The Toast - S5 Ep56: Chopping the Tarts: Wednesday, May 4th, 2022

Episode Date: May 4, 2022

- Dave Chapelle Attacked on Stage at Hollywood Bowl By Audience Member Armed with Weapon (Page Six) (11:08)  - Lili Reinhart Slams 'Starving' Kim Kardashian Over Met Gala 2022 Diet (Page Six) (18:30) - Post Malone Expecting First Child with Longtime Girlfriend (Page Six) (24:18)  - Intruder Disguised as Priest Spends Night at the Queen's Windsor Castle (Page Six) (29:55)  - Aaron Judge Homer Leads to Fans' Wholesome Moment (NY Post) (40:01)  - RHONJ Reunion Recap (42:12)  - Dear Toasters ([e-mail]) (49:00)  The Morning Toast with Claudia (@girlwithnojob) and Jackie Oshry (@JackieOshry) Merch: https://shopmorningtoast.com/ The Morning Toast Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/themorningtoast Girl With No Job by Claudia Oshry: https://www.girlwithnojob.com/bookSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Good morning, Millennials! Welcome back to the Morning Toast. Happy Wednesday. It is hump day! So don't forget to hump someone you love. Speaking of someone I love, I am joined for the third consecutive day in a row, which is so sickening given the fact she just gave birth. It's Jackie O, Morning Toast, Original Recipe. Original Recipe, hey guys, happy to be here. It's really catching up with me, like it's a little too much too. Oh, really? But I'm happy to do it. This is such a big week. So I'm running on adrenaline, running on steamy vibes, running on N-Log. You're running on steamy vibes.

I am feeling quite steamy because it's always warm in here. It is always warm in here. We've got to fix that. And we're always wearing sweatshirts and leggings and Air Force Ones and twinning. We're literally wearing the same outfit. Like a couple of clowns. Again. This is, like, embarrassing.

I know. What's with us? I guess it's the Air Force Ones. I know because like they're just such great shoes that you have to wear with a crew neck. Yeah. And we're just always wearing crew necks. And I just have decided like until I'm where I want to be in life physically, mentally, and

emotionally, it's just going to be a sweatshirt from me. I don't care what month it is. Like I tried the first time I came into the studio to like put together an outfit because I was like ready. So excited. And I looked horrific. And so now I'll just be covering everything until I'm ready

to show you guys more. You're like literally going to do a full reveal in like six months. Six months. Yeah. Well we've got a great show for you guys today. It's Wednesday. And we've got Dear Toasters. We also have an update from someone who wrote in about something particularly vile. So that'll be exciting.

Jackie did not watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion part one because she has a child and priorities. I couldn't swing it, you guys. It was like hanging over my head all night. And I woke up in the middle of the night to pump. And I was like, I could watch it now. But then I didn't want to wake my mind up because I needed to go back to sleep it's not worth it it was only part one like it was part three maybe perhaps but I was really excited to watch it and I just didn't want to rush it like I want to watch it when I want to watch it it was really good and I have a lot of thoughts I feel like it really

and what my main takeaway is we haven't even spoken about this how it's been widely reported I think it's like pretty much true that Jackie Goldschneider was demoted to friend of I just yes but how can they make that call before the reunion and why make that call before the reunion like see how things play out I feel like it's such a mistake and after watching the reunion last night I'm even more like cemented in my belief that it's the biggest mistake of all time especially because if they don't want the show to continue to be like everyone just tiptoeing around Teresa they've like now changed the landscape and the dynamics so much. It's such a mistake. It's so wrong. I'm like I'm I'm actually really furious about it and I never thought I would feel that way because I was a Jackie Goldschneider

like hater up until recently. Yeah and um I might be caught from a different cloth but it's top quality fabric. Which is always good to know. Don't forget that. Don't forget that. So we are excited to be here. We're coming off our Met Gala extravaganza, which was very fun and exciting. I know we didn't get to all the looks. Like there were still hundreds left. But I feel like we did what was needed, what needed to be done. We did the bulk of it.

Yeah. I don't recall, maybe there was like one or two after where I was like, shit, we didn't mention them. But there's so many people. So many. And we did what we had to do and that's what we're going to do here today at the Morning Toast.

This is our final episode of the week because for anyone who doesn't know tomorrow's like a really big day. I'm performing at Madison Square Garden. Tickets available

at girlwithnojob.com slash tour. It's going to be fabulous and I'm also doing a show tonight. Oh my God, I keep forgetting about that. A little warm up show

Chelsea Music Hall. It's going to be good. It's going to be good. It's going to be good. It's going to be fun. Like an intimate night with girl with no job. You know, it's a fireside chat. Ooh, look at you, Teddy Roosevelt. Elizabeth Holmes.

FDR. Yeah. Is that what she did? I don't know. Fireside chats always remind me of like tech companies that like spend money on these like, you know, team outings. And it's like, let's go to a cabin and do a fireside chat. They were always doing fireside chats in Younger. Yeah. But you know, it's FDR who started that.

No, I didn't know. Little fun fact with the advent of the radio, he would do a fireside chat and talk to the nation. Wow. You really learned so much when your co-host is a historical fiction freak. Freak. Is that nice? Is that nice? Got out of bed three days in a row for this bitch. It's not nice. It's not nice. So what else? What's going on with you? Not much. We recorded the Redheads yesterday.

Always a great time with the girls. They're so funny. They are. The Redheads is just like a hysterical podcast. We should be in the comedy section. Except we like being in arts, so we are higher in the charts. Always in the top, yeah. Yeah.

Comedy is a really competitive category. It is. Like those office ladies, fuck them. Like they're always... If you have a podcast, find the most obscure category that you can put it in so that you have a chance at hitting number one. And that's also, I'm so glad you brought that up, because when you see influencers, sorry, this is, like, so shady and mean of me,

but, like, when you see influencers be like, yes, like, we're chopping the tarts. Chopping the tarts, new episode. They're, like, tricking you into thinking that their podcast is popular when it's not they're just in like a random obscure i know that's really me to say because like our podcast is so big and i should really be more humble but i won't they're just tricking you into thinking that their podcast is big when it's actually not it's like easy to be the biggest fish in a puddle wow shoday coming out swinging. I said what I said.

I will say, if your podcast is number one in any category, like it's not Teen Tiny, but it's not, you know, number one in comedy. It's not Joe Rogan, Call Her Daddy.

It's not Conan. You're not Joe Rogan. You're not Conan. Redheads used to be in society and culture, but it was just like a little too depressing. So then we moved over to arts. Oh, that's better.

