The Toast - Crackie O. Productions: Wednesday, January 31st, 2024

Episode Date: January 31, 2024

Tarek El Moussa Finally Tells His Version of Gun Incident That Ended Marriage to Christina Hall (PEOPLE)(30:11)Kristin Juszczyk lands NFL deal after creating viral jackets for Taylor Swift and Brittany Mahomes (Page Six) (42:41)Jason Bateman, Will Arnett and Sean Hayes' 'SmartLess' podcast is going to SiriusXM for $100 million (CNN Business) (53:51)Universal pulling out of TikTok deal (Daily Mail) (1:04:38)Lala Kent Thought Rachel Leviss 'Was Gonna Go Bag Groceries' (PEOPLE) (1:09:06)Vanderpump Rules RecapThe Toast with Jackie (@JackieOshry) and Claudia Oshry (@girlwithnojob) Lean InThe Camper and The Counselor by Jackie OshryMerchThe Toast PatreonGirl With No Job by Claudia OshrySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Good morning, Millennials! Welcome back to the Chose, and happy Wednesday. It is hump day! Don't forget to hump someone you love. And speaking of humping people that I love, it's a girl that I love. It's Shaki. Hey, Latur Deleu, screw, lu, de Latur, Latur Deleu. Hello, Turdiluhu. Turdiluhu, Fahoo, Forrest, Ahu, Dorisoo doris welcome toasters to this show hopefully the people who wrote this jingle are in litigious no so yeah we'll get into it on friday

i just want to say about that song that is pervasive in the grinch movies it's always what the who's are caroling and we know the who's are always caroling and it's not on the soundtrack disgusting i kind of feel like it's ripe for recording nobody really owns it oh maybe our girls it's kind of like a legal gray area is that what you're saying it's a legal it's a murky it's a jingle it's it's something that's in the zeitgeist that nobody owns i absolutely love that i feel like there are songs like that like who owns old mcdonald somebody for sure probably fisher price on if i had to guess. No, they own that new song that everyone's talking about, you know? What's the song? The animals play, the animals play, the animals play all day.

There's this mat, the monkey play. There's this mat that like everybody, it's viral. If you have a baby right now, I didn't have it for Harry, but then I saw that Girly's posting it. So I got it and Charlie loves it. And it can keep transitioning as babies get older and it has original music on it it's about 25 minutes of music songs you've never heard before but they will get inside your head and and they will not leave your head well let me

say that I do love my job more than anything but if I had to be doing something else I would want to be in the music department of like a big children's company whether that's like Hasbro, Fisher Price. I'm not particular. I feel like the collaborative process is amazing in those companies and I think we you know we would be doing really important work together. No you would be very good at that. I do feel as though that's your calling that you've missed and instead you're sitting here with your girl. Yeah or I would be one of those you know music class for kids where they have like a guitar player a singer and then like somebody handing out scarves. I would be one of those um you know music class for kids where they have like a guitar player a singer and then like somebody handing out scarves I would be one of those people oh yeah if you didn't quite make it at Hasbro yeah yeah that would be said the fallback I feel like that's like the most fun but also torturous job yeah it's a lot of work I feel

like for me my missed calling was being a bat mitzvah dance motivator. I completely agree. When we were watching your bat mitzvah video on family vacation. Now I'm not, you know, my joints are old and creaky. But at a point in my life, like that was my calling. I can get the crowd moving and going. Let me ask you a question because I haven't been to a bas mitzvah in many, many years. But I know in the day and age we grew up in, when you did the bat mitzvah in many many years but I know in the day and age we grew up in when you did the bat mitzvah circuits in seventh and eighth grade every bat

mitzvah worth its salt had a dj with a bunch of motivators they were like these young kind of 20 something very fit boys and girls wearing all black whose job it was to like hype up the crowd get the you know the conga line started it was kind of a thankless job is that still part of basmishwa trend culture i don't know why it wouldn't be but please let us know in the comments are the motivators still motivated or have they been taken over by ai yeah i don't know why i just feel like it's a thing of the past i hope it's not but also i would love a documentary on that. Because I know now, like, those 20-somethings were, like, drunk. And they were, like, fucking uncles and cousins and stuff at bat mitzvahs.

Like, I know that now. But back then, I didn't know. Like, I think there was an underbelly, like, a subculture of the bas mitzvah motivational dancers. And what was going, what what was really what was a real party do you think they were doing drugs no no no that's the sort of thing that will get you fired we won't tolerate that here i actually think even sneaking alcohol like would be it you know demerit but it's the kind of job that literally requires drugs and alcohol for sure but not if you're a natural at it like for me I wouldn't need drugs

and alcohol which is why it's my calling for me like the only way I would survive even one bat mitzvah is with like a massive amounts of drugs and alcohol like I would need Adderall cocaine like it's hours and hours of dancing but it's only five hours that's insane I feel like maybe there are different levels of DJ companies and maybe the most elite have those who are most naturally gifted and they don't need performance enhancing substances maybe like the lesser tiers it's like cracked out motivators cracked dj cracked out dj crack crackio jay crackio that would be the name of your company that employs like a bunch of you know um like adderall riddle. That would be the name of your company that employs like a bunch of, you know, like Adderall

Riddle teens. It would be called Crackio Productions. Fine. Only because, not that that's the type of environment you would harbor, but only because it's a great name. Yeah. Yeah. And then I would have to live up to the name.

Yeah. Yeah. I know. Like, are you excited for like that part of your life? Like when your kids are grown and like they're doing the bar mitzvahs and like you obviously go as an adult and the kids go for like the kids, but you go because you're friends with the parents. Like it's kind of like it's the two journeys in life.

You know, you're either a guest of the bar mitzvah boy or the bar mitzvah boy's parents. Yeah, because otherwise you don't go to bar mitzvahs. Just like I haven't been to a bar mitzvah since Margo's. No, you're either 12 or 40. Like that's it. Yeah. So yeah,'re either 12 or 40. Like that's it. Yeah. So yeah, it seems like a ball. Like getting to get a party all dressed up and then your kids are there too.

But it's definitely like a next chapter. Yeah. You know, so it's like, oh, I guess I'll be older. Wiser. Crackier. Like 40s. Yeah. Crackier.

40s. Ooh. So we've got a great show today. Let's do a little housekeeping. You you know it's wednesday which is a huge day here at the toast normally we would do our dear toasters our advice segment that we literally got over like 700 submissions last week like people are desperate for our knowledge for real dead serious i did kind of always say we don't get it i did hound people last week being like where the hell are you you? And they showed up. So we'll do that. But we're going to do it tomorrow because last night was the premiere of Vanderpump Rules. We're going to do a little TV recap, even though there's literally nothing to say.

We will talk about it at the end of today's episode. We'll bring back the TV recaps because Vanderpump Rules is on. So housekeeping will go as such. Wednesday, Vanderpump Rules. Thursday, Deer Toasters. Friday, Weenie of the Week. And Queenie. And Queenie. And Queenie.

Can't only be negative, Turdy. I can. But we have to try at least. And, you know, another week has gone by where I have a million candidates for Weenie of the Week and I can't scrounge up one measly person for Queenie of the Week. Well, maybe today your Queenie will come through. Perhaps. Perhaps not.

We have great stories. I don't know for sure because I did not choose them, but I know that there was a new episode of New Heights. Yes. I actually don't know if anything they said made it to Fast Five. So they really didn't say anything. I watched. Yeah, like, oh, here's, you know, Mr. Kelsey Father's nickname for Taylor.

Yeah, like there really wasn't much And it turns out to be like Tay No I just want to say we got so much On Sunday it's like we can't complain But I was kind of For me like the new episode of New Heights Like what would come from it was a life raft to get through the week And now that I'm here like I'm drowning there was nothing

There was nothing and I think their strategy Is to talk about It on the show but not in a way where they're actually saying anything because they don't want to actually divulge too much so people are picking up scraps Jason calls Taylor a part of the family as engagement looms right and he literally didn't he just said the family mom dad day like yeah or he probably said like chief's family yes friends and family so so that was tough but and i sent you this story but i respect that they still get on the pod they still do their job they don't ignore it they

address it but i also respect that they give us nothing it's an art it really is an art to talk about something without saying anything word salad energy word salad yummy. But the key to a word salad is to not let people know that it is a word salad. And you only realize after when you've eaten it, like, hey, oh, I had a salad. And I do think people watch the episode and like felt like they got stuff and they felt fulfilled, even though it's, you know, they're literally being gaslit because there was nothing in the episode. So you're right. It was a successful word salad. Because sometimes when you're, there's nothing more painful than listening to an obvious word salad that's a jumble of words that don't lead anywhere agreed that's a failed word salad we all know who we're talking about i literally don't

know were your headphones not plugged in again no they were i just plugged my computer into charge oh my god getting yelled at i don't know who you were just like subtly referring to queen of word salads olivia no no that's that's rude is it i feel like olivia would agree she's quite verbose yeah she's verbose she's salad like but her salad has protein and and cheese and things yes but there's a lot of lettuce. There is. There is. Okay, who's the queen of word salad? That's so funny that you don't have the same association of a word salad. Were you going to say Taylor? Taylor who? Swift?

