The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby - Married couple plays agree to disagree

Episode Date: April 23, 2025

Matt and Abby sit down for a lighthearted round of Agree to Disagree—and the tea is hot. From PDA and bedtime arguments to joint bank accounts and saying "I love you" too much, they share their takes (and call each other out) with lots of laughs along the way. Does Matt really think he's the more jealous one? And who actually wears the pants in this relationship? This episode is sponsored by Mixtiles, Zocdoc & Smalls. Mixtiles: Get 35% off on all orders above $139 with code UNPLANNED at Mixtiles.com/UNPLANNED #Mixtilespod Zocdoc: Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://Zocdoc.com/UNPLANNED to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Smalls: For a limited time only, get 35% off Smalls plus an additional 50% off your first order when you head to https://Smalls.com and use code UNPLANNED. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The all-new all-electric Can-Am Origin motorcycle takes you everywhere. Sleek power for the streets. Deep adventure routes for the trails. Discover your origin today. Learn more at CanAmMotorcycles.com. Matt is more high maintenance than Abby. Agree. No.

No. I want to know, are you being honest with yourself? Abby starts more arguments. I'm going to have to agree with that one. OK, fine. I feel like I'm just more observant of things. I think that's a great way to put it. You're more observant. What did you say to me the other day?

I wanted to do unspeakable things. And I said, at least take me out to dinner first. I've talked to other wives about this. When you're married, the way that you just kind of have to get used to getting groped. Welcome back to Unplanned. Today we will be playing Agree to Disagree. We played this game on our YouTube channel before, but I think this is our first time. It's been a while.

It's been a really long time. That was a long time ago. So we're throwing it back. If you've been here since the beginning, you're probably like, wow, thanks for throwing it back, Matt and Abby. I don't know what I'm trying to say. Can we talk about the fact that you literally twerked at our kids Easter egg on? Sobhund's husband was doing a happy time dance for their spouse.

No, I don't. And she secretly recorded him and it was super embarrassing. We were all laughing at him. She showed the video. And then I decided I needed to show off my twerking skills No, I was like well matt can actually twerk and then we're like, let's see it and then you just did it And I was like, I love that you're always down putting that decade of dance experience to work

At easter egg hunt for two-year-olds, you know, it just seemed like the right time I mean, we're out. Where else are you gonna do that when you're a parent? How do you feel about the fact that i've been taking over your group fitness class? I've been one of the only husbands to come like every single time now. It's fun having you. You like having me there? Yeah, it's really fun. Well, okay.

Does it feel like I'm intruding on your meantime? You've only gone for a week and a half. I told someone I'm just like, no offense to you, but I'm just waiting for him to fall off the workout. We'll see how long that lasts. I just don't want to- Are you sore? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yesterday you saw this. I was sprawled out in front of our bed. I couldn't get off the

floor. I was so tired. I was exhausted. No, we, Matt, first of all, does not hide at all. Actually, the instructor, Mac, she DM'd me after that. She was like, I knew during that class that he was going to be down bad after this. Like your face doesn't hide at all. When you're in pain, you're in those stability ball circles, you're facing there, you're like. You know what it was. You looked like you were gonna throw up. There was, I don't know if she's a mom or who this woman is,

but she was freaking jacked and she was sending it. And I was working out next to her and I was like, I gotta at least do what she's doing. And she is just, she's ripped. You don't have to do the same thing that she's doing. I had to, I'm a competitor, I'm like I gotta at least do what she's doing and she is just she's I had to I'm a competitor I'm very competitive. Does it feel like your masculinity is in question? Let's not talk about that but anyway I just I was like I need to at least be doing the weight that she's doing and I was shaking I was shaking.

You were struggling and then when I came up into the bedroom literally like three hours later he sprawled out. She was. Sprawled out. She was- Sprawled out, wasn't moving, and then I showered and he still hadn't moved. At Burn, you don't take breaks, people. That's the thing about Burn, you do so many reps for such a long time.

Yup, you do. You gotta really work up to it. Yeah. Well, I'm proud of you. Thank you, and I'm proud of us. I feel like you were actually already seeing results, which is really frustrating. I am.

It's such a command. My abs are starting to show through and you know I'm just trying to stay good looking for you for the long haul because we've already been together almost nine years. We're going to celebrate nine years being together. Wait what's our dating anniversary? It was like the 23rd. June 23rd. June 23rd. Okay nine years on June 23rd. Yeah so that's coming up if you want to mark your calendars. And I think we got to play a little bit of agree to disagree. So our first question, we have three different levels. This is just a game. This is just for fun. All right. No one take this too seriously. Thank you to Mixed House for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. If you come to our house, all the walls

in our house are covered in Mixed House gallery walls. And the reason I am such a fan of them is because there is not an easier way to transform your space completely. They just make your house feel so much more homey, personalized, inviting and they are so user-friendly. It's literally effortless to just upload photos directly from your phone and then customize them to exactly what you're looking for. You can change the frames out, order them, they're shipped right to your door. And the best part is if your spouse is someone that likes to just throw up the picture on the wall and ends up being crooked, look no further than mixed house because it's so easy

to adjust it, to tweak it. That's because they use a special magnetic mounting system. You literally just peel off the sticker backing, stick it to your wall. So that's why you can like freely adjust them. You can even swap them out. You can take them down or if you're moving or you're just renting and you don't want to cause any damage to the walls, just peel the sticker right back off and it doesn't leave any damage to your walls. I've recommended them to all my friends, my family, everyone's got mixed tiles over here. We even got them as gifts for people. Mother's Day? Come on, moms love pictures of their kids and their house. They have hundreds of styles, colors, and size combinations. They have everything from sleek modern options to classic and timeless. There's got to be

a perfect match for every single one of you, every single style and home. So turn your favorite memories into a stunning affordable wall art. For a limited time, our listeners get 35% off on all orders above $139. Just head to mixtiles.com and use code unplanned and you're all set. That's code unplanned at mixtiles.com and after you buy, do us a favor. When they ask you where you heard about mixtiles, just tell them it was from our show. We have three levels. The first question of level one is you got married too young. Abby, do you agree or disagree? That's a level one. Yes. Level one. I disagree. I would also disagree.

