The Toast - S5 Ep120: Episode of Secrets with Brian Kelly: Friday, August 26th, 2022

Episode Date: August 26, 2022

Brian Kelly, a.k.a The Points Guy, joins The Morning Toast today for an exclusive interview. He is sharing a major life update with us! The Morning Toast with Jackie (@JackieOshry) and Claudia Oshry (@girlwithnojob) NLOG Tickets Merch The Morning Toast Patreon Girl With No Job by Claudia Oshry (Book)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Good morning, millennials. Welcome back to the Morning Toast. I know what you're thinking. Claudia, you said there was no episode. Well, I lied because I'm a big liar and I'm joined by one of my besties, a toast regular at this point, Mr. Brian Kelly, aka The Points Guy. Hey, Brian, how you doing? Thanks for having me on this. What could be kind of like a solemn day? Yeah, so not to bring the mood down, but there's a lot we're going to get through today. Yeah, so let's talk about why we're here. So we had no episode scheduled for today, but you and I have been meaning to make this episode together just to talk about...

After your intervention. After my intervention, yeah. Just to talk a little bit about what's been going on with you. And before we dive in, I know that you've been holding a secret. Not a secret, because that makes it sound bad, but there's a part of yourself you haven't revealed. Yeah. You might also want to give the trigger warning. Trigger warning.

Brian and I are about to be incredibly annoying and dramatic, but that's what we do here at The Morning Trust. We love a moment, you know? Today is the episode of secrets. I've got some secrets to share today. That should be our title today, episode of secrets. That's why her hair is so big. It's full of secrets I've got some secrets to share today that should be our title today episode of secrets that's why her hair is so big it's full of secrets so tell me a little bit about what the last couple of before we dive in tell me a

little bit about what the last couple of months have been like for you you know like once the not like other girls tour wrapped in May it was it was tough on me yeah like because being on tour with all the girls. Camaraderie, family, community. Yeah, like that hetero energy I really connected with. That much I've always known about you. You know, the girls, like, on tour. Like, just getting that validation.

And when it just dropped one day, I missed the girls, you know? You missed the girls. And know? You missed the girls. And by the way, the girls have missed you. So I'm sure everyone is thrilled that you're on today's episode. But, um, I have a big secret for them.

That you're, you're kind of like, you know, sharing. I think it's time I share. You're sharing your truth. I'm gay. Claudia,

we were going to pretend to be serious. We actually, kidding. There's other big news that I want to share today. So, Brian, first of all, thank you for giving the Toasty exclusive on what you actually

have to share because it's wonderful, amazing, amazing news. And the Toasters, I mean, I'm so happy for you. The Toasters are going to be so happy when they hear

what's been going on with you. So now, I think, let's really share what's... And by the way, not to make everything about me, but I've obviously known about what you're... So actually, and there's, Claudia, there's a secret you don't know about. Okay, so let's say this. Okay, let's get share what's and by the way not to make everything about me but i've obviously known about what yes so actually and there's claudia there's a secret you don't know okay so let's say this okay let's get into the big secret i am gonna be a dad yes brian is pregnant with a

baby well you're not pregnant brian is has a baby on the way bun in the oven coming very soon too we are full third trimester you're you've been so like low-key about it um the fact that like when this episode hits like babies will be here like imminently soon yes uh yeah it's always been a dream of mine um and i think when the pandemic hit you know i had broken up with my ex-fiancee you know tpg's business kind of like you know know, took a pause. I'm home. I'm in Pennsylvania. I'm surrounded by family, my nieces, my nephews. And I've always known I wanted to be a dad. And at that point I was 37. And I just remember thinking like, I want to be a young-ish dad. I want to have my first kid in my thirties and, you know, being gay and doing IVF.

The whole process takes a long time. So it was, you know, the fall of 2020, I actually started to get, you know, serious about it. And it's been a, you know, pretty amazing. I'm very lucky. It'll basically be two years from the day I started to having my son. Yeah. Oh yeah. It's a boy. It's a boy. It's a boy. Um, and I want to ask you all about like the process, but I'm curious if at all, because I've, we've been on like several trips together since we've known that you're pregnant and that your surrogate's pregnant. Sorry.

