The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Ted Danson

Episode Date: June 18, 2024

Ted Danson joins Andy Richter to discuss his legendary television career, his love story with Mary Steenburgen, memories from his childhood in Arizona, laughing at your own false humility, why “Cheers” was so special, working at the Team Coco studio, and his new podcast, “Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson (Sometimes)!”Hey there! Do you want to talk to Andy live on SiriusXM’s Conan O’Brien Radio? Leave a voicemail at 855-266-2604 or fill out our Google Form.

Hey everybody, welcome back to The Three Questions. I am your host, Andy Richter. And this week, I am lucky enough to be talking to the legendary Ted Danson. He is truly one of the most wonderful people on earth, just an all around good guy. And listing Ted's credits, it could take all episode. You know him from Cheers, The Good Place,

Curb Your Enthusiasm, Board to Death, Fargo, Three Men and a Baby, Saving Private Ryan, and so much more. Ted is now the host of the new Team Coco Sirius XM podcast where everybody knows your name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson sometimes, which is out now. Ted has been recording his new podcast here at our Team Coco studio, and I have been so happy to have him around the office. Before my chat with Ted though, I wanted to just mention once again that we'll be announcing my new radio show, The Andy Richter Collins Show, very soon.

I've been having so much fun talking to listeners and we're excited to do more of them. If you want to be a part of this new radio show, you can call 855-266-2604 or fill out the Google form in the description for this podcast episode. And now enjoy my wonderful conversation with the even more wonderful Ted Danson. I'm not. I'm just looking at my shirt. You've got a bigger soul though. Yeah, that is true. All right. But see, it's my toddler dimension. You do have a toddler dimension. Oh my God, it's fucking embarrassing to see old footage of me as a child. It's like, oh Jesus.

Aside from the massive cock, I'm not a child anymore. I'm a child. I'm a child. I'm a child. I'm a child. I'm a child. I'm a child. I'm a child. I'm a child. I'm a child. I'm a child. I'm a toddler. Oh my God, it's fucking embarrassing. It's the old footage of me as a child,

and it's like, oh Jesus, you know. Aside from the massive cock, it's exactly the same. Can we have a content? No. Let's line those up. I can't remember the name of the guy they took to New York for Milton Borough, that famous story. Oh, it's a-

Forrest Tucker. Forrest Tucker, yeah. It's so cool that, you know, hi, by the way. Rich, hi, Rich. What'd you get? Do we actually know of three or four people who have huge cocks and we're proud to know that they, we don't know them personally, but we know- Right, right, right, right.

Right. What's the sort, I think it's the sort of thing that when you're blessed with an enormous penis, you're not afraid to let everyone know. You know, it's, you know. Or you can go the humble route. Right. You know.

But why would you? But why would you? Why would you? Well, what's weird is only other men are men are finding amusing or interesting that you have a huge cock. Women is like, no, shut the fuck up. No, no. Really?

Most of the women in my life, whenever they encounter a really large penis in the wild, it's like, nope, that's a deal breaker. That's a deal and pelvis breaker. And the fact that you're proud of it makes me not want to go anywhere near of you. That's right. Well, everyone, you've tuned into huge cock talk with Andy Richter and Ted Danson. That's actually a funny title. Huge cock talk. Huge cock you're on Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Tell us about your huge cock. Honestly, that probably would be a very listened to show, like stories of enormous penises. I'm supposed to do a call-in show. Write that down. That's one of our topics. Do you have a huge penis? And what's great is-

What's it like? What's it like? What's it like? And it's not TV, so you can just bullshit. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Well, thank you so much for coming in today. Right off the bat, we have to, because I've been, this is one of those instances where I've been

told by six people, make sure that you plug his podcast. And there's an often guess there will be, make sure which I'm, as if I would go, no, fuck that. I'm not, no way. Let them get their own audience. No way on my podcast will I talk about your podcast. But it's really fun. Your penis,

but not your podcast. Absolutely, my penis because I need to drum up interest in my penis. People are already fascinated by the podcast. I'm kind of sorry, I just let him on. He's so easy to lead on. Sure. No, but this is, because it was, we work out of the same studio here,

the Team Coco studios. So it was really, it's been kind of a thrill to have you here. It's really like exciting to have, because you're, I mean, you're a wonderful person. Back at you, Andy. Thank you, thank you. And I know that because my wife, Mary Steenburgen,

told me that. Oh, that's nice of her. But I mean, and I've kind of crossed paths with you over the years and you always are just seem like, you seem actually too nice for show business. Do you know? I mean, have you heard that? Yes.

Yeah, but it's fine, because I take a very shallow cut on life. So I'm okay with the too nice too, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, because is it hiding something? But I, yes, yes. Are there like bodies hidden somewhere? No bodies, but just very dark. Oh, well good, let's get to that.

Yes. No, but well, I wanna talk about, you're doing a podcast called Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson, in parentheses, sometimes. Yes, which I find very funny. And anyone who knows Woody, I think will have a good laugh.

Absolutely. I, yeah, I was in a movie with Woody, so like, yeah, I think that Woody, you know, probably on his gravestone, it could put sometimes. Because there are times he might not be there. Yes, he might not. He might, his corpse might be elsewhere. I experienced death and then I'm going

to go smoked up with Willie. Exactly. So. Exactly. Yeah, he is a, if you put a premium on living life as you want, he is a heroic. He is. He does exactly what he wants.

He has engineered a beautiful, wonderful life for himself. And, you know. And that sounds or could be interpreted as selfish or this. No, yeah, I don't mean it like that. But he is one of the most loyal friends in the world. Yeah, yeah. He, yeah, no, he has developed a life that works for him. Yeah.

He is, he's everything that I'm afraid to be. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, he is. What's the difference? He actually once said to me, Daddy, why are you so fearful? It was a big moment in my life because it was like, oh shoot, yeah, I am.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, like what kind of things are you afraid of that he's not? Wow. Are you too afraid to talk about them? Everything. Too afraid to talk about them? I need to call my mom and see if it's okay for me to talk about this stuff. Well, now tell me about the podcast.

I'm always trying to make sure. I have a very middle class morality. I'm trying to be nice to everybody and all of that, which can lead you to a not truthful place, actually. Right. You know, so I sometimes find myself where, actually, I have to go. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm sort of familiar with that. I always say I suffer from Midwesternism, which is kind of not necessarily having a lot of... I mean, it's not a wonder that I found my main employment as a

talk show sidekick. I'm not one to go, well, here, I'll tell you what I want. I'm certainly more one to go. Me too. Well, what do you want? You know, I'm much more comfortable facilitating you than I am because the notion of what I want, I'm 57 years old, I still am like, I don't really.

I'm going to start firing on all cylinders. One of these days, I'm just years old. I still am like, I don't really. Yeah. I'm going to start firing on all cylinders. One of these days, I'm just going to. I know. So I don't think either one of us would be described as alpha males. No. I'm not even sure. And in my defense, you know what I love to say? Cause, and I find this partially true.

Alpha males are boring as batshit. Oh, fuck yes. They're fucking bullies. They suck up all the oxygen and they're not worth the trip. I'm just saying. And they're not, and they also, they're not listeners. No. So what's the point of being around them, you know?

Exactly. Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, there's a very famous sort of... Do people know we were just kidding and that we're deeply jealous of all alpha males? I hope they realize that. No, truly I'm not. I'm not.