Why do you disagree with that? I think it's a case by case basis. Like I think if you were to say, everyone should get married at 20, I'd be like, oh yeah, I strongly, strongly disagree with that. Wow. But clearly we were meant to be together. Like, so I'm like. Yeah, you're my best friend.

I don't think there was anything to be gained by like waiting to make that official. We were already prioritizing each other as a couple at that point, and we'd been together for three years. We had pre-marriage counseling. We had a really sturdy group of friends around us and community.

We had mentors. We read a lot of books. We were financially stable. How dope is that that we did pre-marital counseling? Because we were just with your grandma a couple weeks ago that we did pre-marital counseling because when we were just with your grandma like a couple weeks ago And we had pre pre-engagement counseling, which is the norm now, I think and should totally be the norm But when we were talking to your grandma, she was like, oh counseling like it just that that culture you hear about Older people they hear the word therapy or counseling and they about poop their pants. Like it's just a very scary thing.

But I love that us Gen Zers, I think we're technically Gen Z, are embracing the fact that we don't all have it together. I think the stigma around counseling is like changing and that's good. I think it's still, we're still making progress, you know, but yeah, I feel like we were in a community where that was like encouraged and praised and it wasn't like no one was making you feel like oh maybe they're struggling with something like the fact is that you have a lot to learn and you got to learn it really fast when you get married and so it's good to like prepare yourself and to be you know forward-thinking so

that's why I disagree with that because I'm like we literally worked on ourselves a lot worked on ourselves as a unit. I think that there was a lot of wisdom in making that decision. And I think that our age was just the age that we were. I have my hand up because I have a question for you. Do you think that we are more attractive now than we were when we got married at 20 and 21? Depends on what you're looking at.

I feel like we are both more attractive. Okay. This is the next degree to disagree question. Matt is more high maintenance than Abby. Okay, one, two, three, agree. No. No, I mean. Wait, wait, the last one we disagreed, but we agreed in disagreeing.

This one you're saying you disagree. I feel like I'm a go with the flow type of guy. I think I'm a go with the flow or I think the only thing I want to know are you being honest with yourself? I'm being honest the only thing that I am hype maintenance on is specific cheeses like if you're gonna put parmesan on my pasta get the freak out of here if you're gonna try to feed milk chocolate down my throat get that out of my face. Like I don't, there's some weird food things that I can be a little high maintenance on, but even then I feel like I'm not a piggy eater. Give me an example of something that I am more like high maintenance about. I'm not like totally disagreeing with you, but honestly we're both not high maintenance though. Okay,

thank you. I was like, sheesh. I think this question, whoever put this in here, I don't know what they were thinking because we both, I don't think we're really high maintenance people, do you? No, but the question is who's more high maintenance? But it's just like we're both so little high maintenance. I think for you, maybe like in my head, since I can't really chew food around you, that makes me think of you being maybe

a little bit more high maintenance than me. I have mesophonia. And that is a, and that is okay. I make accommodations for your ADHD. You little bit more. I have mesophonia. And that is a. I make a combination for your ADHD. You need to make a combination for my mesophonia. What do I do? That's not actually been diagnosed. What am I supposed to do with your mesophonia? Do I just go eat food in a separate area? You need to be more aware of the chomping. But when I have my mouth. With the chips that you just ate it was like and it was like every time you bit into it, I was like, they're not that crunchy. I think the way I need to eat chips going forward

is like open my mouth, insert the chip, close the lid, you know, lips closed, and then start chewing, which I think I actually did that. I think I like, I started to bite. Especially if I'm not eating, just don't get close to me. Like I can block it out more if I'm also eating. Yeah. But yeah.

When we're talking about high maintenance, I don't think either of us, I'm not saying you're like particularly high maintenance, but I think you're more high maintenance. All right. Like I could be completely content with like a really stripped back lifestyle. Like no, no like big, like let's go travel the US

in a van and see every state in a year. Like I- That's kind of like a hippie, like a, that's almost, what's it called? Like a, yeah, a hippie lifestyle, right? I'm much more content with like a simple basic life. But you like to have, like the, you know,

you like that we live next to stores that you can go shopping to. Like when we lived in Hawaii, I was chill just being in my swim trunks and flip-flops all day I'm glad we're near a Costco yeah I mean high maintenance and that might make you a little bit high maintenance oh my now that we're within everyone in our family this question see what they say I'll do it I think it's what do you think they're gonna say I don't know baby. Let's take them

All right, go ahead and text them. All right next question my family totally up to you You can text whoever you want next question. It's okay to go to bed angry sometimes. Yeah, I think so you do Yeah, I feel like you've changed your mind on that. Yeah therapy No, I just think sometimes like you got to think about your basic needs and that's rest, food, low stress. You got to think about all the factors that can make you already feel more reactive and at night a lot of those are high or can be high and so it's not a good time to like approach a touchy subject. So if you just feel a brewing, just like,

I'm not saying just like walk your separate ways and be mad and just be over with it. It's like put a button in it and say like, hey, sorry you're feeling angry. Let's talk tomorrow at noon about this. What are your thoughts on this idea that celebrating anniversaries is overrated? No! Three, two, one, strongly disagree. this idea that celebrating anniversaries is overrated.

