The Toast - NEXT! with Hannah Berner: Thursday, October 5th, 2023

Episode Date: October 5, 2023

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Good morning, Millennials. Welcome back to The Toast. Happy Thursday. It's almost the end of the week. And we're celebrating by having one of my favorite people ever come on The Toast. You guys requested her. I heard your cries. It's Hannah Burner.

Hannah Burner, how you doing? Getting asked back is like, I mean, my head is so big right now. You and Paige. Oh my God. Love my life. I was telling Paige, you know, I'm like a nosy, sorry for everyone who has had to hear this twice, but I'm like a nose Sorry for everyone who has had to hear this twice But I'm like a nosy bitch and I love having people on during maternity leave people who have podcast people have big followings and seeing

Like who really converts, you know, like who's driving downloads who's who's promoting the episode and bringing their listeners, you know Great thing about maternity leave is we're reaching new audiences. Yes And so I I'm a nosy curious girl here's a little cat And so I'd like to see who performs well And the giggly girlies always show up for me and Paige. Well, the gigglers and the toasters, I feel like, overlap a little. Paige literally said the same thing. Paige and I, I mean, we're in this weird place where, like, we finish each other's sentences right now. We finish each other's sandwiches.

Sandwiches. Ooh, I'm hungry. Me too. Well, you're not really hungry. No. Had and I just had, like, a 10-minute conversation about Ozempic before. She's like, I miss being hungry. being hungry sorry actually i'm really not hungry saying saying you're hungry is literally um for it's humble brag it's like breathing for me yeah i just always whenever it's

like silent i'm like i'm hungry do you feel like not to turn this on you but you've like have to get a new personality now okay i'm so glad you brought that up. And I think anybody who's like been fat for a really significant period of their life can attest to how being fat is a personality trait. Yeah. And you have to act certain ways. And I just had this conversation with Jackie where I was like, I feel like a lot of the things that I used to say, like I could get away with because when you're fat, like you're really invisible. Like nobody gives you any sort of, um, there's no credence. Like you never have to worry about getting kidnapped 100 but I was like I just used to say like kind of inappropriate things yeah and like I I feel

like I can't say that anymore because it's not appropriate whereas like you used to like I used to get away with anything because people were never really like putting respect on what you said wow yeah I mean anything you say comes with the context of who you are that's why if someone says something it's funny and someone says it and they're like i'm offended no and also as a comedian like my entire brand of humor is about being fat being fat and the self-deprecation that comes with that of course and so it's kind of been and now i really and i believe that like being fat is a physical state of mind yeah it's a physical state but it's also a mental state of mind so i have had to kind of like i don't know what the fuck i'm going to talk about like next but i was talking to page about

this that it's actually the reason why i think ozempic is unfair because all the fat girls who had to do the most do the most and created the most incredible personalities are now hot and funny and i'm feeling attacked no by the way um that's why i feel like the world can't handle this no i know i i actually feel like a lot of the backlash on Ozempic is from like skinny people who've just really not had to try. Like when you're. Well, they had skinny privilege. Right.

You have to try so much harder. You have to be so funny. You have to be so exciting. You have to do the best makeup. Yeah. So now I have literally the personality a 10. I have hair and makeup skills 10 because I was always hiding like hair, glam, eyeliner. And now people are noticing me

because when you're fat, you're literally just relegated to, like, a desert island. When I say it's over for you, hoes, it's over. And by the way, I've thought my whole life, I'm like, when I get skinny,

I don't know when that's gonna be, but when I get skinny, it's over for these hoes. And the day has come. And I saw somebody on TikTok say this, and it was so appropriate because everyone's been talking about the Roman Empire.

They're like, what's your Roman Empire? And somebody said this, and I was so appropriate because everyone's been talking about the Roman Empire they're like what's your Roman Empire and somebody said this I was like yes being skinny as somebody who was fat for so long is my Roman Empire it's like you think it's never gonna happen and I don't even know what to do now that I'm here well that's what I want to ask you because being skinny obviously doesn't solve everything what are the new issues that you're like turning to because when you obsess about something i find once you get it you just find a new thing to obsess over that's true and as a mentally ill girl yes but something i actually really struggle with and i talked about this on our patreon is like i now have a lot of mixed feelings i have like shame i have remorse i feel like a lot of

embarrassment for the person i used to be i mean who, who doesn't? I know. And I just like find myself like getting angry at myself for how I used to like not care about my body and like my health. And I don't know how to reconcile that. Ooh, I know. I, but you know what? It's so self-aware of you.

How are you flipping the table? I know. Sorry. I'm Barbara Walters. No, literally. No, it's because in the morning I can't talk.

So I'm like asking you a question. I feel that. And it's something that you're doing that I find myself doing all the time whenever morning I can't talk So I'm like asking you questions By the way I feel that And something that you're doing That I find myself doing All the time Whenever I'm on a podcast I'm like well my sister Jackie said And Jackie told me this

And me and Jackie Had this conversation And you're like Well Paige and I What did you say Well Paige I hung out with her Two days ago

And we're talking About our week And I was like So did you like Mention me on the toast Of course And she was like Well obviously I'm like

Did you like Say I was your best friend And stuff Right So like did she i don't remember i don't know i don't think she used the phrase best friend yeah i'm gonna have to like look back at it actually if i'm remembering correctly i think she called you an acquaintance that would be fitting because right now she's in charleston so i don't know who she is when she's in charleston i don't know who she is i have no idea we We talked about how, I'm just talking about page all the time.

When she goes to Charleston and we were panicking and we're like, there's no bodegas. There's no like chicken parmesan. Like what are you gonna do? So when she's there, I'm just like,

I'm here if you need me. Right, gold belly. Talk about getting kidnapped. Literally. Every time you come on the show, I feel like you've done so much since the last time you were here. And I love it. I feel the same with you. No, I feel like you've done so much since the last time you were here. And I love it.

I feel the same with you. No, I feel so happy and excited for you. Your post-reality TV journey is just unparalleled. I can't think of anyone who's had more success off TV. Cardi B. Yes, by the way. She's my everything. She's my everything.

That's a perfect example. And I just feel like you're doing the most. You're killing it. And I love it. So what have you been up to? I feel like you're never home. You're always on the road. Yeah, I'm running away from my own thoughts.

I do actually have an issue. I love how we go deep. Yeah, please. But I feel like we're very similar. We are. Like, yesterday, I didn't have a gig last night, and I was watching the Beckham documentary on Netflix. Highly, highly, highly recommend.

But I watched the whole thing. Like, I watched six hours, and I was, I don't know what to do with myself when I don't have work. No, you're like, I'm a slob. I'm disgusting. It's zero to 100. Like, I'm either, like, people are like, you're an Olympian. Or people are like, you have the worst depression I've ever seen.

No, by the way, that's, like, not to complain. Because this, like, what we get to do is so amazing. No, it's the only thing I want to do. But that's, like, kind of a weird downside. Is, like, you have weeks at a time where, like, you cannot breathe. And you can't see your family and you're never home. And then there's like slow months and weeks and you feel like a slob. There's like a lot of instability.

Well, Justin Bieber said that when he was great, Justin Bieber, the amazing Justin Bieber, my Roman Empire said that he had so much dopamine from performing arenas as a kid that now like average things just like can't excite him. dopamine from performing arenas as a kid that now like average things just like can't excite him so the first time we did a giggly squad live show page my bestie um she literally calls me up like two hours later in the hotel and she's like i know how justin bieber felt and i'm like calm down no but like she does you are just we are riding a lot of adrenaline highs we are like addicts in a way where i was a tennis player it was a lot of like big wins bad losses so highs and lows so I'm dealing with that like really crazy exciting stuff but then like forgetting how to be a normal human and I would argue if I wasn't people get drive from a lot of different things I think I do get drive from like failure like when bad things happen to me or I fail like whatever excites you like if I didn't have trauma

I would be just like a really peaceful Pilates teacher loving life no but also I think because you went through a period and I've been through like a few of them where you totally had to rebuild like canon events you didn't know like what you were going to be doing for a living next like and I think some people in this space just appear maybe it's not that way but they appear to coast like things just like look easy for them they don't have like big you know breakdowns you know like they just seem to be like always doing well and when you have to completely rebuild your business yeah and you don't know like if you're going to be able to do this full-time anymore yeah it gives you a sense of perspective to like really appreciate the weeks and months where you're

peaking and you're not always going to be peaking oh for sure you don't know happiness until you know like deep deep dark sadness true i also think i know that you haven't had a lot of breakups in your life because you're perfect yeah um please but i it's like breakups where if a girl's had a lot of breakups she always levels the fuck up like a girl after a breakup i'm like oh now you're a ceo you're like running a marathon and you've done tons of therapy so I see all these like traumatic events that can happen that you know sometimes it's your fault it's their fault it's always a mix it's never just you're the victim um there's you can always be self-aware about things so like I know that if I had nothing happen to me over the last five years like I would still be the 25 year old Hannah who's fine yeah but

she's developed she's undeveloped her brain's not developed right so I've definitely grown the fuck up and once you grow up and and you know you could survive shitty things then you get dangerous then you're like what world what do you want it's so true and that's why I think I feel bonded to you because we also are not walking around feeling like we deserve this it's like we know how difficult anytime anyone even enjoys listening to us like yeah I literally am so grateful yeah and it just I feel like um I really do I was actually thinking about this morning I feel like uh every success or opportunity like I feel like I earned you know it's not like I blew up overnight and all these like I feel like I earned, you know? It's not like I blew up overnight and all these amazing,

like I feel like every person who listens to the podcast, like I worked so hard for that one person. You know? The second you think that like people deserve to just listen to you, is when you get like a little. That's dangerous. Yeah.