And now, yeah, society and culture is like probably fourth or fifth most competitive so what do you think it goes by i think it goes i'll tell you because apple sorts it that's my theory they have the i think it's news and then comedy it's news and then comedy and then perhaps sports but the way you can um the pull down is not alphabetical or anything which leads me to believe that it is based on chronological like that feature isn't even there right now hold on hold on yes it is i looked at it yesterday i'm always checking the charts on the top right where you just work by it wasn't

coming up oh you know what and i got a new phone so maybe man my pot and okay all categories here we go first news second comedy third society and culture wow moving on up i feel like because everybody puts their podcast in society and culture because it's a very big umbrella right fourth business biz news fifth true crime that's interesting we're literally sixth in comedy right now six sports so we're six and number two that's pretty good we're six and number two and then health and fitness religion religion and spirituality, arts, education. Maybe we should move to education. Seems less competitive. No, totally. History. I got to start a history podcast. I'll be number one every week. TV and film. That's actually pretty surprising that it's so low. Yeah. A lot of people throw

theirs in TV and film. We do TV recaps. We could be number one in TV and film every week. Let's move over. I'm so sick of Conan and the office ladies. Totally. And Heather McDonald. She's always in front of us. Science. We could do a show about Elon Musk. Number one every week. Technology. Music.

Kids and family. Leisure. That's a nice. That's a good. I mean, I feel very at peace when listening to the morning toast. I do think we would qualify for leisure. That's really interesting. Then fiction and then government. Woof.

Woof. Yeah. No one's listening to government Then fiction and then government. Woof. Woof, yeah. No one's listening to government podcasts. I'm shocked. Speaking of government, we have an amazing show today. Anything else you want to catch up on before we dive right in? No. Oh, one thing that I actually wanted to catch up on that's not a story,

but I feel like I would be remiss, devastated, and heartbroken if I didn't mention it, was Jessica Simpson's Instagram stories yesterday. Yes. She had a birthday party for her daughter. And, you know, we heard rumors that her and North were friends with her daughter. But we didn't really have proof. Now we have proof.

They had, like, kids are obsessed with these squishmallows. Do you know them? No. They're like these stuffed animals. I'm sure I'll get to know them soon. Squishmallows. They're like collectible stuffed animals or whatever. So I think her daughter had, I don't know if it was her birthday,

but North bought her a present. So it looked like it might have been her birthday. They had like this movie night Squishmallow birthday party. And not only was North there and she brought her a gift that was a pair of sneakers and Jessica was posting pictures of them. Penelope was there too. I saw the picture. So cute.

I think the kid just had a birthday party because that's how we learned that they were friends and that Kim wasn't at the party. So maybe this was just like a movie night in the backyard in a pickup truck because like that's what celebrity kids do. It was so cute. Sounds like an ideal night for me like an adult. Yeah. Laying in the back of a truck watching a movie on a Calabasas cliff.

You're living the wrong life sister. 100%. Like the fact that I wasn't born Jessica Simpson or Nicole. Nicole. Oh my God. born Jessica Simpson or Nicole Nicole oh my god the fact that I wasn't born Jessica Simpson's daughter like is my cross to where yeah it is mistaken there was a match in the matrix there was a glimpse I'm done like I'm really fucking done I can't even talk today you are chopping the tarts I'm chopping the

tarts and the tarts are chopping me 100% I need to I need need to get my brain and my mouth more connected because I have a show tonight. I need to start focusing on the words in which I speak. But that's good. Make the mistakes now. Okay, I think we should get right in because we have some great stories to chat about. We have Deer Toasters and we have Claudia's going to talk a little New Jersey. So without further ado, it is time for the fast five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast. And today's episode is brought to you by Jenny

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jennycain.com home j-e-n-n-i-k-a-y-n-e.com home i just got just got a delicious Jenny Kane blanket that Harold and I are loving. So cozy. Okay first story big crazy news of the day Dave Chappelle was attacked on stage at Hollywood Bowl by an audience member with armed with a weapon. So last night at the Hollywood Bowl they were filming Netflix is a joke and Dave Chappelle was doing his set towards the end of the set around 10 45 uh shocking footage footage shows Chappelle standing on stage as an audience member charged and slammed him to the floor seconds later the attacker was tackled by security and then he was beat up thoroughly by a bunch of the people backstage uh the man who lives in Los Angeles was arrested for felony assault with a deadly weapon. He was armed with a knife

and carrying a replica handgun with a blade inside. He was taken to the hospital before he was booked early Wednesday into jail on $30,000 bail. I have so many thoughts. My first thought is like, I really feel bad for Dave Chappelle. There's nothing scarier than being tackled,

especially like when you're just like such a target, just standing there under a bright light and everyone else is sitting in darkness. I also feel bad for Will Smith because in one way or the other, this is his fault and everyone's going to figure, everyone's like saying that already. So I know that wasn't his intention when he slapped Chris Smith. Chris Smith. I'm not okay when he slapped Chris Rock. I know that wasn't his intention but via the butterfly effect here we are and I'd also like to say I don't understand how this happened because the Hollywood Bowl is like a really legit venue and you're telling me through all the security we all have to put up with

that a man with a replica gun got in the knife but the knife was inside the gun so like you're telling me like when he walked through that metal detector or like nothing went off? Like the knife is made of metal. If the replica was not made of metal, then maybe it wouldn't have set it off. But like also they served to our tings. They're going through my tampons. I can't bring an Advil into a club.

Right. But a replica gun and a knife, okay. This is like a huge oversight on the behalf of the Hollywood Bowl like security team. You can't even like have your phone at a comedy show. I know. And I hate to blame anyone other than the person who stormed the stage. But a series of events had to occur in order for this man to get into the venue with his items and be seated close to Dave Chappelle. And so while it is this man's fault 100%, I'm just so curious how something like this happens in this day and age

like okay you can't stop someone from storming a stage like we all are human beings with independence but you can stop someone from bringing a knife yeah and they didn't you would hope right maybe you can't so this is so this is awful like this is really really awful I saw the video looks like Dave Chappelle is totally fine physically um which is good and everyone was able to you know laugh it off right after the tackle Chris Rock came on stage and gave Dave Chappelle a hug and asked was that Will Smith then um Dave Chappelle carried on and made some jokes he was about to announce a musical act and so you know everyone I think was able to carry on right because, because he was mostly done with his set. Right. Which, like, to bounce back and have to continue performing literally sounds horrible.

