The Toast - S5 Ep50: Capsized Claudia with Ben Soffer: Monday, April 25th, 2022

Episode Date: April 25, 2022

Billie Eilish Brings Out Hayley Williams for ‘Misery Business’ at Coachella Weekend 2 (Variety) (11:29)  Kim Kardashian, Pete Davidson turn Mark Twain Prize show into date night (Page Six) (16:34)  Tom Schwartz denies kissing Raquel Leviss at Coachella amid divorce (Page Six) (20:02)  Beanie Feldstein beams as she earns standing ovation for Funny Girl opening night on Broadway... and is supported by brother Jonah Hill (Daily Mail) (25:34)  Twitter reportedly nearing deal to sell itself to Elon Musk (CNN Money) (29:24)  -Unburden Yourselves (38:27)  The Morning Toast with Claudia (@girlwithnojob) and Ben Soffer (@boywithnojob) Merch: https://shopmorningtoast.com/ The Morning Toast Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/themorningtoast Girl With No Job by Claudia Oshry: https://www.girlwithnojob.com/book See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Good morning, millennials. Welcome back to the Morning Toast. Happy Monday. Hope everyone's having an amazing start to their week. I am because I'm about to podcast with Ben. Hey, Ben. How you durn? I'm durn good. How you durn? You durn good? Durn good. We are podcasting to you guys live from our friend Brian's farm. We've been here all weekend. We're heading home today because as you guys know, you saw schedule on our instagram i'm back in studio tomorrow with stassi schroeder we've got taylor strecker and of course we've got jackie twice so it's gonna be a good week but not as good as this day because i'm podcasting with my husband my rose is my husband it is a great day it is a gorgeous farm we're currently looking at cherry blossoms to my left is a chicken coop. It is a gorgeous farm. We're currently looking at cherry blossoms. To my left is a chicken coop.

Yeah. I'm having some fresh ass eggs. And like, I learned something very interesting. Do you know that eggs are multicolored? Yeah. Like, they're just green eggs. Right. We picked up the carton of eggs from the fridge, which come directly from Brian's farm.

And we were shook at some of the green ones. Green eggs, brown eggs, white eggs. Green eggs and ham interesting maybe dr seuss was really an advocate of the farm to table industry yeah it's possible or just like those big ass farms didn't exist when dr seuss wrote it yeah it was um and how did the eggs taste to you good yeah i made like some bad recipes like i didn't end up eating them but now that i'm thinking about it, like was it the recipe? Or was it the eggs?

Was it the chicken? Or was it the egg? I think it was the recipe. I think it was the recipe. I just like, I don't know. I woke up and I was like, I want something more. I don't just want an omelet. Like I want shakshuka.

And I made shakshuka. But like the problem with shakshuka, for those of you that don't know. It's an Israeli dish. Yeah, it's tomato sauce, onions peppers whatever vegetables and then sunny side up eggs but the problem is i don't like sunny side up eggs so why would i make a dish where the centerpiece is something that i don't enjoy yeah i don't like a runny yolk runny yolks remind me of like i don't know runny yolk we've been cooking a lot we've been horseback riding we've been walking around and of course we went kayaking yesterday which i'm sure a lot of you

already know about since you follow me on instagram and if you don't very disrespectful um i think we should talk about it let's talk about the the incident it was it was a scary day it started off as amazing a really really nice day laughing joking we were drinking spritz we were each kayaking i'm gonna i was nervous i'm not a big kayaker but once i got in the kayak it really was not bad the river flows pretty fast so you don't really have to paddle so i was really enjoying it and the river flows but then the river changes course and the river has different currents and honestly like at certain points it could be like a little scary so um you know just i was you know drinking spritz and i was my inhibitions were low and i'm not blaming spritz by any way yeah i was gonna say at least if you're gonna blame it give a promo code code blunge for 15 off

i was um just i was having fun i was getting really comfortable and the only bad thing we go on this river all the time brian lives right by the delaware river so over the summer we always go tubing which is so fun of course because tubing you just sit there you're in the lake so if you have to pee you basically just pee on yourself it's like not a big deal but in the lake, so if you have to pee, you basically just pee on yourself. It's, like, not a big deal. But in the kayak, I couldn't pee. So a couple hours in, I was like, I got to pee. And so I was in a duo kayak, a two-person kayak with Pasta Fazool, a.k.a. John. And there was, like, a little, like, docking area to the left. You can't just pull over to the side of the river whenever you want.

There has to be a specific area. There was. There was. I'm looking at Claudia. She says that there was a docking area there was no docking area she went against the current up to the left into like this like it was into the woods no real docking area okay no sorry there wasn't a dock but was it was a pull-off area it was an approved pull-off area maybe so we're fighting against the current but we're really close we're paddling we're

paddling we're paddling we're gonna make it we are going to make it even though the current is trying to pull us the other way and before i know it we're leaning left and i think because i was giving my all to these strokes like just trying to get us in so i could pee i maneuvered my body weight a little too um enthusiastically and it all happened in slow motion and we just flipped over to the left now I know it doesn't sound like a big deal but the water is like around 50 degrees it's really cold and we were in this current so thankfully we were so close to shore but like in that moment when I fell in the water, like I couldn't be reasonable. I was screaming. I was so afraid.

