The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby - My sisters-in-law on 2nd trimester, mom rage & switching husbands

Episode Date: May 28, 2025

Abby is joined by her sisters-in-law Addy and Abigail (yes, two Abbys!) to answer your questions about pregnancy, marriage, and motherhood. From handling mom rage to deciding when to share pregnancy news—and even which husband they’d swap with for a day—nothing’s off limits in this honest and hilarious Q&A. This episode is sponsored by Acorns, Zocdoc & Cash App. Acorns: Sign up now at https://acorns.com/unplanned or download the Acorns app! Zocdoc: Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://Zocdoc.com/UNPLANNED to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Cash App: Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/kssum24w #CashAppPod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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No, I was so drugged up. What was the most unexpected things about being pregnant or having a baby for the first time? My belly's really hairy. When you're trying to record your belly kicking and stuff, that's a lot of peach bars. That is unexpected, Eddie. I feel fat and ugly. I don't know why I'm feeling so down on myself.

I looked at what stage I was in. Ludial. Ludial. That's the only one I feel. If you had to switch husbands with one of us for 24 hours, who would you pick and why? You have to say Caleb, right? I have to say Caleb because I'm not related to him. Welcome back to the Unplanned Podcast.

I have my lovely sister-in-law today, Adi. And Adi, everyone's confused. The internet's confused. Our family's also confused. It's just how we roll. We're not related by blood. Adi is married to my brother. Adi is married to my husband's brother.

Yeah, that was good. You got it right. That was really important. And they're husband's brother. Yeah. That was good. You got it right. And they're both having babies. So we are so... Woo! Addy you're currently... 27 today.

27. That's so crazy. It's crazy. And Abby, 21? Yeah, today. Yay! Over halfway. Woohoo!

And Addy's having a girl. We're so excited and we're pretty sure Addy's also having a girl. Strong feelings for that. We have all boys in the family now, so I think it's the year of the girls. And this episode, we got your guys' input. We asked on the story about things

that you guys might want advice on. We're not professionals, but I'm nervous. Please don't take this as professional advice. Sometimes I say this. We're just girlies. We're just not a chat. Give me a little, please. No, I do, I think both of you are very wise, especially if we're all in our 20s.

So much life experience. So much, so we're not. We don't have that much life experience, but I do go to both of you guys when I'm like, okay, wait, what about this, what about this? And I really think that you guys have a lot of well-rounded takes and opinions on things, so I think this will just mostly be really fun to talk about and we'll have a good time.

Thank you to everyone that replied on the Instagram. We're gonna get to as many as we can and whatever we don't hit on, maybe we'll do a part two. Who knows? Whoa. It's such an honor that you keep inviting us back. I'm so thankful that you guys are on here. People love you guys.

I like sitting here hanging out with you guys so it works out well. I honestly feel like we got to actually chat, no kids around, no husbands. When do we get to do this? We do two hour times so it's like three and a half hours. We're like, oh we should go home. Yeah, it's time to go. We just actually needed this. That's so funny. No thank you. CJ's napping in the other room.

And so we'll probably go until he wakes up. That's our time. So okay this was the first one. This is a zinger to start off with. How did you know you were ready to have a baby? I am 23 and ready, but my husband, who's 25, isn't. Addie, I feel like you should start with this, because you... The most recently...

Yeah. Started having a family. Yeah, how did you know? And you were 23. I was 23 when I got pregnant, and my husband's 23 as well. That's such a good question. I feel like it's sometimes hard to know when you're ready,

but also it just kind of happened. For me specifically, obviously like praying, deciding when that's like best for our family, but I started getting sad when I'd get my period. That was like a random thing that was always like, oh, good, made another month, I'm not pregnant. And then I was like, even though we were intentionally not trying to get pregnant, and we were like using natural cycles, like very

diligently, I was still sad that I was getting my period. And so I feel like that was my tell to be like, okay, like my emotions are changing, like, like around that side of it. And so like, on the side of that's where I was like, ah, maybe I'm like like really ready because I've always wanted to be a mom I knew that's what I wanted I always in my mind also envisioned to be getting like having a kid before I was 25 yeah it worked out for us that way that was for me and Blake it took a little bit longer to like get him around to the idea and I'm not sure he was I mean same with like getting married he took a little bit longer

than me to like get there I think that's really normal I feel like the roles could be reversed I feel like more often it. I think that's really normal. I feel like the roles could be reversed. I feel like more often it's the husband that's kind of like, wait a minute, I don't know what it is about a lot of women. You just kind of get to that point. I was literally this way since I was in high school. So I'm like, I always knew I was a little crazy. I was like, man, I really wanted a baby this month.

And I'm like, I'm single and 16, so this is really crazy. Single and 16. This might not happen. No. I think my question would be follow up would be like what are your husband's reasons for not being ready because I think there could be a lot of valid reasons behind that. Now if he's like I'm nervous about this I would say like encourage him that most people are really nervous entering this new season of life. It's just totally different from anything. It's a life change.

It's permanent. There's a lot of things about it that are, you know, it could go really, really, like there could be a huge range of outcomes entering into this stage. What would you say, Abby? I don't know, I'm trying to think about back to that time, because with CJ,

he was such a surprise, but I wasn't on birth control. I remember thinking like, oh I'm at a point where if we got pregnant it would be very exciting. But I'm not ready. But if it happened that'd be great. And then I just kinda got ready once we found out we were pregnant.

So also I'm kinda, and Caleb was the same. Like we were both kinda freaked out. We were excited but freaked out. But then we got ready. And then it was so exciting. It's almost like this switch happens when you find out you're pregnant. So maybe just get pregnant and don't tell your husband.

Well, I think that's something to like, keep in mind. That's really bad advice and actually a terrible idea. I was kidding. I guess for all three of us specifically, and I feel like a lot of people when they like are trying to plan when they wanna start their family, they feel like they have to be at this certain

career standpoint, they have to have a house, they have to do these things. All three of they have to have a house, they have to do these things. All three of us did not own a house when we got pregnant. You guys both own houses now, we don't yet. Or like have to have certain financial points. You guys weren't necessarily in a part where we were like, oh yeah, but we can make it work. With our second, when we knew we were ready, it was more so like, maybe we're not fully fully ready ready ready, but we know make it work. With our second, when we knew we were ready, it was more so like, maybe we're not fully, fully ready, ready, ready,

but we know we have an ideal timeline in our mind that we would like to have worked out, of like when we wanna have kids and we wanna be done by having kids, and it's like, okay, let's go backwards from the end. Okay, then we probably wanna have our kids this many years apart, and I don't know. So maybe if you have like a bigger grand vision

of your idea as a couple, where you're like, okay, we wanna be done by 30 or 35, and then we want our kids to have, ideally, a two to four year age gap. Then, I don't know, maybe then, it'll help your husband compartmentalize or think through, okay, maybe this would be a good time. What do we need to do?

