The Toast - I Don't Like YOU: Wednesday, April 3rd, 2024

Episode Date: April 3, 2024

Brittany Cartwright describes 'brealing-point' fight with Jax Taylor that led to separation (Page Six) + Vanderpump Rules Recap (20:52)Kelly Ripa begged for an invitation to Diddy's yacht in Tuesday's 'Live' rerun (Page Six) (41:41)Nicole Richie and Joel Madden's Lookalike Kids Harlow, 16, and Sparrow, 14, Make Red Carpet Debut (PEOPLE) (47:32)Lizzo Breaks Silence to 'Clarify' She's Only Quitting 'Negative Energy' (PEOPLE) (50:22)Jennifer Lopez Quietly Rebrands Tour as Greatest Hits Show Amid Weak Ticket Sales (Variety) (56:06)Dear Toasters Advice Segment (1:03:08)The Toast with Jackie (@JackieOshry) and Claudia Oshry (@girlwithnojob) Lean InThe Camper and The Counselor by Jackie OshryMerchThe Toast PatreonGirl With No Job by Claudia OshrySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Good morning, Millennials! Welcome back to the Toast and happy Wednesday! That's right, it is Wednesday. It is hump day. It is middle of the week. You did it. Congrats, grads. How you doing, Jax?

You're doing it. We're on our way to the latter half. Things we're doing? Things we're doing? The week. It. The days of the week. I wonder if we'll ever mature enough to stop talking I don't think so

it's germane to the episode that's part of being a weekly podcast daily podcast it's part of being human first of all and second of all I like how you say mature like I think it's probably the most mature thing about us how we're so self-aware we're always observing our surroundings our circumstances I think it's really indicative of not only you know high maturity but also high intelligence not mature evolve past you know, high maturity, but also high intelligence. Not mature. Evolve past, you know, because everything, the jokes change on the show all the time. But kind of like the one constant.

Is the day. Are the days of the week. And I guess like Hubermeister isn't on his podcast talking about the days of the week. Even though I think in an odd sense he is. But he also drops weekly. We can't compare ourselves to those slackers. Yeah, we can't compare ourselves to people who don't work nearly as hard as we do. To weekly slackers.

Yeah, it's getting slack. Slack, jack. And rack attack. And rack attack. Yeah. And blame and shame. And blame and shame. Speaking of my favorite person to blame.

Who's my favorite person to blame? Ben. It's his birthday. It is his birthday. And then, you know, I feel like we use this platform a lot. It really is like a punching bag with our husbands. And honestly, I feel like it's the best thing for our marriage. Honestly. Like, I think you and I both have, you know, knock wood, knock wood, really healthy, strong marriages.

Because we have a platform in which we can just commiserate and vent. I mean, then we don't go home and take it out on our husbands like other women do. Like, for real. It's true. I think. But today, let's make an exception. Today is Ben's birthday. And actually, Ben was supposed to be on a work trip.

He was supposed to leave at 5 a.m. this morning. But there's like a crazy storm up here in the Northeast. Like, he can't go anywhere. It's been postponed. So I had planned nothing. Like, for the actual day. So I look like a piece of shit. No, he must know that.

Yeah, you know, of course. But we made last minute lunch plans. I've got a last minute balloon delivery on its way. And on my way to lunch, I got to a piece of shit. No, he must know that. Yeah, you know, of course. But we made last minute lunch plans. I've got a last minute balloon delivery on its way. And on my way to lunch, I got to go buy a gift because I was planning on spending the day buying him a gift. What are you thinking? I don't know. I was really nice when I was in St. Barts and I bought my I was at Prada, like buying

myself things. And I bought him a Prada wallet, which I should have just held the fuck onto like a big dope. But I got home and he was like, how was your day? And I was just so excited. Like I was like, I got him a Prada wallet which I should have just held the fuck onto like a big dope but I got home and he was like how was your day and I was just so excited like I was like I got you a wallet then the next day he actually left the wallet in a cab thank god we found it we tracked it down but yeah that's just kind of husband I have oh my god I have to stop today was supposed to be positive no for sure I just feel like you shouldn't like buy him some designer duds today like I feel like if we think you should you know where you should go for his birthday gift where to like William Sonoma or Sir LaTobble and get him like a really cool kick like cooking

gadget that's a great idea but then it becomes my problem why they have beautiful things you could find something that would be cool for cooking and really nice do you know what he bought we have a KitchenAid mixer that we got. It was on our registry. Like, you know, that $500 thing that everybody puts on their registry. It's a rite of passage. Ask me how many times we've used it in our seven-year marriage. Okay, probably zero.

Zero. It's still in the plastic. Because once you use it once, you will use it more. But first you have to take it out of the plastic. You have to see, like, how life-changing it is. So we've never used it. And Ben decided over the weekend to buy a new attachment for it a meat grinder he's like we can make our own sausage i'm like you're you're never gonna make sausage are you gonna be eating sausage of course not that would be the craziest like thing that

would have been that sounds like an april fool's party cla. Claudia's making and eating sausage. But I do kind of love the idea of going to like William Sonoma. I'll add it to the list. But wow, we took a real digression there. It's so hard not to just. Like you could get him like a gorgeous premium olive oil. Okay, I feel like I could do better than that. No, no, no. Like a really fancy olive oil.

Like he would. That's thoughtful. It helps you. It's nice. By the way, I love it. I love it. Really fancy olive oil. Like he would, that's thoughtful. It helps you. It's nice. By the way, I love it. Really fancy olive oil. So backtracking before I started complaining. He also loves, he loves a good knife. Yes. Backtracking to before I started complaining. I feel like, oh, you know, a lot of the days we come out here and we say, good guys, this good guys, that not so good guys, you know? But today I wanted to say this.

Ben, I know you'll never hear this because you don't support my podcast and it's another issue in our marriage. Ben, because the people who rat on us will never send the nice things that we say. On the off chance that this, you know, makes its way across your desk, let me say this. I love you. You're a great husband, a great father, really a really great father. I hope this year is filled with joy and happiness and peace. You know, Ben and I were talking last night. It was a tough year for Ben. He lost Theo, which really was, I want to say much harder on Ben than it was on me.

I mean, it was really hard on me, but Ben took it really, you know, Ben's never lost. Knock wood, you know, I've been through it. He hasn't. So I hope for this year happiness joy success prosperity prosperity and peace and health and I love you so much and you're an amazing husband even though I joke really 10 out of 10 couldn't ask for anyone better except for Joe Manganiello but you know let's not bring him up you know yeah yeah no need to like compare Ben to know, who's the worst husband? Honestly, it's Brock from Reba. Like I can't get over it. He's so awful.

Just awful. I was going to say like Scott Peterson. But have you seen that? Oh, man. There's like a movement of people who are believing Scott Peterson now. Like it's come full circle. And now they're thinking maybe he didn't do it. Okay. There's also like a movement of people who support Osama bin Laden. Like who gives a fuck, you know? Peterson now like it's come full circle and now they're thinking maybe he didn't do it okay um there's also like a movement of people who support Osama bin Laden like who gives a fuck you know

no I'm saying this is really making its way the mentally ill are gonna stay mentally ill and as long as us mentally well people remember that and we don't let them get to us we'll be okay you guys yeah so I'm glad that that's not been all set no it's not. Well, TBD. It's not. He's the best. He's the best. And we love him dearly here at the Toast. He's, you know, he's always there for us. He fills in when we need him to. He's great for the content. He's always up for a good joke and you know ben i love you i really do i love you happy birthday ben oh and spritz is celebrating in a big way they are biggest sale of the year 24 hours the code is bsc32 stands for ben's offer celebrity is turning 32 32 and that's a big discount we don't really do that so bsc32 at spritzsociety.com if you want to

do anything nice for Ben's offer you will like go to the website click around maybe buy something like that means more like spritz means more to Ben than I do you know and that's not true honestly for his birthday I should just place a mega order on the website like you should Ben is like always like monitoring spitz. And like when people, some people order for like. That would make his day. Some people order like for bachelorette parties or even for their weddings. And they order like bulk amounts. And Ben will go to like the highest amount.

