The Truth Shall Make Ye Fret - 14: Adaptation Pitches (Filming Starts Tomorrow)

Episode Date: May 24, 2026

The Truth Shall Make Ye Fret is a podcast in which your hosts, Joanna Hagan and Francine Carrel have emerged from Discworld and are now exploring the worlds of speculative fiction. This week, we celebrate the Glorious 25th May by pitching potential adaptations!Vote here or join our discord!https://www.facebook.com/share/18J4buqAGN/?mibextid=wwXIfrhttps://bsky.app/profile/makeyefretpod.bsky.social/post/3mmocaa4bqs2bhttps://www.instagram.com/p/DYwj3CZMgwM/?igsh=MTBoMTRqZmt3M29ydQ==Find us on the internet:BlueSky: @makeyefretpod.bsky.socialInstagram: @TheTruthShallMakeYeFretFacebook: @TheTruthShallMakeYeFretEmail: [e-mail]: www.patreon.com/thetruthshallmakeyefretDiscord: https://discord.gg/29wMyuDHGP Want to follow your hosts and their internet doings? Follow Joanna on BlueSky @2hatsjo and follow Francine @francibambi Things we blathered on about:The O.C marissa shoots trey..What makes a Horse Girl story?The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet - WikipediaThe Martian Chronicles - WikipediaThe Lord of the Rings (1978 film) - WikipediaKim Harrison's Books Music: Chris Collins, indiemusicbox.com

I feel like if I die over my grace, I might defeat linear time. Hello and welcome to the true show makey fret, a podcast in which we were reading and recapping every book in Terry Practice Discord series, and now we're strolling down the corridors of speculative fiction. I'm Joanna Hagan. I'm Francie and Carol. And this is our adaptation pitches episode. That's right, lads. We're trying something new.

There are a special day in the calendar year. Yes, this is our episode for the glorious 25th of May. because it's fun for us to do. Hopefully it's fun for you to listen to. And we can't think of anything more to talk about re-nightwatch. That's not true, but we just can't go back down that route right now. If there were more hours in the day, this would just be the fifth Nightwatch episode. If only there was some form of time travel.

Have we tried being struck by lightning on top of a university? On top of a university, magical library full of, magical books specifically. And no, we haven't. Maybe we should do that. Right, next year. Next year. We got the plan for this already. Okay, listeners, if this episode suddenly becomes another Nightwatch episode, you'll know that we success. If I reappear after the break with a scar across my cheek and the thousand-yard share of somebody who's had to deal with the young Nobby Noves. But in the meantime, should we do the adaptation pitchers episode? Yeah, okay, fine. Sorry,

do you want to tell us what it is? Yes, dear listeners, so what's going to happen is Francine and I are going to pitch a slate of potential adaptations. We have four categories. We have Terry Pratchett, obviously. We have mythology, and then we have general fantasy and general sci-fi. And we're going to take turns. We're going to pitch what we want to adapt, how we want it to be adapted, who's going to be in charge of it, who's going to be starring in it.

We're going to make this a bit competitive. We're not allowed to overlap on what we've picked. So we get to pick our category. We're going to take turns, but we get to pick our categories in any order. to try and make sure no one steals anything out from under the other. Disclamer. If we get to a point where the rule interferes with what we want to do, then we will forget that rule.

But it's still confessive to do with this. But in theory, we're going to try. We're going to try. We're going to try. And it's still competitive, dear listeners. And what we're going to do at the end is you get to vote on your favourite slate. Yes. Joanna's marvelous collection of nonsense or Francine's equally excellent collection of also nonsense. Have we tried to make a comparison to Eurovision? No, we probably should. I love how you

said that. The Eurovision. The Eurovision? Yes. It's a lot like Eurovision, but less scantily clad, and hopefully England will do a bit better, considering it's the only country represented. Can I represent Jersey? Yes, you can. All right, it's the Jersey. I think we're more popular with the French. I'll tell you that for free. Okay, so with all that said, does everyone know what's going on? I don't know if everybody will, but that's my fault, not yours. Excellent. Is it really? I've been interjecting unhelpfully. That's true. However, if you do hate the episode, dear listeners, do blame me. It was my concept.

Right. The only thing we haven't decided is who's going to start, and I was going to bring a coin to flip, and I did not. Can you start? Yeah, all right. I'm going to say right now listeners, Joanna knows a lot more about media and things than I do. So stuff like creatives at the helm and who's going to star and what will I'm guessing be a little more sensible. Maybe. Or coherent or fleshed out. We'll see.

Or scantily clad. Definitely that for this first one. Because what I'm going to do, for my first pick, I'm going to take the category of mythology. Because this is the one I was most worried about overland. Ah, okay. So for what property we're adapting, it's the Norse pantheon. Oh, thank fuck. Okay, good.

We're going Norse and we're doing it all, all of the stories. Oh, okay, okay. But Joanna, I hear you cry. But Joanna. That's so many stories. That's so many stories. Sorry, there's a bit of a lag. How do you adapt all those stories into one property?

And I'm here to tell you, there is a way. And I may have written a book about this, but I don't know if you know this. American teen dramas on N-Naporty. Network television are incredibly packed with stories. So many stories, eight stories an episode, mostly because networks wanted to cram in as many ad breaks as possible, and that goes on to a very boring tangent. So we are doing the Norse Pantheon as a very, very soap-opry American teen drama.

Lovely. Tell me more. Gossip Girl. We're thinking the OC. We're thinking little hints of Dawson's Creek around the ears. And that brings me to, obviously, who is going to be at the helm? It's Josh Schwartz and Stephanie Savage, who created. created the O.C. and Gossip Girl. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. The outfits. Imagine Norse mythology with Y2K fashion.

I can't. I'm going to try. Okay, okay. I would come on a journey with me. We've got to talk with needle drops for a second because you can't have a teen drama without some banging needle drops. The moment when Boulder is shot with the arrow of mistletoe, there's only one song that can play Francine. Please. What you say? I do not prepare myself for singing that.