Instead of starting at the logistics of what we need to have done, it's like, when do we wanna be done? And then going back. For the guys, maybe to like rework their brain. Yeah, help them like think into the future a little bit. Or also like if you're like, okay you're not ready right now,

like what is your expected timeline? Because if he's like, maybe by the end of the year, then you're like, okay well, I can wait till then. Like, you know, things like that. My mother-in-law feels like she lost a son, not gained a daughter. Advice navigating difficult in-laws. Oh, sad.

That's sad. I will say my perspective on this has changed since having sons. I'm like, Matt, call your mother a lot. Because he's really good about staying in good contact with his parents, but I'm like, Matt, it's actually not the most fair. Because daughters, I feel like, Matt, it's actually not the most fair because daughters,

I feel like, this is obviously generally speaking, stay in much closer contact with their parents across the board than sons, and it's like, okay, well, a mom of all boys, like our mother-in-law, I'm like, give Teresa a call. I'm starting to see this. I knew that, I thought about that before, but now it feels so personal to me.

I'm like, please. Please. Please. But that's really hard. I don't know, what do you guys think? I would say on my end, really just trying to have a good relationship with your mother-in-law

and spend time individually with her could be helpful in that area because I feel like your family is really close. You and your mom are really close. Blake and your mom are very close. I never had any issues in that aspect, but I also, me and your mom would go to brunch, or we would do things on our own

to where I also feel like she's now also just like a bonus mom in my life. And she might also feel like, I mean, she does that, she feels like you're one of her daughters too. And so I feel like sometimes it might feel awkward to do things individually with your in-laws or your mother-in-law, but that might be helpful in those areas Yeah, like maybe having a relationship with your mother-in-law outside of you as a couple just like you woman to woman having a relationship Yeah, if she's open to that. Yeah, I even feel like a really simple step. I feel really

Included in Caleb's family just by them having me in their group chat. Even. I feel really included in Caleb's family just by them having me in their group chat. Even though I'm not active in it at all, I never respond. Yeah, but just being. No, you do, you do. Do I? You send pictures sometimes?

Yeah, I send pictures of CJ and little updates about what's going on. Yeah, you do. Yeah, okay, okay, sometimes I'm active. But I think that makes me feel included and loved and it helps our relationship with John and Teresa. Because I think then they feel included too. And so maybe if you have a group chat or you don't,

maybe start one and maybe just start sending the updates. Yeah, that's really good. I agree. Family group chats. I actually was just talking to someone who she's like, I was never included in like a family group chat and now her husband is going on independent sibling trips, like with him and his two other siblings and like she's not invited or anyone's spouses

are invited, it's just the siblings. Oh, that's interesting. That seems a bad. Wait, it's just the siblings? You think that's weird, just a sibling trip? Yeah, all the way to Australia for two weeks. I would feel weird with my siblings. I mean that's kind of a long time,

is that like a weekend? Two weeks? Two weeks. Away from your spouse? That's kind of a long time. Is that like a weekend? Two weeks? Two weeks. Away from your spouse? It's a long time. Two weeks away from your spouse and it's just the siblings and you can't bring your spouse in.

Like a weekend is different? I think the parents are going to. Yeah. Oh. Like it's like a family. Family note. I think they call it the core family or something like that. Ouch.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I think that's wrong. No, that's weird. I feel like once you get married, you're kind of like your family. Yeah, you are family. What? That pulls into another question I saw

that someone's mother-in-law says they're not part of the family until they have a kid. Like it's not after marriage, it's after they have kids in their family. That is so toxic. Why? I don't understand. That's, that is so toxic. Why? I don't understand. That's so sad.

That woman once grandbabies so bad. Yeah, she was. You want the bunnies. I won't accept you until you reproduce. That's crazy. Like you're not stuck here until you have a kid here. I think that mom needs to actually think about what that means.

It's really sad. Cause like what if they didn't want kids, well I don't know their situation, but like people are allowed to not have kids too. Yeah, as a mom, I don't have a relationship with the mother-in-law. I'm just, I mean, you're the grandma. I want to know.

Yeah, who wants to involve the grandmother at that point? You don't even like me. I know, I would leave my most precious possession with you and I don't even know you. You don't even accept me. Owie. Yeah, I saw that one, it made Like you don't even accept me. Owie. I don't like that. I saw that one, it made me sad.

That's so sad. But what does it mean in her book? What does that mean in her book? Like you're not part of the family. Like I guess what does that even mean? Yeah, I would be curious to know what, like she probably, has she said that? Like she doesn't get stalking at Christmas

or like you don't get to be in the family group chat. We're not in the family pictures yet even. You know, like I don't know. Yeah, like what does that mean? I don't know. You know like when you were like dating and you're like, can they be in the picture too? That was always so awkward. I was like, I'll take it, I'll take it.

Sometimes even me, I'm like, I'll take it. They're like, no, you're in the picture. They're actually your kids too. Like you could be in the picture. So I just put my kids in there. I don't know. That's funny. Okay.

Did we answer the last question? I don't know. Okay. Moving on. It Did we answer the last question? I don't know. Okay. Moving on. It was about feeling involved. Oh, the group chats. The group chats. That was good.

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Tier 1 compensation provided. Investing involves risk. Acorns advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor. View important disclosures at acorns.com slash unplanned. What was the most unexpected things about being pregnant or having a baby for the first time? For me specifically, the transition from being stressed about going to every appointment and like hearing a heartbeat

and doing that to her kicking me every single day and just being like, ah, she's fine in here. I didn't know that that would like change in my brain, like the anxiety level there. And I know a lot of people still get anxious even when they can like feel the movement and stuff and a funny one When you're trying to record your belly like kicking and stuff my belly's really hairy Cause of the videos I'm like, look, he's like, I could just look at all the hair on your belly. Oh my god.

So just know, if you have a little more beach fuzz, there might be some in your videos of your, cute. That is unexpected Eddie. That was specific, I like that. I really like that. That's a fun one. Another pregnancy one is like,

how often people do like, just like, help you out, or like do something for you that you actually can do. Like carrying groceries or something, groceries or something like we were back home with all my friends and they're like no let us get them I'm like I can get it they're like you're pregnant I'm like I can get them but it's like it's kind of a sweet thing but I didn't realize how many because I would do that to everyone else. Don't tell them that you can get them. For the rest of the pregnant people, the rest of the pregnant ladies in the world,

just let them. Just let them do it. I think it is a very, they know I'm capable but it is a sweet thing for people to do that. I wasn't expecting that. I remember that too, like especially when I was putting like bags in the overhead compartment of planes, it is hard. Like I was like, I didn't even try because I knew people were going to be like, how nice everyone is to pregnant women. Thank you. Can everyone just be that nice in general? Yeah.