And honestly, like ever since the whole, do you remember Naya Rivera from Glee? Yeah. Do you know how she passed away? Something similar? Like in a lake, she got caught in a riptide when her and her son were boating. So like that was just in my mind. And I was freaking out, screaming, hyperventilating. And the water is

fucking freezing and I'm trying to grab onto anything like literally anything that will take me I'm and then I grab onto Brian's kayak and he's like get the fuck off it's like you're gonna capsize me too and thankfully somebody threw me an oar and I and I held onto the oar and they pulled me into like the land and it just doesn't sound dramatic but it really was it was very scary it was very very dramatic it was certainly made a little more dramatic by the fact that you didn't go to land you went to brian's kayak i couldn't get to land there was such a strong current it was just driving me downstream no one understands you guys were all like you were being an idiot like yes i was but i didn't have a lot of good options i understand and everyone is now undermining my trauma like it wasn't no no it was not undermining your trauma at all we are simply saying that maybe

your trauma was made slightly more traumatic by the choices once you entered the water. Yeah, I will say I learned a lot yesterday. And one of the major things I learned is that I'm not good in a high stress panic situation because I just started to hyperventilate. Like, I'm not good in a crisis. It was a scream help moment. Yeah. And we lost everything in our kayak, which was so upsetting because I had the music speaker.

I had a brand new piece of merch that I was like taking pictures on so I could like promote on Instagram. The sweatshirt's gone. It's somewhere in the Delaware. We lost, thank God our phones were okay because I was wearing my phone in like this waterproof bag around my neck. It was fine. So it could have been a lot worse, obviously, for a multitude of reasons.

I'm very grateful. my neck it was fine um so it could have been a lot worse obviously for a multitude of reasons i'm very grateful and i um will probably never kayak again in my life which is just sad that that's the takeaway and then you got back in the kayak i did i did you wanted us to to call it a day i didn't want us to call it a day i was unbelievably confused i'm like why are we pulling over oh we must be here i didn't possibly think that we would be going, fighting against the current for you to go to the bathroom. Well, I was the only girl there, and I don't have options like you guys do. What options differ from what I have to what you have when I'm sitting in a kayak? I'm not going to pee on myself.

You could whip your dick out and pee in a cup. I can't pee in a cup. How what? What, I'm going to stand up and pee? No, you don't sit and pee? No. You pee no you could you don't sit and pee no you could no you can't sit and pee it's just impossible no you literally can just whip your dick out and start peeing no no you can't pee but how do you pee the bed like you can it's terrible though you can and i didn't bring a bottle nobody brought a bottle or a cup and then we're dumping it in the

river that's disgusting. Well, I just want to let you know, like, if you had had to pee, it wouldn't have been such a big deal. Oh, and I have my period. So you know what? I don't want to hear jack from any of you men, okay? Okay. It was a hard day for me. And honestly, I was very frazzled when I got home.

Like, I'm still very shook up by the situation. It was pretty crazy. Just because, like, I'm mad at myself for how i handled it like in the moment and i'm also like just shook that i i mean i guess i wasn't at any point like ever in real danger but like i was close to it and i was like upset that i was so close to danger if that makes sense moral of the story if you do happen to capsize in a kayak kayak. Your kayak. In a river. Stay calm. Look for the sides. See where the shore is.

And go there. Do not swim into the water. Swim to shore. Even if the current is picking you up, it's ripping you down, there will always be the opportunity to have an area that doesn't have a strong current where you can swim to shore. In the words of one of my idols, don't take risks on treacherous roads and don't swim in the sea. I'm glad that journey is behind us, taking lessons we've learned into our new life after.

I'm not going to be the same, so I'm a new person now. Hopefully you guys can gather that from how mature I am on this podcast. And we've got a great episode with Ben. We've got five, I'm not going to lie, very measly stories. And then we've got Unburdened. Have you ever done Unburdened yourselves with us? No.

Do you know what it is? No. It's our new segment. We do it on Mondays. And we let people write in and just kind of unburden themselves with the embarrassing things they've done this weekend that are like plaguing them throughout the week.

Sometimes they're drunk and they fall. Sometimes they're drunk and they shit their pants. Sometimes they vomit on someone's dick. Like, it's really, it's touch and and go so we'll do that at the end of the show okay okay but before that let's deliver the past five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast did i beat the crunch you did but when we do remote podcasts we don't have the soundboard that we have at the studio so i needed someone to do a how and you did it oh so you're saying that I didn't beat the crinch, I became the crinch.

Right. You didn't beat the crinch because there was no crinch to beat, but you then, in turn, became the crinch. I am the crinch. You are. Today, you are the crinch. But you don't really do it very well. I can do it.