No. Yeah, no. I literally don't know who you're talking about. Really? Is it me? No. Oh, my God. You're not thinking broadly enough.

Think in like a more global context. On a very big stage. Kamala Harris. Like I literally. Yes. Oh. I was literally like. But it's not really like a global stage. But I guess.

Yeah. Yeah. She does give word salad energy. But you know. At some point like. She's the master chef of a word salad. Except it's not. She's the Gordon.

Tasty. She's the Gordon Ramsay. For sure. Yeah. But like she's the Gordon she's the Gordon Ramsay for sure yeah but like she's botching but Jackie she also has like a team of people who wrote who created who chopped the salads for her that's even scarier because her word salads are not successful word salads in the sense that you didn't you know you're eating a salad yeah yeah yeah but wait all I was trying to say was about the how got on the sports salad train. The stories, while New Heights wore a salad, there is a story today that, at least for me, might be the most important thing we'll ever discuss here on The Toast.

Okay. Is it one that you sent me? Yes. Oh, actually, you sent me like three, sort of. Well, at first I was sending you one that you sent me? Yes. Oh, actually you sent me like three sort of. So at first I was sending you like things that I thought you would enjoy. I wasn't suggesting, but then I sent you a story from people magazine regarding Tariq El Moussa. Yeah.

Yeah. And do you want that to be the first one? I actually think it is that important, like dead seriously. And for those who might be new here, this is a part of toast lore. This is like a toast herstory. It is a running joke, but it's not a toast herstory it is a running like joke but it's not a joke to me like to me it's very serious it is something i haven't stopped thinking about since 2016 and i haven't stopped talking about since 2016 and for the first time ever

we have an update that's why you stay committed to the things that you care about you need answers for it yeah okay so let's get into the stories without really do well we're already talking about them so I don't want to like double dip okay wait let me think what like what did I want to share I had steak for dinner I saw Zach Shapiro like let me think let me think I had so many I guess I could share that I'm still sick but my voice has changed and I think it's like a nice voice. And I'm in the process of like weaning from breastfeeding. So I'm just like in pain and it's like, it's such a slow process.

And I think I might've like skipped a step. So I'm, I'm suffering. I didn't know that. That's kind of like a big deal. Why didn't you share that? I thought I did. You weren't like,

have been saying that you're going to do it, but not that you're starting it. It takes weeks if you want to do it right. So I'm probably like two weeks away from being done but this is kind of a step backwards oh another because I feel like I should have pumped midday yesterday and I skipped it but I literally didn't have the time when was I supposed to pump do you need me to fly down and suck out you have a little you have a little what's it called block what's called no uh clog and I think I've said this on the toast before but the thing

about clogs is in the year since I've had Harry and Charlie like the science on clogs has completely changed like it used to be you know put heat on it because they thought it was an actual clog and now they're like no it's a swelling so put cold on it like the actual exact opposite like and now they say like take Advil and put cold whereas before it was like by the way do you do cabbage so I never did cabbage before but I've heard that it really works and I'm going to be getting some cabbage today all my girly friends like who have they were talking about it the other day like everybody does cabbage it's like the thing you just do it like it works instantly yeah for your friends did they breastfeed at all yes but they

wanted to be done yes because some people who don't want they breastfeed at all? Yes. But they wanted to be done? Yes. Because some people who don't want to breastfeed at all, like the week that they give birth, they do cabbage so that their milk doesn't come in or they do like ice packs. There might have been someone in the group who did that too, but I know it was like a mixed bag of girlies when it came to their breasts. Aren't we all a mixed bag of girlies when it comes to our breasts? Ain't that the truth. So I'm going do cabbage and also I what's working out for me is when you're sick your supply lessons oh that's usually when I'm sick and breastfeeding I don't take medication because those medications are drying to dry out your nostrils but they also

dry out your breasts but now I can take that medication intentionally to dry to dry out that's fabulous before we dive in there was something I wanted to do. I wanted to use my platform for good. Ooh. So Jackie and I have started like this little campaign just, you know, in our community. We really think that our older sister Olivia should get a dog. And not just any dog. Like her and her husband have spoken about getting like a Bernese Mountain Dog. And we're like, yeah, sure.

Yeah, sure. Like there's only one breed that we really would consider. And I think that we should use our platform for good. And I think we should start, you know, an initiative to anyone who's like a dog parent. And also like Olivia has two kids. Like she's a lot going on. It's not like, you know,

she doesn't want a dog for no reason. Like she's a lot going on. But I think like everybody should really kind of like share their stories about how the dog enhanced their life and how their kids love the dog so much. And maybe like drop a comment on YouTube or send Olivia a message. Like I just think the power of the toast

can convince her. I don't think so. She's so stubborn. We're all so stubborn. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not stubborn. You're stubborn. The satchel is stubborn.

Who do you think is the most stubborn in the family? I don't think you're stubborn, by the way. You don't? No, you're a lot of things, but you're not stubborn. No, I'm kidding. You're a lot of things, you know, beautiful, kind, caring, generous, charitable. Sure, sure. I, yeah, I don't think I'm super stubborn, but sometimes I can be. I don't know. Yeah. Anyways, who's the most stubborn? Satchel. But you're pretty bad too. Really? I feel like I'm so open to,

like I acknowledge my stubbornness. But you never know that like I'll be stubborn against something. But in a year from now, like I know I'll say like. But like why can't you just do it not in a year from now? Like what? I feel like I've gotten so good. Like if I told you something that you would love right now,

you don't go and do it. You don't trust. Tell me. Maybe I have a reason. What am I even trying to get you would love right now, you don't go and do it. You don't trust. Tell me. Maybe I have a reason. What am I even trying to get you to do? Maybe I have a reason. Like you were. What?

Like you were stubborn against beef stew. Okay, fine. I'll give you that I'm stubborn against food. I have like a food thing. I have issues with like certain foods. That's to me like a biological. Fine. I'll accept that. But when I say, Turdy, I have like a food thing. I have issues with like certain foods. That's to me like a biological thing. I'll accept that. But when I say,

Turdy, you're going to love this. Like, can't you just trust your girl? I feel like I do trust you. I tried your beef stew. Like, what more do you want from me? You guzzled it.

What more do you want from me? I ate the beef stew and I loved it and I said I was wrong. Like, my God, is that what a stubborn person would do? No, no, I'm not asking that.

I'm asking for the next recommendation I give you that you try it at once, not at last. I feel like the first opportunity I had to try beef stew, I did. But you want me to go make my own? After poo-pooing it. And I just want to say, I didn't poo-poo beef stew. I poo-pooed just like the frequency in which we were talking about beef stew. But the thing is, we're doing important work.

Like, I get tagged in beef stews all the time. People are using beef stew to up their supply. People are using beef stew to get pregnant. It's a very nourishing food, and it's important that we do that sort of work here, Turdy. Should I make beef stew for my book club? Yes. I'll send you the reel.