That is sweet. Okay, I think I thought a funny one. All my friends that I talk to about when they're pregnant, I always say, oh my gosh, labor is freaking awesome. And I had a horrible labor, but like the mentality that you get when you start pushing your baby out is so, oh, it was such a cool feeling. I felt so, I remember the whole time in my head

I kept chanting this, I kept chanting this in my head over and over again. Who's gonna bring that blood of pain? Who, who, I couldn't figure out where it came from. She's the man, but your brain goes to the craziest places. Were you feeling pain? Um, no. I was so drugged up.

See, I feel like I'm not different. But I'm like, you just get to this point. I couldn't see. I literally like that. But don't, wouldn't you say that that was like so hardcore? Yeah. And cool? What was the first sentence that you used

when describing, because I did not relate to that. I don't remember. hardcore and cool. What was the first sentence that you used though describing? Because I did not relate to that. I don't remember. Like, labor was the most exciting experience. Yeah, and not fun is probably not the word. But it's like this switch happens in you where you just become this competitive animal. Okay. And it's like, my job is to get out this baby.

You know what I mean? And it's just like this really, I thought it was a very fascinating switch in my mind where I get out this baby. You know what I mean? And it just is like this really, I thought it was a very fascinating switch in my mind where I was a little scared. Till then I was just like, this is what it is. And then you just lock in. And that's why women do it multiple times because once you go through it, you're like,

ah yeah, yeah, I'll lock in. I can do that again. I'll lock in. I agree with that to a degree. Yeah, I mean maybe a lot of people probably disagree with me in some of my adjectives, but I'm like no, you become, I'm like I'm excited to push again.

Also, I just, I don't know, that time was so short and I just don't really remember. Yeah. So I go, I don't, oh wait, you're talking about labor or pushing? Maybe pushing. Cause you said labor, I was like no, no, no. Yeah, maybe just the pushing part.

Just pushing, let's just narrow it down to that. Because yeah, I remember I had the epidural shakes, I was like, hmm, hmm, hmm. But then, you know, I'm crying, I'm like, I can't stop shaking. But the pushing, I'm like, oh my gosh, it's so cool. That was unexpected. That is cool.

What about pregnancy? Wait, I can stay in mind about labor, actually. The one that I had about labor is that I don't know before having gone through labor I was literally like the whole time is going to be challenging but not true. Even before I had the epidural you have breaks like between contractions and I think you're only represented with like pushing and it's like really intense or like the baby like, I don't know, but like contractions come in waves. So then the contraction happens and you will not be in pain the whole time.

Like it's literally like a contraction is like what? Six seconds, maybe 10 seconds. Like a minute. A contraction is not a minute. They last a minute. Not a minute long. That's when you have to go to the hospital. Apart?

No, five minutes apart, lasting a minute long. I'm pretty sure. What? That was not what I had. How long is a contract? It's so crazy. I forget. We have no idea.

I'm like, I'll be going. How long is a contraction? A minute. No. Yeah, because they'll go. Oh, and transition there a minute. But then you would. Early, it's 30 seconds.

Okay. Okay, but they're only like really, really, really intense for like a second. Six seconds. I'll stop talking. Maybe I was also on pitocin, so I know that really affects your contractions. I was having them really close together, but they really weren't that long. But in between, you'll feel normal, like relatively normal. And whereas I thought that the whole time was gonna be one big contraction, I guess. Always your stomach was feeling weird. And also contractions, I thought I would feel it down low. I thought I would feel contractions in my vagina. I thought that was what was gonna be the area of pain.

No, it's your stomach, it's the muscles, it's your abdominal muscles. And so I think those weren't things I had like expressed, but those were things I hadn't fully thought through, but I had misconceptions in the back of my mind about. And like the whole labor experience was relatively chill. Like actually it was completely chill. We were watching Breaking Bad and playing cards. So like I thought the whole time was going to be like a little bit more intense than that. It's really the intense, you know, intense quote unquote, is really isolated to pushing

and that is like it. So I kind of was like thinking, I was like, oh my gosh, if people are labeled for 30 hours, I can't do that for 30 hours. It doesn't look like that. Yeah. Maybe if you don't have epidurals, but we did have epidurals. You didn't have one for a while, but yeah. I always think about when people have natural births, probably listen to me talk about this

and they're like, that girl is so dumb. No, that was not fun. She's so nice. Their body was breaking. They're like, no, no, no, sweetie. Okay, what's unexpected for me about pregnancy? I think the first time with CJ, I thought I was going to be upset about my body changing and like gaining weight

and my everything just changing. But I actually felt a lot of freedom in it. And I think I had previously, I think all of us kind of struggle with, most girls struggle with like body dysmorphia in some forms or just their appearance. And I always had some insecurities and I was like, oh, I'm gonna hate that idea like gaining weight and losing control of that but I felt very

free going through it mm-hmm which I was grateful for I felt that way that at this point I'm like postpartum is probably gonna be a different story but like gaining weight during my pregnancy I've felt pretty free yeah but I know a lot of women that's not the case yeah no like postpartum I was shocked by how much I did not care about the way my body looked. Like, I thought that I would care a lot, like you said. And I experienced that more postpartum. I don't really remember how, I think I was pregnant,

I was like, oh, I'm pregnant, it's fine. Like, I don't love it, but it's fine. But afterwards I was like, this is gonna be struggling because I won't have that excuse of like, I'm growing a baby. And then I was like, no, I actually still don't care. I actually care even less. Like, the more, like, I'm like, my body's so cool.

And I don't know, I'm like, that's the least important thing right now is like what it looks like. As long as I feel good, then I'm like, I'm great. We're good. I can do a lot for me. But. Totally.

Yeah, I think I cared. I started caring less about the appearance and more about the function. This one's a good one. How to handle introducing your newborn to people slash how to handle boundaries. Have you thought about this, Addie? Kind of, but also not really a ton. I'm like so excited to show everyone and like, and for her to meet everyone.

And like, I'm not, I'm not in that like anxious part yet about people being around her. But I think if I have expectations to just make those clear beforehand. For example, my family, who's gonna come in, like my mom's gonna be here when I have the baby, my dad's probably gonna be here too, people are probably gonna fly in and hang out and stuff. We live in a two bedroom apartment,

we do have a bedroom if people wanna stay, but that's a boundary that I told them like, hey, like I want our home to just be us during that time. And so if you guys could get a separate space to stay in, I know you usually stay with us, but during this time I really want it just to be us and our core family. And they've been super respectful about that.

