The Unbelievable Truth - 16x06 Gifts, Fashion, Women, Songs

Episode Date: February 18, 2022

16x06 9 May 2016 Elis James, Maeve Higgins, Reginald D. Hunter, David O'Doherty Gifts, Fashion, Women, Songs

We present The Unbelievable Truth, the panel game built on truth and lies. In the chair, please welcome David Mitchell. Hello and welcome to The Unbelievable Truth. built on truth and lies. In the chair, please welcome David Mitchell. Hello and welcome to The Unbelievable Truth, the panel show about incredible truths and barely credible lies. I'm David Mitchell. Please welcome David O'Doherty, Ellis James, Maeve Higgins and Reginald D. Hunter. The rules are as follows. Each panelist will present a short lecture that should be entirely false, save for five hidden truths which their opponents should try to identify. Points are scored by truths that go unnoticed, while other panellists can win points if they spot a truth,

or lose points if they mistake a lie for a truth. First up is Ellis James. Ellis is a fluent Welsh speaker, but don't worry, he speaks an actual living language as well. Shouldn't have said that, we'll get letters. Consonants, mainly. Ellis, your subject is gifts or presents. Things given voluntarily and without payment in return, usually to show friendship, affection or support. Off you go, Ellis. Fingers on buzzers, the rest of you. Whether it's Welsh fathers offering their firstborn sons

the gift of plastic bags stockpiled from before the charge came in, the English middle classes offering their children the gift of repressed love from a distance or a chamber pot full of salt being given as a wedding present to the happy couple in the north-east of Scotlandland there's nothing simpler than choosing the right gift to give david i'm gonna go scottish salt gift salt is still very well respected in scotland they do eat a lot of chips up there they do it's refreshing to hear a welsh comedian go for the standard scottish stereotype you're absolutely right david It's refreshing to hear a Welsh comedian go for the standard Scottish stereotype.

You're absolutely right, David. In 1993, on a state visit to Australia, Princess Anne was given a cast-iron statue of a sausage emerging from a bun by the then-Australian Prime Minister in order to display the special relationship between the two countries. Reg. Yeah, I got to believe that. A cast iron sausage.

That's not true. That's not true? No. Oh, man. She graciously accepted the gift and after having a thin groove cut into it, it is now used to keep the royal nectar card safe at Clarence House.

Well, see, I can't believe that now. And I want to., I won't to. An Indian Maharaja presented King Edward VII with a golf bag made from an elephant's penis but that ended up in the lost property department of Bangalore Central Train Station before being destroyed in a controlled explosion. David.

I have been in the zoo at that time of year when the elephants are at their most frisky. And I've said to myself, you would fit a golf club in that, certainly. Is it just once a year or a certain time of year for elephants? Certainly the time I was there. So maybe the facture is when I visit, they suddenly all...

They see your cute butt. If only you had the same effect on pandas. Well, you said... You could solve so many problems. When you say so many problems... Well, one problem. But anyway, yes, you're absolutely right about the golf bag. The Indian prince was so impressed by King Edward VII's sexual exploits

that he gifted him the bag for his birthday. Heads of state greatly appreciate every one of the many gifts they receive as they travel the world, although the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library has lost more than 80,000 of its artefacts, all gifts to the president out of its collection of 100,000. It used to be the custom for schoolchildren to give their teacher a daily apple as a present. However, as class sizes grew and more and more teachers..a'r cyfnod o 100,000. Roedd yn y ddewis i blant ysgol.....gadael i'w hyfforddwr apwl ddiweddol fel cyfle.

Ond, wrth i fwy o hyfforddwyr, roedd yn llwyr... ..ac yn llwyr, yn llwyr, yn llwyr, yn llwyr. Fe wnaethon nhw ddewis... ..bod ychydig apwl yn ddiweddol yn ei ddweud yn bresent. Mae myr yn a oedd yn ffordd arferol. Yn y ffaith, yn ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod ystod a chynllunio 364 o gyffreithiau, sy'n dod o hyd i'r tatonomiad, yn rhywbeth sy'n bryd. Ond nid yn bryd yn fawr, gan y cysylltiedig Richard Wagner, a chyfeiriodd y llyfrau

bod Vosiac wedi rhoi'r gyffreithiad o sbawrwch slawi bohemig, a ddefnyddiodd y llyfrau yn cyrraedd gwartheg o'i llyfr, ac wedyn yn eu llwyr yn ffyrdd. Clywed Brahms, fod Wagner wedi trafod sain eu cyfnodau mor fawr,

