The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby - An honest conversation about marriage after a decade together

Episode Date: July 8, 2026

We’ve officially been together for 10 years! In this episode, we’re sharing stories from our first date, reacting to some of our most cringeworthy old videos, and discussing the relationship advice that’s actually stood the test of time (and the advice we’d never follow). Thanks for being part of the journey with us. 🤍 Today's episode is sponsored by Ladder, Square, Factor, and Cash App. Ladder: If you have an iPhone, take a quick quiz at https://ladder.fit/UNPLANNED to get a free 7-day trial with no credit card required, plus $10 off your first month if you join. Square: Get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at https://square.com/go/unplanned ! #squarepod Factor: Head tohttps://factormeals.com/unplanned50off and use code UNPLANNED50OFF to get 50% off and free daily greens per box with new subscription only, while supplies last until 09/27/2026. Cash App: Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/kssum24w #CashAppPod Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card at cash.app/legal/us/en-us/card-agreement, for the Sutton debit flex card at cash.app/legal/us/en-us/debit-flex-card-agreement-sutton and for the Bancorp debit flex card at cash.app/legal/us/en-us/debit-flex-card-agreement-bancorp. Savings and Offers provided by Cash App, a Block Inc. brand. Offers may not be affiliated with third party merchants. Parents and legal guardians can open a managed account for kids 6-12. Cash App will pass through a portion of the interest paid on your savings balance held in an account for the benefit of Cash App customers at Wells Fargo Bank, N.A., Member FDIC. To earn interest on your Cash App savings balance, you need to have sponsor approval. Exceptions may apply. Savings yield rate is subject to change. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Sign up here to be the first in the know! (Coming July 10th) biswell-beauty.com Follow The Unplanned Podcast: https://www.instagram.com/unplanned__podcast/ https://www.tiktok.com/@unplanned_podcast Listen to the pod on Spotify/ Apple Podcasts: https://open.spotify.com/show/1ToDA4ufQuWuEgMq07zN6t https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-unplanned-podcast/id1669604504 Follow Matt & Abby: Abby's Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/abbyelizabethoward/ Matt's Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/_matt_howard_/ TikTok | https://www.tiktok.com/@matt_and_abby Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/mattandabb YouTube | https://www.youtube.com/@MattandAbby Chapters: 04:14 - 10 yrs together 08:44 - New launch! Big announcement! 19:36 - Relationship trivia 31:31 - Who said that? 39:25 - Best/Worst relationship advice 58:30 - What we've learned from a decade of love 01:02:13 - Make friends w/other married couples 01:02:13 - Prioritize your marriage after having kids 01:04:49 - Do not consider divorce for 2 yrs after having a baby 01:06:16 - You need humility 01:09:56 - Love people in their own love language 01:11:47 - Continue to date your spouse 01:14:01 - Choose your battles wisely 01:17:07 - It's okay to go to bed angry 01:17:48 - Don't keep score Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Banking services provided by Cashapp's bank partners. Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank member FDIC, direct deposit and promotions provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.com slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures. I didn't prioritize my marriage after starting our family. Wow. I feel like I mentally cut you out of the picture for a little bit there. It took me months to just be like, oh my gosh, I freaking love you. This is why we did this in the first place.

Keep a secret bank account in case your husband leaves you. I have a friend's parent. No way. When their husband ended up finding out about it, he started giving her money to put in her special bank account. That's actually really sweet. What's the difference between almonia and child support? Almoni's for you. Oh. Wait, why did you guys talk about this?

I'm getting some ducks in a row. I'm just kidding. Oh, goodness. Welcome back to Always Here. Unplanned. Was that a joke? I'm just kidding. Okay. I was going to say. My goodness.

Not the right podcast. Back to Unplanned Podcast. This will tell you literally how my brain has been operating recently. If you guys didn't know, Abby's pregnant, fourth pregnancy, third baby boy, things are happening. Guys, the belly is popped. And it's also dropped, too. Well, I feel like it was just always low. It's just always, this was the lowest I've ever carried a baby.

We just had an appointment today, and the doctor had all good things to say, but babies coming in at 68%. 58, but yes. But yes. 58%. Yes. So for us, that's still tiny. Little guy.

Yeah. Amazing. I'm pumped. Yep. But not as pumped. Birth plan is still in action. Not as pumped as the kids were in the car earlier. Can you tell?

Can you like giving a recap? I wish we could have started just recording the podcast at 1237 when I was in the car and out drive through with the boys. And we were singing, hi. Oh, let's go. Hi. Let's go. They love that song.

That's from Jimmy Neutron. Wait. Oh, that's why. Babe. It's so, I'm so happy that they love the Jimmy Neutron movie because that shaped my whole childhood. I'm telling you, it can turn their whole mood around if I just start going, if I'm trying to get them to leave and I'm like, oh, let's go.

Next, wait, what movie has, who let the dogs out? Every single movie that was made in like. No, wait, that was the Rugrats movie. Oh, really? The Rugrats movie. I feel like it's in Shaggy Dog. I was afraid of that movie as a kid, actually. I need to show them the Rugrats movie.

That was my... No, I feel like that was not a good one show. There's a lot of good Nickelodeon movies. Oh, no. I was a little bit... I was deterred from Nickelodeon by my parents. They were very pro-Disney, a little bit like... See, I was a Nickelodeon kid.

Oof. Yep. That's tough. That's tough to learn now, 10 years into our relationship. Well, do you want to give everyone a rundown what we'll be talking about today on the podcast? Well, we have officially been together for 10 years, a decade. 10 years.

A decade. June 18th, 2016 was when I took Abby on our first ever date. And then on a couple days later, Abby said to me the famous line. I hate this line. Why do you hate this line? Because that's just so cringy. Well, I guess, should I not say it? No, you can say it.

Basically, Abby said, well, am I? Also, should I say that that was our first kiss? That was both of our ever's first kiss. First kiss, June 18th, 2016. And then a couple days later, Abby said the famous line to me, are we dating because I can't be macon on a guy that's not my boyfriend? That is so cringy. That's what she said. I'm literally just cringing my skin.

And she really said that. And then I said, yeah, we're dating. Because I think I'd actually told somebody she had overheard. You did tell someone that I was your girlfriend. I overheard it. I was like, well, I did not consent. And you see, I didn't really understand like the rules. I was like, yeah, we're dating.

You know, like we've been going on some dates. That's fair. I didn't know. That's fair. But you can't call me your girl. I might have just said that. Unless you've asked for me to be my girlfriend. And then officially became a girlfriend.

We sorted it all out. And 10 years later, we're still together. A lot has happened in that time. We've gotten married. We went to college together. We graduated high school. Lived in Hawaii for a year. Wait, wait, wait, start over.

We went to high school. Uh-huh. Or graduated high school. That's right. Followed each other to college. Got engaged. Got married. We got into theater school.

We both auditioned at like 20 different schools. Guys, I don't think you understand how, like, hard core we were about this. Well, it was a public university. Imagine, okay, imagine if you and your boyfriend in high school wanted to follow each other to college, but you're both trying to make it in athletics. Like, let's say you're both cross-country runners. Like they have to both make it on a team in a school. Exactly. So, like, that's essentially what we did, but in the arts. So we, to increase our odds of getting in at the same school, we just auditioned everywhere.

and what's funny is like, I kind of followed, I would say I had more so followed you because I had some opportunities that came up where I got good scholarships, but Missouri State was the prospect that like really wanted you. And I got on the wait list. Like I wasn't even fully accepted, but it was the cheapest school that we got into. And my mom had been, you know, reading some Dave Ramsey at the time, really kind of putting a, you know, putting some ideas in my ear about, hey, you really don't want to go into a bunch of debt for college because then you have to pay all that money back. And so I'm very thankful. Probably especially for an arts degree. Yeah, an arts. Like, you don't want to go into $100,000 of dollars. Like, if you're going to be a doctor

and you got like $100,000 of student loans. You're like, you're going to get a job that's going to pay that off. That's a great bet. Yeah, because you're going to make way more than that, even in your first year after residency, right? Yeah. But for like singing and dancing, that's risky. So, anyway, followed each other to college and then what happened we got gauged we started social media that kind of started to take off yeah I think you know really what happened you guys is I switched our majors I had this dream of like basically this dream didn't even exist until after we had switched for majors I found Abby watching couples vlogs on YouTube and I'm like people are like vlogging their life as a couple and that like that can pay their bills and she's like yeah and I'm

like babe my entire life I've made videos up until recently like I was a part of our TV station in high school doing the editing production filming I made videos for every project I had in middle school because when I had a tumor discovered on my back I couldn't really do theater anymore so I had to find a new way to express myself through you know the arts anyway this YouTube channel this YouTube channel that was a flop. Like nobody was watching our videos, but then when COVID hit, we were, you know, stuck inside and we're like, all right, let's just like do some TikTok dances for a fun little, like, YouTube video. And that is how it all started. Yeah. Then we moved to Hawaii. Because now we worked like remote essentially. Like we didn't have to be where we were.

