The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby - Danielle Sylvester | How a stripper became TikTok’s favorite mom

Episode Date: March 26, 2025

Danielle Sylvester’s journey into motherhood was anything but traditional. Pregnant at 17 by a 29-year-old, she was fully set on giving her baby up for adoption—until one life-changing moment in the hospital. From working as a stripper as a minor to selling pills at the club, Danielle opens up about her past, the struggles of young motherhood, and how she turned it all around. We dive into everything: her complicated relationship with Thyri’s father, the night she accidentally left her daughter in the car, and how she became TikTok’s favorite mom. This episode is sponsored by Smalls, Revolve and ZocDoc. Smalls: For 50% off your first order, head to https://Smalls.com and use code UNPLANNED Revolve: Shop at http://REVOLVE.com/unplanned and use code UNPLANNED for 15% off your first order. #REVOLVEpartner ZocDoc: Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://Zocdoc.com/UNPLANNED to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When you get into an Escape Plug-in Hybrid, you get the perfect mix. You can chill in electric mode, turn it up in gas mode, or get the best of both in hybrid mode. Choose how you move in the all-in-one Escape. And right now, get a $3,000 rebate on the Escape Plug-in Hybrid and all 2025 Escape models. For details, visit your Toronto area Ford store or ford.ca. I hate saying the word stripper,

but I was a dancer for a large part of my youth. I started when I was 17. Is that legal? I don't believe so, no. 9.5 million TikTok followers is crazy. You've come so far. I was also selling work assets in Adderall to my coworkers. And I seen, I was like, damn, these girls are making money.

Let me try one. You got pregnant at 17, gave birth at 18. How old was Siri's father? He was 29. I was fully dedicated, giving my daughter up for adoption until I gave birth to her. And I seen her little foot in the incubator. And I looked at my Aunt Jojo and I was like, can I keep her?

Danielle and Theory, welcome to the Unplanned Podcast. Hi! Thank you guys for having us. You both are so famous. How does that make you feel? You have like hundreds of millions of views on TikTok, almost 10 million followers on TikTok. How does that make your family feel? Are they like, who are these famous people? You know what, it's kind of odd

because I don't have a very strong family behind me. Like I created my own family when I was very young. I left my home at a very young age. So my relatives, I think they're just like, okay, that's Danielle, just being Danielle. But my family, like my relatives, I think they're just like, OK, that's Danielle, just being Danielle. But my family, my girlfriends that I created a family and can ship with, they're just like, Danielle, keep on going. Keep rock and rolling.

Just keep being. I mean, they're amazed. They're just as amazed as I am at times. I'm like, who the hell are you? Sorry. I'm sorry. I also believe they've seen the transition of when you were 19 and you just had me to now. So I think they're very, very proud of her.

Yeah, I think, yeah. When I go back home, I mean, I'm with them a lot, but they're always like, Danielle, like, I can't believe you went from this to that. No, 9.5 million TikTok followers is crazy. I know. Have you ever looked at how many views you have? He's probably in the billions.

It's probably a billion with a B. No, it's not in the billions in a B yet. Are you sure? I think so, yeah. I think I'm like 400 million or something views. But still though, that's like, that's insane. That's over the, that's more than the population of the United States of America.

I don't think about those things. It's so weird. It's so weird. It's so weird. I mean, I could say the same thing for you guys. You guys are well-established individuals. You guys are not just coming out here with 100,000 views. You guys are well-established.

Well, you were too kind. But I want to talk about you guys. Theory, you mentioned your mom's friends and community just rallying behind her and being proud of her. Do you feel the same way? I'm sure seeing your mom go through what she's gone through and come out on top has probably been really inspiring. I am, I can't even explain how proud I am of her.

We've taught each other, we grew up together. I don't know, I'm just so proud of her She's came a long way and I don't yeah, you want to tell them the time that we went to the strip club No, we went to the strip club She was at the strip club what I put up on her I was like I'm gonna go and They said like Satin. Can I say that? Okay so Satin backstory so I don't know if you guys know this but I used to be a night entertainer. I used to be I hate saying the word stripper or exotic dancer but I was a dancer for a large part of my

youth and I was hanging out with my girlfriends at the club that I used to work at. She was in Philly with her friends and she decided that she was gonna pull up on me and my friends. You knew that they were there. No. Yes, I knew. I was very intoxicated and they're like,

can I say that name? Yeah. Satans in the building, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and I just start bawling, like crying, because you know, like my mom came a long way. She's in here and they're like representing her and telling her how proud they are of her. And I'm just like, you came a long way. Such a long way.

Like you were in there at 19, 20, 21 and I'm in there like wow. So you were a single mom in 19, 20, 21. What was that like? I mean yeah you mentioned that you were a night entertainer at one point. There probably was a lot of pressure on you at that time. There was because I didn't I couldn't rely really on anybody. I did have my sister, me and my sister are very, very close. Um, but the pressures of pro to provide for her, my nephew and my sister all at once, it's just, it was a lot, but I didn't think anything of it because I grew up on survival, I left home when I was 16. So I knew everything about providing and surviving.

I didn't know the enjoyments of life. That makes any sense. How old were you when you started dancing? Oh, so I started when I was 17. Is that legal? No, I don't believe so, no. How did they? It was like one of those hole in the walls.

So they just didn't even check. They were just like, oh, you look like you're an adult. So we're not gonna check your ID to make sure that you're legally an adult. Yep. And was that before or after you found out you were pregnant with Theory? This is before I found out I was pregnant with my daughter.

And you left home at 16, so was that kind of the way you thought, okay, I need to afford rent, I have to afford groceries? How did you end up in that situation? So, no, it didn't happen quite like that. It was just, I met my child's father and I talked intensely about, I wanted to be an actress, I wanted to be a model, and he was like, I can make those dreams work for you.

And I was just a young naive little girl listening to Sweet Nothings and I got to Philadelphia. I was working at Burger King and I just felt, you know, just I was just treated unfairly and my child's father was like, oh, this is my cousin. He introduced me to his cousin. And then she was pulling out wads of money. And I was like, hey, where did you get that?

Because I need to get the hell out of my boyfriend's sister's house. And she was like, I work at the rum cad, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, I'm going to go. So Sean was like, I can take you and that's I was introduced to the world of Nakedness and you did that for years. I did that for years How do you now look back on that like period of time?

Is it something that you're like I did what I had to do or okay? I don't regret it I think that it taught me a lot of values of life that I wouldn't have if I didn't have that Because I didn't have Well rounded women in my life growing up. So I did meet the sisters that I have today I met a lot of people that are irreplaceable in my life today because of that environment that I was in and There's something about that industry

that teaches you about life that life cannot just teach. Am I making sense? You are. No, totally. It seems like you learned the hard way. It grew me up probably. It did. It really taught me valuable lessons of character

and purpose and things like that. Did working in the industry, dancing, did that create distrust for men in your life? No. It didn't? How did you view the people that would come to the club? As human beings that just needed some sort of interaction with people because they lacked it everywhere else. A lot of the people that you met were just regular people that just wanted to talk. It wasn't a lot of sexual tension every time that you interacted with somebody. Men just, and women, wanted to just be heard.

So the people coming to these strip clubs really are just lonely, is what you're saying. There's a lot of people that are just lonely A lot of people have this idea of horny people and they're not they're just lonely. Yeah, there are Horn dogs that come in But for the most part they just really want to talk. Mm-hmm. We have a word like about your safety. I Was I was always worried about my safety, but I did have security, would always walk you in and out. But I've never been attacked.