And that's the only really boundary that I've set so far. And I think the best thing that we can do is just communicate that beforehand if we know what we want those boundaries to be so people can start thinking about those things. But I'm sure things will change once we have her too. Yeah, it's hard to know. Yeah, it's hard to know exactly what I'm gonna feel like.

I do think I actually might do some things differently this time with this baby because they're gonna be born a different season. So CJ was a summer baby. People weren't really sick a lot in the summertime as much. At least I wasn't worried about it as much. Whereas this time, even though it's September, I guess I'm more so thinking about the holidays.

I don't think I would let as many people hold the baby around the holidays because the baby will only be eight weeks old or so. And I've had friends that are really comfortable with people coming over and visiting and meeting the baby and holding the baby and that's really fun. But also, it's really fun just visiting and meeting the baby and holding the baby and that's really fun. But also it's really fun just to look at the baby.

And I've had my friends that didn't want people to hold them, they would just wear the baby or they're holding and they just don't offer. And it's not even weird. Like it's just like, okay, I'll drop the food off. How are you doing? And they'll just be like, hey, sit here. So I just feel like you can do play it however you want to. And people are usually really understanding about that.

I feel like a safe bet is to not ask to hold a newborn. That's exactly what I was about to say. It just feels a little taboo in case you didn't know. I always ask. Really? Well, unless they're like clearly aware. I feel like I wait to it's offered to me because sometimes I'm like I don't know I don't want to put someone in a position where they feel like they have to say yes to that. Yeah. Now he's like rethinking everything. I don't think it I don't want to put someone in a position where they feel like they have to say yes to that. Now he's like rethinking everything. I don't think it's bad, but I think if, okay, consider your relationship with the person.

If it's someone that you really don't know well, definitely don't ask. I would say that's just not really good. If it's like a friend that's like a sister, a really close friend, then obviously you know how to navigate that. But if it's someone that you're like, oh, I'm kind of here because I'm married to someone that knows, like think navigate that. But if it's someone that you're like, oh, I'm kinda here because I'm married to someone

that knows, like think about that. Like how many degrees apart are you? Not that it makes, it's just like, it's just for that mom, they're already wanting to like have their close people hold, it's just more people you're adding to the list and that just grows their worry about like, how many people have you been exposed to?

Like in close quarters, so I don't know. No, I think that's true with like CJ. We weren't as close when you had CJ because I hadn't lived out here yet. And we were all at, I remember this because we were all at Abby's house and I was just like looking at CJ. I was like, he's so cute.

You're like, you can hold him. I was like, oh, amazing, thank you. Amazing, thank you. I wasn't gonna ask. Thanks. I guess I do ask, do you feel comfortable? Yeah. Are you comfortable with people holding the baby?

It's okay. That's a better way. That's totally fine. Give me that baby. Give me, give me, give me. That's a little. That's a great way to say it. Are you comfortable with people holding the baby?

If not, it's totally fine. Yeah. Thank you to ZocDoc for sponsoring this portion of our episode. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. That's actually how a couple weeks ago I was able to get a refill on my prescription for hair loss pills that I've been taking as well as my Adderall. So thank you ZocDoc. That was super helpful. Making doctor's appointments is something that we have been very guilty of putting off.

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that with my next one, I feel like I could wait longer. Really? Because with this one, I was like, I have to tell everyone right now. And I feel like I might be able to wait longer. I don't know why. Why? I don't know.

Why would you want to? Just because I already have a baby and it was maybe the first time I was pregnant and I just wanted to tell people. I'm like, I feel like we could enjoy it more because it's like adding a second one to the family. I don't know. Do you think that you feel like you should wait

because some people wait? Or do you think it's because you just personally want to? No, I think there's definitely a pressure to wait because most people do wait. And so I feel like I'm wrong if I'm sharing the day I found out I'm pregnant. Because most people, because it's kind of taboo to tell people you're pregnant right away.

But yes, sharing on social media, I feel like it's a totally different story, but I'm just someone who likes to share those things. I'm not, I'm very open. You told friends and family at like I right away. I told you the day of told a couple friends a day of family like the next couple days friends at the next like big event that I saw everyone at so I didn't like plan oh six weeks is when we're gonna 12 weeks is when we're gonna tell it was just the next time I kind of saw

people's but I told people. Yeah I kind of, a Caleb I talked about this a lot we kind of have the rule of thumb like we'll tell the people that if there's a loss with the baby we like they would be they'd know anyway yeah they would know like our family our closest friends our community people that are gonna like come around us pray with us and support us and so I feel like those are the people we tell when it's early. I think we waited like two weeks after we found out to tell you guys and our family. We kind of just waited and I don't know why. See, I feel like I could wait two weeks this time. I think you told me pretty quickly. I think yeah, I think we pretty much tell you guys

like the week off. Yeah. And then we wait until we see our families in person. We tried to. Yeah. I feel like I could do that next time. But that's the hard thing with not having both families here in person, is that if I tell one, I gotta tell the other. I can't wait to the other, unfortunately. Yeah, I feel like we do try to tell the people

where it's like, man, if there is something really sad happened with this life, it would be the people that they would know anyway, we'd want them to know. And it'd be harder to know. And it's harder to tell them maybe in retrospect like, hey we had a life and we lost that baby. So telling them earlier. I think it's a good rule of thumb. I think we kind of thought about it that way too. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good. I think the only reason we ever waited for both of them was like first

with Griffin. Like we were living in Hawaii at the time and we weren't around like our friends and family. And so when we saw them, we told them. But it was a little bit later at that point. It still was really early. So I don't remember when that was. If it was like eight weeks, 10 weeks, something like that. Yeah, it was at Thanksgiving, you told us.

Yeah, I was gonna say November. So it wasn't that, it was still really early. But then with Augie, because the nature of him being so unexpected at the time, I think that there was so much going on, I just needed to think about it for myself for a little bit. Is there a world where, let's say it was like four months later, we're in the same situation, we're all at Disney together, you find out you're pregnant, is there a world you tell us there?

If I were to go back in time? No I think- you find out you're pregnant, is there a world you tell us there? Or would you still wait? No, I think- If there was a bigger gap, and it wasn't so unexpected, and you found out you were pregnant with everyone else in the same house as you, you have five days to spend with everyone, you would have told everyone.

Totally, I think that a lot was happening there, and I think a lot of it was denial, and so much fear. I told you guys, I literally, this was like, and they're not irrational, but it was just like, my brain was literally telling me as dark as this is, this wasn't real, that something was gonna go wrong.