No, I... You have to follow the reel. I'm pretty much, like, dead set on like catering actually I met a DM with a toaster yesterday who's like a kosher chef and she's like let me let me just like cook it and like drop it off at your house that sounds amazing or Ben could make the beef stew because he helped me and he knows yeah I helped you too and I could just watch our patreon vlog at patreon.com slash the toast you could if I wanted to I could it's a good vlog you should all watch it

I also wanted to update everyone on something that like I feel for so many months I was talking about endlessly and then I just kind of stopped talking about it my eye twitch and I do want everyone to know like it is still omnipresent like extremely when we went away on vacation it went away a little bit but not so much and it's definitely lessened but I still have an eye twitch same eye same area same

everything and like that's what I'm living with yeah sad sad sad when I climb into bed I start feeling sad suddenly I miss my mom and my dad. Without Nintendo. Right? Right. And this is just a great reminder that this podcast is hosted by not one, but two female authors. Jackie wrote an absolutely, just truly like chilling, groundbreaking, borderline heartbreaking children's book called The Camper and the Counselor. You can get it on Amazon or wherever you get your books. It's called The Camper and the Counselor by Jacqueline Ostrite. Actually, Jackie, kind of weird you didn't use your government name on the counselor. You can get it on Amazon or wherever you get your books. It's called The Camper and the Counselor by Jacqueline Ostrite. Actually, Jackie, kind of weird you didn't use

your government name on the cover. Well, I used my known name. So much smarter, but like, it's just kind of crazy, you know? I know, but it was definitely a choice. You used your stage name. Yeah, it's my stage name. I didn't use my married name either. I went with the name that like the people know me by. And my book is also by my stage name. Both my stage names, Girl With No Job, The Crazy Beautiful Life of an Instagram Thirst Monster. It's a memoir. It's an autobiography. It's 240 pages. It's really a light read. People are saying it's kind of their favorite book of the past 10 years. That's just what people are saying. And you can also get it on Amazon. Again, it's called Girl With No Job by Claudia Aschere. I think you'd enjoy both of those. You know,

something for everyone in your life. I feel like not enough people know that we're authors no I agree and you know not to I just feel like I'm always bringing up Tinks like wherever I am but she's kind of like like I'm inspired by her and I was watching her stories and I realized like she's always talking about her book and I'm like I need to talk about my book more like I always I forget that I'm a published author and Tinks helped me see that in myself you know I think the think the same thing. Like I'll see the book on the shelf and I'm like, I need to talk about this book more. No, I'll see the book on the shelf and I'll be like, things I did that. Things I did that. I actually, in my time hop, like I see all the stuff for pictures of like getting the book ready. Like a year ago, I was

picking out the size. I have like pictures of like a bunch of different books so it's all very exciting how yeah the difference a year can make we're women in comedy we're women in podcasting we're women in publishing we've been women in publishing though on both sides this podcast is like an episode of younger as readers and as authors yeah I also think like going back to a conversation from 30 minutes ago, jobs like we could do. I actually, people ask me all the time, like if you weren't doing this, what would you do? And I always have like jokey answers, but I actually do think I would really enjoy working at like a Reese's book club or like a publishing house. And being a reader. And being like something, like maybe a tastemaker in the literary arts. Yeah. I think

I could be a good reader, like read books and recommend them or decide if we want to publish them or decide if they're going to be the book of the month. You would be like the junk pile coordinator at a publishing house. What is that? Didn't you watch Younger? They have a junk pile where like all these manuscripts end up, either people send them in or they came from someone else. And every now and then like you'll find like a diamond in the junk stack, but nobody wants to touch the junk stack.

So it's literally just like this big pile in the corner of the office. Yeah, no, that's what Dana's calling is that she missed. Cause she reads really quickly. She has really great taste and that's her calling. I love that. I'm glad that she has a book club podcast where she can at least channel some

of that. But it's sad when people miss their calling, just like you and I. I'm glad that she has a book club podcast where she can at least channel some of that. But it's sad when people miss their calling, just like you and I. Bringing it back to the top of the show. I do feel like I miss my calling dead seriously when it comes to having a career in music. It is my dream. I really need to release some more music. Even though like, you know.

Did you see Kate Hudson released a song? I did. And I'm so glad you brought that up. Because like a fun fact about Kate Hudson released a song? I did. And I'm so glad you brought that up because like a fun fact about Kate Hudson, she reminds me a lot of Gwyneth Paltrow in the sense that like they're both known for being actors. However, they both have amazing singing voices and I believe they were both on Glee. So that's how I discovered that they both sang. And I think that was like the one opportunity they got to like do both things that they love.

And I've always known that she's saying there's actually a viral video of her singing, I think, the national anthem or something. People are always shocked to find out she has an amazing voice. And I think she finally was just like, fuck it. What if I just released a song? Yeah. And it's like a bop. Yeah. I love it.

I love that verse. She didn't like do like major promo for it. I think it's actually just truly a passion project. And I think her mans is like a music producer. So they probably just like made it in the house. Classic stuff. That's a dream. Yeah.

Being married to a music producer who has like a studio in the house that you can use like to make music, but also record your podcast. Also another, like Jackie Schimmel. Like, but that is probably, like I'm not a jealous person. Actually I am. But there are a few things like in life that make me really, really jealous. And Jackie Schimmel being married to like a very successful music producer who has a studio in his own house that then like he helps her like soundproof her studio.

Like that's a dream. And then he's also responsible. I think he wrote like, I forget which One Direction song it was, but like a really good one. I live for you, I long for you, Olivia. One of those. Shouldn't it be called jackie then wow then maybe it wasn't that i think it was um would she be my queen since we was 16 we want the same things i feel like i could just look it up dreams all right this is more fun i

would say it's just more fun to like kind of scroll through the category because i remember i was like like singing that song once on Instagram. She's like, by the way, did you know my husband did this song? I'm like, no. It was like the craziest thing I ever learned. Like that to me, like that's something to be jealous of. And I think being jealous is okay as long as it's something worthy, you know? Yeah.

And as long as you don't act in an unfair way. No, I'm not going to steal her husband. We're like, yeah. Yeah. As long as it doesn't drive you to do bad things. Yeah, no, I would never. I would never. What's something you're jealous of?

I was just saying yesterday, and like I'm jealous of Shannon's productivity. I'm jealous of Shannon's house. I'm jealous of, yeah, just Shannon's get up. I'm jealous that Shannon wakes up at the time she wakes up naturally and starts her day and has a coffee. Like if I could get up at that time, I could get so much more done. I guess it it just depends like I'm actually jealous of like a lot

of things in Shannon's life in particular like I'm jealous of her body I'm jealous of her house I'm jealous of her clothes I'm jealous of her sense of style like it's one thing to be able to buy nice things but it's another thing to like style them and put them together yeah I'm yeah but but Shannon's also like when you meet her I actually understand why people maybe like would meet Shannon before they meet her and like dislike her because she's, there's so much in her life that's to be envious of. But then you meet her

and like you can't help but be truly happy for her and like realize she has all these things because she deserves them, you know, and she like earned them. Totally.

Ugh, hate her. Yeah. Great. Anything else jealous of today? Oh my God. Today, I don't know,

but in general, yes. Like I'm a very, I'm constantly, that's something I need to work on actually, not to keep bringing up tinks, but when we were together, she was like, we were having a really deep conversation and she was like, what's like your least favorite part of yourself? And I was like, my thighs. And she was like, no, no, no. Like

personality wise. You have skinny legs. Yeah, by the way, I was making a joke. She was like, personality wise. And I was like, I really am like a jealous person. And it's like a really poor quality. And she was like, personality wise. And I was like, I really am like a jealous person. And it's like a really poor quality. And she was like, yeah, you should fix that. I feel like, yes, you could fix that. Or I think if you're honest about it.

Yeah. It becomes like a funny thing and it's not so dark. So true. And I feel like people who harbor jealousy and like just act, like don't vocalize it don't make a joke about it just like act out it's so out of jealousy that's like that's dark with envy but being like you could turn your jealousy into like complimentary yeah yeah yeah it's so and there's no there are a few things that like if you're jealous of someone having why not go and

get them for yourself so true of course not a music producer husband no not that specific one I guess I could turn my alarm on at 6 a.m yeah my closet right there are certain things like within your grasp right my part feels off it's like bothering me looks but good thanks girly. Okay. I do feel. Do you? Now, I feel. It is time for the Fast Five Stories that you need to know. And the Fast Five Stories that you need to know are brought to you by Drizzly. Picture this nightmare scenario. You're hosting friends for the big game.

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D-R-I-Z-L-Y. You can also go to drizzly.com. You must be over 21. It is not available in all locations. Download the Drizzly app or go to drizzly.com. D-R-I-Z-L-Y.com today. Must be over 21. Not available in all locations.

Today's episode is also brought to you by the new Lionsgate movie, Scrambled. So Scrambled is a heartfelt yet hilarious journey of self-discovery and self-love. It's written, directed, and stars Leah McKendrick, who is, quote, among IndieWire's top female filmmakers to watch this year. Super excited about this new Lionsgate movie. It's called Scrambled, and I feel like it's really for the toasters. I think it's kind of a really relatable journey that the character's going through. Perhaps one that you've gone through or you're

currently going through. That journey of like being single, not minding so much, but knowing your biological clock is ticking and like wanting, you know, maybe wanting kids one day, not being so sure, feeling like you have to grow up overnight. That's exactly what happens in this movie. So the quintessential eternal bridesmaid Nellie Robinson, who's played by Leah McKendrick, is constantly finding herself between weddings, baby showers, and bad dates. So when she begins to feel like the clock is ticking, she is faced with bleak romantic prospects. Nellie decides to freeze her eggs, setting her on an empowering journey to a brave new world where she ultimately discovers the one she's looking for might just be herself.