We started our family shortly after. We moved to Arizona. And then we kind of like now have a mini compound in Arizona because now our whole family lives here. Yeah. We have launched two podcasts. We have a new launch. Yeah. That's finally happening. Do you want to talk about that new launch? Yeah. I'm so nervous because I feel like I have talked about this so much and it's gotten edited out of so many things. I've like been like, you guys are doing this. It's so exciting. And then every time I'm like, were people excited and they're like, it didn't make the cut. I mean, we're launching a mascara mascara is this going to get cut again it's not going to get cut this process you guys has really stretched me because i'm going to be so for real with y'all

i am not i'm not an entrepreneur it's just not really in me you know what i mean and i wish it was because i feel like it just with the way my life has just started to develop it would have be It would really handy to have that skill set. I'm certainly not. But what I do love is makeup. And I've always loved makeup ever since I was able to wear it. Specifically, I really love mascara. And I always felt conflicted when it came to mascara.

Am I giving like the whole birth story right now of this? Go for it. If this gets cut, then that's fine. But I always felt conflicted because especially since becoming a mom and just like learning more about ingredients, you hear a lot of sketchy stuff that can go into products. And I always felt like I had to like kind of sacrifice either on the way my lashes looked or like what was in them. And so because I was like there is literally like there's a hole in the market here. And I couldn't find one that I really loved.

I was like, it would be so cool if we could ever just create one from scratch of our own. Yeah. The process has been extremely long. Like we just for context, you guys, we thought this mascara was launching in November of 2025. and it's it's now like way past that obviously but can i have a secret i have been literally using my own formula for over a year over a year so when anyone has been leaving comments like asking about my mascara like what mascara to use i've never answered it and i feel so bad because i am not a gatekeeper it's not who i am it's not it's not in my DNA i want to share i want to share everything with everyone

i'm a girl's girl come on yeah but why share about it if they can't even buy it exactly until now Also, I feel like people are always like, I'm not allowed to tell. And I'm like, well, who's telling you not to tell? There are forces that be that tell you not to tell. I'm telling you that. I know. I've learned a lot. And so now it's finally, it should be there.

I don't know that we did everything strategically or right or entrepreneurial, but I really believe in this. I'm really excited about it. I know that it makes my day better just to have a little mascara on. And I can talk more about it later. But this isn't really the time. But just to say, like, I really believe in this. And I feel like this has been a really cool project that we were able to work on together.

Obviously, you're not like a super big fan of mascara, but you bring so much to like, I wouldn't have done it without you. Well, I think what I appreciate about you, babe, in this whole process is you really did your due diligence. You've compared the mascara formulas to mascara that you used to use in the past for your eyelashes because you want it to be even better than the products that you've used. So many tests for brush. for brushes, bottles, formulas. And that's why, in addition to that, too, Abby's given out the formula to her friends to try, to get their feedback, they've all loved it.

And you're wearing it right now. We're wearing it literally every single day. Have you seen me for the past over a year? I've been wearing it. Yeah. It has just been such a process, but I really am proud of it. I am scared crapless.

And the company name is Biswell Beauty. if you go to Biswell-dashbeautcom. That is where you can buy the mascara. It's incredible. Everyone that's tried it has loved it. Oh, Biswell's my maiden name, by the way. Oh, yeah. That's where that came from.

You're probably like, yeah, you're probably wondering why is it called. Explain why it's called Biswell Beauty. Because it's my maiden name. Okay, that's it. There you go. Very. And I feel like my family was very thrilled about that. Yeah.

So anyway. Yeah. I was thinking we could call it Howard. Beauty and then Abby was like it didn't roll off the tongue as well didn't yeah no dang it dang it thank you to Ladder for sponsoring this portion of today's episode I've been working out a lot more recently I've been even tracking macros and just trying to get into shape before baby is here and that's why I'm a fan of Ladder it's an expert strength training plan and it's real progressive programming designed by certified coaches with ladder you get a new plan each week that builds on the

last there is an in-ear coach that guides you through every set with cues for form reminders and motivation. That remembers your weights, reps, and sets so you can see yourself getting stronger over time. Something I've been doing differently this time with my fitness journey is really trying to track everything that I'm doing when it comes to reps, sets, weights because you can't improve what you don't measure. Remove the guesswork with ladder and get a real coach in your ear telling you exactly what to do for every workout. No thinking, everything planned for you. If you have an iPhone, head to ladder.fit slash unplanned and take a quick quiz to find your perfect ladder plan. Use our link and get a

free seven-day trial with no credit card and $10 off for your first month if you join. Well, this episode is going to be really fun. We've actually, we've planned a lot. Like out of the honest, so it's called the Unplanned podcast, but we've planned a lot because we've been really reflective. We've been together a decade now. We have done this podcast for gosh, it feels like a decade. Nearly 200 episodes. Oh my. And there's just like a lot to reflect on. And throughout our entire relationship, we have changed so much.

But I think it'd be fun to start off with some quick relationship trivia. Yeah. Okay. Let's do it. I feel like you're going to be really good at this because I feel like you really like walked in on a lot of our first together. Okay. What was our first date?

Were you nervous planning it? What do you remember? I was so nervous. our first date was three different dates in one. So we started off with lunch at Chick-fil-A. Abby got chicken nuggets. I couldn't eat because I was so nervous. I got the number one meal with the lemonade.

See, you were consistent with who you were. I just couldn't eat. So I was like, just get chicken nuggets. And then I think I ate them for you. I probably couldn't eat. I was so nervous. I think I, you know, I can really throw down some food. So when you didn't eat them, I'm like, yes, I'll eat these.

Then we proceeded to go see a movie. Did you buy my chick-fil-A? I did buy your chick-fay. As a gentleman would. It was like a whole $6 back in 2016. Did you pay for my movie ticket? I did. This is so weird, you guys.

After this, you went to... The conjuring? We saw the conjuring part too. Why did we do that? I just wanted to take you to a scary movie so you would get all like nervous and... You literally took me to a demonic movie. I did.

Yeah, I guess that was strategic too because then it was like, okay, we'll get scared so we can have an excuse to cuddle. I remember how nervous I was, put my arm around you. I remember. how nervous I was to move my hand off your leg. When you put your hand on my leg, I thought, like, there was so much happening inside my head.

I was just so thrilled and excited. I distinctly remember that my hip started to lock up because I was like kind of leaning towards you. And I was like, I cannot move. I simply cannot move. So I was like, I'm going to stay frozen like this. I remember when I kissed you the first time, I said, that was awkward. And then I think I did it.

Did I redo it after that? You did it twice. We did two kisses. The first one was awkward. The second one was just right. We remember every detail because you guys, this was literally Matt's first date ever. This was both of our first kisses ever. Like, it was, there was a lot going on, like, emotions-wise.

It was super fun. And I remember every detail because then afterwards we went and we went hiking. Yeah, we went hiking. We went to Castlewood State Park in Missouri. It was like a six-hour date. It was a long date. All on my 18th birthday, which made it very memorable. My golden birthday.

And didn't we have a show that night? Golden birthday, by the way. And yeah, and then after all of that, we went and performed in a production of Mary Poppins at the Municipal Opera in St. Louis, Missouri. It was not Mary Poppins. Also known as the Muni. It was definitely Mary Poppins. No, wait, that was the first show. Sorry, that was the first show that we were in.

That was, yeah. So our first show together was when we were in middle school. We were just friends and played cards together when we weren't needed on stage. Which was a lot of time. Then our second show together was when we started dating. Perfect. We crushed that. initiated the first kiss?

