The Unbelievable Truth - 20x03 Rabbits, Inventions, Butterflies, Drugs

Episode Date: February 18, 2022

20x03 16 April 2018 Arthur Smith, Jack Dee, Lucy Porter, Lloyd Langford Rabbits, Inventions, Butterflies, Drugs

We present The Unbelievable Truth, the panel game built on truth and lies. In the chair, please welcome David Mitchell. Hello and welcome to The Unbelievable Truth, the panel show about incredible truths and barely credible lies. I'm David Mitchell. Today we have with us Arthur Smith, Lucy Porter, Jack Dee and Lloyd Langford. The rules are as follows. Each panelist will present a short lecture that should be entirely false,

save for five hidden truths which their opponent should try to identify. Points are scored by truths that go unnoticed, while other panellists can win points if they spot a truth or lose points if they mistake a lie for a truth. First up is Arthur Smith. Arthur, your subject is rabbits. Soft-furred, large-eared, burrowing mammals

with long hind legs and a short tail. Off you go, Arthur. Fingers with long hind legs and a short tail. Off you go, Arthur. Fingers on buzzers, the rest of you. Rabbits are known, of course, for their tiny ears, their dislike of carrots and their total lack of interest in sex. But they're also renowned for their love of poetry and, of course, hip-hop music. In Cuba, emergency services use sniffer rabbits to search collapsed buildings for survivors and salad vegetables. Jack?

I think they were used in Cuba as sniffer rabbits. They were. That's absolutely right. That's my guess. Yes, that's true. In 2013, the BBC reported that specially trained rabbits were being used by Cuban emergency services to detect victims that had become buried under rubble from collapsed buildings, mineshafts or underground tunnels.

Well, how did they know, though? Did they sniff them and then what? Did they wave their ears about? I suppose so. I don't know. I mean, how did Lassie communicate the things? Well, Lassie was a dog, so she barked. Rabbits don't have that advantage. They don't?

What noise do rabbits make? They don't, but you've got to know your rabbit, and they twitch their nose. And if you twitch their nose, obviously it's radio, so they won't appreciate what I did just then, but it's pretty good, I think. Do it again. Oh, yeah.

That is a rabbit saying, I think there's someone under this girder. There you go. In 1700s in England, shooting a rabbit was punishable by death, and not just for the rabbit.

But... But shooting a Catholic got you a peerage. I apologise for that joke. The highest recorded number of rabbit offspring in a single litter is 12. But in 1726, Mary Tofts from Godalming in Surrey became famous after she convinced her doctor she had given birth to 17 rabbits. Lucy.

It's absolutely 100% true that Mary Tofts claimed she'd given birth to rabbits. It is absolutely 100% true. Mary Toft claimed she'd given birth to rabbits. It is absolutely 100% true. No, I knew that, Lucy. That sounded like knowledge. She's very much one of my role models. Really? It's also one of the best ever episodes of Embarrassing Bodies.

Yes, Mary Toft of Godalming hoaxed doctors into believing she had given birth to rabbits. On the 27th of September, 1726, after suffering a miscarriage but still appearing pregnant, Tofts feigned labour and gave birth to the first rabbit. Two months later, John Howard, a Guildford surgeon, attended the birth of the second rabbit. And after she gave birth to seven more rabbits

at a rate of one a day, Howard was convinced, and soon her fame had spread far and wide. King George I was intrigued by the story and sent three of his own doctors, who delivered the 15th, 16th and 17th rabbits, respectively. The final two doctors suspected a hoax. And bloody scientific killjoys. respectively. The final two doctors suspected a hoax. Bloody scientific killjoys. On the 17th of December Mary admitted it as such. Can I just say I once

hired someone like that for a children's party. It wasn't well received. Now when I lived in Paris as a young man I learnt learnt that in French, if a woman poses you a rabbit, it means she stood you up, left you waiting underneath the Arc de Triomphe for an hour and a quarter in the freezing cold. Oh, Monique, qu'est-ce qui s'est devenu de toi to my pussy and lapin? Lloyd.