In fact, I just was, there's an organization that has a big campground and like lots of influential people go to this campground. I won't name it because there's no, but I've been invited to do it. But the thing is, it's all men. There's no women involved. And you can easily find out what it is,

but I just don't like, it's not, I mean, aside from the fact that any gathering of influential people today in this day and age, especially now and the way the world is, if it was, you know, Purdue university graduates talking about their feelings, then okay, you want to have your male only thing. But when it's deeply influential people from all different walks of big time life, I don't think

in that keeping women out is really a great look. And also, but even beyond that, is just yawn. I don't want to go camp out with a bunch of fucking men. I don't mind, you know, wielding sledgehammers and yo-ho-ho working together. I love working with men. They're very relaxing. Being with a man is relaxing, but it ain't where it's at.

Yeah, yeah. They're beside the point in my world. The women have the answers. Every family gathering, every dinner party, I am wherever the women are. And not because like, ooh, the lady, but just because, okay, they're going to talk about stuff that I'm interested in, not the game and not, you know.

Yeah, yeah. My whole motive of seduction as a young man was, hey, it's me, Ted, one of the girls. Let's get naked. Let's get naked. Oh, that erection. I'm so mad about that erection. It's, it's betraying me.

Okay. We went tois right away. We went right back to Penis. I don't know. Do you and Woody talk about Dick? No, no, no, no. Oh, all right. How many?

But he for a reason. But anyway, go on, go on. How many, how often would you say Woody is there for the pod? Well over half. Oh, that's good. When he's. This is not a whimsical thing. He did a play in London. Wow.

You know, just recently, and so he couldn't be there for some of the podcasts for good reason. Yeah. I went there to see it, Mary and I saw him. He was spectacular, Ulster American. He was amazing. The whole play was amazing. And we got to do a podcast together in London. So that was cool. He was amazing. The whole play was amazing.

And we got to do a podcast together in London. So that was cool. So I am much more the homebody. I really am. I love my toilet seat. Let me just be not too far from my toilet seat. It's even on the couch. Move it to the couch when you're watching TV.

I love home. I do too. I do too. I have to force, and lately I've been trying to force myself out because it's good for me because I can far too easily just recede into my house and- I think that's why I'm enjoying a podcast so much. People who I would not necessarily go put myself in a position where we could hang out together, I get to sit opposite you for 45 minutes

and find out what it means to be you. And that's very cool to me. And it's something that my personality has not allowed me or whatever to do. And I miss that. I do like the company of men. And I do love finding out what makes people tick. Yeah, that's the idea of this one.

But in public, I'm shy. Yeah. Well, it's also, I've found, especially because I've had people on, I've had people on this podcast who are dear, dear friends and have been dear, dear friends for many, many years, but I get to ask them questions that would be kind of. Weird.

Yeah, it'd be weird to be sitting across them from lunch and be like, so how did you feel about your dad? What makes you tick? Yeah. You know, so, well, speaking of what makes you tick. Which girls do. Women do sit there and get to the deep stuff.

Absolutely. Over a cup of coffee. Absolutely. Which is why we hang out. And that's exactly what I like is like, this podcast is meant to be, I mean, the questions, where do you come from? Where are you going?

And what have you learned? That's like, who are, you know, where are you and why are you like you are? That's, to me, if you don't wanna talk about that, I don't, what are you doing? Clock's ticking, baby. You know, you better figure some stuff out because it's, you know, as they say, times are wasting.

Boy, I'm not that guy. I vomit my life out on people at the drop of a hat. I think people would pay me to, please, don't talk. Don't share, don't share, don't cry. Oh, come on, are you crying? Oh, shit. I think this is your stop, your bus stop. Yeah, no, I find that too.

I found many times that I have had to tell myself, when somebody says, how's things, they don't really want you to tell them. Cause I'm like, all right, I'll tell you. And there's many, many times in my life where I realized, oh shit, they were just, that was just a nicety. They don't really want to know about your,

you know, your existential bullshit. Well, now you, you're a Westerner. Uh, yes, with a twist. With a twist. Yeah. I mean, I have a big Scottish back, both grandparents were, uh, born in London, both grandfathers, um, one of them was Scottish who

ended up by chance being born in London and then stuck over here during the war, World War II. And so he was ferociously Scottish. Um, my father was raised in Cincinnati, Ohio, kind of before the depression, kind of upstairs, downstairs, chauffeurs, the whole deal. Oh really? Wow. His father was an industrialist, as it were.

And then that all kind of mostly went away. And he became an archaeologist where he made $10,000 a year. Yeah, yeah. And that's what you got to benefit of. Yeah, I got to be that guy. But it was also a great message about money. Because money, we didn't spend a lot of money,

but money was never an issue, because in his mind it really wasn't, because he had had that upbringing. Right. But anyway, so yes, I grew up in Flagstaff, Arizona, mostly. Most of my friends were- Your dad was an archeologist there. And became the director of the Museum

and Research Center in Flagstaff. He taught archaeology and anthropology at the University of Tucson, Arizona. Then in the mid-50s moved up to Flagstaff and became the director. Wow. And was your mom scholarly too? She is my mom who loved... I love false humility, right? That's where I live. My mom taught me that one. She would make sure everyone knew

that she did not go to college. And that a car she was driving cost $200. She was one of those people. So she wasn't scholarly and yet she was so well read, so bright, so smart. But she'd every once in a while hide behind that. I didn't go to college. But she was incredibly smart.

To keep, yeah, to keep. Her emotional IQ was high. Yeah. I mean, I kind of have it too, you know, like wanting to be humble, but also like, I can't stand 95% of the population. I say humbly. I say humbly.

I say most people are boring, but that, you know, but I'm salt of the earth. Well, now you were born in San Diego. Why San Diego birth? Just after the war, baby, 47. So they hadn't settled in Arizona yet? No. Oh, I see.

Yeah. Mercy Hospital, San Diego, then Coronado Island, and then a year teaching, my father teaching in Boulder, Colorado, and then Tucson. Yeah. And till the mid-50s. Does Arizona still have kind of the feeling of home to you when you go? Yes, but not on a, oh, there are my buddies, there are my hear-mots.

Yeah. But the sounds, the smell, the silence, the... Yeah, the place. Yeah, the place. The place. When I drive out, I had a really kind of, not exotic, but the museum that my father was the director of in Flagstaff was partially dedicated, besides being a natural history museum to Hobie Navajo Zuni, Pueblo, all the tribes in the Four Corners area to support their culture, arts, and crafts and give them an outlet. So,

you know, when we first moved there, you'd buy the most beautiful antique jewelry at a pawn shop portion of the liquor store. Because the tribes couldn't drink on the reservation, you know, and so they would come in and pawn the most. And that stopped when my father started giving them an outlet at the museum. There would be shows and they would sell their astounding jewelry in pots and... Anyway, I grew up with Hopi and Navajo,

mostly Hopi kids who worked, whose parents worked at the museum. I would get to drive out with them on their pickup on the weekends and the Hopi live on three Mesa's in Northern Arizona. And they've lived in these villages for 500, 600 years, cause they never got moved by the U S because they never went to war with the U S.

