The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby - Meeting our Rainbow Baby : VBAC after loss

Episode Date: August 26, 2026

Matt and Abby introduce their newest addition to the family and share the full story of his whirlwind arrival! From Abby’s doctor accidentally breaking her water and an unexpectedly fast labor to getting the VBAC she hoped for, they open up about welcoming their rainbow baby after loss. Plus, they share the realities of postpartum life, breastfeeding, baby blues, and why Matt is turning Abby’s placenta into pills. ASPCA Pet Health Insurance: To explore coverage, visit https://www.aspcapetinsurance.com/UNPLANNED The ASPCA® is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance Momcozy: Right now you can get 10% off the Night Pro Bottle Warmer and 10% when you pre-order the DeepClean Bottle Washer D8 at https://momcozy.com with code UNPLANNED. UpWork: Visit https://upwork.com right now and post your job for free to connect with top talent ready to help your business grow. Zocdoc: Taking care of your health just got easier – start here with Zocdoc: https://zocdoc.com/UNPLANNED #sponsored Yoto: Head to https://yotoplay.com and use code UNPLANNED to save 10% off all eligible items. Follow The Unplanned Podcast: https://www.instagram.com/unplanned__podcast/ https://www.tiktok.com/@unplanned_podcast Listen to the pod on Spotify/ Apple Podcasts: https://open.spotify.com/show/1ToDA4ufQuWuEgMq07zN6t https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-unplanned-podcast/id1669604504 Follow Matt & Abby: Abby's Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/abbyelizabethoward/ Matt's Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/_matt_howard_/ TikTok | https://www.tiktok.com/@matt_and_abby Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/mattandabb YouTube | https://www.youtube.com/@MattandAbby Mascara is sold out! Thank you guys so much! Sign up here for updates on restock: https://www.biswell-beauty.com/ Chapters: 00:31 - Baby and name reveal! 02:54 - Going into labor 11:26 - Contractions 14:52 - Epidural 24:26 - VBAC 28:23 - Redemptive birth after loss 35:54 - Introducing new baby to the family 40:36 - Postpartum plan 42:08 - Getting released from the hospital 49:33 - Breastfeeding 52:11 - Doula 58:02 - Mental health postpartum Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This show is sponsored by Better Hope. We talk about mental health more openly now than ever, probably, but asking for help can still feel hard sometimes, and BetterHelp's latest research confirms that. In fact, BetterHelp's 2026 state of stigma report surveyed 2,000 Americans and revealed that 85% of Americans believe getting support is wise, yet 74% say society discourages people from doing so. BetterHelp makes therapy accessible wherever you are, whether that's online or through the app.

A short questionnaire helps identify your. needs and preferences, and their 12-plus years of experience and industry-leading match fulfillment rate means we typically get it right the first time. My favorite part about BetterHelp is if you aren't happy with your therapist, you're able to switch at any time free of charge, no questions asked. I think when I became a parent is when I felt the responsibility to take my mental health seriously and my therapy goals really, really seriously just so I can show up as the best version of myself every single day.

I have seen so much progress in myself through. therapy. And I truly recommend BetterHelp because of the way that they are so accessible. You can do it like Matt said online or through the app and that can work with you and your schedule and your specific needs. Don't let stigma stand in the way of support. Start therapy with BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com slash unplanned podcast. That's BetterH-E-L-P.com slash unplanned podcast. It had a lot of fear knowing that I was going to the same hospital where we delivered our daughter, knowing that I could be in the same exact room where we stared across at an empty incubator. That's where the redemption comes from. Every step of this birth story was like shaped by Emerson's story. Poor buddy came out with bruises on his face because he had just like smacked into every bone. I didn't even know that could happen. I don't know how you pushed him out that quickly. We have a very special new addition to the Howard family. His name is

Fisher James Howard. I was going to say baby Fisher because that's just what we've been calling him. Fisher James Howard. We almost changed his name last minute though. Funny enough. Yeah, we kind of freaked out in the hospital. Just because he was born on the same exact day as Abby's dad, two, like in the same day of the week, like Abby's brother looked it up and realized that he was born on a Tuesday and so was Abby's dad back in the 70s. Yeah. So kind of crazy. Abby's dad's name is Matthew. Matthew. So then we were like, well, I guess maybe we could give him my dad's namesake, like right

at that time. But then it's also your name. Yep. And we've also called him Fisher internally since he was 10 weeks gestation. And then we were like, we're going to confuse our kids. We're going to confuse everyone in our entire family. But where's baby Fisher? Because we've talked about baby Fisher for months now.

And I liked the idea, but it just felt, it just didn't feel right. And so it was like, we got to stick with the original name. Um, and because like he's Fisher, like that's just his name. That's just who he is. That would have been really sweet. Yeah. But he has your middle name. He does, which is kind of fun.

You guys share middle names, which is really sweet because you're Matthew James. My dad, it's my dad's middle name too. And this is Fisher James. Yeah. That's really sweet. Sorry, I'm distracted. There's literally sweat dripping down my armpit right now. I'm so sorry.

The hormone sweats are crazy. What? How often are you getting those sweats? It just really hits me like. Do you need like an ice pack? Do you want to drink of a cold ice tea? So hot. No.

No, you're good? I'm dripping. How does that feel? I'm putting an ice beverage. Okay. Okay. It's like that's so bad. Like my armpits so bad.

Underneath these guys, bad. I'm impressed that you just got him to fall asleep because before this podcast, he was crying. And I couldn't give him to stop crying. And then you just did. You have the special touch, babe. It's the buttpats. The butt pads. Okay.

And he just loves his mama. Did you know that a lot of people already knew his name? How? I made a video and I was like, there's a baby name hint in this video and everyone got it. That's kind of fun. Literally everyone got it. Well, I feel like we should go back to the beginning. Yes.

Back to the day of your due date where you went into labor naturally. If I sound so dumb in this podcast, it's because it's just like, right now I'm like in a newborn bliss, but also some type of fog has hit my brain. You are not dumb. There's a disconnect. There's an unplug that has a switch needs to be turned back on in my brain. But yeah, I feel like my brain has just been living this day over and over in my head. So I should be good to talk about this.

It was just like so crazy. What a whirlwind. Right. I said you wanted to labor naturally, but technically. Technically, no. Yeah, your water was broken for you. Do you want to tell everyone about what happened? So honestly, the day was the day I turned 40 weeks pregnant.

And I had a 40 week appointment with my OB that day. And so it worked out because, I mean, we slept the whole night the night before, took the kids to their like little three hour morning preschool and each of their different schools. And then we picked, well, okay, so while they were at schools when I had my appointment. but you were going to have to end up picking one of them up. And so I was like, I'll just go by myself. These appointments are super quick. Like, if you've had a baby, you know, like at the end, when you're going weekly,

they basically just are like, okay, boop, bo, bo, bo, great, thank you. It looks good. See you next week or not. You know, those are kind of like all those appointments at the end. And so I go by myself and, like, I just go in there like, well, would you like to have your service checked and I was like sure why not we'll do one final membrane sweep just to see at this point I had kind of lost hope of like not like going to the hospital before my induction at that point like I was like it's just not my body is just not going to do it and so she goes and then this wasn't

even like she hadn't even done like a membrane sweep at this point she literally just did a cervical check and immediately like there was just like a gush of water and she goes oh I've actually never done that before, but I'm, she's like, I'm so sorry. I just popped your water. And my water just broke everywhere. And it wasn't like a trickle. It was like a gush of fluid. And I was like, you know what? This is actually best case scenario for me because I would much rather, because that's what my induction was going to be. Like the induction plan was literally like if we got to that point, it was going to be way later on in that night. if we could, like originally was supposed to be 3 a.m. Like imagine starting that whole process at 3 a.m.

