The Toast - S5 Ep130: Fat Fingered F*ck: Tuesday, September 13th, 2022
Episode Date: September 13, 2022Emmy Awards 2022 Winners (15:54)Â Ray J slams Kris Jenner, claims he filmed 3 sex tapes with Kim Kardashian (Page Six) (34:36)Â Howard Stern slams 'annoying' US coverage of Queen's death: ...Enough! (Page Six) (41:56)Â Jacob Elordi to Play Elvis, Cailee Spaeny is Priscilla Presley in Sofia Coppola's Film 'Priscilla' (Variety) (46:40)Â Swedish House Mafia Talk 'Affordable' IKEA Collab: 'I Wish We Had Those Products as Kids' (PEOPLE) (50:43)Â Unburden Yourselves (unburdenyourselves@gmail.com) (54:44)Â The Morning Toast with Jackie (@JackieOshry) and Claudia Oshry (@girlwithnojob) NLOG Tickets Merch The Morning Toast Patreon Girl With No Job by Claudia Oshry (Book)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Good morning, millennials.
Welcome back to the morning toast and happy Tuesday, arguably the worst day of the week.
Hey, Jax, how you doing?
I'm doing okay.
I've caught whatever rolled had, so I'm now 16.
You hate to see it.
You hate to see it.
You know, doing my best.
I'm so glad that we recently bought full body heating pads.
They're like heating pads that you wear.
We'll post the link at like not to be like so rubbing your face about our new heating pads.
Right.
Like not to brag.
Not to brag.
And I hadn't busted it out yet because the other bruise heating pads sufficed for the both of us.
But I've been wearing my new heating pad and it's definitely a small bright spot.
A hundred percent. Heating pads like truly
change and save lives. So I'm so glad that we invested in ourselves. Yeah definitely. I know
I left both my heating pads like on my bed and I just like no brew is in the bed. Cuddled up in
multiple heating pads. So jealous. Living the life I want to live. I, um, it's always been like,
obviously fairly clear. Like I'm the number one auntie to rolled, but I think, you know,
during this time while he's been sick, I have started to feel like sympathy pains as well.
Like I have like a sore back. I have a little tickle in my throat. I am really, um, and I need
to take care of myself because I have tour this weekend. Tickets available
at girlwithnojob.com slash tour.
But honestly I wouldn't have it any other
way because if Rold suffers, we all
suffer. We all suffer. Of course
now he's semi on the mend
and the rest of
us are down and out. But I
mean I just need to know how long this is
going to last for. That's so classic
Rold you know. Is it the day? Is it three days? Like I just I need to know. just need to know how long this is going to last for. That's so classic rolled, you know? Is it the day?
Is it three days?
Like, I just, I need to know.
I need to plan.
That's the thing about being a mom that I've, like, learned from Olivia,
especially with Kayla now, like, being a social girly,
going to, like, different camp and classes and things.
Kids are literally disgusting.
Like, they are cesspools of germs, bacteria and like illnesses.
And justice for the teachers.
Yeah.
Those teachers have immune systems.
Strong like steel.
Yeah.
Because Kayla, it's every other day with her, you know?
Yeah.
That's kids, man.
Kids are for you.
Kids are.
And I just assumed I wasn't going to get whatever he had because I have a stronger immune system,
like having 30 years of immunity.
But no, it was just laying dormant, waiting.
Laying dormant.
Waiting until like he started to feel better so that like we could double the length of
the illness.
Right.
Like it never ends.
And then I'm sure in a few days Zach will be like, I'm sick.
For sure, Zach. Babe, I'm feeling like a few days Zach will be like oh I'm sick for sure Zach babe I'm feeling like like a little like scratch my throat yeah and I'll be like that's not the symptom so you're
making it you're gonna gaslight him I love that I know I mean that's the scratch is the symptom
but like he'll be like and and Ronnie knows a little bit but he'll be like my stomach hurts
like I think I got what you guys got. I'm like.
No, you didn't.
I think that's also, it's just the time of year now.
Like the seasons are changing.
There's been like a real palpable shift in weather here in New York.
Like it's that gorgeous fall chill.
Like really one of the best times to be in New York.
And that's when everyone gets sick.
So just get ready.
Yeah.
I wouldn't know if the weather here has changed.
I haven't left my house in like five days. Let me check the weather let me check the weather app is it still in the 90s 87 oh no it gets to 90 later today oof you know Ben is like a firm um hater of the weather app like he refuses
Ben has like so many weird things like if we're driving somewhere I'm like it's not like a
complicated route it's like obviously like the Long Island Like if we're driving somewhere and like, it's not like a complicated route. It's like,
obviously like the long Island expressway or the BQE,
like,
and I put it in like Apple maps,
like the app,
he will pull over to the side of the road and do it on Google maps.
My husband too.
What?
Like,
okay.
If we're going like to all it is like for sure.
I don't know.
Plus like whichever one they're using stinks.
Agreed.
We're always late.
They all stink.
Honestly.
Ever since Google bought Waze and corrupted it because Waze was taking over.
They all stink.
You just have to like get out your map and your magnifying glass and find the back roads.
Hundred percent.
So while it is Tuesday and that's not great.
It is a huge day here at the Morning Toast
because we announced a little while ago
that Shannon Ford would be joining Toast News Network
and season two of her show launches today.
A lot of you guys already know and love Shannon.
Her episode on the Toast was so critically acclaimed.
I believe it's in the running for a Peabody Award.
You guys loved her so much and her podcast is so good.
She works so hard on it. Like I feel
like sometimes you'll see like people doing podcasts just because like that's what people
do and not really like giving it the attention it requires. Shannon does video and audio content.
Her video content is so stunning. She's so stunning. She looks so glamorous in every episode.
She lives this like fabulous, interesting life. She's funny. And it's really like an It Girl
podcast. It's called probably a
podcast but it should be called the it girl that's so funny because that's also what we wanted to
name lauren elizabeth's podcast we're just friends with so many it girls or we're like beyond
unoriginal like come up with one good idea and like use it multiple times i didn't remember
no i think we're consistent and it just like goes to show that we're friends with such it girls
like maybe it's because we are it girls and
we attract that it energy fellow it energy I didn't realize that that's what we wanted to call
um Lauren Elizabeth's podcast do you remember now that I'm reminding you like it was just it was an
idea that was floating amongst the others I thought really good about it but I have no recollection
I was brutally rebuffed well I'm just so excited for us.
Like, I'm so grateful to Shannon for joining our little fam.
And I think you guys are going to love it.
So you can watch it on YouTube, but she's also available, you know, anywhere podcasts
can be found.
And she's a premium girlie.
There's a lot going on in her life.
She is like an international man.
I know.