Right. So I think they made it okay. It will be unclear if it's going to be in the special. I don't know what they even should do about that. Well, we were just talking about that. In general, this is just, like, setting a jarring, worrisome precedent for, like, comedians being fair game for verbal and physical assaults right um but we were talking before the show about like whether so they're filming Netflix

is a joke is a comedy festival that Netflix is putting on and of course they're filming a lot of the talent to make content for Netflix comedy specials um so I'm sure that this whole evening was filmed I'm sure that they have the incident on camera and we were going back and forth as to whether Netflix should put this in or not like part of me actually I want to say no completely because then this guy becomes a celebrity and then other people are going to be like wow if I want to get on Netflix all I have to do is tackle a celebrity and I think it like encourages bad behavior yeah even though part of me was also thinking like what we it's like such a horrible thing. I don't know. I don't know. I'm leaning towards no. It's like what really happened.

So maybe you should just put it in. Plus, I think after, you know, when everybody, I think it was like Chappelle's crew and his personal security. And I think it was about like 20 people who beat up on this guy. And it was definitely a very big reaction. But fuck around and find out.

You don't just get to charge someone with a knife and then say that the reaction is too big afterwards. Right. No, that's 100% true. But I imagine that like perhaps Dave Chappelle doesn't want it on television. His entourage. Like it looks bad 20 to 1. But you don't see the one guy who stormed the stage with a knife.

Right. So this is just like terrible. It's really fucking scary and terrible. And it's just crazy that it happens to Dave Chappelle who's the biggest comedian in the world he has you know swarms of security um he's in a in an environment it's like a legit venue right it's sponsored by Netflix like you would think that something like this couldn't happen at an event like this to a person like this but here it is happening right and even with like the logistics of like the stage

being you know some stages you couldn't really jump right they're too high they're too far still at the hollywood bowl it could be done it's so scary and honestly i'm sure he's fine but i hope he's fine i think it rattles anyone everyone i mean not to make literally everything about me but like when you're on stage and you hear a weird sound like it is so scary but you have to keep going because most of the time it's just like a sound it's not someone storming the stage so like your heart stops but then you have to keep going because people are like what's wrong with this bitch yeah so for that to actually be something real is so scary like it's every person human beings not even comedians it's every human being's worst

nightmare like being attacked for no reason yeah loser energy like oh this goes beyond and this guy got his ass handed to him which is exactly what he deserved i'm sorry there were photos after of him on the stretcher and his elbow is dislocated from his arm it's gross it's really gross but fuck around and find out and that's the moral of the story that's the moral of every story I was just gonna say that it is the moral of every story yep so we'll see what happens if Dave responds what will what will come of this Dave only responds to things like in comedy format like he's not gonna release his statement right and this is also like really Chris Rock's first time speaking out about the Will Smith thing right really because how crazy that will smith that chris rock was there right no just so weird yeah it's not okay like we are not okay no as a society we are unwell unwell and this has got to stop

if you come to my show just saying and you get on stage and like you try to touch me like i what happens after that is on you like i will literally i'm a big bitch like you do not want to fuck with me like i'm strong no and she's got a lot of people in her corner no and like you don't want to mess with me to make the show that you do want to mess with me but you don't know and like okay i like that like his team escorted him off stage but like if you're gonna come out and try and embarrass me like i'm leaving you on stage and i'm beating you up in front of everyone like you don't get the privacy of back of backstage it's a public flogging all the cameras coming out for a public affair and i'll

tell everyone to get their phones out wow okay yeah there we go but then you'll make like the toasters are are civilized so they are i don't know a toaster after a couple of spritz she'd get wild true that are you ready for our next story yeah a little more controversy lily reinhardt is slamming quote starving kim kardashian over her met gala 2022 diet yes as we reported yesterday kim shared that she lost 16 pounds in three weeks to fit into the maryland dress and that did not sit well with lily reinhardt who took to her Instagram story on Tuesday and wrote in text, to walk on a red carpet and do an interview where you say how starving you are

because you haven't eaten a carb in the last month, all to fit into a fucking dress, so wrong, so fucked on hundreds of levels. The star, who did not call out Kim by name, added that it's disgusting for celebrities to admit to starving themselves considering how many people idolize them. She quote to openly admit to starving yourself for the sake of the Met Gala when you know very well that millions of young men and women are looking up to

you and listening to your every word the ignorance is otherworldly disgusting okay I have so many thoughts on this I guess this is that backlash you were talking about I really hadn't seen any but now I now I'm familiar and And she doesn't say Kim by name, but she might as well have. She wasn't talking about anyone else other than Kim. No no no. Which I just don't like to single out Kim, because I watched all the interviews and Venus Williams was like talking about how she's so hungry and like how she and all these other girls were like I can't breathe in my dress. So to single out Kim for and blame her for the entire culture which you perceive to be toxic

is unfair first of all second of all I the way that Kim framed it in the sense of like this for her this is a role and we've heard a million stories Mark Wahlberg, Joaquin Phoenix, Jared Leto like people always like dropping and gaining like 40 50 pounds in short amount of times I don't see any backlash there. So like, why is it? It's just like, for me, it's like whether the argument about Kim is valid or not, it bothers me that it's always Kim. It reminds me of like when Kendall came out with 818. People were really upset because they thought, you know, it's a Mexican, it's made in Mexico

and it's a Mexican drink. And there's totally an argument to be made there. But like, why do these arguments only come out for the Kardashians? Like nobody said anything about Casamigos. Is George Clooney Mexican? Nobody said anything about Ciroc. Is P. Diddy Russian? So it's like these, whether they're valid or not,

like the fact that these conversations only happen around the Kardashians, like it bothers me. It does. Yeah, it bothers me as well. And I agree when Kim says she's training for a role, you may not like that her role is considered, you know to the Mecala night a fashion's night out but this is perhaps one of the most iconic things that Kim has ever done I took no issue with her sharing because by the way what she did and also it's she didn't lose 16 pounds because she wants to be skinny

she had to fit into a dress it wasn't like you know I need to be this weight so I can look good at the Met Gala. She needed to be a certain weight so that she could fit in the dress. Right and I personally as a person my the way that I feel is I would rather someone like shred for the wed and let us know what they did and that it was really fucking hard and not just like oh I just happened to fit into Marilyn Monroe's fucking dress. I agree I think that when celebrities pop up on red carpets looking insanely stunning. And they're like I just had a burger at the hotel. Yeah I think that contributes more to like toxic body image. Because you're like why don't I look like that? Yeah because I just had a burger and I can't fit my ass in my jeans. Whereas I know why I don't look like this. Because I have eaten carbs for three weeks straight. I wasn't doing two a days yeah tomatoes I agree so like don't get me wrong I mean in celebrity culture there's so much

toxicity when it comes to body image and weight and it's hella problematic but I prefer someone to be completely transparent with me than just showing up looking like sheer perfection leaving me wondering like well if she's just a regular girl how did that happen there must be something wrong with me right no actually I know there's nothing wrong with me now thanks to Kim because I eat whatever I want whenever I want because you're not putting in that work right so I don't know I just there's so many about things and maybe it's just because I'm a chemapologist like if this was someone else maybe I would feel differently but I really don't think so I don't get bothered um when people talk about their journey I really don't that's That's just me. I look the way that