But the plan for the induction was literally just to do just that was to rupture my membranes. And so I was like, well, this is just a million times better because it's now, it's before noon. And I got to sleep last night. I got to see my kids this morning. I'm about to go pick them up from school. And then maybe we can have this baby before bedtime. I was just like, I was just so, there's so much like adrenaline released at that point, you know, because then you're like, oh, it's happening and it's like happening now.

Yeah, when you called me telling me that your water broke, I was just taken aback. So I was like, how dumb am I to not expect for this to happen on the day of the due date? Because I was going to go pick up the boys from school. And so we'd agreed I stayed back, get the boys from school, you do the doctor's winment. And we just like both didn't really think through the fact that, your water could break or by them doing something with the membrane sweep that that could make something. It's not entirely common, I don't think. Yeah, which I don't know. I guess like hindsight's 2020, but you called me and I'm like, how dumb. Like, why, why am I not there with you right now?

Oh, it's fine. I was like not even having contractions at that point. Like, it was just, it was like totally fine. Yeah. So they gave me like this little tiny pad and I was like, ma'am. I'm just like dripping out of this office. And this is like a shared office space. It's not just for like OB and gynecology stuff. And I was just like waddling out. And I mean, it's like dripping everywhere.

And I'm so excited. I call you. I text every like all my friends and I call my mom. And because I asked her, I was like, so what do we do? She's like, oh, she's like, well, I guess I'll see. Like she just stopped the appointment there. And she's like, okay, well, I guess I'll see you at the hospital. and I was like oh I gotta go there like right now and she's like yeah you gotta be there within two

hours and I was like oh okay and then we were just like I mean we're ready we've been ready for weeks at this point but for whatever reason like when it's actually time you're like okay and like we were planning on going that night so it was like we were ready but um it's just so exciting then I thought it was funny that you came home and we just took like 20 minutes to eat sandwiches from Jersey mics together. I know, Abby brought a sandwiches. You got to fuel up. I mean, it's, it's no joke.

But, I mean, I guess we had the bags packed. Things were ready to go. There were a couple things that we needed to grab for the hospital. But that was just, that was really exciting. So exciting. And like, we got to give the kids another hug before we left. I mean, they still kind of went about their day. We were hosting swim lessons at our house that day.

So everyone we saw were like, we're going to the home. Abby, Abby's like about to give birth and people are coming over to our house for swim lessons. We're just like saying hi to everybody. I love it. Yeah. It was great. That was really sweet. It was so exciting.

Yeah. I guess where things kind of took another jump forward is when you threw up in the car. Yeah. You know, we're in our brand new vehicle. And it's like it's one of those things where, you know, I don't know if you guys have ever like, you know, gotten a new car. but I love that like new car smell and then you just completely upjuck your A and W roof here all over the middle center console and so then we're in the hospital parking lot I'm like using this towel that I had been sitting on so that I wasn't going to get wet from Abby like getting the

driver's seat all wet from her water breaking because there was like a puddle from when I drove home from the OB office in the seat thank goodness I had a towel on me but then I'm just cleaning puke out of the center console in the parking lot of the hospital. Yeah, because I know that car's also going to be sitting in the hot sun for a minute. Yeah. But I think we got all the, I think I got the puke all out. Like I just had to get some, people are like all clicking off right now. They're like, this is disgusting. It's going to get a lot gross. But like, we just took hands in a sanitizer and started spraying it everywhere just to kind of like sanitize and take out the puk smell. But apparently when you throw up, that's a sign of active labor. So that was like,

Yeah, okay, also I should say at this point, I was, like, starting to have contractions. And I honestly feel like they were kind of close together at this point. Yeah. But I, like, they weren't crazy. Like, I was check, like, I was able to check in with the lady, and it kind of took a while. And she was like, take a seat. And I was like, no. I'm okay.

I got to stand for just a minute. And she's like, oh, okay. And so, yeah, which is always so funny and just so America. We were sitting, like, going into labor, they're just like, okay, like, you got to pay for your epidural. You got to pay for how many hours you're going to be here. Are you sure that you want the 24-hour package? And I was like, I don't. Sure.

I'm like, just let me in this. Let me go see a nurse, please. And so we're waiting. And, I mean, it really wasn't too long. But get back to our room. We meet our nurse who was so, so, so sweet. and it was just go time from there. Our Dula came, Rochelle.

And I don't know. At this point, I feel like I was in, I was like so unaware of how fast things were going to move from that point. Like I'm really glad we didn't wait for the 5-1-1, which we weren't supposed to anyway because they knew my water had broken. But like if I would have waited until my, we had five minute apart contractions lasting one minute for an hour. Oh my gosh. Yeah, you would have given birth at home. I don't know. I don't know what would have happened. I thought it was hilarious. You guys, I was tracking Abby's contractions on this

app on my phone. And then the app told me, you better go to the hospital. You're probably going to get birth soon. This is as we're walking the halls of the hospital. Yes, at the hospital. So I'm like, okay, I guess we're in the right place. But I think, I think just seeing the speed at which you progressed and the speed at which I thought I was like going crazy that's what was weird to me is like Abby this was the first time that I like that I ever saw you have contractions just like where your body made it happen it wasn't induced by potosin there was no there was no drug making your body contract yeah your body was just doing its thing and I think you described it like your body was having an exorcism right I felt like there were some exorcism going on yeah just just because like

there was nothing you could do to control your body was doing its thing and you couldn't stop it. What's so cool, though, is how it happens gradually. Like, I always say, like, each contraction, like, prepares you for the next. Yeah. And they, like, get progressively, like, more intense. And I think that's a great design. Because then, like, I was just, like, it wasn't, like, it gets to the point where

when we were, like, in transition, I was like, holy cow, like, this is getting to be really intense. But it's, like, you're kind of, like, eased into it, if that makes sense. and so we get there, they put me on the monitors, and I had told them, like, my goal is to not use, like, any type of, like, induction medications, if at all possible. And especially because this was, I think they call it, uh, Tolac. What is that meaning? Attempt to labor after Cessarian. Just to, like, reduce some of our risk factors.

I was like, I don't want to use any, like, medical, like, I was trying to avoid potocin, basically. Yeah. And like, I don't even know if you can use certain cervical ripening things. But we knew we weren't going to probably need that at that point because we were already, like, out of five. So we go into the hospital out of five with my membranes ruptured, monitored me for a while. And then I was, I think they just monitored for 20 minutes. And then we start walking.

Yeah. And things are starting to, like, pick up as we're walking. And, like, that's when you were, like, tracking them. And it was getting really, like, this was, like, really fun and exciting. And then by the end of that, like, I think. in my head, I was like, they told me they were going to check me at this point. So there's no way I'm going to like ask for them to check me earlier because I was just like get to that point. It was nice to have like a marker like that. And so I have my headphones on. I'm like listening to music.