That's some dangerous shit. Well, so we were just having this conversation. We do the toast every day and you were like, that's crazy. But you're at a place now where you literally have like three or four weekly podcasts. So you pretty much every weekday record a podcast and the one I want to talk to you most about is your most recent one because you did something I've always wanted to do but I've been absolutely petrified to do which is start a podcast with your husband because Ben is very frequently on the show yeah

and in the beginning when he first started coming on oh my god did I get shit because our shtick and I feel like your shtick with your husband is very similar yeah and we do this on the podcast we also do this in bed like yes we yell at each other like we're always yelling at each other and it's like there's a normal volume it's bickering it's not we're not fighting about infidelity bickering so fucking hot bickering is my foreplay thank you for saying that but i used to get so much i'd be like clutter you're so mean i'm like have you ever been married bitch like and it used to give me such anxiety. And now we got to a better place where we're figuring it out and people love having been on. But to commit to doing it every week is a brave thing, Hannah.

It's a very brave choice. Well, it was a transition because Burning in Hell I was doing for five years and I was interviewing people. And now I'm on the road and I literally don't have time. It's so much admin. And research. Yes. And if people don't know, Des was on Summer House

for like literally two days. I was thinking about that last night. It became this whole thing and he like didn't even tell his agent. Like he shouldn't have gone but we were in that early like. Excitement. We were talking on the phone every night

for like six hours. He was supposed to visit. There were COVID issues. Like it was this insane. Like we were not like living in reality right so he does it and i'm like it'll be great like dead no we literally like think about it imagine your future husband is visiting like how much better reality tv is that and this guy that you're like newly obsessed with yeah and it obviously was not my year or month or even my

whatever and i mean he was so nice too like I don't feel like he did anything wrong we literally threw a pizza party for people like we were like we did all these things that you know people didn't say but it's fine so he was like look I'm not in this to get attention through you right you have your career I have my career I'm not in this for publicity and I was like okay hot love but then like i i almost felt guilt that it was my fault into it it was my fault that i i brought him into it and subjected him to that i wanted to protect him for a while and also you don't want to get that high with your relationship where you're excited for the attention the relationship's getting besides what it actually is you're speaking absolute

fucking facts bitch really like that's why some people are like you can tell do you love the relationship or do you love the idea that people have of your relationship that like is obviously just made up right it's like when people get upset about celebrities breaking up i'm like you have no idea who these people are like he he could have been you know horrible or she could have been so unhappy. Like maybe this is a great thing. Yeah. So it was actually really healthy to not be putting us in the public eye. I actually really understand that. And I feel like I didn't know it at the time.

But now looking back, like you really didn't do a lot of things publicly. And that's probably because you were like traumatized from him coming on your show and him like out of nowhere getting his ass handed to him for literally no reason oh i understand that a lot like feeling that guilt i had so much guilt to the point that like god forbid i posted a photo and like and then people were like he's he's older than me i'm 32 he's 47 zaddy and people were like so mean ageism but no one was calling it out like that was straight bullying yeah and he just like stayed quiet and he's so classy and he's such an adult but i was like i'm sorry for getting involved in

my fucking dirty mess for me to get attention that makes so like i had to sit with that work on it and had to like not gain his trust but like be in a safer place and like also you needed to like let go of that like remorse yes and he also he's a comedian that's the hardest thing it's not like i have some shy guy right there's no social media he's incredible he's incredibly like funny and smart and we have obviously chemistry so we'd been like kind of talking about a pod and he was like if i can do what i love to do with you which is banter yeah then let's do it so we like waited for the right situation. And he's been, he basically like produces it. Because mom is working.

Mom is on the road. Yeah, of course. So we did this thing called burner phone where people can submit. Like voicemails. Voicemails. I love that. And we give different types of prompts. So sometimes it's really silly.

Sometimes it's more serious. Right. Because I feel like I'm always, people have to listen to me all the time. And it's really fun to listen to people be like, wait, there's real people listening. No, that's like part of this job I like didn't sign up for. Listening. I'm like, no bitch, I want to talk. What about me?

What about me? But you're right. Like it's really like in order to be good at this line of work, it's half listening. What did you say? Especially when you're interviewing. I was kidding. We don't interview a lot of people. So like I never no interviewing is it's hard very hard and sometimes like they're in a mood or like they don't want to open up and you're like i'm tired so it's at this point where

he me and him could just be ourselves every now and then it's funny because like he's is your husband so he'll be like why'd you bring that up and i'm like i don't know and do you ever um like when me and ben sometimes like record patreon episodes at home like you ever stop the recording and be like stop saying that or like stop doing that no well i'll like ask him something he's like you know we're not talking about that and i was like i thought it was natural like i'm kidding yeah or he'll be like i have to pee and i'm like you have to pee we're in the middle like it is i'll send the like unedited clip to Grace um who helps us edit and it's so funny she's like I'm laughing so hard at like the moments I have to cut no I know or like a fly and he's like I have to fucking kill this fly and I'm like Des why do we have to kill the

fly right now it's gonna take 10 minutes when you're a professional podcaster it's really hard to podcast with someone who's new to the game like I can't and that's also why I love having you and Paige on and I said this to Jackie when I facetim her after Paige. I was like, it's just so nice to podcast with a podcaster. And like, say what you want. Podcasting is a skill. It's not just sitting down and talking. There's a rhythm. There's a listen.

There's a talk. Making interesting conversation. A tangent. Yes. And you guys are so good at that. It's just so refreshing. Now I really won't podcast with anyone who's not. Because it's just, it's too much work.

And the episodes never really come out good. Well, also, let's be honest. It's's a fucking hour that's a long time i mean in our world it goes by a second because we can chat forever but it's not like just a quick you know little interview on a red carpet right which is fun too which is very fun but it requires less gymnastics yeah and you also have to have chemistry with the person and sometimes super famous people are the worst interviews yeah and the best interviews are not like question answer question answer question answer for sure it's a question answer let's take a tangent what about that tell me about that like it's it's so

much more than that so um that's just really why i love having you on i'm very grateful here and the toasters love you so it's better no i'm so grateful we're going deep i'm i love that i look because i feel like you know me and, we can be silly, goofy. Yeah, of course. Laugh, laugh, laugh, and we will. Yeah. But I like to check in with you emotionally. Yeah, of course.

And get deep. And something I actually. I also can't do small talk. No, me neither. And something I think people are always surprised by is, like, I'm really not afraid to, like, go deep. I share a lot. Not everything, but, like, I think the most interesting conversations are, like, when people start crying.

If you don't start crying. Don't tempt me. I'm actually PMSing so bad right now. Me toocled up wait we might be and taylor strecker has her period too you know there's like pms headaches like i woke up this morning obviously i haven't drank water in like three weeks which is like some of my la croix there's lipstick all over it oh my god it's okay thank you spicy water's not my thing but what no it's like i feel like seltzer water is like if water was musical theater yes It's like la, la, la, la, la, ha, in your face, jazz hands. And I'm like, calm the fuck down.

I just need a little bit of water. Oh, my God. If spicy water didn't exist, I love that you call it spicy water, I would probably be dead because I've never drank water in my life. I probably have five La Croix a day. Do you want to do seltzer machines? You know what? When I moved into my first apartment with Ben,

Too much manual labor? When I moved into my first apartment with Ben, I'm like, let's get a soda stream. Israeli-owned company, support our people yes and let me tell you it was like the least convenient thing ever and the bottle got really smelly and like it was always spraying water all over the counter i was like fuck this i don't mean to disparage a look and maybe maybe they've gotten better and maybe i was doing it wrong but i'd like that you could like make your own my mom and dad have it my dad like acts like he made dinner when he presses the soda stream and i make like diet coke and dad have it. My dad like acts like he made dinner when he presses the soda stream.

