The Toast - Seventh Heaven: Thursday, January 4th, 2024

Episode Date: January 4, 2024

The A-list stars, politicians and leading figures named in the Jeffrey Epstein files (Daily Mail) (30:46)Jimmy Kimmel Slams 'Reckless' Aaron Rodgers, Threatens to Sue Him Over Claims of Ties to Jeffrey Epstein (PEOPLE) (40:45)Joe Jonas arrives at Cabo airport with model Stormi Bree amid Sophie Turner divorce (Page Six) (43:40)Gypsy Rose Blanchard brags about her sex life after leaving prison: My husband’s ‘D is fire’ (Page Six) (47:57)DNA Test Seemingly Confirms Natalia Grace's Real Age: 'They Knew It' (PEOPLE) (55:56)The Toast with Jackie (@JackieOshry) and Claudia Oshry (@girlwithnojob) Lean InThe Camper and The Counselor by Jackie OshryMerchThe Toast PatreonGirl With No Job by Claudia OshrySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Good morning, Millennials! Welcome back to The Toast. Happy Thursday that feels like a Monday, but also feels like a Friday, because it's a celebración! It's a celebración! It is day one, episode one of season seven! You know, wait, Jax,

last year when we started season six, you made up a little jingle, and we used to say it at the beginning of the year. It's the season of the six, and I... That's what you said. We need you to come up with a jingle for the season of the seven. It's giving seventh heaven. It's giving seventh heaven. That's what you said we need you to come up with a jingle for the season of the seven it's giving seventh heaven it's giving seventh heaven that's what I was thinking except

like without the pedophilia without the pedophilia and what was the theme song of seventh heaven did it say seventh heaven in it we'll have to go back and listen just like Barry Manilow before me I can always come up with a great jingle. You can. I just need a minute. Yeah, no, I totally put you on the spot. I meant to text you that last night, but I fell asleep at 6 p.m. It's something that I'll be ruminating on as the season progresses. Happy 2024. Happy season seven.

Back to work. Yes, it's a Thursday that feels like a Monday, though we're grateful that it's a Thursday. What a great way to start the year. But doesn't it also feel like a Friday? Because it's a celebración. Of the fact that we're grateful that it's a Thursday what a great way to start but doesn't it also feel like a Friday because it's a celebration of the fact that we're back yeah everyone's talking about it I know it's very exciting for everyone and us I'm so excited to be back like you know breaks are good breaks are necessary we had a great break vacation family fun in the sun etc but when I tell, I have so much to say. Like, it's just been kind of building up in me. Like, I'm a person who's born to communicate, who's

born to talk shit. And when you take that right away from me for three whole weeks, like, I'm not going to be okay. I mean, we're doing a lot of communicating and talking shit, you know, in private over the last few weeks. Which is so important for the soul. For the soul. Which is also important. But you do need to get on your soapbox sometimes and reach the people. No, and I do love going on break because it reminds me how much we're needed, you know? Yeah.

And I'm excited to be back. We've got lots to discuss, talk about ourselves. And, you know, if you were keeping up with us on the Patreon, you obviously know everything that went down in the last three weeks on our big family trip. There was lots of drama, lots of know infighting so you'll know what's going on if you're on the patreon and I'm not gonna repeat it yeah we did two vlogs from our vacation a skiing day vlog a beef stew vlog and then we did an all steens on deck episode where we just like talked about

sisterly tings but also sacred santa yeah there was some drama in the secret santa i'm not going to spoil it for the girlies who are on patreon but you should go listen to see what happened spoiler alert we shared we shared who everyone got and what gifts everyone got in the sacred santa and how it all sort of played out is what i'll say spoiler alert somebody fucked up big Spoiler alert, somebody fucked up big. Yeah. I think you guys know who and what, but we go into more detail on the Patreon. So it was nice to be kept up with everyone there.

In terms of the main show, we've got so much to catch up on. But let's just recap our trip very quickly. For me, it was the trip where I became a skier. And I talked a lot about that journey leading up to it, you know, show in December and November I took that ski lesson we all know about and let me tell you I shredded that fucking gnar I shredded that fucking gnar that gnar was my bitch I'm an amazing skier I went three times only about one day pass what a lift pass whatever it's called because I was like I'm not gonna like this And I just kept buying more. It's an expensive hobby. It is. It is a hobby that is expensive. And it's expensive.

But I had so much fun. You can't put a price on that feeling of going down the edge of a mountain. Jackie, that feeling. Wind in your goggles. Just living on the edge. Yeah, no. It's like you get up to the top of the mountain and you're just filled with this sense of dread.

You're like, why the fuck did I, like, why am I here? I have a family, like, there's no reason for me to be up on this mountain. And then you go down and that dread just dissipates and it turns into something, it's like, it's like life. It's like. Adrenaline. Yeah, but adrenaline, that's what I was going to say, but it's not the right word.

It's this feeling of purpose.'s it's being alive alive but if you could put a price on it it would be a couple thousand dollars no I mean let's talk about the price of the lift tickets let's talk about the price of the clothing and like if you want like I had bought some stuff from Amazon I'm like all right I don't need to get the most expensive everything it's not even like we're wearing Montclair no no and I like, I know where you need to invest and where you don't need to invest. And the things that I didn't invest in, I literally had to go mid-mountain to the ski shop

and spend $60 on new gloves and a new face mask because I was like, oh, I could get shitty ones. Face, you know, a face mask is a face mask. I can get it from Amazon. You can't. No, you really can't cut corners. But we actually got really amazing ski gear from spider would highly recommend we were looking fly as hell as we flew down the mountain so like it's just a

pricey hobby and then like there's the apres ski it's like what even if you're going hard plenty you didn't even include the price of skis oh my god right the rentals yeah or you could buy your skis if you're you know insane on Insane. On who wants to be a millionaire. Yeah, no, like, that's insane. If you win the lottery, you could buy your skis. No, like, you can ski once a year. Like, you need to own skis. But then the rentals, like, are so pricey.

Pricey as well. But then you also, you're paying for the luxury of not having to, like, travel with them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Imagine checking your skis. But all that to say, worth it. I had a blast. That's really what my major growth life update from the trip was. You know, what was yours? Mine was, this was my first vacation as a mama of two and it was wild in with the nibblings, but it was so much fun and it was just so full it's really the word I would use it was full it's such a good word in every sense of the word everyone

so it was really wonderful to be with the whole family and everyone like just it was just a blast really good full good old family fashion fun it was full filling yes and I was very full because I ate a lot oh I ate and I ate and I ate and I ate and then when I was done eating I ate some more yeah we ate a lot so now I'm on my Sakara grind three-week burn program I posted about I love that for you for three weeks I love that for you yeah I just really hope that I stick because you can go out of bounds a little bit, you know. Yeah, of course. And personalize it. I usually supplement with a little true fruit at the end of the day, but I really want to stick to it so I can see real results. Well, that brings up an interesting

topic of resolutions. You know, it's kind of a trope, you know, healthy in the new year, yada, yada, you you know Equinox doesn't accept new members on January 1st it's like this very controversial thing that they do what is your resolution is that a resolution of yours so it's not really a resolution it's just a January 1st is a great time and reason to reset and so that's what I'm doing like it's not like I'm gonna be doing a three-week burn for the next 52 weeks like it's just I needed to reset refresh the holidays like as much as I try there's so much food. Like it's just, I needed to reset or refresh the holidays. Like as much as I try, there's so much food around and it's like,

why did I myself, this is delicious. We had amazing chocolates and like sweet treats and people are always sending gift baskets. I don't believe it's impossible. I don't believe in, in restricting during the holidays. Like I just don't like if you send me a fire gift basket,

