The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby - IVF, Miscarriage, and emergency surgery after egg retrieval w/ Tori Halford

Episode Date: October 15, 2025

Matt sits down with Tori Halford to talk about her raw and emotional IVF journey — from breaking off her engagement to facing infertility, miscarriage, and an emergency surgery after egg retrieval. Tori opens up about what IVF really costs (emotionally and financially), how she found strength through it all, and the realities of navigating infertility in the public eye. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp, Wildgrain, Audible, Revolve & Nutrafol BetterHelp: Our listeners get 10% off their first month at http://BetterHelp.com/unplannedpodcast #ad Wildgrain: Wildgrain is offering our listeners $30 off the first box - PLUS free Croissants in every box - when you go to http://wildgrain.com/UNPLANNED to start your subscription. Audible: Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at http://audible.com/unplanned Revolve: Shop at http://revolve.com/unplanned and use code UNPLANNED for 15% off your first order. #REVOLVEpartner Nutrafol: Find out why Nutrafol is the best-selling hair growth supplement brand at https://Nutrafol.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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old self back naturally. With IVF, you're not supposed to take a pregnancy test, but you can. We're getting positive pregnancy tests every single day. We're so excited, and the call day comes. As soon as she answered the phone, I was like, something's wrong. I've actually never talked about this before. I love the church, and I love the gospel, and I never want to come off as I'm against it. But I had a really hard time with it.

You try so hard, and you're putting your body through so much, and you're also spending money each time for it to fail again. It kind of puts you at a place like, can we even do this anymore? Today on Unplanned, we sat down with Tori Halford, a mom and content creator who is currently going through IVF and documenting her whole journey online. While her first transfer was successful, she has since been met with miscarriage and two failed embryo transfers. We talk about everything from why she called off her wedding after her bishop encouraged her to the true cost of IVF and what her and her husband plan to do with their leftover embryos all on today's episode. also quick disclaimer abbey will be sitting this episode out we just decided given the nature of the topic as well as everything going on in our life that it should be best for her to sit it out so

appreciate you guys understanding and again thank you so much for everyone's kindness love prayers thoughts everything it's it's been meaning the world to us and we just really appreciate you all so enjoy the episode troy halford welcome to unplanned thank you thanks for having me I'm so excited to be here. I got to ask, I feel like this is the typical question. We always ask anybody on our show, but how did you and Tanner meet? What's your love story? I got to get the deeps.

So I want to set the scene in Utah. It's very normal for people to meet and date for three months and get married. That has to be like really scary, actually. A lot of times they kind of describe it as like, it's going to be your prince charming and it's going to be this big epic love story and you're going to get married and you're going to be happily ever after. Where for me, it was, I mean, I'm happily ever after now, but that process of the dating was a very like a crucible in my life. It was kind of the moment where I broke free

from what I thought my life was going to be like and kind of decided who I wanted to be as a person. So Tanner and I met at Utah Valley University and we the first time we met, he was kind of hanging around with some guys that I already kind of knew that I was like, we call him the Provo All Stars in Utah, but they're basically like the gym bros and the dudes, like the frat boys kind of. He came and approached me. He, I had my soccer friend with me. soccer teammate and we were kind of chatting he asked for both of our numbers and as soon as he did that i was like that's weird he's just trying to get like all these girls numbers did you ever get an explanation as to why he didn't just ask for your number alone yes he said he was trying to be nice

oh so he didn't want he didn't want to make the other girl feel that so after that he texted and he was like hey let's go hike mount tippinogas at midnight i'm like i'm just now meeting you for the first time you want to go at midnight to go hike 12 hours i'm like i have no idea who you even are besides the one time that we met because the thing is you like watch the sunrise together right yeah that's what they want to do is watch the summer it was very romantic yes but in my head it was like he's going to be a serial killer and kill me up there okay so I said no I have soccer practice in the morning so I'll have to catch you a different time now fast forward to 14 more times over a span of six months he asked me out and I said no every single time that's hilarious why did you never

block his number I think I was trying to be nice too I was trying to let him down softly and tell him no each time and maybe maybe there's a reason why I didn't because now obviously we're married and I'm very grateful for it but there was like a couple of things in there like I tore my ACL my sophomore year of college just a couple months after we met and I actually knew his older brother we we were in college together we were in college sports kind of together at the same apartment village and he was going to drop a basket off at my house but we had not hung out or talked since basically the last time he had asked me out and then we haven't like seen each other since so i was like that's really creepy that you're like trying

to drop this nice basket off at my house like i don't know who you are how do you know where i live blah blah funny story he actually texted the girl who he got the number from who is my soccer teammate and asked her for my address so it all comes for full circle you know that's hilarious anyways fast forward we go on our first date he asked me out one more time and he's like look i'm gonna pick you up we're gonna go do a basketball date and i will have you home in two hours And if you don't want to go out with me ever again, then I will stop bothering you. And I responded, I'm such a brat, but I responded, fine. It's funny because when I opened the door for our first date, it was like, this was not the

boy that I thought I was talking to. It was like love at first sight a little bit for me. Like that would, that's the feeling that I would describe it because I was like, he is so handsome. I can't believe that this was the boy that's been texting you 14 times. Like, this can't be possible. And then we went on our first date and hung out every single day since. That's awesome.

Except. Except what's the caveat here? So we ended up, that was, we went on our first day in February and then we got engaged that December. So almost about a year we'd been dating and we had our wedding scheduled for March of that next year. Okay. And we broke off our engagement. Holy cow. Yeah, broke off our engagement. What made you decide to call it off? I think we both were feeling like it just wasn't working. Like it wasn't right. Things weren't like falling into place. We had some, you know, outside. pressure from families and things like that. Was there like a certain family member that was like, hey, I don't know about this guy. We broke up a few times here and there even while we were dating. And I think my family was just like, look, you can never figure it out with him. Let's move on a little bit. It's hard because in our religion, it's one of the advice they use is like, if your family does not agree with who you marry, then maybe you should consider someone else.

