The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby - Married Couple plays Agree to Disagree *unhinged*

Episode Date: December 17, 2025

Matt & Abby bring back Agree to Disagree on The Unplanned Podcast, where they react to relationship, parenting, grief, and marriage statements — and decide whether they agree, disagree, or fall somewhere in between. As the game moves through three levels, the conversation gets more personal. This episode is sponsored by Aura Frames, Nutrafol, Tovala & StoryWorth. Aura Frames: Exclusive $35 off Carver Mat at https://on.auraframes.com/UNPLANNED Promo Code UNPLANNED Nutrafol: Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription plus free shipping when you go to http://nutrafol.com and use promo code UNPLANNEDPOD. Tovala: For a limited time, save up to $300 on the Tovala smart oven when you order meals 6+ times, by visiting http://Tovala.com/UNPLANNED and using code UNPLANNED. StoryWorth: For a limited time, save up to $300 on the Tovala smart oven when you order meals 6+ times, by visiting http://Tovala.com/UNPLANNED and using code UNPLANNED. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Thank you to Cozy Earth for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. When the holiday season rolls around, what's the famous question we ask? Every mom, woman, man, anyone in your life, what do you want for Christmas? And I feel like truthfully what anyone that I'm talking to nowadays just wants a little bit of extra rest to slow down, wind down, and a little extra coziness. And feeling cozy and making home their sanctuary, that's exactly what Cozy Earth delivers. Cozy Earth has some extremely soft, luxurious sheets. actually have them on our bed right now and have been sleeping with these sheets. How long has it been

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Listening after the 12th, don't worry. Our code unplanned still works year-round for 20% off. And if you get a post-purched survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here. Give the gift of comfort that lasts beyond the holidays and carries you into a cozy new year. I wish I had kissed someone else before marriage. Three, two, one. Heck, I'm going to say agree. Wait, oh my God.

Having kids made us lose parts of ourselves. I'm going to say agree. I'm just saying strongly agree. I remember looking in the mirror one day. I was like, I don't even recognize myself. You would still be with me if I cheated. Can I be honest with you? Yeah, be honest.

I would like to think that I would leave you. We rushed our healing after the miscarriage. I'm saying agree. I say disagree. But I don't think that's a bad thing. Welcome back to the unplanned podcast. If you are watching on Spotify, like actually watching or on YouTube, you can see that we have a whole new space for unplanned right now. It's decorated with our kids' artwork.

If you listen to the episode of us talking about our son, Augie's thankful turkey, where he wrote down he's thankful for bad guys. it's literally right there literally right there we have uh literally uh artwork of our dog pretzel over this other corner which you're not even going to see because we're not on that setting right now but there this whole studio just has personal touches galore and it just it feels so official like with the way that everything's laid out and the lighting and the monitors the equipment like this is really this is an upgrade for us and i know i hope you guys are enjoying it and that i don't I hope you feel the upgrade, too, because it really matters to us that we're always, like, making a good product for you guys.

And this feels, this feels premium. If you've been here since the beginning, thank you. It's been nearly three years of unplanned. Cannot believe that we've gotten to sit down with some of the people that we've talked to. Crazy. Just guess that I never thought in a million years I'd ever, let alone meet, but interview them and, like, have a two-hour conversation? Crazy.

I just can't believe that this is what. this turned into for us. Ultimately, like, I kind of feel like we have a relationship with those people in a way. Like, basically every guest we've had on this show, like by the end, I'm like, gosh, I just want to be friends with you. No, we get deep. We get deep with everybody. And so it feels like, okay, well, you know, if I ever need to, like I could reach out. I don't know. Maybe I'm delusional, but it's just, it's more than that. It's like the relationships that we've been able to create through this podcast. What it's been for our relationship and just like beyond, this is like so cool. And we just hope you know how grateful we are that you're here.

and that this is a reality for us. We used to have a studio. Okay, we started the podcast in our house. Yeah. Then it was in a studio for a short amount of time. Well, not really a short amount of time, like a year. Yeah. And then back in our house now.

So this is really convenient and it's really nice. Like our kids are literally napping upstairs and we can just film. And this is great. We have a very highly requested episode coming back today. Agree to disagree. We've played this game, I think, three or four times now, through our YouTube channel and our podcast and we're bringing it back we have a lot of new questions a lot of questions we've never answered before and then also we're bringing back a couple questions that are fan favorites

if you haven't seen us play this game before essentially we just make a statement and we can either say we agree with it disagree with it or strongly agree strongly disagree in general I think the older I get the more I'm going to use strongly agree or disagree is going to be less and less I feel less strongly about things the more life experience I have because the more I realize God, there's nuance to everything. Nothing could be all 100% this. We have 60 questions. We're doing level one, level two, and level three.

So as we go further in this game, we're going to ask more intense questions. And again, bring back fan favorites from the past. Let's get into it. Okay, first question we have is, our miscarriage changed our marriage. It just changed. This is level one? Oh, yeah, that is a deep question. You just said that so casually.

I did. Yeah, I was like, oh my gosh, that's deep. All right. Oh, wow. Stay tuned for level two and three, everybody. Okay, miscarriage changed our marriage. One, two, three, go. I'm saying strongly agree.

Oh. Is that what I did? Strongly agree. I said agree. Okay. Why did you say agree? Why did you say strongly agree? I think we've had relatively good lives.

And two or three years ago, I remember having this distinct conversation with you about like, wow, things have gotten so good, you know? Like so many things. Oh, yeah. We're like we're waiting for something to go bad. It's like, what could possibly go wrong? And I feel like this was that thing for us. And it really has changed my perspective.

Like it really, it is so sad how I'm like, that's weird, starting it emotional a bit. It's fucked up how like awful this world can be. And it's so hard to work through that with your spouse, but we're getting through it and we're, and things are looking up. And even though we've gone through that, I think our, I think our marriage is changing. for the better. So that's why I said strongly. That's why I said so. I mean, I don't want to say it changed the better because I'm not glad. It's not like totally. No. I didn't think you meant it that way. Yeah. I would say, yeah, I definitely said agree because it's like what I think John Deloney says this.

Are you so sick of me quoting John? It's all good. It's all good. You love John. He says that you're, you're, when things like this happen, you, it's like you kind of have to, you're building a brand new marriage. It's not like your marriage changes. Like, it's like that marriage is gone. Yeah. And this is a new marriage we're building together. again and I really do feel that way in regards to us in this miscarriage because of the way that it just like immense grief that was like that was so unique to the two of us too because we really are the only ones that got to experience her. Yeah. And like those obviously other people in our life were affected totally. But it was very like isolated to us is what it felt like. And so that

was just a very bonding experience. And John DeLone also says like, something like this can really ruin, miscarriage is unique in the sense, too. It can really be very damaging to a marriage because one person's ready to, quote, unquote, move on before the other person is. Yes. And so, like, we've just had to grow so much in, like, our emotional intelligence of our own selves that also has grown our emotional intelligence of one another. Our communication has intensified and also our boundaries have because of this.

Because, like, we have both started going to individual therapy. frequently consistently yeah consistently we've both been going to marriage therapy and I think we're both like our communication has as taken a leap I think yeah for sure so anyway and I think ultimately that's what people mean when they say everything happens for a reason I think that it can be incredibly insensitive accidentally to say someone going through an immense trial yeah everything happens for a reason you're like I don't want anyone to tell me that my baby died for a reason that doesn't sound good but this is what they mean right like there can be good things that come out of a horrible situation but i think the person going

through it needs to discover that for themselves right you can't just directly tell them that when they're grieving it's not going to help them yeah uh that being said next question wow level one's crazy we got married too young three two one go i'm going to say strongly disagree i'm going to say strongly disagree okay i just said disagree I think the reason I said strongly is just because I just don't see it happening any other way. I feel like we got to experience something that most young people don't get to have. And going on a young adventure with you when we were practically kids, our brains weren't even fully developed yet, was so crazy and exciting. Like we moved to Hawaii.

