The Toast - S5 Ep35: Queen of Getting Shadow Banned with Hannah Berner: Friday March 25th, 2022

Episode Date: March 25, 2022

- Rihanna Plays Coy When Asked About Diamond 'Engagement Ring' (Page Six) - Keith Urban Recalls The Moment Wife Nicole Kidman Staged an Invention After a Boozy Bender Prior To His Rehab Stint in 2006 (Daily Mail) - Robin Thicke's Fiancee, April Love Geary, Says She Won't Sign a Prenup (NY Post) - It's Officially 'Short King Spring' and These Fellas Are Soaring (NY Post) - Instagram's New Chronological Mode is Exactly What a Feed Should Be (The Verge) The Morning Toast with Claudia (@girlwithnojob) and Hannah Berner (@beingbernz) Merch: https://shopmorningtoast.com/ The Morning Toast Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/themorningtoast Girl With No Job by Claudia Oshry: https://www.girlwithnojob.com/book See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Good morning, Millennials! Welcome back to the Morning Toast. Happy Friday! And it is Friday. We're ringing in Friday with a first-time co-host, Hannah Berner. Hello, Hannah Berner. It is such an honor and a privilege. I've manifested this and we've made it happen. Oh my god! Well, it's Friday and we do a little thing here on Friday that I... hopefully you can join me. Okay, ready? I think you'll know it when you hear it. Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday. Everybody's looking forward to the weekend, weekend. Friday, Friday, getting down on Friday. Yeah, we are.

Thank you. That was stunning. Thank you so much for doing that. Welcome. And now I'm awake. Yes. First time co-host, guest, Hannah Berner. Thank you so much for doing that. Welcome. And now I'm awake. Yes. First time co-host guest, Hannah Berner. Thank you so much for being here. Well, I've been that like outskirt friend where you're like so tight with Taylor Strecker, Darren Karp, and I'm friends

with them. And I'm like, so how do I join like the friend group? And they're like, don't force it. They're like, don't force it. If you force it, she'll hate you. And I was like, okay, I'm just going to sit and manifest with my crystals. Well, we do have to say how this was the second time trying to get you on the show. The first time you guys did back out on us. You know what? It was one of those... Out of your control moments.

Out of control moments that I did cry about. Paige and I did get in a fight. But Paige and I were going to come on together. And it was like a whatever. It was like a thing. A thing. With the network. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like a thing. A thing. With the network. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like a thing. So thank you so much for being here. I know you're like super busy, but I know that you are a pop culture girly and I'm excited to just sit down, talk, chat, fellow female comedian to another. Like, you know, it's so hard out there for us. It's just so hard in this male dominated industry that we're just taking over. I do have to say that I did put on these nails for you. However, I feel like I took women back like 10 years with these okay here's the thing i love press-on nails like i'm

a one thing about me is that i'm a press-on nail girly she's a girly i don't have nails right now and like i probably will tomorrow and they will be press-on um but it's an art because i just tried to poop before the show and i couldn't wipe my own asshole. Yeah. And I'm like, how am I going to take down the patriarchy? Without the ability to wipe your own asshole. To use your fingers. No, that's true. We didn't think about this. I mean, could I stab a motherfucker?

Absolutely. Hell yes. But probably not because those aren't really glued on very well. One fell off like right before you sat down. So if you tried to stab someone, like your nail would probably just fall off. I was like, do you love? And she's like, get your fake nails off the floor it's okay our carpet here is like a cesspool of disaster now there's just one of your nails floating around in it

and it's very on brand it's like you know it's just carpets are great because they just eat it up soak it up it's a part of toast history now you know i love that also i wanted to let you know that i have a common story with you and Teresa Giudice oh because I used to work for Betches as an interviewer oh I didn't know that back in the day I know this story like like kind of but go say it so yeah I I was confident because I'm half Italian half Jewish and I was like I didn't watch Real Housewives of New Jersey and I just was like I know this woman's name and I get up and I'm so cocky and confident and I just was like, I know this woman's name. And I get up and I'm so cocky and confident. And I'm like, Teresa Guidi J. And she goes, what'd you call me?

That's not my name. Yeah. And I'm so embarrassed. We get over it. I've seen that video, by the way. And it's one of the best things on the internet. Like I highly recommend everyone go find it. And I love that I like kept it in because I edited it.

And I was like, she deserves to tell the people the truth. No, it's an honest moment. Thank you. Fast forward. I see Teresa on the street she's like wearing a gown doing something important and we make eye contact and I could tell she knows who I am and I'm like oh my god Teresa loves me and I'm like hi and she goes girl with no job and I'm like I deserve that we're one for one and I went for it like I just went with it because I'm not gonna tell Teresa she's wrong honestly though like the fact that Teresa knows girl with no job like she's been on the podcast but like she does a million things she's like literally the busiest woman

alive the fact that she knows girl with no job like I'm sorry that happened to you but for me no I was like yes I do have a huge social following in a book and a husband and I'm hilarious thank you and I almost have a husband almost can I ask you a question like I'm if there's one thing about me I'm a press on now girly but I'm also like a huge internet sleuth like beyond like I read everything it's like just like I'm the worst type of person on the planet um and a couple weeks ago like there was like a lot of theories that you were not engaged anymore did you know that yes 100 but then you were like posting your regular life and like you were still engaged yeah I was actually on a ski trip with Des and my phone fell in the snow, crying, screaming.

Of course. That's a typical... Yes. If you're not crying during your ski trip, did you even ski? So I went to the Verizon store and I'm waiting to fix my phone, which you know is a nightmare. Awful. And then my phone's blowing up and people are like, are you okay? And I'm like, honestly, no, my phone is fucked.

And they're like, no no are you guys still together and I think it's because we haven't I'm not I don't like post him a lot recently especially after being on a reality show with him for a second and I think people assume if you're not like always posting a relationship that you guys hate each other yeah but um I'm trying to normalize that like you don't have to prove that you love your person I couldn't agree more to normalize that like you don't have to prove that you love your person I couldn't agree more like normalize keeping like important things in your life private yeah and I think also he's the kind of guy that doesn't really like promoting his relationship like that was never his life he's been single like he's 46 he's exhausted he's tired he doesn't want to do photo shoots and we respect that for him and low-key I kind of like being like

he's the least interesting thing about me I actually I feel that for you I do I'm trying I'm like trying to I'm trying to decenter men from our lives which is hard because I I'm engaged yeah and we're obsessed with our men yeah but I do think that was kind of the root of it that people like went with it because they're like she hasn't posted about him in three months right I know and then I was thinking I'm like oh my god I haven't seen him on her Instagram I'm like oh no like maybe they did break up and I recently did a TikTok about like that couple that posts three paragraphs I'm like the longer the caption the shorter the relationship I have to say when you're posting on Instagram think about the motive why are you posting why do you want to tell it also if you're

talking about ups and downs before you even got married like what are we doing I couldn't agree more and like I'm not trying to fight with anyone I'm just saying instead of trying to get the world to think your relationship is awesome work on trying to actually make your relationship awesome and then also no relationship is the fairy tale that people are posting on Instagram that's why when celebrities break up everyone's like I don't believe in love and it's like no the love you were seeing was not what it actually was right no and like people break up all the time and it doesn't validate the love like it's breakups are empowering we love a breakup moment so you're a bride okay i also did watch your say yes to the girl girl no one's judging your reality tv moment no one is judging that's true sorry no one is judging

no one is judging i just have to say i is judging those in glass houses bitch no one is judging i just have to say i loved your dress i know it wasn't the one you chose because i'm a yeah but because i tried to go back i obviously wasn't gonna like pick a dress on camera like that's just crazy to me i can't explain it like yeah so i said yes and i was like let me come back for this dress do alterations like bring more people see if i really like it and when i came back they're like the dress is gone i'm like okay like it wasn't meant to be I wasn't like that in love with it and then I tried on a bunch of other dresses I'm like shit really needed that initial dress but the silhouette was right the silhouette was right it was really beautiful um overall a negative

experience would I do it again no would I recommend to a friend who's getting married no I do think though like, like, you had to. You had to. Of course. I love watching Say Yes to the Dress when I saw you on it. I saw that, like, you were totally having fun with it. Your sisters were so cute on it. This is the thing with reality TV.

It's context. Yeah. It's context, context, context. Right. Me and the girl whose house flooded in Louisiana. Like, how is that fair? A thousand percent. How is that fair?

But I do think that seeing you so excited and also seeing you as a young, successful woman who also has this great career that you're not like, like, what is he going to let me spend for the dress? I liked that. No, I'm like, bitch,

I'm paying for it. Yeah. It was empowering. Um, well, thank you so much for bringing that up. I can't wait to bring up some of your embarrassing moments. If that's okay.

