The Toast - We Just Fell Out Of A Coconut Tree: Wednesday, July 3rd, 2024
Episode Date: July 3, 2024Travis Kelce Says it Was His Idea To Join Taylor Swift Onstage (People) (20:08)Suki Waterhouse Shares Robert Pattinson’s Reaction to Her Famous Exes (ET) (24:26)Sophie Turner Gets Piggyback... Ride from Boyfriend Peregrine Pearson (ET) (28:42)Lily Allen Launches OnlyFans Account For Her Feet (ET) (33:22)Paul Mescal Caught on Video Seemingly Snorting Drugs at Glastonbury Music Festival (Page Six) (40:00)Dear Toasters Segment (44:44)The Toast with Jackie (@JackieOshry) and Claudia Oshry (@girlwithnojob) Lean InThe Camper and The Counselor by Jackie OshryMerchThe Toast PatreonGirl With No Job by Claudia OshrySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Good morning, millennials, and welcome back to the Toast.
Happy Wednesday and Friday and Tuesday and Monday.
Because it's the start of something new, as Troy Bolton would say.
If you're listening, as an audio experience, you might say,
wow, those girls sound crisp.
Those girls sound like their UPS package with all their equipment arrived.
If you're watching on YouTube, it's not a static image.
It's us. It's literally us.
It's us, your girls live in living color.
And Streisand.
Bryson Streisand decided to come to work today.
We've got Bruno.
We've got Jax.
We've got Claude.
We've got a camera.
We've got the Hamptons.
We've got greenery behind us.
Now, please save your critiques for a different comment section.
Maybe go comment them on Mark Ruffalo's YouTube page.
This set is an active work in progress.
I do know that the lighting could use some work.
But let me just say, where we started and where we've come from in 24 hours. It's amazing what we've accomplished.
It's true. And you bitches almost didn't get an episode today because I am sick.
Yes. Jax is running a fever. Like.
Or ring literally was like, yikes, girl, we won't bother you with your stress insights today. Take
the day off. The universe is actively working against us however we will not back down no I
won't back down we will not let it stop us from delivering premium content this is our last
episode before the long holiday weekend so we had to hop on just wanted to pop on and say hello to
the swirlies you know you're sitting a little far away from me a little not centered if you want to
just come a little closer I'm making up for yesterday where we were at each other's buttholes.
We were.
So also Bruno is like Bruno and I are one mass.
Yeah.
Together we are centered.
Just so you know, if you wanted to come more into frame, like I don't think anybody would
be upset.
Myself included.
It's fine.
You could come a little closer, but I won't bother you about that.
I wouldn't bother you about that.
So we've got a great show today.
Like Jack said, it's Wednesday.
So it's the last time you're going to be hearing from us before the holiday weekend.
You know we love a holiday weekend.
We are taking July 4th and 5th off.
I think the whole country is.
That's what happens when you get a holiday on a Thursday.
I don't think we're being unreasonable.
No.
What, are we supposed to come back to work on Friday when we've just been holidaying?
Right.
But we will be back on Monday.
So you can count on, you can't count on a lot of things in this life, but you can't
count on us taking the holiday weekend off. But being back on Monday, we always come back on Monday. So you can count on, you can't count on a lot of things in this life, but you can't count on us taking the holiday weekend off.
But being back on Monday, we always come back.
Yeah.
So I'm looking forward to the holiday weekend.
We've also got just like a busy day today in terms of the schedule of events.
We've got Toast.
We've got Fast Five.
We've got Dear Toasters because it is Wednesday.
We've got Bruno.
We've got a lot.
We've got Brewie.
Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
Brewie. Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da. Bruie.
That's like a kid's song jingle that I'm just like,
much like Amanda Knox.
Bluey is the Amanda Knox.
I just kind of missed it.
I don't know the song.
I don't know the characters.
It's not that you missed it.
It's past your time.
It's of this generation.
No, no.
I mean like of your kids.
Like, I know all their songs.
I learn them.
I sing to them.
I don't know Bluey.
Yeah, it's just the theme song of Bluey.
That's all it is. Ba-da-da sing to them. I don't know Bluey. Yeah, it's just the theme song of Bluey. That's all it is.
Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da.
Mom.
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
Dad.
I see we're lowering the bar.
So I just do ba-da-da-da-da-da-da.
Brewie.
That's all.
Brew is an angel.
He loves me.
It's been so amazing spending some time with him.
Swirly Summer, like we keep saying,
I think I've said this like 11 times,
like Swirly Summer is about to begin.
When you came to New York, when we first started the live shows yesterday's
episode but now no i feel like monday wow you think swirly summer hasn't even begun this is
still a trial run for swirly summer i do yeah because the lighting is not flattering and they're
the light just gonna see also like as i said i'm feeling sick like it's not my most like razzle
dazzle sort of day i only did cream makeup. Like I didn't dabble in powders.
Oh, that's kind of brave sitting under a brave light.
Although I want to say in person, you are radiant.
When I was doing my makeup, I was like, it's giving Jaclyn Hill.
However, it might, you might show up like a disco ball on the podcast.
I don't mind being a disco ball.
Like when people are like, oh, do you get oily?
I'm like, bring it on.
Oh, shine. Like to me, shiny is being a disco ball. Like when people are like, oh, do you get oily? I'm like, bring it on. Oh, shine.
Like to me, shiny is only a good association.
Shiny.
I have no qualms about being shiny.
Like my fears are being crusty, musty, dusty.
I'm looking like I fell out of a coconut tree.
And one thing about Jackie and I is that we did just fall out of a coconut tree. And one thing about Jackie and I is that we did just fall out of a coconut tree, but we also exist in the context of what we live
and all in what that came before us.
So please don't forget that very important message
on this Independence Day Eve.
But today is giving coconut tree.
However, the inside of the coconut,
you know, the creaminess.
Not the glaze.
Not the glaze.
So I didn't do powdered makeup today all
is to say like swirly summer can't start without powdered bronzer it's so true we'll see you on
monday although i am wearing enough powdered bronzer for like all everyone living in this
house looks like that's all you're wearing like you excuse me you're wearing a light beat as well
i am wearing a light beat well because jackie was sick we almost didn't do a video but i was like i
did not rent all this equipment for us to miss out on a video. So she was like,
we should just do it in our PJs,
no makeup.