So it was an amazing thing to be playing around the dirt plazas where they would be, they would have kachinas dancing to their gods. And in the same way they had for centuries. And I got to have that with my friend Raymond and then go to the Episcopal Church on Sunday, you know, and have it mean the same thing. My parents were pretty cool that way. That is nice. You know, it was like, oh, these people relate to their higher selves, their gods, their

whatever, this way, and we do it this way, and they're both equal. Yeah. It was a really lovely kind of thing to have. But I grew up jumping on horses bareback and riding that away or this away or whatever I wanted to. It was really lovely until I was about 15, then it was like, give me a car, I want a car. And tell me about women, what is this again? How's that work?

And sports too, right? Didn't, you know, you were a basketball player. I was a naive, passionate basketball player. I'm naive meaning I went to Stanford University and immediately decided to try out for freshman basketball. This was the same year that Lou Alcindor was a freshman at UCLA. I didn't even put my foot on the court.

I looked through the doors and went, oh, fuck. Yeah, I can't do that. Different. Yeah, no, this is a different game entirely. Broke my heart, but set me up to find acting later on. I remember the first time I heard applause being in a play or something. I went, oh, it's not basketball, but pretty good.

Close. Pretty, pretty good. At that point, had your focus pretty much just been on sports? Like, is that kind of what you saw? No, I see. I went from my friend Raymond, you know, Hopi Navajo, there's an innocence there. You know, it's not, it's not, you know, sit down with Hopi and be caustic and cynical and one-upmanship and funny.

You're funny and you giggle and laugh a lot. But there's not that... Snark. Yeah, there's not anything like that. And there are other stuff, I'm sure, but not that. And then I went to a prep school in New England. So I pretty... How long?

Five years. It was an English school system, Kent School for Boys. And it was scary the first three years, because it was based It was an English school system, Kent School for Boys. And it was scary the first three years because it was based on an old English school system. It was founded by Father Sills, an Englishman. And there was that thing where the older person, upperclassmen could almost beat the shit out of you. And you had to do what they said.

And so it was a fearful time for a 13-year-old boy. Sure. And especially not at home. No, and not at home. I can't even fathom that. Not with my friend Raymond. Yeah, yeah. Laughing and giggling and being out in the middle

of nature riding horses. It was the exact opposite. Madras pants and red jackets. Right, right, right. He was like exact opposite. Madras pants and, you know, red jackets. I was like, where the fuck am I? East coast, east coast. And also gave me the platform for my life, really. Especially my coach, Jim Wood, who, we were a very successful basketball team

in a school of 300 boys. So any high school, any average high school We were a very successful basketball team in a school of 300 boys. So any high school, any average high school would have kicked our ass because they had a pool of 1500 boys or something. So it was kind of naive for me. When you say it gave you the platform for your life, what do you mean by that? We had a, I mean, this man really was my, you know, father away from home kind of guy. He was the one I had so much respect for, Coach Wood,

that, you know, if I got into trouble, they wouldn't bother to scold me. They would go to gym and gym would raise an eyebrow, and I'd be, you know, demoralized. I was just horrified, and I changed my, you know, demoralized. I was just horrified and I changed my ways immediately because I so respected them. But the whole basketball team, the team is the thing, not you.

You know, you're part of a team and the success will come from a successful team. And that kind of, when I bumped into theater was, oh, same thing, the play is the thing, it's not about you. You know? Slave to the text. Yep.

And that's a good way to go, I believe. There's a, the improv version of that is no one player is more important than the group. And that's what I always felt was, you know, because you're making it up, so there isn't a text, but the notion of that, that you're, as an actor, you're a slave to the text, meaning it's not about you. It's about the story.

It's about selling the story, and it's about everybody pitching in to do that. And I absolutely agree, you know. And that's a good one for life. Absolutely. Pick a topic and team is the thing. Yeah, because you do feel, I mean, I do find that usually miserable people

are not living that way. No. You know, they're chasing their own tail in some way. Right. Whether they have caught it or not. Which we all do. Yeah, of course. Here's an example of false humility that I was talking about. Yeah, yeah, sure, we all do. Yeah, of course. Here's an example of false humility that I was talking about.

Yeah, yeah, sure, we all do. Mary gets so mad at me, she'll say, that, I'm making something up. Well, that pissed me off. Did you see that person? Well, says Ted, that person probably has, you know. Oh, that shit makes me crazy. Shut the fuck up!

Let me vent! And by the way, she's expressing my feelings at the time, but I'm way holier than, you know. Yeah. I, the good thing is I delight in how full of shit I am. That's my only saving grace. Well, she obviously does too. Yes, she does.

Now I wonder, and I mean, and it's not an unusual, an unusual phenomenon, because I sort of fall into this category, but I would like to just hear you verbalize it, which is why does a shy person go into show business? Why does a shy person go, Hey, I like the sound of that applause. I'm nervous around people, but I'll get up in a dark room onto an elevated platform where all the light is. And, and that's where I want to be. What do you think that is?

Mm-hmm. I don't know, I don't know, healthy explanation, but I think, who am I? Who am I to stand up and hold court? Yeah. I have trouble with that. Yeah. People around me growing up who did,

I found usually not 100% my cup of tea. My mother was full of false humility. My father was large and big. And I, for some reason went, eh, I'm going with the mom idea. You know? And yeah, so it gives me the right... I actually, sorry,

I'm going to answer this, but I had this, can I kind of. You can do whatever you want. I went back to, uh, my prep school, Kent's school for boys. And in the middle of, or the beginning of the cheers rock and roll big hit. Time. Yeah. And I arrived in, it was big hit Ted. Everyone wanted to talk arrived and it was big hit Ted. Everyone wanted to talk and da da da da da da.

And then that gets old very quickly. It's a class reunion. And by the second day everyone was pairing up with their friends of many years. And I found myself walking alone behind people laughing and joking and talking and reminiscing and all of that and I was behind walking by myself and I went wow I I think I almost became a celebrity to give me the right to walk in a room otherwise I didn't have the

right to walk into a room and be Ted but But because I'm a celebrity, people will give me license for a moment or two. It doesn't always last for long, but maybe it will. But I think I had that kind of lack of sense of who I am. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And has it, have you acquired it as time has gone on? Slowly, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But even, you know, I was And has it, have you acquired it as time has gone on? Slowly, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. But even, you know, I was at a big party last night or a group of people and I found myself going, huh, I, yeah, I need permission. Yeah. To stand up and talk. Yeah. And basketball gave me permission

to be part of a group and stand up. Acting gives me permission to stand up, you know, sometimes and talk. Well, now you got a podcast. I know. It's fun. I really, really enjoy it. And because there's a form, the form of it is the person you're talking to is more interesting than you, and that's your job, you job, to make it about them.

Right. Again, that false humility coming out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, because I'm like, I'm like, No, no, no, no. Oh my God, every time somebody's sitting across from me, I'm like, oh Jesus, I wish they'd, don't they know they should just let me do the talking?

Yeah, and if they could just point to me when it's my turn, I could doze off until I see their finger, and I can then start talking. Instead, because you really gotta focus on their mouths. Yeah. You can't see this, but I'm now pointing to you. Okay, let's move on. So you're at Stanford, you say,

it's the theater life for me, and you transfer, because there's nothing like that at Stanford? Yeah, I mean. What did you set out to do in Stanford? What was your major? Oh, you just were going to college to see. It was West. Yeah.

There was a beautiful campus. It is a beautiful place. It was coed. Yeah. As opposed to all boys school. You've been at a sausage party for five years. I don't think we even knew we had sausages to be honest. It was a church school. We had repressed sausages.

