The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby - Asking my wife UNCOMFORTABLE questions guys are too afraid to ask

Episode Date: February 26, 2025

Matt puts Abby in the hot seat with the most uncomfortable questions guys are too afraid to ask. From whether a C-section is “cheating birth” to if she’d remarry if Matt died, nothing is off-limits. They also debate why women say one thing but mean another, why asking “are you on your period?” is a terrible idea, and Abby’s honest take on what romance really looks like. This Episode is sponsored by AdoreMe, RokcetMoney, Outschool and Nutrafol. Adoreme: For bra and panty sets for as low as $19.95, head to https://AdoreMe.com RocketMoney: Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to https://RocketMoney.com/unplanned. Outschool: If you want to try Outschool, you can now get $20 off your child' s first class or tutoring session at https://Outschool.com and use code UNPLANNED at checkout. Nutrafol: Visit https://nutrafol.com and enter promo code UNPLANNED for $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

age and then have the conversation. Thank you to Needed for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. Matt, I want you to guess the percentage of pregnancies that happen that are unplanned. 20%. Higher. 30%. Higher. What? 40%. It's 40%. Oh my god. And that's why it's never too early to start thinking about improving your fertility. And that's also why we're excited to introduce you to today's sponsor, Needed. Needed is a woman owned brand that offers a complete nutritional system for fertility, pregnancy, postpartum, and women's health. From egg quality support to women trying to conceive, a lactation support plan for breastfeeding moms, to stress and sleep support that supports all types of women, including those in perimenopause slash menopause.

They even have, I saw they had like sperm support, which honestly I think that's incredible because a lot of the time fertility feels like it falls all on the woman to like get pregnant, but there's also responsibilities of the men and the men's health that influence like the pregnancy and the baby and fertility in general. So they've really thought of everything and I think that's really really cool. Needed as a collective of more than 6,000 practitioners working together to get a radically better standard for women's health. There's so much more on the journey to parenthood that you can't control but nutrition is a big one that you can. And they have so many different supports and yeah like I said from egg quality to lactation to sleep and stress which we know is so, so important

for all types of women. It's very thoughtful the way they've gone about their business and we really recommend it. So head to thisisneeded.com and use code unplanned for 20% off your first order. Okay, so having a conversation kind of- Why do girls say one thing but always mean another? I do that?

You do that- I feel like I'm a clear communicator. What is the biggest ick a guy could give? Picky eating is a big ick for me. When I told you I didn't like cheese or chocolate, did that kind of piss you off? It agitates me. What's wrong with asking your girlfriend,

are you on your period, when they're overreacting? Do I need to explain that? If you're a man watching this, you need to put the are you on your period question into the no square. Would you remarry if I died? That's kind of sad to think about. That's really sad. We asked you guys to submit juicy questions guys are too afraid to ask.

Thank you to everyone that submitted their questions on our unplanned podcast, Instagram. Our first question starting off strong is why do girls talk about sex so much and intimate topics with their friends? I like talking about it with other women that are married. It's not something that you can talk about super openly. So then when I'm in company that I'm like, okay, these are also people in my same stage of life.

They're my close friends and they're also married and they're women. I would not talk about it with men ever. What's shocking to me is it sounds like you and your lady friends will just like Drop your drawers in front of each other like you guys have seen each other Haven't you like seen each other without your clothes on because I don't just see my dude friends with with no clothes I wouldn't say that happens on a regular basis

but if we're like changing then I feel like men would probably tend to go to separate rooms whereas Women would be more likely to change in front of each other. Maybe you just have more confidence than me. Well you know I feel like a lot of it has to do with having had babies you lose a certain level of modesty that I don't think I ever fully regained that especially okay between pregnancy birth and breastfeeding you just some of you lose some of that you don't quite gain all of it back. I gained some of it back. You've had so many women and nurses and doctors see your hoo-ha when you're giving birth.

I've also always kind of been that way. Like I think I did dance growing up and we were like always in dressing rooms. I did theater. And everyone's just seen each other with their clothes off and danced. Also I don't think my parents, like I still describe myself as a modest person.

Well, wasn't that a thing like it's so relative like modesty is so relative but my parents didn't like ever they were never like go back in your room little miss and put on longer shorts they were never they bought me bikinis like they weren't that type they never made me feel ashamed of my body or shy about it I remember that actually dating you in high school I was like this is so hot this girl wears bikinis like she looks so good. That really shouldn't be that strange. I saw you look great.

I was just a teenager that thought you looked hot. The thing is I never like changed without clothes on from anybody. Like I did theater. Like I was never changing. The dressing room? But we were in our underwear. I wasn't taking my underwear.

