The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby - Am I the problem? *relationship edition*

Episode Date: July 23, 2025

Matt & Abby are back with more wild Reddit relationship dilemmas—this time, from the “Am I the Problem?” corner of the internet. From in-law drama and awkward divorces to a pre-wedding breakup, they weigh in on the most jaw-dropping stories Reddit has to offer. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp, Nutrafol & LiquidIV. BetterHelp: Visit https://BetterHelp.com/unplannedpodcast today to get 10% off your first month.Nutrafol: Visit https://nutrafol.com and enter promo code UNPLANNEDPOD for $10 off any order and free shipping when you subscribe. LiquidIV: Go to https://liquidv.com and get 20% off your first order with code UNPLANNED at checkout Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Rocketmoney.com slash unplanned. Am I the a-hole for telling my friend she's in the same league as men she calls a pig? Yes. What made you the queen of Sheba? You don't get to say who's in whose league. Am I the problem? For fat shaming, my husband's a fair partner.

Fat shaming is 100% wrong, but this woman is screwing my husband. Am I the problem? I'm gonna say no. Your anger is misdirected 100% wrong, but this woman is screwing my husband. Am I? I'm gonna say no. Your anger is misdirected. You did not marry this woman. You married your husband. Divorcing my wife over her surgeries and decisions.

She got certain surgeries to make herself look like a young child. She'll go to stores and buy toddler-like clothing and make baby sounds. What is up dudes? Welcome back to another episode of the unplanned podcast. We are your hosts, Matt and Abby. I'll make my own introduction.

Yo, yeah, you can speak for yourself. You are a strong independent woman. And Abby. That's right. Did you ever have one of those like ham horns in high school? Did like kids go- A ham horn? A ham horn.

I used to think that was so cool. Why are they called ham horns? When I was 15, I would like take that little phone, like I would take my phone out and go, bap bap bap bap. Uh oh. You never did that? Nope.

I think I had a sound effects app though that really came in handy a couple of times. Why did we find those things to be so cool as teenagers? Remember when apps were like pretty fresh? Like, there was like not that many. And so when you, when one of your friends found a really cool app like doodle jump Like it was a big discovery when I got my iPod touch I became literally obsessed with doodle jump tapping the red dot my button

I played doodle jump every day doodle jump was big cut the rope was big tapping that button angry birds. We're not angry birds What's the flappy bird one? Oh, yeah flappy bird. not Angry Birds. What's the Flappy Bird one? Flappy Bird. Oh yeah, Flappy Bird. I forgot about, and what was the other one? Why am I thinking of Balloon Tower Defense? Did you play Balloon Tower Defense? What the frick is that? Maybe that was a computer game.

I think that was, that predated. I loved computer, I actually was talking about. Web Kids. No, Web Kids was my jam, as you should know. That really fits my personality, but my, the girl who does my nails is like 22 or 23. And I was like- She plays Web Kids.

No, no, no. I was like, hey, you remember disneychannel.com? I never went on disneychannel.com. Okay, disneychannel.com was huge in my life because they had like games, they had this pizza delivery game. This is really niche for people. Addicting games.

Did you go to addicting games? Stop, no listen, pizza delivery game. This is why you're a Disney girl. Listen, it was Sweet Life of Zack and Cody and you deliver pizzas to hotel rooms. They had that game I really liked. They had a bunch of games I really, really liked. And oh, they had a Sandwich Maker game from that guy from the Lilo and Stitch TV series. Okay. This is so, so niche. But she told me, she's like, you know, I never really played computer games. Wait, now I understand. I think we just discovered why we moved to Hawaii because I had this obsession like with the beach and surfing and you loved Lilo and Stitch. So maybe that was like everyone

loved Lilo and Stitch. Matt, it dude. That movie is it's so good. I don't really like the new one. Okay. Here's the thing about the new one that I realized I love the movie because of the nostalgia kick. But at the same time, the movie at a fundamental level, the new one isn't that good. Like fundamentally, if that movie came out today and the original didn't exist, it would have not done the numbers in the box office, but it made a lot of money. It made more money than Mission Impossible on opening weekend. Oh, it did?

Yes. This is what I saw on the internet, so you can fact check me in the comments if I'm wrong about this, but I found that fascinating because I love nostalgia. That's why I'm talking about this stuff with you right now And that's why we wanted to take our kids to go see the movie because now we have that shared lovely low and stitch perhaps Mission impossible is like a date night movie. So that's like two tickets right there Yeah, it's like it wasn't us that just want to take our kids my brother wanted to take our kids Yeah, my mom and dad wanted to take our kids like so we literally went we have like a whole row

Disney has a family experience take our kids, my mom and dad wanted to take our kids. So we literally went, we had like a whole row at Lilo and Stich. It's such a family experience. That's why Disney is such a successful company because they like indoctrinate us from the day we're born. Well, it works. Our son even tells us, I need to go to Disney. Okay, let me just be real about this. Cause this is so-

We talk about Disney way too much. We seem way more obsessed than we are. This is so, this is so bad. But why do I legit want to take our kids to Disney World for two weeks straight? We did that last year and it was really, really great. Maybe that's why. That's probably why. Because they love it.

And I'm at the stage now where seeing them have fun is more fun than me having fun for me. You know what I'm saying? When you're living vicariously through your kid. I understand that 1,000%. I can see where that could be unhealthy in some ways, but it's so effing fun to see your kid have like have joy That's why you give your kids chocolate so much. What the frick? It's okay we've gotten better at like sugar-free stuff, you know, like we give them treats We've gotten better at giving them the sweet stuff that they're obsessed with that isn't like loaded with like

Chemicals and crap, you know, like we give them healthy sir, like I've gave them so many strawberries that they like a whole carton strawberries Yeah, they're doing great. They're very healthy. Sorry. I'm getting off track. Wait, let me just close a couple of those pins. Yeah One it makes me sad that people don't play computer games anymore. I don't really know what Matt I had a disc game called Diner Dash I was obsessed with and I also got the spin-off game Hotel Dash. Okay, what game would you like to play with me? Cause if we want to get a Nintendo Switch

to play Mario Kart, we should do it today and play it with our kids. It's not the same as a computer game, you know? Computer games. Okay, do you want to play Balloon Tower Defense? Do you want to play, I played Backyard Baseball. We can play games on the Switch. No, I just need it.

