The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Thomas Lennon Bad Roommates The Andy Richter Call In Show Re Release

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

The Andy Richter Call-In Show was off for the holidays last week, so today we are looking back at our episode with the hilarious Thomas Lennon (Reno 911, Santa Clarita Diet) talking BAD ROOMMATES! In this episode of Andy’s weekly SiriusXM radio show, we hear stories from callers about stolen cars, cooking lead in the kitchen, communal bathroom faux pas, contraband hoarders, and much more. Want to call in? Fill out our Google Form at BIT.LY/CALLANDYRICHTER or dial 855-266-2604.This episode previously aired on SiriusXM’s Conan O’Brien Radio (ch. 104). If you’d like to hear these episodes in advance, new episodes premiere exclusively for SiriusXM subscribers on Conan O’Brien Radio and the SiriusXM app every Wednesday at 4pm ET/1pm PT. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Conan Oprah, Conan Oprah. You know what that music means? Well, no, you probably don't. Why would you? It means you just have had a stroke. Relatively new show. You've just woken up in your General Motors vehicle.

You're halfway into a swamp. Yep. And the radio kicked on right on impact. We just encourage people on Tom's Instagram because he has a lot more people watching him than I do. And I actually, I'm not exactly sure how to get on. I put a lot of sexy. I put very sexy content.

Now. Really? A lot of low angle stuff. A lot of low angle stuff. Oh, you've got to get, just my way, I'm sort of working my way over to OnlyFans will be the nice. That's a good, that's a solid, solid retirement plan. Did you ever hear about how much money people make on OnlyFans? I mean, I don't think they all make the same, but some of them make a shitload.

There's also people who, there's, I think there's a lady who sells her farts in a jar and stuff like this. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they did a bit about her on Stern and it, that's, you know. It's real. It's real. Yeah. She starts it. She farts into a jar. It's real.

And then you send... How much are those do we think? Well, she also sells her... She'll take like a... Get in a hot tub and then sell jars of the water. Yeah. Okay. When we take a break, I would like to see what she looks like because I'm really curious.

Men drink them. Drink the water, yeah. Really? Yeah, go men. Nice work, men. Oh, she's coming up on the screen. We got her up. Oh, yeah.

Amaran. I think for something. Isn't that her name? Oh, no. Yeah, for sure. Is that who it is? Yeah. No, that's Stephanie Motto.

I don't know. There's probably more of them. So there's a very big part of the economy right now because there aren't really movies or TV that much anymore. A big part of our economy is beautiful young starlets farting a jars. Right. And then they fetix it? You know, there's a lot of...

I'm sure. Yeah, they would have to FedEx. A lot of our brave... letter carriers out there. Do you think that they know that they got a $200,000? Yeah, there was a wreck. All that farts is going to waste.

Oh, this is kind of a good, this is like a good the opening of the next Ghostbusters movie. There's a bunch of, you know. There's $3 million of farts in that truck. It's got to get there safely. This one's about family. Are you saying this entire truck is full of starlet farts?

There's one guy who's alive in the world that could get us under that moving truck full of starlit farts. Yeah. Oh, I want to set them free. Well, look, we gotta get back on track. Okay, except that this is the best idea for a movie either of us have had in 10 years.

There's an 18-wheeler full of stolid farts racing across the country. All right. All right. We're doing the show. We do the real show now. This is the Andy Richter. I know.

I'm aware of the Colin show. People know. I know, but I have to tell them. You got to tell the series. Yeah, we're live. We're in the studio. In Hollywood. Fuck all of y'all.

We're in Hollywood. And we're going to be talking about bad roommates today. We put a prompt out to people. I know. You probably got some good calls. I should think. I should think. Yeah.

Well, you reposted it. Yeah. Without you were nothing. Do you know what's a funny movie about roommates? Did you ever see? this is quietly one of the most racist titles in the history of movies. I'm going to go ahead and say, I'm waiting. There's a movie.

We all laughed when we saw it in New York. It's called Single White Female. Yes. Now here's the thing about that movie. The title comes from the ad. So Bridgifant is looking for a roommate. Yeah. SWF.

SWF seeks same. Yeah. Why is she seeking a white female? they were different times Tom it wasn't that long ago this is a good this is very recently this is super recently when you're doing a like a psychotic doppelganger movie although it might be kind of funny to have the person be a different race oh god it doesn't work as well I can't believe I'm sitting here letting you be the apologist I am of the most racist movie title that ever has yes it is not that racist it goes uncle Tom's cabin this W.

F. White people have had it really good for a long time. We had a great. They can take a few dings. So single white females, no problem. It was a problem. Do you have roommate? Do you have any good roommate stories?

Yeah, I got some okay ones. You know, I was trying to think of, I think the problem is in most bad roommate stories. I'm probably the worst roommate. I'm probably the bad one. Yeah. You know, because I used to be like a chain smoker, you know, and then, you know,

sometimes I'm just bringing ladies home. I'm probably not, you know, there are probably, there are more probably stories about me than I have. I mean, the worst, the worst roommate I ever had, freshman year at NYU, I got a call from, I think, the FBI. Okay. About one of my roommates.

Do you remember, I don't know if this happened, but we used to have to get a telephone number when you moved into the dorms. And you had to, like, we had to go to, like, New York telephone, and you had to give them, like, $40 and get a phone number. Get a hard. Yeah, get a landline. So we got a landline and it was in my name. Uh-huh.

But then my roommate had a stolen phone card number that he was using on that landline. And it was like reported stolen. But it was under my name. So I got a straight up call from like the FBI who was like just looking into like, why are all these, there's a lot of calls coming from this number. Right. That's your number. And they're fraudulent. They're, you know, they're international.

Right. Yeah. They're international fraud. You know, it was a big deal. I remember my, the roommate came home and I talked to him about it. It was a bit of a dick about it. Yeah. Like, eh, yeah.

Was he from another land? No, he was from, he was a homegrown terrorist. He was a local, local terrorism. Yeah, yeah. No, but he, uh, what was he calling overseas for? No, no, no, he was just calling. He was, uh, he was making a lot of phone calls. I don't know if they were actually international calls.

Oh, yeah. But it was the amount of money made it, made it an actual crime. Made the FBI care. Yeah, the FBI call. That seems crazy. The FBI, I think when we were young, had a lot of time on the hands. I see. You know? Right, right.

Before everybody was just doing crimes all day long. Or it was somebody's phone card that was like influential. No, I think it was just, there didn't used to be, like, if you have, like, the FBI probably today. Yeah. How much of their day do you think is Internet crimes? 99.9.999% So those didn't exist. Right.