I've never been followed home. I don't have any kind of war stories, which I know that they're out there. I was just very privileged and blessed to not have to worry about those kind of things. Wow. You threw me for like a reverse UNO card there. I was like expecting the conversation to go one way. Yeah, I was like, I'm so proud of your mom and she's like, can I tell you about this? How much of this do I close? Yeah. I was like, where's the connection here? Because he was like, how proud of you.

Yeah. And then it's like she like just was immersed by the emotions that might still then DJ was like the same person. Same DJ. Wow. There's a lot of bartenders are still there in the industry and you know, still thriving. That's funny. Did you like fully intended for it to be like a funny thing? Like, hey mom, and then it just became like a whole moment for you.

I was just going, I was just like, let me just go. She's like, I'm gonna leave. It's a whole different type of tough conversations that I definitely misinterpreted, but I came and I was just like sitting there, and everyone just like tossed me water. I was so intoxicated, and as soon as they said it, all my girlfriends were like, they like threw water at me and I was like, okay.

So they said she was in the house, sat in the house, sat in here. And I'm just like, it just hit me. Like my mom really came like a really long way. I'm just so proud of her. Yeah, it's because you hear me talk about that part of my life. And I'm very open with theory as soon as she was able to comprehend what my life was like when she was a child. But I talk to her about it all the time and I think being there in that moment she was

like, oh shit. Like it's real. This really happened. She was really saddened. People are coming up to me like, hey, it's saddened, oh my God, we miss you and da da da da. And she's like. And for someone that doesn't know your story, when you say your mom came a really long way,

what do you mean by that? So my mom had me when she was 19, 18. 18. 18. And I don't really like saying that I don't remember my childhood much, because I don't. But when I mean that she came a long way is that she didn't remember my childhood much because I don't but when I mean that she came a long way is that she didn't really come from much she came from she wasn't educated with a lot so you know

she was also like doing drugs she didn't I don't know how to like word it without like being like you're as raw as you need to be, we've had these conversations in private. There's nothing that you could say out here in front of the world that you have not said to my face. So it's okay. I know, I'm just so scared. Okay, let me think about how I want to say.

So she came from nothing. She, sorry, you didn't. She wasn't educated with a lot. She didn't have someone to help her in any way when it came to you know how to parent, how to be a better woman, just a person overall. She had to grow a lot on her own and she had a community you know you had your girlfriends, you had your sister, you had etc. But I feel like we grew up a lot together and I seen the really raw, hard sides of her

that a lot of people didn't see. So our communication, the way that you taught me when you really didn't know much growing up or you weren't taught that, you actually took the time out of your life to actually learn like how to treat me as like a human being. how to treat me as a human being. So not being treated as a human being and learning how to treat someone as a human being,

I think it's a lot, you know? I feel like I'm not making sense. No, that totally makes sense. And Danielle, you mentioned in a TikTok that there was a time where, you know, you were a scared 17 year old girl and you thought you were going to put your daughter up for adoption.

Yeah. What changed your mind? What changed your mind to keep theory? To be a mom her foot and I can send you guys the picture because my aunt finally sent me pictures of it It was her foot. I was fully dedicated one given my daughter up for adoption and it wasn't because I Didn't love her or feel anything for her. It was because I was scared I didn't know if I was able to be or provide for her the way that I Knew she needed But yeah, I My aunt was like hey, I will take on that responsibility

This way she'll still be in the family and you don't have to worry about anything you could still see her whenever you want we'll let her know exactly who you are and it was all good and glory until I gave birth to her and I seen her little foot in the incubator and I was like that's my daughter that's my daughter I think I want to keep her and I looked at my aunt Jojo and I was like, can I keep her? And she was like, absolutely. Oh, that's so nice.

Absolutely. And I kept her. It was a hard road for me, but I still was like, I'd rather have done it with you than without you. I have chills right now. Was Thierry's father at the birth? No, he came the day after. Yeah, he came the day after.

I'm like, yeah, he came the day after. I drove to Philadelphia the day before to pick him up, but he stood me and my sister up, so I came back home. She wasn't due until the fifth so when I woke up on the third and I went to the bathroom and my water broke I was like oh it's it's time and that's how that happened but then he showed up the day the day after. And remind me you got pregnant at 17 gave birth at 18 but this entire time how old was was the was theory's father he was 29 how'd y'all come to meet um I was living with my brother because I left home at 16 and he was a neighbor upstairs oh he was a visiting neighbor so was was that? I'm trying to process that.

Yeah, you're like, I, it's incredible that you've come along this, this, yeah, this far. You've come so far. You've come so far. I'm just like, I don't even know. Yeah, I don't know how I did it. And that's why I'm proud of you. We're all proud of you. Thank you.

I just, I don't know. I just knew I didn't want what was presented to me. I didn't want what I grew up with. I didn't want my daughter looking or feeling the way that I felt. I didn't want me struggling and feeling inadequate in an area that should be so natural. It's terrifying. Parenting is terrifying and it's very unknown, but I shouldn't be like bad at it.

And I'm not saying that my mom was bad at parenting, but she didn't instill a lot of good qualities. Thank you to Smalls for sponsoring this episode of the Unplanned Podcast. We found out recently that our sister-in-law and my brother have been making eggs for their stray cat that lives in their backyard. And so we decided to send them Smalls,

which is preservative free cat food sent right to your door made with real ingredients that you would actually find inside your fridge. This is actually a really cool brand, you guys, because it started back in 2017 with just a couple of dudes that were literally making home cooked, fresh meals for for their friends cats and small batches and now it's just a few years later and they're serving millions of kitties across the U.S. they have quite the business going honestly i'm excited to see my brother and sister-in-law's cat next time we're at their house

because i'm sure their cat's gonna be shadow is thriving shadow has the chicken and the. In case you're a skeptic like me and are sitting here and just like, well, why can't we just give the cat freaking kibble? No, Smalls says, believe it or not, your cute kitty descended from ferocious desert cats who hunted live prey for food and your cat isn't any different. They still need fresh protein packed meals to be at their very best. So treat your kitty right and try Smalls. What are you waiting for? Give your cat the food they deserve. Head to Smalls.com and use promo code unplanned at checkout for 50% off your first order plus free shipping. That's the best offer you'll find, but you have to use my code unplanned

for 50% off your first order. One last time. That's promo code unplanned for 50% off your first order plus free shipping. Were your parents aware that you were, you know, spending time with this guy or that you were... My mother wasn't in my life at this point. So they didn't know. Did she kick you out or did you choose to leave because of problems at home? Very, she kicked me out when I was 16

and I never went back. What happened? Long story short, do you want this particular incident or do you want years of trauma before? Because my mom didn't have the tools that she needed to raise biracial children and she took a lot of her frustrations out on me and my siblings. I'm so sorry.

It's okay. It is what it is. Unfortunately I wish that she had the proper tools to raise children and she wasn't. I don't fault her for it. I don't hate her for it. I do place her and I could part of analyze her in a place in my life where I have her, she's involved, but she's not in my day to day life. So you still have contact with her?