Film Threat says it's brilliant storytelling. You can learn more. Watch the trailer at lionsgate.com slash movie slash scrambled. The trailer will give you chills. Also, it has my favorite song in it, Love Myself by Hailee Steinfeld,

which is like such a good song. And I feel like it's emblematic of the theme of the movie. That's a song that you should have recorded. Okay, I'm so glad you brought that up. I want to talk about that in one second.

Great. The movie Scrambled is in theaters February 2nd. It is rated R. Grab your gal pals. Excuse me. Go by yourselfbruary 2nd it is rated r grab your gal pals excuse me go by yourself february 2nd lionsgate movie scrambled is in theaters february 2nd rated r um it's so funny that you said that that's the song i should have recorded both times when i i for those who maybe don't know i released two grammy award uh winning songs and but at the very

beginning of the creative process of both of those songs with the producers and the songwriters, the song that I cited, like that I wanted it to be like message-wise, sound-wise, melody-wise, was Love Myself by Hailee Steinfeld. Totally. And then the other song that you should have written is Brave by Jessie J. Actually, you should have written that song because I don't even know that song. No, no.

If you listen to it no if you listen to it will you listen to it quickly uh have we learned nothing from Friday we can't be playing songs on this podcast anymore frick frack but anyways the song is like one of my favorite songs it's called brave by Jessie J by the way shout out to Jessie J she's one of my favorite people on the planet she's so like criminally underrated she's so criminally talented like she's the best singer ever she's such a great songwriter for herself and for other people and now she's literally from what I see on Instagram the most amazing mom like nobody is happier to be a mom I just love watching people who like love motherhood and I love her it's also fun to watch someone who like motherhood didn't

come easy to and who wanted it for so long. And I think I heard her say in an interview when she kind of came to terms with like the fact that that was not going to be her future. So somebody who wanted it so bad and then got it like it's it's beautiful to watch. It really is. She's a fun follow and I want new music from Jessie J. I agree.

But also like enjoy your life. True. Not me putting pressure on a new mama. So true. Mamas, get her. No. Get her. Our first story.

Okay, this is huge news. Tariq El Moussa finally tells his version of the gun incident that ended his marriage to Christina Hall. So Tariq El Moussa has his memoirs coming out called Memoirs of a Tariq. What is it called, flip your life how to find opportunity enough with flip how to find opportunity in distress in real estate business and life of course it had to be flip your life but i just feel like it could have been memoirs of a flipper. No, it really should have been memoirs of a Tarek. Memoirs of a Tarek.

He's telling his side of the story of the 2016 incident involving a gun that led to their divorce. So when the pair split became public in December, it was revealed that they'd actually secretly separated seven months earlier during an altercation in which Tarek fled into a nature area with a pistol after what he called a blow-up fight with Christina. This was in 2016.

Let me say why this has such historical significance to me. I obviously, during 2016, I was really involved in HGTV culture. Obviously, I came for Chip and Joe, stayed for Chip and Joe, and then I found some other couples. And Christina and Tarek were like this low budget West Coast version. They had the worst style. Their show was horrible. But like they were so basic.

Like and it was just, it was interesting to watch them try to be Chip and Joe when like they never were going to be Chip and Joe ever in their lives. Like they didn't have one creative bone in their body. All of their houses looked the same, white subway tile. And they were just like this weird couple. And I just started to like follow them and stuff and then like this story comes out that there's this crazy altercation at their house Tarek has fled the home they live in the mountains or like there's a mountain range behind their house he flees to the mountain with a gun the kids and the wife are in the house there's like a

helicopter looking for him it was a crazy story And then nobody ever talked about it ever again. And I was like, wait, they ended up getting divorced a few months later. But then the show went on as like, you know, co-parenting, flipping and flopping. And it was just like, are we never going to talk about the gun and the mountains? And it has been years of waiting for an answer. And now we have one. And honestly, there's two sides to every story and there always are. So Christina called 911 and police flooded the park as quickly as it devolved. It was over the incident and their marriage. In the book, he writes that after a heated argument, he, quote, went out to our backyard

in Yorba Linda and hopped over the fence. On that much, the exes agree. But his explanation as to why differs. He says rather than fleeing, he was craving exercise and wanted to scout the trails near the house after having recently purchased some new mountain bikes. The neighboring Chino Hills State Park is a habitat for wildlife, including mountain lions and bobcats. So he brought along what he calls an insurance policy, a 38 caliber pistol. He says he'd received his California concealed carry license a few weeks prior. When a helicopter appeared overhead, he recalls he thought there was an emergency, possibly a wildfire, but he quickly realized it was for him.

He said a police officer leaned out of the helicopter, pointing a rifle at me. Dust swirled around me from the spin of the blades and a loudspeaker crackled, get your hands in the air. More police in off-road vehicles swarmed. The officer in the helicopter miraculously recognized him. I heard an officer shout tarik i screamed back yes i'm the guy from tv what are you guys doing they lowered their weapons i feel like the police officer probably got his name from the wife who called the police

yeah not because he was a big hgtv fan yeah they recognized you because you were the person they were looking for they recognized you because you had the person they were looking for. They recognized you because you had a gun. They recognized you from the Wanted poster. They recognized you from the pictures your wife sent of you. Literally, Tariq is me if I ever stormed into the mountains with a gun. No, Tariq is you if you're ever under arrest. They recognized me. Oh, but they take a mugshot.

Paparazzi. Wait, I just want to say, I don't believe a word of Tarek's, like, out of Tarek's mouth. So convenient. First of all, you hop the fence. Like, you only hop a fence when you're in the heat of a moment. Obviously, something happened at the house. It was like something escalated. And he probably wanted to, like, blow off some steam. maybe he did bring the gun for wildlife that's possible but him acting like he was going to get exercise to

you know look for some trails for his new mountain bike but he also just happened to like get into a fight with his wife like it just makes no sense like sorry well maybe he was like planning on looking for trails and he was like had in the back of his mind okay I'll do that later but then he got into a fight with his wife and he was like it's a good time to look for trails i just want to say i like to believe people and i don't and whether or not this is true it's an amazing explanation because that's so funny i completely disagree it looks so stupid i feel like the word exercise is a little juvenile vague no it's like okay maybe that word it can mean a lot of things if if he had said like just to blow off some steam but like to use the word blow off some steam and then have a gun on you is a little scary so I'm sure the editor said we'll say exercise yeah but if that's the case he

wanted to just like get out, get into nature, blow off steam really. And he brought his gun for the wildlife. Like, so I do want to say, I believe that he brought his gun for the wildlife. Like I actually do believe that California is like coyotes and shit. Like I believe that part of the story.

I do think there are nuggets of truth, but him saying that he left the house for any other reason than the fact that he was angry. He got into a fight with his wife and he just wanted to blow up, seemed like is a lie. Who hops a fence? Well, so he's saying he got into a fight with his wife and he was craving exercise due to maybe the fight with his wife. Like it's just a milder way of saying what you're saying.

It's a very convenient, it's a manipulation of language. Yeah. But it's a good one. I like, I have respect for this. Where's Chris, where's memoirs of language. Yeah. But it's a good one. I like, I have respect for this. Where's memoirs of a Christina? I need to hear her side of the story. She's never spoken out. All she did was call the police

because her husband stormed off angry with a gun. I feel like if this is wildly untrue, she'll find a way to tell the other side of the story. But it's the father of her children. They've moved past it. It's eight years ago. She's married twice over now. Like maybe she'll be like,

Tarek also like really went through it after this like everybody was team christina because tarik's in the mountains with a gun and he like drank himself silly he was said he was living yeah he um he talks about the aftermath of the split as physical and emotional hell and rights of hiding out on his boat drinking himself unconscious and going through extreme withdrawal from the testosterone he'd been taking until friends stepped in to get him to a rehab facility he said in the wake of the world testosterone withdrawal yeah that comes up again um when he talks about it he said i hold nothing against christina i understand why she did what she did we had a lot of hard years through my sicknesses and my mental health struggles from the testosterone.

So testosterone abuse is maybe, I didn't know you could abuse testosterone. Maybe he has, like I know a lot of, clearly you have to read the book to understand his struggles with testosterone. Like this is just one, he probably references it throughout the book, but that is,

I know men take testosterone to like jack up to, it's like a really good thing for their health. And as far as I know, it throughout the book. But I know men take testosterone to like jack up. It's like a really good thing for their health. And as far as I know, it's not addictive. So I don't know how you can. No, I mean, I have no idea. Or maybe he has like naturally low levels of testosterone. So he has to take more. And then I don't know.