So they used to be able to like spend a lot of their day on crimes. Thinking about you. Yeah. But now there's, you know, there's so many online scams. Yeah. That are magnificent. Yeah, yeah. You know.

Great stuff. They don't even care about piracy anymore. How do you know that the fart in the jar came from who you thought farted it, for example? I think you just got to, you know, you got to, first of all, you can't buy your farts from an unreputable source. You got to, you got to, yeah. That's why you use fart check. Right, right. You're not just, like, somebody can't just go on to OnlyFans and then, like, in a week, be, like, buy my farts.

Does she, like, with a wax pencil, like, sign the jar? You know, like, when Penn and Teller do a bit and they sign, they make you sign it? Yeah, yeah. So you're positive. I think there's probably a certificate of authenticity. that's notarized by someone there. I don't know, Tom. I've never bought a fart.

I get them free. What are you doing? I have a fart farm, basically. I feel like I know what your Christmas gift is going to be for me. She made $200,000. I'd also like to argue that's not that much money in show business. Well, there is. Like if you were a movie star.

Well, the one that I was talking about that had been on Howard Stern, who's sells her bathwater. Like, she's one of the biggest, of course it's like North Florida. She's like one of the biggest landowners in North Florida.

Yeah, there you go. My grandmother used to say an expression. Hers are a thousand dollar far jar. They're bringing this up for us. To damn you with faint praise. Yes. To damn you with faint praise. So to be one of the largest landowners in Panama City, Florida.

Exactly. Is a, yeah, it's kind of like being the smartest kid in the slow class. Can I say this and be a, real dick for a second. Oh, by all means, that's what, that's the Tom Lennon touch. When you brag about how much you charge for a fart in a jar, you're leaving a paper trail for the United States government. This is an invitation for an audit. For an audit.

Like if I'm the, if I'm the guy sitting there across the desk, and I assure you, the guy looks just like me. Sure. Who's sitting at an IRS office in North Florida. And probably pasteier. You've got a nice tan. Today, that's the blood pressure a little bit too. Oh, okay. Some of that's just rage. But so, so comes across your desk. You're like, oh, here's Julie from North Florida. She's great. She did a, had a great year. Wow, she made $38,000. Uh-huh. Click, click, click, click, click. And 200 that you didn't report in farting jars. Right, right. 200 grand, yeah. Hey, Julie. Hi, IRS. Let's see your jars. Hands. Farts where I can see them. All right. Who's on the line? We need some, we need your fart inventory.

Let's see that spreadsheet. Hey, let's go to the calls because that's the point of this thing, I guess. Sometimes I forget. Johnny, yo Johnny from Chicago. Hello. Andy. How are you? Good.

I'm great talking to you. And I didn't know I was going to be on the phone with Thomas Lennon. John, where in Chicago are you and be very specific? Okay, you know, you go left. Yep. Okay, you get to like, okay. When you get to Chicago, you go left. Okay, that's Milwaukee. That's a north side.

We're north side or Milwaukee. I'm on my way to your house. Yeah. No, I'm, I'm just north. I'm in Evanston. Evanston, beautiful. Oh, yeah, then that's not Chicago. Got a lot of friends at E.T.H.S.

and it's a beautiful little spot. Did you go Northwestern? I didn't. No, I got rejected, too. I did. All right. Yeah, no, I couldn't afford it. Yeah.

So, Johnny, tell us. Tell us your roommate's story. So I go away to college, and they run out of dorm rooms, right? Okay, where is this? We need to know that. What's a locale? Yeah, I went to Illinois State. Okay.

That's Bloomington normal for people that don't know. So you're about as smart as me and Andy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm doing the math as all tracks. Yep. Good, good. That's good to know that I can be successful someday. We're a little, we're a click.

and so they put me in a lounge in the meantime until they get a room. So it's just a big empty room with bunk beds and a tile floor. And it's just me and one other dude that I've never met. And he's a drinker, you know, and he'd go out every night and come back, drunk, and then he would sleepwalk. And during his sleepwalking in the middle of the night, he would piss on the tile floor. Oh, boy. Oh, no.

So after about a week, I started noticing like these yellowish brown ride spots all around the white tile floor in our room you know, it's pretty big room. So I would kind of discover them as I would go to, you know, go somewhere. And yeah, that was not cool. But luckily he left after a little bit.

And then I got a room and, you know, happily ever after. But the cool karma thing is he left for the weekend and I had a buddy come down and we went out and partied. And my buddy threw up all over himself. and then passed out in his bed. Nice. So it kind of like, you know, evened out the universe. Johnny, I'm going to tell you right now, this is the gift.

You know, the number of times, and I do have a couple other roommates stories now that I'm thinking about this. Yeah. Me too. This was sparking some stuff. The gift of a tile floor. Yeah. You know, because this is a couple. This is some pine saul and you're, you're aces.

Yeah. You know, this is why they make, you know, if you ever been in a chimpanzee cage and I've been in thousands. Right. Um, the floors are either a polished concrete or, or a tile with a drain. In the center. Yeah. And, you know, you can just throw lettuce in there. Yeah.

So this was a, this is a great move because I had a roommate, second year at NYU, came in, lit to the gills. Yeah. Uh, barfed, and we had carpeting. Oh. And it literally never really left. Yeah. There's always a little scosh of pukes smell. Ghost barf will haunt you for a thousand years and a day.

Oh, boy. And that's when I moved into the closet. Yeah, yeah. I literally moved into the closet of our dorm room. I did. It was a big enough closet that a person could move into it. Right, right. And I moved into it.

And it was actually the same closet that Mo Willem's author, a children's author, had lived in two years ahead of me. And lived in the closet too. It's the same closet. Wow. It was big enough. The NYU closets were big enough to, yeah. What a famous closet there is.

So, uh, was it on the floor. Did he, did he not clean it up? Who, when the morning time came, was he a gentleman? No, neither of us were really. into cleaning or responsibility or, you know, I was in the same boat at the time, but I just wasn't a sleepwalking floor pisser, you know. Yeah. So, and whatever, that's someone else's problem.

Johnny, if I'm trying to find a silver lining in this, is it better that he was peeing on the floor instead of fucking it? Is there any silver lining in that? Well, one can't really be sure, you know. I mean, maybe I'm being a Pollyanna. Yeah, yeah. I think sleepwalking and peeing is much easier. Have you ever slept on? I never have.