I feel like there's always a lot going on in her life, just in general.
She's just like one of those people.
But right now is definitely an interesting time to be following her a lot going on in her life. Just in general, she's just like one of those people.
But right now is definitely an interesting time to be following her,
to be listening to her podcast.
She like lives between New York and Nashville, which is like goals.
Goals.
And then she's constantly going across the pond to see her new man,
who is a subject, a former subject of Her Majesty the Queen.
So true. Maybe we should get him on the toast.
And ask him what the temperature is like.
I wonder if he's like a monarchophile.
What's the word?
A royalist?
Monarchist, yeah.
Or maybe he's a hater.
An anarchist.
I think a lot of young people in the UK,
I mean, I don't know shit about fuck,
but I think a lot of people,
like young people,
are rebelling against the monarchy in the UK. I don't think so. I I don't know shit about fuck, but I think like a lot of people like young people are like rebelling against the monarchy in the UK.
I don't think so.
I really don't.
I really don't.
I really don't.
We'll have to ask Shannon's man.
Shannon's man.
Also, she has a ton of like previous episodes.
If you want to go catch up with Shannon, like learn a little bit more about her.
And she does great guests.
I was on it.
So obviously she has a really low bar for guests.
She did a really good episode with Hannah Burner. So there's just good shit on there and it's premium as fuck. So why wouldn't you join it? It has the TNN
stamp of approval. Big time. Big, big time. So, you know, just mogul things. Mogul things
for the day. Yesterday was like a major mogul day we were booked and busy
like the thing about being a mogul is like sometimes I don't want to be one you know
like sometimes I just want to lay in my bed especially be a regular girl
oh thank you I'm so wait back to Shannon I believe now we are the industry's leading podcast network for redheads.
We have two.
We have two plus we have the Redheads Book Club,
which is constantly elevating the voices of redheads and readheads.
And Shannon is a natural redhead.
Yes.
Not that it makes a difference, but it does.
It does.
And I just, I thought that was interesting.
I think per capita, we have the most redheads.
Oh, for sure.
Because now we're at like 10% redheads.
Right.
Because we're two redheads plus the redheads show.
And I think we have now 10 shows on TNN.
So like, just makes you think.
It does make you think.
I have to start comparing with other networks.
But I don't know how many other redheaded podcasts there are in the big leagues.
I know the only other redheaded girly is J.C. Marie of what we said.
But other than she, I don't know what redheads are out here doing.
You know what's cool to think?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Conan.
Oh, wait.
Prince Harry. He doesn't have a podcast. his wife does um wait also now this makes me
think ready except Conan kind of threw a wrench in what I was about to say next
like do you think you're the biggest female redhead podcast host
I mean I do I don't know of any that are bigger I was gonna say redhead period but
Conan is definitely bigger than us so you'll have to be the female Conan let me look at the charts
yeah I don't see a lot of redhead representation on the charts yeah but like maybe the person who
hosts the daily anonymously like is a redhead they just like don't put their picture everywhere
well that wouldn't count because like no one's tuning into to the daily for like the dynamic personalities like they're tuning in
just for the news and like if you're not a visible redhead then like you're not out here doing the
work you're not making like an impact for the movement no and like for the redhead community
right sorry no i completely agree i'm looking through the top podcasts.
Okay, there's Conan.
Classic.
There we are.
I didn't see a redhead before I saw us.
So that would make you the biggest podcaster who's a female redhead.
Yes.
I'm going to add that to my bio because I never know what the fuck to put in there.
A hundred percent.
It's like Jackie's an Instagram instagram influencer podcaster yeah lifestyle brand
enthusiast she's a mess like writing a bio is probably like the worst part of this job
painful experiences of someone's life and you have to constantly be updating it she is a mess
to follow stop not be a mast jackie's so right jack claudia can be seen on the Today Show
Steve Harvey
Yeah like watch Bravo's Watch What Happens Live
Like just kill me
Because all the things like that are like notable
Happened to me 10 years ago you know
Yeah no your book
Your tour
I had to recently update my bio I added my tour
My book TNN
But I just feel like the things that are most interesting
About me like aren't the things
you put in a bio.
No, like, literally, who cares?
Yeah, yeah.
People, like, the bios, they only care about the fake shit, not the real shit.
So true.
Like, if you have a good bio, you're a fake person.
Totally.
Like, I want to know how many books you read last year.
Oh my god.
By the way, I officially reached over 100 books read
since you got your kindle since I started my goodreads so what when I started reading
the December of 2019 was it or December 2020 that's amazing how many books have you read
this year so far let me check 43 wow and your goal is 50 goal was 35, but now it's 50 and I think I'll hit it. No problem.
Let me see how many I've read so far this year.
26.
Good for you, by the way. That's good.
Yeah, my goal for the year was 30, so I'll need it.
Oh, you'll hit it.
Just from redheads.
Hopefully we'll take like a nice trip at the end of the year.
That's where we get all of our reading in.
Yeah.
I was talking to Ben about it because like I saw in my Goodreads it was at 101.
And I'm like, oh my God,
like I was like so excited and proud of myself.
And he's like, that's great.
Like being all patronizing
and not supporting literate women.
And he's fake because he's being called out.
Right.
But I was just trying to explain to him
like why it's such a big deal.
And it's obviously like great to have read.
But it's also great for me
to have like done something
I swore I would never do.
Because like I'm so stubborn.
And there's so many things I would love to,
like in an ideal world, yeah, I would love to like in an ideal
world yeah I would love to be a girl who goes for runs but we all know that's never gonna happen
and reading used to be running yeah so maybe I'll start running or skiing I would love to ski but I
just am not I'm not physically capable like I'm really not I think you are I think you should
give it another chance.
By the way, when I was watching
the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills in Aspen
and they were so fabulous
and like their Fendi jumpsuits
and just like whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.
It's, there's nothing more elegant
and rich and cool than skiing.
Like I would love to take like a weekend trip.
The one time I went,
I swear to God my legs were going to fall off.
I think, I think you could do
it now because I weigh less it was a lot of for sure it was a lot of weight podcast listeners I
did not yeah I the part of the reason why I thought my legs were gonna fall off was because
my entire body weight was like being heralded on my shins which aren't in particularly great shape
it's also really hard on your shins at first even sometimes like once you're skilled you just have to like lean onto
your shins and it really hurts yeah but i do think being a bit more light light will help you i think
you should try it again at some point i know but it's also it's not something like that's just like
let's just try it to get to the mountain with all of your shit and not faint is borderline impossible.
So just to try it, but also like all the work that I had to put in before that.
Yeah.
It's not like, oh, what if I just, you know, went to the mountain?
It's like a whole thing.
Yeah.
Well, I think the opportunity will present itself at some point.