I really believed that. And so I was like, I just need to mourn on my own. That's literally how I viewed it, because I was like, I can't believe that this is happening right now. And then, I don't know why, but in my head, I just could not envision having a baby and everything just being great.

And that was just the place I was in, mentally, clearly I was in a weird place. And so I was like, I just need to, I don't know. I didn't feel like I could tell anyone at that point. Because I was like, I just gotta, I think I just also didn't know the details. I don't know, that time is so weird to look back on because it's so, it feels so detached from my life

because like that was Augie, but I cannot connect those two pieces because like that was so dark and sad, but like Augie is like so freaking awesome and like perfect for our family and just like hilarious. And I love him to pieces. So I just can't really connect those things. And I'm like, I don't actually want to connect those two things because like that was such

a dark time. I'm like, I don't want to connect those two. Like he's great. And that's like, that was just a weird thing that I was going through that was like separate from him. But yeah, I think that if we have a third baby, I will, I don't think I would wait to tell friends and family because we're like all here now. We were all looking at different, it was like life circumstances.

So I honestly think that the best thing to do is, like Abby was saying, think about the people that you're gonna want to walk through the highs and the lows with, that you already are currently walking through the highs and lows with, and then tell them if you want to and if you don't, it's okay, I don't know, just consider, if your surroundings, are you want to and if you don't, it's okay. I don't know, just consider if your surroundings,

are you close to them? There's a lot of things to consider there. I love the things on TikTok you see of people who had twins, but didn't tell anyone they were having twins. So then they're surprising the parents, their parents in the, they're like, oh look, and then the dad's holding another baby.

And then they're like, they're so shocked. I'm like, that'd be crazy. But like, that's so fun. But I have no idea how they do that. Surely they wouldn't, maybe they don't live as close as we all live. I feel like you would be able to tell them about, or them being born earlier because that's how twins are.

Oh gosh. I've heard of people not telling their family that they're in labor and then just FaceTiming them like with the babysitter. I would feel a little bit sad if I was that family member. If I was like the mom, I'd be like, oh my gosh, like I would like to know what's going on. Yeah, I don't think, I don't know how my mom would handle that. How do you deal with mom rage? How do you guys deal with mom rage?

I don't know. I don't know. Mom rage. How do you guys feel about mom rage? I don't know. This one I'm asking for myself. What do you guys think? Hmm. After the fact that you already did or to make sure that you don't? That's a good question. Exercise.

That helps first. That is the biggest thing. Get that rage out. Get that rage out of there. Y'all have to just lift some heavy weights. Okay, by mom rage, does that mean towards your kid or just the fact that your mom and the emotions of it? Oh, I wasn't thinking about towards your kid.

What is that, or towards your husband? Or is it kind of like pregnancy rage? Or is it towards your mom ragers? I was thinking pregnancy rage. Oh, okay. Which seems to always be geared at the husband. Yeah. Yeah, unfortunately.

Mom rage. Maybe I don't know what mom rage is. Should we Google that? Google mom rage. Well, maybe it's when you're mad at your kids. And in times. I don't. Overwhelming anger that mothers can experience often

in response to the demands and pressures of motherhood. Oh. It's more than just irritability. It's a feeling of being pushed to a breaking point. Well, maybe that is setting boundaries for yourself as a mom. And I think you wouldn't feel so pushed to your limit if you had boundaries.

Now, that's way easier said than done. But it can even look as simple as, I'm not gonna get my kid, unless they're really upset, out of bed until this time. And having that expected amount of time in the morning where you're like, okay, I can do things. I'm not on the clock with you until this time. Now obviously I'm not saying neglect your child.

Like if they're, I do this too. Like I'm like, if they're really losing it. Our time is six o'clock because if we can hold them out till six at this stage of life, then it's a win. So I'm like, if it's 5.54 and I can hear them chirping, I'm literally like, no, I'm gonna put on my little outfit. I'm gonna still put on my mascara. Oh, I also think that helps a lot, at least for me.

Like, doing things that I'm like, okay, this isn't for them, this is literally for me right now. I'm putting on my mascara and I'm putting my clothes on. And we're gonna do this and that's fine. And like, also people get upset. I've seen other creators, them get upset, them too, and like other moms in general, like, you're spending your whole time at the gym,

like away from your kids, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, no, no, no. They're allowed to do that. They're allowed to do that thing for themselves that makes them feel good. And in turn, their kid's just fine. You don't need to add to mom guilt that everyone already feels.

But yeah, I would say having boundaries where it's possible. Now granted, it can only look like six minutes, like I'm saying, at 5.54, I'm like, give me until six o'clock before we're in presence and in fighter flight for the day. Also doing things for yourself still. I don't know what would you guys say? I think I find myself feeling really really impatient on the days where I'm like I didn't go to the gym. I haven't eaten healthy. I'm like I just feel overwhelmed or really overstimulated and normally it's not

really towards CJ. It's more towards my dog. I hate this dog. I love him so much but the minute he starts barking I'm like, oh CJ, stop it! That's Dorrance Lewis. Poor dog. We love him so much. He's a good dog. Yeah, like that and that's on me so I'm like, okay, what do I have to do to try to dissipate my irritability? And I feel like the days where if I miss, go to the gym or maybe my expectations are missed about how I'm trying to allot my time, like, oh, I allot CJ's nap for work. He woke up early.

Like all those things kind of add up. And then if I'm feeling really upset, I'll have to text Caleb and be like, I just needed to talk to you. I'm just being so irritable. And then just getting out of the house. Usually it's just like a good change of environment. Getting out of the house is good. Yeah like okay CJ we're gonna go play in the backyard. Yeah. Go play outside. And sometimes it's just like getting out of the environment. You need to touch grass for a minute. Yeah if he's really fussy, if the

dog's going crazy, I'm like we all just need to leave this room right now. Mm-hmm. And that kind of helps me. For me I I was like, I'm not going to do laundry on the weekends. Because then when you feel like you have to do everything every single day at all times, that's when I was like, or if you don't, you feel guilty. So then I was like, if this is not an expectation, I'm like, oh, there's a ton of laundry, but it's Saturday. It's like, I don't do laundry on the weekends. I don't know why that mental thing for me just freed me.

And I was telling my friends this too. I was like, oh, also after bedtime, I don't do anything. I was like, I just charge my batteries. And they're like, cause everyone's like, okay well after bedtime I'm gonna clean up from dinner. I'm like, the dishes will still be there. Like, I don't know, we can do it. We can do it later.