I never have, yeah. Or would you know? No, but I mean, I would just think that you hear a lot of talk about sleepwalk peeing, not so much about sleepwalk ejaculation. You just don't. Well, there's a lot more. It's more time concern. Yeah, yeah.

Well, I'm surprised nobody's just, nobody in our crack team has Googled sleepwalk. Congratulations. All right, Johnny, thank you for the call. Give our love to everybody in Evanston, by the way. It's a great little town. We love that. Go run out into the lake for us. I hope you're not having thunderstorms today.

We've had big thunderstorms lately. You know, I like to keep abreast of local stuff. Oh, you do? Yeah. Oh, that's good. So stay safe from those thunderstorms and stay cool because it's a very hot day in Evanston today. For sure, guys. And Tommy, thanks for a state tour, buddy.

Thanks, buddy. Top-notch. Loved it. Thank you. So do it again. Appreciate it. We will. Calling a guy who's, I know is Tom, who, but is Thomas everywhere, legit, calling him Tommy, that is top flight Chicago.

It was pure Chicago and it made me feel like I was in Chicago. Yeah, yeah. Because in Chicago, that is what I'm exclusively referred to as. Tommy. Yeah, I'm cousin Tommy's thing? Yeah, Tommy's kind of thing at the movie era. Ah, fucking Tommy did it. No, I sent him my screenplay like five times.

All right, next caller on the Andy Richter call-in show. On the Conan O'Brien radio series X-M channel 104. Just. We're live by the way. Scott, what's going on, bro? I guess, well, hold on. I got to say the 855-266-2-604. Give us a call if you've got a good roommate store.

Would you say that again? Because you said it in a way that no normal person would remember. 8-5-5. Correct. 266. Breath. 2-604. There you go.

That's the way a normal person says. It's probably playing on the display. Is the number not on the display? Yeah. In your General Motors vehicle? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Nice. In your vault. It's right there.

Scott, from Indianapolis, not far. We're really hitting the Midwest. We love Indianapolis. Scott from Indianapolis, are you there? Yes, I am. Hey, guys. Hi there. You got Andy and Tommy. Scott, where are you in Indianapolis and be specific? Broad ripple. Excellent.

Wow. My college... Nobody knows that. My college girlfriend went to Valparaiso, so I know I'm pretty good... But that's north. I can get around Indiana pretty well. Once you get down south of Indianapolis, you might as well be in Appalachian. That's true.

They say y'all and stuff like that. Yeah, they do. Yeah. And that's a whatever you just said was a very Indianapolis. That's a very Appalachian. Broad ripple. Is that what you said? Exactly.

Wow. We're along a river. Wait, are you along the White River? The broadest of ripple. Are you along the White River? Yes. Yes, we are. Isn't it amazing how much stuff I know?

It really is. It's just, it really is. It's amazing. It's amazing that something could be so amazing and so dull all at once. That really does, that does describe me. Jaw-droppingly dull. You're calling from Indianapolis. You're near a river.

Yeah. I know the name of the white river. Broad ripple, sure, by the white river. Every river in Indiana is pretty white. This is just early onset old white manism is what it is. Just knowing, oh, is that, uh, Oh, yeah, sure. I've been up there. That's their Scotch tape.

Scott, unless I'm reading this wrong, you killed your roommate? What am I seeing on the screen here? No, go ahead, Scott. We've talked too much. Well, he almost killed himself. But, no, my roommates, I went on extended vacation, went on a three-week vacation to the East Coast to go see some fish shows. This was in 2003.

How many? How many fish shows, Scott? How many? I'm sorry? How many fish shows in three weeks? How many? Yeah. actually it was only five but the festival was included and that was three days so i'd say eight and what kind of drugs were you doing uh honestly none at that time it was all just well goo balls

uh so probably just weed and and youth oh okay because yeah because i mean i don't know how anybody listens to that music without drugs i no offense i mean i get it i just I just got into them because Drew Carey started telling me about them a lot. Yeah, yeah. And you like them? He's been telling me about them a lot. It's just, it's beyond me. No, I like it.

It's music for if you have a ton of time to kill. Yeah, yeah. I don't. I've got so much to do. If you're like, man, I don't have no plans for the next four days. Fish. Have you tried fish? All right, Scott.

So anyway, so there's a fish concert that you've gone to. You're at eight fish shows on the East Coast. I'm gone. Outside of Indianapolis for three weeks, came home after that trip and found my truck is gone. After one of the roommates, hey, where's my truck? And he said, oh, Baxter, the other roommate crashed it into a telephone pole while you were gone coming home from a party. And so it's at the tow yard now. and uh oh yeah forgot to tell you about this huge felony yeah yeah there's a huge felony that

you are wanted for you are the only suspect in a string of crimes created with your truck i guess i'll tell you now yeah yeah now was your truck was it was it an understood policy that your truck was available for borrowing no no that was the big problem with yeah with the whole experience. I had put the keys there, you know, because... If you got to move it or something. If you need to move it. Yeah. If I'm thinking that Baxter wasn't an enormous asshole. Yeah. Yeah. But Baxter took it as an invitation to just use it. And so he wrapped it around a telephone pole. Now, the problem with the situation, and this is part of my naivete, and I grew from this, but, you know,

I was gone for three weeks, so I canceled my auto insurance. Oh, no. Yes, yeah. Oh, no. Oh, no. Yeah. I thought I'd save some money. You know, I could buy more goo balls. I still, okay.

Scott, can we do a quick pause? What's a goo ball? It's rolled oats, oatmeal, brown sugar, right? Are you talking about Gorpe? Is this something different than Gorp? And then weed. Oh, it's just a weed delivery system. It's a weed.

It's a, exactly. It's a hippie-eatible before. I see, I see. Okay. Okay. Good edibles. Great edibles before edibles were really a thing. Right, right, right. Okay. So you've put all your monies, all your loose monies and gooballs and you're now wanted by the Indiana State Police. And you now, yeah, I mean, were the police aware of this, of this, you know, damage to public property? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They were there. They showed up and he had a lot of explaining to do because it's not registered under him. It doesn't have insurance. Right. So he got a suspended license out of this.

And was he DUI? Was he drunk, too? He was not ever checked because the situation was so bizarre. Also, this was way out in the country, out on the west side of Indy. You get into farmland pretty quick. And people are drinking all the time. So he's out somewhere right. Sorry, just to get real specific.

He's out past the 465? Oh, my God. Just shut up. I love it. Just shut up. So he's out. He went out on that. North of Avon.

Okay. So he's passed the 465. Oh, my God. Your poor family. Pointless Midwestern knowledge. Oh, they tuned me out a decade ago. All right. So anyway, so you're out, he's out in the country and out there, if they pull, anyone they pull over is going to be drinking, right?