I would love it.
Like, is there like a private mountain?
Yeah. the opportunity will present itself at some point I would love it like is there like a private mountain yeah like if somebody would invite me to their home with like a private mountain where like I could just put my skis on in my bedroom and then walk outside like ski out that I'll just
try it because if it sucks how do I get home yeah that I think you like take the chairlift up and
then ski down to your house like if you live in the middle on a mountain,
you can ski out and then ski down the rest of the mountain.
Got it.
But I don't know.
How do I get to the...
I've never done it.
I've never skied out.
So that sounds like a luxury that I would definitely like to afford.
Yes, for sure.
Okay, bucket list.
Bucket list tings.
We've got a great show.
I did watch the Emmys last night,
and I actually have a lot of thoughts,
so I'm excited to talk about it.
And we've got Unburden Yourselves,
so I feel like we should dive right in.
We're busy girls.
We don't have Unburden Yourselves, actually.
We have Unburden Yourselves.
We don't have Unburden Yourselves?
I didn't say that.
Yeah, you did.
No, I didn't.
Roll the tapes.
We have Unburden Yourselves at gmail.com. We do, by the way. I plan have unburden yourselves at gmail.com.
We do, by the way.
I plan to unburden themselves.
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Great. Okay, our first story, Emmy Awards 2022. All the winners, losers, fashion moments, etc.
So let's go through the winners, shall we?
moments, et cetera.
So let's go through the winners, shall we?
Yes, because I just happened to have,
like at 7.59, I saw something on Instagram,
like, oh, the Emmys.
And I turned it on and I just started to watch it because there was like nothing else to watch.
And I have to say, I really enjoyed it.
I thought it was super well done.
They wasted no fucking time with dumb shenanigan shit.
Kenan was excellent.
And I thought it was a gorgeous affair, really. Wow, I'm so happy for
you. They got their shit together. It was much tighter. You know, it was like awards, presenters,
awards, presenters, like no dumb like shit. Packages. No packages, no Keenan embarrassing
himself. Like he was doing a good job. He was being funny and he was getting from point A to
point B. Great um i did not
watch but here are the list of winners and look we were familiar we watched so many of the shows
yeah yeah so it was nice i mean white lotus swept completely it was ned schneebly's night and nobody
else's that's the guy steve zahn no ned schneebly is the writer and director of the show.
It's like his baby.
And he won on like all the major categories.
And he played, he was played by Ned Schneebly.
His name is Mike White.
Okay.
And someone also messaged me that he directed the Emoji movie, which won a Razzie.
So he is on his way to Regatt.
This is huge.
Adding another layer.
Right.
Okay. Let's go through the winners.
The plot thickens. We'll share another layer. Right. Okay, let's go through the winners. The plot thickens.
We'll share our thoughts.
Yeah.
First, Outstanding Drama Series, which is like the big award.
Yeah.
Succession.
Oh, I was so happy for them.
It was so crazy to see them all together.
But then the guy who was making the speech took a dig at the monarchy.
Like, why you got to make it about King Charles? That was kind of loser-y. Like, you just won an Emmy why you gotta make it about king charles that was like kind of
like you just won an emmy and you're talking about the king right and i think brian cox who plays
logan is british yeah he didn't say anything though i think he was offended by that
no it was just like hella fucking unnecessary like and they left the queen out of In Memoriam. She's not an actress. Yes, she is.
She's been in things.
She's inspired many a program.
The Crown.
There's no show without her.
She literally just died.
There's an In Memoriam.
Like, pay some fucking respect.
No, I don't think it was necessary.
And they left out Norm MacDonald.
That's what I saw.
No way, because he was literally nominated last night for his. see him he was nominated posthumously but in memoriam segment no I didn't watch it in memoriam no
offense like it makes me sad like I don't like I don't have my eyes glued for who they snub you
know yeah I heard they snubbed Norm that's moronic and I don't know if I I can cannot imagine that's
true he was literally nominated last night.
I'm just telling you what I heard.
I was happy since session one.
They were all at the same table,
except Kendall Roy was at the White Lotus table.
Maybe there was like not enough space,
but like I just thought that was weird.
Well, they're both HBO tables.
Oh.
Yeah.
And maybe he's seeing someone in the White Lotus cast and tom won for lead actor or supporting actor well okay outstanding lead actor in a drama series went to lee jung jay from squid
game well deserved then outstanding lead actress in a drama series went to zendaya for his euphoria
and that was historic and everyone in the room was just like, it was literally like Zendaya's
bummets.
But like, it was like about her.
She looked unreal.
Best dressed.
Best dressed.
Her hair like was this cute little baby doll style that really went with the
dress.
She looked incredible.
Like she is that bitch.
Her speech was really beautiful.
And she's really beautiful.
And it was just like sad that Tom Holland wasn't there.
Why wasn't he there?
Because she was just like a solo night out for her.
I don't know.
Like celebrities like to do that.
Like when like I think because when you show up with your mans,
especially if you're not often photographed with your mans,
it becomes about that and not about your accomplishments.
Like that's why Taylor's like never at the Grammys with Joe Alwyn, you know?
Yeah, but like how could anything really dwarf her accomplishments at this point, you know?
No, it's true.
But I don't know if that was the reason why or maybe scheduling, but like, make it work.
Scheduling.
Yeah.
It actually is a really busy week globally.
It is.
The Kelly Clarkson Show has moved to New York.
We haven't even spoken about that.
So exciting.
And she did like a little promo video singing Welcome to New York by Taylor Swift.
And like, honestly, there's never been a greater piece of work.
So does this mean Kelly's moving to New York?
Yes.
As a woman?
Like as a human, as a mom.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Does that mean she's going to enroll her kids in the private school system here?
I got to find out where they go to school and not to be a freak.
That's really freaky.
Yeah.
No, that's actually like really inappropriate.
I take it back.
Sorry.
I don't know if like if she would come and like for three or four days a week.
Bang out like two shows a day.
That's what a lot of people do.
And then move to Montana or wherever she lives.
L.A.
Nashville.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I don't know.
OK, back to the Emmys.
Outstanding supporting actor in a drama series. Matthew McFadden's Succession, who plays Tom, also known as Mr. Darcy.
When he gave a speech and it turned out he was British and like, I just didn't put that together,
even though I knew he played Mr. Darcy, it was quite jarring. What did he say?
He was just like, so like shook and like so happy. And he obviously just loves his job and like loves being on Succession.
And he's like definitely a funny guy in person.
What was so weird about last night was like, and I don't remember an Emmys season where there was so much of this.
Where like every category had like three people from the same show.
So he was up against Kieran, Nicholas Braun, and Greg.
So like it was weird.
Yeah, that is weird.