Does he make like Diet Coke and stuff? You can make like soda. Yeah, he can. He puts a little. The pod. Yeah, the little pod. Defeats the purpose. It's supposed to be for water.

Like I wouldn't be using my soda stream to make at home Diet Coke. Just put apple juice in it. I'm like, it's beer. And then you can put like vodka in it and make like a nice carbonated vodka soda. Oh my God, for sure. But at the end of the day, everything tastes better when someone else makes it. That's so beautifully said. And that's because I can't cook.

Me neither. So Hannah's going to join me for the Fast Five today. Now before we do, I think it's absolutely important to remind everyone that Jackie's book comes out on Monday. And as you can see

if you're watching on YouTube, where my book used to be because I'm such a supportive sister, today I have swiped it out and I probably will keep it here for the next couple of weeks for Jackie's book. It's called

The Camper and the Counselor. it's a children's book it's written by a toaster but you don't have to be a toaster to enjoy it perfect for kids of any age boy girl you know they're going to camp they uh are going to be homesick or even not it's just a story about a girl who faces a challenge and what does she do with that why did you look at me when you said that stop she rises to the occasion yes and camping is so like you go to camp so i was a weird tennis girl so i was i grew up in brooklyn new york oh yeah but i would go to like tennis camps all the time but i had all my friends who went to like regular camp regular camp um so when we were in i forget what grade i was but uh we all went to a fat camp no i wrote about this journey

in my book if you want to read it and i think uh maybe year one we had went for our sister olivia who had like really struggled with her weight when she was young and so you were supporting her we were supporting that's the type of family we were like we were one sister was doing something we were leaving the camp that we like the jonas brothers yes when i tell you we ended up loving fat camp and we went every summer till i was like 18 it was the best like so many of my best friends are from fat camp but i think in the beginning um like olivia was a little embarrassed so we told people we went to tennis camp and let me tell you how half the girls at this camp were just like japs from long island

and they also they told everyone oh i'm going to sports camp i'm going to tennis camp what by the way so let's be honest tennis camp is fat camp let me ask you something because i feel like i spoke about tennis camp so much as a young child you want to know what the fuck is tennis camp like what do you do tennis camp is crazy so there's like all these levels and you get put into levels like the top court the medium court the weaker court there was only one level at fat camp and it was fat but then there was also because like when i went i wasn't struggling with my weight at the time what's that like um so i just went to like be supportive so i got this bracelet it was called maintenance oh you're an ally that meant I wasn't on the program like I could do whatever I wanted I didn't have to like eat like I could just live and like that

bracelet made you next level honestly it sounds so traumatic no it was really hard like I met like I would steal someone else's bracelets so just so I could have a hot dog I know but like if you showed up with a bracelet and like you didn't look like you were bracelet worthy, like it wasn't something you could really fake. You know what I mean? Wait, these are like, this is fucked up.

No, I know. I read about it in my book a lot how like it was the best summers of my life, like for real. Like to be so relaxed and like not give a fuck. People there, those are like kids who like hide all year long.

Like they're so ashamed. And to be at a place where it really was like amazing. But I do think a lot of my food issues are from being subjected to like that sort of well there's a thin line between like promoting eating disorders and like being so obsessed with it yeah and by the way I actually feel like it was it was really a regular camp you don't realize that camp how active you

are oh my god well it's like tennis camp right you wake up you eat and then you play three hours of tennis lunch two hours of tennis and then you like go to bed right so like that camp was literal camp like you had activities every day but your first activity was like a zumba or like something really really active and then it was just like swim lake lunch repeat there were their weigh-ins yes every sunday oh my god yeah so it wasn't just how you feel on the inside no you're not paying you know x amount of money for a summer to feel. I know. I know that I was jealous of all my friends who had that like camp life.

Cause they'd be like, Oh, she's my camp friend. And you could just tell that they were family. And you're like, but like we sit in algebra two together. And she's like, no,

I know her from camp. Camp friends were elite. Like the way you loved your camp friends. And it was just because absence makes the heart grow fonder. You only saw them for two months and maybe one weekend out the year. Camp friendships. Like, I can't wait to send my kids to camp. The memories are just like insane.

Bonded for life. I can't wait to send my kids to camp because I can sleep. Yeah, no, no. And go to Europe. But like the price of camp these days, like, is insane. It's like an Ivy League school. No, literally. It's like a semester at school.

Did you study abroad? No, I was playing tennis. Oh my God, university was so toxic i didn't even have like a life i didn't have a life i also didn't have um like holidays like we for thanksgiving i'd be like at a holiday inn with like a sad guy on the piano eating like a buffet because like the tennis tournaments were always when like the big ones were when everyone had a break oh my god but um do you hate pickleball you inspired me so hard with your pickleball rant because you said it was their pr is great

i don't love that i'm kind of jealous like i feel like i've been a tennis girl for so long i appreciate you acknowledging i'm jealous and i feel like people are like this is the best racket sport i know that tennis aesthetically the girlies love. Yeah. And I do acknowledge that tennis is very difficult. Oh my God, the running, the court doesn't need to be that big. The court doesn't need to be that big. But the fact that they're like taking tennis courts and changing their pickleball is like hard for me. So I spoke about that on The Toast.

So out of the 45,000 tennis courts in the U.S. and Canada, 30% of them have been converted to pickleball courts. And Real Housewife of miami star julia's wife martina number to lova she's you know her wait martina ever lova's wife is on miami i want to make sure i'm saying yeah martina blonde yeah older yeah she has cancer now very sadly she's one of the greatest players that ever lived her wife is on real housewives of mi. You don't know that? I didn't. Well, I can't watch your MTV. And Martina is on The Housewives all the time. Shut the F up. Okay, so you want to hear about their life?

They have this really turnt farm in Fort Lauderdale. Cool. Where they spend a lot of their time. But when they're filming. Farm means you've made it. Yeah. But they have this sick new modern Miami house. Yes.

That's where they film and stuff. Yes. And they kind of have a crazy marriage. That's where like they film and stuff. Yes. And it's, they have kind of like a crazy marriage. Like, like it's really crazy. Well now it's like, I almost want to watch because my tennis nerd in me

wants to see what Martina. They went to the Miami Open. There was like a whole thing. Oh, we should go to the Miami Open, by the way. 100%. Also with pickleball, it doesn't have to be that loud.

It's like so many character energy. No, like a lot of communities are like forming councils. Because tennis, you put it in a bubble during the winter and if there's people playing pickleball the bubbles just like no but even it sounds like a literal tennis and war next door and you really wouldn't hear the ball popping like yeah the popping with the waffle ball for pickleball is really driving people the dinking the donking in these small communities like it's becoming an issue it is

noise pollution it is noise pollution is real i mean as new yorkers honestly we probably enjoy the noise like i don't want to be quiet and listen to my own thoughts yeah i also i forgot to address if you're watching on youtube i am wearing a shirt that i feel like looks like a labia and i feel like i walked in you looked at it and i was like she thought that i was wearing a labia shirt i did look at it because i just clocked you i wanted to know what you were wearing yeah i wasn't thinking anything yeah um but now that you've pointed out it does have labia like tendencies but i feel at it because I just clocked you. I wanted to know what you were wearing. Yeah. I wasn't thinking anything. Yeah. But now that you've pointed out, it does have labia like tendencies. But I feel like it's feminist. It has flaps. Yeah. Like clap your labia. Yeah. No, it's definitely giving vaginal. It's giving reproduction.

Like it's it's giving female parts. There's a lot going on. You look beautiful. Oh, my God. You look beautiful. We look beautiful. Thank you. And we're going to deliver the past five. So, Hannah, I have one last question for you. Are you ready to deliver the Fast Five stories that you need to know? I'm so excited, yes. Today's episode of The Toast is brought to you by my king over at State Farm. The State Farm personal price plan helps you create a plan that gives you options. So you are just getting an affordable price. And it comes with a lot of benefits like the coverage you want,

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So we all know my social media is full of like this TikTok drama that I can't even get into right now. It's so layered. And we know Jackie's more of a Reels girl. So even we're so similar, but we're still, we require such personalization, such customization. And what's more personal than insurance? That's what the State Farm Personal Price Plan is all about.