That's, I mean, it was, what, a Friday or Saturday night. He had been out at some barn party, you know. A barn part. Sure. back into the city and was definitely on one of those old country roads where he just hit a telephone poll farmer down the street called the cops they came but yeah he had so much of dropping a dime they never checked them wow now i will say this as you uh scott as a guy who lives in uh in uh the great uh the hoosier state um i'm just going to ask a quick question do you i find

one thing that I never do in Indiana is fuck around because the show of force and as a guy I live in the Midwest of a lot of the time and I'm from Chicago obviously I'm as Andy but the show of force of the Indiana State Police is usually very very strong yeah it rivals a state in like the deep south yeah so and they wear that they have the cool hats and they don't mess around there is something very there's a lot of them yeah there there is something like extra sort of of SS Yeah, the safety's already off with the Indiana State Police I find and they're just ready I never ever ever speed in Indiana as a result It's just a thing you don't do

goof around in Wisconsin goof around in Illinois like crazy goof around in Minnesota Don't fuck around in Indiana I'd agree So how does this resolve itself or does it You're just out of truck And fuck you and

Hurray Baxter No, in the end, Baxter, it's Midwest nice, right? Yeah, yeah. We were living together. We had to figure this out. He had a suspended license. I had no truck. His dad was a pit crewman for one of the race teams at the track.

So he's got his tools and such in the barn. So he went to work on it, replaced a bunch of stuff. The truck I sold about each. This just became a Bud Light commercial Yeah Buddy fucks up his buddy's truck Brings in an actual NASCAR Pit crew

Right To like Turn it I like to dream It turned it into a supercharge I'm sorry I fucked up your truck Right between the sound machine I guess I'll have to put

These tires on it Yeah On a soundless night We're creeping a night Scott I think you're gonna like it Drops the keys in your hand And there it is

Yeah Yeah, unfortunately, if he put it together in a terrible way, it worked for a little bit, but they did it as cheap as they could, but they fixed it so it would run. Sorry about you. And every time I see that guy, every time I see him around town, because it's Indianapolis, it's small. He is always just apologizing to me left and right for. Baxter or Baxter's dad? Baxter. Oh. See, if you ask me, Baxter, owes you an Indy car.

I like to dream. Yeah. Well, thanks, Scott. Thanks for the call. This one already came with two girls leaning on it. What? That's right. In tube tops. Thank you, Scott. Lauren from California. Can we be more specific, Lauren?

Hello. Hi, guys. Thank you for having me on. Hi, Lauren. Yeah, where are you from in California? California is the size of Europe? Fullerton, California. Oh, of course. Fullerton.

Very good. I have in-law people. Some wife's family live over there. Cousins and aunts and so forth. Yeah, but less about me, more about you. So, Lauren, it says here, you killed your roommate? Is that what I'm reading? Why does this keep saying this on all the call-ins?

Rage a hollick. Oh, I'm intrigued. He practically kills herself. Oh, wait, no, this isn't really what it's about. That's not the end, is it? No, no. Oh, no, no, no, God. Okay, God.

There's definitely major injuries. That's more like a doctor, Dr. Drew kind of recalling the show. Yeah, because that would be a classic Thomas Lennon to make a joke that turns out to be horribly accurate and accurate. Yeah. So tell us about your roommate ordeal. Well, her name was Tony. I was studying abroad in Germany, and this was my first experience with roommates. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Tony is, Tony is, uh, Tony is, uh, Tony is, uh, Deutsch? Where in Germany is? In Heidelberg. In Heidelberg, yeah. I'm in Heidelberg. And she's German? Yeah. Tony is the Dutch.

A Deutsche Manch. She's a German. Okay. So, Tony. Yeah, aka Antoinette. Antoinette. Ah. Tony has many names.

Tony has many names. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, it's fine. I'm on one, but yeah. Okay. Oh, my God. I'm getting corrected.

So anyway. Okay, so she moved in about a week before this semester officially started, and I had been there about a month. And so I thought my other roommate, male roommate, Nico, was very nice. So I thought, okay, well, and Nico told me, Tony's really nice, too, and she's great. Okay, that's good. So when I met her, she seemed really uppity, but I thought, well, maybe that's just first impressions and the language barrier and so forth.

And so, but it just got really bad. It was like the first week of the semester and on, she would base, and sorry, Tom, but she was a chain smoker and she would sit in our living, our shared living area. Yeah. Chain smoke and watch friends and how I met your mother. Also, by the way, you know, I played Carl on how I met your mother. So I'm taking offense at every single thing you just said. One is a smoker, two as a cast, as a minor cast member of how I met your mother.

She was sitting and Raulken and watching how I met your mother. Okay. But it would be in German, Tom. So it wasn't even your voice. Ah, it's off-Dutch, yeah. Yeah. And so she would do that. And she would sit out there until 4 a.m., full volume, no headphones, chain smoking,

watching this on a Tuesday morning. And I was just, and then she other nights she would invite people over so everyone could chain smoke. And then they would stay until 4 or 5 a.m. and in our living area. I like this Tony a lot, by the way. I know this is not the idea of the call. But she's my peeps. He's got a crush on her.

I do a little bit. I have a bit in my mind. I know if Tony looks anything like Kate Bush, yes. This whole thing works. Well, she was a little redhead. She was about five feet tall redhead. You literally stop. Yeah, Tom just fainted.

All right, so now, and this is, smoking inside, like, is okay at this point, right? No, it was not. Oh, it was. Oh, okay. We were beyond, yeah. We were not, yeah, we were not allowed to smoke at all. And if you snitched her out, you would be, you know, it'd be obvious and it would be awkward. Plus, she's your friend.

She's little Tony with her red bob and her huge natural boobs. Did you say that or am I just starting to fill in other parts? You're definitely filling in other parts. But then at one point it was her birthday and her parents gifted her this speaker system for her tiny dorm room. Uh-oh. She likes craft book. She would. Yeah.

And so it felt like she was watching Mission Impossible every night because the walls just vibrated once again until two or three in the morning. Yeah. And you couldn't say anything to her because I did. And she said, well, I don't see what the problem is. You can just come and watch the movie with me. And I said, I don't want to watch the movie at 3 a.m. What is the movie? Was it also a movie that I'm in?

Shit. So she's watching a TV show that I'm in. She might be watching bad teachers. It was all of the night at the museums. It was all the night of me. You're not in, though. She just wrote for it. I'm in the second one, actually.