We just did so many wild things and grew up together. And it's something that I'll tell my kids and they can tell their kids. And I don't know. It's just like we chose each other over careers. We chose each other over money. Like we both were like, this is, this is the most important thing to us is this relationship. And I think that just set us up for success. I think everything else just followed it. And I'm rambling now. But I just don't, I don't see our life any other way. I'm so glad we got married when we did. Totally. And I think that the reason I just said disagree is that no matter what I have this understanding in me that like you were going to be. my person and like I feel like I committed to you long before we actually got married but I do think like actually getting married was like at the time we did it's less about our ages and I always say this it's less about our ages but where we were at in our relationship we were so ready to get married I think we could have gotten married younger we even could yeah I think it would have been I honestly might have been better for our relationship if we would have gotten me like just with

the views we had at the time the the struggles that came with like being engaged somewhat with somebody but like you know having strict boundaries till marriage like that created all these complexities i don't know i almost wish we would have like gotten married two years into dating and just a lot yeah it was fun like living with roommates and stuff but i feel like we still could have like yeah i do think we could have gotten married a year earlier we could i mean it would have been maybe a little weird but we could have like been married and still had roommates like people do i know people that do that yeah um i don't know anyway yeah next question oh yeah i think i think i wouldn't give that blanket advice to anybody. It was just like, I do think that we had something

unique at that point. I don't know. Does that sound arrogant? I don't mean that in an arrogant way. But I just feel like we were ready. We were definitely ready. Having kids made us lose parts of ourselves. Three, two, one, I'm going to say agree. I'm saying strongly agree. Yeah. I'm going to, I guess I'll go first because I'm talking right now. I guess I'm saying agree because it just fundamentally changes you completely. Like your life completely changes. It's probably, I think having kids was a much bigger decision to make than even getting married, which, again, we have friends that have kids that are not married. We've interviewed a lot of people on the show that have had kids before they got married.

And I just don't know how they do it. Like I, and no judgment towards them. It's just like having a kid with someone is probably the biggest decision you can make in your life. Yeah. You're literally creating another life, you know, so. Well, I think when you take it as seriously as you take it and as I, take it like it's not like something that's like so casual it just it creates many complexities right like if you're if you end up breaking up then you know are you going to stick

around with with like around your kids you can still have a relationship with them I hope so like and then you have all these logistics of like who has time like you have custody battles and you have all these things that happen and anyway all that said I think you lose part of yourself with with having a kid and I don't think there's anything bad about that I think it's just a change that naturally happens yeah I would say It was a refining process for me. Like, I think, I distinctly remember after having Griffin, our first child, I remember looking in the mirror one day.

I was probably like six weeks postpart. You know, the fresh, still fresh, but like enough to be like above, my heads above water. Yeah. And I was like, literally looking in the mirror. I was like, I don't even recognize myself. Like, I did not feel like I wanted to do the things I used to want to do. I felt like I felt overwhelmed at the prospect of even doing something for myself. I felt like I just, I did not know my place anymore.

I felt so all consumed by motherhood. And I loved it, but I was just so lost on my own identity at that point. Well, you loved it? Like, because initially, I didn't love it. You loved it initially? I think it's different for moms. Like, you're, like, hormonally, like, bonded to this kid immediately. Like, before you're even, you even meet them.

So meeting them, like, that is, like, a joy that just does not wear off or, I don't know. I think the more, the more. that our kids were able to communicate with me, the more than my bond. I think that's unique for dads more so. I just think to remember when, like, Griffin and Augie both were able to smile at me. And I was like, oh my gosh. I was like, they can, they like, they like, they're excited to see. And it just like made me feel so loved and so appreciated. And it just like created this. I was like, that's my kid. Like they're, we, I smile at them. They smile back. You know, and just like as that communication has grown, now I have full on conversations with Griffin. And he has. And he has,

right now he's in the stage where he's like asking why about everything and it's fun like it's so fun that I get to be the person that gets to explain to him how the world works yeah it's a big responsibility yeah all that to say like I feel like it completely changed my brain and like a lot of those things came back I was like okay that part of me is dead and it's dead forever now a lot of those things came back or they came back looking different or all these types of things but basically like becoming a mom completely changed everything about me and I don't mean and I don't look at that as like, oh, like I lost parts of me. I was, I just view that fully as a refining experience, especially from like my character. Next question we have is screens are fine if

parents need a break. Three, two, one, I'm going to say strongly agree. Heck yeah. Strongly agree. Because sometimes, especially if your kid, if you're at the beach and your kid is like throwing a absolute meltdown and everyone's looking at you, it's like, you have to put on Miss Rachel for a couple minutes so this kid can just like come back to earth well that's different for i think they're saying if a parent needs a break oh yeah that's fine too if a parent needs it's like it's totally like okay say like i guess when they say they need a break and that probably means that they're like frustrated yeah or like exhausted oh yeah you don't want to you don't what's the other option you just like still keep persevering and then you're like you stubbornly persevering then you just are like yelling at

your kids i think about shaken baby baby's baby syndrome because like if some say chicken baby Chicken babies. I was like, what is chicken baby? Chicken babies? No, I think about like there's there's people that have gotten so fed up with their kid. They've shaken their kid. Yeah, well, Matt, this is no one's doing a screen to a baby. I know, but I'm just saying like in general, people do that. People can do that with any stage. People get so pissed off with their teenager that they'll like throw shit at their teenager. Oh my gosh. You know, like people make big mistakes. That's why people have like trauma with their parents, right? So if it's like, I don't know. I mean, obviously we all know screens like too much screen time is a bad thing. But if you need a little break because you're about to lose it,

yeah, put on a little show, put on some Miss Rachel, put on, recently it's been Kid Star Wars that our kids love to watch on Disney Plus. So there's nothing wrong with that. Yeah, I guess it's like what's most important to you that your kids don't watch screens or that you show up as the best parent possible when you're around your kids. Thank you to Ora Frames for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. The holiday season is fast approaching. We're really in the thick of things. And if you know anything about us, we're a little last minute, a little unplanned, if you will. And something about us is that we really love to give personalized, thoughtful gifts. But it's kind of hard to do that sometimes when you're operating on a last minute schedule.

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You can't wrap togetherness, but you can frame it. For a limited time, save on the perfect gift by visiting ORAFraming. com and get $35 off or as best-selling Carver Matt Frames, named number one by wirecutter by using promo code unplanned at checkout. That's a-U-R-A-Frames.com. Promocode unplanned. This deal is exclusive to listeners and frames sell out fast, so order now to get it in time for the holidays. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. For those of you that don't know, we just got a dog, so that's why we're asking this next question next one is it's okay for my dog to sleep in my bed three two one i'm saying strongly

disagree strongly disagree okay guess what we might change our mind on this one day that's true puppy right now and it's okay to change your mind on something totally that's okay we have a puppy right now though but i mean it's like i would sooner let my kids sleep with me than a dog yeah you know what i guess at one point we could maybe have everyone all the dogs all the kids in with us we have considered getting one of those like mega beds for a kid like an entire family to sleep in but I don't know it's not it's kind of special to have her own bed have her own space at this point my main reason is that like if pretzel ever needs to stay with somebody else like say we're traveling like we're traveling this weekend so I don't want the dog sitter to think that they have to sleep with our dog yeah because that's a huge ask that is a big ask no that's a very big so I'm like if she's used to sleeping with us every night and then we're gone and then she has to all of a sudden sleep someone or else, then that would be sad for her. We have a friend that they, their dog sitters half asleep in their dog. Yeah, yeah.

That's so crazy. I can't believe that. I see how you get there. I mean, we probably could get there. I could see that. We're capable of that. But as of this point, pretzel's not allowed upstairs. Okay.

And so that's where our bedroom is. So that would be, we'd have to, we'd have to change a couple boundaries at that point. I like the setup we have. It's working out well. Next question. It's important for couples to have similar life goals. Three, two, one. I guess I'll say agree.

I mean, it's probably a good thing to have similar life goals. Agree. I think you can make it work if you have different life goals, but I think that's just going to create conflict. It just will. I think working through conflict can make your marriage stronger, though. I think overcoming conflict is a good thing. Okay, so if you're married, in my mind, I'm like, you guys are in the same car in life. Yeah.

And you're going down a road, and you can't rip that car in half and go two different directions. If you're like, I want to go somewhere else in my life and say, I want to go here. You can't rip a car in half. Yeah, you can. You know? So I'm like, we got to find a route that will both get us somewhere that feels like. And it's like, and when it says similar, that's really important. They don't have to be the exact same.