And like you're just like doing your best trying to figure out what to do. But I feel like at this point like we were still, no, that was sweet. I feel like we were like you were hugging me during like contractions. And this was like. That was something that was super cute. Yeah. Every time you'd get a contraction, at first you would go to the wall, but then you started going to me and just putting your weight on me and I would just hold you. Yeah, I really like that at that point. It was like, it was kind of like, I don't know, grounding to have like you right there. And so then we go back to the room and then they time I have to lay on that bed and get monitored. And that, which I understand and like appreciate that they're doing that.

But laying down then I was like, oh no, no, no, I hate this so much. And so trying to like lay still while they monitor me and the baby was like getting more painful at this point. At this point not that much time had passed. It had been two hours, I think. Yeah. Yeah. And I hadn't had any medication or like they hadn't done anything. And so then they're like, I don't know if you're going to want to get up again.

Like they kind of said that to me. And I was being stubborn. I was like, no, because I knew that we had the goal of like being in transition when I got the epidural. So I was like, I know I'm not in transition yet because I don't. don't think they checked me at this point. They didn't check you. But I felt like I would have known if I was in transition. And turns out I wasn't, but I was pretty dang close.

Because when I stood up, I just felt so many different feelings. And then I had to go to the bathroom. And that's when you really realize, oh, things are happening down there. But then I was like, I'm going to keep walking because we like, I knew that that was going to be like, that was just the plan to stay as active as possible. before I got the epidural. Pretty soon it just started getting, I think I started just being noisy in the hallway.

Was I being noisy in the hallway? I mean, you were. You were going, oh, oh, no. Yeah, that's what it sounded like. I was making a scene. I'm embarrassed. I can never watch.

I'm not going to be able to watch that back. Why are you afraid to watch the videos of you in labor? I just a little embarrassed. Like the noises and stuff? Yes. But you're giving birth. Like, you're actively laboring. Your body's

having contractions trying to push out this eight pound 11 ounce baby. Well, I just, yeah, I'll watch other people do it, but I'm embarrassing. Today's episode is sponsored by the ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program. As many of you guys know, we have a new addition to our family, but last year we added a furry friend to the fam. It's just the best seeing our kids get to grow up with a dog. I love it. I quickly got more attached to her than I ever thought I would. If you found yourself urgently Googling things, you're not alone. Pretzel infamously ate a B.

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at momcozy.com with code unplanned. But move fast, it's the best price you'll see until Black Friday. So head to momcozy.com and use code unplanned for 20% off my favorite mom cozy products. So then they tell me They're like, go back in your room. I think, like, we need to check you.

And so then they check, and I was in transition. So we were like, order the epidural. But turns out when you order an epidural, it doesn't, like they got it to me about as lickety split as you can. But if that train is moving, it is moving. And whether or not you are ready for it to or not. And so we had to get the fluids. They kept asking you, do you,

feel like you need a push. Yeah, they feel like, yeah, baby's coming. And I think, I think you were just like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I was like, no, no, no, no, no. I was like, no, I'm not that, I'm not, not there. And at the same time that you were requesting an epidural, there were multiple other moms that were requesting epidurals at the same time, which created this whole backlog of epidural needs, and they had to make a decision on, okay, who do we help first? I'm so grateful that my, I'm so sorry to those other moms, but I'm so grateful that my doctors and my nurses advocated for me because I do know that I was further along than them. And also because I was a TOLAC, like there's, it does kind of can up your priority. 100% in the hospital. Because if that uterus ruptures, you want to have an

epidural for whatever happens after that. People do it unmedicated. But that was just, that was what we had established, like as the plan, ideally with like my doctor and like with my dula and everything. Yeah. And so they're like trying to get me these fluids, but the fluids take like 20 minutes and things are progressing so fast. Like I think the contractions were one to two minutes apart. Super, super, super intense. And like we almost did not make that because I think 30 minutes after they had the epidural in, he was out. Yeah. I mean, keep in mind, you guys, this was the quickest labor that Abby's ever had.

No, my body had never. I took 27 hours. Well, yeah, with our first, it was 27 hours. And then this time around, we're talking six hours-ish, a little over six hours. From... Because I think your water broke. Well, it depends. Do we count it from when you're water broke or when you started having, like, active contractions?

Because your water broke around 1140 a.m. Yeah. And then we got to the hospital, you know, a little bit before, what is that, 2 o'clock? And then baby was here at 6.42 p.m. Yeah, I'd say from we get to the hospital. So we're talking four hours, 42 minutes of labor. And so that's, I mean, that's great, ideal, amazing. And so we, it was just really exciting at that point because, like, my doctor comes in.

She's like, I really feel like it's time. And she was like, you're out of 10. Here we go. We're, like, shut the blinds. They turn on the spotlight. And it was just like, I feel like at this point is when I, like, felt like I couldn't, like, actually. I felt like I was like, oh, my gosh. is this like actually happening. It was just so surreal.

Rewind though for a second because I think there was something, there was a big shift that happened from you having these extremely powerful contractions. Oh yeah. Then it got like really fun. To you getting the epidural. Like what did that shift feel like? Uh, ecstasy. What's the word? Bliss. Bliss. Yeah. I was like, oh, I mean, I could still feel like my contractions, but oh my gosh, like nothing like they were before. I was so happy. that anesthesiologist, that epidural, just, you know, can't thank them enough.

It's actually like just crazy to think that your body's doing all of that without you pushing. You're not making the contraction happen. Yeah, your body just knows what to do. It's crazy. But then when you have the epidural, it takes the edge off or takes the mega edge off. Like it was that epidural. Then I was like talking, which is actually crazy. though because even when it was like in the most intense part of it i like felt somewhat normal

but in between them and then i felt embarrassed every time because i was like i was just yelling so then i felt like i needed to like crack a joke okay first of all there's no need to feel embarrassed second of all most women when they get the epidural like it just the way it affects their body they can't move their legs a lot of people can't like lift their leg yeah i guess not everybody but for you it was crazy like you can move your legs just fine you can wiggle your toes all of that i put my own legs in those stir up i'm like here we go like what do we have to do yeah i remember that the the doctor you know she was shocked or the nurse was shocked that you can move so well even after the epidural yeah i don't know you would have thought i did hard drugs or something in another life yeah wait what did the epidural

feel like like like going in did it was it painful yeah that's kind of hurt going in did it just feel like someone was stabbing you in the back um it feels like a straw is going in your spine A straw? It feels, I don't know how to explain it, actually. That's kind of freaky actually. It doesn't feel great. Like a metal needle? Like, did you just feel like there's a...

You feel like going. I mean, they numb the area. But then you can still feel it going in. But you're like, please do it. Do it now. And do it good. Do it, get it right on in there. Like, you're so grateful for that because that pain is so much less than the contractions.

You're tough. It was great. And so, no, then I was like having so much fun. And I feel like then I was like, I have the clarity of mind to feel excited for like this huge moment that's about to happen, which was like our goal all the time. I said my birth plan is to have fun. And then the fun started 30 minutes before he came.

And I felt like that time I was literally like able to just be like, we're about to meet our son. And I'm going to cry because I'm so hormonal. But like getting to like I'm so grateful for that time because I was like these are the last moments before we meet him and like having that like relief helped me process that and so she came in at what was it 645 uh no before that because the he was born at 642 he was I thought he's born at 652 I think he was 642 okay either way someone she comes in and she's like okay here we go and then um So part of our birth plan too was for Matt to catch the baby. And I say catch, but like...