I do, I try to reach out to her at least like once a month to make sure that everything is good and we do have a family group chat. When you say she wasn't equipped to raise biracial children, what does that mean for someone who doesn't really understand what you're saying? So back in the day in Maryland, biracial children wasn't really accepted. The black community didn't want to accept you because you had a white mom and the white

community really didn't want to accept you because you had black children. And my mom felt dead set in the middle, like she's you because you had black children. And my mom fell in dead set in the middle. She's a white woman with black children. So it's like she's being shunned from everywhere. And I think she just took her frustrations out on me. So what it looks like is her being shunned and her taking it just out on us. Beans for no reasons or being called slurs that is very inappropriate

to call your children just because you don't understand why life looks the way that it does for you. And yeah, she didn't properly teach me how to appreciate my black culture. She didn't teach me how to lotion or do my hair or anything. I went to school nine times out of 10 with very mad at hair. Very mad at hair, not lotions.

And I feel like there was a part of my life and my sibling's life where I feel like just being black was just not okay. You know, there was a lot of jokes that went on, inappropriate songs that me and my siblings sang. It just, it looks very racist. And I don't want to say that my mom was racist. I think that she just was trying to maybe,

not making excuses for her. But I think when she did have her friends in her circle of her white friends, I feel like she wanted us to perform to maybe have jokes for their entertainment. So they're like, see, you see what I have my black kids doing? Oh, wow. You know what I mean? And that's back in the day. And she's no longer like that. And see what I have my black kids doing? Oh, wow. You know what I mean? And that's back in the day.

And she's no longer like that. And her and I have had these conversations. And I'm just like, mom, that was a little hurtful. And she does acknowledge where her mental state wasn't perfect. But she's come a long way. She has come a long way. She has come a long way and I think Filtering wasn't a big thing back then, you know back today if you said any of those things you're like, oh No, that's not right that's a little offensive. Yeah, and now she's aware of that but back then she was not

There's layers to it there. You know, sometimes I'm listening and I think back and I'm like, wow Danielle, girl, you survived that. Well, cause it didn't come easily. It felt like you probably, I don't know, I'm imagining you had to swim upstream, because if you were to continue with doing what you needed to survive but not necessarily push further to thrive. It would have been so easy to go

a completely different direction. And it takes one person in the family, like the mother or someone, an adult figure, to change that trajectory, and you fully did that. And that, I feel like, to understand that part of it, there's all these layers, whatever you're comfortable talking about, of course. But when you were pregnant in 17

I'm imagining myself 17 literally babies Did your mom know like did you call her she did um she actually drove up to Philadelphia? She's the one who told me I was pregnant. Oh my sister was staying with me at my apartment for the summer and she was like, she came to pick my sister and my nephew up, excuse me, and she was like, you're pregnant and I was like, how do you know? I mean I already took a pregnancy test because I already knew but I didn't tell her. She was like, you're

pregnant and I was like, how do you know. She was like, you're pregnant and I was like, how do you know? She was like, you have a double heartbeat in your chin. I was like, oh never heard of that. I was like, I did just take a pregnancy test and I am pregnant but yeah. I mean there was no hey I'm gonna help you, hey nothing. Was she mad? Was she happy? How was she reacting? I don't know. She just... Nothing. It wasn't like really excitement. It wasn't anything. How did you feel at that time?

Did you comprehend it? I think I was just desensitized from... I think I was always desensitized so I don't think I thought anything of it. I just was like, okay, well I'm pregnant and this is what it is And wasn't like I felt some type of way that my mom wasn't Joyous that I was bringing a little bundle of life in the world So I think I just was like, okay at what point did you side decide in the pregnancy was like right at the beginning You're like, I don't think that like I'm too overwhelmed with the thought of caring for this child

I think it was when I found out, can I talk about your father? Of course. Um, this is around the time that I found out he was cheating on me. And I was like, I can't do this alone. Like, no, I can't. I, I'm losing the apartment. Um, and my sister had to come pick me up from my apartment because I was being evicted and yeah, I just was like, like I can't I can't do this. Were you aware at that time that

he had other children? I did I knew about two of his children I knew about Sean and then I knew about his other daughter and then I found out like maybe six seven months after she was born of the other children. Was his wife the one that told you? Was he the one that told you? So his ex-wife did try to tell me about the other children and so did his sister. But I just was like, no, he went and lied to me about that. And yeah, he did. And she was his ex at the time, or they were married at the time? They were still married.

They were still married. When Sean and I were together, they were still married. They were not officially divorced yet. Okay, and so after she found out that he got you a 17-year-old girl pregnant, was that when she filed for divorce? She did. She was like, I gotta get jump off this ship. But

they were never going to get back together. Like she's her and I've had this conversation, but she was like, this has to be done. I don't care if I have to pay for all on my own. But yeah, she divorced him after that. Theory, what's it like? And oh, yeah, she didn't know I was 17 because I was still lying she didn't know because he told me to tell his sister that i was 18 and when i found out i was pregnant and i had to tell well she was there she was like you're 17 that's when she told me that shawn was still married and he was 30 that's when everything start colliding together. Did law enforcement get involved with this?

No, because 16 is legal. Really? For marriage, I guess? Or, or, or... For... consent. Yeah, 16. It's good. Yeah. Really? It's disgusting. Is that a state by state thing? Because I don't think that's... I think it is. State by state. I think it is, but I think that's... I think it is state by state. Oh, it's state by state. I think it is, but I think it's nationwide.

I just don't think a 16 year old should be able to be intimate with a 30 year old man and that to be allowed. It's very allowed and it's, yeah. 16 is essential age. So how did you have those conversations then when you had a 16 year old daughter? Oh gosh, we've had these conversations.

Oh gosh. I just, I mean, I taught her from like four with appropriate touch, appropriate conversations, misleading conversations, sweet nothings. I talk to her about it all the time, but when she was like 17, I was like, wow, Thierry, I'm so proud of you. I'm like, look at you, you're flourishing,

you have this bright future. And she was like, I know, but look at you. Yeah, at 17, I was wobbling around. Well, I wasn't wobbling yet, but it was um, yeah. I, we just had many conversations about men and I think I've had this conversation. We've talked about my fear of an older man getting his hands on her and it was a legit fear because it happened to me. So I would always tell her there's nothing an older man has in common with the 17, 18, 19, 20 year old girl. There's nothing. I don't care how groomed he thinks that you are, there's

nothing and there's an issue with that man. Like it's disgusting to think about. Isn't it crazy too how at 18 automatically you're an adult but your brain isn't fully developed until your mid-20s? Yeah. Isn't that fascinating? It's fascinating to me. Why are we allowing even an 18 year old to have like be able to make that decision? Their brain isn't fully developed.

Nope, at all. And I understand it's tricky, right, because you can't just have a parent making decisions for 18 year old, 19 year old. At a certain point, you need kids to make decisions for themselves, but man, it's wild how much kids are able to do on their own. I mean, moving out at 16. It's just, it's wild how much kids are able to do on their own.

I mean, moving out at 16. Yeah, and it was just natural. I feel like that shouldn't be allowed. It shouldn't. And thank goodness you've come so far and you've, I don't know. Sorry, I'm ranting right now. It's a survival thing. I've always called myself a survivor.

I will always be a survivor. And it doesn't necessarily mean that I survived anything like crucial, but I'm surviving life. Like I would always have a survivor mentality. Is it weird to hear these conversations about like you as a baby when you're a full-grown 21-year-old adult woman now? Is that weird to... 22. 22. You're almost 22. Almost 22.

