The Unbelievable Truth - 08x06 The Radio, Pasta, Flowers, Wool

Episode Date: December 22, 2021

08x06 30 January 2012 Tom Wrigglesworth, John Finnemore, Alan Davies, Tony Hawks The Radio, Pasta, Flowers, Wool

We present the unbelievable truth, the panel game built on truth and lies. In the chair, please welcome David Mitchell. built on truth and lies. In the chair, please welcome David Mitchell. Hello, and welcome to The Unbelievable Truth, the show based around believable lies and implausible facts. On our panel is a fab four of comedians, very much the Beatles of comedy,

as they get confused if you flip them on their backs. Please welcome Tony Hawks, Tom Rigglesworth, John Finnemore and Alan Davis. The rules are as follows. Each panellist will present a short lecture that should be entirely false, save for five pieces of true information which they should attempt to smuggle past their opponents, cunningly concealed amongst the lies.

Points are scored by truths that go unnoticed, while other panellists can win points if they spot a truth or lose points if they mistake a lie for a truth. We'll begin with Sheffield-born comic Tom Rigglesworth. Tom, your subject is the radio, described by my encyclopaedia as the transmission of programmes for public consumption by radio broadcast. Off you go, Tom. Fingers on buzzers, the rest of you. While television pictures can actually be picked up on people's dental fillings, radio broadcasts can only be received by slinky toys, which is why they were used as antennas during the Vietnam War.

In the little-known radio show, misleadingly named Desert Island Discs, the most popular luxury item is a microwave oven. Bizarrely, the domestic microwave can actually be used to listen to the future. This is why BBC engineers use microwave technology to record tomorrow's Big Ben chimes and then broadcast them today, a few seconds ahead of the real ones.

So, standing at the bottom of Big Ben with a radio tuned to Radio 4, it's possible to hear the chimes on the radio before you hear them for real john yes that that very last thing he said about standing at the bottom of big ben with the radio that's absolutely right yes well done obviously that's not for the reasons tom said to do with traveling forward in time with a microwave or whatever but the reason why if you listen to big ben on the radio at the bottom of big ben you'll hear the

bongs on the radio before you hear the bongs from the bell is because radio waves travel at the speed of light whereas sound travels at the speed of sound so the radio waves with the simultaneous transmission of the broadcast will reach your ear before the actual sound coming from the actual bell incredible does that make any sense so the bongs that they're broadcasting are not the actual the bongs that are happening they are the bongs they are the bongs that are happening but even they can be recorded and broadcast to you more quickly than you can actually hear them if you're standing next to the bell yeah because right you're not i'm not saying i necessarily believe i'm gonna need a painkiller nevertheless you're standing next to the bell. Yeah, because, right? You're not standing... I'm not saying I necessarily believe this.

I'm going to need a painkiller in a minute. But I nevertheless... You're standing at the bottom of Big Ben. You know what I mean by Big Ben, and everyone will write it and say it's not called Big Ben. The tower with the clock in that makes the bongy noise. You're standing at the bottom of it. The actual bell that's really called Big Ben, yawn,

is at the top, making the bongy noise. Yeah. Now, the bongy noise is travelling at the speed of sound. Right, yes. It only has to travel a very short distance at the speed of sound to get into the BBC microphone, and thereafter it travels at the speed of light. So they've got a microphone up there?

Yeah, they record them and broadcast them live every day. They've got a microphone in the tower? It's ridiculous, isn't it? They should have recorded them once. Is there a little man up there? They're moving everyone to Salford and they're recording the bongs live every day. Yeah, you can't hear the bongs in Salford, can you?