I'm going to eat it. Those are the rules and I don't make them. And I think that's good. But then you also, at some point, all good things must come to an end and so that's why I think it's perfect the first week of January like you know it's like January 4th I'm getting back on my grind no need to be crazy on January 1st because the holidays are as full as they are so I need to you know what goes up must come down. Of course, of course, of course. So this is just sort of paying penance for the destruction I did in December. Whenever we, like, you talk about holiday weight,

I always just think of that. I know you don't know it. That scene from Friends where Ross is falling down a fire escape and Joey's holding on to him. And he's like, I'm still carrying a little holiday weight. It's such a good line. And like the rhythm in which he says it. So I am still carrying a little holiday weight. It's such a good line and like the the rhythm in which he says it. So I am still carrying a little holiday weight. Right. So this is just to negate all of that

goodness that happened. And it's, you know, sometimes self-care looks like hard work. We love to say and I'm in my hard work era now. Love that for you. My resolution is tied to something that I need to promote. So something kind of major happened over the holiday season. And that was that my second comedy special Lean In was released. And a lot of people were really, really shocked to learn something kind of crazy about me in that special. I, I do, I do, I do. It's a huge part of my life. It was a huge part of my comedy special. It's probably the best part in my opinion. And it's at the end. It's this crazy story that happens to me thanks to my vape um however my resolution and I knew I knew that I was going to make this my resolution but I didn't want to say it out loud just in case I couldn't do it it's very hard but I did want to

when the clock struck 12 on December 31st I said I'm done with vaping it's been four excruciating days. I keep a little, I have this app. It's called Days Since. It's like a little habit quitting app. It has been three days, eight hours, 18 minutes, and 33 seconds since I last vaped. It is excruciating. I'm almost at four days. And you know what Taylor Swift said? Four days sober, I must admit.

Just because you clean don't mean you don't miss it. She was talking about my mango stig vape. Tropical mango, not iced mango. So that part of my life is behind me now, and I'm devastated. I miss it terribly. Is it getting easier as the days go on? No. Because each day there's something new that like I would have vaped at.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. This is your first toast in a while where you're not sitting there crackling on your crack pipe. Okay. So yesterday was the first time I was on a plane. And usually after a flight, like I love to sit in the Uber and just like vape so hard. It's like a little treat for surviving the flight. You know, everything is a treat.

And I wasn't able to do that yesterday. And it really hit me because I travel a lot. And like my vape is a big part of my wasn't able to do that yesterday. And it really hit me because I travel a lot. And like my vape is a big part of my travel schedule. So that was hard for me. Then today, something new. One of my favorite things to do is get ready in the morning, listening to music, got my coffee, uh, glemming it up, FaceTiming the girlies, vaping, vaping, vaping. Like when I tell you I was a 24-7 vaper, I was a 24-7 vaper.

Today I got ready without. And it was like, what am I even getting ready for? Yeah, that's kind of crazy because you didn't need to be a 24-7 vapor I was a 24-7 vapor today I got ready without and it was like what am I even getting ready for yeah that's kind of crazy because you didn't need to be a 24-7 vapor like it didn't need to be like this you could have been like a social vapor drinking vapor Jackie I was that was that's the point like that's why they say vaping is it I didn't set out to be a girl who wakes up and vapes like it was what, it was a slow progression. And it really, I blame COVID. Like, I was up, you know, Saturday night, Zoom party, playing Quiplash.

I'm like, yeah, I'll start vaping. Like, whatever. And then it was one thing led to another. Next thing you know, I'm waking up in the morning. Boom, need a vape. And then it's like, I couldn't take a shit without vaping. Like, it's just, oh, don't ask me about my shit schedule because it's all over the place. Well, I think the craziest level of vaping

that one can achieve oh I know what you're gonna say yeah is when you wake up in the middle of the night to like you know pee or roll over and you have to hit the vape thankfully I didn't get there but I know people who haven't it's the when when someone I know told me that they do that I was like oh my god you're insane but Jackie I was like slowly on my way to becoming that person yeah especially if it's like first thing in the morning hit the vape it's like okay so when does the morning start but the vapors know like nothing hits as good as that first hit in the morning like right to your head well I'm proud of you for putting this behind you I know and going cold turkey yeah I feel like you

you didn't I mean I'm I support you and I think that's really great. I would have, if you asked, if you had told anyone about your plans, I would have said, don't go cold turkey. There's no like need for it. You could still be a casual vapor, but this is better. But here's the thing. I haven't experienced a party. I haven't experienced a cocktail yet.

And I know, I mean, I have two birthday parties this week. I'm like, I know the second that margarita hits my lips, like I'm going to be banging down people's doors for a hit of their vape. And I feel like that's okay. Like I don't need to go cold turkey. I just wish I never took it to a place where I was like, you know, vaping during the day and vaping, you know, in between ad reads on the toast. Yeah.

Yeah. I agree with that. You could have a drink and a puff but let me tell you like nicotine addiction is a thing like I I know everyone says it was but like I I just always thought like I wasn't like that girl but like I was I just always thought you would have I would have assumed like you'd be addicted to the act not necessarily the nicotine there is an oral fixation element where I'm always like just oh these days these days I'm like, where is it? But then I realized I don't have it.

But no, nicotine addiction like is real. The first day, it's not like withdrawals like drugs, but like the first day I didn't vape, a few hours into the day I was like really like antsy in a foul mood and not my usual nastiness. Not a typical turdy? No, no. Ben was like truly afraid of me.

There's an element. There's a chemical composition. There's something going on. I'm fine now. Like I don't feel like different. But on day one, I definitely felt like something was wrong. Got it. Okay. Well, we're proud of you that's a great resolution and then also my other resolution which I've already begun enacting I hope people are seeing positive change is being more prompt

in my response of text messages oh how's that going I think it's going well like some every few days I like look at my messages and like see if there's anything I haven't answered and try and get back to it but also realizing like not every text I send has to be like an overture yeah it could just be like a yes or no yeah maybe it would have been nice if I said hey good morning yes oh okay except except I got to a place where I was like always sending like uh what time oh years what time is it at and then the person would be like well hello to you too and that nothing makes you feel worse than being like saying something I would like literally text someone be like, well, hello to you too. And nothing makes you feel worse than being like, saying something. I would literally text someone and be like,

what time were you meeting today? And they'd be like, I'm good, how are you? You know? Yeah, well, that's different because you were the first texter. The first texter always has to put in the pleasantries. Yes, yes. But if you're waiting on a response from me

and it's just like, yes or no, are you still texting bitches? I don't need to say good morning. Yes, I am still texting bitches. Well, now, let me ask you, are you still texting bitches? Yes or no, are you still texting bitches? I don't need to say good morning. Yes, I am still texting bitches. Well, now let me ask you, are you still texting bitches? Yes or no? You know I am, Teri. Well, now you are.