Okay. And that was kind of like this fight that I was having with myself, you know? And I kind of had to decide on my own, like, what is the decision that I'm going to make? This is going to be who I spend the rest of my life with. Yeah. And that summer where we were split apart for those nine months was like a very life-changing summer for me. I had moved away from any friends and family. I was kind of all by myself.

The people I was living with I didn't even know. And I kind of had to figure out like, do I want me to be happy or do I want to be a people-pleaser my whole life and just do things the way that other people want me to do? In a podcast I was listening to, you mentioned some. something about like meeting with a bishop, which I don't know very much about. Like that's something that I've like, I've never experienced that. So like what, why, why was that? Yeah. So obviously one of the things that the church asks of you is to be pure with your partner. And there were things that we were doing that obviously didn't go with that. And so we had to actually push off our

marriage for a year. Okay. And we had to meet with our bishops and kind of confess what we had done. Yeah. And going to the bishop, that's really hard to be like, look, I made a mistake. And then for them to be like, you can't get married. You have to wait a year or you need to get civilly married, which wasn't a, we didn't think that was really an option for us. Okay.

And that was a really hard, like for my testimony in the church, that was a really hard process of. And I know, I've actually never talked about this before, like in a public forum. but it was something where I felt like... No, you're good. Take your time. No, I know. The hard part is I love the church and I love the gospel

and I never want to come off as I'm against it, I guess. But I think that's where I had this really hard time of, you know, this is like the first time I've really like messed up or, you know, confessed a sin that was more serious than, you know, you know, little white lies or things like that. And I had a really hard time with it. It was something that, you know, affected my mental health a lot. And it was something that I kind of had to go through by myself to figure out, you know,

if this was something that I wanted to be a part of and if it was something that was important to me. Yeah, I always find it interesting, especially when it comes to, like, purity culture across, like, all faith backgrounds because so many people, like, find themselves. especially young people that are just figuring stuff out are like, what's wrong with me? Why do I like, why do I feel all this attraction to my, my girlfriend of nine months or whatever? And it's like, I don't know. Maybe it's because you love them. Yeah, maybe because it's normal to fill that way, you know?

Yeah. That was one thing. We had a bishop who was like, you know what? Like, yes, is this hard for you guys to go through? But out of all the problems that you could have, this is the best problem you could have. And I don't want to like, you know, ask too much. But like, is that also part of the reason that you guys were like breaking up and stuff? It had to do with that. And that was more me. I feel like every time there would be some type of mess up, I'd be like, you're, because they basically say, you know, you need to hold yourself pure. And if I wasn't holding myself pure, then obviously this isn't the right person to be with. But that's backwards thinking. It's like, no, you do it because you love this person. And it's a very normal feeling to have. And I think that's why when I was met with kind of like disappointment and shame. I'm like, why? Because I'm trying to do the right thing. I'm trying to do what you guys have taught me to do. And. And.

And I'm not saying it needs to be celebrated, but at the same time, it could be, you know, respected. And so calling off the wedding was essentially because of the bishop telling you guys you had to, or both of your bishops telling you guys you had to. Both of our bishops told us we had to push off the wedding. Gotcha. And so announcing that to your community, did people know why? Or was it more of just you didn't say? Our parents knew why. We sat down with both sides of our parents and told them, you know, what had happened and what we had to do.

But it wasn't like we went and announced it to, you know, everyone in the community. At this time, it wasn't like, I wasn't even really doing social media. It was like you'd post, you know, fun things. Like I was soccer players, so I'd post soccer things or when I got engaged. But yeah, it was definitely something that people talked about and probably guessed, but never, it was never, like, said by us. This is an ad by BetterHelp. October 10th was World Mental Health Day. And this year, we're saying thank you to therapists.

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of a button so this world mental health day we're celebrating the therapist who've helped millions of people take a step forward if you're ready to find the right therapist for you better help can help you start the journey our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp com slash unplanned that's better help.com slash unplanned and so calling off the wedding that like that must have driven probably both of you guys to a pretty dark place yeah it was really hard and the hard part about it was I think we both had agreed it wasn't like one party over the other it was kind of like we he had a phone we had a phone call because he was selling in a different state at the time when we actually broke it off and it just was like a phone call of

this just isn't working why is this becoming so hard you know we weren't congruent with each other I don't know like looking back I think I blame my I don't really feel like it was Tanner at all. Wait, why do you blame yourself? Because I was the one that wasn't committed. Like, I was the one that was half in, half out at all times. Like, it was never, like, I was always like, well, maybe, like. Wait, are you saying, what are you saying you're blaming yourself for?

Like, for the purity issues or for calling off the wedding? For calling off the wedding. I think if I would have been 100% from the very get-go and kind of was like, no, this is the decision I'm going to make. Like, you can either get on board or get off board. I think it would have made it a lot smoother of a transatlantic. But at that time, I was, like, trying to play the mediator and be like, oh, sorry. No, you're good.

And it was just, it was a really, it was like I was in a rock and a hard place, you know. I couldn't, I felt like I couldn't make either side happy. And I think that was another thing that kind of weighed on my mental health a little bit because I got to a very dark place at this time. And yeah, it was just, it was hard. It was really, really hard. What did you learn, you know, from that experience? Because I think like whenever something bad happens in life, it's almost like you have to

choose either to just like let it, I don't know, just you, my dad always had the saying he would tell me he was like, you can choose to be bitter or better. Like I have a feeling that you probably ended up like creating meaning out of this really tough time. Like what was that? I think I'd go back to soccer. Like it's as an athlete, you have a lot of failures. But you either get over them and work harder or you let it derail you and you quit.