This is the BBC broadcasting from Manchester. Yeah. And then silence. We think it's about six, we don't know. It's definitely raining. You know, fortunately the whole sports department will be nicely moved in there just in time for the London Olympics. Since the famous bongs were first recorded in 1925

and broadcast the previous year, they were first heard over the airwaves... Alan. Were they first recorded in 1925? No, they weren't. Since the famous bongs were first recorded in 1925... Liar. ...and broadcast the previous year,

they were first heard over the airwaves to welcome in the new year of 1924. Tony. I'll go for that. Yeah, that's the biggest. You're a gold hanger. Yes, Big Ben was first broadcast to usher in 1924. When the BBC first started in 1922,

the hourly chimes were played by the announcer on a set of chime bells in the studio. That pleases me enormously. Ding dong. And that would suggest that the audience listening to those chimes would hear them before he did. Allowing

people to write in, to critique. Won't know by the time they've written it. They will have heard them before, but not enough time to write in. In 1937, Orson Welles broadcast a radio adaptation of Star Wars and over 15,000 Americans were bored witless. Other radio side effects include the fact that chickens lay more eggs listening to Radio 2. Alan. I'm going for the chickens laying more eggs if they're listening to the radio.

You're absolutely right. I'm right. The BBC reported in 2006 that Essex farmer Bill Rhodes had noticed a staggering increase in egg production while subjecting his hens to 15 hours of Radio 2 a day. According to the British Egg Information Service, sorry. I'm glad to hear there's a British Egg Information Service. The cuts haven't reached everywhere.

A number of farmers have reported that mellow music keeps their flocks happy and stress-free and as a result, egg production increases. In the United States... ..suicide rates vary depending on the amount of country music played. John? Yes, I'll have some of that. Well, you're absolutely right to. Oh! And you offered me a helping hand!

A 1992 report entitled The Effect of Country Music on Suicide demonstrated that cities with a higher-than-average country music radio market share had higher suicide rates, independent of other factors such as poverty, divorce rates or gun availability. It's possible, it says here, that the subject matter is one of the causes of this phenomenon, with miserable country and western song titles including I don't know whether to kill myself or go bowling. If I had shot you when I wanted to, I'd be out by now.

You're the reason our kids are so ugly. My wife ran off with my best friend and I sure do miss him. And I still miss you, baby, but my aim's getting better. Thanks. This is brilliant. I think I'm going to get massively into country music. Thank you, Tom. And, Tom, at the end of that round, you've smuggled just one truth past the rest of the panel, which is that metal slinky toys were used as radio antennae in Vietnam.

And that means, Tom tom you've scored one point when marconi died in 1937 radio stations around the world observed a two-minute silence as a mark of respect today dab radio does the same thing every 30 seconds in 1995 a man claiming to have a bomb took over a local radio station in New Zealand and demanded to hear the song Rainbow Connection by Kermit the Frog. Muppet. In 1971, while a Calgary radio station was playing

Carole King's I Feel the Earth Move, the studio collapsed. Thank goodness they weren't playing Come On Eileen. OK, we turn now to John Finnemore. John, your subject is pasta. Variously shaped, unleavened dough made from wheat, flour, water and sometimes eggs. Off you go, John. So nutritious is pasta that frugal households in China

used to feed the entire family on just one noodle though this led to some bitter arguments about who should carve the italian names for pasta all have amusing meanings i will tell you a list of them now one of which will be true tom i think uh that in china somewhere they make enormous noodles and it is brought to the table quite ceremoniously and distributed through the family which you could therefore claim was one noodle you're absolutely 100 right yes many chinese meals are made up of just one noodle, but not through frugality. They're very, very long noodles.

Multiple threads, but just one giant noodle. And it's not cut until it reaches the table, as it represents long life. Okay, so my list of pasta meanings. There's ravioli, which means little turnips. Vermicelli, which means mouse's tails. Dull, but accurate. Stracciapretti, which means mouse's tails, dull but accurate. Struttapretti, which means priest stranglers.

Confondigatti, which means to confuse the cat. And fonzarelli, which means, hey! Everything in Italy is based on pasta. Dolce and Gabbana have just released a range of pasta earrings. Tom? Either I've been so gullible or the fact that vermicelli and vermin... And he said that one of them was true anyway,

so I think... And he doesn't lie. The damage has been done. Yeah, unfortunately it doesn't. I think it means little worms. Yes, that's it. Among other uses for pasta, fusilli are often used as the helter-skelters in flea circuses.