I'm like,
that goes against my code of ethics.
I would have.
Oh,
and I do want to say like,
don't expect like looks to be churned out
for me this summer.
Like I've kind of made a commitment
to not blow out my hair on the week days.
If I go out somewhere on the weekend,
like if I'm going to surf lodge,
okay,
I'll brush my hair,
but I will not be blowing out my hair.
I will not be wearing mascara.
Like this is, this summer is also for me, you know know like it's restorative and I need my hair to like sort
of come back to itself yeah so I will not be putting heat on my hair I will not be putting
mascara on these eyelashes and like I don't want to hear a word about it okay well my hair will be
like somewhat done I only wash my hair twice a week it's like not that big of a deal but I'm
gonna be swimming and going for runs you know I went swimming yesterday I went for a run you also have nice natural hair like if you actually didn't then you wouldn't be
talking this way you wouldn't be talking this trash oh wow okay oh wow okay oh how brave you're
wearing your natural gorgeous beach waves out thank you by the way and she's so strong i like
the most us thing happened yesterday i was up here the box finally came i was getting everything set
up with ben and the second like it took took a while. The second we got everything working, everything
looking good, Ben had to record good guys. So I had to literally like move everything around for
a solo camera, solo microphone. And I was like, if something goes wrong today, it is 1000% Ben's
fault. A hundred percent. I feel like we can feel really good knowing that, but what actually has
to be different? Doesn't he just sit in the center of the couch no I had it like this way just one because it was nighttime the lighting was different it was
it was very complicated that's very complicated sort of IT department tings that's very frustrating
and frightful but also just classic so if you do end up listening to this episode like that means
everything somewhat went normally and just you should just take a moment to be grateful because I will be once we're done and I get these cards loaded
off you know yeah yeah but I'm also feeling grateful because swirly summer is about to begin
almost any day now I hear rumors that swirly summer is swirly summer is kind of like the messiah
yeah it's giving me shiach like it's coming but when it's kind of giving like wicked the movie
like potentially potentially tomorrow it's coming potentially not it's coming I really feel like It's kind of giving like Wicked the movie Like potentially Potentially tomorrow
Potentially not
I really feel like Monday is going to be so
Swirly
But who knows what will happen to us this weekend
By Monday you might be sick with what I have right now
So I have been staying away from you
And from Charlie like not to be rude
Because I love you guys so much but like I really don't want to get sick
I'm just hoping that this is the worst of it
Like it doesn't go downhill from here and I do feel a
little better than when I woke up this morning so that could also be like the 800 milligram Advil
that I took but we'll see like I really can't like tomorrow's 4th of July I cannot be sick on
the 4th of July it would be downright un-American it would be it would be so not patriotic which is
so not swirly oh because swirly a corner of swirliness is a deep sense of pride and patriotism.
A cornerstone of the swirly tenants.
We need to kind of have like swirly tablets made like in the Bible.
Like the 10 swirliest commandments.
You are kind of like in this scenario, and this might be sacrilegious, but like you are totally God in that situation.
And I'm Moses.
Like you tell me what to do and I tell the world.
Oh, you're my megaphone.
It's like, I'll make a funny joke, but like no one heard it.
And you say, and I'm not even max.
I'm like, great.
It needed a microphone.
I'm getting a voice to the voiceless.
It's so true.
I've also realized something about myself recently that I'm not fighting anymore.
And like, unless barring like being angry and irate
and like just flying off the handle.
Which everyone's due for.
I do not and will not like speak louder than I speak.
Like if I have to get someone's attention.
She's shutting down.
No, like sometimes someone's like over there
and I have to get their attention
and I can't go any louder than this
and I'm done trying.
Oh, that's.
Sometimes Zach will tell me to talk louder to someone,
and I'm like, sir, I'm at my limit.
I don't talk louder than this unless I get extenuating circumstances,
like I said, because I can yell.
But if I need to like, hey, you over there, stop.
Yeah.
No.
That's sort of where I thrive, you know, is getting people's attention.
Yeah.
I was somewhere recently where I needed to do like a toast type thing and get people
silent to show, you know, to show everyone something.
And I was like, hey, everyone.
Hey, how?
And someone had to do it for me.
And it's something about me that I've stopped trying to fight.
Like, that's just I operate in your nature.
I operate at this decibel and volume and I operate in the context of everything which
came before. me well I was
gonna ask actually if you are that way because you fell out of a coconut tree
do you think that had anything to do with it falling out of a coconut tree at a young age
well also existing in the context of all the which you came before yeah I mean it has to be a part of it right i think it's all
connected it's all connected in the community oh my god and i know that that kamala harris quote
is not new it went viral on tiktok you just showed it to me we cannot stop saying it went
viral on tiktok seriously three months ago we cannot stop watching it if you haven't seen it
which was me up until yesterday like like treat yourself and watch it.
Like it's so funny.
Kamala Harris actually has this like
really beautiful rhythm to her voice.
Like, and her laugh is, it's infectious.
Like she's always laughing at something.
Did you just fell out of a coconut tree?
Oh my God.
It literally warms my soul.
And we have not,
literally not been able to stop saying
you just fell out of a coconut tree
for the last 12 hours.
I showed it to Jackie last night.
We've said it no less than 50 times.
I just feel like it's really emblematic of where we're at right now, where it feels like
everything and everyone has fallen out of a coconut tree.
Yeah, no.
And by the way, here's the question.
Has everyone else fallen out of a coconut tree or have just we fallen out?
Because that's what it feels like.
But you guys can't hear, but's laughing it's i'm not like
kamala i don't have yeah you and kamala don't have that in common actually no no but you did
both fall out of a coconut tree so well also i think we have to hold space for two truths like
falling out of a coconut tree can you play can you play the audio for everyone can i play it's
like saved in our texts yes i know what you to say. Just in case there's like one poor soul out there who hasn't heard it,
like you need to hear this quote.
It's gold.
You think you just fell out of a coconut tree?
You exist in the context of all in which you live and what came before you.