The second I said it, I was like, Oh no, no, no. Cause in my head, it was a fun experience for me. No, and you know what? Like at the time, I was so excited about it. Like I loved Say Yes to the Dress. I haven't really watched a single episode since mine because I'm just like so scarred from the experience. You're like, how dare you come on my show? And bring up trauma. You're literally bringing up my trauma. The first time I went on Taylor Shrucker's radio show, who gave me my first ever radio experience.

On Sirius? On, actually, no, her solo show, Taylor Strucker Show. Subscribe, download, swipe up. She, it was like a three-hour show, so I came in, like, I was about to run a marathon. Oh, I've done that before. Her three-hour shows are so long. I had a Gatorade, a banana, and a scone. And then at some point, the scone was really dry, and we were putting it to the face she got so many messages after they call it scone gate now

they were like never let that woman with the scone chewing be on your platform again by the way first rule of audio broadcasting no food in sight I've had like big time celebrities come and chewing gum and I'm like do I want to fight do I want to start this it's just I mean kids are making millions of dollars doing ASMR so I was like Taylor maybe I was ahead of the game yeah maybe but she had to have a sit down she's like I think you're funny and I think you have potential but if you ever walk in my studio again with a dry scone we're gonna go and have a fight a scone is a choice and you chose violence that day you did so anyway just shout out to taylor i love taylor strecker i love you for being here congrats on your wedding congrats on all your stand-up success you're like never in new york now right you're constantly i'm i'm doing this thing where i'm i'm going to

random cities and doing my stand-up and we call it like testing different locations and the girlies are everywhere the girlies are everywhere and i do think I've giggly squad with Paige. I think the toasters and the gigglers overlap a little. For sure. Paige and I joke that she's the Jackie and I'm the Claudia. And we're not trying to say we are the morning toast because we would never. No, because you're a giggly squad. You're unique on your own.

But we do like the dichotomy. 100%. Where the listeners can be like, I'm a Paige. Yes. I'm a Hannah. So you have a giggly squad you also have your own podcast I think that but now that I'm alone and Jackie's obviously you know nurturing a life alone and scared naked and afraid I have been doing some alone podcasts

like especially on our patreon and I have like the most respect for people who host solo podcasts do you do like a lot of content on your own? And like when you do, how the fuck do you do it? Like who do you talk to? Okay, so Burning in Hell started right before I began reality TV where I was like, I want people to, if they like me, be able to get more of me, see my authentic voice, whatever. So I talk to people about their demons.

It's a mental health comedy pod, Burning in Hell. You have to like butter people up then break them down then bring them back up that's what i'm doing to you right now yes i know i'm sweating and it's it's so much harder than me going with page for an hour and just shooting the shit so you're gonna have some guests that like are are very famous but you've no chemistry with and you're like i pulled teeth the whole time and i hate myself and was I the awkward one and but I think it's gonna make you stronger as a performer it's just a lot more work it's so scary like I just I now I see the way I'm looking in the podcast or people who host their own podcast I'm like respect

respect respect for every single one of them you know what's hard about it you have to listen so I have been told like since I was a child I was always like a very theatrical loud annoying some would say same child and people are always like you're gonna have your own talk show one day and like for a while growing up I'm like yeah that's what I want like I want to have my own talk show and I'll never forget like the realization I had I'm like well a talk show is actually mostly listening to other people like you bring on guests you bring on experts you bring on panelists I'm like um actually no like I want to be the person who goes on a talk show yeah not vice versa yes I will edit Giggly Squad sometimes and hear things Paige said and be

like never heard that in the moment first time a hundred percent we're just going at each other and it's so organic and so fun but yeah you have to listen You have to take what they say and go deeper. And it's hard. And I'm sorry for that. However, I think you have a way of bringing a side of people out. Oh, God. Thank you. And I love that for you. I also, I'm not trying to brag, but during a very depressive episode. Oh, my God.

You talking TikTok sounds and so do I. And this is going to be like the most annoying podcast episode of all time. I like TikTok has fully gone to my head. Me my whole stand-up bit is like literally me talking to I love what do you want me to do about that like that's all I do it's so annoying I have a TikTok first to make after but anyway yes during a particularly depressive episode I read your entire book oh wow that must have been really dark time for you no I just have to say and I'm like literally licking your asshole right now but no I love it that book was so vulnerable oh my gosh so

insightful and I giggled the whole time thank you because I was going through a really hard time in my career so I was like let's see someone who's actually even though you're younger has had the most incredible journey yeah and like is aspirational to me. Thank you so much. everyone needs to read the book. I love. I read girlwithnojob.com slash book. Yeah.

You really, and when I say I don't read, like I can't even get through a long Instagram caption. Oh, by the way, me neither, but that's, I think just us being normal.

And I can barely read. So the fact that I got through it is truly incredible. Thank you. How long did it take you to write? A while, like from January. No, actually like seven months. Not as long as I thought. Yeah. You don't have that much time. Like you have a long did it take you to write? A while, like from January. No, actually like seven months. Not as long as I thought. Yeah. You don't have that much time.

Like you have a deadline. They're like, girl, where's the chapters? Where are the pages? It reminds me of Vanderpump when he's just like sitting there like. But you know what I wanted to say is that I actually think what you've done is really interesting. And I think it was actually really smart. Like I think a lot of people would have gotten on a show like Summer House and like thought like, you know, they're made in the shade. I'll have money for life. Like I'm set. I don't have to work ever again. But I thought you did such a good job of like really branding yourself outside of the show,

building other businesses to podcasts. That's like when the time came when like you were done with the show, you still have so much going on. And I think that's like a mistake. A lot of reality stars, it happens to them a lot. It's like you get so comfortable. You're making this money and it's like you seemingly are just of reality stars, it happens to them a lot. It's like you get so comfortable, you're making this money, and it's like you seemingly are just living your life

and getting paid to live your life. Yeah, and 15 minutes of fame, you feel like everyone's always going to care. It's going to last forever. Exactly. And I do think the girlies need to embrace, and I hate to sound like a finance TikTok right now, but like multiple sources of income. Building generational wealth is what they always say.

Yeah, no, you're right. We love, and I think where I feel connected to you also is I kind of started as a meme page too where I was writing I was like betches boot camp I called it I was writing like 80 to 100 I know that was my first start in entertainment we worked in a we work triggering um I think I've actually been to that we work yes and I I think I remember you coming to the office before but I was just like one of the girls behind a computer. Yes.

Yeah. But I was writing so many memes and so many tweets and writing my own, writing funny videos for them. But then I realized how my voice was different than their voice. And I started writing my own tweets and like pitching it to meme accounts. I probably pitched you because I was annoying. And, but you have to be. You have to be.

You have to be. No, literally being thirsty is like the new thing and men are not thirsty no they just network and they're networking men are being strategic with their synergy partners they're being they call them financial analysts right no they're just their sponsors so yeah I started I got like a following of people who liked my tweets before summer house and I started my podcast so summer house to me was like this lucky opportunity that helped me get more of a platform and was such a fun experience when I was single

and drunk and 26. Carefree. And carefree. And then now I can really focus on my stand-up, which I don't think I would have had the confidence if I hadn't been on camera and learned that I like to write and be in front of the camera.

No, I think it's great. I think this journey for you is really meant to be but that's why I liked reading your book because there's so many journeys out there like how to get into law school or how to become a reality tv star that's very like these are the ways you do it right where you are like chaotic energy and that is where I feel you're my comfort you know the chaos like that's how there's comfort of the chaos yes and I think that people who do their like five-year plans it's super restricting like can't be me we didn't even you didn't even know TikTok would blow up right a year ago how could you say I want to be viral on it you are so blown up on TikTok like I need advice because I there's nothing in the world that I care more about than TikTok I will and there's nothing in

the world that TikTok cares less about than me and I will give you all my advice. And there's nothing in the world that TikTok cares less about than me. And it's very, very upsetting. It's just, it ain't right, honestly. Well, you're on, you're in my algorithm. Yeah, because we follow each other. Okay, so we're obsessed with each other. So I'm like, she's killing it. I'll tell you girlies right now, because anyone should do it.

I'm posting two to three times a day right now. I know. Like that's, see, this is, there's one thing about me. I'm a press on Nelly girly. But I'm also like, hands down is the there's one thing about me I'm a press on naily girly but I'm also like hands down the laziest bitch alive like it is amazing like that I've built a business because you would die if you knew how lazy I was like so posting two TikToks today I'm like uh no no but you it's you have to think of it as like a job like you have to work at it of course also this is gonna sound, but quantity over quality. Okay. Yeah.

