The Toast - Resuming Swirly Affairs: Monday, May 13th, 2024

Episode Date: May 13, 2024

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Good morning, Millennials! Welcome back to the Toast and happy Monday that feels like a real Monday! Hey Jax, how ya durn? Durn well, Turd, thank you for asking. Yes, indeed, it does feel like a real Monday. For me especially. I'm sure for you as well, but for me especially. It's not a competition, but it's fine. Because I've been off. Hey guys, how you doing? How was everyone's week? My week was fantabulous. My week of leisure was not as leisurely as I was hoping for, but I got so much out of it. I got to

be a toaster for the week, which was really such a joy. And I'm so glad I had that experience to say to you all, you're welcome. How being a toaster and the toast is such a gift to your every day in all mundane daily activities, driving, cleaning, cooking. Mothering. Working out. Mother. No, not while I'm mothering because you just never know when a curse word is going to slip. So let's start from the very beginning.

The last time we saw you all was a Friday. Jax and I headed to Austin. We had a fabulous time in Austin. We sort of had this sort of renaissance with the city. And I would say, is it crazy to say we fell in love with the city? We did. I feel like more often than not these days, you go to a city and you're like, yikes, spikes.

What's happening here? No, Austin was so fabulous. Mostly like the people there were so amazing. It's such a toasty town. Like we had one of our biggest events ever. We did an amazing meet and greet at Spritz. The girlies showed up and showed out. Then we spoke at a panel and the girlies were there as well.

Then we went to a concert. The group, like we had back to back to back. We were kind of giving meetings, meetings, meetings energy. But to complete my thought, we had such an amazing experience in Austin. The town, what a gorgeous city. Pretty well taken care of as far as cities go. I had been there a few years ago and I always thought it was like such a cool place. You know, keep Austin weird. The main drag, South Congress. You guys have a lot going on. Shops, restaurants,

the like. And everything has just built up since then. There's so much new construction. It's really a blossoming city. And if you're a young person thinking about where to live, like after you graduate, might I suggest Austin? I don't think you need to suggest it. It's like one of the most popular places for young people to move no but might I if like if this if you're looking for a sign should I move to Austin or Chicago or you know Minneapolis I'm gonna vote Austin yeah no the weather was great they've got lakes breaks trakes they've got it all really it was so fabulous I agree with you that the crop of people were of a special elk. Well, it's a really interesting city in the sense that most people who live there aren't from there

and it's people from other, you know, big urban cities and other places in Texas. So it was a real melting pot. Everyone was giving normal energy, which you absolutely love to see. I just felt like the normalcy radiating from the people there. That's why I liked it. Yeah. Normalcy, toastiness. Oh, yeah. It was kind of like, I want to say the toastiest city I've ever been. We really had such a great time.

We had a jam-packed 24 hours. We did our Spritz meet and greet, which was so much fun. So many sweet toasters, sweet babies, sweet toasty mamas, and like toasters mamas like grown you know what I mean um books to sign cameron counselor girl with no job we just had a really great fun swirly time and then we did dear media irl another fun great swirly time and then just you know almost like the stars were aligned for us it happened to be a country music festival in austin that night so obviously we went with the best time what a lineup i mean lady a lady a lady a all day thank you to

iheart country and whoever pulled strings to treat us like artists cousins keith urban keith urban lady a lady a riley green riley green so much has happened to me like since that i can't even Keith Urban. Lady A. Lady A. Riley Green. Riley Green. So much has happened to me like since that. I can't even remember. Who else? Well, Jason Aldean also performed and Jelly Roll. Your girls did Split just because we had had a long day as aforementioned.

Yeah. But we had had such a ball in Lady A. Like that was all I needed. I filled up my concert cup no Lady A was I haven't seen them perform in like seriously 15 years and I turned to Jackie as a joke when they were walking on stage I'm like you think they'll play American Honey which is seriously like not even a song they ever released like it's so random there's literally like I don't even know if it's on iTunes it's like a deep cut on YouTube and I swear to god like the third song

they played we were screaming losing our minds yeah no it's a i think it was a single we just associate it with another song from lady a that was a deep cut on itunes that that is they don't claim or play or anything but american honey was a major song for them was it yeah it feels like like nobody knew it around me it feels like our song, though. It is. It's like, we grew up on the side of the road. We literally did. Where the church bells ring and strong love grows. That's literally us.

Literally. We grew up good. We grew up slow. Like American Honey. Like American Honey. Pirate G, Pirate G. It was really amazing. It was like Jackie said, a jam-packed 24 hours.

And then Jackie headed home and I went to LA straight off the plane. Hopped off the plane at LAX into Sebastian Maniscalco's arms. Laugh. Yeah. Obsessed. I will say, I knew everyone that I was going to be interviewing. And I was not nervous for any of them except Sebastian Maniscalco. He was the only one I didn't know, like hadn spoken to it was like very publicist-y it wasn't like DM and hey want to come on like Brooke Schofield I had never met but he and I she and I were texting like

right and he's the least swirly of the hosts everyone else was pretty swirly yeah everyone else was like familiar with the swirly vibes and I just know like someone on Sebastian's team was like you know this will be good for you with the millennial girls. Like just do it. And he was like, okay. And I could tell like when he walked in, he's like, okay, like, what is this? What's going on? Who's this little girl? Little girl. And I was like dead set on winning him over and like showing him the swirly vibes and the swirly way of life. The swirly way of life. And I feel like mission accomplished. I seriously, I don't know if I've ever prepped so much. Like I watched Unfrosted on the plane, which he was in for all of 10 seconds. But still, like I wanted to talk about it.

I like did so much research on him. I stalked him and his wife on Instagram to death, like seriously. And I walked in feeling good, feeling prepared. And the second he sat down and he laughed at something I said, I just felt like, oh, he's obsessed. Obsessed with Last Swirl. How could he not be? down and he laughed at something I said I just felt like oh he's obsessed obsessed with last swirl how could he not be I feel like he saw the swirly vibes liked what he saw and perhaps is thinking about adapting the swirly lifestyle into his every day I think for about an hour there he was a swirly 1000% and I'm just telling you like the vibes, like we need to get him back on. And like, I think seriously, I think he had a great time.

Yeah. And we had a great time, us listeners. By the way, I never watch like our own episodes, whether it's a guest or just us, but like I did watch it two times. Also, what was crazy for me was this was the first time I exclusively listened to his podcast. I usually like, I can't listen to a podcast

unless it has a video component and I watch the video. But I guess because I just had, I wasn't going to sit down and watch video. So I was just going about my life listening to the podcast. Fabulous experience. I understand why people love it. Yeah, when you did guest co-host, I also just listened as a podcast.

Like that's because I was a gal on the go. Because otherwise I'm never going to listen because I don't, I'm not sitting down to watch this. So I understand now why our podcast numbers are so much higher than our video numbers. So then the next day I podcasted with Justin Sylvester, which was the perfect, perfect episode. There was a lot going on in the world.

Met Gala, things of that nature. It had been a while because it was the weekend and then Monday's episode was Sebastian. It had been a while since I had like a proper pop culture sit down and I feel like we needed that. Sort of like a palate cleanser for everyone to just sort of return to their truest selves. Return to normal normalcy and Justin Sylvester is seriously like the king of my heart body and soul like I they're actually probably are four people on this planet I actually couldn't

muster up a bad thing to say about even if I tried my absolute hardest and Justin Sylvester is one of those people no like if Justin Sylvester has no fans I'm dead I'm serious we've been killed no but like you're his friend I'm his fan yeah I love everything that he does if Dailyester has no fans. I'm dead. I'm serious. We've been killed. No, but like you're his friend. I'm his fan. Yeah. I love everything that he does. If Daily Pop has no fans, I am dead. I was the last person watching Daily Pop.

They had to claw it from my hands. So that was a real treat for me as just like a fan. And he's just such a professional and such a star and so funny. It's very rare that somebody can make it their job to talk about other people, but they themselves are of extreme interest still. Like, it's not like I don't want to hear about you. I'm like, tell me what's going on. Tell me everything.

They themselves. They themselves. Then the next day was the day in which, the day in which, you know? The day in which the TikTok came home to roost. The TikTok? No no the 5k oh i thought you were talking about i thought we were going by a show sorry i'm going in order of like what i actually did which we witched now there's so much to talk about when it comes to the 5k and you and i actually haven't even really like talked about it offline no and you haven't talked about it on the

podcast have you no i briefly talked about it with tinks but and you haven't talked about it on the podcast, have you? No, I briefly talked about it with Tinks, but like not on a real emotional level. Right, like you haven't told us everything. I know some things, but like, Lott Turd, how was the 5K? I'm not going to lie to you. It was hard.