And Severance also.
I know every show,
Dope Sick had like three people per category.
There was really like four or five shows
that had like multiple candidates in every category.
And then there was like Sydney Sweeney
being nominated twice,
once for Zendaya, I mean Zendaya,
once for Euphoria and once for White Lotus.
And she didn't win for either.
No.
She looks great though. Actually she didn't win for either. No. She looks great, though.
Actually, I was not a fan.
I think sometimes she looks like really just not fashionable.
And so considering that, I thought she looked really good.
Yeah.
Who made her dress?
I don't know.
I want to say Tory Burch.
Can you just double check before I make my point about that?
Sydney Swing's dress. before I make my point about that. Sydney, sweet, and stress.
Oscar de la Renta.
Okay.
Because she has this big partnership with Tory Burch,
and so she wears a lot of Tory Burch couture.
And the brand is just a little matronly for her.
She's the youngest, hottest thing in Hollywood right now.
She's wearing grandma dresses.
Yeah, I feel that.
Like and that one last night, while it was better, it's still a grandma dress.
Yeah, I know lies were told.
Pete Davidson was also at the awards and he was looking cute.
Did he seem sad?
Actually, yes.
That was my first thought.
I just like want to know what's going on. was also just like a big night for comedy because obviously SNL was nominated a bunch of times and then there's
the comedy category for the specials Gerard Carmichael won um it was just like a big night
for like I just felt like there was a lot of comedians Bowen Yang was nominated and he was
there Lorne Michaels was there and Lorne, they won like the variety sketch comedy.
It's like, yeah, what else?
Yeah, true.
OK, let me finish the winners.
Yeah.
Outstanding supporting actress in a drama series, Julia Garner Ozark.
Outstanding comedy series, Ted Lasso.
We can now confirm.
Oh, that was nice.
That it is a really good show.
Outstanding actor in a comedy series, Jason Stakis, Ted Lasso.
Honestly, like totally deserved.
I love Ted Lasso.
Every time they won, I wanted to cry.
Totally.
Outstanding actress in a comedy series, Jean Smart.
Hacks?
Oh, the way that the Emmys keep giving Jean Smart her rightfully deserved award
when there's so many good women in that category, like I'm grateful for.
Like Hannah Einbender did not win.
So I thought like maybe they were over
I mean I don't think she deserved to win but I thought maybe like you know the Jean Smart thing
was just like a a fluke last year yeah no I looking at the category I hadn't watched anything
else but she deserves it like completely hand handily next outstanding supporting actor in a
comedy series Brett Goldstein Ted Las Lasso, Roy Kent, right?
Yeah, Kendall Roy, Roy Kent.
It's definitely confusing.
Yes.
I was so happy that he won My Jewish King.
He's so hot, Brett Goldstein.
I think he was at my bat mitzvah.
And I think he deserves a Nobel Peace Prize for that one line he delivered that changed my life.
I think you might be dying when that girl
has bad breath like I actually never laugh at TV and I swear to god I think I peed my pants it was
so funny me too next outstanding supporting actress in a comedy series Cheryl Lee Ralph
Abbott Elementary you watch that yeah I do I haven't watched like all of it but I watched
a good chunk of the first season and like Abbott Elementary is the cutest TV show. And it's you just aren't going to be rooting for them because like their pjoms and pjows like they had all this money for to do press for the Emmys like that the network gave them and they donated every single dollar to give school supplies to the public schools like which is so moronic that like we even have to do that but like they're like a show that like highlights like the trials
and tribulations of being a public school teacher in an underfunded and like low-income neighborhood
and they're like walking the walk and talking the talk like I just love them and the show is
fucking funny that's awesome yeah and Chessie is in it I heard and Chessie's a redhead
I heard and Jesse's a redhead to ship a podcast hopefully not next outstanding limited series the white lotus then outstanding actor in a limited series or movie Michael Keaton dope sick
standing actress in a limited series or movie Amanda Seyfried the dropout that was shocking
yeah she was up against Julia Garner invent inventing anna lily james pam and tommy margaret
qualley made sarah paulson impeachment tony collette the staircase i thought margaret qualley
could have or should have won same with sarah paulson she was amazing as that annoying bitch
in impeachment yeah these are all shows that like i intended to watch like really truly like still
on my contemplate that i just never did i feel like I've gotten away I feel like I watched Pam and Tommy though um I did it was good okay then
outstanding supporting actress in a comedy series Jennifer Coolidge the White Lotus she gave okay
the one thing I want to say about the Emmys is that like award shows are always like playing
the music for people every single person who got on stage had a clock in front of them and
they kept saying oh my god I only have 30 seconds like they gave people no time and this year I
guess they like asked all the nominees to submit like a list of people they would want to thank
so that when the person ended up winning they put like dude Jean Hacksmart would like to thank her
brother blank and her agent like it was so disingenuous and like if we're not gonna listen
to the people who are winning like that's what we're watching for no like this more than ever
I felt like they were cutting people off and to their credit they did end at 11 o'clock not 11 30
but like cut something else for real like why it was actually like rude that is rude and it like
trips people up and probably makes people go longer as opposed to like if I knew I had this
much time left as instead of being like sorry oh you know wasting time I'm being like I know I need to wrap this up
yeah like shut up like just talk instead of talking about wrapping it up you're wasting time
and I also feel like there needs to be someone in the back like editorializing the amount of
time people have because it's like Jennifer Lotus should have more time than Jennifer Lotus someone
who just like won again yeah no they definitely use discretion
like Jennifer Lotus is out again yes I'm not feeling well they definitely choose like they
pick and choose who they get you know kicked off like Amanda Seyfried while she is like A-list
like she's not like super like you know she wasn't like inspiring anyone with her speech like she got kicked off but um
that's what I mean you know the woman from I'm so sorry I cannot remember her name from
Abbott Elementary like saying and was like literally giving a speech that was bringing
people to tears about just like never give up on your dreams like look at me like it was just like
and nobody played the music like as they shouldn't have right Lizzo that's what I mean there needs to
be someone in the back being like do people want to hear from this person are they
really saying something impactful or can we like save some minutes here yeah they definitely use
judgment but that's also not fair like everyone worked equally as hard like give them a minute
they give a minute yeah they get like 30 to 45 seconds. Okay, then we have Outstanding Variety Talk Series
last week tonight with John Oliver.
Like that category being like Jimmy Kimmel,
Jimmy Fallon, Stephen Colbert.
Like, I'm sorry.
Like, I'm like, I have such a hatred of late night talk show,
late night TV, because it's literally like,
I'm sorry, it's talentless hacks.
Like, it's all like,
it's like how I feel about David Letterman.
Like, I've just started to recently, like, really hate that group of people.
Yeah.