Next month, yeah. Let's go. Not really. She's told me everything. Like since I could even remember. Like since I can process whatever happened. Like she's always, she told me. And I don't really know. It didn't really... So like how do you feel when you like when you read comments saying that you're going to feel upset? Never. It doesn't change anything. Anything you've ever said or told me never changed anything.

So you'll get comments on TikTok from people saying, oh, you sharing about the origin story of how you had your daughter is going to ruin her. Yeah, I get that a lot. And how does that make you feel reading something like that? It doesn't bother me. Because the outcome is- Yeah, it's not true. I don't feel that way.

Nothing that my mom has told me or done has made me feel any type of way. So when people comment, like, you know, like your mom did this, like, you're gonna turn out like this, that my mom has told me or done has made me feel any type of way. So when people comment like, you know, like your mom did this, like you're gonna turn out like this or whatever they say, I'm just like, no, I'm not. I know I'm not. Yeah.

What are some of the things that people say online that are just completely off the rails and just you don't understand how people could come up with something like that? They will. List. list. You gotta list. And you know it takes a lot for me to like not want to go to jail. But they did it because I'm so serious. It's like it and I think this is the only thing that will ever make me like go crazy is when people will call my mom a crackhead.

I'm sorry for using that word. But they'll be like, I am recovering from me eating. Like yeah, like you're a fat, blah, blah, blah, blah, and your mom's a crackhead. Like in that stuff, like that's the only thing that can actually make me go crazy, but. Why do they say those things?

I think, they're just, I think because they know that that's something that you struggled with and she's talked about it and she's like, I hit rock bottom before I did this, I did that and they'd like to use that against her. I feel like and they know it's gonna like... What do I think? I think. So people online know that your mom, you know, I think it was 13 years ago, correct me if I'm wrong.

Yeah. Was using pills and she stopped about 13 years ago. Which by the way, yeah, let's give it up. 13 years sober from pills, that's awesome. Did I say that right? Is it sober? Is that the right term? It's not just for alcohol.

But yeah, I mean, that's awesome. But they try to get to you. They'll try to call you a crackhead. You've opened up about your eating disorders. They'll call you, they'll literally say like the most awful things. Oh my gosh. It's weird.

And I'm just like, I shared it with you. You think that I'm ashamed of it? Like you can't use something I willingly shared with you to hurt me because apparently I'm a place, I'm at a place in my journey where I feel comfortable. I'm not ashamed. I know what I'm not ashamed I I know what I've came from I know what I endured I have healed so when I see

those comments and I see them a lot because I feel like our page is very controversial to people that don't want to look at parenting different or communications or relationship why is it Why is it controversial? Because how I raised my daughter where I allow her a safe space to communicate. I allowed her a space where she can own her individuality. I've allowed her a place to tell me her uncomfortabilities. And I push that and I want everybody to understand that all because you're a parent, you're an adult does not mean that you're right and your children aren't owed a version of you that is hurtful or harmful.

Parents' behaviors can be very harmful. And I push that and I get a lot of heat for it. And they're like, well, you're a crackhead. Like I'm not taking any advice from a crackhead. You are a stripper. You're using all the stuff that I told you. Yeah. Like, why don't you kick rocks?

Oh, excuse me. Why don't you kick rocks? I don't care about your opinion and it's not gonna change the truth. You can be outraged, you can be angry, you can yell, scream, shout. It does not change my truth. It does not change the outcome of who I am.

It's not going to change the outcome of me presenting on social media. It's not going to change anything. So whatever you say, it does not affect me. And it also does define who you are. It does not define who I am. And that's your past. And you that's 10, 13 years ago. They think that you are still that person that you were

Yeah, I think that you can't grow from that or change or become a better person from that Yeah, and that's that on there because they don't believe in growth and you can see it from them. Sorry. I am Oh, yeah, it like it literally that's the only thing that can make me like crash out Thank you to revolve for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. Abby was showing me all the dresses on the Revolve website and they are stunning. They are so stunning.

She actually had me pick out what I wanted to see her in, which made me feel very honored. Mm-hmm, only problem is I didn't order what you picked out. Oh. But I did get a spicy outfit that I think you're really gonna like. If there's one brand I trust to help me find a night out outfit, it is Revolve you guys.

They have the coolest concert fits. They're really known for that. They have really high end unique designer pieces that are just cool you guys. And they help you find exactly what you're looking for, which is what I did. Revolve has over 1200 brands and 100,000 styles to choose from. They have inclusive sizing from extra extra small to 4X. They also have personalized product recommendations

based on your purchase history and favorite products and brands. You're gonna find what you want with Revolve. I know I've had an amazing shopping experience with them and I feel very trendy. From last minute getaways to party dressing and seasonal upgrades, Revolve has you covered with fast 2 day shipping and easy returns all on them. And for a limited time, you can shop a curated selection of my favorite styles at revolve.com

slash unplanned and receive 15% off your first order with code unplanned. That's revolve.com slash unplanned to shop my top picks and get 15% off your first order with code unplanned. That's revolved.com slash unplanned to shop my top picks and get 15% off your first order with code unplanned. Offer ends April 6th so don't miss out. With the pills, did that start while you were working as a dancer? And did someone, did someone try to push them on you for some reason? So there was, okay, so I did, I tried it when I was, I want to say 20, I tried a perk and I didn't touch perks again until I was like 21, 22 because I was also selling perk assets in Adderall to like my fellow coworkers.

And I seen, I was like, damn, these girls are making money. Like, let me try one. And then that was where I just, I was like, damn, these girls are making money. Like, let me try one. And then that was where I just, I jumped off. I was like, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. Just take the perks and I was content. And I think that was- What is it about it that makes it so addictive? I don't know exactly what makes it addictive,

but I do know for me, it just felt good, not half into, So for me, it just felt good not having to know that I'm in a place where I consciously knew or unconsciously knew I didn't really want to be. I didn't want to be on a stage taking my clothes off. I didn't want to be away from my kid at night. I knew I didn't want to be in these places. So that helped me cope with being in environments knew I didn't want to be in these places. So that helped me cope with being in environments where I didn't want to be.

You needed an escape. I did. And then it was like, now I realize I need one when I wake up or go to church or go to the food store or like just, or if I have lunch, then I adopted this personality of I had no personality if I didn't take perks. So I was like, okay, I'm about to go meet up with you

for lunch, let me pop a perk. Because then I feel like I'm engaging, I'm fun, I'm entertaining, and all along I'm nodding off, I'm slurring my words, I'm just not, I felt shameful. You had no personality. I had no personality I was a perk. What was the moment my over 13 years ago that made you decide i'm done with percocet I'm done with pills. I'm giving that up. Yeah, um, it took me a very long time to forgive myself and thank you for my therapist um, um,

Me and my then boyfriend got into an argument and I was intoxicated with her in the car. I picked her up from the babysitter, which I know is very shameful. I'm already feeling ashamed about it, but I'm okay. I left her in the car sleeping in the middle of the night and she woke up in the middle of the night and my car alarm went off and I realized that I forgot my kid in the back of the car. Mmm. Yeah, like I think about that. April 11th. I can never forget about it. April 11th. April 11th. 2012? 11. 2011. Okay, 2011. So it's almost been 14 years. Yeah coming up Yeah, so and then that was that was the day I never touched a Burke ever so you were like nine at the time I Think eight. Oh, yeah, you just are nine. Yeah

Yeah, okay, you said you probably remembered that then you don't remember it. Oh You don't even remember that I don't remember that she yeah I've I remember like an incident of you in the gas station and I got out the car like, where are you at? But I don't remember that specific incident. Like, I don't. So have you, since you were so young, you don't have any memory of your mom on pills.