But I wasn't taking my underwear off. Like our parents' generation used to take showers together playing like football and doing stuff like that That does seem really wild. Isn't that weird? Like everyone's just like in the shower together. No clothes on I'm sure that in like some like YMCA's it's probably still the kids. Well even in the spa like women are naked Really? Yes. Actually we were just at the spa and there were naked dudes at the spa I know that I'm thinking about but it like, it's always the old dudes though. Like the young dudes are more about privacy.

It's usually the same with women, I would say. Older women just don't give an F and they're just walking around with, with, with furniture disease. I'm always going back and forth. That's funny. I'm always going back and forth between like, okay, I need to cover up, keep my body private.

And then also like, it's just a body and we don't need to like make it so much more than it is. We don't need to like sexualize everything. Why do girls say one thing but always mean another? Yes, can we please talk about this? I do that? You do that. I feel like I'm a clear communicator.

You are not a clear communicator. Okay, give me one example. I can think of one right now, but I can't say it for personal reasons. I always tell my friends, I'm like, don't leave them like wondering, like just tell them. I need extremely black and white communication. It's literally like- Give me one example.

I almost want you to order me around. Whisper in my ear. Can I tell you what it is? Yes. I'm going to tell you what it is right now and then we're going to bleep it out, okay? Sure. I mean, here's the thing, language has two parts, right? Yeah.

Body language and like tone, and then the actual words you say. Yeah. And I feel like if we're generalizing, which it seems like this whole video stereotypes in generalizing. I'm not trying to generalize. I'm just asking the questions

that are given to me right here. These are the questions submitted by our viewers. That's the whole concept, right? So maybe they're pretty sexist. Matt, it wasn't a personal thing. I'm just saying that's what the format of this video is. Okay, sorry. The reason I think a woman would maybe not say exactly

or tiptoe around what they actually want is because it's extremely romantic to feel known. And so if your partner, you're like, I didn't even say I wanted this or I didn't even say that X, Y, and Z and they just knew that. That makes you feel so known and so loved. I didn't even say I wanted this or I didn't even say that X, Y, and Z and they just knew that. That makes you feel so known and so loved.

Do you know I don't care about that nearly as much as you do, but I've been training myself. I think everybody cares about that. I think at their core, every person cares to feel that way. Well, okay, let me give an example though. If I'm getting you food, instead of asking you what you want, I just kind of decide for you because I know that if I choose the right thing, that of asking you what you want, I just kind of decide for you, because I know that if I choose the right thing,

that means a lot to you. Which now makes me realize I shouldn't have asked you if you wanted chicken today, I should have just gotten you steak. Sorry babe. It's okay. I effed up. Abby likes steak tacos from Chipotle,

but she was having an aversion to steak, and then I started getting her chicken and then She realized she could eat steak again, and I asked her if she wanted chicken or steak, but I should not have done that You're back on the steak train. Let's go steak from Chipotle is superior. It's just the superior protein of choice So that's my answer for that, but I am also still an advocate for clear communication and not testing your husband but I mean testing your husband. But I mean, if your husband can, or your boyfriend can just like go above and be gone.

I'm thinking about the conversation we had with your dad the other day. We were like, Matt, would you, Abby's dad's name is Matt. I said, Matt, would you rather be married to someone who's ugly and nice or hot and mean? He said hot and mean. He said hot and mean. He's joking. I feel like most guys would say that.

I would say that. Wow, what does that say about me? Meant you're hot and mean. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm joking. Okay, it's a joke. What's wrong with asking your girlfriend, are you on your period, when they're overreacting? That's a very bad time to ask, when they're overreacting.

Yeah, that would be bad. See, I read that. Do I need to explain that? I was reading that as someone asking one of their friends that's a girl, like two of their fellow gal pals, but now I'm realizing this is a man asking this question, referring to their girlfriend.

I just forgot that men can have girlfriends because I've been married to you for so long. I just assume everyone's married. It's okay to ask, did you get your period if it's like they wanna know how to cater to you? Yes, yes. But it's not okay to ask at that time because then you're kind of just weaponizing

their femininity, their cycle, you know? A lot of men, I think, think in very like black and white terms or like little squares, that's how my brain works. And I feel like if you're a man watching this, you need to put the, are you on your period question into the no square. Like that. You've never asked me that.

That is a square and that's why it's in the no square. I just don't ask that question. What is the hardest thing about being a woman? I actually do want to know what that is because I feel like there's probably a lot of, there's a lot you could talk about right there. There's probably a lot of different answers you get if you ask a lot of different types of women.

Well, especially like the- For me, I would say it's like the hormones cause they're consistently a difficult thing throughout a woman's life. Like they're just like, and also I don't think that like women's health, I don't think we know enough about hormones. Talk to me about the hormones after having a baby.

