the incredible blessed

luxury of years of steady employment. Yeah. In TV. In TV. I mean, it's like the same thing like our band. I used to talk to those guys. They're the same. Like, you know, horn players.

aren't supposed to get a regular paycheck for whatever it was 30 years. Yeah. Like it's all gig to gig. So, you know, it was an embarrassment of riches. But I do miss, I miss going to hang out with literally some of the funniest people on earth every single day. Yeah. That, like from the beginning in the early 90s was, I mean, I had to learn how to, you know, my poor ex-wife, I'd come home, and especially her in the early days, when we works so much

and so many hours, I would have nothing left for her because I would just be like, it was like, the whole day was one big, hilarious improv show. And I'd be like, I don't, I can't use words right now. Just let me stare. I can't be a human. Let me sit here with a drink of my hand and stare at whatever is on the TV, you know. And I had to learn, like, how to. like that wasn't fair and I you know and I had to learn to kind of save something um for us but yeah

I missed that I missed that I miss and I the other thing I missed is making stuff I miss making a show you know and we got to make a show every day and it's it's just it's very satisfying to and you know and I've said often you know the greatest gift that he gave me was really allowing me to be part of the process of, you know, the day to day of like, here's a sketch, it needs a new ending. What are we going to do? You know? Yeah. And he kind of, you know, like I helped produce that show every day. I always felt like he and I were sort of the last step in the quality control process before it went out the door because, you know, like things would come down to the floor and we don't, you know, I think later on too, like he was supposed to have okayed everything that

We call it the grid, which is the weak schedule and the slots where the comedy go in. Yeah. And he's supposed to have been pitched the ideas and signed off on them. And I think towards the end, he was like, whatever, just bring shit down. Because there'd be things that would be a complete surprise to him, a complete surprise to me. And I had kind of the same thing with, with, that you have in that, like, with the guests, I was purposely sort of in the dark of a lot of the stuff with the guests so that I could just. react and you know he's got the card he's interviewing him and i just you know i don't need to

have seen the movie or read the book or whatever um but yeah making stuff i miss making stuff especially when it just it's so dead now that you know i got to work on a tv show a couple weeks ago as an actor and it felt like i remember this this is oh you know yeah and You're making good stuff. Yeah. I mean, you were there when late nights started. Yep. And so you got to experience being part of like something that had a massive cult following.

And a lot of people work in TV don't ever get to experience that. I know. I mean, it's really cool. That's important. Yes. That's important. And I mean, and I love too that it's as important as it was silly. Yeah.

And you don't. I mean, I don't know. And I've talked to people about this. And it's like, I don't think I appreciated it. I look back and I appreciate it very much, like, working in Rockfeller Center and making a show every day and just getting to kind of, you know, like, oh, it's Thursday. Who's on SNL this week? What musical guest? Oh, let's go watch Paul McCartney play a few songs.

You can just do that? Oh, fuck, yeah. I didn't know that. You just go down, you just like three, down the stairwell in through the back of 8H. Yeah. And yeah, yeah, it was just one because it was 8H and then we were on nine. And also knowing that like, oh, this is the stairwell where they did all the drugs. Oh, good.

Because when you read things about SNL's history, it's like they were in the stairwell doing drugs. It's like, it has to be this one. There's no other stairwell to be doing drugs on. Yeah. But yeah, you got to do stuff like that and just, you know, and just being in that building. before it, and I mean, I don't mean, you know, change happens, but like, it's now very mall-like. And it used to be, like there used to be like an old school diner coffee shop and there were dry cleaners. Like it was like its own sort of little functioning village downstairs and in the basement.

Oh, did all of that change? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Now it's all kind of, you know, Jay Cruz and, you know, Toomey stores and stuff like. that. But yeah, but it was, you know, that was like the end. And you could, you know, when it was crazy, you could smoke anywhere in the building when I started.

Did you smoke? Yeah. You did? Yeah. When I started on that show, I was still smoking. I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah. How long did you smoke for?

Well, I mean, you know, with times quitting, you know, like, I would have quit 24 years ago. So, I guess about 15, 16 years. years. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know. And I mean, I mean, I would quit for almost a year or something then start up again and back and forth with it. But yeah, it was, you could, people running down the hall with three quarter inch tape for the news smoking cigarettes. Oh, okay. rushing down the hall. And I feel, I mean, because they banned smoking way earlier in L.A. than they did in New York. So when I heard that you could still go to restaurants in New York or when I, I think I went to New York and people were still smoking in the restaurant.