Farfelli make excellent makeshift bow ties for hamsters. Tom? They definitely do make excellent bow ties for hamsters. That can't be disproved at all. If you just, all you need to do is thread on a tiny piece of elastic, doesn't necessarily need to be elastic, could use common or garden thread, but either way... It's interesting, yeah, I mean, this isn't one of the, you know, one of the facts John's trying to smuggle past,

but, I mean, it would, you're right. I mean... APPLAUSE And a rider for the band Aerosmith after gigs was for a large bath or pit of pasta. Band members would take turns in the pasta pit wrestling with female fans. Tom?

Well, there's a string of those rider things like the blue M&M one or whatever, and they're not there to actually be necessarily adhered to. They're there so that the band knows that the technical staff have just read the rider. So therefore, it wouldn't surprise me if Aerosmith did include a crazy out-there rider such as a big bath of pasta.

I mean, I would say that the M&M's thing works better as proof that the small print's been read than insisting on a massive bath of pasta. But it is true. It seems like a very long-winded way of getting round to sort of... I think if we ask for a bath of pasta, I reckon we can get to touch some groupies. In many ways, I think if you're a big rock star

and you want to touch some groupies, you just say to the groupies, may I touch you? But I think if you come up against one that doesn't want to touch you, you can say, look, we've gone to all this trouble. Thank you, John. And at the end of that round, John, you've managed to smuggle three truths past the rest of the panel, which are that Dolce & Gabbana have released a range of pasta earrings.

They are enameled farfalle pasta ornamented with jewels and finished with a shiny miniature aubergine. Lovely. The second truth is that ravioli means little turnips. And there's some interest there. I distinctly heard the sound. And the third is that strozzapreti means priest choker or strangler. And that means, John, you've scored three points.

In 2007, Chilean artist Marco Evaristi hosted a dinner party in which he served his guests pasta with a sauce made from his own body fat. And the following week, no one turned up to sample his coq au vin next up it's alan davis alan your subject is flowers the reproductive parts of seed-bearing plants often surrounded by brightly colored petals off you go alan archaeologists in china were astounded when they found the fossil of a flower 125 million years old and it still gave off a scent the scent of the ancient blossom is said to be similar to that of old rock tom i'm sure the fossil did give off a smell now i doubt it was floral and i'm sure some chinese archaeologist discovered a fossil

of a flower and it smelled of old air do you know you're so right there's no need to try and get writer because the smell is irrelevant the fact that is true is that in 2002 archaeologists found the fossil of a flower 125 million years old that's not what he said though what he said the old fossils smell like not not he said flowers, but they do definitely smell. Well, they probably do smell of... No geology department pongs, does it? No, you don't go, oh, you're doing geology, you reek. Must be all the fossils when you open the boxes. I think rocks smell a bit, don't they?

No, because they don't give off any gas, do they? Little bits of rock. No, you can't have rock gas. You can't boil up a rock and make it into a gas. It's all rock gas. You can't boil up a rock and make it into a gas. It's all rock gas. Does it smell? It stinks. You know what it smells of?

Ombre Solaire, ironically. So, Tom gets a point. Fuck it! Flowers for sale on garage forecourts have been chemically treated so that as soon as they come into contact with water, they wilt and die. The name of every flower has its derivation in ancient Greek. For example, the orchid is named after the Greek word for testicle. John?

Yes, I think it is. It is, you're right. Yeah. They named it testicle because it's got ball-like roots. And in fact, in Britain, it used to be known as the balakwort. The marigold is named after the Greek word for rubber glove. The peony, from the word meaning posh little horse, and the primula, after the ancient Greek word for cheese spread. The bee orchid doesn't get its name from its appearance but from its painful sting its ability to make honey and its habit of buzzing against a closed window

and tom it stings what the bee orchid have you ever had a bee orchid sting no i haven't nasty right this isn't true it must have been an orchid with a real bee in it orange trees lemon trees and roses are the only plants that never grow thorns and whose flowers never have any scent if you ever see bees taking pollen and nectar from the flowers of the orange tree, they are making marmalade. The corpse flower of Sumatra is shaped like the human body, but it has a pleasant smell, rather like popcorn, and is quite good natured. John? Does it have a smell like popcorn?