So it was at the Rose Bowl, which is like just like six miles of concrete. There's not a tree in sight, a breeze. No, I don't know her. And it was at like 11 o'clock, which is pretty like peak heat of the day. It's not 8am. It's not 9am. It's 11. And honestly, it felt like the first day I'd ever run. Like it felt like I had made no progress. I was dying. Like seriously, dying, heaving. Almost at one point threw up. Well, I just want to say,

imagine how you would have been if you hadn't trained. So this is where things get interesting. And I thought about maybe not even sharing this. But you're going to be brave and open. But you know, I've been so transparent this whole, and I, like sometimes I wish I wasn't this authentic you know okay what did she say and I have to say like I ran I did the 5k with Ben and Josh Josh Peck is like you know just I don't think he trained but he's a person who's in good shape so

he ran with me the whole time and I actually felt bad I felt like I was really slowing him down and I was like just please go like you're making me feel worse and he was like no I'm not leaving you like he was so loyal to the point where like I actually wanted to slap him Ben did the weirdest thing where the second we started everyone's like starting slow he sprints like seriously like an Olympic runner for like 30 seconds just to get really ahead of us so that he could walk and we would catch up to him now suffice to say that did not work. He seriously almost went into cardiac arrest after those 30 seconds. And he was behind us the entire time.

So much so to the point where we lapped him because you basically go a mile and a half and then run back a mile and a half. And we caught him on the way back and he hopped over and cheated. So yeah. And he said that on his own story. That's not me blowing up his spot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So all that to say, I ran with my, like how I always run with my phone and the tracker. I'm literally going to pull up the screenshot because I'm dying. And at two and a half miles, I hadn't taken a break yet. And I seriously thought I was going to throw up.

So I started walking and I was like, I actually don't think I can finish it. And then after like heavy breathing and just, you know, I was able to finish it. And when I finished it it my phone was in my hand and I screenshotted the time and I was shocked I was like okay maybe this wasn't as hard as I thought because I did it in 35 minutes yeah and up until this point like my best time was 38 and that was like when I was feeling really good and doing really good like I knew I was crushing

it air conditioning or a breezy day exactly so I'm like wow it must have all been in my head but then I also saw that my distance distance was 2.97 and I was like trying not to blow up the tube air spot being like this wasn't an accurate 5k like it wasn't 3.1 it was 2.97 oh my god and I'm like oh my god this is a farce no wonder why my time was so low it's 2.97 that's why it's a scheme and so I just sort of held this information to myself for the last few days is this an expose no just wait okay because I'm like this is major stuff no so I'm like okay the five bears are a fraud and I'm skinny 35 minutes. And I was just sort of like, just living with that, you know? And like, yes, I had this big

secret about 2.97. I was probably the only person really tracking it. But I also had this other like thing where I could tell people I did it in 35 minutes. So I was like, you know what? We're all winners here. Yeah. I get home and yesterday or Saturday, I go for a run. And I'm using my same app. And I had such a good run. I did the three miles and I did it in 36 minutes. I'm like, oh my God, I'm really getting good. Yes.

Your app is crap? No. So then I'm like playing with the app, you know, that you can, it stores all your runs. So I'm like, oh, let me just go look at my big fancy progress. I see the 5K run. I'm looking at it right now. 39.26. That feels right.

And I say, excuse me, 39.26? I had the screenshot and I go look at the screenshot but my phone was locked so like my phone hadn't updated like what the phone hadn't woken up yet do you know what I mean yeah so the distance and the time hadn't updated okay so it was a true 5k this is not an expose it was a true 5k and I did it in 39 26 like I can't believe I was telling everyone like I did it in 39, 26. Like, I can't believe I was telling everyone, like I did it in 35 minutes. I just feel like you didn't have to correct yourself here. I know. Because I was really impressed

because I ran a 5K in solidarity with you on Tuesday or Wednesday, whenever it was. And I pushed myself so hard to get the lowest possible time. I think I was, I got 38 minutes. And that's in a gym, on a treadmill, air conditioning. You know, I think the treadmill even has a fan vent. It's fanning me. Like this is with all modern conveniences, 38 minutes.

And then I saw you were 35 minutes. I said, wow, damn turdy. Yeah. So now I'm taking a look at my run. Mile one, crushed it, 11.24. Mile two, 12.17. Mile three, this is where I seriously thought I was going to throw up, 15.45.

That's really not bad. No, and then like two days later I come home I go for a run on Saturday and I did it in 36 minutes like why couldn't I have brought that it was just a gorgeous day breezy and perfect like yeah no breeze concrete everything was working against me and I was very flustered because we almost missed the 5k why because of Ben because of Ben shocker like and i apologize if you're hearing this story already because i made a tiktok about it that went so viral um we're going to bed the night before i want to get good sleep i'm drinking a lot of water i'm prepping so hard electrolytes bananas like really i'm literally asleep like my eyes are i'm seriously about to drift and ben's like oh my god i'm like what he's like i don't have my hokas.

Sneakers. He didn't bring sneakers. Well, he had like Air Force Ones, but those aren't like, you can't run in those. Those are like girly sneakers. Swirly sneakers? I seriously, like normally I would hop into action. Like, let me fix this for you. Cause that's what I do.

At this point I was like, seriously, eat my fucking ass. Yeah. Grow the fuck up. And no stores in LA opened before 10 a.m. And we had to be there at 10 a.m and it was an hour away if that's not emblematic of the situation we found a Dick's Sporting Goods nearby that was open earlier we went but it was just like such on and then like we had gotten off the highway to go to Dick's and then we get back on the highway and we missed the exit for the actual 5k because we were just like flustered. Like, yeah.

And I seriously, like I was cursing his fucking name in the back of this car. And I was like, not me literally preparing for something for six months. Like I decided in January I wanted to do something. And now I hear I am five months later doing it and I might miss it because of you. And I was like, you had one job. I was including you on this. Yeah. Oh my God.

I was so fucking mad. Now we ended up not having to get there like we didn't end up starting running till 10 45 but like the email I got from the two bears 5k team said be there at 10 a.m I follow the rules like I'm not a disgusting person I'm and I'm sure then Ben was like look we didn't even have to be here just like when you get to the airport as the doors are closing he's like look we made it I was right thousand percent I was so mad and then he was just like he was also like goofing around on the 5k like I was definitely taking it like a little too seriously but like his like our energies were just off and maybe

that's why I did in 39 minutes like for real oh for sure because you had this weight holding you down like this anger thousand percent well I just wasn't in the best possible headspace I could have possibly been in. You know? Yeah. Well sometimes that's motivating like that when you have something like you're running against. No I just wanted to like run away and get further. Run away.

But the thing is like Josh was being such a good friend. Josh would not leave my side. Like the entire time he was right behind me. And Ben was like with Josh. I couldn't shake Ben. Did you meet anyone else? Any networking? and Ben was like with Josh. I couldn't shake Ben. Did you meet anyone else? Any networking?

It was like a little networking, but like seriously, I was taking it so seriously, like to the point that it was actually embarrassing. But I didn't meet anyone new per se, no. But I, you know, rubbed elbows with old friends. Oh, you know, okay, so probably the most famous person there was Travis Barker. I was shocked when I saw him. First of all, it was 10,000 degrees and he was, you know, he always covers up like his arms,

legs because of the burns from his plane crash. I seriously, I thought he like, I'm like, how are you not going to faint? It's so hot. He must like be a runner. When I tell you he was doing laps around everyone, he must've done the 5k seriously in 18 minutes. When I was like a mile in, he had already lapped me and was headed back so he had like a mile left I had two miles left it was really crazy I didn't even see him at the finish line he must have seriously he must have been home by then like yeah it was crazy was there first second third place um well so that's what's so funny is there was like this whole party afterwards I stayed for like 15 minutes but then I had to go record with Brooke, so I left.

I think there was a medal. Medal ceremony. But I didn't win, so I wasn't interested. And like seriously, the morning of, I was feeling so confident. I was like, I feel like, you know, I have a chance of placing. Like for real. I was like, I could place. And then I got there and I realized like, first of all, there were two heats is what

they call them. The 5K was open to the public for like their listeners and stuff. And Bert and Tom ran with them at nine. And then there was like a VIP heat at 1045. So it was just like, you know, skinny, wealthy LA people. Like who, like I seriously, I had, I didn't have a shot in hell. The fact that I didn't come in last is a miracle, like for real. And did they do it like top three men, top three women?

I didn't stay for the medal ceremony. So honestly, I don't know. But you're wearing a medal on the show today, in case you're listening as a podcast, which, you know, people do. Well,

you probably wouldn't know this, because you've never run a 5K, but they basically have like, people waiting for you at the end, like to give everyone a medal. It's giving like, we're all winners here energy. Yeah.

Hold on. That's like the marathon too. That's the marathon too, Turdaloo. Mm-hmm. Screenshot. Yeah, we got it. You got it?

So yeah they just like they had like a million medals at the end which like honestly that was the best part. Yeah you deserve a medal and you got one. No I literally deserve

a medal. Yeah. I want a bigger one. I wonder who won. I know. I didn't see it like posted anywhere. So I don't know.