Deliver. Not deliver either, but just like, you know, be able to like be some of the first hands that like put him on my chest. Obviously with the doctor's serious assistance. So you glove up and then it was go time and then we had two contractions and then buddy was out. I don't know how you pushed him out that quickly. Two pushes, you guys. Two pushes. It was such a blessing.

Like it was just, we got, it was just. And on the first push I could see his head. Yeah. He was right there. Yeah. That's crazy. Abby actually pushed him out so quickly that poor buddy came out with bruises on his face. Because he had just like smacked into every bone down there on the way out.

I mean, there was, I think it was good that you just got him out quickly. Like you don't want to have a baby just hanging out there. But I was like, that has to hurt. Oh. Yeah. But I mean, he's doing great. Yeah. So he actually came out a little too fast. So his face got pretty bruised. Yeah.

And they had to put a sign on his little bassinet. Yeah. That was like, I'm okay. I'm just a little bruise from making my grand entrance. Mm-hmm. Because I think that they were a little concerned that nurse is coming in, as they should be, would think that he's not getting enough oxygen because his poor face was purple. He was sad. I didn't even know that could happen. Like, gosh, he came out fast, but he's moving that far.

Like, I don't know. That was wild. So he, and, so we had our successful V-back, but how, I mean, we were kind of like talking about this. It was successful because he was delivered vaginally, but we did have the same complication that we had the first time that resulted in our C-section the second time because he tricked us. He did trick us. We thought he was going to be a little bitty guy, you know, maybe seven pounds, but he weighed in at eight pounds, 11 ounces on 8-11, August 11th, which what are the chances?

One of the nurses actually was making a guess of like what she thought the birthlet would be. And I thought there There was no way. I was like, no, we had so many scans. And usually, I know that those, they always tell you, they're like, this is our best, like, way of figuring it. They're not the most accurate. But usually I feel like they're always telling you, like, you're going to have a 10-pound baby and you have a 7-pound baby. Yeah. It was funny, though, because people were putting in their guesses.

And then someone goes, wait, what if he's 8-11 on 8-11? And sure enough, that's what he was. 8-11. And so we did have a less severe shoulder dystosia. And so I don't even know what our doctor did because she's just so professional and like she was just so calm and under control. But she did tell you right before we pushed because we knew that this was like one of our risk factors.

Like if it gets hairy, just step away. Totally. And that's what I did. And so Matt, we could tell that the same thing was happening because it his head was out, and then I could tell that there was a complication there. And so Matt just stepped away. And they did some, some, some, some. Did some different maneuvers.

I was not able to deliver him because of the shoulder dystosha. Everyone was very calm. Yeah. I was concerned. I mean, am I saying that incorrectly? Catch him. I was supposed to catch him. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, you're the one delivering the baby. But. No, I mean, I feel like the doctor is the one delivering the baby. Anyway, it was just surreal. It was such a happy moment. I was really happy because I did not see you in nearly as much pain as you were with the first natural birth. You know, when Abby delivered vaginally the first time.

When Abby delivered vaginally the first time, it was just so traumatic, so bloody, so horrible. I just felt horrible for her. There was nothing I could do about it at all. So this time, seeing it be so seamless and quick, and you weren't obviously in pain, but not like, not this like torturous, excruciating, you know, medieval torture device pain that I saw from before. It was just way better. So I was just so happy for you. It was crazy how like all of our hopes like for this birth were just met so perfectly because like the whole time it was like we really hope that the epidural works. And it did. Yeah. We hope that he'll come naturally. I'm counting this as naturally.

No, no induction medications. No potosin to get them out. We didn't even have a, we didn't show up for an induction either. That's right. It just didn't happen just the way we thought, but it surely did.

And a successful be back. Yeah, you guys, the induction was scheduled for 9 p.m. on the 11th, and all of this happened, you know, way before that. And that's what we have, there's beds available. You know what I mean? It could have been,

it could have been way later. Yes, I was just so happy that you got the V-back that you wanted. We got our baby after you'd been pregnant for like a year, essentially, after the miscarriage. That was awful. That was horrible. Yeah. And so everything happening the way it did, I was just so, so thankful, so blessed, could not be happier. Yeah.

And this is where I'm going to cry. But so, yes, it was like a successful, like V-back. but then we keep saying like the word redemptive keeps coming up because for me like the redemption part of the story just really comes in I don't want to talk about this too long because I feel like I haven't even collected my own thoughts like enough about this like there's just so much to it but this is just I'll just share like a little snapshot of like how I'm feeling about this birth post loss I don't want to speak for all moms, all lost moms. But for me at least, like you've lost, if you've lost a baby, like you've lost the privilege of any of this ever feeling casual again.

Not that it ever felt like I think casual. I don't know the word for it, but like there's a certain element that can just feel like, yeah, I guess casual. Like just like we've talked before like blissfully ignorant of like what things. can look like when they go the worst way imaginable. And so I had a lot of fear going into this birth, knowing that I was going to the same hospital where we delivered our daughter, knowing that I could be in the same exact room where we stared across at an empty incubator

knowing that nobody was going to go in there. and just like even had a lot of fear that I was going to go into labor at the same time of day and see the same thing as I'm walking into the hospital, see the same like lighting. See like I just had like a lot of fears of like walking down that hallway again. It just had so many bad associations with that space and like the birth experience because that was a birth. It wasn't my birth, but it was birth. And so I just had like a lot of, a lot of fear and just a lot of, I don't know. It was so weighty going in.

And so I was so grateful that the sun was shining. Her room was oriented totally the other way. Yeah. And it just felt like a completely different day. They had fetal monitoring on and I was just like up and moving and there was a lot of excitement. And so that's where the redemption. comes from. It's like it's not that we were like rewriting that story of that experience, but we were writing a new one where there was like life and hope and also just like a deeper reverence for

this experience, this beautiful, beautiful experience, like what it can be because like fully shaped by the story that we had with Emerson. So, Yeah, I'll probably have better. I'll probably be able to articulate my thoughts more about, like, having a rainbow baby, like, later on. But, like, every step of this birth story was, like, shaped by Emerson's story. You're doing so good. And so, that also just made everything so much more beautiful, like, and just so much more precious. nothing like this, I will, like, will ever be casual again.

Like, it will always, it will always be a miracle. Yeah. And so, no matter how it happened, just like having him here in our, like, yes, it's amazing that everything worked out, like, textbook like we wanted. But, like, just having every, like, just having him there on my chest, like, I just couldn't stop saying. Like, I was so glad you're here because there's just no other word. It's really scary.

Yeah, it was, it was really scary. I didn't want to voice, I didn't want to voice the, you know, the negative thoughts, but like, I would be lying if, if I said I didn't have those thoughts of like, what if it all happens again? What if the exact same thing that happened last September repeats? And that, like, that terrified me. So I didn't even want to, like, let my brain think about that. So I just tried to think, like, push all the negative ideas out.