Like I don't know, I had that boundary for myself. In the morning I will like get to everything that I need to get to. But at night I'm like, that's after bedtime, so. It's a mess. Gosh dang it. And like that really really helped me because before I was feeling like,

my gosh every day is demanding so much of me that I can't, if I, I literally cannot get to everything and still feel okay. So I was like, I just gotta adjust my expectations. I'm not gonna get to everything. That's good. No I think that's also really good for someone who is at home a lot and is with their kids all the time too.

And balancing those expectations for yourself when part of what you do is doing the laundry and stuff like that. But giving yourself a break from that even is good. Thank you to Cash App for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. Abby, when you pay people back with Cash App, do you pay them with the exact cents or do you like to just round up? No, I do the exact cents.

You do? If I know it, if we are splitting something, then I don't wanna pay less than my part. Do you round up? It depends. Now I'll round up to the nearest dollar, but in college I would always put it to the exact percent. Wait, does this make me look kinda cheap then?

Well, as long as you're paying your portion, I think you're good. I just feel like that's the benefit of Cash App. If I only had cash, then I'd have to round up or down. Yeah. But like Cash App, you can like be specific about it. Rounding up kind of feels like flexing on somebody. It's like, let's just keep it fair.

That's true. Maybe I need to stop flexing on people. I've been rounding up at the nearest dollar. Making money moves should be easy and that's why there's Cash App. It's fast, safe, and honestly just way more personalized than other apps out there. See that's what I'm doing. I'm personalizing my profit. I like that. I like that. Plus, sending money with Cash App actually feels safe. If something feels sketchy or they see you might be sending money to a potential scammer, they'll warn you and make you think twice before you hit

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Use our exclusive referral code unplanned in your profile. Send $5 to a friend within 14 days and you'll get $10 dropped right into your account. Terms apply, that's money, that's Cash App. Another battery I set for myself. I was like, my kids will never eat lunch in the house. That, I gave my other friends freedom from this too. They eat lunch, but they do not eat lunch in the house ever.

I don't want to clean up three meals a day from plates. So they have a smorgasbord every day of snacks outside the house. And then we come in and I'm like, I'm assessed. They had fruit, they had a cheese stick, they had a chomp spar, they had a granola bar, they had a yogurt packet and a bunch of water. I'm like, that's lunch. We're amazing. And now I don't have to clean up.

I threw it away at the park. I threw it away at this place. And I told that to my other mom friends. They're like, this is amazing. And now I don't have to clean up. I threw it away at the park. I threw it away at this place. And I told that to my other mom friends. They're like, this is amazing. They're like, I don't have, like, I used to be so stressed feeling like there was constant cycle of dishes and everything. It's like, and we don't do lunch at home, so I don't know. They're like, what do you mean?

I'm like, it's an amazing boundary that I have. Even if you, okay, you find yourself at home one day, you're like, okay, go to the back porch. Like go eat that out there. It's fine. It's literally fine. Then you're like, okay, go to the back porch, go eat that out there. It's fine. It's literally fine. You don't have to clean up from the lunch. My libido is lower than my partner's help.

My only advice for that is get off birth control. That's how it keeps you from getting pregnant. That's literally the truth because I honestly feel like you could find episodes of this podcast of me talking about my IUD and being like, oh, it's not affecting me at all. I got rid of it and that has been a major, major difference. Yeah. And it took me a few months to realize. Maybe it takes a while for it to rebalance, but I got rid of my IUD and then a few months

later I was like, why do I feel this type of way? I was literally like, oh my gosh. And I was like, why do I feel this type of way? I was literally like, oh my gosh. And I was like, this is what they're talking about. They're not making this up. I thought I was just exempt from that. But even not just that. My actual energy levels were so much higher after getting off of it.

Now I didn't notice it right away. I will say, it took like, I will say three months. And I was like, I feel awake. I feel like, I will say three months. And I was like, I feel awake. Like I feel like, I never hit that afternoon slump as much. And it was really crazy. Yeah, those were the two changes I noticed when I went off birth control. Energy levels and sex drive.

You noticed that too? Uh-huh. I noticed nothing. Addy didn't have any difference. I didn't have any differences. Wow. Getting on or off. Wow, good.

Not like hormonal or like things that I could even like recognize. We've talked, I know all three of us have talked about this and here's me eating my words, but when we're talking about like everyone talking about their cycle, every woman talking about their cycle and like the different phases of their cycle, I feel it now. I feel differences in myself.

Do not try to get like... Because literally last time I was telling you that I was like, I literally, I'm not usually like this, but I was like, I feel so fat and ugly right now. And I was like, you know what? Some people will probably say that it's because of my cycle. I looked at what stage I was in. Ludial. Ludial. That's the only one I feel. I don't feel any... You don't feel the ovulation?

The ovulation is crazy for me. Actually, I physically feel ovulation. No, I physically feel the ovulation. I physically feel myself wanting to procreate no matter what. Like, I was like, at all costs we have to. And ovulation? I guess I haven't paid attention that hard to that. It would make sense that that's...

What's the other stage? I feel them. I really feel them now, guys. I don't think this is fake. I think this is real. We should do some research on this because I probably sound... During ovulation, I feel them I really feel them now guys I'm I don't think this is big I think this is real we should do some research on this because I probably sound during ovulation I feel like sexy I'm like okay and I think and Matt looks sexier to me that's the one thing I do notice like the bloating situation during

the different stages period is obvious what's the other one luteal ovulation period is that it actually I think there are four things. There's another one like literally that's what I'm like I need a tan I can't look at myself anymore. I meant to bring that today. I'm ludeal That's what I felt. What are the phases of the menstrual cycle? Okay, well, let me preface our hot takes before was that people were over blowing these stages Let me preface, our hot takes before was that people were over blowing these stages. Which that's probably still fair. Yes, of like, I can't work during this phase. I don't feel like I can do this.

You can't use it as an excuse. You can't use it as an excuse. If I know anything about a woman, it's that they are capable and adaptable. I'm so mean because I'm in my Ludial phase. Oh, Blake doesn't let me get away with that. We don't need to be using that as an excuse. Is luteal making mean? No, I have no idea. Oh, okay.

That's the only one I know. Yeah, I didn't notice that. This one was follicular. Oh, what is follicular? I get more emotional in my luteal phase. What is follicular? Oh, I cried like a whole night the other night. I was watching sad reels and I was just getting hit by them.

Your estrogen levels rise in the follicular phase. So what does that make you do? It's not going into that. What is follicular? Guys why don't we know about proliferative phase? What does proliferative mean? Maybe that's why we have these hot takes that we don't agree with the other people because we just actually don't know. We're so uneducated. We are the ignorant ones. Well I will tell you I was like feel fat and ugly. I don't know why I'm feeling so down on myself. I was like, I know I've gained weight. And then I literally was like, it's the Ludeo. It's Ludeo.