So it wasn't worth winning. So it wasn't me. So if not't worth winning. So it wasn't me. So if not, everyone's going to know. A thousand percent. I think the big narrative was Jelly Roll did the 5K. And this has really, I think, sparked some sort of health journey for him, which we love. And I think that was the whole message.

Obviously, I made the 5K about myself. And I didn't even listen to the episode where the Bears themselves discussed why they wanted to run a 5K. I just sort of centralized myself to the conversation. But apparently, it was a part of this greater movement, you know, to get people out, get them healthy, get them moving, which we love. I mean, it worked. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, literally you did the 5k because of jelly roll, because of that story from people magazine. Yeah. Jelly rolls

running a 5k. Yeah. Ergo turkeys running a 5k. And you know, a lot of people are wondering like turkeys, you have the bug, are you going to keep running? And I've ran twice, like, in my personal life since the 5K. I happen to really enjoy it as a means of exercise. I don't know if I'm going to continue, like, racing. But I definitely like to run. I've said it, okay? Yeah, I like to run. That's good.

I don't know if you went on my Instagram or something, but something happened where my Instagram algorithm now thinks I'm a runner. I don't, I want to like put my phone away before I say this, because I don't want more of this content. It's all like memes and funny videos about like people like spending all their money registering for marathons and like how people do register for a marathon. I think so. Yeah. They, how like they think, oh, my husband thinks running, it's a free hobby.

Ha ha. Shoes, tickets, flights. This. Oh, my God. I literally need to get off of this. Like, I just want my sourdough and my chickens back. Maybe. Oh, my gosh.

Maybe because I finally did my sourdough. I've leveled up on Instagram and now it's running. I'm telling you, I don't relate to this content. I run in my personal life. I'm never going to do a marathon. It's all marathon content. I don't know what happened. Maybe because we've been talking about the 5k like on FaceTime I need to I don't like running I don't want to run a marathon oh my god it's so annoying and then after the 5k that's

when I had to run home and get my hair blown out to record with Brooke Schofield which was just sort of like you know for the youth you love to see two young women out here being young. You love to see that. You do. And she was amazing. And she really was very open and honest, which we'd love to see. And then the next day, you know, sort of as a rebuttal to like, you thought you were playing chess and I was, you were playing checkers with Mary Orton and I was playing chess with Tinks, you know, like you thought you had a friend. Oh, I'll level up. level up I have a sister well I listened to Tinks's episode and I thoroughly enjoyed it there was much enjoyment oh my god but it was just like and this is what I'm sure it's like to be a toaster the great plight of toastiness is like I just wanted to jump in screaming I had

so much to say screaming so much to say But I had to just listen and learn. Episode is probably like the episode I recorded that week where I enjoyed myself most. Like I was enjoying the conversation. Like I think with Sebastian, I was very nervous and I had a great time. But I felt like I had something to prove. So I was like a little on edge, if you will. Justin, that was the most comfortable I'd been. Brooke, I was kind of intimidated.

You know, like she's so young, hot thang. And I'm just like, you know, big slob mcgob, old lady. Tinks, I felt like I was enjoying myself so much. And then Nikki Glaser, which was the final episode, was like the most anticipation. Because I had booked her. I love her and I know her. And like I would have had her on regardless. I thought she would be a great podcast host.

But then, you know, time in it is everything like how great her coming off the heels of this major successful moment and I was like oh she's obviously gonna cancel which I would understand she was on Howard Stern she was on Jimmy Kimmel like she was everywhere but she came and like I literally up until I saw her in the studio did I think she was gonna cancel and I was like honestly I wouldn't have been mad if you canceled like I totally get it and she totally like respects the toast she was like hell no like this is huge I wanted to cancel other things not this and I was like, honestly, I wouldn't have been mad if you canceled. Like, I totally get it. And she totally, like, respects the toast. She was like, hell no. Like, this is huge. I want to cancel other things, not this. And I was like, okay, queen.

I'm going to say, like, Howard Stern, Jimmy Kimmel toast, spot the difference. I can't. I literally, well, I can. It's called talent. Talent, comedy, verve. Enjoyment. Energy. You want to be.

Best for life. Joy. Gorgeousness. Yeah, I could, but I won't. And then right off, right off after after that I headed to the plane and came home and seriously like never have I missed my bed so much like LA it's just it's so far away and it's a tough town man it's a different universe up and spit you out do you feel like it spat you out no like seriously after since I've run a 5k like you actually can't tell me fucking shit like for real

yeah like try tell me shit i mean like i would never i never would you never would nor could i if you wanted to you couldn't that's the difference that is the difference i agree and so yeah i'm just like i'm a runner i'm a track star well congratulations tur her bon voyage we hope and we're glad that you had a bon voyage I just can't believe like I said I was going to do something and I went on Tink's podcast after the 5k and like we were talking about this like I've never been a person who like says she's going to do something

and does it like I always flake like and that's definitely something I've been working on I feel like the 5k is emblematic if you will of like me like this new me like I said I to do something, something challenging, something out of my comfort zone. And I did it. And that's what I'm most proud of. Like, whatever, my time wasn't great, whatever. And like, seriously, I felt like the elements were working against me. Like I could do it right now. I could do it right now at 35, you know? However, regardless, I'm most proud of the fact that like I said, I was going to do something and I did it and there were many times I didn't want to especially when I found out it was in LA thing she did that

those things like there's actually nothing I can't do now like it's the way the 5k has given me this like insane sense of self and like a little bit of a in a delusional way but I think that's good no that's the best feeling when you learn a new skill or do something new. Like that's how I felt learning how to drive. I know that's like so dumb for most people, but like when you take on something new, that's always kind of evaded you and you conquer it. You're like, oh, well I could do this with anything

that's always evaded me. I could conquer it. Cooking. That's how I felt initially about reading. Right. That's how I will soon feel about gardening one day. I finished Demon Copperhead yesterday. I saw, finally.

I felt like it was 50 pages too long. Okay, but like after having read 700, what's another 50? Well, so I felt like the book gets to a real lull. And I get it. He has to hit rock bottom before, like whatever. But the rock bottom was a little too long. Like when he was seriously going on that hike. Imagine how he felt. Imagine how Demon felt felt when he's going on that hike like talking

to the bugs thinking like should i go to knoxville for treatment i was seriously like i need this book to end like so i i say seriously like 4.75 because that point like that one part of the book i was seriously like this is dreadful okay fair and now i'm reading like a moronic you need a mousse bouche a palette cleanser and then I'm gonna do tattooist of Auschwitz but I couldn't go demon copperhead tattooist of Auschwitz like I seriously needed a break oh for sure speaking of holocaust books I'm reading the garden of the Finzi Contini's does that supposed to mean something I don't know what that is oh yeah it's um it's a book about Italy World War II a Jewish And it's actually like, it's from the 50s

and it's not even available on Kindle. So I had to buy it because I wanted to read it. The book was written in the 50s? In the 50s, yeah. Because it's like a true story. And this is like the man's story. I believe like he, like the Finzi Contini's were a Jewish family in Italy during World War II.

The Finzi Contini. It's like very Tennessee. It's giving Carrie Soto. Not at all. Oh, I thought you said's like very Tennessee. Excuse me, Carrie Soto. Not at all. I thought you said it's very Tennessee. No, Tennessee. Yeah, no, because you're the only 10 I see. Oh, thank you, Lost World.

And I'm having a really hard time getting through it, but it's a really short book, so I have no excuse. No, you have no excuse. And beyond that, my sourdough starter is ready for bacon today. You guys, I've been patroning the whole thing. Let me just tell you, I'm a chemist. It is so crazy. This sourdough life. No, because I haven't had my bread yet. But every day I get like a little more excited because it looks a little more real and it looks like something that I've seen on reels. But the beginning, like honestly, it's kind of a dark journey.

You'll see in the Patreon. Like it's very much an emotional roller coaster. Can you buy like pre-made starter? Or is that like fraudulent? So the starter that I got was from Ballerina Farm. But it's dehydrated. So like it's just powder. So then it takes like four days to like rehydrate it and grow it.

And then right now I have active starter, but I only have enough for one loaf of bread and I want to like make more loaves of bread down the line. So I've split my starter and I'm going to keep building and feeding my other starter. Oh, you guys, it's over. She's gone. You guys, it's the craziest thing.

She is gone. Goodbye. Right. That's why they're like, okay, maybe you should try running a marathon now. But I'm telling you, Mark, yuckerberg, I don't want to. No, honestly, I think running a marathon would be easier than making sourdough. Like the fact that you've been talking about this for a week. I was feeding my starter this morning. I'm shocked I'm on time. And you haven't eaten any bread?