And I was like, guys, what about my air? It's astounding. It's astounding how we used to live. Like the fact that people, because I was even able to into my adult life, like, you could still smoke on international flights. Oh. Like my ex-wife and I. Can you imagine?

It was like, it was the craziest thing in the world. It's like. Smelling that in a giant tube in air. Somebody lights a cigarette a block away and you smell it within 10 seconds, you know. Yeah. But that must be just, I mean, you weren't aware of it, but it was like that smell was everywhere. Yeah. I, in fourth grade, this, I was part of the SANE program.

Do you guys know Sane? It was like the Dare knockoff. Yeah. It wasn't even dare. It was sane, which was. What did that stand for? Substance abuse, narcotics education. Oh.

And we had a sheriff come to our house. Come to our house. He came to our school and he put a cigarette in this little puppets mask. mouth. And then he had this clear bag underneath it. And then he pumped it, went to show us what happens when you smoke. And there was all this like tar and stuff in it. And I, I can't tell you how much that worked on me. Oh, really? I've never even tried a cigarette. I think I've held one once, but I've never tried one. Right. Because I was so scared of all that stuff going. But you know what? I smoke weed. So I'm like, is that even that much better? I don't think so. I mean,

And I still do that now. Yeah. I don't know. It's arguable. I have no idea. I don't think there's like as much tar, you know, like that kind of stuff. And also who the fuck knows what they're putting in cigarettes? You are just smoking a weed.

But I don't think inhaling smoke is good for you. I just don't think putting shit in your lungs is like a thing you should be doing. You can be called a New York Times bestselling author. Can you not? Yeah, I can. That's amazing. It's like... Is it twice over or...

Just once. Just once. Because I only wrote one book that's been released. My other book's coming out. Yeah. The other one's coming out in the fall. But you know what I... It's the beauty of being on the New York Times bestseller list.

You could be like last on the list for one week. Does that mean 10 or how? Well, there's a bunch of different lists. Right, right. There's like nonfiction. There's fiction. I was on the how to like my... Mine was on that.

How to what? I don't know. What the fuck were you how towing about? I don't. Oh, no. That's the part that was really funny. And I think I was like fifth or sixth on the list of like 10. Yeah, yeah. But because I was on it that one week, I will always be in New York Times bestseller. Right. You know, it's, it's, I don't, I was trying to compare it to someone, kind of like when somebody who's kind of unknown gets the right part in a movie and then everything goes well, then he or she gets nominated for an Oscar. Like, they're always going to be Academy Award nominee, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. And so, you know, like, I can say me and Stephen King are both New York Times bestsellers. We have that in common.

Yeah, yeah. We're peers. Right. You know, I'm up there with, I can't even think of other writers. Like, that's how much I don't belong there. Danielle Steele. Daniel Steele. Although, yeah.

What's her name? Joan Collins' sister. Suzanne Collins. Thank you. Yes. Nice. Yeah, yeah. Do you read her stuff?

Okay. It's romantic. See, we're all peers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're all New York Times bestsellers. Right, exactly. If there was a giant luncheon and you had to be a New York Times best seller, I could go to that luncheon. You'd be rubbing elbows with Solomon Rushdie.

Yeah. I wouldn't be able to recognize him. Yeah, but isn't that crazy? I think that's so funny. And it's always so weird when, like, I'm being introduced. I've been doing a lot of Armenian gala. I've been hosting a lot of Armenian. It's like become my thing.

That's pretty great. I love it. I have so much fun doing it. No, every time I see, you know, like I see it announced on Instagram or whatever, it's like, I always am like, yeah, fuck yeah. Yeah, because I'm like, our community is doing this. Yeah. We have an organization for that.

Yeah, yeah. It's always so fascinating. I mean, like, we're, we have a museum opening up in Glendale. Wow. Did you know that? I did not know that. That bitch is huge. I would have just assumed that there already was one.

I know. You know. I know. I know. It's kind of like, how did we not already have this? Especially in Glendale. You know, and I mean, I'm not, it's like, because Glendale is such a deeply Armenian community. Yeah.

Yeah. So, uh, I do that. And every time they introduce me, they're like New York Times bestseller. Yeah. And I already have a hard time accepting the fact that I'm an author. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Sure.