Because you cannot be a perfectionist with your TikTok videos at all. Yeah. And I also am going to tell you this, and this is going to make you want to do it. You're coming up with standup bits all the time. Yeah. Whenever you think of a premise, which is like a concept for an idea, say it to the camera and come up with a funny little surprise at the end and just post it so these are like bad jokes that didn't make the cut of the show or it's the beginning and then in a

month it's a beautiful joke you're doing on stage for thousands of people that's actually an interesting way to use it as like throwing it's like tweeting like my tweets are crap rehearsal yes okay i see that and people just want want the funny idea that it's shareable. Yeah. And I see you as a TikTok princess. So do I, but TikTok doesn't see me at all. You need to bully the shit out of TikTok. No, I know.

And be like, I'm here, I'm here. But you're doing it. No, not me literally thinking I'm shadow banned. Because I'm like, I'm never going viral. I'm like, oh my God, TikTok is suppressing me. Like the algorithm. Okay, I just saw the video. I'm being censored.

You have to make this when you get home be like the girl who thinks she's shadow banned even though her videos are just bad and you have little cuts of being like oh my god they shadow ban me again that's literally me and I'm obsessed with that for you it's but it's true I'm like I'm laying in bed with Ben I'm like search me on TikTok do I come up because also shadow ban means like you're low-key important that you did something so controversial yeah like you're being censored by the government. Yeah. It's like they had to stop you.

You were being so intense. So that's just maybe like my grandiose, like the way I see myself is like more important than I am. But also, let's be honest. You have conquered every single platform. This is the universe being like, let's give you a little challenge. Yeah. No.

And the thing is, like, I'm not up for the challenge. I'm like so defeated. I'm like, people are always giving me tips. Like Remy Bader up for it i'm like so defeated i'm like people are always giving me tips like remy bader was on and i'm like give me tips and she was giving me like really good shit maybe it was like take clothes and shit on and i was just like i was like hearing her and i was like no like i'm not well remy does like full long intensive beautiful videos right and like she works so hard at it she works so hard and we love that for her we do we're so supportive but like when it came to her advice i'm like i'm hearing you but i'm not hearing but i'm also reckless with tiktok like i'll post four in a row at midnight oh like i'll be people are

like that's that's not how you don't have like a strategy i have no strategy except keep pushing forward keep trying just keep bothering people until they care. Yeah. Yeah. But I kind of like this identity for you and maybe other girls will connect with

the shadow band princess. Should I change my username? I think you should. Or maybe start a second account. Like, you know, all these famous people have like a verified account and then like a fake

TikTok account. You have a fake stuff. I think I'm going to be, what was it? The shadow band queen? Yeah, the shadow band queen. Yeah, I kind of love that. I like that girl on TikTok,

the queen of getting banned. Yes. So I'm going to be the queen of getting shadow banned shadow ban queen. Yeah. The shadow ban queen. Yeah. I kind of love that. I like that girl on TikTok, the queen of getting banned. Yes. So I'm going to be the queen of getting shadow banned. Yes. I love that for me. Okay. But you've never been shadow banned before. Not once.

Not once. Nary, not a moment. No. No. I'm fully available to be followed. I love how Ben four times a day is like checking. Yeah. And he's like, he wants to be there for me.

He's like, no, baby, you're coming up. I'm like, but maybe it's because you follow me. Like go make another account and then look up, see if I come up. I've done that with my manager. I have to say. And I'm like, you follow me like go make another account and then look up see if i come up i've done that with my manager i have to say and i'm like you follow me you don't understand this i'm part of your algorithm and they're like bitch you just put up a terrible video no i know it's like your content is just horrible and i'm like oh okay thanks appreciate it um so we figured it out hannah is gonna join me on today's episode doing the past five talking all things you know know, talking shit. Yeah.

So I think we should just jump into it because if we don't, like, we will never. Yeah, we need the momentum. Here are the past five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast. And today's episode is brought to you by Peloton. Peloton is pushing further with so much new on the Peloton Bike and the Peloton Bike Plus. They've got new classes, new music, and new ways to keep your workouts fun and motivating.

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so you can make healthier cooking a piece of cake. Their non-toxic kitchenware are all designed for the modern home and they feature a chemical-free ceramic coating so food can be prepared with peace of mind that no hard-to-pronounce compound will leach into your healthy ingredients. So it's super non-toxic, really easy to cook. Their naturally slick surface means minimal oil or butter for slide-off-the-pan eggs and easy cleaning.

Also, the colors are stunning. Every time they drop a new color, it's like fashion week. Highly recommend. Really stunning. Visit carawayhome.com slash toast to take advantage of this limited time offer for 10% off your next purchase. This deal is exclusive to our listeners so visit carawayhome.com c-a-r-a-w-a-y home.com slash toast or use code toast at checkout. Caraway non-toxic cookware made modern. All right, Hannah, are you ready? I'm so ready. I can't lie. I wish you came on a day where the news was popping,

but we do this show every day, and not every day can be, you know. No, we'll make it pop. We'll make it pop. So here's some nothing. We'll make my pussy pop. Yes! Let's pat the puss, okay?

Here's a big nothing burger from page six. Rihanna plays coy when asked about her diamond quote engagement ring. So she's staying mum on the massive diamond ring. She's been rocking on that finger this week. She said this old ring you act like you've never seen it before. She joked to the paparazzi in LA on Tuesday when she asked when she was asked point-blank if she's engaged to boyfriend A$AP Rocky. So she's wearing a Sloan solitaire ring from Bryony Raymond. And Rihanna has actually sported this ring a few times

in the past, albeit on a different finger. so she said I feel like that's the type of mom I'm going to be psycho oh okay so let's let's talk about two things first it's like do you think Rihanna's engaged I think pregnant Rihanna is back in the limelight so hard and it's so funny to me because she was like I hate everyone and then she got pregnant and she's like what do you guys want yeah like literally belly for everyone yeah and then there's a celebrity thing where they're like I have so many diamonds I forgot if I'm engaged or not and and that's like aspirational in a way but it's also like annoying it's not special I actually feel bad for them you know like you have so many diamond rings that you don't even value one that was given to you like by someone you love so dearly like how sad I have sympathy for you I'm

an empath so like I feel sadness for other people you know and that's how I feel when I see Rihanna like with all of her engagement rings you know yeah diamonds are forever as Rihanna says yeah I also think it's I don't think it was Rihanna who said that oh it's originally that was Ralph Waldo Emerson no it's like originally like Marilyn Monroe like someone like older and then Rihanna made it her thing but yeah no I agree but like Riri made it fun um I think it's anyway we don't do history so she I feel like celebrities love having babies before they get married it's almost like become choogy to get married I could like the tradition am I choogy getting married no like I feel like the way like Hailey and Justin are doing it is like really choogy you know, like marriage. And then like a couple of years,

baby, like very Christian. Like, I think like the way Gen Z perceives like cool things now, like they would find that chewy. Yeah. Like even planning a wedding. So many times I've been like,

is this, this is so chewy. I have to tell you that like weddings are like, and even like the most tasteful, the most refined chic, big budget look like it's, it's chewy. And it's chewy to Gen Z's obviously, cause they can't get married.

They're 14. They're just jealous. They're literally 14. They're literally 14. So it's not like in. Right. But I feel like Rihanna, she's having fun with it, but it's interesting to me cause we're all just like put out new music.

No. And she's like, nah, I think I'll have a baby. I think I'll have a baby baby i think i'll have a baby i think no i think i'll start a lingerie line i think i'll start a billion dollar makeup company i think i'll have a boyfriend i will not put out music yeah but yeah she's putting out a new life which obviously i support it's super important it's super beautiful yeah we believe in new life here at the morning we're pro new life we're pro life i'm totally kidding. I'm totally kidding. Pro new life. New life. Pro new life.

Like, we've welcomed, you know. But then again, the baby is not asking to be put in this world, which I feel like it's a little selfish of her. That's a hot take. Extremely hot take. I don't know. I don't know. No, yeah.

Like, if I had known. In this climate? If I had known that, like, I was going to have to, you know, deal with all this bullshit once I got out of the womb, I might have second guessed. If I had known that I was going to banned on tiktok every day of my life would i want to be here would i have accepted um i don't think rihanna's engaged i think she's just rich which is just a common misconception in hollywood like she's like kylie's always like with these massive diamond rings and it's like nope not engaged just like one of my six stylists

accidentally put it on the wrong hand. Right, you only have so many fingers. And I will fire her because how dare she. And you're not going to put it on your thumb. Yeah. So you really only have eight. Or your pinky. So you really only have six.