Three, two, one, strongly disagree. Every year we take a trip for our anniversary. You don't have to do that, but you gotta celebrate that. You gotta talk about it. You gotta talk about the highs and lows of the year, things you wanna do differently next year, like what new goals you have, because that's how you keep it fresh exactly. Here's the thing

I like to celebrate literally anything. Yeah, I just wanna I just want to have a fun time and have everyone together Yeah, you're a celebratory. Yeah. I am there's no such thing as too much PDA Gather there it is. It's actually illegal. Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna have to disagree with that one Yeah, and I say that as somebody that used to do a lot of PDA We don't do PDA as much anymore. We used to be all over each other like like we see in our day Like when we were dating we were like glued at the hip like we hurt a little too touchy, honestly Okay, but I still I still am pretty like I feel like when we're around other couples were always the most PDA of the all the co true. Yeah. Yeah, like you'll you'll sit on my lap. See for we're always the most PDA of all the couples. Oh, true.

Yeah. Yeah. Like you'll sit on my lap. See, for me, that isn't even PDA. But I get how it is, obviously. I don't think I ever saw my parents sit on each other's laps. Maybe they hate each other. I saw that a lot.

They do not. Honestly, if your family has responded to the high maintenance thing. Too much PDA, though. I can see where it can be a little weird. It's like, hey, can you tone it down a bit? Can you not like make out in front of me? Wait, when what's your example? I always think about six flags I just feel like there's always people doing things that are just not appropriate. You know you go to six flags and you go to Disney World and there's a completely demographic different demographic at those parks. Well, yeah. Maybe the moral of the story with this PDA thing is don't go to too much PDA.

different demographic at those parks. Well, yeah. Maybe the moral of the story with this PDA thing is don't go to Six Flags. Don't go to Six, honestly, I wouldn't anymore. Six Flags was so much fun as a kid, but I don't know if I'm feeling good about it anymore. It was like the middle school hangout zone. Like Six Flags in the mall

were the two spots when I was growing up. And that's why they're terrifying as adults, honestly. You see some crazy middle schoolers at those places. Just in like Superman capes. Oh gosh, don't even bring that up. The next one is Abby is more carefree than Matt. I don't really have an answer. I don't feel here nor there about that

because I feel like we both have certain things that we worry more about. Yeah. Like I can think of certain things I'm like, oh yeah, I'm not carefree in that area whereas Matt's more like easygoing, but then likewise for you. I guess I'll give it to you, in general I'll say you're more carefree. I like to live life by the seam of my pants.

That's the same, right? No. The seam of my, what is it? The seat of my pants? What is that even? We need to do a whole episode on phrases that Matt gets wrong. Or words that you mispronounce. Live life by the seat of my pants. I like to go by the seat of my pants.

I like to go by the seat of my pants. What does that mean? It's like whatever I'm sitting on, that's what I'm going to do. Is that where it comes from? I don't know where it comes from. Life by the seat of my pants. No. That's so weird.

Not life by the seat of my pants. Go by the seat of my pants. Where did that come from? We're looking this up. Where did that come from? I don't know what this is live by this. It's not live by the seat of my pants It's okay I see my pants life by the seat of my pants back in the 1930s before planes were equipped with advanced instruments pilots Especially test pilots had to rely by the seat of your pants. That's oh Pilots had to rely by the seat of your pants. That's what it's called. Oh, pilots had to rely heavily on instinct, experience and feel rather than data. They literally flew by the seat of their pants,

meaning they judged the aircraft's movement and performance by the sensations they felt through the seat. You're kidding. Over time, the phrase evolved to mean doing something without a plan, relying on instinct or improvisation. That is 100% me, actually.

That is literally how I've always lived my life. No, you're very logical. You don't go by your instinct. You're very, very logical. I'm more instinct. I'm like, that just doesn't feel right. That doesn't feel good. You're so realistic and logical, Matt.

This isn't a dig, but you're not really, you don't even, you're not even aware of your own instincts. I'm not offended. You know me better than me, so I'll give you that. I'm right. You're right and I'm wrong. You don't even know your own instincts. I don't know, you know me better than me. Let's just say, yeah. Okay. No one in our family is giving me an answer. Your dad just laughed at it. Next one is- So I think that means he thinks I'm more high maintenance. Okay, all right. Thank you to ZocDoc for sponsoring

this portion of our episode. Have you ever wanted to have a doctor's appointment from the comfort of your own home? In 2025, if we can't do things virtually, what are we doing, people? I'm trying to be funny right now and it's really not working. ZocDoc is a free app and website

where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. We're talking about booking in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. We're talking about booking in-network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty from mental health to dental, primary care to urgent care and more. And actually using ZocDoc is how I was diagnosed with ADHD. I've said that like a bazillion times

if you didn't know that already. You're ADHD? You could filter for doctors who take your insurance, who are located nearby, who are a good fit for any medical need you may have, and who are highly rated by verified patients. Plus, ZocDoc appointments happen fast, typically within 24 to 72 hours of booking,

so you can even score same day appointments. I use ZocDoc and you should too, so stop putting off those those doctors appointments and go to Zock-Dock.com slash unplanned to find an instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Z O C D O C dot-com slash unplanned Zock-Dock.com slash unplanned. It's okay to keep a secret from your spouse as long as it's for a good reason I'm gonna say three two one Strongly disagree you said disagree not strongly disagree

Well, I mean like the fact that it's for a good reason makes me not strongly like okay well they had good intentions supposedly but No, I feel like here's the thing you can not tell your spouse something But it could be like an honest thing where it's like I didn't even think of, I forgot to tell you or I didn't think about this or I didn't think it was like as important as it was, blah blah blah. That's different than keeping a secret is like an intentional like I'm withholding this information from them. Yeah, like my parents are flying in to visit us tomorrow and I've kept that a secret from you, but I probably should tell you so I'm gonna let you know. They're not, are they? I'm gonna let you know that right now. Are they? I'm gonna let you know that right now.