Do it. Far better. Do it. Just say it again. Out of your morning toast. No. Have you heard the real one? Yeah.

Yeah, okay. It's okay. Today's episode is brought to you by Babbel. For most of us, learning a second language in high school or college wasn't exactly a high point of our academic careers. Obviously, I took Spanish in high school, and I'm no fluent-speaking Spanish person. But now, thanks to Babbel,

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Of course, Weekend 2 happened, same performers, but a lot of the performers brought out different guests. Harry Styles brought out Lizzo, but Billie Eilish brought out Hayley Williams for a misery business performance at Coachella Weekend too she also then had Hayley Williams stay with her to sing her new song um what's that what's it called uh and I don't talk shit about you on the internet you know that song yeah whose song is that Billie Eilish oh it is yeah and then she had it's like her biggest song yet so then she had Hayley Williams perform that with her too but But before that, Billie, Phineas, and Hayley Williams all sat down on stools and did like an acoustic misery business performance. And it was kind of everything. And I'm curious to hear, as you're our resident emo person, how was that for you?

I heard it. I thought it was amazing, considering I absolutely despise acoustic versions of songs. It's like, why are you going to come on and play a different version of the song that everybody loves? Like, I don't want to hear you play the guitar. No, I get it. No, but this version was fantastic. I'm just saying in general. Like, I've gone to a Third Eye Blind concert.

Like, I'm trying to listen to Third Eye Blind. I'm not trying to listen to folksy Third Eye Blind. No, you're trying to mosh. I think that certain, I hear what you're saying. Like, I don't think punk is a good genre to be doing, what's the word? Acoustic covers. But this one was good. Yeah, no, it was really good.

It was lovely. They both have, I mean, Hayley Williams has like the sickest voice in the music industry. And like, nobody talks about it. Yeah, it was amazing. And what I had heard, which I thought was very interesting, is that she retired Misery Business permanently from Power More. They don't sing

it anymore. Why? She doesn't like it. She said that it doesn't represent the artist that she is today. So she hasn't sung it in a very, very long time. And she went on stage and she was amazing. Wait, I didn't know that. Yes. But I'm in the business of me. Here's a real, let's take it from the top.

She's got a body like an hourglass. It's ticking like a tuck. I have such vivid memories of singing that song on Rock Band. Were you a Rock Band kid? Yeah, but like, sort of. I like Rock Band. Like, I would go to my friend's house, and I'd be like, Rock Band! And I'd try to play it, but like, I didn't own it.

No, and we would all fight over the drums, or the vocals. Obviously, I was always vocals. And that's where I learned all the words. I'm in the business of making some rhythm Let's take it from the top She's got a body like an hourglass It's ticking like a duck It's a matter of time before it all runs out

I thought he was mine She caught him by the mouth I waited a long month To finally set him free She told him I couldn't lie He was the only one for me. Two weeks in, we had set on fire.

Took it all from me, but I had the biggest smile. Such a good song. Unbelievable song. I didn't know One of my favorites. She doesn't play it anymore, so it was really,

it was a really, really special moment. And Billie Eilish is... She is like the Gen Z Hayley Williams. She's also just amazing. Yeah, she is. She really is. And I want to hate her because, like, who the fuck's brother's name is Phineas?

Like, what is she... I can only... There's only one Phineas. Why would that bother me? Why would that make you hate Billie? Because I'm sorry. You're grouped. You're grouped.

There's only one Phineas, and that is Phineas and Ferb. There's 104 days of summer vacation School comes along just to end it So the annual problem for our generation Is finding a good way to spend it Like maybe I don't know the rest.

Building a rock. A rock? Monkey. And climbing up the Eiffel Tower Discovering something that doesn't exist or getting a monkey a shop people who like comment on our podcast page and leave reviews that like this show has too much singing locating frankenstein's brain it over here. Maybe a dodo bird. Oh. A dodo bird. Sister insane. Phineas.

Terrible name. Yeah, no. Reserved for Phineas and Ferb. Agreed. Do you think he was named after Phineas and Ferb? No, I think he's too old, but it's possible. You think Phineas and Ferb was named after him? Yes.

Can we make a petition for Billie Eilish to change her name to Ferb? Oh, my God. That would be funny. Right? So, all in all, Coachellaella weekend two actually looked really fun. There was no drama. You know, influencers crying about buses. So it seemed like a really good weekend and people were

really there for the music. And next weekend is Stagecoach which unfortunately I had to give my tickets up to because I just, I'm working on my craft for my MSG show. I just, I didn't think it was wise to be like blacking out till the break of dawn for four days in a row. Which is very, very smart of you. I know.

And it's so unlike me to be so responsible. And for everybody that hasn't bought tickets to that show, go to girlwithnojob.com slash tour and get your tickets for MSG.

It's going to be the greatest night of our lives. It really is such an unbelievable show. And the fact that Claudia is protecting her vocal cords for it means that it will just be

an absolute comedic masterpiece. So I would get your tickets there. You guys, I didn't even tell him to say that. We've trained him so well. He knows girlwithnojob.com. It's pretty good, right? Let's move on to the second story. Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson went out for a date night.