I am. I look the way that I do because of decisions I make. And I guess Kim is extremely influential, but I don't know. I think this is a stretch. I do. But I know a lot of people don't agree with me. Even in the comments yesterday on YouTube, um people are like furious at Kim so like you do you I'm not I'm not furious I think I would feel the same way about the premise of the argument if it were any other celebrity but I'm just more invested because it's Kim yes Lily Reinhart was beefing with someone that I'm not like obsessed with I don't really know if I would think too hard about it yeah um and I mean I think for Kim like she's been doing this her entire career like letting us know when she's losing weight gaining posting her uh workouts letting us know

when she's on a diet when she's having beignets in New Orleans like and I'm she's gotten backlash all all along but I think for her like she doesn't care because like on principle she doesn't have an issue with it it's not like oh oops I'm sorry I didn't know that I that I yeah did that you know yeah no I'm just there's there's like a few things about this that I just also don't like singling out like one person culture like don't the the issue in celebrity and in Hollywood with body image and weight is so big and it's not Kim Kardashian's fault I'm sorry it's not so to like center the whole argument on Kim I think is really unfair yeah and just everybody has different experiences and everybody like feels differently

about what what they're seeing whether you know you're someone like Lily Reinhardt who this is upsetting to you but you could have had to be someone with Lily Reinhardt same experience and see this and not find it upsetting right right or like triggering right yeah I just I could be someone with Lily Reinhardt's same experience and see this and not find it upsetting. Right, or like triggering. Right. Yeah, I just, I'm not agreeing with Lily Reinhardt on this. Like at all. No, me neither.

But I do, a lot of people do. So there you go. There you go. Our next story, a little exciting fatherhood news. News. News. News. Exciting fatherhood news.

Post Malone is expecting his first child with longtime girlfriend. Who knew he had a longtime girlfriend? Not I. Post Malone said, I'm excited for this next chapter in my life. I'm the happiest I've ever been. And for since I could remember, I was sad, he told TMZ. Time to take care of my body and my family and my friends and spread as much love as we can every day.'s so gorgeous sources close to page six said the couple hosted a private party

with friends and family in southern california over the weekend to celebrate the exciting news that is just like so traditional so sweet i had no idea he had a girlfriend um love this i love this. I love to see Post. I'm so sorry. What? I'm so sorry. So the article said sources close to Post. So I just it's page six. So I assume it was the New York Post. Oh no sources close to Post Malone. As in Malone. Yeah yeah yeah. No of course. That is so funny. That is very confusing though. I feel that. I love this for him. I feel like you know Posties growing up I feel like hearts are breaking everywhere. As they should be. So my heart goes out to all the girls who thought that this would be them and it turned out that it wasn't you. I see you. I hear you and I'm here for you. Did you know that he had a long-term girlfriend? No clue. No clue. No. That he was just like this family man. No I love that. The thing about Post Malone is like you think you know him but you don't. Right and like he lives in Utah. He loves country music. He's very unplugged. He loves guitar.

He has his priorities in order. No it's actually so true like especially for how famous he is he could be like anything he wanted living in the biggest house in Beverly Hills but you're right he's like a weirdly traditional rural king. Right. Like having like a little gender reveal party. It's so choogy. It's choogy. Post Malone is choogy. Post Malone. Chugalicious. He should make his own remix.

Chugalicious post. Chugalicious post Malone makes the girls go loco. Love that for him. Beautiful. Really loco. Love that for him. Beautiful. Really beautiful. Beautiful.

Happy for him. Know that I am. Wow, we've been getting a lot of hate comments about our singing. I saw. Like, is this your guys' first time watching? Has something changed? Nothing. I just can't believe, like, if you or, like, someone close to me had a voice that was, like, as good as mine, I would make them sing for me all the time.

And I'm giving it away for free. Yeah yeah and there's always a reason behind the song like we integrate it into the the stories because we got our reasons just like you when you okay we'll stop but like no but it's really upsetting it's just a little random considering we've been doing this for five years that we always have a song in our heart you know what it is i think this little instrument like has definitely increased it's simple math when this enters the equation we have to sing more you know yeah give us a song any song honey time we're gonna have a good time, a thousand hands up to the sky, we're gonna get toasted tonight. Can't let it fade, we got a sparkle in our eye, can't let it wait. I'm counting down until we start, we're renegades, we come to play, and we play hard.

Ooh, two, three, four. 100 times we're gonna have a good time. A thousand hands up to the sky. We're gonna get toasty tonight. Should I keep going? No. Wow. Hab and fiat.

No, I'm kidding. Yeah, I think as long as there's like a cap of 10 to 20 seconds on the song, I don't know why you guys are complaining. Yeah, and also like just notice the gift in front of you and be grateful. Don't be ungrateful, okay? Don't be. Don't be all ungrateful. Are you ready for our next story? Only if it's the next story that's brought to you by Caraway's non-toxic products. Love Caraway and their non-toxic products. It is time to ditch the chemicals with Caraway Home's non-toxic cookware and bakeware collections so you can make healthier cooking a piece of cake. Caraway Home's non-toxic kitchenware are all designed for the modern home,

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For Carraway Home slash TMT. Okay, our next story. A little security concerning security news. An intruder disguised as a priest spent the night at the Queen's Windsor Castle. And it wasn't me. How the fuck is this always happening? An intruder disguised as a priest conned his way inside Windsor Castle on April 26th and even spent the night leaving just hours before Queen Elizabeth made her return home.

He said his name was Father Cruz and claimed to be a friend of the battalion's padre, the Reverend Matt Coles. He was invited in and offered something to eat in the officer's mess, a source told Britain's Talk TV. The source explained that within a few hours, the man was drinking with officers in the bar and started telling stories about his life, including that he had served in Iraq. He was telling lots of tall tales and the lads were enjoying his banter and having a few drinks. It was only later when he started talking about how he had worked as an injector seat test pilot and had some organs replaced that the chap started to get suspicious.