And like literally add product to their order and send them a thank you note. Like he's obsessed. I'll do it. That's my gift. Whatever you were going to spend at like Louis Vuitton or Williams-Sonoma, spend at Spritz. Love that. And then like send it to like a worthy toaster. Love. you were going to spend at like Louis Vuitton or Williams-Sonoma spend at Spritz love that and then like send it to like a worthy toaster love because I'm sure you don't need a wedding I'm sure you don't need more Spritz in your house if it's anything like my house yeah we're stocked more

Spritz than water so it's a great day I'll be out with the celebrity all afternoon I had to clear my schedule because I got to take care of the birthday boy so that'll be great great. We're going to lunch. I do have half of his gift purchased. I mentioned it on the Patreon. I'm going to give it to him today. So should I say it? I don't want any of these bitches to spoil it. Let's put trust in the audience. Even though I trust the audience, I just don't trust the rats.

But like, let's give them a chance to not disappoint us. No, and like by the time this episode is up, I'll be giving it to him an hour later. Yeah, I think we're fine. And he won't be on his phone because he'll be with his darling wife. The first half of the gift that I got him is of course just so happens Ben's birthday week Olivia Rodrigo's performing at Madison Square Garden like four different nights. Oh yeah I knew that. So I'm getting I already got those for Saturday night. Oh I knew that. I thought it was gonna be something I didn't know which is why I made you say it. But yeah we did take a big chance now. Oh fuck. Should we cut it out? No no no no. I'm saying like let's see if people have learned. Yeah. And then if someone

does message him we'll name shame and blame them. Oh by the way if somebody does message them like I will be sending them I'm gonna find their name and then find their address and I will like get on one of those like monthly annoying prank mail things where they send you a glitter bomb a bag of shit you know like I will do that to you so just be prepared love it and I'm a woman of my word like I will follow up love it name shame and blame so we've got Ben today we've got to your toasters they're fabulous we have an update we have a couple really funny ones we also have stories describe them for me and perhaps let's say six words wow six okay um they are good they're not great a conjunction that's like six and a half words but i'll allow it i've i'm within the box you put me in a box. You know why I'll allow it?

Why? Because I love a... Conjunction, junction, what's your function? Thank you. We finish each other's... Sandwiches. I want a sandwich. I would not turn us... Oh, and also we're going out for like the celebratory lunch.

Where do you want to lunch? Well, I don't want to like get stabbed. So I'll tell you. Okay, let me tell you. We've eaten there. Of course. They have a few locations in Manhattan. Is it one of our usuals for?

No. Okay. I'll just text it to you. I love texting. I love texting. And this is like, this is not, people will find out on your Instagram later where you went.

And it's a place where like the food is like really indulgent, especially like, you know, pasta. Which one? Which one? The one near. They're all menus are a little different.

The one near, you know, us. Okay. Oh, that's really fancy. Yeah, I know. And it's raining. So I look like a piece of shit slob with my moon boots. Oh, they're going to see you in the back. I know.

It's one of those restaurants where it's like, oh, they'll clock you the second you walk in. Gap tooth bitch to the back. Yeah. Yeah, I know. It's one of those restaurants where it's like, oh, they'll clock you the second you walk in. Gap tooth bitch to the back. Ew. Yeah, no. What is that? That's on the Delvey thing. It's not VIP.

It's not. I don't like you. I don't like you. Actually, that's not Anna Delvey. That's Michaela. That's the main idea at the restaurant you're going to.

I don't like it. Michaela's favorite thing to say is, I don't like it. That's when she's like, stop, Claudia. Like, please stop. She goes, I don't like it. I don't like it. And I guess I maybe took it too far one day, just like with my love and devotion.

So instead of saying, I don't like it, she literally pointed at me and she was like, and every time I recreated, put in the anna delvey voice but she did have a little bit of anna delvey to her she goes i don't like you and honestly the room went still silence from everyone it was chilling because she really took it up a level not only with the accent but also i don't like it is different than i don't like you you dead in the eye finger in your face wag wiggled her i don't like you went around the room who's gonna land on i don't like you and now we can't say it and that's exactly what the maitre d at this restaurant would do it'd be like oh leggings i don't like you.

I'm wearing leggings. I need to wear something tucked into my rain boots. Like, I can't. I'm just a victim of circumstance. That's so you. It's like you feel like that gets you out of, like, victim culture if you blame it on victim of circumstance. What else am I supposed to wear in the rain? Walking around, working.

I'm a working woman. I have bills to pay. I'm not just this lady who can, like, walk around in stilettos with her driver you know yeah no those are the type of people that eat at this restaurant yeah you should see their mean of transportation when they leave like what are they changing their shoes they're not like or they're wearing like Chanel wellies no they might be wearing Chanel wellies or they're literally wearing stilettos and they'd walk three steps to their driver yeah yeah I'm a working woman I'm a woman of the people i'm a woman of the streets you are but i am wearing jenny canes so like yeah maybe i can see it at the front that brings up the

group average it does it does you look cute today pretty and pink are you experiencing you know days of rain like we are no am i no I'm not but I did place a huge order of new clothes like daily clothes last night and so until it arrives like I'm just like these are placeholders you know these days don't count I don't need to like try and find like a busing outfit like it's all coming I'm just need to get there you know okay so I'm at the phase I kind of gave up but I still got it I got my slut strand so that like gives me a couple points I'm just need to get there you know okay so I'm at the phase I kind of like gave up but I still got it I got my slut strand so that like gives me a couple points I'm at the phase where I desperately need to clean out my closet I can't buy stuff because I'm out of hangers too I'm I

know you said I can't but I bought more number one rule you cannot buy new clothes until you're if you don't have hangers in your closet like loose to hang up the new clothes that means you need to purge however I have purged like a lot just over time. And I'm in a place right now where I have so many clothes because I have so many size clothes. Like I have all of my old clothes, which that's fair. Right. I feel like it's a loophole and I get a pass because I have all my old clothes, which as

you saw, like I'm still going to wear them one day. I give like they're for everyone. They're great clothes. Then I have like my clothes that I wear right now that I need of course then I have like pregnancy clothes of course by the way you're allowed that I understand I'm not experiencing a transition you just never know what you're gonna need and when and like I I can't be like buying new stuff again like whenever but where do you put the new clothing so I have the hanging space because I do have a big closet and I could like smush things aren't totally smushed yet. Okay. But I don't want to get to a place of totally smushed that's not ideal but I need a array of sizes like

I literally have everything from extra small up until extra large and I need it that way right now. That's fair that's fair. I just need to devote some time because I placed a very, very small order from Zara because I needed like a, I needed like two capsule collection item wardrobes. And I feel like Zara is a good place like before you spend money on like a big expensive thing, see if you like it from Zara.