Hot Wheels, the boys would love Hot Wheels. I played a Hot Wheels video game when I was a kid. I would race back games on the switch? No, I just hot wheels the boys would love hot wheels I played a hot wheels video game when I was a kid I would race the cars in the hot wheels track none of it see you're a girl So you played completely different game Tony Hawk downhill jam. I played raving rabbits. Well, I love told That's why I learned how to skateboard is I love playing the Tony Hawk game You had to sit on the nunchuck court and like I see I think I played a different game than you because I would play on the Wii. Tony Hawk, Underground 3, no, Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3. I had Downhill Jam.

That's where I like got really into skateboarding. So maybe we need to get a skateboarding. Maybe I need to teach you how to skateboard. You had a Cartoon Network game that was fun. Babe, what if I taught you how to skateboard in the next year? Like I'm gonna. Dude, I can skateboard.

No, but like on a ramp. Like I actually teach you. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,, I'll teach you, I'll get you like knee pads, elbow pads, all that stuff. I'll teach the kids. We could be a skater family. Give me a high five. I'll go down one tiny ramp maybe.

I think what I just learned from this conversation is we either need to start skateboarding as a family or playing video games as a family. Okay. Yeah, one of those two things. No, kind of like you're saying like you're excited, you have more fun, like you used to have fun doing it, now you have fun watching your kids do it.

Yes. That's how I feel. Like you surfing, I'm like, I'm having fun watching you do it. And I'm having fun watching our kids jump off of things. That's so sweet. Into the water, and I'm fully satisfied in that. But I also know that it's important for moms

to participate too, because I remember like, even when I was watching shows with my mom as a kid, I would be like, why aren't you watching it though? Like I wanted them to, I was watching shows with my mom as a kid, I would be like, why aren't you watching it though? Like I wanted her to sit down and actually watch the show with me. I didn't want her to do anything else with it or like be somewhere else.

It wasn't enough for me to just do it by myself. So I wanna participate too, but I am also completely content in just watching it. But it is crazy, the generational shift between us at 26 and then the people that are like 22 and 23. Because it's literally only three or four years, but it feels like a chasm sometimes. I probably just dated myself so hard

by like sharing all that information about like webkins and stuff. Cause the kids- No, people know webkins. The kids today are like, webkins. I play anonymous, isn't that like a computer game? Where it's like- Roblox is a game I know that people will talk about.

But Minecraft, the Minecraft movie probably made Minecraft cool again. I would play Minecraft with you. I seriously would. It's okay. We're going to figure out a game that we can play. That's how I feel about Minecraft. Minecraft is a yawn. Before we get into our chat for today, because we have some really interesting Reddit posts to go through, we are reading through the subreddit of Am I the A-hole? But specifically, we're reading relationship ones when it comes to marriage and parenting, engagement, all that stuff.

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Yeah, all you do is fill out a brief questionnaire online and it sets you up in the appointment really quickly. It's designed to suit you and your schedule. So it's very convenient. Like Matt said, it's fully online, can switch your therapist at any time, and with over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally. It's convenient too. You just join a session with a therapist with a click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy lifestyle. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Our listeners get 10% off the first month at betterhelp.com slash unplanned podcast.

That's better. H-E-L-P dot com slash unplanned podcast. But before that, the last life update is in the next month, we are going to Rhode Island, Nashville, Turkey, St. Louis and Island of Maui in Hawaii. We're not for sure going to Rhode Island. That is five different places in a month. Holy crap. They're all different states. Dude, you know what's funny is like, that is like so dope because Rhode Island is potentially for a brand

partnership. Nashville is for the podcast. Turkey is for me to get a hair transplant. St. Louis is to visit my parents with the kids. And then Maui is really... And my grandma. And your grandma. And then Maui is really just a fun thing to do with our kids because it's like super freaking hot in Arizona.

And I want to introduce our boys to my love for surfing. And I'm hoping that they want to surf with me. But if not, we'll just like go on some fun hikes and play at the beach and build sandcastles, you know? Oh man, it's making me tired already thinking about it, but it should be a lot of fun. I love staying busy. I love having a full life and yeah, it's gonna be great.

I'm really excited about all those things. I'm really excited too. Yeah. I'm just excited because I get to like do all these things with you. Yeah, no, I would be really sad if I was doing it all by myself. Yeah, that seems I really like having you and our kids.

And it's crazy. Like, you've been explaining this concept to me recently, not to be too wishy-washy and emotional and stuff. Wishy-washy, do you know what that means? Yeah, I don't think that was the right word there. Not to be too... Mushy? Gushy?

To be too mushy-gushy. Did you mean mus mushy gushy? But she's wishy-washy Yeah, I'm not my linguistic skills ever read double trouble in Walla Walla No, and see that's I need to read more books I think you you have a very you have a higher picture book that I read the kids your vocabulary is much better than mine Because you read more books actually that was brought to life last night playing bananagrams. I was like, Matt, is Jetty a word? I'm pretty sure it's something to do with a boat. He literally has Google at his fingertips and he looks me down the eyes and he's like, it's not a word. It's not in the dictionary. And I was like, what? And I Google it. It certainly is in the dictionary

and it is about a boat. Here's the thing. When I searched Jetty, the website Jetty pulled up, so it immediately made me think, oh, this is like a trademark name, this is like a name of a person which became a company. I didn't think to search, I should search Jetty definition, and then I would have known immediately if it's an actual word in the dictionary.

It is in fact a word, and I did beat you. But at least you got the word penis in there. I was very humbled, and I somehow got the word penis on my Bananagram grams board. Anyway. That's really what we do when the kids go to bed. We make tea and play banana grams. We made tea and we played banana grams. That was really fun.