Security apparently did not conduct any further investigations into the man and authorities were not alerted until the next morning, just three hours before Queenie returned to Windsor Castle from her 96th birthday party at Sandringham. Oh my God, how lit. That sounds iconic. Yeah. The thing is, like, not only is this so abhorrent to you know intrude into

a personal a person's home but to do so as a man of god just take man of the cloth this takes it to another more disgusting repulsive level i mean yes though i do could understand the urge to like get close to the queen and just you don't think we all feel that way right and want to be in her space but this is unacceptable and this has happened before in the past we saw in the crowd and you would think like what's the um the queen's peeps called like her ladies and waiting no no no those aren't don't exist anymore like scotland yards thank you myself scotland yards should be on top of this thank you myself sounded like dana only only true sorry this is gonna be an extremely hot take only true fucking freaks talk to themselves okay that's just a hot take

well i had a dream last night that I was talking to myself that I was like looking in the mirror and I was like thinking that I was seeing I was talking to someone else and then I realized I was talking to myself I was like oh I just got him crazy um one time Ben like okay one time my friend Jenna was like I just ran into Ben on the street she texted me I'm like oh my that's so's like, yeah, he was literally like mumbling and talking to himself. And I was like, what? She was like, yeah, it was kind of weird. And then I told Ben, I'm like, when you saw Jenna, like, what were you doing? And he was like, nothing. I'm like, she says you were talking to yourself. He's like, no, I wasn't. I think he might've been like going through something. Cause he was literally like

wandering around the streets, like mumbling. That's so weird weird like I talk to myself all the time but my lips don't move no that's called thinking your lips don't move that's called thinking duh I'm doing it right now true that's a really good point yeah we're all allowed to think to ourselves. I'm saying verbalizing it is weird. I'm sorry. But like I do find myself like thinking in conversation version, like talking to myself. Still doesn't count. Okay.

The only time I think I've ever like spoken to myself when I'm not around is like only like this. Powering yourself up. Oh, I mean, yes. Before a shower. Power poses. That doesn't count either. You are smart.

I guess I talk to myself a lot. Because like unless I'm like, let's say I left my phone on this counter. I come over and I'm by myself. I go to get my phone off the counter and it's not there. I will say to myself, like, that's weird. Yeah. Even if no one's around. Yeah, yeah.

I guess maybe. No, I still think it's weird. I guess I talk to myself sometimes. Like, I'll just be around my room like. Do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do. Straight send. Do-do-do-do-do-do. talk to myself sometimes like I'll just be around my room like Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Bryson Strassen, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora. Little nose Dora. Wagging tail Dora.

Sexy walk Dora. Doo doo Dora. Doo doo doo doo Dora. Doo doo doo doo Theodora. Doo doo doo doo Theodora. Dora the Explorer. Stunning. Okay, I'm sorry for those last few minutes, you guys. It's safe to come back now um what was the story the queen had an intruder oh right unacceptable like an embarrassment to

her security and the fact that this has happened not once but twice is disgraceful to the crown to the monarchy and to all of england honestly i cannot do a British accent. Agreed. Do it. Brother. Gran. No. Let me in, Gran. Let's just talk. I want to come to the party, Gran. Party?

Let's talk in British accents. I find. I can't do a British accent. I can only do Prince Harry impersonations. I can't do like any accents. Maybe that's why I'll never really make it as a comedian. That's so true. Because like. You can't do impersonations. I can do Shakira, but as a comedian. That's so true. Because like. You can't do impersonations.

I can do Shakira, but that's it. That's not enough. No. So like, what would you do as like a Southern accent? Hey, y'all. Yeah. How y'all doing? Hey, brother.

That's not Southern. Hey, brother. Could you do Australian? Yeah. Hey, brother. You're so fucking annoying. Trying to have a conversation. I can do French. Hey, brother. No, you so fucking annoying. Trying to have a conversation.

I can do French. Hey, brava. No, you could do French. Au revoir, brava. You could do Hebrew. Shalom, brava. I don't know how to say hello in any other languages. Yeah, that's a good point.

Yeah. Spanish. Hola, brava. Oh, my God. I just remembered something. I did it. I my God, I just remembered something I did. I have to unburden myself. I did. Did? Jaggedy.

I don't think I can say it. Now you have to. It is. I'm literally going to cry. Oh my God. I did. This burden is coming from the depths of her soul. I did the most embarrassing thing over the weekend.

Like, I actually. That's so funny because I asked you on Monday if you embarrassed yourself this weekend. Oh, my God. I just remembered. I was really high. Like, really high. And I'm going to actually don't want to say it. I'm like so ashamed.

Let it go, sis. No, I can't. You have to set it down. You have to un. Oh, my God. It's all coming back to me. You have to set it down you have to you have to un okay paint a picture so me and ben like we got high at this party like on pot and i got like a little like i don't like being high in public like i really don't so i was like can we please leave and he's like yeah so we got

in the cab and when we got in bed i was like feeling much better you know and i started to enjoy like being high and oh my my spray tan's literally being cried off. So we ordered food from the diner and it was taking a long time. I can't say it. Like I literally can't. How could you have embarrassed yourself so bad in your own house? On the phone. Oh God. Okay. Okay. So I placed the order on Uber Eats. And then, like, a couple hours later. No, not a couple hours. Sorry, like, 20 minutes later, we were, like, hiring. We were, like, where's the food?

So I called, and I just wanted to make sure, like, that the order went through. And the guy was really nice. He was, like, he was giving, like, big Italian, like, mobster over the phone. He was, like, yeah, I got your order. So, I don't know. I, like, wanted to relate to him. It's not what you think. It's worse. Wait, I can't know I like wanted to relate to him it's it's not what you think it's worse wait I can't drink okay so I when I was saying thank you he was like so helpful and nice and I was like high and dumb I couldn't even remember what we were talking about so as we were hanging out but like wanted to relate to him in some way like

and like be like authentic Italian. Girlie. That's you. And I was just in Italy like a few months ago and I didn't learn how to say anything except for like good night, which is buon buon noi or something. So as I'm hanging up,

I'm like, sir, thank you so much. Buon noi. And he was like, he was like from New Jersey. Like he wasn't like Italian. And he was like, what? I was like, bonne nuit. And he was like, okay.

And I told him this story. He was like, why would you say that? I was so embarrassed. So embarrassed. Why would I say that? I do feel better. I do. I do feel better. I do. I do feel better.