No. No, it smells of dead flesh. And it's the biggest flower in the world. The Russian police were some of the first and most dedicated supporters of women's rights. And to this day, if they see a woman driving a car on International Women's Day, they like to stop them and hand them flowers. Tony. There is a tradition in Russia for giving flowers to women on Women's Day,

and the police do do it. Yeah, you're absolutely right. Yeah, it did. Did you actually know that? Oh, yes, I spent a bit of time in Moldova and I've hung around these sort of areas. Yeah. Well, yes, Deputy Interior Minister Alexander Chekhalin

said at a news conference, traffic policemen will not darken the holiday for driverettes. In some places, they congratulate women drivers. In others, they give them small presents, such as festive postcards or small bouquets of flowers. The favourite film of the singer Cher is Carry On Nurse, and to celebrate the famous daffodil scene, she had a flower tattooed on her bottom.

Tony? She has got a tattoo on her bottom. How do you know? Oh, we're on first-name bottom. How do you know? We're on first name terms. I don't know a second. Yes. Yeah, you're right, Tony. She does. Thank you, Alan.

And at the end of that round, Alan, you've managed to smuggle one truth past the rest of the panel. I'm brilliant at this game, aren't I? Which is that roses never grow thorns. Technically, what they have is prickles. Because thorns grow from the wood of a plant, whereas prickles grow from the outer layers of the skin and are therefore easier to break off.

So that's another one of those, you know, whatever it is, a potato isn't a food. A fork isn't an item of cutlery, it's actually a form of light. And, you know, that sort of thing. Anyway, and that means you've scored one point. Due to the bulbous shape of its roots, the orchid

is named after the Greek word for testicle, orchis. So if you believe in the slogan that tells you to say it with flowers, orchids are the way to say bollocks. The singer and actress Cher has a tattoo of a flower on her bottom. Apparently it looks like a pink dahlia with a red centre. But we don't know what flower the tattoo is.

Now it's the turn... Now it's the turn of Tony Hawks. Comedian and musician Tony Hawks is often mistaken for Tony Hawk, the world's skateboard champion. But it's easy to tell them apart. One has to wear a safety helmet to protect him from injury while performing. The other is a skateboard champion.

Your subject, tony is wool the soft coat of various hairy animals especially sheep which is prized as a textile fiber off you go tony the french hate wool they really hate it and in 17th century france peasants could be fined for wearing a wool cap instead of a beret. The English, on the other hand... Alan. Sorry, I just fell. Is that true about the beret thing? No, it's not rubbish, isn't it?

It isn't true, no. Wasting everyone's time. A beret is a wool cap. It's already a wool cap. It couldn't be fine for wearing a wool cap instead of a beret when you are actually wearing a wool cap already, which is called a wool cap. It's already a wool cap. It can be fine for wearing a wool cap instead of a beret when you are actually wearing a wool cap already, which is called a beret. Oh, what a nightmare. The English, on the other hand, love wool.

They really love it, more than anything. And in 16th century England, men could be fined for not wearing a wool cap. John. Why on earth would they? Of course not. But yet I pressed my buzzer. Just go with it, because you're right. It was a law passed in 1571,

and it was intended to support the wool industry, and it stated that everyone must wear a wool cap on sundays and holidays although noblemen and children under the age of six were exempt the filipinos are indifferent to wool really indifferent and and in fact there is no word for wool in tagalog their language knitting is becoming increasingly more widespread go on tom go on tom go on tom he moved his hand to the buzzer he moved his hand he's on it over the buzzer Knitting is becoming increasingly more widespread. Go on, Tom. Go on, Tom. Go on, Tom. He moved his hand to the buzzer. He moved his hand. He's on it over the buzzer.

Yes. Tom, don't let him do anything. What? I had a friend from the Philippines. Yeah, but that's not good enough for a point. No, and I showed him a jumper that I was really fond of, and he wasn't bothered. Whether he is representative of a nation, I can't say.