But you have to at least be going the same direction. Well, like, say, like I'm thinking of, say you have a small town girl from Missouri who loves her family and never wants to leave Missouri. And then you have this dude from India that like they meet in college. I'm saying this guy have a friend, I have a buddy from. India that married. He married a Missouri girl and now he lives in Missouri. But like in his situation, if he would have just, if it was important to move back to India, like that, that she can't work. Yeah. You know, you have to figure that out. And you in, but like, you have to work through

that stuff if it comes up, especially if you're already married. And then someone has some epiphany moment of, oh my gosh, I need to live in India. Which is why I say important and not vital, because you're allowed to change your life goals. And it's actually probably important that you keep reassessing them and like being honest with yourself, like, is this something? that I want to hang on to still or is something I want to change or let go of or do something completely different. You have to have that space in a marriage to also be honest and put those things on the table. So I'm not saying it's vital, but I'm saying it's important. Next up, homemade gifts are better than store-bought gifts. Three, two, one. I'm going to say disagree,

too. I'm going to say disagree. I mean, like, there's so many stupid things you can make that are homemade, you know? Like, it's like, so many of those things just go in the trash, right? Yeah. I mean, so many gifts in general get donated. Oh, sure. Say that out loud. I love you, mom. Matthew James. What?

What? Okay. Take that out. We keep it in. You can keep it in Danilo. My mom needs to know to not get me so many things that she's bought me too many hats that say dad on it. It's like, mom, I'm never going to wear this hat. I'm never going to drink out of a coffee mug that says hashtag dad. That's just not cool.

Just because it says dad on it doesn't mean you need to buy it for me. Aw, it's sweet. She loves a good deal. She loves to, I'm roasting my mom right now. now. Yeah, I just disagree with that. That sounds so bad. That sounds so bad. Have we ever made a homemade gift? No, you did. You used to make me the cutest homemade gifts when we first got married. That's true. And no, when we first started dating. And then you did a homemade gift last year for Valentine's Day. That was really sweet. So actually some, yeah. Okay, I guess the homemade gifts I'm

thinking, it's like, I can knit. So I'm making homemade scarves for everybody. Okay, it feels personal because someone made it with their hands, but you're also giving everyone the same gift just because that's the thing that you can do? Yeah, and it's like, did they actually want that homemade scarf? Like, maybe it looks ugly. Maybe they don't like scarfs, you know?

I just really want to be careful because I don't want anyone in our life to think. Oh, gosh, yeah, we've got to be careful. Yeah, yeah, you're right. I can roast my mom, but I don't want to roast other family members. I'm not thinking of anyone in particular. I just want to put that out there.

But in a way, it almost feel it's like, oh, if they got me something that they were shopping, they specifically looked for something because they were thinking about me, it almost feels more personal. I can make that argument. 100%. Yeah, I agree with that.

Also, we're not huge gift givers in this house and gift receivers. Like, we don't do big gifts exchanges. Yeah. Love matters more than financial stability. That's a weird one. Why is that weird? I don't know. I just, three, two, one.

I'm going to say agree. I'm saying strongly agree. With this, I think the reason I'm saying agree is because, like, I think financial stability is a very important part of life. Like, I think financial instability can cause a lot of stress, a lot of anxiety. can ruin relationships, can ruin marriages. So that's why I'm going to say agree that love matters more,

but you've got to make sure you have some sort of financial sense. I wish they would teach financial literacy in schools like everywhere. That's a whole topic for another day. I'm very passionate about finance. I almost became a financial planner. But yeah, I just think love matters more. Totally. I would say that there are times in our marriage.

I wouldn't never say that there was a time where we were financially unstable. But there was times where our finances were very tight And I don't feel like I ever felt like I was lacking for anything Because we were so in love It was like, we love each other so much That we're going to make this work Whatever we have to do to make that happen That it's like, I don't know, love is so, wow, I sound like such a goo-goo

What? But I'm like love is just, it's like hitting the jackpot So it's like, you know what? Like to find someone that you truly love is like, is such a rare thing that we're that finances are also very important but in the scheme of things it it feels minor. High five. I love it.

Because that makes me sound. You're sweet. I love it. I think finances are very important. I definitely think finances are more important than you do. But it's okay. It's all good. Yeah.

We don't have to. That's what makes us cool is that we're different. Of course. So it attracts me to you. There you go. I would probably hate your guts if you were just like me. Like we can't be opposite to track. One thousand percent.

So that's why we're married. We're different. The person who cooks shouldn't have. have to clean. This is a repeat one. Okay. Three, two, two, two, I actually don't even know what I said to this last time. Three, two, one. I'm going to say disagree. And here's why. I'm going to say disagree too. I think you have to look at what's overall going on. So someone's cooking and cleaning and they do all of that. But then someone else is like taking on another household task or another family responsibility that's like contributing. Who the heck cares if they're

cooking and cleaning? I think household roles are over talked about. Yeah. It really does not very much matter because i mean honestly oftentimes in our household abby will make the dinner and clean up and i'll be the one that gives the boys their baths brushes their teeth gets them in their jammies and i like it reads them a book so i do like the whole especially like it it fluctuates though like it's not always we're always we're not rigid about literally anything there's been times where like abby cooks i clean she does the boys bath time yeah like we we fluctuate too i i actually used to cook a lot more until one time I made salmon that nobody liked and then I've been making like I never make dinner anymore so maybe eventually you'll trust me again to make salmon no I'm just saying like I feel like

I love our situation where nothing is like very few things are like you always do that I always do that like I feel like we both have like an ebb and flow where it's like okay I need you to fill in a little bit more tonight I'm gonna I need you to do 75% tonight I've only got 25% yeah it feels great that we can both ebb and flow like that like it doesn't have to be rigid it's like hey maybe I got 100% tonight because you're like puking. And cooking and cleaning too, like maybe somebody likes to actually cook and clean and the other person hates it. I actually do. Like when it comes to, you know, Abby and I have a business together of content online. When we would like, for instance, in Hawaii before kids, Abby would

cook and clean while I would just edit all of our YouTube videos and TikToks. And I'd much rather do that. And it was like I was like running our business and then she was doing like the house stuff and that just worked for us. And we were both happy. So it doesn't, and it doesn't have to stay that way. And here's the other thing. You don't need to compare your situation with other people's situation. Everyone's different and it just takes communication or you can, and here's other thing. With your marriage, you always can bring something new to the table and be like, yo, I know I've cooked for 10 years in our relationship.

I actually discovered about myself. I despise cooking. And then you can, you know, clean slate. Yeah. Let's start over. Let's start over some, a different routine there. So it's like no big deal. Next question is your spouse should come before your extended family.

Three, two, one. I'm going to say strongly agree. Why in the world would your spouse ever come after your extended family? Oh, no, it's very easy to happen. Say you have a very vocal family member that you feel like you have to please so much. You've grown up your whole life feeling like you have to please them. Yeah. And then say your partner's kind of like chill, flexible.

It's really easy to just cater to the louder voice. And then you forget that like it's like, oh, my priority is to. you first. Yep. I'm so glad you say that because like I, yeah, I stand by my answer, but it's like, it's so easy to forget that, you know? It is really easy to forget that. And you just think like, oh yeah, this person I added. And it's like, no, you don't have to do what they ask you. Like, your spouse is more important. Yeah. Right. For sure. Family dynamics can be so tricky. Tricky. They can be tricky in marriage. Yeah. I feel very blessed that we both have good families that we get along with. Totally. Totally. We're just like singing kumbaya by the fire. Well, they also care.

about our marriage and they like they understand that our priority is to each other first yeah they respect that everyone yeah so that's great this next one's actually kind of funny okay we we trauma bought a puppy that's the next statement okay three two one yeah I'm gonna agree with that I'm gonna say agree I'm sure we talked about it for four years before actually pulling the trigger but like it was like yeah we just went through a pretty effed up thing let's let's get a puppy this will make us happier and it kind of worked I honestly today me and pressel were just chilling outside while the carpet cleaners were cleaning our carpet and it was great like we were just she fell asleep on my foot oh she's great i honestly think that we would not have a dog if we hadn't had a miscarriage at this

point in our life yeah we would 100% getting a dog was a response to the miscarriage it changed the timeline of our life yeah totally yeah and you know what it was the reason i like so hesitant to say that because it kind of makes it sound like she was a replacement when she absolutely was not a replacement but it just like i said it just changed the timeline of when we were going to get a dog because of all these different factors that were no longer factor in our life and we've been so lucky that she's a really good puppy like she does not bark really at all she she's she stays in her like she's so chill she doesn't bark or cry in her crate like she just she just goes in there falls asleep don't have to get up we don't get up in the night to take her out she just holds her pee

all night goes potty in the morning she's a great dog she's a very good dog she's unusually good yeah we got lucky we got really lucky um but yeah she's such a blessing but yeah we probably would not have her at this point in time okay vacation should be more relaxing than adventurous hey okay these are the level one questions okay i was hoping for these are like sex questions relationship okay so vacations should be more relaxing than adventurous Three, two, one. I'm going to say strongly disagree. I think vacation, I personally love to, I can relax at my house.

