The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Vic Michaelis: Holiday Stories (The Andy Richter Call-In Show)

Episode Date: November 29, 2024

Comedian and actor Vic Michaelis (Very Important People, Comedy Bang Bang) joins The Andy Richter Call-In Show this week to hear HOLIDAY STORIES! In this episode of Andy’s new weekly SiriusXM radio show, we hear stories from callers about bizarre turkey-cooking methods, a shocking holiday plot twist, a haunted bedroom, and much more.Want to call in? Fill out our Google Form at BIT.LY/CALLANDYRICHTER or dial 855-266-2604.This episode previously aired on SiriusXM’s Conan O’Brien Radio (ch. 104). If you’d like to hear these episodes in advance, new episodes premiere exclusively for SiriusXM subscribers on Conan O’Brien Radio and the SiriusXM app every Wednesday at 4pm ET/1pm PT.

Conan O'Brien Radio! Conan O'Brien Radio! This is the show, Nick. It's now starting. I can't wait! This, this, right now, that music means the show has started. Andy, can I tell you something? Yeah, of course, please. I have literally never been in a room with so many computers

Agreed to do this is because it's in like a real radio Studio, so this is you you said I want to least five computers in the room. I want to be a radio guy Yeah, and so I get to play radio guys. Did you grow up listening to radio? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Me too. Huge. I was huge Radio listener. When I when I got asked to do this, I said radio radio or fake radio podcast. Oh no. And they said radio radio. Radio radio.

And I said I'm in. And Sirius Satellite, you know, satellite radio, which is the only vital radio left. Yeah. That's an upsell for a car. They can charge you an extra $2,000 for your car if you. 2,000, you're lying. If they're like, do you want Sirius XM radio?

It's $2,000 more. That's not true at all. You want your car to get radio? Sirius XM radio? Right, right, right. Plus 2K. We'll charge you 2,000 more, you'll get six months free and then you can cancel it.

Yeah. No, I have been... But don't do that, because we love Sirius XM radio. I love Sirius, I have been... I was like on board in the very, very early days when no one was listening. Whoa. When Howard switched over.

And it was as, so he was sort of the title of SiriusXM Radio where he said, I'm moving over here and now if you wanna listen to me, you gotta do that. Oh yeah, he put it on the map. I actually was, I went to XM, I was an XM subscriber first because when they both started, the XM was a little bit bigger.

I think it had more sort of deals with cars. I love that, and we know the difference, which is... Which now they combined. Right, so there's no difference. They were just two different, it was just, you had a VHS and Betamax. Little inside baseball, it was like SAG and AFTRA, another one you did. Yes, and now they're one.

Sirius ended up buying XM because I think Howard came over and then all the money went to Sirius. I understand. So, hey guys, it's Andy Richter Collins show in case you didn't know. I mean it's written on the radio. That's the beauty of- You have to have one of the top five most distinctive voices in America. Top five?

Yeah. Okay. I feel like if people are listening they're like, oh, that's Andy. Or at the very least they're like, I know that person. I actually just recently was on Masked Singer. Congratulations, by the way. Thank you, I need money. Have you talked about it at Nausium?

No, no, no, not really. Did you get to pick your character? No, not at all. Okay. No, they just say, here, get in this. So that's tough. So they're looking at you and going, hmm, pumpkin. Well, I was Dust Bunny.

Okay. Which was like sort of a giant pink furball with bunny teeth, whiskers, and ears. Incredible. And bunny slippers. But I got voted out right away and there were people who online, the most common thing that I saw was people going like I knew it was you the second you opened your mouth and I was like no I can't really hide it that's hard but honestly a gift and a curse I guess yeah because you're gonna

lose massinger but you don't even really have to say your name when you're on the radio right serious exam and they don't have to go back to the next episode I get to go home yeah rather because I mean to go home. I don't want to shit talk them because I had a really lovely time and the people that worked there could not have been better and nicer to me. And if they're doing an all-star season, you should be the first one. I would hope so, but yeah, all-star losers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody was the first one out.

But they also too, they were so encouraging. Because I was nervous about singing in front of people. What did you sing? I sang Sweet Caroline. Oh, yeah. I said I'd like to sing the white national anthem. And they said, OK, Sweet Caroline. And I was like, that's what I was talking about.

Come on, whitey, give it up. You're constantly saying that. You texted me that before I got here. And I went, what? You got to make sense later. I said, give it up. You're constantly saying that. You texted me that before I got here, and I went, what? You gotta make sense later. I said, come on up. I meant up into the building. But they were so encouraging. I thought I was going to be on the next episode.

I was like, oh, I'll be fine. I'm going to breeze through this so that when Nick Cannon said my name, I was like, oh, shit. You got producer'd. I thought I was gonna be, yeah, yeah. But I mean- Do you watch The Bachelor or anything like that? No, I do not.

Okay, well that was a big thing for them. We're like, well actually, I should say, I watch the show Unreal, which is sort of like a fake spin on The Bachelor where you watch how the producers handle all of the talent and stuff like that. Right, right. And so that's a big thing that they do, is they're like, hey, you're definitely gonna make make it through to the next week. So why don't,

why don't you pull out a chunk of that girl's hair? Why don't you do that? Because you're safe, you're guaranteed safe. So it'd make you stand out. You know, so that's what they did. I definitely just from working in television, there are moments on those shows where I'm like, that is so produced. That has nothing to do with that human being. That is, they are just basically saying something that often they were just told off camera, you know? Yeah. Say like, I thought the meal would go on forever. I thought the meal would go on forever.

Okay, done. Cut. I'm talking, by the way, just so people know, I'm talking to Vic Michaelis. And they- So nice to be here., I'm talking to Vic Michaelis. And they- So nice to be here. It's so great to have you here. You are the host of very important people

on the Dropout Network, which is a fucking hilarious show. Oh, Andy, thank you so much for saying that. And I have to tell you that when the second season lineup was announced, I was shocked to not see my name there. I hadn't shot it or done it, but I still was holding out hope

because I loved the show that I would have been on it. Well, we had an episode open for you. We were hoping, we didn't reach out or call you or any of your people, but we were sort of hoping you would be there. Right, I should have known. I should have just showed up. Well, we should have known too.

Do you shoot here? In Series XM? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm in Los Angeles. We do, yeah. We shoot at Dropout Studios, and I did have half a second where I was gonna start explaining where that was, and I feel like that's a bad idea.

It's not, it's not a bad idea. Go ahead, tell them. Yeah, so, okay, so you're gonna go down the street. And your home address. Yeah, yeah, and so, same place. I sleep back there. I live in Winnebago, in the parking lot. I just stay there, just in case they need me

for something else, you know? Well, for people that don't know, the show is, you basically, you take an improviser and you put them in a costume that they swear to keep their eyes closed and there's no mirrors around, so they don't know what kind of contraption they're being put in, what kind of,

they know prosthetics are being put on, but they don't know what kind. Well, we also are so lucky that Alex Perrone, who is our head of makeup, literally works on Star Wars. Like, he does all the Star Wars hair and makeup. And so we sort of, as we were going in the beginning of the season, are like, Alex, what is exciting to you?