Me. Matt did. I was never going to do that. I wanted you to kiss me, but I was never going to initiate that. Who said, I love you first? I think that was me? Was it me or you? I think it was me.

It was you and I think you were like, I think I love you. If I remember correctly. I think I, yeah, I think I did say. And I think it was when you were FaceTiming me, like a month into us dating. It might have even even been sooner than that. Wow. It was fast. We moved really quickly.

Did I say it back right away? I think you did. I think I did too. Yeah. We said I love you really fast. We just dove head first, you guys. That's what's crazy about dating in high school. You just, no abandon.

Yeah. What was our first fight about? I can't even remember. I think I remember. Oh, it was about which college we were going to go to. And I think what happened is I was a rare dude in the theater world that could dance because I had taken dance like my whole life. And I think. Well, a lot of guys can dance.

dance, but I feel like a lot of like high school going into college, they don't do formal dance training, like a lot of them. Yeah. And musical theater. So basically, how would you describe this, this argument? What's your memory of it? Because I feel like you have a better memory. I don't remember details, but I just remember that was like the first time we actually had conflict because, like, what were we going to fight about before in high school? You know what I mean? It was it. We were in Chicago. We were there for unified auditions. We're a bunch of different schools auditioning kids for their musical theater programs, like they, they hold just auditions at this hotel, and so you can audition for like 10, 20 different schools, staying at my grandma's condo. Yeah. So it was, it was

stressful. Like, we both were doing multiple auditions. And I wasn't having a good time. It was probably my fault, honestly. I think you were just discouraged because I think you were getting shut down because. Oh, yeah, that's what it was. I feel like I kept like, I think you had like these rose-colored glasses on because you would show up to the doors of these auditions and usually they have like a fee of like $60 just to audition here and like for us to look at your headshot and resume and you would like walk up to the doors and they'd be like we'll wave the fee like a tall man like he's so rare and so then they just like would let you in and then I feel like you just had these like rose-colored glasses on of the whole experience of then like being like a girl just

a dozen, you know, at one of those, like those open call essentially auditions. Like it was, and I'm sure it was just something that I don't even remember the details of it, but I just remember that was the first time that we were like experiencing conflict. I think I was just super excited. You were discouraged. And then it like provided this disconnect where we just didn't feel the same way about how the college audition process was going. Yeah. I don't really remember much more than that. Yeah. I remember we were at some sort of like, Corner bakery. It was the corner bakery in downtown Chicago.

And we were just, and we had gotten in, like, what, we, I guess we got into it. We were, there was like no, like, we weren't yelling. We were just kind of like. I know. I mean, obviously our moms were there too. Just like a sad conversation. It was just sad because I think it was just like, you go on without me. Like, leave me behind.

I think you said something along those lines. Yeah. Yeah, that's good times, good memories to remember. but that was just like the first time that it was just like oh we have we're making a life decision together yeah which i don't know if that was even really right to make at that point but we surely did so what was our first vacation together that would be fort Myers Florida with my family yeah for spring break yeah that was fun and you vomited 2017 yeah and i threw up my whole family throwing up because you cannot throw up like a normal person he's like coughs when he's like coughs when he's like coughs when he's

he throws up. Your whole entire family, your mom especially was very concerned. Yeah, but it sounded crazy. I think your family is just terrified of throwing up. I think you and your mom just have a fear of vomiting. Matt, it was like, uh, I felt way, I felt way better afterwards. We were at like a crab shack and then Matt just disappeared for like 45 minutes. Threw up in the bathroom. I think you had diarrhea. I got the stomach bug. No, I think I was throwing up in the bathroom. Oh, actually, no. Maybe it was diarrhea first and then throwing up. What great memories. No, that was just exhilarating.

Like getting to travel and like you like actually get really close. You were already really close with my family. But like getting to travel together for the first time, that felt like a big milestone. Especially because we were in high school. Are we going to let our kids in high school bring their girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever? I don't know about that.

We'll see. It depends. Yeah, actually, I don't know about that. If we like them. They can sleep in the. You can bring yours, but you can. can't bring you. Yeah, that's what we'll do. We'll pick favorites. That's great. What first apartment rent amount? Uh, I think it was 650 a month. I think. Was it that much?

Because I feel, was it less than that. I think it was a little less, but that didn't, it included internet. No, no, no, it included trash and water. No, I think it, I think like I, I, I want to say all in, it was like around 650. Like, I think. Like, I think. it was 5.50 a month or something. Yeah and then after our other utilities it was like 650. Yeah. So it was pretty affordable. It was pretty affordable. Um, perks of living in you can really find that anymore. Yeah, perks of living in low income housing. I'm curious what the prices for that, uh, that low income housing, um, apartment complex. Now, I wonder if they've, I'm sure they've raised it over the past five years, six years. Yeah. Yeah. Because that was 20. I mean,

it is subsidized by the government though. So maybe they like kind of covered that. Yeah, maybe they do. What was our first big purchase? It was the Taurus. Yeah, the Ford Taurus for, I think that was $6,000. We bought a car together, yeah, for $6,000 before we were even engaged. We were just dating our freshman year of college, but we were trying to save up money to like eventually get married. But we couldn't do that if we didn't have a car to get to a job. So we got a car and then we just went and just looked at any reference. restaurant that would hire both of us. And we took the first restaurant that said we could work together there and share a vehicle. And that was Bellasinos in Springfield, Missouri. Wait, no, okay, that was when I had, that was before buying the car together.

Because Flame hired me when I had my brother's car because he didn't need it that semester. Yeah, we were borrowing that. And then he needed it back. Gosh, dang it, Caleb. Well, it was because my parents needed, my parents originally had bought, this is actually It's kind of sad. My parents had originally bought me and Caleb like a truck because Caleb got his car from my uncle on his 16th birthday. And then when I turned 16, my parents bought a used truck that we like would like share and trade.

You picked me up in that truck on our first date. Yeah, sometimes I drive the truck. Sometimes I drive the camry. And then when money was tight, my parents needed the truck because my mom's car, I think, wasn't working anymore. So then my mom started driving the truck to get to her job. And then my brother and I only had one car between the two of us. So we had to buy a car. And you did,

you lived in different towns. Yeah. First video that went viral. Like actual viral, I would say, would be the video of me trying on the prom dress. It was either you trying on your prom dress and getting my reaction. Was that what the wedding dress or a prom dress reaction video? I don't know. Might have been your wedding dress.

I can't remember. But the, okay, no, the first. Don't ask me to put those back on. actually ever again in my life. Both of those videos went viral. That was like in April, May of 2020, but the video-

So basically I just surprised Matt by putting on the dress that we wore to our high school prom again, like when we were already married. And then, or my wedding dress, we don't remember which one. And then the other video

that went viral on TikTok was of us doing like a third or fourth video we ever posted. And it was like the dance like, do it sounded like, it was like in a different language. Da-da-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-.

Yeah, that one. And then you like put your hands up and you, like do this dance? See, that's just like so dumb. It was kind of, it was really dumb. It was a really dumb TikTok dance. Support for today's episode comes from Square and they've got big news. During Square's biannual releases event, they launched a wave of innovative new tools to help local businesses run faster, smarter, and more profitably. Whether you're starting fresh or scaling fast, Square helps you keep up and get ahead. We're big fans of Square because about a year ago,

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See, this is what I'm not excited about because that's exactly what this next segment is. What is it? It's reliving memory lane. Oh, gosh. Of cringy stuff we have posted. All right. That's okay. There's been a lot of it.

I can't even re-watch any. that we ever film. Really? Yeah, it just makes my skin crawl. Ouch. I feel like there's been some good stuff. No, it's, no, I'm like, I'm proud of it, but I also, I'm like, I can't watch it. Okay.

Does that make sense? No. I think it's weird to watch yourself. Fair, fair. But, uh, this one is called Who Said That? Okay. And we were talking in preparation for this episode how like, most people don't even necessarily remember things that they said, like when they first got married.

They don't remember things that they said. I mean, you just don't remember, like, or like how you thought or, I don't know, any of your trains of thoughts. But not only do we have it documented, but we have it documented publicly. So we have the privilege, one could say, of being able to reflect back on things that we have said. I love it. Okay, the quote is, will I be judged for not wearing a shirt in Utah? I feel like that was me. Yeah, I don't really think it's going to be me.