That's not something that you remember from your childhood. I want to say that she did a really good job hiding that from me. I think a lot of people have this misunderstanding of people and moms that do drugs. It's not like we're doing it in front of our children. And I think that a lot of parents do partake in drinking or like I it's so crazy because I never even drink at home

in front of theory but a lot of people just assume that parents that do drugs are doing it in front of them and that's not the case like we hide it and I think I was just mom to her yeah and not an addict so she still went to church, I still took her to school, I still cooked breakfast, lunch, dinner. So I think that she has a different perspective of that reality. But yeah, so I mean, but I think you do, we talked about when you went away for like two weeks when I was in recovery. When I was with my sister. Oh you did, you went away with, oh your sister? No, so she went to my sister's house. My dad stayed with me for two weeks.

So I can get everything out my system. And then, yeah. And he stayed with you to make sure that you weren't touching anymore pills? I never wanted to touch a pill after that. Like he stayed with me because he knew I was gonna get sick, he knew I was going to get sick. He knew that I needed to nourish. He knew that I needed a hydrate. He knew I needed prayer. He knew

I needed a support system. I cried a lot. And I needed that. And he was there. Was your dad like, can I ask a question? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I always have questions. I'm sorry. She does. Question three. I have like 20 questions. I'm like, I'm not the podcaster.

I cannot ask. How did you get over that? Or you can ask that for her. I'm like, how did you? You're good. You asked it. You're the interviewer now. How did you stop beating yourself up about that?

I mean, I know you still kind of do, but how did you forgive yourself? I seen you. I seen who you are. And I look at myself in the mirror, and I'm like, I see who I am. I think I've forgiven myself more so today than I did yesterday.

Like every day I see myself. And I might not give myself a lot of praise every day, but I do. I internalize how far I've come with my journey. And I'm happy and I'm proud of myself. So that's how I'm still on the journey for giving myself bully, but I I see me You're just incredible you impress me every single day and thanks to you and I I want to give myself high fives for that Couldn't be that bad you weren't you you weren't bad at all. Thanks. It's so cool seeing you guys relationship I'm also really really close with my mom and I also consider my mom like one of my best friends and

I can definitely feel that like you guys just seem like the best of friends I love that so much because I honestly feel like that is almost a controversial thing as a parent to be friends with your kid. Because I do hear that a lot and I think of, like even people that I'm like, I respect their like most of their opinions as a person. They're like, my kid is not my friend. That's a thing that is said a lot. Yeah.

Like what do you say to that? Oh gosh. Your kid doesn't have to be your best friend, but at some point your kid has to like you. You have 18 years to make your case with your kid. You do. You have 18 years to prove that you're worthy and you can also be a friend when they decide to start their own life. So I'm just given 18 because that's technically when your child is an adult. But you literally have a short time to like make them your friend. I don't like when people say that you can't be your friend, your kid's friend, because I think it's a little crop. I think you can be your kid's friend,

but you also have to be a parent as well. So I wasn't always her best friend. I wasn't always her friend. I had to set the groundwork. I had to set the tone. And I did correct her, but I was firm, but I wasn't mean. And I think a lot of people have this idea that if you're your friend's kid, you just let them do whatever they do whatever

I can say whatever I want to her It's not and I I try to respect people's opinions like oh, I don't want to be my kid's friend. I love Michelle Obama She's another one who's like my kid is not my friend and I'm like, oh, I don't want to be my kid's friend. I love Michelle Obama. She's another one who's like, my kid is not my friend. And I'm like, ah, but they do, they want to be your friend. I mean, I think they want to be your friend, but yeah. Was that the first time that your dad came into your life 13 years ago when you, when you gave up pills? No, um, well kind of growing up, my, I was raised by a single mom Kind of. Growing up, I was raised by a single mom,

and my mom put the fear of God in me with my father. Like, she came up with these crazy stories about, and I can't say that they're false or true, I can't because they both have different recollections of what happened and how their relationship was. But growing up, I feared my dad because I thought that he was this evil man. So growing up I didn't have him and I met my dad again when I was 22.

So around the time, I wanted to say yes, so around the time I barely really knew him. I don't know how to answer this. But yes, we Barely knew each other at that point when he came to help me get sober Was it his idea to stay with you two weeks to make sure that my stepmom? in peace mom, Renee It was her idea for him to stay with you. Yeah, because my dad also suffered from alcoholism. So she knew that somebody needed to be there. And he was able to beat that? Oh, yes. My dad is still sober. He got sober 100 years ago. He must be really old. No, he's only 63.

But yeah, so my dad did suffer from addiction as well in his heyday and she understood that somebody needed to be there and who better than another addict. What's it like to deal with withdrawal? It must have been really, it must have, I mean, obviously you having the emotional desire to quit the pills after the incident with your daughter in the car, you probably were like, I don't freaking care how hard this is.

I'm gonna figure it out. But it must have been really freaking hard. It was, it was, it was hard. Like the stomach cramps, the vomiting, the sweats. It just sounds like typical, this is what you see on TV. That's not what you go through. It's really intense, like your body just feeling broken. Because it needs it.

It's almost like relying on the pill. It needs it, I need it now. And then you feel a little out of yourself when you get over that. It's like a fog feeling. I can't explain it, but it's like a fog feeling I can't explain it but it's like you're in your body but you just okay a hangover feeling you know that hangover feeling but it lasts for like weeks you're just like oh like outside of

myself I'm not intoxicated but I just feel out of myself out of sorts mm-hmm isn't it funny how some people feel like they need to make themselves perfect before they have kids, but having kids was the thing that made you figure life out. It was kind of the wake up call you needed to get things together, and you took an untraditional path,

but it's funny, like I've heard some people say, oh, get married young because it'll make you grow up real fast. And you know, we got married young, and I I have friends that also got married young and for them It didn't work out for us. It did work out, but like it's hard, but then you kind of Something happened on your untraditional path that led you to where you are today. Yeah, I You know I always felt That I was meant for something greater and I know it sounds cliche, but I knew I was meant for something phenomenal.

And it might have not been traditional, but it's my path, my journey. Okay, so you said that like, your escape was from dancing and etc. Was it anything that has to do with like being a mom May did you ever? Like yeah feel like I need to take pills because of like parenting. Yeah, no No Like I like I've said before you've always been a

Easy challenge for me and don't take it the wrong way, but you've always been such a light in my life Mm-hmm, and you've always been just easy to look at And and deal with and process and and all the good things with when it came to parenting So no, I never had to get high to deal with you How you never have been a reason why I wanted to escape my reality ever. Has there ever been a time like within the past 13 years that you ever wanted to like go back to taking pills?

No, I never ever wanted to ever relapse or take pills, but there has been moments where I'm just like, you know what, this would have been just easier if I just had a pill. I was gonna ask that. Because I don't want to deal with this right now. But I never was like, I'm so close to just making that call or finding it, or I never had that desire. Because I always remember that feeling of being high

and it was awful, just awful. So no, it's not just a black and white question. So there's been moments where I'm just like, it just would be easier if I just was high so I don't have to deal with it. But have I ever wanted to be high again? No, I never crave to wanna get high ever again. It's okay if I intrude, I wonder if there's been a way,

a healthy way that you have found to escape with. Is there a new way that you have found that is healthy to escape from the struggles of life that doesn't involve drugs, that doesn't involve alcohol? Yeah. What is that escape? What's that new healthy escape that you go to now? Do you want to answer that? I love being creative. I like to draw. I like to write.