Well, they're crazy. I've heard once, I don't know if this is true, but like the hormone shift is equivalent to taking like a hundred birth control pills. Your perception is like completely altered and it's kind of crazy. But like hormones become like become not become a problem become prevalent in a female's life like you know what is it like 9 10 11 12 and

Then you have your cycle you go through pregnancies postpartum and then you go through menopause And it's still a major problem and then your post or perimonium pause menopause and then postmenopause It's still like hormones can, if they're imbalanced, can be a big problem. And I feel like whenever you go to the doctor and they're like, you're like, why is this symptom happening? I've heard so many women say that they've heard a doctor just say it's your hormones, which isn't really an answer. If you were a man, what would you do first? I'm laughing because I know what my answer would be if I was a woman.

I don't want to be a man. I don't want to be a woman. It's so gross. Yeah. I like being a man. I shouldn't say it's so gross, but the thought of me being a man is gross. I love men, but I don't want to be a man. I feel like it's a healthy place to be where you are just happy.

I guess I would just hop out of bed and throw some water in my hair and then just be out the door because that's literally your morning routine to like look the way that you look. I have like a whole regimen. Do you think the same way as me because the other day I was thinking I really wouldn't change anything about myself like sure I have flaws but like but I like being me like do you feel the same way? Do you like being the person you are? Yeah, I don't really wanna. That's a waste of a life to always critique yourself. Well, it's kinda like the grass. It's also very vain.

Yeah, it's like if you always think the grass is greener, it's like maybe you just need to water the grass on your side of the street. There you go. I feel like we should get an embroidered pillow that says that. Just water your own grass. Water your own grass.

No, I guess I would just like, the thing I'm envious about men is that like their regimen seems to be very efficient. Oh, yeah, like I got ready today. Like you just brush your teeth and out the door. I do that, but I don't feel like I'm my put together self when I do that. I feel like you guys feel pretty complete if you just throw on your nice pants and brush your teeth. Yeah, that's actually how we do that. I feel like you guys feel pretty complete if you just throw on your nice pants and brush your teeth. Yeah, that's actually how we do it. But I feel like why was my first initial thought to be like walk around with no shirt on

when that's not even like really a desire I have. See, that was why I was laughing is because I would have looked at myself naked immediately if I was a woman. Assuming that I still have a man brain, because I'm just, you know, if I would, like literally today- I wouldn't want to walk around in the man body.

Do you like the words of affirmation that I give you when you get out of the shower is a little too much? Sometimes I'm like, I just went to the library with our one and two year old, like the shifts that happen in my day are shocking. The shifts that happen. I'm like my transitions are abrupt. That's like the TikTok that I sent you. That was me going back to being a parent after doing unspeakable things with my spouse. And it's just like this little audio

where these two parents are just pretending like everything is normal. Yeah, that's our life. Yeah, the transitions as a parent are pretty crazy. They are, they are. But you gotta live life on the edge. There you go. Thank you to Adore Me for sponsoring

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That is totally each person's own preference, you know? I would say in the season now that we're in with having little kids, I crave, it's both ways. Cause I'm used to being around people all the time because of being around our little people. But I also feel like there's times where I want more alone time than before just because you know you're constantly catering and it's like oh I just kind of want a minute to just be me. Like when I see you after you get out of the shower when you get home from the gym with the

kids and the kids are napping I'm just like freaking stoked. It's not the gym I don't get home from. Okay getting home from going to like the zoo with the kids or something. Yeah. I'm stoked to see you, not only because you're naked, but also because I just genuinely think you're an awesome person. And I think in those moments, you want to be alone because you've been over-stimulated with the kids the entire morning and you just need some time to yourself. Yeah, I kind of feel like the word over-stimulated

is kind of overused a little bit. Like, I don't know if it's that serious where it's just kind of like, I've always loved getting ready, like using that as me time, like listening to a podcast and kind of just like getting myself together, and then I'm ready to like socialize

and be with you and with other people. It's not that I hate when you come in, but sometimes I'm like, oh man, I just kinda wanted to use this time to decompress and then rev up for the rest of the day, you know? Yeah. Yeah, I do think that alone time is really important. And also, I think alone time is not effective

if you're just scrolling on your phone or if you're just using your phone, especially social media. Like I feel like alone time should be a time where you kind of just like give your brain rest and not like overstimulated because then you can feel like you're like socialized even though you didn't even see anyone because you're just looking at other people's life.

Isn't that like an escape though? When I see you scrolling, I can tell that you're stressed or something's on your mind that you're trying to remove from your brain because when you're just scrolling and scrolling and scrolling, it seems like you're looking. You're talking to me? Yeah, like it seems like you're looking for a dopamine hit to like relieve stress.