Because my little trap is I'm like, if she likes working here, she'll keep coming back to our little show. So she'll make time for it if she is enjoying the process of making stuff. So she just comes up with a bunch of these ideas. We just released our first episode, which is Rocks. It's a person dressed up like rocks.

And that came about because we were, somebody had an idea of, I think it it was me but it could have been anybody could have been somebody else But I think it was me You know the rainforest cafe tree Yeah, so I was like, why don't we do that? And then they were like well We do a lot of stuff with green screen and having a tree with green leaves is maybe gonna be a bit of a problem So then Alex was like what what if it was rocks?

Like the thing, it's kind of like a gray, the thing. Yeah. You know? Like the thing is in the movie. No, no. The book? The thing, the Marvel hero who's in Fantastic Four. Oh, yeah, is that what his name is?

Isn't it the thing? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's the thing, of course. Yeah, you know, you know, smashing time or whatever he says. I absolutely. Ben Graham, I think is his name. Isn't that right, Ben Graham?

Why did I think his name was Rockman? Clobberin' time, yeah, Rich just told me. Clobberin' time. Are you getting special feed, are people talking to you in your ears? Yeah, yeah, I just got feedback in my ear. That's so crazy, why don't people wanna talk to me in my ears? They're scared. got the feedback in my ear. That's so crazy. Why don't people want to talk to me in my ears?

They're scared. Thank you. That's all I'm asking. Every five minutes, I want somebody to go, you're doing a really good job. That's called Jesus. You should get it. You should get it. I keep calling and he keeps saying, no, I'm busy. You're not doing something wrong. So, well, anyway, check out the show because then

the person in the costume, then you are the host and it is a talk show and they have to sort of invent a character. And Andy, I always thought you started off doing stand up. Did you start off doing improv? No, no, I never did. I did stand up later because I was like, I should try this. And quite frankly, like a couple of times, friends of mine would say, hey, would you do my show in Vancouver at this comedy festival? And I'd be like, yeah, that sounds fun.

And then the day before they'd be like, so you're doing 10 minutes. And I'd be like, I'm what? And then I'd have to think, I was like, oh, this is a fun challenge. So I would think of something. That's why you're always, that's why you're the most successful person

that I've ever met. Because you, no, I'm serious. Cause you go like, yeah, I could do that. Whereas me, I go, what can I say that will make me sick enough that I can get out of doing this show tonight, but not so sick that I have to cancel my obligations for the next day.

So you won't actually like, you know, like ingest poison to get out of it. Yeah, yeah. But I'll be like, what can I do right now that people't actually like, you know, like ingest poison to get out of it. No. But I'll be like, what can I do right now that people would be like, oh yeah, you stay home. We don't want to be around you. But then I can still make my show the next day that I actually do want to do.

Guys, I was exposed to bird flu. Yeah. Just an exposure. They said 24 hours, as long as they don't have any symptoms, I can show up to my improv show tomorrow. Yeah, yeah. I can still keep my dentist appointment. Well, all right, so anyway, check out that show.

And also a new Amazon show upload. And you are working on a Hallmark movie. We'll talk about that later. We gotta. Have you done Hallmark stuff? No, no, I have not. Andy, you have to. It's my favorite thing I've ever done.

I would kind of love to do it. It's so fun. Two takes, Max. My feeling about a Hallmark movie, what I would love to do is like get the job and then half-ass my way through it. Like not even act, just be like, look, I love you already. Yes. It'll cut.

They'll put the filter on, they'll do the music, it's going to cut. It's going to be so good. Literally, we did one thing where we didn't get coverage of half of the scene and I went, we didn't get coverage of half of that scene. They go, it doesn't matter. It's gonna be totally fine. Oh wow. And guess what?

It was fine? It was totally fine. They were right. All right, well let's go to the phones. We've chatted enough. Yeah, no more of that. Yeah, no more of that, ick. Let's go, we're talking holiday stuff because this Thanksgiving is right around the corner.

I can't wait. Yeah, and you're Canadian, right? Sort of. Sort of. Oh, you're kind of half Canadian? Well, I moved around a ton growing up. It's the place I lived the longest. It's where I consider home is in Toronto, but I lived all across the US. Which Thanksgiving do you identify with? We will do like a dinner on both.

Now that we're down here, we'll do like a half dinner on, whatever country we're in, we'll do a half dinner on. Because why, if you have the option to do to turkeys, why wouldn't you? Right now, absolutely. You know what I mean? Right, right. Or at least just slice it down the middle

and keep it in the freezer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, what a great idea. Do a soup. Hey, speaking of which, William from Alabama has a turkey story or a turkey, a turkey, something turkey related. William, hello. Hey, Andy.

Hey, Vic. How are y'all doing today? Great. Thank you. So much better now that we're talking to you. Yeah. I grew up with one of Vic's co-stars, Zach Oyama over here in Mountain Brook. We went to high school together.

You're kidding. Oh, right, because you're in Alabama. Of course, that makes perfect sense. Did you attend Oyama Karate? No, but I did see his dad do a kick flip on a bell. On a bell? In junior high. That was amazing. Okay. Wow. He did a full backflip and kicked a bell. That's incredible. And his sister is his sister's married to Ken Marino too, isn't she? Yeah, and she's like a very accomplished, like I believe producer.

She's a hilarious comedy writer, producer. Yeah, yeah. I know her better than I know Zach. Is that true? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then I know Zach better than I know her. There's another Yama that's named Emily, and she's actually coming to my wedding Saturday.

Oh, congratulations! Congratulations! Now I'm even more flattered that you're in this- You're taking time. In these tender times you chose to call in here. I had to duck out of the room for a little bit to make this call, but we're okay. Is your father still pointing the shotgun at you? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha was told about himself. Oh, Sean, my producer's giving me the thumbs down.

That's not supposed to happen when you're behind that glass. It's only supposed to be thumbs up. Well, William, tell us your turkey story. OK, so this happened when I was real little. I was about five, and my grandma and my great grandma were cooking. And great grandma had just gotten out of the hospital. She had some complications or something, so she had a little stay. But she was all better, and

they were cooking the turkey. Now, as anybody knows, that when you cook a turkey, you need to elevate the turkey so you can catch the drippings. And then you use those drippings to make gravy. Add a little flour to it. Turkey gravy is great. So my uncle and my mom walk in to the kitchen and they find these two women bringing the turkey out with a bedpan. They didn't have the pan so they used the bedpan to catch the drippings. Wow. Oh my God. Okay. These are rural women from Alabama that survived the depression and they're willing to use any and everything to get the job done.