Yeah, I would buy that. They're quite flaky, aren't they, rabbits? You're absolutely right, yeah. APPLAUSE Yes, the French expression poser un lapin was originally used to refer to someone leaving without paying for something, but over time came to mean being stood up. Run, Rabbit, Run by Chas and Dave

was one of the songs covered by the heavy metal band ACDC in a legendary one-off concert in Sydney in 1981. At the same show, they also performed Waltzing Matilda and the Flower Duet from Lack May. Lloyd. Did the set list include Run, Rabbit, Run by Chas and Dave? No. Also, Run, Rabbit, Run isn't by Chas and Dave? No, also Run Rabbit Run isn't by Chas and Dave. There is a Chas and Dave song

called Rabbit. Ah, yes. Well, funnily enough, David Mitchell is unwilling to now sing the song Run Rabbit, Run Rabbit, Run, Run, Run. Lucy? I'm very convinced that is true.

That is true, yes. LAUGHTER That wasn't one of the five truths Arthur was trying to smuggle, so perhaps he was expecting more support from me. No, I'm unwilling to sing that. It is illegal in Queensland, Australia, to own a pet rabbit unless you can prove you're a magician. Lloyd.

That is true. It is true. Yeah. Yes, did you know that? Yes. You have to be either a magician or a scientist. Yes, that's true. You know a lot about the...

Have you dealt rabbits in Queensland? I feel sad now for the rabbits that fly to Australia thinking that they're going to live with a magician, only to be met at the airport by a scientist. LAUGHTER I remember when I flew into Australia the first time, I had a little list of things you couldn't bring in and one of themedd seaman.

Felly dyna pam rydych chi'n ceisio cael hynny i gyd yn y plenau? A beth wnaeth y cyfrif ddweud? Ond ie, mae'n ddewr yng Nghymru gael rhabit i'w gynnal heb fod yn gallu'i ddangos bod y rhabid yn ei ddychmygu i ddefnyddio neu ddefnyddio laboratori. Ac mae'r rhai sy'n bregio'r llaw yn risio ffyn o 44,000 a chyfnod prision 6 mis yn cael ei gwerthu mewn gwrs. Diolch, Arthur. A, ar ddiwedd y rhan hon, Arthur, rydych chi wedi llwyddo un gwirionedd yn ystod yr oedd y panel, a dyna'r ffordd yw, yn y 1700au yn Lloegr, gwneud sgwrs ar rhabit ddim ar eich llyfn, a'i gafaelu dros ymddygiad. Ar hyn o bryd, roedd 222 o'r gwaith yn ymwneud â'r penodiad ymddygiad,

gan gynnwys llifo'r tre, mynd allan yn y nos gyda chynnyrch, bod yn y cwmpani o gyfnodion gyfnodol am mis, with a blackened face, being in the company of gypsies for a month, impersonating a Chelsea pensioner, writing a threatening letter or damaging Westminster Bridge. And that means, Arthur, you've scored one point. Okay, we turn now to Jack D. Jack, your subject is inventions, unique machines, devices, objects or systems that have been invented by someone. Off you go, Jack. I could not be more delighted to talk about inventions

as I am an inventor myself. I am the inventor of the dehumidifier, which, as the name suggests, is a humidifier. One great inventor was Henry VIII,..a'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o' yn ffynnu'r cwp o ryw fath? Ac er bod wedi, byddai wedi dweud ei fod wedi ei wneud. Ac wedyn, fe wnaeth. Wel, doedd. Dydw i ddim yn siŵr ei fod wedi ei dweud. Wel, fe wnaeth i dweud.

Ac felly wnaeth Jack. Rwy'n cael amser ar hyn o bryd. Iawn. O, doedd. Doedd. Cwp oedeg ym Mhompeg. Yes. All right, he didn't. He didn't. A Roman egg cup was found in the ruins of Pompeii. I've also got the information here that collecting egg cups is called persilivi.