And, because I don't know what, and I don't know what we would have done. I don't know, I don't know what you do. I don't know what people who have experienced two consecutive miscarriages, or in this case would have been a stillbirth. So that was terrifying. So I was just so, so happy that it all worked out. Really, like it felt, it felt like a movie. It was like, it was like just this, like, movie moment of you getting to hold our beautiful little boy

after all the hell that you went through last year. and yeah, I just, I don't know what we would have done. I mean, I know we would have figured out a way to get through it. Yeah. Because if there's anything that you learn from, like, devastating situations is that there's life after them. Yeah. Like, as much as, like, it doesn't feel like there can possibly be in, like, really

dark days. Like, there is life after. And there's still hope for, like, like, it's like. something like this, you know, I feel like if I could just show, if I could have just shown, oh my gosh, like a weekie. Take as much time as you need. I feel like I probably would have cried this much if I wasn't hormonal. Yeah, I'm like every, it's a lot. It's worthy of tears. If I could have just shown, even just that picture we posted on Instagram, like that one snapshot. Yeah. To myself last September. Yes.

That would have just, it felt impossible at that point. So to see that that would have like been so crazy, but you don't have that privilege, you know. So that's why pregnancy after loss is so hard is because you just don't know. You don't know and you're more aware than you ever, ever should have to be that you don't know what's going to happen. Yeah.

And so that sigh of relief when the doctor put him on my child, is like a is a feeling that I cannot I don't have words for it's just the biggest relief and he's been such such a good baby such a sweet baby such a chill baby chillest baby we've ever had chillest baby we've had some wild ones and we love them yeah we love we love them so much they you know drove was crazy in the night when we got up for the 50th time. It was worth it every time. Oh, yeah. And, I mean, we're certainly waking up in the night, but it's just,

oh, yeah. He's been such a gift, and this whole experience was, like, such a gift. Gosh. And it was so sweet because we did. We had him by bedtime, so big brothers got to see him and hold. What's so funny is that, like, our whole, we have such a sweet, close-knit family. We talk about our family all the time. Yeah.

They were there, like, literally minutes after his grand entrance. And they came in the labor and delivery room. It wasn't like the postpartum room. Like, they were the labor and delivery room. I made a group chat. And so within, I think it was like five or ten minutes from when you gave birth, I went ahead and messaged a photo to everybody to say, hey, he's here. And then boom, like everyone just dashed over.

And within, I think within like 30 minutes or an hour, we had your parents. in the room. Our boys even showed up wearing big bro t-shirts, which was so cute. Your brother was the first one to show up. Yeah, like was the first one there and Addy came and it was just so, so sweet. So sweet. And I loved like you just had this, this like newborn, like just gave birth high. Like it was like, it was like some sort of like euphoric high that you were experiencing with, um, with holding him afterward and that, that was just so sweet to witness.

Yeah. I'm sweating again. Sweating a lot. You're sweating. Yeah. The postpartum sweats are just hit. Who. Sweating a lot.

But, um, yeah, it was so, so sweet. Just like the brothers coming, like our whole family just in there. And then, um, yeah,

adjusting to life with three boys started right then and there. Yeah. Yeah. I think there's a lot of emotions from everybody. I mean, our boys were just, I think, curious more than anything. Yeah. Is this really him? He's the baby that was in mommy's belly and just.

Yeah. I've been asked so many times by them if there's another baby in my body. Yeah. They're like, is there a baby in there? They're like, but it's big. And I'm like, yeah. It'll go down. Maybe.

Kids never, like, cease to humble you. Yeah, they notice that my boobs are bigger. So then they're like, is there a baby in there? They're like... They actually ask that? I just think there's a lot of confusion. I didn't hear them ask that one. That's funny. So, you know, they're just humbling us.

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two years ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD ADHD and I was able to do that because my wife scheduled the appointment for me through ZockD. With your permission. With my permission, if you haven't heard of Zoc Doc, it's an app and website that allows you to book your doctor's appointments online so that you can take them from the convenience of your own home. They have more than 150 providers with 200 plus specialties across all 50 states. Appointments happen fast, usually within 24 to 72 hours, and you can even score same-day appointments.

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And then he's holding him for like 10 seconds and goes, can you get him off me? Yeah, that's mostly what happens. Can you take him away? But we kind of have just been like following their lead, I feel like with that type of thing. And like whenever they interact with him, which they do, they like sing to him, try to do peekaboo. They ask to hold him. Like we just kind of like take their lead on things. And there was certainly some emotional shifts from both of them that like kind of surprised us a little bit.

And so and I felt like a little bit guilty about it. And so you like left right after because our kids really needed to use. our big boys really needed you to put them to bed. And I was like, yes, go. We're okay over here. That sounds bad. Our oldest was like so upset that we weren't putting him down for bed and reading books. I don't think it sounds bad.

That's just what happened. No, I was like, they were just like sad that our routine was different. I guess one of our friends, their husband like literally left for the entire night to go be with their firstborn. It's a big deal for bigger siblings. Like especially when they're more aware, like four and three. Yeah. And when you're like a three-year-old, just, you know, tantrums hit, emotional. We were, they were really sleepy.

Yeah. And there's just a lot of change happening. And so it's like we feel like a lot of emotions from all the change happening. Like, of course they do too. Yeah. So to try to make the transition as smooth as possible for our four-year-old and our three-year-old, I left for like an hour, two hours to go put them down for bed. Yeah, not even two hours.

My mom stayed with me. Came back, traded positions with your mom. once the boys were asleep and your dad was at the house with them because your parents spent the night at our house that our kids could, you know, sleep in their own bed. Yeah. Sleep in their own beds at night. And then you took them to school next morning. Yeah. Woke up the next morning at 7.30.

And that night, you know, really wasn't too bad. The first night, I feel like it's always the worst. You know, there's so much exhaustion after everything, especially for you freaking giving birth. Like it's just a crazy. whirlwind so that first night can be crazy but really wasn't you know we didn't get up that much three times maybe that we got up in the night yeah maybe four i don't know yeah but left at seven 30 dropped him off drop both boys off at school i think we learned that like maybe we adjusted our our postpartum plan more than we thought just because it was clear that our sons just needed that

yeah and so they needed to be in their own house and they needed to have you to come back, like, if at all possible, to, like, meet their, like, to tuck them in, to take them to school, to pick them up from school. They needed that, like, consistency and they needed it from, like, one of us. And obviously, I couldn't leave the hospital. So I was really grateful that you, like, we were stable and my mom came to be with me and you, like, were able to take care of the two older boys. And they, that really helped them a lot. And I worked out great because I was like, I'm just snuggling like this little baby. And I felt pretty good.

Like especially compared to the recovery like post C section. I felt pretty good. And so yeah, that was great. We had a lot of visitors at the hospital. So many visitors. My brother, my sister-in-law. My niece and nephew. Oh, yeah, niece and nephew.

Your friends, Val and Caitlin who did a cameo on your Always Here podcast. They came to visit. it, which is really sweet. They actually came right after they filmed that. No way. Yeah. That's actually funny. And so they stopped by after filming that, which was so sweet of them.