ac wedi'u cynnal i'w gyd-ddyfynnu. Er mwyn gwneud ei stori'n ddiddorol, fe wnaeth Wagner ddweud, Wagner claimed Brahms then transcribed the sounds of their dying moments and callously incorporated them into his works. In order to make his story believable, Wagner added that, although when he's not doing that, he likes walks in the countryside and socialising with friends. David. I mean, I was lulled into a slumber there by his beautiful regional accent, which I don't have. But I do think the 12 Days of Christmas,

if you go 12 plus 11 plus 10, that will equal 364. Well, you're absolutely right. The narrator's true love sends 22 doves, 30 hens, 36 calling

birds, 40 gold rings, 42 geese, 42 swans, 40 maids, 36 ladies, 30 lords, 22 pipers, 12 drummers and 12 partridges. Crazy. Yeah. I mean, who has that kind of space? Well, I think you can freeze partridge. So at least it wouldn't have gone to waste. And you can stack up lords.

Yes. You'd wonder, are the drummers, so they're just drumming, but is that just drumming for an hour, or are they then living with you for imperpetuity? Are we to say that these drummers and these lords and these ladies are now the chattels of the narrator? Essentially, it's about slavery. Yeah.

The enslavement of aristocrats, oddly, and musicians. The 12 years a slave of Christmas is what it should be called. Yes. That's the end of Ellis' lecture. So, Ellis, at the end of that round, you've managed to smuggle two truths past the rest of the panel, which are that the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library has lost more than 80,000 of its 100,000 artefacts.

Wow. The official phrase used by the library is, currently unaccounted for. And the second truth is that composer Richard Wagner circulated the rumour that Dvorak gave Brahms the gift of a bohemian sparrow-slaying bow, which he used to harpoon passing cats from his window. Wagner was a notoriously bitchy composer who, after hearing of one of Brahms's works,

commented to him, the evil only starts when one attempts to compose better than one can. And that means, Alice, you've scored two points. Next up is Maeve Higgins. Maeve was born in Ireland, but travelled to America to seek her fortune. Not sure how that's going, but I see she's back here appearing on Radio 4.

Maeve, your subject is fashion, a prevailing custom or style, especially of clothes, hair or make-up. Off you go, Maeve. On my 16th birthday, my mother screamed, men don't make passes at girls who wear glasses, and snapped my glasses in two before returning to the hospital

to have one of her little rests. I also became obsessed with eyewear and learned that in the 1930s in Trinidad, people made sunglasses from fish bones and seaweed, and a fa... Reg. I believe people made sunglasses from fish bones and seaweed. Reg? I believe people made sunglasses from fish bones and seaweed.

I believe that mainly because I've been sitting here for so long, I'm likely to believe anything. Well, yeah, in this case, you've believed something that's not at all true. Oh, in this case. Around the same time, a fashion craze for girls to wear monocles swept Liverpool. The male version of monocles, known as manacles, were also hugely popular. If a girl liked a guy, her monocle would pop off in the club like boing, and he would clamp her ankle to his and they would clank off together into the night.

In the 18th century, so-called scissor glasses, a pair of scissors with lenses in the finger holes, became very fashionable, giving us the term sharp-sighted and also bloody... Ellis. I mean, it's not only fashionable, but also very useful and practical. Mm-hm. So I think that's true.

It is true. Yes. You're getting good, kids. The fashion for scissor spectacles, the forerunner of the lorgnette, began in the 1750s in Germany and caught on in Britain in the 1780s. But scissor glasses were most popular in France,

where they were worn by both men and women. Speaking of eyes, Bette Davis often wore gloves because she thought her hands were too small. On the other, much bigger hands, Vivien Leigh often wore gloves because she thought her hands were too small. On the other, much bigger hand, Vivian Lee often wore gloves because she thought her hands were too big. Gone With The Wind could well have been called Old Shovelpaws. Sorry.

Old Shovelpaws digs up the red earth of Tara. Thank you for buzzing in. I am going to wind the hands of time back there to Betty Davis and her tiny weenie hands, I think. Because you can hear, you know when she plays the piano, she's just like... Just two notes, isn't it? Yeah, just two notes.