I'm shocked I'm on time. I was feeding my starter this morning, flour everywhere, just my scale. Like it's just crazy. And it's like this like living organism in your fridge. It's a living, it's not in my fridge. It's it's in my cupboard oh and i think my cupboard's too cold because it's not rising like it should you remember learning about the word organism like in science class and everybody being like oh yes like no but i'm sure that's exactly what happened. Oh yeah. Yeah. I wasn't paying attention in science class. What were you doing? Like, I don't know. How did you get through class?

I don't even know how I got through class. Cause I certainly wasn't learning shit. Yeah. I wasn't paying attention. Even if I started in earnest, trying to pay attention, like. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah.

They lost me so fast. Like I was just not for that world. And I seriously don't know how, I don't know how I'm sitting here today and how I'm still not stuck in the classroom like how it ever ended no by the way this is a dream and you're gonna wake up in like sixth grade history class I completely agree with you I also often reflect on the fact that like we used to because we went to a dual curriculum school like our whole lives Jewish and secular so like we were in school from eight to four 45 most days. And like, that's insane. And then it was like homework, extracurriculars, sports, family. Like how did we get it all done? No, it's seriously so crazy. When I was in middle school and I started getting like seasonal allergies, I would have to take like a Benadryl in the afternoon. And so sometimes I

would like pass out in the middle of class because it makes you sleepy and like they wouldn't say anything. And I just feel like one day I'm going to wake up and I like I'm coming out of that nap. Yep. Yep. No. And also I'm back in middle school and like my allergies, my eyes are red and I'm like, hey, we should start a podcast. Jackie, I have never had like allergies as a kid ever. Like I never took Benadryl. And the sheer fact that I didn't fall asleep in every single class is amazing to me. Like I can actually count on one hand. I remember.

I literally remember like the few times I fell asleep in class being like, wow, I should do that more often. The class went by so quickly. And also like as an adult now, I feel like when kids sleep, like they really need it. Of course. Obviously like babies and toddlers, but even like kids, like it's a long's a long day you know other countries they take a siesta in the afternoon like we're just like working these kids to the bone if I was a teacher and I saw a child sleeping I'd be like good I'm happy for them like that's what's best for them like their brain is resting like so many

good things happen for you while you sleep I feel like there should be organized nap time throughout every day no and when I reflect on the few times where I did fall asleep in class and a teacher didn't wake me up and I didn't go to a big school. There's like 30 kids max in every class. Like she saw me sleeping. The fact that she didn't wake me up if she didn't is so kind. And anybody who did wake me up is like seriously a dick. No, a monster. Even this extends all the way, like any human being, adults being adults whatever like i will never wake a sleeping person even yesterday i was looking for zach like screaming his name out like seriously like ready to kill him and then i saw he had fallen asleep he needed it precious gift i shall walk away he needed it like no one has ever sleep like if you need sleep take sleep if i were a

teacher i would never wake up a sleeping student and like you don't know what's going on at home right maybe they didn't get a good night's sleep for a reason like let the children sleep I completely agree so my thoughts for the day are that yet no no I love that we just sort of ended up there because I can like I agree and I'm thinking of like one moment in particular where I fell asleep in Dr. Honig's class and like she didn't wake me up and I remember she was kind of like a stickler and I remember waking up and being like oh my god she didn't wake me up like queen like I never saw her the same ever again and you know what's also the best a rarity if you can sleep through all this but like when the class ends and you're still sleeping and they let you stay there and

then you wake up and like that's not well you never took a benadryl in the middle of the day the room's empty yeah class is over but what if there was a class coming in and there's like this then i think they would wake you up but like if the class were to be empty it's just like let the child sleep that's that's whack like and that's on taking Benadryl in the middle of the day as a 12-year-old. That's so fucking funny. Oh, my God. Yeah. 34 minutes.

I know. And I actually haven't even gotten to the crux of what I want to talk about today that's not in the Fast Side Stories. What? That encapsulated my weekend. That isn't my sinus infection and isn't the fact that I threw my back out. That's what I'm dealing with today. It's not sourdough?

And it's not sourdough. What is it? It's Eurovision. It's Eurovision. It's Euro fucking vision. Honestly, maybe I should rejigger the stories for story one to be Eurovision recap and something else we can talk about tomorrow. Let's do that.

Because I have so much to say and it's already 30 minutes. Let's do that. But I actually wanted to give one major life update. Something happened to me on Saturday that I actually forgot to tell you about. Okay. And I just want to restate, like I have a sinus infection

and my back is out. So like if you have anything mean to say about me today, like today's not the day. Tomorrow. Hold your thoughts. Except the back thing is kind of going on a while. Plus I'm on amoxicillin, so I'm just a little crazed.

She's nuts. She's nuts she's nuts okay let me tell you like I as of Saturday May 11th 2024 I personally I have officially given up 40 carats quality control I gave them so many passes like for literally being like your best years my best years and literally like I would sit there and act like I wasn't eating at the worst restaurant in the world and like Ben was always trying to get me to see the light and I was like seriously like you couldn't take off my rose-colored glasses like everything in the restaurant was bad the service was bad the food was bad the only good thing was really the yogurt which you don't even need to sit in the restaurant for like you can and I had like let's get real everywhere has good froyo I hit a wall on Saturday where I

seriously like it took forever my meal came out completely wrong and usually if something's wrong like I usually don't like croutons in my salad if they come like sure I'll pick it out it was fully dressed and you guys know how I feel about dressing and I always say no dressing and then it came like and then it came like and it had been like thrown together because they wanted to like get it out to me but it was just I didn't eat it I said Ben it pains me to say this you're right and I will not eat here again and seriously like and I hate to you know use my platform to like disparage a local business but I think we we've used the platform much, like send so many people there.

So now it's just sending them like with some caution tape. But I just want to say in defense of 40 carats, just to say one, yes, they have a quality control issue. And sometimes it's like seriously a worse meal. I once ordered a veggie burger and it was still frozen. It's like literally Dr. Prager. Why are we eating here? If it was anywhere else and that happened to you?

Because every once in a while, like it's the perfect healthy lunch. That's why. I know. And two, the reason why we eat there, and it's not only because of the food, but the vibes because you, it's the perfect swirly day. Yeah. It's the perfect swirly day. You go shopping at Bloomingdale's. You can literally get anything that you need. You can get a new pair of shorts. You could probably get a refrigerator. Like you could get a new mattress if you need it. You could get a teacup. And seriously, like, I feel like I've come on this podcast so many times and of course like lifted them up people if you're looking for me and you're coming to New York like go to 48k you'll find me there like that's people know that's where I am and seriously like I have

offered my help so many times I seriously I would work for free as creative director like I know there's five things they need to do seriously everybody like they need to go under like full restraining of everyone who works there because it's just the most poorly run restaurant. They need to get a fucking fryer because they need to start serving French fries, like girl lunch, salads and fries, wraps and fries, tuna sandwich and fries. Like the fact that they don't serve French fries and oh, but they do serve that soggy carrot salad on everything. Do they even serve chips?

No, they don't have sides. Like it's so stupid. They have a pretzel stick that sometimes could clock you over the head and give you a concussion. And other times it's the tastiest thing around. No, no. And so like 10 years ago, when the restaurant was popular, they were known for their breadsticks. They have completely like lost all sort of energy when it comes to the breadsticks. Like I have told you a million times how to fix the restaurant. It's not even like this is a restaurant that's like has the same problems as other restaurants. Like this is owned by a billion dollar company,

Bloomingdale's. Get it fucking together. This is your flagship fucking restaurant. Like seriously, I've had enough. I will not go. I am on strike. Seriously. I'm seriously, I'm starting an encampment.

I am starting and here are my demands. Ready? Oh, and you know what you need to get? I bought one on Amazon. You can get it too. A salad chopper. Everybody orders their salads. They're chopped and they come like huge. You need to specialize in big salads that are really, really chopped with amazing breadsticks and French fries. That's literally literally i have solved your problem you would be the best restaurant in the entire fucking city i'm seriously i'm going on strike okay you heard her demands no seriously bloomingdale's reach out i'm serious you have lost an extremely valuable customer when i say no less than four times a week i ate there i will not go back

yeah and nothing was even particularly crazy on this Saturday. Like, I just broke. It was its usual bad crap. Everyone has their breaking point. Yeah. Okay. Well, thank you for that PSA. Stay strong, Turdy.

Thank you. Like, I don't know where I'm going to eat now. Especially eat healthy. I guess I'll have to have McDonald's. Thanks, Bloomingdale's. You need a shaker salad. I do need a shaker salad. So without further ado, it is time for the Fast Five stories that you need to know. Sorry, I got all worked up there, but it needed to be said.

The Fast Five stories that you need to know are brought to you by State Farm. When you get a new car or a new home, the first thing you might find yourself saying is, literally what? Or how is this real? Really, the words you want to be thinking or singing should be, like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. State Farm is there with the coverage you need for your car, your home, even boats, motorcycles, RVs, and other things that matter to you.