And I've just never been someone that quits. I've always been someone that tries their best. Like even when I was playing soccer, I had three years with a coach that didn't really believe in me. But yet the whole time I was trying to prove myself to him and I'd work harder and I'd pass every fitness test and I'd try to be the first one to finish something. And I think it's just a testament of like I, when the going gets tough, I fight hard. harder. And that's how I feel about my Natana's relationship. Out of everything that I've done in my life, that relationship is what I've fought for the most, which means it's the most valuable to me. And that's the meaning that I get from it. It's just how much I love him and how much I love

our relationship. And knowing that this is my life and it's my decision and it doesn't really matter what other people think, which I think has now segued into social media where you get a lot of, you know, hate comments here and there. But if I know who I am, am as a person, then it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks about me. Fast forward, you know, you guys end up getting back together. You get married in the temple. You, like, are married for multiple years, just like doing your thing. Life's great. And then you go to start having children. And what happens? So I always thought that I would, there was like always a thought in the back of my mind that I would have trouble with having children. I think it's because

as an athlete, I was running a lot. It was always super active. So like my cycle wasn't very regular. And I think in the back of my mind, I was always like, I think it's going to be tough for me, but who knows? You know, who knows? And so I think we got married in 2018. We started trying in 2020.

And I've tried for the first couple of months and I, you know, we weren't getting pregnant. And I have a lot of sisters-in-laws who had kids at the time. And they were like, why don't you take an ovulation test and see if you're ovulating? So I was like, oh, perfect. started taking the tests and was never getting a positive test. And so I'm like, what does this mean? Like, I'm never ovulating. Like, what, like, my body's not working. Like, what's going on? And so that's when I booked my first appointment with fertility specialist, which I'm very

grateful for because a lot of the times with infertility, you have to try for at least a year before you can even get into a fertility specialty specialist. Like, that's kind of the standard that they give you. But because I knew that I wasn't ovulating, they let me in, which I'm so grateful for because now it's like, I don't, I'm not delayed another year. Yeah. So, So went into my fertility specialist. They put me on some medications that got me to ovulate, but we still weren't having kids. Some of the medications were really tough to be on. There was one time where I was surfing on the back of a boat.

It was a family vacation and fainted while I was surfing, fell into the water. Everyone's freaking out. Tanner jumps into the water, is trying to save me. He doesn't have his life jacket on. My father-in-law is turning the boat around while he's doing that. Another one of my brother-in-law is falling off the boat. Wait, sorry. Did you say you didn't have a life jacket on?

I did, but Tanner didn't it when he jumped in because he was so worried and he jumped in after me because they knew that something was wrong. Yeah. And then it was like the next hour I was just limp and they were trying to get me out of the water because we were at Bear Lake and there's not like a major hospital there. And so trying to figure out where they could take me and figure out what was going on was really hard. Anyways, it ended up being the fertility medication that I was on. Okay.

So it's just like fertility is very hard on our bodies as women. Like the hormones that you're taking, it just makes you feel a little bit crazy at the same time. and all the hormones that you already have as a woman are, like, heightened to the max. Yeah. And so went through that summer, didn't get pregnant. Finally, we got to a point where they're like, okay, your next thing is IEY or you move on to IVF. And we were like, you know what? We just want results.

Like at this point, because there's a lot of unexplained things. Like, okay, you're ovulating. We don't really know why you're getting pregnant. We don't know why. We don't know why. And there was nothing physically wrong with me that they could diagnose me with either. So then we were like, let's just get answers. We went to IVF, started that whole process.

That took like a year just to get into. get seen by an IVF specialist as well because they're so backed up and finally got in how to retrieval how to transfer and got pregnant my first time which was amazing for us it was such a blessing and such a miracle that we we were able to get pregnant this must be expensive like what does insurance cover this no like what how much are we talking to to do IVF like what does that cost so each thing is a different cost I think total in the whole round of doing an egg retrieval and doing a transfer for us it was around like 15 to 20k the first time and there's no no insurance covers it i know yeah there's no insurance does not cover ibf like it never covers it never covers it

obviously we're still struggling now into with ivf and getting pregnant again so we had rad he's been our blessing and our miracle and he's just our whole world and finally we decided that we wanted to try again and we had so when you do an egg retrieval they give you like you do a bunch of eggs and then you fertilize all those eggs and then you can get multiple embryos. So we had five and Rad was one of the five that we had. So we had four more embryos that we could still transfer. You don't have to do a whole other egg retrieval. You just have to do another transfer. Yes. So we tried our first transfer last, I think, January, did all the medications. And at this point, we thought, you know, IVF was our, the thing that was going to work for us because we got

pregnant the first time. And so we never had any doubt that it wasn't going to work. I think we were a little naive to think that and did the transfer and sadly the embryo did not take, which is funny because next week is actually my due date for that embryo that we transferred. I'm so sorry. No, it's okay. So we kind of bounced right back afterwards because we really wanted to be pregnant again. And so I think in March, we did another transfer and got the results back pregnant. And we were so excited. So excited. We like filmed the whole experience.

And I took a pregnancy test every single day because kind of with IVF, it's like you're not supposed to take a pregnancy test, but you can. Like five days after your transfer. And when I did it with RAD, it was positive. And I surprised Tanner. And it's always this fun thing that we do. And this time I took a pregnancy test. every single day and then you have a blood test that will basically tell you yes it worked or no it didn't so we're getting positive pregnancy tests every single day and the call day comes and we're so excited

and we're filming it all and we can't wait to celebrate with you know friends and family and as soon as she answered the call and like the way she said hello because you work with your nurse coordinators a lot throughout this whole process because there's a lot of appointments a lot of medications that you have to be taking every day as soon as she answered the phone I was like something's wrong like she's not like oh my gosh congratulations like she kind of was like hey like we got to talk about a couple of things and she's like your your results showed that you're pregnant but your levels are really low for you to be pregnant right now so she's like but i've seen it where your levels double and you have successful pregnancies but i've also seen it where they just keep going