For them to be like New York time, like, who are they talking about it? It's not me. I know, I know. None of this makes sense. I know. I mean, being on a podcast doesn't make sense to me. It's all of all of the stuff that's happened. I mean, being Conan's assistant didn't make sense.

Working at NBC didn't make sense. Being a page. All of that was just so it felt, it all feels so outside of my reach. And then when it actually happens, I'm like, oh, okay. That's cool. Yeah. But, you know, I don't, I don't know how else to, what else to do. Like I don't know.

I don't know. When I started real show business, not. just doing improv shows and shows that we came up with in Chicago, but like getting an agent and going to auditions and having an agent send me to things, I felt like just such huge imposter sitting around because I'm like, I'm just this fucking guy from Chicago that took improv classes. And I, and they would, I would go on auditions and I would see like these faces of character actors that you've seen on TV, you know. Yeah. Like, holy shit, I know that guy or that, you know. And, and, and, And it was for different things.

It was, you know, for voiceovers or for guest spots on TV. And I felt so, and I don't know why I was able to do this. Like I, there are, I have some abilities. Like in some ways, I, I, an anxious mess. But in other ways, I can just, I can hold my shit together and be like, oh, okay. Yeah. And this was one where I was like, what the fuck. I don't know what I'm doing here.

How am I going to, what am I going to do if I get the job? What the fuck? And then I, they're just this thing would kick in where I was like, well, somebody thinks I deserve to be here. That's true. Somebody sent me here. And that's their job to say you're worthy of going into this atmosphere and doing this thing. And there was part of me was like, it would be rude to tell them they're wrong. Yeah.

It would be. This is your Midwestern side where you're like, I don't want to be rude. Yeah, I don't want to be rude. So it's like, if you think I'm legit, all right, fine. I'm legit. You know? I know. And it did kind of carry me through, you know.

And then the next wave of that, which is one that I still have and that, because there's so many rules that they tell you. Like, you know, like if you dream, you can, if you dream it, you can do it. Yeah. Sorry, kids. That ain't true. I don't know about that. You can dream. Yeah, you can dream some pretty crazy shit and it's not going to happen.

Yeah. And then the other one is like, don't compare yourself to anyone but yourself. And I'm like, that's been my fucking engine for years is like, we. That guy can fucking do it. If that guy can do it, I can fucking do it. Yeah. Well, because you're also so specific. Yeah.

Your career is so unique. So I don't know how you would even compare yourself to other people, but I don't know. Well, I mean, just, you know, comedy actors or comedy guys or, I mean, even like hosting game shows or doing, you know, doing voiceover work and all the, you know, the different thing. Or writing, you know, like writing a pilot. But, like, you know, that was that was the next step for me because I was hired as a writer on Conan. And I'd never, I mean, I wrote for this shitty little syndicated comedy late night show that was in Chicago. But I was like a group of improv group of friends. And it wasn't really writing sketches.

It was, it was really, nobody knew what they were doing. Oh. And so I kind of had written for television. But A, it wasn't union. So I was just a researcher. But, you know, I'm like all of a sudden it's like I got, and I was, you know, you got to write a packet for a late night show. And it's like, yeah, we didn't go over that at Columbia College. So, you know, you just sit down and you go, okay, what I know what Letterman's like.

What are some things that I would like to see on Letterman? And then you just do it. I mean, there's so much, I guess fake it till you make it. Oh, yeah. It's not even so much fake it. It's just like, well, okay. Well, but you're also, you're like me. You didn't come from a show business family.

Right. You grew up, I'm guessing, in the like suburbs of Chicago, right? Even beyond, actually, when I grew up, it was beyond the suburbs. It was a small town, yeah. Well, it was where I grew up, I mean, I have immigrant parents, you know, they, they, my dad worked. My mom was a stay-at-home mom. The idea of working in entertainment was not anything anybody ever thought was possible. But we lived in L.A.

Yeah. So it's like, you're next to it. It's almost like it's out of your reach, but it's also kind of within your reach a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. And it really became more of a possibility when I went to USC. Yeah. Because it's such a connected school.