So I just got like, I needed a pair of nice black like trouser shorts and I needed a nice spring coat. And they're just sitting on the dining room table like that drives me insane when there's no space for it and I don't like shoving it into my closet because you shove it and then you don't ever like you can't see it so you're never gonna wear this new item that you just bought why do you have those nice spring coats from theory I do I do I was like 60 pounds heavier when I bought them so they're like a little big on me I still

wear them they're kind that could they're kind of like one size I still wear them but like I want something new like something a little bit longer something with a hood out with the old and in with the new goodbye clouds of gray hello skies of blue okay I can understand that I can relate and also we just got I got so much clothing rails is one of the new toe sponsors which actually they're sponsoring their first episode is today we're obsessed with them I get so much clothing from them and they sent me clothing which is like a dream and it's literally sitting on my dining room table it's pissing me off pretty much already worn everything that they sent so did I ready for the next round so the one outfit that they

sent that we both have I think I've worn it five times and I got it like two weeks ago I wore twice and I haven't taken any pictures in it yet so like I'm ready for a third haven't taken any pictures in it yet every time I wore it I was with different people yeah same like I could wear it again you know what maybe I'll wear it to tonight Ben's birthday dinner with his family that would have been a good thing to wear to your fancy lunch yeah also to say I personally I kind of love lunch better than dinner. Like I love going out to lunch better than going out to dinner. I like lunch menu items better than dinner menu items. Okay. That's really, really interesting. I, I don't know if I like dinner

more than I like lunch. Are you talking about also what day of the week is it? You know, hypothetically. Weekday. Oh, weekday weekday no my weekday is like especially with like my new health journey where I'm really trying to figure out I'm on Weight Watchers trying to figure out like how to stay healthy and but also full my weekdays revolve around my dinner like when bed is done working and we make dinner like it's the highlight of my day well like the restaurant you're going today too I would rather go there for lunch than for dinner is what I'm saying like I love like lunch fair and I love lunch lighting I also feel like people like I don't know if this is just like a me thing I always feel like yeah I can have like a bigger lunch

because like by the end of the day it like won't even count you know yeah but I'm not even going to have a big lunch I want a light salad a couple apps tuna tartare maybe like one like that's just what I like you know I don't eat steak I don't eat meat like right so the dinner options what I'm gonna have pasta like it's just heavier and there's less for our girl I feel that your girl has been left behind our girl I don't like it I don't like yeah girl um so having said that I do feel like we should get into it

we have a lot to do today and you have to make it to said lunch right right keep talking about it totally so without further a do do do do do

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They always say a woman can hit her breaking point and it's hard to come back from that. I feel that. She said that the fight served as a catalyst for their separation involving a night during which she had gone out with Kristen Doty. She said he kind of made up a story in his own head and started a fight over something that never happened. We fought about everything, she added, calling their marriage a very toxic situation

from which she needed to remove herself. Well, okay. Well, that's like I feel the first time she's really directly sort of explained what happened and I don't know if since I heard that they were separated if I believed it even though I had been told by people that I know that like that it's for sure for real but the way they're acting is just like a little thirsty but they are out here promoting this new show like and they have a podcast and they're like they're trying to make it titillating so I was catching up on Vanderpump

Rules last night and it was the scene where Jax comes, which I kind of loved, by the way. It was giving very much Sheenam walking from Brandy Glanville into Sir. So Sandoval was like, you know, you haven't stopped talking shit about me, and then they cut to a clip from Jax's podcast. I had totally forgotten that the production company from Vanderpump Rules had reached out to us, asking if they could license our episode with Jax,

that they needed to reference it in the storyline. Because he was talking about Sandoval the entire time. We couldn't have signed the thing faster. We were like, yeah, of course. And my heartbeat, I was like, oh my God, this is it. But it wasn't. And I feel like maybe they just decided not to use it because if there was ever a moment that it was.

Yeah, no, I watched it and I had the same thought, but I'm pretty sure I watched it after it aired. And I'm like, oh, it must not be here because everyone would have been sending it to us so I was two weeks behind and I was like oh wait no definitely not because I don't think everyone would have told us I don't think they're using it at all that's too bad that would have been really a value add for the show like for their show that was such a great episode the girls would like would have loved to see it it just would have been good for the whole community yeah missed opportunity are you all caught up on vpr I didn't watch last night but have been good for the whole community yeah missed opportunity are

you all caught up on vpr i didn't watch last night but i caught up for the on the first two and honestly like i was bored to tears like i guess the big reveal no no i was already caught up on that the big reveal of like katie fucking max like uh who gives a fuck i didn't even know i know max because he was you know on for one season then got fired but I didn't know him and Tom Schwartz were even like that close of friends like I don't care yeah well it was that to me the most interesting thing and Sheena also don't care also like Lala like and I love her and I honestly I find the whole the most interesting part of this whole show is her and Katie's relationship she like really she said a few years ago it was 12 years ago and honestly I feel like Lala did Sheena dirty in that moment

I think so too but I think in that moment she had a really good friendship with Sheena and a pretty good friendship with Katie that she was trying to maintain salvage and it's like if you want to be a good friend to Katie yeah you do go take it to Katie before you go and talk to Sheena about it but I think if that were to have happened even today they obviously are in a fight her and Katie but I feel like in that moment she was didn't know like where her best friendships were going and she was just trying to like be a good friend which is the right thing friend thing to do but like Sheena's your closer friend you need to be more protective of Sheena let me ask you another question and by the way we'll talk about Dancing with the Stars because it's so funny do you feel like Sheena was actually mad at Brock for bringing up the Max thing or she was just being like uh coy no she was mad at Brock

why being coy what like oh we didn't want to make this a storyline oh like no I think she was mad like because I think she also you think they would have had a conversation about that like in private I think it happened the night before it's something that they both noticed I don't think they expected either of them to say but Brock's on opportunity to like give Schwartz a talking point because like he's just getting like railed on and it's like actually Katie's not perfect either I think Sheena did not want it to come up then in that way so uncontrolled like and if ever because I think Sheena also at this point like wants Katie and her friendship to work yeah yeah I um no she seems like seriously mad big mad but

I do by the way I think Katie's like justified in wanting to fuck Max like I I don't think she owes Tom anything especially like she said like last year while we were still being separated I asked Tom not to fuck anyone in the group. And he starts dating Raquel. Like I thought her explanation was totally justified. She's obviously vindictive. And like, honestly, she has every right to be. But there was something else that I found to be so bizarre.

The dog. By the way, does anybody else like kind of ship Lala and Schwartz? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. OK. I don't think they would ever work and I'm pretty sure she said like she would she could eat him for breakfast which she wouldn't she could but like there's something really sweet about their relationship and crazier things have happened on this show like they keep cycling through like I wouldn't be the most surprised

if that was like the next iteration and I'm kind of obsessed even though I maintain that Schwartz and Joe need to get married have children and live happily ever after they're perfect for one another oh by the way like I think Joe's weird and whatever but like I actually felt really bad for her when Sheena like didn't stop with the braids and the hair like in the cap you're a hairdresser like shut up like who cares yeah and it just comes off like really nasty whenever it's everyone against one and they're talking about her in front of her. And I'm sure like Joe has done them dirty in over the years. It's just not a good look like.

Oh, the snickering and the talking like it's just. Yeah. Just don't don't talk about her then if you don't like her. Tom Sandoval going up to Ariana like about the house. And I want to talk about the house, but my butthole was like clenched shut like it was one of the most uncomfortable moments of my entire life and honestly doing that takes such balls like only a truly crazy narcissist like would have no self-awareness and like be able to do that and I loved every minute of it. What is going on with the house? Like no it's insane the way that they're living like with the

person they hate most in this world they can't even go to a party together yet every single night they sleep under the same roof just the two of them yeah in last night's episode like they got into another crazy heated thing like Tom left like Ariana was just like raging raging eviscerating him like there's nothing he can say he leaves and it's like she's gonna leave and every like and they're just gonna be together the two of them and I feel like a lot of the fandom feels like Lala's commentary about like brand deals and stuff is her being jealous and maybe there's an element of jealousy from some of the girls because it's like kind of crazy that you know Ariana who really for the most part up until recently that gave nothing to the show and like wasn't you know

bleeding out like other people going through stuff, is now like hosting Love Island and getting all these opportunities. Whereas like Lala's been through stuff. I can, I actually can understand the jealousy. I really can. Yeah. But I don't think it's coming from a place of jealousy. It's coming from a place of facts.

Why? And by the way, she's like, with all the brand deals, Ariana can afford an apartment. Cut to one month ago, what did we just report? Ariana bought a house, a million dollar house. Like back, whatever this was filmed, she was able to afford a house as well. Like I'm confused.