Well, I mean, like here's the thing. There's a time and a place. Social media can like numb you out, but do you really feel rested? Do you really feel recuperated like after that? That's good, that's good. Like, is it gonna make you feel better in the long term? If you're having a bad day, what is the best way that I can help as a husband? Maybe it's just like my love language but like taking a burden off of me that makes me feel like

not only that you want to help me out and that you care, but that you know, she's feeling burdened or she's feeling stressed and this is something that she does that I could do. Taking the mental load. Yeah, I feel like that would be good. I think you do that and I think that's something that does help a lot. I think a common thing in relationships that I've seen

just through looking at other people's marriages and looking at our marriage is oftentimes guys gravitate towards being Mr. Fix-It Felix and trying to fix everything. Women tend to want to, at least from my experience, want to talk about their feelings. With wanting to fix things, like I turn to work, I turn to business, I turn to,

oh, what's a financial way that we can fix our problems? But you're just like, dude, can you just take the mental load of doing our children's, like both of their, you know, bath time routine, night time routine, teeth brushed, milk, diaper changes, reading them books and putting them to bed, because, you know,

yeah, we tag team on the nighttime routine pretty much every night. But sometimes there's days where you're just like, I don't have energy at all. And so if that's a day where I can just take on the mental load and say, hey, just chill on the couch, you know, close your eyes, read a book, whatever you want to do. I'm going to do the nighttime routine with our kids completely on my own. Like, I feel like that would be a good way. That's not technically the mental load, but yeah. Okay, or the mental load of planning presents

for a kid's birthday party. Something as stupid as that. Because a lot of times I think those things fall on the women and men just expect for their wives to, sometimes, by accident, expect for their wives to just always be the one to pick out the gifts for the kids birthday party and plan this and plan that and that still work on the woman.

Or even just like sometimes when it's a stressful day or kids losing it and the day is really busy and there's a lot to get done, we feel behind. Sometimes it can also be stressful to be fielding the question like, well it comes from a good place. Sometimes it can also be stressful to be fielding the question like, while it comes from a good place, be like, well, what can I do? Like that feels like kind of like another task added to a stressful list of tasks to do. That's why it's kind of good to like, it's not bad to ask, but it feels good to just like step in. What is the most unattractive thing a guy could do?

I feel like you could write a book on this I feel like I do some really nasty stuff. I think in general the most unattractive thing in a person in general is For me, this is a personal thing. I think large egos are like arrogance that bothers me. Arrogance. Am I an arrogant person? No. Okay, that makes me feel good about myself. Do you think I'm physically attractive? Yes. It actually, the next question is, do you think your husband is the hottest, most sexiest man? Well, did you read my cards?

Yes, I did. Well, then what's your answer? The answer would be yes. I do. How would you, I just wanna hear it in your own words though. I'm a words of affirmation guy, so this stuff means a lot to me. On the podcast?

If you could just verbally say it for the entire world. You're the hottest man I know. Why? Is it my round tushy? Yeah, it's your round tushy. Why do you compliment my butt so much? I'm like, are you into butts? I do not! Are women into butts? I'm more of a boob guy, but you seem to be a butt guy. I do not.

I do not compliment your butt so much. What are you talking about? You do. When my clothes are off, you're like, you're like, damn, honey, that's a not. I do not do that. I do not do that. I don't know, it makes you feel good.

I just, I'm gonna stop doing squats in the gym though because my shoulders are tiny. Okay. Is a guy who isn't afraid to show emotions a red flag? A guy who isn't afraid to show him, that's not a red flag. So like our emotional guy is a red flag. If I'm just like super emotional and I'm just like,

I wanna talk about my feelings and like really deep stuff. No, that's not a red flag. That's a green flag. It's personal preference. I think in general it's good to be to practice acknowledging your own emotions. Now it's another thing if you like talking about emotions with people all the time. Like that's not something we really do. I feel like balance is a great flag. I feel like I'm too emotional to be with someone that constantly wants to talk about their emotions. And I'm too unemotional to be with someone that isn't emotional because you kind of you've kind of taught me about my emotions a little bit because you're... Okay see that's what I'm saying. You've got enough emotion for the both of us. In every partnership there's probably someone who wants to talk about their feelings and someone who's like not as much wanting to. Your

dad is the most unemotional person I've ever met in my life. Yeah. And I think that turned you into like the... like to counteract that you became the very emotional version of him. So do you think I'm sensitive? Extremely. My entire family says I'm not sensitive. But you are like...