One hand fits on a different one note. She composed the music that ambulances play. Yeah. Except no, this is not true about her small hands. Shoe manufacturers, Clark,

sell 29,087,000 shoes each year. That's 14,940,000 left shoes, but only 14,900,000 right ones. This would not have been a problem before 1850

when most pairs of shoes were made to fit on either the left or the right ones. This would not have been a problem before 1850 when most pairs of shoes were made to fit on either the left or the right foot. David? I bet it's a relatively recent thing that there's a left and a right shoe and I'd like a point, please. Well, you get a point. Thank you. Yes, it's absolutely true.

As late as 1850 most shoes were made on absolutely straight lasts, there being no difference between the right and the left shoe. To finish up, let's get back to the peepers. How long have women been trying to find ways of telling men, my eyes are up here? Well, in the 18th century,

ladies would wear fake eyebrows made of mouse skin and compliment each other by saying, girl, your brow game is on squeak tonight. Thank you, Maeve. Maeve, at the end of that round, you've managed to smuggle three truths past the rest of the panel, which are that in the 1930s

a fashion craze for girls to wear monocles swept Liverpool. No. The trend was particularly prevalent amongst lesbians, so much so that a lesbian club in Paris called itself Le Monocle, or Le Monoc. I'm nervous about... Worst French accent ever.

You know, Arthur Smith slagged me off for my French accent on this very programme, which I thought was a bit rich considering his English one. The second truth is that Vivien Leigh often wore gloves because she thought her hands were too large.

And the third truth is that in the 18th century, ladies wore fake eyebrows made of mouse skin. I thought about that. Jonathan Swift's poem, A Beautiful Young Nymph Going to Bed, from 1734, contains the lines, Her eyebrows from a mouse's hide Stuck on with art on either side.

Wow. And that means, Maeve, you scored three points. Thank you. Next up is Reginald D. Hunter. Reg, your subject is women, adult female human beings. Off you go, Reg. Women. Women.

An essay by Reginal, Reg. Women. An essay by Reginald D. Hunter. In the first edition of the Encyclopedia Britannica, the entry for woman said, sea under man. Oh! Ellis.

I think that's true because in the entry for Wales, it had sea England. So I think there's a lot of shorth's true because in the entry for Wales, it had see England. So I think there was a lot of shorthand going on in the first Encyclopaedia Britannica. Do you see Wales as the woman to England's man? Do you think England and Wales are a couple? No, no.

In which case, what's Scotland doing? Oh, Scotland's like the unruly teenage kid who's like, I can't remember what the Scottish accent is. Ugh! Yes, that's it. I'm a woman! Ugh!

Ugh! It's not true. Now, the first edition of the Encyclopedia Britannica, the entry for woman, actually read the female of man. See homo. So, I'm female of man, see homo. So I'm sort of close, in a way. That sort of warrants half a point, doesn't it?

In the sense that it's quite a sort of disparaging entry. It's worth half a point rounded down. Great. All Neolithic human societies were hunter-gatherers, so my wife would have been known as Reginald D. Gatherer. Back then, women were regarded as not being any good with a bow and arrow, which is why they were often referred to as Miss. they were often referred to as Miss.

And likewise, an older woman who had never hit anything was called Mrs. The revolving door was patented by a man who hated to have to open doors for women. His first idea was a giant kind of cat flap, which was motor- driven and could bat women through at a rate of one every three seconds. There are fewer women on British panel games than there are

panel game chairmen called David. Maeve. This is probably going to lose me a point but I think that is a great point. So who are the other Davids, though? No, I don't even know, because I don't watch those shows, because I'm a woman.

You live in America, though, don't you? Yeah. I think the broad point that there are more men on panel shows than women is a sound one, but it is not to the extent that there are more men called Davids. Davids. But I feel like, oh, no, they're all called... What's their name? Russell.

Oh, there are a few Russells. So I would say there's more Russells on British panel shows than there are women. That's just people fidgeting. Trying to think of something. Metaphorically, it's a sound point. Factually, you lose a point. That's describing the women's experience.

I love how you shut people down, but allow them to keep their self-esteem. There are fewer Renaissance sculptures of women than there are Renaissance sculptures called David. David. David. I'm going to say that in the Renaissance, there were very few ladies getting a look in on the sculpted front. I think there are plenty of female sculpted fronts.