I'm always prepared for singing that, which is amazing if I do it so badly. Same, but it still delights me. So, yeah, as we're on this mythology journey, we obviously have to talk a little bit about casting, and I very much hewn to the OC and Gossip Girl of it all. So we do have 2000s era. Oh, something I haven't clarified is that as far as stars go, we can say star of any age,

we can say it was a young person who is, is now in their 60s, we can move that around. Because sometimes you do have to, as none of these things are actually getting made. Although TV execs, if you're listening, I'm very willing to be in on this Norse mythology project. I do see it going somewhere. Anyway, starring, because we're tying into the O.C., we have 2000s era Adam Brody as Loki.

That would be our Seth Cohen, awkward, dark-haired curly one. Lovely. And then, of course, for Thor, we're going with Ben McKenzie, not our beloved Australian counterpart, as much as we do love him, but Ben McKenzie also. of the O.C. He played Ryan. Some might know him from Gotham. Yeah. I am aware some of this is going to go over your head.

The last O.C. casting is Peter Gallagher, who is the dad from the OC playing Oden. He of the... He's worth Googling just for the eyebrows. What's his name? That man. Peter Gallagher. Or just Google Sandy Cohen. Either way, spectacular set of eyebrows on the man. And I think that gives him

the gravitas he needs to play Oden. Are his eyebrows names of after Odin's Ravens. Hugen and Munin, yes. That is the name of his eyebrows. That is a very important part of it. I hope all the listeners are Googling at this point. I recognise this man.

And then just a couple of other castings, not from the AZ. For Freya, Odin's wife, we are going for Gwyneth Paltrow, but specifically, Gwyneth Paltrow, as she appeared in like two or three episodes of Glee. Oh, be still my beating heart.

We both formed a very weird emotional attack. to her at a certain time in our lives, and I think she's highly appropriate here. And then lastly, because I love the idea of two people who are kind of nemesies and destined to fight each other also having really strong similarities. And in the Norse mythology, if you know the stories, Heimdahl is destined to destroy Loki. So Heimdell will be played by Penn Badgley, Dan from Gossip Girl, who is basically the same character as Seth from the O.C. but put in Brooklyn. Nice, yeah.

where is this set see I was thinking it's going to be Asgard but you know how in well I mean I only haven't watched them in the Marvel movies Asgard's kind of modern almost has like a sci-fi aesthetic I can see it in my head yeah yeah I've watched some of them yeah so this is Asgard

but less modern sci-fi aesthetic and more Y2K Asgard so if Asgard was a fictional city that definitely had a gig venue every one gig venue that everyone goes well okay yes If Asgard was a fictionist city on earth with one gig venue that everyone goes to That's the important thing it has one gig venue

Is it a bit buffy? It's every small town in a teen drama They all have one gig venue, one coffee shop And possibly a smoothie place And a real night, oh, like a really architecturally impressive bridge That features in the opening credits, yeah? Yes. At some point, obviously someone is going to go off that bridge

Does somebody have the the wolf as a pet dog. Oh yeah, obviously. Fenrir, sorry. Fenrir, yeah, I mean, that's kind of Loki's son. Yeah, well, that's the thing, isn't it? When we start getting into the who's related to what? Yeah, oh, I mean, the sleep-nors season where Loki is played by an eight-legged horse

is going to be groundbreaking, groundbreaking television. Literally groundbreaking, unfortunately. We did have to change sets several times. It was quite an irate horse. I ask you not to shoe it with meteorite. Norse mythology teen drama that's my first pitch Francine what is your first pitch no I'm joking because I'm afraid to say we're carrying on with the equestrian theme love this already okay start with a summary a horse girl movie but it's Pegasus oh my god I love this

okay so we all know at least the tropes of horse girl movies even if we didn't watch a lot when we were kids, which we did. So let's say right away now, I don't even know why I'm bothering describing this to you, because you know what's going to happen. It's all the tropes. A young mystic girl turns an unlikely steed into a prize-winning champion. But the steed in this case has wings. Yes. Yes. And that does become important. Now, as you might imagine, our protagonist loses her mother at a young age, which obviously gives us something in common with Pegasus, whose mother was beheaded by Perseus and her spilled blood became the winged horse we know in love. Yes, yes.

So not quite the same as the protagonist, but, you know, there's something to bond over. Yeah, absolutely. Anyway, it doesn't really matter what her name is Sarah or Emma or whatever. Find Pegasus with a poorly wing because he gets struck by lightning. Yeah, that makes sense. That sounds mythological. She nurses him back to health and with some fucking montage, I don't know, turns him into a very good show horse, even though, importantly, he still.

can't fly. Oh. Hmm. Our girl's rival is a young Heracles. Oh, I love this. I'm not going to bother to try and marry the fact that I'm just bringing random mythology into this quite earthly tale, by the way.

Oh, yeah, no. It's just going to, you know, whatever I tell like. It's just there. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, Heracles brings one of the mayors of Thrace to the county. Fair, county fair, county show. Yeah, sure. Horse show. Horse show. Local horse show. Yeah. The mayor obviously eats one of the judges.

Obviously. The man eating mares. But turns out that's not technically against the rules. So the two youngsters draw in the end and they must face off in a race. Does that how horse shows go? Yes, definitely. Now, of course, they are riding mythologically excellent horses on this race. And so they fuck off right out the end of the track.

soon the four beings are lost in the wilderness. And at this point, I suppose I'd better commit to a region. Midwest of America. Yeah, perfect. Tribulations, they make everyone's friends after the tribulations, you know, blah, blah. Yeah, yeah. Rattlesnakes. Emma or Sarah or whatever it is.

At some point during the adventure is now dangling from a cliff. Obviously. There are a lot of cliffs in the American Midwest. I think so. I can see one in my head and that's what's important. Or a ledge? A tree. She's dangling.

None of the things actually really, is it? She's dangling the life's at risk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dangling. That's the important bit. Heracles manages to be so legendarily upset about this. I know yells something very impressively. Maybe storm clouds gather as he does so.

I don't know if that's something that happened. when Harris Lee's yelled, but it certainly sounds plausible. Anyway, he's so into this that Pegasus regains the power of flight. Incredible. Saves Emma Sera and everyone gets home in time for tea and crumpets or whatever regional equivalent is. Biscuits and gravy? Biscuits and gravy. They get home in time for biscuits and gravy with, and this is important. I should have mentioned it up top so that you could keep imagining it.