And yeah, I just, I kind of describe myself, but it's true that I kind of, until I met my wife Mary, I went through life as if I were in the back of a pickup, sitting in the back, facing backwards, and watching life come by me, you know? And go, oh, that's cool, that's cool. I never really turned around and looked at life and went, ah, I'm going there, I want this, I want that. I kind of let life happen and be delighted and surprised.

I had good angels for some reason. It kind of worked out. But what'd you ask me? Oh, great. Well, I said you transferred to Carnegie. I had no idea what I wanted to be, nothing. I was a political science major, meaning no idea what I want to be.

Yeah. And for some reason, I tested really well in life because I didn't care. Because I knew I wasn't an academic. You mean just general testing. In general, I found it to be an interesting puzzle game. Yeah. Because that was not my happy place, the academic.

And it could, and testing is large, and I mean it's why they don't focus on it much, because it is kind of a trick. Yeah. You either, you know the trick or you don't. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't mean you have a great deal of knowledge, it just means you get the tricks

and your attitude is relaxed. So I got into advanced placement English at Stanford and I went there and the first day of class I went, not only do I not know what the professor just said, I don't know what the girl next to me said when she asked him that question. I have no idea what's going on. Yeah, yeah.

So I left. And without doing funny story, this is the truth. If you showed up at Stanford, the first, this was then, I'm sure it's not this way now. If you got what you put in, and that's probably still true, but you'd show up and you'd get on the rolls, first day of class, you'd notice that the professor had written a book. So obviously, you buy the book and you read whatever

about the, you know, at least the chapter headings. So, because the test will come from his book because he loves his book. Yeah. He, she, and gosh, it was mostly he's back then. And yeah, then you just did that. And then, but the rest, I woke up at 11 o'clock. No, I woke up at 11 o'clock,

no, I woke up about 10 o'clock in the morning. I would, whatever, brush my teeth, turn on my first television ever, grew up without a TV, black and white TV that I found on the street. Yeah. That is hilariously ironic. No pop culture in my life. That is so, for as much television as you've done,

it's so hilarious that, you know. Do not keep your kids from pop culture in my life. That is so, for as much television as you've done, it's so hilarious that, you know. Do not keep your kids from pop culture, because I will zone out in front of a cooking show now. I'll watch anything. I'll, you know. Infomercial. Infomercial. And I would watch and found the Dick Van Dyke show.

The first thing I turned on was a rerun of the Dick Van Dyke show. I was smitten with Dick Van Dyke and the the first thing I turned on was a rerun of the Dick Van Dyke show. I was smitten with Dick Van Dyke and the show. Just smitten. And then that would be over. Then I turned on some great 60s music on my little phonograph. And we had a tree trunk that we had found, a little stump that we'd brought up to our room and put a fishnet over it.

And I would get up on the stump, and I would dance, kind of go-go boy, dance, listening, do some music. Come 12, 12.15, I'd get on my bicycle, bicycle down towards the quad to find out if any of my classes that I had enrolled in might still be happening, and I might drop in. I was that guy until I wandered into an audition for a play and it was just smitten.

Yeah. Freshman year or sophomore year? Sophomore. Sophomore year, yeah. Freshman year was the disappointment of no basketball. Yeah. Trying to, you know. Now when you go back home, are they like,

hey Teddy, come on, get your shit together, you know, about the freshman year or are they sort of giving you some leash? Well, you know, I had a lot of leash. Yeah. My mother was, as long as you're being creative, I'm happy. My father was, well, maybe try to get a degree so you can teach.

Very supportive and loving, both of them, but I never got fear transferred from them to me. I was very lucky. Well, why Carnegie Mellon? Why? Because Stanford had a, what they had at that moment was a repertory company of professional actors who were part

of the drama department. They were, they also taught a little bit. So you were exposed to pretty high quality. Got Paul Richards, I remember there. Some wonderful actors. And they saw it because I pulled up my station wagon to the theater and parked and slept in the back from the moment when I first got in this Bertolt Brecht play. I was the fourth spear carrier from the left, but I was smitten and I started taking acting classes. I literally

didn't leave the theater. Wow. And so it was kind of obvious that the light bulb had gone off. So they said, well, if you're serious, you should go back east. And study, you know, New York or Carnegie or someplace. New York or Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh. Yeah, yeah, go to Pittsburgh if you want to be in show business. Yeah.

And so off I went. And, you know, it was just smitten. Yeah. Smitten. Life made sense. And once you start there, are you, I mean and, you know, it was just smitten. Smitten, life made sense. And once you start there, are you, I mean, do you have to take other classes or are you pretty much just soaked in theater? Well, I was a transfer so I didn't have to. I was soaked in theater. Freshman year, you had to take a home-ass of stuff

unless you were a transfer student. I didn't, so I was pure theater. I just couldn't wake to get up, hated to go to sleep, just loved it. I got to do that in film school because I started for two years at University of Illinois and got all kinds of liberal arts and sciences stuff. And then I transferred to Columbia College, which was a arts college, but a very nuts and bolts,

kind of, you know, like an arts college that focused on how do you get a job as a filmmaker, as a dancer, as a, you know. Right. And you were in the hub of creativity. Yeah, yeah. And no, Chicago. Oh, oh, oh. No, this is Columbia College, not Columbia University.

And it's not- Sorry. And no, no, no. It's funny because there's Columbia University and then there's Columbia School of Broadcasting, which used to advertise on Matchbooks. And then in between is Columbia College Chicago, which now is actually a pretty big, legit film school, especially film school. They have a campus out here now. But I got to go there and just watch

movies and make movies for two years. And it was. Did you get a little camera to. Yeah, we had bolexes. We had 16 millimeter crank cameras that that was what you kind of did for, and we cut film and we cut sound, the actual, you know, magnetic ribbon of sound, and we cut them with razors. And even, you know, we did videotape and it was three quarter inch tapes, you know, and it was all,

I mean, it was, there was no digital editing. It was, you know, it was basically you had two decks and another deck recording, you know, so you basically, it was like, the way that you would make tapes on two VHS things at home was just a professional version of that, you know? And I mean, and even when we started the Conan Show, there wasn't digital technology, you know? Our commercial breaks were as long as the commercial breaks that you saw at home because they would, it was called AB.

The show would be on one deck and the commercials were on the other and if the first act is 17 minutes, there's 17 minutes of blank tape on the B deck, on the B roll. Because they're all rolling at the same time. Because they're all rolling at the same time and when we say we'll be right back, there's a guy in the section of that part was called traffic and there's a, and again, it's probably a guy flips a switch and goes to the B for the commercials.

And then when the commercials are done running, flips back to the A. And both spools are still rolling. They're still rolling together. And if we did have to stretch, if we said, oh, something was wrong, we had to stretch, it made the union employee who was doing the traffic very mad because he would have to stretch, if we said, oh, if something was wrong, we had to stretch, it made the union employee who was doing the traffic very mad because he would have to actually do some editing.

Right. You know, he'd have to like get the tape out and you know, in the four hours, he'd have to actually, you know, cut it down to size. But we got, it was very good for us because we got used to having the commercial breaks be the same time, whereas there's lots of other talk shows where the commercial breaks are going for 10 or 15 minutes.

