The Toast - Naggy B*tch Wife with Andrew Schulz on The Toast: Monday, March 31st, 2025

Episode Date: March 31, 2025

The Toast with Jackie (@JackieOshry) and Claudia Oshry (@girlwithnojob) Lean InThe Camper and The Counselor by Jackie OshryMerchThe Toast PatreonGirl With No Job by Claudia OshrySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It's Jackson Claude and we're your hosts. It's your favorite show, the fast five things you need to know. We'll start your day off swirly, it's the toast. They sound amazing. Welcome back to the toast. They sound amazing. Welcome back to The Toast. We are so excited to be sitting down with a guest. You know, we kind of don't really do guests,

but today is very special. Jackie and I spent all week last week talking about one of our new favorite comedy specials, Life on Netflix, by Andrew Schultz, and today we are joined by Andrew Schultz. Welcome to The Toast. Welcome Andrew Schultz. Thank you guys so much for having me.

This is an honor. It is so crazy to be sitting down with Andrew Schultz. Like not. I like the full name. Does anyone call you Andrew or is it always Andrew Schultz? I think it's Andrew usually, but I like this Andrew Schultz. He's a firsty lasty. You're a firsty lasty.

You're a firsty lasty. And I say Andrew Schultz. Firsty lasty, okay, go ahead. You know people who you have to say their full name. Like a president or something. Right. Like a firsty lasty, ooh. Or a president or something. Like a first Elasti. Or like a serial killer.

Correct. Totally. It's not Jeffrey, right? You're right. Well, I bring up your last name because... We're so formal with mass murderers. What is that about? It's too formal. I bring up your last name because it's genuinely shocking that you're not a Jew. Everybody assumes I'm a Jew.

Do they? Yeah. Okay, because I did. You listened to what we said about you at the toast, so we don't have to catch you up, but I was like accusing you of being a Jew. And you know what? You're also like a big friend to the Jews. Love the Jews. Yeah, no, it's really refreshing to see.

I've seen you on a lot of podcasts recently. The Jews are always a topic of combo. And you've been a really good friend in LA. I wanna say thanks. Oh, for sure, for sure. Absolutely. And to be clear, you don't look physically Jewish, it's just the sound of your name.

You're the first person that's ever said that. What are you, like Italian? What are you? No, Italian is usually next, my mom is from Scotland, and my dad is Irish and German. Oh. Now I will say. Oh, so he's German.

Well, so there is some family history. Oh, yikes. Really? Well, it depends how you interpret the history. Apparently my family in my German part on my dad's side was from Prussia. They came in like the 1800s, so there's not a lot of like- So you pre-date, yeah.

They missed all the action. They missed the action, but one family member went back there to look for the Schultz family. And apparently in this little town in what is now Germany, but it was Prussia at the time, they were like, I can imagine the conspiracy theories already on the internet. But they're like, yeah, I mean, there was a Schultz family that lived here, but they weren't Catholic. They were Jewish.

Yeah, obviously. Yeah, but Schultz was like Johnson. But is that you or no? They don't know. They came back to Chicago and they're like, yeah, there was this Schultz is like Johnson. But is that you or no? They don't know. They came back to Chicago and they're like, yeah, there was this Schultz family in this place. So it's a Jewish name where you hail from? We don't use the word hail when we talk about Germany.

Which one? Fair. Fair. Fair. So true. No, but they basically came back. They're like, yo, are we Jewish? And the whole family is Catholic in Chicago.

They're just like, I don't know what you're talking about. That was definitely a mix up or whatever. But anyway, that could be where it ended. Have you ever done your ancestry, 23andMe, given your DNA to a baby? And are you scared now? I am. My wife did it and found out she is.

Is what, Jewish? Jewish. Oh wow. But she was raised Christian. And she'll go to church and everything like that. But her mom's mom was Jewish. Oh, so she's totally Jewish. By your guys' rules.

By our standards. If it's the female blood. Yeah. So technically my daughter. And your child. Yeah. Oh my God, congrats. So I gotta protect you guys.

Thank you. A thousand percent. They will take it. And they're taking me down too, if they go after you guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right, you're next. And I don't even get to go to your heaven. How shitty is that?

It's true. It's true. We have like eight different versions. We're all killed and I just go, all right, see're nice. I don't even get to go to your house. How shitty is that? It's true. We have eight different versions. We're all killed and I just go, alright, see you later, guys. Thanks for the help. Such a good ally, but you can't get in. Yeah. No exceptions.

So, Jackie and I were talking before because we watched your special and I feel like actually this is not the first time you came up on the toast. You made news the last time you did a special where you bought back your own special from Netflix. And I'm so curious. It was Amazon.

How do you go back and say? With your tail between your legs. I've said millions of things about Netflix. I said Netflix was dead on Rogan the first time I was on there and then did a Netflix special with them a few years later. So they're forgiving? They're forgiving or it's like you know you kind of got to be a little mean to them. Oh they like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like or it's like they're you know you kind of got to be a little mean to them. Oh they like that.

Yeah yeah yeah. They're like a fuckboy. It had to be a dickhead a little bit. When you buy back your own special like do you have to give the money back that you got or you have to like spend more of your own money? How much did you spend? You've got to spend more. I don't know if I could legally say how much I spent but you've got to spend more because you got to spend what they think they can make on it. And did you make back everything you spent? Yeah and some. But you gotta spend more because you gotta spend what they think they can make on it. So. And did you make back everything you spent? Yeah, and some.

We bought it. We did buy it. On Moment House, right? Thank you guys, yeah Moment. Well you said it was so controversial, a streaming service wouldn't pick it up. We were like, well now we need to know what he said. I didn't even think it was that crazy.

Like I get it for, like if you're Amazon, like you make most of your money selling like home goods and shit, right? So why would you wanna mess up a trillion dollar business on my Michael Jackson joke or some bullshit? So I get it as a business owner. If I was a Netflix, or not even Netflix, I'm an Amazon stockholder, I'd be like,

don't buy this asshole special. It's not gonna make the company any money, but it's gonna lose us money, potentially. Now culture's changed. I guarantee if this happened this year, they wouldn't even balk about it. It would be nothing. Yeah, would you ever go back there if things worked out?

I did three movies with Amazon. Oh, okay. Movies are. I'm surprised you guys- So you're an actor? Did you not see that? No, I hate acting, but I do it because isn't it boring?

Yeah, we actually did that. We had a commercial shoot today. Oh! Yeah. It's really painful. I know everyone clowns on actors. We would be so missed. You guys. I know everyone clowns on actors. We would be so amused.

You guys have too many opinions to be around actors. This actors is like yes, queening. Like they all just hang out with each other. They're not really educated about anything. And they just say like the kindest, sweetest thing to each other. And they will go, oh, yes, you are so right. Where you girls are like, I don't like gray carpets.

Like you have like strong opinions about things. And you walk in a room with them, and they're like, I don't like gray carpets. You have strong opinions about things and you walk in a room with them and they're like, I don't know what to do with this information. We do have strongly opinions, strong opinions but loosely held. At least for me. What does that mean? I will go so hard for a topic

and then somebody will say something and I'm like, you know, you're kinda right. Yeah, I see that. The last YouTube video I watch is what I believe. Thank you, yes. I am so easily swayed. Dude, especially with kids, I was telling, I would joke around about this all the time,

like, you know, with the vaccine stuff, I don't even know what the hell's going on. I hate that it's even a topic now. No, totally. Why did you even give us information that now we gotta learn? No, when I go to the grocery store now, I take my thermal receipt like this.

Have you seen those videos yet? No, why, what's the deal? The ink, the heat that prints, the printer that prints a receipt has some thermal, like hormone risk disruptors. And I look like an asshole that I don't wanna touch what the lady touched behind the check. And I'm like, I just wish I had ever saw that.

You don't wanna touch what the lady touched. I'm literally touching this disgusting shopping cart. You think you're better than that. It's not about germs, but now I'm just like, hormone disruptors, thanks. Yeah, see, this is what we have to go through as parents. And then people call us lunatics that don't even have kids. And it see this is what we have to go through as parents, right? And people call us lunatics that don't even have kids and it's like once you have a kid you're a lunatic

No, and it's like even if one out of the ten things that they say turn out to be what it is It's worth doing all the other nine things even if it's just for nothing. Yeah, it's like What is that that stupid thing about like not walking under a ladder? It's like I still don't do it No, I know it doesn't mean anything But like I know doesn't mean anything but at the same time it's like it's so easy to not walk under the fucking ladder. Yeah so the same thing. Why would you? Yeah the hormones aren't gonna do anything if they are there. Yeah. But it's also I could just wrap my hoodie around it and then I have to not deal with these hormonal side effects.