And I was like, what does Ludeo mean? Cause I didn't even know. And I Googled it. And I was like, oh. You said that yesterday. That one makes sense. Exactly. I was feeling it so much.

And I was feeling it so much. And then I told Matt, I told him, thank you. I told Matt, I was like, you need to download this app so you know how to treat me. You know what my favorite is. Oh, that's sweet. He did, he has the app now. That's sweet. He's Matt, I was like, you need to download this app so you know how to treat me. You know what my face is? Oh, that's sweet. He did, he has the app now. That's sweet.

He's like, I'm gonna just check it before I jumped any kind of conclusions. Yeah, that's sweet. And I'm like, thank you. Thank you so much. He blinks on the other butt where he's like, you can't be mean to me just because you're in. Yeah, that's fair.

You can't be mean to me just because I'm pregnant. Just because you're pregnant. I'm like. No, yes you can. I'm just kidding, I'm kidding. Okay, wait, now we're putting you guys in the hot seat, slash myself, we're doing the hot seat right now. Rapid fire.

Abby, do you get upset that both of your pregnancies were shared with someone else? No, I'd be sad if I was doing it alone, next. I'm gonna try. Okay well, I was really worried that I stole your thunder the second time. The second time? With Augie.

It made it so much more fun. Abby, here's the real question. Did Abigail steal your thunder the second time. The second time? With Augie. It made it so much more fun. Addie, here's the real question. Did Abigail steal your thunder? Yeah. Cause you're pregnant first. I needed someone to go through it with and I feel like having someone I can talk to about it and there's so many pregnant women, why does it matter?

It's gonna be really nice postpartum to have each other. And I'm like, as soon as I'm like back and like six weeks postpartum, you're gonna have your baby and then I can help out there, so it's like it'd be great It's gonna be baby heaven Christmas. It was so fun. I mean our babies are gonna have friends like so much more fun It's better. It's better trust me um this one is so out of package Answer this moving on okay, what is it? It's if you had to switch husbands with one of us for 24 hours, who would you pick him? Why? Oh Blake? Because he's a good cook. That'd be so fun

I know you're not her boss I'm gonna go with Caleb. I don't spend as much time with Caleb. He's gonna be honored. He has so much to offer ladies. If I switch with Matt, we would just be talking work all day and all. It's what it's like. No, I'm offended honestly.

You guys should marry my husband. Okay, I'll take Matt. We'll go skateboarding. I don't get on the skateboard. No, I'm offended, honestly. You guys should marry my husband. Okay, I'll take Matt. We'll go skateboarding. You guys. I don't get on a skateboard.

You guys have a great time. Do a recording YouTube video. Yeah, I just know that Addy and Matt would not be in the video. We actually said, I don't know why we say it so often, we're like, we could never be married. Yeah, I could never be married to Blake for so many reasons, but he just bugs me so much. Because you guys are literally, no you're very different.

No, it's just Blake gets so stuck on an opinion that is like, I'm like, you know that's an opinion, right? Like, but he in his head is fact. I'm like, you know, that's your set of thoughts. But that's why I love you guys talking to each other because you go back at him. I don't, because I'm like, I don't know Is that that's probably? What would you do for work if not content creation

Oh, I thought about this recently you would go first mine's very easy like work in HR That's my I love people and working with people and helping people so HR Let me guess Abby what you would you would do. Interior design? No. Wow, you think I'm good at that? Yeah, I feel like you're passionate about it. You're gonna making a place feel like a home. I could cry.

I could cry. That's so nice. No, I was gonna say, I think it'd be so fun to be a red carpet host. Oh! You'd be so good at that. Wouldn't that be so fun? Or like a QVC host? Like, you go on there and you have a time limit and it's like you have to sell this many lipsticks. Abby, you would be so good at that. Wouldn't that be so fun? Or like a QBC host? Like you go on there and you have a time limit

and it's like you have to sell this many lipsticks. Abby, you would be so good at that. I feel like I can, I'm kind of quick on my feet. I can feel the silence. Okay, yeah, you would be good at that. I think it'd be fun. I have one. If I just get, I'm trying to think of funnery.

I have two things. It's not a word. Okay, you go. I have two ideas. Teacher. Oh, actually no. Oh. I went to school for that,

but then as soon as I started subbing, I was like, who am I? Coffee shop owner. That sounds fun, but I don't wanna be an owner of anything. Okay, coffee shop barista. A barista. A barista would be really fun, wasn't one of the two I was thinking of.

Oh boy, Abby. One was, I would love to be a personal chef for someone. I think it'd be so, I love the idea. I wouldn't love the hours, but like a lot of people I see, they do work regular hours and they just prep for dinner. Yeah. I was like, I would like a lot of people I see they do work irregular hours, and they just prep for dinner Yeah, I was like I would have a lot of fun. Just cooking for people and like growing grocery shopping for them I don't know why that sounds like you so funny me. I saw this lady prepping juice for a family. I was like

Yeah, that sounds like a hobby I would love that or two. I don't know I would have to learn a lot about cooking I don't really know I'm doing but two would be a children's librarian. I think it'd be so fun. I'm like, I wanted to do story time, read the picture. I love reading picture books to kids. It's so fun to me. But to do that at a library, formally do that, you literally have to be a librarian.

And to be a librarian, you have to have your degree in library, I think it's library science. I guess that's what it's wrong. I didn't know that. I thought it was a volunteer job. Okay, don't take me out, it's not, it's not. Let me look at that. What's the library degree? That's so cool.

What accolades to be a librarian? Cause I think it'd be so fun. And the book. Yeah. Okay, to become a librarian you typically need a master's degree in library science. Wait, that's super cool. Yeah.

Who do you think is the wisest? No one can get offended right now. My instinct is I would go to Abigail. Oh, I was gonna say this. But then, okay, here's the thing. I did not want any of you to point to me. I would have been concerned. You're very wise. I go to you if I'm like, I have these questions about certain things. Things that just come up in my life and I'm like, so Abby I did this today, you're like, so why are you trying to do that to him? Why are you testing Blake right now? You got me.

You're always very level headed in your responses. Really? Yes. I would say that about you guys both. Like whenever we have debates like with all, with the whole family or whatever, I feel like whenever you respond I'm always like, oh that was a really good well thought out point. Really?