And they're doing so by honoring, what's his name, Jon Stewart. So they got all glammed up for the 23rd Annual Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. The show was on Sunday night. They got dressed up. They went to D.C. to support Jon Stewart. He was honored with the award for Lifetime Achievement in Humor. Oh, my God, you scared me. What?

You said to honor Jon Stewart. I thought he died. I was looking at you. I'm like, the story isn't that Jon Stewart. I thought he died. I was looking at you. I'm like, the story isn't that Jon Stewart died. It's that Pete Davidson and Kim are going to honor him. I thought he died. Sorry. I was like, oh my God, another comedian bites the dust. No, I'm so sorry. No, he got the award for lifetime achievement in humor. And it was a star-studded affair. Steve Carell, Dave Chappelle, Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel, Olivia Munn, Ed Helms, Bruce Springsteen, and of course, Pete and Kim.

And Jon Stewart has been like very vocally supportive of Pete over the years, especially with the Kanye stuff on his radio, on Howard Stern's radio show. He said, you know, I think Pete's doing his best that you can do in this situation when you're dealing with something that's so explosive and loaded. He added, I just love that kid. So, of course, Jon Stewart and Peteete davidson are like you know supportive kings and then kim was there helping him as well i wonder if this is going to be televised because i feel like things at the kennedy center um are always like really really star studded and this is like a great i'm sure a lot of people like performed i don't know i've never like i don't understand the Kennedy Center where is it D.C. D.C.

so is this story about his award or is this story about Pete and Kim going well I guess like just a nice little anecdote that I learned from this story is that Jon Stewart

received an award I'm really here for you know Kim and Pete going out she wore like a low pony a bedazzled scoop neck gown he appears to be wearing all black.

It's just another photo we got of them. And if you're as obsessed as we are, that's a lot because we don't get a lot of photos. I understand. What I took from this story is that Jon Stewart is not dead. Right.

That's also an important takeaway. Which is great. It's great. It's wonderful. It's really great for Jon. A hundred percent. And not only is he alive, but he's thriving,

getting awards. He's winning. He's winning. He's winning. I wonder if this will be on Keeping Up. I mean, we always say that every time, like him and Peter together. And honestly, I don't think we're going to get them on Keeping Up for a while. So it is what it is. But congrats to John.

You only go on Keeping Up, hot take, you only go on Keeping Up when you're ready for your relationship to be ruined. Yeah. It's kind of just, like, so public. And fake. Like, it... No. It used to be fake. I don't mean that, like, the show is fake.

I mean that it's very, very difficult to actually speak openly and actually be romantic and actually have a relationship on camera. Because things like that are private. And their relationship relationship for the most part besides pictures is very private and i think that's why she's so at peace so i would say that they should avoid keeping up for as long as they possibly can if they really want to make it in the long haul i'm really impressed by that take i totally agree by the way and i think that was extremely um astute i really liked that very good i love. I love you. I love you too. Alright, let's move on. The stories, I told you, are really bleak,

but we're having fun. Yeah, it's fun. Are we talking at all about Twitter? Well, yes, mostly because I wanted to talk about the documentary we watched. Amazing. Yeah, so that's not this story, though. This next story, I'm fairly certain you're not going to know who any of these people are. I do, because I saw it. Okay, so Tom Schwartz

has denied kissing Raquel Levis at Coachella amid divorce. So for anyone who is up on what's going on in the Vanderpump Rules crowd, there was this rumor floating around. I think Us Weekly even wrote it up as fact, that at Coachella Weekend 1, Tom Schwartz was spotted with Raquel, who is James' ex-fiance, and that they were, like, smooching. And I love Tom. He just went straight to Twitter and was like, guys, I hate hate to break it to you but I wasn't even at Coachella so this uh

rumor that they were quote boldly holding hands and making out last weekend is completely false Raquel was at Coachella with Sheena, Brock, Ariana and some of uh the other oh Tom Sandoval but he was not there making out with Raquel but when i heard this i didn't know i don't i don't think i believed it when i heard this rumor but i kind of ship like i know that sounds crazy but it's not the worst thing in the world do you know who these people are i do i came across this news on instagram and i think it was page six also who posted it on instagram and under it the person whose news it was like the person who leaked it on Instagram. And under it, the person whose news it was, like the person who leaked it, wrote that she never mentioned Coachella. Oh, the plot thickens.

That she saw it. And that the thing that he's denying. Who is she though? If you go on Page Six's Instagram, unless they deleted it, there's some girl that wrote. Oh, this is my tip. Page Six's Instagram. Oh my God, you know more than me. I'm is my tip. Page Six Instagram. Oh, my God. You know more than me.

I'm shook. Yeah. Page Six Instagram. Yes. If you look under. The picture about Raquel. Yeah, unless they deleted it. Let's see.