Okay, let's play the video. Let's see who it was. We really liked Hawaii in the sense that it was very laid back and chill. It didn't matter what you looked like or what you had. And I feel like Arizona has more of that going for it than Utah. You're saying that people in Utah are materialistic. That is so rude. I'm not talking about the people.

I'm talking about the culture of the state is different as far as like the things that they prioritize. Gotcha. That's true. They prioritize looks and achievements more than. Oh, there's another thing. Major stereotype. type. Will I be judged for not wearing a shirt in Utah? Probably. That was us deciding if we're literally going actively deciding if we're going to live in Utah or Arizona.

Yeah. Also, wow, my voice really sounds like that. Your voice has always sounded like that. I think it's cute. I like your voice. So yeah, that was definitely Matt. I would love to think that I'd wear a shirt in Utah and in Arizona. Yeah. Anywhere I am. Yeah. Still crazy that I mean, we legitimately were deciding where we were going to move and had it made up our minds. Now I have a family combat. We posted that. And my parents were also involved.

Like you can hear my mom commenting on where she thought we should move. And I felt the pressure. Like to be honest, I selfishly wanted to move to Utah. But like everyone in our family as well as you was like move to Arizona. So we moved to Arizona. But do you feel like a part of you wanted to move to Utah because other people were saying to move to Arizona because I know you and I feel like you're just like no it was it was for the snowboarding just a tiny bit just a tiny bit what for me it was like if I can't surf I want to be some more

where I can snowboard okay but luckily now Arizona has a surf park so that was and that was just by chance like there was no I did not know that was happening when you moved no one could have known this one says I would rather do like the Irish goodbye that was certainly me I hate saying goodbye so what is the Irish goodbye where you don't say goodbye, right? You just leave. Oh, that's really funny. I would much rather do that than have like a like a hug and like a slow, like it just makes me too sad. Which video is that from? Probably us leaving Hawaii. I also hope that we can make time to say goodbye to our friends today too because we haven't really told some people about leaving Hawaii. I feel kind of bad. It happened so fast and I personally

hate goodbyes. I would rather, I mean, this sounds bad, but I like I don't want my last moment to be like a sad like goodbye with someone. So I'd rather do like the Irish goodbye. Is that what it is where you just like dip out? And then you're just like, oh, by the way, I'm not there anymore. But I'm still your friend and just pretend I'm there. I don't know. So just leave and don't say anything. We can't do that. Moving out of Hawaii. Yes, that's when was that to our friends Eric and Olivia who are our next four neighbors? Probably. Oh, that's so sad. That makes me sick to think about saying goodbye to them. Yep. Our neighbors in Hawaii we got really close with. Which by the way, kids dad on TikTok. That's our buddy Eric.

Yeah. He's our neighbor in Hawaii. He does social media now too. He does. Has for a while. Yeah. This is the next quote. We're going to reconvene after college because a child is a huge commitment.

Uh, that was you. Me. That was me. We're going to reconvene. Reconvene. I feel like I would say reconvene. That sounds like something I would say. So we're going to reconvene after college and kind of figure out

Okay, where are we at? Because the child is a huge commitment. Like having a baby is huge. That's a massive commitment to make. So we want to make sure that we're prepared for that when that comes. That was Matt saying it. And it was from, when are we having kids is the title of the YouTube. That was Matt saying it. I remember when we posted that video. Your mom was like, why did you post that video? Oh, I do remember that. Well, she's probably like, why did you post any video? Because at that point, it made, it was very weird. It's the start of the podcast. It's just a sit-down video. Like, you guys are just sitting there. whole time for a long time yeah that's right um this one this quote is along similar lines we can't be done having kids at 24 that was certainly me no certainly abby you're done after this is gonna be a lot this

is gonna be a lot dude i'm 24 i know i can't be done having kids at 24 i can be young and hot like empty nesters wouldn't that be so fun we're having four children four four one is already crazy you want to quadruple that that was abby yeah on the unplanned podcast that was of the unplanned podcast. Like one of the first episode? Yeah, because Matt, remember, you were like so convinced that we were like done having kids after after two. Yeah, that was a lot. Having two was a lot. Especially that quickly, you know, back to back. I will say upon further reflection, I do think one to two was a pretty hard transition for us. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. All of it was. Yeah. You know, a lot to learn. We can dive more into that later. Um, this one says,

you're never going to catch me joining a time share. You're never going to catch me time me. I think that's going to be you. No, it's definitely you. Was that me? That was from the video. That was when we went to Hawaii for the first time start of 2020. We wanted to get a free luau. And to get a free luau, we did a time share meeting and it was a horrible experience. One thing my spouse would never do is what would you say? What did I just think of this one? I was like join a timeshare. You're never going to catch me joining a time share. I hate time shares. They're a waste of time. They're waste of time. They're waste of money. It was Matt saying it and this is clipped from the unplanned podcast, but that might be

what we're talking about. That's definitely what we're talking about. Let me tell you something. I could definitely be conned into joining a time share. Don't ever do that. Someone could tell me all the deals and all the person. I'd be like, that sounds like a heck of a deal. It like, you could catch me joining a timeshare. If I wasn't married to someone that is wiser than I. Time shares are so hard to get out of and they try to act like it's like an investment. Like they, these salespeople in timeshare meetings are so good at what they do. They have an opener that's like all warm and fuzzy and like brings you cookies and drinks

and get you excited. And then they have, yeah, we had like pog juice. Yeah, and then they have the next person that comes in. Maybe even champagne. And puts the pressure on. They've got like the next level of sales. And then if you don't say yes, they've got the, an A-hole guy that comes in and just,

I'll never forget that guy. Really lays it on. Like goes like, why didn't you sign? You're like, we don't, we don't have any money. Yeah, we kind of did lie about our income to do that. I'm sure meeting. It said you have to make at least $75,000 a year. And I think our married filing joint lead tax return was like that year.

Yeah, it was like 11,900. So we could not afford. We were like, we definitely make 75. We just wanted the free Lua. And honestly, the Lua was a lot of fun. Oh my gosh, it was worth it. It did get rained out. So we had to go inside and it wasn't outside.

But it was so cool. Yeah, there was some good food. Uh, this one says you were such a little player. I definitely called you a player. You definitely called me a player. You were because you sang, I bet I was referring to you singing to girls at football games in high school. Yes. That's honestly.

You were such a little player. That makes me sad to watch. Like, I miss those days. That, this is a reaction video and Abby said it. It was reacting. That's right. Because we were reacting to the video of me singing Baby, which is posted on YouTube from when I was 12. Oh, that's from that video?

I was 13. Guys, I really thought that posting one video of me singing was going to get me discovered like Justin. Yeah, well, you were also 13, so I mean, life is just... You learn a lot. You learn a lot. You learn a lot. You get older. Okay, well, we got those all right.

We did. We know each other pretty well. Now we are going to move into best or worst relationship advice, and we actually pulled you guys on the unplanned podcast, Instagram. If you're not already following us there or engaging with our posts there, it's really, really fun when you do because we get to hear from you on the podcast and it's just fun to interact in that way and kind of, I don't know, build this community out some more. So we pulled you guys for the best and worst relationship of advice you've ever received. Let's start with the worst. Worst advice ever go. What do you think our, first of all, what do you think our worst advice

you ever received was something comes to mind for me? I actually can't think of it. What was it? This was advice we received when we were dating and it really stuck out in our minds. They were like, because we wanted to get married and we were sitting down with someone that was married, but they were like trying to tell us why we should wait to get married. And they were telling us that we should be selfish for a little while longer. Be selfish for a little bit longer. I just don't think that here's my argument against that. I see where they're coming from because it totally changes your life when you're like

considering somebody else in literally basically everything, every major decision you do, all those things. But I don't think that selflessness is something you can just turn on. I think that dating is the time to practice selflessness. And so, you're getting deep. No, I, well, all of my things I prepared for this episode are actually kind of deep. So I'm sorry. I don't know. I'm excited. I take this seriously. But I think it's something that you have to practice. So I'm like, I don't think that that's necessarily good advice to give to someone while they're dating, especially if they're dating seriously, like talking about engagement. I don't think you say, just put it all off, be selfish a little longer.