Are they? Just kidding. Oh I'd be excited. Really? Yeah. Okay. My grandma's flying in tomorrow. Yeah you're right.

It'll be a big Easter party. That'd have been a huge party. Oh my gosh that would have been really fun. Wow way to get my hopes up. Sorry I was just gonna see how you were gonna react. No I think that's a given. Anything that you're like intentionally withholding means that, I mean can you think of a lie you're like intentionally withholding means that I mean

Can you think about a lie that would be for a good read or a secret being held would be for good reasons? Oh, wait a minute. I can actually what like if I was gonna throw you a surprise birthday party I'm keeping that a secret. Yeah, that's actually a really good example. So there could be some good reasons Yeah, you cracked the code You're too smart for this game, babe I'm winning right you're the code. You're too smart for this game, babe. I know, I'm winning, right? I think you're winning. I don't know if there,

I don't think there's a winner in this game. Well, any game should have a winner. You can win it. Next one is you never have boring moments together. Never have boring moments together. Uh, I'm gonna disagree with that. I think we got, we have quite a few boring moments. I think life can be boring.

I think it's okay to be bored. What's an example of a boring moment? Just like sometimes you put the kids down for bed and it's time to spend time with your spouse and you're just both tired. So then you just lay on the couch and read books together and it's kind of boring, but it's also kind of cute. Yeah, I feel like as parents,

there's not a lot of boring moments. Until they go to bed, it can feel boring. Cause you're like, man, I feel like as parents, there's not a lot of boring moments. Until they go to bed, it can feel boring. You're like, man, I just operated at such a high level of energy. And I was like, oh, wow, we can finally decompress. But I never think of it as boring. I think of it as restful. But yeah, I think on the outside, it would definitely be perceived as boring. So, agree. It's important to be friends with your partner's friends.

I would agree with that. I think it's good to be able to hang out. If you are doing your own separate things all the time from your partner and vice versa, then you probably aren't as interconnected as you could be. I mean, recently I've just become friends with all the husbands of Abby's friends. And so I'm kind of poaching her friends, I guess, but her friends' husbands, but it's worked out. Well, I mean, I feel like it's a good strategy because we can because we're all hanging out tonight We're doing survivor night tonight. Yeah, I know like if I like them and they're married to someone that's probably similar to them

Yep, and you're similar to me. Yeah, then we're probably gonna be a good have you ever have you ever had couple friends? That's like we only like one of them because I hear about that a lot, but I can't really think of... I can think of an instance. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can as well. I can think of something. So the thing is, is that that rarely happens. Yeah, it's rare. I feel like the majority of the time...

So yeah, I think it's important to be friends. I'm not friends with some of your friends though. Really? I feel like you have a couple single guy friends that I'm like, I'd be worried if I was close with. Oh, actually, yeah. There's like one or two, but I also only hang out with them like every other month.

So it's not like, I'm not super, I'm not super, super close with those people. Yeah, I think it's okay if your spouse isn't like super close with your friends, but I think it's like, you should at least be familiar with them. It's a little just, it's a little weird otherwise. What do you think about this?

I know what my mother would say to this, but taking photos and videos of everything ruins the moment. Three, two, one, disagree. Is there something that happens where you, when you go back at your photos on your phone and you look at them, it just hits you with nostalgia so hard and it hits you

with all these sweet feelings. No, but we're talking about the moment. Oh yeah, the moment. I think in the moment, maybe a little bit, if you're thinking about like, oh, I have to curate this into something, but if you're just capturing it for what it is, then it's not, not really.

I think it can, but I think there's a way to record in the moment where it doesn't take away from the moment. How do you do that? I like to live in the moment while recording. I actually have a lot of fun making videos of cool things that we're doing. I think like half the fun is making the video. Especially when we go on trips.

Like you can do both and it's still like super fun. Yeah, our trip to New York that we took last year, I had so much fun on that trip and I really enjoyed documenting it too. Yeah, and that was so fun to watch back because I hadn't seen any of that footage and it kind of just like Brought me back to that time. Yeah, really fun saying I love you too much ruins its meaning I'm gonna say agree. I'm gonna say agree. It doesn't hit as hard, you know, if you if you say I love you all the time It doesn't hit as hard to make what you're saying with those words really mean something, you have to get into detail

about why you love them and you have to almost like write like a love letter to your spouse about all the reasons that you love them. And I think that's like why those love notes really mean something on, you know, birthdays, holidays, because when you say I love you to somebody every day, it doesn't really mean anything after years and years

and years, you know? Does that make sense? Yeah. No, you kind of convinced me of that answer. Because at first I was like, no. Then I was like, yeah, you're also a words of affirmation guy. That's right. So maybe you're coming from that perspective.

Would you like to do the honors and read us level two? Okay. Level two. We're leveling up, people. Matt is the more jealous one. I don't even think we're either. I don't even know how to compare that we're both like literally not jealous at all. I think it's because we've never. What would we be jealous of? No like jealous if like a guy gives me attention. We don't really get attention from the other. I think. We're not putting ourselves in those situations. Yeah and I think like if me or you ever got hit on,

I think we would think it's just funny. Yeah. Yeah. There's no jealousy at all. Well, I think that's because we've never been cheated on or anything, we've literally only been together. Yeah. I feel like if I had been, if someone had cheated on me, I would probably be a lot more sensitive to that.