Right just in case. I just feel like I should leave you two alone like you and your hormones. We have a lot in common. It's really parenthood that makes you this person. You, I mean, it's... And podcasting. Podcasting just makes you curious. This is what I want. Go, go, go. And it makes you have strong opinions about things. It makes you just think about stuff.

Because you can't just come on here and be like, everybody makes sense. Things are good and working the way they should. It's like a reality show. Like, the best characters on reality shows are either people who are hyper aware, so they're super insecure about what people think of them, or Kathy Hilton, which is the opposite. Doesn't give a fuck.

But like, it doesn't even know what's going on. Like, I'll watch my wife watch the Real Housewives thing, and I'll walk in, and there's that scene. She's like, I found out I'm Chinese. And they're like, you didn't answer us through dot com. She's like, no, a person told me in Bangladesh. And they're like, what? And she's like, most of us would say that

and know we're being silly. She's completely unaware. She's like. And I believe her too. And it's amazing. Yeah. So that's what we need. Do you watch a lot of Bravo by osmosis? By osmosis, yeah. And it's amazing. So that's what we need. Do you watch a lot of Bravo, Bi-osmosis? Bi-osmosis, yeah.

And it's so weird. I reluctantly watch it until there's a tipping point. And then I'm like, I got to kind of know what's going on here. Because it's so good. Dude, I bumped into Andy. Oh, wow. It was at the Sunset Tower in LA, and he was staying there. And I had to stop him.

I'd be like, dude, I don't know if anybody's giving you your flowers. Regular TV is kind of dead. The only TV people are watching is the one I like, I had to stop him, I'd be like, dude, I don't know if anybody's giving you your flowers, like, regular TV's kinda dead. The only TV people are watching are the shows you made. Yeah. It's like, sports? No, he created it entirely new.

Yeah, well Bravo is sports for women. Yeah. We like have watch parties, we bet on it. Yeah. Bet on it. Yeah. That's what the gambling companies need to figure out. Thousand percent. It's true. If they can figure out how women can gamble on Real Housewives, it would be over. Or like The Bachelor. A thousand percent. The Bachelor, I think they do that. They do like

March Madness for The Bachelor. You have a bracket. But there's gotta be someone who knows what happens, so it's kind of like... Yeah. That's true. No, they send out screeners of the episodes. Same with the NFL. Just kidding. I literally don't even have an opinion. See how it starts? Strong opinions. Strong opinions loosely help. I actually don't even have an opinion on that. Like I could give two shits if it's scripted. I just like how naughty you thought you were being. Yes you did.

So is the end of the aisle. It was just like, you know, that's what people say. That's what the haters say. You watch one fucking video, you see one tweet, and you're like, that's what the world is. Yeah, you saw that video. Once somebody opens your eyes to it, it's a little convenient that everything happened

with Taylor Swift and what's his name, Travis. And they held the ball. Who has this exact thing happens to Jews? That's how it happens. Oh my god, you're so right. It's one video. No, it's true. It's one video people watch and they're like,

wait a minute. On the Rothschilds. Exactly, what do you mean? They own the bank, what? The Fed, what? Another one and then here we are. It's actually a fair comparison. Yeah, okay. Okay, we'll stop, we'll stop. We'll scale back.

Yeah, we'll scale it back. We feel bad. So your special came out and everybody's talking about it because it made us all cry. Aw. And I obviously felt extremely susceptible to cry. I had no idea. Claudia cried a lot.

I was uncontrollably sad. You know, I am like super pregnant. Yes, congratulations by the way. Thank you so much. Do you know boy or girl? It's a boy, yeah. And I've only gained about 11 pounds, which is amazing. Little basketball.

From the back people don't even know I'm pregnant. They just say, wow, she's fat. That is the worst stage, right? I just saw my weight yesterday. I've been saying, I'm like, please don't tell me. It's my first pregnancy, it's like a lot. What does he exactly say? I said, I don't wanna know.

She says don't tell me when she goes into the gyno. Is it the gyno? Yeah, then they handed me a form, and I don't know why I looked at it, and I saw it right there yesterday. For the first time, it was really, I don't wanna talk about it. Do you wanna tell the people?

No, no, actually. I already pressed her. I literally, I sent her a text message like I'm like I'll tell you her weight she could say it it's 105 pounds I would never but she told us like how much she's netted so far like that's different than saying yeah and I like a long complicated history like with being fat so like it's just been it's been a journey but I don't want to talk about me right um said that, I turned on your special you know to escape. Of course. And I had no I didn't really know what it was

about I just had like seen your comedy before and I thought me and my husband would enjoy it together. And I actually no I didn't know that you were sharing about your journey with infertility. Yeah. So we could both. I like to call it fertility. Okay. Yeah. Like you You know how when someone goes on a spiritual journey, it's not called an unspiritual journey. Yeah, to become spiritual. The idea is, or you name the thing the goal, it's like a weight loss journey, not a weight gain journey.

Yeah. Hopefully. You name the thing the goal, it's true. So it's fertility journey. I love that. Our journey to be fertile. So I knew that that was the subject. I thought maybe my husband and I would both enjoy it because we're, you know, we did TTC, you know?

And try to conceive. That's what it's called when you're trying. Got that period, got it, got it, got it, got it. So you say are you TTCing? Yeah, we are, we are. That's just on the internet actually. People don't say that. They just say we're trying.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, trying. Thank you for, that's an important decision. It's very internet. It's a super intimate thing to ask people. It is, it is. That's why I think, well you're not supposed to ask people now these days. Like are you trying?

It's like somebody, but in internet speak, it's like so everybody knows, like just stop asking you, I'm TTC-ing. Having said that, I thought we would enjoy it, and we did, but I really thought you just came out of left field and hit us with a bus at the end. And I was inconsolably crying. It was it was a mix of things but also the editing on that little montage.

Shout out to Vala for doing that. I really did spoil it on the podcast. It was so so good. Oh yeah he's brilliant. He's super talented and yeah that was a cool thing. That was definitely a cool thing. When we were doing the tour in the beginning obviously you know we hadn't had Shiloh yet. So a lot of the tour people didn't see that part of the video. Oh. And then also you're like terrified, right?

Because you don't want jinxed anything. So I don't even want to say we're pregnant in the beginning until it gets to the point where the baby's healthy. Passed viability. Viability, exactly. And eventually it gets there. My wife's like, OK, I feel comfortable with you saying we're pregnant. I'm like, okay, boom, we do that.

And then I kinda reordered things, and then in the end, I was like, yeah, I just feel like they've been on this journey, and I think that we kinda owe it to the audience to know that it worked out, or just to know. I can't leave every show going, and then we'll see. And then all these people are coming out like, what the fuck do you mean? What does that mean?

And but I started, you know, and we did the video and it was like, yeah, the impact was wild. Like you get these DMs from people and everybody's going through it. Like at my age, it's every feels, it went from feeling like nobody's going through it to does anybody have them regular anymore? Right, right.

And it was really comforting. Yeah. You don't feel alone. All these people reaching out and going like, hey, I literally haven't told a single person because I'm embarrassed or my wife doesn't want that information out. Are you saying people reaching out to you

sharing male infertility or both? Both. Okay. Both. I think that women really, men appreciated the male infertility part. You don't hear about it a lot. You don't. Because most of us don't even know.

And if there is any issue, we just assume it's you. A thousand times. We're more complicated. And you just have never heard a story about it, where it was. Also, we can see it. Like you guys don't, we don't ever see your eggs. Like we see. That's true.

You know, the soup. Yeah, stuff. But we don't see the actual egg. But our shit we see. So when we look at it, it's like, well that looks like sperm. It looks right. And this is maybe a dumb question.

Does sperm like yours look the same as others? Yeah. Okay. You know, I mean less of it than the pornos, but it still looks like it. Right. You know? So it's not like they don't look like they're swimming.

They look like they're swimming on any porno watch, right? So basically you just go into this thing and there's no way, and then you find it out. And then when I found out that it was me, it was way easier to talk about on stage. If it was my wife's issue, I don't think I'd be comfortable talking about it on stage. Yeah.

I think that's fair. Yeah. And making jokes and yeah. Yeah, because it's kind of, now don't get me wrong, she bears the burden of this story, and it was something I worked on to, I'm like, I'm not the hero in this story, and I think that was something I worked on to, I'm like, I'm not the hero in this story, and I think that was something,

I feel like I communicated well. Yes, like you put so much of the emphasis, and the part in the special that really made me start crying was when you had that scare, and you turned to your wife and you were like, I'm so sorry that my shit is causing you all this distress, you're sort of helpless, even though technically it's your medical issue.

And she was just like, no bitch, it's our problem. I just loved that. And I also loved how I think. You wanna know a funny thing about that, Lime? Is the first joke I talk about is my people when they say we are pregnant. And it's like, your wife is pregnant. It's ridiculous, it's insulting to say it.