I think that's something you kind of have to start exercising before you get married. That's just my opinion. But here's what you guys said. The number one worst advice is don't say I love you too often because it loses value. I've heard that too. I've heard that piece of advice too. We say I love you all the time. We say it so often. Yeah, we do. And why would you not say it? That's what I'm saying. If you feel like it just say it. Well, here's my other. piece of advice that I think is a little bit I disagree with when I hear it. Now I think there's probably a good argument against it.

What is it? But people tell people to wait to say I love you. And I get why. But this maybe just says something about my personality. You never know what's going to happen in life. Me getting so deep again. You never know what's going to happen in life. So I think it would be such a shame if you were loved by somebody and you didn't know it.

Like if I would have died in a car accident and you never told me I love me. That's what I'm saying. There you go. I'm just saying. Just say, if you love someone, just tell them. There was somebody. There was way too short and just. Yeah, there was somebody, sorry to interrupt you.

I tell my friends I love them. There was somebody that posted a video about how they, did they, oh gosh, I'm botching this so bad. You saw a video on social media about somebody that lost their boyfriend in a car wreck and they were basically saying exactly what you're saying now, which is to say, I love you. I'm gonna puke. Because you never know when. Yeah, that's why I always think it like that,

which is probably not a good way to think. But gosh, you'll never catch me not saying I love you if I love someone. And that's why we have to say with each other every night before we go to bed. Yeah. Do you guys know this about me?

If I literally, if we like say, good night, love you, and then say we just start talking about something else. And it's like, oh, by the way, like tomorrow, blah, blah. Then it's like quiet for a little bit. I'm like, good night, love you. It has to be the last thing I say.

I've been this way since I was a kid. It's like a freakish thing. Like if my parents like would like come in and say something after we'd gone to bed, I'd be like, Night, love you. And I'd be like, love you. Like I needed to hear it again. Like I just needed to hear it a lot. So maybe that's where I'm coming from.

Next advice says even postpartum, you need to make sure your husband doesn't lose interest. Make sure your husband doesn't lose interest. I think they're talking about like sex appeal. Oh goodness That's so messed up No no no no no that is not your job Honey postpartum you have a lot of other jobs at that point That is not your job

That is not your job Yeah I think you know there's nothing wrong with wanting to like Postpartum it's just not That's not the conversation That's not the focus Yeah Yeah Also just here in general it's really not

You need to make sure your husband doesn't lose interest Yeah. Like that's like, I think you can do things obviously to like keep spark alive, keep passion. But ultimately, don't put that on yourself, honey. Gosh. Next one is men are like cars. You need to test drive them before you decide to keep them. That's on worst advice.

And that's on worst advice. Yeah, that's on worst advice. I think you should make out a little bit, you know, make, please make sure they're a good kisser, you know. I feel like we definitely heard test driving cars. We heard bringing sand to the beach. Yeah, we heard that one too. We didn't follow any of those advices.

Yeah, we. I do agree that that is bad advice. Yeah. Yeah. Next one. Next one we have is, oh my gosh, I can't believe this is real. Keep a secret bank account in case your husband leaves you. And a lot of people do this.

Actually? Yeah. You're kidding me. Have you ever listened to anything on Ramsey? No way. Yeah. Actually, I know I have a friend's parent that did that. No way.

Yeah. Did their husband leave them? Nope. Oh. When their husband ended up finding out about it, he started giving her money to put in her special bank account. I think that's sweet. That's actually really sweet.

Oh, my God. And he was like, your mom's loaded. Your mom's loaded. That's sweet. I think that's really sweet. I think that could have gone. a couple ways. And I think that just shows that they're really solid. Yeah. I like, I like that. The husband had that reaction. You know, I just, I just think, first of all, yes, you got to,

you got to make sure you're protected. Like, I think it's important to have, have like all that. I mean, I think, okay, let me get on my soapbox here for a second. Oh, boy. This is why marriage is important because if you, let's say you're a stay at home spouse. I'm saying stay at home spouse, because there's a lot of people that are stay-home dads now. It's not just like a mom thing. Like we're, you know, there's a lot of like different ways that people manage a household. And if you're the one staying home and managing the household, but you're not married. Now if you split up, you are screwed.

If you've not been working a job, like you're going to have to make some huge adjustments. And so if you're married, you're protected. Marriage protects you when it comes to finances. It's mainly like think of marriage almost as a. business decision. It's honestly like a business decision really when it comes down to it. Alimony. Alimony? Yeah, it's alimony. What even, remind me of what alimony is.

That's exactly what you're talking about. Right? I don't know. We're not divorced. This is so bad. That's when you get checks from your ex. Alamone is when you, okay, they, yes, yes. Yeah. But it's not child support. Yeah. Yeah. No. I don't even know. What's the difference between alimony and child support? Alamone is for you. Child Sports for the Child. How do you know this and how do I not know this? We just talked about this at family dinner. Wait, why do you guys talk about this?

Because I'm getting some ducks in a row. What is? Oh, goodness. I think, I don't know what we were talking about. I actually don't, I know what we were talking about, but I don't want to say it. Now I'm so that, like, I'm going to be real right now. Like, I feel, I feel so stupid for not knowing alimony. No, you don't need to.

We had a whole conversation because we disagreed on what alimony was. Matt, I think you were there. I think you were there. I was there? Yeah, you were there for sure. When was this? Family dinner, like a couple weeks ago. Oh, goodness.

That's bad. I'm not surprised. It's okay. Anyway, yeah, get married, you know. If you're having, especially if you're having kids, get married. You're protected. I mean, in Arizona, too, like, here's the other thing. Like, everything's 50-50 here.

So your spouse could have like, you know, X, Y, Z. in their name. Doesn't matter. You still get half if you're married. Boo-ya. Boo-ya. Next question. Next worst bit of advice is he only cheated once, so don't bother breaking up. I've got to... He only cheated once, so don't break up. Pretty, yeah. I don't think... I don't think that's good.

Well, I would like to know more of this poor person's story probably didn't end at once. Yeah, I feel like a lot of people that cheat have probably done it before. Well, you know what they say. What? You need to completely, the only way to make it work. I do think that someone could cheat and you could make it work again. Yeah.

You just need to completely scrap everything you had before and rebuild it. And then I think the person that got cheated on gets to make the rules for a while there. I think that's good. Of like, you can't go in public without me. I don't know. They're allowed to do that. They're allowed to. Thank you to Factor for sponsoring this portion of today's episode.

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only. While supplies last until September 27, 2026. See website for more details. Next is marry your first one for love and then marry for money. Not a bad idea. I'm just kidding. You know, why do you read it? You read it in a way that it's hard to understand it, but it makes sense when I like think about the words, but your inflection confused me. I'm sorry. I don't know. They're talking about marry your first spouse for love. Okay. Marry your second spouse for money. got it why would you do that what like what is the rationale there so it's just more of a financial why would you plan to get married twice it's bad that's why it's bad advice it's bad advice I'm just trying to understand like where this where's this person even

coming from you know like you get a love and then you get taken care of ah like maybe you've been there, done that, had the love experience, and it's like, yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of bad advice. And honestly, good advice for one person can be bad advice for another person, too. Oh, boy. That was something that I just thought of. So, that just blew my mind. I can't even think about that. Next one is, he will change for you. That's really actually not good. That is actually truly bad advice. Yeah, I think if you're in a relationship trying to change somebody, like, Like you need to be aligned from... Say you can't date a project.

Yeah. Yeah. Dating a project. You certainly can't marry a project. Yeah. I think in relationships you should bend and mold to each other. Uh-huh. But that's a totally different thing than like, oh, he needs to do X, Y, and Z so then he can be the perfect partner for me.

Never go to sleep angry. And then I think this is there, them saying, we've got to think rationally and surely that requires sleep. Yeah, I'm going to agree. I think that going to sleep angry is actually okay. Yeah, honestly, I never would have said that, but maybe in the past few months, yes. Something about being pregnant and being in the third trimester really takes the wind out of my sails for a fight at night. I used to have so much wind in my sales at night time. There's no more wind.

I'm like, you're right. Now I'm going to bed. Put Mama to bed right now. So no, I think that is actually probably bad advice, but we probably got that advice as well. Someone told me, don't apologize because if you do, you lost. Oh, boy. That's not good. Yeah, if you're going into a disagreement with the goal to win, you've already lost.