Oh, you just tipped your hand that you've never seen Night of the Museum 2. I have, but I don't, I mean, I was probably really high, you know. Lauren, do you keep in touch with Tony? Absolutely not. And did you ever, were there ever any sparks between you and the male roommate? His name is Nico. Nico. Nico.

Yeah. Nico Tony and Lauraren. Well, it's funny because Nico was kind of Tony's little Aaron boy, and so that really turned me off. Wow. Yeah. Very German. He was very nice, but yeah, he was definitely a little Aaron Boy. Well, did it end up?

How did it end up? I mean, did it end up in unpleasantly? I mean, I live for unpleasantness. It worked out for me. I ended up being able to switch rooms with someone, but in the meantime, she actually, she was so drunk. Her and Nico were out bar hopping, and she was so drunk, she tripped off a curb, sprained her ankle, fell on some glass, had horrible stitches. There was blood everywhere coming.

up the stairs to our dorm because she was just fresh out of the hospital. And then for the next two weeks, all I'd hear is her yelling, Nico, Nico, Nico, like basically, she's hungry. Yeah. She wants her, she wants something. She wants this. She wants that. She wants more cigarettes.

More cigarettes, Nicol. Yeah. Roll my cigarettes for me. Yeah. I need more tobacco. I need more rolling papers. and then she would but it ended up working out

great because she ended up crashing her Vespa at the end of the year and really hurting herself and having to leave school Oh no that doesn't mean that's not worked out It worked out great A beautiful young redhead

Face planted on a Vespa Lauren as a person who has laid down a Vespa It's one of the worst things that can ever happen to you I laid down a Vespa and the Greek island of Mekanos doing about 55. Right. I hadn't slept in three days.

And our great pal, Ken Marino, threw me over his shoulder and, like, carried me to the hospital. Wow. Yep. That sounds like something Ken would do. If you are going to lay down a Vespa, you want Ken Marino right next to you. Heck yeah. He will, yeah. That's nice.

All right. Well, Lauren, thank you so much for calling. Thank you, guys. Thank you for having me. Feeling don't. You know, one of the things that this is. talking about smoking because when... You used to smoke too, I thought.

Yeah, I used to smoke. And in college, because I was in college, you know, starting in 1984. And you could smoke. We smoked in the... We smoked in the dorm. We smoked in the cafeteria. The state, we always met, like, all of our times we would eat together, was in the smoking section of the cafeteria.

Of the Rubin Dining Hall at NYU. Yeah. And I just remember, because I didn't smoke in the room, because I actually did, I was a very fastidious smoking. Like I never would smoke in a closed room. Oh, I was an addict. I would smoke. Would you?

Yeah. I smoked on airplanes when you could. Yeah. But I had a, I had a friend of mine who hated his roommate and his roommate was kind of a dick. And I would go over there. And his roommate would say like, don't smoke in the room. Mm-hmm. And my friend would go like, oh, I won't.

I won't. I won't. And then, of course, when he was gone, he would smoke all he wanted. And he would actually go to the guy's closet, open the door. And blow smoke in? Blow smoke through his washcloth and towel. That's a real dick move. Oh, yeah.

He's like, and he just laugh as he was doing it. What was your brand of cigarettes? Winston's. I was a Merritt. Winston light. I'm a Merit guy. And eventually I moved to Merit Ultralights, which was the joke thing that everybody who said they were quitting did.

Yeah. But it really just meant you smoke ten times more cigarettes. Yeah, you just smoked all day long. Because you can't draw. Because you never quite get the high that you want. Yeah. You're chasing the dragon. The same friend's dad.

because he would smoke ultra-light cigarettes, but he would, like, crush the filters and roll them in his hands. So that Moore got through. Yeah, which would just sort of, you know, you might as well tear off the filter. Yeah, yeah. It's like a free basing. Yeah, yeah. All right, you're listening to the Andy Richter-Callin show.

I got Tom Lennon in here with me today. Thomas, Tommy, he goes by many names. You're about to learn about a city that I don't know anything about. Oh, good. Get ready for no facts from me about this town. Well, first I want to say, if you've got a roommate story, Give us a call at 855-266-2604. Let's go to Mark from Bemo, Baltimore.

Hey, Andy and Tom. How are you? Hi, Mark. Thank you for being from somewhere that Tom is not familiar with. Well, we refer to it as Bleedmore here. Bleed more. That's nice. There's a lot of crime.

We're from Chicago, so we don't know about crime. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Chicago's like, yeah. It's like living in the, you might as well. will be in the Wisconsin Delft. So tell us your story, Mark. What are the Mark?

Yeah, so I was a photo major at Rochester Institute of Technology. And a what major? Photo. Oh, photo, photo maker. Was this because, like, did you one day want to be a playboy photographer, like every young boy, I think, in the 70s did? Well, I wanted to be a fashion photographer, like this in Avidon, but those dreams in Baltimore did not come true.

Okay. I did make a great living, so. Can't complain. Okay. So sophomore year, I had these friends in class, Bill and Ron, and we won the lotto to get into the married student's housing complex. So we, sophomore year had a three-bedroom townhouse. Wow. So I get a certain to live with Ron.

Ron has his quirky thing. He's like, he told us to keep the toilet seat up all the time. I'm like, what do you mean keep the toilet seat up? I don't disagree with him on this. Yeah. Well, here's where you made this agree. He likes to, when he shifts, he doesn't use it to a seat. He prefers to sit on the porcelain.

Oh. Sit on the porcelain, not squat above it or anything. He doesn't do like an Utkatasana yoga pose. He literally goes cheek to cool porcelain. Yeah. It has to be a... Which the only way that happens to normal people is like by accident. By accident.

And you're like, wow. Yes. Yes. It's like someone stepped on your brain. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, well, okay, so you continue, Mark. Yeah, so we constantly got berated by him because, you know, when you're a boy... I'm doing his voice.

Hey, guys, I just saw the seat down one more time. If I see the seat down again, there will be hell of pay. Yeah. This is what was going on. It was like we were in a bizarro world. And so, and he would always be able to. rate is because, you know, when you're standing up to pee, you know, there's a urine blow.

Wait, who stands up to pee? And it kind of. We all stand up to, yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a minute. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Can I say why I think maybe he wasn't crazy at the gate out of the gate, though? And this is a pitch I make at my household a lot, where if the seat is up, nobody's going

to pee on it. You know, you leave the seat up. Nobody pees on it. And then when you got to do your special business, he put it down, and, you know, it's pristine. It's always pristine. your own home you ought to expect a certain standard of behavior. Yeah. You know?