Wow. Okay. Okay, wait, what were we talking about? Wishy washy. You don't be so wishy washy, but you meant mushy gushy. What were you talking about? I was just saying. Oh, you mean a witness to your.

I was just saying that you're the witness to my life and I'm the witness to your life. And I just like have realized like how cool that is. Like I've never thought about marriage that way of like, I literally get to witness your life through the good, the bad, or the ugly. And that's so cool. Like it almost brings purpose to the bad, you know?

Cause like sometimes I think in my brain, I'm like, I hate tough times in life, but then in a weird sort of way, like the more challenging things you go through with a person, the more special they are to you. You know, we're going to get into today's episode. Our first Reddit thread is in law drama. This is, this is coming to say that we have two big announcements. Oh, sorry.

Yes, we do have two big announcements. We haven't shared them with you guys yet. We're keeping it to ourselves for right now. So when are we going to share that? Oh, my gosh. I think both announcements will be live by the end of 2025. So you're probably hearing this. You're like, screw you, Matt.

You're just dangling this in front of my head. But there's good reason for why we are keeping these things secret right now. But we yeah, we have two secrets we're keeping from you guys. Sorry, you can't know what they are right now, but we still yeah, we have two secrets we're keeping from you guys. Sorry, you can't know what they are right now, but we still love you guys. We still think you're amazing. How do you feel about that?

I'm excited. I'm like genuinely excited because with the two big things that we're keeping to ourselves at this moment, it just feels so special that we get to share that and we get to know about the two, yeah, the two big secrets. That we get to share that but we're not know about the two, yeah, the two big secrets. That we get to share that but we're not sharing it?

Yeah, but like it's just between us, like nobody, it's kind of, it makes me feel like we have our own clique, you know? Like me and you have our own special pact where it's like, nobody else knows about this. That's funny. I was just thinking like, I feel like we've done a lot of learning in the past, like, specifically like four to six months. Yeah. A lot of learning has happened. Yeah. in the past, specifically four to six months. A lot of learning has happened.

And I think that a big part of that is discretion is being developed more in us. And that is really important when you have a public facing career option. And I just feel like this is, it feels really good. And here's the thing about you This is again why I love you so much. You're so intelligent Abby. You've known this the entire time I just didn't like I feel like you're giving me too much credit. No, no, no, no, I feel like I've learned a lot

No, but I feel like you have understood the very definition of the word discretion No, I haven't and I think I in to you, am more of a loose cannon, right? Yeah, surely. Like, I think that I literally, into my own fault, I think I'll just like, like, blurt out something and it's like, whoa, dude, discretion, homie. Like, discretion. Like, I don't know. I definitely, thanks for saying that. I don't really, I just have my things I would have done differently in the past. Yeah. I'm obsessed with you. Thank you. Two big announcements things I would have done differently in the past. I'm obsessed with you. Thank you.

Two big announcements coming in 2025 people. I know. I'm so pumped. Did you know that the summer heat can actually increase your hair shedding? I have heard about that. I knew that was a thing for dogs, but I didn't know it was like a human thing too.

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chill it, Sal. But then you read this thread. I feel the opposite. You read this thread and you're like, she has a point. No, I thought it was a guy that wrote it. Oh, it is a guy. You're right, it's a guy. We read this one in the car on the way here.

This is from DominicDonkey88. I am a 40-year- old male and a father of three. My sister-in-law, a 27 year old female and her husband, a 27 year old male, had their first kid two years ago. She's my wife's sister and we tend to see each other at least once a month for family events. For my wife and I, we manage our kids ourselves.

If we go somewhere, one of us is always keeping an eye on them, making sure they're not getting into trouble, especially making sure the youngest, a toddler, is safe. Changing her if necessary, refilling her sippy cups, stuff like that. It's our job. If something happens, one of us pops up and takes care of it. My sister-in-law and her husband take a different approach and are frequently asking for help. If we're all eating dinner and their kid has a poopy diaper, they'll sometimes get it. Sometimes turn to one of us and ask, would you mind? That is where I was like, oh shoot. Like Dominic has a point right here. Like if your sister-in-law

is asking you to do all this stuff for her kids when she's a perfectly capable adult and her husband's a perfectly capable capable adult. Like we're not talking about a single parent here who is like, now look, I'm going to assume their finances are in check because like maybe they're so stressed, maybe they're in financial turmoil and so they're reaching out. But it just like hearing this, I'm like, wait a second, these people seem to actually be a holes because the other day, this is what it says. The other day I'm at a party and just came back inside after getting something for my kids, ready to sit down to eat and my sister in law asks, baby left your sippy

cup upstairs, would you mind getting it? Her and her husband both sitting down perfectly capable. It's not like they've asked a few times when they're overwhelmed or there's only one of them. There's been times when one of them is lying on a couch reading a book and asks me for something. It's not like what they asked for is something I'd consider a huge inconvenience. So I feel petty saying something.

But part of me just wants to say, look, my wife and I are responsible for our kids. You're responsible for yours. I don't ask you to change our kids' diapers or get their sippy cups from the next room. So don't ask me. Would I be the a-hole? Bro, Dominic has a good point. And I'm sure his wife is pissed too. I'm sure his wife, because it's I'm sure his wife because it's her

It's her immediate family. So I feel like she's too afraid to say something. No, I think it falls on the person That's the closest relation to have that conversation But I almost wonder in this situation if it's not something that needs to be like a formal First of all, you're definitely not in the wrong being asked to change a niece or a nephew's diaper Yeah, while the parents are there. Yeah is very bizarre in my opinion You're definitely not in the wrong. Being asked to change a niece or a nephew's diaper while the parents are there is very bizarre, in my opinion. That's pretty weird. And it's one thing if you're like, hey, can you refill this one time?

It seems to be a common occurrence, but also they only see them once a month. So I'm wondering if this could just be something that you slowly integrate when you see them. Just say, ask your mom to fill that up and like say in front of them. You're really good at saying this. Cause like, look, you could take the route

of like almost having an intervention with them because if you have a deep conversation with them, you know, they could be really offended or maybe if you don't say anything, the resentment could fester and then you explode eventually. I don't think it's serious enough to have a sit down conversation about it. And that's what actually Cat Spell said on the Reddit page.