And my parents came again. They brought the boys again. And 24 hours later, we were released. Released. Which is such a relief because I feel like I was starting to get those day two baby blues. I was like, gave me out of these four walls. Yeah. I thought it was funny to get released for the hospital, you guys.

we had to like sign paperwork and stuff which makes sense but because we have a health share and we do self-pay and the health share like reimburses for stuff afterward um i had to go have a conversation with like the finance people or whatever and they're like all right you know your total is you know this much and and then they said but that doesn't cover um the the doctor or the anesthesiologist like it doesn't pay for for that person it doesn't pay for the obi it doesn't and they gave like we thought we were like like paid in full and they like no we know better now they hit you with like you owe four other people money yeah so um make it as confusing as possible it's always funny whenever we talk about like medical

stuff we always get tons of Canadians and Europeans and are like this is ridiculous I can't believe that it costs that much money to have a baby it is pretty wild yeah but um we got released and then I immediately felt so much better and then we needed I like absolutely needed the kids to stay. Like our whole plan postpartum kind of got readjusted because I was like, I need all my kids. I need my whole family under one roof right now. Well, I think

it was actually very enlightening because when I would go to the bathroom, they had like statistics on the wall about like postpartum and one of them was that 80% of moms experienced postpartum blues, not postpartum depression but like baby blues just for a little bit

after having the baby. Yeah, they said like it's like three weeks, three days to three weeks. Yeah, and it's very common. Like literally the majority of women experienced this. It's a huge shift. And so you were already really opening up to me about that. And that's when you kind of realized, I think I need like more people. I need my kids all here. I need my friends here. I need my family here. Because initially the kids were going to go spend the night with your parents. No, no, no. But then you're like, no, I want my parents to spend the night at my house. I want my kids to spend the night at my. So then we just end up having a movie party. We like, we hyped it up

to the boys were like, guys, guess what? We're going to have a movie party tonight. We're going to turn on Aladdin. Honey's going to be there. God's going to be there. And so I'm sure for you, that was like extremely uplifting. Our friend came and brought us pizza. And then every night since we have had friends and family bringing us meals with a meal train.

And like basically anyone that offers to come in, I'm like, please actually just eat. dinner with us. And bring your kids, bring your whole family. And I know that's not everybody's preference, but like that has been helping me like so much. Like. Yeah. And it's been so sweet.

Well, because postpartum can be very isolated. Totally. So having everybody come dine with us and hang out and their kids play with our kids. Yes. It just makes our house feel like it's full of life, you know? Yeah. Yes. Exactly.

And so we, the first night, um, well, I guess that, that first night, um, well, I guess that first night our friends, Angel, Angel and Mav brought us food. But then the first night that we had people like actually dine with us was Blake and Addy. They brought us food. Then with Brielle. Yes, with Brielle. Then your parents, like were in there somewhere. So I know your parents have like spent a ton of time with us. And then we've had my brother and my sister-in-law, Caleb and Abby. We've had Caitlin and Bennett, Caitlin, who you guys are going to meet from the Always Here podcast. of so many people in our life have just been coming over, hanging out with us. And that's what Abby wanted just to feel the impact of our community, which when I thought,

I thought about this baby before the podcast, we didn't have the community that we have now with Griffin or Augie. No, we did not. There wasn't, like, I don't know if we had a meal trade, did we? No. Like, that was just, that was kind of all on us. I mean, we had some friends that were, like, so nice that just decided to make us food or drop something off. Yeah, we had people show up.

But this is like entirely different, honestly. It's just the community has grown to be so much more than it ever was before. Yeah. And it's been such a blessing. And it honestly makes everything about this experience has just been so different because of it. And I'm just so grateful. Like I can't even put to words like the gratitude I feel. And so, um, yeah, this is just like my best advice is that like build out your community.

I know that sounds like. So. easier said than done basically but like it starts with serving and it starts with just like making yourself uncomfortable for other people and I know that that can be like a little bit I don't know there's there's conflicting messages out there you know in culture right now about that but like it has just been it's like you don't give to get but like this is what that that's what community is you know and it's just like just showing up and just that I I cannot tell you how so many people have shown up for us.

And it's just, it can continue to show up for us. And I'm just so, so, so grateful. Like, even just, like, thinking of, like, getting things for our kids or, like, can I take your kids and, like, we'll play with them. And then I'm like, yeah, but let me come to. Like, so it's just been entirely different and just so grateful. Yeah, you've been doing great. I mean, you've been getting out of the house.

We just had a date today and got some brunch together. Yeah, with our little third wheel. First date with our third wheel, Fisher. So that was fun. And I think, you know, just getting, getting out and being about has been amazing. Yes. And I guess we just really weren't able to do that because you had a C-section last time, which that recovery was horrible.

I mean, that just. That recovery was, I mean, it wasn't horrible, but it looks a lot different. Yeah. Like you don't have as, like, you can't drive. I couldn't, I wouldn't have been able to take him to his doctor's appointment. Yeah. Like, I couldn't lift like his car seat, things like that. like really grateful for this type of recovery process for sure now granted you're still in pain like

you're still you're still sore down there you literally just pushed a baby out of there a week ago I still can't believe that like the fact there's stitches in places the fact that you like that that entire human was inside your body this time a week ago at the time of recording this that just like that blows my mind it's so crazy like I said such such a miracle um You did, oh, I think we forgot to mention, you did have a second degree tear. Yeah, we did. Once again, I was kind of planning on that, honestly. That was also in the birth plan. But I guess that's what they want, right?

Like, I noticed, I could see her, like, pushing down to force the tear down because you don't want it tearing up. Ha! You don't want that tear to go vertically. Thank you to Yodo for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. As a parent, sometimes you just need a few uninterrupted minutes. And screens can be an easy answer, but we have become the hugest fans of Yodo, you guys. We've been recently catching our toddlers in the bathroom listening to their Yoko. Yeah.

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Paw Patrol stories. The reason Yoto has become such a big part of our routine, it's because our kids genuinely love it. If you're looking for a gift, they'll actually use and enjoy. Head to Yotoplay.com. That's Y-O-T-O-T-O and use our code unplanned to save 10% off all eligible items. Add a little more imagination. and a little less screen time to your family's day with Yodo. Thank you, Yodo for sponsoring this episode. But, oh yeah, and breastfeeding has been like pretty good. Yeah.

Why are you saying that? Lots of milk. Abby's, guys, okay, just to fill you in, okay? We have a court, okay? Four cups. That's how big this container is. It's a milk holder. I'm sure most women.

It's a milk holder. know, might fill this thing up over the course of the week. Every day, Abby fills this thing up with her Hocka milk. Yes. So she's feeding, her milk supply is insane. So she's feeding Fisher on one breast and on the other one has the Haka. And that excess milk fills up a quart every single day. So we have multiple gallons of milk already.

Really? Multiple gallons frozen. It is wild. Well, okay, wait, let me do the matter. By the time that this is out, we have certainly. two gallons of milk. We've got two gallons of breast milk. It's been six, almost seven days, which is wild because my milk didn't even come in for like three or four days. I might be spreading the truth a bit. Okay, it's close to two gallons. Here's the thing. It doesn't really

matter. We have a lot of milk and there's like, I'm, I like this is, I like this. Like, people are like, oh, you need to like limit that. I'm like, no, I, it makes me feel safe to have like extra milk. Like, I enjoy this. It's a blessing. What did you say to the lactation? consultant when she told you not to use a nipple shield. Didn't say anything. I was just like noted. Well, she was like, well, it's a barrier. I was like, I want a little barrier.

You're like, I got to have that. I love the snuggles, but like don't, for me, I don't need that. But you know what? I admire everyone's process. Yeah, you guys, Abby stuck to her guns. She brought, we brought, we had the frozen colostrum with us at the hospital. any time we had to, you know, give a little extra... I'm so glad we had that.