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Okay. Now, we have like a little bit of like a lesbian update. Questionable lesbian. I don't know what the fuck's going on. And the more I see about Kyle and Mauricio, like the weirder it is. I saw the weirdest Instagram reels from Dancing with the Stars where they like interviewed Mauricio post-dance and they're like what's going on with Kyle? And he's like you know we're going through a tough time. Like it was so weird. And now yesterday Kyle Richards was spotted picking up Morgan

Wade from the airport after confirming that she is separated from Mauricio Umansky. So Kyle was waiting for Morgan Wade at the LAX International Airport on Wednesday after the country singer left the terminal Kyle picked her up in a black Range Rover the Virginia based songwriter approached the car in matching

pants and colorful sneakers she kept a low profile and sunglasses and Kyle was sported wearing black sunglasses behind the wheel literally picking her up from the airport

which is something I wouldn't even do for my husband I was about to say like call an Uber call an Uber there's really like there's no reason to ask

someone to pick you up from the airport unless you live in kansas city have you performed to kansas city yes don't you love that fucking airport actually uh all of them look the same to me okay well then you wouldn't remember the kansas city one it's three square feet long there's literally one starbucks and you step off the plane you probably take six steps to your uber or actually they don't even have uber it's like a taxi it's incredible like i'm not into these metropolis airports no you need to take a shuttle a bus and a train to get to your gate an air what even is an air train fuck air trains except except if there wasn't the air train like there is a jfk i'd have to walk the jfk airports you get the b terminal anything past like b28

i mean even la guardia they change your gate and it's like and it has to say 17 minutes to let you know you're gonna miss your flight no it's absurd the amount you have to walk so you know what I'm actually grateful for an air train I've done like a run oh I've done a run there's nothing more humiliating let me ask you like a question do you place categories no okay I feel like that's a camp thing it's not it's like I don't know we play with our family and like there's this running she goes it's a happy family thing people say that like I cheated and it bothers me so much. Okay. I feel like I've maybe told the story on the Toast Ones before.

So basically you get a letter and then you get a list of categories and you have to find a category with, you have to name something in that category that starts with that letter before the timer runs out. And so you can get really creative, but it's really not fair because you could just throw an adjective in front of anything. Yeah. So if it's like things you find at the beach. And I remember Olivia had wrote muscular people. It's like no you find people at the beach. The muscular is superfluous.

But it's for the M. Right. So we didn't give her the point. And for me, with the adjective, like it has to be really necessary. Like it has to make sense. So things you find at an airport, we got the letter H and I wrote hurried people. Because you always see people running. Because it isn't just people. It is always hurried people. But there are also hurried people. My family came after me so fucking hard.

I didn't get the point. And literally to this day, maybe this was 10 years ago. You got that point? Would have changed my life. It bothers me so much because conceptually like based on the premises of the rules I'm a rule follower like my adjective

was necessary. It made it correct. Because the beach is not always muscular people. Right. But there is without a doubt always a person in a hurry. So whenever you're at the airport

and you see someone hurrying you just go the fucking scattergories. I think of hurried people. I think of hurried people. Guys if you're like a psycho with scattergories rules let me know.

I do love that it is socially acceptable though to like be just running in the airport. It's not. We're like New York City. I'll I run like I'll you like jog or like like if I'm running late to something, which is like I always get dropped off at the wrong Uber or I'm always running late. I will run through people like it's running for my life. And I know people are looking at me, but I'm like, I don't know.

It's really embarrassing. And then how come I could run on the treadmill for 10 minutes but like running for 30 seconds in New York I'm out of breath wow flex you can run on the treadmill for 10 minutes I mean I could do the walk thing yeah I could I recently started going to the gym so I was really surprised to learn like how out of shape that that I was and I do the treadmill um I've gotten up where I can run to a full song which I'm like really proud of because I couldn't even get through a chorus it's a lot of it is mental what I would do this is pretty toxic but like when I was training you have to trick yourself that like you're literally getting chased by a lion and get to that next level of adrenaline I think it would be more productive for me to like imagine a Krispy Kreme in front of me you know if you were hungry

like I'm not afraid of a lion honestly like put me out of my misery like just take me and like if it's in a beautiful safari desert like you know what oh gorgeous if this is how it goes right like i'm contributing to the uh food prism what's it called food pyramid food chain food chain you go and she's juicy yeah um i just have to say about morgan wade yeah i like how we went categories why is every single country singer's name morgan wade morgan wall and morgan wade yeah no that's a fair point that's a fair point also but you're so right because i see things so like when people are seen they've chose to be seen i don't care if you have sunglasses on and you look all like oh i don't want to be seen how did tmz know that morgan wade who outside of her relationship with

kyle richards is a relatively unknown country artist like how did they know where she was going to be and when? Also, yeah, I'm not going to pick you up unless there was a serious problem. Also, because I don't have my driver's license. I'm coming to pick you up if I know the paparazzi's there. If Ben's like, oh, I'm going to the airport, I heard Tamsie's going to be there.

I'm showing up in my prom dress. I want to know, I guess, is Dancing with the Stars under NBC? ABC. So it's different. So it's a huge move that they're letting Bravo Leopardies now Go on that And Mauricio also

Has a reality show On Netflix So they're kind of Like everywhere Because there was a point Where Bravo was like Hardcore You can't do anything

Outside of Bravo ever Yeah you're right They didn't They don't even let you Talk about like Stuff on podcasts Right yeah And now like

They let Vanderpump people Talk about it Ariana's also on Ariana's on it. So there's this, I didn't even asking him about like a storyline. That's wild behavior, but I guess there's good for the show.

They should have been doing that all along. Globalization. It's globalization. Do you think Kyle Richards is in a relationship with Morgan Wade? Um, I like haven't really thought about it. Really? Oh my God.

That's all I think about. As in, I do. I think like psychics are right. Most of the time. Yeah. That was some crazy shit. Like that psychic came for her throat.

Your husband, she wasn't even a psychic. She was just a woman they found on the street. She was just like a mentally ill woman living in Beverly Hills who loved to vape. She just was a huge fan of the show your husband will never emotionally fulfill you and i was like emotional fulfillment from men is like a difficult thing how many women were like yeah no shit we know

i've been at the time when that show was airing there was like a lot of rumors about maria ceo cheating on kyle yeah so like the timing and all the women were like oh yes spooky i mean i i think it's like commit or don't i don't know what this like middle thing is and why they're not telling us anything like i feel like bronwyn is pissed bronwyn's like this was my storyline this is organic like bronwyn's was so staged like when bronwyn was like married but also dating a woman and then like she also i think then abused her husband they called like there was like married but also dating a woman and then like she also i think then abused her husband they called like there was like a whole fucking thing a whole thing she didn't do like the launch correctly this is this is exciting i'm not gonna lie like i'm talking about it milking it is what

these celebrities are doing i mean she this is her job you know yes yes she's doing a pretty good job and i know that kyle has not been the one who has like the main storyline for a while. So it's her time It's her time. It's true actually She also has not been in the hot seat really ever since season one when like her family shit went down and she really Did bleed out like the show is what it is because of you stole my goddamn house like and that was really dark shit for Kyle's family with Kim's sobriety. So she bled out like the first two seasons and then she said I'm done with you bitches Like it's your turn now. Yeah, But now we're on like season 14. It's time, girl.

Yeah. The merry-go-round is coming back. It's your turn. It's your turn. I'm invested because they're such a fascinating family. They are. Yeah. They are.

Yeah. I guess I'll have to say, I think they're also not telling us anything because it is on the show. Yes. And the trailer just dropped and it comes out in two weeks. So like. Yes. Hopefully we'll get some clarification on what the fuck is going on because this rollout

has been so weird. Like we're no we're not yeah silence we're wearing also like you're not just friends with like a hot young country singer no you're a housewife no what do you talk about california yeah what do you talk about i have no fucking idea that's a great point now our second story is a continuation of a story we've been talking about for weeks the drew barrymore of it all. So Drew Barrymore, I'm not going to bore everyone, but remember she was one of the people who was going to bring her show back despite the writer's strike being over because she wanted to, you know, get everyone back to work.