Well, I think they see a different side of you than I see. Okay, that's true. I know you better than anybody in this world because I'm married to you and I think that you're very tough physically like someone would be like hey Abby we're gonna like put 17 needles into your body. You're like, okay bet like you don't care about physical pain Like when you got your IUD you didn't even flinch like you I wasn't in the room But from what you told me you got an IUD with no didn't even flinch. Like you, I wasn't in the room, but from what you told me,

you got an IUD with no pain medicine, with no support. I wasn't in the room when you got your IUD babe. And you came out of there like, yeah, it didn't even, I didn't even feel it go in. Like you just are so mother freaking tough that I think that your emotional side has to make up for it in some way because it's like, wow, this woman is so insanely like,

like if you look at yourself as a Mario Kart, you know where you can see like traction, speed, like if you look at yourself as a Mario Kart, your emotional level would be like extremely high. And then the like feeling pain would be like extremely low because you can just take it like a champ. I don't know. Maybe you are missing some nerves,

like some nerve endings or something. Maybe you gotta get that checked out. Like you- No, I feel like there's not around a lot of women. Like I saw you, like when you gave birth to our first child, there was so much blood in that room. It looked like you birthed quadruplets, you know? Like I feel like- Oh my gosh.

You probably have some insane pain tolerance. I mean, who can know? And you literally want to keep pumping out these babies. So I feel like you have some sort of secret superpower, some feminine energy that is just like, I don't feel pain. I think I do feel pain. But I also think that I can disconnect my pain from my emotion, like physical pain from emotion.

So then I'm like, I can compartmentalize that I guess but Where are we going with this? I? Think it's just personal preference like if the woman wants to talk about feelings a lot also, maybe you just don't have a lot of experience of being an intimate relationship with a woman because I Don't think I am more emotional than I don't think I'm that much more emotional than the average woman. Thank you to Out School for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. As you guys may know, we are interested in exploring homeschooling with our two children, and a really great tool that I think can help us in this journey is Out School.

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Out school, take charge of their future. What is the biggest ick a guy could give? Like personality or physical? In any, whatever you think. I feel like you could probably write a book on this. I feel like I do a lot of weird stuff. I'm not talking about you. Oh, okay.

Because obviously I wouldn't have married you if you gave me the ick. But there's definitely some icks that I give you. There's some things that I do. Minor ones. Like what? When you go like this. Oh God. give you there's some minor ones like what when you go like this oh god like

that okay I do that wait that's so gross I can't even explain why I do that do you know why do you that you're following mucus yes do you know why I contact with you when you're doing it and it's gross and one time you did it like in the bed no no no no no no like like like in like during When you say I did it in the bed like where we like was I was I like? Unmentionable things to you at that point. Oh my gosh unspeakable. Okay. Um, wow, that's disgusting Now I now that's mine. That's your egg that you get. That's my new egg. I don't even ever want to see that Here's thing's the thing, here's the thing. Okay. I like a clean hiding. Why are you like this? You gotta bend it over

in the shower because you gotta feel. No one needs that visual. You need a clean hiding. If you're gonna compliment my butt cheeks like you do, I gotta make sure those are clean. Okay I don't want any particles of poo on there. That's disgusting. You don't give me the egg. But if a guy were to have long fingernails, I think that would give me the egg. Oh, I need to trim those. No, yours aren't neat. Don't look at them.

They're neat. They're fairly, I don't like it when they get this long. Personality eggs, once again, ego. See, why am I, see, I think I'm just an insecure person because why am I like low key attracted to that? Like if someone's really confident, I'm like, man, I wish I could be like that. Oh really? Yeah, like if someone's way too confident I'm like, man, I wish I could be like that. Oh, really?

Yeah. Like if someone's way too confident and they're probably- Do you think I have an ego? No, I think you're just very sure of yourself. Really? Okay. Yeah, like we had a deep conversation a couple months back where I was talking about how insecure I am and you were like, yeah, I've actually never felt that way ever.

And I was like that. No, I'm sure I felt insecure before. It was just the way that you were describing it. I couldn't relate to. It was so funny though. I was like, oh, I'm sure I felt insecure before. I'm sure I felt insecure before. I'm sure I felt insecure before. I'm sure I felt insecure before. It was just the way that you were describing it. I couldn't relate to it. It was so funny though. I think I was more empathetic than that. I was like, man, that would be awesome to feel that much confidence. I think your confidence comes from a healthy place. Like I think confidence can be a pop come from a positive or negative place and I think yours is very healthy. I think a personality it is someone that doesn't want to do things like they just want to stay home and lazy well It's one thing to be like okay with chilling But like when they just like like if you want to go do something fun And there's kind of like nah and rather not or that doesn't like they're like hesitant to try things

Picky eating is a big egg for me. That's a personal Picky eating oh like I only want to eat mac and cheesey eating is a big ick for me. That's a personal. Picky eating. Oh, like I only wanna eat mac and cheese and chicken nuggets. Like if you're like, I don't eat vegetables or I don't eat, I don't, if you're just like, I won't try, here's the thing, if you won't even try it, that actually,

I feel like, I don't even know how that makes me feel. It kinda makes me feel agitated. When I told you I didn't like cheese or chocolate, did that kinda piss you off? It agitates me, yeah. Why does that make you so frustrated? Because it's not even true. Well, it is true.