And I find people's reaction to it very mixed because they're like, oh, are you married or you're doing it by yourself? Like, and I love, and I'm curious if one one it ever crossed your mind to wait until you found the right person and two what like what was it about the idea of doing it on your own that made you want to do it even more because I know yeah I think uh you know certainly waiting you know doing it and I and I you know to be honest I am still friends with my ex but I think I was rushing into that I proposed after nine yeah it was quick I was like rushing because in my head I have to check all these boxes right I can't have my kid until I'm married and oh I probably rushed that relationship way too quickly

and then of course then the pandemic hit and then I'm like I'm not even dating in 2020 like dating in 2020 was psychotic psychotic it's psychotic normally let alone a pandemic so I'm like there's no way I'm gonna have a you know I'm living in Pennsylvania loving life on the farm you know I didn't have the farm then but um so I was like you know there's no way that I would have a kid in my 30s if I waited until after the pandemic yeah you have a timeline and then also I mean just looking I, my parents are still together after almost 40, well, over 45 years. Wow.

But so many families aren't. And I just may call me selfish, but I'm like, I just, I'm already so attached to my son. I'm like, I will never split him. Like, you know, and so a part of me is like, I have the financial resources. I have an amazing family and I'm going to have help, lots of help. And I'm not going to, you know,

so why not do it on my own? And I actually think being a single gay dad, well, like the attract me to the right person that I want to be with. I completely agree with that. Like, I think you entering this new era of your life, very,

you know, domesticated almost, that's the type of energy you're going to start to attract. And I love that as like a barometer for who you bring in. Like, is this person good enough to meet my son? Yeah. And I love that.

And I have a lot of gay single friends who have done it. My one friend had twins. Wow. Nine years old. Amazing. Happy. Obviously Andy Cohen and seeing Anderson Cooper and their modern families and just happy like you I think you know and I work with a lot of kids and charities like kids need love you know that's it

and I'm gonna give my kid and potentially kids lots and lots of love no your kid is well actually there's one other secret that you don't know about oh Oh, okay. So I've been showing Claudia. The child's name is Claudia. Claude. Claude Kelly. That's cute. No, actually. So I've been showing Claudia pictures of an egg donor that it's not the real egg donor. I'm the egg donor?

No. Are you ready? You harvest what? Margo. No, I'm serious. That wouldn't be fair. Honestly like after we we kind of like cooked up in vegas right i remember yeah that's how i knew you were straight by the way if what would you do then i would literally you that would make you my well nothing it would make you my

it would make you my nephew's wait you didn't biological dad no but if margo was your egg donor that child would be like gorgeous and tall like that's almost like not and savvy i'm just so proud of margo she's such a boss killing it she's my baby yeah wait i have so many questions for you and i know a lot of the process but so you make this decision and i love the decision like why wait for life to start yeah you have all the means you have so much love to give. You have a huge family. There's literally no reason not to do it. Where does one start after that as a single gay man? I started my doctor in New York, was gay and had kids.

So he recommended me to a surrogacy kind of consultant. It was a woman in Minnesota. She had like the small surrogacy practice. In the whole process of IVF, You know, getting eggs is relatively easy. And getting an IVF clinic to make embryos with your sperm and an egg like that process is not that hard. It's like you get the egg, you know, as long as your sperm is healthy or eggs healthy, like it's pretty easy. And you had strong swimmers. Luckily. So it's really funny when you donate or you you give your sperm they

actually put it through like a race course so like your your swimmers have to go boop boop boop boop like and only the strongest right they use for the insemination so you get your strongest swimmers and then i decided to you can buy frozen eggs from clinics. I was recommended. I, my egg donor, I chose the egg donor and then she did a whole, she cycled and I got all of her eggs from one month. So you have a bunch of options. So I had a ton of eggs and then in the lab, you know, they inseminate them all. And I chose to do genetic testing, which allows you and the clinic that I used, um, in Sandy at San Diego fertility clinic. They're amazing. Uh, I'll just shout out. Dr.