Are you talking about, sorry, when you said we, you and Conan, starting what? What part was this? Because you guys have done so many different versions of yourself. The late night in 93, when we replaced David Letterman. And that was, was that when you first got together? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was for that when you first got together? Yeah yeah

yeah that was for that. And how did that get together? I'm gonna start I'm gonna take this over. That's okay. You're too beta. It's time for the Cuck show with Andy. Just in case I want to steal this spool and make this my podcast. Right exactly.. Double dip. Um, but how did that happen? It was because, uh, through Robert Smigel. Robert Smigel, do you know Robert Smigel? He does Triumph the Insult comic dog, and he was a writer on Saturday Night Live for many years.

He and Conan worked together on Saturday Night Live. A friend of mine had been on Saturday Night Live after Conan had left I think. And so I met Robert and became friendly with Robert. When Conan got the job, Robert, one of Conan's conditions was I want Robert to be my headwriter. And so he got Robert and Robert, you know, when a show like that starts, you kind of ask your friends,

who do you know who's funny that doesn't have a job? Robert knew me and reached out to me, but also Jeff Garland apparently advocated very, because we knew each other from Chicago and from the improv scene in Chicago. Jeff Garland recommended me very highly too. Then, and then it just, you know, Conan and I met and hit it off and, you know, a show like that is really, you just kind of, you know, it's a vibe.

It's can you be funny together? And there can be two people, I think, with the same sort of quantity of funny, but if the quality isn't the same, then it doesn't work. Whereas Conan and I are the exact same kind of stupid. So we just instantly, you know, and I mean, and it's the same relationship today. Right.

And in many ways, like more fun, because there's no clutter, you know, there's no like show, there's no contract, there's no, you know, there's just us getting to be silly together and getting to enjoy each other's company. And clearly it's working. That's pretty cool. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, back to you. Let it out. I just needed a break. I'm okay. All right. I'm aware. I'm back.

Okay. Hello. Back, back, back. So, um, you do, you know, your first work out of school is soap operas. Yeah. Yeah. And is that- No, no, first, very first thing.

Yeah. That's the first film stuff in front of a camera. Hardest job in the world, soap operas. I first got a really cool job understudying two Tom Stoppard one acts called- Oh one acts called The Real Inspector Hound and After Magritte. Theater 54, I think. So it was straight from Pittsburgh to New York. Yes, I got married to, in my sophomore year at Carnegie, sophomore. Sophomore summer. Wow. And to a lovely lady, but the real emotional truth if we'd been both mature would be,

I'm scared to death to go to New York, are you? Yeah, well, let's room together. That was the kind of the emotional truth. And then we found ourselves married. And I was scared of, I was still very much into compartmentalizing my life, meaning I don't want to be scared and terrified in front of you, so I'm gonna, wife,

so I'm gonna go ahead of you because I was a transfer student. I graduated a year before her and I went to New York to find a place for us to live and to prove to myself I could survive. This was in 70, what was it, 72 New York, which was, it was, it was, you know, scary. It was, and not just to the kid from Arizona. It was like, it was one of those times

you'd be walking down a street and the hair on the back of your head would go crazy and nuts and you go, oh, time to walk into the middle of the street. You had to pay real close attention to what's going on. It was that kind of rough and ready kind of place. But I went ahead of her to get to know New York and prove to myself I could do it.

Because you had at least the knowledge that she would be coming later. ahead of her to get to know New York and prove to myself I could do it. Because you had at least the knowledge that she would be coming later. So it's like, you're half brave, you know? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I totally relate to that, you know? Yeah. Yeah. And also to go, and I've been in this situation too, like to go explore a new place, if I'm scouting for somebody, you know, for me and

somebody else. That's fine. It's so much easier for me to, to do that than to be if I was just doing it for myself. Yeah, that's true. I did have a purpose. Yeah. So I had this great, uh, understudying job, uh,

and at the rail inspector Hound, and I did that for a year and a half. And because people were tired of doing it after a certain length of the original cast, I was gone, I was on every night doing somebody's role who wanted a longer weekend or something. Yeah. So it was great, great training and very funny material. And cause you have to, you're doing different parts.

You're not just, you know, so that keeps it fresh, which is nice. Very nice. Yeah. And commercials. Yeah. And an acting class. But I was still, I think I still am, but not quite as selflessly as I was then.

Now I do enjoy the money. But then I didn't give a shit whether I was in an acting class preparing for work to do a class or if I was a Background on a commercial or if I was doing a play. Yeah, I did not care just all let me just yeah Let me just play please put me in coach. I don't care where yeah and Did fame matter to you at that point? Was that an engine? No, no, I was just Has it ever been did you ever reach your point? I mean, was that an engine for you? No, not at all. I was just...

Has it ever been? Did you ever reach a point? Yeah. Sure. Only after Cheers became successful, not fame, but success, it was like, oh, yeah, don't let this go away. Right. It's here. Might as well embrace it and enjoy it and want it. Yeah. Only after you become successful and want it. Yeah. I only after you become successful, do you fear. Yeah. You know, um, I think, and, uh, and I used to have this prayer, not real one, but

this little thing of, Oh dear God, please don't let my fame outshine my ability to work to be out of work, but famous, I think is a very hard path. You have to really be balanced and come to grips and all of that. You know, if all you get is the fame part. Because fame is in, you know, fame is in not your eye,

but the eye of the beholder, you know. And that's hard. That's a job. Yeah. How do you deal with fame? When you walk around, I'm going to take over for a minute. Sure. When you walk around.

Well, A, my fame is very comfortable. It's very- But you're highly recognizable. Yeah, but I mean, but I, you know, I think, I think it's just, you know, my, it used to be more problematic, say, like in the early days of the late night show, because it was mostly young people watching and I was- And you were very rock and roll.

You guys were rock and roll. Well. You were, you were- Okay, I'll let you say that. I don't, I mean, I feel- The new funny up and coming people. Yeah. We were, I mean, we were terrified, you know, and we were under pressure and scrutiny for a number of years that where we just kind of, well, I mean, Conan and Jeff Ross,

our producer, did a good job of, you know, keeping it from the kids that we were under threat of eviction at all times. So we were just kind of, we had so much, it's just sort of like what you were talking about. We were so busy making the show and we didn't know, most of us were brand new to this, didn't know about making a show, didn't know that we were doing too much. And, you know, that was one of the things that David Letterman said when he came on early on. He's like, just the sheer volume of comedy that you guys do, we would just pack in bits

and bits and bits, you know, every act. Sometimes in the middle, we, I mean, we learn not to do this. In the middle of an interview, we'd go, hey, we have to take a little break for some comedy, you know, and then we have some weird little character come out in the middle of an interview, we'd go, hey, we have to take a little break for some comedy. You know, and we'll have some weird little character come out in the middle of, you know, talking to Mickey Rooney or something. And we learned like, yeah, that's kind of,

that doesn't work. It's through, you know. What was, sorry, parentheses. In the year 2000. Yeah, that was. I did a couple of those. And that was my pride and joy that I had gotten to do that.

Yeah, it was, they Yeah, those were really fun. And we made lots of containers for absurd jokes. And that's because that's what made us the happiest. That's what was the most delicious to us. And the notion of topical humor always, I mean, even in the later years, was the eat your vegetables of our comedy, you know, where, and you did find,

we had all kinds of ambitions that we were gonna be like a sketch hybrid, you know, or like a hybrid sketch talk show. And it's like after we're on for a week, we realize, oh shit, there's a lot of time to fill, and please, you know, Madonna, do something so we can do a bit about it, you know, the topic of stuff. It's a lot of pressure. Wow.