You know I am. Now you are. Now I am. Now I am prompting my response to bitches. To bitches. Well, tell the bitches to be on alert. Like, Jax is texting. Jax is talk to texting.

She's talk to texting. Yeah. So my comedy special is texting. She's talk to texting. Yeah. So my comedy special is out. You can watch it. Tap the link in my bio. Prime video. It's called Lean In by Turdi Asher. I'm just kidding.

It's Claudia Asher, unfortunately. And I just think like that's kind of the takeaway from today's episode. Would you agree? Yeah. At least at this junction. At the junction or juncture? Junction. Conjunction junction. At the junction or juncture? Junction. Conjunction, junction.

No, at this juncture. No, that doesn't sound right. I think it's junction. Junction's like a station. And what's juncture? We'll find out. Junction, definition. No, like at this current juncture.

No, I think I'm right. A point where two things are joined. Junction, yes. Now let's see about juncture., I think I'm right. A point where two things are joined. Junction, yes. No. Now let's see about juncture. Juncture, I'm right. At this current juncture. A particular point in events or time.

Yes, it's juncture. A place where things join. I think based on what I'm reading, I feel like it could be both. Yeah, like technically it could, but I think the one that I said is like the more popular one. Oh, I like mine though. Because I typed into Google could be both. Yeah, like technically it could, but I think the one that I said is like the more popular one. Oh, I like mine though. Because I typed into Google at this current junk, and I wanted to see which one came up, and only juncture came up.

Let me see. Maybe Google's like tailoring their results. Yeah. Wait, at this juncture or a junction? Juncture is a point in time. wait at this juncture or a junction juncture is a point in time this is confounding confounding it is i always use that word wrong too yeah but i love using words wrong that's just kind of our thing and you can't take it away from us you can't because it's our it's our show and by the't you correct us by the time you correct

us the episode's already out no by the time you correct us like we're on to the next day like once this episode is out next misuse of vocabulary wait update it's snowing in New York it's flurrying and I know people are gonna be shocked to hear this Theo is still dead can you believe that well he's among us if it's snowing no but can you believe he's like had the audacity to stay dead no it's insane that you came home from your trip and like he just wasn't there oh I'm so glad you brought that up because I came home from my trip I think we were all like you know a little nervous for turning no it was like super sad but me and Ben were saying like imagine if we came home to our apartment where we lived with Theo for five years this new apartment first of all I was

so confused when I walked into my new building I I'm like, whose house is this? Like I have literally lived in the apartment for the same amount of time we went on a trip. Like I, and I have no furniture and I'm just like, where the hell am I? It was so weird. Um, but I think it's better actually to come home to this like foreign land. Like I don't look around the apartment and think of all the, you know, times Theo, you know, threw up here and me and Theo kind of like, there's no memory of Theo in this apartment, which is probably for the best. But he is, in fact, dead. Yeah.

For a while, I definitely was, like, fully convinced he was a sex slave in someone's basement. You know, fresh cakes. But, no, I can confirm. You don't think those cakes are fresh? I can confirm. The cakes are dead. Theo is dead.

And I cannot believe it. I know. But now when you see the snow, does it, you of Theo no no I'm just like maybe I'll get to a place where I'm like looking for signs but now I'm just like the like get me out of here like this is weird like I feel weird like cringe rip king rip dadu dadu daddy dadu. And like what are the stories? Are they the stories for the last month? Or. No they're pretty much the stories for today. And it's actually kind of.

We have some big stories. But some of the stories are like of just a lot of personal interest to me. And not necessarily what you would think for first day back. But great fast five fodder. And then if there's anything else that happened over the last few weeks. It could go in tomorrow's batch. If there's not that much. So that's the plan. I also did solicit from my Instagram like what people want us to talk about

and here are the things that we won't be talking about but that people want us to talk about because I have like some I have some thoughts but go because there's a couple things that like are worth mentioning but we they're not stories okay first of all everyone is talking about the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City and they're talking about it in such a way that I actually think I'm going to go and watch this season because they're acting like this is the best finale of any show. Do you know what happened? I have no idea what's going on. Please do not tell me.

Shit. I can take my headphones off. I have something to say. Yeah. I'll take my headphones off. Okay, take your headphones off for one second. Well, not to make everything about me, but I do want to say, and I don't know who told me, so I'm not getting anyone in trouble.

Somebody told me what this big secret was because when Real Housewives of Salt Lake City first premiered, there was like this moment where Heather was on the balcony finding something out and everyone was like, Oh, what did Heather find out? Somebody told me. And I was like, Oh, wow, that is crazy. Then it came, you know, some of the things people tell me like don't end up being true, but I was pleasantly surprised to find out that the thing somebody told me was true. Now it's so crazy. And like, we'll get into details and everything, but like, can we just talk about how bizarre it is that we got to a place where Bravo is hiring internet trolls like I just think like I think that's crazy and like yeah we could talk about like the show and like what it means for

the plot line and like Heather really handled this iconically and all that but like what does it say as a society that like literally an anonymous troll was cast by Bravo I don't know I just think it's kind of crazy. That's my takeaway. I'm like, I'm still sitting on it. I'm like, how do we get to a place where Bravo's kind of engaging with anonymity and trollhood?

I don't know. I just think it's kind of crazy. All right, Jackie, look alive. You can put your headphones back on. Okay, what else didn't make the cut? Hello? Hi, sorry I had to mute you. What else didn't make the cut? What else didn't make the cut? Hello? Hi. Sorry, I had to mute you.

What else didn't make the cut? What else didn't make the cut? Here we are. Oh, people wanted to know like content that we watched on our trip from the list. We didn't watch anything. No, we literally did not watch one piece of television because like we were trying to keep the kids away from the screens. So then we were reading a lot. And by the time the kids went to bed, we were also tired.

Like we did not watch one piece of television, but I did read 10 books. Yeah. And I finished my Elon Musk book. What else? What? Then there are the things that we are going to talk about, which we don't need to talk about them twice. Is Aaron Rodgers versus Jimmy Kimmel a story?

Of course it is. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. It's the craziest thing ever. Oh, Simone Biles and her husband. Oh my God. Are you? Did you see what that was? Yeah. Like he's just like making it all about him. obsessed I'm obsessed it's the craziest thing ever oh Simone Biles and her husband oh my god are you did you see what that was yeah like he's just like making it all about him no he's like a big dick like he went on a podcast it was like one of those like toxically male podcasts where

they talk about like you know women in the kitchen basically but like in a serious way not in a joking way like we do and he was basically saying when he met Simone Biles or where they got set up or it was on like an app or something he didn didn't know who she was. And we're like, oh, okay, well, that's weird because you're an athlete and like a living, breathing human. How do you not know who Simone Biles is? And then of course they found old tweets where he said something about Simone Biles. It wasn't negative, but you obviously knew who she was. And then it was just about how it's like, you know, in a few years time, she's going to be, you know, Simone Biles. She's going to be, what's his name? I don't even't even know his name Jonathan I think it's Jonathan Goodman or something I thought it's like Owens

yeah yeah Owens Owen Owen yeah Jonathan Owens yeah so he was basically saying you know she is Jonathan Owens's wife he's not Simone Biles' husband. And we're like, yeah, okay, Jan. But then, like, Simone Biles, like, was agreeing with him. And everyone was like, wait, what's going on? So it's just kind of like, it's just Simone Biles is in this kind of toxically traditional marriage. And everyone seems to be bothered by it except Simone Biles. Well, I think that's what's most important. Yeah, I agree.