I only have one thing to say. Bonne nuit. And to be honest, I don't even think that's how you say goodnight in Italian. Like, I'm not sure. Oh, my God. I can't breathe. I'm okay. Thank you for unburdening. What were we you for what are we talking about were we talking about italy back to the queen right how did we get here brava oh yeah bonnui brava oh my god you know what i really do feel better like for real no that's important yeah no but you were literally just

like talking to zach shapiro on the phone and And you said, bone weight. Yeah, no. He was literally not, probably not even Italian. Right. Oh my God. I'm crying. That's really funny. It's horrifying, like beyond. But I'm okay. And you feel better.

I do. Thank you for letting me unburden myself. The power of the unburdening, you guys. I'm okay. Are you ready for our fifth and final story? Yeah. Which is a little heartwarming sports news. Oh my God.

Just to take us home. It's everything, you guys. You have to watch this TikTok. Aaron Judge. Well, it's a video that does reside on TikTok as well as other platforms. No, it's just TikTok. Aaron Judge Homer leads to fans' wholesome moment. So Aaron Judge is a player for the New York Yankees.

Tamra's son. He's Tamra's son. And he hit a home run. Congratulations, Mr. Judge. And a rival fan of the Blue Jays caught it. So the Blue Jays guy obviously doesn't want Aaron Judge's ball. Even though, like, if you're, like, into sports memorabilia, you could sell the ball.

It's great to catch it. It's cool regardless. Even if you catch a ball and it's not your team, like, you usually keep it because, like, it's cool. Right, but he was sitting next to this little kid who was a big Aaron Judge fan who's wearing the jersey and everything and he gave it to the kid and the kid got it on camera the kid's life was made and his dad's life was made and it was just like the kid started crying and gave like the biggest hug to this random man from Toronto and it's literally so cute like it

will bring a tear to your eye and then they show like the dad you know the son going back to the dad and the dad giving him the biggest kiss like he was so proud of it literally could bring tear in my eye it really could we'll post it on our tiktok it is the on our tiktok on our instagram it is the cutest most sweet and like in a world that's so unwell moments like these that's really why like I don't like I don't really love sports but I don't mind watching them because like sports, there's always something nice happening. They honor the military. They help people who are sick. They're always doing good things in sports.

And they're also representatives of their community, so they're always really doing stuff for the community. But sports do bring people together. They could also be quite divisive. Yeah, of course. But I do feel like at the end of the day, they bring more people together than they then they separate people apart they do more good than harm right because people don't really get into like real beef over rivalries but

I think for a lot of people talking about sports it's an immediate connection it's like you know us talking about Bravo or right right books all of a sudden we're best friends that's true it's a family affair it's bringing people together well thank you for that gorgeous fifth and final story that just really put a twinkle in my eye. You already had a tear in your eye. I know. I'm really not okay. My throat hurts from laughing like that.

But the show's not over. Oh, really quickly. Okay, let me do... Okay, let's dive into TV Recap really quick. I know you didn't watch it, so I don't want to spoil anything for you. It's okay. But I just want to say... I made a choice, you know, and that doesn't mean I can come here and ruin the show.

Part one of the New Jersey reunion is just not what you would expect. There is so much drama on the left couch. Like Jennifer and Dolores are not friends and Teresa had an engagement party and didn't invite Dolores. So the left couch is like crumbling. And actually Dolores said, she said to the other girl,

she said it to Jackie, to Melissa and Margaret. She's like, I am so sorry for defending Jennifer all these years. You were right, I was wrong. Okay, and what about Teresa? And. She's like, I am so sorry for defending Jennifer all these years. Like, you were right, I was wrong. Okay, and what about Teresa? And Teresa was basically like, you know,

we had an engagement party with like all the couples we go out with and Dolores and I, you know, we don't double date. So, and Dolores was like, if that's what Teresa wants,

it's fine. Like, very cold. Oh, okay, fine. Like, she's not, there's not, they're not done, but like, that couch is on their way to ruin and that's why it was so upsetting because i really felt like the anti-teresa

movement was making a lot of progress last night like teresa looked so stupid everything she said was more dumb and dumb by the minute and i was losing brain cells um and that's really to the credit of margin jackie and now that jackie's been demoted like i just don't agree with that decision whatsoever and i actually saw a tweet that I screenshotted because I thought it was so profound. And it goes like this. Well, anything can happen.

They haven't started filming. You know, maybe someone will hear these cries and change course. Sources are confirming that the rumors of Jackie Goldschneider being made friend of for the next season of Rehonge.

And somebody wrote, my girl gave us the rawest, realest personal storyline across the franchise in years. And this is how they repay her. When Dolores has been renovating her house for five seasons. I'm sick from Mark Duffy. I agree, Mark.

Wow. I just felt like finally we've actually made progress in the dynamic of this group where we all just like kowtow to Teresa and it's actually been like frustrating to watch.

We are making progress and I do feel like Jackie taking a step back delineates that process yeah but we still have Marge and now Dolores is turning and Melissa no but I think that that tweet makes an even better point than the fact that we're making progress it's like she literally just bared her soul and I think helped a lot of people. And it was actually quite interesting for like, for a viewer who hates, for someone who hates personal storylines. And personal journeys. I hate that footage. I couldn't get enough of Jackie's journey.

I thought it was beyond interesting. Yeah. And I think to repay her in a demotion is so fucked up. I agree completely. So it ain't right. But the Melissa, Joe, theresa of it all was super interesting like you know theresa's having a wedding she's having bridesmaids and melissa's not one but louis sisters are so like her sister-in-law's on the other side and they had an

engagement party and they literally sat melissa joe and the kids at like some random table in the back with random people and like for so long so melissa doesn't get involved and she doesn't defend her friends because of Teresa. Right. And Teresa. And for Melissa, that's like so big. She's sticking with the family. And the way that Teresa has perceived it all these years is that like Melissa is Marge's friend. And she doesn't do anything for her.

It's not enough that Melissa doesn't engage. Teresa expects her to back her even though Melissa thinks she's wrong. So it was so painful for Melissa and Joe. Like just talking to this moron who like she's like all right you know okay Joe you're always right. Like it can't even enter her brain that she is always wrong. Like she's never been right about one thing in her whole fucking life. She's insufferable. I don't understand how people can stand this woman.