Of course. No, I mean, it, it, uh, you know, I'm sure that it was well cleaned. I mean, well, cause they, I mean, I'm not going to fall for that old Southern stereotype. Well, we're donating the, probably having to donate the other 10 for the war effort. So it makes sense that we're sort of consolidating. That's right So they got their mom that a bedpan was the perfect cooking utensil for a turkey and they were fully aware that this was a Bedpan yes. Oh

Now was it in the kitchen because they had used it as a cooking vessel before who knows Was it in the kitchen because they had used it as a cooking vessel before? Who knows? Never know what these women get up to. Wow. And did they then make the gravy in the pan? Because that is sort of the classic method. You take the turkey out while the meat rests. Are they putting it on the stove?

You put the whole thing, you know, you put the roasting pan on the stove and you make the gravy in that. Did they make bedpan gravy? I think that was the plan until everyone saw what they did and pretty much nixed the turkeys for that Thanksgiving. Is your last name Nark? Jesus Christ, let the women rock. What? Yeah, come on. I loved that one. And one was good. And also, bedpan gravy sounds like something legit. That sounds like, oh, I love that. That does sound like a specialty.

Good old bedpan gravy. But I think that's it. It's like, OK. That's probably from Mississippi. So. So. I love how there's hierarchical things even among the southern people.

I have a follow-up question. This bedpan, because you did make a big show of saying that your grandmother had just gotten out of the hospital So I am assuming this is a bedpan that had been used for things other than gravy previous to it coming out for the gravy Yes, that's the assumption Yeah, I mean, you know, you know, first of all you get the bedpan home from the hospital You're gonna want to take it for a test run. Yeah. Yeah, of course Yeah, you just gotta try it out and make sure that there's no holes. It's water. Yeah, like if there's groceries, they're still

sitting on the counter while you're checking out the bedpan. Yeah. Things are melting, ice creams melting on the counter while you're going like, got to check. It was the perfect receptacle for the drippings. No, it's not. It's interesting. It's ingenious and it does. This is fascinating. So both of you agree that this is a fantastic vessel for turkey drippings. Absolutely. Why? Because it has a sort of a concave sort of surface

to accommodate the buttocks. And that perfectly accommodates a turkey breast. I see. But you'd have to cook the turkey breast down for it to be really sort of stable I would think. This is interesting. I mean I hope those crazy ladies did. Because my other follow-up question is that you said they nixed the turkey. Was the turkey canceled after this? Was the idea so heinous that they were like turkey's done, Thanksgiving's done, we're done, we're not dealing with any of this. Yeah the fan was

like we're not gonna eat that turkey. We'll go get some to go from the Chaddy's place, but we're not eating that turkey. Oh my God. So there was a full turkey sitting, just staring at you guys enjoying a Thanksgiving meal. Right, right. Yes, but it was a bedpan turkey. Right, of course.

I would've ate the shit out of that thing. Yeah. I mean, not literally. But I'm assuming the bedpan was clean but I'm assuming the bedpan was clean I'm assuming the pan was clean. They would have to be depression era right women. They're they're scrubbing Yeah, no that would there was no medical care. So you had to scrub stuff really clean So they only kind of did they throw it away? I I'm not sure I think they probably gave it to the dogs or something Well, I hope they took the mold out.

Maybe they made it useful somewhere. Be honest, of your Thanksgivings, where does this fall on a scale of one to 10? Not as bad as the time my brother got locked out of the house at two o'clock in the morning and he tried to crawl through the dog door. So it's about a seven. That's not bad. That's not bad. That's not a bad Thanksgiving. Yeah, yeah.

Not bad at all. Brother in the dog door. Did he make it through or did he get stuck? He got stuck. Of course. Fucking. My dad found him halfway in and out and he goes, what are you doing, boy? He goes, your wife locked me out.

Tough. Your wife. Tough. Your wife. Is that his mother or stepmother? It's his mom. It's our actual mother. She got upset he was out running around too late.

But then he became your wife. Love it. Your wife locked me out of the house. Yeah. Well, William, thank you so much and have a good Thanksgiving and use the roasting pan this year. Yeah, hope this one's an eight out of 10 at least.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Small victors. And congratulations Mazel Tov on the on the nuptials. Yeah, that's awesome. I hope it's a wonderful day. Thank you so much guys, it was great talking to you. Great talking to you. Alright, next up. Oh and I should say 855-266-2604 is our phone number. I neglected to say that because I'm just playing radio guy. I'm not a real radio guy. Come chat with us, I'm begging. You can't see us in person. We're running out of stuff to talk about.

Honestly, we're both sweating. We're doing that thing where we're tugging at our collars a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeesh. And then Andy takes a turn and then I take a turn. Yeah. We're looking at a non-existent camera.

We're doing lots of takes. We're getting a really nice close up, so if you could see what was happening in our eyes right now, actually, it'd be like, actually pretty cinematic. You'd be casting us and stuff. You'd be like, this can't be a comedy. It's gotta be something, a drama.

Mary, from Illinois, that's where I'm from, Vic. Me too, sort of. You can't do that. I can. All right, I. I can. Alright, I guess you can. Hi, Mary, where are you calling from? Chicago.

Chicago, I know where that is. Chicago proper or outside of Chicago? Oh, I'm in the city. Oh, brilliant. Nice. I'm actually, I'll be in Illinois next week. Are you coming over? Are you going over?

It depends, It depends. I usually give my mom about three days, you know, and then it gets to me and I have to, you know, I'm going to come to your place. It's better than the tavern. Oh, I love that. Yeah. The tavern. The tavern.

Is that your local bar? It's just, no, it's just, that's what we call them. That you go to a tavern. Ah, I see. Right, right, right. Old English. Old English, because you are 400 years old. Andy's a vampire, confirmed.

It was like, that's, I don't know, that was just like when I was like, the bar. Is that why I had to invite you into the studio today? Because you're a vampire, you kept just standing at the doorway. And I was like, Andy, do you want to come in? And you said yes. And I was like, yes.

It's not even your house, but somebody's got to invite me. All right, Mary, so tell us about your Thanksgiving, your holiday story. Okay, so it's more of a Christmas meal than a Thanksgiving meal. That's okay, perfect. In the 70s, when I'm trying to remember the chef, male chefs were sort of making a thing on TV

like a Ram Kerr. Right. And so my dad thought he would jump in and give the holiday meal a try. And he got a beef tenderloin and let us all know how much it cost. And we knew that he was really, really gonna go for it with this big expensive piece of meat. And my older brother who was kind of aloof, you know, you had to maybe you'd

see him, maybe you wouldn't around the house during the day, he just sort of was on his own. And Christmas evening dinner's ready and we're looking for him and he was in his room. My dad banging on his door saying, you know, you better get up here. I put a lot of time into this meal and he shows up in an undershirt and boxer shorts and that really set my dad up. He acts all like what's your problem? So my dad sends him back to get changed and then he comes back and now our food's a little cold and He's just picking away at the beef tenderloin. He's like what is this vile? Wait what he said this is vile

No, what is this vile? Oh, bye. Oh Yeah, like I don't know if there was fat on them. I have no idea what he was looking at, but he needed to just complain basically, and that's what he said. And my dad just had a mouth, and he said, all right everybody, give me your plate. And so we passed them all down,

he scraped them off onto the big platter that had the beef tenderloin, and he walked outside of the garage and threw it in the trash. No! Wow. And we're all like, oh god. So he comes back in he sits down he's like next year we're all going to McDonald's and we're getting Big Mac and my little brother who probably thought you know this is how it's gonna work is like well can I just get a quarter my dad walks out of the room we see him grab his pack of Parliament's and he disappears for like two hours yeah something's never changed that's nice. Yeah, my older brother was like, you know, so like, I got up for this.