Because I feel like they got famous in a time where, like, they were the only people getting famous.
Like, they weren't giving out shows to, like, Asian women, you know?
Like, it was, like, straight white men.
And, like, they're not funny. Like, literally, it's a fact that, like, Jimmy Kimmel is not fucking funny. They're not funny like no literally it's a fact that like
Jimmy Kimmel is not fucking funny they're not funny the shows aren't funny how many writers
do they have on these shows how many people do they have working on them to put out this piece
of garbage every single night oh and there's like six of them yeah it's just not interesting
no and so the fact that like they're still getting these prestigious nominations, you know who deserves that award?
Cody Coe's podcast.
People actually like that.
Yeah.
That's only the potties.
Not to make it about us. There should be one podcast award within the Emmys.
Sorry.
I agree.
Especially for people who do video.
Yeah, especially for one that's hosted by two sisters,
one that's redhead, one that's fab or not.
Just think about it.
And I did feel like they were getting a little bit more creative,
like nailed it with Nicole Byer,
which is like actually a genuinely hysterical show
that got nominated in like the competition category.
Yeah, Outstanding Competition Program.
She was nominated, but Lizzo's Watch Out for the Big Girls won.
And you know what was so crazy?
I didn't know that Lizzo had a show.
You didn't?
It's on Amazon Prime.
It's like a worldwide search for, like, really talented backup dancers
who are not, like, the traditional, like, what you would come to expect
from a dancer's body.
That's cool.
Yeah, and now they're going on a world tour.
Like, it was actually really cool.
The dancers?
Yeah, like, Lizzo was actually involved in it,
and she, like, loves the girls, and all the girls were there oh that's so cool how have i never heard about it but um it was a crazy
kind of upset because rupaul always wins yeah and rupaul was there like he obviously thought he was
gonna win yeah well it's it's nice like it could go to someone else someone else could have an emmy
on their shelf no it's so true and now i feel like Lizzo is definitely like in the EGOT.
She has the E and the G.
But could she be REGOT?
The O is the hardest.
She could write a song for a movie.
Yeah.
Check that there.
Okay, well, that's your Emmy's recap.
There was one thing I wanted to say before we wrapped up.
And it was just to kind of go off
of how much I fucking hate Jimmy Kimmel.
Great.
So he presented with Will Arnett and they did this incredibly unfunny
bit. Oh shocking.
Shocking stuff. Where like Jimmy Kimmel
was like dead on the floor the whole time.
Like Will Arnett dragged him out by his feet.
Dropped him at the microphone. Will Arnett
like did the presentation.
And
when they announced the winner who was Quinta Brown from Abbott
Elementary which is just like this if you if you've been following Abbott Elementary it's just
like this incredible story like it's just this feel-good show and it's written by a black woman
like it's it's like a great triumph and it's it was this moment for her and Jimmy
Kimmel stayed on the floor like pretending to be dead for her speech like get it like got in her
way like she literally couldn't even get to the microphone that's so funny I can't it's hilarious
I can't stop laughing ha no that's I was like you're kidding me like this is a huge moment now in every picture your
dumb dopey body is get the fuck up bitch get up it really fucking pissed me off get up
what the fuck was it oh and above all it was not a funny bit so it's like if you're gonna like risk
being rude you gotta got to be funny.
And unfortunately, Jimmy Kimmel, being funny is not something he really does all that often.
But it sounds hysterical, Claude.
No, it was so dumb.
And then afterwards, when they do press for all the winners, somebody asks, like, what did you think about that?
And it's very clear she's a political queen.
She's on ABC.
He's on ABC.
I do believe they know each other like he
might have even been like somewhat helpful in getting her on abc so like she wasn't gonna like
you know be rude so she was like well i don't know what the internet thinks like i thought it
was fine it was like she was she wasn't she wasn't telling the truth but she was being political she
was like saying the right things but like not with the enthusiasm of someone who believes that. She had no like energy.
She was like, oh, I thought it was funny.
I think it's hysterical.
One of the funniest things I've ever heard.
It really fucking pissed me off.
Like, and now there are people on the internet
who are literally going around photoshopping all of her images
and getting his body out.
Like, how stupid.
Gorge.
I like the hate that I have for like the Jimmys. Well, actually, I hate that I have for, like, the Jimmys.
Well, actually, I kind of like Jimmy Fallon.
For Jimmy Kimmel specifically and, like, all the, like, the late night hosts who I just
feel like are really undeserving of all that they have accomplished.
Like, I'm sorry.
I don't know if that's, like, mean to undermine their entire careers.
But, like, it's just how I feel.
My hatred has grown stronger.
Especially when, like, there were so many shows last night that came from streaming
and aren't, like, the typical. Like, these aren't aren't you know people who were just handed tv shows you know what
i mean yeah so it just felt when they did that category i'm like you're kidding you're kidding
damn yeah okay well that's all it was a good night yeah i'm glad you enjoyed it i'm
shocked that you watched no i know and i didn't
enjoy it it was really star-studded like reese witherspoon was there connie britain was there
oh yeah amy poehler it was just it was premium wonderful are you ready for our next story
are you i'm just not feeling great today so oh my god it's contagious
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Okay, our next story.
Ray J is on the warpath.
Oh, yeah.
He is slamming Kris Jenner, claiming that he filmed three sex tapes with Kim Kardashian
to get the right one for Miss Kris.
Ray J is doing whatever it takes to clear his name.
The singer who infamously appeared in a sex tape with ex-Kim Kardashian
slammed Kris Jenner on Saturday after she took a lie detector test he claims was fake.
So we talked about this last week.
Kris Jenner went on James Corden.
And the lie detector man was the man from Lisa Vanderpump.
He is the man that I believe like David Dobrik uses in his vlogs.
He is the one and only lie detector test configurer in Los Angeles.
There's only one lie detector guy in LA.
And it's him.
And it's him.
And he administered Chris's lie detector test where James Corden asked her if she
sold Kim's sex tape.
And she said no.
The lie detector determined that was
true and this upset ray jay because he is back to square one insisting that chris sold the tape
made them film it three times because she didn't like how kim looked and he's putting up some
presentations on his instagram um trying to prove that this is the case. So while I did see some of the proof, I didn't
feel like any of it was like, you know, bulletproof, like it could just be a piece of paper that he
wrote, you know, take one, take two. Yeah. And I don't know, I just and perhaps I'm just a
Kardashian blind loyalist apologist and I own that, but I just, and perhaps I'm just a Kardashian blind loyalist apologist
and I own that, but I just have a hard time believing.
Okay, because I feel like at first, you know, they were, before the Kardashians ever addressed
it, people used to say like, Kris sold it.
And I was probably like, yeah, she probably did.