I mean, who are these people you're living with? Yeah. No, I think, I mean, I think because, and this is where your roommate, what was his name again? Ron. Ron. Where Ron was special was that the reason that you leave the seat down is so that, you know, the women in your household do not have that unpleasant sensation of having to sit down.

Yeah, to sit down on the cold porcelain. You know, that's why you do it. And but also, too, like, I just think, especially in a house that's going to probably be mostly men, there's going to be piss spray all over that porcelain. You know, that he's making ass cheek contact with that. Any toilet you use like that is something, we're talking about things that exist in the first world. Yeah, yeah. Now, you can go places in the world where you do have to do a yoga squat.

Right. That is what you get. Yeah. And you don't get upset. Uh-huh. Yeah. Well, I get it. I've encountered that, and I have. And you got very, very upset.

I get upset. Yeah. Because I don't understand how you do that. Maybe I just don't have good knees, but I just, I, like, how do you? You got to, well, you got to, it does take more core strength. How do you keep the shit off your pants is what I, you know, the main thing? Well, you take your pants off completely is what I do. Anytime that comes up.

I do this in any public bathroom. I take my pants off completely. Shoes go on that little hook. I tie the shoes together. onto the hook, fully nude, and then I roll my shirt up just a little bit in case there's any splashing. Right. Your family's just used to be you being gone for 45 minutes. There he is.

Okay, Dad, we'll... Yep, and I roll everything back down. But I know that everything was pristine. Of course. Of course. Well, Mark, how did it end up? Oh, went fairly well. My other roommate Bill had...

I've got a story about him, if you care to hear it. I would love to hear it. Do you have time you were? Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. All right. Bill, so Bill used to, he came from a small town south of the Finger Lakes, and he used to always conceal carry, a pistol, the class.

Yeah. And which I thought was kind of strange. And in his room, we all had our separate bedrooms. On his desk, he had one of those Billings, speed. He would make his own bullets. Oh, nice. Oh, okay. Sure.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. And he had like pounds and pounds of gunpowder. And one day I came home and I saw a pot, you know, cooking something on the stove. And I lift a pot. And it was like lead in there. He was melting lead in the pots that we cook our food in to cast his own bullets. And I'm like screaming at him.

I'm like, Bill, this is how the Roman Empire fell. Yeah. And that stuff just won't wash out with. you know, with Dawn. No. So, but he used to carry that pistol in his front waistband, the way you did in the big problem. The way all professional gun handlers suggest.

I wonder who he's pointed at your boner. How much ammo is Bill going through that you got to make so much? Yeah, yeah. That is a good point. It's literally the only thing in America that's very easy to find everywhere. Yeah, yeah. It's the only thing that's easy to find. define it. In some parts of the country, if you go to into a chiropractor's office, instead of

mince, there's just a bowl of bullets. Just fill your pockets. You know, and it's also not a good idea to live in the same space as someone who's hoarding gunpowder. That could be a problem. Well, here's the thing. You know what I want somebody who's hoarding gunpowder on my side? The American Revolution. Yeah. And literally never since. Not it. Not since. Not one day since. Not since. No. Yeah.

But there was definitely some days at, you know, at Bunker Hill where I'm like, I wish one of these fellas had some gunpowder. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Maybe a lot. He could ruin my cooking pots all he wanted. Well, Mark, thanks for the call. Keep your seats up.

You're welcome. Seats up. Okay. All right. Bye, y'all. Bye-bye. I also remembered one. I've had pretty decent roommates.

Yeah. But I do. While talking about dorm stuff, I did remember. There was a at University of Illinois. Oh, sure. And Urbana, Champaign or Champaign, Urbana, whichever you prefer, I don't judge. So you normally say it, but okay. There was a guy from some little town in central Illinois that, you know, they used to throw credit cards at you, you know, when you started college.

There was like all these applications. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, no. He got like no fees. Five of a, oh, no, no, no. And he got a car and he got a stereo. And, you know, and like, you know, in a seven. foot tall bong that you had to like stand on a step ladder and he was just like we would be like

you know that you have to pay that off he's like yeah but i'm gonna have fun while doing it and they came and took everything away they took everything away it was like within one year one school year we got to experience his his high and low and ruined credit score did you ever go to southern illinois university i was there for like some i think speech that's the drunkest i've ever been Oh, really? At Southern Illinois University, they were playing, they would play quarters with vodka. And believe it or not, at Southern, it wasn't like really high-end stuff. Yeah, yeah, no, I can't.

So we were playing quarters with vodka. And I remember that it was one of the roughest, roughest weekends of my entire life. It was Pennzoil brand. It was rough. It was rough. Yeah, no, that, for people that don't know, first of all, Southern Illinois University, the accent is on Southern. And it is a party school. It is a big party school.

It used to be listed as one of the top, tippity top ones, yeah. All right, we've got Maurice from California, or is it Morris? Do you use, pronounce it the British way? Go by Mo Mo Mo Mo Mo. Mo, what's up, Mo, Mo. Yeah. Hey, well, I got a story so long ago now, I used to go to Humboldt State, and when I first got there, yeah, dude, and when I first got there, I was looking for a place to live, and it was

just full. It was right before the semester started. And I finally found this apartment, but it was a two-bedroom, but I took it in desperation. And I needed a roommate quick, and quick I got one. I didn't know the guy. And that came off as the quiet type. But I soon learned he had a lot of quirks and a lot of weird little traits. But, you know, the short story is, I'm lying in bed one night, it's late at night. And And I hear the door open and shut to the front of the apartment. And kind of one of those moments where you just go, hey, you know what, I've been hearing that. And it's, you know, all of a sudden it's like, yeah, I've been hearing that. Like night after night, what is that?

And it's always right before midnight. And it ends up that this dude was leaving the apartment and going to the graveyard and having a little, you know, break at the graveyard at the bewitching hour every night. and I you know hey no judge hey you know I'm not judging but it was just a little little odd and he always kept his door closed to his room and after that happened we were having communication problems and can we stop I want to put a pause on here and say how did you find out it was the the graveyard and what was what did he tell you what he was doing in any specific way okay so

So you got to imagine the guy. It's a tall, dark, haired, dark-looking guy. I'm picturing a werewolf, but okay. Like Lurt. It's more like Lurch. Okay. I just directly asked him because when I put it together

that he was leaving every night at midnight, I was just, you know, super curious. And so I just directly asked him what he was doing. And he told me. And I got to say that I know that, you know, the Monday morning quarterback says, well, I got all these follow-up questions, right? Well, I didn't. I was sort of just stymied.