Reg. There are fewer female chief executives of British FTSE 100 companies than there are chief executives called David. Ellis. I should have waited. I just think he's gone down this route

for too long without at least one of them being true. So tactically, I've thrown my hat into the ring. This is the moneyball way of playing this game, where you just play in numbers. It's dirty, dirty play, Ellis, but it's ruthlessly effective. Yes!

At the time of writing, or at the time of broadcasting, at the time of recording, there are six FTSE 100 CEOs called David and only four female FTSE 100 CEOs. Two of whom are called David. Reg. According to a poll in The Sun, the quality women find most attractive in men

is a university degree. Ellis. I have one, and I would say that that is not true in my experience. It's your body. But if there's anyone listening who does find it attractive, I'd just like to say, 2-1, BSE, Conn, Cardiff University, 99202, get in touch. But you think it's true? No, I don't. Sorry, I just heard the word university degree

and I panicked. I think the remembrance of your personal life made you forget the entire point of this show. Yeah. God! If you're buzzing for lies, then we should have heard a lot more from you. I won't dock your point

because you completely forgot the rules of a game. But wait, he's going to plead ignorance for buzzing in to say he has a college degree. University? I'm not an idiot. I wasn't a polytechnic. I have a degree in economics and philosophy, because I want to learn the price of everything, but the value of everything, too. In the town of Norton, Virginia, it is unlawful to tickle a woman.

Until the British Football Association banned women's football in 1921, it was more popular than men's. That is absolutely true. What is? That they banned football after the First World War and it was more popular than men's football. You're absolutely right. Yeah.

Women's football was hugely popular during the First World War drawing crowds of 53,000 even after the war had ended. June Gregson, a goalkeeper for the most successful ladies team, commented the FA got frightened. Women's football was getting too popular. My own dad thought women should be as near the kitchen sink as possible he even burnt my

football boots on a bonfire when i was 16 the fa's ban on women wasn't lifted until 1971 what and only now are women seeing crowds to match those before world So, wow. Women are half as likely to have cosmetic surgery as men and almost twice as likely to give birth. Early striptease acts featured women disrobing while pretending to try and find a bee in their clothing. This was probably because... Oh, I buzzed in. Hey, you've got to use a buzzer now.

I did. She did. She buzzed incredibly lightly. Wow, that's very... But the light came on. Very impressive. Because I buzzed like what? Like a bee hidden in my clothes.

But why aren't you naked yet? I think that's true. Because, yeah, because it was like this coy, coquettish thing, right? Like striptease. You've got a bee in your... How could you coquettishly remove your top if there's a bee in there? Wait, I take it back. Yeah.

Why would you take... No, no, no, I think you're onto something. I mean, there was a coquettish period. Men got off on coquettish behavior because that's all that they saw. And then the fantasy for men at that time was to take the bee and put it in their clothes and then calmly disrobe and then say to the woman, you are hysterical. But this is true.

Right? Yes! Baby Red. Victorian colonists in North Africa were the first to witness Not the bit about the... Thank you. Yeah. Thank you, Reg. Victorian colonists in North Africa were the first to witness the dance of the bee in which the dancer disrobed while pretending to look for a bee caught in her clothing. This bee-related striptease later caught on in Paris and flourished at the Moulin Rouge and Folies Bergères.

I think you should change your name to Reginald Bee Hunter. Get us a bee hunter. Yeah, bee hunting bees. Yeah. Thank name to Reginald Bee Hunter. Get us a deer hunter. Yeah, deer hunting bees. Thank you, Reginald. And Reg, at the end of that round, you've managed to smuggle two truths past the rest of the panel, which are that the revolving door was patented by a man who was tired of having to open normal doors for women.

I thought y'all would get that one. The Ophelous Van Cannell was granted the US patent Patented by a man who was tired of having to open normal doors for women. I thought y'all would get that one. Theophilus Van Cannell was granted the US patent for a revolving door in 1888. Van Cannell hated chivalry, but most of all, he hated opening doors for women. And the second truth is that in the town of Norton, Virginia, it's unlawful to tickle a woman. Unwanted tickling is considered assault in the small town. I'd say unwanted tickling sort of is assault. Definitely. Or sort of groping.

You know, anyway. Definitely. And that means, Reg, you've scored two points. On average, women take three times as long to use the toilet as men. They've yet to learn our special time-saving technique of urinating all over the floor.