I love to write. That is my addiction. I think just being creative is just one of those things that I immerse myself in. Being a parent also is one of my biggest addictions as well. I love being a parent, I love being an aunt. I love being a godmom. I think you like nurturing children.

She likes to home things, make things for love. Come here, let me cuddle you. And writing, her addiction with writings. I love to write. I've been writing for so many years. I just write, I write poetry, never done anything with it. I've to write. I've been writing for so many years. I just write, I write poetry, never done anything with that. I've written books, I've never published. I've like, it's just like my files of books are just crazy.

And was this book that you released, was this through a publishing company? Did you do it all yourself? I did it all myself. No way. Because you know, it's so funny. I was told that it couldn't come to light. I've asked many people like, hey, I want to write a mom book on how to, not gentle parent,

gentle parent, because I just feel like it's a stupid term. It's just parenting with boundaries, respect, and empathy. Those are the three recipes of raising children. But I was told that, I don't think that you'll be able to do it. So I was like, I'm gonna do it. No me. And I did. And it's done really good numbers.

I'm surprised. I'm really surprised. I was like, wow. Would you ever write a book about your story? The drugs, the adopt? Would you write a book about that? I would because my journals, I feel like write a book of its own. I would read the book. I would read the book. No I'm so invested right now I'm like I would read the book I'd watch the movie too. I watched the whole Netflix documentary too and the 10 part series with like 10 episodes each 45 minutes long, I'd watch it. I would too.

If it wasn't me, I would watch it. Who would play you in the, wait, who would play your mom in the movie? I would say Gabrielle Union. I knew you were gonna say that. They look just alike, her or Queen Latifah. I feel like. Let's go.

I feel like, yes. And I have been writing a biography about Koola Tifa too. I think that that needs to happen. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see, let's see, let's see. That's awesome.

I don't know how, I won't even know how to start, but if I put my mind to it, I could think of how to do it. Okay, I have another question. And I'm- These two. I'm sorry. These two. Wait, no, did you have one more question? No, I don't think so. I don't want to cut you off because you had like so many.

You said you had six. Are we even here? Honestly, the whole audience is wondering where I've gone. We just want to know when the Netflix documentary comes out. Yeah, I want to know. And if you did write a book, would it be Danielle or would you put someone else's name in it? I wouldn't put my name. I'll put my fake name. And if you did write a book, would it be Danielle or would you put someone else's name in it?

I wouldn't put my name. I'll put my fake name. What's your fake name? What's your fake name? Samantha. That's your fake name. You have a fake name. No, so my fake name was my fake name when I would give it to customers because you wasn't allowed to give any of the customers your real name. Okay. So Samantha was mine. A lot of people customers your real name. Oh, okay. So Samantha was mine, yeah.

A lot of people knew me as Sam. No way. Was that all? So when you have a fake name working in one of those clubs, does all the staff use that name too? They don't even know your real name? The staff knows your name, but they also know your stage name and your fake name.

Got it. Thank you to ZocDoc for sponsoring this episode of Unplanned. In case you've been living under a rock, you probably know that I have ADHD and I actually got my diagnosis by setting up a virtual doctor's appointment through ZocDoc. We've used it for several different types of doctor's appointments though.

ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality and network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. You can even get same-day appointments which we have actually taken advantage of before. Yes, I actually did a same-day appointment on the day that I was advised to get checked out for my concussion. They have more than a hundred thousand doctors across every specialty from mental health to dental health to primary care to urgent care and so much more. You can filter for doctors who take your

insurance and who are located nearby so you can find a good fit for any medical need you may have and you can also find ones that are highly rated by verified patients. It's honestly a really great user experience. For something that can be overwhelming like booking a doctor's appointment it is so convenient just to do it from your phone. I use ZocDoc and you should too. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com slash unplanned to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash unplanned,

zocdoc.com slash unplanned. So I worked at a very upscaled club. Okay. And they were phenomenal. They were, if you got intoxicated and wasn't able to drive or they knew that you were intoxicated, they would make sure that you had a limo service.

Okay. But we also did monthly meetings. We also did weigh-ins and we did etiquette classes and things like that. So we learned how to perform not only on stage but while we are talking to the consumer. So we knew exactly how to make people feel comfortable just to give you money instead of just be like,

oh, oh, it wasn't very always sexual. It was, you know, mimicking body language and phrasing words and things like that. What's exciting for you and things like that. What's exciting for you? Things like that. Oh, got it. That's so interesting. Yeah, it wasn't just like, ooh daddy.

Ooh, give me a minute. But it was more of a mental game. Huh. But the club that I worked at was amazing. Really? Mm-hmm. That's good. I'm surprised I have weigh-ins.

Yeah, so we did, We did have weigh-ins. Why the weigh-in? Because you you wasn't allowed to be heavy. Oh, so if you get over a certain weight, they wouldn't let you dance. Yeah. Or you wasn't allowed to drink. Oh, my gosh, because like the calories in it. They would let so they would want the dancers to drink so that they would be do crazier stuff or what?

They would prefer you to be sober. Oh, they would. Okay. So like if you were too drunk, they didn't want sloppy drunks anywhere. They didn't want you like causing chaos because you're intoxicated. So why allow alcohol? Why allow the dancers to drink alcohol? Not because it's a social thing. So then they want you to be able to have control over your intake of alcohol. Yeah. But a lot of times when you're in the champagne room, they'll give you ginger ale

instead of champagne. They'll spike your shot. I mean, we all had code words with our bartenders. Okay. So we knew exactly. Or if we wore bands, certain bands would indicate, hey I'm not drinking tonight, give me fake alcohol. That's so interesting. Did the Wayans ever get to you mentally? No. No. Dissensitized again. Did they get to the other girls?

Probably, yeah. That's tough. Was that a big conversation with the other dancers about weight? Like oh I'm this weight, I need to this weight. Oh, I'm eating too much. I'm pretty sure I'm pretty sure but it wasn't like in my circle So my circle is like we're getting to the gym then We're going out the everybody's meeting at 9 a.m. To go to the gym group gym Yeah, then that's what we're doing. I was gonna ask did you guys did you personally ever do anything to make sure you didn't like go overweight? Like did you... I...

Have an eating disorder or anything like that? No, I always met my quota. Mm-hmm. I was always very thin until like I just like I think 30 something. I just was like, yeah Yeah I'm not that just sounded really arrogant, but yeah, I always kind of met my quota. What would you say to a girl who's interested in doing that?

What would you say to them? They come to you, maybe they're 17 like you were at the time. Oh, 17 years. Or let's say 18, let's say 18. They're a legal adult now. What would you say to that girl, that 18 year old girl that's like, I'm interested in doing this? I think it's happened.

And I'll just ask them the same questions. Like, why do you wanna do this? What's your end game? Do you have goals to, is this permanent? Is this, like, a lot of girls go in there thinking, hey, I'm just gonna do it for X, Y, Z, only six months, because I want this and that. And then they get swooped up in the industry. It's like, this money is, it's so hard to get out because the money is so easy. It could be easy if you know the game. But I would always tell them, don't give up a day job or a goal or a hobby more so, because it's just easy to get swept up.