I don't have a publicist. Which was like a very brave thing for her to do. And then she backtracked two seconds later. And then five seconds later, the strike was over. So had she just waited. I literally texted my friend. I was like, how mad is jubay right now yeah now it's getting worse because her head writers are refusing to return to her show even though the strike is over and her show was like big pretty popping yeah it's not easy for a daytime talk show to do well so many remember like busy phillips had one remember chris jenner oh my god i blocked that out remember bethany shoot remember um tyra yeah but hers was

successful yeah um so the drew barrymore show is set to return in less than two weeks without three very important people a trio of drew barrymore's co-head writers have reportedly decided to walk away from the gig following the actress's controversial decisions amid the writers guild of america strike according to the holly Reporter, producers are scrambling to find new writers after Chelsea White, Christina Keenan, and Liz Coe all quit their jobs after the months-long protest ended Tuesday. They basically were like, you said you don't need us, then fine. All three women have worked on the show since its first season and were very vocal during

the strike. They even picketed outside of the NYC office of CBS on multiple occasions with signs that read, honk if you love union laborers and Drew's news strikes. So I have to say I don't think this will affect the show. I mean so many writers have been out of work now for months. I can't imagine that they're not gonna find three people who want to work on a successful show. But it kind of is like this is really tainting Drew's image. Which I don't understand like I actually do understand why she came back I don't think it was an assault on the writers I think there's so many people who

work for her show who are not in a union who had to take odd jobs who had been out of work for months and that was for these people that's what Bill Maher said he's like I'm returning without the writers the show will not be as funny but I need like other people who work on the show who aren't in the union to work like so i understood why but i didn't understand doing it and then backtracking because it was such a brave thing to do like you have to have really thought it through knowing you're gonna get backlash but then stick with it yes so to get backlash and then backtrack makes you look like and then to post like a seven minute rambly kind of like i could have a public get a publicist figure out how you want to say it succinctly so we don't have to

listen to an eight minute weird video. I have to imagine Drew Barrymore at the level that she is had a strategy. No. It looked strategy-less. Yes. And maybe that was the strategy to be like, I'm so organic, whatever, and like crying and stuff. That ain't a strategy. That's a shit show.

It is hard in this industry because I feel like when you fly close to the sun, a like taylor swift right now which is making me nervous and nervy she was doing so well like there's actually a quote in the beckham documentary last night sorry oh my god i'm about to quote the john mulaney special okay there's a quote that says like the higher you are on the mountain the more wind so it's like you have to be able to handle the power that comes with the responsibility of power i don't know that was a spider-man quote john mulaney said likability is a prison oh well that the oh that is so powerful because yeah think about like the chrissy teigen stuff it's the same thing where like people feel really lied to when it's like you're supposed to be everyone's best friend and you don't care about some people so you get even worse backlash than like bill maher no one thought he was nice so

true maher we're like i could see him you know like not that he's a bad guy but like no one was like he's my bestie you know and he's not like a front-facing person who wants everybody to feel love he does like hot takes on the show yeah he's controversial he's polarizing yes um but John Mulaney had said it because you know before his divorce he was like America's sweetheart like I don't think there was a comic more beloved, less, he wasn't he's not even controversial as a comedian. Everybody loved him and what did he do? He got divorced, which isn't a crime. But people felt so invested in his marriage because he's just like this America's sweetheart, nice guy, very likable. You

would have thought the way people reacted like the drama around it like he was a serial killer. Well because he would joke about his wife and their marriage in like such a fun, nice way that people were like, you lied to us. And he brought people in. Yes. Which was a mistake.

And this goes back to the beginning of our conversation where I said context matters. Like when Bill Maher says it, everyone's like, okay. And then when she says it, people are like, oh, hell fucking no. Because Bill Maher has got made a career off of like making people uncomfortable

and making people think and not just being, you know, like a person who says what everybody else is saying. He's controversial and he goes against the grain and he makes you think. Whereas Drew Barrymore is just kind of like a Hollywood elite who does everything right. And you know what? Not to play devil's advocate, but like Drew, I have so much empathy for her and all like the horrible things she's gone through in the industry. That's why I'm always like, don't trigger her. I know. She is like an inner child who like hasn't fully been healed yes and

i feel like she she loves the show so much yeah um but the way filled by it honestly call a publicist because like don't put people through that kind of like up and down stuff like make a decision decide with it or don't yeah and publicists aren't like i mean whenever i've dealt with a publicist they always just tell me to shut up. They're always just like, ignore it, stop talking, just ignore it. Cause like a lot of the time you can't control narrative.

You'll make it worse. So having a publicist is just basically telling the person like, this is the best way to avoid people getting hurt and drama and stuff like that. But, um, those three girlies, they must've really been vocal to be like,

don't you dare. Right, because they've been out of work for a while. And now like their main source of income is back and they don't even want it. Like that's crazy. It's wild behavior.

I can't wait to Google them after this. I know. Like where are they now? What are they doing? She'll get writers. Like writers are dying to work. Like they've been out of work

for many, many months. Yeah. So I'm not worried about it, but this is just like... But like three of your top writers is the voice of the show yeah so it might like that's true just giving writers credit it's true it could change the tone yeah that's very true i mean you think about like the chelsea lately show which i think was the greatest talk show ever i actually never watched

it oh my god like it was when i was like it was my roman empire how old are you um sorry to ask okay 30 and 25 months oh my god we're the same age wait in 25 months how old are you 32 oh 30 and 25 months I thought you said 30 in 25 months I'm like you're younger than me I joke that I'm like a baby like you give months you're like I'm 2472 months old yeah because nobody has the time to do the math all right well I'm 29 but I don't know I felt like i was like a little young to be watching it did you not feel that way um i would like 10 o'clock be going to sleep i did feel a little young because it was all these like older comics right but i felt like i was like being naughty watching like the adults gossip at night after like two beers you know when your parents are talking and you're

like okay you dirty little dogs literally but no i never that's why like heather mcdonald now when i see her i have this like memory of her on the table i know she's so legendary like she is one of the writers on white chicks like i did you know that i actually did not know that because i know that she's in it and when i was on her podcast a little while ago i'm like like the craziest thing like you were in white chick she's like i literally wrote it with other people like yes no she's been in this year a long time she's been very very kind to me me too and especially as two girls who were like gone to stand up after her she could be cunty like she could have been like oh now you want to do stand up it's so true she could totally be rude she's one of the nicest people i've ever she could have been rude to me

i would have said thank you yeah no i texted this morning and the first time i ever met her like i it was so refreshing to meet someone who was actually so fucking funny in person yes in addition to like the podcast and everything i really like her i have a lot of respect for her she's also very open to the goss like the gossip yeah we just went to dinner uh when she came to new york and i was like jackie you have to come that's amazing and we just like talk shit i just like i i want to know her thoughts on so many things and people you know yes and she was very open to hearing like my stuff too where she like I can tell when people don't want to hear things yes like they're like I have my narrative I don't want to hear I don't gossip she's a girly she's

a girl's girl I like her we support um so wishing drew the best I do feel bad that like nobody really talked about how when she announced her show coming back like a bunch of other smaller talk shows did too like Jennifer Hudson nobody hudson nobody she got everybody's shit on her face like nobody was came for got come for even remotely she yeah her sure there was poop on her yeah like she got it all and i also think that like people are treating her like she is the the people who won't pay the workers like right let's let's put our anger in the right place she's a sag member she was doing what she thought was best for like, yeah, for her. Like, everybody's just trying to like, I disagree with what she did.

But I also I do think I understand like ability is a burden. Prison. Prison. It's also a burden. Like, yes. Like the David Beckham documentary. He was so loved. And then he made like one little mistake with like that alleged affair.

He actually did something on the soccer field where like he messed up a little, but it wasn't even his fault. And everyone just blamed it on him or like he was the hero. And the same thing that can make you be the hero can make you be the villain type of idea. You either die the hero or live long enough to become the villain. Sheena. Sheena Marie Shea. Sheena Marie Shea, who I just saw two days ago.

Where? I did her pod. How was? How was Sheena Marie Shea doing? Well, I'm a fan? Well I'm a fan Like I'm a fan From the beginning By the way so am I

Like I had the worst Breakup of my life And I would Just turn on Vanderpump Rules And watch Sheena cry About a guy And I would be like

We're the same We're the same Or like you just Feel less bad about yourself Of course And that's what she does For the world And she's really

Like I have to say Say what you want about her She has always been herself Always been herself She never changed for those girls who were so fucking mean to her like she withstood all of that and you know what she's like one of the ogs on the show now she's she was demoted before and still showed up every day like that's like someone who's just like i'm gonna work hard and also when i was going through difficult times she would she was showing up to my stand-up shows. I have to say.

When she did not have to. It's so important to remember people who were kind to you during a lull in your career. Like I will never in my life have a bad word to say about Jonathan Chabon. He could not have been kinder to me when I got canceled sending me text messages. Like it made me feel so much better.

Like it's just the little things people do. And then you also notice like who distanced themselves. And also who's nice to you when things start popping. That's why with Sheena. I keep an Excel spreadsheet in my mind of people who are really nice to me. So do I have a Rolodex. Like literally people from high school. I was like nervous.