I have no idea. I'm not even going to start to think about like or speculate on how you can like deal with testosterone but if you're having withdrawals excuse me what he had testosterone withdrawals leave me alone withdrawals i'm a phonetic swirly it also is an extremely hard word to say like withdrawals is how i did it i think on redheads i said the word drawers. No, we had this conversation on the Toast Jacket about drawers. Like about how it's like undies, a cabinet. For sure.

So I just want to let you know like withdrawal falls under the category of drawers. So you make like it's redundant to make fun of me. Okay. It's redundant. I can't lie. I don't feel like an overwhelming sense of peace like I thought I might after, you know, finally getting a follow-up after eight years. Tariq could never give you peace, Turdi.

No. I do feel more confused than ever. I feel like, honestly, now I feel less at peace. I want to hear from Christina. But you're right. Christina and him are co-parenting. There are some lines you don't cross. Let him tell his silly little story

and his silly little memoir that no one's going to read. And I think Christina probably holds on to the fact that people won't believe it. And I also feel like for you, Turdy, this story is such a core part of the makeup of Turdy. It's so true. That no matter what he says, like you can't let it go. Who would you be without this story?

No, I have so much riding on this particular story. So all's that to say, I stand with Christina. Yeah. And everyone did, but it's Tarek's turn to tell his story. Tarek's basically saying,

me. They should have called the book Tarek's Turn. No, we could have come up with such a better name than, what was it? Flip or Flop? Flip Your Life. Yeah, I guess he's trying to be like, you know, macho investor man. Like, it's trying to be like a

business book, so it's not really memoir. It's more like, it'll probably fall under the advice how to miscellaneous column. How to Flip Your Life. I think it should have been called misca musca tarik el musa oh my god i love perfection i was thinking tarik in care of business what do you think i think that's really strong i think so too. Drop a comment. What would you have named Tarek El Moussa's how-to memoir? And also-

Maybe you should have called it Moussa Vibes Only. Oh. Also, just like another important fact that I think we absolutely have to bring up here. Jackie and I have met Tarek El Moussa at the LAX airport. We did. He was in security. It was right after.

It was 2018 because we were traveling the globe. Yeah, and I think we saw him with the duffel and we said, do you think he has a gun in there? Actually, it was 2017. It was the year of the breath. So it was right after. T-Y-O-T-B. So it was right after Gun Gate.

Yeah, that's why we were extra excited yeah extra titillated i have a picture with him i have to find it i probably could you found it in the past have i i know i took it on snapchat and i think like my caption was tarik all caps tarik on your phone oh that's amazing idea. The phone search feature is getting incredibly smart. Oh my God. So funny. Except of course, I was looking for my meatball recipe last night. I searched ground chicken and it didn't come up.

I have a million screenshots of like various news stories about Tariq El Moussa. I have an Uber where my driver's name was Tariq. Obviously, I thought that was funny. It is funny. Oh, I have a COVID test result that I screenshotted, and the physician's name was Dr. Tarek. No. Okay.

I mean, it would take me a while. I have to go, you know. What year you said it was? 2017. Oh, my phone only goes back to 2018. Damn. No, it doesn't. Sorry.

I will find it. And I, oh, wait, here. We're nowhere in Nashville. I'll find it and I'll post it on my Instagram. Oh, by the way, there's another article talking about his steroid addiction, which he started taking steroids after facing testicular and thyroid cancer.

And the steroid that he was taking was testosterone. On top of that, he was taking HCG injections every day because he was told to. So yeah, the addiction was to testosterone steroids. Damn. Yeah. That's why you gotta read people's book. It's so true. People are layered.

Some would say. Are you ready for our next story? You mean, am I ready to move on from a story I've waited six years, eight years for? Excuse me. No, I'm not. But I'll find a way. Yeah, we can always come back, Dirty, to your show. Don't worry. I will. Yeah. Are you ready for our next story then? Yeah. I don't know how to start the next story without asking you profusely okay um no just like a next a segue in general oh my god just say it's not about this particular story because this is a cause to celebrate kristen uschek lands an nfl deal after creating the viral jackets for taylor swift and britney mahomes kristen uschek has landed a licensing deal with the NFL. The representatives from the NFL confirmed to Page Six Style

that the organization has penned a licensing deal with the designer, as first reported by Sportico. Kristen, who's married to Kyle Juszczyk, signed a contract with the Football League for an undisclosed amount that will allow her to use NFL logos on her designs. Okay, so I think a lot of people were hoping that this would happen. We spoke at length about how it would really be in the NFL's best interest to really capitalize

on the moment they're currently having with like young women and give young women an option for like sports clothing that aren't fugly. Sorry, there's nothing out there for women that isn't like truly embarrassing and heinous. And if there's one person who could do it, it's Kristen Juszczyk. But in order to legally sell and distribute

official merch with NFL logos, team logos, team colors, you have to obtain a license. And the NFL is like notoriously stingy. I think there's like five companies in the world that have the license. And her getting one is huge. I wonder what she's going to do with it. I wonder if she's going to continue to make like bespoke high-end one-off pieces if she's going to start like a direct-to-consumer retail company. I don't know, but this is huge. This is huge and a huge step. One small step for Kristen Ushek, one large step for womankind.

Yeah. But I would also like to see her have a line with NFL Shop. Yeah, I mean, that I think would have been like the more obvious route for Kristen specifically, like long-term, this is a better deal for Kristen. That's true, that's true. Also Zach told me, cause I was talking to Zach about this last week,

how Kristen like needs the license or whatever. He said that Aaron Andrews has a women's collection with the NFL shop and like that is their- Women's line. Women's thing, like, oh, women, you want clothes? Like wear by Aaron Andrews. and like that is their women's line. Women's thing. Like, oh, women, you want clothes? Like, where? By Erin Andrews. And I hadn't looked at this stuff until now

because he was like, you should look at it. It's cute stuff. Is it? Some of it. Some stuff is cute. And like you could tell they're inspired by like the reworked type of apparel. Official women's gear at the NFL shop shop they have like denim jackets with the logos

on the back like it's it's it covers what i'm seeing i don't know if this is erin andrews i'm just looking at women's it's fucking heinous but do you see the ones with like the lace caught like no i must be looking at the wrong thing oh here by Aaron Andrews oh it's better yeah it's better it's I'm sure maybe there's like stylish clause where like they actually couldn't do this same thing with Kristen because they do it with Aaron Andrews it's not it's not amazing I can't lie it's better but it's not great it's not amazing but Aaron Andrews isn't a clothing designer right and Kristen useuszczyk is. So I don't know if she's going to start raising money,

if she's going to start a whole ass company, but I think by next NFL season, she could be up and running. And given the momentum, this is huge. She could really be at the beginning of starting a billion dollar company, for real. Yeah. It's kind of the most amazing thing ever.

I wonder if her and Taylor have chatted because as far as I know Taylor didn't order Brittany did and you know Kristen being the savvy businesswoman that she is threw in a jacket for Taylor oh you think now I the way I I mean you might actually and actually I don't even know how I know that I might have just made that up what I think happened is Brittany's worn the things a few times I'm sure Taylor was like I like your coat and Brittany was like I'll get you one my friend Kristen makes them she would love to make you one I don't know why I just assumed that like Brittany ordered and she threw an extra one in the box oh that it was Kristen's entrepreneurial spirit that was like here's one

for tailored yeah I really don't know why why where I saw that or if I just actually made that up. I feel like tailored complimented Brittany and Brittany was like, Oh, I'll get you one. That's classic friend stuff. Yeah. It happens all the time. Like I'll handle it.

I do that for you all the time. If you like something, I'm like, turdy, I got you. Oh, by the way, have I gotten like a bunch of boxes?

Not a bunch. I have like so much stuff arriving at your home. Just the one stuff of like the the outfits but then have you opened any of it yeah it's in your room okay but like i have something coming don't open it who's it addressed to me so don't open any of my boxes okay just like tell zach because he just opens boxes willy-nilly around here i have to tell zach you live with him can you tell him and why would he listen to me not you i'll forget it's a problem that's the problem here but come to think of it like a toaster dm me she was like you have to get this for jackie and i did oh and it's addressed to you yeah but i okay i actually i could just text him right now since we're like doing admin because I want you to show I want you to open it on air oh wow it was like from an Instagram ad I know it's never showing up check order status

sign in I oh my god I totally got scammed what is this website oh my god so exciting I ordered some kids clothes from a website that looked fake, but it wasn't. And they came in there super cute. Okay. They're making me log in, but like I don't have. Oh, I totally got scammed.

I have to call the bank. And the toaster who scammed you. Maybe it was her company. Her heart was in the right place. You don't think she set up a fake website to trap you? I don't. That's good. You want to hear something so funny?