Of course. And Sheena said last night, I feel like they're always talking about like the brand deals. Like she's fine. She's, you know, doing well. But Sheena then was saying last night, like in one of her commentaries,

like Tom cheating on Ariana was the best thing that ever happened to her. First of all, like released her from this horrible relationship. Horrible person. Horrible person, horrible relationship, like so unhappy and miserable. Yes. It made her into like a national hero,

as opposed to them just like breaking up and no one caring and like having to move on with your life. You get all like, you're winning. Like, and Lala said that she was like, you've won. Like, look at him, look at his life. Like, you're on top it's so true no and and I think that maybe the resentment and the anger that she still holds is you know like she loved this person like I get it I get it but like taking an outside perspective you're right

like Ariana went or whoever said it she know like Ariana went from being like a low-level cast member on a show that was dying like for real this show I wasn't even sure if I was gonna watch that season like a really like a dead show to not only being on the biggest reality show of all time but being the biggest person on that show and getting opportunities on Broadway just buying your own million dollar house dancing with the stars Love Island every brand deal you could ever imagine. Like her anger towards Tom is bringing her down. It is. Because it's making her like kind of a misery.

It is. And everyone's saying it. And it's so true. She needs to like release it. Not for him as so that he can feel comfortable around her. No, for her. Like it's palpable. And it's not a way to live.

Especially in a new relationship. You have this much anger towards your ex. Like how can you even enjoy what you have? And that's, I feel like, what Lala was saying. I think maybe a lot of her anger and just misery stems from her relationship with Katie, who's also holding on to all of this anger. And I have to say, I feel like Tom Schwartz's relationship with Tom Sandoval was a huge factor in Schwartz and Katie's

divorce. But to blame entirely Sandoval for that divorce is unfair. Like it takes two people in a marriage to break it up, not the husband's friend. Yeah. And I think Schwartz, the way he disregarded his wife for people like Sandoval is a huge part of it. But to, and I feel like Katie really blames Sandoval for the demise of her marriage. And I don think that's fair no but I think it's easy to he's a very hateable person yeah and I think that Ariana and Katie are very united in their hatred and just like being haters at the moment yeah what's crazy is like years ago when the Toms like when they were married to the Toms they actually didn't like each other they like each other and then they slowly like got on the same page and then they had to be like

the wives of tom tom tom tom they were always together and then they saw like their husbands being stupid so that like united them further and then they were like oh you're doing a restaurant we'll do something about her and now it's just funny like it's their thickest thieves through like the strangest of circumstances yeah and wouldn't have ordinarily been the best of friends something about her like I loved Lala being like we've literally tried these sandwiches a year ago I they obviously had the sandwich tasting just to keep the restaurant a storyline on the show for like publicity where is the restaurant honestly they kind of look like clowns for how much they clowned on Tom and Tom.

And say what you want, that place is open. Yeah. And I just want to say, Jax has a bar that he literally got open in six months. And he's always posting on Instagram that he's there. And it's a full-fledged facility. Yeah. And the thing about something about her

that they kept saying is like, you know, it's going to be smaller and we're going to be more responsible with everything. Right. And where is it? And I didn't even realize, I only realized when I was watching last night that it's in the opening credits.

Yeah. And it looks great. And I'm starting to feel like if there were a reason to hold up a license, you know, like city bureaucracy that were holding it up, like they would tell everyone that. They'd be like, you guys were so excited, but this, that, and this is happening.

The fact that there's no communication about what's holding it up like I think bodes badly very poorly and uh I forgot who said it but Lisa was right like they got a lease they've been paying rent on sun or uh West Hollywood Boulevard whatever that street like one of the most expensive and yeah it's small but it's a storefront store level like it's expensive you've been now paying rent for over a year with now making a dollar and they sold a little merch actually so that was something but like what in the world is going on yeah and then the other thing was the thing with the dog and also becomes like a bigger storyline in this episode

like she called ariana like calls him like an attempted dog murderer oh yeah and when she said like he tried like that they're her children and that like this person like when she was talking to Lala she was like those are my children and like this person like tried like didn't care if my children died it's like if that's how you feel why did you leave them alone in the house with a sociopath well that's one point but also when she was saying I feel like that whole situation where Tom put the dog in Ariana's room and there was food on the nightstand. Well, that's just, first of all, Ariana needs to clean up her room. I mean, Lala says in this episode, like, didn't you get a trash bag sponsorship?

Like, throw it away. Throw it away. I have to say, it seemed like a really, really unfortunate series of events. Not a manslaughter. Like, I just was like, honestly, whatever was going on in the house, sometimes you need to put a dog in a room and this is Ariana's dog and putting Ariana, and Ariana's in the master suite,

putting the dog in Ariana's room, I didn't think was like a crazy thing to do. Should he have known to go look around for food? Honestly, no either.

This is not a kitchen, it's a room. Like, it was just, it felt like something really unfortunate, not something malicious. Oh,

I agree. But this is just, I feel like this is Ariana's anger manifesting. She just sort of like this is Ariana's anger manifesting she just sort of like released it for herself like she wouldn't because honestly this was you always want to blame something when someone like something like this happens like I remember when Theo had cancer we're like who can we blame yeah who could we blame and imagine if the person you hated most in this world was partially responsible like easy yeah of course but like in reality that's really not the case no and again

like all of these things that she's like angry about or holding on to like and this negativity in her life would just be gone if she would just leave the house until you guys sort it out and the way that they're living with the boxes and oh and ann and ann so ariana asked Anne for recommendations for assistance and Anne wants to be put in the running and we do know that in real life Anne does work for Ariana oh we do oh yeah I knew that did you not no in because in this episode she's interviewing Anne in the kitchen Tom Sandoval comes out of the gym he's standing on the landing the staircase landing and he's hearing them and Anne saying how she like wants to work for such an amazing girl boss and of course oh my god Anne would want to work for a girl boss and then Tom Sandoval is like then has a conversation with Anne like saying like I think we just need a

couple days off doesn't even fire her anything and Ariana goes and tells the group like this you know attempted murderer dog murderer is eavesdropping on my conversations it's like well you live in the same house and you were having a conversation out in the open with his employee like I'm sorry it's absurd no and oh my god wait that's like really crazy yeah no she and I was surprised in the episodes that I watched there were two events that she went to that he was at yeah well she has to if she wants to stay on the show and it's not fair for her to be pushed out of the show when she didn't commit this act of adultery.

So I'm with her like, fuck, I have to go. And then she gets mad at her friends who invite him and put her in this situation. And I get that on a human level, but on this is your job. Working. We're making a show here level. Something's got to give. Yeah here level. Something's gotta give. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't know. It's, I don't know how it even could, because say she releases the anger and she moves out of the house. I still never want to see her speak to this person again.

And you have to work with her. How do we go forward with the show? Yeah. Well, also, the more I watch, the more I really believe the rumor about the reunion where Lala and Ariana just have like a knock down, drag out fight show yeah well also the more I watch the more I really believe the rumor about the reunion where

Lala and Ariana just have like a knockdown drag out fight because Lala's coming at this from I think a similar place as we are which is just like a little bit more at a glance you know and a little bit more sympathetic to everyone including Ariana but Ariana's not the only victim here you know like and everybody makes fun of Sheena but like like, I actually really, the Dancing with the Stars thing, I didn't understand, but I did understand, like, her being sad about her friendship with Sandoval being ruined, but Ariana is right about the fact that Sandoval is definitely using Sheena as, like, his gateway to filming and events and Tahoe, because the more people who can tolerate him, they don't even have to love him,

but the more people who, Schwartz is tolerating him, Sheena will tolerate him, the more stable he is in his job on the show. Yeah, James will tolerate him and Lala will tolerate him. Ariana's right. And because Sheena is sort of like the weakest link,

she's so sweet. Like she's not a mean spirited person. She's a little self-centered, but like she loves hard, you know? know yeah no I I agree with that it must be incredibly frustrating and I just these are this is like not normal circumstances usually when you exit a relationship you then just move on with your life you don't have to then film a reality show together but so if Ariana like really wanted zero personal ties like she would have to leave the show.