She said, literally was going to suggest this, laugh and say, what are your legs broken? Yeah, that's what I was going to suggest. Say it with a smile on your face. Couch it with laughter, but make no moves to do it. So I think that's good because if you can integrate comedy into it, they're going to hopefully laugh and then you can communicate to them what you're trying to say without actually saying it. So I think that's good because like if you can integrate comedy into it, they're going to hopefully laugh and then you can communicate to them what you're trying to say without actually saying it. Yeah, like if they're like, would you mind changing their poopy diapers? Like I think

we've done our time. We've had three sets of poopy diapers. I'm good. Like you could make some like a little joke like that. But ultimately that falls, I would say more on his wife because it's her sister's family. And this is, this is what somebody else said right here. They said, my wife's favorite expression is, you've got two feet and a heartbeat. I will say too, like, if my sister-in-law, or my brother, or your brother,

like, any of those asked us to do something for their kids, I would probably do it, just because of our history with them. It's very unusual that they would, like, ask something of us. So if they're like, could you go get us a cup upstairs? I would do it because it's like, they'd never ask anything. Yeah.

You know what I mean? They've never done that. But this is a different situation where it's like, the fact that he said she's reading a book on the couch. I'm like, also, how do you read a book with a two-year-old? Yeah. Like with a two-year-old awake, how are you reading a book? I don't see a world where that's...

Yeah, I think they definitely need to embody. I haven't figured that out at least. They need to embody more selflessness, right? Like they both. I think they're just lazy. They both need to step up. Yeah, it sounds like they're both being lazy. They're both being lazy.

Like it's not like this is a once in a while thing. They're doing this every time. Well it does, I mean it is so only once a month. We're talking 12 times a year that they see them. Like it's just weird to ask them to get the sippy cup. Like look, if you notice them struggling once in a while thing. They're doing this every time. Well it does, I mean it is still only once a month. We're talking 12 times a year that they see them. Like it's just weird to ask them to get the sippy cup. Like look, if you notice them struggling and you wanna do something nice for them,

I'm sure they would really appreciate that, but that's not what this is. Sometimes you can just say lightly too, like oh, like ask your mommy to go about your sippy cup. I don't know where it's at. You know, you can kind of do subtle things like that. Okay, this is a really interesting one about somebody who's considering

Divorcing their spouse take a look. Can you read this? Divorcing my wife over her surgeries and decisions I a 28 year old male have been married to my wife a 27 year old female for four years It started when she became obsessed with Asians since I'm Asian She began discussing wanting surgery and I told her she is perfect the way she is She eventually got certain surgeries for her eyelids and face area mostly it's gotten worse She got more to make herself look like a young child She'll go to stores and legit buy toddler like clothing to make herself seem adorable

she's gotten into discords and Makes baby sounds and it's been concerning. That's what, I was like what the frick is going on here? What are you having me read my heart? I know, like that, when I was like why is she, like does she not realize that she's a grown woman? Like who, like what does she think? I also don't really see a strong correlation

between a child and Asian. Well that, well I think, okay, what do I know? But what I've noticed, when you see Asia, you see Hello Kitty, you see all these cats. It's like cute. They love cuteness, and so it's almost like she's become so obsessed. Don't they call it quire?

I don't know the word, yeah, I've never heard of that word, but I just understand that that culture loves that stuff. Okay. And so it seems like this woman has gotten so obsessive with that that not only did she obsessively marry this man, which he's saying it's potentially because of him being Asian, but now she's like changing everything about her appearance. So that's probably

Yeah, it's bizarre. I had a serious talk with her because she keeps trying to act like a kid making spills and not knowing how to clean up when she's a grown adult. Is this real? I really want to know if this is real. I hope this is some kid in middle school effing with all of us and made a fake username and just wanted to see how adults would react to this story. That's what I hope it is.

I hope this is actually not real. She told me I was being controlling and manipulative about what she liked. After a while I was done and I divorced her on the spot because last time I checked I don't like kids or people trying to act like a kid. Her parents attacked me for not supporting her and her friends too. See that's so like I'm so on his side, but then I'm also like she wasn't it's clear that she wasn't I'm so on his side, but then I'm also like, she wasn't, it's clear that she wasn't transparent about who she was. This is so even hard to talk about with the start of the relationship.

As a real situation, because it just feels so abnormal. It feels like a TLC special. Yes, yes. I think they do have a show where people like pretend they're babies. I hope this story isn't real. It's very bizarre. I don't even really know what to say.

What's your take? What's your take here? Well, I think she probably has like some type of fetish for Asian people. She probably does. Is that wrong? Like is that, you think it's wrong. It's okay to be attracted, but to fetishize,

that is a very degrading place and wrong. See, here's why I- You can't marry someone because you have a fetish for, you have to marry them because you love that person. Yeah. That is not okay. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I guess I've never experienced that for someone of...

The interesting thing to me is it being like, I've never felt that, I don't know. Well, yeah, I mean, you're, yeah. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, I haven't either. Growing up, I mean you you're yeah, I don't know. Yeah. I mean I haven't either growing up I was never like I'm gonna marry this particular race of person Oh, you know it was just like I'm gonna marry someone I love and it happened to be you and I think that I probably Ended up marrying you because you like literally lived within two hours of my house

You know like we probably wouldn't have got why you made me well We probably wouldn't have got I married you because you're the most beautiful woman in the world and you're so highly intelligent but with that being said too you're very logical I'm very logical and I realized like if you were born in Japan I probably would remember that you you know I don't really have a lot to say about this because I just find it extremely bizarre and I definitely if they say this story need to go to therapy no I think he just needs to leave, honestly. Oh, you do? Okay. She says she's making messes and saying she doesn't know how to clean them up and making baby sounds

and getting, buying toddler clothing. Here's my thing. So with someone that is unwell. That is very, so clearly she is unwell, but did this just start? Because if it just started, maybe she's not too far gone yet. Maybe they can work through this in therapy. If it's been going on for years and years, like if this has been going on for four years of their marriage, like maybe it's time to part ways. Maybe they should call TLC first, see if they can get a show and then springboard a career. I mean, that is just, that is something else. Start their own cryptocurrency. Here's my guess, this poor guy probably,

there were red flags that he did not recognize before they got married. Yeah. And maybe he's just a really kind guy that sees the best in everyone. Yeah. He just kind of went with the flow and then he realized that the flow

was going in a weird direction. Yeah. He wants to get out of the flow. Yeah. That's an elf reference. I to get out of the flow. Yeah. That's an elf reference. I got to get out of the flow. He's in the mail room with that guy. Well, this next one is also equally jarring.