It was a couple days ago. Show more posts. Oh, they post a lot. Yeah. Okay, I found it. So, Page Six posted a Reels. And the girl, I guess she's a blogger who started this rumor her name is blonde hair black heart she wrote hey that's my rumor but plot twist i never said anything about coachella

so she's standing by these rumors and claiming coachella had nothing to do with it and all that tom wrote was i wasn't i wasn't at coachella ben oh my god i can't believe you came to the table with like facts today pretty good right wow where did you were you like researching for the toast you just totally no i literally i get served what i get served right right and i honestly don't like 99 of the stuff that i see from page six i like breeze by like i don't love but like i opened it and i saw that comment. I'm literally shook by this. Yes.

I'm so proud of you. You're really becoming one of us. It's pretty random. I know that's really interesting because now the rumors still might be potentially true. It's possible. They haven't said if they're coming back for another season. I do think if Raquel and Tom were actually hooking up, they would have to. But also, this isn't a problem, right? Like, they're divorced.

They are. Okay, that's a good question. So they are divorced. It's not cheating by any means. But, you know, that's like, you know, me and you getting divorced and you making out with Brian. I don't know. I think that would be a little bit different. Yes.

But just like because they're all such a close group of friends, it's just kind of weird. And I guess it's crazy because Tom is good friends with Raquel's ex-fiancee, James. It's just very messy. But this group is always very incestual, always fucking around with each other. But I don't know.

It's a good question. But I think there would be issues with the group. I think Katie would be mad. I think James would be mad. But it's still entirely possible that this is true, which is something I didn't expect to hear this morning from you. So thank you for sharing that. I think it's true.

But I don't think it's a big deal. Yeah, but you also don't really know the dynamics of the group. I know the dynamics of the group. Again, you were on a reality show. You got married. Your marriage went up in flames. No, but they were on a reality show and got married. They've been together for like're allowed to be happy and got married they been together for like 15 years literally the show's been on for eight years they've been

they've been together for 10 years i'm telling you man shows ruin relationships yeah back to keeping up it's so if you have a good relationship don't do it so don't do it all right our next story is brought to you by function of beauty the key to consistent good hair days is using ingredients that benefit your hair. And Function of Beauty makes hair care products that are 100% customizable, made for your hair where it's at now and where you want it to go. And your hair is completely unique. So you need products that address its specific needs. Enter Function of Beauty, the world's first fully customizable hair care

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functionofbeauty.com slash toast. Let them know heard about from the toast and you'll get 25 off your first order functionofbeauty.com slash toast take your hair quiz and save 25 on your first order all right next story is beanie feldstein is beaming as she earned her first standing ovation for funny girl opening night on broadway and of course her brother jonah hill was there so you know funny girl i've heard of it i've never seen it you know that song don't rain on my parade yes that's from funny girl oh wow yeah so it's like my favorite song but i've actually never seen the movie or the play and it's an iconic uh film with barbara streisand and they've taken it to broadway beanie feldstein is barbara streisand's character fanny bryce um and it's like kind of a really big deal that she got the role and it was just opening night she got a standing ovation and jonah hill was there so we just love to see

siblings supporting siblings yeah i think she's great i liked her a lot in impeachment we loved impeachment i think she was great jonah hill's great but the reason i wanted to talk about this story like no offense i don't really care about broadway um is there was some jonah hill okay let me i have to give you a bunch of backstory so we have this inside joke on the morning toast and guys if you've heard this before i'm sorry but i don't know if ben has we have this inside joke on the morning toast about jonah hill and it's justice for ruthie do you know what that is yes okay so anytime enews posts about jonah hill for some like the toasters, the comments, just go scroll Justice for Ruthie, Justice for Ruthie,

like they flood the comments. It's the funniest thing. And like three days ago, E! News finally responded. Somebody wrote Justice for Ruthie on another post that they had about Jonah Hill. And you know what they responded? What? A toast to the Wild Ones.

Oh my God. They responded with my song lyric. That's proving that we have toasters at E! News, which we already knew. Because you could tell, like a lot of times in the captions, they talk like a toaster. Because, you know, it's like a language we speak. Now we have official confirmation that not only is Justice for Ruthie being served, we are making waves at E! News. And that's just like, not to make this, not to make Beanie Feltzine's opening night about me, but here I am making it about me. That's pretty cool.

I know, right? Yeah, it's cool you sure you know what justice for ruthie is i do liar no he was with a girl named ruthie and something terrible happened she tripped no no no okay let me tell you just really quick because it's a crazy story okay fine so there was this girl in the old facebook group like before it was back when it was normal even even then it wasn't normal, honestly. She wrote in, she was like, you guys, I just passed Jonah Hill on the street. Like, we made, like, sexy eye contact.