Like, if my husband ever said that, like, I would would seriously vomit but it obviously is something that they agree on and like I'm not gonna yuck someone's yums right right I just didn't expect like Simone Biles who's kind of like the face of like women she is like I just didn't expect her to be like so traditional to the point of being like borderline outdated I didn't expect that but again I'm not gonna yuck yums. I just didn't expect it. I think a lot of people found it shocking. But maybe it's like everybody made her the face of feminism and like she didn't want that, you know? Different strokes for different folks. It was definitely an interesting podcast. You should watch some of the clips. It was cringe. Just him talking about his own career, as if anybody on the planet has heard his name right I didn't see any clips I just saw

some sound bites like written which is always different than watching someone say something but it sounds like you know no matter how you slice it he was being a little hey look at me when it's like we're all just looking at Simone but okay Jackie what you just said was perfection hey look at, but we're all just looking at Simone. Yeah, that's literally it. It must be hard. Yeah, but get over it. Like lift up your partner.

Yeah, deal with it. You know, it is what it is. Oh, speaking of lifting up our partners, today's a very exciting day because today, the Good Guys podcast, which is kind of the rising star of TNN, even though it's like not, you know, super competitive because everybody keeps quitting their podcasts.

Love you, Lauren Elizabeth. Mood is always, mood might come back. Let's just say that. Mood might come back. No, Lauren Elizabeth quitting mood is such a mood. No, so relatable. Like I get it. Podcasting is hard.

Podcasting is harder than people. So, but no bad blood, Lauren. We love you. We love you. I was watching her videos yesterday talking about. Me too. I was cracking up. The reasons for quitting and then like the reaction to her quitting.

It was just so funny. No, she's being so real. She's one of those people whose I feel content has changed so much since becoming a parent because she doesn't give a fuck. Yeah. Also, I did felt a little bit put on. What's the phrase? Put on blast.

Not even because like TNNnn but because when she was like everybody's doing video now and i didn't get the video memo and it's like oh sorry that was us yeah we invented video podcasting we kind of in our category in our sphere yeah no we did i'm sorry like of course like joe rogan was of course of course like in like the girly sphere we invented it we did and so for that we are sorry lauren elizabeth yeah but um what we're talking about oh good guys so the rising star even though at this point it's just shannon and ben you know what excuse me oh god and the redheads and the redheads sorry but you're a monthly podcast that's why you're in like a different bucket that's why i don't think of you and we're just

like kind of in this intellectual bucket it's true it's true um but also to say the good guys podcast is moving to two episodes a week they call their listeners the morons which i think is so funny um so the morons demanded more content and what the demand what the morons demand the good guys give so they're introducing thick boy thursdays where they drop a second episode i think it's just thursdays are going to be like their solos and then mondays i think our guests i think don't quote me oh that's cute ben texted ben and i were texting this where they drop a second episode. I think it's just Thursdays are going to be like their solos. And then Mondays, I think, are guests. I think. Don't quote me on that. Oh, that's cute.

Ben texted. Ben and I were texting this morning about Brew. Oh. And he sent me the funniest text. Because Brew, like, just doesn't seem like himself right now. So he said. And of course, Ben and I are on high alert. We're all on high alert.

Like, and he's going. But so I took him to the vet, like, when everything went down. And like, that's also like when the problems started. I just to say oh wow I think Bruno's becoming like anti-vax because I could see that for him I could see that he's shots and all of a sudden he's unwell so I could by the way I didn't realize maybe stay home I didn't realize that Bruno had gotten his shots and that's why he was acting weird I feel like that makes sense yeah like okay thanks maybe they gave him rabies. Yeah.

Well, we'll see. He was having like one issue while we were gone. And now he's just like, he was just did something weird. So now we're like all. We're all being crazy. We're all being crazy. But Ben said, put him on the thick boy diet. Have him listen to the first episode of Thick Boy Thursdays.

Buy the goods. Buy the goods. Ben is so funny. I wrote back the goods. I'm crying. Oh, that's good for you for texting back. I know that's a challenge for you. Right. Especially because that wasn't a text that like, it wasn't a question. Right. We have gotten so off base. What else did people want us to talk about that we're not talking about? Oh, everything else is pretty much in the fast five. They wanted to know a lot about our trip, which, um, you know, we're always happy Five. They wanted to know a lot about our trip,

which, you know, we're always happy to talk about ourselves. But a lot of our trip stuff is on the Patreon and we don't want to like double dip. Yeah. And we also want you to go be patrons because that's like. Because this is a business. If you just like want to like know us on a personal level,

join the Patreon. We're also just like a business period. We're a business. We're business owners. Like we have business to do. Sign up at patreon. We're a business. We're business owners. Like we have business to do. Sign up at patreon.com slash toast. Go watch my new special.

Lean in on Prime Video. Like buy The Camper and The Counselor. Buy my book, Girls No Job, The Crazy Beautiful Life of an Instagram Thirst Monster. You can now listen to the audiobook on Spotify. The Camper and The Counselor is back on Amazon. It will be on Amazon. And now you can get it if you were like hoping for it for the holidays and someone didn't get it for you because they're not in tune with what's necessary. Like get it for yourself. Treat yourself. Treat tune with what's necessary like get it for yourself treat yourself treat your

child it's the best book ever and if your kid is not into reading they will be with the camper and the counselor guaranteed if the camper the counselor has a hundred fans I'm one of them if the camper and the counselor has one fan it is me if the camper and the counselor has zero fans I'm dead yeah yeah also we read so much camper and the counselor on the trip like over and over and over again and you just you got to get your hands on it it's like it's kind of child neglect if you don't pick up a copy i'm calling cps now yeah yeah so now without further ado here are the fast five stories that you need to know and the fast five stories that you need to know are brought to you by hayaaya Health. Typical

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Get your kids the full body nourishment that they need to grow into healthy adults. This deal is not available on their regular website. Only when you go to hiahealth.com slash toast. Thank you, La. You're welcome. Our episode is also brought to you by Dreamland Baby. This is just for the bebes out there, the sponsors. We love Dreamland baby here at the totes in my home i love dreamland baby i've been using them for charlie he is now at the age where he can have both arms out free the churls but the

dreamland baby weighted sleep swaddle can be used in three different ways both arms in one arm out or both arms out depending on what your baby likes if they're still you know waking up due to the startle reflex babies are more personal than comedy more personal than food but one thing that the bebes love is the dreamland weighted sweep swaddle they are just really the best period it's like what a weighted blanket does for you right calms you anti-anxiety you know makes you lulls you to sleep that's what this does for your bebe. And we absolutely love it. So they're having their biggest sale of the year. If you go to dreamlandbabyco.com and use code

thetoastbogo23 at checkout for the buy one, get one free weighted products deal, you will get one and you'll get one for free, which is great because when one's in the wash, you'll have one on hand. Or if you're a generous of spirit sort of person, you could gift the other one to a person wouldn't recommend it i would i wouldn't either yeah no no no um dream my baby thank you just like sleep is so important and we need every

trick in the book to get them there what's that code again the toast bogo 23. Thank you, Early. So early. Our first story is the big story of the day. What is it? The Epstein files are unsealed. More than 170 names are in the files, though that is so misleading because some of them are like names that are in there just for the witness to be like, no, they were never there.