I already have an image of the type of person who would say this in my head. And I just really wish I would ever be able to figure out who gave this advice. The final worst advice is follow your heart. follow your heart. Why do I like that advice though? Yeah, no, I'm like, follow your heart. I like following my heart. I like following my heart too.

My heart led me to you. That's what I'm saying. We followed our heart. Yeah, here we are. Worked out. Let's move on to best advice. Yeah, that's good. Never stop flirting.

Been together since 14, 23 years now, and we still feel like teens. I think that's good. That's great advice. I like that. I think that's cute. I think a little fun text, a little, I don't know. know, getting them a little surprise. You get me flowers. I think that's cute. Keep the love the romance

alive. This one says don't fight in the bedroom. That's your place of rest and your body keeps the score. Ooh, that's good advice. Yeah. I think I need to apply that. That's good. This one says love isn't finding the perfect person. It's choosing the same person over and over again. That's cute. That's beautiful. Totally agree with that one. This one says, have sex with your husband often. Everything will be better. I love that advice Next piece It says separate toothpaste We share toothpaste

What's wrong with separate What's wrong with the same toothpaste? Well I feel like a lot of people A common like early marriage fight is like How they what they do with their toothpaste Why would people fight about that? We I don't know

Like that was like the whole toilet paper thing Fighting about that fighting about toothpaste all of that We've never once We only fought about the serious stuff I'm just kidding And like jokingly I'll get on you about Using my toothbrush

I don't think we really get on each other About like life habit things I don't really care about I do think after 10 years You kind of just get over it Yeah yeah This next piece of user submitted Best advice is it's got to be so easy

At the beginning And if it's not it's not worth your time I think that's good If you're in a relationship And from the start it's rough Things aren't working out Might not be a good one to stick around with I do kind of think that

when people have major conflicts early on in dating, I'm kind of like, oh boy, buckle up. The only caveat is if life is giving you a lot of hard circumstances at that time, and it's not necessarily the relationship that's causing, like say one of you goes through a loss. Yeah, that's true. That's true. That'll make it hard on your relationship, but it doesn't mean it's necessarily a bad relationship. I agree. I think so much of relationships is timing.

And so maybe that relationship could work out in the future. But I think right now, you know, they're, this, the person that you're talking to might need to figure out their life stuff in, you know, in that season that they're in. What could bond you really quickly, too? It could. You're right. I mean, I guess if you're obsessed with this person and you're willing to walk through that with them at that time, you could.

It would just speed up that process. It would speed up the bonding. You're right. This one says, never vent to your family about your partner. I think that's good advice. Yeah. And I think you also need to be careful about your friends, too. You don't need grandma and your mom, like, hating your partner.

It just puts them in a bad position, too, because. Like they probably want to speak life into your marriage, but then it's like, oh, but I'm also always in your corner. Yeah. Being your mom, your grandma, you know. Exactly. Yeah, you just have to be careful. You always want to be championing your loved one. Yeah.

You know. Be with someone who loves you more than you love them. That's sweet. Is it, though? Is that good advice? I don't know. I don't know if you can measure love like that. It's probably best to try to one up the other person.

I think it's best to try to be giving in more. I love you more. It's like that quote, it's not about what you can do for your country. It's not about what your country can do for you. It's about what you can do for your country. Thank you. And let's apply that to marriage.

And so. I actually, yeah, I don't think that's actually good advice because I feel like they should say, like what do they say, I think this is a John Maloney thing, but they're like marriage should be a race

to out-serve one another. That's good. I like that. And so I feel like that might be counterproductive. This one says have deep talks frequently, so when hard things come up, it's easier to talk about them. I don't know about that one. I don't think you should talk about deep. I think you should keep it light.

Yeah, sometimes when you're having too many deep combos, it's like, what are we even doing? Like, how about we just talk about some fun stuff, you know? Because ultimately, I feel like marriage is a lot about companionship. Yeah. And like being friends and buddies. Having fun. Having small talk and just like laughing and being sick. If you can't have fun together, you might want to find somebody else.

Well, if you're married, we, that's a different. Then you got to refine. Well, I think, like, you need to know that you can have fun together from the start. You need to know that you are able to have deep conversations. Yeah. That's extremely important. But I don't think intentionally having deep talks often is necessarily the direction. Because I do know, I do know some, you know, I know couples like that where I'm like, oh, no, they're having another.

Like, super deep. Super deep, feely thing. Late night. Yeah. Late night feelers. Yeah. The last one says love is a verb. I believe that, especially as someone that my love language is acts of service.

I believe that. Love is a verb. Do you know what that means? Matt, love is a verb. No. Like a verb is like an action word. Mm-hmm. It's like not a feeling.

You're taking action with the love. You're doing things. You're planning dates. See, now you're taking it a different direction. Thank you to Cash Shop for sponsoring this portion of our episode. A Money Lesson I'm trying to pass on to our. is to spend less than they make. Cash app now offers managed accounts for kids ages 6 to 12

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We each came up with five, so we would have 10 things we've learned from, 10 years together. That's right. That's pretty sweet. Yeah. Should I go first? Yeah, I'm really curious what you put in hers. My first advice is make friends with other married couples. Your problems aren't unique. That was really good. So one of my favorite things about having couple friends is that they will talk about the real stuff they're going through in their life. And I will also do the same. And it's so connective and enlightening to realize, oh my gosh, I'm not alone in this. Like this, the hard things I'm dealing with, you know, when it comes to kids or when it comes to maybe a marriage problem that came up, everybody's going through the same thing. Right? Everybody is,

especially when it comes to the newborn stage. That can be really tough. And, you know, I've been able to show up for my friends that have been through some difficult times there. And same thing, you know, on the flip side. So I don't know. I think it's just very comforting to know that you're not alone. It's very comforting to know that, I mean, yeah, just not being alone is huge. That's so good. I'm actually going to say that that was a deep combo we had last night. So we are hypocrites. Last night we were brushing our teeth is when we talked about this because when I said like we I didn't say this and like just I was like talking about how important is that community because you realize your problems aren't unique. Yeah. And just like with having like we said a lot of friends that are married like

talking about marriage and like things that they're going through things that we've gone through like it's so like it's not like we're having like a gripe session. We're all just like down afterwards. It's like oh okay. I feel like you know it's not it's not all over. It's. It's not. It's not all over. It's not all lost. Like, we're getting through it. We're going to get through it. We can get advice from each other. Talk it out.

I feel like we have like, it's also nice to hear like, oh, your husband does that too. Okay. Like your wife does that too? Okay. And something that I told Abby and being completely honest, you guys, we've logged multiple trips that we've been on before we're going to, you know, take a hiatus from traveling with a newborn. We've logged our trip to Tahoe.

We've logged our trip to Maui. And then we did some social media, some short form videos of our trip to Destin, Florida. And I told Abby that the trip that I enjoyed the most was the one with our friends. Because we're all in a very similar life stage. Had little kids. We have little kids that were able to play together the whole time. And it was just, it was just great. Like, it was, I just really enjoyed getting to hang with other dads.

We were able to, like, play board games together. Like, staying in the same house. You're like, oh, we all live the same life. The moms would do hot mom walks while the dads would play Catan. I called them humid mom walks. Humid. Oh, yeah. Those so humid in Florida. Wow. Yeah. Which honestly, I think I felt hotter. Like in Florida.

Yeah, with it, it could be 82 degrees in Florida. But that to me felt hotter than like 105 in Phoenix. Yeah. Because of that humidity. It's crazy. It's like you're literally in a bowl soup. Yeah. Anyway, that was a good one. Should we take turns? Yeah. Okay. Now you go up. I actually did mine a little bit wrong, but it's really, it's going to work out just fine. What's your advice?

I'm going to do, well, because we said things I learned. So I'm kind of just saying like things I messed up. Yeah. That I have like now learned to like try to correct. Okay. Okay. So one of the things I did wrong that I've learned is that I didn't prioritize my marriage after starting our family.