Like what? Brilliant. No no and it's really in and i know it went viral because people were like this is a word salad like what the hell does this
mean but those people didn't get it no we get it of all like the thing is she is the queen of word
salads like she puts any other viral salad maker taylor farms to shame do not come here she goes
viral a lot what was it in the passage of time?
It's so important because the passage of time.
It's so.
She has a couple of those moments.
It's so crazy.
It's so crazy.
I understand her though.
No, and it's always salad
where it's like actually giving nothing.
This is full of substance to me.
Aristotle wishes he could understand human nature
as deeply as that. Maybe she was quoting a
great philosopher. Like you think you just fell out of a coconut tree? It's really her laughs
that make it like perfect. Well, yeah, she's the type like she'll laugh at her own jokes. So like
whether it hit or not doesn't matter. There's laughter. Right. Because there's always a party
of one like preaching. Yeah. I love that. You have to be your biggest fan and your biggest
cheerleader. I mean mean if you don't
if you can like get a sister who will do it for you it is important that you be your biggest fan
and your biggest cheerleader while also being your number one hater like slash troll I think
that's like actually a really good balance and I'm being serious now for especially if you're like
a person who creates content like you need to hate everything you put out while also saying
like it's the best thing ever because you need to have a sense of self-awareness but you also in
order to succeed in this life like need to have this you know unbettered sense of like confidence and
world domination you know like delusion almost that's what the hell was that was that fell out
of a coconut tree something seriously oh my god this room this podcast is haunted what the hell
was that i don't know i feel like it was a coconut it sounded
it was something that definitely exists in the context of what came before them
and all in which it came before them.
Yeah.
So speaking of falling out of a coconut tree,
I last night edited the new episode of the redheads,
which drops tomorrow.
And I hadn't known that quote yet of falling out of a coconut tree,
but it's literally the book,
the moral of the story.
You think you just fell out of a coconut tree? Like, no, you exist in the context of all of which that came before you because the book
is all about like genetics yeah and most certainly did not fall out of a coconut tree none of us did
all's to say that's actually what she was saying like you think you're just here no bitch like
there's a lot it's giving like god it's giving belief in a higher power. Oh, I took it as like it's giving science.
Oh, you think?
DNA.
Well, that's.
Chromosomes.
Isn't that the big debate?
Things of that nature.
It's giving nature versus nurture.
It's giving God versus religion.
No, science versus religion.
And I think like Sheldon always says in Young Sheldon, the two can exist because, you know,
he believes in science, but his mom believes in Jesus.
But he believes he sees that.
No, you know what he says? says i believe in mom that episode of the of young
children i almost had the trust actually made me cry when like his mom was having a crisis of faith
they're sitting outside something really bad happened like a girl in the neighborhood a young
girl passed away yeah and it caused his mom to have this like real doubt in in in the lord because
how could a lord who's so just and so merciful take away this young
life and she said you know shelly i know you don't believe in it and maybe you're onto something he
said no mom there's got to be something out there because i may not believe in god but i believe in
mom he said of all the billion moms and permutations and combinations of me existing and you existing
like you're the perfect mom for me no that literally that's where the show got me like i
was like this show is masterful it's a work of art it didn't fall out of a coconut tree no
neither did shelly but this episode kind of did for sure um we do have a lot to get to i think
we should get the coconut back on the tree no jackie it's kind of like you can't put the
toothpaste back back in the tube you cannot put the coconut back in the tray no you cannot but
we do have a lot to do how How are the stories? They're good.
They're strong.
It's like what everyone's talking about.
Okay, good.
I hope they're great because we were not gonna be able to talk about anything till Monday.
So yeah.
And then by Monday, I hope everyone like starts falling out of coconut trees.
It's large and gives us things in which to discuss.
That would be great if they gave us things in which to discuss.
I just hope that like, you know, when we have like a hyper fixation, as the kids say, and
then we start like talking like it, like I can't let these Kamala clips like influence
the way that I speak.
I hope that they do influence the way that I speak.
You know, like just adding words, like things in which to snack.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Things in which to snack.
So I'm going to try and keep it tight for the fast five stories that you need to know.
And the fast five stories that you need to know. And the fast five stories
that you need to know are brought to you, no surprise, by State Farm. We know our toasters
can agree that nothing feels better than a personal win, like when we get our final piece
of furniture delivered to our apartment and your home truly feels complete, or hitting a workout
personal best during a run. Jackie and I obviously are constantly raising the bar for each other. I
don't know if anybody knows, like I ran a mile in nine minutes and 53 seconds the
other day, which is a personal best for me.
And it's so important to celebrate wins in life, whether they're big, whether they're
small, whether they're related to family, friends, faith, things of that nature.
So maybe you're a toaster who managed to stop for a much needed iced coffee and still
made it to work on time.
Or you found a new pair of jeans that finally fit perfectly, which we know is quite challenging,
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Whatever it is that you define as a win, it calls for a celebration. And who's cheering right beside
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Oh, let me.
I know I fell out of a coconut tree,
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Our first story, Travis Kelsey is going on new heights, his podcast with his brother,
So Toast Coated.
What's that like?
And he's talking about Night 3, Eras London, when he went on the stage because the last
podcast that they did, they recorded before Night 3, Eras London, when he went up on the
stage.
Which I'm sure wasn't um on purpose that
one weekend's events happened to be split into two episodes because they're not thirsty like
that's gonna pod but it's great for advertisers it's great for podcast retention I think that's
fabulous I'd love to see two you know another sibling podcast out here thriving I do love to
see it so he says it was his idea to join tailored on stage in the london era's show so he
said i initially mentioned it to tay i was like how funny would it be if i just rolled out on one
of the bikes during the 1989 era like literally me if i'm ever friends with taylor's web like how
funny would it be if i just sang a song with you she initially laughed at the idea and then asked
would you seriously be up for doing something like that he was was gay. And he said, I was like, what?
I would love to do that.
Are you kidding me?
I've seen the show enough.
Might as well to put me to work here.
I just want to say she found the perfect part of the show for me to come in.
I just want to say, I think that the way that this happened, I could see it going so south.