And I'm so sorry I didn't. her father, who is Luke from Gilmore Girls. Okay, right, that's perfect. Yeah. Or replace him with your favourite stubbleed gruff man with a heart of gold. It's Luke from Gilmore Girls. Yeah, obviously, yeah. Scott Patterson.

Yeah. And I don't have any additions like who's meant to direct this or who is in it apart from Scott Patterson. You didn't even cast the horse. No, Pegasus. Well, okay. Yeah. I can't find another fly.

horse on short notice. I take it we're filming tomorrow. Oh yeah, no absolutely. I've already done the scripts for mine. Yeah, yeah. Have you not done the scripts for yours? Oh, I assumed you'd done these. Oh, no, I'm just hearing yours for the first time. You just stop you? Okay, amazing. So we've both done mythology so far. It's me next. You pick the next category, Francine. So I'm going to say sci-fi next. Amazing. Okay. I'm very sure we don't overlap on this one. But I've gone with one of my favorite sci-fi books, which is The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet by Becky Chambers.

We've not overlapped. So a quick summary for those who haven't read, the long way to a small angry planet, which you should read, it's a lovely book, when Roseberry Harper joins the crew of the Wayfair, she's not expecting much, the ship offers her everything she could possibly want, a small, quiet spot to call home, adventure of far off corners of the galaxy, and distance from her troubled past. But Rose Marie gets more than she bargained for with the Wayfairer. The crew was a mishmash of species and personalities, from Sissix, the friendly reptilian

pilot to Kizian Jenks, the constantly sparring engineers who keep the ship running. And the crew were offered the job of a lifetime, the chance to build a hyperspace tunnel to a distant planet. They'll earn enough money to live comfortably for years if they survive the long trip through war-torn interstellar space without endangering any of the fragile alliances that keep the galaxy peaceful. Right. So it's very found firmly, but on a spaceship.

And then also some events happen. Yes. Okay, cool, cool. Right. Yeah. It's a gorgeous book. So, we're not doing TV. We're not doing film. This is going to be a video game. Oh, okay. We are basically just doing Mass Effect again.

Okay. Now, for those who are familiar with the long way to a small, angry planet, they might say, but Joanna, there's not much action. But Joanna, there's not much action. Yes. But if you play Mass Effect properly, the point of the game is not the action. It's to run around the spaceship, smooching your crewmates. And for that, I feel like this is perfect.

So we are going full bioware with this. At the helm, we have Casey Hudson, director of Mass Effect. We have Drew Carphtam writer on Mass Effect. And Trick Weeks, who's another bio-ware writer, worked on Mass Effect. Trick Weeks. That's a lovely name. Isn't it great? They wrote on Mass Effect and Dragon Age.

Most importantly, they're really good at making things gayer and with more eyebrows. Oh, thank goodness. Yeah, we do need to make this gay with more eyebrows. Oh, are we bringing Peter Gallagher back in then? I mean, he's there just in spirit, providing the eye eyebrows. and an eyebrow. I did go for video game voice actors for this for the casting. I've not cast the whole thing, because obviously it's quite a broad casting crew.

I've just picked out a few key ones. So we have the central protagonist, Razemarie Harper. This would be the player character, I suppose. She's a clerk with a privilege past, but she's living under a false identity after her father did some bad shit. And for her, we are casting Devereux Wilde, who listeners, may know as Laisel in Bouldersgate 3, which seems like a weird one if you only know her as Laisal, but if you see her speaking literally anything else, she has this incredibly beautiful,

well-spoken voice and is also hilarious. Okay. I deeply feel she'd be perfect. Yeah. We have Rosemary's sort of love interest, Sissix the Reptillion Pilot, who is very, very sweet and very friendly and is going to be voiced by Ashley Birch, best known as Aloy from Herald. Horizon Zero Dawn, or best known to me as Alo from Horizon Zero Dawn. She's obviously been in lots of other things. She's Tiny Tina and she's in Mythic Quest. I've decided it's her,

delighting, delightful. Delighting and delightful. Delighting and delightful. Jenks, the ship's tech, who's very chill and deeply in love with the ship's AI. Okay. Jenks is a character with dwarfism, so I did try and find an actor who has dwarfism for this and going with Jordan Prentice, who might recognize as Jimmy from Inbreu, He's been in lots of other stuff as well, but it's where I first saw it. It's Canadian actor, and I really like the idea of a Canadian accent for this character. Again, I was possibly thinking of Mass Effect quite a lot when I was thinking that, because there's quite a lot of Canadians in Mass Effect.

Yeah. Because, by the way, used to be based in Edmonton. But he's also just very pretty, and I do imagine this character as being quite handsome. Yeah, sure. Yeah. And then lastly, obviously, we have the Lovelace AI that runs the ship. runs the ship. I feel like there needs to be quite a calm, soothing, but are capable of being very threatening presence. And we needed a voice actor who's been in Mass Effect, because this

is the deep inspiration for this adaptation. So I'm bringing in Jennifer Hale, our beloved Commander Shepard, as well as 8 million other things, if you want to look up, Jennifer Hale. I think at one point she had the Guinness World Record for most characters voiced by a voice actor. Amazing. You've definitely heard her in something. Is she kind of posh in this? No, she's American. Oh, okay. For a love lace, eh? Yeah. I suppose, I realize we're in the future and this can't actually be. I had a lovelace. I did think about going something extra posh for Ada Lovelace, but I really wanted a Mass Effect actually. There's not a lot of posh English accents in Mass Effect. You're right. You're right. And why would, yeah, go with it. Thank you. So that's my sci-fi pitch.

What's your sci-fi pitch, Francie? Oh, I love it. I'm glad yours is so fleshed out because mine isn't. Excellent. Love this. It's really vague. It's a vibe, okay? Yep. So The Martian Chronicles by Ray Bradbury. Yeah. As a Wes Anderson movie. Oh my God, I love this.