Donish Mon is like top in the industry. He's so amazing. But anyway, so once you have all the embryos, they put them through testing. So you can actually see they rank all of the eggs and, you know, more than half of the embryos were like, not great quality. So if you do this testing, you can actually rank and use the strongest embryo that has the highest chance of, you know, surviving. Right. Um, so I was very lucky the first time that I transferred it took, um, and that's by the way, that happens to nobody. It was very, but the biggest pain point is surrogacy. So apparently during 2020, everyone decided, oh, you know, I can work remotely.

Now's the time to have kids. Yeah. So there are very long wait lists for surrogates. And of course me, you know, coming from my airline elite status, I'm like,'m like where's the priority line like where can i upgrade and jump the list but when it comes to human life you know like they're very and which is amazing like as it should be um so but luckily there uh is an lgbtq focused smaller agency that when at one point i had talked about wanting to have kids and they reached out to me, they were TPG fans. Wow. Elevate Baby is their name. Awesome, awesome people. Kyle Dean Massey is the founder. He's like an actor turned now surrogacy

company owner. Him and his husband actually just had a baby taylor fry um so anyway they're really good but they had reached out to me and said if you're looking and connected they were like we have the perfect surrogate so um i think so many people told me like and i i remember talking about it in the press years ago like that i wanted to have a baby people are like don't jinx yourself you know there's a lot of superstition. But because I talked about it in an article, they reached out and I'm having a baby today because I was open about the process. So of course I know it's different for everyone. And some people, you know, certainly it's very private and I respect everyone's decision, but sometimes like putting it into the universe,

like can, can pay off. So I got matched with this amazing surrogate who you've met she's so i mean the fact that she is carrying your giant child she's tiny like it is shocking i actually felt guilty wait they told you you couldn't do twins twins yeah they were like so i didn't think she would actually be allowed to be my surrogate because she was so small yeah um but this is her you know she's had kids before my ivf doctor's like no no it doesn't work like that like she'll be fine so um but this is definitely uh she's like this baby is huge it's huge and by the way the best part and i feel like i've really been around for so much of the process but like unintentionally we didn't even know we were out to dinner in New Hope with your parents when

she you had done the process of you flew out to San Diego to inseminate right yeah so the embryo transfer so you create these 10 day old embryos and then they freeze them so I and you the cool thing is if you want they'll actually tell you the sex of the baby wow and did you choose to have a boy I did choose to have a boy I was torn

because I it really doesn't matter to me it doesn't but like three of my really close friends all had baby boys in the last year

and just a part of me maybe that is that the patriarchy no I think it's nice like grow up with kids your age now that I have this like farm and all the other boys I don't know I no i think it's nice like now that i have this like farm and all the other boys i you know i just felt like it's a boys club yeah i know maybe that's

like problematic but no it's like what my gut said and at the end of the day when it comes to you have to family planning you can do whatever you want but i just think it's amazing whether you're gay or having fertility issues like there is so much science now that can like dramatically i have a lot of my you know lesbian friends who just had a baby via ivf like the science is kind of crazy it's amazing by the way like how you were able to watch that picture of you literally with your mask on holding that picture with tears in your eyes like is literally the cutest process when i transferred the embryo i was in the doctor's office. You see your frozen embryo, this 10 day old, and it's like defrosting. You have to verify that it's yours. Obviously all

these controls. And then the, you know, the doctor and, you know, inserts it. And I, you know, saw that little embryo land on like the uterine wall or endometrium wall, or I'm still like not great. That's something that, you know, when when you get pregnant the conventional way you can't see my mom said to me she's like how cool is that that you literally have known your son since the time that he was like created yeah no it's crazy and i started bawling that day because i instantly knew i knew i was like pregnant that day yeah it was and then when she called you like a week or two later to like she officially had taken the test. She didn't,

she, yeah. My surrogate is like, she's very in tune with her body. And she was like, I didn't, you know, I didn't feel,

she was like, I hate, you know, she was like, I don't want to get your hopes up. And of course, you know, the odds are,

you know, never in your favor. But then, um, yeah, she was like, do you want me to take a pregnancy test? And I'm like,

technically I think she was supposed to wait another week. Yeah. But she knew. But she was like, do you want me to take a pregnancy test? And I'm like, technically, I think she was supposed to wait another week. Yeah. But she knew. But she was like, you know, of course, pregnancy test isn't perfect. And then I was out to dinner with you. That was so much fun. Holy moly. Here we go.