These are pretty these are these are crazy. This is about somebody calling off their wedding to their fiance. Abby, have you had your liquid IV today? Sure have. Do you have liquid IV literally every day? Every single day. Wow, which flavor's your favorite? Well, I've been actually really loving

the strawberry lemonade. Here's the thing, why are you sleeping on cotton candy? Cotton candy is the best flavor. As a full grown adult, I don't seek cotton candy flavor every single day. What's your favorite flavor? Well, I mean, are we talking sugar free or are we talking regular?

Doesn't matter. Okay, well right now I'm saying strawberry lemonade because it's the summer. It feels right. Because cotton candy is the best flavor. We have been long standing liquid IV fans in this household. Like I said, I have every single day, especially in these hot summer months. It's really important to have that extra hydration. And you can explore the delicious sugar free options as well,

including white peach, lemon, lime, rainbow sherbert, and more. Find all their best-selling hydration multipliers flavors online, experience their newest flavor, Arctic Raspberry, and discover more fun flavors like cotton candy or popsicle firecracker. Just one stick of Liquid IV plus 16 ounces of water hydrates better than water alone, and that is because it is powered by LIV HydroScience, an optimized ratio of electrolytes, essential vitamins, and clinically tested nutrients that turns ordinary water into extraordinary hydration with three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink. Squeeze the most out of your summer with Liquid IV.

Tear, pour, live more. Go to liquidiv.com and get 20% off your first order with code UNPLANNED at checkout. That's 20% off your first order with code UNanned at checkout. That's 20% off your first order with code unplanned at liquidiv.com. Would I be the problem if I call off the wedding because of my fiance's family tradition? My fiance proposed to me in February. We're planning on getting married next year. The thing is he recently told me about a tradition he has in his family. In his family, only the bride and all the men from her side and her husband's side can be present at the wedding. Then, two weeks after the wedding, the woman threw a separate smaller party for themselves

where the husband is the only man. My fiance and his family say it started when his great grandmother was the only female in her family. So the women on her husband's side decided to have two separate parties so she wouldn't feel uncomfortable. No, I don't get that either. I asked his brother's wives and they all confirmed that they had such weddings. I also saw photos just all men and the bride. That's weird. Honestly, the more I think about it, the more it annoys me for many reasons.

One, I can't imagine getting married without my mother and sister and all my friends. Two, I really hate that he never told me before. We have been together for three years and we immediately took this relationship very seriously. I quickly got to know his family and it seemed to me that we were close. My fiance, however, thinks I'm overreacting. He thinks it's just a family tradition and I shouldn't worry about it and it's weird to get rid of an entire relationship just

because of something like this. He also doesn't want to even talk about a normal wedding. Edit. Yes, it's a hundred percent family tradition. He's from Poland. I'm from Germany. What the patriarchy? This is... It's like, why do we have to do this? I can't judge because like there's different cultures and different traditions that are really meaningful. But here's my other counter argument. First of all, that seems like a really steep ask. That seems like that we're not finding a lot of compromise here. But here's the other thing too. When you get married, yes you are bringing in elements from your family and from your fiance's family, but you are creating a new family. So whatever the expectation is from both sides of the

families, you can try to find like be cordial and find ways to incorporate those elements, but ultimately that is the whole point of a wedding. You are separating and starting your own family, your own life, you're paving your own way. So there should be no need to, to a T, follow one side of the family's way of doing things. Yeah. And I think the larger issue here is that your fiance

is unwilling to make compromise. This is, I got so deep on a Reddit spiral right there. All these people are like, saying some very valid points. This one person said, what other family traditions is he going to spring on you? Somebody commented, perhaps things like all property is only owned by him. He is the only one allowed to have an income.

And then another person said, I thought this too. And the husband makes all major decisions. There are so many red flags here. They bring up some good points though, cause it's like, if he expects that he has to make like such a weird thing and you agree to it, how much of a controlling person is he going to be? Because marriage is all about give and take. It's not one person making all the decisions. You make decisions together for the betterment of your family. And so the fact that he's doing that,

I don't know. It's weird. Okay, let me give you an example from someone I know personally. I don't know. It's weird. Example from someone I know personally. She didn't realize when she got engaged that it was part of her husband's or her fiance's culture that the bride does this certain dance at the wedding called like a money dance. That's right. You told me about this. Yes. And so obviously we don't want to say who it is. And she was in a real pickle because she felt uncomfortable doing that.

And then she ultimately decided to go ahead and do it. And I think that that was like, I don't think her way of either doing it or not doing it was right or wrong. I think it was just the fact that she was sitting there and contemplating like, okay, this is really important to my future husband's side of the family. But also, is this a compromise I can make?

And she ultimately decided it was a compromise she could make. But what I'm saying is that ultimately, there's ways to find compromise. There's a lot of beauty in family traditions and certain rituals and cultural elements. I think there's ways to incorporate them that could maybe be more of a compromise.

I think the larger issue you're seeing here is that your fiance does not care at all about what you envision for your future. Like, I don't think you have a shared vision for your life together. I think it's like his vision for your life and then you have to fall in place, fall in line, and if you're already starting to feel resentment towards that, it's never going to work long term. These philosophical questions are so complicated. I don't think it's philosophical. I just think that they don't have a shared vision for their life together.

I think that it's his vision or the highway and that can be represented in how their wedding plans play out but it can also go in how their family planning is, how their finances are handled, how any big life decision is made. It doesn't seem like she's gonna be included in that and her point of view is gonna be included and I think that's the bigger issue here.