Yeah. He said I was going to the graveyard, and it was almost like you just uncovered a murderer. Can I tell you why? But I know why he was doing this, because I had this, some of us have to do this. If you're not back in the graveyard by midnight, you don't get to walk again in the land of the daylight people. So you can't go amongst the day walkers if you aren't back in the ground for a little bit at least when the witching hour turns over. It's like plugging your phone in. 100%.

Yeah, yeah. 100%. Right. Maybe that's why I was so quiet. It was just all clear to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just can't walk. We'll never get one more day among the day walkers.

Yeah. But I got to say that my investigation densed out there. When he was gone, I cracked his door open and looked in his room. And there's a famous painting. It's called The Scream. You know what I'm talking about? Edvard. Yes.

We're getting back into stuff I know a lot about. Yeah, we're both smarty pants over here. Yeah, I know. Why did I even ask you if you knew? But no. So he had that poster on the wall, but the thing about it is, it had been crinkled and wrinkled, and it was all like half destroyed,

but it was the only thing on his wall. Was he using it like a juice rag? Was he using Edvard Mook's the screen? Get to it. Come on. This is a romantic story. I'm sorry, sorry. Yeah, yeah.

So, but that's the only thing on the wall. And on the floor, he had kept every cereal box he had had since he had been there. And he had been taking jars of things from the school from Humboldt State. He was, and get this, a marine psychology major? I don't even know if that's the thing. Do you just say marine psychology? So, like, dolphin thoughts? Dolphin thoughts.

Yeah, yeah. I did. I did. I did what I said. And so he had all these things he had taken from the different departments, and they were on the floor in jars, you know, different organs and fish and weird things. And so, you know, it's just another thing like, okay, I'm living with a very interesting person. And like the final thing was, it was a long weekend, and it was Friday, you know, and we're partying after class. It's 420, and he comes home, and he's about to walk out the door, and he's got like a bag of,

mayonnaise and bread and I go where are you going and he goes I'm gonna I'm gonna hitchike to Crescent City now mind you that's that's a jar from Humboldt State yeah and I'm like oh okay far out all right and so anyway he comes back Monday and he he was in shorts mm-hmm that's it he left in a coat shirt you know pants shoes he he was in shorts no shoes and he had like a third-degree sunburn and he had been jailed in Crescent City for a brief bit. But yeah, I finally got rid of them and here's the last part

about it. I went back about a year and a half later with a different roommate and we're in a bar and we see him. And he's dressed like completely normal. And he comes up. Does he have a bag of mayonnaise? He's like, he's normal. I have a whole chain of mayonnaise sandwich restaurants now.

I feel a lot better. My name is, and that man was Jimmy John. He's like, look, sometimes I like to fuck the Edvard Munk poster. Yeah, yeah, what's the big deal? I got a lot of marine things in a jar. I do have to tell you, Tom. I'm also Jimmy John.

When I heard about the wrinkled Edvard Mook, Comrag was the first thing that went to my head. First thought. First off. So anyway, what does he say? What does the dude say? He looks normal. And I'm with my other, my subsequent roommate, and we're looking at him. We can't really believe how dressed up he is.

And he comes over and he's like showing a bit of charisma, you know. And he goes, yeah, things have been going really well. Now, I forgot to tell you, he's been going to Humble State for like 10 years. Okay. He's one of these guys. Yeah, he's the real genius guy in the basement. Yeah, things are going really well. I wrote a book, and it's in its second edit.

And, yeah, things are just – and so we start, you know, sussing away what it is, and it ends up his mom's the editor, and it's a coloring book. Oh, boy. Okay, it's not the Da Vinci Code. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay, because I'm like, if this turns out to be Dan Brown, I'm so pissed. Because all he had was a bag of mayonnaise before. It still was the triumphant thing that he did, you know, coming from the graveyard to being a writer.

I'll be it for children. I'll be in a book. So it's a happy ending. It's a very happy ending, MoMA. Yeah, it was about marine animals. Oh, wow. So all that stuff was research. Wow.

So next time my four-year-old is coloring a book with, like, you know, marine creatures that we've got at the aquarium. We know. It's a lurch. Yeah, yeah. It's Humboldt lurch. Yeah. It's Humboldt lurch in his bag of mayonnaise. It's Graveyard Joe.

Yeah. As far as I know, he's still going to school there. Wow. Well, thanks so much for the call. We got time for one more. Hey, do you ever just get in a room with Conan and have them thank you for all your one-liners over the years? Because you're the best, man.

Oh, thank you so much. No, I don't. He's profoundly ungrateful. I know. And I'm just used to it. to be honest i'm just used to you are yeah yeah it's all about it's conan's world we just live in it i've only met him once yeah it's the strangest detail i've literally only met him once i've literally only met him once he's only met at lincoln's outside lincoln center and the year would be like

1990 uh 1997 or 96 that's the last time i've ever met conan o'brien doesn't that seem like he and he didn't he offered you a job he said if you ever need a job come see us or something like that, you know, from like writing, comedy writing or something like that. Yeah. And he winked when he said that because that meant something different. I couldn't tell because he's so, he's so tall. I had no idea. Maybe he was winking.

He could have been. Yeah. But no, he seemed very nice. But we have not, we haven't chatted. Yeah. Or met or crossed paths or seen each other since 1997 outside Lincoln Center. I'm going to fix that. I don't, it's fine.

I think it's just we just operate. I'm going to roll you up in a carpet and throw you in a van and take it to his house. What's the opposite of a Venn diagram? It's just two circles. Yeah. separate. And if you'd put a dot in them, it's boobie. Should I do one more call? Yes. All right, let's do one more call. We got Dave from California.

Hey, guys. How's going? Hi, Dave. So, yeah, I'm calling from Sunnyvale. I don't know if you know that, that spot. Okay. But my roommate was in college. This is another college roommate guy. But he had the distinction of being the most hated person on the entire floor. Nice. Um, he just, yeah, he decided to reinvent himself when he came to college, which was a good idea.

Except it was, yeah, except he, he decided he wanted to be like the big man on campus frat guy. Mm-hmm. But we were in a residential program for arts and letters. So there was a lot of like theater kids, musicians, artists, right? Delicate flowers. Um, yeah, yeah, it really, it really wasn't working out. Um, but he would do stuff like, you know, right, exactly. But he would do things like, uh, puke in the communal bathroom.