Like when Vanderpump was popping off, even though like Sheena was my girl, I was like, I don't want to start hitting her up more, even though like people were asking me for the gossip. But I was like, I want her to know that I don't like like her more now that she has like she's popping. And seeing her, I I was just like are you good but it's just great to see like she was vlogging for so long no one cared she was podcasting for so long people made fun of her and now her shit is hot and it's like she didn't get lucky it's true she waited it out she worked hard he's a hard worker and true she's kind of just like she's a girl's

girl and she shows you who she is. That's actually really true. Like, I don't feel like she would actually deceive me in any way. No, she's not like a bad person. Yeah. Okay. We have some absolutely heartbreaking news. Oh, no.

iCarly revival has been canceled after three seasons on Paramount+. It's time to say goodbye to iCarly. I didn't know there was a Paramount Plus. You didn't? Just kidding. Oh, I was like, where do you watch Drag Race? It's really not one of the popular ones. Yeah.

They really shouldn't be canceling a show that I actually had heard people were watching. And also, when the fuck is Yellowstone coming back? We don't know, so you really need your content. Yeah. So after three seasons, the revival of the beloved Nickelodeon series has come to an end i carly will not be returning for a fourth season on paramount plus the series had a great three-season run delivered what fans really wanted to see with carly and freddie finally getting together we want to thank the entire cast writers directors and producers along with the whole carly and freddie fucked and we're done

we're done and see you next year orgasmm Done I didn't feel like This was a revival We particularly needed Yeah I didn't watch But I was like A big iCarly queen Growing up

You're like I was supportive I'm not a big fan From afar Of revivals Yeah I mean How I Met Your Father

Yeah I heard was good Was cute I think Right So I think there's ways To do it Like I think like Reunions and revivals are

such like low-hanging fruit like for hollywood like do something new yeah but sometimes they stop like i actually think the way they did the friends reunion was very good it was like a live televised event it wasn't everybody acting again yes you know it doesn't need to always be that yes i also think the way they did fuller house was cute where like the younger cat the kids are now the adults and they have like a whole new cast. I want revivals of old school reality TV shows. Yes.

We need Room Raiders back. We need Next. We need Next, which was brutal. No, Next, you can never survive in this climate. Like Next was the most vapid fucking, the people who signed up for Next were, that's like going on Next is self-harm. Next to like literally, if I stepped off the bus and I had one foot on the bus, one

foot on the pavement and somebody said Next, like seriously, that would be the end for me. Like that would be my 13th reason. I would not fucking be okay. That would be worse than both our reality experiences combined. Horrible. Like I thought I had it bad when I went on Say Yes to the Dress. No.

No. Next. Where? I need a next. I don't need a next where i need a next i don't need a next i need a next where are they now i need a next rehab yeah no like next here's how next true life here's how next ruined my life do you remember um the one where the parents hated the boyfriend or girlfriend are you talking about true life no you're talking about next it was a dating show it's a different one and the parents hate the boyfriend and the boyfriend's always like you know

like smoking weed or something like we hate him she deserves better and the girl's like 15 yeah and then they set her up on a couple dates and they have to sit on the couch with the boyfriend and the parents watching how iconic how iconic do you remember the show bridalplasty yes we're like 10 brides to be competed on a reality show where each episode had like a different bridal-themed challenge. And the winner, get this, the winner would get the plastic surgery of their choosing for their wedding. So after she won the challenge, she would come back with like a bandage on her nose

or her like jaw reset, her boobs boobs done and she would recover in the mansion while the rest of the girls went on to the next activity like she would get to sit the week out because she got her surgery which is so insane to me because a man literally said i love you for you and everything about you and she goes perfect let me change myself bridal plessy was the craziest shit i'd ever that was after the swan right yes did you ever watch um i actually think it's still on it's one of my favorites four weddings no let me tell you about four weddings it's on tlc okay well tlc is fire it's tlc is another planet so they take four brides they all meet each other and they're all having their weddings each bride goes to the other's wedding so in total they all go to four weddings

and the whoever has the best wedding gets a $10,000 honeymoon. Do they try to fuck each other's weddings up? So you have to rate the wedding based on dress, food, decor, ambiance, like a whole category of things. But they can try to sabotage it. You can't. They have a system where in order to stop somebody from bombing somebody else's wedding, like if some girl clearly had the best wedding. I forget how the scoring system works but they have a system where they like remove the lowest score whatever um let me tell you it's for bitches absolute

fucking bitches just shitting complaining i mean her dress was pretty but it was a little too bedazzled oh my god the steak is cold i I'm starving. Where's the mashed potatoes? The band was not good. There was no food at cocktail hour. It's literally just naggy bitches complaining for 45 fucking minutes. Let's be honest. That's what everyone's doing at the wedding. They're just doing it subtly under their breath.

And they like just complain about the venue and the pastor and like the noises from outside. It's cutthroat. I would love one of the brides to end up just like falling in love with like the pastor or the groups but the thing is so then they all get together with the husbands at a mansion to find out who wins at the end yes and they're like fake cheersing one another

they're like dying to know who's won it's never who you'd expect it's a crazy fucking show i'm always talking about four weddings i mean reality tv back in the day was not real not or too real a little too it's actually true because now it's like so scripted and like not scripted but like manipulated because nowadays people get real fame from it and you have so much to lose so much to lose and so much to gain where back then it was like yeah people saw you once on the next bus and like go off i mean the facts they would say what for the next thing like to hurt were i mean the facts they would say what for the next thing like to hurt were those writers that made it up definitely in post definitely because

they would be like once took his guinea pig to like put it up yeah like once lived with a guinea pig up its ass like it's crazy out of pocket shit yeah and then you'd be like yeah i could see that for him that was one of the best shows like ever created. Ever created. I'm just surprised why they're not revamping it because they're revamping all the 90s and the Y2K stuff.

I want it. Next can't exist in this culture. Like for real. Room Raiders, my canon event, was when they would go in the people's rooms and they take out the light

and there would just be like the black light and there'd be just semen like everywhere like on the lamp like on the ceiling and it happened every episode. Pit ride exhibit pin my ride they'd be like yeah no i'm really into um candy back of your car candy bar like insane like willy wonka

lives in the car it was not real those cars were definitely not road safe like no that was some other shit that was crit oh my god i like not even close to getting a driver's license would watch it and be like and then when the music would play the heart the whole car would shake um and yeah there was definitely no way that the weight would work when they were like we have a horse in the back of it because Cause you said once you like horses, it's kind of like your mom actually Remy Bader made a joke that like her mom, she once went to like one Jesse McCartney concert. And then like 10 years later she got her just to record.

Like one thing you liked for one second, your whole room is covered in Jesse McCartney. But a lot of those makeover shows, which I thought was fascinating, you know, those like home shows, makeover home edition yes i was i used to watch as a family are you talking about the tax situation oh my god so people would get these houses and they'd have like no income and then they'd have to upkeep these houses with like

taxes and like air conditioning and hot tubs and pools no it put people into financial ruin and no one talks about it no and these were like parents whose kids had cancer and that's why they're getting the free house and then they were literally put into bankruptcy more money more problems and then ty who like you know i don't know him personally pennington with his crazy spiky hair crazy spiky hair like he looks like a boy band member that like defunct yeah that was in the microwave for too long yeah and he was like i've saved all your lives then bounces and no one follows up. Not even an email. Complete financial ruin.

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It's just great to have on your phone wherever you are. Vacation, honeymoon, spice things up on your honeymoon. Go to DipsyStories.com slash toast. People talk about it. I think that's probably the same thing with Pimp My Ride. Definitely. Like the value of the car just went up. So did your monthly payments.

They get arrested immediately. They're like, you can't have a fire torch in the back of your car. None of this is up to code. You're done. Hand over the keys. You can't even fit in a parking spot. All's that to say, iCarly, you will be missed. Our next story.

So this is a TV show I never watch. And this is a spoiler alert if you watch The Maskedhuh. Um, but, and this is a spoiler alert. If you watch the masked singer. Okay. Do you know who got revealed as the, as someone that eliminated? Yeah. Didn't win shockingly.

And spoiler alert, turn it off. If you watch a masked singer and you didn't see last night's episode, we have, the identity has been uncovered. It is Vanderpump rules, villain, Tom Sandoval.

I'm going to say a controversial take. I feel empathy for Raquel, that she is the only one that hasn't monetized from the trauma. That's not a hot take. I think that's a completely fair thing. Ariana deserves it. Yep. Tom does not. Does not.