She's awful and literally Andy was like you always say like Melissa never defends you like can you give us a couple examples of times when you've defended Melissa and had Melissa's back and she's literally like well you know guys help me like you know you know like oh tell me like what and then there was like a freak circuit breaker and the the lights went out right as she was like and so they get the lights back on and Andy asked the question again and we got it both times she's like you know like guys come on help me out like it was painful I cannot stand this woman like it's it's insane how invested I'm getting it's so painful yeah no that's how I feel after

every time I watch New Jersey and then by the time we recap on the show I feel like come to myself a little bit but the the feelings are so strong yeah yeah um so I want you to watch it and we'll recap next week with part two okay um with all the men because only Joe Gorga came out not Frank and then like not Frank no only Joe Gorga came out and Teresa was like you're such a little Frank. No. Only Joe Gorga came out. And Teresa was like. You're such a little bitch boy. Like this is a housewives. What are you doing here? Her and Jennifer.

Teresa and Jennifer were ganging up on Joe. Like family family. And you're literally this girl you just met last year. You're ganging up on your brother with her. Wait. But if it's only housewives. Then why is Gia doing confessionals? 100%.

But don't talk about Gia. Don't you dare talk about Gia. I don't want to. So, like, if you're watching the season, like, you know how painful it is. And I'm sorry that we're all going through this together. Now let's dive into Dear Toasters, which is our advice segment. If you ever want to write in, the email is deartoasters at gmail.com. Thank you to everyone who resubmitted.

I told you guys, like, if it's too long, we really can't read it. So a lot of people resubmitted with shorter, more abridged versions. And I'm extremely grateful. Thank you. We also have an update today. But Deer Toasters is brought to you by ZipRecruiter. ZipRecruiter is like if you own a growing business and you need to hire, ZipRecruiter makes hiring so much easier because they do the work for you. And right now, you can try it for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash toast, because certain people in life can just make everything so much easier.

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out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. It's no wonder ZipRecruiter is the number one rated hiring site based on G2 ratings as of January 1st, 2022. The hardest thing you have to do when it comes to ZipRecruiter is remembering our link, and it's ziprecruiter.com slash toast. And that's not even hard. That's where you go to try ZipRecruiter for free. Once again, that's ziprecruiter.com slash T-O-A-S-T, ziprecruiter.com slash t-o-a-s-t zip recruiter.com slash toast thank you zip recruiter for sponsoring your toasters yeah sorry i had to burp i have got to stop drinking lacroix during the show i need to switch to flat water because i'm always like yeah are you ready yeah hey jackson claude i'm in major need of your bite of your advice because i'm literally about to explode my mother-in-law oh this is going to be divisive my mother-in-law has a terrible

habit of kissing my eight-month-old baby on the mouth oh you heard it on his freaking mouth i verbalized it multiple times to friends and family about how much it bothers me and she has been there when i've mentioned it it may not be a big deal to others but to me it's just gross i mentioned it to my p-chum husband and he said he would address it with her but he has yet to do so this weekend she did it right in my husband's face when i tried to get his attention to notice he totally disregarded me he's a bit of a mama's boy and he tends to feel bad about hurting her feelings what bothers me is that my mother-in-law works in health care and can bring home whatever she has seen at work and hello covid i honestly wouldn't doubt if she was doing it on purpose

as we've had our issues in the past and she tends to be manipulative. What do I do? Do I wait for my husband to address it or should I take it into my own hands and tell her directly? Please help. I promise to give you an update. Sincerely, Toaster, who's about to lose her shit.

Okay, I don't think she's doing it on purpose to bother you because I don't think she would like the baby's immune system just to get at you. There are other ways. I feel as though I have a conflict of interest here. You do because you're the perpetrator. I kiss Harry on the mouth. But if you told me not to, I would never.

Right. You haven't said anything, so I'm going to keep going. I haven't really seen it. And that's what I would say about this. Like I haven't, if someone were doing this, you told me that you do that, but I never saw it. It's so good. And it didn't sit right with me.

I would say it. I would say it to anyone. And I would just say it on the spot. And that's the thing about being a mama. That like when something crosses your personal line, it doesn't matter if you're right wrong it's how you feel that's your baby you cooked him for 10 it's valid you pushed him out one way or the other it's your way or the highway and so you don't need to have your husband say something if you see it stop it if it's if it's not okay with you and it does it makes you uncomfortable say please don't do that

especially if you can't follow my rules then we're gonna have to set further boundaries especially in this day and age I feel like like we're always saying like COVID is the best excuse for everything so like if you really want to do soften the blow instead of just being like even though I agree with your approach like it's your baby fuck off but if you want to like soften the blow a little bit you can like mention COVID you know like COVID is just giving us all want to like soften the blow a little bit, you can like mention COVID, you know, like COVID is just giving us all reasons to like not do things we don't want to do. Exactly. And that's the small blessing coming out of COVID. So I agree.

If this crosses your personal boundary, like it's enough. Just call it out. Call it when you see it. That's the best way to do stuff. Don't let it fester. Yeah. Call it when you see it. I like that.

I think that's been like one of the biggest changes in me as a mama. Like instead of, you know, usually. Are you saying mama ironically? I can't tell. Like I know that it triggers you. So that's always fun. But I do feel like there's a difference between like being a mom and being like a mama. Yeah. Like a mama bear. Yeah. You know, and I think that that's something for me where it's like used to be if something bothered me, I would sit on it, think about it, see if it still bothered me and then find a way to deal with it. Now, if it bothers me, it's cut.

Yeah. Because mamas don't have time for that. So true. Mamas ain't got the time. So true. Well, I defer to this mama on that mama. Next up. Hey, girlies.

My three sisters, mom and I, are all toasters, and we need some of your advice. Our younger brother, 23, is a p-jom, and he's never had a girlfriend, and we are 99% sure he was still a virgin up until recently. It's on VSCO. I need to see it. I felt like it was invasive. To make it even worse It's on disco. To make it even worse this was taken I need to see it. I need to see it. Will you pull it up?

Will you twist the computer around? To make it even worse it was taken at our parents' house. Or you can email it to me. I have my iPad. Oh yeah email but don't show it on camera. No.

But can you listen to me? There's more. Okay to make it even worse this was taken at our parents' house. We are all extremely disturbed and we just want to protect our brother at all costs. We are meeting her

for the first time this weekend and we need your advice. Do we say something to our brother? Do we wait until after the weekend? Are we overreacting? Thank you in advance

and I love you both so much. I'm sorry, baby. Do you have the picture? No, not yet, but... Maybe she doesn't know that VSCO's public... No, she put it in her bio. You can't say anything.