I want to, I want to adventure on vacation. I'm holding all of mine up. Why are you holding all of yours up? Because I think that there is a trip for everything. Oh, okay. I really do because I feel like before I had kids, I want, like now I want vacations for relaxation. That sounds amazing. We did just go to Vegas for your birthday.

Think about a baby moon. I'm like, I just want to relax. Yeah, that's true. And so it's like, that feels so nice. But then I loved the vacations we took where we were hiking the entire time. Yeah. I love the vacations we took where we were doing tours and sightseeing the entire time. I think there's a vacation for everything.

I think the most important thing is that you and whoever you're traveling with is aligned on what you want to do. Because I feel like sometimes we've gone on trips where I'm like, I just want to read my book and relax. No, like, going to be. And you're like, we're here. Like we want, and I understand both sides. But I'm like, there's a trip for everything. Yeah. so there's so many trips where I just want to read my book let's just be honest

baby that's what that honestly I think that's a difference between us I think when I totally I'm an adventurer I want to go like backpack in the mountains I'm an adventure you are you like to relax Matthew James you love to read your book by the beach I love that but you love to go to the spa season of life I've really and I've I've learned to enjoy those things but like when it when it comes out of my core I'm an adventure guy Matt 1,000% I love to hike I love to try new things. I love to try new foods. I love to go on. I love a tour. I love these things. Okay. And it's like, don't put me in a box. Think about the season of life I'm in. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Thank you. Let me defend myself. I am fun. Thank you to Nutraful for

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I'm actually with this, I'm going to say, I'm going to say disagree. What about you? I'm actually going to say strongly disagree. I'm going to say disagree. And the reason is because, yes, the internet has brought so many horrible problems. But I think there's also been a lot of amazing things to do. Think about what we can do because of the internet. Yes, the communication, like the life-saving technologies that can be shared globally, you know,

just there's so many resources now on the internet that you can have for free you can essentially teach yourself to like be a programmer or a coder just by looking at YouTube videos I taught myself guys how to edit how to make video when I was a kid off of YouTube I think we progressed so much because of just the data and the accessibility to it it's like it's a super I mean a computer is insane yeah the I think that most of the problems I have come up with it come out of it is humans not having proper boundaries with it. Yes. And so I think that's more of like, that's a human problem.

And I think that anything like the internet just exacerbates human problems more than an internet problem. Okay. Now, Abby, we are moving on to level two. Oh my gosh. I'm already feeling stressed out that I'm not elaborating enough. So I'm just like saying, Blake, some statements that people are going to run with and maybe clip and just think that I'm X, Y, or Z.

Hey, that's just part. You know what? That's just part of it. There's a theory called Let Them. The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins. Is that her name? Some of these I need to give like a lot of explanation for. I'm sure some person out there hungry for views and clicks will probably clip something

of us at some point in the future. It's just going to happen. Let them. Let them. Okay. Let them. I just want to get my opinion out there. I love it.

I like the let them theory. Okay. Level two. We're getting deeper and this is what we're doing. Okay, this is the first one of level two. We look happier on social media than we really are. I'm going to say agree. I'm going to say agree with that.

What about you? I would say agree, but I'm actually saying disagree. You didn't disagree. Because, I mean, I kind of showed the internet the depths of my despair recently. That's true. I guess it depends on which platform you're looking at, right? Because I think you were very, very vulnerable. Especially you on YouTube, which I guess those get clipped as well.

Yeah. But what I'm thinking of. about is like especially our era of doing like TikTok dances where we're just like smiling and having fun like I feel like that was just like highlight reel after highlight reel after highlight reel and you know when all you're posting is highlight reel is of course you're gonna look happier yeah of course you are um the one reason I'm saying disagree is because I feel like I just kind of laid it all out there at that point yeah oh I almost want to go neutral on this one actually I wish there was like a neutral I feel like it's a pretty I feel like we do get of a good

we give the good the bad and we give everything we we give we give it all i feel like we've we try to keep a very real perspective that's why i like the podcast you guys because like this is like the realest thing you can have like we're just this is this is it we're just sitting chatting yeah i'm not yeah i'm gonna say neutral on that one okay next we have social media is hurting our relationship okay here we go and three two one i'm gonna say disagree i'm saying disagree too with the caveat it's definitely posed complications Oh, yeah. But I think the complications have really been as, like, it's not a social media thing.

It's like a personal thing that we're bringing into our marriage. Yeah. And also, I just think it's not necessarily social media. It's working together. Yeah. But I feel like that was like a year one through three thing that like learning about. I feel like years three through six and a half, it hasn't. That's why I said disagree.

It's not a problem. I feel like it's more so the thing that has her relationship in the past is maybe just working together. because it causes it causes challenges like it's so easy okay because we're owners of the company right like abby and i own a media company we're making decisions if we weren't making decisions together i don't think it'd be a problem like if we were employees at a place together we're both just doing our job and that's what we that's what we used to do we used to work at a pizza restaurant in college and we were not the boss so it was so fun working together no problem but then when we're both the boss then if we have differences and ideas and creativity things can't

get weird. It's not a huge problem though for us. Yeah, we've definitely, I think we've gotten lucky. We've also learned a lot. We also work well together. We do go to therapy. I like you. I love you. I love you very much. Next we have, you should have the password to your partner's phone. I'm going to say, strongly agree. Me too. Strongly agree. I think if you're, if you don't have the password to your partner's phone, it's like, why? This makes me ask the question. Your phone is my phone. I know. We both, we both have the passwords to each other's phones. We both have each other's Instagram I think on each other's phone too and here's the thing if you were to read my text I wouldn't even be like why are you reading my text yeah I'd be like yeah read all the text you want

whatever yeah and it's not like and we don't do that because we have that open door policy yeah I think it was like if there was a limitation there I'd be like well let me see like what it was the that's hiding yeah yeah I agree I think that's I think you should have a password next one is going through your partner's phone without asking is okay three two one strongly agree now do we actually do i strongly agree as well but do we actually do this in practice maybe sometimes yeah but never with like a when he's away i'm gonna make sure that it's like oh i'm curious yeah when abby text her boyfriend it bothers me a little bit but like not you can read anything i have thanks baby yeah so no i mean it's like yeah i strongly agree that you should be able to now do i think it's healthy

to do that regularly probably not it might be indicative of some kind of trust issue yeah but yeah you should be able to why not yeah i agree let them let them i don't know if that's the proper use of the theory okay this one's interesting i actually completely forget how i answered this one in the past but it's while married it's possible to be close friends with someone else of the opposite sex this is going to get us in trouble yeah oh yeah i can already hear the comments i mean i'm going to say i'm going to say disagree as well i'm going to say disagree like I think like anytime I'm having a conversation with a woman that's not Abby, I feel like there's always someone else present.

There's just, there's just never a time that I'm having a conversation with, I mean, maybe one time I had a conversation with our lawyer and it was just me and her on the phone call. You can have a phone call with another woman. But I'm just like, I don't know, there's just not, I just don't even, I don't know, it's like, why mess around with that? You know what I thought was crazy? Why grow an intimate relationship with the opposite sex that's not your spouse? It's just playing with fire.

In my personal opinion. I think that, can I just say something? What? This might sound like I'm getting on a soapbox. Maybe it is. But I know that there was a politician in the past. Oh, yeah. I know what you're about to say.

That got made fun of publicly for not wanting to be eating dinner or having a meeting one-on-one with another woman. That wasn't his wife. And I think that is hypocritical because there is, I think it's a great thing. We've had a lot of conversations. You're saying you like that he made. No, wait. Let me say what I'm going to say. I think the hypocrisy comes in the judgment of him being alone because we have made a lot of

progress and there's been so much conversation in the world and culture around boundaries. Amazing, great thing in most cases. Yet when he has this boundary, people are making fun of him for it. That's crazy. And all I see when I hear about that is I don't look at an unstable marriage. I look at an extremely stable marriage because it's like they, they prioritize. so they hold what they have together so highly that they're going to put guard rails around it yeah because it's like this is so valuable that i don't even want to risk anything entering and

cutting through this what we're thinking about like look i grew up with all brothers okay so sometimes my emotional intelligence sucks but cheeks okay that's not an excuse that's not an excuse so let's take let's take let's take a dude that had all sisters has extremely high emotional intelligence 10 out of 10 looks wise I'm like a seven and a half Okay so you take this guy And I feel like that's I feel like that's being complimentary towards myself

I feel like I'm a good looking guy But I said give myself seven and a half So you take it you take it 10 out of 10 looking good Looking good dude This dude looks good He has very high emotional intelligence Put him in a room with Abby and it's like My clothes might just come off

Exactly And I wouldn't blame you I wouldn't blame you I'd be like That's a hot guy He has so good with his words He has so good with his words Just like you right there. Of course you had an affair.