At least give Raquel a cut. I completely agree. I think she's so busy focusing on her mental health like I Jackie and I had said this towards the end of the reunions and stuff and just like all the the fallout afterwards it in our opinion like went completely too far like when yeah they were pretty much telling Raquel to go kill herself like it was really actually not okay yep um and it seemed like yeah she did something wrong yes let's keep in mind she didn't murder anyone nope she made a really really really big mistake and she deserved for

her friends to be angry but to have like millions of people telling you to kill yourself in addition to like your actual friends in addition to your friends i wish that okay maybe i'll take i would like to see raquel still on the show i don't think she should be fired i think people deserve i don't think she was fired i think her family told her like she couldn't do it she can't like no i i mean if anyone i understand i mean i wasn't i didn't have to deal with that extent it's true but i do think that like it's all stories and there eventually is redemption for everyone yeah um and also like who knows ariana could fuck up next season and then is she the devil suddenly and then is raquel redeemed

and yeah like it's just that's that's these shows and everyone forgets immediately yeah and next you know people might be hating on ariana because she's doing so well right and it's like she didn't choose that ability as a prison like but so that's why i'm a little nervous to her i'm nervous but i'm nervous i. I'm nervous. I'm just a nervous Nelly. No, I feel that 100%. And I do actually have like a lot of sympathy for Raquel. I have sympathy for Raquel, but I also have sympathy for Ariana a little where I wouldn't

be surprised if this season some people start turning on her for like. How many opportunities. Because they're jealous. Everyone on the show has been through things. I feel like I heard Stassi talk about this on maybe Lala's podcast where it was like we've all been cheated on you know Jackson Kristen and Stassi season one like that's the same exact thing as Raquel Tom and actually yeah there wasn't this like the show was smaller obviously and it was like less surprising because like Jackson Kristen were both insane um but they've all kind of bled

out like I mean Lala andandall like everybody's had like this big thing and there hasn't been this like wave of global love adoration money opportunities so i could definitely see people getting like annoyed yeah and if she messes up even slightly people are waiting i think yep yep yep um and that is women in the arts it's so true but tom sandoval uh is continuing uh his you know uh journey of thinking people want to hear him play music and he went on the mask singer and he did not win surprisingly he uh i think it's the second week like he literally just got out i do have to say that nothing bonds vanderpump rules more than the love for music. It's so true. Between DJ James Kennedy.

Because we're good as gold. Lala, Gold, Sheena. Oh, James Kennedy. Top man, you're a bad man. And then what was that song Lala and James wrote together where she's like singing on the floor

and she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, obsessed. As someone who's been on a reality show, not one person, actually no,

Kyle did put out a, I think he put out a rap song once. Who? Sorry, I wasn't listening. I was reading the story. Oh no, Kyle. Kyle who? Kyle he put out a rap song once who sorry i wasn't listening i was reading oh no kyle kyle cook put out a rap song once no people don't talk about it um i mean enough bravo music what is your favorite let's be for real luanne yeah well good as gold will always be great actually a really good song luanne has some like actually she say lovey

of course money can't buy you class but not enough people talk about simon van campen's iconic song i am real i am real it literally like wasn't a song he's is he singing or rapping singing well he wore red leather pants and he sang it on watch as someone who has put out absolute bangers yourself do are there any bangers coming up did you enjoy the process of making a banger should I try to make a banger you should I actually found the process to be incredibly stressful yeah um I love like I love the fact that I have two songs like I'm not seriously pursuing a music career I love my songs I'm obsessed with my songs would you rather go on tour for stand-up or like

six songs okay so whenever I'm like about to go on stage I always think like imagine if all these people were here just to hear me like sing a song like that would be a dream like I had like a full roster of music and like you were buying tickets to hear me and and the same amount of tickets were being sold to see me that's like for me that's my dream like I have the best job in the world I love doing stand-up but I'm always like if I was here to like be a pop star like this would be so. So comedians are famously very jealous of pop stars because I come up with an hour material tour it for me to come back to your city. I can't,

I have to come up with a new hour of material. That's 50 plus jokes. Yeah. So you can, there are people who have done two hits on one hit songs and can do a whole career based on that one, two and a half minute song. Yep. So're so jealous we are but i think as a stand-up it's a much more intellectually stimulating job than like i think for a lot of people singing the same songs over

and over and over again for 25 years like it's actually miserable yes like madonna's like if i sing like a virgin one more time right i mean think about celine dion with the residency for so many years same fucking 15 songs like it's a lot wow but also when I listen to music I listen to the same song 400 times but then it's like eating a certain food like you get hyper fixation and then you're over it you could never eat it again done well um Tom Sandoval released a statement oh he's saying I ain't worried by One Direction. It's actually an amazing song choice. And he said, making my debut as the driver last week,

oh yeah, so he got eliminated on the second week, was so rewarding. It felt so great to get all the love from the panel and the audience. Something, as you know, I haven't gotten much of lately. As a kid,

I always wanted to be famous. I modeled, I acted, and of course, I sang. I was always waiting to become a household name. I just didn't know it would be everyone hating me. But I'm here to show the world that I'm more than my mistakes.

Being here already feels like a healing experience. Getting to share my talent instead of my drama is exactly what I needed. So tonight, I'm going to keep my eye on the ball because I'm not ready to take off this mask. This is the thing. He's also on Special Forces. No, he's making money right now. And he has a dumbass podcast that no one listened to. But I do have to say, when you're going through a hard time, you could like sit in it or you

can just keep moving, keep working. And like, I do respect that he's not giving up on life. And like, at no time do I ever want anyone to be like, life is not worth living because of the hate that they're getting. Yeah. So I have empathy in that way. But I do think he should stop. I agree.

Is that what you were going to say? You basically, well, like you could take a second to like reflect a little, but I do want to say the vitriol. I like that word. Love the vitriol that that man has gotten. I hope that you girls give the same energy to men who have cheated on you and don't take them back. Yeah.

Cause I feel like a lot of people are like, fuck that dude. And then their boyfriend's just like cheating the same thing. Do you remember that phrase that everybody in like middle school used to say i am rubber and you are glue what bounces off of me sticks to you i feel like that's literally tom sandoval i don't know why i feel like nothing penetrates him i think it's because he's like an actual like diagnosed narcissist and so all this attention albeit negative it's attention you know yes not debilitating him like it would a normal neurotypical person he definitely enjoys that everyone knows who he is which is sick yeah because I remember like a feeling of I hope my name's not in the news today yeah because you're just you're just like

please no one say my name um and I like like earned attention like I don't even like the attention of like oh I saw you on the show. I want someone to be like, oh, I love your pod. Yeah, something like you worked and put out. You earned there. Not just like, oh, I saw your face once somewhere. But he's, it's giving like women, just when you hurt a woman and then you do well, it makes us all a little upset.

Of course, no. And Raquel is over here like fighting for her life. i know and what's his deal with raquel right now he's still playing along with it like we might be we might not know she's like i'm done he's crazy um and he's like i wish her well okay whenever a guy says i wish her well like that's he wants to kill her and also like he hurt her yeah of course he of course. He hurt her. Why are you wishing me well? Why are you wishing me well? You should not. Our fifth and final story.

Last night, Selena Gomez had held an event for her Rare Impact Fund, where she's like, her Rare Beauty, like, charity. They do a lot of mental health work. And people were really surprised to see her kidney donor, Francia Reissa, show up on the red carpet. And she did an interview. She says the ups and downs in her Selena Gomez friendship had nothing to do with the kidney. I'm like, sorry, I'm just not buying it. Francia Reissa and downs in her Selena Gomez friendship had nothing to do with the kidney. I'm like,

sorry, I'm just not buying it. Francia Reissa is sharing some insight into- I love how the kidney's the main character. No, I know. Sharing some insight into-

Cut to the kidney. Let me hear the kidneys. No, and by the way, Francia Reissa went on Ben's podcast and spoke very openly. She's like, there's no beef with me and Selena. But then she's saying

there's ups and downs here. Right. And like, her and Selena went through a year where they didn't talk. So question mark. I don't know how that drama made it to the public, like how they didn't keep that on the low. No, because Francia was like was leaving comments.

So somebody had posted that Selena Gomez did an interview where she said her only friend in the industry is Taylor Swift. And Francia Reese saw it and was like, wow. Taylor Swift's been in London for the last three years. I'm out here giving you organs whenever you need vital organs and so she was pissed. Women in STEM. And then um Selena actually responded to that comment and was like I wasn't like talking about you like they were like beefing so we all knew and then then they're both like it's all good so we're like but what did we just see? Like don't gaslight us. So here's what she said. Sometimes I feel like people need to spend time

apart in order to grow. We had to almost go on our own journeys to grow. I needed to take some time for myself and figure out what the hell was going on with me because I was not okay. I went through a lot in my childhood and I will be talking about it very soon. Selena has been such a huge important supporter of that. I'm not buying it. I'm really not. It's that that was a good publicist. That was a good publicist. It feels like maybe Francia was like rogue for a little while. Yes, she was rogue and now it's back. Now it's being reeled in.