Good that there's a word for that, because it saves time if you've got to say it a lot. We got given two sets of egg cups as wedding presents. That's borderline persilivi. I'm a reluctant persilovist. They just thought, we might as well just give you two lots of everything because it's not going to last. The mother of the golfer, Nick Faldo,

was part of the team who invented the post-it note, which she would try out by leaving messages for her son around the house saying things like, for Christ's sake, Nick, give up golf and get a proper job Arthur I love the idea that Nick Faldo's wife invented the post-it note well what do you think about the idea that his mother I'm afraid I don't think either person invented the post-it note. Was it his sister now? The people who invented it are called Arthur Fry and Spencer Silver. The beehive hairdo was invented by Tommy Cooper.

It was created because the shape means it fits perfectly under a fez. A French inventor once presented the King of France with a piano made of pigs, which when prodded would squeak out a tune. Lloyd? I reckon that sounds about right. An entirely porcine-based piano. That's absolutely true. Yes, it was referred to as the pig rump spike organ. It was invented by the Abbe de Bagne for the notoriously sadistic 15th-century king Louis XI of France. The instrument used a selection of pigs, from newly weaned piglets to fully grown boars,

in order to get a rudimentary scale of squeals. A Victorian inventor, worried about violence on the streets came up with the perfect solution, an anti-garotting cravat, ideal if you're not getting enough protection from your regular cravat. And which of us is? Lucy. Yep, anti-garotting was big, so any anti-garotting device would have been welcome.

It certainly was, yeah, yeah, well done. anti-garotting device would have been welcome. It certainly was. Yeah, yeah. Well done. Yes, it was invented in 1862 in reaction to a widespread and largely unfounded panic about garottings committed by street robbers. The anti-garotting

cravat shot spikes into the hands of anyone attempting to strangle the wearer. One could also buy an accompanying pair of anti-garotting gloves plus a belt that fired live ammunition. You don't want to put that on in the road. Among his many accomplishments, Leonardo da Vinci invented a rudimentary version of Tinder,

involving paintings of single Florentine ladies, which noblemen would swipe left or right along a large curtain rail. In 1940, mammarism was invented, a technique that allows you to judge a person's character from the crinkles around their nipples. Hence the sayings, wipe that look off your chest and why the long tits? Lloyd, I mean, I'm already regretting the buzz. But, you know, they... There are many different ways of reading a person,

and why not nipple wrinkles? Well, you're in a sense right. Because mammarism, or breast-gazing... LAUGHTER ..was a thing. It was invented by Irishman Patrick Cullen, who after working as a palm reader on Hastings Pier... He was a palm reader, he obviously thought,

I think I can zhuzh this up a bit. He reinvented himself as a chest clairvoyant. He told his female clients it was an ancient eastern art which enabled him to predict their future by reading their breasts. An 18th century inventor came up with a cure for drowning which involved

sticking a pair of bellows into people's bottoms and blowing tobacco smoke up their rectums, which would certainly have made being a lifeguard a lot more of a laugh. Arthur. Maybe that was a way of reviving them rectums which would certainly have made being a lifeguard a lot more of a laugh. Arthur? Maybe that was a way of reviving them or something. I mean, I'd quite like bellows of smoke up the bottom, wouldn't you Jack? It can be arranged.

That's absolutely true, Arthur. Well done. Yes, according to the Science Museum's website, reviving a victim of drowning by injecting tobacco smoke into the rectum seems very strange to us. To physicians in the 1700s, this approach would seem entirely rational. I mean, if it had worked, they probably would never have been able to make Baywatch. In a case of life imitating art, the inventor of the soda stream died after being shut in a cupboard Yn ffyrdd gwaith, mae'r ddewr ysgogodd y sôdwr wedi marw ar ôl cael ei ddod yn y llyfr a'i ddysgu'n hollbwysig.