He's like, I'm not. Oh, that's great. I think we had some cereal maybe. I have no idea. But it was like, from then on, my older brother was like, uh, you know, he was the evil guy. I'm like, you ruined everything, man. You killed Christmas.

Oh, no. Every family has a has a Christmas ruin. Yeah,, man, you killed Christmas. Oh no, every family has a- A Christmas ruiner. Yeah, the angel of death for Christmas. And usually, well, this is, and this is a very mild one too because there isn't, there doesn't seem to be a lot of substance abuse adding into the story, as far as I can tell, unless you omitted that.

No, no. Yeah. No, we were, we were young, none of us were the, you know, nobody was drinking or anything like that. Just bad attitudes. Yeah. Yeah. Getting high on being me.

Yeah, he just, everything received the PFFT, the PFT. Nobody, I mean, he just like made that noise to everything anybody wanted to do or say, like, we were all- Oh, the onomatopoeia, P-F-F-F-F-T. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love so much about this story is I love how happy it is making you tell it, that genuinely it's like,

that is the best part about all of these stories is like hearing and feeling like the memory come through in the story and how happy it's making people talking about their fanboys. The magic of Christmas. The magic of Christmas. Yeah, yeah. Thank you for the call, and I'll see you probably Tuesday.

We'll go to the Tavern. We'll get some Slivovitz. There's a Tavern near me that has a sign on it that says, Free Beer Tomorrow. Ah ha! Okay! Oh, that's great. Well, my time machine's gonna cost them a pretty penny.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right, Mary, thank you. Thanks Mary. All right, you're listening to the Andy Richter Call-In Show. I've got Vic Michaelis here. We're taking holiday stories.

The number is 855-266-2604. Hello, John. John, how are you? You got Andy, you got Vic. Hello. Let us have it. All right, so when I was also really young, around six or seven,

my great grandparents came in to visit us. We were living in Evansville, Indiana at the time. And they came in to visit from Saskatchewan, Canada. Oh! Yeah, it was a big trip. You know, they spent a lot of money to come down and visit. And my great great grandmother was really... Canadian money.

Canadian dollar. It's cheap. Yeah, it's half cost. She was really proper, right? And she always wanted to look, you know, really presentable, you know, like poised. Yeah. Yeah. So, to save a little bit of money, they stayed with my family at our house. And my parents slept on the couch or something and they took my parents room. And this was between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

They kind of like merged both holidays together. And so Thanksgiving morning, my mom had gotten up, she was starting to cook and she told me to go check and see if everyone was awake. So I burst into the bedroom where my grandparents were sleeping, and I jumped on the bed and was like really excited and happy. And how old are you?

I'm like 26 maybe. Six. Six. Six. That's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And they both sat upright, like they just bolted upright. And they did not sleep in their wigs

and they also didn't sleep with their false teeth in. So when they woke up, they were, you know, like surprised and alarmed. And I thought that they were aliens or something. Cause I had never seen people without hair or teeth. And so I, you know, screamed and ran from the house, ran to the backyard, kind of ruined Thanksgiving dinner. You know.

Oh no, that's not your fault. Yeah, that is not your fault at all. I don't know. I'm not gonna tell you. Hot take, this was your your parents fault if they should have put you guys on the couch Here's the thing I'm the closest of anyone among us to being a grandparent and if I'm wearing a wig and I got false teeth That's the first thing I show my grandkids. Oh, yeah, you know check this out kids, you know Play with grandpa's teeth, you know, you can't you can't you know, you wanna play with grandpa's teeth? You know, you can't. You can't.

Want to play with grandpa's teeth. Sure. Really? Absolutely. So we're sort of saving money at Target or wherever we're getting gifts and we're going, they're gonna love this. No, I mean, my grandmother had dentures

and I think I tried them on a few times. Andy. It's fun. You guffawed earlier at a bedpan turkey. I, yeah. Well, yeah, but I'm saying, yeah, it's all good. Mouth to mouth? It's all holiday.

That's a grandma French kiss. No, I didn't suck out her dentures from her mouth. I know that, but I'm just saying, the act of putting them in, that is a grandma French kiss. Or out of the Effordent, and you know, which is the- I'll bite, what's an Effordent? Effordent was a denture cleaner. It's like tablets, like Alka-Seltzer. Which is why they're in a glass. Yes, and you put them is the... I'll bite, what's an Effordent? Effordent was a denture cleaner. It's like tablets, like Alka-Seltzer.

Which is why they're in a glass. Yes, and you put them in a glass and then you put this in there and then you use these teeth. I'm so young, I haven't seen this in person, but I understand the reference. People don't really do dentures much anymore. Oh look, look, there we go. There we just, we have a computer screen up

and our producer brought up. Is it because denture technology has come so far that we don't need to do this anymore? Yeah, dental technology. Yeah, well, everybody has veneers. I think it's implants now so much more than dentures. Yeah. But anyway, I'm sorry to take the conversation away

from you there, John. I'm so sorry, John. This is a fun fact, and John, I don't know if you know this about Saskatchewan having spent a lot of time in Canada so Saskatchewan is kind of the prairies of Canada so to speak maybe the Indiana of Canada yes so I'm interested that your grandparents were wanting to dress and be very proper all the time well I think it was just of the generation that they were from right I mean sure yeah right now I'm 46 so this was 40 years ago.

Oh yeah. And they were, you know, already like 70 or something. Right. So it's dressing up to get on the Pan Am flight era. This is different than, I was bracing myself for you walking in on them doing it. No. I was bracing myself for that.

Whoa. You know. And that, but then. That was the next thing. But then without wigs and teeth on, and doing it. Is that worse? Oh, that would have been awesome. That would have been awesome.

Well, that's what you're really into. That's my next you porn search. Next. Wigless, dentureless. That's all your searches. S-E-X. I'm sorry, John. Not me, I wanna see my grandparents with Wigs on. May they rest in peace.

You don't know that. You don't know that. I'm assuming they're gone. Yeah, they are. Well, it sounded like they were halfway to zombies anyway. Well, they're. Maybe they're still around, you don't know that.

Halfway to zombies. Wigs and dentures are halfway to zombies. I said it. Print that on my tombstone. That's medical school talking right there. Yeah. Well, John, thank you so much for calling and have a good Thanksgiving. Yeah, have a good one.