Like if you have suspicions that the person you're with is like a little bit thirsty and
then they sit like, what if I just fell out of a coconut tree
and like got on stage with you?
You already had like a bad feeling about it.
It could raise a red flag.
Yeah.
I think, and Taylor's obviously like so suspicious
of everyone and everything, like what they want from her.
So I think the fact that he said it
really proves to like the genuine nature of like,
of who he is.
Because if he was like a little bit like,
I don't know if maybe she was getting like ached out
or a little worried about-
Like moochy vibes.
This would have set off like all the alarms. For sure. But even though he doesn't
do what she does, when you think about it, like he's been on a stage in a stadium before,
like he's used to that many thousands of fans cheering his name. Like it's actually not that
big of a deal for him in the context of all of which that came before him. Okay. That's true.
But what if he fell out of a coconut tree? think certainly travis kelsey fell out of a coconut tree otherwise how
do you explain him no by the way not only does he exist in the context of all which i came before
him he also fell out of a coconut tree 1000 so i agree with you it could be read wrong but that's
why they're such a great match and also just the unserious nature of him. But also rising tides rise all sides.
Like it was good for Taylor too.
Oh, for sure.
And of course, like he was like, I want to go on the bicycle.
And like, she shot that down and said like, he could injure a dancer.
Sure.
But I feel like then she really thought about where would be the best place to put him in
the show.
And I haven't seen the show, but I imagine there are tons of like fun things, but like
this was so artistic because like, uh, I can do it with a broken heart like smallest man who ever lived it meant a lot like she literally put them him in the
context in which all that came before him and after him like for real yeah for real and so i
think for her it was very poetic and artistic and for him he's like i just did a dance it's true
yeah like him showing up in blank space during the 1989 era like makes no sense in the context
of all of which i came before him but um like we're telling a story here right like our story is the story of taylor swift's life
so him being in the ttp like it all it's perfect it was seriously poetic and i'm glad that it was
his idea because i think if she it could also be like hey do you want to come on stage and like
you know make all my exes feel like the smallest man that ever lived that's also kind of like a
weird vindictive look so the fact that it was a meeting of the minds really speaks to the health of the relationship
yeah it was it was beautiful i love that we're reliving it again i enjoyed every minute and i
love to see um them talking about it on the podcast there was other stuff that came out from
the podcast um that they had spoken about something jason said that had went kind of viral because he was obsessed with um i saw he said something what was it jason
said something whatever it was it's um taylor swift related like just one of his favorite songs
or one of his favorite albums something i had to tattoo a tattoo, what would it be? No. What did he say? I didn't click it. Oh.
Whatever.
All's that to say, happy for them.
Just like a tattoo.
Me when I'm done with a conversation.
All's that to say, I'm happy for them.
That's us every single day.
Like that's us.
That's our transition of choice.
Like from story to story.
Even if it was like a sad story.
Someone who passed away.
Processing.
Anyway, happy for them.
Like so great.
So great. Are you ready for our next story also so great oh sugi waterhouse is on the cover of british so ready talking about motherhood
talking about robert talking about music talking about postpartum talking about robert it all so
couple things first she's talking about new motherhood which of course is so fascinating
she's talking about being 25 pounds heavier on the cover of Vogue.
And at first she's like, I'm 25 pounds heavier than I normally am right now.
But then was like, who gives a fuck?
It is what it is.
She was talking about how she learned the gender of her baby before she gave birth and
called her mom and was just like so excited.
What did she have?
She had a girl.
OK.
And how, you know, motherhood's just been a shock to the system.
I love her.
Like I really, really love her.
I've loved her for a long time.
And the fact that she is, and I say this every time we talk about her, so I'm sorry if it's
repetitive.
The fact that she is married to the man of my dreams, like I'm actually really happy
for her.
If it was anyone else, like I would be jealous.
It does sound as dreamy as it looks.
That's, that's tough to hear.
Because she talks about how they met
and how like they first had like a nice encounter at a party and really clicked and got along but
like didn't get each other's numbers whatever and then the next time that they saw each other
they reconnect reconnected but she also talked about her exes because she was asked about like
singing songs about her exes like does that phase robert which is like a fair question she said he
couldn't really give a shit he's like no one's better than me
so whatever. So Edward Cullen
coded. Like Edward Cullen was not the jealous type.
No. Except with that freak
Jacob. And she also shared
a rare comment about her split from Bradley
Cooper saying I will say that I'm pretty strong
at this point but when something very
public happens to you and the story behind it is dark
and difficult and you're actually not doing well
and you can't explain yourself to the world that's very isolating and disorienting it
has probably taken a decade to work myself out and actually be able to have this expansion in my life
i forget that like we were really introduced to her when she was dating bradley cooper that's how
i like remember meeting her for the first time in a paparazzi photo um that sounds sad yeah i wonder
what it is yeah but yeah i guess like what was the narrative at the time that just like these two people
broke up?
I don't know.
And then did he go on to have kids?
Yes, with Irina.
Yeah.
Like almost immediately after.
I remember it was like a quick turnaround.
That's tough.
Yeah.
And she said like what was going on behind the scenes was actually much worse.
Yeah.
Whatever.
You know, everything happens for a reason because she's now married to the love of my
life.
She's Mrs. Edward Cullen. whatever you know everything happens for a reason because she's now married to the love of my life she's mrs edward cullen and every detail we get about their relationship usually from her just puts puts him in such a positive light like really everything you you would imagine rob to be yeah
yeah i call him rob yeah that's so cute i love these two and i love that she's on the cover of
vogue british vogue is so elevated no it's not even like elevated it's just like they know who should be on the cover before you can even think
it like it's never the obvious choice but it's someone who makes so much sense whereas like
vogue us is just like random cycles the same five people and acts like they're doing something new
and they say nothing and we don't like really learn about new people it's like such a good point
like every time there's a british vocal i'm like yeah i want to hear like what a fantastic fabulous
person who now like they've also catapulted to like that a-list level yes where
i'm like oh and now suki waterhouse is in vogue and suki waterhouse should be in vogue i would
like to i'm just looking at who would most recent oh jill biden america but like before that i'm
talking about like celebs okay no but that's like they're celebs yeah oh they did post olivia
culpo in feed on vogue magazine, like regular.