Like, I'm not, it's like, okay, you know. So it's like, don't even, why even play, why we even play with that line? Yeah, I don't, I think it's like if you really truly value and hold what you have sacred, then there's no reason to even mess around with it. It seems like it just an easy trade off. Yeah. But I will say there are instances where it might be fine. Like I would, I'm not saying I would never get a dinner along with another man.

I'm not saying that would never happen. I'm saying it would, there would need to be some unique circumstances. for that next one it's okay to be friends with your ex you ready i'm not going to answer this one two why you're not going to answer this one i can't speak to it i don't have an x we both don't have exes but i feel like we can still give our personal opinion it's okay to be friends with an x three two one i'm saying agree i'm gonna say agree i think you can be friends i think you should probably i might have said disagree in the past but i'm going to say agree now i think you should err on the side of acquaintances though like you don't want this person again right like you

take an attractive person who has high emotional intelligence. Maybe have stronger boundaries with them. You got to have some boundaries because you just like there's they also know you very intimately. And there's probably there's a past right. There's something there and you got to just yeah, you got to be careful with that. You know? I think I think yeah, having boundaries for yourself is a good thing because we're all human. Like everybody makes mistakes. People do dumb. Also say for instance maybe one of your exes like maybe you ended because they're gay and in which case, I'm thinking by these guys probably make excellent friends. That's true. Like there was a friend of Abby's. You could probably be best friends. Like, Abby and I weren't even married yet. And this dude

like shared a bedroom with Abby like two nights in college. And I did not even care because he was gay. Like it's like, yeah, who cares? Like I don't care. You just said I can't be friends with the opposite sex. But then I, you did share that I share my room in college with a that's true. It does completely change things if they're gay. I would right. Like, would you care if I shared a room with a, with a lesbian woman? um share to bed wow i've never been presented i've never been presented with that i guess i don't really i can't say i love it i can't wait why wait really i literally don't care if you're friends if you shared a bed with a gay guy i would not care i literally would not care like why would i care

he's not attracted to women yeah i know i don't care if i share a bed with a gay guy i don't know i've just never had to think about that and i'm my the the first initial processing is i don't love it i don't No, I still don't. Oh, yeah. Okay. Hey, that's fine. You can have that opinion. Okay.

White lies in a relationship are okay. White lies. What's the definition of white lie? Yeah, I feel like it's more so like, hey, babe, do I look good in this? And you say yes. Oh, what do I? Yeah. What do I can't decide?

Can I be neutral on this one? White lies in a relationship are okay? No. Because like here's the thing. Like, I don't, like, if you asked me my opinion on your outfit, I'm just going to give you the honest truth. Yeah. And I've gotten flack for that.

the past. People were like, wow, it's so toxic. He said he didn't like the... Wait. Literally, last video of me rating your outfits. I think I gave the first one and eight. Okay, then let's say a white one of four. And people were mad that I gave the second one of four. Shut up. I was just being honest. Let them. I'm just being honest. Let them. I'm just being honest, right? Like, I'm just giving you honest. I'm going to go neutral on this because I think like there's definitely... You know what? I'm actually going to say... There's been, actually, I will say this. I can think of a time where you were like postpartum and you just use white.

White lies, right? Because it's like you, you need confidence. You need to, like, you need to feel good about yourself. Okay. I will say white lies are okay. I'm going to go with the, I'm going to go with the Greek. Because it's like sometimes you need like out of love. That's sweet, honey. That is sweet. You need to use a little bit of white lies every once in a while to love to love someone. Did I say I was? Do I look skinny? And you were like, yes. I don't know what it was. I just can think like. No, I'm curious. And you know what? I'm actually okay in that situation. You lying to me. I'd prefer that you lie to me in that situation. Give me nucks. I need it then. You know, I'm a little unstable at that point.

Okay, we have, you would still be with me if I cheated. Wow. That holy crap. No, no, wait, so the layers that, I'm thinking that you would still. I'm just thinking about you. I'm thinking about Abby. Three. Three, two, one.

I'm going to say disagree. I think if I cheated, you would leave me and I think, oh, yeah, I don't think I don't think I think I would give you another chance. You think that I would leave you if you cheated on me? I feel like you have told me that. Haven't you, I feel like you have, I feel like you've actually verbally said that before. Maybe that was more of just like an emotionally like. Actually, you know what?

I would get. It depends on the circumstances, probably. Can I be honest with you? Yeah, be honest. I would like to think that I would leave you if you cheated on me. Wow. See, I don't feel that same way. I like it I because if you cheat well if you this is so weird that we're talking about this on a podcast and it's like literally public free internet I don't know what no I guess I'm just saying like I do I do believe in second chances and I really like you as a person so I feel like we've been together for a decade we have two children together now we have a dog I mean like we we have so much so as as I feel like I obviously be very extremely extremely extremely

devastated and hurt but I think like I would want to give you a second chance hoping that you actually wanted to like if it was something that just kept happening absolutely not you get out of that like if I found out I mean people do find this all the time that someone's been cheating for seven years yeah if I found out something like that it would have to be done like it's like how do you repeat that yeah time and time and time again and it was a one-off thing you make a really good point but even then I'm still like gosh you had to cross so many boundaries to go all I'm assuming we're talking about like yeah an affair yeah a sexual affair like not just an emotional affair we're talking about like so many boundaries at that point yeah that I would be

like I don't know how we could repair this yeah yeah well I guess I know you could I know you could I don't know that I'd be willing to rebuild that I would honestly be impressed if you cheated on me though because it's like we are around each other so much for you to like cheat on me would be like, how did you pull that off? Also, you know that I would literally never, ever, ever, ever, ever, which is hilarious that there was a time when people thought I wasn't loyal. Unless it was Usher, you know, unless it was Usher. Shut up. I am the most loyal person. It's okay. You can say it. You know, we went to his concert. You're a huge Usher fan. You know. You can have a whole pass for Usher, babe. If the opportunity presented itself, I would literally laugh. I'd be like. Would you kiss them? If you, if I gave you permission to kiss Usher, one little kiss. It would feel so weird to kiss. Once again, haven't considered that one before. Thank you to Tovala for sponsoring today's episode. If you love great food but hate cooking or cleaning, listen up because this just might make your weeknight meals about 10 times easier.

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Howard. Oh my gosh. Okay, do you count a dream? Like having a dream. Does that count? No. Because your brain isn't. No, dreams do not count. Okay. So I'm going to say disagree. I'm going to say disagree then. I'm saying strongly disagree. But, but like a dream is like, I don't know. Like what is that? Is that your subconscious? Is that like what do you? My subconscious does wacky things to me. Have you cheated on me? You have cheated on me in your in your dream. We've both cheated on each other in dreams. That doesn't count. That's not cheating. That's not considering. Cheating. Okay, next step we have is, I have considered divorce. Whoa. This is not something you should talk about on a podcast. I know. We've actually done that one before, though. We haven't, we've answered that before.

Okay. I think we both said yes in the past. So I think we can just both say yes. I think we both said agree. I've considered divorce and we both said agree. Oh, I was not to say disagree. We both said agree last time, which means that we both agreed. I mean, that's what we both said.

We said agree. We said that we, yeah, we said agree. I've considered divorce. We both said that. when we did this on our YouTube channel. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, we went there. Matt, that's crazy.

I know. It's crazy how much we've shared with the internet. It's crazy, dude. Oh, my gosh. Isn't that crazy? Well, I guess I have been. I feel like couples that say they haven't are either in just the most magical whoop-dy-do marriage or they're liars, you know?