It's sounding like it could get better than that one that you told us about, but good luck. Thank you. Thank you. You're both good luck. Thank you, thank you. You're both doing great. Thank you. Oh my God, thank you so much. John, I needed to hear that so bad, you don't even know. Thank you so much.

Next up, we've got a former Conan employee, Laurie. Used to work in the art department. Hi Laurie, how are you? I'm great, how are you doing? I'm good. Hi Laurie. I'm sort of employed, I'm on the radio are you doing? I'm good. Hi Lori. I mean, I'm sort of employed. I'm on the radio for an hour a week.

Yeah, that's very employed. Yeah. Yeah, I'm kind of employed too, so that's good. Yeah, that is good. Now Lori, with this story, please don't let your- But I do this for show. Yeah, I do too. It was fun.

Yeah. It was a good place to work. It really was. Please don't let your connection with Andy, like, you know, change your story at all. I want to hear the full, like, raw, unedited version of that story. Why would that happen? I don't know. No, I have no...

Oh, it's gonna be graphic. I can't wait. I can't wait. Then fucking let her rip, Laurie. Okay, this is a secondhand story, just so you just so you know ideal this happened to my best friend she is a gourmet cook and She decided to cook Thanksgiving dinner for her husband's entire family. Yeah including her mother-in-law who

lived in Beverly Hills. Fancy. Ooh, a law. So, the mother-in-law, I had met a few times and found her to be very bossy, stentorian, just bitchy, old German woman. And I didn't want to have anything to do with her, but my friend felt like she had to appease this mother-in-law. So she was,

thus she was preparing this huge feast. Yes. Incredible. So the mother-in-law was sitting in her favorite recliner in the living room while everybody else, cause nobody wanted to deal with her. They were in the kitchen celebrating and drinking and preparing food. And after a long time had passed, someone thought to offer the mother-in-law a drink so she could participate in the celebration. So he went out to give the mother-in-law a

drink and found her slumped over dead. Oh wow. Be honest, do you guys think you did that? So, did someone, yeah did you? She heard you guys having a good time and was like, I would rather be dead. Fine, do not invite me to the kitchen, I will show you. Andy, that was a perfect German accent. Thank you.

That was incredible. Ja. Thank you. Jawohl. Jawohl. Yeah. Yeah. That is wild.

You know, they were about to serve the meal. It was ready. Oh. Be honest, did you guys still eat? So they're like, fuck it, we're not calling an ambulance. We're just gonna eat. Oh. No. I wasn't gonna eat. Oh, no. I wasn't gonna get better.

They eat their Thanksgiving meal right next to the dead mother-in-law. Oh my God, that's fantastic. Oh, the practicality. I literally can't believe this. Oh my God, so this is, it's quote unquote secondhand because you don't want to, because this I think is illegal.

It's illegal. I don't think it's illegal. Do you not think? No. Did you put her on ice? Did you put an ice pack on her? Yeah. So to keep her body from decomposing? Due to the starving children in Africa Act of 1936, you can't waste food. Oh.

It takes precedent over dead old people. I literally cannot believe this. Oh my God. And sorry, Lori, I know this is a secondhand story. Were you there? No, I was not there. Thank God. Oh my God.

You know what? They were being practical by eating their dinner. They weren't wasting the food. And who wants to call an ambulance on Thanksgiving and ruin some poor ambulance drivers holiday? Right. That's true because they wait at home and then when they get a call they have to pop

in the car. And I bet you ambulances are more expensive on holiday. Do you think? I think they should have went to Black Friday. Black search pricing? Yeah, yeah. They have specials on Black Friday. Here is honestly, can I Laurie tell you something that my fear in this is that because you've

heard the story second-hand and With wicked coming out. This is making me feel like maybe there's another side to the story that we just don't know and don't understand And I'm worried that the mother-in-law it was misunderstood that she's out on the situation Not even that but it's not exactly the villain in the story well in the story it's ding dong the witches dead But I'm wondering if it's actually sort of of for good. You know what I mean? Well, yeah, but I mean, well, what could have happened? It's not like they locked the doors and said no one leaves till the killer is found.

She was old and German. Maybe she was whispering, I need water. And nobody was listening because they were having a party in the kitchen. Literally, the entire party went to the kitchen because they didn't want to interact with us. My heart medication. Right. It was just out with us. My heart medication. Right.

It was just out of reach. My heart medication. Well, okay. And Lori, I do another question that has occurred to me. How in fact did they verify death? Death. Well, I'm sure they checked her pulse. Cause Lori, here's my fear.

Yeah, but sometimes there's a shallow pulse. And only a doctor can call time of death, which is making me fearful that there was a doctor there that went, dead, time of dead, let's go eat. Thank God. Time of death, dinner time. Fuck it, let's eat. I think it was pretty obvious that she was dead. Right, right. Well, I mean, because I would have been, I would have gotten a hand mirror and put it in front of her nose. I would have been, you know, giving her a pin prick. I love that before you call an ambulance,

you're going, let's get a hand mirror out. We gotta double check this. Absolutely, cause I do not, I'm not going to jail for that old woman. No. No. I would. No, no, no. I'm going to jail for her.

No. I think I love her. They probably took the hand mirror to her mouth after eating. Yeah, right. Right, probably. Based on everything I've heard about this story it sounds like probably. Maybe they fixed her a plate and held it in front of her and they were like, oh my wake up! Oh well she's gone. She's gone.

She's gone. Cause you're gonna wake up for those mashed potatoes. Oh fuck yes. If you're alive you will be waking up for those mashed potatoes. I'm surprised she didn't come back from the dead for the stuffing. Oh my god. What was her name? She went back to Deutschland. Yeah. Yeah when you what was her name? She went back to Deutschland. Yeah. Yeah, when you die and you're German, you go back to Deutschland. Absolutely, yeah, yeah. That's right, that's right.

All the angels wear leather shorts. Yeah, oh, maybe she is a bad guy, actually. Do we know what year she wanted to go back to Deutschland? What year, what year her heaven is in? Yeah, exactly. I'm actually, actually now I'm- I is in? Yeah, exactly. I'm actually, I'm actually in now in- I think it was 19, 1943. Yeah, we were worried about that actually.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I had to ask like what department you worked in and then Sean said that you were a graphic artist

and I definitely remember you. We didn't see each other that much. Yeah, I was in the dark windowless cubicle. Yes, I know. We didn't see each other that much. But you would occasionally come to rehearsal to have your work critiqued by us fucking idiots. Ha ha ha ha.

And I was in a couple of skits, one with Andre and one with Jose and and Yeah, it was fun times. Yeah, you got you. Did you get an after card for that? No No, no day. I was in a much better union. Yeah Alright Laurie, well, thanks so much. Thanks Andy. All right. Bye Laurie Holiday you guys we will Okay, next up Well, I'll give the number one more time eight five five two six

Can I really quick before we get to the next one? Just as because as we're hearing the stories and you're talking about them. Are you like a holiday guy? Do you do like do you have a favorite holiday of like of this sort of time of year? Oh, I do like the holidays. And I like, like I'm very excited to go back to Illinois to see my family. I haven't been back in a while. Yeah, with lockdowns and stuff too. That's really nice.