Was Khloe's massive heart ring an engagement ring? Unclear. Unclear. She's just rich. She's just rich. But then what I think you'll enjoy, because we were just talking about Teresa, is earlier in the week, Rihanna was asking what kind of mom she would be and she said she's going to be

psycho like Teresa Giudice. We don't love that word. We don't love the word psycho. However, I feel like Teresa is such a fucking good mom. I think she is. Say what you want about Teresa

and I have plenty to say when it comes to housewives. She's an amazing mom. Teresa is an amazing mom. Her daughters are killing it. Her daughters are... Look at Gia. Gia is incredible

but also Melania is my like queen queen and also like I want to grow up and become Melania don't count out Gabriella don't count out Gabriella because especially in last week's episode like she will come for you even if even if you're her mother do you know why she's dangerous why we would not understand this she's silent she listens yeah she's silent like louis says two ears one mouth listen and we've never experienced that before in our lives so we wouldn't know but that was like a crazy thing for someone to say two ears one mouth listen more if my fucking husband if ben ever said that to me like i'd be like get the pack your things i'd be like one mouth bite your dick off i'd be like one mouth get the fuck out

pack your things ben is such a sweetheart the best you you take for granted a man that is like down to do all the content with you because the average man is like absolutely not no can i tell you actually i really don't take it for granted i'm like super grateful to ben every time but also ben loves it like ben loves being married to the content queen. Because, like, all these opportunities. Like, he podcasted with me yesterday. And he's, like, really popular. People love him as a co-host. Personally, like, I hate to put my marriage on display.

Because people are, like, we're, like, a bickering type. Yes. And people are always, like, Connie is so mean to him. I'm, like, no. Like, have you ever been married? Like, that's what it's like. You're, like, I don't want to pick sides. But he deserves it.

But he loves it. And he gets up yesterday. He was, like, yesterday's episode, it was strong. Like, it was a good one. And he gets up and he's, like, I feel like I'm becoming a natural. I'm, like, I don't want to pick sides, but he deserves it. But he loves it. And he gets up yesterday. He was like, yesterday's episode, it was strong. Like, it was a good one. And he gets up and he's like, I feel like I'm becoming a natural. I'm like, yes. But I also think that when you're in the kind of job we are, you need a person who's supportive of it. Like, I don't want to bring up, like, talk about other people.

But, like, Paige and Craig, for example, I love this moment for her where she's with a guy who's fully supportive of her reality TV career because I've been with her where like she's dating and it's hard. Can I tell you like the bullets I would take for Paige and Craig as a couple? Like I literally like I didn't the two of them never crossed my mind as even potential suitors. And now that they're here, like I, I don't think i'm ever going to be the same honestly and by the way i just want to put it out there like not to put pressure on them as a couple but if they ever break up like seriously i will riot i will storm the bastille we do not want to

put pressure on them like that or negative energy or negative energy or any kind of anything but the fun thing is i will call her to like talk shit and he's in on it with her like he's popping in he's telling me the drama and I'm like this is you love a guy who actually cares about the front drama and if there's one thing about me I'm press on nail girly but I have been like a Craig Conover girly since day one like I have been I've been here for Craig like constantly. And Jackie really is responsible for that because she's been like a real Southern charm like historian. And she like has always seen the value in Craig and how Craig always stood by Catherine

and how the whole fucking cast was wrong about Catherine. They all took Thomas's side except Craig. So not only is Craig a precious gem of a man, Craig is a man who supports women. And like just the fact that these two found each other, like I really can't put into words the joy I feel. So I just, if you could reiterate that. So with that said, when you're looking for a man, find someone who really does fit into your career.

Your life. Because your career is number one with him. Right. So it's like, for example, the fact that Des is also a comedian. Does stand up. But he's in like, he's 46. He's like lived his life.

And he literally is like, go work. I was selfish when like he's 46 he's like lived his life and he literally is like go work i was selfish when i was 30 is important yeah because you will get animosity towards him if he starts being like oh you gotta give a morning toast when we're supposed to cuddle absolutely not oh my god that's so lame um also like you having a man that's much older than you like tell me about that we love a zaddy yeah like is it just nice to be with someone who's like so wise like has so many years of wisdom? That's the thing. Do I hate that he's lived so much life without me?

And do I like use it against him every day? Yes. That would kill me. Because like me and Ben met when we were literally like seven. And I'm like, well, you guys are so pure and cute. What were you doing before me? Like, literally. Like, that kills me.

My mom was cutting up my PB&J. Like, what do you want me to say? Like, that kills me. So like, if there was more time, like I would literally like that kills me my mom was cutting up my pb and j like what do you want me to say like that kills me so like if there was more time like i would literally like kill someone so i've joked that i have my bachelorette party coming up it's in miami we're very excited and i'm like des what are you gonna do for your bachelor party oh yeah and he's like my whole life's been a bachelor party and i'm like ew and then he goes i'm just gonna sit down and close my eyes and remember things and i'm like ew that's hot but ew but he's literally tired he's exhausted he's not chasing women on the street he's on the verge of arthritis like

but he has like the swag of a guy who's lived a long life and also there's a lot of security knowing like he physically cannot go chase women exactly we love that he currently just got like a little hip operation. We love his lower back. I say, girls, if you want to find a zaddy, you go to Walgreens and you hang out in the Advil section. They're all over the place. Just like snorting it. But I also, to get a little deeper, I think that I had a really tough relationship when I was like 25, as everyone should.

And then I got really kind of blocked off. And I loved going after these really hot men who I had no real emotional connection. Or even like I would tell myself like I don't respect them. Like I would never take them seriously for a marriage. And you really have to respect how their mind works and respect the conversation. But it was fun for me to live a little like fucking models. Right. Dumb football guys.

And then you eventually, that was me being closed off. Because I knew that I didn't want to be vulnerable. Right. Because I didn't want to be hurt. Right. And then with Des, I actually, he called me out. Because we like started talking and I like posted something with another guy. And he was like, by the way, if you want to play games like that's cool I just like I'm too old I'm

too old for that I couldn't agree more and I literally my tail went between my legs and I never do this normally I'd be like okay go fuck yourself and I was like I was like I'm so sorry that's not me that's not who I want to be in this yeah and from that moment on it he just kind of knew what he wants and he's kind of like three quarters baked like he's learned from a lot of his exes the basic stuff. Because we don't, we're working women,

we don't have time to teach a man. No, we certainly don't. But I do somehow have found time to teach a man how to pick his clothes up off the fucking floor

and put them in the motherfucking hamper. I mean, there's two kind of relationships I think where you literally grow together and you evolve

into this beautiful tree or whatever metaphor you want to use or two people who have kind of been independent and happen to enjoy each other. Right. grow together and you evolve into this beautiful tree or whatever metaphor you want to use, or two people who have kind of been independent and happen to enjoy each other. Right. So like, and I've recently come to this realization because I was always like, yeah, I got married young, like everyone should do it. But honestly, the older I get, I realized like no one should get married young. Like, because when I think about like the gal who got married at the girl, the gal who got engaged when she was 21,

I'm like, I so don't know that girl. Like we are so different and it's very possible. I could have turned into a person that Ben hated or Ben could have grown up into a person that I fucking hated. And that's why divorce is okay. Right. It's totally okay.

But that's why it's like, think, think it through. Think it through. Well, it's like trends. Like, like he's trending when you're 20,

but is he choogy by the time you're 29? Right. So there's just a lot to think about when it comes to your potential suitor and i'm so happy that you found someone and i do it does make me realize thank you it does make me realize that when you're a celebrity it's almost like why why are we rushing for like the paper and stuff it's like let yourself when you have a lot of money exactly exactly but i was i don't want people know i was very single in quarantine with four cats living with my parents in Shelter Island when I was 29. You have four cats?

My mom does. Oh, okay. Because. But I do have one. Her name's Butter. But. You have a cat. I have a cat.

And are we done here? Should I leave? So thank you so much. We'll finish the show without you. I do say that cats have terrible pr no cats are just terrible period i mean to say in front like you obviously love your cat but like i you're like your cat should be thrown out a window but i love her i don't support animal abuse you have a king charles cavalier yeah i love those dogs because i think they're like cats girl get a grip

no like aesthetically how they're like that size and then you like pet I think they're like cats. Girl, get a grip. No, like aesthetically, how they're like that size. And then you like pet them and they're just like lap. Listen, Theo's really important to me. And I would appreciate if you didn't just like slander his name literally right in front of my face. Okay, this is, I actually say this on stage sometimes. But like dogs have the puppy bowl, Marley and me, Air Bud. Yeah, cats got nothing.