Beautiful.
No, that's a good point about, I feel like every time we talk about the cover stars of British Vogue or just like things British Vogue is doing, it's like, it's on point.
It's like really chic and elevated.
I think seriously, every month we have a, we have a story about who's on the cover of
British Vogue and what they're saying because it's interesting.
Because it's interesting.
And maybe that just points to like British celebrities being more like celebrities from Britain.
No, I don't think so.
I think it speaks to Edward being greater than Anna.
Edward, yes.
Edward Enifel, you mean.
Not Edward Cullen.
No, Edward Cullen.
Even though I don't even know if he's still there,
but obviously his impact is still.
Lasting.
Lasting.
I'm trying to look at the last British Vogue cover
because I'm certain that we spoke about it.
Was it Sophie Turner?
She did something with British Vogue.
She did.
I think that was it.
Yeah, and we were talking about,
she was talking about J Sisters.
J Sisters, yes.
Well, that's actually a great segue
to our next story if you're ready.
I'm ready.
I guess we'll get ready just to make the segue work
because Sophie Turner was spotted out and about
with her aristocratic
boyfriend who doesn't need a wagon of free stuff who does not he's an aristocrat period the sentence
ends there she got a piggyback ride from her boyfriend Perrin Green Pearson comma aristocrat
at a polo match like it's all just so British I could not be happy for her every time I see like
a paparazzi picture of them I think first of all they always look like they're having fun like the
last time we saw a picture of them,
they were in like Capri or something, smoking cigarettes,
like clearly day drinking.
Now they're like frolicking in a field.
I feel like you never get paparazzi pictures of any,
like people are always just like walking.
Yeah.
And I also feel like the first pictures that we ever got of them
were like kind of like unserious.
And I just assumed that it wasn't like an actual boyfriend.
Yeah.
But every time they're out together,
they're doing something like more and more legit. They more and more in love like a couple and then the more
time they spend together the proof is in the pudding so i think this is really great i feel
like this is a rebound relationship that really you know hit yeah like maybe it's not i don't
think it's like in the beginning it was just giving rebound because you know that's what happens
but now it's not we've crossed the rubicon it's like in the beginning it was just giving rebound because, you know, that's what happens. But now it's not.
We've crossed the Rubicon.
It's tough to get into another relationship.
This did not fall out of a coconut tree.
No, no, never.
It's tough to get out of a relationship when your past one was so public and beloved.
Like really like the whole J sisters thing.
I think people loved these two together, especially at the height of like Jonas Brothers coming back.
Final season of Game of Thrones.
Like it was really this peak for both of them career-wise but then also in terms of like
public adoration and and when it goes south like as badly as it did and you get into another
relationship it's like well how is how are people going to react and I think that this was really an
inspired choice not that I think that's why she made the choice to date someone like a nobleman
who's like fame not famous but wealthy and well-known.
No, but I think a lot of times when you get out of a relationship, you're like kind of
looking for the opposite and also like looking to course correct on the things that you didn't
like about the person.
So it might've been the fame and having the whole world in their relationship.
And some, a lot of people are team Joe.
Yeah.
Joe's their boyfriend.
Yeah.
And she just like wants someone who's nobody's boyfriend except hers.
Yeah.
Which is nice. Yeah. Also, here's a picture of them like at an event i'm obsessed like this is one of the
few non-paparazzi photos no it just looks like two people like a boyfriend and a girlfriend taking a
picture yeah what event it was the stanley shoes year of the dragon celebration at dixie queen on
february 10th 2024 thank you so much for all those details. Yeah.
Look, I love her.
I have always loved her.
I will always love her.
And so I want peace and joy.
I feel like, you know,
when you're a woman of a certain celebrity,
there's so many different people you can date, right?
And I think in the beginning it's fun and you want to date like the rock star, of course.
But there's something to be said about this,
about Elliot Grange. The Viscount in waiting. The wealthy, well-known, star of course but there's something to be said about this about about elliot grange the viscount
and waiting the the the wealthy well-known but not famous you know like obviously elliot grange
is a perfect example we're very influential in the industry lots of you know connects his dad
is something a chairman of a big music label like perfect yeah literally perfect you couldn't dream
up a better man well peregrine is the heir to the Cowdray estate and will become the fifth
Viscount Cowdray after his father's death.
So in the British nobility system,
a Viscount is ranked above a Baron,
but below an Earl,
Marcus and Duke.
So she'll be the Viscountess.
So she'll be less than that girl from ladies of London.
No,
she'll be a Viscountess.
She'll be the same.
That girl was an Earl.
What's,
what's a female Earl?
Julie, what was her name?
Julie Corky.
Julie Corky.
Julie Montague.
Yeah, wasn't her
the Earl of Sandwich?
The Earl of Sandwich.
But she was a Viscountess
because she has that series.
Yeah, you're right.
Viscountess in America.
American Viscountess.
That lady from Ladies of London,
she married someone
who's related to the Earl of Sandwich.
And she has like a palace. He's going to be the Earl of Sandwich. And she has like a palace.
He's going to be the Earl of Sandwich.
So when you're married to an Earl, you become...
That's a great question.
When you are married to an Earl,
name,
who are you? I fucked it up.
Countess. The wife of an Earl is a styled Countess.
But what about Count?
And also then who's the vicountess?
And when you're married to the vicount.
Vicount and vicountesses.
Baron and baroness.
Marquess.
And Marquesa. King, queen, obviously.
Website sucks. Englishmanor.org.
Got it together. Why is the wife of an earl called a countess thank you i love quora
because it is that's basically the answer so okay so like deal with it
yeah i'm asking questions i i get what i want and this winter break i want jordan
understood deal with it are you ready for our next story? It's our fourth story. Yeah.
Lily Allen launches an OnlyFan account for her feet.
Yeah.
And I feel like this isn't the most interesting thing about Lily Allen.
What is the most interesting thing? That her brother is Theon Greyjoy.
Yes.
Yeah.
Alfie Allen.
This is the second most interesting.
Yeah.