No, I don't know them. By the way, some people are getting dragged and like it kind of sucks because they're like just being included in this list I do want to say that this is like a years old case and I'm really proud of the culture and the people for like not letting this die for keeping up the energy like it could have been like oh the Epstein things are released and it's like oh we've moved on from that we have not I'm sad I am sad I was like last night I saw there were some names trickling I'm like on Twitter I'm like give me the names yeah and so there are a ton of names a lot of them are nothing burgers right I

feel bad even like mentioning the names but I'll read the transcript just so like to say that the witness then was like no they weren't there no I never saw them uh names such as Kate Blanchett and Leonardo DiCaprioeron diaz with a hard no so those are no names the documents were really the worst for i would say number one prince andrew oh i would say number one bill clinton bill clinton there was a quote about how he likes young girls prince andrew one of the um accusers or witnesses cites three times that she was forced to have sexual relations with him when she was under age and one of them was an orgy

on the island. See the thing is with someone like Jeffrey Epstein when you think about and Ghislaine too because like there's this account where it's like you know photos of Ghislaine Maxwell and random celebrities when you get to a certain level of wealth like and you have a plane celebrities just

kind of make their way to you so I don't necessarily think that because your name is on a flight log that you are doing nefarious things with young women it doesn't for me that doesn't it doesn't automatically mean that but if you appear you know two three four five six times yeah you're doing something dirty but when it comes to like you know your name just being on a flight log once that's just the nature of celebrity like rich people give you their planes like you get a ride somewhere it's just it's not that crazy it doesn't mean that you're involved in this ring of pedophilia I just want to say that a lot of people like are just sort of in the orbit but not necessarily like doing these nefarious acts and I agree like one ride right everyone likes a ride on a pj or you're on the list uh the no and if you're like constantly flying around with the same person

that is your friend yes once or twice for me doesn't mean i'm not gonna get suspicious yet it's like a coincidence oh we're all heading to aspen you want to ride by the way that's literally how these things work but i think also a big differentiator is who went to the island yes yes yes because i don't think there was any hiding on the island I think that was the point of the island like we could be free and pedophilic all right want right we could be so maps what what is minor attracted persons right we could be back sick sick if you find yourself switching over to maps from pedophile you might be the problem you might be the problem i think that's an insane term maps anyways no pedophiles so i think the worst for prince andrew and bill clinton and then a lot of people who were kind of like exonerated by at least this um set of files set of of files but

these seem to this is like it was over a thousand pages so but don't worry the internet users they went through them they went through them they're combing through them um a lot of big names that were nothing burgers and then some something burgers I guess for me it feels worse for Bill Clinton it's because like Prince Andrew has been disgraced like he was he has left the family he was stripped of his whatever's he doesn't walk in the procession. It is like known that he was an associate of Epstein and he is suffering the consequences as much as he can. Right. Right. Like he's being punished.

For Bill Clinton, it's always just kind of it's like question mark. Like his name was in there, but like his, you know, he was a president. Like it's not. And now it's like confirmed. Like he's a freak and he's a pedophile. Right. Like it's confirmed. No, it's been confirmed for like a long time, but still there's no disgrace. Right. Right. But that's because he's still married, but he's a pedophile right like it's confirmed no it's been confirmed for like a long time but still there's no disgrace right right but that's because he's still married but he's

like a private citizen that's why there's not like with prince andrew he was like a public figure no i think it's i feel kind of the opposite where it's like he was an elected official was that's what i'm saying like now he's not and his wife is not they're not anything they're just private people right yeah so there's not like i don't know but they're still like always talking and like you know giving master classes no it's really crazy and the foundation yeah well maybe now with this new set of files there's nothing in here that I didn't already know about Bill Clinton. Like if you're looking to know. Is Jimmy Kimmel a separate story? Of course. Okay.

Okay. Yeah. So I don't know. I think they'll still like, because, because the one damning quote is like, oh, that he,

she heard Bill Clinton likes young girls. Like I, they could just dismiss that as hearsay. The Clinton's always just like put out a statement. You know, we had no idea of Epstein's dealings on a personal level. No, but when you hang around with someone so frequently, like you get to know their interests.

And if your interests are little girls, like that's going to come up. Yeah, we all know. We know. We know. We've been known. Yeah, we've been known. Yeah. Also, another president in the docs was Trump,

but exonerated, saying, do you ever give Donald Trump a massage? No. Do you ever have sexual relations with Donald Trump? No. Okay, were the Obamas in there? I saw something on Twitter, but it's unverified. Oh, another name that's in there was Stephen Hawking.

Hmm, okay. And magician David Copperfield. I think he did magic at a dinner. Oh, another name that's in there was Stephen Hawking. Hmm. Okay. And magician David Copperfield. I think he did magic at a dinner. Yes, I saw that David Copperfield was in there too. You got to be careful where you're doing your magic. You do, but like a gig is a gig. Like you're going to get hired. You're going to get hired.

Yeah, especially if it's like all these other celebrities are there. Like why can't I do my magic? Right. The witness said like, yeah, David Copperfield like did some tricks. You know, he did a flip and nothing else nefarious with David Copperfield. So rest easy. You can still go see his show in Vegas. Like you don't want your name to be in this docs.

But on the other hand, like, are you somebody if your name isn't here? You're you're not. You're nobody. And that's why we're nobody, Sturdy. That's fine i'm gonna stay a nobody with my you know interest in adult males and i'm gonna feel good about it yeah i'm gonna feel great about it actually yeah i like adults what do we call what are we calling that well it's also called a map mature attracted person i'm a map not I'm a map I'm a mature attracted person no you are not um I think it's just normal I think it's apps Jackie don't use the word normal it's very

discriminatory towards minor attracted persons yeah I'm okay with discriminating against pedophiles. I am. I am too. And I know that's going to get me in some trouble. It is. But you know what? I think this year, like in particular, like we need to start not giving a fuck. Jackie, I literally, like I've been posting clips about my Santa. And I posted one.