down and you're not pregnant anymore and you miscarry and so we had to do a another blood test and it was like a Saturday and we were actually leaving it was Tanner's birthday the next week and we always do this big trip to Green River and it's really exciting and we do it every year and it's something that's really fun for our family and we had to go in that Saturday to like a different clinic because a lot of clinics are closed on Saturday and got the results back that next Monday we're in Green River we're about to celebrate like with all our friends and family it was like the perfect place to announce that we were pregnant to because all of our friends and family were going to be there and it was also Tanner's birthday we get our results and we kind of had them in our email the

whole day and we were delaying it, delaying it, delaying it, delaying it. And finally we're like, it's either we do it today and we kind of have a day to like get over it before everyone starts showing up or we have to wait the whole week. And I was like, I'm not waiting the whole week. This episode of the unplanned podcast is brought to you by Wild grain. I started my bread journey, my sourdough bread journey a couple months back and it's time consuming, y'all. And that is exactly why Wildgrain was started. It's the first bake from frozen subscription box for artisanal breads, seasonal pastries, and fresh pastas. Plus, all items conveniently bake in 25 minutes or less. And let me tell you guys, Abby made some croissants from Wild Grand the other day. And these croissons

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And then we open our letter and we find out we miscarried. I'm so sorry. No, I mean, I'm so sorry. You know, I feel like it's really hard. And, you know, you guys are going through the same experience right now. and my heart goes out to you. Thank you. But yeah, it's something that, you know, you try so hard.

Like, and you're putting your body through so much to put that much effort into it and not be pregnant at the end and spend. And you're also spending money each time, like every single time we do a transfer. It's like $8,000. So you're spending so much money and you're putting all this effort and for it to fail again. It kind of puts you at a place like, well, can we even do this anymore? Yeah. Like, is this something we want to continue or is, like, another route we have to take?

And I kind of blame myself because I'm like, it's my, like, somewhere, it's something with me where I can't figure out. And we have no explanation for, for why we're going through this. So it's been hard. And we had a meeting with our doctor afterwards. And she kind of had to be real honest with us. And she's like, we, I got tested for endometriosis, for PCOS, for everything. And she's like, everything's coming out clear. Like, nothing, we can't figure out anything that's physically.

wrong with you. She's like, look, I think we need to do another retrieval and try to get a grade A, which with the embryos that you get, we had five. Rad was a grade A embryo, which is like the best embryo you can get. And then it goes B, C, D. And we had transferred both Bs that had failed. And so she's like, I think we try one more time and we try to get as many A embryos as we can. And if this transfer, though, doesn't work for you guys, then I think it's time to consider surrogacy. Okay. And like, hearing that word for me was like, what? like you're telling me I'm not going to be able to carry any more babies of mine and this was this conversation that you had with the doctor with how recent was this was probably in June this is

okay in June so very recent okay and so we kind of had to make some decisions on what we were on to do next and we're like we're going to try one more time we're going to do it we're young enough we can do this I want to carry another baby so we dove right in again to do another egg retrieval which I just finished probably around a month ago. And that was really scary for me too because the first time I did at egg retrieval, I got OHSS, which is ovarian stimulation or something like that. And basically it's like when you take out the eggs, your body fills up with fluid. And my body wasn't absorbing the fluid fast enough.

And so I was, looked five months pregnant. I was so bloated and I was in so much pain, probably the most amount of pain I've ever been in my entire life. And this was the day after the egg. It progressively got worse, so it's five days after now. And I was calling the fertility clinic every single day, like, what's going on? Like, I pride myself on having a high pain tolerance, but like something's wrong, something's wrong. They're like, just wait, it will get better, it will get better. And finally, day five, I'm, like, curled up in the bathroom, I'm fainting, I'm passing out,

I'm throwing up. I have nothing else left to throw up. And I'm calling Tanner, trying not to pass out. I'm like, you have to come get me right now and you need to take me to the fertility clinic because I'm not okay. Yeah. So call the fatality clinic, they're like, yeah, we'll see you, but you have to come to this different location, which was like 45 minutes from our house now, which usually is like only 15. So we had to drive all the way there. As soon as they seem, they're like, yeah, something's wrong. You need to be sent to the other clinic, which is the one by our house. So they sent us back up to the other clinic. And I had to have emergency surgery. I had a drain and had two leaders come out. And as soon as that happened, I felt so much better. gosh but this is the first time right like that oh yeah does not happen does not happen that's why when

you called initially they're like oh this is normal you're you're not going to feel that great afterwards because everyone correct me if I'm wrong but everyone that goes through an egg retrieval has some fluid go there yeah but you just had so much that your body okay and they yeah when when I went in they were like this is so rare like we do thousands and thousands of egg retrieval and we probably only have like one to two a year that this ever even happens to wow okay And so I was like, wow, just my luck. Like, this is what's happened. So that was my first one.

So then we had to go into my second one and preparing for that. I was like, I have to prepare to like go through that again. Yeah. And like, at least I knew what I was looking for this time and I was better prepared. But it was like, I told Tanner before we were having all this infertility, I told him, I was like, I'm never doing an egg retrieval again. That's never going to happen to me again. And then this is where we are.

And I had to kind of make a decision like, you're either doing it or you're not. and he's really been my supporter the whole time saying you know it you can do this this is something you can do so we went ahead did the egg retrieval and i happily would like to report that i did not get oh s let's go okay very very easy recovery wow so if you're scared of oHSs just know the next time's probably better that is that's really good to hear yeah holy cow you guys i mean you especially have been through the ringer yeah oh my goodness this year especially like there's just been so much going on this year and a lot of life changes, a lot of infertility, and I've been battling, you know, the emotions with

infertility and the medications that I'm taking while doing major, like, business things and opening up businesses. And it was a very big year for me. And I turned 30 just barely. So it's like 30 years old, it's a very big year. But we got our results back for our embryos and we ended up getting 11 healthy embryos, six of those being double A's, which is the best you can get. So we had a very successful retrieval. So six were double A's. With the initial egg retrieval, how many did you have that word? Just one, and that was rad.