No. Cats have the cats movie that ruined lives yeah but you know what else you have that like kind of trumps everything taylor swift yeah that's like kind of the hardest part for me honestly about being a swifty is knowing that like honestly if taylor invited me over to her house and there were cats there like i wouldn't go. Okay. I think about that. I'm like,

when I, it's not an if it's like when I become friends with Taylor Swift, how are we going to get around the cats? I feel like I'm a cat missionary and like, we're going to have a riot right now. But if you've never had your own cat, you've never understood the relationship with it. That's true. And I'm not going to force you.

I'm not going to force a cat on you. I want a king charles even though i think they think they're better than me they are they're better than me too by the way like i see them down the street and they're like ew no no literally theo walks down the street he's like he's literally anna delvey so basic so paul not vip like i'm embarrassed for you but i'm obsessed with you also do you get do you get any um competitiveness with your king charles dogs in the family no so like the thing is is that theo's the king and like you know he was the first to ever do it and bruno and magnolia are amazing and i literally have so much love in my heart for them like no one's ever gonna be theo yeah he's og

but i am gonna manifest like a private jet moment with my cat in a backpack as Taylor Swift no and you know what that I 100% support but also like has anyone checked on the cat like did was the cat okay with that yeah by the way those backpacks that like people throw their cats in are a little weird I see them all the time it's or like if you start your cat, I think leashes are hilarious, especially leashes on children. On cats. No, and like, by the way,

I'm not like a cat expert. Like maybe cats, like they don't need oxygen. Like I don't understand those backpacks. Cats are just evil beings that don't need air. Right, like what the fuck? Yeah.

So we straight far away from Rihanna being engaged. I go, sure, we'll do the fast five without doing it. I think that the general consensus is no. She's not engaged, she's rich. yeah so we straight far away from rihanna um engaged i go sure we'll do the fast five but i think that the general consensus is no she's not engaged she's not engaged she's rich okay next story is about two of my literal favorite people in hollywood keith urban recalls the moment his wife nicole kidman staged an intervention after a boozy bender prior to his rehab stint in 2006 allegedly he said i went went went off the rails so ke Keith Urban is recalling this moment he did an extract from his book

written by someone else but it's a book about Keith Urban and it was published in the Daily Telegraph so he checked himself into the Betty Ford Center in October 2006 and Keith told Rolling Stone that in 2016

he would have understood if Nicole chose to leave him um that year because they had only gotten married that year um he said I was very very blessed to have Nicole call an intervention on me because the implosion um because it could have caused the implosion of my marriage I don't know why I can't fucking talk today sorry so he reflected um the Daily Mail writes like not in english i'm sorry it's not the point of the voice it's like so much words the voice australia coach like why they're like trying to fill a word count right also reflected on the intervention with oprah winfrey admitting to the famed talk show host that he went off the rails and needed help and a new direction in his life

nicole who was in rome for work at the time of his boozy bender flew back off the rails and needed help and a new direction in his life. Nicole, who was in Rome for work at the time of his boozy bender, flew back to the States and rounded up his friends to stage an intervention. Have you ever had an intervention? Is just crying with your family all the time an intervention? No, it's like your family telling you everything that's wrong with you. So, yes. I also think this is so funny that Nicole was like off the rails. I was with Tom Cruise.

This is adorable. Right. Right. No. And think about it. Like how bad must Keith Urban have been for like, because Nicole, you're right. Nicole Kidman has seen some shit. Yes.

Like Scientology. Her kids like shunned her because crazy. Yes. How bad was Keith Urban for her to have like really been concerned? Because that woman has, she's seen things. Well, I do think it's hard when you want to be with a rock star who's fun and cool. And it's a thin line with addiction because you will choose your addiction over your relationships. But I love that she fought for him.

Me too. I love these two. And I feel like she's heroic in the way that she's like, I know I'm making millions of dollars in Rome for this movie. But my man is having a moment. Making it about him I like much like Paige and Craig like the bullets I would take they're like one of my top five celebrity couples first of all because I'm such a country music early I'm a press on Nelly early and I'm also a country music early and I do you think I beat that joke like dead no no okay because I mean'll die, but it'll come back. Okay, okay.

Just keep going. I'm laughing, so, like, I didn't know if it was, like, not funny anymore. Like, I love these two. I love country music. I love her work. Have you ever seen Stepford Wives? Yes. Such a good movie.

So good. One of her underrated ones. Yes. Because she naturally kind of looks like a wax figure. It was, like, the easiest role she's ever played. She didn't even do hair and makeup. Yeah. But I also, I think we love them because they're, like, partnerships. Because she naturally kind of looks like a wax figure. It was like the easiest role she's ever played. She didn't even do hair and makeup. But I also, I think we love them because they're like partnerships.

And institutions, like Karen Huger would say. And yeah, and she's a, and he's a short king. Yes, which we're going to get to because apparently it's short king spring. And I need to get your take on that. He is a short king, by the way. Not only is he a short king she's really tall she's really tall but she also was with tom cruise like maybe she's got a thing for short guys they walk so zendaya and tom holland could run yeah is it zendaya or zendaya i believe it's zendaya okay i apologize

to everyone for that moment um you're right like he is the short king of our generation he's honestly like and he's australian and sings country like yeah no keith urban is to me an anomaly but there is like a weird country music scene in australia and new zealand like kelsey ballerini's husband morgan evans is an amazing country singer from australia too the twist she loves country you you didn't even go to like a southern college or anything no i'm literally jewish from long island yeah literally born and raised in new york and long island i did go to university of wisconsin and i was forced to go to um a what was it it was like an old school country concert but i really liked it i do love chicken fried zach brown band zach brown band and um yes love that song twist she's gorgeous did you watch that special yes pat cohen we stan you it

was one of the best specials i've seen in a while so different the singing like i was mesmerized uh first of all her voice is incredible yeah it's a new netflix special her name is katherine cohen it i'd seen clips for it all over like net and TikTok um and Instagram it was like unbelievable I loved it and what's great about it is that this special was ready to go she was gonna film it and then quarantine hit so these are jokes that like she's had right and had to like keep them and get them excited and they aged great and i do think stand up can be so much more just spinning jokes and her overall persona is so fun so cool over the top over the top psychotic like i loved it you have to have her on no i know by the way i literally just like was introduced to her yeah and i'm obsessed please come on the show like please

because i mean you guys are like kindred spirits like not like we are we're gorgeous like i'm not trying to get jealous of kai cohen and your friendship but like the fact that you both sing and you're both gorgeous no i agree like i was very much like feeling like this like i was feeling inspired honestly like it was incredible the original songs were so good yes what are you running from like so good i loved it i hope everyone watches and? Like, so good. I loved it. I hope everyone watches it. And loving attention. Yeah. She's just so self-aware while being not self-aware.

So honest, too. Yes. Yeah. Like, it was just, it was amazing. I highly recommend it if you're looking. Also, Bridgerton is out on Netflix this weekend. So we love Keith Urban. We love Keith Urban.

And just, like, wanting, I didn't even know he was sober. It's crazy how he could be, like, his number one fan. And I didn't even know that. I do love a sober relationship because actually Des is sober. Oh, really? He's been sober since he's 19. Important thing that no one talked about, which was like kind of crucial to like our experience. Yeah, on some of us, of course.

Because it can be super toxic in that house if you're sober. But he was so great. He hung out with everyone the whole time. We just went to bed like a little earlier. That is so interesting. So he's been sober since 19 because he realized like for his career, because comedy, it's so easy to just get plastered every night. By the way, a hundred percent.

Like when I first started doing comedy, I used to like take a shot before every show and I'd be like, yeah, like we're so crazy. We're working. And then like somebody like in, you know, those like random like old school comedy clubs in like North Carolina. Those people like seen shit. Yes. The manager there made this like really offhand remark. i don't think they meant anything right but did they give you an intervention no no maybe they were just like

yeah that's how you know everyone becomes alcoholics drinking before the show i'm like oh my god shit you're right if i'm doing 100 shows shows a year and i need to take a shot before every show and then maybe like one after like that's 200 shots and I immediately like I don't drink something when I go out afterwards like I will drink but I do not drink before a lot of the time what you don't really want to go out afterwards because you're like I'm exhausted sweaty sweaty back of my neck like no disgusting and you just you were so on you're like can we turn off for a hundred percent I I don't drink on the road either really and people hate it because I'm like, I'm fun. I'm crazy.

And then they want to hang out with you after. And I'm not like, this is not that's an act. But like, I just prefer. I'm much more witty sober, too. Of course. When I'm drunk, I'm just like, look at my ass. You know, I do like TikTok dances. It's not funny.

It goes like we're always teetering annoying. I go full annoying drunk. Do you perform? Have you had you perform drunk before? I perform drunk sometimes. Because during the week, I'll have like four sets. Like we're always teetering annoying. I go full annoying drunk. Do you perform? Have you performed drunk before? I perform drunk sometimes like because during the week I'll have like four sets and I'll over the course of four hours and you're just hanging with comics and you start drinking. Yeah. That's when I realize I have fun on stage but other people don't so much.