Wow. And I feel like this is one of those that it's like you hear this advice. And then you almost, in my experience, I just had to. live it to know what that was like actually like because the experience of like becoming a mom that identity shift like literally changed my brain so much that I like feel like and one thing that's exactly what was supposed to happen that's completely natural and it's was like you know it's a biological thing that takes place but I don't think I put the things in place to just be like okay wait like the reason we had kids is because we love each other so much and so like I feel like

mentally cut you out of the picture for a little bit there and had to really like course correct once like the dust settled which is like obviously they there's a time and a place for that because like those newborn babies have such pressing needs they need their mom so much in that beginning time that it was completely overwhelming to me and so I'm not talking about in the fresh weeks, but I was like, it took me months really to just be like, oh my gosh, I freaking love you. Like, this is why we did this in the first place. And so that was a learning curve. And there's even research to back that up. So people are saying now that postpartum, I guess this, I think this has been like known for a while, but I think it's becoming

more publicly known that postpartum isn't something that just happens in the first, you know, couple weeks for a couple months. Postpartum lasts for years. Literally, up to two years from the research that I've done, you know, that's how long postpartum lasts. It's one of those things that's like you can hear it before, but it's really hard to apply until you're in it. That's wonderful. Thanks for sharing that. Thank you, baby. I love how you just said wonderful. My next one is, this kind of goes right along with yours. It's do not consider divorce for two years after having a baby.

I think that's great. It's just hard, man. Like your relationship will not be the same after having kids. That's true. It puts a lot of stress on the marriage and the amount of people that do get divorced pretty quickly after having kids baffles me, you know? Yeah. I should say it can.

Some people have a really smooth time, you know? And God bless them. Yeah. That's great for them. Great for them. God bless America. I just see it time and time again with people. having kids and you can just you can just tell like it it doesn't matter you can be doing everything right

the marriage is just in a in a tough spot because you have sleep deprivation you have hormones that have changed you have a a new life that is fully reliant on the two of you I should also say that we spent every waking hour together since we got married and then we had a kid and then we were like split you know what I mean like it probably hit us harder too because we like spent literally every minute of every day together always. Yeah. So, but that's good. That's a good one.

My second one is I said lacking humility. Because I think that a lot of times when we'd experience conflict, I remember like consciously thinking in my head like, if I say sorry, like kind of like what that person said. If I say sorry, then that is just, that's. putting me as the loser and then him as the winner and I just was like no can't let that happen and especially like just thinking of oh my gosh I feel like always like always say sorry I'm I shouldn't say sorry this time or just like overthinking it's like okay no if you mess up say sorry and then

another piece of advice I got that was really really good that I think is great relationship advice is if you can't say sorry like genuinely like for like for this thing that happened because if you're like, okay, I still don't think that I did this wrong, then say, then a good thing to do is you can say, hey, I'm sorry. Like, I feel like I would use the thing like, like, okay, last night was weird. I didn't like how that went down. Like, I'm sorry. Basically saying, like, I'm sorry, the situation turned out, like, how it was. And I feel like that is just a really good, I think it does the opposite of what I thought in my head. I thought I would put you as the winner, me as the loser, but I feel like saying sorry, kind of evens the playing, playing field a little bit. Like, it's

like, okay, because then your defenses go down where you're like, okay, she is like humbled herself to say sorry. And then for me, I'm like, that was hard to say. And now like, I can, now that I've said sorry, I can move on and do differently and be better. And so I think in general, like relationships are, I always say like parenting was like such an exercise in selflessness, but I think relationships are such an exercise in humility. And I think once again, humility is one of those things that like as a single person, you can only, you can only strengthen that so much, but being in marriage together and walking through life, like completely as one like that, that is where you are like truly experiencing humility.

What do you think about changing yours to say sorry often? Yeah, say sorry often. Do you think that like sums it up? I think that sums it up. Okay. For the records, change mine. Number two. All right.

Say sorry often. You know that that was my relationship advice on always here. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Next one is fornicate frequently.

Who's surprised that you freaking said that? When that came up in the best advice, I thought that was hilarious because that was literally, because you're like, I already wrote that down. I literally wrote that down. I think it's good advice. Yeah. I was trying to think of like a funny way to say it. I was like, I don't know.

I give that advice to people often. honestly. Really? You do? I do. If you have a friend that's having mere troubles, you're like, just do it. I don't try to just give that blanket advice. Okay. But it comes up often. I feel like it's hard to have hatred for somebody like after doing that, you know. Yeah. It's a practice and it's a practice. It's like a brain reset. It's like you factory reset. Yeah, it's like a factory reset. It's like when you're your phone stops working, you're like, how do I fix this? Reset it.

You know, that's actually a really good metaphor. Restart it. It's a good metaphor. I do that when our Wi-Fi stops working. Yeah, you unplug it. I just unplug it and then you plug it back in. Wait a minute and then plug it back in. And it starts working again.

This is getting so bad. Okay, my next one is, this is something that I have messed up in the past. I have loved you with my own love language. Ah. So, like, I will just do this tangible example. I love acts of service. So then I would like literally exhaust myself, break my back, trying to give Matt acts of service. Meanwhile, he's not feeling any more loved by it because that's not exactly like how he wants

to be celebrated or appreciated. And I feel like that was, I remember we have this like conversation like probably three years into marriage. You're like, Abby, thank you. Like I'm grateful that you do these things. But this is not like I like words of affirmation. And so. I just want you to tell me that you love me.

I just want you to tell me that you love me. I want to hear you say it. What do you like? You're like, no, but I did. And I'm like, I just want to know, I want to hear you verbally say that you love me. Yeah. And then not even that. Like you're like, what do you love about me?

Like you like. I'm like trying. Yeah, you're like, can you say one thing about me that you like? And then meanwhile, on my end, I'm like showering you. Showering me with praise. It's so much praise. Complementing you doing everything that I'd want to hear from you. And you don't give.

You're like, do an act of service right now. I know. Show me you love me. Yeah. So, yeah, and I think that it's really important in a relationship that you celebrate one another. Yeah. But with the caveat of like how they want to be and actually feel celebrated. So, yeah, that was something I definitely messed up.

And I have learned and I'm still learning. We both learned a lot. We've both learned a lot. I think that's a tale of this time, the whole doing your love language for someone else, even though it's not their love language. It's so easy to do though because you're like, how do it? I feel loved. I feel loved when this happened, so I'm going to do this. It's really like, it seems so simple, but it's just, it can't, it's easy to mess up. Next one I have. I think this is on, is this, is this number seven?

Yeah. This is number seven. Um, continue to date your spouse. It's so simple. It's, you've probably heard it before, but Abby and I are going on a date tomorrow night. It'll be our first in a long while, though. Yeah, we've been doing some travel. So it's been hard to, make our weekly date night happen. Weekly has not happened. We haven't had a date in actually a couple months, but that's fine. We've had a lot of good quality time, I would say. We found ways like we, we were in L.A. for this podcast like a month ago, and we went and got lunch before our flight left. And so that was kind of like a little date that we had. When you're a parent to Littles, you learn to just make the most of those, like, quick moments. But I think when you date your

spouse, you really have to be intentional about not talking about the kids or talking about chores or different household responsibilities. For us, it can be easy to talk about business and work because we work together. And so if you are, yeah, if you've been in a long relationship, I think it's so important just to put all those like all those things aside, especially what's, what's the right phrase to refer to it? Just like the... Distractions. Yeah, like when you're running a household,

like you don't turn date night into a household meeting night. It needs to be just a time to have fun together and talk about something other than household duties or, you know, if you talk about the kids, I mean, I love to talk about my kids. They're going to come up. It does come up, but I think finding things outside of that that can connect you to one.

another and flirt with each other, you know, just making the date night actually fun, doing something that isn't just, you know, you got to be intentional about connection together. Yeah. Obviously, we talk about our kids a lot, but usually it's like on day night, it's like, oh, well, this funny thing that happened that you didn't know about. It's not like logistics of parenting together. 100%. Another mistake that I have made in the past 10 years together that I learned this one early on. I feel like I learned this one actually before we got married. Okay. Picking every single battle. I feel like that this was a problem because I remember when we were dating. I will never forget this. You told me that you're like you're like nagging me. And I remember being like,

ah, am I? Like that was really upending for me. I don't really know. I was just like I never identified with like being a nag but I like was. I was like, That's because I was picking every single battle. And so I do think that any long-term relationship, you learn to just let some things go. Like, there's an art to that. And it's like, I'm not going to pick that one. I feel like we let go of, like, pretty much every, like, petty argument that we would have experienced in our first year of marriage related to, like, toilet paper, laundry. Any of the household things, it was just like, ah.

we let it go. Yeah. And for both ways, because it's like, it's not like one of us as like the neat freak and the other is, we just have really just

become more and more like each other, I think. And that's just made living together a lot easier, I think. I agree. But yeah, definitely picking every single battle was one.