But you can only speak on this show through your own personal experience. So I'm chalking it up as a truth, regardless of the scoring system in place. You think that the people of the Philippines are markedly indifferent to wool. It's a statistically insignificant sample. We can't infer anything about

the Filipino attitude to that particular textile from your friend's reaction to your jumper. Well, I'm sorry for not asking the entire population of the world before I came on this show. Apology accepted. Let's face it. Tom, I put it to you

that the Filipino jumper-shaying incident was a lie. Not a small incident if we can sample. Actually, an event that never happened. Tom, don't lie outside your go. Knitting is becoming increasingly more widespread amongst Britain's

underclass, and the habit of sharing needles has led to two deaths by sleeveless pullers in days gone by people used to use wool instead of toilet paper because it was soft strong and reliable the only drawback was that sheepdog puppies kept running away with it Tom I'm quite sure that wool would have been used to wipe up so to speak at some point whether it was washed and laundered or not, I don't know, but it was definitely used in the lavatory. You're absolutely right, it was.

Yeah, and I... Yeah. Did people use just the back of their baggy jumpers? Is that what happened? Was this the reason why your Filipino friend was indifferent to your jumper? different to your jump um yes it was used by wealthy romans vikings and later the french and the british wool was used as loo paper to keep warm on the cold desert nights the lop-eared sheep of north africa always stands with its left side towards the wind because one half of its coat is special and the other side is just ordinary hair uncombed uncared for a bit like david mitchell's exactly the same french farmers who force feed geese to make foie gras take time off at weekends to force feed sheep with iron filings to make wire wool

president clinton used woolen condoms whilst never having sexual knowledge of anybody president woodrow wilson kept sheep at the white house and president bush hired sheep as interns in a vain attempt to gain intellectual superiority okay everyone's am i trying to buzz then. Who was quicker? Was it you? Basically, it was the three mentions of America that led to a frenzy of buzzing, but the machine tells me that John buzzed first. Yeah, I'd like to have a shot at Woodrow Wilson's sheep.

Would you? And I feel comfortable saying that on National Radio. Well, you're absolutely right. Oh! It was... The sheep formed part of the White House war effort in 1917, keeping the grass trimmed and so freeing up the regular gardeners for military service.

I'll bet they were chuffed about that. Replaced by a sheep. In Ireland, farmer Seamus O'malley applied to the local parish to marry a sheep got permission consummated the marriage and the sheep gave birth to jedwood tom uh someone did marry a sheep i'm sure people have married sheep, you know, and that's the sort of story you hear, but not Seamus O'Malley and... Oh, you're joking. It was a story about an Iranian man

who was forced to marry a goat because he had already consummated the marriage and therefore, as punishment, he was forced to go through a ceremony with the goat. To make an honest goat. Well, exactly, yeah. and for the sake of the kids i'm so very sorry dr who tom baker's famous scarf was much longer than was originally planned because the designer

gave the knitter a selection of balls of colored wool to choose from but the knitter assumed she Thank you, Tony. And, Tony, at the end of that round, you've managed to smuggle two truths past everyone else, which are that the lop-eared sheep of North Africa has a coat that is half a short downy undercoat of wool and half long coarse hair, similar to the wild ancestors of today's domestic sheep. And the other truth is that Doctor Who Tom Baker's famous scarf...

Tom was going, I reckon that's true, I reckon that's true. I was going, nah, nah, that's not... Tom, you were going, I reckon that's true, I reckon that... Because there is a formalised way in this context of saying, I reckon that's true, I reckon that... Because there is a formalised way in this context of saying, I reckon that's true. You have a... You're dispirited after the whole Filipino incident. That's a phrase that's meant up of things.

Yes, Tom Baker's famous scarf is much longer than originally planned because the designer, Begonia Pope, used up all the wool. Anyway, that that means tony you've scored two points which brings us to the final scores in fourth place with minus three points we have tom rigglesworth in in third place with minus two points, it's Alan Davis. In second place, with minus one point, it's Tony Hawks. And in first place, with an unassailable four points, it's this week's winner, John Finnemore.

That's about it for this week, and indeed this series. All that remains is for me to thank our guests. They were all truly unbelievable, and that's the unbelievable truth. Goodbye. The unbelievable truth was divided by John Naismith and Graham Garden and featured David Mitchell in the chair, with panellists Tony Hawkes, Alan Davies, John Finnemore and Tom Rigglesworth. Thank you.