You eat pizza, I don't like cheese. I sneak Parmesan into so many of the things that we eat. I don't like that. I actually don't like it. It's nasty. You eat cheese, Matt. I don't eat cheese, it's disgusting. You know you're lying.

And you like chocolate. You just don't like chocolate bars. You get so in your head about these things. I don't eat chocolate at all. I don't like it. Okay, see now I'm pissed. What is the best way to support your wife during childbirth? It definitely depends on what stage you're at,

but if you're in the intense contraction stage, reminders of, even just counting, because contractions are like a mountain. So they build up for like three seconds and then they go down. So you just have to get to the top of the mountain and then breathe out. And so if you could count with them

or just be like we're one contraction closer to meeting our baby or just like reminders of like you're constantly moving forward because sometimes the hardest part, like mental part about labor is that it can feel like it's like it can go on for hours and hours and hours and i think that pain is one thing but pain over a long period of time is another and that can be really

overwhelming but those reminders that like time is passing and you're getting closer you're getting closer you're getting closer that's good i closer, you're getting closer, that's good. I'm taking this so literally. Did it piss you off when I said that you cheated birth two years ago? Why are we talking about this again? Well, because I feel like C-section is hardcore, like arguably more hardcore than, well, I don't want to compare the two. See, here's the reason why I didn't.

Because C-section is birth. Birth is birth. All of the births are birth, and so me saying that you cheated birth was super insensitive. Like at that time, like I was just so happy that you were OK and our baby was OK. Because our first, for anybody that doesn't know, our first baby got stuck, which was really scary. And so, you know, blood everywhere. It just looks like a war zone. And so for Abby to just like go in, cut open, pop,

here's your baby. Like it was so fast. And we recorded a podcast where I was like, dude, it felt like Abby cheated birth because it was so fast. The reason that I might have agreed at that time was because I had the comparison of our first birth and like, yeah, the fear of wondering if our baby was going to be okay. Yeah. And I didn't have that fear with our second birth. Yep.

And it wasn't the fact that it was a C-section versus vaginal delivery. It was just the fact of like, I was never thinking our baby was in like it was in danger. Yeah, it probably was really frustrating for you to be stuck in bed and not being able to like really care for our baby in the way that you wanted to in the beginning, just because you were.

Also, the reason I would I didn't have any contractions with our C-section birth, because it was a scheduled C-section. So like that also felt like, oh, that's a fun little bonus. I didn't have to have any contractions. But that recovery was insane. Yeah, the recovery was super hard.

The C-section recovery is hardcore. So to ever say that C-section isn't birth is- You didn't say that it wasn't birth. I didn't say that, but I think people interpret it like that. I'm probably overthinking this so much, but I just- I'm sure you had a lot of angry moms. I probably did have a lot of angry moms

that hated me and still hate me, but that is just the internet, and I just have to be okay with that, I guess. You know what? Here's what I've learned. There is a lot of really strong emotions around childbirth. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. Because it's probably like the mountaintop

of emotional experiences people can experience. Of course, people might disagree or they might have their own baggage they're carrying into things and their own disappointments and their own frustrations, their own pain. There's a lot of baggage that also comes with that. So I can understand big feelings about it. I think there's different things your partner can do

during C-section versus vaginal delivery. Obviously, C-sections, if they're scheduled, are usually pretty calm atmosphere. So, just like, honestly, with a C-section, just keep your eyes on that person because it is really overwhelming to be strapped down to a table and like your body is just out there like a table cut open and things are happening that that like mentally is a fearful thing and so you can kind of just feel like like not

human you know and so like looking in their eyes and talking to them it makes you feel more human and like less like okay I'm literally like a friggin. What do they call that? I saw one a human cadaver. Oh gosh cadaver Yeah, I saw a human cadaver I just I'm amazed by the human body like seeing your body recover from a seed section after being split open To remove our child. Yeah crazy and it's just in crazy like when I and the other thing too is when I said that we were in the early stages of... You seem so guilty about this. Well I feel bad. I feel like if someone if someone heard me say that and was like, F this man who just thinks that like I don't matter. Like

I would never... Here's the deal. I never want to hurt anybody. You can do this. I never want to hurt anybody. You can do the C-section next time. Dude I wish I could for you. It's awful. It's awful that there's nothing I can really do other than take care of our baby. Well I can take care of a baby. I can do the C-section next time. Dude, I wish I could for you. It's awful. It's awful that there's nothing I can really do other than take care of our baby. Well, I can take care of our baby. I can take care of you. So, you know, both times with that, I tried my very hardest to take care of you and our baby as much as I could.