Next up is David O'Doherty. David has written the popular children's book Danger Is Everywhere, warning kids of possible dangers in their lives. Published by Utrecht Books. Your subject, David, is songs, short pieces of music with words that are sung. Off you go, David, is songs. Short pieces of music with words that are sung. Off you go, David. Do, do, do,

do, dee, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Ma-na, ma-na, do, be, do, do, do. Was a number one for the Muppets in 1967. But what did they mean?

The song was actually taken from the soundtrack to an Italian softcore porno film. In terms of weirdness, it was only equalled by Thomas the Tank Engine covering Moose T's 1998 hit, I'm Horny. I think that is true, that it came from an Italian porno. Just like...

You're right. Oh, you are right! Oh, cool! The song comes from the 1968 film, an Italian film, but it's called Sweden, Heaven and Hell, and plays over a scene where 15 nubile Swedish ladies relax

in a sauna. God Save the Queen was recently voted the national anthem with the most jeopardy in its title. Is she okay? Is she trapped somewhere? Does she need Liam Neeson to come and do some saving? But where did that melody come from? Historians say it

dates from 1581, when the tune emerged from Henry VIII's bedchambers at Hampton Court. For centuries, his personal lullabyist, Luther Vandross, received the writing credit. But historians now believe it may have emerged from the monarch

himself, albeit the wrong end, following a heavy night on the cabbage gin. Since then, that regal assonance has served as the national anthem of Germany, Russia, France, Sweden, the US, Switzerland and Liechtenstein. Maeve?

I believe that it was the national anthem of all those countries you listed. But that is ridiculous. The same melody being the national anthem of all those different countries? It is true. Oh. Yeah. The Star-Spangled Banner was once an old British drinking song, and the Norwegian national anthem is a death metal version

of the theme from Home and Away. Reg? The American national anthem, old drinking song, I believe that. You're right, yes. The song, it was called The Anachriontic Song, and it was a popular drinking song on both sides of the Atlantic at the end of the 18th century. I think it's such a baller move to take an old drinking song

and be like, that is what we will sing the tune of our new country tune. Why doesn't someone use that Muppets porn song? How is the Queen? How is the Queen? How is the queen? I hope she's fine. Don't kill the queen. Oh, no, don't kill her. Don't kill her.

Don't kill the queen. Don't kill the queen. Queen. While the French clearly stole the start of the Beatles' All You Need Is Love for their Marseillaise, Well, the French clearly stole the start of the Beatles' All You Need Is Love for their Marseillaise. The Beatles themselves regularly indulged in a bit of song pilfery.

I get by with a little help from my friends. I believe you do. Well, we all do, so I think you can have a point for that. I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends was noted by many at the time to bear a striking resemblance to the seaweed marketing board of Great Britain's advertising jingle I Get By With A Little Kelp From My Fronds. And George Harrison's song Taxman was inspired by the theme from 60s TV show Batman.

Reg? I have never ever, and I'm sorry to admit this, I've never heard George Harrison's Taxman. But I'm going to go ahead and say that he is based on the 1960s series, Camp Series Batman. I'm going to go ahead and say that. That is a very good speculative buzz. That's absolutely right. Oh. That's absolutely right.

Oh! Yeah. In Japan, drivers who like in-car entertainment can now enjoy out-car entertainment, as engineers have developed a musical road surface that plays popular melodies when cars drive over it. In the UK, fans of death metal can get the same experience by driving over a cat. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. And at the end of that round, David, you've managed to smuggle one truth past the rest of the panel, which is that in Japan, engineers have developed a musical road surface that plays popular melodies when cars drive over it. When driven over

these roads, dubbed melody roads, produce vibrations which create a tune if the car is driven at a set speed, around 45 miles an hour. And that means you've scored one point. The lyricist of the song Keep the Home Fires Burning, Lena Gilbert Ford, died in a fire at her home. Now, if you're listening, Alanis Morissette, that's ironic. Which brings us to the final scores. In fourth place, with one point, we have Maeve Higgins.

In joint second place, with two points each, it's Ellis James and David O'Doherty. And in first place with an unassailable three points it's this week's winner, Reginald D. Hunter. That's about it for this week. Goodbye. The Unbelievable Truth was

devised by John Naismith and Graham Gardner and featured David Mitchell in the chair with panellists Mae Higgins, Ellis James, David O'Doherty and Reginald D Hunter. The chairman's script was written by Dan Gaster and Colin Swash and the producer was John Naismith. It was a random production for BBC Radio 4.