And I go, it's like when my wife says, we made a lot of money. So funny, so funny. I did the joke there as a juxtaposition with that final line when she goes, it's our problem. So like, in the beginning, I'm being selfish. Like look at me, like, oh, I made the money, it's my money, it's not our money, it's my money.

And then in the hardest moment of her life, she could easily go. She's taking on the burden. She takes it all with me. Each put to the shame, yeah. Yeah, and it's like. She's so much better than you. Maybe it is our money.

No, but that's. No, it's not. No, no, but you're right, like that is the takeaway and kind of like what I learned through it. Which is like, yeah, it is all ours. She's taken on this? What? She didn't, she's not born that way?

She's choosing to take on that struggle. So I'm like, all right, then it's all ours. Everything's ours. No, I loved it. Yeah, I think as with like a lot of what you shared in the special, like we feel, and we're, Claudia's pregnant and I have two kids, and like when you go through this time of your life

of like having kids, you realize how magical it is and how incredible and miraculous it is, what the female body does, and we like talk about it, and I feel like as women our age, we're like, wow, yeah. That was great. So to hear it from like a man's POV with a comedic take is like something we've never heard before, and I'm sure also men felt the same,

like do you feel like the response from this has been so different from everything else? Nothing like this. Oh really? I mean I've never seen a special like it. Like it was really powerful. Yeah just putting like such a positive emphasis on family and yeah child making and rearing. But also my biggest takeaway like I find it really difficult the older I get to watch certain male comedians because if you're gonna you know your your life is your father so I mean you're talking about your wife and I like we joke about our husbands we're so

mean to them all the time sure but at the end of the day I think when people listen they can tell it comes from a place of like real respect and love and I just think sometimes you hear people talk about sure morons sometimes you hear people talk about their wives and it's so derogatory and they always say my wife loves it. But it's so fucking derogatory. Sometimes it feels angry. Yeah, no and it just feels like, okay, maybe it's funny but was this joke really worth it?

And I liked that it came through. I know that everything you shared, your wife ultimately approved it but I didn't think of one joke that she, I would be offended on her behalf for. It was still so respectful but you're talking about her vagina. You're talking about her getting figured out the doctor,

which is so true. It's literally so crazy how often you get fingered. It's crazy how nobody even tells you that that's part of the process. Imagine literally just a finger in your vagina. What about the probe? I don't have to imagine. The probe.

The probe. Oh, the silver shit? The transaginal. Stick, the wand. The wand. When they check your cervix. I thought that was a vibrator. Yeah, it looks like one.

Yeah, I was like, oh, okay, we're warming it up. What's going on here, doctor? The wand. The wand. It's so crazy. So I just really, really respected your ability to talk about your wife and still like, you know, in a sort of kind of crazy sexual way.

While ultimately I'm like, oh, this man loves his wife so much. Yeah, I heard you guys talk about that and that was a really cool takeaway for me'm like, oh, this man loves his wife so much. Yeah, I heard you guys talk about that and that was a really cool takeaway for me. Because again, as I'm doing it, I'm not going, okay, the goal here is that everybody thinks I love my wife. I'm like, the goal here is that we laugh at this really difficult time

and I tell this story that people are invested in and then icing on the cake is maybe people went through something similar and they don't feel stigmatized, but that's not the goal, but that'd be awesome. But I've heard this take also from a lot of different people, it's like, wow, it really feels like he honors her or he really loves her, he cares about her.

And I'm like, that's cool that that happened without it being the goal, because it means that's how I feel about that person. Because it's easy, we know people that pretend, and then in reality they don't. And then I think what you've seen with a lot of comedians is like sometimes people marry the person that they think women are or men are.

In other words, if they don't like women, they marry someone they cannot like. And they're not even aware of that. And here they are in this relationship not liking them and it's like, well yeah, this is what you think of women. Like, I love women so I'm gonna not settle for someone that I don't love. That makes you dislike women.

Yeah, right, but like, I think some people are. You're gay. No, but for real, so it's like, but I think some people don't really, sometimes I kind of understand where you're coming from. Now listen, like you said, your husbands are gonna be fucking annoying, you're gonna run them.

And like, some of my favorite comedians have said the most heinous shit about women, but I wasn't looking at them like, they hate women. It's a hilarious bit about you. A thousand percent. It's different when it's about women in general versus your wife. Also, when you make it kind of personal,

you're letting people into that life. And they're gonna have opinions based on that relationship. Just like if you told me a story about your relationship and that's the only thing I know about it, I'm gonna be like, huh, that's interesting. It's so true, it's so true. So what's the process of you writing a joke and running it by your wife?

You perform it first or you? Yeah, but we have a good thing. We have a good understanding, which is she's like, listen, if it's jokes, it's good. I trust you. I don't think, I'm never trying to make her look foolish. That's not true. She'll look foolish, but I'm not gonna try to make her be,

I'm not gonna make her look, I'm not gonna try to make her look, I'm not gonna try to embarrass her. Unless it's for something funny. The other day, my wife, we were going to take Shiloh to the Museum of Natural History and we parked literally across the street from it and there's a parking attendant walks by and right in front of the garage

that you're talking about. You pull up, yes. And my wife is doing all the paying for the parking or whatever like that, and I ask the parking attendant as he walks in, I'm like, yo, can we park here? And he's like, no, you can't park here. And I go to my wife, I'm like, ah, we can't park here. My wife goes, no, we can park here. I'm with her.

Oh no, I'm with the rules are the rules. The fucking parking attendant is right there. Well, why would you ask, first of all? Well, because I don't want to get the ticket and I like the same price I look at the same price She's 100% right. It's actually cheaper. No times to get a ticket to pay for my friend. My friend doesn't get a garage specifically My husband we get three parking tickets every single day We also pay for a garage by the way, but he's like, I believe he's going down time He's like I'll leave it on the street. There's a we get three parking tickets every single day. We also pay for a garage, by the way. But he's like, when he's going downtown,

he's like, I'll leave it on the street. There's a 50% chance you're gonna get a ticket. Sometimes you don't. So then it's free, and then if it's not, you paid for a garage. Yeah, this is girl math right here. Yeah, it's my husband's math. My wife is doing the girl math too,

because she's like, yeah, she doesn't think she goes. She goes, Ubers are so expensive these days. They're so expensive. And I'm like, what are you getting with this? Like, what do you mean Ubers are so fucking expensive? And she's like, for example, I got a ticket going to this restaurant, but if I Ubered, it would be more expensive

than getting this ticket. And I'm supposed to be like, bravo, babe, look at you, saving us money, oh my God. But dude, when the parking attendant said that we couldn't park there, and my wife disagreed with the parking attendant. He was literally there to hand out tickets, like he works for the NYPD.

I looked back at him and I was about to be like, can you explain? And he just goes, I'm not gonna involve this. I'm just kidding. Can I tell you something that you should try? Yes. If you're parking in an illegal spot, just like a tip, pass it on to your wife.

I love this. Like go find the nearest car that has a ticket and you take the ticket and you put it in your own window and the parking guy will be like, oh, I already got this car and then you move on. Okay, but then what about that person who thinks they didn't get a ticket? Not your problem.

It's also, they mail the tickets. Like you get a ticket like in person, but nobody pays it, they mail it to you too. So like, she'll get it in the mail. And in that moment, that person thinks that they crushed it. And then you're bringing them joy. That's the thing you're giving them. You know, I knew we were gonna get it.

It's a gift for everybody. Two weeks later, bang, right to your fucking doorstep. No, I'm telling you, it's kind of brilliant. It's a win-win. Yeah, the city is wild, like every man for themselves. It's so true. You can't be worried about your fellow passengers. It's just not, there's not enough time in the day.

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Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state. So that's like a good neighbor. State Farm is there. No, I will not stop singing because I have the microphone to myself. Thank you, State Farm. Today's episode of The Toast is also brought to you by Saks Fifth Avenue. Saks Fifth Avenue is where the girlies and the swirly's are shopping for the pargiest wears. Saks makes it so easy to shop for all facets of my life. Of course women's wear, clothing, accessories, you got to stay on trend. They also have adorable things for kids. I can get some nice things for my husband. You know we do this show every day and we want to show up, we want to look nice, for my husband. You know, we do this show every day and we wanna show up, we wanna look nice, we wanna wear something new,

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it actually happened really naturally. We found ourselves spending a lot of time being naggy bitchy wives, but we hated that we weren't. We were so justified. Some of us are just being right and you sound like a naggy bitch wife, but that's what it takes to be a wife sometimes.