Okay. So I always imagined Bradbury's landscape, Martin landscape, in this sort of oddly saturated palette. And I think it is like Wes Anderson-esque. So the Martin Chronicles for anybody who hasn't read them, please do. But it's, well, they started off as a bunch of short. stories they've been put together in the Martian Chronicles in a kind of chronological order of

what happens to the planet Mars, starting from when it was still inhabited by Martians alone, getting to humans discovering it, eventually colonising it, etc. In the meantime, bad things happen on Earth. And we get kind of vignettes and longer and shorter chapters and a beautiful description. and everything. And so I think this would suit kind of Wes Anderson. Yeah, because it's like slice of life stuff. He does really well.

I love that vibe. Yeah. And he can flip between the styles as we go. So I'm thinking at least two of the bignaps are going to be done in like a fantastic Mr. Fox style. Oh, like the stop motion kind of animation. Yes. Yeah.

We can really like flip between those. I don't know which either some of the more lighthearted ones or the really grim ones. Not the really grim ones actually, but a couple of the. Yeah, I feel like the darker ones But yeah, the two Actually, it's hard to describe in too much detail without spoilers But Owen Wilson, because he's cast in pretty much everything, I think, by Andersen, he's going to play Jeff Spender, who is like extremely violently anti-colonialist at one point

And I just think it's Owen Wilson in his 30s probably Yeah, I can see it. Because he's like military, I think. And then, like, the Earthlings' eventual colonialist towns. I'm thinking, like, they look a little bit French dispatch. Oh, love that. That kind of vibe. Maybe the earlier stuff looks a bit more like Grand Budapest Hotel, but more frayed around the edges.

I haven't seen that most recent film of hers. What's it called? Oh, I can't remember. I haven't seen it either. It's in my list. But what I've seen other clips in that, I think that fits the general vibe quite well. aesthetically. Yes.

Obviously, it's like space themed, isn't it? I'm trying to remember the name of the sci-fi illustrator that we were talking about in the last long earth book. Who did those very? Hang about, hang about, hang about, hang about. We can bring it up. But I'm imagining, yeah, like, where's Anderson with a bit of that aesthetic? Yes. Yeah, definitely.

And, like, yeah, if you look at the original Martian Chronicles, that kind of thing, definitely. And yeah, that is what. And that is, I think, as far as I got with it, really. I did. I'm going to mention my bonus one simply because it's a single sentence. Which I didn't flesh out, but I'd like to. The Day of the Triphids as a medieval manuscript.

Oh, my God, I want that. Yeah, yeah. And the Triffids like take up. over more and more of the manuscript as you get further into the story. Yes, yes. Oh, my gosh. It's like tiny bits of text and almost all Triffid. Or the leaves. Francine, can you draw me a medieval Triffid, please?

Yes. Thank you. I love having an art friend. Yeah, that I think that's as far as I got with it, really. Sorry. Your sci-fi one was so much more realised than mine. I got carried away thinking about how much I wanted it to exist. That's fair.

as I found a vibe and then stopped thinking. Also, I replayed the prologue of Mass Effect recently. My partner had downloaded it and I didn't have anything else on the PlayStation and I couldn't be bothered to go upstairs to my computer where I had a game installed that I was already playing. Yeah. I'm a functioning human being. I wish I could reassure you by saying I'm like that as well, but I don't think that's

reassuring to anybody. We are not good examples, dear listeners. Really enough. I get a lot done at work. Right, next category then. It's my turn to pick. I'm going to go fantasy. Yay, okay. I'm sure we don't have Overlux. I know you've not read this book series. Am I starting? Yes.

Excellent. Right, we are going to talk about the Hollow series by Kim Harrison. Okay. Which is a book series I've banged on a bit about before because it's so damn adaptable for one thing. It's so damn adaptable. It's amazing. You sound like a TV sales channel. That's what I'm going for. What have you got there, Joanna? The series The Hollow? Why? That's so damn.

I'm adaptable. Look, I can use it to change a tire. I'm using it to clean a window. And now you're going to use it to win this round. Now I'm going to use it to win this round. Now I'm probably not going to win with this. But, okay, so the Hollow series is an urban fantasy series set in modern day Cincinnati. And it's set in an alternative history built on two premises.

I borrowed some of this from the Wikipedia, so I didn't have to write all of this out myself. one, the recent open existence of magical and supernatural species, witches, vampires, werewolves, pixies, fairies, but the elves have gone. Oh, God. Who's eyes on the elves? Eventually quite a few. And then the other part of the alternative history is that during the Cold War, the military focus spending on genetic engineering rather than on the space race.

You should read these. Which resulted in the accidental. release of a genetically modified tomato in the 1960s that killed a significant portion of the human population. I started laughing before the end of that sentence and I thought of them. I just like the accidental release like you put out the first part of a film that you didn't mean to. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. But it's a really fun bit of world building. So basically the genetically, the series is set about 40 years after the plague caused by this tomato, which is sort of known as the turn. Mrs. Beaton would have had a fucking field day. Right. But,

That killed out like a chunk of the human population, but supernatural species went as affected, which is why the supernatural species have all come out of the closet. And now there's this fun thing where like the supernatural beings are willing to eat tomatoes, but the human population won't. So the supernatural people like put out bowls of cherry tomatoes on Halloween. And pizza is really popular in the supernatural community, but humans won't eat it. Mean. It's really fun.

All right. Yeah, I'm going to read that for sure. It's a great series. And it's all from the point of view of Rachel Moore. Morgan, who is a witch who kind of works as like a bounty hunter, but within a kind of complicated legal system. And she lives with a very stressed vampire called Ivy and a pixie called Jenks. And they have a little team, a runner agency that sort of do bounty hunting and rescuing people from kidnapping and such. That's fun. Yeah. And also there's lots of romance.

So, especially because, I mean, there's not lots. It's a little bit fangbangerie in places. We've definitely got so smart. bang, we bang. We bang. As in when it happened. And so because of that, for the style of the show, it's got to be in the style of the show that led to the coining of the phrase fangbanger.