But like, it worked.
So who cares?
Like, you know what?
We're past that.
But then they started, you know, addressing the fact that people think it.
And that made me think, no, because if they did actually sell it, they would have just, like, continued to ignore.
Yeah.
They don't have to address it.
So the way that they handled it made me think that, no.
And so no one was even talking about it anymore when they did that James Corden thing.
And if the Kardashians didn't want to answer it, James Corden wouldn't have made the, like, they obviously had approval over it.
Right, right.
and wouldn't have made like they obviously had approval over it right right so the fact that they're like not against talking about the fact that people think it was Chris makes me think it
wasn't Chris yeah I don't know what I thought it was I feel like it was like gonna get out or
something and then they got involved in order to not, in order to make money with everyone else.
Get ahead of it.
Yeah.
Perhaps.
Also, I remember watching season one of The Kardashians,
and, like, emotions were high.
Like, the girls are not actresses.
No, and not season one.
No, like, I've seen them act in some shit, and they stink.
Like, they're not actors.
Yeah.
Like, those were raw real emotions
but when she was gonna go on tyra even if it wasn't chris who sold it i don't think it's
ray j who sold it like i feel like we can let ray j know like we don't think it's you
isn't it like some no i think it's ray j like uh literally a year ago ray j's manager like
right someone in his circle.
Yeah.
Perhaps.
But like, I don't think it was Ray J.
Especially after this.
Like, he really is intent on proving his name.
Yeah.
The thing is, like, I don't really care.
Like, I have moved on.
Yeah.
Have you seen the sex tape?
No.
I have.
Somebody showed it to me when I was in high school.
Like, I'm not going to say his name because he's married now and I actually just saw him.
He's a nice boy.
But he showed it to me and I was literally like, what?
I'd never seen porn before. It was really graphic.
I don't even know.
Yeah.
So I have moved on since that fateful day in junior year.
Yeah, me too.
I don't know what I believe
but I'm not like mad at anyone I'm not this isn't like stopping me from being a fan of Ray J
no like his earbuds Raycon you do love his earbuds he has like a tech company yeah Raycon
he puts the Ray in Raycon. Yeah. So I just,
like,
I don't care.
I don't care.
Question.
Do you think Kim and Rachel are going to get back together?
I do feel like she's like a little still hung up on Pete.
And once she kind of heals from that journey, maybe she's willing to explore things again with Ray J.
But I'm not sure.
There's really no telling the future.
You never know.
Honestly,
that's like less crazy than Kim and Pete getting together in the first place.
A hundred percent.
I mean, I am still holding out hope for Kim and Reggie Bush.
Like that really was like OTP.
I'm holding out hope for Kim and Chris Humphries.
I'm not.
I don't think two people have ever hated each other more.
No.
And you know what?
Like Chris Humphries has every right to hate Kim because as much as I love her, like I
can't admit that wasn't her finest moment no I think she would admit that and you know whose moment
it really wasn't finest either Chloe why like during that show like that series like she was
kind of mean what do you mean like when they did Kim and Chris getting married or yeah Kim and
Chris getting married what did she do she was like mean to like Chris and like his sister.
Do you remember?
No.
It was just like so awkward.
Like everyone was so unhappy
and they were trying not to be
and it was hard.
Okay,
I need to go back and watch
but it honestly like
it was not a good time
to be a Kardashian fan.
No,
it was also weird
that like Kim married someone
with the same name as her mom.
Yeah,
and it's like an alternate spelling too.
No,
they spell it the same.
but both of them.
Yeah,
they both spell it non-beaten way.
Non-traditionally.
Hundred percent.
Weird.
Okay.
Are you ready for our next story?
Yes.
In today's news of fools who are disrespecting the queen,
Howard Stern slams annoying US coverage of the queen's death he says enough
oh my god this is tough for me because you know you're two queens yeah we really look up to howard
stern howard stern has had enough of queen elizabeth ii the outspoken radio personality
slammed the wall to all u.s media coverage of the monarch i can't hear this in a tirade during
monday segment of the howard stern show he said it's weird
traditions and everything and i'm like jesus enough with the queen he told his co-host robin
quivers when her death was brought up i mean it's america we don't have a queen okay that's like not
like that crazy i know but like he's not here for all the pomp and circumstance by the way that's
like fine with me like i am am okay with, you know,
looking up to people
who I don't share every opinion with.
Like I'm okay with that.
At least he didn't say like,
I'm glad that bitch is dead.
That's what I thought.
Like he was,
cause he could be a little crazy sometimes.
Yeah, no, he didn't say that.
He's just like not here
for all of our obsession with it.
But that's why you tune into the morning toast
because if it goes into Howard,
he's not here for it.
That's fine.
But here we're going to keep you updated on one queen story a day in some way queen and Jason
until the end of September I can guarantee it yeah and like not everyone wants to tune in and
listen to a curly-headed fuck okay I'm kidding I'm kidding I just wanted to hurt Howard like he
hurt me yeah I'm lashing out I guess he didn't get invited to the funeral right oh clearly
someone's a little bit uh jealous jealous why do you see prince charles i'm sorry king charles
cavalier spaniel is going viral like for his fingers um like the way with the pen no two
things he's got everything he's doing he's like getting roasted one is because like they're
calling his fingers it's really mean honestly like sausage fingers because he's got like chunky are they body shaming
him they're body shaming the king okay well as the official spokesperson for fat fingered fucks
um i think that this is disgusting do you stand with charles i stand with charles a lot of us
are really insecure you don't think we'd all like long lean fingers some of us
weren't born that way and some of us no matter how much fucking weight we lose still have big fat
fucking hands okay and some of us no matter how much weight we gain still have pretty slim fingers
no it's not right like the way you prance around with those pointy little fucks
it's crazy like my fingers have expanded like a little bit since being like a big fat fuck but it's crazy my ring sizes are so small like my wedding ring my my engagement ring is pretty
small but it still fits but like my wedding band is literally a size three I don't even want to
tell you what mine is okay but my engagement ring is like a three and three quarters
so big um huge what's yours i don't really feel like sharing i feel like you're a six seven which
is like an average size i would prefer to share my pant size than my ring size okay okay what kind
of pants do you wear bitch fuck off what are you saying the other day that we should all share our weights?
Yeah,
but everyone else has to go first and then I'll decide.
That's funny.
Anyways.
Um,
so I just would love like weight transparency.
Like what does like,
like,
okay,
there's a body that I like,
like what do you weigh?
Okay.
Yeah.
I feel like Kim's always telling us what she weighs,
which I love. Okay. That's for sure. But like, that's not what I'm like. Like, what do you weigh? You know? Yeah. I feel like Kim's always telling us what she weighs, which I love.
Okay.