Yeah. Because I'm like this is hilarious. And they're like no it's not. You don't even finish the joke and you're like that is my favorite joke. But I do think comics are either like party party party or completely sober yeah no you're 100 right but we love a sober king because think of the lack of fighting because we're not drinking like think of the lack of bad breath like think of a lot of a lot of things and then like do i hate that he pops up in the morning at 7 a.m

ready to go like is that his biggest toxic trait yeah that causes fights absolutely yeah because this is still the middle of the night for me right um but i'd rather that than us like fighting fighting over drunk stuff so what's that like i honestly i i don't know if i could imagine myself in a relationship with someone who's sober just because drinking is like such a cornerstone and that's that's a me problem like spiritsociety.com that's like a cornerstone of my life and that's probably a problem but like what's that like for you well like I like that you your relationship started young because it probably wasn't based on partying no not at all and I think for those people like

you know they joke like do you like him or is he just tall do you like him or is he just like good at partying with you right and like you're both just wasted and like you think it's fun yeah and then is the dopamine of like being out and like having you know a drake song come on and like you're kind of buzzed like that's not love yeah and i do think that alcohol sometimes people use it as an excuse like oh he's just mean because he's drunk but it's like that's also the truth coming out of things and it just enables people to fight more. So me also, I'm more of an eater girl preach and he's really good at eating with me. Like I'll look at him.

He looks at me. We're, we're doing sushi. We're doing tie. Yes. And I do think it's those that's our like naughty night. I love that for you. Um,

okay. Well, I'm learning so much. I had no idea about any of this. We're having fun today. Yes. We're having fun. And Yes, we're having fun. And our fun is brought to you by Omaze.

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No purchase necessary to enter or win. Visit omaze.com slash toast for official rules. All right. Next up, some more wedding news. Robin Thicke's fiance, April Love Geary, says she won't sign a prenup. She went on Instagram Live and, no not Instagram Live, Instagram Q&A, and someone was like, does Robin want a prenup before marriage? Which is the type of question you ignore.

But she did not. She said, I don't know, but I'm not signing one. She then explained, he's not marrying anyone else after me. How do you go from, like, the baddest bitch on the planet? Where do you go from there? Trash. Love that for her, by the way. And, yeah, she's not signing a prenup.

I honestly feel like these two have been engaged for so long and i kind of hate robin thick who doesn't he's like extremely good looking and wonderful velvety thick voice but i just remember like the way he treated paula patton like i will never forgive and i'm just like i i can't really express how little i care about these two my like senses of like people who are trying too hard with their relationship is tingling so hard with that. Radar is going off. Also like who are you calling trash?

Like leave the women alone. Like leave the future person he's leaving you for. Like that's like even manifesting that like she manifested wrong there. Yeah. Also this man cheated on his ex. Like how can we not see what's going on? Like maybe this is a love match, but that doesn't mean he won't cheat on you or that he won't like,

this is Hollywood. Yeah. Also, no matter how comfortable you are in a relationship, I would never be like, he will never leave me. Well, I joke all the time.

Like we're getting married on Friday the 13th. Oh wow. Like if we're going to get divorced, it's not, it's not because of the 13th. Like I'm doing it. I'm committing, but I will use that as an excuse. If we even the most perfect marriage is like i could see ben

leaving me like i'm the worst like no i'm not out here being like i know for sure that my relationship is going to work forever i'm we're all trying our best every day of course and i do think calling i shouldn't call anyone trash but i'm like how dare you call that person no like she's like who's he gonna leave me for trash but also like i love the confidence we love the confidence but like who is trash when he leaves you he's trash right if he cheats you on someone let's get mad at him and like you should be getting paid for your time i don't i don't want to bring up this traumatic moment but do you remember when he took a photo with that girl and the mirror was behind them and you saw him squeezing her ass no what girl she was a fan and it was while he was

with paula so like i just whenever people say his name i visualize that photo no and emrata like spoke about her experience on that music video set as being like extremely toxic like yeah i like i literally hate this man but you're right they could be a love match because they're toxic in the right ways both of them and maybe he's evolved because I'm all about people evolving yeah I don't think like when you're that set in your ways like he's like a Cuba Gunning junior to me like I don't think you're changing your ways at the ripe old age of 50 after grabbing women's asses for years and getting away with it what are you gonna leave me for also like I hate the idea even on TikTok where people are she's, like, calling other girls trash that your guy's been with.

I feel like the way you get confidence also in yourself as a girl is not being, like, oh, there's a ranking system of, like, trash to amazing. It's more, like, who has the best compatibility with the other person. But that's actually really true. You know? That's a really mature. Well, I think I've, the point of your 20s for me was like dating the guys who like Disney taught me to be attracted to. Right.

Like the narcissistic, charming, hot. Gaston. Guys. Exactly. Be with Gaston. Realize it makes you absolutely miserable and find the person who's right for you, not right for society. Even though I do have to say just as it pertains to Gaston, we have a big theory here at the

Morning Toast that Gaston was actually, like, a really nice guy. He was a war hero. He was extremely into Belle. The war hero. And the Beast, like, you know, kidnapped her. And, like, kind of justice for Gaston. Like, all he did was really, like, want Belle. And maybe his methods were a little crazy,

but, like, haven't we all done crazy things for love i do also feel like they wanted a villain right and like he did like get drunk and sing really loudly sometimes yeah but so do i exactly and they wanted you to like root against him but i do think in beauty and the beast i could go on about beauty and the beast is that no one wanted to fuck the guy he turned into he was a fratty lacrosse dweeb who we hated the beast at least was like six four and pulled off and had a house he was a homeowner had a palace had a library and read that right that's super hot also i do have to say like if we had to choose a villain of the film it's obviously bell's dad he is the worst character he's a moron like you've made this trip back and forth to the farm or wherever he was going a thousand times and you get fucking

lost like get a map bitch right down directions he was like the village freak and you know what like he was the villain at least guest on was good looking like fun to look at and at least guest on like and and Jackie once shared with me like somebody actually put together like this whole powerpoint presentation of like why Gaston is the actual hero and um and if you look at like the socio-economic like timing of the film it's like post it's pre-revolutionary France and actually in a few years like there is this revolution and people like the Beast like they're overthrown by people like Gaston so in a few years time like Gaston is in power yes in this

you know so it would have been a long-term investment for her exactly I also yielding and people will say the Beast is super controlling and he is but I do respect her for being like I'm gonna stay here and have gay utensils get me food the whole time and do the dishes because this is comfortable for me. No. And it's like my napkins are going to dance their way onto my lap. And back at home, I have to deal with my crazy ass dad. So you know what?

I kind of like it here, even though I live in a cell. It does like go back. That movie just is your therapy session. Be like, it's let's stop blaming everyone. It's your dad. Right. Like, who do you identify with in the film because personally I'm a Lumiere like no doubt like I dazzle I entertain like I am a Lumiere

oh my god who are you I feel like I'm like I'm the beast obviously correct has a man called me that before? Absolutely. But I do feel, you know, like my biggest war is with myself and I feel like the beast, you know, is just trying his best, but like has some mental issues.

Yeah, no, I agree. That does sound like you. Okay. So April of Geary is not signing a prenup. We don't care. All right. According to the New York post, actually, according to TikTok, it's officially short

King Spring and these fellas are soaring. After years of getting the short end of the stick, TikTok has declared that these little guys deserve a royal treatment. Short Kings is the new wave. Sorry to all y'all. Giraffes, one fellow celebrated on TikTok with a dance. It's being dubbed short King Spring on social media. Single New Yorkers are looking for love.

Less than 5'8". And a group who have been notoriously short-sighted on dating apps are having their time. Because anyone taller than 5'11 no longer qualifies. One female with a tall order announced. But another one declared that she loves the shorties. And the TikTok tag hashtag Short King has more than 330 million views. And some users are calling the increase in interest the short king spring the trend is perhaps inspired by tom holland and zendaya whose height difference is 5 8 and she's 5 11 and it doesn't deter their romance

but it rather breaks the internet so speak i do think that it's more about energy than height oh my god you're like so la that was the god you're like so la because like do i have jokes about short kings absolutely do i say that if we're on the disney motive um snow white the fact that she was stuck with seven short men was truly scary for her but i do think i love a short man with like bigger energy. They have to try harder for sure. Because then there's short men who have like the Napoleon energy. Oh, so toxic. I don't want to get political, but Putin.