And that would be true. And that would be true blood, HBO's true blood. So we're thinking along the lines if I want to do bad things with you, but in Cincinnati? Mercifully in Cincinnati. But mercifully, we're in Cincinnati.

Cincinnati. Marginally less swampy, he'll find, than True Blood. But apart from that, barely any difference. Mercifully in Cincinnati is the sequel to Sleeplessness. Okay, no, I just want to pitch that movie now. I'm making myself laugh with incoherent wordplay. Sorry, please carry one. So at the helm of this, we have Alan Ball, who created the TV version of True Blood,

and Jane Aspinson, who, um, wrote for Buffy and the O.C. and Gilmore Girls, but also shows like Jessica Jones, and she's written for Gema Throne. She's a very versatile, interesting writer. So that's what we're putting at the helm. And then obviously we've got to cast this. So Rachel Morgan, our wonderful hero, very important thing about Rachel is that she's a redhead. So we have to go into the pantheon of redheaded actresses. I'm going to say... Do they all live together? Yes, they do. On a mountain.

And although she's probably thought of as a bit young for it, the character is meant to be mid-20s, which this woman is. So Sadie Sink of Stranger Things fame. Okay. Because she's good at playing the kind of badass, but is also very pretty. Yeah. For Ivy, the vampire roommate. Oh my God, they were roommates.

Oh my God, they were roommates. Oh, my God, they were roommates. I'm going with a young Ming Na-Wen, who I have in my brain at the mate. Ivy is described as, I will say, okay, I love these books deeply. There is definitely some things in the earlier books that, are in place is kind of problematic. There's some weird gender essentialism stuff that I do think is not the author being transphobic

as much as they've just not thought about trans people. And then there is this character, Ivey, who is described as looking oriental, which is not a word we would use now. But so looking for any station actress, and I'm re-watching, oh, I'm binging ER at the moment. Oh, sure. Which made me think young Ming Narwen,

who is best known for voicing Mulan. Oh, I love that. She's also Fenwick Shand in Star Wars, which I assume you've not in Mandalorian. You've definitely not seen that. She's very cool and she's absolutely stunning. Which makes her perfect for this part. For Jenks, the Pixie, we're going with Tom Holland, Spider-Man,

or that really, really great lip sync where he did umbrella by Rihanna. Yeah. Yeah, that's where I know from. Yeah. Because Jenks is technically 18 years old, but for Pixies, that makes him like middle age slash an old man. Yes. So someone who looks young but can play quite mature

and is used to being on green screen a lot because he's going to be playing a pixie. You don't often get like the dog years version of super natural beings, do you? The dog years stuff is very cool with that character. And then just a couple of other very important characters, antagonists. We have Algalia Rept. He is a demon,

but demons can kind of appear in whatever form they want, but they have favourite forms, and Algalia Rept, to give him his full name, really likes appearing as an 18th century aristocrat wearing a lot of crush velvet. So I thought David Tennant. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because he also wears like little smoke glasses and it's David Tennant.

Yeah. And then Trent Kalamak, who is another antagonist and a billionaire philanthropist. And the important thing about he's quite lightheaded, but in the description, he's very, very attractive in a and very handsome, but in a borderline pretty way. Okay. And when I think pretty, I do think young David Dukovny. Oh. Yeah. God, he was pretty.

He was so pretty. The point is we need a very handsome billionaire philanthropist. I can't say that word today. Who's borderline pretty, and I'm going with young David Dukovny. And that is my fantasy pitch. Also, everyone go read the Hollow series by Kim Harrison. Can I do an interstitial fantasy pitch from my colleague Kirk? Yes, absolutely.

Because I was getting him to help brainstorm. And he came up with one. for a series that I've not read. Have you read Mistbourne? No, that's Brandon Sanderson, isn't it? I think so. Hold on, let's double check that before we get emails. Yes.

Okay, so this is from my colleague Cuck. I really want there to be a TV series of Mistbourne with the girl that played Aria Stark as the lead and the guy who played Sandro Plagane to play Marsh and the guy who played Jane Lanister to be Calcia. I'm just recasting Game of Thrones actors into this world, to be honest, and spamming you about a series you haven't read. Thank you, Jack.

I enjoyed it anyway. And that would be Maisie Williams, who was Ariens Stark, Nikolaoskosta Waldo, who played Jamie Lanister, and I cannot remember the name of the guy who played Sandal Kluggan, and I'm very sorry for that. He's also said that Expedition 33 would make a good movie. That's in the works already. Okay, good.

Yes. I'll tell you what else was apparently in the works already. This isn't my pitch, but was briefly considered. It was four years ago. were new stories about Rives of London being a TV series, and I guess that just stopped. Yeah, there was something Nick Frost and Simon Pegg's production company was involved. It's probably in development hell, but hopefully one day we'll get it.

That would make a great series. Right, what is your fantasy pitch? Okay, so, do you remember the 1978 Lord of the Rings animation? Yes, Ralph Bacchew. So the silver chair, the Forcannania Chronicle, but that style. Oh my God, yes. Uh-huh. So it's one of the weirder Narnia stories, in my opinion, anyway. And so best urns this excellent style. And I mean earns it. Like, you have to be good, weird. If anyone can't remember, Eustace scrub, having grown into the name, I'd say, during the Voyage of the Dorn Tredder. Yeah. And he almost deserved it. But now I think he almost deserved it. Yeah. In a good way. And Jill Pohl, the unfortunately named co-protagonist, escaped their horrible school.

and fall off a cliff into Narnia. Yeah. To bid it briefly. They have to rescue the lost prince who's underground. There's a chair en route. There's giants who tried to cook them and all sorts of stuff. It's great. I love that book.

And yeah, I think it would just really be fit the odd unsettling, disjointed near the end style that that Lord of the Rooms animation was in. Yes. I think probably that it could, it could only be that one. And instead of cutting off the sequel, we're going to cut off the prequels. We never get any explanation of why he used to scrub as the way he is. Okay, excellent.

Love that. And yeah, I'm really sort of about voice actors apart from the fact. I think Jill Pohl should be voiced by Emma Watson, as she was in the first couple of Harry Potter movies before she really got a hang of how to speak naturally. Oh my God, yes. Like the awkward, clunky child actor posh. Yes.