Yeah. Or if you were putting me in situations that made me feel jealous, if you were going to the clubs with your single guy friends And like going out and drinking and partying with other girls and stuff then I would feel jealous No, you've never put me in a position where I need to feel jealous. Yep, and likewise I wouldn't yeah, and I've never I've never felt that way about you How awesome is that that we'd never we both never got cheated on give me high fives. That's not on us

That's whenever someone che's on the other person. Yeah, but we're lucky to not have to. No, yeah, we're so blessed. That's the other thing where I'm really glad we got married young is that we were protected from a lot of realities of the dating world now. I have talked to some single girlfriends I have about it and they say it's rough, it's rough.

And it's not something, like I think movies really romanticize the dating game and obviously there's like, there can be so much fun and joy in it but it's over romanticized, all of that is. Like anything, but I feel really thankful that our story is the way it is. But to summarize that, I feel like neither one of us is jealous, literally even a little bit,

so we can't even really answer that one. Couples should always have a joint bank account. Buh. I don't feel strongly about that. I'm gonna say disagree. I don't know if it has to be an always thing. I think it's probably a good idea, but if you have a pretty good reason

to have separate bank accounts, I mean, you do you. You could convince me of a reason that would make sense. Yeah. It doesn't seem like that big of a deal breaker. I have friends that have separate bank accounts. Oh, here's the hot take people that have like really strong like blanket opinions on certain things They fail to see the life in color. That gives me the ick. Yeah, cuz it's like yo the world is so much more intricate than that. You know, it's such a basic thing to just to just... I feel like those people just want something tangible, something to grip on to.

It's like this is the only way you know. Yeah I think when you can recognize that there are different ways of living life it opens up the world in so many beautiful ways. I was trying to think of something cool to say and I couldn't do it. That was very cool. Abby is the stricter parent. I'm gonna strongly disagree. I'm gonna strongly disagree.

You're the empathetic queen who's like, let's talk about your feelings, like all this. And then I'm the one that's like, hey guys, if you bit someone, you need to go to time out. You can't just go play after you bite your brother. We have rules for a reason people. Yeah, I will say, I feel like we're united front when it comes to discipline with the kids.

I don't think our kids would be like, oh if mom or dad says no, they'll come to mom. I don't think they'd ever think that. I think they'd know that we agree that whatever you say goes and whatever I say goes. And see I'm gonna completely disagree with that because whenever I say no to candy or chocolate the boys go right to you and vice versa They always do that. They they do the whole ask mom ask dad. They're doing I think that's totally age-appropriate Right now they're trying to learn the dynamic of our family. They're testing the waters. They're testing us. Yeah, I can be tough on them I think you're a great mom. You're a great mom. We have yeah, but they're little kids. They're testing the waters. They're testing us. Yeah. I can be tough on them. I think you're a great mom. They're also one and two. You're a great mom. We have, yeah,

but they're little kids. They're really, really, really, really, really, really, really good kids. They're such good kids. So we haven't really had to. I'm very proud of them. Me too. We haven't really had to enforce that too much. You're right. Abby starts more arguments. I'm gonna have to agree with that one. Okay, fine. What? I feel like I'm just more observant of things. Yeah, you are. You are more... I think that's a great way to put it. You're more observant of everything, of literally everything.

Yeah. I think you're smarter than me. Maybe to a fault. I'm not smarter than you. You're a genius. You are. That's not true. You're very intelligent.

Okay, Adrienne. You have such strong emotional intelligence, which I am so impressed by. I've never, like never had that level. What makes you say that? You can read situations so well, you can read other people so well. You empathize to a level that I cannot comprehend with other stories and people's traumas.

I mean, heck, for people listening to our podcast, there's been so many times where we've had guests come on here that are sharing gut-w, you know, awful stories and you're just like balling with them. You're like living in the moment with them. And I don't know why, but it's like, for me to like get emotional, it has to like kind of hit me by surprise.

It's always Pixar movies, it's always up. It's always Coco. Like, yeah, you need the music. Yeah, the music. Oh, it just like hits me like a train. But for you, like you get to that level so easily with people and I think that's really cool Well, thank you. Yeah. Yeah, I would say I'm definitely start more arguments I'm just more sensitive to in general to things that's okay

And also I want to fix things like if I'm like, oh, this is something that's yeah I gotta fix it and then that's when I say let's go to bed and figure this out tomorrow Yeah Let's go to bed I say let's go to bed and figure this out tomorrow. Yeah. You know, you don't say, let's go to bed. You say, let's go to bed. I say, let's go to bed. Let's schedule something on the calendar to talk about this on the calendar. Thank you to Smalls for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. Our sweet brother and sister in law never anticipate having a cat.

And I feel like that's a story of a lot of people that have cats. Sometimes the cat just comes to you. And one day I came over to their house and they're literally cooking up eggs for this cat that they never intended on having. And it was really, really sweet and precious, but I was like, you know what? We can save you some time here. And that's why we decided to gift her Smalls.

Smalls cat food is protein packed recipes made with preservative free ingredients you'd find literally right in your fridge. It's delivered right to your door. Smalls was started back in 2017 by a couple of guys home cooking cat food in small batches for their friends. A few short years later they served millions of meals to cats across the U.S. At this point you might be wondering why can't I just feed my cat kibble?