And why should she? She shouldn't. No, but Sandoval's not leaving. So we need to, now we're in the place in the show where we need a resolution. I think that's how everyone feels. And they keep like putting them. It's frustrating. Now every episode they're trying to put them

in the same room and get there. And like last night it was so bad. Like it was. Oh, I can't wait. A barrage. Love. It was, oh my God. Like seriously uncomfortable. Like like seriously I just like wish

Ariana had this energy when she was dating Sandoval because somebody desperately needed to put him in his place he acted worse with Ariana than he does without now he's kind of on this apology honestly nothing he's doing is bothering me before he was a monster with Stassi remember in that book event he was horrible and she just kind of sat there and like let him act that way no and I said this a few weeks ago but I keep thinking about it a few weeks ago I accidentally watched an episode from last season and I watched a few minutes before I realized I was watching the wrong episode because it was Katie and Ariana in something about her talking about how Lala told Ariana that Sandoval didn't leave the barbecue when he had a ride and he lied about

that when she was dealing with her dog and her grandma and he stayed there with Raquel and Ariana was saying to Katie like I don't want to hear these things like like like she was mad at Lala for even telling her like no no she was so unreasonable and she was kind of the woe when she was like up Sandoval's ass and like never told him that's what a good partner does like you tell your partner in private like when they're being wrong and encourage them to like do whatever she was just like awful and like not enabled but just did nothing and so now it's like yeah you know what we've been knowing and it's like frustrating because now we're over it like and now he's been handed his justice beyond like I I feel fine he's

been punished I don't think a person who's cheated has ever been punished in such a way no but he was punished for like that but also in my mind for like the years and years of atrocious behavior agreed like he was knocked down 1,000 pegs yeah no he's like the biggest weenie I don't even know how like anybody could look at him and honestly not feel sorry for him he has his weenie, wait. I'm so glad you brought that up. That pool party with Billie Lee and her friend and then those two girls from Instagram. And he's telling them the story.

Is there any way anyone in Los Angeles doesn't know who Tom and Ariana are and what happened between them? Not even that. Not to be so mean, but the whole... It was giving like, where did you find these freaks? It was just... it was a circus. Like I didn't even know who these people were. Like, and everyone was just like acting crazy and like taking shots.

And I was like, okay, stop. Like stop. Also, he was flirting. Oh, I was in pain. It's really painful. Like when you think about like his like romantic aspect of his life it's like he's heartbroken over raquel who he loves and like she is disappeared and no no it's so crazy this whole thing and he's trying to flirt in the pool

and he's saying like yeah i'm murdering my ex-girlfriend in the bedroom upstairs. I crushed potato chips and put them under the door. Oh, yeah. Painful. Seriously painful. Okay. Well, Jax and Brittany are still. And by the way, I've heard The Valley is very good.

I'm not going to watch it. I watched half of the first episode. I got the gist. And? I feel like you would like it it's like people who are in like your stage of life I know I didn't love like any of the characters yet yeah I mean besides Jax Brittany Brittany and Kristen like I'm really not interested in meeting new people I need to go back to it and remind myself why I didn't finish watching it because there was a reason because I do like yeah I love like seeing new mamas,

like, you know, got baby here. Give her like, I love like, that's so interesting to me. And they were new cast members who looked like interesting people with like things going on.

The, just the dialogue was giving cringe and it was like, we're excited to be on a reality show. And it was giving like old school reality show where we're just like saying stuff because Hey, we're on a reality show and I'm excited. It's giving like old school reality show where we're just like saying stuff because hey we're on a reality show and i'm excited i know it's giving like charity in dallas and i'm wanting it to work out i feel they were talking like that yeah that was really the issue but they have to find their feet and i can't yeah it's hard not every show can be vanderpump rules like no are

you ready for our next story which is one of my favorite stories? Yes. Unintentional comedian Kelly Ripa is being hysterical today because they aired a rerun of her show today because I guess there wasn't a new episode and no one like double checked what the episode was. And in the episode, it's from June 2023. She is like begging for an invitation to be on Diddy's yacht I didn't know what you were gonna say like if they re-ran the one after like 9-11 I literally didn't know what you were gonna say no so Kelly and Mark are on vacation this week they've been

re-airing old interviews from live with Kelly and Mark but it seems someone wasn't paying attention when they picked out the videotapes because on Tuesday they aired an episode from June 23 in which she fawningly begged for an invitation on Sean Diddy Combs' yacht. Meanwhile, his homes were raided last week as part of what appears to be a sex trafficking investigation. Oops. Wait. I also think it's kind of crazy.

Like, by the way, Kelly and Mark, like, take a vacation for sure, that they rerun episodes. It's a topical show. She does, like, kind of what we do at the top of the show, talking about what's going on in the world. News, pop culture, celebrities, like, light stuff. And then there's, like, a guest interview. But it's, like, not the type of show you can re-air.

We've never re-aired an episode of The Toast. Like, that's weird. Especially not from a year and a half ago. Like, maybe air from last week. Yeah, yeah. That's, like, really, like, bad programming. Like, care less. What else should they do, though, if they are taking the week off? Guest co-hosts? Well, yeah. That's really hard like bad programming. Like care less. What else should they do though if they are taking the week off?

Guest co-hosts? Well, yeah. That's really hard to program too. If you don't have one person who's used to doing it. That would be like if we took off and two people just sat in our chairs. No, but like if we had, not us, like if she had Ryan come for a week. Yeah. And Ryan had different co-hosts.

Or Michael, if she didn't leave it so bad with Michael Strahan. Like if you had like friends of, and I feel like Jerry O'Connell comes on all the time to, like, replace Mark. Or someone, someone comes on as, like, when Mark is sick or when Kelly's sick. I think they had one of their kids. Like, they have friends of the show who could come in with different co-hosts. Like, I don't know. I feel like they should be trying harder for their audience. I think this is standard stuff and we never would have even known if it wasn't just for this, which is so unfortunate.

I did not know that they re-ran topical you know shows i don't feel like they ever re-ran an episode of wendy with the with her stories that's so crazy that's like so lazy on behalf of cable like do better well not to hit him with the do better no do better like seriously jackie if we took a vacation and our show was owned by ABC, we would literally be like, and we had unlimited resources, we'd be like, let's get Stassi and, you know, Taylor Strucker, pay them. Yeah. Yeah. And that being said, ABC, we are available for purchase.

Merger and acquisition? I'm down. Okay, great question. If you could okay great question if you could have any media company whether it be a streamer a network whatever purchase the toast and like be the like we get to still do the show every day but then we have access to whatever you know like like probably NBC is the most yeah but you know Disney ABC Hulu I'm down like if we could have our show live on something like we are exclusive let's say to youtube or we are on the youtube home page every day we're on the netflix where would you want to be like any

network streamer or social media platform like if we're the official daily morning show of i know people would like think we're gonna say bravo or e but that's no thinking no and every show on eflops like it's just small potatoes like i want to be worldwide nationwide yeah where is everyone right now honestly everyone's at max right now max is having a moment every streamer has like a different max and east does i would and by the way the show would be like the morning Max. Max and his does. Yeah. I think Max, that's almost what I was going to say. But also I wouldn't mind being a part of like an Apple or a Roku or Prime

because then they put you on everyone's sticks. Yeah. Devices. No, that's good. Honestly, I would take a Netflix. Ever heard of it? Of course, of course. A Netflix.