Yeah. Yes. Love that energy. And in fact, if we're doing that, I suppose you used to scrub could be wrong. Was this just... Rupert Grinch. Yeah, no, no. I think we need a proper voice actor.

It needs to be posh boy, doesn't it? Yeah, it doesn't need to be posh boy. Anyway, if anybody has suggestions for more actors on that answers on a ancient VHS, please. Excellent. I want to quickly just throw in as a little add-on to this, though. no prequel except for the horse and his boy, which is the other slightly off doesn't really fit in a book that I deeply, deeply love.

Yeah, definitely. And would also work in that style. Yeah, no, you're right. You're right, that is necessary. We do need a deeply sarcastic bastard to voice the horse. Ooh, I mean, I fall victim to this whole, because I don't know enough for these actors. Yeah.

And so I end up with celebrities instead. But I mean, it's Zaza, isn't it? It's for Owen Atkinson. It could be Roanak and so I was thinking Peter Serafinoich, which is very much in the same vein. Yeah. Poth. Yeah. Actually, I'll tell you what he could be used to scrub.

It's just a weird counterpoint between adult Peter Serafinovich and 12-year-old. And it's fine because there's no romance. It's not like that weird. No, yeah, no, I can see this. I can see this. I think talking about Serafinovich's a lot because we just re-watched spaced. Oh, yeah. Oh, God.

He's, he cropped up in Saturday Night Live the other week, which is why I had him on the brain. Oh, lovely. But yeah, so Wikipedia describes the Lord of the Rings animation as having hostile reactions from fans, and that's what I'm after with this adaptation. Yes. Like slightly hating it. Yeah. I want critics to be, like, begrudgingly impressed. I want almost all Narnia fans to hate it, apart from, like, a few weirdos. Yes, us. EG us. And I want it to only be released on VHS, actually.

Yeah, I feel like that may be. And shown on Boxing Day on terrestrial television. Yes. But on Channel 5. On Channel 5, yes. This is now weirdly specifically British. I apologise to international listeners. I can't quite describe.

Whatever your equivalent is, like just the TV channel you had as a kid, when there weren't that many TV channels, I don't know if that was a thing in living memory in America. Yes, I can tell you the history of network television if you'd like. Or buy my book. But yes, it's that weird channel that no one actually watches, but it's kind of there lurking. Yeah.

And on Boxing Day, which is the day where you'll put literally anything on. Oh, yeah, I forgot Boxing Day. It was an English thing too. Yeah, yeah. It's the day after Christmas for anyone who doesn't know that bit. and you are catatonic. Yep. And you just sort of keep eating little chocolates or bits of cheese

as when they're put in front of you. You want basically a mouse. Yep. A fat, happy mouse. Watching weird cartoons. Unless you're like me, an idiot who throws a party. Yes. In which case, you need to make friends with somebody like Joanna, really,

so you can go and be a fat, happy mouse at her house. Yes, I do feed people quite a lot of cheese. Right, we're on to the last category now. Oh, we are. And, oh, Joanna. Harry Pratchett adaptations. Yeah. It's a good one to end on.

This is a good one to end on. This most auspicious of days. This most auspicious of Terry Pratchett days. So if you're still with us and we've not next year climbed on top of a university library during a magical thunderstorm, come back in time and re-recorded this episode. It's time to pitch our Terry Pratchett adaptations. Sorry. Don't talk to me about Novi Novi Noff's tune. We do actually have a rule in our Discord about not interfering with the causal nature of reality,

and I think we're now kind of breaking that rule. I'm not in the Discord, though, am I? We are not currently in the Discord, so it's fine. We're allowed to interfere with the causal. We're allowed to interfere with the causal nature of reality. It's just you, dear listeners. Yeah, that's an admin privilege. Yeah.

Stuff in TV. Right, who's going first on Pratchett? I, I, you. Okay. Wait. Yes, you. Okay. I mean, I don't think it's likely that you've echoed my pitch identically.

It's very unlikely. But we may have the same book. I don't think we will. I've chosen the Discworld novel, Guards, guards! Okay. We're good. Okay, we're good. Now, as for style, something I've wanted for a very long time, Francine.

And that is, it's time for Muppet Discworld. It is time for Muppet Discworld. Well, wait, no, clapping's not right, is it? Epia. Ah! Ah! Well, there's the clip for the episode. Finally, you get.

To replace the elephant. So, obviously, Frank Oz is at the helm of this. Now, something I want to be very clear with in my casting, I haven't cast literally every character. There is never just one human actor in the Muppet movies. There is more than one human in Muppet's Christmas Carol. There is more than one human in the Muppet Treasure Island. and we have more than one human in this.

Okay. Because I couldn't think of a Muppet. I think you're right to, yeah. Yeah, because I couldn't think of a Muppet that could play Cologne. No, you're right. I did think. Fossey Bear's too nice. That's who I was thinking, yeah.

Yeah, but he's too nice. No, you're right, yeah. There isn't a big enough Muppet, really. So, Colin is human. Gonzoe, I have cast as knobby-nobs. Fine, yeah. Yeah, because he is a whatever. Nobby-nob's not entirely human.

It's weird how hard I related to Gonzo not being like an animal or a person, but just a whatever as a child. And it took me until my 30s to realise I was non-binary. Yeah. It's three genders. I don't know what my gender is, but it's Gonzo from the Muppets and apparently now also Nobby Knops. Something, something and Gonzo. I'm not committing to the first two. But Gonzo is definitely the third.

Gonzo is definitely the third. So yeah, so for a human actor, as I said, I couldn't find a Muppet for Colons. So we are casting Mark Addy. Robert Barathean from Game of Thrones. Sure. Obviously, without the beard, but he's got the right sort of colon-esque stature, I believe. Statue-esque colon's a terrible funerism. And then for other human actor, I feel like Carrot needs to be human for this one.