Diolch, Jack. A, ar ddiwedd y rhan hon, Jack, rydych chi wedi llw past the rest of the panel, which is that the beehive hairdo was created because the shape means it fits perfectly under a fez. The beehive hairdo, popular with women from Jackie Kennedy to Marge Simpson, was invented by Margaret Helt, a Chicago hairdresser, in 1960. According to the Chicago History Museum, Helt had wanted the hairstyle to fit under the fez hat, and so used the hat's shape as an inspiration. Yn ystod ymddiriedaeth y Mwsir hanes ym mis Cicago, roedd Helton eisiau bod y ffordd yna'n cymryd i'w ffitio o dan y hat y Fez. Felly fe wnaethon ni ddefnyddio'r ffordd y hat fel arbenigwyr. Ac mae hynny'n golygu, Jack, bod chi wedi cyrraedd un pwynt. Yn ystod y ddewthiwyr, roedd y gwrtau oesolio tobaco yn cael ei ddefnyddio i ddiogelu arweinyddion o'r llwyddiant.

Byddai'r ddewthiwyr yn diogelu ac yn gyflym yn gyntaf yn ystod y gair, Beth ydych chi'n ei wneud? Yn nesaf up is Lucy Porter. Lucy, your subject is butterflies, flying insects with large, typically colourful wings and slender bodies which grow from caterpillars. Off you go, Lucy. Love is like a butterfly, an evil bastard that will rip your heart out

and leave you alone and weeping. Yes, they may look pretty, but butterflies are pure evil. Butterflies are responsible for more deaths in the UK every year than chainsaws. And in 99% of chainsaw deaths, there's a butterfly operating the chainsaw. And butterflies aren't just evil on the inside. If you look past their colourful wings, they're hideous freaks with 12,000 eyes, 5,000 teeth and one giant nostril that they use to snort up their prey. Arthur. I reckon they've got 5,000 teeth because I've got a friend who does dentistry

and he tells me that he always has a lot of trouble with the butterflies. They're really, really small as well, so it's hard to work on them. No, they don't have 5,000 teeth. Look at them. They couldn't carry a single tooth. Oh, I think caterpillars do and butterflies don't. Well, that means butterflies don't. I think foxes do and butterflies don't.

There are more horrifying facts about butterflies. They sleep hanging upside down, they seduce vulnerable women, they only live in ruined castles, they drink blood and they cannot see their own reflections in a mirror. That's right, butterflies share many of the same characteristics as Prince Andrew. Butterflies have been observed partaking in a primitive form of gambling, exchanging pieces of food based on the results of races.

The naturalist who first observed this gambling is known in the insect community as the butterfly flutter spy. Lloyd. I think butterflies do gamble. Have you always thought that? No, they don't. Although, actually, it's a good lie, because it's the sort of thing that scientists say

to make their research sound more interesting. We have noticed, you know, a slug push a crumb and they say, slugs play football! But not even... No. But it's not just gambling. Butterflies also get drunk with long drinking sessions which the butterflies refer to as getting mounted. Lloyd.

I think they get buzzed on nectar or something. You're right. Yeah, they do get drunk. They get drunk on the juice of rotten fruit. Well, how can you tell if a butterfly is drunk? Well, they become still, stagger around or even flop to the ground, making them vulnerable to predators. They must be always drunk, then. I mean, I've never seen a butterfly go in a straight line, ever.

So they're alcoholics and they've been in so many fights, that's why they've got no teeth. Scientists recently discovered that the female butterfly has a stomach attached to her vagina. The Very Hungry Caterpillar was rewritten to reflect this new discovery, but the new book is only stocked in specialist Soho retailers. City Ordinance

number 259 makes it a misdemeanor to threaten a butterfly in the town of Denzel, Washington. Collecting butterfly eggs is against the law in Hannah, Montana. Jack? I think that one of those two previous statements is true.

Do you care to plump for one or the other? The first one, it's a misdemeanour to threaten a butterfly in the town of Denzel, Washington. And the second one is collecting butterfly eggs is against the law in Hannah, Montana. Right, OK. I'm now wishing I'd listened more carefully. And realised that Lucy was joking when she said those two things.