And they are getting into live programming. Hulu? Hulu. X does a lot of live, like, long-form videos now. I don't want to be on X. You don't want to be there? No one really watches it. It's just like, I don't know.

That's not true. I don't think we'd have, we wouldn't have an engaged community on X. I don't think that's true, but I think you want, like like a piece of that, you know, Hollywood glitz and glam. Hollywood for sure. Hollywood. Yeah. What about TikTok? Is there set up for that?

No, no, but we would reach the kids, which would be nice because they need to be spoken to. They do, but like, is it our job? No,

it's not. And I also feel like just part of being a kid is just like being radical, you know? That's true. Like you, like I always worry about Gen Z. Like I see these stats, like they're so anti-Semitic, like they're insane. But sometimes I just want to chalk it up to them being young and dumb. Like that's like Woodstock, you know?

All those 16-year-olds were taking dumps out in the open and like doing Molly and Acid. And then a few years later, like they all got jobs and most of them came back down to her. So I feel like, I don't know. Yeah. I like to think like these young, crazy, really dumb kids are just radicalized and they'll,

they'll come back down to earth. But I feel like to a degree, yes. Like when you are young, you don't, you think, you know, everything and you don't,

that's a classic trope. But are we getting to a place where it's like more than just the classic trope? Like it's giving Hitler youth. It's a lot. It's a lot. Yeah, it feels more than usual. But I hope, I like your interpretation of things. Yeah.

Just an idea. Any further thoughts? I mean, I did, but like I don't want to get into it i feel that i'm exhausted yeah yeah are you ready for our next story like exciting news on a number of levels yeah nicole richie and joel maddens look like kids harlow and sparrow make their red carpet debut at the premiere of don't tell mom the Babysitter's Dead last night in Los Angeles. So of course I had to do a little digging. What is this? They've remade the movie. Nicole Richie is playing Rose. I'm right on top of that Rose. I'm right on top of that Rose. Oh wait so who's playing Christina Applegate? Um who's playing Christina Applegate is Simone Joy Jones.

is Simone Joy Jones. I don't know who that is. Hold on. What a great movie. That movie like raised us. And. I'm right on top of that, Rose. The poster for the movie,

the tagline, let me know when you're ready for it. Yeah. Respect your elders. You're lying. Wait, I also want to see what Nicole Richie's kids look like. I feel like she doesn't really show them. They look like Nicole Richie and her husband. her husband really i mean i would hope it's crazy

when that happens but it's really cute they're literally oh my the girl is gorgeous they're mini me's the girl is gorgeous and the guy is literally like a in simple plan no like if they ever wanted to make a movie about their life and like their well I guess they would be brother and sister playing never mind I take back what I said I can't oh and Lionel went to the premiere so did Sophia love oh how did Sophia look I don't think she walked the carpet oh I'm obsessed I love Nicole Ritchie's one of my absolute favorite celebrities on the planet yeah no I know and so this is very exciting like we love the movie Don't Tell Mom the planet. Yeah. No, I know. And so this is very exciting. Like we love the movie. Don't tell mom the babysitter's dead.

And I'm so glad they're remaking it for the younger set. But like if you haven't seen it, I think you should watch the original first. Yeah, you should not to sound like such a grandma. It's Christina Applegate. Who else is in that movie? Who's the mom? Let me see. I'm obsessed here 1991 Sue Ellen I'm obsessed Sue Ellen is Christina Applegate's character's name and who else is in this movie nobody I know let me see

John yeah you don't know anyone oh David Duchovny he's literally in everything but that's really it it's so good I'm so excited I wonder where you can watch it I think I just when I was looking at the background it's BET exciting only in theaters April 12th oh and it's in theaters but the the backdrop said BET yeah BET's original films in product in Tyra Banks's production company Smize Productions our executive producer you're lying that it's called Smize Productions she's so iconic she's so iconic this is just tens across the board agreed that's exciting I loved that movie yeah our next story Lizzo is breaking her silence to clarify that she's only quitting negative energy moving forward so Lizzo said she quit last week people were like she quit

and some people were like no I think she's just like a figure of speech that she's like done with this shit and that's exactly what it was so she shared a lengthy statement on Instagram and a video saying I want to make this video because I just need to clarify when i say i quit i mean i quit getting giving any negative energy attention what i'm not going to quit is the joy of my life which is making music which is connecting with people because i know i'm not alone in no way shape or form am i the only person who is experiencing that negative voice voice that seems to be louder than the positive and then if i can just give one person inspiration blah blah blah yeah yeah of course of course I believe her that she didn't mean she was quitting music and that she's

just like I quit I get it um but for somebody who's like quitting negative and toxicity like she keeps making content about it like I seriously like she needs to take a break like she's just in she was really really famous for a really long time and like as always, ability is a prison and yada, yada. And then she was accused of some pretty heinous things. So people, we just need a break from you. And she doesn't go away. She keeps posting. And she's trying to elicit sympathy, I think.

And it's just not working. So I feel like it's always good for celebrities to take a break. But she won't. Or she's taking a break I feel like she might be just like scaling back but not gone because I think it would also be like kind of an admission of guilt to go and she's maintaining her innocence that these people like she said in the last statement piss are saying things about her so I think she kind of needs to like stay making content while also like staying positive and

I don't think it's going so well yet but I think maybe like starting today it's gonna be good okay I think that I quit through everyone through a loop not me though not me I knew she was quitting negative energy and haters I just knew it yeah it's like a child I quit I had just seen the news headlines before I saw her statement. So everybody said Lizzo quits music. I'm like, okay, Lizzo's quitting music. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you got to go to the primary source club.

This is what they teach us in a history major. I learned, like, that's what I've got out of my education. And that's what we were talking about yesterday, reading comprehension. And also reading between the lines. Harder, but important. Harder, but important. Harder, but important. Because she did say, I quit. She did.

But there was more there, there. Yeah. Are you ready for our fifth and final story? If it's the fifth and final story, that's brought to you by Armora. You guys know that Jax and I are always on the lookout for ways to strengthen our immunity, improve our fitness and metabolism,

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Learn more at macys.com slash flower show. Macy's Herald Square will be closed on Easter Sunday. Thank you, Macy's, for sponsoring today's episode. Thank you, Latour Deleu, for letting us know that Macy's sponsored today's episode. You're welcome. Our fifth and final story was some news that was quiet that I think they'll be mad that we're blowing up but JLo quietly rebranded her tour as a greatest hit show amid weak ticket sales. After canceling seven dates of her first North American tour in five years in weak ticket sales JLo has renamed it to apparently broaden its scope changing it from the this is me now to this is me live the greatest

hits so I don't know if prior to this she was planning on playing the greatest hits or if this was going to be a new album tour it's giving it it was going to be and now it's not or maybe it was going to be and they didn't put in the title and they thought people wouldn't know I can't imagine JLo would go on tour and not spend at least half the show playing her greatest hits yeah I think she would have played a lot of hits I think she also would have been marketing the new album I think now there will be more hits and less albums still album we're still gonna this is me now but like generally majority hits like I really feel this is a very good step I've been following you know the rise and fall of JLo over the last couple of

months very very closely I think it's one of the most interesting things I just don't know why I find it so intriguing and I happen to think this is a brilliant next step and it you know gives me hope that whatever direction her career is going to go next is more to this icon level. I don't know why she's still doing the same thing that Ariana Grande is doing, you know, who has way less experience in her. JLo's been around forever. Like she should not be doing the same sort of prototype as like, you know, releasing an album, press tour, arena tour, like the same cycle, like the one direction cycle like what are you doing you're not in the same strategy like get off the ride differently get off the roller coaster like you

are different and you're very much I feel like in the Celine Dion realm which is an equally good realm to be in now you don't have to go to Vegas and do like a boring residency but you do have to act different and so the fact that they're not branding this as great as hits does give me hope that they're seeing her career whoever's running, but I feel like it's actually her, but whether it's her management, they're seeing her now as in this different category, not retirement, but icon. That's a better. Yeah. That works for me. All of a sudden this concert sounds good. Like we're going to hear the JLo hits. And JLo's known for being such a performer.