I have this honestly, like truly prolific bit about teachers. And everyone knows I love teachers. I have this honestly, like, truly prolific bit about teachers. And everyone knows I love teachers. We have so many teacher toasters. I raise money for teachers literally every year. I donate my own money. I raise money. I get brands to, you know, help teachers pay for, like, you couldn't even think, a rational person couldn't think that I dislike teachers based on, you know, my history. But I have this hilarious bit about, like, when I was a student and the things my teachers used to do and like you know as an adult everyone has resentment towards the teachers they that they had growing up. Jackie these unhinged women in the comments like they were you do it you do it you spend a day

in teacher shoes. No like I'm not a teacher like they were Jackie the comments you have to like they were insane and then i did a q a like a few days later and they were still are you gonna apologize am i no i'm not are you gonna apologize for being mentally ill no no they're not well then neither am i bitch yeah as much as let's let it rip i don't give a fart i like i don't have the energy for teacher backlash no and by the way it's so dumb like i like teachers i don't give a fart. I don't have the energy for teacher backlash. No, and by the way, it's so dumb. Like, I like teachers. I don't even have anything against teachers.

Like, I respect them. I respect the hustle. It's a hard job. Oh, my God, I can never do it, and I don't want to do it. I get it. Like, that doesn't mean I can't make a joke about my teachers. And the funny thing is, like, in the special, and I didn't make the clip on social, but in the special, before I go into my bit about teachers,

I know that, like, teachers are like this protected class. class I'm like you can't make a joke about teachers without being labeled so I'm like I don't know what it is so I make this whole very funny um disclaimer before I go I'm like I just say like this is my experience I'm not making a general statement about teacher I'm like look what happened look what happened because you didn't have the disclaimer in because I didn't have on the one hand you should have put it in on the other hand go watch lean in for the full story yeah there's a lot of drama for the context yeah our next story and I just want to say I got like a million dms from the actual teachers being like it was funny it's like it's never the teachers it's never the teachers it's the it? It's never the teachers. It's the teacher representatives. It's just the pressed losers.

It's the pressed losers. That's one of my resolutions this year is like, I want to rid myself of the pressed losers. If you find yourself being pressed often, like, get the fuck away from me. Because you wonder what? That shit is contagious. Like, get away.

Get away. If you find yourself being a loser. Well, I feel like if you find yourself being a loser, like, you just wouldn't naturally gravitate towards this show. This is for a lot of people but it ain't for losers it ain't but loserhood like loves company and they just want to bring you down loserhood does love company so just stay away yeah like seriously i'm gonna start like uh getting garlic cloves like like vampires stay the fuck away our next story is a little more epstein related drama jimmy kimmel is slamming the reckless aaron rogers threatening to sue him

over claims of ties to jeffrey epstein wait this was so crazy so aaron rogers went on his favorite show the pat mcafee show to do his favorite pastime which is just talking shit yeah and they started talking about the impending release of the list containing names of high profile people rumored to be associated with Epstein. And Aaron said, quote, a lot of people, including Jimmy Kimmel, are hoping that doesn't come out. So then Jimmy Kimmel tweeted, dear asshole with two A's, like Aaron, asshole. I just want to say that was a slay. Like that was a slay. When I a slay when I saw it I was like

that is a good joke that's funny like it was good so he said dear asshole for the record I've not met flown with visited or had any contact whatsoever with Epstein nor will you find my name on any list other than the clearly phony nonsense that soft-brained wackos like yourself can't seem to distinguish from reality your reckless words put my family in danger keep it up and we will debate the facts further in court at Aaron Rodgers just to be clear so when this you know tweet came out I was like damn damn Jimmy Kimmel is not holding back like obviously he's not going to be in these documents he doesn't't appreciate, you know, the slander. And he's going to defend himself online and in court.

And I was like, you know what? Fine. Go off, Jimmy. And honestly, I have to imagine that Jimmy Kimmel is innocent in all of this because you don't go that hard publicly. For something Aaron Rodgers said, said like that nobody was talking about like this became a story Jimmy I wasn't even thinking Jimmy Kimmel's name you've not heard the phrase thou doth protest too much yeah but like if the documents are about to come out and somebody says

something about you and it doesn't really blow up it's like on a small ESPN show like you talking about it I only heard about Jimmy Kimmel and I only he's not one of the people I was like oh his name is definitely going to be on there I didn't even think about him I I only heard about Jimmy Kimmel and I only, he's not one of the people I was like, oh, his name's definitely going to be on there. I didn't even think about him. I only started thinking about him when he tweeted it. Like he made it a thing. So I, like, I have to imagine a rational person or a person with a publicist wouldn't respond unless it was really not true. Right? So is his name in the docs? Um, I saw a tweet saying that it was but i don't believe that his name actually is in the doc and even if it is like we said before a lot of people's names are in the doc especially celebrities who aren't you know nefariously right and then why would aaron rogers say that

like why out of nowhere and like what's aaron like what's the beef here because there were a lot of people who could have said when making this statement about jeffrey epstein's list why did aaron rogers say jamie kimmel like what's the beef here? Because there were a lot of people you could have said when making this statement about Jeffrey Epstein's list. Why did Aaron Rodgers say Jimmy Kimmel? Like, what's the beef there? I don't know. We need to know more. Makes you think. Makes you think.

So we'll keep you abreast on that. And are you ready for our next story? I am. Which is some new couple news, so it seems. Joe Jonas arrives at Cabo Airport with model Stormi Brie amid Sophie Turner divorce. Are you ready for our next story? I am. Which is some new couple news, so it seems. Joe Jonas arrives at Cabo Airport with model Stormy Brie amid Sophie Turner divorce. Joe Jonas was spotted leaving the same airport in Cabo San Lucas with model Stormy Brie amid his divorce from Sophie Turner in photos obtained by Page Six. Joe arrived at the private airport on Wednesday to leave the country with Brie.

It's unclear if they left on the same flight, but like in this picture, they're next to each other. They're like next to each other. Yeah, you don't stand that close to somebody at an airport unless you're a part of the same party. No, especially like at a private airport when there's one party. Right, no, no.

And it's like one plane leaves at a time. Why would these two be walking next to each other? These age-appropriate single people. No, no, they're dating. Like now TMz is like so buttoned up yeah this is page six whatever um cute i'm happy that he's you know has a little romance same sophie turner posted like an end of year recap saying like 2023 was for the girlies and 2024 will be no different so i think she's very much in like her you know single gal era party girl but she's still with that guy oh my god i forgot about him that like

royal count or whatever yeah the count olaf count olaf who what what's his name again like pellegrino yeah the heir to the pellegrino throne um no he's just like a nobleman, correct? He is a nobleman. I'll get his official name, boyfriend. I think it's Danny Pellegrino, right? It is Peregrine Pearson. Jackie, you were pretty close. I know, Pellegrine Pellegrino. Peregrine Pearson.

They were spotted more recently than when we talked about, like smooching again. Like they're still smooching. They keep smooching. So these two are moving on. I feel like, you know, it's hard to find somebody in terms of like social status when they both really did very well for themselves when they were married.

You know, I thought they were very well matched, both, you know, looks wise, but then also celebrity wise and status wise. So I think Sophie's really crushed it, you know, going the aristocratic route. I love that for her. You know, Joe going with a sexy young thang model, kind of obvious, but you know, it's fine.