Do you have a lot of siblings? I have three siblings. I have an older brother and a younger brother and sister. Middle. And yeah, I'm mids. Cause my younger brother and sister. Middle. Yeah, I'm mids, cause my younger brother and sister are twins. Mine too. Oh really?

Yes. I think I knew that about you. What does this mean? I don't know. I don't know, okay. What's the age spread? Somebody, if you're gonna call in and you sort of maybe understand how family dynamics,

if this cosmically means anything, please let us know. If you can explain Vixen my deal to us. What's your sign? I'm a Scorpio. And I am a Cancer. Oh, my ex-wife was a Cancer. Okay, so please write in, let us, if you know what that means,

and sort of what that means for our friendship, please let us know, write in. Let us know. Because that's gonna be kind of important. Well, from my previous experience, we've got 27 years. Well, because my partner's a Scorpio now, and now that's making me worried. Oh, wow.

Yeah. Uh-oh. Well, that's fine, you did 27 years. and now that's making me worried. Oh, wow. Yeah. Uh-oh. Well, that's fine. You get 27 years. Yeah. How many years has it been so far? 27 is pretty good. 10.

Oh, yeah, you got 17 more years. Okay, I feel pretty good about that. Yeah, don't worry about it. That's a success. No shit, that's what I say. You know, and although, and one thing I keep forgetting to say, I am remembering, because I was thinking before this, do I have holiday stories and I can but that and there are

some but the problem is is that with me I can't change the names to protect the innocent because if I say what it was then I know family members will be listening everyone like Laurie Metcalf. Yeah, well they'll just be like, why would you tell that? Yeah. About that loved one. I have one if we need one later.

All right, well I will say there was a drop turkey once and it went right back on the tray and got brushed off. I mean, come on, what the fuck? Honestly, hearing that first call, I'd be like, the bedpan, and then we didn't eat it or anything like that. That would've gone back in the oven for five minutes. No shit.

Killed the bacteria, and then that would've been on the... And also, yeah, it's just a vessel. And that would be only if people saw. And if nobody else saw, we would've just seen it. I was raised by a single dad. We didn't have time. No, no, absolutely.

Yeah. It's far too fussy. Yeah. No, I'm just happy the bedpan was metal. Yeah. It's far too fussy. Yeah. Yeah, no. I'm just happy the bedpan was metal. Yeah. Yeah, it could have been plastic. Oh, I see it.

For some reason, I went to wood, and I went, that can't be right. No, no. That simply can't be right. That's far too porous a substance. The wood has memory, it's holding on. Yeah, it certainly does. Yeah, it would have, yeah.

Generations. Noah. Noah. Andy. have, yeah, generations. Noah! Noah! Hello, how are you? I'm good, how are you guys? How are you, Vic? Oh my God, so good, Noah, we're so happy you're here. Thank you, Andy and I are running out of things

to talk about. We really are. You know what, you guys are keeping a conversation following you. You're doing a great job. No, you're not seeing us. We're looking at this and we're like, so, do you like holidays?

Yeah, and we're sweating like it's a sauna. Andy keeps pointing at me and then pointing at the door saying, get out of here. He's melting that. Yeah, I'm dragging my finger across my throat so many times I actually have slitted a little bit. Yeah, you got such sharp nails. They're beautiful.

Thank you. You're warm and affable and lovely. Oh, thank you, Noah. He's not putting up at our nonsense. Oh, wow, Noah, Fl're beautiful. Thank you. You're warm and affable and lovely. Oh, thank you, Noah. He's not putting up at our nonsense. Oh, wow, Noah, Flavory will get you everywhere. Yeah, sure will. We're very simple. So tell us your holiday story, Noah.

All right, well, I matched with this girl on Hinge. This is how holiday stories start. Yeah. I was like 19 at the time and I really liked her a lot we connected and all that is before dating apps were god-awful but anyways we actually got along super well and she was from my town but she went to college like in Vermont or something way out of town in New York. So she was coming home for a holiday weekend. I think it was Veterans Day or something.

But yeah, she was like, hey. My favorite holiday. It's gonna be a dretch. Yeah, your favorite holiday? Yeah. Veterans Day is canonically my favorite holiday. She goes fucking nuts. Decorations everywhere.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what, she said like... So she's coming back into town. Yeah, she's coming back into town. And had you guys met or were you just, at this point was the... No, we hadn't met yet, but we were like... Social.

We really liked each other a lot. Oh, nice. Yeah. And she was like, she said, I'm only gonna be able to hang out Saturday cause I'm gonna be with my family. I said, Saturday, cool. Put it down on the calendar.

And so, so great. And then I called my dad and I said, hey dad. And my dad was like, you know, how are your books? Since I don't know, he likes books. Uh, but then he said, um, uh, uh, my, uh, oh, your grandma's 90th birthday is this Saturday. Don't forget it. You're coming.

And I was like, Oh, fuck. Um, so I, I had, this was poor planning on my part, obviously. So I had to convince this girl that I barely knew to come to, because I couldn't miss the birthday party, but I really didn't want to cancel the plans with this girl. So I made it into a crossover event. So she was weirdly cool with it though. I took her there and-

Some women, that's a huge turn on. Going to your grandparents' birthdays. Grandparents' birthdays. See, octogenarians. It strangely was. Yeah. Oh really, did it get her all horned up? It might have, yeah.

I love that she, she was probably looking for a quick hookup and you were like, yeah, I wanna, we can absolutely do that. We just got one stop we gotta make. So she's already horny. And then you're bringing her to her birthday party and she's like, we'll roll with it, I guess. And look, there is a day room with a locking door

at the home. A day room? Yeah. In where are you based? New York. So New York day room, I'm assuming there's some sort of like a screen situation going on. So it is negative 20 degrees in that room.

Well, no, it's a veteran's day, so it's still warm, right? Right. Well, so wait a veteran's day, so it's still warm, right? Right. So wait a minute. Of course. So she comes to the party and is everyone charmed by her? Is the party at a retirement home? Well, no.

At first it was really, really awkward because nobody knew I was bringing a girl and also a first date. Yes. So all my family, I was at my parents' house too and all my family members were there. They were just like, how long have you known each other? And I was like, uh, and at first it was really hard, but she handled herself really, really well and it worked out well, but I didn't want to have her, as she got along with my family members too, even though she was very Christian, It worked out well, but I didn't want to have her, she got along with my family members too, even though she was very Christian, my family's very Jewish, but luckily that did not come up.