And it's like she can keep doing like PR stunts or whatever, but nothing will ever be as interesting
as the fact that her brother was Theon Greyjoy.
I want to see Theon's feet.
Yeah.
And where were you?
Seriously.
I asked the audience, but also you.
Where were you when you found out that Theon Greyjoy in real life was sisters with Lily
Allen, the singer of the iconic song?
Fuck you.
Fuck you very, very much.
I feel like I was always seeing his name in the credits.
So it wasn't a leap.
I feel like for me, I found out like right here.
Right now.
Right when I fell out of the coconut tree.
Of course.
She just caused me to take a tumble out of the coconut tree.
That was the last branch.
Literally.
Well, she is selling pictures of her feet on OnlyFans.
She has a username called LilyAllenFTSC500,
and she's making pictures of her feet and toes available
for just a hair over $10 a month.
And is this like a promotional thing?
Is this like a she's fallen on hard times thing?
What, because she fell out of a coconut tree?
Yeah.
What was the reason, you know?
So she joined in June, but news has only gotten out now she's posted
six videos and four photos no word on how many subscribers she has but so far the account is 296
likes but as we said like people didn't really know it was her so maybe that will boom um she
promoted her latest post on her instagram story entitled it la dolce fita that's a great caption
the move comes not long after she joked on a june 30th
podcast of oh she has a podcast so like i feel like so she's dire straits dire straits okay
she said that she can make a lot of money selling foot content after the foot fetish website wiki
feet gave her a five-star rating so i think it's like a little bit of a bit but also now she's in
the business of content creation like you have to get creative i mean the podcast to only fans pipeline isn't
you know it's a small pipe it's just some extremely small pipe so i i'm guessing this
isn't like some promotional thing for a new album like sometimes people do that they're like she
joined only fans but it's actually everyone who joins gets a listen of her new track when is katie
perry's song coming out like i'm ready for it to come out. See her in court.
Oh, right, right.
Cameron West got it all.
What day of the week is your birthday?
Wednesday?
Maybe it's July 12th.
New Music Friday.
Yeah.
Maybe July 11th at midnight.
Or maybe my birthday's on a Thursday.
Like don't count on,
don't count out the countess.
That's classic turt.
Don't count out the countess.
What are we doing for my birthday?
Well,
no, you were right. My opinion hasn't changed oh my birthday's
a week from today i've been like so low-key about it because i'm not like other girls i don't really
care about my birthday you know until three days before and then it's like why is everyone leaving
town it's my birthday no no i'm i'm working on making us a dinner reservation like really nothing
crazy yum yeah i love dinner dinner dinner well i just i want to go i think it goes without saying that while my energy for my birthday is has changed um my requirement for gifts has not like just because
i'm being like a low-key birthday it doesn't mean like i want you know like a low-key like
t-shirt or something i didn't think that you didn't okay i know my swirl also um the t-shirt
that says chismosa on it somehow made its way into my suitcase yeah did you do that i sent
no not your suitcase but i sent it to you because I was sending you
a box of wares.
Well,
I made it to the Hamptons
so I'll have to wear it
on the toast one day.
Great.
Because that's what we do.
You wanted it.
If we ever were to rebrand,
like,
and we had to change
complete,
like,
directions completely.
The toast?
Yeah.
El chisme?
La chisme?
No.
Like,
no.
Las chismosas?
Like,
no.
No.
If you're asking in earnest.
I'm asking in earnest.
I think it would be like Las Coconuts.
I think it would be called Two Girls Who Just Fell Out of a Coconut Tree.
Who also exists in the contest in All In With Chucky before them.
Correct.
Are you ready for our fifth and final story?
No.
No.
Okay, now she's not.
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Our fifth and final story.
Paul Mezcat was caught on video seemingly doing drugs at Glastonbury Music Festival.
What?
What kind?
Cocaine?
Yeah.
Obsessed.
Seemingly.
Like it was key bag nose.
Wait.
Key bag nose.
I'm running to Twitter.
I will show you.
Wait.
I think I saw.
Wait.
I might have seen this.
Oh, sorry.
Sorry.
My Kamala Harris video.
My Kamala Harris video.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
I'm obsessed.
Okay.
You read.
I'll watch.
So Paul Mezcal appeared to indulge in an illegal substance
while partying at the Glastonbury Music Festival.
The Gladiator 2 star was seen in a video obtained by The Sun on Monday,
dipping his finger into a small bag
and then putting it up to his nose to take a sniff.
A source, an eyewitness said,
Paul looks like he used a key to scoop some substance out of a bag,
which he lifted to his nose and sniffed.
He did it once, then he dipped the key back into the bag
and lifted it to his nose and sniffed again the source further claimed paul didn't seem to
care if anybody could see him he was dancing and laughing with his friends he appeared away unaware
that he was being filmed at the time he was listening to the nationals set i think the
nationals like not really the type of music you do cocaine to but i'm getting you know lost in the
in the unimportant details um wow one of my favorite like tropes in pop
culture is celebrities being caught doing drugs obviously there's that iconic photo of Cara Delevingne
um looking for her keys in her bag and when she pulls out her keys so does a bag of cocaine and
it goes flying um there is a video I believe of Halsey on a yacht doing cocaine it is seriously
one of my favorite things like and growing up is realizing like everybody does cocaine like celebrities it's like not a big deal um so pom escal is just a celebrity no of course it's a
terrible drug like it fries your brain for sure but it's not as uncommon i know what you meant
yes no but thank you for like what you were saying like drugs no sorry thank you for clarifying yeah
it's very it's not as uncommon as one might think like yeah i guess like no drugs are uncommon now like I feel like you know heroin became super popular because it became really cheap it wasn't
like this thing like only crazy addicts were doing like people do heroin like it's crazy
yeah so all that to say Paul Mezcal is just like a regular celebrity he does cocaine he's a regular
guy at a music festival but I also think in the past this could be something that would like really
derail someone's career but I feel like now it like, is you doing drugs congruous with who you purport to be?
Right.
Pomezcal?
Yes.
Yeah.
It's like, it's not surprising.
It's not, it's not incongruous with the public image we already have of him.
Caradelivine?
Yes.
Yes.
Halsey?
Yes.