It's not that creative. She's 33. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's a mom. I feel like as much as, you know, you want to get someone on your professional level, like, you know, maybe once you've had that and maybe that contributed to some of the demise of the relationship, you're just like, you know maybe once you've had that and maybe that contributed to some of the

demise of the relationship you're just like you know what I want someone who's in a different industry yeah just has their own thing going on and there's none of this even conflicting scheduling like I want someone who could come on tour with me yeah she is a mom which I love oh I love yeah she's got a baby. Did you know her before? I had seen her name before. She used to be a part of like a, not like a Pinterest, like a. Lucky Blue. Yes.

So Lucky Blue. Who's that? Do you remember Lucky Blue? I don't think so. Oh my God. Lucky Blue was like the male model of the moment when I was like in college. Like everyone was like Lucky Blue, Lucky Blue, Lucky Blue. And they were a couple.

I believe he's the father of her child. Oh, okay. Cool. So she's got her own stuff going on. Yeah, yeah. And when they got together, it was just like the Pinterest Tumblr girlies were not fucking okay. I love a Pinterest Tumblr relationship. You know what I mean?

They're kind of like emo energy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, not emo. Just like what I mean that kind of like emo energy. Yeah yeah yeah. No not emo just like artsy emo aesthetic aesthetic emo

I like emo. No emo is like you know just let it go I like emo. No but like a different kind of emo. You're thinking of like

very like small-mindedly about emo culture. I'm thinking very you know definition oriented no no you're not you're just being kind of like small-minded

yeah you're just it's giving minutia you know it's giving facts it's giving small-mindedness it's giving correct usage of the word

but no it's giving not knowing enough about the culture oh wow sound off in the comments are lucky blue and brie stormy emo i think they're let's leave it at that are you ready for our next story more relationship news yeah gypsy rose blanchard brags about her sex life after leaving prison so i I'm so glad that this is a story because I thought I thought of nothing else.

I would say the name on everyone's lips this holiday season was Gypsy Rose Blanchard. I would say the same. Because not only is she out of prison, she's a free woman. She's making waves. She's using her freedom to make really. Interesting comments on Instagram, on her husband's Instagram. So Gypsy Rose Blanchard is getting busy in the bedroom

now that she's out of prison. The ex-con turned star hit back at social media haters on Wednesday by bragging about her husband, Ryan Anderson's package in his Instagram comments. So if you just don't know who Gypsy Rose Blanchard is, she is the girl who like was munchausened by her mother for so many years you know riding the benefits of make a wish and all of these programs that would just like they

were living the life because gypsy was allegedly sick turns out that she was not sick her mother was just like keeping her down it's very you know from the politician yeah straight out of um what's her name zoe george zoe george's storyline and then gypsy and her boyfriend killed the mother yeah they like discover what's going on and they decide they're gonna kill this bitch and that's what they did and they went to prison for it and they went to prison for it and now gypsy is free now one question a lot of people thought she was wrongfully convicted yeah because what her mother did to her was so atrocious egregious, there was no way out but to kill this bitch. Is the boyfriend she killed her mother with her now husband?

No. So this dude. Wow. I mean, Gypsy Rose Blanchard, like, she's got something. Yeah, no. If I was single right now, I would definitely be thinking, wow, like, Gypsy Rose has a boyfriend and I don't. Actually, she has a husband.

Gypsy Rose has a boyfriend who would kill for her and a husband who would wait for her. Wow. No wow no literally and let me tell you who this man is they met via pen pal he is a teacher oh not great not great for the teachers but he is a teacher I think he's probably a former teacher now I think being gypsy rose's husband is probably his full-time job because they're making bank with these people exclusives they've got a lifetime docuseries coming out to like five million Instagram followers and he's a little micro influencer of his own she's got three million on TikTok okay and she's posted like four videos um they met via you know pen pal ship he started writing to her they got married while she was in prison and now they're out and about together living the

life drinking Dr. Pepper um now I want to say something because a lot of people are railing on Gypsy because some of her comments on her husband's Instagram have gone viral because they're cringy. Let me tell you what she commented. I guess he's getting some hate for some of that, you know. I can imagine why. Yeah. She said, Ryan, don't listen to the haters.

I love you and you love me. We do not owe anyone anything. Our family is who matters. I love you. Besides, they are jealous because you are rocking my world every night. Yeah, I said it. The D is fire. Okay.

And a lot of people were shook. And I just want to say it is of absolute importance that we keep in mind that Gypsy Rose Blanchard might be the most socially inept human being walking the earth. From the time that she was born till the time she was what, 14? She literally was like in a wheelchair and didn't think that she was able to leave her house and her mother like kept her inside and at doctor's offices all the time. She like wasn't allowed to have a friend. Then she had a boyfriend for five minutes.

They committed murder together. And then she went to prison. It's not exactly the makings of, like, normal social behaviors. So we need to give her a bit of a pass. That's very generous of Sarah. Like, she's literally never had, like, a normal friendship. Yeah. And has she had social media before?

Maybe she doesn't know there are things for the public and things for the private. No, she, like, wasn't allowed to have a computer. Then she had a computer for five minutes when they were like committing the murders then she went to prison where she probably had access to like computer emails like through the prison system no internet or anything um this is not a person who knows how to act so we need to give her grace yeah she's just getting her feet wet yeah she'll find by the way she's probably really excited to be, like, getting fucked. Like, it's exciting when you're new. Like, think about, like, when you lost your virginity and, like.

Well, do you think they had conjugal visits? Yeah. Yeah, I do. But it must be different. I don't know. She was in jail for, like, assisted. She wasn't, like, the one who did the murder. She, like, she was in prison for, like.

Aiding and abetting? Yeah, like. No, not aiding and abetting. When you, like, help someone murder, you know?etting. Yeah, like, no, not aiding and abetting. When you like help someone murder, you know? Accessory. Yeah, like something like that. Her boyfriend is going to be in jail

for a little bit longer and he's probably like, this is bullshit. Like, I helped you kill your mom. I freed you and now I'm in prison and you're married to another man? Yeah, get in the D.

Get in the D. Did you see the act with Joey King? No. I watched a few episodes because it was on delta only really my only knowledge of the gypsy rose story is from the politician so i hope they didn't mess anything up yeah yeah yeah um so yeah gypsy rose is getting dicked down in dallas actually she's getting dicked down i think in louisiana she's not allowed to leave the state due to her parole

um but i'm i'm happy for her. And I think we need to be giving Gypsy some grace. I agree. Context is extremely important here. And this is a person who is socially inept. Give Gypsy grace. Like, what did you expect? Her to come out cool?