No way. So that's really promising. Yes, very promising. My doctor called, and she's like, it's not normal for your second retrieval to be even better than your first because the younger you are, the better. Yeah. And so she's like, this is amazing. This is like the most amazing results you could ever get.

Did they put you on any sort of medication to, like, boost egg numbers before the retrieval? Yeah, you're on like a, I would say the medication for egg retrieval. are way harder than the medicines you get for transfers. Okay. You're just like your body, you're basically getting double the estrogen, double everything, and your eggs are all expanding at once. So normally when you have a cycle, I think you only like mature one or two eggs. Okay.

And this time you're, I got 50 eggs from the retrieval. The second one too? Yes, from the second one. Because was it, was it, was the first 46 and the second one? The first one, what was it at hand? The first one was 50. The second one was 49. Okay.

But both around 50. When I see videos about people going through IVF, I always see, like, our friends down the Bella who've been through it. Yep. Like, you're constantly, like, stabbing yourself with a needle and injecting something in your body. That's, is that? What is that? That's the medications. Okay.

That's, like, before an egg retrieval to boost. Yep. To boost up everything. To, like, help your mature, your eggs all mature, to help your uterus, like, literally to help everything be the most successful that it can. And so that is, how long is that? process before the retreat. It's around like three weeks. Oh, okay. Like four to three weeks. But like even before then for me, since I have such irregular periods, I have to be on birth control and a birth control pill for the month before that. Okay. I'm confused by that. Why the birth control, why is there

birth control involved in the IVF process? Okay, so with IVF. I don't get it. Yeah. That's so confusing. So with IVF, it's all timed to like the T and you have to get like even before the retrieval. I was getting blood work done every day because it all has a timing. So the reason why they put you on birth control is because let's say you start your period, they want to freeze you exactly where you are and that's what birth control does. It will freeze exactly where you are in your cycle. Oh, okay. Yeah. So then because you have to be ovulating and then, like it's all very timed. Yeah. Like even when we did my retrieval, it was like I was progressing too fast that they're like, we would plan my retrieval for Monday and I had to go in on Sunday because I, that's just where my body was

progressing okay back to the cost thing because i i'm like a numbers guy yeah i'm a math nerd i just like to know financial information what like what do you guys know how much you've spent on this like if you could like sum it all up out of pocket what that costs so the first round was like 20ish the two transfers were 16 okay then the retrieval was probably another sorry to interrupt 16 grand each or no eight grand each yeah and then but we lost the two So 20 plus 16 plus the retrieval now, which, well, let's just say another 20 because we'll do a transfer. So 2016 and 20. I'm not good with math.

Okay. So that's 56. Yeah. That's a lot of money. It's a lot of money. And the crazy part is people do it for free. That's the crazy part. You can have kids for free.

Oh, yeah. You know? Yeah. And here we are spending 56 grand for just for us to be able to have kids too. With going through this, and I'm like, I'm so happy that the egg retrieval went really well. like how does it make you feel as someone who's going through this if someone just like willy-nilly says something with without much thought like oh why don't you stop like how does that how does that make you feel as someone going through this yeah there's a lot of comments that you get like

i posted something the other day about seeing pregnancy announcements and how it's not that you're not happy for them but it's just you're going through something and you want it so badly and so seeing it over and over and there's like a pregnancy season and i feel like it's right now Yeah. And seeing, you know, five announcements in a day, it gets harder and harder each time. And I had a couple of comments on it that was like, you should be grateful. You already have one kid. And then why don't you just go adopt then?

And your adoption is wonderful. And I'm so grateful for it. I'm so grateful for surrogacy. If we want to have kids, we have options. And I'm so grateful for those. But there's nothing like having your own child, too, and your own genes and your own genetics. And I think some people misinterpret that. a little bit and I it's like a sensitive situation because adoption is such a wonderful thing and

so grateful but having your own child is something that you always dreamed about too totally and I don't feel like that's lesser than like wanting that is less than wanting to have an adoption you know I have been an avid walker recently it's cooled down a lot and I've just really loved the process of slowing down and listening to a good audiobook while I do so and Audible's romance has something to satisfy every side of you. I love a good romance. Just makes your heart feel good. It makes me want to do more romantic things in my life as well.

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favorites like Bridgeton and Outlander. Plus all the really steamy stuff. Okay. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at Audible.com slash unplanned what was going through your head when when you found out you miscarried because my wife and I are currently going through that like we're currently grieving through that and I feel like I'm learning I just went to therapy yesterday to talk through that with my therapist because I'm still like I don't know sometimes I like I numb out and I just don't want to think about the heavy stuff because

it just it's scary and I have a really I don't cry much but when I do cry it like it's really embarrassing like it's a pretty like loud like laugh like it's bad it's really bad like talk to me about what was going through your head um yeah finding out that you miscarried i think there's a lot of emotions that you process i think as women because we carry the baby we blame ourselves a lot which i don't think is fair not fair yeah but i think not having an explanation for why or maybe being like because with a transfer you have princess days where supposed to do anything you're not supposed to work out or raise your blood pressure because you're really trying to make that embryo stick and so I honestly the first thing I thought about was everything

that I did and I was like what did I do that miscarriage because we got pregnant so it's like what did I do that ruined it you know that basically killed my baby is how I how I felt and we can't think like that because we have no idea what happened or you know what was going to happen but honestly it's very and it's you have your husband and you're so grateful for them but it is very much like a grieving lonely process because you are the one going to all the appointments and doing the medications and and kind of just feeling like you're on your own because it's your fall is like how the best way to describe it and I remember in the video that we posted um I actually cut this part out I believe, but I had said, like, what did I do wrong?