So that was in January. Yeah. That's so crazy. So now everyone's like, are you nervous? I'm like, no, I'm not. I mean, I know my life's going to change, but I've jumped through so many hoops to get here excited you're ready like it's been a long time coming yes so now here's what i'm focused on first of all the baby shower which i am actively planning with a few people when i tell you like you're not fucking ready for what is gonna go down like it is gonna be

so twisted it's gonna be like a last hurrah for you. It's like, it's not like other baby showers. This is actually, I've like, this is, so normally I'm the one to plan events, travel. You could call me a control freak. Just a little. And like, I did feel weird. My mom, I was like, I don't want to do a registry. You know, I feel.

You have to. But my mom was like, no, you idiot. Like, no, we're doing a registry. People want to get you gifts. It's okay to accept gifts. It is. you gifts it's okay to accept gifts it's not about being able to afford it's about allowing people to and so many people have been like the gifts that I got at my baby shower like save me and like you don't even I don't know what the hell I'm doing so yes please I will take the help like I've helped everyone plan trips so yeah right the parents out there who are like no this is what you need yeah I'm not gonna be like, no, this is what you need. Yeah. I'm not going to be like, no.

No. And like you need so much fucking crap. Like you don't even realize how every little thing and all these things you accumulate, you're going to need. So you're very nice to not want to do it. But I was like, you're kidding me, right? My mom wouldn't let me. She's like.

And by the way, what did I get, Brian? I tried to go nice. You know, one of the more expensive things on the registry. This fucking chair. Jackie sends me it, because Jackie has the chair, it's like a motorized chair. Jackie sends me a message the next day, huge recall of this chair, it was very dangerous. I'm like, Brian, return the chair.

Claudia's already trying to kill my baby. I'm coming, yeah, because literally, he's taking the attention. He's taking too much time away from you, Brian. Now, I want to know what kind of dad you're going to be. Like, did you grow up in a strict household? I did. Well, strict for sure.

My parents, I grew up very respectful. I call myself like the last wave of like, my parents were not helicopter parents. Like, I grew up in my neighborhood. I have two older brothers and younger sister. Like, we would leave the house in the summer at like 8 a.m. on our bikes, go to the punt. Like, as long as you're home by 5 for dinner and then you go out and come like my parents were like do whatever you want and i like that because i think my parents but they also like ran a strict household yeah i didn't curse my parents didn't hit me but like they would you would get punished when you

fear of god like my mom could snap her fingers she'd be on like a corded phone in the kitchen this is the 90s she would like look at me and snap and i'd be like you knew i'm sorry yeah i don't think i'm gonna be that strict um no but i do think it's important to fear your parents a little bit not in like an actually scary way but in a way where you respect them and you respect authority i do believe like your child you know he will be a part of my life we're gonna travel like he will travel from a young age and I know it's gonna be different and I know there are things I'm gonna say today that like all the parents out there who are listening are like yeah we all said the same thing but you know I want to

show him the world like I actually now am like you know I didn't I mean I traveled domestically growing up but like he's gonna I want him to really see the world and I think it'll change the way I travel yeah of course um and the way you see the world yeah and you know we've got a long time before he goes to school so you know spending some time abroad and um I don't know but I also want to wait to see what he likes I think I've been reading a lot on like parenting and it's like I want to and you know the things that he naturally likes I want to encourage of course and so what um what like things have you been reading websites books like It's like I want to, you know, the things that he naturally likes, I want to encourage. Of course. And so what like things have you been reading, websites, books?