Triple G. Triple G. Triple G. Some people watch Triple D. I watch Triple G. And I think, like, we need to, like, honestly, given what we know about triple g and i think like we need to like honestly given what we know about gypsy and her like interaction with other human beings on a social level i think this is an extremely impressive comment i agree but i just want to say she's going to be kind of like

the influencer of the year yes she is the way things are going like this is the year of gypsy she's gonna have to get it together she's gonna have to start you know like to know it like fire takes so I like don't want to be one days because I can't go but actually was invited to an event this week with Gypsy Rose it's like in Gypsy Rose's honor I think you need to be her influencer mentor but I can't go and like I'm really upset about it you should dm her maybe I. I could be like the Patricia Altschul to her Catherine Dennis. Who does she follow? Her boyfriend. Oh, that would be, that's a disastrous. No, but I wonder if like there's any influencers she

follows who maybe could give her a hand in the influencing space. She has 6.4 million followers and she only follows 73 million people and no influencers. All media outlets. She follows Access Hollywood, ABC News, BBC News, USA Today, Entertainment Weekly, E! Entertainment, Extra, Today Show, Vanity Fair, CNN, Time, Good Morning media outlets she follows access hollywood abc news pbc news usa usa today entertainment weekly e entertainment extra today show vanity fair cnn time good morning america us weekly new york times

make you follow like when you join instagram they're like oh i like pop culture here follow all of these people oh that's she does follow luke combs and kim kardashian if either of them want to reach out she follows luke combs no No, I'm telling you, Jackie, she would love us. She should come on the toast. She follows Travis Kelsey because she is obsessed with Taylor. She follows Eric Church. Oh, there's some like private accounts she follows. These must be her friends.

Vicky Lewis, Tiffany Dardar, Keisha Blanchard, Joy Batson, Huff Martin, and Susie Coleman. Ooh, maybe any of them are toasters. I'm obsessed. Okay, let's get into our fifth and final story. Oh, so fast. I know. This is a story that has lied dormant for a while. And maybe if I gave you enough guesses,

you could remember us talking about it years ago it might have even been the breath but we're finally getting answers it's kind of the episode of getting answers is it legally blonde three no it is about the Ukrainian um orphan oh who was accused and my friends from high school are fucking obsessed with this story. Yes. So she her name is Natalia Grace and she's a Ukrainian orphan with dwarfism who was accused by her adopted family of actually not being the age that she said that she was and actually being a grown adult who was trying to kill and poison them. Right.

Now, in a new docuseries called The Curious Case of Natalia Grace, Natalia Speaks, they conducted a DNA test to find out her actual age and whether or not she was lying when she was adopted. In the show, the DNA test confirmed that she is now 22, which would mean that when she was adopted, she was under the age of 10. mean that when she was adopted she was under the age of 10 so all of the things that the family accused of did and accused her of well just the age part was not true but they also said that she they felt she was putting poison in the coffee she was leaving some tacks on the stairs trying to harm them i've read like three books in the last two weeks about like diabolical children

one being the push one being don't let two weeks about like diabolical children, one being the push, one being don't let her stay about like, you know, kids who are born with that serial killer type of vibe. And from a very young age, they start killing, you know, squirrels and shit. So it's entirely possible. However, if she wasn't lying about her age and these people were like lying about her lying, I'm I'm going to I feel like I'm going to stand with the minor. I'm going to stand with Natalia. Yeah. Also,

so they petitioned the court to have her, her age legally change to 22. But before they knew for certain, like before this DNA test, even though you shouldn't be able to change someone's age so drastically without like proof. And because of that, they weren't able to charge the parents with neglect because like really she wasn't a child.

Right. This is really mixed up. It is mixed up. I'm glad that she's kind of getting her justice. Imagine being so slandered. Now, I actually never thought about this before. Like somebody who doesn't have any paperwork, like no social security, no birth certificate. Like how do you determine someone's age?

Their teeth. That's what I was thinking is there a way there's no way to like bones you can't like determine their birthday birthday but general age yes i never thought about that before like you couldn't determine someone's birthday like from their body you know well using dna you could. Birthday? Oh, no, birthday. No, sorry. I thought you just meant age. No, you can get like a rough estimate like of how many years they've been alive,

but you can determine their birthday. I just never thought about that before. Yeah. Kind of crazy. Kind of crazy. But it's also crazy that like when they were like in court against her, like claiming she was 22, like she was nine.

How do you defend yourself, Lili, when you're just nine? No, this story is like a tragedy. I'm like like sad and i know that there's a documentary about this like which is why we're talking about it but i kind of need a documentary about this yeah no i'm gonna need a more in-depth maybe like a documentary about this yeah just something to like sum up everything that was in this documentary no i'm feeling extreme sadness for natalia but the way that this story has been going on for so long. Can I just say, I don't want to be a doubter, non-believer. Oh, you don't believe Natalia?

Is there a chance this DNA test was inaccurate or somehow tampered with? No, not tampered with, but inaccurate in the sense of how do you determine someone's age without any documentation? No, you, you can,

like they literally can dig up fossils from thousands of years ago and tell you like what age that they are from. So it's possible, but is it possible? Like this docu-series may be tampered with it because this is a better story. Okay. Who,

who, by the way, I don't think it's a better story. I think if she was this like grown ass women, woman trying to kill her quote unquote adopted parents, like that's a better story i think if she was this like grown-ass women woman trying to kill her quote-unquote adopted parents like that's a better story no but like the fact that it's not just put to bed now now it's like okay well now we need justice like now we need to change like it keeps it going now i'm saying we need a documentary so who made this documentary is it some like forlorn production company or is it legitimate it is id oh information discovery

they are like the best of the best they do the you know forensic files they're the best of the best like if i if somebody was making like a true crime documentary about my life i'd be like fuck that shit up and give it to id like everybody knows it's streaming on maximilian oh my god it's legitimate maybe i should watch it she's not a minor she's a major well she was a minor right right oh right right she was a minor and now i'm getting confused and now she's a major on major streaming services i'm happy for her and i hope like seriously like this puts it to bed and she can move on with her life without these heinous accusations following her around. Yeah, that's a heinous accusation. And what a sad childhood.

She said she never once did it. I mean, imagine their parents like are accusing you of such heinous crimes. Like how is their love? Where's the love? Right. And like, this is like, you get adopted and you think like, finally,

I'm just going to like be loved and taken care of. And then these freaks think that you're a grown ass woman trying to poison them. Telling everyone that you're a soci-ass woman trying to poison them telling everyone that you're a sociopath and also she's already struggling with issues of her own as she does have a form of dwarfism right which is hard enough on a young girl this is crazy it's tragic this is a case for the fbi it is this is a case for the fbi and i hope that she can get her documents changed and that there can be some form of justice.

Also, the parents are now divorced, and I think that she's bonded with the father over, you know, against the mother. This is a book. This is a book. Yeah. This is like one of my thrillers that I read. I'm sure Lifetime will be giving them,

or TLC will be giving them a reality show soon. I look forward to justice being served. As do I. Lots of justice in today's episode. This was a great episode. This was a great episode. I feel so good about what we did here today. Yeah I also feel like there are probably some new toasters who discovered us over the break so welcome if you didn't get any of the jokes. I don't even know if there was too much inside baseball but you'll catch on soon enough. It's really. Honestly please feel free to use today's episode as like a blank canvas. Like if you have a question about what something means, like an inside joke that just keeps

going over your head, whether it be PJ on PJ, Tabula Rasa, drop a comment on YouTube because people will answer for you and they'll give you like a better backstory, honestly, than we could have. That's true. So drop a comment on YouTube. That's our show. That's our show. We love you dearly.

Thank you so much for listening to The Toast, the millennial morning show where we deliver the fast five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube. So if you're watching this on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up.

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