Yeah, you're right. And also I don't think that, I think that's a huge ask to completely change the wedding day. And they're starting their own family now. So they don't need to always abide by the way that each individual family's did things. I like your hot takes, baby. I would feel really uncomfortable just attending a party with all the men from both sides of

our families. Yeah and I can't be there. No women allowed. No you would be there. Oh yeah but no women allowed. That's just such a bizarre thing. Yeah that is really weird. I would feel uncomfortable with that. Yeah. It's probably not uncomfortable for them because it seems like they're used to but for whatever reason I know what it doesn't seem like a cultural thing It seems like it's a family thing because they said it started with the great grandma being the only woman at the party like Yeah, so this is a really this is an interesting thing. That's very very weird Okay, here's another one for you to read about fat shaming a husband's mistress.

Okay, here you go. Okay, wow. A-I-T-A. Am I the problem? Am I the problem? For fat shaming my husband's affair partner. I, a 45-year-old female, am also a plus-size woman. So obviously my husband, 44 male, has a type. I discovered he's having an affair with this plus-sized woman a 49 year old female

I was venting to both my sister and my best friend They're both thin women my best friend had my back a few days later My sister said it was a bit hypocritical for me to talk about any woman like that She asked me if I would be disappointed if my daughter were to talk about any woman like that My sister also asked what if someone talked about my daughter like that in In most situations, I would agree that fat shaming is 100% wrong, but this woman is screwing my husband and I'm insulting her behind her back. Am I the problem? I'm going to say no.

Small update really quick. I did. Oh wait, I guess, should I read the update yet? You decide if we read the update yet or if we talk about it. Well, give me your initial thoughts first. My initial thoughts is F this chick, dude. It's part of my language, but like, this chick is banging your husband, but you are taking it out on the girl. It's your husband's fault too. It's both of their faults. No, no, no, no. It's both bad. You did not marry this woman, this mistress. Yeah. You married your

husband. Yeah. Your anger is misdirected. You don't have to like this woman I would say you certainly should never seek out anything in her presence. Abby you nailed it. You're so smart You married this man. This man said I do to you on the altar made a commitment to you You realize you could be a therapist. No, I feel like Matt. I feel like you Could be a really good therapist. I think you would, because you're hitting it like, I have a, I have a, I have a, when you said the line, the anger is misdirected. It is.

It is. Because it's all, she's mad at her husband, she's taking it out on this woman. It's not the woman's fault, it's her husband's fault. He was the one, right? And who's to say she also doesn't even, she even knows that you exist. Yeah.

Your husband, if he's willing to step out on your marriage, he's certainly willing to lie to someone to get them in bed with them. I mean, he's clearly is not a man of high moral character. So he could be lying to her. You could think about a husband manipulating somebody, her taking out all of her frustration on this girl is wrong. And so there's no, it doesn't do anything

to fat shame this person. Yeah. I mean, I can't say what I certainly feels better in my mind that you're not saying it to her face, but also it just feels like you're not really getting to the real core of the issue. Right. Let me read the update. It says a small update.

I did read many comments and I do agree that everyone sucks here. Before making this post, I had already decided that I was leaving my husband. I will try to stop body shaming my husband's affair partner for one thing It doesn't really make any sense because he had told me many times before that He likes my body type the affair partner and I look like we could be sisters So it's clearly more than physical reasons. He chose her I wasn't expecting messages from men especially given my post which showed the worst of me Thank you to the few I replied to for your validation

I will try to be the better person and not Thank you to the few I replied to for your validation. I will try to be the better person and not sink down to a husband's level. I mean, you're allowed to be really, really upset. I don't know, like, yeah, I think be mad at your husband. Also, I feel like the weight thing and the body type thing is just also just such a, I think we're just getting away from the issue.

You're right. It doesn't do anything. It's not part of the problem. You go fight fire, like it doesn't accomplish anything by fighting fire with fire. You body shaming this person is fundamentally wrong. It is not okay to body shame anybody, period.

Like, and she has the right to protect herself by getting a divorce, which she's doing. So that's, she's completely valid in that. I think you're allowed to say some petty things if you've gotten to this point. Definitely not to the woman's doing. So that's, she's completely valid in that. I think you're allowed to say some petty things if you've gotten to this point. Definitely not to the woman's face. Yeah. But it just seems like you have to recognize it

for what it is. Like also I did hear somewhere that like people think sometimes like I just got a vent. But apparently, correct me, I need a psychologist to like fact check me on this. But apparently venting actually doesn't do what we think it does. Like let out steam, like let out the anger.

I think it just adds fuel to that train of thought. Like the more you think about that and verbally say it out loud, the more you're gonna think about it and you're just creating deeper thought pathways in your brain. Like I don't think venting works like people think it does. That's what I've heard.

I would have thought that venting would have worked but maybe what works is someone sitting next to you saying, hey, I recognize the way that you're feeling and like that's very real. Maybe it's not the actual act of like letting it out, it's being heard. You gotta make peace with yourself, whatever helps you sleep better at night.

So I think for me, if I were to try to imagine putting myself in your shoes, what would make me feel better at night is saying like, you know what, this girl probably didn't know. If my ex is willing to step outside of our marriage in the way of infidelity, then he's maybe also willing to lie to her. Maybe she didn't know.

So that could kinda eliminate that stress in my life. This thing about my husband saying like, hey, my husband stepped out of our marriage, that's not okay with me. We said I do to each other, we said, till death do us part, and you've gone and done other things. I'm angry about that, and my next plan of action is divorce. Like that kind of moving on, like in those things,

pathways, that would probably make me sleep better at night rather than just like Continuing to feed these like nasty thoughts. Yeah, that's a better that's a better so for your sake maybe stop body-shaming her Yeah, exactly. It's not doing especially if you're sitting here saying that I look like I could be her sister That's gonna do something to your brain about your own self-image exactly because by her saying that I look just like this girl your brain too about your own self-image. Exactly, because by her saying that I look just like this girl, she's telling herself, I'm not good enough. This man didn't think I was good enough and it's true. It's like, give yourself some self-love.