But it's like, you realize that you're not Superman in those moments. It's easy to watch a superhero movie and be like, yeah, I wanna be like Superman. I wanna be like Batman. But then when you realize you're just a human and that you can't go on two hours of sleep every night and like function mentally when you're trying to take care of your wife and baby, it's really hard. Thank you to Nutriful for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. I just got my new Nutriful subscription. I did too.

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when you go to nutriful.com and enter promo code unplanned. Find out why over 4,500 healthcare professionals and stylists recommend NutriFull for healthier hair. NutriFull.com spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L.com promo code unplanned. That's Nutrifol.com promo code unplanned. What's the best way to show respect towards your wife? I feel like the same things would apply to showing respect towards your husband. So respect can look like a lot of different things, but it can look like asking your spouse permission for something

that you don't necessarily really need to ask permission for, but it's just nice. Like, hey, is it all right if I... Go hang out with the boys tonight. Go hang out with, like, go to, yeah. Yeah, like, hey, it's a Saturday night and I wanna go bowling with my friends. Is it okay if you do the nighttime routine by yourself

because, and stay home with the kids, you know, while they're sleeping because I want to go do something fun. Yeah, that's really good, that's respect, that's really good. Well, even for things that don't even involve them taking on anything else, just running things by them, it's just respectful. Or saying maybe not bringing up something new.

I think it's respectful to talk about topics with your spouse first before bringing them in like public settings. I'm not talking about like a podcast, but like in a group environment. I've definitely been guilty of that too. Well me too. Where I've been like.

Like I've actually never heard that before. Like when I told my mom that we were gonna move to Hawaii after our kids were in college, you were like, hey, let's have that conversation together first before you freak your mom out. Because I tend to say sporadic things like that. Oh, I think we both can do that. We need to just, you first tell your person one on one

and then move on. I think respect can look like, you know, it's even the way you talk about your spouse when they're not around. Yes, that's so good. It's like, I only want to, I want to respect. Like say all the only want to respect. Like say all the positive stuff to everyone.

Like speak highly of your spouse to everyone. And if you're ever going to critique your spouse, do it to their face. But do it in a kind way. Totally. Right? But it's kind of like, it's like you want to, I was going to say the S word, but I'm going to say crap because I'm trying to be, I've started cursing more, which is sorry. That's pretty crazy.

But say crap to your friend's faces and say the nice stuff behind their back. Like that's that's a true friend right there when you're always talking positively. You should also say positive things to their face. Yeah, I say positive things to their face. But it's like if you're ever going to gossip about your friend. Say the words of affirmation. What do you mean? Say the crap to their face and say the positive things behind their face.

Well, like it's just, I don't like, I'm not a huge fan of gossip. I can see the appeal of gossip, but like F gossip, dude. Like if you're gonna gossip about your friend, do it to their face. Like if you have some qualm with them, is that the right word?

Say it to their face. I think respect can also look like, it's just like supporting your spouse in all things. Now that doesn't mean you're like, oh, 1000% I agree, but like you're not going to openly just be like, that was stupid in front of other people. But respect is such a bigger thing that it's hard to give tangible examples. It's something that you genuinely have to feel towards your spouse and then the actions will fall in line. Oh, wow That's beautiful. You should write a book. You're really good with your words

You would if you wrote a book, I'd read it. Oh, thank you. You'd be a great author You're a great speaker to you should do speaking engagements. What is so attractive about a guy wearing gray sweatpants? Why are women into that? Is it the shape of the gray sweatpants on on the but the buttocks the behind? Is that why you're always like, you know whistling at me when I walk by of the gray sweatpants on the buttocks, the behind. Maybe, I don't know. Is that why you're always like, you know, whistling at me when I walk by in my gray sweatpants? Yeah, I can't contain myself. Yeah, is that why you're always taking your top off

when I walk by in my gray sweatpants? I feel like the appeal is just like, oh, it's kind of giving. You know, now that I think about it, every time I wear gray sweatpants, I get laid a lot more. I don't know why it works that way. You're kidding. Are you serious? No, yeah. I have like a getting laid calculator that calculates.

You're joking. I can't stop coughing. And every time I wear the gray sweatpants, it just seems to always happen. Also, I feel like maybe some guys don't wear underwear with gray sweatpants. Oh, and then you see that you see their thing and that just is that gun and that's the... I'm not taught. That's not my personal... Are women into that? That's not me. What do you know? Don't wear underwear. Oh, and then you see that you see their thing and that just is like an ashty. Are women into that? No, not me. What do you know?

Because tell me more about the female species, because like guys are kind of into like all the shapes and stuff of like the of the of the woman. But like, do women care about seeing that? Probably not. Probably not the average. Probably not the average. I don't know. I really don't know. I'll ask my friends tomorrow what it is about gray sweatpants, because I don't

know if I personally feel the same appeal. Maybe that's like a high school girl thing. What is it that men commonly get wrong about romance? Why are you reading these questions like that? Because I feel like I need to ask them in a way that makes me seem like I'm on a TV show. Romance does not have to be grand gestures. Romance is just the everyday consideration of the other person and like making them a priority.