And I sent him a message, and he responded. And she basically sent him a message. It was like, I think I just walked past you on Bleeker. Like, you're so cute. Like, would love to get coffee. And she wrote it in the group, like, totally not being thirsty, just really asking for help. Like, how to talk to a celebrity. She's like, will you guys help me respond and like come up with like funny cute responses

and it was going great everyone was helping her people were freaking out millions of girls in the group just like waiting to be helpful to ruthie and then some fucking snitch screenshotted the girl's post in toast after dark and sent it to jonah hill oh my god and jonah hill immediately stopped talking to her because he thought like she was, yeah, like, and she was just being sweet. Like she was not being thirsty at all. But of course he sees that

and it's like, you know, I'm not going to go on a date with a girl who's writing about me in a Facebook group. So that's why we say justice for Ruthie because the opportunity to be Jonah Hill's girlfriend

was robbed for her, from her because of a snitch. And now whenever he like posts, you know, he has a new girlfriend or whatever, people always justice for ruthie it's not sad it is sad but like i don't know you couldn't like ask your your sister or your mom you had to like post about it with it's not like the morning toast facebook group is small no but that's like how powerful

being a toaster is no i get it you really just need your fellow toasters. Yeah, but then you really need the ones that aren't snitches. Yeah, I know. And like, I would just love to know where that snitch is right now. Yeah, same. Fucking loser.

And that is one of many reasons why we no longer have a Facebook group. But we're happy for Beanie and her opening night, but we're even happier for ourselves knowing that E! News is infiltrated

by toasters. You just absolutely love to see it, you know? Love to see it. All right, the fifth and final story is an update on a story we've been talking about. The New York Times is now reporting that Twitter is nearing a deal to sell itself to Elon Musk, but we really just

wanted to talk about this documentary we watched over the weekend. I haven't seen anyone talking about it, but it's a brand new documentary on Netflix called Return to Space, and it's all about SpaceX's last couple years of not only figuring out how to use rockets how to build reusable rockets but then also getting what was it two astronauts to the international space station back and forth totally safely it was an amazing documentary first of all i feel like what i know about elon musk and what like most people know about elon musk is just like a lot of he's always in the press like saying things on twitter and just like being I know about Elon Musk and what like most people know about Elon Musk is just like a lot of he's always in the press like saying things on Twitter and just like being you know billionaire crazy genius whatever but I never really like dove deep into what he actually does for a living it's

always been like something I can't lie that confused me and I got a lot of clarity from it from the SpaceX documentary and it's just so crazy like how smart he is like that documentary was amazing SpaceX is incredible yeah he's a genius engineer engineer yeah and like the way spacex was able to make rockets reusable it's like how did i don't know that it's the craziest thing yes and everybody needs to watch it but what he said at the end which i'm always bothering claudia always at night and she never ever wants to give me the time of day on this issue i am always fascinated i'm like do you understand that the pyramids of giza are sitting there each brick weighs between like three and a four and fifty tons and there's brick and there are two million bricks okay it sits perfectly at the center of the universe

is that true yes perfect perfect and it's like we're supposed to believe that like honestly we're supposed to believe us as jews that like the jews built them the jews built them just like by hand it's impossible have you ever met a geo we're not building it's impossible to have done it the way that people are saying that they did right and we are missing technology and what Elon Musk said which I thought was so is that we now have no idea how this was built because people don't ever continue with technology they build it it's amazing and forget it and we have a unique opportunity to see how far we can stretch this current tech going to mars and hopefully ending up in a world that is multi-planetary and living there which is which is crazy yeah no i thought that point was really good like as a

civilization like we've made so many strides in technology but a lot of times we don't finish the thought so it gets forgotten yeah um and that's what or you don't teach the thought and that's what he's like most afraid of when it comes to space travel um and i just thought like it was such a a different side of elon because the one that i'm used to seeing like the one we talked about on the toast you know he's like a you know grimes they're having babies he's at the mech alley he did snl but like his day job i just like totally never even like spend time learning about what he does like spacex is amazing his day job is amazing and his everything that happens with him in the news is because he knows that none of that matters right like what he's doing is actually important the reason why he tweets the way that he does the reason why he used his instagram for means is because social media to

him is is phony like it doesn't mean anything right like what he's doing means something so it was such a good documentary you guys and like I'm not really into like space Ben loves documentaries about like other planets it was so good like I actually had chills like these astronauts are just like so amazing it was so good it was amazing I wasn't expecting just like watch a documentary and like become a space girly but I'm I think I should go to watch a documentary and become a space girly, but I think I should go to space. And the fact that nobody knows that the United States space program

that was shut down was literally replaced by the private company, Elon Musk, SpaceX, and the number one contract for SpaceX, or for NASA, is SpaceX. Like, NASA and SpaceX are one and the same. No, and what's so crazy we were talking about, because obviously we were watching it with Brian,

is, like, all these billionaires who are now doing, you know, Blue Origin is... Bezos. Bezos, and Virgin is... What's his name? Virgin Galactic is... Branson.

Yeah. We were actually talking about how, you know, they keep inviting, like, they want interesting people to go on their little space journeys. You know, they want

the oldest person, the youngest person. I actually feel like Brian could get an invitation on one of those things because he's like the travel expert on land and they're going to take the travel expert to space like i could totally see brian getting invited on blue origin yeah is that crazy i'd go on blue origin i'd go on spacex i don't think i'd go on virgin i agree i don't think i'd go on virgin galactic and i think virgin galactic is the one that you're most likely to be invited on. Right, because it's very, like, they're into marketing. Richard Branson's a marketer.