You know, if you started getting like.
Jojo Siwa.
Well, these days it's not going to be that crazy.
No, Jojo has taken herself out of the box and she's fallen out of the coconut tree.
For sure.
With her cigarettes and her cocaine.
Yeah.
The cigarettes were the least of it.
But I can't remember the last time a celebrity like got caught doing drugs and it was really
damaging for them because it goes against like maybe they purport to be a role model
for kids.
Or they do no drug, say no to drug campaigns.
Yeah.
The only thing is that with actors,
and I feel like I learned this from Entourage,
when you get cast in any movie,
like that movie needs insurance.
And I think if there's like a lot of like evidence
of you doing drugs, like you're difficult to insure
because you're considered like unstable.
Well, he's going to be in Gladiator 2,
which I didn't even know.
Right, and a movie like Gladiator 2,
which is like very action oriented,
requires a lot of insurance. It requires a lot of insurance it requires a lot of cocaine and a lot of coconut
trees does the cocaine come from the coconut that fell off the tree sound off in the comments well
if paul mescal's the one falling out of the tree yeah yeah this episode's just coco loco we are
like obsessed with cocaine and coconuts you know that that Instagram girly? She's a podcaster.
I mean, she's a toaster.
Champagne and Chanel.
Yeah.
We're coconuts and cocaine.
Yeah.
I think cocaine and coconuts.
Yeah.
Sounds better.
Yeah.
Not to like bring her into like our conversation about drugs.
Sorry.
That was inappropriate.
Someone who like.
If we found out.
If we saw a video of her doing drugs, I would be extremely shocked.
Yeah.
And I do feel like if it was an influencer, maybe because influencers get their platform and everything by being like relatable and real and like you share your whole
life so like if you're doing drugs and you're not and we catch you out it's a bad look for you
because i really do feel like i can't think of someone who this is even a big deal for anymore
yeah but that's i think the culture evolving it would be a big deal yeah that's also just people being hard on influencers
once again so tough female dominated industry yeah but then you get a wagon of free stuff and
it's like you know what okay drag me i'll take the good and the bad drag me with this wagon drag me i
have a whole box of lave city cookware right drag me my thrive market just arrived drag me i'll be
drinking splash literally drag me while i'm watching my lady jane on prime video drag me while i'm watching my lady jane curled up with my minky couture blanket
in a home that's insured by state farm
yeah drag me okay drag me i like what's that from i don't know matilda yell at me okay
oh so she didn't say drag me no so thank you because that was from the 90s well we are not done even though
paul mescal's career might be that remains to be seen it's not it's not this isn't even headline
news this was the fifth and final story for a reason it's just nothing burger every wednesday
jackie and i like to round up the show with a little segment we like to call dear toasters
it's a weekly advice segment where you can get advice from us and bruno if you've ever thought
like damn i wonder what jackson claude would think of this. You have an opportunity
every week to hear that.
So you can email us your issue
if you're having one.
Deertoastersatgmail.com
or head over to our website,
thetoastpodcast.com.
Submit it anonymously.
We'll never, you know,
put your name out there.
Don't worry about that.
Hey, Swerleys.
I've been married
for almost eight years.
We have two kids.
The other night,
my husband said
next time he gets a bonus,
he's going to give me $200
to upgrade my quote
sleeping underwear. For context, during the day I wear thongs going to give me $200 to upgrade my quote sleeping underwear.
For context, during the day I wear thongs, but at night I like to wear really big panties.
I actually felt offended and explained why my body, my booty, excuse me, needs full coverage
for a good night's sleep.
In his defense, he did say that full coverage is fine, but maybe just a cuter pattern.
Also in full transparency, I'm still using my full coverage postpartum undies and my
son is seven months old.
All's to say, am I right to be offended?
Do I just take the $200, make the man happy with some new underwear take the 200 and buy more
of the granny panties like seriously fuck this guy i can't believe you have a seven month old
and you're wearing thongs during the day jackie when i read this and i said you wear thongs during
the day i said you're a different breed of woman you're a hero and like you did not fall out of a
coconut tree like it was very intentional no but it sounds like your man needs to fall out of a
coconut tree i'm really good like and this happens a lot with your toasters. Like the things we let men get away with are so,
especially as women who have recently had children.
Yeah.
The things we let men get away with is so absurd.
And the fact that we're even thinking like,
do I just like tell him like,
just to shut him up,
go,
you take that money and you buy a big bag of cocaine.
No,
you buy like seriously buy whatever the fuck you want.
Like I'm really getting tired of like
making arrangements for these mentally ill yeah like take the money and run do not start sleeping
in sexier underwear buy bigger ones who cares yeah i get a moo moo too while you're at it like
seriously it's really bothersome rollers and like let him know what it could be it's like the the
we've lowered the bar so much
and i'm sorry and i think we all did that to make our lives easier are you brad pitt like are you a
perfect specimen of a man probably not you take the 200 and you go out and buy all the things that
your man really needs like an ear trimmer a note like whatever it is that he needs that bothers
you but you would never say anything because you're a decent human being and you love him for who he is yeah take the money and buy all
the things that he really needs to get you know more attractive fight fire with fire however i
want you to use that 200 for yourself not for him still like yeah go get a massage that's the cause
of a good massage these days yeah enjoy you need to like really stick it to him like this isn't a
red flag or anything but he's obviously just got a little out of control.
He's gotten comfortable and he needs to get comfortable being uncomfortable.
He needs to get comfortable knowing that he's so wrong for this.
And like as somebody who wears granny panties and I,
I can say this with complete honesty.
I have never,
ever left my home or even inside my home.
I've never,
I've put it on,
but I've never worn it for more than three minutes.
A thong. I've never, I've put it on, but I've never worn it for more than three minutes. A thong.
I am not built like that.
And I have no interest in already being more uncomfortable than I already
am.
Just like being alive.
And the fact that you do that on a daily basis,
like you're obviously a very sexy person.
Yeah.
It's insane to me that he could have anything to say and you deserve
better.
So go get a massage.
Dear Jackson,
Claude SOS.
