The Ultimate Blog Podcast - 44. Integration over balance in blogging

Episode Date: October 18, 2022

On today’s episode, we want to dive into balance. As entrepreneurs, the term “work-life balance” comes up often. Is that something that can actually exist in our lives? Today we are sharing more about this and how we can use the term “integration” instead. This means integrating all of the different hats your wear in your life as a business owner, blogger, mama, full-time employee, etc. Tune in to hear more about this and always remember, you can’t be all things all the time fully and that’s ok. Give yourself grace. We can’t wait to hear what you think about this episode!Check out the show notes (link below) for more information including links and resources mentioned in today’s episode!Thanks for listening! Connect with us on Instagram: @sparkmediaconceptsCheck out The Blog Depot. This is a community and course that we have set up for you if you need questions answered before you start your blog. Join the waitlist for The Ultimate Blog Bootcamp, our online course and coaching that helps you build the blog that you have always dreamed of.SHOW NOTES: www.sparkmediaconcepts.com/episode44

Welcome to the Ultimate Blog Podcast with Amy Reinecke and Jennifer Draper. We're on a mission to empower women who want to start or grow their own blog. This podcast is for women who want to learn blogging basics and who crave inspiration and encouragement. Whether you're just getting started or have been a blogger for years, we're excited to welcome you into this space where we are passionate about creating community over competition. We are bloggers who want to encourage you to believe in your potential, step outside the norm, and step into a life where you create your own schedule, your own success, and your own story. Join us for weekly episodes as we navigate blogging

and work from home life, all while raising a family and having some serious fun along the way. all while raising a family and having some serious fun along the way. Hey there. This week, we want to dive into a topic that is something that we talk a lot about as entrepreneurs, as business owners, as bloggers, basically as people living life in general. And that is this thing called balance and more more specifically, like work-life balance. And so today, we really want to try and break this down and see, is this something that can actually exist in our lives? And what does that really mean? Because I think we're all chasing after this myth that your life will be perfect, your life will be right when you get this balance figured out. And it seems like a lot of us just feel less than let down like failures because we never seem

to get anything in balance. And so is this something we can really chase? Is this something we can do or is there something else that's better? And Amy brought up something to me the other day, and this makes a whole lot of sense. And it's this idea of integration. So Amy, do you want to tell us a little bit about what this integration is, what it means and how it compares to work-life balance? Yes. So I think that balance is kind of this tricky word that a lot of times leaves us feeling like what you said, Jennifer, like a failure or like we're doing something wrong

and everybody else has it figured out. But instead, I want you to think of everything that you either need to be. So a lot of us are moms and we have blogs and we might have other jobs. We might be volunteers. Think about instead of having to put the pressure on yourself to find balance in this area, like 20% of the time I am this and 50% of the time I am this. Think about all the different hats that

you wear and how you can integrate them all together and how that integration can leave you feeling fulfilled. And it gives you a life that brings you joy and leaves you satisfied and does not make you feel at the end of the day, like you're a complete and utter failure because there was something that some hat that you wear that didn't get the utmost of your attention that day. So I think what we have to remind ourselves of is this looks different for all of us. The integration of all the different hats that we wear look different for you. I mean, they look different for Jennifer and I. Yes, we're both moms. We run Spark Media together. But independently,

we each have our own blogs. We each have our own families, our own kids, our own friends, and all of that. And the way that we run our schedules, the way we run our households, the things that are important to us are different. That doesn't mean that I am better than Jennifer or vice versa. It means that our life and the way that we integrate the things that are important to us and the things that we want to make time for are different. And so it's allowing people to be who we came here to be and who we're supposed to be without that constant need to feel like you have to compare yourself to the person next to you. You're not running that same race. You're just not. I want to give you that encouragement today.