Always. So I need to check the dates. I got an, I guess I had totally forgotten, but in October of 2022, let me get you the exact date. What are you going to wear for the super bowl like pajamas i kind of need kristen you should have to make me something oh my god i mean it is a dream but i feel like she's like kind of busy oh yeah she's probably making outfits for all the wags for the big game at least

she has two weeks this time usually she only has one week so October 6th 2023 I placed an order at the Taylor Swift merch shop for 1989 merch one week ago I got an email that my order had shipped well that and it still hasn't arrived but people people know when, like that's her thing. Like she. I had completely forgotten. She doesn't produce until after the orders are in. It will be three months. Yeah.

Well, that's good. Makes me feel good about if our merch ever takes a little bit. Me too. Our merch takes like two to three weeks. Which it says on the site.

And sometimes I'm like, oh, I wish we could do it faster. Obviously, but like Taylor's over here making me wait three months for like a $300 order. I'll survive. It makes me feel better. It makes me feel better too.

Are you ready for our next story? Can I alert you some drama? She's not ready. Always. Okay. So, it's so funny because we were just talking

about this a few days ago about how TikTok and like the nature of TikTok celebrities is so interesting because you really, every now and then somebody blows up and what you do we were saying last week with those five minutes we'll set the tone for him we said Alex Earl did it very well and Emily Mariko really felt like she didn't really capitalize on that she kind of just wants to live a quiet life and

be like a major content creator which is great she did her first like businessy thing this week. Farmer's bag totes. Farmer's bag totes. Jackie, oh my God. Farmer's market. That people are rioting. So it's an extra large canvas tote. Okay. It's $120. Ooh.

And it comes in two colorways. It doesn't really have any like, you know, special features, you know, storage, cup holder, whatever. A lot of people are comparing it to the LL Bean bag that everybody uses for their farmer's market, which I think costs $19.99. So people are rioting against Emily Rodrigo, Emily Rodrigo, what's her name? Emily Mariko, saying, you know, not only is this out of touch, she doesn't care about her fans because she's not like the type of creator. She doesn't like respond back to people. They're like, you ignore your fans and now you're making us pay 120 dollars like no one's making you do

anything calm the fuck down and this conversation that's being had now people are like well why would people support Emily Mariko when she doesn't interact with her followers ever like she ignores her followers that's what people are saying now And this is like all because she released a bag. And I just think it's like the craziest conversation being had. Like she really doesn't owe anyone like a response. She's just putting out her content. And again, like she released a bag. Would I literally ever spend $120 on a bag that looks like that?

No. But if you're a really big Emily Mariko fan, like that's what it's worth to you, I guess. And no one's forcing you to buy it. Just don't buy it. Just don't buy it. Just don't buy it. It's nice looking. And by the way, both colors are sold out.

Well, yeah, but then people are like, well, it was sold out. So obviously, we don't care. People are like, well, she could have just said it was sold out. Everyone's being really trolly to Emily Mariko. It's because they can't get to her and they're mad. It's because they can't get to her. And I pray to God she doesn't respond. Just keep being your unbothered queen.

Yeah, and it's like, if you're going to respond to like everything up until this point, all the positive, whatever, don't respond now to the negative because then it will just breed more negativity because they're like, oh, that's how we get your attention. Yeah. Just keep doing you, Emily Mariko. Yeah. Also, like Emily Mariko is not L.L. Bean.

You know, she doesn't have access to the type of, it's made in the USA. And like, yes, $120 is a lot. But I imagine they're not costing, you know, doesn't have access to the type of it's made in the USA and like yes $120 is a lot but I imagine they're not costing you know five cents to make like in this economy like that's what things cost now 120 yes she's probably making a nice little profit but it's not like the way it used to be where like a canvas bag cost 10 cents like she's trying I know she's making in the USA she's making you know ethically sourced queen. So that plus the economy. Brushed canvas. Plus, you gotta think about the economy.

That's what, you know, the economy. Stonewashed 10-ounce brushed canvas, 12-ounce duck canvas base and handles, 100% cotton, made in California. By the way, that's also, like, with our merch prices have went up in, like, the last couple of years. And it's not because we're, like, greedy. We want to make more money. That's literally, like, everything's gone like with our merch prices have went up in like the last couple of years. And it's not because we're like greedy. We want to make more money. That's literally like everything's gone up. Things cost more now.

Things cost more now. So like that sucks. Inflation. Mm-hmm. I do miss the days when we could sell a sweatshirt for like $50. Two plus two equals sock around here. Two plus two equals crew neck. And the cost of a sock.

It's staggering what it costs to make a boot these days it is and you know what war is hard war is hard life is war the lebanese the life is a war ain't that the truth now I'm ready what number story three you and you better you better get ready oh my god I actually think if you have something to say, maybe you should say it now. And you should say it well, because there are a hundred million dollar podcast deals up on the table. Oh, go. Jason Bateman, Will Arnett, and Sean Hayes' SmartList podcast is going to SiriusXM for $100 million. Now, let me tell you why this is so interesting. And I chose this story. One, I love to, you know, monitor the podcasting landscape.

I really, really do, especially as it pertains to SmartLess. But two is that, you know, these once in a lifetime podcast deals, we hear about them all the time, obviously Joe Rogan, a hundred million dollars, Spotify, 60 million, call her daddy. They're once in a lifetime, you know, you get them and like you're set. This is SmartLess' second big deal. They sold to Amazon three years ago for 80 million. Between 60 and 80. It was a three-year deal. The three years are up. So now they got another deal for 100.

Like when we were speaking of jealousy, jealous. Yeah, this is wild. It's also good to know the deals are still happening because I think there's a lot of discourse around, will Spotify keep paying these? Well, Spotify is done with those deals. Yeah. So what's going to happen?

They've released Armchair Expert. They've released Emma Chamberlain. And it's not a statement. It's not because those podcasts are failures. It's because those deals accomplished what they needed to accomplish. They spent like a billion dollars over the course of a few years to get people listening to podcasts on Spotify. They accomplished

that. Like people are listening now. They don't need these, all these Spotify exclusive podcasts. Like they accomplished their goals. Oh, I don't. Do you know that for a fact that that's, no, that's what I think. I just feel like companies don't operate like that, where they're like, this is enough for us. I feel like they're not done until they have a hundred percent market share so I feel like the investment versus the return on investment the numbers didn't math oh so you feel like it was a performance thing yeah not that the shows didn't do well enough I'm sure they did really well but just that not well enough to justify these numbers interesting also Spotify had major layoffs last year. Like, I don't think it's because they're doing so,

oh, we hit our goals. Oh, that's actually a fire point. I don't know. And I feel like they had big layoffs in the podcast department. I do feel like it's easy to look at certain shows and see if there was a payoff. Like, I feel like Joe Rogan,

that was their biggest investment, a hundred, rumored to be a hundred million dollars. I think that probably is paying off in spades. Yeah, and it's pretty visible on the charts. Sure, if he's the biggest show in the world, he's going to be the biggest show on Spotify when he's only on Spotify, but it's like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. No, but also you're still hearing about the show in the zeitgeist.

I do feel like when Armchair Expert went exclusively Spotify, I stopped hearing about the show, which isn't good. Yeah. But I think that podcast is just so big. I don't know. I don't know enough about it or its listeners. Now, let me say back to Smartless. am I jealous of the hundred million you guys have no idea however am I jealous that we started a podcast with two people and not three so that if one day we get a major payday we split it three ways because let's say now they're all getting 33 million they all live in California very high tax they're getting 15 that's insane and that's over three years. This is a three-year deal. So five million a year. Okay. I'm literally not jealous. You're kind of like making no money.

I'm not jealous. Take it back. I'm cracking up. Yeah. Okay. Poor. Marla's this poor party. It's giving poverty line.

That's how you can make yourself feel better. But it says to me, Turdy, we're in the right industry. Keep working hard. Yes, of course, of course. But now I just, okay, now I'm like comparing. There's money in podcasting. And that's like, look, Joe Rogan got the same deal, 100 million.

He keeps it all for himself. Like, that's insane. No, and I think there's elements to Joe Rogan's deal that people don't know because we don't know how long his deal is for. He does still have ads on his show. It's way more than $100 million. I agree. I agree.