That's for sure.
But, like, that's not what I'm referring to. No, no, no.
I know.
Regular people.
I know.
But I like knowing.
Also, I think we're, like, around the same height as Kim.
So it's actually interesting.
That's, like, so sad.
Because I'm so far from her weight.
When someone's, like, really, really tall, though, it's like I can't even relate.
No.
I was just having this conversation.
I forget who. Oh, with Heather McMahon. Because she she's so tall and she was talking about how she really
carries her weight very well and she does because she's so fucking tall and actually it's like not
fair it's not fair tall people can eat more and and then I was saying Ben has the same thing
Ben carries his weight extremely well it's not fair and I'm just like a roly-poly-oly over here
trying to get out the door. Yeah.
Also, Prince King Charles is being made fun of like the he's like was pushing around his pen things like to the servants.
Yeah.
Just being kind of a tyrant.
Yeah.
No, he definitely gives like bad boss energy.
Like, is he going to be a tyrannical king?
I feel like those days are past because the kings and queens really don't have power.
So powerless. OK, you want to be crazy like ghost you in your room right um go to your
room but is he gonna be like charles the terrible he's gonna be charles in charge charles the
terrible terrible trolls are you ready for our next story we're not at the fifth and final yet
no but this next story i'm
really excited to talk about what because it's some elvis news oh have you seen the news okay
i feel like this is the fifth no choose six no here one was emmys two was ray j three was howard
stern four is what i'm about to say oh but we just like went on so many tangents yeah four was my ring size right
right right so Sofia Coppola is coming out with this Priscilla Presley biopic and the cast is
coming in guess who's playing Elvis which was another biopic yeah but it's about Priscilla
but no it's totally giving like sad fraudulent energy it's giving like when there were two
Snow White and the Huntsmans, you know?
Yeah, no, but it's like Elvis is Austin Butler.
If anybody wants to make another Elvis movie,
you're going to have to cast Austin Butler.
Okay, wait, so who was playing Elvis?
Jacob Elordi.
Isn't that like a little loser-y?
Honestly, I'm embarrassed for Jacob.
This is really weird.
Who's playing Priscilla? Priscilla being played by um Kaylee Spani but like to me Olivia de Gange is Priscilla so if you use Kaylee Spani
I just need to look she's from Mare of Easttown and Bad Times at the El Royale
like good luck how do you spell Kaylee how do you spell spawning c-a-i-l-e-e
space s-p-a-e-n-y
i don't see it yet no i just like the i feel like this kind of is behavior is really beneath Sofia Coppola.
Like her dad is Francis Ford Coppola.
Like the whole thing is odd to me, especially because like we got the Elvis movie and this is like Felvis.
No, I'm like, I'm literally ashamed.
This would be like if Harry Styles like he didn't get the big movie.
So now he's going to play Elvis in this small movie.
Harry Styles like he didn't get the big movie so now he's gonna play Elvis in this small movie no because the way I'm like so shook up by this information you're all shook up
I'm all shook up and to be honest I feel like Jacob Elordi just got like a little less hot
honestly no I know like if Sofia Coppola wants to make a movie about Priscilla Presley I absolutely
love that you have to cast Austin Butler and Olivia de Gange.
Otherwise, what are you doing?
What's the point?
What are you doing?
All that I love's mine.
I miss Elvis.
I don't.
Why?
Honestly, the more that I sat back and, like, marinated with the film,
the more I thought
it was actually a horrendous movie for real what about all the standing ovations that say otherwise
oh well that changes things for sure it was good like it was entertaining but as a film it was bad
like really and that's not to take away from austin butler like i actually still think
he deserves to be nominated for an oscar i think tom hanks deserves to be put on a secluded island
tom hanks deserves jail but i think the film was not good i don't think it was an accurate no
maybe not accurate i don't think it was a effective retelling of elvis's story i think if
that's the story we're leaving to like a younger generation,
like nobody's going to respect Elvis.
Would you respect a loser?
No.
No,
I wouldn't.
Yeah.
So you're saying we do need another Elvis movie.
Kind of,
but like Austin Butler is Elvis.
Like that's what the movie was successful in.
Yeah.
So maybe that's what Sofia Coppola felt.
Like she saw the movie, she said,
this isn't what we should be leaving the children.
I'm going to do it my own way.
Because maybe Sofia Coppola believes that the children are our future.
Maybe.
Are you ready for our fifth and final story?
I am.
In weird collab news swedish house mafia talk about their affordable ikea collab
swedish health mafia is teaming i'm gonna start that again swedish house mafia is teaming up with
swedish founded retailer ikea speaking to people magazine about the collaboration the house music
super group shared their experience
growing up with the brand in Sweden
and how the retailer played a very large role in their lives.
The two Scandinavian powerhouses joined forces
to produce Obegransad,
a limited collection that will enable
the many rising creatives in music and digital arts
to build their home studios at an affordable price.
The products will be...
Bitch, sign me up.
Where was this a month ago?
The products will be launched in the U.S. and globally in October 2022.
Oh, so it's like the line is for furniture you need if you build an at-home DJ studio?
Yeah.
It's very niche.
Studio spaces, vinyl collections, DJ tables.
That's kind of cool.
This is very niche.
I do feel like, you know,
obviously Swedish house mafia, Swedish Ikea, I get it.
But I do feel like them sitting down with People Magazine
to talk about like a furniture collab is so beneath them.
It's giving a bachelor nation.
I know.
That's why it's bizarre but it's unique new york
but the collab itself is an interesting idea but also it's like swedish house
mafia like can barely get together again to do like a final show at burning man with
millions of people and like so true now they're like pulling ke Clarkson and designing furniture together. It's unique New York.
I feel as though you needed to know that.
Yeah.
It's nice to know that everyone is loving the bar.
Not just us.
So that feels good.
Yeah.
I like your TMT sweatshirt.
Thank you.
It's like such a cute sweatshirt.
I've been wearing so much merch recently and it's just all so cute.
It's the only way to live.
Merch.
I'm sorry.
Like shopmorningtoast.com. Also shopchanel.com. much merch recently and it's just all so cute it's the only way to live merch i'm sorry like
shop morningtoast.com also shopchanel.com if the first one crashes yeah right we have a backup site
um shopchanel and then there's also shophermes.com that's spelled h-e-r-m-e-s hermes
um can we dive into unburden yourselves no what's that unburden yourselves. No, what's that? Unburden yourselves.
Yes.
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Seed.com slash toast. Use code toast. All right. so unburden yourselves at the beginning of every
week you write into us tell us something mortifying that you did or that happened to you and we are
going to make you feel better about it we're gonna unburden yourself yourself so we've got
two today and the first one is perhaps my favorite one hello jackson clore clored how you doing
clored mcclord the literally most literal the literal most awkward situation happened to me Hello, Jackson Clord. How you doing? McClord? McClord.