With a State Farm agent, you know someone is there to help you choose the coverage that you need. With so many coverage options, it feels good to know that you can find what fits for you. And when you need ways to get help, State Farm gives you options there too. Maybe you're like me, a real IT technology girly who loves to do everything on their phone. With State Farm, you can get help on statefarm.com or on their award-winning app. Or maybe you're like Jax. You like to handle things in person or on the phone with a local agent. You are so phone with local agent energy. No, Claudia. Today when I was doing my sourdough, I was filming myself so I couldn't use the calculator

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Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. I feel like you could have done better, but I'll do it. I know. I'll put my whole State Farm-ussy into this one. Ready? Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. I just didn't want to take away from your shine. Sure. Today's episode is also brought to you by Macy's.

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and all the like amazing successes and recipes that we've made using our caraway. It's true. Our first story, Eurovision 2024 had me in a chokehold this year. So as Americans, Eurovision is not really something that we participate in, but recently it's been streaming on Peacock.

I remember a few years ago we watched for the first time on Peacock, and it's very exciting. It's pretty much like American Idol for all of Europe. It's like a global talent show. It's a global talent show. Each country has like one entrant. They have one song that they perform over and over again, and then they whittle down to the finals.

How many countries were in the finals this year? 25. 25, 25. And they all perform their song and then the whole world votes and you can vote even if you're not a participating country. It's very exciting. I, uh,

first of all, I feel like a lot of people like know and follow Eurovision now because of that Will Ferrell movie on Netflix, which I thought was incredibly stupid, but the original song from that movie was so fucking good. Yeah. And that's like everything about me, but I really started following Eurovision in 2019 because I went to Eurovision do you know

this yes in 2018 and the way that it works is like whatever country wins the next year is the hosting country so it happens at their you know big arena so in 2018 Israel won and then in 2019 it took place in Tel Aviv so I went with Brian and we had like we didn't know what it was but of course Brian got like the best tickets and it was actually really sick um and ever since then I've just like slowly followed it and first of all I think a lot of people don't realize how many famous people come out of Eurovision Celine Dion won Eurovision I think that probably the biggest deal this year because they were representing Sweden was uhBA. Yeah I think ABBA is like the most successful Eurovision winner because I think Celine Dion would have been successful with her

without Eurovision like I it's actually shocking I just found out she won Eurovision like that seems irrelevant to her story it's probably not but like ABBA is literally so Eurovision. And what's so crazy is the song that they chose to sing. Waterloo? Yeah like that's not even their you would think like their Eurovision song would be their biggest song like Dancing Queen or some so crazy is the song that they chose to sing. Waterloo? Yeah like that's not even their you would think like their Eurovision song would be their biggest song like Dancing Queen or some shit. Well I feel like they had success at Eurovision and then they went on to write those other songs. Yeah but I just would have thought like their biggest song would have been on like the big global stage that like launched them you know. Yeah I'm shocked that like Waterloo did it

for everyone but I'm glad that it did because it brought us ABBA. Waterloo. And they sang it at Eurovision. Here's a one, a one, a one. Yeah. And then there's also like not even artists, but I think a lot of songs that we all like know came from Eurovision. And most recently that song Arcade. Loving you is a losing game. That was the one I was at. And he won and it was like so obvious the whole time.

Like everybody knew he was going to win. Well, there are a couple like big names who've won Eurovision. I was at and he won and it was like so obvious the whole time like everybody knew he was gonna win well there are a couple like big names who've won Eurovision I was just looking there's not as many as like you would think at least of people that we know but like Sam Ryder who's a UK artist won Eurovision he performed at the Queen's Platinum Jubilee Soleil yeah some of us have been following him on TikTok for years with the long blonde hair right right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he won Eurovision years ago. And now he's just like. When did he win? A couple years ago. Oh, I feel like he was just. Because I followed him on TikTok before.

I feel like he won like last year, no? Well, no. When did the UK host it? Sam Ryder. But it gets like political. And that's what happened this year. Because like global affairs. They try so hard for it to not be political and i think they do a pretty decent job like eurovision org does a pretty decent job of

like keeping it apolitical because there's always like geopolitical conflicts you know territorial disputes and such but this year was on another level which was why this year i was very interested in what was going on and And the Israeli entrant, Eden Golan, her song was called Hurricane. I had seen it like coming up here and there and I hadn't really like paid attention. And then I like saw a clip like, and I watched the whole thing,

listening to the song. And the song is unbelievable. And then I realized that this weekend was the finals and she was in Malmo, Sweden, which is where the contest was taking place. And what was happening around Eurovision this year was not to be believed. It was so insane. I wasn't seeing much of it elsewhere and I could not take my eyes off it.

Yeah, I, um, the song I had seen a lot on TikTok. It kind of became this like anthem of, you know, bring the hostages home. So a lot of people have been using it to like amplify that message. I had seen it but I had to perform it when she first wrote the song was called October Rain and it was about like October 7th in Israel and Eurovision said it was like too political and they wouldn't let her enter with it and so she changed it to Hurricane and then it just became you can interpret it a bunch of different ways. It could be about a relationship. It could be, it feels to me like emblematic of what's going on with Jews in the world right now. She's 20 years old.

She's so gorgeous. She's so young. And what she experienced in Sweden is so much for anyone to handle, let alone such a young woman. And she handled it with such grace. So many of the contestants who are like mentally ill were like, I'm boycotting.

They were bullying her. There was like thousands of people standing outside her hotel room just protesting her being there. She went to a press conference and a Polish dick reporter was like, do you feel like you're putting other people at risk by being here? And she's like, it's literally not my problem. Like other people are anti-Semitic. She actually didn't say that. she handled every question with such grace like oh my god I can't

imagine experiencing that at 20. No at 20 there were thousands of people protesting just her being in a contest singing a song so so crazy Greta Thunberg major moron was there protesting seven people were out seven people were arrested at the protest one of them had a knife like what's your plan no no insane and I will she needed 100 she needed an escort of 100 vehicles to go from her hotel to the competition she couldn't participate in any other of the things that were going on for contestants because everything was so unsafe for her it was absolutely insane while she would be singing her song the entire arena would be bullying her booing her chanting free palestine and i saw a video i was following like on x like what was going on i saw a video where

the people who were booing were then complaining of being censored because eurovision has like anti-bullying technology so you don't hear the booing so much when you're watching at home you hear like more cheers and they try and cover it up and like they are pretending to be victims that their bullying didn't get through to a wider stage that their bullying was censored it was the craziest thing and in the end I've actually net net I found the whole thing really interesting and sort of I felt to be like some sort of like state on the state of the union of like the like I thought it was really interesting to take the world's temperature. So the way that scoring works, she made it to the top 25,

and that's what this weekend was, the top 25. And she ended up coming in fifth place, which for like such a small country is insane. Because the way that scoring works is 50% of the points are voted on by the public. Like everybody you can call, text, whatever, like American Idol energy. And 50% of the votes come from the countries themselves. So every country's delegation gives their points to another country. You can't give it to yourself, obviously. So they go through all 37 participating countries

and every single one of them says, we give our 12 points to Switzerland. Nobody gave their points to Israel. So by the time the delegation, the jury is what it's called, all those points were given out. The number one spot, she was in second to last. The number one spot had like over 200 points and she had 30. And then they give you points based on how many votes you got worldwide from different countries on the app, on the website, calling in, et cetera. And, you know, they were going through 30 points here, 40 here 50 points here 80 points here and they go to Eden and she got over 300 points which is like people were screaming like it was seriously like a mic drop energy and she went to first place and then she ended up not winning

because she started with 30 points before the popular vote and so the guy from Switzerland got like 200 but he had had more to start with because of the delegation and I just thought it was really interesting like these elite morons and their, you know, delegations. Okay, they didn't give Israel any points, but people around the world like watched what was going on and wanted to support this beautiful young girl who was singing about her fellow Israeli, like being held hostage.

Like it was so moronic. And I think that sometimes when you just like watch the media and watch things going on, it's hard to feel supported. And it feels so overwhelming. Like there's, all we do is talk about the encampment and all these different things. And they are a small, vocal, radical minority and the silent majority, which you always like hear about. But most normal people are going about their normal lives.

They're not sitting and shitting in the streets and peeing and throwing bricks at people they're just you know enjoying their lives so you hear about those crazies more often but this this whole eurovision this year was a exact microcosm of what is going on in the world like this one jewish girl like bearing the brunt of the world's anti-semitism like you couldn't i saw a tweet like even pro wrestling couldn't write a better story than this where like this girl looks and sounds and sings like an angel. An angel and the grace and poise that she had and the pride that she had,

because you know, any Israeli contestant who got up there was gonna be booed. And a lot of people would be scared and you would sense that and they would be apologetic and sorry. And this girl was unapologetic. They would make themselves small. She was so proud to be there doing and knew that what she was doing was big tings.