I have said it's laying track for a train that you can hear coming. Wow. And you just got to keep going. But it does have the benefit of you don't, if you don't think about it very much. You just do it. And you did have Saturday Night Live to kind of, were you, forgive me, did you work on Saturday Night Live? I never did.

The Conan did, right? Yeah, he did. He was a writer. He was aware of that train. He knew that pressure. Yeah, he knew that pressure. But honestly, this is different. I mean, and we used to, you know,

SNL people would, you know, SNL people would, you know, moan about their schedule. And we were like, we're doing this 47 fucking weeks a year. Yeah. You know, boo hoo. You're, you know, you get summers off. We don't get summers off, you know? It was pretty great that it was, and I mean,

and I got to work in Rockefeller Center for those years. I, you know, it's, and I, I'm finding a lot these days. And again, getting back to kind of being famous because right now I would consider myself underemployed. Like I'm not the acting, you know, I I'm auditioning for things, but there's, and you know, we're coming up the strikes. So there was that weird thing. Crickets. Yeah, but since, you know, since the Conan show ended,

there just hasn't been a lot for me. And it is, I just did a fundraiser in Chicago. There was a lovely event, but you know, at the end, they're sort of like, anything you wanna plug? And I'm like, my podcast. I wish I could say, oh, and I got a show and I got an animated thing, but it's just, right now it's just kind of,

and I'm, that happens. There's ebbs and flows and lulls, unless you're Ted dancing, then. I didn't, yeah, well. Cause I want to. I'd just smile and say thank you, but I hadn't worked for two years before starting up last month.

Right. So it, yeah, it's been, it has been a strange time. Yeah, yeah. COVID strike and the kind of re, I think the, I don't know about the networks, but probably the networks and the streamers and all of that are taking stock right now.

Oh, it's a weird time. Yeah, so it's a strange time. They threw all this money and oh, we got to, you know, have all this content and then it's like, oh, yeah, but how do you get the money back out? Maybe commercials, you know, it's a major readjusting. And do you ask Joe Blow to invest whatever it is, you know, 10 different streamers? Yeah. Just so you can watch the new It Show? Yes, yes.

No, people aren't going to do that. They aren't going to do it. I mean, I do because every one of those is a write-off. You know, I mean, I can at least pay for them with pre-tax dollars, but I can totally understand why somebody would be like, you know, well, do I either have Hulu or do I have Peacock, you know, I, you know, I got to pick

between the two because I can't afford all of them. I think the world answered. Yeah, yeah. Well, um, I do want to say though, because I looked this up and when I was, when I was looking it up, you have, you have been a series regular on things. I mean, and this is predating the soap operas, but there was Cheers, Inc., Becker, Help Me Help You, Damages, Bored to Death, CSI, Fargo, CSI Cyber, Good Place, Mr. Mayor, Curb, for a total of 696 episodes of television

in which you are a series regular. Wow. And that's gotta be a record. I, we were trying to think of anybody else that has been a series regular for that much television. And it's really, it's a testament to just how reliable you are and how much the industry thinks of you.

And I'm still a fresh new face. You're going to catch on any day now. I think it was Jimmy Burroughs who said, the longer you're on TV, the longer you're on TV. Maybe someone else said it, but he said that too. I always thought that I'm, my first, I think like Woody, Woody's first impression is, and rightfully so, bigger than life.

I'm a bit of a yawn that slowly wins you over. So a series is kind of perfect. Yeah, well maybe there was something there, let me watch again. And then once they get used to you, they're stuck. Well, it's just, it's funny to me that, I mean, and it's- Sorry, but let me say, this is basketball. This is the team is the thing.

And I got traded to a different basketball team. And as long as the coach is really good, long as the writing is really good, I've been very blessed. I mean, though. But you have to score points. You do, but I had a, you know, I got to be, you know, whatever, cheers.

What an amazing entree into show business. When you watch that show now and you just see the quality of even like the people that got six lines an episode, unbelievable. Les and Glenn Charles and Jimmy Burrows were my parents in show business. And I'm sitting here talking to you for sure because of them, for sure. I just, I do find it interesting.

So fuck them by the way. Yeah, fuck those guys. How, yeah, it looks nice in the rear view mirror, those fuckers. Goodbye. No, I just, it's just really interesting and I think probably nice for, it's just nice generally, I think probably nice for, it's just nice generally,

but also probably nice for you that you still kind of think of yourself as needing an excuse to be heard or to be looked at when you have the volume of acceptance, the volume of sort of institutional approval, and it's still kind of, probably some days, not enough, you know? But that's, that's a truism, I would guess. But for some people, I don't know though, you know? I think there's some people where... But if you still want to get on the court.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then score some points, yeah. Then you better, you know, it's not what you did. It's, you know, I mean, immediately. Yeah. Yeah. I am so blessed. Here's, here's what I'd say my contribution besides having been an

Omega hit, which cheers was, uh, which gives you two or three more ups, you know, up at bats. Yeah, yeah. Even if they're failures or whatever, you get a certain amount of, well, it might happen again. Yeah. When I left the Conan show, I wasn't worried about getting a show. I was worried about like the second or third show because, you know, I knew like, no, they're going to give you, they're so happy to give, if you're coming from a success, regardless of how much you've contributed to it, they're gonna go like, oh, well, that guy, yeah,

give him something. The thing that I bring to this, besides being lucky and all blessed and writing, being around great writers, is I can say objectively, I love going to work. I appreciate the crew, I love the crew, I love going to work. Yeah. I appreciate the crew. I love the crew. I love the guards who raise the things so I can drive

past Gregory Peck Lane into Universal and drive down Jimmy Stewart Boulevard. I am thrilled. And past like city sets and past. And then, you know, yeah. And then like through the park that looks like a jungle, you know, and it's all in Burbank. There's not an ounce of being jaded in.

Yeah. I love going to work. Yeah. And that I think brings a certain amount of energy that makes you probably, uh, more enjoyable to hire, you know, because there are millions of really wonderful actors. Yes.

You know, but there is a life is too short clause. Yeah. If you're an asshole, you're probably not gonna get hired that much. Yeah, and that's the thing too, is that these are long days and there is the very nuts and bolts thing of, you're gonna have to spend 16 hours a day with this person sometimes.

If they're an asshole, you know, and I've never understood people that don't get that. Like, the, you know, the squeaky wheel gets kicked the fuck out because it's, there's too much to do. You know? Yeah. I know that this particular podcast was brought to you by male genitalia and urinary tracts,

but in the spirit of that, can I go pee? Of course you can, of course you can and we're almost done anyway we're like five or ten. No, I'm just kidding. Oh all right, oh Jesus. We'll put in some Ted dance and his peeing music. In this time what's the Milton Berle story? In this time, what's the Milton Berle story? The Milton Berle story is, I mean, there's different versions of it, but Forest Whitaker who was on F Troop, or not Forest Whitaker, Forest Tucker. Have you ever seen F Troop?

He's like a big blonde guy, you know, and he apparently had an enormous hog. And Milton Berle apparently had an enormous hog. And something about them at a urinal together and, you know, pulling it and then, you know, Milton, you know, like a competition and Milton says, you know, I just took out enough to win, you know. Or somebody says just only took out enough to win, you know, or somebody says, just only take out enough to win. I'm filling, I'm filling these youngsters in on the, oh, we got to get that.