I wouldn't say that it's a bad industry if you have the right mentality. If you go in there thinking, oh, I just need attention from men, I want quick fix, I'm already an addict, I have this, I wouldn't suggest that. But if you really do have an angle I Would just try to teach you as much as I can but I I don't know I wouldn't suggest it for my daughter

How that how would that make you feel If theory wanted to dance At her grown age, I would support her, but I would question her. Like, why do you want to when I feel like I've given her a lot of tools to make money without taking your clothes off. And not taking your clothes off is okay if you guys, anybody that's doing it.

But I wouldn't want my daughter to do it. I understand. What do you want for your daughter? I want her to be successful and to continue to build on her empire because you were meant for greatness. She really was, she was meant for greatness. And when you say successful, what is success?

Happiness. Is money happiness? Is money happiness? Is money happiness? For me, I like to shop. Shopping makes me happy, but money can't buy all things. Isn't it crazy how there's so many really depressed rich people? Yeah. Yeah, I'm rich now and not with money, but with love, support, family, everything that

I would beg for if I was rich and I was lonely with money. I have a question. What did you, did you feel like you missed out at all with my childhood? Did you, do you feel like you were active? Do you feel like you lost some years or times? That's a good question. Do you feel like you're active? Do you feel like you lost some years or times? That's a good question. See, I can only tell from my perspective.

I can't really answer fully, because you would have the answers that you're actually seeking. Me, personally, you went on vacations. I could say all the things that you did. I could say this frivolous stuff. Like, I took you shopping every week. You went to five-star restaurants. You had a penthouse.

You had your own. Like, you went to great schools. You had this. You had your own vacations. You did this. I don't feel like I came up short in those areas. And then I showed up mentally, I think, but I can't answer those questions, honey.

Well, me either. No, I can. You were there for me. I know you were. I just wanted to see what you were asked. Wholeheartedly, I can say from my perspective. No. Yeah.

At what point did you introduce your now wife to Theory? She knew her before I did. It's my sister. No. Yeah. Yeah. At what point did you introduce your now wife to Theory? She knew her before I did. It's my sister's friend. No way. She was my best friend. What? Tina is my sister's best friend and they've been friends for years before. Like I've known Tina but I didn't know Tina until I start working with her and then that's when we were like chitty chitty bang bang. Were you aware when you were pregnant with Theory that you liked women? So I have always dibbled and dabbled with women. You cannot say that to my wife because she wants to be the only woman. So I've known from a very young age, like my family always knew

that I was very spiritual and free about that so now it's always been women men women men. And Danielle I found it so fascinating you said in an interview that theory came out to you before you came out to her. Yes. Walk me through how that happened. With me finding out that she was or me telling her like I was. I guess both because it kind of did she come out to you the same day you came out to her? No, so the way that she came out to me was I already knew they were messing with each other because I was snooping. Snooping through their phone. She's a snooper. I am, I am, I'm nosy.

And I found a picture of them kissing. And I was like, oh, ooh, okay. So I went to her. You're like, this is pretty solid evidence. Yeah, and I was like, if you guys wanna date, like, just tell me, like, if you're happy, you're happy, and I love that. And that's literally all.

She was like, she just hugged me. But me, when I came out to her, I literally was just like, Mom, I have a crush on Millie Bobby Brown. And I love Millie Bobby Brown. That's gonna be my girlfriend. I love her. And that's literally all of us.

And I was like, do you like her as a girlfriend? Or do you like her as like, you like her? I like her. And she was like, I like her. I was her. And she was like, I like her. I was like, note it. Butterflies. Note it. Yeah, that's what she said.

She was like, butterflies. And I was like, note it. Was it the season one look that got you of Stranger Things? With her bald head and all that. And I loved it. I, no, I loved it. I think it was before.

It was before that. I liked her, I think it was like back, like her hair back. I'm not sure what it was on Shader Things, but I was like, that's my girl. I like her. How did you create that atmosphere in your relationship? I guess this goes for both of you since you both came out to each other,

where that was a dialogue that felt natural and comfortable to have. I'm sure that's a bigger question than like you can even probably put into like a couple sentences but um I don't know I just she was always like my best friend so I think it was I've always talked to her about certain things where um I don't know I just don't know, I just don't know. I just feel like I've always been very open with her. I felt very safe. But we didn't, she didn't really fully 100% trust me until, it was like 15. Until she was like 15.

Like I trusted her, but I didn't like, I am, am I gonna get in trouble if I like say something to her? I still had that like thought in the back of my head. I really didn't trust her until I told her about losing my virginity. You didn't tell me about losing your virginity. She found out. Oh you didn't tell, so your mom found out. I was terrified but after that. How did she react? She was hurt and. That's not hurt. No no no she wasn't hurt that I did. She was hurt that I didn't tell ya after she told me

multiple times if you do or you're thinking about it let me know me so I can you know prepare you get you I thought you may protect you whatever and I didn't and how did you find out about? And I'm telling you no She came home one day and she was walking funny She was walking funny. I was not. That was fun. She was walking funny. How she really found out. How, yeah, how I really, really knew

that I was not wrong about that. They got me one of those cameras that move. One of those digital cameras. Photo albums. And Tina was hooking my phone up to the computer to put one to the photo thing and there was pictures of like of some dude, you know my ex-boyfriend and I and Tina was like I'm telling my was like don't tell her don't tell her and she still told her and I was like

but I already knew but you did It was only like inappropriate pictures, but it was only. But we still, at this time, we would always sit down at the dinner table and have dinner. And I was like, Thierry, answer me this and don't lie to me. Are you sexually active? And she just was like. That's right, I laughed a little bit

And I was like And she was like And I was like, okay, so we're gonna go to the doctor's Like I'm birth control and after that I tell her oh, yeah Yeah, wait too much. And was that whole story before or after you came out to your mom? Oh, after. Yeah, that was after.

Oh, that was after, okay. But it was like, I feel like she's, like our wave of communication where I made her feel like she was always comfortable to tell me that she liked girls or she was bi. I think that it was because I was always comfortable with speaking to her about conversations and it wasn't like in-depth conversations where it's like, Oh, I did this, I did that. It was just like, how was your day?

Like little conversations that it's kind of like, what's your favorite character? What's your goal? Things like that. You're interested in who I actually am. I never really judged her. Why did you feel like you needed to keep that a secret since your mom was being so open with you? Thank you. Was it that went through your mind as that 15-year-old

that made you think, I need to hide all this? I think just being a teenager, and even though I know she kept saying like you can tell me you won't get in trouble, there was just something in me that's like you're gonna get grounded, you're not supposed to be doing this, like you're not allowed to do this theory, like don't do it. And I was just terrified and I don't know why, I really do not know why, I just think it was just a teenage instinct of like not telling your mom that, you know.