And for the disgusting evil masses to just be booing her and she just stood there. It was literally like a diorama of world affairs right now and then again to see how the public mostly voted for her supports her even though it feels like it's the opposite they're just louder yeah the contestant from Ireland which just google a photo no you know and it's it's germane to the story like we couldn't describe her if we wanted to but she was literally looked like a demonic troll she identifies as a witch and that actually wouldn't even be insulting to her like that what i'm saying is yeah like she would be like yeah i'm a demon troll that's what i am yeah she identifies as a witch and her whole performance was like cars crowned jebbia like yeah no it was energy yeah so you have like eden versus she said

i started crying when i saw eden I started crying when I saw Eden. I started crying when I saw you. You're the scariest looking motherfucker I've ever seen in my fucking life. Yeah. And the fact that like this one girl can't, she's just singing a song. Look at you. You're having a breakdown over a 20 year old girl. She's just a girl singing a song.

Like this whole competition is not political. Like that's the point. They even made her change the lyrics to her song. Right. She's just singing a song and you can't handle it but you're mentally ill and you should look inward cry babies misinformed morons and that's putting it nicely that's just assuming that you're dumb as fuck not that you're evil yeah anyways captivated my weekend. I loved it. And I loved, thank you, Peacock. Like, how do we get America?

I know it's Europe, whatever. But Australia is there. Australia is in it. I want in. And I want to, by the way, and I was thinking, I was thinking, who in the current like pop music scene, who would we send as our Eurovision rep? I feel like it would seriously be like Tate McRae. Oh, cute.

I support that. I feel like we should have, I don't think we can join Eurovision because also then we would just like make it. About us. Yeah. I feel like it's nice that they have it for them and like we're out of it.

It's fine. We need like America vision. Every 50 states sends a representative. Okay. I actually am having deja vu. I feel like you've said that idea before on the show and I thought it was amazing and I think it's amazing now. It's like a convergence of American Idol and Catching Kelsey.

Wait. I love. Should we do it? Yeah. And then the state wins and they host it. Yes. So cute. Wait.

Like why not? Why don't they do that? I don't see the downside amerivision yeah i love it it's so cute can somebody like ryan seacrest like get to work yeah tanya rad listens to the show tanya please pitch it to ryan like seriously it just seems like a no-brainer yeah it does so that was Eurovision this year I think you could still watch it on Peacock it's really fascinating also fascinating to see like what the countries are singing and doing what they're about yeah yeah and like it reminded me

a lot of that Will Fowler movie because I will say they really did nail like the type of music it's very like Euro like I can't describe it it's like beats it's like it's very euro the whole thing it's euro yeah there was some seriously crazy performances no seriously and they did come in second to last and they absolutely deserved it like Finland like that was dead ass disgraceful like what the hell was that with like these sparklers like seriously it looked like a like a Chuck E. Cheese birthday party it was really crazy no but the whole thing i think like some countries really use it as an opportunity to like show their their culture and i feel like it was maybe armenia yeah that i thought the same oh my god she was so fucking cute yeah and like it was like this you know current contemporary song

but clearly had some like armenian instruments or something yeah it was so sweet like seriously i liked that. And I think that, like, she should be, like, she should win something for that. Because, like, everybody else was just doing, like, pop music. And she was really trying to embrace her heritage. And I love that. Yeah. There's a lot to see at Eurovision.

Yeah. I would like to get involved in some small capacity. And I just want to say, like, there are a lot of really frightful performances. Like, they were seriously frightening. And, like, what the fuck is that? What's that about no I can't believe seriously like and I don't think that it represents the entirety of Ireland but like that girl that was seriously that was peak frightful yeah it was so crazy like she stood

on this pentagon what's it called the pentagram pentagram and like lit herself on fire and was like screaming demonically like I don't feel like that really captivates the Irish music scene you know or it does and I think the way that it works and I imagine I think this is how it is in Israel's like there's a smaller competition like within the country to pick Miss USA are you following I've seen it and I didn't think we would have the bandwidth for it today so tomorrow I was going to talk about the Miss USA okay we need to talk about it tomorrow okay we'll talk about it tomorrow but just what I was going to say is every country probably has their own talent competition to pick the number one how fun is that and then that's just like more content like more yep shows for the country so I'm shocked that some of these acts were what won in their country yeah and maybe

if you're from one of these countries like maybe you know more or maybe just like metallica frightfulness is really big in some countries no but like were the people of ireland like proud of their delegate like seriously it's a really good question she was so crazy like yeah inside and were they rooting for, inside and out. And were they rooting for her? Inside and out. Yeah. So I love Eurovision. Can't wait for next year. Seriously, I'm going to move to Europe just so I can like become someone, some country's delegate. Well, it was fun voting from here.

We got to participate. We were, we were certainly a part of something. We were a part of something which we love. Yeah. I just like could not believe the treatment of this girl. I know. And that ugly bitch from Greece, like being so mean,

falling asleep while Edwin was talking to the press conference. Like seriously, you're 40. And the guy from the Netherlands who like had to cover his face with a flag because he couldn't even look at her. Meanwhile, he got kicked out of the competition because he punched a photographer. So again,

like it's just like, which side do you want to be on? I just want to say, and I don't like to paint with broad strokes, but like when I went to Eurovision in Israel, probably the most anti-Semitic thing that's ever happened to me happened in Israel at Eurovision by this guy from the Netherlands. I Googled him after because someone there told me he's a big radio host.

And he was. I forget his name, but I could Google it. He said something about my nose and then threw a penny on the floor. It was really crazy. Yeah. So I just feel like the Netherlands might have a penny on the floor. Like it was really crazy. Yeah. So I just feel like the Netherlands might have a problem. Like for real. I think Europe might have a problem.

Yeah. It was emblematic. The understatement of the year. Yeah. I think Europe might have a problem with anti-Semitism. I don't know. Just a vibe I'm getting. Just yeah.

Just vibes. Just vibes. Are you ready for our next story which is major news and on any other day would have been the number one story but edin is number one in my heart what'd you say no but competing for what could have been the number one story what dureet and pk okay you need to calm down like that's so not even the same level as Hailey and Justin. Really? Yeah. At this show?

It's equal. It's not. It's really not. Like. Okay. We die for Hailey. You die for when people get pregnant. Like.

It's true. It's huge. It's huge. Okay. So you wanted to start with that? Yeah. I feel like it's disrespectful to their unborn child. Seriously. To put Dorit and PK before them.

Fine. Also good news before bad. Yes.'m so happy for them pregnant they um announced their pregnancy with some gorgeous artistry photos and videos I loved it you know people had been whispering about this for a while and Brooke Schofield on her podcast like had been hinting that like she knew this big secret about a pregnant young starlet and everybody like pretty much guessed that it was Hailey Bieber. Turns out she was right. I don't get moved by people's pregnancy announcements. Like it's like oh nice you know I love that. You like always when you find out someone's pregnant like it means so much to you and I always say like sometimes I'll hear someone's pregnant and like it'll definitely

move the needle for me on my own journey. Yeah. Consider the needle moved. Like she's so influential. She's so trendy. And honestly, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. I'm so happy for them. I'm excited for her. I've been using road skin so much.

She's unrelated. So she's just been like omnipresent for me. Yeah, of course. I use like the three-step barrier glaze and milk in my routine every day and I'm really like nothing but good things to say and I'm so excited to see like pregnancy and mama content from her on a selfish level you know but I'm just really happy for her like as a woman woman to woman literally same I thought the you know creative direction like, I'm just so looking forward to everything that's to come content wise.

Then of course, like, what do you name a child like that? I think it's not gonna be so out of the box. So, you know, that girl on TikTok that I love who does baby names. Did she give them some suggestions? She did. And like, not not suggestions but like predictions like I feel like you know if they hadn't if she hadn't named her company this and

she had a boy like she could have named him road like that roads oh by the way for sure I love that so it'll be something like that like meaningful not not the most common but not so wacky. Okay, I can never remember this girl's name who does the names. Colleen, I think her name is. And she thought that they might go biblical because they're very religious, which is nice. But she did have a list that I will read to you right now. Ready? They were like kind of nutty. Peace.

Oasis. Cub. Oasis. Cub. Zurich. Toronto, because you know he's from Canada. Saks. How do you spell that? S-A-X. Okay.

Chapel. Revy. Cross. Darwin. Smokey. I don't see it in there. I don't see it in there either. So.

Yeah, I don't know. Like, she gives very, they give oddly traditional energy, you know, getting married young, things like that. And, like, of course course being in the church like I don't know I could see them naming their kid like seriously Joseph yeah I don't think it's gonna be so LA yeah like Samson but it's not gonna be Sarah wait by the way do we know if it's a boy or girl we don't oh okay Yeah. What do you think? Boy.

I think so, too. Based on nothing. I'm really happy for them. Like, that's really nice. Yeah, me too. Really happy for them. And, like, I don't want to say it. Like, I don't want to bring it up. So I won't, you know?