Yes. So Carrot will be played by Tom Hopper. Lex from Umbrella Academy, he's basically a really hench, tall Ginger Man. Very well. very handsome hench-tall gingerman. The other option being a piece of claffety who was recently in a Night of the Seven Kingdoms, another Game of Thrones adaptation,

who again, very handsome tall hench man who plays a very, very charming, lovely knight. They live with the panseon of red-headed actresses. Yeah, but they're sort of a bit lower and mostly guarding the red-headed actresses. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah. And then obviously we need the rest of our Muppet cast.

Vimes will obviously become, it? Sure. Largely for the sake of then... Now I feel even worse for vines than the gutter. Because he's a frog. Because he's a frog. And we're doing this largely of course so Sybil can be Miss Piggy

because never was there more a perfect combination. Oh, she's a bit... I mean it in a very loving way. Miss Piggy is an icon. I mean like the personality, the strident part. It would be quite funny to see Miss Piggy striving to be like, kind-hearted and... Exactly.

Yeah, no, you're right, yeah, yeah. And I'm going for the stridency of it all. Throwing a dragon that was annoying, I'm sorry, picking up. Yeah. If you think, like, Miss Piggy manages to pull off a bit of it in Muppet's Christmas Carol, like she's got range.

She does have range. She's very... She does have range. It does have range, and I shouldn't have implied that she didn't, yeah. Thank you. Of course, Sam the Eagle needs to be Messenari, because he is our authoritarian Muppet.

But the most important thing about this is obviously we're doing Muppet Discworld. Frantic, I don't know why you're laughing. This is an incredibly serious topic. Muppet Discworld. But we have Frank Oz involved who also worked with all sorts of gorgeous, amazing puppetry in incredible 80s movies like the Dark Crystal and Labyrinth. Just imagine the epic puppet dragon. Yeah, no, that's... The epic puppet dragon. It's voiced by David Bowie. It's voiced by David Bowie.

Fucking old. Am I right? I actually hadn't even made note of that, but yes, the dragon is voiced by David Bowie. Also, Rizzo the Rat is in charge of the rats that Vettanari's hanging out with when he's in prison for a bit. Is there a song with the rats and veterinary? Yes, obviously there's a song with the rats and Ressonari. Oh, does he do his like really, like, world-breaking speech?

Is that God's God on the nature of human beings? no that's much later are you talking about the earlier one there is an early one there tell you what it's actually been a long time since I've read them look back up before it was in the booker right whenever speech he does

to music to music with rats Sam the eagle has veterinary and that is that is Muppet Discworld that's Muppet guards I hate to try and follow that I'm sorry What do you have for Discworld adaptation?

That's right. I'll segue into it by saying at least this, at least by finishing with something very old, which is like a nice reverse neatness that we like sometimes. I would like going postal as a properly old silent era film. Oh my God, yes. Right. So like...

Richard Gilt. Yes. But like weird flickering. Like piano score title. title cards, the lot. Okay. And yes, Richard Gill, obviously, going to be great in this. Um, Buster Keaton is Moise von Lickwig. 10 out of 10. I'm directing. Because I don't know any other silent film directors. Excellent. Yeah. No. 10 out of 10.

Going Crawford at Spike, young going Crawford. Got to be. Got to be. Conrad fight is Bettnery, because he's the only, like, a silent era villainous type, I know, and he is quite handsome. Lons Chaney, the Man of a Thousand Faces, as Juno Postmaster Groat, Reach a Guilt and Mr Pump, and maybe the Banshee. Yes. Not the Banshee. Is the Banshee in going postal? Yes, the banshee's in going postal.

That's right. That's how the post office gets burned down. Who's in The Truth? Pin and Tulip. And... Well, there's a vampire. Yeah. Yeah.

Hang on, hang on. I'm really doubting myself. Fuck. I will say as well, it's not been done. Gryl, he's called Mr. Gryl. Gryl, yes. It's not been done, but in the mob films, the Sky version of going postal, I'm pretty sure they used, like, interstitial scene cards that looks a bit silent movieish in it. I think you're right, and I think that has embedded itself somewhere in my brain.

It's still a genius idea, though. Can I bring in for the performance? is because the score is going to have to be live for these. They're going to have to be shown in slightly creepy theatres like in moving pictures. Can I bring the librarians to play the cinema organ? Yes, absolutely. Okay, we're just going to have to pop into L space.

Yeah, yeah, no, that works, that's fine. Bring it back. But just imagine, like, one of the climactic scenes, a model of the post office perfectly rendered bands in, like, early special effects. Yes. incredible and Crawford dance

yes caveat as well can we somehow just throw some of the plot of raising steam in so that Richard Gillet can tie someone to some train tracks

I honestly yes my other thought when I was trying to think like I want to go old with a disc world adaptation was you know in Victorian era theatre

they were really into the idea of the train tracks thing for a bit before they made it to a movie. I was thinking like a Victorian era blockbuster play of raising steam. Yes.

10 out of 10. But I decided that I think it was only meant to be one or two scenes with the train on these theatres. Like we're stretching the limit. And I want to be realistic. I'm now just imagining though the

janky silent movie special effects of Vimes shirtless fighting people on top of a train. And I think if we took a moment of silence to think about how pretty David Dukovny is I think we can take it a moment of silence for this. Jesus, I think it'd have been five plus minutes since I was imagining vibes, ripping his shirt off on top of a train. That's amateur hour.

I've imagined it five times in the last minutes. Five times before breakfast. I wanted this, I wanted this silent movie to be the last continent for one reason only. Yeah. I wanted the title card, bad taste, that man. Oh, excellent. Desperately I wanted that. But I struggled with the rest of it in comparison to have,

I think going postal really works for this. Going postal is perfect for this, especially with the race at the end. Yes. Because you can do something janky with a horse and with the moving backgrounds. The clax towers, they look perfect. Oh, the clax towers would look beautiful.

Yeah. Made out of matchsticks, but look like they're filmed from far away. Oh, my God, oh my God. When Moise von Lickig is being covered in speaking letters that just he gets all covered in them and then the title card comes up saying

what is it my gods I am being spoken to by missives from beyond the grave or something really dramatic like that I mean the dialogue I'm afraid and this is sacrilead a lot of the dialogue is going to have to be

markedly worse than practice just for the sake of like really campy title cards however they're going to be punctuated with these gorgeous lines from going post which I should have written down for this, but didn't. It's fine, I'm with you. So, any other going postal silent maybe thoughts?