Like, what did I do? And Tanner had such great advice in that video. You know, he said, everything happens in God's plan. And I know a lot of people hate hearing that, but standing where I am today, I can look back and be like, there was so many opportunities, so many doors that opened for me, even though that door closed and I want it so bad, there's so many more opportunities that I was also blessed with during this process that I'm so grateful for as well. There was things, there's other things I got to focus on.

I got to spend more time with rad. There's, you know, things that I didn't get to miss out on. Yeah. And that's really all the things that I can, like, hope for is that God has a plan for me and there's a reason why we're going through this. And if I can just help as many people out there as I can going through this process again, then maybe it won't feel so lonely for people. There was a lady that reached out to my wife recently.

And this woman has had two miscarriages. one was a bit earlier and then one was like upwards of 30 weeks pregnant and so she just you know went on went on a walk with Abby and they just talked and they got to like you know grief together mourned together but then also just like share in the reality of them being in this this dumb club this this miscarriage club which I'd never even heard of that being a club until we were at the hospital last week and a nurse who had been through that like just she was like welcome to the dumb club and I'm like what like so I I where am I going with this? Well someone someone said the same thing to me. It said it's the worst club with the best members.

Yeah. And it's true. It's like the only people you can really connect to on this are the people that have gone through it as well. Yeah. And you can really lean on because they do understand what you're going through. Yeah. And I think that really is like the truest thing like the people that have reached out to me because of this experience like have helped so much and their advice and the way that they grieve and telling me resources and things that I can do it just helps a ton and I feel like people share so much when they go through it and I'm so grateful for everyone that has reached out and I'm sure Abby is so grateful for everyone that has reached out to her because it is it is really hard to go through yeah well what did you learn about how you grieve

and how Tanner grieves through through all of that I grieve inward I think I kind of shut people out a lot and I don't like to let people in. And I don't think it's because I mean to. I think it's more because the more I talk about it, the sadder I get where I think Tanner embraces people and he kind of embraces the story and he likes to be surrounded by people who genuinely love him and care for him.

And honestly, though, we grieve really well together. Like we were able to, Tanner, Tanner's really good at being like, yes, this is hard and yes, this stinks. but we got to move forward. We can't stay in this darkness. We have to move forward. We have to be productive. We have to do something with this.

Was that what you needed to hear? Yeah, I was super grateful for it because it's true. It's like the more you sit and wallow and be just in sadness because I could just sit here and be like, well, you know what? I'm never going to do anything again. I'm never going to have kids again and I could have a terrible attitude about it. Or you can, you know, move forward. You can try.

you can uplift others you can you know have you can share your stories so that others feel lonely like there's so much benefit that comes from this as well even though it's such a tough situation yeah and we're we have this thing in our house that we don't complain and we're not quitters and that that really did help me and staying busy also helped being able to have other projects to work on helped a ton and to focus my energy on something else i'm i was curious about that because i know like my my default is definitely to be like oh let's think about the positives you know let's think about like all the all the good um like for the future I don't know like to try to turn something crappy into something good yeah but I also know like for a lot of people that are that are grieving and a lot

of people um they they need to hear someone just like have empathy yeah and and I don't know like sometimes I know it's it's different with your situation with with IVF but a common thing with miscarriage is oh just have another one like oh just just have another baby and it's like no it's like I wanted that specific baby like that was that was our baby that was that was the whole plan all long one thing that made it I feel like feel real for us is that we still gave our baby's names because to us they're our babies that's always how we thought about them we never thought about them any other way. And I think it's a little different because, like, looking back, it's like, oh, we knew we were going to have, you know, four more kids. And those were, that was going to be our

family. And so I wear this bee around my necklace because both of my babies that we lost were both bee names, Boone and Blakely. And then I think of them as my angel babies and that I'll see them in heaven someday. Like, that's, that's the way that I know that I'm going to still have those babies one day. That's really sweet. Yeah. I also know, um, you've, you've mentioned on, a podcast that you wanted to have five kids has that has that changed is that something it has changed well i i just think it's more of being realistic okay i'm 30 he's 31 and we're getting older and obviously we don't know what i think i think before it was like oh we're gonna have five kids it's going to be easy and we're going to get pregnant each time and i think now it's much more

like okay what's realistic for us and what we're just grateful honestly we say all the time maybe we only have one maybe it's just it's just rad obviously we want more but I think we prepare ourselves for the worst a little bit. Yeah. And I think realistically for us, as many babies as we can get will be great, but I don't think we'll make it to five. I mean, maybe, but hopefully, but realistically, I just don't think it's possible. Even is that something that like your doctor has said or you're just trying to like prepare

yourself? I think we're just trying to, I mean, by 40, you have a high risk pregnancy. So even if I was to, you know, do a kid every two years, it's like that would be. 40 years old and I would have all my five kids. But that's the next 10 years for me. And is that realistic? I mean, it's now taking us a year where we thought we were

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With having six AA embryos now, like, is there any sort of idea of, oh, like, do they, in the past, have they implanted one embryo, or was it multiple? It's funny that you bring this up because we literally just have. the meeting with our doctor because we're like let's do two yeah we we were like I was always scared of having twins I mean first because I was a new mom and I was like oh twins just sounds scary so let's start with one and then we were just going to transfer another one and kind of do our kids that way and now we were to a point where it's like well we could do twins and so we were really excited about it actually and we were like let's go talk to our doctor because our coordinator was like your doctor

kind of has to like pass it off like they have to approve you that you're ready for it Gotcha. And so I had the meeting with my doctor, and she was like, I don't recommend it. She's like a lot of the times twins are like a higher risk pregnancy. And you also have a way higher chance. It's like a 50% chance of them splitting and you get triplets or quads. Holy crap. Yeah, it's like really high.