I'm not trying to make this CNN, but Putin. It's TNN, but same thing. Yes, TNN. So I think that it's, I love that we're like giving confidence to men about their physical bodies. But, like, it just seems like. Like what? We're trying so hard, like. To make men feel comfortable about their bodies. I don't know.

It just sits wrong with me. I'm like. Where's the energy for the female body positivity? Where's the energy? And, yeah, men. This is toxic. But I just don't think men need a campaign to feel comfortable in their own bodies in a world where, like, they're valued for, they've always been valued for the personality and

everything else. And they're, like, they just have to be rich like shut up okay can i tell you why this story gives me like a pit in my stomach because it reminds me of like the real first or maybe second time i ever got like in like trouble on the internet before obviously like the major downfall of 2018 um in like 2016 when i was in college and i was like writing these blog posts i was just like trying to find things to like write about that was like funny and i just like had this thought one day how like it just sucks to be a short guy so I wrote this like hella offensive blog post about how like as a guy like if you're

ugly but like you're rich um or like really good at sports like that just makes you hotter um but the one thing like you really can never get around is being short like it just fucking sucks like you're always gonna be a short guy no matter how rich no matter how smart no matter how funny no matter how athletic you are the short king and someone it was my blog back in the day was like not popular like I can't stress that enough but somebody like found it and posted it on this subreddit like for it was called r shorts like reddit for short people and these short guys were just like lamenting about being short and somebody posted a link to my blog post and I was like coming back from class in college and like I opened my computer and I was like checking my Google Analytics and I had like 7,000 hits on

my blog I was like holy shit like finally I'm not shadowbanned I've gone viral and I started reading the comments and I was literally getting death threats like literally like kill yourself like and I was like you could trace on Google Analytics like where the traffic is coming comments and I was literally getting death threats, like literally like kill yourself. And I was like, you could trace on Google analytics, like where the traffic is coming from. And it was like Reddit. I'm like, what is that?

And I haven't even heard of it. And I saw this ugly men. They literally like, they tore me apart. So I can really know. I can provide no further comment on because of my trauma. So can you continue? I am notorious though for like, I know at betches i was writing a ton of like do i like him or is he just tall right

i've come to the conclusion that just because he's tall does not mean he's a good person have i stayed like the amount of inches a guy is above six feet is the amount of months i stay with him after discovering he's a trash bag right so like the tallness has hurt me I also have gone from dating like six ten guys to like a five seven dude how tall are you I'm five seven and how tall is Des Des is six three and people don't talk about it enough yeah so actually Ben is six one Ben is massive and I remember telling him that when I met him I go sturdy yeah the thing is like I do feel a little guilty because I'm five feet zero. Yeah.

And I do feel like, you know, I am built, like, evolution-wise, like, I should have been matched up with one of the short kings who's, like, 5'7 or 5'8 because that's still, like, way taller than me. Are you attracted to a 5'7 king? I'm not attracted to anyone but my husband and my dog. That was a test and she passed it. But I can put you in my pocket. You're a literal keychain.

I'm so tiny and frail. I am taller. I also in my head wanted a Division I athlete child so I didn't have to pay for college. But that was me just planning too hard. Des also in photos looks smaller than he is. And people were comparing him to certain short kings that I will not say. And I was like, but he is 6'3". And that is a huge reason why I was attracted to that man in the beginning.

I think attraction is important. And we can be attracted to tall men, short men, whatever. But it's about being a kind, good person. Let's work on that. Yeah, I guess I think Keith Urban's really hot. So yeah, I'm attracted to short men. There's some short men where you're like he fucks good well i was just gonna say i feel like short men are like like word carter like no they're just like into freaky shit you know well like sometimes

their head is just like at my pussy so they can just like go for it no but i also think some tall men have that like tall man privilege where they didn't have to try no and they're like blah yeah like their personalities like they never had to establish a personality because they'd always get attention they people laughed at their jokes when they weren't funny just because you're tall so there is something we said about short man that was like I'm gonna learn how to make a woman orgasm that I think some tall men miss that part of their life. Just so they can become competitive, like get in the game. Yeah. So do you think there's pluses that we're not seeing here?

It's like that episode of 30 Rock where Liz Lemon starts to date like Jon Hamm's character. And it's like, she's dating someone so much more like stunning than her. And she didn't realize like these beautiful people, like they live in a different universe where like you go to a restaurant, you just like get a table get a table you don't like wait at the bar for 45 minutes and she's like loving like the riding the coattails of like this privilege um and it's so true i've dated around the spectrum like i went from dating like a mascot in college to dating models because i thought it was like cool and it made me feel better about myself like Like, but. Are you referring to Luke as models? Sometimes.

Okay. But like I dated him. Because I've never seen a model in anything. I dated a model where like he would say jokes to people that were so bad and stupid, like worse than dad jokes. And people would be like. Oh God. And I'm like, this is why he is the way he is.

The bar is so low. The bar is so low. And you do see that they're living in their own reality. And that's why I think super hot people end up with super hot people. Because they can live that shit together. Yeah. That's what happened with me and Ben. Yeah.

Exactly. So you guys, that's why when you got shadow banned, you were like, this is crazy. Yeah, we live in that beautiful people world where shit like that just doesn't happen to us. For sure. You go like this and Uber's just coming. You don't even use the app. Yeah, no, I just, I just do a little of this.

Well, we have one more story and I'm very excited to chat with you about it and so is Legacy Box because the fifth and final story is brought to you by Legacy Box.

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Buy today and take advantage of the exclusive offer and send it in when you're ready. LegacyBox.com slash toast to save 50% off while supplies last. All right. Our final story is a little tech news because we're just like two tech influencer girlies. Instagram's new chronological mode is exactly what a feed should be according to The Verge. So they announced on Wednesday that they're adding two new modes that change how the main feed works, bringing back the much-awaited reverse chronological view. The company calls the two new modes the following modes and the favorite modes and say that they're designed to give you more choice and control over what you see while using the app.

And that is let you avoid things like suggested post and algorithm sorting. So the description for the following feed is truly something to behold. They say, see the latest posts from accounts that you follow in the order that they were posted. And then you could also have favorites where you choose like your favorite creators and you only see that feed. I'm not crazy about having two different ways. Like just choose. Yeah, like, cause don't make us use our brain

any more than we have to. Like we're on Instagram for a reason. Like we're obviously bored. Yeah, cause for some reason we like took a break from TikTok. Right. I am having problems with Instagram. I just don't feel inspired by it I mean obviously follow me my

page is amazing but like I can't I I'm bored I feel like they've hit a wall compared to TikTok is doing so well and this is like making me even more nervous because as a creator it's like you just feel like Instagram just has like a couple people being like let's twist this around I know and they're like, post reels. Reels aren't working. No, like the way that the chokehold Instagram executives have like on our bills being paid is so crazy. You're 100% right.

And I feel like why people love TikTok is because TikTok is so like they back the creators. They pay creators, which is insane. Like the way YouTube does, the way Instagram should. So of course course creators are flocking to tiktok they pay creators they make it so easy for creators to like be creative and and you and make content and and just have an easy experience on the app the algorithm is so good on tiktok where i swear everyone who follows me is just like me and the stuff i'm seeing like they're diagnosing me with ibs like yeah they know tiktok knows me more than me where instagram i

feel like i'm walking into like, kind of like a social influencer event that doesn't really want me there. That's such a good analogy. And you're kind of like, well, that's cool. But like, do I even want to be here? 100%. And I do think with social media, with everything, not to be LA, but if you feel bad about yourself after using it, stop.

Yeah. So that's why I think we're naturally going to TikTok where it's stuff we want to see. That's actually so fucking true. Like, I don't feel bad about myself. Like, I watched this woman yesterday right before bed. I've ended up on, like, I think Korean TikTok where she, like, has this big bowl of, like, soup

and there's, like, 15 hard-boiled eggs in there. She eats each egg in, like, one bite and she just, like, with chopsticks, which is crazy to pick up a hard-boiled egg with chopsticks she just takes each egg and like chews it and she's like this tiny little woman I'm like how are you eating so many eggs and it was really like probably the best video I've seen in a while I need to see that immediately next time I find one I'll send it to you because I envision it just being yeah no and it's like so satisfying she doesn't even chew you know it's gorgeous I love that for her I know and

she's like eating so much and she's still so tiny which is like my dream but you see that's like a beautiful and joyful moment I know and even besides what you're consuming on Instagram the stress of being like how do I make this photo dump like look interesting I know and so now we don't even post one we have to post like 10 I know and and what do you think about the new generation of like influencers creators becoming famous on TikTok I think that it's a great launching pad as everything is as you and I know you know veterans um old you decide what you want for your career long term I think some TikTokers are popping off for like very specific things I know and some TikTokers I think it's funny they don't plan to pop off and they're like shoot I

don't want to be making different iced coffee for the rest of my life so some people I think like Addison Rae are going to be capable of doing a lot of things and it just depends on kind of your vision you know I like every time I run into like a TikToker who I meet I'm like I always feel like compelled to give them advice which I don't know if they want to hear yeah but like it just makes me nervous that like all these young kids they're having so much success and they're quitting their jobs and they're getting brand deals. And I just don't, it makes me nervous when influencers are going to, you know, plan the rest of their life to live off of brand deals because brand deals are great and they're wonderful and there's a lot of money in there, but it's not stable income.