We just got out the colostrum that was frozen in the freezer and boo-ya. It was right there. We didn't need to use any formula, no supplementation with formula at all, period. Yes, period. We followed her rules. Oh, the one rule, though, we had to revise was the one about me telling, like, Abby, encouraging words when she was having a contraction. She was just like, stop talking. I don't want to hear you say anything.

Did I say that? Not like, I mean, something along those lines, yeah, is what you said. You're like, just shut up. I was nice. Did I say that? You didn't tell me to shut up. Oh, okay. You just said like, please stop talking.

I'm having contraction right here. I don't think I said words. I think I was like, no. And it was so great that we had our doula too. I also need to say that. Like, having her there was so good and just gave us like just so much more support that, like, But like we had great nurses, but you never know what you're going to get. And she was amazing to have there.

She got his culvers. She got us culvers. And Blake and Addy got us cor. We had double culvers. We had double culvers. Which was amazing. Yes. I mean, I was so hungry.

And oh, what I loved about the doula is sometimes I was like, I know I'm supposed to say something right now, but I don't know what to say. I don't want to say the wrong thing. And then she, she like, she coached you. She just knew. Like she was like a, she was an expert birth person. She just knew what to say. And she was like helping you know because I could hear her like telling you like she's in

transition now. She was filling me in on like what was happening. Yeah. And she's like do this, do this. Like she was kind of coaching you. And then also she like helped me a lot like when things were really intense. She just like put her hand on my knee. And it was like felt so like oh my gosh.

Okay. Like someone's here. Like I don't know. I didn't really want to be touched. But then that felt really good. I mean obviously she just has been at so many births. She knows what to do. And Abby's Dula is trained in placenta encapsulation.

Yep, that's right. So I am currently in the process of turning Abby's placenta into edible pills that Abby's going to have. So so far. Let me let you guys know how that is. I've been vlogging the whole process. This is going to be a whole TikTok that I post of me dehydrating your placenta, chopping it up.

I made a little heart. Oh, I'm excited to show you the little heart. I made you like a heart out of your. the umbilical cord. So that's... You cannot post that. Okay. Well...

I feel like that would get flagged as like sensitive content. It's an organ. It is an organ. But there's other people that make placenta encapsulation videos on TikTok.

You were always gonna do this? Yeah. I thought the dude, I feel like you guys never said that. It was always a doula who was gonna be doing this. Oh yeah. No, so I'm doing it.

I actually, what was funny, Addy? Oh, I thought. No one knew that. So I did it myself. So she actually just like, verbally walked me through it and I did it. So I was the one that I, so what I did, I first, she, because she's been formally trained. And so, okay. We didn't tell them that Matt was going to do it with the Dula. To be fair, to be fair, uh, because I was going so freaking slow, she did have to do some things

herself because it was like, okay, I'm taking a million years to, to divide up the placenta. But, um, yeah, I clean, I first start off by cleaning it. And then after cleaning it, I, I, I like sanitized it with, I think it was vinegar, and then I chopped it up into little pieces to put into hydrator trays and then it dehydrated for 24 hours. And then- This was right before we went and looked at your house. This is right. This is what I did.

That he went straight from there. That's why he drove separate. Yeah, the reason I drove. People can see my face. I was, oh, I did it. Yeah. It's all on video too. And then next, I'm going back over, I think, in like two days to,

like literally blend up the dehydrated placenta to put it into pills. No, no, no, you have to be certified to do it. Yeah, so she's not a norm this is just, he just wanted to be there. Yeah, no, it's not normal. Totally. No, you cannot do this on your own. I thought it would be.

No, that would be not okay. No, because she told us that she does it herself and I was like, there's no way. I'm like, you got to teach me. Like I want to learn. So now I'm not like certified to do it, but I have to be certified. we should say that. Yeah, but she did it.

And so she was like facilitating this whole thing. With the caveat, there's probably going to be somebody in the comments that's like, hey, eating your placenta actually doesn't have like scientific backing. You're right. And there's not like, there's not firm evidence on it. So it's all, it's all based off of women's experiences, women who have said, okay, I ate my placenta. It made, it really helped me with postpartum depression, whatever. So it's, it's all based off personal.

experience. Okay. And also, there hasn't been like clear clinical research to back it up. But we thought like, dude, there's some great vitamins and minerals in there. Come on.

We're the only mammals that don't eat our placenta. Which is why. Until now, Abby's eating the placenta guys. No. I'm not the first human that's ever done that. Yeah. I'm proud of you for doing that.

That's pretty dope. That's kind of sick, actually. That's awesome. I mean, I'm not eating it. I'm taking it in a pill form. In a pill form.

And it's been dehydrated. Is that true, Addy? There are notable exceptions. Aquatic mammals. Well, how are they going to do? It's going to float away. That is kind of crazy if you think about it. Like, this is an organ that your body grew.

People are also not following up with these mammals about their mental health. And so I like to think that they're also fighting baby blues. That's a good point. I want to know how, I want to see what mental health looks like from a monkey before and after the ether placenta. Yes. Mother dogs. Dogs do it?

Do dogs eat their placenta? Yes, I do. check that. In other news, Abby's been going around and showing her friends pictures of her boots. Dogs eat their placenta. I have. Abby, Abby at the at the trampoline park the other day is like, she's like, hey, friends, look at this. Well, you know what? It's been a topic of conversation. I didn't. I just, I asked them beforehand. It is crazier that it's bigger, like, bigger than your butt at this point. Every time you say that. Every time. Why are you always shocked? I, you know, it's just impressive. It's honestly. I'm amazed.

It's really, it's too much. Well, this whole past week has been a whirlwind, babe. But I feel like a lot of people are probably wondering how your mental health is doing after everything. So good for compared to like all my like other like postpartum experiences. Like I feel like so I don't know. Maybe like the third time around is the charm. We've learned from different experiences. So in the hospital.

They did a really good job of like educating, I will say, like, those videos they had us watch about like postpartum depression versus like and anxiety versus like baby blues. Like I feel like that education really like solidified in my head like in the past. Like I was just having baby blues pretty significantly. Like I especially got them at the at sundown and like it just starts to feel like, you know, it's just it's just a hormonal sad like ups and downs. and that's exactly how I felt especially, well, honestly, really strong the first and second time. This time around, like, I feel so much better. That doesn't mean that I don't still feel like those, like, hormonal highs and lows.

I definitely do. But just, like, whereas, like, say the roller coaster was, like, up here and down here both times, I feel like we're operating at, like, this type of curve, if that makes sense. It was really sweet. because I went on a run a couple days ago, and I get home from the run, and you're in the playroom with the boys. They're building stuff with their magnetiles,

your nursing, Fisher, and you just started crying because you were so happy. And you literally said to me, you go, this is my dream is what you said, which is so sweet. See, now I'm going to cry again. But I've just been so happy. Like, I'm just so happy. Yay. That makes me happy.

Yeah. So happy. And so that doesn't mean that there's like not times where I'm like, oh my gosh, like life will never feel normal again. Like that's more so like how Baby Blues hits me is that I'm like, oh my gosh, like well, like life will never feel normal again. But then you just always, it always comes back around. It always feels normal again. Um, but there's just been so much happiness in addition to that that it's like been so much more. manageable. And it's so cool to look at our three and four year old and know that that's what this little guy's going to turn into. I know. And I also think because they're so freaking cute. They're so cute. They're the cutest. I just want to squeeze them and never let go. They're so funny too. And I think that also just makes like the third time around like it's just it keeps getting more special because you you just like when that baby is born, you know like. you know there is so much good to come. Like so many good memories to make together.