I was like, yeah, you got to learn to let that one go. 100%. Yeah. And ultimately it's because you're like, this is my best friend. Like yeah, you know what? He puts clothes next to the hamper instead of

in the hamper, but I'll move it to the hamper for him because he's my best friend. No big deal. Or like you with me. Like, oh, she, what are annoying things I do? There's a lot. I mean, I don't know where I just... She clips her toenails on the bathroom mat. I don't care about that. I don't care about that because she's my best friend. Yeah. I think the weird stuff you do is kind of funny. Like, what do I do? Give you some personality. I do. You've like really evolved as a, as a human. I've changed a lot.

So much. And looking back at old videos really reminds me of that. Yeah, you've, you've really changed. And I think it's been cool to watch you become just a better version of yourself. Like, thank you. I think I think the version of you that I have now,

I think is like the best version yet, honestly. That's so nice. So, uh, yeah, I've seen you like put in work and, you know, show show up for me in ways just over the past, this past year that, like, have really meant so much to me. So I think, I think that you're, uh, yeah, actively like pouring into our marriage and actively

just, you're a really good mom. You do so much for our kids. You do so much for me. You do so much for your, for your friends and our community. So, um, I just see you putting in the work and I feel grateful that I get to be married to you. That's so nice. I feel the same way. I really do. Thanks. Now this is becoming too mushy gushy. Move on to the next one. Next one. I think that's it. Was that all five? No, I have another one. Oh, you have one more. Wait, do I have one more? You should. Oh, here's my last one. We're only at eight. Number nine for me is it's okay to go to bed angry. We talked about this. I know two of these, two of mine were in the list, but just go to bed. Just go to bed. And you're not going to have all the tension that you, that you have at 1 a.m. built up.

the morning but actually talk about it don't just ignore it don't don't just sweep it under the rug like actually have a conversation and resolve but i think if you're just like letting things escalate and you're both tired and and things build then you start just getting into this crazy territory world where you're you're both not in a mentally good spot so yeah go to bed angry it's fine finally i've finally lowered my flag or raised my flag of surrender um okay my last one is keeping score. This one I'm still working on. Keeping score. It's so easy to do. Yeah, this is things I've messed up. And so I'm like learning. And I feel like that especially becomes easier as you enter parenthood, but it starts before you have kids. And that is something that I like still struggle

with. It is really hard to not keep score. Yeah. And it's just never ever, ever going to end up even. Like, one day one's going to be ahead. One day the other is going to be ahead. Like, it's just never going to end up even. And then it's, if you, if you're both doing that, it will just always cause conflicts. It's the same thing like tip for tat. You know what I mean? Like, if you just look at marriages like, I'm just trying to out serve you and you are trying to out serve me, that is the best set up for it because we're just both like leaning on each other and it just feels like we're both, you know, feel so loved. So that is, something that I can't say that I've mastered even after 10 years. So that will be maybe my next

goal for the next, for the next decade. Nice. So that were, that was the 10 things that we have learned from 10 years together. To wrap up this episode, this is the part that I was cringing about. What? So when we first got married, we made a video on the wedding night, like after we got back from our reception in our hotel room. We're still like in our wedding dress and you're in your suit. Yeah, this was July 6th, 2019. And we have this video that we recorded. I don't even know why we did this because at this point we had never done social media

at all. Like we just did this purely just to have documentation. Just to have us. We have since posted the video. But we made a video for ourselves, like for our future selves from the night, like from literally just an hour or like hours after getting married and like officially, you know, being married. And it was really cool. I always say I'm so glad we did that. And I'd always give that advice to other people to just make a video to your future selves like on the night that you like your

emotions are so high. Like your love is so big. You just made this big vow and commitment and turned into it with so many other people like witnesses present. Like I think it's a great thing to do that we just kind of did by accident. Like it was definitely your idea that you like let's do this. And I'm so glad that we have it. But in that video, this is when we say that we really, we really change a lot. But in that video, we made like a goal for our future selves or like a message to our future selves, like something to look on. And my goal to my future self was to, quote, not be so overpowering and dominant. Wow. I want to know context now. What happened? What did that? What did that? Where did that come from?

I don't know. I guess that's up on YouTube. Like, I guess that's how our producer found that. Maybe that was from some, like, premarital counseling? I have no idea. Where did that come from? Also, maybe I was just being a controlling... Do you think that I have met that goal?

You know, I feel... Maybe I still am overpowering dominant. That needs to be my refreshing goal for the next decade. I mean, the marriage advice I always get when I meet an old married couple is happy wife, happy life. So I don't know. Be like I just, you know, if mom is happy, everybody's happy. Here's the thing. If you would have asked me today, like, what did you say for your future self on your wedding night?

I would not have guessed that. I'm telling you, I would not have guessed that. Oh, I have the turns of tabled. I'm just kidding. What was yours? Mine was to focus on, focus my life on people and relationships. and not worry so much about business and providing. So I think for me at that time,

I was very focused on how to make young marriage work financially. Yeah. And I was like stressed about how we were going to afford rent and food and all those things. Well, you also grew up with your, like your dad had job insecurity growing up. Yeah. Yeah. And so you were kind of probably like trying to like, you're coming from that background.

I was like over correcting for that. Yeah. And honestly. honestly I think it's still it's still something that I like I struggle with like this like relentless pursuit of of of more I think like the goalposts always move in life and so I think that's still something that's a challenge for me and at the same time like I I something that gets me excited about you know waking up in the morning is is dreaming of different different creative Just a very driven individual.

High achiever. Yeah, I'm passionate about whatever it is that I'm working on in the moment, whether it's music, whether it's our podcast, YouTube videos, TikToks, you know, whatever. This mascara company that Abby launched could not be more proud of her. But yeah, it's just like I, it's still something that I struggle with because I want to make sure that I'm, like, creating space in my life for, for relationships. and honestly, I think the best way that I've changed to be more people-oriented and relationship-oriented is just through fatherhood because I think I have such good bonds with our boys, and I'm just excited to be a part of their life as they get older and see how their passions play out, whether it's a sport or something in the arts.

I'm just excited to be a part of whatever that is for them. So, yeah. I guess what I'm saying is like my, my closest people in my life are just my family. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So I guess we should end by saying what would we like to say to our future selves today for the next decade together? Oh, goodness. Just keep going. Just take things day by day. My piece of advice is I would say really work on just like that companionship love.

like work on being best friends and yeah because I just think the more I learn about marriage and relationships is that like friendship will really carry you the furthest and I feel like so much of our early relationship was just like so much passion and I think that there's like a place for that but I also just think like in the long term like so many life can use so many circumstances and that passion can feel shallow yeah but like like deep friendship will like, I think that will like endure like the long term and like weather a lot of storms. So, yeah, thank you guys so much for listening.

Get yourself a mascara if you can. If the link is there, then I think you should shop it. And also if you would like to leave a review on this podcast, it is so, so, so appreciated. We seriously can't thank you enough. We have a lot of hands that help us. a few hands that help us with this podcast, but they work really, really, really hard. And we are really a tight-knit operation over here. So it means so much to all of us.

When you give us five stars, like, heart, share, comment, all the things. And so I want to read this review from Lauren Page 03. So, so kind. It says, thank you. I can relate to both of you so much. And that is why I love listening to your podcasts. Watch your YouTube videos and TikToks. My husband and I also got married in early 20s living in Springfield, Missouri.

and also experienced a miscarriage in January. When I lost our baby, this podcast helped me heal and not feel so alone, especially with becoming pregnant again at the end of March. You guys are amazing, and I can't thank you enough. Thank you so much, Lauren. And I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, but also congratulations on the new pregnancy. It's such a hard journey, and I wouldn't wish it on literally anybody, of course, ever, ever.

But we are so happy for you and proud of you for, moving forward with this grief that you have now too. So anyway, thank you guys so much for listening to this podcast. Thanks for tuning in every single week. And here's to another decade together. Oh yeah. Here's for another decade, baby. Love you.

Love you too. Okay. Thanks, guys. See you. Peace.