If you're looking at somebody who's doing something similar to what you're doing, let's just call it blogging because you're listening to a blogging podcast. So let's compare. Let's say you're a blogger who's been at it for about a year. You still consider yourself kind of a beginner and you want to grow. And you're looking at somebody who started around the same time that you did, and you're just not seeing the same results. The comparison, common, common quote here, comparison is the thief of joy. You have no idea how that person is integrating the different

aspects of their life that need to be integrated. You don't know the balance that they're trying to find or how they're doing it because they're running their own race. So how can you find that peace within yourself to know that you're showing up in your best possible way at any given day. And that looks different every single day. I think oftentimes we tell ourselves, okay, today I have to do all the things. I have to be the best mom, the best blogger, the best cook, the best wife. I have to volunteer. I have to do all these things. And then at the end of the day, we don't feel very good because we've likely dropped the ball in some area. And that's not how we should feel because it's impossible for that perfection. Jennifer and I talk about that a lot.

We sat down at the beginning of this fall, and we talked about how we're going to integrate Spark Media with our own businesses. And for a long time, admittedly, we've done it the wrong way. We have just done it. We've done Spark Media every day and then tried to build our blogs with it. And just to be really honest and transparent with you guys, it was not working. It left us feeling very stressed out. And we didn't want to feel like that anymore. So we had to say, we had to ask ourselves the important question, what are the things that we want to do with our life? What is important to us?

How do we want to show up? And then from there, we had to ask ourselves, how am I able to show up? When can I show up? And then when can I put some other things on the front burner while this goes on the back burner? And so Jennifer, do you want to talk a little bit about kind of what we've done in order just to integrate maybe Spark within our own businesses? Yeah. And I think that part of it comes down to feeling like you're supposed to be wearing these hats.

Okay, I have my blogger hat on today. So that's who I'm supposed to be. And that's all I can be. And then now I'm the mom, or now I'm working for our spark business, or now I'm working for our blog business. And it's important to set those boundaries. But I think there's a difference between setting like boundaries around your time versus like trying to force yourself to be like, in these different hats where you can only be this person because aren't we so multifaceted and isn't it all so related at the end of the day? So I think what we really had to realize was, A, we needed to be flexible. And so,

but that didn't mean like, oh, we just have to do whatever, whenever. We set our priorities, oh, we just have to do whatever, whenever. We set our priorities, which were very important. And then we set like, here's what we want as a standard. These days, we're going to work on this. These days, we're going to work on this. But we also have some flexibility in there, knowing that each aspect of our lives can also serve another aspect of our life. And so I think that's what can be a struggle sometimes is this frustration that you end up feeling because you're not wearing the hat that you're supposed to be wearing at any given particular point in time. And I think that's what comes down to integration versus balance. It's going to be just setting the right priorities for every moment. And then maybe it's going to look a little different than you planned, but you really

have to look at the positive impact that that's having on you as a person overall and your blog or your business or whatever the case might be. Yeah. And we're talking about in regards to our business, but I want you to think about the different areas of your life that you want to spend time or you need to spend time because of who you are. And that's what we're talking about is knowing that at any given time, something is going to have to be on the forefront. And that's going to be taking the majority of your time and attention. That doesn't mean that everything else literally falls off the deep end and you don't focus on it at all. It just means that at that given time, it is okay to focus on what you

have decided to focus on. And then it's okay to put it back on the back burner for a little while. And I think that's where a lot of us get really messy in the head thinking about it because we're like, well, I have to be a mom all the time, or I have to be a blogger all the time. No, you guys, you don't. You don't. If you are a blogger, that is great and wonderful and fine, but we don't have to be blogging every single day because blogging, while it's creative, that creativity also ebbs and flows. It comes and goes. And so blogging should fit into your life, not the other way around. So that's part of having a business like this, a creative business that we can formulate and do things in our own time and on our own schedules. We get to do it that way.

And that's the beautiful thing about it. A lot of you, I know, work full-time jobs alongside your blogging business. And I'm assuming that you feel that pull of, okay, I'm working full-time all day and now I'm blogging at night and on the weekends, but I'm still a mom or I'm still a wife, or I still want to go see my friends or different things like that. I think that when you can set some clear boundaries with yourself and say, okay, this is what's realistic. Because I think realistic goals come into play here too. This is what's realistic.