Believe it or not your cute kitty descended from ferocious desert cats who hunted live prey for food and your cat isn't any different. They still need fresh protein packed meals to be at their best. If you want to treat your cat to some Smalls for a limited time only, because you are an unplanned listener, you can get 35% off Smalls plus an additional 50%

off your first order by using my code unplanned. That's an additional 50% off when you head to Smalls.com and use promo code unplanned. Again, that's my code unplanned. That's an additional 50% off when you head to smalls.com and use promo code unplanned. Again, that's promo code unplanned for an additional 50% off your first order, plus free shipping at smalls.com. Household chores should be equally split between both partners.

Ooh, hot take. Hot take. Hot take. Okay, I have my- It depends on the situation. I'm gonna say agree. In the circumstances that both partners are home, I saw this online. Ooh, yeah. I saw this online today.

Someone had commented and had a lot of people agreeing with it. Like, if a man works and a woman stays home, that man should never do a dish. I disagree, because then the woman is always working. Yeah, true. And the man gets time off. True. And so I think that if you're

both home, so like say mom stays home with the kids, she normally, she's going to be doing more percentage of household chores in the end because that's what she's doing during the day. Yeah. She's not going off to work. But as soon as dad comes home, it becomes 50-50. You need to try to divide workload in a marriage equally. I think this is the really tricky part though Abby. I was actually talking about this with somebody the other day. It's never going to be equal. Like in marriage you're always, you cannot keep score. You're always gonna feel like you are doing more than the other person. You're always

gonna feel that way. And so what I was talking about with this person is everyone needs to be giving 80%. Because if both partners are giving 80%, they're gonna feel good. Like if both people are overcompensating, then everyone's gonna be happy. If you're expecting to just give 50% and nothing more, then you're always gonna be let down.

Mm, mm, that's really good advice. Marriage is never 50-50. And you know what, it fluctuates too. Yeah. Okay this is Abby wears the pants in the relationship. Sometimes if she wants to that day she will put them on. You think I do? Oh 100%. Okay I wear the pants. It's okay to look through your spouse's phone without asking. 100% agree. Yeah I Strongly agree. I read your texts all the time. Yeah I read. Just because I need to know what's going on. Yeah same I also read your texts all the time. Do you? No. No I shouldn't say all the time but I do read your texts sometimes if I'm

like oh I wonder if so-and-so's gotten back with him because I if I'm like hey ask so-and-so about this and it's like something that has to do with their girl plans if it was something about their personal life I would not. You probably have a lot of trouble because I have like a hundred missed messages Yeah, I think that's another reason why I look at your texts. I'm like there might be something important Yeah, they're probably it's something important in there. I'll help you out. We need to get back to that Do you find yourself reading my texts? No, I don't yeah, you just said oh 100% I was joking. Oh I was trying to be funny. I don't really read your messages. So but do you think it's okay? Like if you wanted to read through my text, do you think that's okay? Oh for sure. Yeah Oh, yeah, when you're married to somebody like you're

You're together. You're a team. Yeah, I wouldn't think twice if you were reading my text I mean, I would think twice because you don't often do it but I'd be like why I wouldn't be like What the heck are you doing? Like I would not be that's my privacy. Get off my phone Like that doesn't exist in marriage. No, that doesn't really exist in marriage. I could maybe see that in dating too, but even with dating, it's like, what do you have to hide from your... maybe you're talking to your parents about like, should I break up with them? Like, I don't know. I think you shouldn't do that in dating, probably.

Yeah, probably not do that in dating, yeah. You've always wanted to live outside the United States. Ooh, actually for me, not really. I wanted to live in California and then I wanted to live in Hawaii and I don't live in any of those places but I never have wanted to live. Well that actually leads us to another question. What? You want to live in Arizona forever?

Absolutely not. Oh my god. I want to be by the beach babe. I love beaches. Okay, okay. I love the beach. I mean I think like we said before we're only 26 I don't think I could confidently say that I want to live here forever

But I could also say that if someone told me like oh I have a magic ball and you're saying Arizona forever I would be completely happy you actually said aloud. I want to die in our house Yeah, so so I I think you kind of are more of team Arizona forever. That is true. I wanna die in our house. I don't. When I'm really old. I don't wanna think about death right now. That's like hopefully a long way away.

When I'm really, really old. Okay, this is the last question of level one. Oh gosh. We were still on level one? Oh, I'm sorry, this is level two. Oh my gosh, okay. The guy should always pay on the date even while married. Oh when you're married who the frick cares it's all your money. Yeah that's kind of who really

cares you know when you got to like at least what did you say to me the other day you're like at least take me on. I wanted to do some unspeakable things he He said, at least take me out to dinner first. I've talked to other wives about this. The way that you just kind of have to get used to getting like, corrupt. I'm not saying this in like an inappropriate, like it's, it's inappropriate. It actually bothers me. It's really like, I feel like an object. No, but like when you're, like I feel like an object, no. But like, when you're married,

I feel like there's just so many things, I'm like, well, I just can't believe that this is acceptable behavior in my life at this point. I remember dying laughing. And I said, at least take me out to dinner first. You're so clever. I'm not the first person that's ever said that. The phrases that you come up with. That's not so clever. I'm not the first person that's ever said that. The phrases that you come up with.

I'm not the best, I'm not the cleverest. You don't even have to think about them, they just come so naturally to you. I feel like I'm always cracking jokes and you just don't notice it. I think I came to you and I was like, can we try this position? And you're like, at least take me out to dinner first. And it was so, the reaction time was so spot on too. You just went right there. Like for me, I would have to spend an hour

thinking of a creative way to respond and I still wouldn't have anything funny to say. Well, please let me know in the comments below, if you've been married for, or if you've been together for like almost a decade, just get used to this type of thing. Like I honestly will tell you, every single time I take a shower in the middle of the day,

I just know that I'm gonna have an audience. Like I just know. It's just gonna be, even sometimes when I go to the bathroom, I'm like a little privacy at this point. I don't really, I go in the bathroom when you're going to the bathroom, that's not a thing. You do, you'll come and talk to me.