Well, no, no. I don't think those are the only two options. There's a shade of gray here. What's the shade of gray? What's your definition of considers? That's true. That's true. Thought about it. Yeah, I think that for me, if you entertain the thought. If you're thought, if you've thought about it, then for me in my mind, you've considered it. And so therefore that's probably why I said agreed. So I'm reading a book right now by an author that we're going to have on our podcast soon. And something he says in his book is when you marry someone, you're choosing the person you're going to have your fights with, your conflicts with, your problems with. It just is like when you get married, it's not all sunshine and rainbows all the time. Maybe it is for a little bit. And I'm sure. And hopefully you married someone that you can have a lot.

of sunshine and rainbows with. Hopefully it's one that you like have so much chemistry with and it's great. And that's why I feel about you. But it's also like when we've married, we also chose that you're the person that I'm going to have disagreements with. Well, totally. And I think that in marriage, like when things come up, a lot of things, it's not even related to one another. It's life happening. Yeah. And you're living within a marriage. So then it like affects your marriage. And when things get hard, I think sometimes, especially if it's really, really hard, your brain goes to crazy extreme sometimes. And it wanders. And it's like, wow, would divorce fix this? Oh, if I got, if I got. If I got. If I got.

divorce would it make me happier what I feel free would I oh I could discover who I am like like there's all these things that come up right and and I think for some people that really is the answer I think there's some people that are in very abusive relationships and then I think there's also people that are maybe also don't think that you should just stay married because you're too stubborn to get divorced because of your religion because of your beliefs like and I think a lot of people stay in unhealthy marriages because of that and there's even people like there's Dateline episodes of people that are like highly religious and they don't want and they just kill their spouse because they don't want to get that crazy that public backlash it's like dude

screw the people that just choose selfishness over going through some discomfort of like yeah just yeah I would just say yeah if you're talking about thinking about it and it's also just like hard not to divorces talked about all the time yeah and it's yeah I guess yeah thought a thought A thought hasn't turned my head. Yeah, we've both had that thought before. And so I think that's cool that we can both acknowledge that and recognize that we didn't. We didn't go forward with that. We didn't.

And I think having, I think it makes our marriage even stronger that we can be honest with each other. We don't have to like play, play games. Play pretend. No pretend. It's really cool that we can just be real. Yeah. I love you. I would agree. Love you.

Okay. One of us is still grieving the miscarriage more than the other. Holy crap. Three, two, one. I'm going to say, we're both. say and agree. Yeah, we both, I think that's normal. Yeah. And I think that's what causes a lot of fights with, I think that's why people get divorces when they lose a child. Right. Because I can't imagine, like what we went through with the miscarriage is horrific. Imagine having a kid get hit by a car

or a spouse running over a kid. Like, there's just so many horrible, horrible things that can happen. And that's why those marriages don't work out because people grieve differently. And then it becomes this this this conflict of F you well they also say you don't even care about our kid grief is like a fingerprint yeah it's unique to everybody and even though we have the same situation we have a different fingerprint of this grief yeah and um so yeah those just look differently yeah I love you love you we rushed our healing after the miscarriage three two one I say disagree I'm saying agree, but I don't think that's a bad thing.

I think when you're saying you rush something, it does have a negative connotation. Really? I'm acknowledging that, but I'm not saying, I'm saying agree on the terms of like, I definitely tried to expedite it. Yeah. Because, and here's why, life is still moving on. I have two little kids. I was made so aware right when they told us what had happened that I was like, holy crap. Yeah.

Life is still going to keep barreling towards. towards me and I have and I want to be on board I want to be on board for that and so I'm going to do the things I need to do to face it all so head on so I I face it head on and I'm and I think rush means that I skip steps I did not I just expedited it I moved it forward quicker and I think that there's still residual things that I'm feeling but I was really intentional about feeling everything, saying everything, pausing everything for those first two weeks. And then I was like, I want to get back on the train of life. Like, I want to keep going forward. It's interesting, like, from my perspective, how I like almost dissociated. Yeah,

you dissociated for like a month. And then it hit me so hard. Yeah. And then it was just like, I remember crying in therapy and our therapist was like, this is the first time I've seen you like break down because it was just like real i because i had this like we i had this realization in therapy that like what uh frick what uh what uh what uh hurt was realizing like like all the excitement i had about our daughter and meeting her and knowing that that was never going to happen and that was what was so hard Mm-hmm. So I think February's going to suck, and I want to get the heck out of here in February.

And hopefully, my, my, like, coping mechanism is to associate and just get away. Is that actually coping, though? I don't know. I don't know if that's right. I don't know what we'll have to keep talking about your therapist. But, like, yeah, it's, I think the closer we get to the due day is just, like, the harder it gets. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

I hope that doesn't mean that I want to specify that this does not mean that I believe I skipped any steps or I'm not still suffering. Yeah. It's just that I did really try to face it all head on because I knew that I had responsibilities that were very important to me still, which was our children, which was our life. Because here's the thing. I knew from the beginning that I could completely remove myself and that. that would have probably felt good to just remove and not engage in life for a while. But I ultimately had to make a choice and I didn't choose that. Our puppy made our marriage harder.

Three, two, one. I'm going to say disagree. I don't think the puppy has affected our marriage at this point. Absolutely not. I think it's made it better. I feel like, yeah, it hasn't made it better or worse. Today I was like, I love that we have a dog. Yeah, she's blessed.

I literally had that thought so many times today. Just I love it. It wasn't this earth-shattering thing that I thought it would be. No, it's so easy after. It was really casual. We have an easy puppy, but like after having kids, having a puppy. Well, it's also an easy circumstances. Like, we're home all the time.

We work from home. Yeah, so it's really chill. She's great. I love her puppy. Money doesn't buy happiness. I'm going to say, I'm going to say, agree. I'm going to say, I was going to say strongly agree, but I'm just going to say agree. Yeah, because I think I'm not saying strongly agree.

That comes from a place of privilege. Yeah. that comes from a place of privilege for sure but um yeah i think the reason i didn't say strongly with strongly agree is because like money definitely like if if you have money to pay for food your shelter you know your your medical expenses because gosh like we both know how crazy medical expenses can be in america after getting some crazy medical bills it's it makes me it actually makes me mad because like we are we're privileged we've made decent money from our social media more than decent money. Yes. And still these bills shock us sometimes. We're like, how the hell is this

whatever, you know, insert dollar amount? So it makes me sad that there's people that get like trapped in like medical debt. Oh my gosh. Absolutely. And our country where we're the richest country in the world. I know someone that was faced with a situation where they were their kids. It was a matter of life and death for their children. And they couldn't afford the cost of care. And I'm like, At that point, money would certainly have bought her happiness. A strong amount of money would definitely have bought her happiness. But it's not the money at that point. It's the things that your money can do for you.

And so it's like I hate reducing it to the money because it's like just having that amount of money and not what it would do for her wouldn't do anything. You know what Jeff from Beast Game said is like the cure to these rare diseases is having a celebrity with a kid that has the disease. Because then you have all this money and attention. Really more so than money is the attention so that you can like bring attention. to scientists and to wealthy people to help find a cure and so yeah so I just don't think it's like

oh no it's not money to buy all these nice cars and these nice houses it's just like it can be so much more serious than that I think when it comes down to health money buys happiness when it comes to health for sure and safety too yeah safety for your family like that that would definitely make you feel happy yeah I think maybe the answer is like when it comes to aside from having your basic needs money does not buy by happiness one thousand percent okay we don't give each other enough emotional support we're we're going we're going for the crazy questions today three two one I was going to say strongly disagree I'm saying disagree feel like Abby and I this is vulnerable we had a really really good

conversation yesterday where I just felt like so seen emotionally and And it just, I feel like our marriage is stronger than ever. And so, yeah. What about you? Yeah, I'm like, I feel like we talk about our feelings a lot to each other. So I'm like, I feel like that's, it's like, gosh, every day. So I feel like we talk about that a lot. And we also have opportunities to be asked really deep questions because of going to therapy together.

And because of just the nature of you, like you're a curious guy. We have a lot of like thought provoking conversations. I feel like there's like a lot of. space for that in our in our marriage so yeah i would say we talk about feelings quite a bit more than the average couple probably next question we also just talk way more than the average couple we do we really do next question is we don't make each other a priority anymore three two one disagree i'm going to disagree too disagree yeah it's just we prioritize each other yeah think you do that for me i think i do that for you yeah i think you're pretty cool think you're awesome we're more like roommates

than romantic partners lately. Wow, these questions. These are so inappropriate to answer. I know, these are like, these are, wow, okay, we're more like roommates than romantic partners lately. I'm going to say disagree. I would say disagree or strongly disagree. Okay, hold up strongly disagree.