Because I think realistic goals come into play here too. What is realistic for you? And I'm going to tell you right now, it's not realistic to work seven days a week. I want you to go back and I want you to listen to the episode with Banda Aubrey about burnout. Because if you're working seven days a week, that's what you're going to end up meeting is that episode. Burnout happens and we have to schedule time for rest. Because it's in that rest that we can truly look at our lives and how we want them to look to see how we want to integrate

the things that are important to us, to be able to do the things we want to do, to be able to do the things that we feel called to do, and to do it with a joyful heart that leaves us feeling satisfied and happy with this decision that we've made. By choosing to have a blog, we shouldn't feel like we wear this heaviness on our shoulders because it takes extra time in our day. It should be something that we feel excited about doing and that we're excited about growing. Have you lost that excitement or have you never had it? And my question to you would be, is it because you're trying to find quote unquote balance? And instead, how can you integrate blogging into your life in a way that brings joy? Does that mean that you might not grow it as quickly?

It might. It might mean that. Or does that mean that other things need to be put either ignored or put on the back burner or whatever while you put blogging more at the forefront of your life. If you have goals that you want to meet, this reality is going to look different for everybody. Just like it looks different for Jennifer and I. Do you want to start a blog, but you aren't sure what to do first? Are you still wondering what you're going to write about and who your ideal reader is? Have you researched

blog platforms only to be left with even more questions and have a no idea what platform to build your blog on? Guess what? We created the blog Depot just for you. The blog Depot is a nine module course that was designed for someone who thinks that they want to start a blog, but wants to build a solid foundation and ask themselves the important questions before jumping in. In the blog depot, we will help you understand what you need to build a successful blog and important questions to ask yourself. And we do it all with our self-paced online course and membership community. You get access to the course and community forum immediately upon signup. And as a special bonus, we do a live coaching call with Depot members every month. So you can talk to us about your specific questions and needs. We want you to

feel confident when you decide to finally start blogging someday and the blog Depot will help you do it. It's only $47 a month, but if you sign up today and use code U B P 50, you'll receive 50% off your first month. The link to join us is in the show notes, and we can't wait to help you build your solid foundation in the blog Depot. Yeah. I think the important thing to remember is there's going to be times when you're feeling super inspired about blogging. So maybe there is a day or is a week where you're going to work seven days that week because you have this great idea and you're feeling energized and fantastic about it. But you have to remember like the rest of your life still exists. So how do you, how do you make all of that work? Well, maybe you do work

a little bit more when you're feeling creative, you're feeling those inspirations hit you and you want to accomplish some things. And then just knowing that that steam only is going to last so long. It's okay to take a step back from your blog for a little while and focus on things that you need to do around your house. I think we have to figure out that we're not required to do something a certain way. Like Amy was saying, it's going to look different for everyone. We're all going to have different responsibilities we want to meet. We're all going to have different interests and things that, you know, inspire us or light us up.

So how can you make that work the best for you? And I think a lot of it comes down to just being honest with yourself and not being so hard on yourself. I think that's what Amy and I both struggle with is like, no matter what we're doing, we feel like we're supposed to be doing something else. But what about saying, no, this is what I'm supposed to be doing in this moment. And when the next moment comes along, I'll be doing the right thing in that moment as well. That doesn't mean we don't have responsibilities that we have to meet that we maybe don't want to do. But I think just having that open-mindedness

and that flexibility with our schedules as much as possible, or just working where we feel the inspiration is going to get us the furthest. Yeah, that's been a hard shift. I think for us, we're like about a month and a half in with this new schedule that we've created for ourself.

So we have specific days that we're working on specific things, essentially is what we're doing. And it feels weird on the days that we're not focused on Spark. It's hard for me to be like, nope, I just can't. I got to focus on my own blog on those days because I'm so used to being in Spark every single day. And the beauty about blogging, you guys, is that it's always working for you. Like always. That's the beauty of having a blog and having this podcast and things. Even on days that we're not working on Spark, people can find our information here on the podcast and we can be teaching them things there.