I might have something important to talk to you about, but I'm not gonna come in there to like watch you. Yeah, I'm not coming in for a bathroom show, that's weird. That's crossing a line. Oh wow, you with the boundaries. We do not cross that line. Okay, we're finally on level three. Do you wanna do it or you want me to do it?

Maybe we do have these on level three. Okay, this one seems really, really actually intense. Abby is more avoidant than Matt. I don't know what the frick that means. Google it. Like what does that mean in a relationship? Like you're an avoider? Like you don't want to talk about things? Yeah I mean maybe maybe for me I might be more of the avoidant? Yeah yeah yeah. I think. I just want to move on. Yeah because I don't really care about being right. I just want to like I just you know with marriage there's no winning I don't really care about being right. I just want to like, I just, you know, with marriage, there's no winning.

Like it's, there's no winning or losing. It's just you win when you're, when the marriage. When you both win. And if you're trying to like win an argument, that's the wrong way to go about things. Yeah. So yeah, maybe I am more of the avoider when it comes to stuff like that.

Well it says Abby is more avoidant than Matt. I would say no. I can't be avoided and also the one that starts more arguments. I start more arguments so I'm not avoided, okay? Cheating is unforgivable. I actually heard the craziest story about this recently where someone cheated on their spouse and then the spouse who was cheated on was so mad they welcomed their spouse back with open arms but had very strict rules and stipulations or like, yeah, they just made rules for, okay, if I'm gonna accept you back,

here's what we have to do. But the rules were weird. Like it involved, it involved like, something about them being able to be involved in an open relationship but not their spouse who cheated and then their spouse having to like switch where she worked and go to a different workplace. Was this someone you knew?

No, no, no, this was something I read on Reddit. It was so out there. Immediately I don't believe the story. It was so out there. It could have been completely made up, but it was just one of those things where I was like, man, like, I think you can forgive cheating, but at the same time, like, is it better

just to end the relationship at that point? Cause this person who was cheated on was clearly very hurt, but then they made some crazy rules that made it even more screwed up than the fact that their spouse even cheated on them. Like it was really, it was like, dystopian type of crap.

Well, I think it's fair if someone was cheating with a coworker to be, I think it's fair to be like, if we're gonna mend things, you need to find another job. Yeah, like cut off the friend that was supportive of this affair that they knew about and they didn't tell me. If you need to cut out relationships or cut out a job because of a cheating situation, that totally makes sense. I think you can have resolution after cheating, but I do think you do need to make rules.

I think you need to make realistic expectations. I'm grateful I've never had to like think deeply about this, but I do know that I've heard a lot of stories where there's been like infidelity in a marriage and they go on to have a beautiful marriage. Totally, totally. Like it's possible. And the stats are staggering too.

Like there's a lot, there is just simply a lot of cheating that goes on in the world. That blows my mind, cause I really don't know anyone personally that's ever. Yeah. Even in like my parents generation, I don't know anyone. And think about this too. Like when people do bad things, they don't usually like wear that bad thing as a badge of honor.

Usually when those things come out, it's by accident. It somehow got found out and it was never like supposed to be found out anyway. So like, I wonder what the world would be like if every single person that you saw or walked by or saw on the street, you saw the worst thing they ever did like written on their head. Like, what would that be like? Cause I'm sure everybody has something

that they don't want people to know about them, you know? Oh, yeah. And think about all the crime that goes unsolved too. Like there's probably criminals that are among us that we see every day and we have no idea. Yeah. And they did all the all the crime that goes unsolved too. Like there's probably criminals that are among us that we see every day and we have no idea. Yeah. And they did something really bad one time and then now they're just like, never doing that again. We would never know because they didn't get caught. Wow. How often do you think about something? There was some story where I was,

it was, yeah, I beg that question of like, what if everyone had the worst thing they ever did written across their head? Well, that's a very famous book it's called a scarlet letter. That's what maybe you told me this maybe I learned this from you. I think I did actually yeah give me knocks. I teach you so many things. Wait maybe I should read the scarlet letter. I'll read it too. I mean you want to read it with me. It was for adult it was the same this exact concept. We should read the book together. I think they did it to women and I think they actually did stuff like this. It actually happened? Don't quote me.

The scarlet letter. Okay, I'm reading that book. That's on my book list. Wait, what if we both read it? Once I finish, hey mark my words, once I finish the Harry Potter series, which I'm on Half Blood Prince right now, it's a really good book. I think one more book after this one. I'm reading the scarlet letter, baby.

Let's do it. Yeah, let me look it up. Is it real? It's a fictional book but it's based on real historical practices and events. Wow. Yeah, the scarlet letter A for adultery draws inspiration from the strict moral laws and punishments enforced in colonial Massachusetts according to- No way.

Yeah. And I think obviously they were only marking women for adulteresses, not like- That's so screwed up. I know, I'm not surprised. The patriarchy is so effed up, dude. It is. What's up with that? We should both read this carolette letter. I don't think it's like a long book.

I feel like people read it in like middle school. Yeah. I don't think it's unforgivable, but I also would never look at, I would never look down on someone that's like, oh, I had to end that relationship or even divorce them because they were unfaithful. I wouldn't get that.