But I'm a man of my word. I did buzz, so I'm going to say Hannah Montana. No, that's not true. Oh, really? Don't laugh at me. Don't laugh at me. The Egyptians would mummify butterflies using two pieces of loo roll and some string. The Aztecs would sacrifice butterflies by beheading them, which is much harder than it sounds. And the ancient Greeks would imprison their butterflies in giant labyrinths, presumably

because jam jars hadn't been invented back then. If you've enjoyed this lecture and would like to learn more, you can of course find out more information about butterflies on the Butterfly Net. Thank you, Lucy. If you enjoyed this lecture and would like to learn more, you can of course find out more information about butterflies on the Butterfly Net. LAUGHTER Thank you, Lucy. APPLAUSE And at the end of that round, Lucy, you've managed to smuggle four truths past the rest of the panel. APPLAUSE

And they are that butterflies have 12,000 o wyneb. Maen nhw mewn setiau o ddwy wyneb cymhwys a gallant ddim weld y cwlwyr rhaid, y gwir, a'r gwaelod. Mae'n debyg iawn nad ydyn nhw'n cael eu mwyso'u hyder yn y llyfrau mewn yr ydynt yn gallu gweld eu hunain. Y diwrnod ail yw bod bydderfeydd yn drin blwyd. Mae rhai bydderfeydd wedi cael eu hyder yn drin blwdo o ddwyloedd agored ar dynion ac hyd yn oed dynion. A'r diwydiant tair yw bod y bytterfly femal wedi cael ei ffynhau'n ymgymryd â'i fagina. Mae bytterflies femal yn hoffi cymryd â llawer o dynion, felly mae'r bytterflies femal yn ceisio cynyddu'r cymryd y byddant yn y fater drwy ddarparu eu sberm mewn cyfrifiad yn enwedig sbermatofôr,

sydd, yn annibynnol o'r sberm, yn cynnwys proteïnau sy'n golygu bod y fagina'r rhaglen o'r enw Spermato4, sydd, yn annibynnol o'r sperm, yn cynnig proteïnau sy'n gwneud yn llwyr â'r faginau'r femail a'i atal ei gwrthdaro â phobl arall. Felly, yn fuan pan fydd hi wedi'i gwrthdaro, mae'r enzymiadau digestif yn y stomach, ymlaen â'i faginau, yn dechrau rhannu'r proteïnau o'r Spermato4 er mwyn llwyr â'r femail

i gwrthdaro eto yn fuan. Dyna'r peth mwyaf sexiol y byddwch chi'n ei glywed ar radio 4 heddiw. to free the female to mate again as soon as possible. That's perhaps the sexiest thing you'll hear on Radio 4 today. And the fourth truth is that the Aztecs sacrificed butterflies. And that means, Lucy, you've scored four points. Next up is Lloyd Langford. Lloyd studied film and television at the University of Warwick, and after three years of hard study, he was able to watch both films and television at the University of Warwick, and after three years of hard study, he was able to watch both films and television.

LAUGHTER But... But... But not together. That's... That's a PhD. Lloyd, your subject is drugs. Chemical substances that, when inhaled, injected, smoked, consumed or absorbed via a patch on the skin,

cause a temporary physiological and sometimes psychological change in the body. Off you go, Lloyd. A drug is a lot like a train to Derby, as it's something you can take to feel a lot better about yourself. In his sonnet. 420, yn y sônet nr. 420, yn y sônet nr. 420,

yn y sônet nr. 420, yn y sônet nr. 420, yn y sônet i ddefnyddio'r gair fel gwrs. Mae'n Lady Macbeth yn Macbeth. I have drugged their possets that death and nature do contend about them... ..whether they live or die. Felly, ie, da iawn. Mae enwau slang pobl yn cynnwys... ..Nauti Bisto a Morrison's Folly.

Mae'r parlo glistyn sy'n glistio'r cocaïn yn ei ddefnyddio, yn enw ar Charlie Sheen. I ddysgu'r ddynion llawr, Pablo Escobar, roedd yr Armeryddaeth Cweddol yn ddysgu bod, wrth ddynnu'r cwmpwn, yn dod o hyd i ddwy ddynion o dynion gynhwys o'r ddechrau. Yn bob blwyddyn, roedd Escobar yn rhaid ysgrifennu 10% o'i gosodau arian oherwydd rai oedd yn ysgolio i ffwrdd o nodau arian. Dyna hefyd y rheswm pam y dyfodol Cwmni Cymru wedi colli.