And you know, you're really hot when you launch. And then as anything happens, as you know, being on, being on the internet, you have high moments, you have low moments, you're hot, you're cold stable income and you know you're really hot when you launch and then as anything happens as you know being on being on the internet you have high moments you have low moments you're hot you're cold you're irrelevant you're relevant so it just makes me nervous when like you know they're relying on all these brand deals and I just like every time I meet them they're like do you have any advice I'm like yes like write a book start a podcast start a youtube channel start like a home base something go on tour like do something that you can make money from steadily that doesn't require a brand deal because like it just makes me nervous and doesn't require that if god forbid tiktok was

taken over by aliens exactly you can exist because we have multiple sources of streams of income it's so it's it sounds so lame but it's so important and i do think it's cool that people are popping off but it's also like find something that you're passionate about that you want to do for long term yeah and I do think it's cool seeing how but then some tiktokers their fans are incredible and will show up to live shows and that's when you know that you successfully transition from being like a content creator to being like a celebrity yeah and then there's some tiktokers who have millions of followers but they don't have that like connection with their audience they launch merch and they sell 30 shirts exactly

that's why it's so important like me i'm always talking about this and i talk about it a lot in the book like you can have i would rather have a hundred thousand like dead ass devoted followers than two million irrelevant people who like just like my content but like will never you know want to learn more about me never want to listen to my podcast watch a youtube video like there's so much value at that on the in that front it's about quality not quantity for sure and i do think my experience when starting reality tv was very like you're gonna be you know shown in a lot of different situations and some people are gonna like understand you and want to learn more about you and some people won't and that's totally fine it's like in stand-up comedy instead of trying to fight the one person with their hand like this give it to your girlies

yep give it to them and then grow from there and I do think some we're similar in a way where I think our followers are very similar to us and get us yeah and they're in similar stages of their life exactly and we're growing with them so anyway the TikTok the scary thing is like some of these people are literally 16 I know and I feel like I just get nervous so like if there's any up-and-coming tiktokers like just take my advice like don't just like it's all really hot right now but that shit dies down so quickly like another app comes and so make all the money that you can right now but also plan for the future like if you really want to get into like the business of influencing like start other revenue streams um now i just want to switch gears because we are done with the stories but there's one more thing before i let you go that i kind of want to ask you about um one of like

like you have been through a reunion and i just want to know like the like what's that like like how many hours is it like six to eight i mean ours are not housewives like i do think andy is like your show's cute like andy i don't think he watched our show at all he like saw a clip and he was like highlight reel highlight reel um but it's fun to like get dressed up and stuff and and where was it in the city somewhere in the city my first one was over zoom which was so funny because page and i texted the entire time and then like you think you you can cut in and then you can't. Right. You're just like.

Oh God. Because you know like timing is so important to say something. And it takes, there's like a couple second audio lag. So like no one hears you. The Zoom was wild. Or someone would just be going on and on. And like no one could cut them off because like they're in their moment. And then someone's like headphones are breaking.

So it's hard to get the momentum. It's so annoying. My last reunion, i did not watch it and i did black out and i cried the whole time so i don't i did watch it and i just want to let you know i thought like you were treated really unfairly thank you even though like i thought the editing was really bad for you but you like also did yourself no favors but then like okay it wasn't that serious like everyone's being so mean at the reunion like calm the fuck down it's not that serious. Like, everyone was being so mean at the reunion. Like, calm the fuck down. It's not that serious. No, I know. I mean, I'm all about entertaining, stirring the pot, having fun, showing up. And I did not anticipate what was happening. Yeah.

Because it's not that serious. And also, like, I've been in the game for four years. And I, like, really did care about all those people. Of course. And you're still friendly with a lot of them. Yes. Okay, good. Would you ever do reality tv again um i think knowing how the sausage is made it's a little

hard and i do think i bring more value being like purely myself and not a character but who knows in the future like when i might need money yeah of course oh my god never count out the countess no but i mean like overall like there could be fun situations. My favorite show is Pipples and Paroles. What the fuck is that? Oh my God. It's in Louisiana and it's this lady who works with paroles, like people who are out of jail

and rescuing pitbulls and they give the pitbulls to people and they find matches in these pitbulls. It's about like giving people a second chance and like I want to be in an animal show speaking of weird shit we watch do you watch mrs dutchy on tiktok no oh what okay mrs dutchy wait is she a dog no oh she's a lady okay it sounds like one of those dogs who dresses up but she's a lady who goes live on tiktok every single night for three hours and she makes tumblers like out of resin yes i know who she is and like she's so cute like people order

the tumblers and she's on the phone with them like choosing the colors and she's like oh my god this is gorgeous but they like change their minds if there's drama yeah yeah there's always drama like it's so exciting she goes and like i don't even follow her but i know she comes up on my for you page every single night because she goes live from 8 to 11 and I just wanted to see if you were like a Miss Dutchie girl I am a Miss Dutchie girl I didn't know her name I just knew the energy she gave me and it's actually Mrs. Dutchie Mrs. Dutchie I apologize but that is like a version of ASMR and I love that you brought her up because she's older in her life um she's having so much success a wise queen and for people who see like tiktokers blowing up um buying four houses in la i like to think of people as popcorn actually mike feeney a comic said this example that like

we're all under the same temperature but we pop at different times oh i love that and i do think that's important for people to know yeah because if you're not like hitting where you thought you'd hit at a certain age like you're just not popping yet it's fine and also like when i was 16 i probably wasn't going to be putting my best foot forward out in the entertainment industry. Right. So it's probably for the best that you didn't pop at 16. Exactly. I didn't pop my pussy at 16.

Well, Hannah, it has been an absolute pleasure, a glory having you. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for having me. I'm truly a fan. And this has been a career, like, check mark for me. Yes. Where can people find tickets to your stand-up and all your content? So do your little...

Well, I'm going to be in Denver and Austin. Go to hannahburnerburn.com when are you going to austin the 20th to the 23rd of april sorry oh sorry i'm going on thursday oh my god that's so exciting i love austin i love austin tickets available at girljob.com slash tour yes and then follow me on tiktok um now i'm paranoid about getting shadow banned so definitely follow me at being burns instagram at being burns and listen to Paige and I on giggly squad. It's so cute. And if you like mental health,

comedy stuff, burning in hell, B E R N I whatever. You such a good last name for like puns. Yes. I have like no puns. And also we discovered, Oh,

well, yeah, we discovered your coffee stick when you were in it, when we were like, this girl just hates coffee, but you were using it to just shit on every single every person's order and it was amazing because we were like how is she gonna gag in this i have to say like every time you talk about me on giggly squad i do get a dm about it and i listen to the entire episode waiting for like my moment but that

makes me happy because sometimes like you'll mention someone's name and everyone's like they talk shit about you but we literally were like she's iconic no so i get like messages all the time like you were mentioned on x i get like messages all the time like you were mentioned on x podcast and like i try and gauge like from the person sending the message like is this a positive or a negative because for me it really could go either way yeah um and i figured you guys were positive we're also online sleuths like you where we were sending stuff to each other from you and then we were like well we have to tell the girlies what's going on the girlies thank you so much for being here come see Hannah on tour

she's so funny listen to her podcast follow her on Instagram follow her on TikTok also follow me on TikTok and thank you so much for being here thank you guys

for listening to the morning toast I hope you had a great week sorry about all the drama with the stomach flu I am feeling better thank you so much everyone who reached out we're back next week

with a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday episode the schedule will be up on Wednesday and then Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday I'm in Dallas, Houston and Austin

so come see me. Love you guys so much, thank you so much for listening to the Morning Toast, the millennial morning show where we deliver the fast-track stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube. So if you're watching this on YouTube, please fucking subscribe already, okay?

And give this video a thumbs up. We're also available as a podcast, anywhere podcasts can be found. So it's Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher, Public Radio, IR Radio, CastBox, all the places. So wherever you listen to podcasts, find us, Morning Toast, leave a five-star review about how beautiful, stunning, and smart we are.

Thank you, Hannah, thank you, Toasters. Have a great weekend. We'll see you all Monday, bye.