I could just see Richard Branson inviting Brian on one of those trips. I just can't explain why. For sure. Right? Yeah. And I also just, like, I just can't trust a cruise ship company building a rocket. Yeah. Like, these are, like, I don't know.

But why would you trust, you know, an e-commerce company, Amazon, to build? I don't think I'd trust Bezos. I'd trust Musk. Me too. After watching this documentary, like, there's nowhere I wouldn't let Elon take me. No, he's amazing.

It was really eye-opening, especially, like, if you don't know a lot about Elon, just, like, what you see in the news. I feel like he gets painted to be, like, one of those, like, crazy... He's actually very smart and pretty pragmatic, like, in the way he see in the news. I feel like he gets painted to be like one of those like crazy, but he's actually very smart and pretty pragmatic like in the way he speaks in the documentary. I just thought it was really, really good.

And that's why I wanted to talk about the story. I don't know if the report that he's going to officially by Twitter is real or not, but we'll see. We'll keep you abreast as we always do. And it's so funny. So we don't own a Tesla. I think Teslas are super cool. Me too.

But we never see Teslas. And I was thinking to myself, why do you never see Teslas? Tesla is uprooting the traditional car dealership relationship. They sell, they're the first car to sell direct to consumer. I didn't know that. Did you know that? Yeah, you buy it online or in a store. Yeah, but like they like are never going to be sold at dealerships.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no Tesla dealer. Well, just a Tesla store a tesla store okay yeah but what was the point you were trying to make i don't know i just thought it was cool yeah but what does that have to do with us seeing teslas what do you mean seeing teslas you said we never see a tesla no we don't own a tesla oh no you never you never see a tesla dealership like you see like ray what's his last name? Ray, yeah, no, there's that. Ray Katina. Of like, Tenafly, whatever. Of the Bay, of Queens. Of somewhere.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You see Ray Katina selling everything from Cadillac to whatever, and you never see him selling Teslas. Such a good call about Ray Katina. Yeah. No, but like, if you go to a mall, sometimes there's like literally a store. You just go in and you customize your own Tesla. And you can't buy it there. They're just showrooms.

So where do you buy it? You have to buy it online because legally, the same way in alcohol, there's a system. Like suppliers sell to dealers, sell to people. So he's just like doing everything his own way. It's like a DTC car company. He's doing everything his own way. It's so crazy. Yeah, he's cool.

All right, we're going to let everyone unburden themselves before we wrap up today's show. And Unburden Yourselves is brought to you by Luminess. If you don't have a ton of time to get ready

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Let's talk about these girls. Hey, girlies. First off, I want to say how much I love listening to the show every day. It's truly the best part of my day. Claudia, this one's for you. Saturday, I went to a friend's wedding. I had a great time. Fortunately and unfortunately, it was open bar and let's just say I had one too many cocktails. So towards the end of the night, I was on, of course, on the dance floor getting down. And no, I mean, I was literally getting down. I was drunk, wearing a long dress and also

fall on the regular. i don't remember it happening but i must have fallen so hard on the dance floor that i literally got a fucking concussion immediately i vomited all over my boyfriend's suit and ended up going to the hospital to spend my evening in the er i made a complete fool of myself and i'm so freaking embarrassed will this be something that people remember for the rest of their lives will i forever be known as the dumbass who had a concussion at a friend's wedding? Help. Sincerely, a girl who never really drinks, but when she does, she goes all in. You know, I didn't think that this was so bad until you vomited. Are these your friends?

Like, whose friends are these? Huh? Are these her friends or are these his friends? Oh, whose wedding? I don't know. That's very important. So if they're your friends, if it was your wedding, your friends will totally forgive you. They've known you forever.

They'll just think that this is funny. That being said, if these are his friends and they've never met you before, he's never going to forget it. Yeah, I also just need to know a little bit more. Like, I need you to set the scene for me a little bit more. Was everyone watching? Was it the end of the night where, like, not a lot of people were there? Agreed. We need more details because this, I can't lie, like, it does potentially sound like it could have been really really bad and embarrassing but also like

was everyone fucked up i need more details because it's very possible that this really like wasn't a big deal even though the vomit like where did you vomit you vomited on his coat but like in the bathroom or in the middle of the dance floor and do people know how drunk you were because it is possible that you tripped you hit hit your head, you vomited because of the concussion. Right. And all of a sudden, you're the victim. Right.