The fact that her performances were not selling well, when I think that's probably her biggest... Strength as in talent. Strength and allure is very concerning. So I wouldn't buy a ticket, but if somebody said, want to see JLo, here's a ticket, I'd say honestly, yeah. I know most of the songs I wouldn't buy a ticket but if somebody said want to see J-Lo here's a ticket I'd say honestly yeah I know most of the songs if it's the greatest hits tour and she's a fabulous performer the dancing the singing everything razzle dazzle the hair the clothes like she knows how to perform this is sort of like a an issue with like touring albums it's

like I want to hear like general things Like what if it's not my favorite album and I didn't get to see you on the last album tour, but I'm seeing, that's why the Eris tour is really great. It's like, it doesn't matter what you missed. It's also very, very artist dependent

because like I think of, because the next concert I'm going to see is Morgan Wallen and I didn't go last time, but he did a big, big, like I had my chance. He did a big ass tour for his last album, and his last album was enormously popular.

This time, after doing like the most with the previous album, he's now doing the most again with the new album. And you know what? I feel like that's fair, but it just depends on the artist. Like if your most recent album was a flop, but you have like tons and tons of hits, like do both. For sure, but I just think of like Luke Holmes like I absolutely need to hear this album live and if I don't make it

on this tour like I will have missed my chance and yeah the next tour like he'll play some of this but I need this album yeah so I guess I'm going to Jacksonville Jackson Turdy and Jacksonville. I'm down. Jackson, turdy bill. Yeah, no, like that's, I guess what I need to do because his tour is just, he said, he's like, he really didn't consider me honestly.

And it's fucking rude. But by the way, back to what you were saying, it's completely artist dependent and album dependent. Yeah. But you feel that way about tailored before errors. Like you didn't get to see the red tour and like how badly you want to see the red tour. I know.

It's just a necessary evil. Like it just is what it is. But maybe eras tour is like really shaking up the industry. Like people are seeing like, oh, oh, you know, like maybe I can do this. Like. Yeah. But I also think maybe some people don't want to work that hard. It's a lot of work what she's doing.

By the way. Do you think they even remember all the lyrics to all their old songs? That's like some artists talk about how they don't. Joe Jonas talks very openly that even recent songs, like he cannot remember the lyrics. And I know Miley a lot of times has a teleprompter. You actually, you know lyrics and memorize them really well. But I could see you being the sort of person,

like if you were a pop star, like, yeah, no, I wrote my song, but I don't remember the lyrics, okay? Sue me. Okay, when I was in St. Bart's, we got back to the house and like we were drunk and we were like making snacks and somebody put on music and 100% came on. And like, I literally didn't know the words to the second verse, but I was also really drunk.

I feel like that's a part of the era story. Like the whole thing is so impressive, but that's like on the list of impressive things that I don't think she gets enough credit for. And her lyrics are so intricate. And especially. Intricate. She's not just like. Especially.

I'm going down. Yeah. I'm yelling timber. Don't disgrace that song. It's amazing. It's the best song ever. Also, by the way, it's even more impressive when you think about the fact that she'll literally go on the acoustic set and play a song from 17 years ago.

That's the most deep cut that she's probably never even played live. She probably released it and never played it again. Cold as you. I think she has such a good memory. And that's probably why she has a hard time letting things go. Because like they're so seared into her memory. You know what? What the Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away.

It's a blessing and a curse. Like she remembers it like it was yesterday because her memory is so strong that reminds me of dana yeah and i also think um she's a person of high intellect and i think memory has like is a part of that you know even though they say people with bad memories are high intellect but maybe that was just like something they told you guys me searching for a headline that related to me yeah no it's giving dana dana would be a great pop star because she'd remember all of her lyrics but she'd also be a bad pop star for 45 000 1 000 million reasons mostly that she can't sing she can't sing she dances like um like she's playing charades. Yeah. Oh, that's funny. Like we bought a house. Like, you know, I'm yelling timber.

Yay. You better move. You better dance. That's so funny. That's funny. And she would admit it. Like it's a point of pride for her. Yeah.

Oh, well, what's so fabulous is that the stories were great. Really, Jackie? 10 out of 10. I enjoyed them so much. Thank you. But I really think we made the most out of them. It was us doing what we do best. And what we do best is really help people.

I think that's fair to say. And Wednesdays are an extremely helpful day here at The Toast because this is Dear Toaster's Day. Shut up. It's only okay when you do it. Yeah. Today's Dear Toaster's Day, our weekly advice segment, where you girlies will write in and

we'll do our absolute best to help you. We got three submissions every week. You can submit deartoasters at gmail.com, write us an email. Or if you want to be super, super anonymous, head to thetoastpodcast.com. Scroll down. There's a little submission box. No name required. Nothing.

Today we have an update and two submissions. The first update is from the girl who wrote in about taking her husband's last name when her husband's last name was Judy. And we understood, you know, we, and by the way, we had gotten a lot of feedback from that episode because we had said to each other, we gave her advice, but then we were also like, what kind of last name is that? Like, I've never heard that. And a lot of people wrote in, like, it's really a popular name in the South. Like, it's a thing. We didn't know about it, but we had encouraged her to speak her mind, do some sort of hyphen some you know new name like Ellis Island like Kaylin and Dean Ellis Island wait what did you say and Dean okay Kaylin and Kaylin Miller Keyes married Dean

Unglert and they both changed their last names to Belle which is Kaylin's mother's maiden name. Because that's what they related to most and wanted to. I thought you said Kayla and you just reminded me. We had spoken at length on April Fool's. Like we were so curious if anyone was going to, you know, make the April Fool's joke. I'm pregnant because it's something people do every year and they always get canceled for it. And people never learn. This year was no different.

Thank you to everyone who sent me on TikTok. You know know travis kelsey's ex-girlfriend kayla and nicole who's like an influencer and she's like always in the news for like shading taylor she's pregnant i love i love that she was the one i couldn't have picked a better person i agree i love that for her like i think it's so great and god seriously like and yeah, just OK. Our first year toasters is from that girl. Here's her update. No.

Duty update. I was the girl who's getting married to the PJ whose last name is Duty. I honestly wanted to create a completely new name, a combination of both. Alas, everyone in my fiance's fiance's family wears the duty moniker with such pride that they were actually a bit hurt when they found out my true feelings. After realizing how much it meant, I have conceded to using the name personally. So Christmas cards, meeting new people socially, but professionally and legal purposes, I am keeping my own name, XOXO Mrs. Doody. I just want to say. That's big of you. I went through a like a emotional roller coaster reading this like of course at first we have to

circumvent duty but then you say like this family is a proud family and like to go and then you like took your like second grade humor to them you're like it's duty like I feel embarrassed and like of course you I don't should be a proud duty and I also feel like nothing like if you own something like there's nothing cooler than that like if you just like that's true if you are so confident and like I could forget the meaning of the word so by the end of this I was like I could see I could be rooting for Mrs. Duty I like in general like you have your family name and then you have your professional name so that works for me yeah but I do think I don't remember what our advice was then but my advice now would be to

kind of reframe it in your head and like to find the joy in the duty I just want to say I do feel like the family could have been a little bit more understanding like it is a piece of poop like you're not being a child like it words have meaning and so for them to just be straight up offended and not being like yeah no when I married and I also felt like if somebody could come in a little bit that be but be real to the family but also her like be mature yes no no I actually think this is a very very um mature way for you to move forward honestly I don't know if I could ever be that mature because like duty is duty and also I'm a duty person we talk about all the time not everybody uses the word duty to describe poop a lot of families have their own words like duty is our family's word like I have to make a duty I there was duty on the floor Romeo made a duty

like duty is our word of choice it means a lot to us yeah but for other people it's like oh yeah that is a meaning of that you know hopefully that's what it is for you but I just the best advice I could give own it just own it yeah wear with pride okay our next one is so crazy hello my husband and I just got married this past September I was talking to him randomly this week about how we should look at cemetery plots together and he said that he already has one when that his mom got for him when he was 15 mind you it's in his hometown which is the town we went to college in and where we met. We do not live there anymore and I would really rather not be buried there. I said well if I die first I can be cremated and just placed in your plot and he went on to say how he doesn't

believe in cremation. I said well we just have to be buried next to each other then. Please help a girl figure out and how to get on the same page with my husband about where and how we're buried. Okay, I don't know what like the textbook like healthy and right time to talk about this is. I've not even thought about it. And the few times that I have thought about it, like it is confounding. Yeah, it's confounding because it's like one of the husband or wife like isn't going to be buried with their parents because you'll be buried with your in-laws. And then your kids might not be with you. Because they're with their.