When you put in two embryos, they can split? How does that work? I did not. Well, because you're taking all the medications and basically to get yourself the best chance of getting pregnant. So all of those hormones are helping those embryos. And they, though, the hormones also help them split. Like they actually split like while they're in the womb. That's when they do that.

Yep. Because, oh my goodness, that's wild. I didn't realize that. Mm-hmm. And so she's like, I don't recommend it for this time. She said, let's go through this one and kind of see what we get. She's like, I'm really happy, especially since you have these high quality embryos, I do think that if you put two in, that you're likely going to get three or four.

So I have some friends from high school. This is funny that you're explaining this now because I'm like, that actually makes a lot of sense some friends uh it was two two girls and two guys they're quads okay and that's that's like now that you're bringing this up like that's what happened with them so they have an older brother that was friends with my brother and then everybody knew the quads in school they were just you know just like a little little pack of them and what's what's funny is they ended up um having even another sibling because i guess their their parents started having uh you know struggles with with fertility And so they had the quads and they thought they were done.

They thought they couldn't get pregnant. Then they had another once. Then they ended up with six kids. Oh my gosh. So like now I'm so curious. I'm like, is this, are your embryos going to split? Like what's good? How would you feel if you had quads?

Oh, I mean, your life would completely change. I'd be like, you know, I mean, it would be such a blessing. But it would just your life would be very, very different. That's scary though, where you like you're kind of having to stop. Like you, you have to give. you're up for okay maybe one of the embryos doesn't make it so let's put two in so we can at least get like one baby and then you could very well have quads and that's the thing like even just without IVF like even the fertility medications that I was taking beforehand same thing they're like you

have a higher chance of having twins triplets just because your body is producing extra of the hormones that you need and that's just how they split and you've you've mentioned before medications like clomid is that clomid was the one that that it's very possible for you to get you to twins or triplets very easily with clomid so i i want to say that you've said before like before you did ivf you were on clomid yep then the other one is like fermera fermera and so are you back on those like what like do you do people go on those again after implantation no oh they don't okay so clomid they're both just medications to help you ovulate so clomid was actually the medication that i was on when i was talking about fainting in the water got it was on clomid okay and then

after that experience, I went to Framera. And the thing is, like, all my blood test said, yes, you're ovulating. Like, you should be getting pregnant, but it just wasn't happening for us. Yeah. So those are just medications to help you ovulate, where IVF is more, like, specific to growing your embryos and being able to, like, retrieve them all at once. Or sorry, your eggs. Got it.

Got it. Wow. This is like. And that's the thing. It's like, I'm sitting here. I'm like, it's very complicated. And I feel like every single time I do it, I learn something new about IVF. And most of the time, you're just hanging on for dear life.

because there's so much information that they're giving you and there's so many medications and you literally have a calendar and it tells you when to start something and when to stop something and it has times like this you're supposed to take this before 10 a m and this one you have to take it night and like it's just a very complicated process and i think you're just kind of thrown into it and that's the thing i'm like i hopefully i'm explaining this the best way that i know how but there's just a lot that goes into it. What does the timeline look like now? Like when, when will you guys do all of the rest of the stuff? Yeah. So we got our embryos back, which is great. So now we can go and do a transfer. Now, normally with the past two transfers, I've like brought everyone along with that process and told

them, you know, when they were and I would film the transfer day and things like that. And I think we both kind of decided with this one, we wanted to keep it more personal and more, not a secret, it but just for right now we're going to keep it just to ourselves and not share that just because I think it will be more of a personal journey especially with knowing this might be our last time being able to do it because I think after this I'm I'm pretty like if this one doesn't work out I I just need a break this past year it's been a lot on me and my body and we just decided that this was kind of going to be our last chance yeah and so I just wanted to give myself like the time and space to process everything before going to the public about it. But I would say the transfer will

probably be in the next couple of months. Yeah, that's a lot. That's really, that has to be stressful, like constantly thinking about, oh, man, I hope this works. I hope this works. Like, just, just mulling over those details in your head. You know, even, even just like in the past, week of like my first experience of like going through this with my wife it's so sad to see like some of the like I guess lies that like she almost like believed about oh this is my fault or did I do something wrong and just like I feel like that must be the biggest mind F to have as a woman when you're like trying to trying to just have have a baby like you're like my body should be able to do this this is like this is like what I was made for exactly like that's kind of what you

think about it. And especially when you like grew up seeing all these big families and like family is such a big part of Utah culture. It's such a big part of LDS culture. Like that I completely respect your decision on like not sharing that right away and just keeping keeping that for yourself because that must be really hard to put yourself out there to open up your heart for everyone to see. Right. Like well even when we were in Green River, we didn't have service which I was very grateful for at that time because it kind of let me be able to process it within that week. But you know, then I get online afterwards and there's like videos of people being like I just can't wait until Tori announces I can't wait I can't wait and then it was like kind of reliving it all over again

because I'm like oh I'm going to have to tell them that it didn't work you know and that we miscarried and that was really heavy and I knew that that video would be very heavy and it's kind of like you want to give people the best news like you're excited to do that and when you have bad news again like it was like they followed our first journey and now it's our second journey and it's like oh this would be the best comeback story if we got pregnant and then again Again, it's like a negative, that was, that was really hard to go through. And I think having people ask you, because you find out if you're pregnant five days after the transfer, five-ish days.

And then you for sure know at 10 days. So I think people are constantly like, are you pregnant? Are you pregnant? Are you pregnant? And being, seeing those comments and knowing that you're not is, is hard. Yeah. So I think this time that's why we made the decision, like, we're just going to kind of do it ourselves and see what we get.

and have the time to process it before we have to come out to the public. I'm so curious because you did the first egg retrieval. You did a second egg retrieval. What do you do when you have all these eggs? Like what do you do when you decide to stop having children? So you know what? This is something that we had just, we just talked about it.