If we are doing this with a roommate, I would have major problems. Yeah, we have way, our, our relationship is way too intimate to just be roommates. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'm not sleeping in the closet anymore. What did you say? I said, I'm not sleeping in the closet anymore.

Oh, that was a joke. That was a stupid joke. We actually had a really good relationship when I was in the closet, too. Yeah. That sounded so weird. Well, yeah. For those of you that don't know, there's been times in our marriage where we've slept in different rooms for various reasons. And I'm talking about like for like weeks at a time.

We're talking like a month. Yeah. Yeah, I think I think that's where like tabloids and internet drama channels have like had a heyday with stuff like that. Don't even. Let them. Yeah, let them. We're trying to let them. them, let them. Yeah, I feel great about our marriage. Thanks, great. Abby starts more arguments.

Whoa. Abby starts more arguments. Okay. You got your answer locked in. Yeah. Okay. Three, two, one. I'm going to say agree. I'm going to say agree. Why do you agree with that? Because I do a lot more thinking than you do about our relationship. that's so funny i love you love you i love you i think you're i think you're awesome thanks honey i think you're really funny i think you're so pretty thanks you're beautiful love you abby does more of the housework housework house housework housework three three two one i say agree agree we're boasted so i start arguments but i clean it up i'm kidding yeah i think it's just like we've kind of always fallen into, I mean, we've said before traditional roles, but we don't really fit into it. Can we also say something too? Yeah. We have the amazing privilege of having

cleaners. It's not like I'm scrubbing. Yeah, that's true. We have her cleaners come every other week and they do an amazing job. It's not like I'm breaking my back over here. Yeah. We have a lot of support and that's. And on the nights that you do. Like, the most valuable thing. I like, I love and value their, what they do for us so much. And when, in the days that you don't feel, feel like cleaning and cooking. I either clean or cook or we do takeout, you know? Like, it's that, it's that simple. It's not that serious.

It's not that serious. There's actually been a lot of times where I've begged Abby to not cook because she's like tired. And I'm like, babe, let's just order food. I like it. And she's like, I want to cook because I like a home-cooked meal. I love a home-cooked meal. And I want to do it.

Can you go take the kids at the park? And I'm like, okay, let's do it. I want to just listen to my podcast and make soup. Yeah. Dear God. They're God. Thank you to Storyworth for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. Growing up, my dad would tell me stories about his childhood and how him and his brother at one point

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Storyworth memoirs. Right now, save $10 or more during their holiday sale when you go to start. storyworth.com slash unplanned that's storyworth.com slash unplanned to save $10 or more on your order. Okay. Next is we haven't fully recovered from our last big fight. We have, wow, these are so great. These questions do not, this is like a therapy session. You guys are like in on our therapy today. This is so inappropriate. I'm going to say strongly disagree. I feel like the, see strongly disagree too. Holy crap. Did you guys hear that? Our kids are getting out of bed right now. And our grandmas with them upstairs while they're waking up from their naps.

And I think they're just like jumping from the top bunk onto the floor, which is right above our, which is above the studio. So hilarious. Okay. Yeah, strongly disagree. I feel like our marriage is in a great spot. Which is honestly, I feel like we wouldn't have filmed this video if our marriage wasn't a good spot. Like this would not be healthy to make. Yeah, that would be a bad idea.

That would be a horrible idea to make a video for the internet with our marriage being in a not good place. Okay. Well, now we're entering level three. Should we just rapid fire these? Yeah, rapid fire. No, okay. Rapid fire. Just kidding.

I don't think I'll be able to do that. Rapid fire people. These are high stakes. These are high stakes. Level three, we wouldn't be together today if we met for the first time now. Okay. If we like just met for the first time now. I'm going to, I got my answer.

Okay. Three, two, one. I'm going to say, where's to disagree? I can't find. I'm going to hold it up. But there's another one right here. Okay. Disagree.

I say disagree. I just think you're someone that I'm fundamentally attracted to you physically and emotionally. Yeah. It's really that simple. Disagree. Disagree. Soulmates are not real.

Three, two, one. I'm going to say strongly agree. I'm going to say strongly agree. Strongly agree. I think Abby, as much as I would love to believe that I'm the only person for her on this planet, I'm sure there's millions of other dudes that she can be married to. I honestly just think that they're, and there's probably better people. better fits for her than me like there probably are there's more attractive guys people that have more

emotional understanding of their emotions and your emotions and probably grew up with like a bunch of sisters and they just like understand women at like such a deep level probably way better fit but what for whatever reason we ended up together and i feel so lucky that i get to be buried to you and i think we are constantly teaching each other new things and we're going together and i feel very lucky so yeah i think love is more romantic. I think love is more romantic if it's not something that you are just you fall into. Wait, this is actually funny because the next question is there is someone more compatible for you out there. Oh. And I'm thinking, I read that as for you, like more compatible for you. Um, so I'm going to, I'm going to answer that. I'm not answer that one agree. Because I

agree. I think pure, if you look at pure data, pure statistical odds, if you're, if you're going to like math and stuff, yeah, there's a hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. There's. Yeah. There's. And there's relatively no purpose in even thinking about that. Exactly. Yeah. I mean, maybe if our marriage was like, there's some really effed up stuff going on. Can I also say I have an argument for disagree for that as well? Because I think we see this happen a lot.

True. Where people leave their marriage. Yeah. Because they think they're more compatible with someone else. But maybe that's not, maybe they are more compatible. But guess what? It's still doesn't end up working out. So you've trained me to be the husband.

You want, I've trained you to be the wife. I want you to be. Well, because obviously way more important is that you choose to be married and choose to work on your marriage like i think we were talking about intimacy the other day and it was like we both know what we love in the bedroom so it's like man gosh if we got remarried i don't want to train someone to do that someone else that's like a whole entire under that's a 10 year process we've been i mean that's 10 years we've been together for a decade we've been together for a decade we've been having sex for seven of those 10 well let's just give them the stats right like we we waited until

marriage but yeah i mean it's like gosh we like really understand what each other likes which is cool this got in a whole different um our marriage hasn't fully healed and we both know it i'm guessing this is about miscarriage our marriage hasn't fully healed and we both know it um i'm gonna disagree on that one yeah i don't think our marriage i think our marriage changed i don't think our marriage took a hit yeah it didn't i'm i'm gonna say i'll say i'll say disagree as well i think i think like grieving is still something that we're both going through and and we're and learning about but yeah i i think that

we've healed so much well i I'm not healed from a miscarriage. Oh, yeah. But I'm saying, like, I think our marriage isn't what took a hit. I think me as a person, like, I grieved. And I think that I've definitely healed a lot. Yeah. But definitely not done healing.

I have thought about what life would look like without my spouse. Like, assuming, I guess, like, this is kind of like back to the divorce one. Or maybe, like, with a death, like, if one of us died. I'm going to say agree. Yeah. I'm going to say agree. I've thought about that. It's scary.

That's why I get so. That's why I always say my worst fear. is like losing you because like and I don't and I'm hesitant to even say that because I feel like that is so insensitive to people that I've had to deal with a reality of losing a spouse young like I don't I don't mean it's something that would end my life or like there's no future for me but like I just don't I don't surely would never choose to have to deal with that reality this is such a dark thought but why the other day was I like I almost want to experience like like be in the room with someone that like that passes like maybe it's like like an old person

in nursing home and like we form a relationship that that would probably change you that's what I'm saying like I think it would give me perspective on life and perspective on like how temporary it is and like I just had this realization because I think well I think for me I think a fear that I have is death yeah like I think and I think um a lot of people fear death and to experience that I think would give you some peace knowing like you can be surrounded by your loved ones and your family or or like you you experience you cease one die and you know like hey it's not this horrible scary thing you know and it actually can be a quite peaceful thing i don't know but yeah i've definitely thought about like are we are we good if i if i leave you with like a low like if i die at a car crash or something like are you okay so i've

thought about both situations very scary stuff but i've thought about it and i don't like to think about stuff like that yeah no we're not on the same page about having another baby. Three, two, one. I'm saying strongly disagree. We both are saying strongly disagree. Strongly disagree. We've never been on more of the same page.