We're filling him in on the Forrest Tucker, Milton Burroughs filling him in on the, yeah, yeah. Just enough to win. Yeah, just enough to win. Exactly. All right. You're back from peeing. I hope we can leave that in.

Yes. Yeah. Um, one thing that you talked about that you made mention of, and I wanted to come back to it, is that you said- This is fun by the way. Oh, glad. I'm really enjoying it.

I'm glad you like it. Oh, good. Yeah. Um, you mentioned, you said that up until you met Mary, that you kind of live life as if you were looking backwards out of the back of a pickup truck. Yep. Expound on that a little bit more and also had you already started to start facing forward when you met her or was it just kind of the sheer power of her personality

that sort of made you start to do that? Yes, but, but I, here's what I did do. I, I, I was a hot mess, um, the year before I met her. Publicly hot mess. Yeah. In the press. Um, I had, you know, I, I, I, I remember leaving a production around that time. I'm on location at St. Outped.

He had two things I want. I want to stop being a liar, and I want to be creative 90 percent of the rest of my life. That's what I want to do. I want to be just creative. Yeah. The liar part took a lot of work. Yeah. Was this in your personal life? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I worked on it, and I really dug. I mean, I went to clinics, I went to therapy, I really worked, you know, on spiritually, emotionally, every level I could do to kind of attack this and get real and be truthful. And I'm skimming because whatever. Was that something that had already always been a problem or did you find yourself getting into a point where you stopped being dishonest?

Like had there always been a streak of dishonesty to you throughout your life, you think? I think I, you know, without psychoanalyzing my parents too much, but my father, I think, kind of taught me how you deal with emotions is you go out the back door. You know, and he was never really present emotionally, truthfully.

Yeah. You know. It's hard stuff. His solution was out the back door. That's, yeah. And I think I learned that without any, with no one teaching me that, you know, I just went, oh, I got it.

When things get hard, you know. So it was, it was. And that also becomes, that means that's like strong and manly somehow, you know, to, to eschew any kind of, you know, acknowledgement of emotion. Sure. Yeah.

Sure. Sure. See, we're back to penis talk right away, aren't we? Um, I would, I said nothing. I said manly, not sorry. Sorry. Same thing. Come on.

Sorry. We just lost a synonymous with being a swinging dick. It's eschewing emotionality. Anyway, I was an asshole, a messy, hot mess asshole, and I worked on it to the point where at least I was able to go, oh, this is who you are, buddy. This, do you want to stay being this way? No, do you, all right, these are the steps you needed. I being this way? No. Do you? All right.

These are the steps you needed to do. I really was serious about it. And I had a wonderful mentor that really guided me through this. And it was the beginning. I'm not saying it was like a light switch that flipped. But Mary wouldn't have even been in the same hallway to walk past me. She would have missed me entirely if I hadn't started to work on myself. I see.

And yeah, and then- How did you guys meet? Several times, Hollywood. I auditioned for Cross Creek, she was the star. We both remember a little, we both have a little snapshot of the moment, even though I didn't get the part, but thank God, being half-baked, you know, I was not ready for Mary Steenroden.

And then, you know, Henry Winkler birthday party at his home, barbecue, and, hey, I love your work, I love your work, and introduced our husbands and wives to each other. And it was just, you know, actory stuff. Bill Clinton's inaugural, Mary was very close to the Clintons having grown up in Little Rock and da-da-da, very close. And met her at some party and I think for me, I have a clearer snapshot.

Not that anything was going on, but I have a clearer memory of an interchange, which was nothing, but I just have a clear memory of it. And then we, Cheers was over and I was doing a movie for Paramount and she had been tracking this script and wanted to be in it. And so we met in San Francisco for a chemistry dinner or whatever they call it, you know, will these two people get along?

And I remember just looking at her, you know, first off, with beautiful women, Mary says this is full of shit, but it really is my truth. I'm very embarrassed around beautiful women, and I don't know where to look. But if I have a reason to look, which is you're about to go act together,

then I can look. And I was just blown away when I looked up and looked at this, you know, thousand watt light that comes out of her face. She's just remarkable. And I actually told her my entire hot mess story at that dinner, which kind of made her blink a little bit and go, gosh, I don't know if you should be telling

just everybody this. And, but I had no secrets and I had no thoughts of, I know I can mess up any relationship ever. It's me. And so I'm incapable. Yeah. And ironically, Mary was having the same thoughts that she, as she says, I look like I should be good at relationships, clearly I'm not.

She had just broken up with somebody. So we were both kind of wounded ducks. And also you're there for work. So yeah, there's no, the stakes are very low in terms of like, yeah, I might as well lay it all on the table because we're going to work together. I'm not trying to impress you to make you fall in love with me. I'm just trying to let you know what you're looking for for when you, you know, when we are together 12 hours a day. Yeah.

And then we went to Mendocino to begin shooting. And, um, well, you know, I, I, we started slowly in that. I noticed we both noticed that we would be grumpy if somebody was sitting next to the other person at lunch before I could get there, you know, I was like, oh shit. All right, shoot. There goes my day, you know, and, uh, she felt all right, shoot, there goes my day. You know? And she felt the same way. Yeah, she felt the same way. Just, well, yeah, I'm enjoying laughing together.

And then we took a canoe ride, because I thought, OK, this can't be boy-girl, because I'm a mess. But you do things when you do a film that can contribute to the other person's understanding of who you are and is the right mood for the piece. You do kind of avail yourself. This is, I'll share this part of me, so it'll be good for us in our work together.

So anyway, we were a very old fashioned couple that we were portraying. And so I thought, we're gonna take a canoe ride. I'll make a picnic. It'll be very romantic, not in boy-girl romantic, just it'll be very... Picturesque. Picturesque, yes.

So up the big river in Mendocino, we went and there was a beautiful canoe with a one outrigger and we had a little picnic and there was sea otters and blue hair. It was so astounding that Mary actually wrote a poem about that moment for our wedding vows, you know, two years later. And we would not paddle together without saying anything.

We'd be silent for 15 minutes. We'd giggle, laugh, point, you know, it was just kind of effortless. And then on the way back down, we had a little mini picnic and we did have a rather chase, but kiss got back in the boat and I was just smitten. Yeah. Yeah.

Smitten. Yeah. And, and that turning around and looking at life or something, I wanted to be with Mary Steenburgen. Yeah. I wanted this. Yeah. I wanted her to be with her. I wanted to be with Mary Steenburgen. I wanted this. I wanted to be with her.

I wanted her. I wanted to be around her. I wanted. That's the kind of the first time. Well, if it works out, it works out. No, no, I want this. And I have no right to. I'm a hot mess.

Well, I mean, you both were saying, you both came together as people saying, I'm not good at this. What do you think, were you just, you just, was it just the sheer willpower of both of you wanting this that sort of turned you around? Or was it a time, you know, you just both were old enough and had made enough, you know, made- both were old enough and had made enough mistakes?

Mistakes? Yeah, enough mistakes. Yes, all of the above. And then we could make a whole different conversation around this, but it sounds very airy-fairy, but it feels very divine. Yeah. It felt divine intervention. It felt like we somehow had help.

We were two wounded souls and we needed a leg up and we got it and it felt very angelic. And I mean, there was no reason why a cigar smoking hot mess, you know. Yeah. Person who was in love with his long hair that were extensions, you know, I was the silliest human being on the planet. When she first laid sight on me, yeah, chemistry dinner, I was doing a movie called.