We never really thought about it that much because when we first got it, we had our five and we're like, we're going to have all five. And we never really had to think. about what we would do if we didn't have them and actually coming home from Utah we kind of had to have a conversation about it because I had gotten like you know how there's a search bar on TikTok yes I had posted a something with IVF and the search bar was like why if IVF is immoral and I kind of that was like the first time I ever was like why would it be immoral yeah and I posted

like a picture of the search bar on my Instagram story and I had a bunch of people they were super sweet. I had no one come in attacking at all, but kind of explain why people feel like it's a little bit immoral because we got 11 embryos, right? Yeah. And we're not, I mean, most likely we're not going to have 11 kids. Yeah, that's a lot of kids.

And, but yet these embryos still have life. Like if they were put into another woman, they could have life. 100%. Right. And so before you have an egg retrieval, they act this big long document and there's like so many situations that you have to read through to pick what you want to do with your leftover embryos okay either discard them donate them donate them to science things like that and looking back i think we both kind of agree that we

wish we would have done it a little bit differently and correct me if i'm wrong babe i think we it's hard to know right because it's like we got 50 eggs but we don't know how many emberos we're going to get from the 50 eggs. So we want the best chance possible to get as many as we can because last time we ended up with five, I was like, what if we only end up with two or with three? Okay, explain that too because, yeah, you get 50 eggs, but not all 50 these eggs are going to be fertilized. So does the doctor tell you which eggs are the like premium quality eggs to then be

fertilized? There's like five different numbers. So the first is how many you retrieved, which retrieved 50. And then it's like how many of those were matured, which is basically like they have to be 14 millimeters or bigger in order to be fertilized so then they give you a number for how many matured and then they give you a number for how many were fertilized and then they give you another number for how many like progressed from the fertilization okay so obviously you're trying to give yourself the best chance to have as many as you can because we're hoping that we'd get five again um

but this time we ended up with 11 and we were kind of looking back like man, maybe we should have only fertilized half of them. Like, because you can tell them, like, I only want this number of eggs fertilized. Well, okay, I see what you're saying now because I know there's a big, especially in, I know in the pro-life community, there's a big discussion of if certain IUDs, certain intrauterine devices are, I guess, like abortion because there are certain IUDs that if you get it after being intimate with someone, like it can keep the fertilized egg from like implanting to the uterine wall. Yeah. Correct? Am I correct about that? It's like after

it prevents it after it already kind of happens. And so I want to say like medically like because I nerd out on this stuff and I I just I don't know. I'm weird. But like I like did this like deep like rabbit hole search and found out like medically doctors don't consider it to be like a pregnancy until it's like implanted to the uterine wall yeah but then there's people that would say like oh no that's that yeah yeah that's like a life right which it's true like the embryos technically if they they could become humans 100% but then you have to think about well these are our DNA as well it's our kids and it's like if we have our kids out there do we do you know do we want yeah like if you donate your your fertilized eggs like that you don't know if your kid ends up in

some like not ideal situation that's your DNA right yeah so I and especially with us that we're having such a hard time having kids it's like you know you want to know your kids no matter who they are or who they're raised by it's just it's very complicated and it's kind of hard for us as well because it's not like you really know what you're going to get from a retrieval it's not like you can predict like okay I only want five embryos you can't do that you know so it's kind of like you want to give yourself the best chance though and we wanted a lot of grade a embryos because that's what worked for us the first time and so we went ahead and fertilized as many as we could now looking back we're like well maybe we shouldn't have done that okay and that's kind of something that we have to

deal with together so it sounds like you still haven't figured out like a definitive like idea of what you want to do with with the fertilized eggs well i look look at it like we don't know what's going to work and what's not we don't know if these embryos like even let's say even a we put it in and it still doesn't work will we try another you know what we keep trying and when we keep trying each of our embryos to see which ones work that's kind of where we're like we don't really know yeah and that's what's that's what's hard about it you know you you go back and forth with yourself on what you should have done or what you could have done but at the end of the day you're paying a lot of money you want to give yourself the best chance to get pregnant I feel like

we've talked about so much but I do want to ask like is there is there anything else that I have an asset you like you'd like to talk about or anything in particular yeah i would like to talk about um a little bit with like the businesses that we opened this year yes yes yeah because i feel like it's something that's really cool and something that's really different especially in like the social media game 100% um so we so i recently opened a talent management company called rad talent management very cool and i have been with talent management before and had a great experience with them, but definitely wanted more of like a connection, more of like a strategy working with other creators. So I opened this rad talent agency with my husband and also my

friend and business partner, Aubrey. And what I noticed from it was there was a lot of people that weren't necessarily established content creators, but they wanted to be one and they wanted to know how to do it and how to get brands and how to monetize. And that's when we came out with a company called Her Turn. It's a community of women who are all like-minded, who want to elevate and uplift each other. You don't have to be a content creator to be in it, but there's a lot of content creation help and a lot of women who want to take content creation seriously. It's my favorite day of the week to be able to connect and talk to these women. I learn from them. They learn from me. And it's just like such a special community. And there's so much uplifting and positive feedback

from everyone there. And it's kind of like a support system. I feel like in the content creation world there's a lot of secrecy maybe like i feel like you see these content creators and you know that they're you know making great money but you don't know how they're doing it or how they got started in it and that was one thing that i really wanted to kind of like expose and i feel like we should be collaborating not competing with one another because there's a lot of comparison in social media totally totally and so if we could create something where all these women get together and they can all go and support each other doing and chasing their dreams then why not and why not share what I have learned in all my seven years of being able to, you know, provide for my family

and monetize my own personal brand. Why not share that and help other women do the exact same thing, especially being stay-at-home moms? Tori, thank you so much for coming on. It was a pleasure speaking with you. No, thank you. It was so fun to be here, and I'm just so grateful.