So, you were there. Classic. Yeah, a lot of Christians really support the Jews. Yeah, no, she really did. Some not so much, but others. I heard- Like Mike Huckabee really sucks the Jews. But yeah I didn't want to subject her to it for that much longer. I imagine she was a little

uncomfortable but she seemed fine with it. She said she was fine with it but so then we left and we went to a hotel. A hotel? At 19? Yeah, yeah, I just, well, you know, she was, listen, she was only in town for the day. Right. And you know, I was in heat, as Don Rickles would say. But, um. Well, yeah, but who says, who says, I was I was in heat as Don Rickles would say but um

Who says let's go to a hotel does she say that or do you say that? Well, I I'm sure remember how it happened. It just sort of happened It's just a random Marriott I found and I didn't have much money my bank account but you know it was on void points yeah that's what I was gonna say I get points for that. I was like yeah let's do that. Let's go to a hotel oh my god oh my god now from the texting had you known that this this was an appointment for bonage? Like was it pretty evident that that's what the hookup? But then after, well after we left the party, what we started making out a little bit

and then that's kind of the point where I knew, okay maybe, yeah. We should get a hotel room, yeah. You got a hookup on veterans. Oh yeah, that was kind of where, this is kind of where she was headed, and I did not have objections to it. So yeah, it's really great.

I gotta tell you Noah, I am a big fan of getting laid, and so kudos to you buddy. Congratulations. Yeah, no, that's great. It's among the things I like to do, it's up there. It's on your special interest in your resume. If anyone out there hasn't tried it, give it a shot. Because it is, I mean, you know,

it can go a lot of different ways, but usually it's pretty good. Having sex? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, there's so many different things. Yeah, so many different ways you can go. And you know what, Noah, I am thinking though, if you ever have to do this again.

Have sex? No, this similar kind of situation. I don't think so. Oh, what? No, I'm saying you went to a hotel, you should have gone to your grandma's, you know she's not home. Oh, that's so true.

Oh, I did say to my grandma's later actually, the same girl. Oh, that's nice. She, wait, so you started dating like later that day or later in life? No, no, three months later she came back. They're in love! Aww.

And she had already met my grandmother. It's a Vengeance Day miracle. Yep. And she had a spare bedroom. Oh wow! And you stayed at Grandma's? Yeah. Oh wow and you stayed at grandma's? Or you just while you're visiting you're like hey grandma we're gonna go take a nap. No she had a she had no no she was game the whole situation she was a good wing woman

for 90 years old yeah and she lived in the city well she just still lives in the city, well she just still lives in the city, but I showed the girl around, her name is Grace, I showed Grace around the city and then nighttime, she's like, what are we gonna do now? And I was like, oh, my grandma lives around here, she's like, oh, the grandmother I met. A perfect pick up line, hey, you wanna go back to my grandma's place?

Right, right, yeah. Yeah, I know, best pick up line ever, but it worked out. I was gonna say, it worked out twice for you. I feel great about that. Well, congratulations. Yeah, I was crowning it. Just walk out all around. Yeah, I peaked there. Listen, you know, it's okay. 19, yeah, at least it wasn't 16.

I like those people. Oh, it's a slow scroll for them to the grave. All right, well, thanks so much and have a good Thanksgiving, Noah. All right, thanks so much. Have a great holidays. All right, Dick, we got another call and this is because we have a set rule here

that if you have a good story and it's off topic, you call in with it and we call it a wild card. Oh I love that. Sound effect? That's right. Did you pay for that sound effect? No, no, no. Is that a custom sound effect?

No, no. For a wild card? It's public domain. Because that sounded beautiful. Thank you, thank you. And wait, did you say, what did you just say? domain. That sounded beautiful. Thank you, thank you. And did you say, what did you just say? Huh? What was the phrase?

That sounded beautiful. What was the phrase you used though? Custom sound effect? No, no. Wild card? Andy, you, oh, huge. I didn't actually say wild card. I don't think I think you said that.

But now I said it. There, now, see there he did. But you said it twice. He did say it. You said it before. Wild card. Wild card. Wild card. Wild bird. We have a...

Okay, can't trick them. There's more. Yeah, wild turkey? Oh no. Shantel from Virginia. Not even a bock-bock. Our next caller. Hello.

Shantel, give us your wild card story. Wow, this is so appropriate. Great to be on. Thank you. This wild card is totally appropriate. Huge. There we go. Anybody can say it. Yep, anyone can say it. So this obviously would have been more appropriate for Halloween, but I'm sad to say that 20 years ago when I was in high school and still living with my parents, I was up late at night and I was getting ready to go to bed and had finally shut off my television set and no sooner that I put my remote control down these textbooks that I had from school at the edge of my bed just started to flap open and close like I could literally hear the pages going.

A ghost. And I immediately reached for the remote and turned the TV back on, slowly crept towards the edge of the bed, like the worst decision you could make like any horror movie. And they looked untouched. I don't know what the deal was. They were closed.

I was supposed to say, they were closed. Wow. So I don't know what the deal was. They were closed. They were closed. So I don't and it literally sounded it was definitely the sound of pages being flipped back and forth. And I went to bed with the TV on the rest of the night. And that was actually my yeah. And that was actually the second experience I had had with something like that in my bedroom and even my own sister when she goes to visit my parents, she doesn't like sleeping in that room because she has nightmares. What was the other thing? I was doing homework again.

All this happened during high school. I was doing homework. I had my back up against the wall because I would do it on my bed and so I'm up against the wall and all of a sudden I felt a tap on my shoulder. Wow. What the fuck is going on? So yeah, so it's uh, you know, that room is cursed and I'm convinced because my parents live in Florida. It's built on an Indian burial ground. Wow. No, Chantal, this was a perfect story for Andy because he's a vampire. because my parents live in Florida. It's built on an Indian burial ground. I appreciate you guys. Wow. No, Chantal, this was a perfect story for Andy

because he is a vampire. I am a vampire. So this could not have been a more perfect story. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, oh my God. Whoa, whoa. That's great. I have a friend of mine,

an old, a friend of mine, a friend of a friend of mine, a friend of a friend of mine, owns a really old house and his daughter used to constantly feel someone sit on the edge of her bed. She'd be laying in her bed and she could feel like someone sit down on the edge of the bed. No. And she was always like very, she felt it was a benevolent presence.

Well, are you haunting? Yeah. No, I have, we actually did an episode of this with ghost stories and it was really fun. I mean, this holiday one, it's been a, it's been a home run all the way around. I mean, you've really sparkled. Oh my God, Andy, stop. No, really, honestly, this has been, I can't even.

No, because I can't even tell you what he's doing in the room here. He's going, he's literally just texting me, get out right now. Right, right, right. Yeah, and I'm doing a lot of like, strangulation, hanging myself like, yeah, being like, this is so boring, this is so boring, he's pretending to be asleep.

But anyway, yeah, we did a ghost story episode and it was really, really fun. But I said on that episode I I long for a ghost encounter Yeah, really? No don't put that out there Andy what are you doing? Why do you do that all the time? Yeah I can't hate on that I'm the same one No no Chantel and Andy you take that back right now

No Chantel you no she's saying she can't handle it you can't handle it Okay yeah Chantel we're on the same team Oh I could handle it oh I would love it No no take it back. Stop. We're talking over you. Shantel, you keep switching teams. Yeah, no, you're the only coward of the three of us. No, I am not a coward.