Like, he's living his life. He's not doing anything wrong. I need to see the picture, actually, before. I need to see the picture, actually, before. I need to see the picture, too. The only thing you could say, like, if it's really inappropriate, you could be like, maybe I shouldn't post this somewhere public. That's the only thing that they're doing, you know, quote, unquote, wrong. Okay, we have the picture.

Oh, it's not that bad, honestly. Let me see. It's fucking weird, honestly. Like, girl looks pretty. Your brother looks hot. I like it. I like it, too. It's a nice photo.

It's very erotic. Did she send any more screenshots? I like the beat. No, only the one. I like the beat. No only the one. I like the beat. Listen your brother's an artist clearly. Right even though what's so funny is like what's funny I don't know what's funny about that is like it's from VSCO and the picture appears to have absolutely no filter. Yeah no it's not about the VSCO. Um I don't know how old is that's just like really crazy to see from your brother but again like he's not doing

anything wrong. No and your brother looks cute again, like he's not doing anything wrong. No, and your brother looks cute. Like there's no way he was a virgin. Sorry to burst your bubble. They're clearly very into each other. And I think that if you say anything, you're just going to drive a wedge and maybe push him a little further away. So you've got to let this thing run its course. Truckers for VSCO nude pics.

Honestly, I'm like really, I can't get the picture out of my brain. It was kind of stunning. No, I know. I've never seen like a pose like that. I have to do that with Ben. You know, that's perfect because we can't post that picture. But I could post mine. You could post yours.

It was giving like Nicola in Brooklyn. It was giving like Annie Leibovitz. It was really stunning. Honestly, like I think you should just be happy for your brother. Like the girl is hot. Her boobs are amazing. Okay, but here, let me throw it to you this way. What would you do if you saw that, like, Snitch and the new man were taking pictures like that?

I would only be upset for her that it's public because, you know, things like that can ruin your life. And things like that really shouldn't be kept. No, that couldn't ruin your life. No, if your job found it or something, like, it's public. It just would, you wouldn't get fired for something like that, but it would make people, like, look at you. It's awkward. Take it off the internet, but, like, keep taking pictures like that.

I like it. Send them to us. Send them to us. I like it, but, like, if you're going to say something, it would only be about the fact that it's on public. Like, shit like that is private. Yeah, be like, isn't this a little private for the public? Yeah.

Depends how close you are and if, like, you think that this would push you away. Like, reverse Google image search, find this girl's VSCO, then her Instagram, and befriend herfriend her yeah she's probably a toaster with tits like that she's gotta be totes okay our final submission is an update and it was an update on one that i did with ben so i'm gonna read you the submission okay um my boyfriend of eight years and i recently moved in together he's a p-john but moving in together sheds light on habits that each other has that we're not always been aware of and i think i moved in together. He's a P-jomb, but moving in together sheds light on habits that each other has that we're not always been aware of.

And I think I found his major flaw. He's a booger flicker. They're everywhere. Don't get me wrong. Everyone got to pick their nose. I'll do it sometimes. But I always make sure to use a tissue to make sure it's hygienic. But I'm finding this man's boogers everywhere.

On walls, dressers, blinds. Literally every day I swear I find a booger in a place I least expect it to. The first one or two times I pointed it out to him, I called him gross and we both laughed about it. But now it's reaching a disgusting level and I'm not sure what to do. He's my future husband. I love him to pieces. What do I do? So here we got an update from her.

And we told her, well, I did this specific entry with Ben because Ben is like always sneezing. And his boogers fly everywhere and he'll like leave them crusted on the wall. Like it's disgusting. Okay? Okay. So what'd you tell her to do break she's got to be stern because this habit doesn't die hard clearly ben is working on it sounds like he has like an overproduction of boogers though he might have a sinus infection um hey hey ladies i wrote a few weeks ago about my booger flicking and i'm happy to report on some improvements i love ben's math of one booger equalizing two seltzers oh because ben was basically saying like ben if i'm laying of one booger equalizing two seltzers. Oh, because Ben was basically

saying like, Ben, if I'm laying in bed, like Ben gets me a seltzer, he gets me Advil, like I don't get out of bed and me wiping up his boogers is the price I pay.

Interesting. So for every two seltzers I get, I have to clean up one booger. Fair. So I loved Ben's math of one booger equaling two seltzers,

but unfortunately, I'm not weighted on hand and foot by my boyfriend, so I couldn't really implement that advice into our dynamic. But someone in the Toast Facebook group made a post about how disgusting my dear toaster story was.

Embarrassing, but understandable. And someone left a comment suggesting I keep tissues around the house so they're readily available when my boyfriend feels like he needs to clear his nose. I don't know why

I didn't realize that before, but it turns out the booger flicking was just a result of pure laziness. Since placing tissue boxes in a few more places around the house, I can happily share that my walls and furniture have been snot-free ever since, and hopefully this habit will begin to stick. Thank you, Ben the Toaster, for all your help.

Love, a grateful toaster. That's such a great point. I actually have tissues all over my house. You do. Like, I have one on each nightstand in the bedroom. We have one on our coffee table in the living room. We have one in the bathroom. Like, we just do.

That's crazy. I don't have one box of tissues in my house and no it's kind of like great to have no i agree you think yeah i can use toilet paper i can use paper towel but you don't right and even if you just have a little tickle you just grab a tissue yeah wow i'm learning so much yeah this is good for you too because now ben could do it totally get him a box of tissues on his side of the bed 100 100 um well so glad the toasters were able to solve that for her even if we couldn't and that's dear toasters again sometimes things are out of our control agreed if you ever want to write in or you have an update for us on something you've written in about it's dear toasters at gmail.com that is our show our final show of the week the next time you guys see me i will be a comedian who has performed at Madison Square Garden,

which is just so crazy and it's pretty cool. So that's our show. Any last words, Jax? No, we're so proud of you. I love you. We're so excited. I really feel like I'm just going to be so overwhelmed with pride and joy. And I'm so looking forward to seeing the show.

For the first time. For the first time for the first time just like a night out seeing my favorite comedian in my hometown what could be better and you're gonna be amazing so I look forward to seeing you a different woman on Monday and you know what I have to say to everyone bonne nuit bonne nuit y'all have a great day everyone we'll see you on Monday and I'll see all you guys tomorrow at Madison Square Garden. Bye! Goodbye!

Bye! Skidididadadada! Bye! Bye! Bye! Skidididadadada! Bye! Bye!

Skidididadadada! Bye! Bye! Skidididadadada! Bye! Bye! Skidididadadada! Bye!

Bye! Skidididadadada! Bye! Bye! Skidididadadada! Bye!