Like have you been leaning on to kind of prepare yourself? Well, the biggest thing is, so my friend is a doula and she, like I'm just in the mode now of like, okay, you know, like learning about the skin to skin. Like I want to be in that room instantly. No one touches my son. No one weighs him. He will go instantly on my chest you know if possible right like um and just understanding you know the sleep training the formula you know which european formula is the best like this dutch goat milk versus um so so uh so I'm like in that mode. I'm like, I mean, I always read articles on parenting and, but yeah, I think, and mostly I'm just talking to fellow parents.

A lot of my friends have had kids and most of my, you know, all the kids, you know, in my life are really amazing, well-adjusted kids for the most part. So I don't know um so in this moment like what do you feel you feel peace you feel anxiety you feel excitement i feel excitement i feel um yeah i feel like his due date i just have the sense that he's gonna come early my surrogate feels that he's so it's like uh and i have to travel so there's just like a little bit of like i'm just ready for it to happen but this isn't like nature i can't like can't rush it you can't schedule it it's not a plan i want him to be on his time you know so

but i'm excited i'm also excited to take time off work i've actually never taken extended amount of time off work even when i travel i'm always sort of working in a way not that i'm complaining about my gig but like to really unplug from work for a while and yeah just spend time in the fall with the new baby on my farm it's gonna be beyond i'm so so so excited and you have a name picked out we're obviously not going to share it i have a name that i've just always loved it's a strong name and you know, everyone I tell is like, oh, that's good. Yeah, it's Kelly. Kelly Kelly.

Kelly Kelly. That's cute by the way. And did you factor, when you were thinking of names, you factored in, your last name is really unique because it's a first name and a last name.

So it makes like, it can be really punchy. Yeah. I think a lot of your success has to do with your name, honestly. Brian Kelly, like that's a name.

Brianna, Christina. Brianna, Christina, Vanderpump. Wachile. Armstrong, Leakes, Kelly. Brian Kelly, like that's a name. Brianna, Christina. Brianna, Christina, Vanderpump. Wachile. Armstrong, Leakes, Kelly. Wachile. Wachile Kelly. And so when you're thinking about like names,

Jackie was really like, you really don't know how hard it is until you have to name a full human being. So you had this name. I know you had it for a while even before. I had the name for as long as I can remember. it's just like it stands the test of time i think i like this name when i was 16 yeah it's like it's strong and iconic so uh i feel very strong about it plus his middle name will be a family name that like oh yeah it just it's got a you know i feel i feel very strongly about even though jackie had suggested a name that almost took off your name.

Jackie's good with names. This one. It was a good name. Well, so your name is Brian Kelly and so is your dad. He's senior. So, but I'm not junior because we have different middle names.

So to have a third Brian, so Jackie recommended, or she, her suggestion was we'll call him trip. Right. Which obviously, cause he's the third, but you're the points guy. And the points guy, the double Anton. Brian so Jackie recommended or she her suggestion was we'll call him trip right which obviously because he's the third but you're the

points guy and the points guy the double on tone so we thought about it for like double on tone yeah because it has multiple meanings but

eventually the name you had was better and like trip Kelly that I mean that would be a really good name Jackie I mean he's so good he sounds like a

douche like yeah he's southern a little southern pops his collar yeah but I like it yeah he's an essay yeah like he's so good he sounds like a douche like yeah he's southern a little southern pops his collar you know but I like it yeah he's an essay yeah like he's a frat guy yeah love beer kegs dance wait um so I'm not religious I'm not doing godmothers and godparents what like but you're obviously gonna be special to him so what should we auntie Claudia yeah I mean I'll have to think like I'll have to see how my relationship with him blossoms. What are you going to do if he's straight?

Set him up with Margo. I'm just kidding. But literally, I was just saying this to Jackie for some reason. My association with Margo is so young. When we're out to dinner

and I see a 15-year-old, I'm like, oh my God, cute boy for Margo. Even though like Margo's 25 now, I just like keep forgetting to adjust. You're always like

on text chains, Margo, she doesn't make time for us anymore. She doesn't. She's too busy at high school. If your son is straight, I will of course accept him as he is and I will find a nice Jewish girl for him. Perfect. Or even if he's gay, I'll find

a nice Jewish boy for him. But when he becomes a certain age, I will not stop setting him up. He's probably going to hate me. If he's straight, he'll hate me. If he's gay not stop setting him up. He's probably going to hate me. Yeah. I mean, if he's straight, he'll hate me.