Give me an example. Okay, I'm so glad you asked. So, be careful, because it inspired, the paper towels, it inspired this segment we do on our show called Naggy Bitch Wife, where people will write in and be like, am I justified or am I just being a naggy bitch wife? And so for me, I'm very clean, I love to clean,

I love a clean house, my husband is getting better. But we were cooking dinner and then we were cleaning up. And so he sprays the surface cleaner on the counter. And he wipes the surface cleaner off with a dish rag, not a paper towel, which I thought was just dumb behavior. And I'm like, you should switch. But then, there are certain dishes you have to hand dry. So to hand dry a dish, he'll use a paper towel.

Like he's using them inversely. And it got me so mad, because first of all, it's such a waste, and second of all, it's just dumb, do better. And I was like, am I being a naggy bitch wife? That one, I actually feel like. 100%. I feel like if he's cleaning, he's cleaning, take the win.

The bar is in hell. Yeah, do you remember what his apartment looked like before you guys moved in? We've been together since we were like 11. There was one place. Yeah. Do you remember what his room looked like at his parents' house?

Yeah, filthy, and it's better, of course, but it's been 11 years. We're not pacing the way we should. Okay, you know, this is a good example of like, like with gender roles, I hate this, gender roles, what are we supposed to do but still we both have we both do these things that we say we're doing for one another because it sounds noble like I'll find myself you and doing like I provide I protect my wife like like as if guys

are trying to punch my wife in the head at a bar like like when has that ever happened? Yes I would I think depending on the head at a bar. Like when has that ever happened? Yes I would I think, depending on the size. You're not logging a lot of hours protected. But I protect and I provide, as if I wouldn't work if I wasn't married. I was a comedian before I was married. But here's the thing, you guys would be like, I keep this place clean for my family.

All day, every day. I make a home, you guys are doing it whether we're there or not. You're not doing it for us. Just like we're not providing for you. Rebuttal though, there is more to clean when you live in my house. 100%, but here's the thing.

We would be fine with it being dirty. You're the only ones that are upset with it being dirty. We would live in a pigsty. That doesn't make it right that you wanna live in a barn. It's not right, it's not right. It's not right. It's not right. But it is what it is.

Yeah, like you're really doing it for you. You're doing it for you, and you're saying you do it for me. Just like when I go work, I'm like, I'm doing this for you. It's like, no, I love what it is. Yeah, like you're really doing it for you. You're doing it for you and you're saying you do it for me. Just like when I go work, I'm like, I'm doing this for you. It's like, no, I love what I do for a living. Will you be paid by then? Like, what are you talking about? Shut up! This is why we wanted to ask you because we do a lot of like advice stuff on our show.

We've had a couple like confounding ones. We wanted to get like a male opinion. Cause these are Jackson's. I have one too that I wanted to ask you about. Yeah, please, please. Okay, okay, okay. So there's this thing that a lot of people have obviously talked about.

I'm sure you guys talk about maybe Ix. Is that like an Ix culture? Yeah, we're not a fan of Ix culture. Anti-Ix have obviously talked about I'm sure you guys talk about maybe X is that like yeah I'm glad I'm we're on the same people gotten so carried away With them but not who wear like their shirts on top Here's my theory on it, okay And we're talking to some of the girls in our office about this I will take a couple steps to get there. Some you might disagree with, but just let me get there

and I think it will make sense. So a lot of times a guy in a relationship, I think one of our biggest fears is being with someone that we actually don't like. So we avoid, what is it called when you say you're in a relationship with each other? Monogamy. Commitment.

Sure. Yeah, yeah, I don't even know the word. Uh. God, get some memory. Yeah, yeah, I don't even know the word. Uh. God, get some now. That's actually a good reason for avoiding commitment because you're scared that it would be the wrong one. Scared it's the wrong person and we don't want to be with it.

And it's easier to get out of something that's not solid. Exactly, right? Like some people even ghost their way out of that, right? Yeah. Like you would never ghost your boyfriend or girlfriend. That's fucked up. But ghost their person.

But you want to leave the option open. If it's a loose commitment. Interesting, I never thought of it that way. Whereas, and this is what some of the girls in the office said, a woman's greatest fear is being alone. There's so much familial pressure, and yes, we live in a new day where women have jobs and can do all these different things.

But we're still biologically, we are who we are. We don't want to. And this learning to like, hey, I don't wanna be alone. So a lot of times, women, because of this want to be alone. So a lot of times women, because of this pressure to be with somebody, to not be alone, will end up dating guys they don't like. And when you don't like somebody,

everything about them is an ick. Wearing a shirt that's untucked is an ick. When you love someone, as I'm sure you guys love your husbands, everything, it's cute. It's cute. Yeah, when I do something weird, it's like, oh, they're so cute. Because you love them. Sometimes'm sure you guys love your husband's everything it's cute because you love them and you know this about exactly over here

Emma Emma listen to what she just said Emma's my wife yeah because I know she's gonna listen to Emma listen she just toenails on the nightstand is a normal thing we all do this is you do that too my wife because I know she's gonna listen to this. Emma listen when she does it. Toenails on the nightstand is a normal thing we all do. This is a normal one. You do that too? My wife was dying laughing from the shower. She looks at the door of the bathroom's open. She sees me organizing my toenails on the nightstand and she's dying laughing in the shower as I'm putting together a nice little pile. It actually makes me feel better because Jackie's husband doesn't do that so I was

like oh my god it's like my husband's especially disgusting. You don't want to see his feet that's the only reason he doesn't do it because he's done it too much yeah you collect them and then you dispose of them you leave them for your wife to clean up no I put them under the carpet or something behind the bed when we moved apartments I threw him behind that the headboard and then when we moved apartments my wife sent me a picture of what the floor under the bed looked like. This is so good for you.

It makes you feel better. It makes you feel so bad. Yeah, it's just like my special. We all go through it. No, no, no. I'm just joking. No, but yeah, okay, so this is, so the take on the ick culture is this thing

that a lot of girls are with guys they don't like. They think it's that they have these icks. They just don't like that dude and everything about them they're repulsed by. Yeah, that's a really good take. I like, for us, we're just like, all this stuff, like these aren't deal breakers, this like. It's nothing.

You can get icked out about anything and also an ick doesn't mean you should break up with someone. No. So if you're just like counting all the ways this person is like. You don't like them. Cringy and embarrassing. That's so mean. That's just, you're not going to like them. You're just gonna look at them. Yeah, you're not gonna like them.

This is not for you. Yeah. Move out of here, it's done. And you're gonna be miserable no matter what. Yeah. If you're worried if he lifts his shoulders in the rain I saw that one stop it okay so you guys go Jackie's naggy bitch wife I actually think I actually think that actually not me being the naggy bitch way but I was wondering if I was wrong in this situation because I was having like an art a disagreement with my husband we didn't reach our and we never like take

each other's husband's side. I always have jaggies back. But in this particular, yeah. And it's like she wasn't agreeing with me. I didn't see what you were seeing. When I'm in the car with my husband and our kids were doing a weekend outing and if I go into the console to get a piece of gum

or hand sanitizer. She's in the passenger seat. I'm in the passenger seat, he's driving. And if I take out the hand sanitizer, I'll use it, and then I put it away and I shut the console and he goes, were you gonna offer me some? And I'm like, can't you just ask when you see I'm using it if you would like some?

Is it, if it's gum? Both, all the same. You gotta offer. That's what I said. If it's hand sanitizer, it's actually like a little micromanaging. If it's hand sanitizer. Let's be real Jackie, you don't even like hand sanitizer, it's always gum. Yeah, it's actually like a little micromanaging. If it's hand sanitizer. Let's be real Jackie, you don't even like hand sanitizer. It's always gum.

Yeah it's gum. I like, no I have a hand sanitizer that I like. It's a Sprite's peppermint. And you do have to sanitize a lot like with the kids. I might have just changed a dirty diaper. It's totally gum. Or maybe that just came from the zoo. Yeah.

I think that like pulling out gum in a car is like kind of pulling out gum in like a classroom. Yeah you need to pass it around. You have to have it for everybody. I just feel like if you want him to just ask, don't wait till I put it away. So this, what I think is this is probably pricking a bigger, not issue, I'm not like

psychologically analyzing. Oh not there. No, no, yeah, where he just like wants me to be like, you want this? I think he wants, I think he might want a little more attention and he want a little more consideration and this is an example of him not being considered. Now I think this happens probably a lot of times

when couples have kids is all the concern. Your care goes to the child. And you wanna be like, not mothered, but like you thought of. We wanna be mothered. And honestly, every guy, even if we're not aware of it, we do want that attention. But another thing we do also,

and something I know is even with my wife, is like, I'm so excited to see my daughter. Like, any time I FaceTime my wife, I'm doing it to see my daughter. And I remember I called her once and she picked up, she's like, oh, I'm just coming home from the gym, I'm not with Shiloh. And I felt so bad because her reaction was he doesn't even wanna talk to me,

he just wants to talk to the kid. And it really made me go, okay, I need to really be putting in time to make sure she knows how I do feel about her. I haven't changed the way I feel about her. But I need to make sure that she doesn't ever forget that the feelings I had before are only amplified now with the baby.