But it's just interesting. Also, Joe Rogan doesn't seem like the sort of girly who's like, oh, here, Variety, here are all the deal points of my deal. I think they just worked with information they could could get but they don't have all the information that's actually a really good point I always find it really interesting when people do big deals when you don't find out how much the money is I think that's a so much smarter like who's trying to get robbed and b it's nobody's business and c it's usually because it's a lot more than people are speculating like it's because it's kind of gauche to share yeah it's I agree the deals the deals where you don't know or it's like rumored

even that old amazon smart list deal between 60 and 80 like when there's a vagueness to it fascinating yeah and when when it's when the number is outright 100 million like the serious xm deal that's because everybody approved it like we want everyone to know it's 100 yeah yeah you have to you can it's your choice to keep that number private or not right it's public it's because the the talent the smart list guys wanted you to know yeah I guess it's almost like they were talking to us directly oh yeah it's like oh you said smart list is over party we'll show you smart list is not over party yeah Yeah. A hundred mil. You say a hundred mil. I hear five. Totally. And that you assume that they split it third, third, third.

Yes. It's not like Jason. Okay. I was going to ask you that question too, but it's equal work. Like every, they each pick guests. They each interview. Jason is definitely more like the captain of the ship, but that's no. That's just like a personality thing.

Yep. I think it would be insane if they weren't equal partners. It would be insane. And maybe like trouble at SmartLess. Yeah. And I think like their proof is in the pudding. They've been this trio for many, many years and they're still having that success. And you really could not have stable success like that

if there was an imbalance in the dynamics. Totally. I'm so happy for them. so the deal keeps the podcast widely available but brings perks to Sirius XM subscribers and could possibly encourage more to join Sirius XM like you know you got special shit over there Sirius is now like entering the podcasting game a little late but um as like the biggest radio company on the planet they should have been doing this a lot sooner but now they have like a full-ass podcast like team department etc yeah they also have other podcasts such just jack and will bad dates and owned i think they're

part of the smartless world oh smartless has other podcasts or serious xm does serious xm has a million podcasts yeah they have one it's it's me tinks let me see what this is just Jack and Will who's Jack me Jack just Jack and Claude just Jack and Will with Sean Hayes and Eric McCormick oh I guess that's their characters spinoff spinoff yeah so the smartless it's SNN. It's giving good guys probably podcasts. It's SNN. Yeah. Smart List News Network. SNN.

Anyways, congrats, grads. It's always nice to see people doing big things in the world of podcasting. And that's just titillating news. It is titillating news. And we need to work smarter, Turdy. We need to work smart, Turdy. We need to work smartlasser.

Yeah. So, feeling motivated. Hashtag motivated. Love. Hashtag hustle. Hashtag the grind never sleeps. Ever. Hashtag smartless is not over party. The grind may never sleep, but I do.

Yeah, maybe we'd be more successful if we could get up earlier. Actually, maybe we would if we got this podcast out at 8 a.m. Should we? Should we try it one day and see if our numbers are like... I like that idea. We'd have to try it for at least a week, I think. Yeah, let's do it. I hate waking up early.

What time do we record then? 6 am that's ungodly maybe i agree actually six is better for me well let's discuss offline we're working smarter not harder actually we're also smarter we're also like we're still people we could by the way by the way by the way, by the way. Night before. Yeah. If I had a studio in my house like you did, it would be much easier. But I could come here at night. Okay, let me see what time all these stories went live. So Tariq El Moussa was 7 a.m. today. We would have missed it.

That's the thing. Like news comes out at like 5 in the morning. Today's show, GMA. Kristen Ushek we would have had. Smartless came out yesterday. Or Monday. Late. Old news. would have had smart lists came out yesterday or Monday late old news uh this next story came out this morning and then okay but think about nights like Sunday night we were up what till 11 watching football what we record at midnight maybe not on Sundays right We'll talk about it offline.

Yeah. Okay. Let's get into the rest of the stories. That are brought to you by Taylor Farms. Claudia, I am brought to you by Taylor Farms. Taylor Farms chopped salad kits deliver the freshest, best tasting salads to eat at home or on the go across North America. Taylor Farms is a family owned company on a mission to create healthy living through

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Like I want it so tiny. It's so chopped. They have such good flavors. I had two yesterday, one for lunch and one with my dinner. I sent you a picture of my lunch salad. It was the most gorgeous thing. Like I look like a Kardashian eating salad. If you want like perfect salads at home all the time, like this has changed my life. They are pre-washed, pre-cut and they're ready to enjoy. So sometimes when I'm like so hungry, feeling like an animal, I will eat it out of the bag. But if I'm trying to be like a nice girl, I'll put it in the bowl. Oh my gosh, I played mine. I did the dressing drizzle.

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You can add protein to it or you can just put it on the side for like, you know, you have a meal, a nice little side salad. That's what I did last night. I made meatballs and I had my Taylor Farm salad. Tailored Farms. I had my Travis Farm salad. Tailored Farms. Okay.

Speaking of tailored, you guys, things are, there's drama. Is there? Like sort of. Universal Music looks set to take all of its songs off of TikTok after a breakdown in talks over the social media site's licensing agreement. In an open letter, the group accused TikTok of bullying, adding that they only wanted to pay

a fraction of the rate offered by other platforms for the catalog of millions of songs. However, the Chinese-owned social media platform called this a false narrative. So while Universal claims a social media platform with more than 1 billion users accounts for just 1% of their revenue, the move will result in many of TikTok users' favorite artists and sounds being removed.

So seven out of the 10 top 10 artists of the year are with Universal and their musics would be coming off of TikTok, including Taylor Swift, Beyonce, Drake, The Weeknd, Bad Bunny, SZA, Ariana Grande, everyone. Lana Del Rey. Now, TikTok, as of this morning, I believe all of Universal Music Group's music is off TikTok. Like it's fully started. TikTok released like a shady little statement being like, we've managed to come to deals with every other record label.

I don't know why UMG is being difficult. UMG is the biggest. If I had to take a side, I'd probably side with the artist. I do understand TikTok saying like the value of the, TikTok is a promotional tool. So the value of that is worth something in addition to like us paying you like a streaming licensing fee. But at the end of the day, like you're using, this is a billion dollar company, TikTok, using copyrighted music and like you have to pay that's the law and also if TikTok didn't have access to all of this music the app would be crap it's true actually they need the music too and what makes

TikTok so awesome is that you can use any sound and like it started with like dancing and lip syncing so true without music what is TikTok Iok i know and without tiktok like what how are people going to promote music like for real reels real come on over shorts like this is i feel an avoidable thing they really need to figure this out like this is bad for everyone it's bad for tiktok and it's bad for the artists at umg yeah but, but the artists, I think UMG and the artists will be okay. And I think TikTok will be okay. And maybe TikTok changes now and maybe we do get more unknowns. Maybe it winds up being good for smaller artists who aren't with a label.

This story, if I was an independent artist, like I'm jumping for joy. Like it obviously creates more opportunity for somebody who's not locked into a deal like this. But like the way the app exists now, it's like they both need each other universal music group they need tiktok the artists and even the big ones like you need tiktok it's a it's a part of like the ecosystem now and tiktok needs that music who needs who more i think umg needs tiktok more i think tiktok needs umg more okay. Because there are like other promotional ways. They could go back to the

old ways of, you know, of doing it. There are other social media platforms who are willing to play ball. Yeah. And if it's all the music. I do want to say though and I would be very curious if there was like some data released. TikTok in the last like month or two

has really kind of changed their MO. They're becoming like a shopping platform and all of the content, there's a new tab. They're really boosting videos that are selling products because, you know, you can have a shop on TikTok, you can sell other people's. It's like almost like an affiliate. You make commission and it's really fucking annoying. Like it's insanely annoying. All the content I get served. Now, I had to block the hashtag, hashtag TikTok shop because every video was trying to sell me ramen noodles. Like insane annoying.

And people are really annoyed about it because that's not what people come to TikTok for. And it's like a big change that hasn't ended up being good. It's like annoying. And between that and now losing like a huge music provider, like the app I feel like is really changing in a bad way. I think that's good. I think it's good too.

Like TikTok had too much of a, you know, chokehold on the culture for a while. And it's... To our detriment. To the detriment of society, of course. Like people are glued to their phones and stuff, but just the things that have come out about like the things that take platforms knowing the anti-semitism and horrible the osama bin laden like okay yeah maybe we should take a step back from tiktok if that's where it's led us

it's very so i think the app self-destructing love that for them i kind of agree like i love the app more than anything but i agree come on to real start a loop if you love something set a prey. Yeah. Are you ready for our fifth and final story. That's going to lead into our TV recap. Which is really just a TV recap. Yeah.

Lala Kent thought Rachel Levis. A.K.A. Raquel. Was going to go bag groceries. And wouldn't have reached out. If she had a crystal ball. So we saw last night. On Real Housewives of Vanderbilt.

That's pretty much what the show's turned into. Yeah. Lala reaches out to Raquel because she feels bad after what she saw on the season. But then Lala went and watched What Happens Live last night looking unbelievable. Yeah. I couldn't get enough of her face and her hair. I agree. Her face looked amazing.