You deserve so much more. You don't need to compare yourself to this person that he left you for. Because it's a him problem. And that's a him problem 1000%. It doesn't help you to stay in anger and resentment. I think that's hard for someone to hear that's dealing with anger and resentment. Yeah, it's way easier said than done, probably.

Yeah, when you're dealing with anger and resentment, you want to be validated. You want to be told, like, you should and can fat shame her, because that, like, gives other people the right to then do bad things, to, like, deal with their demons, but you got to fight through it, and it's not easy, you know? Am I the a-hole for telling my friend she's in the same league as men she calls ugly?

Wow. Yes. That sounds really bad. What made you the queen of Sheba? Like you don't get to say who's in who's league. That's a really good point. Let's read it, okay? My friend.

That's so nasty. 19 year old female downloaded dating apps like Tinder and Hinge for the first time about a week ago. For reference, she's the type that always says she wants. Wait, 19 years old? That's a 19 year old female. That person, this person's friend. Sounds like a girl.

I don't know if it's a girl or a guy that wrote this. For reference. It's a girl. She's the type, oh, so it's a girl that wrote about another girl. I think so. For reference, she's the type that wrote about another girl. I think so. For reference, she's the type that always says she wants a boyfriend, wants to do a couple things, feels lonely, single, etc.

She's also, in my opinion, very normal and average looks-wise. Not ugly, not super hot, just all right. Since then, she's been complaining to me that almost all the men there are are ugly, short, etc. and that she doesn't match with anybody hot. I asked to see which people she was calling ugly and she showed me her likes and it mostly showed people perfectly in her league as in moderately attractive guys. I told her that these guys were all in her league and she should give some of them a

chance since she always complains about wanting to be in a relationship. She denied that she's the same league as them and said that she's much more attractive than them I pointed out that in her own words, she doesn't match with any of the guys. She does find attractive So she's not in their league. She said I was an a-hole am I yes Am I the a-hole for agreeing with her? Because like there's like legitimate studies on this where there's a dating crisis like people are Totally the people are lonely today because they're not dating like they're looking for this like perfect person Which I think we've all been sold by by Hollywood and movies and marketing right like they're looking for this literal perfect person

And it's like hey you aren't perfect okay? So like you can't have a perfect person. You need to lower your standards, which I feel like sounds crappy because there's such like a thing about like self-love and you deserve the best because like you do deserve the best. But at the same time, some people need to lower their expectations, I guess. I see where you're coming from. Do you know what I'm saying? Can I say something to counter that? Because there's data to back that up. I see where you're coming from. Can I counter? Counter. I mean, hear what you have to say. That's a different conversation

than the conversation that this girl had. This girl sat here saying, you're in the same league as these guys are calling ugly. That is a very different conversation than, hey, let's sit down and talk about what you're looking for in a potential partner. If it's literally only looks, then we have another conversation to have here too.

This whole thread screams immaturity to me and maybe they're not quite there yet because a person that's looking to date, even just to date, if they're not even necessarily thinking about long term, there should still be more than just looks, right? And so it's like, hey, let's sit down and talk about, you're not having success on these apps first of all

It's only been like a week or so as they said like what are you looking for in a boyfriend? And if she sits down and says oh, okay Like I'm looking for someone that is like really fun to talk to you like that makes me laugh that is Like we can go on a lot of adventures together We never get bored that we can cuddle like all other things. Like I want someone to challenge me intellectually. Say those things. It's like, hey, you're not really gonna know those just by looking at their picture.

Maybe just give it a shot and see, like you might be surprised. And say like some of those things. Or it's like, hey, maybe you don't feel initial attraction for this person. That's a good point. Like that's a different conversation than saying. It's about the way you present it, right?

Cause you're saying maybe give one of these guys a shot. Maybe she doesn't think like he's that physically good looking, but maybe what she's looking for is right in front of her. And so there's a way to say that what you're looking for is right in front of you without... Without degrading her. Without you degrading somebody and saying, hey, these people...

They're in your league, you better settle. Yeah. That's very rude. Nobody wants to hear that. That's not a friend. That is not a friend. And that's like to say that is degrading. I think friends can say things to challenge you and make you question things.

That is not what that is. That is being a bully and that is not a friend. That's good. Saying, oh, you think those guys are ugly? You're the exact same attractiveness level of a sim. That is nasty. That's giving mean girl, that's giving jealous. It's just, it's really nasty.

I think you sit down and say like, what are you looking for? Like, I don't know, I'd be surprised. You might be surprised. Like some of these guys, like are you looking for someone with an interesting career? There are so many ways to present the same exact information.

And so like- Or to arrive at the same conclusion. Exactly. So like, if you, as a friend, if you truly want to help your friend that is struggling to find a partner, there are ways to encourage them that have nothing to do with being degrading. So correct me if I'm wrong, but what you're saying is like you need to encourage them to go on a date with one of these guys because like maybe they have a maybe they're really intelligent, maybe they're really funny, maybe they're going to

be like the life partner that she's looking for because you're not, like you saying telling your friend that they're unattractive is just really mean. Really mean and it's also very unhelpful. Yeah, you're good. You're good at that. Yeah, I think that's just nasty. You poked bullet holes.

What do people in the comments say? You poked bullet holes in my initial knee jerk reaction. Cause I was just like. Cause I see there's points. Cause maybe I was like, maybe I was just jumping to that conclusion because I was thinking of this friend as like thinking they're like all that.

Like they're so special and they're like way better than everybody else. So I was kind of assuming that they. Maybe she does. Maybe that is the case. Yeah, and so then I like wanted to humble, I wanted to humble her, but then I'm like, that still doesn't.