I'm currently writing to you from a seven-day vacation
with my boyfriend's family before the trip my boyfriend refrained from telling me from how
insane his family is i'm talking constant arguing fighting being passive-aggressive talking behind
each other's backs they've even brought me into the drama and i feel so uncomfortable i don't want
to seem ungrateful since they invited me on the trip but i truly had no clue that this family had
such messy dynamics before this and it's extremely uncomfortable there's four days me on the trip, but I truly had no clue that this family had such messy dynamics before this, and it's extremely uncomfortable.
There's four days left on the trip.
How do I get through it?
Well, you'll get through it,
and honestly, just find the comedy in it,
but then is this going to be a larger issue, you know?
Yeah, like, it's good to know that, like,
if you do marry into this family,
this is what you're getting into,
and so if you want to stay out of it,
like, you have to actively work to stay out of it.
I'm not worried about the trip right now. no but go to the spa go to the gym
no it's also important to remember like this is like a big deal for them and for you so this is
like kind of them on their best behavior that's really scary because they're showing you like
what they think is a good version of themselves yeah and like how much do you like this guy
yeah because family is forever.
But in terms of actually tangible things
that you can do on this trip,
Jackie's right.
Like take long walks.
Do things with your man.
Be like, oh, we're going to just tell your man
to tell your family.
Oh, we're going to get dinner tonight.
Just the two of us.
Like go for long walks.
Go to the gym.
Go to the spa.
There's a million things to do at a hotel.
That's the whole point.
And also like 11 days with anyone is a very long time.
And so if say in the off season,
like they're fine and they don't affect your life and they maybe live like far away like yeah not worth like breaking up it doesn't
affect your day-to-day then just know going forward like we have a weekend maximum allotment
of time with them for a trip like maybe not do 11 days again yeah no seven days no but you have
four more no i think she's three days into the trip three plus four equals seven oh oh that's
what i think seven's still too much. Of course.
So it should be three because you'd be going home now and moving on from it.
Instead, you had to write into us like when you hit your break.
Well, hopefully that was a good use of your time writing into us.
Like you just need to kind of get through this trip.
Like spend some time by yourself doing like non-offensive things.
Oh, where's Caitlin?
Whatever your name is.
Oh, she just went, you know.
For a run.
She went swimming.
Like she went to go visit.
She booked us swimming with dolphins.
Internet cafe. Yeah, she's in the business center like utilize all the amenities that the
hotel has to offer yes and if that doesn't work just throw yourself out of a coconut tree
yeah or go find a coconut tree and hope one comes and hits you on the head and you get knocked out
for the last three days no our advice to everybody this week just go find a coconut tree the nearest
coconut tree and herl okay ready for
third and final a little bit more serious hey swirlies i love you dearly and i need a bit of
help from one set of sisters to another i'm a twin and my sister and i are incredibly close we
have a great relationship i'm an elder millennial so i was recently told by someone about how
facebook messages can go into like a spam folder do you know that like requests yeah um so if you
aren't friends with someone or the algorithm thinks it's spam whatever i checked my own folder out of curiosity when i heard this and i found something that made me
wish i never looked some random person sent me incriminating information about my sister's
husband that he cheated on her the message was from a long time ago and i think it was sent to
me on accident because she thought i was the twin like she thought it was my sister she thought she
was sending it to the other twin um i have no idea what i should do with this information i have the
biggest pit about it i don't know if i should tell her or keep this information to myself please help I wonder how
long ago it was like at what point does this get past the statute of limitations yeah like I'm
leaning towards five years yeah and like were they dating were they engaged like I'm leaning towards
you not mentioning it and yeah no it's like a big thing to keep from your twin I know but like not to you
know if I heard something now it's about something that Ben did like so long ago and while we were
married married no like dating dating different married though let's say it's while she was
married and I've never heard any inkling from you that there's any like that this is a potential
issue or something that you have to worry about.
Like if she does sometimes feel worried about like his whereabouts or whatever, then like you should give her this piece of evidence.
But if it's never been an issue and like maybe it was a one time thing or something that like he does, it's not an issue.
Like I wouldn't make it an issue now unless it's context is key and you have to like live it in the context of all which I came before. Right. Let me ask you a question. What's worse to regret telling someone something
or to regret not telling them something? Because I think you have to weigh the risk versus the
reward here. Either your sister gets mad at you for telling or your sister gets mad at you for
never telling. It's not about sister getting mad at her. I don't think her sister would. I'm not
worried about that. It's like disrupting your sister's peace, which might be a true
and real peace
over something
that's ancient history
and not a current
present day issue.
We need more context on date.
I think if it's under four years,
you can tell her.
If it's over five years,
you should.
And if they were,
if they were dating,
forget it.
Married.
Married.
Yeah.
It's got a,
yeah.
And also do you, it's without saying like, do you do diligence with this girl? Like make sure it's got a yeah and also do you it's without saying like do you do
diligence with this girl like make sure it's not a bot like make sure she has information that like
without a doubt prove her story is true you know what i mean but don't follow back up with her
no no don't leave a paper trail either big mistake huge because if you decide not to tell her but
then there's like literary evidence screenshot evidence of you responding to this girl then
you're in trouble don't be stupid yeah it's kind of like advice for everyone to like don't be stupid and fall out of a coconut tree
i just i don't think with what you're gonna tell her on its own that she would like leave him or
anything so it would just like disrupt everything but like if one day she has her own suspicions
like you could always use this as backup and you could be like i didn't want to tell you because
i couldn't even know if it was true and like you guys you've never mentioned that you have any
concerns and like it's literally irrelevant objection relevance i think you more so would
regret telling her at this moment than not telling her you could always if you ever need to tell her
you could say like why would i tell this to you like out of nothing and it's not like she's gonna
leave him because some rando on facebook said like he cheated on you like no right you and me got a whole lot of history on a whole
anyways happy for her that's our show you guys our final episode of the week hope everybody has
an amazing holiday weekend enjoy this independence day your independence day's going to be beautiful. Hope everybody has a nice big hot dog.
Makes me want a hot dog real bad.
And try to stay away from any coconut trees.
You never know what's going to fall out.
So true.
Look up.
Look up.
Thank you guys so much for listening to the Toast and Lightning Morning Show.
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