No, no, that's it. Also, it's gone. You've reintroduced Vine tearing a shirt off on top of a train into my head, so. Cool. This was the only one I did prepare a backup for, because I thought if we were going to overlap somewhere, it might be disqualified. Yes, okay, no, please tell me about the backup, because I know you were torn between the two,

and I would really like to hear the other one. The truth? political noir thriller directed by Rod Serling of the Twilight Zone Yes Yes Starring Young Graham Chapman

Of Python fame As William DeWard Yes Because he's sort of Like handsome But like weirdly handsome Okay yeah yeah Yeah

When you think about it He's handsome Yes He's handsome But you don't immediately Look at him and go four It's not like Vimes Stripping your show off

On top of a train No Nothing's like that Nothing's like that And just quickly throwing in the extra casting. For Sakarisa Crips lock, I've gone Mad Men Era Christina Hendricks. Oh my God. Brought another one down from the pantheon of Redheads.

Because she can play like very sweet and ladylike, but unfortunately, Sakaris Cripslock is also written to breast boobly a bit. Plagued by her bosom. Plagged by her bosom. I feel like Christina Hendrix can pull that off. I've also thrown in a Vesanari casting purely because I just think this would generally be an amazing veterinary casting and I'm sad it doesn't exist. Is it the eagle from Muppets? Well, that's the best one obviously. If you can't get Sam the

Eagle, he's a very busy Muppet. He's busy filming, Galskirts. Yeah, exactly. Gincallo Esposito who's in lots of things, Breaking Bad, Mandalorian, he's The Mirror slash genie in Once Upon a Time and I'm not going to

explain how a character was both the magic mirror and a genie. Don't worry about it. I watched it and I still don't know. No one knows, but I think he would make such a good Vettinari. Okay, yeah. And then quickly for Pin and Chulip, I went with Andrew Scott as Pinn, because he just plays creepy.

Yeah. And kind of slimy and ratty. Yeah. And I am going to butcher some pronunciation here, but Ha'pour Yonson, who is the mountain in Game of Thrones for Chulip, because he's got to be really hench. He's just got to be giantly hench.

And that's my quick pitch for the truth. Did you have a backup for Prattip? I had, again, literally a one sentence one, which is, which is abroad, but Studio Jivoli. Yeah, no, perfect. I would like that. Thank you. Cool.

Good. Thank you. Cool. Right. I think that's all our pictures, dear listeners. Yeah. Tell the dear listeners how this works with the competitive thing. We're going to put out a poll.

We're going to put up a little graphic that shows you what each of our slates were. And then in the poll, you're going to vote for which set of four adaptations. you want them most, whether it is Joanna's or Francines. So, wait, are we grouping them all together? Oh, yeah, we're grouping. So it's not picking one of each. You've got to pick the four as a whole. Oh, fuck.

Okay. Because I'm confident about Pagasus, but the rest of them. I love that that's the one you're really confident on. Yeah. I mean, you put so much thought into the years. I really did. No, otherwise I have to make like four separate polls and I'm not doing that. No, you're right, you're right.

But listen, you vote for one or another, but also feel free to say. But I was torn because all of Joanna's were so well thought out. But I really like the idea of that fucking horse. Oh, yeah, please, please tell us everything you think about this episode, whether you want more nonsense like this from us. But mostly importantly, tell us who slate you like better so that one of us can move it over the other. And send us your own thoughts.

And send us your own thoughts. Please pitch adaptations to us of all sorts and stuff. We can't do anything with them. We are not television executives. No, if that wasn't abundantly clear, I worry severely about how we've represented ourselves. So in theory, the poll will be available on our Discord, on Blue Sky. I think you can do polls on Blue Sky now. Instagram, you can do polls on Instagram?

I should really check where you can do polls. We'll have it all over social media. There's not a poll function you can just vote in the comments and I'll do some maths. I might even try it on TikTok, but that will be a comment only one I reckon. Yeah, I think we're going to be doing some maths. But you've got loads of... Sure, Tumblr. I haven't posted on our Tumblr in literally years.

As Biffitts Tumblr. As Biffitts Tumblr. Right, we don't have an obscure reference for Neal, I assume, for this episode, because there's not really anything obscure to reference. Apart from like everything we've talked about probably has a million cool facts alongside them, but I didn't even think about an obscure reference. reference, I'm sorry. If I come across one when I'm writing up my notes, listeners, I will edit it onto the end. Amazing. Cool. So we're going to be back in June. I don't know where in June yet,

because we're both very busy. It's so busy and important being TV executives. Well, I'm busy making the Muppets, guards, guards. Yes. And writing the long way to a small angry panic game. I've decided that's mine now. But yeah, we'll be back in June with the long Utopia, the next book in the Long Earth series cycle, whatever we've decided to call it. Until then, of course, dear listeners, if you want to get in touch with us, and of course, if you want to vote on who had the best adaptation slate, you can join our discourse. They're so competitive. Really not.

Yes, you are. What the fuck? Yeah, no. Yeah, no, I tried for a second there. How dare you deny that to my face, Joanna? Okay, yeah, no, I am quite confessive. So, Francine, may I get it out of the episode, please? Yes, you may, and I do it, followed that.

Awesome, right, yeah. You can join our Discord. There's a link down below. You can follow us on Instagram with the Trushow Make You fret on Blue Sky, Make You fret, and Facebook at the Trushel Make You Frette. Join our subred at R slash TTSMYF. Email us, your thoughts, queries, castles, snacks, and send us your votes. The Trushion, Make You Threatpod at g-com.

And if you want to support us financially, go to Patreon.com, forward slash the truth show, make you fret, we can exchange your hard-earned pennies, all sorts of bonus and nonsense. And until next time, dear listeners, don't let us detain you. I don't know how to do a Sam the Eagle impression. No, I was about to try it and then realised I also don't know how to do a Sam the Eagle impression.

I know what he sounds like. Listen, can you pretend that we just said don't let us detain you in that voice? Yeah, thank you.