The literal most awkward situation happened to me yesterday, and I simply must unburden myself.
I'm a high school teacher, and yesterday, after I decided to stay a little later to get some grading done, I needed to pee.
There's a student restroom literally three steps outside of my classroom, and my room is in the back in a kind of secluded hallway. So I normally just use that restroom instead of having to walk all the way around
to the teacher bathroom.
Well, that was a mistake
because while I was in the stall yesterday,
two students came in.
One started belting out singing Justin Bieber songs
like she was literally on Broadway.
And it was pretty funny at first
because the girls obviously didn't realize I was in there.
But then they got really quiet
and I realized they had started making out.
I was literally frozen
because I didn't want to come out of the stall and I was literally frozen because I didn't want to
come out of the stall and embarrass them, but I also didn't want to keep just sitting there
listening to their kissing noises. That's weird. So I tried to like make noise by getting toilet
paper, clearing my throat, but they just kept on. Then they started giggling and whispering to each
other, no stop. And I love you so much. And no, I love you so much. no I love you so much and then one of them said no don't start crying
it's okay and then more kissing at this point I could not come out of the stall because they
would think I was either pooping or eavesdropping on them the entire time so I just had to sit there
and listen to it all until they finally left it was so awkward and I wanted to die sincerely
never using the student restroom ever again. That is so awkward.
I didn't. But at least like, at least nothing happened. Like, yeah, you made it out alive.
You just had to sit through an uncomfortable situation, but nobody knows. I forgot. Sasha,
I don't know if I ever realized that teachers and students use different bathrooms.
Did they in our school? I feel like, yeah, you don't see the teacher in the bathroom.
I feel like, yeah, you don't see the teacher in the bathroom.
I don't actually know if that's true.
Because I'm thinking of, like, think of the third floor in our school.
Like, where was the teacher's bathroom?
The student, the teacher lounge was there.
Yeah.
So where was, was there a bathroom in there?
I don't know.
But, like, there should be separate bathrooms. Yeah, it makes sense.
There should be separate bathrooms. But makes sense there should be separate bathrooms
but this girl obviously is you know using convenience of course no no i understand
why she used the kids bathroom um that is just like so crazy so they knew someone was in there
the whole time because she started making she started making noise though or they just but
they were kissing they didn't hear they were lost in each other like I want to die for you because like you had to listen to like some minors like making out and
like you're their teacher and it's like definitely inappropriate but like nobody knows you're not
gonna get in trouble you don't have to face them so like it's fine you could totally on this burden
yeah you can on the burden but now I'm just like thinking about bathroom configuration logistics
uh and especially in a men's room,
like urinals.
Like you can't be peeing like that next to your teacher.
You can't be peeing like that next to your student.
Right.
That's the same thing.
Mix of things.
Sound off in the comments.
Yeah.
And I'm fairly certain our school did not have separate bathrooms.
Maybe they do now.
Why now?
Like what's,
why would they have separate bathrooms now?
Like just like things change. I don't know. Like it's been 10 years since we've been in school. Maybe they got now. Why now? Like what's, why would they have separate bathrooms now? Like just like things change.
I don't know.
Like it's been 10 years since we've been in school.
Maybe they got a new bathroom.
No, it's like either the teachers and the students are peeing in the same place or they're not.
For.
I actually feel like maybe there was like a single stall, like family restroom vibe.
Like between.
Do you know the third?
Like you know what I'm talking about.
Yes, yes.
Third floor.
Like across from the elevators, it was like the nurse's office and the teacher's lounge
and then to the right was like the men and women's yeah I feel like there was a single
stall in between the men and women's room and there was a single stall in the nurse's office
maybe that was what the teachers used yeah makes you think definitely definitely i'm thinking things are being thought
all right next up hello jacks claude roldini brass and stress he doesn't come to work with
mom anymore it's so hurtful i ask him every day i say brice come with mommy and i'm good
oh i'm good i'm like sliding him okay mega toaster here with a major burden that must be und
this weekend i went home with a guy who i know decently well he's a friend of a friend we've
hooked up before we don't really chat or anything like that i'm a modern woman i'm in my mid-20s i
have a sex positive attitude and there's no shame in my game but as we were getting into the act i
started hearing a familiar voice saying hello hello that's when i not so quickly realized that i had accidentally
answered a phone call from my mother on my apple watch while twisting around in the sheets she was
checking in and i got her off the phone pretty quickly yes she was on speakerphone through my
apple watch like a fucking special agent but now i fear i can never speak to her again p.s i don't
typically wear my apple watch out at night but i had a busy evening right after work so i mindlessly
forgot to take it off never again loving kisses This is just further proof that nobody needs an Apple
Watch. Yeah. Yeah. I know you're very anti-Apple Watches. Yeah. I think, well, first of all,
they're ugly. So if you want to wear them to like work or like to work out, like I understand,
but like get a speedometer, get a pedometer. An Oura ring. Like, yeah yeah like I think Apple watches are for honestly the great unwashed
wow and now you have another reason to not get one or wear one the only time in my life I've
ever seen a useful benefit of an Apple watch was when I saw someone boarding a plane and they had
the Apple watch as their boarding pass like that was pretty sick I think there's also like some other interesting things but I've never had one and I've never like wanted one I count my steps
with my aura ring deuces um I don't think your mom probably knew what she was listening to in
the first couple of seconds unless you were like oh yeah baby fuck me good like but you she didn't
say that she said that so I feel like she didn't. So if you're into dirty talk,
like you might have an issue.
But if not, your mom maybe thought you were working out.
Yeah, and as you stated,
like you have a sex positive attitude.
There's no shame in your game.
So if your mom like figured out what she was hearing,
then you'll just be like, yeah, mom, that's what I did.
Yeah, and hopefully you inherited that, you know,
fearless, confident woman energy from your mom.
So it's really, it's her to blame.
So ladies, you can un-knees burdens and unburden yourselves. confident woman energy from your mom. So it's really, it's her to blame.
So ladies, you can un-knees burdens and unburden yourselves.
Yeah, this week was mild.
This week was mild.
I'm so glad nobody's really going through anything
that like would put us in a pickle.
Yeah.
Not to make it about us.
Yeah, no, never.
I know that you are not feeling well,
so I will let you go.
It's okay.
I think I sweat through my whole track suit.
So it's good.
Thank you for
showing up for the toasters when nobody else would so you're the best love you guys and thank you so
much for listening to the morning toast the millennial morning show where we deliver the
fast five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube so if you're
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Tuesday we'll see you tomorrow for hump day.
Goodbye.
Bye.