I don't know, dad, something dad, sorry, with McCauley Culkin. And I had to have long hair. And so I had these little beaded extensions. Oh, my God. I loved... I loved that hair. Oh, God, I loved that hair. When I'd shower and one of the beads would fall out, I would take it personally.

It was like, no! And she said she walked behind me in this restaurant in San Francisco, and I literally was swishing my hair back and forth. And she's- Like a Clarell girl. Yes, and she said, that is the most ridiculous creature I've ever met. Which is the way into her heart, turns out.

Yeah, yeah. Now you guys, I wanna ask too, because you have a blended family, and I wanna talk about, was that, just kind of talk about that, how was that adjusting to stepchildren and her adjusting to yours? Huge. Yeah. Yeah, not effortless.

Yeah. I think- Were your kids young? Like what ages were they? They were 12 down to nine. I see. Or maybe 13, but 12 down to nine. Four of them.

I had two daughters and Mary had a daughter and a son. And the two eldest daughters were smitten by the similarity. They unpacked their bags on our first little teeny get together vacation and went, oh, you have the same underwear, you have the same playlist, you have the same, you know. And it was like, they kind of hit it off right away.

They've had their little mini ups and downs, but they feel like they're, you know, must've been twins in another lifetime. Yeah. And the other, you know, everyone really went out of their way. That's so nice. To reach out to each other.

Yeah. And we were pretty clear about, coming from, you know, divorced, you know, put together families that your job is to make sure that your kids still love their mother, in my case, or their father, that you were never there to trash talk the other person no matter what's coming your way. So there was a lot of good things that we did,

but I have to hand it to our kids who are just remarkable. And I think if you don't fuck it up as a parent, they keep coming back and then you're so blessed because now at 76, I get to be around some of the most amazing 40 year olds. And they allow us and us into their friends lives as well. So we're surrounded by really young,

interesting people. Yeah. Which is, I think helps reduce calcification. Absolutely. No, I, you know, I recently remarried and my wife and I, she had a daughter whom I've adopted.

So I now have a, I have a 22 year old, 18, I have people here with this all the time on this bike, but I have a 22 year old and 18 year old and now a four year old. Um. Well done, dude. Thank you. Thank you.

And I, and I really do feel like, you know, people, first of all, they're way too complimentary towards men in terms of being fathers and they just take mothering for granted. So people were like, oh, you know, like good for you. And I'm like, I feel just so grateful. I know. To have a, this sort of like fountain of youth

in that I get to go back and kind of relive the, raising a little kid. It's almost, I kind of feelive the raising a little kid. It's almost, I kind of feel like it's a. Yes, it is. I get, it has almost a flavor of grandfatherness to it because, you know, because I've been through all of the phases. You're not, you're not as, your fear level and anxiety

and adrenaline is not rushing quite as much. I stand on the playground and I see, you know, dads in their early 30s and just that thousand yard stare of just like, oh, where's my fucking life gone? And I don't have to feel that way anymore. I felt that way already. And I know like anything you go through, nothing is very big.

It's all big, but it's all the same size too. I want to apologize to your wife for me saying good for you. Oh no, that's all right. But that is an example of something that's real. Men get all the acknowledgement, especially from men, from other men. But I think it's partially, I better acknowledge him

so he doesn't hit me. Because if I say, hey, good for your wife, and by the way, she's hot, good for your wife, she does all these things, you're gonna squint at me just a little bit. But it's so weird, I get all the acknowledgement. Even though I didn't do it, whatever it is, Mary clearly did it, I will get the acknowledgement. Even though I didn't do it, whatever it is, Mary clearly did it.

I will get the acknowledgement. I mean, I don't mind. Being the recipient of acknowledgement. Yeah, because I do, well, because also I do work hard at being a dad and I do not, you know, when I had kids earlier than a lot of my peer group, and I had so many conversations, and it was all, you know, because by that time I was in show business, with show business dads,

and where the subtext who I had a kid a little bit older than their kid, you know, they had a baby, and I had a toddler, and I had numerous conversations that I quantify or I sort of like categorize as the, when does it get back to being about me? You know, and I was always like, well, it doesn't. Like, what did you think this was about? Like, no, it doesn't. And by the way, thank God it doesn't. That's when people congratulate me for having a little kid. I'm like, no, don't you see, I am

free from myself now. I am absolved of having to make any decisions for another 16 years. Yeah. Like you get up on a Saturday, what are we going to do today? It's not up to me, it's up to her. And that's like the biggest thing, the hardest thing for me is figuring out what the fuck to do with myself in all the waking hours of the day. Well, here's an answer why you're doing a podcast, my friend, besides being really good at it. Oh, thank you.

And being really sweet and putting out a really great hum into the universe. Thank you. You're also home. You're not in, you know, Hungary with Scorsese, you know, because it's the part of a lifetime. Yeah. And how are the kids, honey? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's why you're doing a podcast. Yeah, no, and I mean, and I, for my older kids, that was what the Conan show was for me. From, you know, when my, that started when my kids were nine and four and was on for 11 years. So, till they were 20 and 15, I was home, you know. That's a big deal. And I mean, and for a good portion of it, I was 10 minutes from home. I lived in Burbank, and so that was always such an unspeakable depth of wealth in addition to just all the money and

getting to meet famous people and snacks. Snacks, great snacks. Lotta great snacks. Well, I have talked to you for long enough. Yeah, as I could tell, I could see. That is it, by the way. You did empty me. There's nothing more.

Well, we gotta wrap it up. You gotta have a little something. Well, I mean, what you kinda- No, my something is in my acknowledgement of you. You really are- Oh, thank you. There's a good reason why you're here in life. Oh, thank you. Yeah. It's very nice to hear.

Yep. See, this is when I was, when I first mentioned it, you're just so nice. And there's so much of where I just feel like, how did you avoid, because there's so much shittiness and there's so much snarkiness. I don't avoid it. I am every trap known to man. Actor trap, life trap, husband trap, I fall into. Yeah. Head over heels but I'm I am I'm pretty good at getting the joke. Yeah. Having a good laugh, apologizing and moving forward. Yeah. You know. Do you think that's the lesson you've learned, the most important lesson you've learned?

Yeah, is don't take yourself seriously. Take life super seriously, but not yourself, I think. Well, thank you so much. Yeah, you too. This has really been lovely. I was really looking forward to it and I was very happy that you said yes to doing it. So my wife does really enjoy it.

She's coming in here too. And I'm going to, I'm going to cross check everything you've said. You know, it's, it's a much better interview by the way. All right. All right. Well, thank all of you out there for tuning in and check out where everybody knows your name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson sometimes

on this same podcast family coming out of the same studio. It is a great family. It is, it's a fun place to work. I love coming here. It's nice, yeah. All right, well thank you. Thank you, Ted, thank you. Yeah. Thank you, Ted, and thank all of you out there,

and I'll be back next week. The Three Questions with Andy Richter is a Team Coco production. It is produced by Sean Doherty and engineered by Rich Garcia. Additional engineering support by Eduardo Perez and Joanna Samuel. Executive produced by Nick Leow, Adam Sacks,

and Jeff Ross. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, with assistance from Maddie Ogden. Research by Alyssa Grahl. Don't forget to rate and review and subscribe to The Three Questions with Andy Richter wherever you get your podcasts. And do you have a favorite question you always like to ask people? Let us know in the review section.