And I got my internship through there and stuff. So I think once all of that happened and then I got into it and I was like, you know, I started working at NBC and I was like, none of these people are, you can't tell the difference. Yeah. Between me who wasn't part of that world. somebody else who like grew up more sort of appreciated in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you can't tell the difference. So that kind of helped me with my confidence a lot more. Yeah. But still, I think that even when I was working as Conan's assistant, I just remember there were times where I was like, I don't know what I'm doing here. I don't know. This is so weird,

but I just did it because it was my job. Yeah, what are you going to do? If I'm like, I can't do this. I don't think I belong and then I just left. Yeah. I mean, I have. I mean, I have. had experience like that in film, because I went to film school and then worked in commercials in Chicago. And like I would get hired because you started as a production system kind of doing everything. And I'd get hired to do what they called at the time video assist, which is because they were shooting on 35 millimeter film. But there was a video tap that came off of the eyepiece that then you recorded on three quarter tape so the client could watch takes while they're doing it.

So they don't have to wait for the film to get developed. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah. invented by Jerry Lewis, actually. Stop. Yeah. Hey, that's cool. Yeah, yeah. I love when I hear about people who just invent shit while they're famous for other stuff. Absolutely.

Desi Arnaz, the three-camera sitcom. Oh, yeah. That I knew. That's cool. Yeah. Hedy Lamar invented the internet? Invented, yeah, pretty much. Yeah.

What? Just look up Hedy Lamar. Look up that shit. Look up Hedy Lamar. I just read about this not that long ago. And I was like, are you kidding me? She's got an amazing autobiography, too, that I forget the name. Really?

Well, also, like, something about her and somebody else, and I'm sad because I forgot his name. But they created, like, technology that helped with, like, the defense systems during the war. Like, sonar. Yeah. Like, she basically cracked the code to figure out sonar to keep, you know, people from torpedoes from hitting subs. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Or ships.

Yeah, yeah. Cell phones and the Internet. Yeah, yeah. What are we doing, Hetty? Nothing. Nothing. No, you're lame. I can't do that shit. Oh, you mean, Eddie.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I thought you meant us. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I don't know. I know. I know, and then while she's doing that, too, like, I am, I want to direct a film. Okay. Like, that's amazing.

No, but anyway, I love that. I love that she's just like a woman during that era, just doing that shit. Yeah. Yeah. I used to take jobs I didn't know how to do in film production because they'd say, can you do special effects props? Sure. And then you just learn.

But I'd be just fucking scared shitless on the first day. And the guys that I did that with were really cool. And it was just like, they'd be like, we need this. It was some kind of appliance ad. The first thing I had to do was like, we need this dishwasher to open on its own and then close back up on its own. And then it's like, here's a dishwasher, take it apart and figure out how to make that work. They just did it? Yeah, just figured it out with like wires and, you know, fishing line.

Now you could pull up a YouTube video. Yeah, I know. But I mean, but it was like, it was just, it was the, I think I almost would have probably stayed in that because it was such fun, like a fun puzzle. Yeah. Like a fun project, you know. I have to say, I did have fun at every job I've ever done. Yeah. Because I quit the jobs that I didn't have fun in.

Right. Even when I worked at Burger King, I love it. I love it. Like you, you are. I like to think I do. You really do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there are also, I look back on on things that I would do.

like I worked, I was in the middle of an office and there was like a bunch of offices around. They all had doors and, you know, I was in the common area. Yeah. And I would turn on Jerry Springer and I would turn it up to like full volume. And this is when I was working at NBC. And I always wondered why everyone's doors were closed. Yeah. It's because I wasn't like respecting other people's space.

Yeah. And there was this show. that was vulgar, people were fighting. You grew up in the woods. Yeah. I don't know how this office stuff works. Yeah, this is like the self-reflection I'm doing lately where I'm looking back at the things I did when I was in my early 20s.

I wasn't even like a teenager in my early 20s. And I was like, I was so stupid. I can't believe that I, I guess you like, no one sat me down. Jerry Springer time. Yeah. It's going on. And then all the doors were just shut at the same time. And then I would watch the,

His bodyguard had a show for a while afterwards. Steve or whatever. Steve. Well, Steve or whatever, you know exactly. No, Steve, but I mean, I don't remember his last name because it was his last name too. I don't remember it either. But it was, you know, I just remember just being it. But I had fun and everybody, I just had a really good time.