And her hair. The style. She basically said like she reached out to Raquel because she felt bad. But then Raquel ended up going on Bethany's podcast and like saying all these things then launching her own podcast where Raquel I mean Lala thought like this was going to be the end of Raquel's public life and so she wanted to like wish her well and just like make sure she was okay but it turned out like that that wasn't the case so she kind of regretted that whole thing anyway yeah and I think we all thought that after she went to the mental health facility that she would go back to her hometown and be Rachel and lead a life outside of the public eye

because clearly the limelight and this lifestyle was not good for her and it led her to make really poor choices. So yeah. I have a lot of thoughts on the Vanderpump Rules episode. I do feel like beginning filming before Sandoval returns from his reality TV show competition filming was an enormous mistake because like, say what you want about him. The show is beyond uninteresting without

him. I didn't need an episode without him, to be honest. Like there really wasn't much to even recap. But I do wonder, because this thought did cross my mind and I'm curious what your thoughts are. Did you feel like Lala reaching out to Raquel like Raquel was you know she said Raquel was on her heart and she just wants to reach out and check in um do you feel like that was genuine or that was you know Lala kind of seeing after the Vanderpump Rules reunion a lot of like the conversation and the public opinions kind of turned being like damn like have we taken this too far sounds like Raquel maybe like could do something dangerous. Like, do you feel like that was Lala trying to mitigate any sort of criticism or she genuinely felt that way?

Because I really was not seeing the comparison between Lala's situation and Raquel's situation. I understood the comparison, but even if it was Lala being swayed by the public opinion, like maybe it took the public being like, whoa, for her to be like, whoa. And it's not, she doesn't seem like the type of person who does things so that she could be America's sweetheart and the fan favorite because she doesn't do those things. She doesn't do anything or say anything that she doesn't believe.

So even if that's what influenced her coming to this decision, I don't think it was in any like inauthentic way. And maybe it was just in a positive way. And sometimes it takes seeing something from the outside. But I do think that in that moment where she was like, I only have Tom and if I turn against Tom, I have no one. I think that there was something that she related to in Raquel that she hadn't experienced up until that point.

And when she described it, I could understand when she's like, I know that feeling. Okay. Let me ask you another question who's your least favorite person on this show well it's Tom Sandoval well honestly he's not even my least favorite like he's at least entertaining like no I can't listen to him speak it's it's upsetting to me even before I can't like when he's like doing the most and the most extra oh by the way before Sandoval like I could not now it's like fun to watch and the most extra. Oh, by the way, before Scandival, like I could not.

Now it's like fun to watch someone self-destruct and be so delusional and narcissistic. For me, it's Tom Schwartz. I can't stand this man. I don't think he's funny. I don't think he's cute. I don't think anything he does is kitschy. Him being like, hey, Ariana, welcome to TabTab.

Like I hate this man. And I just like, I want him off the show. Like that's how much I hate him yeah yeah and it's like he never took accountability for himself and just never like came out of Sandoval's shadow and now he's like no I'm not Sandoval don't put me in the shadow it's like you're the one who stayed there you're the one who tied yourself to him and made every decision and let your marriage go to shit because of him and And now you don't want to be associated with him. No.

And I think a lot of people are like, damn, Katie's so mean to Schwartz. But like, I understand her on a deep level. Like imagine being married to that and then finally being free and getting to like say everything you've ever felt. Yeah.

And now he sees what you've been trying to say for years and it's like, go away loser. Completely agree. And it's only because things turned out so bad for you. It's not like you came to this realization on your own on your own and it's like even when tom was doing the things that have gotten him tom sandoval when he was doing the things that have gotten him canceled for lack of a better word tom schwartz knew about them and he aided and abetted it's not like the wool was pulled

over his eyes and the friend that he thought he was wasn't who he was he knew I also do find the dynamics of the female relationship so interesting like they're all close yet they all have underlying tension no and like for those four I feel like for so long Ariana and Sheena were best friends and also Lala and Ariana were so close they literally like had an affair so when they sat at the table and Lala was like, I feel like, you know, so weird. I feel like you don't like me. And then when they were basically saying like,

it's Katie and Ariana and then Sheena and Lala, like I was shocked. But no, and then it's also Sheena and Katie and Ariana. Oh yeah. And no, I'm sorry. It's also Lala and Katie have a best friendship and Sheena and Ariana. Those are the closer ties.

And then secondary. No, I feel like they were saying primary was Katie and Ariana. No, they're not primary. Sheena and Lala like live together and like are such close mom friends. I feel like the tightest in that group right now is actually Sheena and Lala.

Right now, yes. But they've also had issues, remember, with the, yeah, Lala's very close with Sheena and Lala. Right now, yes, but they've also had issues, remember, with the... Yeah, Lala's very close with Sheena and Katie. And Brock. And Sheena's very close with Ariana, therefore they're all close. But there are these two... It's a complicated... Two strains of Katie and Sheena who kind of beef,

and Lala and Ariana who kind of beef. Which I didn't know. Yeah, but it's all there. Like last season even, they've had, there are like high highs and low lows with them. Yeah. It was like kind of a boring episode.

Like I don't even know what to recap. Yeah, it was just sort of like setting the table for the season. It was nice to see everyone, but I really feel like the way Scandaval, like we were so caught up in it like I have completely come down from it and it's kind of it's so weird to watch some of the stuff and what I found most fascinating is Ariana said that Tom wanted to buy her out of the house but she

doesn't feel like she should have to move what I didn't know that either oh and I wanted to say like I have sympathy for like their living situation being not ideal but their bedrooms were unacceptable I'm sorry what grown people can't live like that their bedrooms were unacceptable the texting through the assistant but Tom saying that he wants to buy her out kind of changes everything I thought the problem was that he was refusing to buy her out and refusing to sell the house leaving her no option her only option would be to sell half of the house a new roommate for Tom right which is like not a real thing yeah if he wants to buy out of the house why wouldn't she leave why would you want to stay there I mean I guess it's like it is a good investment that's the thing they bought it like a while ago in the valley so poppin and they're

actually really responsible for like a lot of like the Valley Village becoming the cool young area. It's honestly actually I kind of feel her. Like why should I be rid of this decent investment that I worked hard for many years ago? I actually kind of feel that. So he should buy her out at the price that it's worth now. Oh I guess.

And to have your life back. Maybe she doesn't want it. And the peace. Yeah yeah yeah. Instead to be living with the person you hate most on the planet. Yeah. And I guess like. Priceless. You wouldn't really want to stay there. Because it's filled with such bad memories.

Filled with bad memories. You were staying there where you were in a couple. And you were settling down. And now that's not even your life anymore. Like. Yeah. Why would you want to be there? I don't know.

You couldn't. Like as long as he would pay minimum what she put into it. What it's worth. Minimum. No, no. And what it's worth now, yes, we could argue over, they could probably reach an agreement on a price. You couldn't put a price on the freedom.

Yeah. Get me out of here. I am looking forward to him coming back. Like, I'm sorry, he is the most interesting person in the show right now. And I did think this was going to lead to Raquel coming back, that Lala sending the text. That was my only suspicion was like Lala was sending this text because she's like, oh, this show's boring.

We need Raquel back. They need something. Yeah, but Raquel's not coming back. She didn't answer the message. Yeah, and I don't think that she should, honestly. Well, if she's going to live a life in the public and do a podcast, she should be on the accompanying reality show. That's fair.

But I'm not even, I'm not really desperate to hear or see from her. Like to me, Tom is more interesting. He's so delusional. He's insane. He's got, it's almost like, we've always said he's like this horrible narcissist. But what has happened to him in like the last year is jaw dropping, honestly. And to me, he's the most interesting person in the world right now. Like everything he says is insanely stupid, insanely wrong.

He's the biggest narcissist on the planet. Like it's fascinating to watch. Yeah, let's see how he's going to play it. Right. Oh, my God. Long episode today. Yeah, it's late. Oh, my God. Long episode today. Yeah, it's late. Oh, my God.

We've got to get this episode up. If only we woke up at 6 a.m. You guys, thank you so much for listening to the Toast and Melania Morning Show, where we deliver the Fast Five Stories. You need to know everybody through Friday on YouTube. So if you're watching us on YouTube, please don't forget to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up. We're also available as a podcast anywhere podcasts can be found. So that's Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher, Public Video, iHeartRadio, CastBox, all the places.

Wherever you listen to podcasts. Find us, the Toast, leave a five-star review about how beautiful, stunning, and wiggly talented we are. Hope you guys have an amazing day and we'll see you tomorrow. Love ya. Bye.