But as you guys know, it's when you have a baby, it's so exciting. Jackie, is that how you feel when I call you? I'm always just like, where are the kids? Yeah, I know when she's calling, when it's just like not for me at all. I actually don't even pick up those times if I'm not with them or if they're not available to talk or if they're doing something

where I don't want them on the phone. But no, I don't feel that way because we talk all day. Because I feel the love. Got it, got it, got it, got it. So what's the last thing your wife nagged you about? We're gonna tell you if she's being a naggy bitch wife or if she was justified in bothering you about it. But it really is interesting, like sharing our opinions.

Cause like both sides are human here, you know? Yeah, it's crazy that women are human. Yeah, every day. It's crazy that women are, as you're like shocked, like men are human. Like what do you think about it? No, like, you know what I mean? Cause we say, like people write in the craziest stuff.

Like this one girl was like saying how her husband just like pees, like he'll pee in the sink. All the time. In their bathroom. Like, like. The toilet's free. The toilet's free and how her husband just like pees, like he'll pee in the sink in their bathroom. Like, like. The toilet's free. The toilet's free and like somebody shows up and he's like pee in the sink. Why is that?

And he's like, is that, am I in my negative toilet? And she was asking if that was like a toenail thing. Like to all guys do that. No, that's not a toenail thing. And we were like. Your wife is, your husband's an alcoholic and he needs to really figure that out, yeah. Interesting.

Claudia always jumps to your husband's gay. Yeah. But what was the one? Oh, the guy like did it. Wait, why is peeing in the sink gay? interesting yeah Claudia always jumps to your husband's gay yeah what was the one oh the guy why is being a sink gay I'm just kind of gay glory hole about it I don't know we're like the girl who um he just wants because there's a mirror in front of the sink the guy was like I he really didn't want to show her his butthole and I was like oh cuz it's like stretch out cuz he's cuz he's gay wait why would she want to see his butthole?

For some reason she wanted to see his butthole. Like a sexual thing? No, it was like either medical, anytime it's ever come up he's like so crazy about it. Like sometimes you have to see your partner's butthole. I showed my wife my butthole and my wife's father my butthole within like the first few weeks of dating. Is he a doctor?

What were the circumstances? I had a hemorrhoid. Oh, that'll do it. I had a brutal hemorrhoid and it was just not healing and I didn't know what doctor to go to and it was like. What are his qualifications? No, he's just a plumber, but I figured he'd know about that.

I honestly feel like maybe he's had one. He's a gyno, no, he's a gyno. Oh! So like she basically said, she's like, listen, my doctor is a gynecologist and in pregnancy this happens a lot with women. Like, you know, there's a lot of pushing, you get hemorrhoids,

so he would be able to diagnose it if you want. And I was like, yeah, sure, so I just, I went to the bathroom, I took a picture, and I sent it over. That was the first interaction I had. That was the first interaction I had with a father. You took a picture of your own butthole? Yeah, that was the first interaction I had with a father.

Did you do yoga? That is so funny. Do I do yoga? No, no, I mean. Well, I like stability. What do you want to, I'm just curious, like. I think I went like this, and I went up. Oh, okay, okay.

It's probably not a very good picture. No, no, it wasn't flattering his hair all over it. Yeah, I didn't shave. I didn't go, I didn't make sure my booty all looked good for her dad. Well, do you think the guy who doesn't want to show his butt hole, what's that about? I think he's just a normal human being

and I think his life is a freak. No, like, some things call for it. Like, an enema. She's gonna stick something in there. An enema. There's no reason, did she do the enemas? Like, why is, why is she? Sometimes you need your partner to give you an anima.

Wait, all right. Yeah. Tell me about that experience. What is that like? Oh, I can tell you I've given Ben an anima one time. What? Yeah. Hold on now. He was really sick. Did you write this? They're very close.

Did you write this question? No, no, no. I'm not weird, like Jackie's very weird about body parts. Don't do this, don't do this, don't do this. I'm not, like I'm not really, I'm not icky. No, like things don't gross me out. She proceeds to say the weirdest thing ever. Okay.

I mean like, she's not like, she's not shy. Sensitive. Yes, I understand what you're saying. I don't know, like a butthole's just a butthole. I don't know, it's like, I didn't think much of it. Yeah. And he was really sick and I was like wanting, you know, I'm also like kind of freaky.

Like I like popping pimples. Like I like certain. That's a normal girl thing. Yeah, so I don't know, the butthole was just like, let's see what's going on. And I gave him an Edamame, and he felt so much better. And honestly, I felt like a hero. I like certain. That's a normal girl thing. Yeah, so I don't know, the butthole was just like, let's see what's going on. And I gave him an enema and he felt so much better and honestly, I felt like a hero. What'd you put in there?

What type of? It's the Fleet brand. And it's just a like, sailing. It's sailing solution. Just sailing, because they do coffee enemas. Oh yeah, it doesn't. Oh no. This is like, if you really want to know,

you squeeze it up and then you have to wait seven minutes. So he's got to hold it in. And you get like the worst, it feels like you have the runs, but you have to wait the seven minutes. he's gotta hold it in. And you get like the worst, it feels like you have the runs, but you have to wait the seven minutes. And seven minutes are kind of like hellish. But then after that, you're on the floor. It just flows.

And he was just loving life. And he was really grateful. And I kind of saved his life. And I think that's maybe one of the reasons he wanted to marry me. Wait, this is before you guys are married? Oh yeah, it was really early too. Oh, you gotta marry that girl.

Yeah, 100%. Because she knows too much. Yeah, 100%. 100%. You gotta marry her killer. It's not, it's the girl that shot something in your asshole. You can't walk around the street. Oh, that's to say sometimes you need to see

your partner's asshole. Yes, that's fair. That's fair. I mean, you and I have done that. Correct. So we know for a fact it works. Did your wife's dad deliver your baby? No, no, no.

We got it delivered here up in, Oh, when he's not here. Was it Presbyterian? Yeah, he's out there on the West Coast. Okay. Yeah. And what was he? What is it, 68th Street or something like that? 71st? Presbyterian?

It's phenomenal, by the way. I don't know if anybody's planning on having a kid, but it's an amazing facility. Amazing. You can get private rooms and stuff like that. For as stressful as that experience is, to walk in there and not have to deal with the other people that were also going through it it was incredible so.

I'm glad you had a nice experience. Yeah yeah so they just said if I shot it on seven podcasts. That's nice we're happy to have facilitated that for you. We really loved the special it was just so. Nagi gets wife I was thinking what was the one. Oh yeah. What is the last thing your wife bothered you about? Like household chore wise.

Chore wise? She's not, she doesn't really bother me about that. She's like very great about the chore wise. Here's something that I think is good. But I think I would agree with this one. Okay. A self aware king. Well, it's like finding, we had a conversation about like,

what is the bare minimum amount of time, undivided time that you want from me, with me and you and the baby, and just me and you a week, where no resentment can build up, where you don't feel like important and valued. What's the bare minimum? And then let's exceed it, but let's just find the floor where you know you'll feel valued, important,

and a priority. Because I think it's very easy, like in entertainment, as you guys know, it's very easy to be like, oh, I got this thing. Or there's another opportunity. There's always another thing. And like for example, with Shiloh, like the goal is I'm with her every single morning

and I'm back by six o'clock and I'm there until she goes to sleep. And it's like everything's gotta end at 5.45 so I can be back by six or 5.30, whatever. Is that you telling us? Okay, we'll get you out of here. No, no. So unless for example I'm with her longer during the day.

But I don't wanna lose a chunk. So if I have this many hours. But you still gotta apply that to wifey. And so I don't think she was nagging. I think it was like her going, listen, I don't ever bother you about work. Have you ever once heard me bother you about work? 100%.

But if you're home and I see you on your phone or doing something like that, that's gonna make me feel, it's actually gonna just make me feel like you don't wanna be with me or you don't value the time with me. And I know that that's not the case, but that's kinda what it feels like.

And honestly, feelings are what matter matter we could say all we want about like well here's the data definition okay great this is what it fucking feels like exactly yeah so and and it just made me go oh wow if I won she doesn't ever bitch about work mm-hmm so why don't we find out the amount of time where she really feels fulfilled, right? And then we're just valued. And then if we go over it, it's even more. And I know if it's under it, I know what that sentiment is.