Roedd Cwl Keith, gwaith cwmni yn gweithio ar gair Heathrow, yn rhaid ei roi ar ymddygiad cyn gynted, ar ôl gwneud llawer o gwrcain, roedd yn gwneud y mwyaf o'i gyfnod yn anghymryd ei gwrthwy, Cool Keith, a sniffer dog working at Heathrow Airport, had to be given early retirement after snorting so much cocaine that he spent most of his shift ignoring his handler, trying to have sex with other dogs and endlessly barking on about himself. Squirrels have been known to dig up crack cocaine buried by drug dealers, eat it and become quite aggressive.

This inspired Enid Blyton's 1942 classic, Chat Shit About Tufty and Get Banged. Lucy? Yeah, squirrels dig stuff up, take it and become aggressive. I think that's true. It is true. Well done. Yes, in October 2005, several newspapers, including The Sun, The Mirror and The Guardian,

reported that squirrels in Brixton had been observed behaving bizarrely after digging up hidden stashes of crack cocaine. One Brixton resident told The Sun, I'd seen a squirrel digging in the flowerbeds. It was ill-looking and its eyes looked bloodshot, but it kept on desperately digging. It seems ill-looking and its eyes looked bloodshot, but it kept on desperately digging. It seems a strange thing to say, but it seemed to know what it was looking for. In the past 20 years, the world of drugs has been increasingly tainted by its association with sport.

Andy Murray was rumoured to have taken band muscle relaxants to enable him to attempt a smile on winning the Wimbledon men's team. Under Pope Pius XII, the Vatican made money from a fertility drug made from the urine of nuns, advertised with the slogan, be a superior mother with the wee of a mother superior. Lucy. I feel the wee of nuns could be used for so much. They're slightly magical.

I mean, I'm not sure about the wider implication of that remark, but in this case, you're right. Ooh. Yeah. Yes, the fertility drug Pergonal, Italian for of the gonads, was developed with the blessing of Pope Pius XII and several gallons of nuns' urine. Its inventor, Italian scientist Piero Donini,

discovered that fertility-boosting hormones were highly concentrated in postmenopausal women. It would take ten nuns ten days to produce enough urine for a single treatment. oedd y rhomwnau yn cyffredinol yn y bobl oedden nhw'n ysgol. Byddai'n cymryd 10 diwrnod, 10 diwrnod, i gyfrannu cymaint o ddynion am un triniaeth. Mae llawer o sgwrs o dynion. Mae gwyddonwyr wedi cynhyrchu antidepresant sy'n rhoi orgasm i chi bob amser rydych chi'n ysgol, ac mae'n arwain i ddwyloion iawn

y gallai'r diwydiant pornograffiaeth arferol ei ddysgu gan y sioe 1. Diolch, Lloyd. Ac ar ddiwedd y rhan honno, Lloyd, rydych chi wedi llwyddo ddwy gwirionedd yn ystod yr oes gan y panel, sy'n ymwneud â'r ffordd y mae'r ysgobar wedi gorfod ysgrifennu 10% o'i gwerthu arian oherwydd rai sy'n nidio'n mynd i ffwrdd â'i llawr o nodau arian. of his cash holdings because of rats nibbling away at his huge stash of banknotes. And the second truth is that scientists have recently produced an antidepressant, chlamypramine, that gives you an orgasm every time you yawn. One woman who took the drug told

researchers it cured her depression, but she wanted to go on taking it because of its peculiar properties. She found she could experience an orgasm even by deliberate yawning and a man who had also taken the pills said he was highly satisfied with the drugs usefulness that means lloyd that you've scored two points which brings us to the final scores Which brings us to the final scores. And in fourth place, with minus eight points, we have Arthur Smith. In third place, with minus four points, it's Jack Dee. In second place, with minus one point, it's Lloyd Langford.

And in first place, with an unassailable eight points, it's this week's winner, Lucy Porter. That's about it for this week. Goodbye. The Unbelievable Truth was devised by John Naismith and Graham Garvin and featured David Mitchell in the chair, with panellists Arthur Smith, Lloyd Langford, Lucy Porter and Jack Dee. Thank you.