And then if I ever had a job where I was like, oh, I don't want to go in, I would, I would quit. And I had the luxury of quitting because my parents were always like, you can always come home. Yeah. You know, there was no sense of needing to, like, make a paycheck. Yeah, yeah. I had that safety net with me. Yeah, yeah. So if I ever worked anywhere that I didn't have fun, I was like, I don't want to do this.

See ya. Bye. Well, let's see the new book. Oh, yeah. Which will be out September 1st called The World's Worst Mom. You don't really think of yourself as a bad mom, do you? You know what's funny? I don't.

Yeah. But I also kind of do. Yeah. In what sense? Like, how are you bad? Well, it's the same as when I, like I wrote, my first book was the world's worst assistant. But I don't think I was the world's worst assistant. Right.

But there's like an idea. It's a joke title. It's, but it's also, you have an idea of the kind of mom you want to be. Yeah. You know, before you have kids or even before you try to have kids. You think, okay, well, this is step one, step two, step three. And every step I was failing. So, you know, but it's.

It's like very tongue in cheek. Like I'm so bad at being a mom I couldn't even conceive properly. You know, it's that kind of stuff. Right. What I thought in my head was the path and the right way of being a mom is not how I am. So like I really wanted to be a kind and patient mom. And there's times where I lose my shit. Sure.

Because I can't handle it sometimes. And I think that there's there's been a lot of, you know, before you have kids, you have this perception of what parenthood is like and then you have kids and it's not that at all. So I think it was really kind of, that's where I'm coming from. It's like I have, you know, when I was reading books on potty training

and they're like, if you do this, you know, in three days, your kids will be fully potty trained and I did it and my kids were not fully potty trained. And I was like, okay, well, something's wrong with me. No. You know, but obviously something was wrong with them. My kids are just stupid.

Well, that is kind of your fault. Ultimately. Like, there's the toilet. Okay. Yeah, but I mean, you know, if you had given them the toilet gifts that they need it. No, well, that's just like, that's just when any of that stuff, it's, it's the generalization of like every child will do. Like, no. They're all, as we said before, they all are who they are.

And there's no getting around that. and they'll do things at different times. And, you know. Yeah. And I mean, and there are some generalizations you can make, you know, like my little one trained for not, like wasn't wetting the bed for like a year. And then all of a sudden it was like, you know what? I'm going to pee the bed again.

Yes. And it just, and it was like two months of like, what the fuck, honey? Same. Yeah. I don't like talking about this stuff because I know eventually they'll. Yeah, it'll get on it. They'll get on it. One of my kids just, like, the easy one to potty train just started pooping his pants.

Like, I'm going to say six months ago. Wow. After never having a problem with it. Right. And he'd come to me and be like, so I did caca a little bit. We got to go. Like, he was very like, I did something I know I wasn't supposed to do. It's there.

You got to figure it out. And we'd be like, where did this? Yeah. I did a little caca. I did a little caca. But it was one of those. things where I was like, okay, nobody told me about this. Nobody told me about how my like brain chemistry would change after I had kids. Nobody told me how I would like, how much more emotional I

would get about mom guilt. Like I just didn't know about that stuff. So it's, it's, I know I'm making it sound like it's not funny. I hope it's a funny book. I hate it so it's funny. Absolutely. But it's, yeah, it's just sort of, you know, it's kind of like how the first book was about like, here's some stories about my time working for Conan. It's like, here's some stories about my time being a mom. Yeah. You know, I'm hoping some moms will relate, maybe feel less alone. Yeah.

I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, it is true when you have kids, you have this idea that you're going to, I don't know, like you're going to be a different person. Yeah. I'm going to be a better person when the kids come along and be more on top of shit. And then they come along and you're like, oh, no, I'm the same guy. Yeah.

I'm the same like, I don't need. to read the directions. Like, just let me put it. Give me a rinse and let me put it together. I was so naive. I think that a part of me was like, I'm just always going to, you know, have a tidy house. And, you know, my kids will like to draw and we'll spend time building things.

And then like the other day, I got them dressed up because we were going to go to like either my parents' house or my in-laws house. And they're fighting each other. Yeah. And I'm like, at this point, I'm a hockey ref. I'm like, I'm going to let them go until, like, It's really dangerous. And then I'm going to step in.

And then at one point I'm just yelling, just don't get blood on your clothes. And I heard myself say that. I'm like, when did I become that mom? Where I'm just like, guys, look, you're going to do, just don't get blood on your clothes because I just don't want to change you again. They wear you down. They just wear you down. But it's also, it's really fun. Yeah.