They might be looking at social media content or blog posts or things like that. Think about that. That's the beauty of why you have a blog. So don't forget that. It is working for you, whether you're in it every single day or not. But with that said, you also can't be everything to everyone all the time. It's just physically impossible. I cannot, in a given moment, be the best mom and the best blogger at the given time. I cannot be putting out an amazing post while changing a diaper. Those two best blogger at the given time. I cannot be putting out an amazing post

while changing a diaper. Those two things cannot coexist at the exact same time because I'm distracted. And distraction, oh my gosh, we live in a world with so much distraction. And so to tell you, hey, take a step back and walk away from the distraction, I think that alone could be a podcast in and of itself is how many of us feel distracted all the times from the things that we need to do or want to do. But just know that you cannot be everything to everyone all the time. And to just give yourself that grace, truly. And I know that there are days that being a mom has to be my main priority. That is it. And everything else needs to just take a back seat. And there are other days,

there are days that my kids are out of school that I need to work. And I can't be left to feel guilty about that. I have work that I have to do. I have students and I have a business that also deserve my time and energy and attention. And so that's okay if I need to work a little bit on those days, even if my kids are out of school. That's a choice that we've made as a family for me to do this kind of business. I can still be here with my kids. So I'm watching them and stuff, but I'm also at my computer and getting some things done. So that's the integration of those two lives, being a blogger, being a mom and a business owner. And it's also okay to ask for help. And I think that's really hard for us to ask for help sometimes. And I don't just mean in life. I mean, in business too. Maybe you just need somebody to talk about

how can I make this easier? Sometimes it's literally waving the white flag and saying, I can't do this, or I don't want to do this anymore. If you have something that you have on your calendar every single week that feels like this, you would rather like rip off your toenail. Like, do you have to do it? Truly? Do you have to do it? This summer, my son had a medical appointment and it was a therapy that was going to help him, but it wasn't just the appointment every week, but then it was the exercises that we needed to do on like every night. I lasted about a month, you guys. And I was like, I cannot do this. I cannot do this. And I, I felt so bad that when I canceled this therapy, I was very honest with her. And I said, I do not have the capacity for

this right now. And she said, I am actually really, really proud of you for being very honest about where you are in this phase. And I totally respect your decision. And here I was thinking that I was letting this person down. And instead I was, I decided to put myself and my son first and say, we're just not capable of doing this right now. So ask yourself that in your business too. Can you eliminate the idea that you have to be perfect and that you have to have this perfect blog and you have to be active on Pinterest and Instagram and learn the latest TikTok dance ladies, like All these things. Let me tell you, it's not possible. The people who are out there doing it are likely having a lot of help because they reached a point that they decided and realized that they couldn't do it without it.

So know that, especially as you're beginning, focus on the things that really matter to you. And maybe an exercise for you to do would be to sit down and ask yourself that question, what does matter to me? Because success is not only in the form of a dollar amount. For some of you, it might not be in the form of a dollar amount at all. It might be in a way that you live your life or something that you get to do with your money. So I want you to ask yourself, what would being successful mean to me? What would that mean that my life would have? And then how can you take all the different hats that you wear and decide how you're going to integrate that all together in your life to make it so you can actually live a life that you love and that you wake up excited about? You don't want to wake up and look at your

calendar and feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders because there's no way that you can do everything that's on it. Instead, you want to wake up excited and say, I can be this multifaceted person with all these different interests and I can still kill it and be amazing.

And most importantly, I can be happy. Yeah, I think we've talked about a lot of things in this episode. And I think the whole idea is that we want you to not feel alone. We want you to feel supported. We want you to know other people are struggling. Not everybody has it all together. So at the end of the day, do what you want to do with intention.

You're not going to be able to completely balance your life out all of the time. So focus on those things that are truly important to you, bringing those all together and letting them be who you are as a person in your life. And just know there's going to be seasons that are a struggle. There's going to be seasons where you feel like you're setting the world on fire and that is totally normal and you have support. We understand and we get it as well. All right. Thanks for joining us today, guys. Go out there and keep chasing those dreams. I know that you have two people here in Kansas City who are rooting for you. Thanks so much for tuning in today. If you'd like to continue the conversation about

blogging with us, please find us on Instagram at on instagram spark media concepts you can also sign up for our weekly newsletter where we share blogging tips and inspiration you can sign up by finding the link in the show notes for those of you who are ready for the next step and want to start your own blog join the waitlist for the ultimate blog boot camp the link to join the waitlist is also in the show notes go out and make today a great day