But you also have to ask yourself, every situation, like we said, there's so much nuance. And are there children? How many times was it? Was it something they came to you about or did you just find out about this? There's so many layers to every situation. And so, yeah, honestly, the older I get,

the more that I'm just like, man, I don't think I can hold tight to very like as many things I used to be like Oh, yeah, I would never deal with that like the world isn't black and white social media is more harmful than beneficial for a relationship mmm like for people doing things like this Interesting. I think it's just a general thing. I think you're thinking too deeply. Okay, I think social media I think you're thinking too deeply into it. Oh, okay. I think social media...

Ah, I want to say it's a wash. Well... It depends on how you use it. Yeah, what is... Okay, what is social? Is social media TikTok or is like YouTube included in there too? Because like I love putting on a podcast on YouTube Learning a lot of good information and then that information helping me be a better person

If your social media term is just scrolling on tiktok and consuming brain rot all day Yeah, that is not good for your head but if you're you know looking at the occasional tiktok or instagram reel and then you're You know consuming longer form content on say a platform like YouTube I don't think that's going to hurt you you got to take accountability for your feed like these algorithms are regurgitating to you Based on what you fed it. So if you're if they're regurgitating brain rot to you constantly yeah, then you're clearly not using social media for beneficial reasons, yeah, and

Yep, then you're clearly not using social media for beneficial reasons. Yeah, and It's not something to like beat yourself up about but something like okay I gotta take accountability for this like this is so addicting. I can't get off of it blah blah It's like well, what are you doing? Like what? Yeah, you know What's funny is my algorithm knows that I'm a creator She'll be like if you're trying to grow your account this spring do these seven things I'm like why is like stop's like, stop telling me, stop feeding me this creator content. But it knows I'm a creator,

so it's gonna give me freaking creative content. See, you gotta take accountability for that. You fed something to it. I did. It just knows me really well. These algorithms are good, man. So, do I think social media is more harmful than beneficial for a relationship?

I think it can be. If you're a guy, oh my gosh, where I? Oh we were at like a pool and I saw a guy who I'm almost positive was there with a woman and he's scrolling very publicly like it was an indoor setting so I could see it very clearly. I think you told me about this guy. It was all like... Naked ladies where they were wearing underwear? Like there were clearly creators that were making sexual, like explicit content. Honestly, gotta give it to him, he has no shame.

He has no shame and I wasn't like trying to snoop at all. It was just the angle of where he was at. It was literally like also five feet from me. And I was just like, what in the world? That is an example of social media as more harmful than beneficial for our relationship in that situation That's true. Now he might have been single in which case I would say he could probably be using his time more effectively Yeah, I don't think that's good for your brain probably but you know, what's crazy is when you're on social media

You're always being fed dreams You're always being fed like for guys They could see a woman like be fed all these like like extremely beautiful women or you know maybe you're looking at people that are so much more successful than you at whatever the thing is that you want to be good at and think about how damaging that can be for your brain or just like makes you think that your reality your life isn't good enough that must be so horrible for the human mind. Yeah, I think I've felt that before.

Yeah, I've felt that too. And that, yeah, but I do think it can be used for good as well, for like, I think about recipes, that's the first thing that comes to mind. I need to put time limits on my phone again, because I go, I really do, I compare myself to other people all the time. Like you see people's highlight reels,

and you just go to this comparison thing over and over again. It's not healthy. If you're gonna compare yourself to anybody, compare yourself to yourself and try to be 1% better every day. But don't look at other people and say, oh, they're way ahead of me.

Oh, they're doing this thing better than me. I mean, it can be very damaging. Totally So I would say yeah It's more common for social media to be harmful, but I don't think specifically in a relationship just to like an individual Matt this is the final one final question Matt. I'm a tree. Okay drum roll. Here we go What we got Matt wishes his parents lived closer, you know, I we go. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr to death. It could be fun if they moved to be closer by us, but then that also puts even more pressure on me if we ever go move to live by a beach one day. They're gonna kill me. They're gonna hunt me down and I get that. And be very upset that they moved. I wish that they were

closer just because, I mean I understand obviously they live their own life, they don't have to follow us everywhere, but just because, sometimes I'm like, oh dang, I hate that, like, our kids, you know, you want it to be fair between the grandparents. Like the time with the grandkids. But our kids are still young. I feel like, you know, life changes a lot and we love them. And honestly, it's really special getting to visit them

and getting to do like, you know, unique things. Making real memories. It's like, okay, I don't do this every day. So like, this is, unique things, making real memories. It's like, okay, I don't do this every day. So like, this is really, they talk about them all the time, grandma and papa. Yeah. And Josh, uncle Josh. Uncle Josh.

I love that our kids talk now, even Augie, he's only one and he's talking so much. So cute. I love that. They're the best. Well, everybody, thank you for being here. Thank you. If you've been listening to our podcast since the beginning,

thank you, thank you, thank you. It's so, so cool that we have this community and it wouldn't be, it wouldn't, like this just wouldn't exist if it weren't for you guys. So we appreciate you guys being here. Totally. Yeah. If you listen to our podcast every week,

you probably know a lot about us. And if you still want to listen and hear us talk, then we'd probably make good friends. If you've listened to every episode, you probably know us better than some of our actual friends. Not true. Some, yeah, maybe in some ways. You need to go deeper with your friends then. Maybe I need to, I do need to go deeper with my friends. Yeah, I do.

Sometimes I'm just like talking about some like deep, deep stuff. Yeah. Or like just like stuff I'm like, okay, yeah, I would never talk about this online. And I'm just like at the park and I forget that it's like a public setting. Yeah.

And I'm like, oh. Yeah. I go deep fast with people. That's right, yeah, that's awesome. I love it. All right, well we'll see you in the next episode. I got nothing to hide. And as always.

Bye. Bye.