I don't like it. I don't know what the answer is. I don't like it either. It's wrong. Like but I find peace in my religion. Which is really puts very little emphasis on the physical body. They really say. And I remember at a funeral hearing this from the rabbi and it actually weirdly brought me great comfort that like, this is a shell. The person is not there. They Jewish afterlife

spends a lot of emphasis on your Neshama, which is your soul and your soul is with you. Like, so I don't, I really try to hang on to that because if you think a lot about you're right, maybe my kids won't be with me and maybe I won't be with my family. Maybe I'll be with Ben's or Ben won't be with his. Like it's bullshit. So I really, I try not to think about it and I try to really lean on my faith, honestly.

Yeah, no, and I think it like sounds weird and feels weird like to the living, but then like to the dead, it's irrelevant. And think about how often we like never even visit I know we've literally visited our dad twice and it's only like when we're in the neighborhood which is never so yeah I I it helps to not be attached to that as an idea but it is it's really weird and I don't know like what is Emily Post's like etiquette for when you talk about it and what do most people do like is there oh we are we always go with the mom's family or the dad's

like I I don't know why I happen to think you always go with the wife but I also think it has to do well yes people buy their plots in advance but it kind of has to do with like where you die where you live and where you live but like you might like retire somewhere different from where you were spending your whole life right that's why like a lot of our grandparents who are from New York are buried in Florida because that's where everyone goes to retire so it's I have no advice for you and it's something I've put I am thinking about I don't even like it's not like I actively put it off I just like I don't even worry about it's not like I actively put it off. I just like, I don't even worry about it. The thing is, I don't, I want to say like I don't care.

I have to imagine that like, God forbid, you know, in a million years when I die, the people around me who know and love me will advocate for the best place for me to go. Given, you know, where others are. Wait, stop. I'm literally going to cry. Are we not going to be buried together? That's what I'm saying. Because like you're going to be with your family.

That's why we should like, you know what we should do? Like we should, we should buy a family plot. Yeah, like right now and like kind of take, get it taken care of. Get it over with.

Also like who knows what our financial circumstances are going to be in the future. Like when you feel, I guess that's why people have the conversations. Like if you have the money at this point,

buy it now. So you save your family the trouble later. It just feels like a, like a lot of sturm and drang and like drama and turmoil. For a dead body. For something that's not, hopefully, God willing, just not important right now.

And that's why I really hope you don't understand. And some could argue important never. Right. When I go to a cemetery and I see the people with the huge mausoleums that you can literally walk into, to me that's a waste of money. I guess maybe it's faith-based. I was going like, to me, that's a waste of money. And I guess maybe it's faith-based. I was going to say, different religions have a different idea of it,

so I'm not going to yuck anyone's yums. But I like that ours de-emphasizes it because it's giving willy-nilly. And also, I like that you don't have to go visit to feel connected to that person because in Judaism that person's always with you yeah but like thanks for bringing this up yeah we have no advice sound off in the comments if anybody has any kind of a miserable conversation and it like makes me sad that like this is the conversations you're having with your new husband like right less than a year stop having these conversations my tip is to like seriously drop it I agree that the chips fall where they may and just if being cremated is like really really important to you like make a will important to him I thought no he doesn't want he doesn't believe it just drop it seriously

no but also like if you die first and you want to be cremated and your husband doesn't believe in it and he won't do it if you have a will he legally has to so put it yeah and then and you know every woman should have a will every person every woman uh stop talking about this seriously it's harmful to your relationship okay our third and final is very topical and it's like really unfortunate it's it's an april fool's joke gone really wrong my sister and i are longtime toasters we love you swirlies we decided to pull an apr Fool's joke on my boyfriend, and it completely backfired. We've been dating for six months. We're in a happy relationship. We talk about the future and getting married, and I'm really certain that he's my person.

He was at the gym, and we had told him that we were next door at Whole Foods grocery shopping. As we pulled in, I saw his car, and we thought it would be funny, given it being April Fool's Day, to pull a little joke. We wrote and left him a note on his windshield saying, hey, I think you're really cute. I see you at the gym all the time. Text me. And we gave a fake text number from the Text Plus app. He did it. He said, hey, I believe you left the note on my car. Very confident. Much respect. I was shocked. And I called him about an hour later after seeing him respond to the app. I didn't respond in the app and keep the conversation going because the point of the joke wasn't supposed to be to try to catch him. When confronting him about the text

response he got defensive saying he didn't think what he said was wrong and got pissed off because he thought we were setting him up for a test. Thoughts? Do I have a right to be upset? Does he have a right to be upset? You sound seriously like a battered woman. You absolutely have to break up with this man. He didn't even know what the person looked like. And he sent them a text. Like he could have been a man. Like, I want to say. But it's also like insane that he did that. Oh, for sure. But wait, the fact that you're writing in being like,

does he have a right to be upset? Are you okay? Break up with him. He will cheat on you. He probably has. But like. Bad prank. But you know what bad prank god's looking out for you like you might not have never noticed because you seem to be under his spell yeah but some this man's a

horrible boyfriend yeah break up with him now now this last thought do I have a right to be upset does he have a right to be upset are you okay like I'm really worried about you to answer your question does he have a right to be upset no do you have a right to be upset yeah you should break up with him oh my goodness this is such a weird story like I seriously like I like I'm uncomfortable. And I just like, and of course, like he obviously failed the test. And it's actually a good lesson. Like you ever need to test your man to see if he's loyal. If you feel like he goes to the gym and like creeps on girls, like do this. But this girl wasn't even coming from that place.

I know, which it's like, and it is good to know, like if he is a scoundrel, like it's good that you know now. But seriously, like what are you doing? It's entrapment. Like what didrel. Like, it's good that you know now. But seriously, like, what are you doing? It's entrapment. Like, what did you... No, it's a crazy prank. It's a crazy thing to do, especially to your boyfriend of, like, six months who still might be in this phase of, like, seeing what else is...

Like, of keeping an eye open. Like, I'm not committing... No. Yeah, I think that, like, if they're... A six months isn't, like, the most serious relationship. Your newly boyfriend girlfriend. Yeah, but if you can't... If you can't even stay monogamous at six months,

if he's still keeping his options open, then he's not serious about you. Yeah, you guys aren't serious yet. You wrote in the email, we're talking about the future. We talk about getting married. We are serious. That's what she wrote. Yeah.

Absolutely run for the fucking hills. Like Zach, did this happen? And Zach, like, yeah, I would have totally broken up with him. But at six months of dating, we were very serious. That's what she said to get rid of him. And I want an update. Seriously. Don't do not run away from me.

That's our show. Again, if you want to write in, that's dear toasters at gmail.com or head to the toast podcast.com. Thank you so much for listening to the toast millennium morning show where we deliver the fast five stories. You need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube. So if you're watching this on YouTube,

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