It's not just like this ambient resentment. It's like, she's frustrated or feels rejected. So I don't think that's, I think it's pretty reasonable. Yeah, and at the end of the day from your POV, how nice it is to hear, like, I just want to spend more time with you. Nobody ever says that to me. Like, that sounds so nice. Like, and at the end of the day from your POV, how nice it is to hear, like, I just want to spend more time with you. Nobody ever says that to me. That sounds so nice.

You're amazing, you're funny, we have a good time together. First of all, that's not naggy at all. And second of all, it has to feel good for you. Yes, 100%. So what do you guys do? So we schedule, it's like, day night, two day nights a week. Two day nights a week?

Well, it depends. If I'm doing stand up, I'm on the road, and that kind of stuff, we usually do Tuesdays. When I'm not, now that it's over and we're not on tour, we do two day nights a week. And then I think come summer, summer will be a little different. We'll be out East.

So it's like, OK, from this time to this time, I'm doing all activities with her and Shiloh. So we're either going to the Children's Museum or whatever the hell it is. And that's every single day, no meetings, nothing during that time. Like obviously it's emergency call me, but we're not scheduling any podcasts

or anything during that time. And then two date nights, and then like a night out maybe with like friends or something like that. And then after that seems like a lot of time, it is a lot of time, but like after that, if I'm saying, hey, I'm gonna go hang out with the boys or we're gonna go out do this, it's not this.

You're choosing to do that over time with her. Exactly, which it can come across like that if there isn't an understanding. This could all backfire in six months and I come back on here and go, guys, don't do that. That's a horrible idea. But at least we're trying to find things that make each other feel good.

And that seems like a common denominator of what people say is really date night, time for yourselves, and enjoying time of course with your family but then also each other. What if you guys, well you've had two kids so what if you learned is helpful? We're really bad about date nights and stuff but I will say that whenever we do it,

it's extra extra special for us because we also don't go out separately either. We're just kind of home and we'll just like, I guess hanging out at home counts as time spent together because it's not like he's going I guess he actually plays his pickup basketball and he does that like once a month it's important his eyebrow last time like it's important that we have those things yeah like it makes us and that's the thing that like I think sometimes women don't realize like we are much better at home and much better

to be around when you get out yeah no and I love that for him. What's your thing? My husband golfs, like what's your? Paddle. Not pickle ball, padella. Paddle, yeah, yeah. And I love that and I just like, it's exercise. I can have some time by myself. I can have my time to just kinda think about shit.

Are you good? Every time I play I feel so stupid. I'm like chasing this ball around a box. Yes, I'm not good, but like I take lessons. I'm so obsessed. Like I'm trying to get good. I really want to get good. But it's just having a thing to get better at.

Yeah. I agree. A healthy habit. Healthy habit. I'm not out. I tell her, my wife, my boy Jason also tells his wife, he's like, listen, you guys want us to play paddle on vacation, because then we're not going to be

out late drinking. Right. If we have a game in the morning. You gotta get up for paddle. Your knee hurts. This is beneficial to everybody here late drinking. Right. If we have a game in the morning. You gotta get out for a paddle. Your knee hurts. This is beneficial to everybody here. Yeah. But yeah, now she gets it.

She's like, listen, I don't want you to go do this thing that takes fucking two and a half hours, three hours, but I do recognize that after you do that, you're just down to do whatever the family wants to do. Right. You want to go to brunch? All right, let's fucking, let's hit sedales. Let's go shopping. If I like have a great pal game and win,

like I wanna buy her something. I was in a great mood. I wanna buy her shit. What was the last thing you bought your wife? A stupid jacket of Chanel that we should return immediately. Chanel? But I was feeling good. Of course big Netflix specials, number one on Netflix I saw.

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that you'll find something that you love. Exclusively for toasters, Noble is offering 30% off your order. Visit www.nobelproject.com slash toast for 30% off your entire order. That's www.no bu l l Proje ct comm backslash toast for 30% off your order at noble So she used to do this She's to So she used to do this, she used to, my wife used to, she went to NYU

probably around the same time you were there. You guys might have went to school together. I don't know. Yeah, we were doing a little research on her before. We read the People magazine, she went to Gallatin. Yeah, did you go to Gallatin? No, I was in Steinhardt. Steinhardt is?

The double. Education. The easy one to get into it, but it's a focus on education, yeah. Education, okay. But you guys were around each other at the same time. I graduated in 2016. I'm 30.

How old is she? She's 30. Oh. You were literally there with Timmy Chalamet, all three of you guys were hanging out. Was he there? I think at the same time. I had gotten a boyfriend, my husband, a freshman.

I didn't talk to anyone. I was like, bitch, I have a boyfriend, get away from me. You told Timmy Chalamet, get away from me. No, the girls too. I was like, I was like, bitch, I have a boyfriend, get away from me. I thought I was. I was like, no, the girls too. I was like. I think you're single sensual. I couldn't believe I had a boyfriend, I couldn't believe there was somebody

who wanted to hang out with me. I was like, I did not make one friend in college. Actually, I did one. So you locked in, you were isolated. Yeah, no, and we got married, we got engaged a month after college ended. Wow. It was just a means to an end.

Yeah, he knew he had to like, she needed to graduate in order to get engaged. And then you just locked in. So if I missed your wife, that was more on me No, no, no, but anyway, so she went there and then she went back got her MBA and then she was uh she was working for a while and uh, and Then while she was working she was also doing this thing called blistered peppers where she would like do reviews for restaurants, but also like do her own cooking and put out these recipes and everything was really cool and

She's she's since stopped it, but she loves cooking. And she just loves food. Yeah, she's fantastic. She's fantastic. And really just loves just food in general. So for her 30th, I made one of those books, but I made a cooking book based on all her recipes. That's so cute. So she had a website with all of them, but I made a cooking book based on all her recipes. That's so cute.

So like, she had like a website with all them, but like I actually got the picture printed and like bound and it's like, here's this cookbook with all your stuff. And then the last page is like, but my favorite recipe you've ever made is. Shiloh. That's so cute.

We love a homemade gift. You also got the Chanel jacket. Oh, and the Chanel jacket. Yo, you know what I realized? She was like, this is nice, but I'm cold. Can we go to Chanel? It's a little chilly in here. I can't read this book

with this AC blasting on my neck. What is this? What I've realized with my wife though, maybe it's her love language, is that means so much more to her. She likes a nice thing. Don't get me wrong. She likes jewelry. She likes nice things. She can hold space for multiple things.

Dude, the coolest thing about Ariana Grande was her calling that interview insufferable. It was. Right, like it was awkward and then she went out and she was like, guys, I know it was so awkward. And then immediately like, oh, you're cool, you're self-aware. Yeah, yeah, that's nice to see. It's nice to see, anyway.

But yeah, she just loves those thoughtful kind of gifts, so now my focus is on that, which is a money saver. Yeah, I don't think that should be your focus. A little bit of both balance. A little bit of both. What did the jacket look like? I don't know how to get it up for you,

but it looks like a- Like a winter coat or like a blazer? No, like that kind of blazer one that has the Chanel buttons. The buttons, the classic ones. Oh, cute. Very nicely done. Yeah, no, it's a nice jacket.

Yeah, yeah. Nice. It's like kind of up to waist length. I can imagine it, what color? It looks like the Palestinian flag. Oh. See, it actually is the print from Chanel that they've been doing forever. It's just that white and green.

So it's red, green. No, no, no, it's the black and white. Oh, the hound's tooth? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it looks like a keffiyeh, that's really funny. Oh, a keffiyeh. Oh, okay, that is really funny. I was joking with her on that. I was like, oh, interesting,

they're getting so political over here in Chanel. That's really funny. Cocoa, wow. Cocoa, wow. Well, we know you do have to get back to your kid. And we really appreciate your time So we can't recommend the special enough. It's available on Netflix. I saw you know topping the charts. Congratulations. Oh, thanks It's called life. Make sure to follow Andrew on Instagram and you have a podcast too. Yeah. Yeah

Yeah, I do a few pods so you can check those out. You do you host a couple Yeah, yeah So I do one with Charlamagne the god and then I do one with my buddy Akash and my buddy Alex, and my buddy Mark, and that's called Flagrant. So you have a lot of friends. Flagrant, yeah. We're hanging, we're hanging.

That's the one. Well, that'll be the one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do we see you on the charts? Do you ever see us? Yes, of course. You guys see us? Everybody knows the toast.

I wonder. What do you guys, I feel like you guys are all friends. I feel like you got all the girlies. You definitely got all the New York girlies. So like, I asked my wife, because I was talking about it, I was like, oh yeah, these girls are, we're talking about the special, they said some really beautiful I asked my wife, because I was talking about it, I was like, oh yeah, these girls were talking about the special and they said some really beautiful things.

And I wanted her to listen, because you guys, you said that, hey, I really honored her and it feels like everybody loved her. Yeah, you knew her to know that. And I was like, you're gonna see, right? This is what people think, so you should think. And she was like, yeah, yeah, of course, yeah, I know the toast, like everybody knows the toast.