Is it a coward to be like, huh, I long for a car accident? No, it's not a car accident. It's the same thing. Shantel, would you consider your experience with the riffling pages a car accident? Fender bender. I think it's a slap in the face to real car accident victims. I'm saying a car accident in just an interval doesn't have to mean something

catastrophic. It could mean like a little tap of the bumper. It's annoying. You're going to have to take photos and decide whether or not you want to call your insurance. That's what's happening right now. We're the insurance company, Andy. Yeah, but that is also not like a little sort of whisper from the unknown. No. That's just two objects not being able to take up the same space. You don't want this. I do. You don't. Bring it on, underworld. Stop! He doesn't mean it. He's kidding. He's a comedian. I don't mind it at all. Throw open the gates of hell. I've always said I would love to ride a horse. Andy! I live in Pasadena. No, stop! Yes, DM

me and I'll give you the address. No, he won't. He's kidding. He's joking. He loves joking. He was on Conan. Do you remember Conan Demons? Yeah, I do bits, but not this one. This is 100% serious. Ghosts come at me. Okay, hey, Andy. Not the sex ghosts, though. I don't want that.

That is shocking to hear, based on everything else you've said. I do not want the sex ghosts. Interesting. Right, yeah, yeah. No, I have standards. Which is old people that sort of look half dead, but are not dead. No, no, no. The second they are dead, they're like, uh-uh. No, I have standards. Which is old people that sort of look half dead but are not dead. No, no, no. The second they are dead, they're like, uh-uh. No, I just mean for sex. I don't want to do

anonymous stranger sex, which is what I assume most ghost sex. Is it a ghost? No. Would be anonymous stranger sex because it's not like they're gonna go, oh by the way, my name is Ebenezer George. What if it was a hot ghost? I'm a town sentry from 1712. What if you could see a photo? What if the ghost brought sort of like a profile for you to look at? No, that would not be enough. We'd need to at least have a meal and you know, honestly I'd need more than that.

I would need time for a friendship to develop before I could really bone a ghost. Well let's ask, we have somebody that we can talk to. Chantel, did you sort of develop a friendship with this ghost that was in your room, would you say? No. Okay, so that was a bad example. Did you ever feel, did you just feel weirded out

or did you feel that it was a warm presence? I could not sleep that night. I mean, I'm sure it wasn't any sort of bad presence. It was just the shock of, I just heard something move that I know could not move on its own. I hate that. Yeah. Wow. But that's not to say that it deterred me from wanting to have another experience.

Like I would literally move into a haunted house. Like I would love that. I'm with Andy on this. Sorry. That's the first taste is always free. If I had to rent the haunted house, absolutely not. If they were offering me a good price to buy a haunted house, I mean, it's LA, it'd be really hard to say no to that.

You know what I mean? It's just more of a real estate issue. Yeah. That's that Amityville horror that was all just like, you fucking pussies, come on, deal with it. That was your takeaway from that movie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a beautiful house and they got it dirt cheap.

Something is terribly wrong with you, and I'm so worried about you and your family. Chantal, we have to go. The hour is up, unfortunately, but thank you so much for your wonderful, creepy wild card call. I loved this call. Wild card. Fantastic. Love card. Fantastic.

Love it. Alright Chantel, have a good Thanksgiving. Thank you, you as well. Thank you. Well, Vic. Thank you. This has really been fun. This has been an absolute blast. I mean we've been joking about it, but it's really been fun.

Jokes aside. I hope you come back sometime and do this again. Can't get rid of me. I'm gonna move out of my Winnebago dropout and I'm gonna park it in the Team Coco parking lot. All right, I mean, it's gonna be strange. Every day I'll go, hey, do you need somebody today? And then you go, oh, maybe not today.

Maybe next week. You can go to all the different networks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll sort of, piece by piece. Andy Cohen shows probably you're in here. Do you think? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll sort of, you can sort of piece by piece. Andy Cohen shows probably are in here. Do you think? I think so, yeah. Okay, yeah, I know Howard Stern is across the way. Right, right.

Well, these are all sort of multi-purpose studios. In fact, that set up over there was for Sway and Ice Cube. Huge. Were in here earlier today. Incredible. Yeah. Absolutely incredible. There was charisma hanging in the air when we came in.

I'll pop in. I'll see who needs some hands. Oh, and we usually pick a favorite caller. Oh. What do you think? Well, this is deeply unfortunate because one, it's recency bias, but two, I mean, I love a ghost story. Oh, it's got to be. It's got to be that wild card. Even though you set up this entire call to be like, hey, call in with your, thank you.

We're like, hey, make sure we call in with our Thanksgiving stories and then we're rewarding the one that called in. Right, right, right. But I would not once say that the most famous Christmas story of all time is a ghost story. Is a ghost story. There you go. We should have set that on the call.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, well, we can edit it back in. Yeah, if we can maybe edit that back in. This is a ghost story. There, just slug that in before she calls in. All right, well, Vic Michaelis, check out Very Important People on the Dropout Network and an upcoming Hallmark movie.

Do you know what the name of it is? So this Hallmark movie did come out last year and I don't know if this is a good time to say, but my last name is Michaelis, but that's also A-OK. What have I been saying? It's just been a little, and a say but my last name is Michaelis but that's also A-OK. What have I been saying? It's just been a little pronunciation just on the wrong syllable slightly but that's also totally fine. I've been saying Michaelis haven't I?

No but that is absolutely okay. What was I saying? Michaelis. Oh Michaelis. But that's also again I can't stress how okay that is. Yeah no shit. No shit it's okay. Michaelis, Michaelis.

Such a huge fan. Happy to be here. Look at this. Well it's because it's Michael. Yeah Michael is. Yeah Michael is. So that's why I would just think it. Michaelis Mike-ay-lis. Such a huge fan. Happy to be here. Look at this. Well, it's because it's Michael. Yeah, Michael is. Yeah, Michael is. So that's why I would just think it was Mike-ay-lis. My ancestors are wrong.

I'm not saying that they were correct. I'm just letting you know, like, that's how they say it. I think they're wrong too. Canadians. Oh, anyway. Well, seriously, thank you. Come back again sometime. Anytime.

Have a good Thanksgiving. American. I can't wait. American. And, uh. And happy Veterans Day to all of us really. Oh absolutely. Every day is Veterans Day. And I will be back on December 4th and Vanessa Bayer will be sitting in that chair. Happy I went before. Yeah yeah. Oh absolutely. You would have not want to follow Bayer. Would you consider what you do being in the Army basically? Would you consider yourself a veteran?

Yeah, yeah, but the love army. Yes, that's um, you know, we fire bombs of love Yeah into unsuspecting towns like that and we obliterate them. I think that's beautiful Anyhow, y'all have a good Thanksgiving. We'll be back. I Love you all. I love you all deeply. Bye. Conan O'Brien Radio. Conan O'Brien Radio. Conan O'Brien Radio. Conan O'Brien Radio. Conan O'Brien Radio.

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