Yeah, but I think everyone's thinking it. Seriously, I'm just wishing her well. Like, for real. I'm wishing her well. That's all I'll say. Like, it'm just wishing her well. Like, for real. I'm wishing her well. That's all I'll say. Like, it's gotta be tough. Like, for real. I mean it in, like, an honest way.

Like, I seriously. I'm sending her a lot of love this time. What about the Jelena stance? Like, what has their stance been on this? I actually think they have. They've been silenced? I saw a thread about this on Twitter. Like, I do.

I think it ends here. Like it's over for the Jelena stance. You would hope. I think. You would hope. Yeah. Now for our next story. What goes up must come down.

Dorit and PK have separated after nine years of marriage. They posted a joint statement on Instagram saying, we as a couple have been subject to a lot of speculation about our marriage we have had our struggles over the last few years and continue to work through them as two people who love each other and share two amazing children together to safeguard our deep friendship and maintain a harmonious environment for our children we have made the mutual and difficult decision to take some time apart and reevaluate our relationship while we prioritize our children now this was low-key shocking and I know people are gonna be like, how is it shocking?

Like it is. It is. Cause I feel like there were so many times where they could have split up and they didn't. And now things like seem to be quiet and it seems like they have a couple have been like, they're like stalwart and steady throughout all of the ups and downs.

And you know, PK travels a lot and we see this play out on the show all the time, yet they always work through it. So either something happened where it's like, OK, we're no longer trying to work on that anymore. Or it's like, I'm tired of working at it. And I don't know. I feel like there are issues on the show.

It felt so scripted and fake to me. It was just storyline energy. I felt like they actually had a really strong marriage. I feel like they do have a strong marriage. But the issues on the show, it's like, nothing's going to change. Her issue really is that PK is never home. home therefore he's not able to be there for her yeah so now he's just like what gonna double down like is he gonna be in london all the time now is that why they can't make it work i also feel like to announce a separation like this it's like

it could go either way still yeah announcing a separation is like actually kind of like presumptuous yeah but i also think maybe it's a separation is like actually kind of like presumptuous. Yeah, but I also think maybe it's a way to like ease people into the idea. Because for me, this allows me to be like, oh, well, maybe they'll work it out. But it also feels like such a major thing to do to let us into like the problems in your relationship if you are going to work it out. So, right. I don't know. I think it's just a gateway.

And Mauricio and PK like cruising around town yesterday on Instagram, like taking pictures and stuff. Do you think like Kyle at all like was a factor in the sense that like it gave Dorit the confidence? No. Okay. I mean, that's really illusory. Like your friend's getting divorced, so you get divorced.

I don't think that Dorit has looked at Kyle's situation and been like, I want that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's been hard. I think it's been hard and it's been sad. And I think it's just a coincidence that it's happening at the same time. But I don't, sometimes like,

I think you sometimes you see a friend who's single and you're like, girl power. Yeah, I want what she's having. I don't think that that happened here. Yeah. I want what she's having. I don't think that happened here. Sad. Yeah. Sad. And as a Dorit and PK stan, it's sad for me.

But, you know, I don't put too much stock in other people's relationships. That's good. As like a grown, mature woman. Right. Like, yeah. I've had like just my dreams crushed too many times. And now it's like there's really no couple that could break up that would actually make me like feel some sort of way

in my in my actual life not on this show you know what I mean like I'm always gonna have a reaction for like the toes but like who's a couple that could break up that would actually like you know shake me to my core Taylor and Travis like for real like that that would actually really for you yeah what would it make you feel grief like I like a death I would sit you about like for real I feel like the worst couple breakups have already happened to me yeah well at the time you were really shaken up by Kim and Kanye Kim and Kanye Lala and Randall oh my god yeah Sasha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher like I've been through the ringer PK and Dorit's nothing to me I'm used to this it's true you're hardened you're jaded I'm I've been hardened I feel like we have a list of celebrity couples that like you know if they broke

up it would be destructive for the realm for a a lot of people, they say like Blake and Ryan. Blake and Ryan, John, Emily, Leslie, and Judd, Dax and Kristen. Not for me, I'd be fine. None of those like seriously would like make me think twice. I would be fine. Yeah. So I'm wishing the best for Doreen and PK

and their young children. Me as well at this time. And seriously, like, figure it out. And get back together. Yeah. Like, oh, also there is like the possibility, and I'm not saying this if people on social media are, that like this is a very strategic move.

You know, something like this definitely extends your life time. On the housewives. On the show. Yeah. Because there's been a lot of talk about her in the last couple of years. Every year it's like, is Doreen coming back? It wouldn't be the biggest loss for the plot

if Doreen, she kind of gives nothing, but every now and then she'll do something. And so is it entirely, because people said that her fucking robbery was strategic. That is a lie. But announcing a separation but then getting back

together like uh I support it do what you got to do to stay on the show speaking of I did something crazy last night meth crazier crack I watched the Real Housewives of New Jersey wait it was the first two episodes are out it was on last last night. Yeah, there's two episodes out. I feel like they didn't do a good job of marketing that towards me. How did you know that? Because I was, oh, just because it was in my TiVo and I was looking for something to watch

with my back out. I had to be sedentary in a heating pad and I caught up on Manor Pump Rules. So I was like, we're home. Here I come. Also, there are some shows, as much as I don't watch a lot of tv there are some shows that i will always watch southern charm yeah rahoon new jersey house

wives for me is oh it's like i can't miss show even beverly hills i've not missed an episode it might take me six months but i've watched everything now um and banner pump rules banner And Vanderpump Rules. Vanderpump Rules, yeah. So, yeah, I watched it. This season is going to be crazy. Crazy? Crazy, crazy season. Before we continue on to the fourth and fifth stories, might I let you know that the rest of the episode is brought to you by Maybelline? I believe you have a duty to do so. A duty.

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code toast 15. Thank you. Last world. You're welcome. Our next story, eras, Paris, couple things to know. Taylor Swift took her show to Paris this weekend. Travis was there. It was the 87th stop on the Eros tour. Not stops. 87th show in the Eros tour. So he was there for the 87th show, which she noted. Surprise song was the alchemy confirming that it's about him,

which most people suspected. And then she also changed one of her outfits to be Kansas City cheap colors. Yeah, well, this she has been off tour for two months. And so it came back post her new album. So the show had been changed a lot. She added, obviously, there's another era in her catalog. So she added another era. And that also means she had to cut down on other places. We lost The Archer.

We lost Long Live. And a lot of people feel, and I thought this was really interesting. Somebody pointed out, like, she took out Long Live, which is sort of this like celebration and love letter to her fans and put in, but daddy, I love him, which is sort of like this scorching, like hate letter to her fans. And it's like her, like she made it very clear. Like not only did she add that, but she also took out long live,

which was kind of crazy. And I kind of love that message. I just want to say, I don't think that's, I don't think that's what her mentality was. I don't think that she has that level of disdain for her fans or wants to, not disdain, wants to,

and of course it's always like a small but mighty percentage. I don't think that she would let that overshadow the love of her fans. Those are the people who she is singing for, who she's going around the world, 87 shows for. I don't think she would make such a strong message like that. think that maybe what I was I just want to say if she did make that message I support it for sure like toxic toxic fanhood and stan culture like has gotten so out

of control like seriously I'm like I like it yeah but I don't think that's her first feeling towards her fans nor her second third fourth or fifth like I think it's more so gratitude but when I think of long live and maybe I'm reading it wrong but differently I feel like it it was like the perfect all-encompassing song about like what she would have been in that relationship kind of like a it would be the last song in the movie like the movie ends like all good and I just feel like that's not where like she needs to write a long live that encompasses her and Travis because they're even like bigger than that like, she needs to write a long live that encompasses her and Travis. Because they're even, like, bigger than that. Do you know what I mean? But long live has nothing to do with her relationships.

It has to do with Joe. Tell your kids. Joe? Jackie, she wrote the song when she was 17. What are you talking about? Long live is from Speak Now. Speak Now. She wasn't with, oh, you're saying Joe Jonas?