I would say, yeah. Having another baby scares me. Three, two, one. I'm going to say agree. I'm saying strongly disagree. It's scary. I mean, like, thinking about after miscarriage, having another kid, you just like,

the only thought that goes through my head is like, I hope that doesn't happen again. I hope that doesn't happen again. I hope that. It's just really scary. On the flip side, I will say, like, there's also hope in that thought. There's actually a lot of hope for me in that thought. Like, the thought of having, like, I keep calling it, like, a redemptive pregnancy,

but a pregnancy where we get to hold a healthy baby at the end, like, that picture in my head gives me a lot of hope. But gosh, so much fear. next one we have is we expect too much from each other i don't know if we currently are but i think that's something that we have slipped into in the past for sure yeah i i don't think we currently i agree we're not currently expecting too much i i would agree that we have expected too much for each for sure for sure for sure both of us because i think like we both see everything that we do and it's like yo i'm doing all of this how are you just doing that yeah because we're not aware of what the other one's doing. We are aware, but I think we also just both have different capacities.

Yeah, and it's like common, I think, in marriage for people to, yeah, they see everything that they're doing and then they are like, how is my spouse not doing this? Or they're not prioritizing the things that I want to prioritize. And I think it comes down to needing to have more communication about those things and also being flexible, adjusting your expectations. Yeah. Next, we have flirting is cheating. I'm going to say, disagree. Getting back into the juice. Yeah, I'm going to say, I'm going to say disagree. I'm going to say disagree. Where's the disagree? Here's the thing. Cheating is cheating. Actually, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, sorry, I'm going to say strongly disagree. I'm going to say strongly disagree.

It doesn't make it okay. Doesn't make it okay. I think flirting is flirting. I think flirting is not okay. It bugs me. This is actually a big thing that I've realized. It bugs me. When I hear that someone has cheated on their spouse and then you find out that they like had an emotional affair where they were like had an emotional, they were talking with someone. that's not cheating in my opinion and luckily we've never both we've both never had that ever happened even close in our marriage but like in my book cheating is effing another person in my book but also having an emotional affair is not okay exactly so exactly but I think you need to call it an emotional affair call it what it is but it's still not okay exactly so it's like call it flirting with someone that's not your spouse not okay call it emotional I like that you said that you can flirt with your spouse because I think that is something that people forget to do with

their spouse. Oh yeah, we flirt. I like to flirt with you. You do flirt with me. I think I think I probably need to flirt with you more. I like flirting with you. But yeah, I just think let's call cheating. That's just like, let's, can we just have a clear definition of cheating, please? Well, I think other people have a clear definition in their mind, but for you, it's just sexual. And I think for me too. I think for most people it's sexual. Adultery. Adultery. But adultery is not cheating. Well, adultery is cheating, but it's all cheating adultery. No. We've changed so much that we're not the same people we married. Oh my gosh. Strongly agree. Strongly agree. Strongly agree. We're both completely different. How could you not be after a decade? Gosh, a decade is this, babe, this summer in June, one decade together. How unreal. Yeah, wow. One of us carries most of the mental load in the relationship. Gosh, I just don't feel that way. I know I'm kind of breaking the rule by not doing the countdown and showing this stuff. I'm going to say disagree. I'm going to say disagree. It's just, we just carry different mental loads.

Yeah. I think you're thinking about, like you're thinking about things that are important. I'm thinking about milk. I'm thinking about milk and the fridge. Yeah. And I'm and I'm thinking about money in the bank account. Exactly. That's actually the most the best way to put it really. Yeah. Money to buy the milk. I'm thinking about the milk. Like sometimes I think you get caught up in my god like we don't have milk. We just like our house is a mess. All this. And I'm like, I'm like, babe, we are good. Like I'm I'm I looked at the bank account. We're good. I think that's just the way. We have different mental burdens. Yeah. Gosh, we only have a couple questions left. Okay. These are good ones. Spending your whole life with one person is overwhelming. I'm actually going to say strongly.

disagree. I think what's overwhelming is the thought of you not being here because I just have written you into every corner of my life at this point that it's like, whoa, I'd have to rewrite my entire life at this point if you weren't there. I think it'd be harder to like bounce around all the time, go different places like to have to fill someone in on all of our history. Yeah. Do I have to tell someone, oh, this is what my aunt's name is. This is what happened to my dog that I had in eighth grade like there it's just i would not want to go and you can't rebuild that how i mean like think about how how the heck would i teach other people what i like in the bedroom you know after all that stuff like it's getting brought up it was like the show nobody wants this we do like to have

we actually do like to talk about sex if you guys don't know that we we have talked about it a lot of the podcast i've seen some comments they're like why why they're talking about sex all the time it's like because we like to talk about it let us let us let us let us talk about what we would talk about it's our podcast no that was actually on nobody wants this she was engaged this guy and they're like at dinner with friends and it came up that he had a twin brother and she goes you have a twin brother and he goes yeah she's like why did i not know that and he goes you never asked she's like that's not something i should have to ask yeah that is weird dude that would be weird like if you had a twin that would be weird that just would be that just wouldn't that not be weird like i don't know how

people like people that are married to twins are you telling me you would be attracted to an exact copy of me. A hundred percent. Whoa. A hundred percent. That was fun with the Broken and Bailey episode. We got them to admit that they've both been like it's weird. It can be weird.

And I like that they acknowledge it was weird, you know? Because Broken and Bailey looked the exact same. They said that. How could their husbands not find the other one? They look kind of different. Okay, very subtly. Okay. But like they've even filmed YouTube videos where the husbands got confused.

That's playing with fire. Yeah, they confused their husband. I thought that was hilarious. That is a good one. That is a ballsy to do that. That was a good one. And finally, last but not least, I wish I had kissed someone else before marriage. So for those of you that don't know, we actually really only kissed each other before marriage.

But let's give a caveat, you did in truth or dare. In seventh grade. In seventh grade. And we also both did for theater. But the guy you kissed was gay, so it doesn't count. the girl you kiss was also gay so I guess

do we know that do we know that I'm pretty sure we're not going to speak for them yeah yeah and I don't know if that makes it not count either yeah you know it counted it counted so we kiss other people

okay let's just say agree come on who can say that the curiosity I agree I wish I'd kiss someone else before I kissed you why not I think we have something really special because we haven't so maybe I will say disagree

wait why would you say wait you went from agree to disagree because it's really special that we haven't Yeah, yeah, but we also have, like, it's like how are you, what's the clear, what's the, what's the, I guess I don't hold that much weight to my lips touching another person's lips. So maybe agree, because it sounds kind of, yeah, it sounds like it would have been kind of fun on New Year's Eve to just kiss a random dude that I never saw again. Totally. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That was a prank I pulled on you in high school. You did pull that prank and I, I made me sad. But I, but I also thought you actually did it. See, it made you sad. Yeah. Remember, your friends were, like, laughing because they were, like, you really got me. I really believe that you'd kiss another dude. Oh, that's actually kind of mean.

It's okay. It's all good. I didn't want to make you sad. It's okay. Okay. No, but I think. I'm talking about before we dated. Sure, agree.

I just think that, like, I was too afraid to ask girls out. I think I had this moment, though. The reason I asked you out is it was like my 18th birthday. And I was like, I'm becoming a man. I need to grow a pair and ask this girl out on a date, you know? So, like, it, it sparks something in me. That's cute. But, like, I wish I would have been a little bit more bolder when I was younger to not be afraid.

See, that wasn't my issue. To not be afraid. And I'm, and I say that knowing that I'm like, I'm glad that I married you and I hope that. Right. Right. We can understand that. You're probably, you're probably, you're probably, you're probably, you're probably, this is a safe space for you met. It's a safe space.

But, you know, I think it's just like, yeah. I would say, um, the, I think. I would think it's funny if you kissed another guy. I had really strong boundaries when I dated with guys. And I think I was kind of unique in that. I was always like. don't do this don't do this don't do this and um i'm glad that i've had that confidence to do that as a teenager i think that that was kind of unique but also heck it would have been kind of funny yeah

i think i would have loved to hear the story yeah if you would have actually no actually it would have been funny if you would have actually kissed a dude on new years when we were dating no that would have been a funny story to tell though that would have been disrespectful guys thank you so much for tuning in for another episode of unplanned if you haven't already hit the like button or subscribe we'd really appreciate you to join this community i think most of you that watched episodes actually aren't even subscribed so definitely hit subscribe and we'll see you the next episode this was so inappropriate i will be honest we really sent it today we really sent it we really did this was we are on the same page yeah we are i feel better about our marriage

and i've ever felt about it ever love you love you too