I don't know, I think it's a rare part. I think there's a time and a place to be humbled, but like you really need to think through like that negativity Yeah, I don't there's actually really never a situation which you need to be humbled about your looks There's no harm in that. Yeah, like you might need to be humbled in like your intellect level because it's like Yeah, you're not qualified for that by the way or like There's just really I just don't think there's any it's such a subjective thing beauty is in the eye of the beholder like I don't

know I just think that's so dumb this is the comment say the top comment with 30,000 up votes gosh ESH I'm so glad I'm not 19 anymore what is ESH mean does that make does that age yes ESH what What is it with Reddit and acronyms? Everybody uses them. I don't know what any of them mean. Why? Look it up. Look it up.

This just shows like, guys, this is so funny. If you're like a big Reddit user, we are so new to Reddit. Like we are so out of the loop. Like I just started- In fact, you'll never see me on it unless we're on this podcast. I just started using it for this podcast and now like it's actually I'm kind of obsessed like I kind of think I find this so entertaining. It's not loading.

I kind of find. Yes. Could someone please let us know what yes. I made the comments saying that like this is screaming and maturity. Yeah. It looks like I'm guessing that people are agreeing with what you said Abby but there is this comment too with five hundred ninety four up votes that says now someone people need to hear the cold hard

truth. So I have to translate these when I read these. It's so confusing. That's not a truth. That is not a truth. Beauty and attractiveness and all that is, is like completely subjective. Some people need to hear the cold hard truth. That is not a truth.

But it's completely subjective. Can we talk about what truth is? Like, isn't the same thing that bothers me now. People saying what's in need now and like, you're what you need you need water and food Yeah, what what is a truth is literally something that can be proven truth is different than opinion All of this stuff is just so freaking I don't like that That's not true. I disagree with that. Oh, yes. H means everybody sucks here. I still don't get it Yeah, everybody sucks here. Everybody sucks here. I'm so glad I'm not 19 anymore. Yeah. Why does everybody suck? I don't understand why everybody sucks. I don't know.

Try not to think too hard about it. I don't understand it. My brain can't process that. Okay, um, everybody sucks here. Be a good friend. Be a good friend to people. Don't be a... Yes, she is the problem. Yeah, and then this says, what do you mean everybody sucks here? People like that need a reality check. No. That's somebody, that has 300 up votes. No.

I wanna ask those people how many friends they have. Gosh dang it, everyone's using an acronym. There's another one, NTA, what does NTA mean? NTA meaning, NTA means not the asshole. No, she is. Those apps have algorithms that track who likes you and adjust the options you're shown. So essentially an attractiveness algorithm. No. Oh my gosh. Stop it. If she wants to be superficial in how she rates guys, then she needs to be able to handle the same standard.

Gosh. Well, okay. Something about that. That actually, see, that's truth. It seems like honestly what they just said is truth. Something about that. That actually, see, that's truth. It seems like honestly what they just said is truth, but there's a way. Yeah. So even if their friend's ugly, even if her friend's ugly or, or normal looking, she said normal looking, even if her friend is normal looking, you're still right. And that like, maybe the truth is her friend is normal looking her friend. You need to tell her to have more depth in her dating. So that she can find fulfillment.

Essentially saying lower your standards without saying lower your standards. And here's the thing, it's not necessarily lowering your standards, you're maybe lowering them in one area to bring them up in other areas. That's a different way to look at it. It gets the same thing done, but that's another way to look at it. All right. I'm getting a lot of comments. Okay, this says ETA.

What does that mean? Estimated time of arrival? No, ETA, Reddit, meaning why does everybody on Reddit use acronyms says ETA. What does that mean? Estimated time of arrival? No, ETA Reddit meaning why does everybody on Reddit use acronyms? ETA. I'm getting a lot of comments. I don't work for those companies, so I don't know what the algorithms are exactly. I read an article a year ago that indicated all those apps are designed to make money, which often means manipulating options available to men to increase rates of purchasing premium services and then getting matches and manipulating women into getting early matches so they remain

engaged. Hence my comment, there's an attractiveness algorithm. I'm not an expert. Please do your own research. So I'm going to go somewhere in the middle because I stick with what I originally said, but I agree with you that telling your friend that they're not attractive is a very, it could be very hurtful to your friend. So I think there's a way to get at the same place of arrival without being me. She already said it too. And her friend did not take it well. Yeah.

So she needs to apologize and be like, I think you're beautiful. And I think you're, you're going to find a really awesome person. Yeah. And I'm sorry. They're probably not going to be friends anymore. I stick by my opinion. They're not going to be friends anymore. Well guys, I'm going to pee my dress. Thank you friends anymore. I stick by my opinion. They're not gonna be friends anymore. Well guys. I'm gonna pee my dress. Thank you for tuning in for another episode of Unplanned.

If you enjoyed this, please let us know in the comments. We'll film more episodes like this. This was really fun. Yeah. I really had a good conversation with you though. Give us a thumbs up, a good rating. Let us know of a video game that you played in your childhood down below.

Also while I'm at it. Which speaking of, wait, yes, Abby's obsessed. Maybe I need to play Hay Day with you. Cause Abby's so obsessed with Hay Day. Okay. And she's been doing ads for them, which has been the perfect partnership because she like genuinely loves the game. So it's so easy for her to talk about it. But then somebody, some person was like, oh, you did this Hay Day ad for the money. And it's like, okay, first of all, yes, we get paid to do our job. And second of all, no, she loved heyday to begin with. So I don't know.

I just wanted to say that I feel convicted right now because I was about to ask you guys to like rate us, give us a thumbs up, subscribe, all those things. And like, I have subscribed to some of my favorite podcasts, but I haven't given them a good rating in a while. So who are you? Who are you giving a rating? I'm doing it to John Delaney. John Delaney, Abby loves listening to John Delaney's show.

And can I say this? Can I tell people that? I don't think you can say that actually yet. Well, we're gonna mute that because I don't know if I can say that yet. So maybe we have three exciting things coming up for you guys. Maybe four, you never know.

Maybe four exciting things. So what I'm saying though, is that I am giving them a five star right now and we can do this together. Ready? One, two, three, go! And comment down below what you think our three exciting announcements are that you'll find out in 2025 and comment down below why you think there might be a fourth exciting announcement. Thank you all so much and we will see you in the next episode. Peace! Peace!