I mean, Selena's dealing with a lot of friend drama in the public eye. What else? Remind me. What else? Oh, yeah. Well it's being reeled in. I mean, Selena's dealing with a lot of friend drama in the public eye. What else? Remind me. What else? Oh, yeah. Well, they were like never friends. Yeah. But apparently they were seen at a dinner together. They weren't.

Oh, it was the same restaurant, different times. They were at the same restaurant. Like similar timing, but completely opposite sides of the restaurant. Like never approached, never collided. No, I got, I fell into that rabbit hole too. Like not me believing everything I see on the internet. I need to become a little bit more of like a critical thinker yeah like a more um nuanced consumer and educated yeah like i i know better than to fall for that but yeah i am also like these ai

images like it's really like it's fucking me up like i see these crazy things i'm like oh my god no way was taylor swift spotted out with kanye like but it's literally AI it's just for clickbait I know and it's working because I'm clicking how are you feeling about I have to bring up Travis Kelsey and um are you getting overstimulated by it I am actually I didn't even choose a story about it today I noticed um and I want to protect Taylor because like you said she's at that level where you get spoken about so much there's only one way to go yeah so I'm doing my part and not speaking about her I love that for you supporting her i also feel like the kardashians are so mad right now i know because there was like a year where they were that like when every

single day when it was a kim and pete and like there was just a lot going on um that was them and they they haven't been that for a while and now taylor's it and it must be tough and especially with all the hype with the eras tour like every celebrity flying to every single show yes and then the six shows in LA and like I'm sure one of their kids loves Taylor no it's Taylor's world and we're living it yeah and that must be hard do you think that she did she sell out the movie on um it I don't know I don't know if I'm sure it has sold out it's about to hit like a AMC record it's gonna be like the highest grossing movie ever made. Because people were like, oh, it's like good promo right now. Yeah.

Also, is it true? Sorry, I just want my last two seconds. Yeah, please. Because you know everything about her. Did she say no to the Super Bowl? So I just had this conversation with another co-host. For many, many years, Taylor was a Diet Coke ambassador. And it was the Diet Pepsi.

I mean, it was the Pepsi halftime show. Yeah. So she was not allowed to do it because there was a non-compete. Got it. And then for many years after, I believe the Pepsi halftime show. Yes. So she was not allowed to do it because there was a non-compete. Got it. And then for many years after, I believe that non-compete extended. Yes.

And she wasn't allowed to do it. Then most recently, Apple Music became a sponsor and she was immediately eligible. And the Heiress Tour conflicted with it. And I don't know if they approached her formally,

but she has not done it yet. I'm sure they've asked. Yeah. She will do it, I'm sure. Because it's her like one thing that she hasn't done it yet i'm sure they've asked yeah she will do it i'm sure because it's her like one thing that she hasn't done is it crazy to say like i think she's too big for it i love that so much like people were saying that they think she's going to be the headliner at coachella because like her schedule had a break for the weeks of coachella i like i literally think she's too big for coachella also these these football teams being like hey you're

invited anytime to our game i'm'm like, your $400 ticket to her to see a game that she doesn't care about. Everyone's being, everyone's showing their true colors. Yeah, Mark Cuban,

thirsty. Sorry, don't just throw her pussy around like that. Her golden pussy on her pussy. Put some respect on her pussy,

100%. It's annoying me because also she's like helping men, which is like inevitable it's inevitable when you're making so much money that some men will benefit from it so true like our husbands literally that's literally we are the taylor swifts of the podcast mama's working mama's working go away give me a sec give me a soda give me a diet coke which is so relatable

of her i know i loved her diet coke era and it was also like when her album red was coming out so like everything was red diet coke red and it was just like she was like this i'll never forget that commercial her like sitting backstage like writing a song listening to diet i mean drinking diet coke like obsessed i do have to say though i think the diet coke girlies are not okay we're not like people don't talk about it i have a crazy thing to say i'm actually like more of a diet pepsi girly like my house i'm a pepsi house but of course i every anytime i go to a restaurant i'm like i'll have what happened to you as a kid that made that it was a recent transition oh i'll actually i'll tell you a little bit about it first of all like i always knew in my soul like i actually liked the

taste of diet pepsi better but like branding wise i was like diet coke diet coke diet coke and then right before i got like big canceled in 2018, I had locked down this enormous deal with Diet Coke. It was like the, probably the biggest, like most accomplishing thing I was ever going to do. And of course I got canceled and all my brand deals fired me. And which was understandable. I like, wasn't mad. Diet Coke was like, we're out. I'm like, oh, of course. Um, but then they released, you were like, thank you. But then they released a statement that like made the news cycle pick up my cancellation again. It like started

a whole other onslaught of drama. And I'm like, Diet Coke causes diabetes all the time. I was like, you really, actually,

I don't know if that's true. You didn't have to go that hard. Spreading rumors. There was absolutely no reason for you to release that statement. It is sad. I hadn't posted any content yet. Like the partnership

hadn't even begun. So they could have just canceled it. So it literally tastes, no one needed to know. It tastes like bitter. B herbs and then i was like you know what fuck diet coke and now i can actually live in my truth diet pepsi diet pepsi caffeine free like you bitches are sleeping on it and everybody gives me so much so much shit like it's like it feels good for me to know that you're dumb and i'm smart you know i i do think because i have

people in my life who would drink like eight diet cokes a day and they're like there's no sugar there's no calories and i'm like then what's in it aspartame heroin heroin and and i'm also in my osabic journey i'm like i'm a dental one soda a day wow and usually like a treat i'm wild though like this is actually like so much weirder i i like dr pepper that's not weird at all diet diet i think it's underrated die dr pepper or dr pepper either or die dr pepper is literal like heaven it's like the same good yeah yeah i think diet dr pepper doesn't i think justin guarini he's the they made him small when i realized a few years ago that the man in the dr pepper commercials who sings just the sweet ones was justin guarini from justin to kelly fame i that for me like that was a canon that was your roman empire nobody

could interfere like i was shocked talk about a rebrand um hannah if anybody wants to follow you tell them where they can do that and tell them about all your podcasts and your upcoming standup shows. Yeah. Listen to Burner Phone with me and Des and of course Giggly Squad, which is my pride and joy, my baby. Um, follow me on TikTok. We're TikToking. We are TikToking.

We're always TikToking. I'm so proud of you. Thank you. Oh, I forgot to update everyone. We finally made a toast TikTok. Finally. I was like hoarding that cause I wanted it for mine. Well, what I do is The Giggly Squad

When it's like my favorite ones I'll put it on mine Okay But otherwise all of them Go on the Giggly Squad TikTok Okay good to know Good to know And you could

I think yeah You figure it out So it's the Toast Pod So make sure to follow us there Because like Good for you Thank you Because you guys have

The best clips Thank you Also I do have a tour I'm trying to sell tickets In Hanover, Maryland I don't really know where it is Maryland girlies Yes

Show up and show out Show up show out I just announced Reno reno madison milwaukee i love milwaukee a lot of places yeah milwaukee's very fun going on tour actually really makes you appreciate how much like how many better cities there are than new york they're cleaner they're safer they're more efficiently run they're very like new and modern their trains work yeah as a new people from new york you know we're all like oh new york is the best we're so great i didn't realize there were other cities no i was like this is fully a city no milwaukee is absolutely gorgeous it's gorgeous and they have all these old towns and beers i love charlotte oh so many great towns so cute i love a vintage shop that i find because the vintage shops here it's like

$300 for a sweater with mites and bed bugs and then you go to like milwaukee and it's like ten dollars for prada yeah also there's this comedian ryan hamilton who has this great joke he's like people say new yorkers are like if you can make it here you can make it anywhere and he's like see if a new yorker can make it somewhere else yeah that's impressive no by the way it's so true like when no foods like available at 11 p.m we're like what how do people live no how do people live? No, how do people live, though? Like, dead serious?

I guess they just go to sleep like a normal person. Maybe they're on Ozempic. Actually, Ozempic's everywhere. It should be. It's literally the best, most life-changing drug. I'm obsessed with it. Sponsor me. Hannah, thank you so much for being here.

Oh, my God. Thank you so much. This went by too fast. It really did. An hour and 12 minutes. We're so verbose. Thank you guys so much for listening to The Toast on the Monday Morning Show,

where we deliver the best five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube. So if you're watching this on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up. We're also available as podcasts anywhere podcasts can be found. So that's Spotify, H&S, Stitcher, Public Radio, iHeartRadio, CastBox, all the places.

Where you can listen to podcasts, find us at Toast TV five star review about how beautiful, stunning, and wickedly talented we are. Hope you guys have an amazing day, and we'll see you tomorrow. Bye.