And it's just the beginning. And so, yeah, having that perspective has also shaped like my mental health experience, like, in the past. And I also have so many people checking in all my mental health, which is really, really sweet. And like, I just, yeah, I feel kind of like, yes. It's good. Like, I feel like it's so, it's so good. I think that's just the part of it. Like, we just need to talk about it more. And so, um, yeah, I just feel, I feel so supported. I feel so grateful, so happy. Like, so, so, there's so much positive that it has, like, made the baby blues, like, so much more steady. That makes sense. I think there's so many factors at play. There's no way to escape the hormones, though. One, one. Last time. Last time you were going through this postpartum thing, you had just had a freaking C-section. So your body was doing the most to recover. I mean, like, I don't think people, nobody can understand how intense a C-section is until they go through it.

Like, it's just, yeah. And I had a fairly easy recovery compared to some. Like, it's a major surgery. They cut open your stomach. Yeah. All of those intestines are like pulled out so that they can take the baby out. Anyway, so yeah, this time you're not recovering, like you're recovering from the regular birth, which is still, it's so intense.

Yeah. But the newborn, we have an easier newborn than before. Yeah. So we're not waking up as much in the night. You've got an incredible community. And then what was the other thing? Oh, we don't have another baby because our boys are older. Oh, yeah.

A bigger age gap also made this smoother, I believe. Yeah, because we had another kid in diapers last time. So it's like, I'm just, I'm so happy that it's been a lot better of an experience. Yeah. And also we're just more seasoned parents. Yeah. That makes sense. It's kind of like, like, we're on autopilot in a way.

Yeah. Like we, that, that experience has also just made, like, for instance, for me, like his, like, him getting, him crying. I feel like I'm able to talk to the kids, like, are bigger boys about it in a way that I like wish that I could have told myself the first time. I'm like, this is just how babies communicate that they have a need that we need to meet. Whereas like before that like our baby's crying would like spiral me. Yeah. And so like it felt like I like I couldn't even think clearly because I was just like so concerned. And so there's just like a lot more like experience that has like

shaped these. I think we know how to operate as a team with a newborn. And then also just like having our bigger boys too to like keep us moving keep us getting out of the house that has also just been like really good because that's the biggest thing for me with baby blues is like feeling like oh my gosh life will never return to normal i'll never do the things i did before i'll never want to do the things i wanted to do before and like life as i know it is just unraveling and so like knowing that like they're a constant for me and i'm their constant for them like it's It's just like, it feels like if our family's like an ecosystem, like his, like him adding adding Fisher to like our family has just felt so natural.

And like relatively seamless. I don't know. It's been, it's been so good. And I'm just so grateful. It's been hard. Like it's never easy to have a baby. It's never easy to teach a baby how to eat from your body. Like it's never easy to.

easy to like have multiple wakeups in the night it's ever easy to heal from birth but like this has been such a blessed experience yeah i think the caveat we we do mention is we still you know we're getting up two to three times the night with fisher we have a kid probably waking up twice in the night because of a spooky nightmare you know so that that that's like an addition to the wakeups for the newborn and then we also have a three-year-old that keeps getting out of bed around, you know, nine o'clock, 10 o'clock, especially if he's had like a longer nap that day and he's having trouble falling asleep. So it's still not easy. It's a little bit spooky to go to bed knowing that like three different kids, yeah, three different humans could be waking you up and will

probably be waking you up at different times. And going to bed knowing that you're not sleeping through the night. You're going to wake up, you know, three, maybe four times. Yeah. But, you know, it's, it's so much better than. I've gotten so much more used to that. though. Yeah. Like, it's just like, oh,

that's, that's the thing that happens in this season of life. Totally. And I think that also just we know how fast it goes, that it's like,

this is just a snapshot. Yeah. And life will look totally different a year from now. And a year, and this year will fly. And we're going to miss it. Like,

and so there's just like that perspective that you have to, like, after all of like, the experiences we've had, like, that perspective shift is like crazy

and cool. But yeah, wow. Well, if you found this episode in some way encouraging or uplifting, please don't be afraid to share it with somebody that maybe has gone through something similar like we have so that they can know, hey, there's light at the end of the tunnel for you. Your story doesn't have to end with, you know, it doesn't have to end in miscarriage, doesn't have to end in this horrible thing and there's hope. And so I think, especially too like after after having two really tough newborns obviously we've only been with this newborn for a week but he's been the chillest newborn that we've had me he's literally he's not crying right now he's he hasn't cried this entire podcast he's sweet he's so sleepy that's the thing he's sleep he could

wake up he could wake up next week and be roaring like a lion yeah and that'd be okay too but i babe i just got to say i'm so proud of you um thanks seeing you just mother and and I'm proud of myself you should be proud of yourself you're you're crushing it I mean you I saw you push a baby out last week that was so epic that was that was legendary yes and that was game day and it's just it's sweet because I I know this is something that you've been looking forward to so literally since you were a kid you just you always knew that you wanted to be a mom yeah oh we're gonna cry again and and here we are like you're we have a we have a family of five now It's so cool just like to just really feel like you're like living your purpose,

like out in life like this. And I'm just so grateful that I get to. It's such a blessing. I'm going to cry. I like love being a mom like literally so much. You're so good at it. I'm addicted to it. You're a great mom.

I like love love this. I love all this. I love you. Oh wait. This is really what I wanted to say. I actually was like if I say one thing on this podcast, I really want to say this. So frick, I hate it. that I'm saying it at the end.

So move it to the beginning. Move this to the beginning. I don't know. We'll clip it. We'll make a clip out of it. Move it to wherever people will hear it. But like if you're listening to this, I want to say thank you so much. Because this is why I get to spend so much time and focus my energy on my favorite thing, which is,

my kids and my family. And the privilege is not lost on me. That I get to have this flexibility, that I get to call this work while I'm holding my baby, that I get to adjust my schedule so I can drop my kids off at preschool and pick them up and wake up with them in the mornings and put them to bed at night. And I know that's not the reality for a lot of moms.

And that breaks my heart. And I just want you to know that like because of your viewership, I get to like literally live this dream. And so like, I'm so grateful for the podcast. I'm so grateful for our audience and for this like opportunity to have a platform. But ultimately I'm grateful because of this like the life that it has given me with my children with my husband. So, like, I just, I just, I just, I, that thought has not left my mind for the past, like, seven days. And I just really wanted to make sure that, like, you heard this, like, you listening to this, heard this, because, yeah, it's never been about, like,

likes, followers, engagement. It's been about this. And so, thank you. This is, like, this is a gift that just like is utterly priceless. And what a privilege. Like seriously. So I just want to say that. Because I literally just haven't stopped thinking about that. Haven't stopped thinking about that. So thanks.

Put that wherever people hear it. You said that beautifully. Yeah. That was beautiful. Yeah, thank you. I love you. I got to go. I really didn't think this was supposed to be like happy, you know?

And I'm like so happy that it makes me cry. But here we go. Wrap it up. Thanks, guys. Thanks, guys. We'll see you in the next episode. Thank you, guys. We love you.

Bye.