I think it's just natural and it's okay and it's it's fine I I had those questions so many times. I'm like why would you think that you had to lie? I did it there's no reason for me to I would like to think that it's because your other friends were hiding it That's also true a lot of my friends were terrified to tell their parents that they were doing anything. They told her Yeah, they told me. Before I even told her that I was doing those things. They were very open with her So I was just like if they can't tell their mom, I'm not telling my mom. Yeah, like she snuck out one time and she really did not have to tell him like she's not have to sneak out I she got grounded because she didn't tell me

But I snuck out Mmm You don't have to lie about thinking out girl. And while we're on this topic, how did you approach those conversations with theory? Because there are an infinite amount of schools of thought on, you know, sexuality when it comes to teenagers, especially because, you know,

teenagers are developing sex drive at 13, maybe even younger than 13, yet their brains aren't developed until they're in their mid-20s. So how did you approach that conversation with your daughter? So with the bisexual or curiosity, I just was like, well, do you not wanna date boys at all when you get older? And she was like, no, I like boys too.

And I just was like, okay well when we cross those bridges just let me know what direction and I could support you however you want me to and You know, I mean she's always just came to me besides having SCX But When it came to actually having conversations with her, it just, it was just a sit-down. I wasn't trying to cut her off whenever she would speak. I would listen wholeheartedly. If I did feel uncomfortable with her answer, I would just sit there with my thoughts and process them because like I don't want

to make her feel like she's saying something wrong because it's her emotions, it's her feelings. And then when it came to like her sneaking out and her getting caught it was a you're gonna sit down I have to talk to you. I always cool down before I approached her with any kind of discipline. I always cool off at school, cool off at work. It doesn't matter. Till this day, I do not approach her if I'm upset because I know I can come across aggressive and I know she's sensitive. So I know that I can't approach her with any kind of agitation in my voice. So that's super wise. I think a lot of parents make the mistake

of trying to be a parent when they aren't in a good state of mind. Yeah. Why would you do that? Why would you have a conversation that could really affect your child when you might be angry? Maybe there's something completely unrelated

to the topic that is, you know, keeping you in a negative state and you don't want to take that out on your kid. Nope, I don't do it with anybody. I don't do it with my clients. I never did it with my bosses. I don't do it with my wife. I don't do it with my friends. I don't do it with my family.

So why would I do it with my child? Waiting to come out to your daughter until she came out to you was that influenced by anything other than Just you wanting to keep something private like what influenced that decision? So I didn't purposely keep it away from my daughter I just didn't think that anything was really going to come from the relationship with Tina and so not saying that I didn't think that anything was going to come from from it but it just I didn't know if she was going to be a predominant feature in my life for long periods of time so that was the reason

why but Tina was my first relationship with a female that I was starting to grow feelings for so had you brought other partners around I didn't have a axia a lot to to Was that something that you were nervous about at the time or was Tina No, no, no with other partners like previous ones with a child like Not necessarily because I did trust these individuals or it's like previous ones with a child? Not necessarily because I did trust these individuals. I shouldn't have because one was very abusive. I should have, but that was when I was in an addictive period in my life.

But they always treated theory with respect. So I never really thought much about that. Did you think it would ever like affect me? Yeah, and that's why he's gone. Well, other reasons why he's gone, but I mean, for the most part, he's gone. Well, my ex is gone because he was just abusive and he put his hands on me and she seen the blood and I was like, this is it. This is that. So I packed all of our stuff and I, we moved.

Every time I walk into the room where she sees me, she's like, all right, all right, I got you. We're done, we're done. Yeah, we're done here. We're done. Yeah, good times. Yeah, would you ever like change any of your past? Not one single thing?

No. Why do you say that Because I Wouldn't be able to be the person that I am. I know it sounds cliche, but I like every milestone every fall every Everything made me the person that I am today Even the car incident. I hate it, I hate it.

I wish it never happened, but would I change it? No. Because what if that was the instance where I kept on doing perks and then I OD'd? No, that needed to happen. It needed to happen. God knew that it needed something like that to happen Yeah, where you wasn't physically harmed

I wasn't physically harmed and I was able to still get on my two feet and keep on pushing I guess that didn't happen. What if the next time I went to work and I just pop 30 perks and then I died Yeah, and then I left you all alone. So no, I don't regret anything Was Tina the first person that you ever married? Yeah, she is my one and only. And what was it about Tina that made you realize that she was the one? I mean, a lot of things.

I mean, Tina is a force to be reckoned with. Like she is just an incredible person where she brings life to anybody. Like she's just funny. She's naturally funny. She's smart. She's curious. She brings a piece of home that I would always strive to be. You know what I mean? Like she looks the way that she does, but she's very sensitive. She is just warm. I mean, she's rough. She is very rough, but she's also very soft and warm. Like she's like comforting. She the yin to your yang. She is. Yeah. Like I'm like, I miss you. I just do. I miss her all the time. She

loves her. I love her. Who's the funniest? Tina or your mom? Me. Don't say it. Me. Oh, you're the funniest. No, she's not. I am the funniest. say it. Me. No, you're not the funniest. No, she's not. I am the funniest. Out of the three of you, you're the funniest. I'm the funniest, but out of them, okay. So there's a different- No, my mom's funny when it comes to immature things.

Like, if someone's falling and she can make a joke, that's my girl. Tina is mean funny. So I- She's mean funny. Yeah. She's not even trying to be funny but she's funny. Yes. You think that it's funny but I'm just like she's not she's not joking. That's funny for me. Yeah because we know she's being very serious and people think it's because she's so she looks so innocent when she's saying it and I'm like she she's dead serious. She don't like you. And she my my wife does not have a filter.

She's not composed or whenever anything. If we were in the interview right now and I said five, she'd be like, you're five and he said, oh, yeah, yeah. He had sugarcoated that's me. I'm like. Do you keep her off? They grew. It doesn't matter. The story needs to stay on course. Your mom was a dick.

I'm like, oh, OK. It's hard. Do you keep your wife off social media because she has no filter? No, I want her to be on social media. Oh, you do? OK. Yes, I would love it. They love Tina.

They love Tina so much. And I understand why. But she does not like to be on social media. So I don't force it. And when she's like, hey, you want to do content with, you want to do content together? I'm like, fuck yeah. Absolutely. Let's do some content together.

Normally you see Tina in the comments. Yeah, Tina is. She goes hard in the comments section. She does. Oh, she's hard. Those hate comments. She's on it. You're not a fighter, girl.

Please calm your tongue. She is crazy in the comments. I don't even have's on it. You're not a fighter, girl. Please calm your tone. She is crazy in the comments. I don't even have to say it. I'm like, oh my gosh, like someone just said that I was this. She's already on it. I'm like, Tina commented five minutes ago. I just said it. Tina does crazy.

Tina does not play about us at all. Well, I have really enjoyed talking to you both today. Y'all are so fun. Thank you for treating. I just wanna hang talking to you both today. Thank you for- I just wanna hang out with you guys. I wanna go to bed. I love that you guys are just going out and like- We're just like in and out.

We wanna go to in and out. Yes. And you really seem like best friends. We are. When we met you today, I was like, is this real? Is this just an act? No, it's clear that you both like truly care about each other so much.

Oh, absolutely. And I love it. If you enjoyed today's interview, definitely go check out Theory on social. Go check out Danielle on social. I know you guys are both big on TikTok, Instagram. You also have your book, Danielle. Where's the best place for people to connect with you all

on social media? You can connect on YouTube, Instagram, Danielle, where's the best place for people to connect with you all on social media? You can connect on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, all under Danielle Sylvester. You can connect on what am I on? TikTok and Instagram and Facebook under Theory Frasier. Amazing. And you can purchase Not a Dr. Justin Mom book on Amazon. Amazing. Thank you both so, so much.

Thank you for having us. Go follow them and we will see you guys on the next episode. Thank you. Bye.