Joe Jonas, yeah. When they point to my picture, please tell them my name. No, it, no, no, no. It really, it has nothing to do with the relationship I think she's talking to her fans like let's say this moment that I'm having like doesn't exist anymore and you have children someday and they see a picture like just tell them my name like tell them how the crowds went wild like it's it has nothing to do with a romantic relationship I thought this was about Joe Jonas like that they were the kings and the queens

no no like the fans like they were on top of the world like look what we had and by the way correct me if I'm wrong Swifties but I'm like 99% sure I'm right I feel like now it's become that but I feel like and I'm not saying I'm right I'm just telling this is how I've always thought of long live like it was about her and Joe being the kings and the queens on like I think they performed together like back in the day and she felt like we're on top of the world and even if it doesn't work out like when you when your kids point my picture tell them my name okay i never have interpreted it as that ever but maybe i thought it was a joe jonas song about like they were the kings and queens of the teeny boppers and things will never

be that great and it's morphed into being like a song about like that the fans can relate to but I got like a Joe Jonas vibe please sound off in the comments this would kind of like shake the bedrock for me it would it would um back to Paris eras so she added a tptd segment she's saying all the hits I think that everybody would have wanted her to new outfits all like all the outfits have been sort of updated like they're the same vibe but just like new silhouette except for reputation which obviously people are reading into because that's the one album she hasn't re-recorded yet and so it's like same old same old um but I don't know Paris era is like seriously FOMO it's like and people are like I am so mad like I paid for

a show and I didn't see TTPD like I, I think this is just going to be, like, how Taylor Swift, like, evolves, like, moves on from now. Also, Paris paid for a show and they didn't see Archer or Long Live. Like, it's a give and take. It's not like they're getting more show. Calm down. Also, this is how she's going to get people to go to more shows. Like, Nikki Glaser's going to six more. She already went to 12.

And it's going to be a different show. Yeah. No. And by the way, when we go at the end of the year, like it'll be totally different. And that's so fabulous. Like she keeps evolving. And it must be more creatively stimulating for her

to like keep doing different things every night because it can get a little. Oh, she, oh, you already said she sang the alchemy. Yeah, so that is Travis confirmed. She also sang Begin Again, which the movie, the music video like is shot in Paris and it's you know no that was a really that was like serious easter egg microscope like on another level yeah um also alchemy is a word that I will never know what it means do you feel the same and and please don't look it up like I'm completely disinterested in actually

knowing what it means and there's also a book called The Alchemist and I feel like I can't read it because I don't understand what it means. And like as long as like alchemy and alchemists, like you're not in the lab with bleakers. No, you are. It's the medieval forerunner of chemistry based on the supposed transformation of matter.

It was concerned particularly with attempts to convert base metals into gold or to find a universal elixir. It's a seemingly magical process of transformation, creation, or combination. Okay, elixir is a word that always makes me laugh now because Ben, like, in an attempt like a couple of weeks ago to make his own tea, like, he literally boiled water with like all these different fruits and rinds and peppercorn like and he tried to make his own like herbal tea but he ended up making some sort of concoction that like makes you shit

an elixir I know and he calls it his elixir and like if I'm ever like constipated he's like do you want me to make you my elixir and honestly I had it the other day and like it actually worked I'll ask him for the recipe if anybody's interested thanks yeah I feel like anytime you make something wrong it's gonna make you shit like no but like it's just water at the end of the day like he steamed all these things in it and then just like drank the broth it was disgusting right yeah um all's to say the alchemy all's to say bonnui bonnui are you ready for our fifth and final story i actually like genuinely yeah otherwise the curds are going to run out so and it will take

like three hours to upload paris hilton and nicole richie are reuniting for a new reality series series 17 years after the simple life ended paris and nicole are returning to their roots sort of the duo who became household names for The Simple Life in the early 2000s are joining forces once again. They'll be reuniting for an all-new reality TV series more than 16 years after the conclusion of their original show.

One thing to say. We don't know what it is. We don't know what it is. It's Peacock, right? It's Peacock, yes. I loved, loved, loved The Simple Life. Like when it was on, I loved it. I've rewatched it many times. Like I'm the perfect, you know, I'm the target demo for this.

And the thing about The Simple Life was that it was truly lightning in a bottle. Like never have two people given so little fucks. Like in this new day and age, you couldn't get away with half the shit that they did. Like or said and honestly like I don't know like it's not doing it for me like the old the OG is perfect like I've had it's enough for me agreed but I'm open to what this could be like I think there's something here and I don't know if it's gonna be like a simple life reboot I don't think it would be exactly the same anyway. Like I think everyone would agree with what you're saying. Like if it's perfection, don't mess with it.

But I do think that there's like great content to be had from Paris and Nicole together again. So I'm open. But like are they even friends? Yeah. She was at her wedding. I know they're on fine terms. They're not. I don't think they're like best friends like how they were back then.

But I think they're like very, very good. They were. She was at Paris's wedding. Paris was at Sophia's wedding. Mm-hmm but I think they're like very very good they were she was at Paris's wedding Paris was at Sophia's wedding I think they're very good okay good like that's what I want I just I don't know I'll have to see I need to be pitched but I'm open I remain open me too this isn't just like an automatic yes for me though okay well since that was really short I do have a little more content news that I'm going to put a subset B if I may. Downton Abbey third movie officially announced.

Is Maggie Smith in it? Unclear but Paul Giamatti is. Okay. I don't love when like a normie actor. Yeah but he was in the show. He's Cora's brother. Paul Giamatti was in Downton Abbey yeah he's the American uncle oh right she's American okay because normally like with Dominic West too and even though I

think he did a good job I don't love seeing actors whose names I already know in Downton Abbey it's its own universe it's like Game of Thrones like that'd be seriously like if Brad Pitt was in Game of Thrones like no yeah no I agree with you but he's from the show and okay he'll be back I wonder are they going to America I feel like they might have a Newport summer a Newport swirly summer oh wait obsessed well then the dowager wouldn't be in it she couldn't make the travel I think she might not be in it anyway and also it doesn't even make sense for her to be in it because she said her goodbyes in the last movie and I yeah I think that's good yeah I would love a Newport swirly summer for Downton Abbey 3 maybe Julian Fellows can finally get his like

Gilded Age fix without being part of that like stupid show yeah I know I'm glad we all sort of have gotten to a place where we can talk about openly that the Gilded Age is bad I think when it first came out give it time it did get like a little bit better. Second season, like genuinely unwatchable. I haven't watched it yet. Everybody was afraid. I started, I seriously, I couldn't. Everyone was afraid to say it.

And they like didn't want to doubt Julian Fellows and like disrespect his. And now I think we're all mature enough and like open enough with one another to say like the show is actually abysmal. I'm going to have to venture into season two to really call it but I call it like I see it so I called it after like two episodes of season two and I seriously I couldn't even tell you one thing that happened it was so dreadful and I don't want to put all of the blame on Cynthia Nixon but I definitely put like 85% of the blame on her she never should have been cast in that show no but also a lot of the blame oh the everyone the acting is so bad, but also, like, the set. I don't know if he didn't have enough money.

I don't know if he hired the wrong set director, but, like, he did not convincingly make a New York City street in the 1900s. He did not do it. No, honestly, you know who I think is the worst actress? The mother of the rich new family. She's really bad, but no. Across the street, Cynthia Nixon's sister. Aggie, I think her name is.

Oh, I mean, she's the linchpin of the show. She's horrible. The show, like, she's the crux of the show. She's the main character. She probably, like, she probably has the biggest role. Are you talking about the old blonde lady? Cynthia Nixon's, the aunties? The aunties, yeah.

Yeah, she's,'s, the aunties. The aunties, yeah. Yeah, she's like the biggest character. No, and the niece, Marianne, she sucks. Oh my God, she's really, really bad. She's really bad. And not only is her acting bad, but like her character is bad too. Dread, dread is her character. Oh my, everyone.

I'm so glad we can all speak openly about it now like I feel seriously like a weight has been lifted like I when I was watching it last season I was like pretending and lying to myself and lying to others around me I'm like I love it it's bad yeah I want to watch the season the thing is it where do we lay blame I don't know because there's it should be so good Julian Fellow's Gilded Age. Like, done. If I were a studio head, I would have signed blank checks. I don't even blame Julian Fellow's. It's like a collective effort to make the show bad. Like, everyone, whether it's casting crew.

You don't think Julian Fellow's kind of resting on his laurels, being like, I can do no wrong? No, no. Because he's done great things since, you know? Like the Downton movies. Well, because the established goodness was there. I feel like maybe he's just gotten a little like, oh, it's Julian Fellowes.

Great. It's good. Yeah, maybe. Maybe that's it. Julian Fellowes just like resting on his laurels. It's giving Julian Fellowes resting on his laurels. Thousand percent. Someone had to say it.

So that's our show. Nice log. I feel like we still have so much more to catch up on. Yeah. I don't even, I feel like we missed stuff, but we have all week to do that, which is so fabulous.

We do. We do. I've got to go feed my sourdough starter. I've got to take more. I've got to feed myself. I've got to take more Advil for my back. We're, we're wishing you a speedy recovery. Thank back. We're wishing you a speedy recovery.

Thank you. I'm wishing myself a speedy recovery because like I actually physically can't deal with not. No, it's annoying. No, like this doesn't work for me. It's not going to work. Yeah. It's not going to work.

Yeah. Thank you guys so much for listening to the Toast and Lenny Morning Show. We're here to deliver the fast-paced stories you need to know. Everybody through Friday night YouTube. So if you're watching us on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give us a video thumbs up. We're also available as a podcast center where

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wickedly talented we are love ya bye love ya bye