No, I was thinking that too. It's like a medical emergency. So like vomiting is embarrassing when you're drunk, but vomiting when you're in the middle of a medical crisis is just like a part of life. Totally. I would play that card. Like really keep that hospital bracelet on. Keep it on for a while so you're really still recovering just to help ease the the image of you in other people's minds agreed all right next up this week i went on a

date with this hot british guy and we got margaritas at my local favorite spot they have great chips and salsa too so we snacked on that and i guess a chip with spicy salsa might have hit me in the back of the throat because i sneezed and no joke a literal rocket came out of my nose and bungied back into my face and then hung there for the longest tenth of a second of my life we were sitting side by side and it came out of my nostril that was closest to him so he got a front row seat i quickly took a napkin and wiped my nose but the damage was done there was no addressing of the booger and to think i was actually confused by he didn't kiss me at the end of the night is sad what No, that's sad. What word did she use?

Bunguide? I was like, literally, is that a typo? What the fuck is bunguide? I should look it up. I'm sure it's a real word and we're just dumb. Bunguide? Bunguide is when one consumes enough alcohol to be absolutely shit-faced and cops dart for the fucking boys

no that's urban dictionary maybe it was a typo bung guide on miriam webster oh having an eye swollen okay webster define bung guide okay whatever um that sucks but any guy that can't get over some snot is not the right guy anyway yeah i agree it's really not a big deal like it's it's embarrassing for like six seconds you should have laughed about it and moved on i don't think that this is that bad either honestly like if you're like if you're dating someone you're gonna have children honestly just shows like a lack of maturity like when you get married to someone like you've seen me at my worst i've seen you at your worst we've seen we had the flu together like it's not really a thing. So if he's like on the

first date already being like skittish about a booger, he's doing you a favor by just bouncing because that's really not the type of guy you want to marry. That's the type of guy who's like, when you're sick and like throwing up, he's like, ew, babe. Like, no, bitch, fucking help me. Yep. Get on your knees and scratch my back. Yep. Hold my hair back. By the way, why get on your knees?

Okay, I guess you don't have to get on your knees, but my back when i'm throwing up for sure you love to scratch my back it's so nice you love to sleep through it literally buddy's throwing up i'm holding her hair scratching her back i'm throwing up shut up it's so true let me sleep if i am like sick in the middle of the night you're that guy i. I'll get up. Ew. Yeah. Totally. I'll get up and like start throwing up. And before I know it, Ben is like right behind me with water. And it's so thoughtful.

Literally when Ben had the stomach virus, I was dead asleep. And he woke me up. He's like, Claude, I'm sick. I'm like, so? It's so true. It's so mean. I'm so sorry. The thing is like I cannot wake up i helped you so much the

next day you do i will not wake up for anything like someone's robbing the house let them i'm not getting up like i'm just not so i don't think i'm quite like this guy but i'm pretty close all right final thing i want to start off by saying my daughter is fine but i feel like the worst mother i ordered a new ice roller and I woke up this morning to use it. You know what an ice roller is? It, like, de-puffs your face. You leave it in the house. I know what it is.

Oh, yeah. You know what it is. I was rolling my face and holding my four-month-old daughter, and somehow she licked the ice roller. And it got stuck to her tongue. Her tongue got stuck to it because it was so cold. And her tongue started bleeding. Again, she's totally fine now, and it was very minor cut. But it was such an unexpected freak accident.

And I just needed to come clean. And my beauty routine is literally killing my daughter. Okay, the thing is, I understand, like, immediately feeling like the worst mom in the world. But you know what? You should feel very lucky that nothing terrible happened. And now you've learned a lesson. Like, keep the ice roller away from the kid, you know? Because God always gives you a warning before something big.

This is your warning. Like, never let the kid near the ice roller ice roll when the kid is asleep and the kid got away relatively unscathed and you learned a very valuable lesson so don't feel bad sad though yeah of course but don't make her feel worse no i'm not i'm just like thinking like kids are very very resilient not thinking like if theo like the ice roller and it was stuck to his tongue i'm really uh happy that you learned this lesson me too and the kid is fine kids are so resilient like when i think about some of the shit like when i was a kid i had a car door slammed on my hand like kids are fine i yeah i had similar accidents right i had my two of my fingers trapped in an iron door you see these yeah oh my god no yeah

i had terrible stitches here where the fuck did you encounter an iron door we had one uh from when i was three to eight i was rollerblading and i like to brace myself my fingers went like the hinge oh thank god my mom my mom caught it yeah if she didn't my fingers would be gone yeah they'd be on the ground oh my god yeah so when you think about all the crazy shit you did as a kid and like we're all fine it's fine this is not a big deal don't be mad not a big deal but but sad i hope her yeah i hope her tongue heals but she's fine what do you do for a tongue band-aid how do you put a band-aid on a tongue you probably just ice it okay ben i really want to thank you for being here i know like we ran around this farm 50 times looking for a good place to podcast we're currently

laying in a tiny bedroom uh with our on the floor with our bellies on the floor and we want to die so my arms are asleep thank you so much for doing this you guys thank you for listening again we are back tomorrow in studio with stassi schroeder so i can't wait for you guys to see that thank you so much for listening to the morning toast. It's a millennial morning show where we deliver the best stories that you need to know every Monday, Friday, and YouTube. So if you're watching this on YouTube,

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