That is romance. And so I think that both men and women get that wrong. Playing with your hair. Sure. Rubbing your back. Yeah. Just like all those little things that show that I'm like, you have the real estate space in my brain not something else Like my husband isn't thinking about business. He's not thinking about football He's not thinking about the kids even though that you love that I I'm a present father

You want me to be thinking about you and prioritizing your needs because that makes you feel loved Yeah, what do you still want to love me if I stopped taking care of myself? I don't know if that means like sex or if that just means like our relationship. So you can answer that however you want. I would love you no matter what because that's the agreement we made. All right. That's good. That's the confirmation I needed to let myself go.

July 6th, 2019. I'm now going to stop taking care of myself because I'm gonna still get all the benefits What do tampons feel like I don't even know who submitted this question But I feel it you don't even feel it once they don't even feel it? Once they're in, no. Does it feel kind of good? No. Sorry. No. Oh my gosh. No. The final question of the episode. Thank goodness.

This was, yeah, this was brutal. Sorry, everybody, that you had to listen to this. Would you remarry if I died? Oh my gosh. How many times have we answered this question? Our producer put this one in. This was not my idea. I think I have naively answered this,

having never even had to consider being in the place of being a single mom or a widow. I would want you to. I wouldn't want you to live the rest of your life single. That's kind of depressing. That's kind of sad to think about. That's really sad. You really like live out that idea

when I say that every time. Well, I mean, I just, I feel, what do you mean? This is becoming deeper than I ever thought. Like, I dissociate from that. Like, I can talk about me dying and not even think about me dying. Does that make sense? It's not that I'm necessarily thinking about us.

I'm thinking about someone that could be in my position. Like, still really young with little children and losing their spouse. That would be very, very hard. Like, I cried at your grandpa's funeral because I really empathized and felt horrible for your grandma, because I was just thinking about everything

that she was going through and that broke me, but I usually don't get emotional. And I think like that was one of those rare times where I was like, damn. Like able to empathize. I was like, this is horrible. Like this is so horrible Not only for you not only for your dad not only for everyone that's known your grandpa

Who's now been gone for a year, but like thinking about your grandma that really was just like holy crap You know yeah So I have no idea what I would do if I was in that position And I'm not gonna pretend to act like I would know because I also don't think there's a right or a wrong way in that place. I feel like there could be so many reasons that you would choose to not remarry and so many reasons that you would choose to marry and all of you valid and I'm taking this question

way too seriously. If you got remarried like freaking rapid fire after I'm gone, I'd be like, that would make me feel. Like is there a certain amount of time that has to pass? See, I've never even thought about that. But I don't know. The thing is... Every situation is so different. The thing is, we're speculating about this as people that have never been through it. That's what I just said. I know somebody who lost their wife, and I think they were both in their 70s, and he remarried a year later. And I just don't know what I would do in that situation. I don't know what you would do in that situation. And I'm sure he was probably really lonely.

And the person that he lost, he was their caretaker. He took care of his wife. He was an incredible husband. I don't know him like super well. I didn't like spend every day with him, but from everything I know about this guy, he was an incredible husband from everything that I saw. He just seemed to be an incredible guy

and like literally just loved upon his wife for years And really took care of her. She was in a wheelchair and and then he remarried a year later and it's like Yeah, he probably was like lonely. He probably wanted companionship And to just be by yourself at that age would probably be really depressing Thank you everybody for listening to another Oh my gosh, this is another ick I'm sick. I'm not trying to caught dude my gosh, this is another ick.

I'm sick. I'm not trying to call it. Okay, this is my ick. When men get sick for whatever reason, whatsoever under the sun. I'm sorry, I'm toxic for this, but. You are toxic for this. When men are sick, it's an ick.

Keep going, keep going, yeah. Keep going. When men are sick, it's an ick. My ick is that you have an ick for when I'm sick. I just rhymed. I could write a Dr. Seuss book about that. I get terrified of being sick. I try so hard to be empathetic, but it's been weeks.

You treat me worse when I'm sick than when I'm not sick because you're just so angry at me for being sick. The man flu hits so hard. The man flu, I know that I'm not alone in this. The man flu is way worse than the woman flu, everyone, just so you know. All right, well thank you everybody for listening again to our episode. And thank you for the review that you left us,

Karen, we appreciate that. I think there's probably someone named Karen that left a review at some point on our podcast. And who knows if it was nice. Maybe they were nice, Karen. Maybe they left like a really, like a really nice review for us. So I just want.

Thanks for listening everybody.