Oh, well. And then and then blame it on other people. Oh. And it was obviously him that had done it. Yeah. But it kept escalating. And there was a point where I walk into the communal bathroom and he's standing in front of the mirror, blowdrying his pubs. Yeah.

We call that the Max Weinberg. Yeah, no. I eventually heard that story and was like, oh, there's more than one of these guys. Yes, exactly. Yeah. This is a thing? It's a real thing. Yeah.

Yeah, he makes eye contact with me, quickly pulls up his underwear, and he's like, oh, hey, how's it going? What's up? Like, there was nothing amiss. And I was like, I don't know, man. And I turned on my heel, left, and then immediately told, like, the guys who live next door, I was like, you will not believe this. Yeah, yeah. But then I got back from class one time, and our door was unlocked.

We lived on the first floor. And in these, you know, in those dorm rooms is basically like shopping if somebody could get in there. Right, exactly. On the first floor, especially. So, yeah. So I get back. Our door is unlocked. So I'm livid, and he's nowhere to be seen.

So I checked next door. I'm like, hey, have you guys seen Ryan? And they're like, no, I don't know where he is. I'm like, all right. So I go in there. I'm like, I better check and make sure like my guitar hasn't been stolen or any of that stuff. So I go to open the closet. And I grab the closet handle, start to open it.

And it like leaps out of my hand and slam shut. And I'm like, what the hell is going on here? He's in the closet. So I reach out, grab it again. Grab it again. Grab it again. Go to open it. Flam shut again.

And I hear. I'm in here and I'm like what is he doing in the closet and the only thing I can figure is that he's masturbating in the closet sure of course 100% you just got your peers all dry

I mean Tom admitted Tom admitted he lived in the closet for purely that purpose yeah yeah yeah indeed I mean the only thing that yeah it was our shared shared clothes closet I think I was home brewing cider

oh wow it was a shared closet so all my clothes I kept my guitar in there but yeah so I was like well do you need a minute And he was like, yeah, I got, yeah. I was like, okay.

So I left. Came back about 20 minutes later and he was nowhere to be seen. Next time this happens in your life. And people walk in on me have walked in on me jerking off hundreds of times. Yeah, sure. That may be thousands. Right, right, right. The trick is don't hold the door closed.

Just be like, be mad at them. Yeah, yeah. You go on the offensive and you're like, now what? You ever hear of knocking on your own closet door? Yeah. That way you put them on the back. Right, right. Yeah.

You want to get them on their back. Well, did you find out what was going on in there? I mean, did you get a black light and check it out? Oh. What? You know, I checked for, I checked for, you know, I checked for some, for moisture. Yeah. And it was, it seemed like it was clear.

So he was, you know, at least being mildly responsible. Right. But yeah. I ended up, and this sort of stuff was happening constantly. Yeah. So I ended up transferring at the holiday break. And I did this before he got back from holiday. and I just told the rest of the dorm also hated him.

And I was like, just tell him I got in a car accident and I'm dead. And I've never spoken to him again. The only time I think you should really be using a hair dryer on your groin is, you know, like when you put paper mache around your balls sometimes for fun? And then you use the cool setting. Yeah. When you're making a pinata. You're trying to dry, you're trying to make a pinata exactly the size of your scrotum. Right.

But you want it to dry very quickly. Yes. That's the only time. I mean, again, you don't need the heat setting for that. You don't. You just need air. You just need the cool air. Or you could also just stand over a box fan, too.

I mean, there's a lot of different ways. But that's a different show, really. Is it? It is. Oh, okay. Well, Dave, thank you so much for the call. Yeah, thanks, guys. Really appreciate it.

No problem. Have fun in a sunny? Sunnyvale. Sunnyvale. Sunnyvale. What a pleasant sounding place. It really does, but it also sounds like the name they'd give a town in the twilight zone where everything's going to be real scary.

Yeah, yeah. They would call it like they'd come down off the sign and it'd be real upbeat. But then the big guy drying his pubs and a lurch wolfman walking to the graveyard. All the weird shit would be going on. All the weird stuff. All right. Well, now, we usually pick a favorite caller. I mean, it's not like a, you know, there's no prize involved. Do you have one?

I just am fascinated by the midnight visits. I like Graveyard Guy. Yeah. That was that Momo who called about Graveyard Guy? I think so. Yeah. I like Graveyard Guy. Yeah.

I wish we had followed up a little bit more on that because he didn't really say why he went to the graveyard every night. Yeah. And I honestly, if that was me, I would. I have some follow up questions. Yeah, I would do a Hardy Boys and follow him right out there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Just to see what the hell is going. And it just, you know, it's probably just. Does he turn into a bird? You know, I mean, what is the, you know, something a little, yeah. You know, it's probably just dry hunting a marble angel, something like that. Is there a little boy that only he can see that he has to go, you know, that the little bit, you know, that he's got to go. Right, right. He's got to read him a story.

You got to keep that good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I doubt. It's like a Neil Gaiman. No, it's probably just some jerking off thing. It's probably, it's probably, it's probably, it's probably, it's probably, 98% of the. time it's a jerking off. I wanted to say maybe it was a beautiful Neil Gaiman story that hadn't, that we don't know yet,

but it's actually jerking off. Most of those gaming stories are jerking off, ultimately. They're for jerking off. Everything I've ever read is. I know that you have that weird, you got real into Coraline for a while in a way that I was like, wow, Andy's really into it. Yeah, it was a problem. It's actually what broke up my first marriage.

All right. We have a good time. Thank you so much, Tom. You got anything you want to plug? No. No? Come on. Yes.

Yes. I'm on the new season of Animal Control when it comes on Fox. Oh, sweet. I'm on that. You'll see me. That's a fun show. Yeah, I'm like the little guy. I'm the guy who the guy who it is.

Yeah, yeah. Do you ever get to play like, you know, the lovable effusive guy? No. No. No. Just the detail-oriented. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's fine.

And that's not who you are at all. No, but I. I also, it's good to know what you, you know, to know the kind of story you tell. Yeah. You know? What kind of groove you're cutting into the earth? I understand what the groove that I'm cutting in here.

Yeah, yeah. And it's not necessarily, you know, since I cannot prove a lover, I shall prove a villain. You know, there's like, there's a good precedence for this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's a fun show doing the animal control.

And, you know, I'm always around. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Excellent. All right. Well, thank you all for listening. This has been another episode of the Andy Richter Collin show. every Wednesday we're here on Conan O'Brien

Radio Channel 104 come on back I might start selling farts in a jar that heist movie is solid truck full of farts it is pretty good

truck full of jar forts it is pretty funny Conan O'Brien Conan O'Brien