So I feel like you got the New York girlies. We have like a chip on our shoulders, I don't know if you could tell. Why, what do you think? We're just kind of outsiders. Yeah, we are. I feel like we all hang out. You guys all go on each other's podcasts.

And it makes sense. But you're like away, why? Yeah, no, and we're different, like we get why everyone hates us. And we're not like on the circuit. No, we get it, we're not mad. We don't feel like it's personal, we just feel like we kind of like are missing out.

The next time you guys all get together with like the male comedy podcast crew. You guys need to come. We need to personal, we just feel like we kind of are missing out. And all the time. The next time you guys all get together with the male comedy podcast crew. You guys need to come. We need to come, we just wanna meet everyone. You guys gotta pop one flagrant and just like, we gotta talk the Naggy Bitch Wife segment. This is a great idea. They're cool, they're funny, they're beautiful,

they're thin. Like, Claudia did the 5K, like she really tried. I did the 5K, yes. And by the way, nobody spoke to me when I was there. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. What if we let you guys help us with our naggy bitch wife problems? I feel like we could really come together.

Yeah, because you guys might agree on some of the nagginess. No, and we have tried to enter your crew. Like, I ran a fucking 5K with Tom and Bert. Oh, wow. I didn't even talk to Tom when I was there. No. He didn't even say hello to me, okay?

This is not good. And Bert only said hi to me because I was with Josh Peck like Wow I'm telling you they they they see we are outsiders because everybody sees us as such Well, I think we gotta bring you like any mal intent. Do you have it like the chart topping comedy podcast? Is there a chat without us? Like Joe, Theo, Matt, Shane. Tim, Tim is nice to us. We like Tim a lot. Tim is great. He's canceled us.

Have you had Tim on here? We've meant to, we've been scheduled to a couple times and it just didn't work out. But like we know his heart's in. By the way, you guys would have a lot of fun. He invites us to stuff, which is really nice. It means, Tim, he said like he, it didn't work out because he canceled twice.

Like we were ready both times. Tim's a busy guy. Of course. He's meeting with like spies and shit. We love him. No, he's so funny. Tim is so, he is one of the best people. He's the only one who's. We love him. No, he's so funny. He's so funny. Tim is so, he is one of the best people.

He's the only one who's made an effort to be our friend. Which really means a lot. I mean, I'm telling you, in terms of talking into a microphone and staring at a camera, Talent. Few people in history are as funny. And he can do it with nobody else in the room. It's so crazy to listen to his solo episodes.

We rely on each other so much. Same, all the pods I do is like, the more people in the room, the better. And that's funny, when I go on his pod, I almost feel bad, because I'm like, I know everybody just wants to listen to Tim. And I find myself on the pod even going,

why don't you just tell me about the things and I'll just listen, I'll just watch it live. I'm here for this too. That's really funny. I'm gonna do that next time I go on. I'm gonna do a disclaimer to the audience. Guys I just want to let you know I just want to listen as well. Yeah. Yeah just like attending a live taping. I'll just be here in case you need to take a sip of water. Well the next time the crew gets together just suggest inviting

those two chubby Jewish girls. Why about why why the crew why I mean when you guys are in New York why don't we all just hang come by the studio we got to do something. Of course we we just wanna be included. Yes, you are included. The thing is, we wanna be invited, we're not gonna come. But we wanna be invited. Tim invites us, he's gonna stop inviting us. Tim has invited us to so many barbecues.

You wanna not go, that's actually really good. We just want to be like thought of. We just wanna know we're thought of. Yeah, and they know that we're part of the community. Nothing feels better than being included. Yes, yes, and then not attending. Well, we're tired. Exactly, no, that is the best.

Being invited, and then, like those people that win the Oscar but don't even go, is there anything better than that? Yeah. Just let the crew know, we're available for bookings. And we're open, and we're so proud of what everyone's doing, and we're cheering them on. And we love the community.

Like, we really do, we love what we do. We're so inspired by them, like, seriously, everyone's really funny, and they're crushing it, and they get amazing guys. And, you know, we love what we do. We're so inspired by them, like seriously, everyone's really funny and they're crushing in, they get amazing guys. And you know, we don't wanna say that like, we're not invited because we're women, but we're like literally the only one. I know that's what everyone wants us to say,

we won't say it, because I actually don't think that's the truth. But it does beg the question. I just think that you guys all know each other from the past and like from the comedy clubs. From the road, we had like, I think it's been like a year since we had a woman on the podcast or stuff like that. And they were like the three girls on the office came for an episode where we were discussing

and they were on and in that moment we're like, guys we broke our streak, man. It was like 52 straight weeks without a woman on the pod. But yeah, we need to do a little bit more. Things happen. We need more women on the pod. Or just in the group chat. The big ones are males, you know?

Yeah. I'm gonna start the group chat. The big ones are males, you know? Yeah. I'm gonna start a group chat with you guys and nobody from the podcast circuit, but I'm gonna say that it is. Are you shaming us? You're on with Theo, you're on with Shane, you're on with Rogan, and it's really just gonna be like, my mom, my cousin.

The girls in your office. Yeah, yeah. That's what happens to us. Except I have an app where I can look up phone numbers, so I would know that you were lying. Oh, yeah. That's what happened to us. Except I have an app where I can look up phone numbers, so I would know that you were lying. Oh, you're like a snoop. A freak, yeah. It's a good thing to have.

Even like just as a lay person, like oh, who's texting me? I forgot their number. Someone from high school. It's called Mr. Number. You don't have to say who's this, then you can find out. And all of our information is available?

You just pay for it, it's $25 a month, but yeah. I bet you my name won't come up, I bet you my mom comes up. Search it. Oh, so a lot of times that happens, but I recognize people based on their last name. Okay, I'm. I bet you my name won't come up. I bet you my mom comes up. Sorry, Jay. Oh, so a lot of times that happens, but I recognize people based on their last name. Okay, I'm not gonna ask you for your phone number. Just type your phone number in.

Yep. And this is an app I paid $25 a year for. I mean, get a plug for this. Like you're giving them huge. No, it's the best app. Okay. I don't wanna show the camera. Yeah, yeah, good call.

It says, Andrew Schultz. Look. Oh, wait a minute, that was, I thought that was saved on your thing. Why would I have your phone number? Oh wow, that's right, I guess we hadn't texted. No. Holy shit. Yeah. It should say my mom's name.

Or you should get your number privated because you're like a celebrity now. How do I do that? Have you had to change your phone number at all since making a big? Dude, my phone number's gotten leaked and like, honestly when people change their number, I think they're being drama queens.

Cause my phone number got leaked and maybe just no one gives a fuck about me. But like for an hour it was nonstop, it like blew up. And then after that it was like. Was it fans who was calling you? Yeah it's just people watching the pod or something like that. And then after like a day or two it just goes back

and I'm like, a day or two of dealing with that is way better than having to text everybody I have a new phone. It just seems like just such a big deal. So I still get messages from. So now that I have your number I'll start the chat and you can add Joe and Tim and everyone. I'm gonna add Joe, I'm gonna add Tim, I'm gonna add Theo. Bert and Tom.

Bert and Tom, definitely. Shout out Tom, Tom's a great guy. Jackie did read Tom's book. I don't think he read mine. Yeah, I don't think so either. Well I'm gonna have a talk with him. Jackie did read Tom's book. I don't think he read mine. Yeah, I don't think so either. Well, I'm gonna have a talk with him. It's a children's book. You should get a first, I'll send one for Tyler.

What's your favorite children's book? The one she wrote. I guess, of course, the one that I wrote, but I actually have really strong opinions. That's your favorite, the one you wrote? Yeah, no, it's so good. It's so good. Like, Dr. Seuss could never.

Can I tell you? That was a Kathy Hilton moment right there. It's amazing. You're never supposed to say that. That's the best one. What is the name of it? What is the name of it? It's called The Camper and the Counselor.

Okay. And it's about a summer camp and it's about a young girl so I think Shiloh will really love it. I'm a huge fan of children's books. I Love You Forever is my favorite. Oh my gosh. Cheer Jerker. Can't stop crying.

It's unbelievable. You know what's a piece of shit? Rainbow Fish. Oh yeah. Why? Communist Manifesto, have you read it recently? No. It's all about giving away all of your personal shine

and the possessions to be like everyone else. Like this fish had special skills. And it was, everybody was so jealous. And he had to give them away. Why? In order to be accepted by the group. So the dancing giraffe one is the opposite of that. Okay, what's the story?