If he's gay, he'll love me. Sickening. We'll send you, we'll sing Janet and Celine together. And that's another, where does Janet fit into all this? Janet is going to come out for the delivery. Um,

and yeah, he's excited. He like, he's going to make literally homemade formula yeah well we tried to put him through a lactation course but unfortunately

it didn't take it didn't work it didn't take it was tough on us and by the way for people pasta is my best friend my sister

and honestly this is gonna really change his life too no but it's like we're doing this together I know it's like nice pasta's fans are called the noodles

I love that. Noodlers. We've got the toasters, the noodlers. And you would have gone. By the way, just to switch gears, pasta,

like we were tubing and pasta had fans on the Delaware River. Okay. People were like, pasta, we went to a party later that night in Bucks County. Pasta fazoola?

I mean, his content is. Pasta fazoola is about to like, just take over. Mario Batali, watch out. Cooking with Babs, watch out. love her olivia loves her oh my god okay so you feel like how do you well this episode comes out tomorrow but still like now that everyone knows you are gonna get i feel like i feel i mean to all the new moms and dads out there feel free to dm me your tips i am

open to all product recommendations Product recommendations. Yeah. I love this. I'm so happy for you. The Duna travel. Jackie is obsessed with the Duna. Got my Nanit Pro. Yes. I've got my

Nest Dig Wave Crib. Oh, good. Wow, you're prepared. Like, it's a crib that turns into a bed that turns into like... Fabulous. The nursery theme

is like, you will have to wait and see on my Instagram. Oh, I don't even know what that is. I just kind of finalized the concept. I had a lot of different ideas, but we're just going to do like a safari type theme.

You're good. Oh, by the way, that's amazing. You're going to be such a good dad. Like this is the role you were born to play. I'm so happy for you. I'm happy for me.

Like, because first of all, I was able to keep the secret for well over two years. Good on me. Because I'm, I told people Jackie was pregnant and I was like, I told you on the river. It was like literally so early.

I'm like, and I kept the secret so fucking good. And I did allude, um, like two weeks ago on the toast that like, I have a really big event coming up. It was your baby shower. Um,

and I was like, you guys are going to find out what you're going to wear yet. No, I need to get, do you have to wear, do I have to wear blue? No, cause that's like, you guys are going to find out. do you know what you're going to wear yet? No, I need to get, do you have to wear, do I have to wear blue? No, because that's like heteronormative,

you know? Oh my God, look at me projecting my heteronormativity on you. I'm so sorry. Wait, do you remember that time I came out on your, the toes? Yeah,

no. That was the dumbest thing we've ever done. We just wanted to be funny. I think we're hilarious. Like, we're funny. You're going to be an amazing dad. I would just say,

like, when I was a kid in the 90s, like like i knew i was gay and i would go to bed and be like if i could take a pill to be straight because i want to have kids and i never thought i'd be able to have kids oh yeah so like to all the the gay boys out there or girls and people you know battling infert Just like. Everything happens the way it's meant to happen. I'm out of chills. I love that. It's so full circle. You're literally like doing what you were put on this earth to do.

You know. To make a mini you. God help us all. Who can terrorize this earth for the next 50 years. Apparently he's like kicked. Like a lot of the things. Like my surrogate sent me like videos of him just ramming through her. Apparently he's very active at night.

He's ready. He's a party boy. Wow. That's so unlike his father. Well, the toasters are so happy for you. I know they're going to freak out. I love you so much. Mazel tov.

Love you auntie. And make sure to be following at Brian Kelly on Instagram like for all the dad updates. Send me all your tips and tricks. And send fellow single gay dads his way as well. Yeah. I think that's important to remember.

Thank you guys for listening. Enjoy this episode. Enjoy your weekend. Have an amazing weekend. And Jackie and I will be back for regular episodes on Monday. I love you all. Tickets available at girlwithnojob.com slash tour.

Bye.