And I have to, but it's, I have to keep reminding myself it's fun. Yes. You know, like when they're in the kitchen, and they're just like near me and they're building magnet tiles while I'm trying to cook. Yeah. My instinct is to be like,

can you guys get the fuck out of the kitchen? You know, I'm just in my head. I'm like, why are you here? But then I remind myself, there is going to be a point where I'm going to want them

to be in the kitchen and they're not going to want to be in the kitchen with me. It takes work to remind myself. Yeah. But, you know, it's hard though. I mean, kids are hard. Kids are really hard.

It's the best thing, like the thing, the main thing for me about having kids, is that you're never, you're never wasting your time when you're doing something raising a child. And that's, that goes to like the most mundane boring shit because it can be really fucking boring. Yeah, there's time. Raising a child can be boring as shit. But it's still the, it's, you're still doing the best work that there is.

Yeah. You're still spending your time in the most sort of fruitful, useful way that you probably possibly can. Because you're doing. Yeah. If you prioritize it to where the creation of a new human being is the most important thing you can be doing as opposed to, you know, making a TV show or whatever. Like that's, you know what I mean? But I do think that it's changing a lot because there's a lot of people who feel that sense of accomplishment by not having kids. Yeah.

No, that would that. I mean, we're talking to. If you've had kids. If you've had kids, we're not talking to you. Yeah, yeah. If you've had kids, you know. I know, you're right. because if you've had kids, it does shift a lot.

Yeah. Like, I don't, it's hard to say. I think that I've really, like, I love having kids and I agree with you. Yeah. But then there's a lot of people who I know over time have like guilted other people who haven't had kids and have kind of made it seem. It's like, well, you know, your life doesn't have purpose yet because you don't have kids. Right. Right.

And I don't agree with that. Yeah. But I know what you mean. Yeah, I don't either. Yeah. But I mean, but if you decide, if somebody doesn't want to have kids, again, I'm just not talking to you. Like, if you're going to take offense, like, it's very important to me to have children. Being a parent is top priority in my life and having kids is top priority in my life.

Yeah. If you don't agree with that, I don't know. I just sometimes it doesn't feel like people, especially the, it's because the internet outrage society. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like, it just feels sometimes it's like, living. listening to a hockey podcast and calling like, you know, not everything's hockey. Yeah, but we're talking about hockey. Yes.

Okay. I know. No, you're right. You're right. I know you're talking about like if you've had kids. You're right. It is, that's why it was very easy for me to separate from the job I love doing for 12 years. Yeah.

I loved my job. But when I had my kids, it was very easy for me to stop doing it. Yeah. And I think that that's, you're right. Like every single thing you do, every single thing you do, everything you say to them can mold them. Yeah. And it's a tremendous amount of responsibility.

Yeah. It is so. And the thing that really is hard is when you and your partner are not on the same page. And often you're not. Like you come from two completely different worlds. You view the world differently, you know, even if you are together. And so there's things that for me are like, these are definites. And for tack, it's like, no, that doesn't make sense.

You know, like, we've had those moments before, but it's, it's so, it's very rewarding. I think that I've never felt such a sense of accomplishment as I did when I've sleep trained my, my boys. Yeah. And then I felt it again when I potty train them. Yeah. But you're right. It's, it's like, it's so much responsibility.

Yeah. And sometimes I just like, want to just get high and watch TV. But I have to. World's worst mom will be published on September 1st. But it's available for pre-order now. Sona, thank you so much. Are we done? Yeah, we got to move it on.

Okay, but I want to talk to you more. I know, well, you know, I'm around. Okay, I know. I could just talk to you off mic. I mean, yeah, I would keep going, but we got to clear out of the studio because Conan has to do a podcast. Yeah, and I got to do it with it. Yeah.

You're double dipping today. I am. All right, everybody, thanks for listening. I'll be back. Oh, there's this week again. Yeah. It's a mickey even picking it up. All right, I'll be back next week with more of the three questions. Thank you, Sona.

I love you. I love you, too. The three questions with Andy Richter is a team cocoa production. It is produced by Sean Doherty and engineered by Rich Garcia. Additional engineering support by Eduardo Perez and Joanna Samuel, executive produced by Nick Leow, Adam Sacks, and Jeff Ross, talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, with assistance from Maddie Ogden,

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