Like a giraffe something, but it's essentially like this giraffe, like everybody comes down to the watering hole and dances or whatever like that, and like he didn't really know how to do it. He was dancing weird. I forget exactly what it was, but his weird dancing is actually in the end

just the way that he reacts to the music and the people really love him. And it's about individual spirit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's nice. What you do might be unique. Your differences are what make you great. But that's awesome. Yeah, that's like American propaganda.

Rainbow Fish was the opposite. What is it? Giraffes can't dance. Giraffes can't dance. Giraffes can't dance. I know that familiar. It's not that you can't dance. It's like you dance different

and that's awesome that you dance different and you should embrace and love that. That's not what Rainbow Fish is. That sucks. Take another look. I don't like to be. Take a second look. It's really actually bad for kids.

You gotta be careful of the shit that they ingest. Oh yeah. For sure. Do you know Llama Llama? Of course. Is that bad? Don't tell me that's bad. No, no,. Do you know Llama Llama? Of course. Is that bad? Don't tell me that's bad. No, no, no. I like Llama Llama.

I think that the mom. Llama Llama red pajama. I could call CPS on the mom. She's extremely neglectful. The kid's having a fucking breakdown upstairs and you're gabbing on the phone doing the dishes. Having said that, the kid is definitely annoying. What if the kid was actually having an issue

and Llama Llama is just being a deadbeat downstairs. Have you seen the people think these killjoys that try to say I love you forever is weird when the mom brings the ladder? It's like, it's a fucking cartoon, you idiots. We know the mom is being- Right, that she's not really gonna do that or when he's holding the mom.

Of course it's not actually happening in the book. You guys, I actually feel like I'm the person you're talking about. Oh, come on! Because I love the book, but what is that bitch doing with the ladder? It was really crazy. And then when like the little-

I would get a ladder. I would do it. When he's like carrying his mom. What that woman is doing is what we all feel we wanna do. Yeah. I don't think she's actually doing it, of course. But it is jarring to see the illustration. The idea is I love you so much.

I miss you so much. Of course. And literally, if we've heard out our kids were being bullied at school, we would drive in a car to the school, find that fucking kid. Like, we have insane thoughts of what you would do in protecting your kids. So.

So a ladder doesn't seem like a lot. It's nothing. This is like a beautiful act of kindness and love for your child. I agree, I agree. But when you turn that last page. I know. It's really beautiful.

We won't spoil it. Go take 30 seconds of your day and read one of the best, the second best children's really beautiful. We won't spoil it. Go take 30 seconds of your day and read one of the best, the second best children's book ever. The Camper and the Counselor. I'll reach out to your team. I'll send a copy for Shiloh. Signed copy.

Dearest Shiloh. She will love it. Oh, I love it. I love it. Can't wait to see you in the group chat. Send one to Tom Segura. Of course, of course. I'm gonna send it to Tom.

He will love it. I'm gonna make sure. They got a couple kids. Oh yeah, they do. Yeah, yeah. Well, we really appreciate your time. Thank you guys so much for topping up. Now it's over.

I need you guys next time you're in the city. I know that you're here. I'll come. We're available. We come up, we hang out. We might. I know you'll cancel, but it will be okay. No, if we actually have something set,

like we would, we're very professional, but when it's like a social thing. Of course, why? Yeah, especially when you can't drink, like what's the point? thing. Especially when you can't drink, what's the point? You can't drink, and then you can drink. I'm not a big drinker. Really? What's your vice?

Oh, these days? Sourdough. Sourdough, yeah. What about a drug or something like that? Not these days, because I can't be impaired whatsoever when I need to wake up and be a mom. And I can't make my life any harder than it already is by having a migraine or being dehydrated,

feeling like shy. Very logical. What about you, are you a big drinker? No, no, not really a big drinker. I have a question for you, and then we'll let you go. I don't really do it, I don't like weed or anything. Weed makes me sad. I like the social aspect.

Weed makes me so panicky. You get anxiety. I don't smoke pot because I'll take myself to the hospital. I'm like, this can't be the thing, everybody's smoking. What's going on? I hate weed, hate. Who are these people that get relaxed when they do it? Some people get like, I'm so productive.

That's bullshit. Bullshit. What are you saying? My question for you, because I feel like we're at the similar stage in our lives, Dave with Claudia, where you're having children, you want to be present for them. It's different for women,

because we have to take time off and do things. But do you find that right now, you're maybe doing less or saying no to more stuff? To be 100%. Do you feel like early fatherhood has affected your career? 100%. Yeah, okay, so men have.

It doesn't look that way as an outsider. I don't think, like this press run I went on was insane, but in terms of, but I baked that in to like this press run I went on was like insane, but in terms of, you know, but I baked that into what this was gonna be. I don't think it's negatively impacted my career in terms of like, oh, there aren't opportunities that I can do, but I think to be honest, it's like made everything better.

I think net net same. We both say that, that's why we love this particular job, like being content creators and podcasters. Like I have found, you know, our numbers went up when I announced that I was pregnant. You get more brand opportunities, like there's creators and podcasters. Like I have found, our numbers went up when I announced that I was pregnant. You get more brand opportunities. There's not- More people can relate to you.

Not a lot of jobs where you can say that. You become a real person. Yeah, you have more to say, you think more and you feel more. And so net-net it's really good for our world. So much better. But yes, opportunities, there are less things I can do and you have to take time off.

Yeah, but most people can't say that when they got pregnant at their job, they got more opportunity. And that's how I felt. Yeah, but most people can't say that like when they got pregnant at their job, they got more opportunity. Like, and that's how I felt. Right, but I was just curious for you in the same industry, mostly. But different. And you fatherhood who also like wants to be home

if you feel the same. I probably, what I would say is that like, I'm not turning down a huge opportunity because I have that privilege being the dad, not the mom. Yeah. Where like, she's not relying on me because I have that privilege being the dad, not the mom, where she's not relying on me for sustenance for the first year, you know? But I don't put as much time into work.

I have to be really smart about the time I put to work, which makes you more effective. It also forces you, at least for me, what I hope is to hire effectively. So back in the day, I would just be like, I'm gonna do it all. I don't do it all. I have people way more talented than me

helping me with everything. I don't wanna take away credit from them, but I'll stay 14 hours. I'll edit this thing with you. Then I'll go write that thing, and I'll do this. You can't do it anymore. And then you need to do what all these professional shows do, which is you start building out teams

and different responsibilities. It's time, Claudia. No, for real. I do the same thing that you guys are going through is the exact same thing. But what you realize is once you do that, and I'm not saying we've done that, but once you do do that, you can grow 100X.

Yeah, it will make you better. That thing that you had to do because you were slipping made you better. Yeah, because you have people more talented than you taking responsibility for these different parts of your business. If this podcast, if I hire somebody to run this podcast and that's their baby and they're thinking about

every second of every day, I'm thinking about my baby every second of every day. If that's their baby, imagine how big that could go. We gotta be smart with who we hire, obviously. But what if we get those people that are as dedicated as us but even more talented? Hard to find. But it should be. If it was easy, everybody would do it.

Yeah, everyone would have it. So true. But you've got to find those diamonds in the rough. And then all of a sudden, you see these things grow. I've seen just from people that I've hired, like this kid who was doing my social with me, Shifty, and we're editing clips, the amount that I can just offload to him, the amount of days that saves me.

What if I could do that with every aspect, even with Dove, everything that he's done. The amount of incoming calls, offers, that he, people, agents, producers that he's talking to before it even gets to me. That's nice, yeah. If I was doing it, I wouldn't have any time with Shiloh, I wouldn't have any time with anything.

How many more of those people is it possible to find and then grow? And now, having a kid and limiting our time actually made us grow 50X. Because it made us be smart instead of bare-knuckling everything. We're strategic. Doing everything.

That's a really good lesson for us, Claudia. And everything that we learned today, I feel like we need to- Just jot it down. Remember that, yeah. us Claudia. Yeah, everything that we learned today I feel like we need to just like jot it down Yeah, we'd love to like say we're gonna do stuff and don't practical application of policy. I love that Jackie Jackie was actually extremely taken with this one thing Kamala Harris said on the call her daddy podcast She was talking about and she said like this practical application of policy. She's really big on that. And so we don't really know what it means,

but sometimes you just gotta practically apply the policy, you know? And we find ourselves not doing that, but we really need to. But we gotta make an effort to practically. What is it, PAP? Practical Application of Policy. Oh, POP.

POP, it doesn't roll off the tongue. PRAP. Skip the O. Yeah, PRAP, yeah. it doesn't roll off the tongue. Prap. Skip the O. Yeah, prep, yeah. Okay, we're gonna get it. We're gonna get it. Now we are officially letting you go this time, unless there's anything else you wanted to talk about.

Get your paps, guys. Yes, get your paps. You gotta get your paps. Thank you so much for being here, guys. Thank you for listening. We will see you tomorrow. Love ya, bye.