Yes. I think that about both of you, I really do. You're the wisest. I think it just makes sense, you're also the oldest Abby. You have, but you like, I know that that doesn't mean the same thing, but like you also are, you are the wisest. I feel like at this point any of my wisdom is just wisdom you guys have told me and then I just relay it back to you

at this point I should tell Blake that Valentine's Day is coming up. Trust, I'm team Addy over team Blake. I appreciate that. Will you homeschool? No, no, no. But will you homeschool my kids maybe? I want to, I really want to. I honestly haven't thought much about schools yet. There's so many options here, it feels a little overwhelming.

You know what's kind of crazy though, is that when Griffin was not even one, someone was like, okay, well, here's the school that my kid's in, they're like talking about it. It was a preschool. It was a, in Arizona, there's a lot of language immersion preschools. And they're like, oh, but I don't know if he's gonna

be able to get in because the wait list is three years long. It's a preschool, so that would mean the baby's born, they're registered for preschool Which is a little wild Wow, so I'm like, okay I think we've limited some of our options at this point. Yeah, not really I mean, I'm sure there's still a lot of good options out there But it's kind of crazy how you do feel like you have to be on top of that stuff Like I was like what it isn't playing to my strengths and no

Maybe I'm homeschooling because I got no other options. No. We're no homeschooling public and going to public school right now is what we've talked about. But we also haven't looked into it. That's just like been our viewpoint forever. You know about it.

We haven't looked at what the schools look like in our area and those types of things. But that's something that we've been kind of, have always thought. I'm very pro public education, and I think it's really good, but also I really, really want to be hands-on, and I feel like, because of my background too,

I think that this is, I view it as a gift that I have this opportunity to do it, that I really want to do it. But I also don't want my kids to be alone, because they're both really social kids, so we're gonna try a little hybrid homeschool with like friends type of thing. In the fall, which I'm excited about.

Fun. I think like preschool and stuff like that. That feels cash. Maybe, it feels cash. But like once they start getting to like elementary, middle, high, I'm like. I just also know that like, especially because I have boys, the way that standard education is really designed is for like the typical girl like wanting to sit down and like

perform well on tests and like you teach them they regurgitate and they can regurgitate like I think that's a strength in itself but then it doesn't necessarily relate to like the creative mind the like also just like the high energy type of I think our kids will probably be more high energy type of kids, I'm assuming. And so, I don't know, I think I just wanna always see, but then I'm like, that's also a skill that they should learn, is when to play and when to stay still.

So, I don't know, I think I'll have to just always assess where I think my kids' needs are, but I think it's kinda hard when you're the mom. You're kinda like, I'm your biggest fan, so. Yeah. I don't know, maybe I need to have someone be like, hey, it's time they learned to sit in a chair. I don't know.

I think it'll be a yearly. Check-in. Check-in. Check-in, yeah, because there are so many options in Arizona for how you do schooling, that it's like, maybe we do. Charter schools, too, I never even thought about that. Maybe it doesn't work, maybe we do homeschool, I don't know. I feel like that's my next year to do,

is to like start thinking about that. I have a friend who, their kid was in preschool and they were calling home to say, or at their meetings, parent-teacher meetings, they were like, she's falling a little behind. She's not quite meeting these milestones that we were hoping. They went on a week-long vacation and they kind of gave her some supplies

so she could keep her up to date. By the time she came back after a week, apparently she was meeting all of those milestones. Huh, so she just needed a little break. I think she maybe just needed individualized, like one on one type of education. Yeah, that's cool. So that was inspiring to me too.

I was like, you know, every kid's kinda different. Their learning needs are different too. I'm glad we're in positions where we can choose. Make that decision. Yeah, cause I know not everyone, it's like you just have to go. Totally you don't have an option. Yeah. Especially like if you're living in a smaller town we had one high school. Yeah. Just kidding we had two high schools but one public high school and the other one was smaller. So yeah.

There's lots of options here. This one is a tough question I was actually just talking to my mother-in-law about this. How do you split time with the wife's family versus the husband's family? That is a really tough thing to come across. Like, I feel like I remember that being one of the hardest things, our first year of marriage was the holidays. I was like, oh my gosh, we have spent all of Thanksgiving and Christmas driving to and from places and it's gotten

not even fun anymore because I think we're just like, we're barely present because we're thinking about how we're going to have to pick up and leave and then it got a million times worse when we added kids into the mix. So what do you guys think about like navigating shared events and holidays and time with both sides of the family to keep it fair? Do you feel the need to keep it 50-50? I do think it's important to try to keep it 50-50 but how you split the 50-50 I think there's a wiggle room. like I know some people will do all of Thanksgiving with just one family and then they'll do

all Christmas with just one family and then next year they switch. mm-hmm. so and I'm like that's really... because then you have quality time where we've done it is that when we've we've been able to go in for two weeks around Christmas we've done that a couple times and we'll do one whole week with my family and then one whole week with Caleb's family and then we will go to all of the holiday parties so it's like you're having intentional quality time really just what people want is quality time so however you can best make that fair I don't know it's so hard

and it's hard by family and like regional. Yeah I also think it's like I have to stop and recognize it's such a blessing that we have both sides of the family that want to be involved and like want us there and want to spend quality time with us. It is still hard then to like feel like you're pulled in a million different directions because you're, if I could clone myself, I would be at all this stuff. But then once we had Griffin, is when I had to be like, okay, we're no longer driving this much,

because all we're spending our time doing is setting up and shutting down at Pack and Play. And it's getting really, you guys are really important to us, but we have to and start work on like Fragmenting it rather than just like we're piecing this all together and Yeah, that's really tough I think it's never gonna be 50 50 is the hard part of it all is that that's just like a really Unrealistic expectation maybe but as close at what you can do that everyone feels like it's fair

Yeah, I feel like when you're in a situation like we're both in where we have part of our family here And then the other so like my in-laws are here, but my family is back home in Missouri and so trying to figure out what's fair is hard especially around the holidays because We spend all year with Blake's family. And then so staying here for holidays too and not going back home to see our family is kind of hard to be like, well, we didn't spend Christmas with them last year, so we're going to stay here, but they got to see us all year anyway.

So kind of trying to navigate that. But my parents have been so, so, so gracious and like the best in this situation of like wanting to be involved, but knowing it's hard for us and really not putting a lot of pressure on us, even though I know they want us there very badly. And so, this last year I was like, mom, since you don't live here

and we would have to travel to you, which is more important to you? Thanksgiving or Christmas? We'll be there for Christmas if you want us there, we'll be there for Thanksgiving if you want us there. Thanksgiving Day to her was more important, Christmas we can do around whenever days work or things like that.

And so we were like, we'll be very intentional about being there for Thanksgiving, we spent a whole week out there, we didn't spend Thanksgiving with you guys. I think we even had a small thing before we left. And so it worked out, and then they came back for New Year's and spent New Year's here and we did Christmas here with my family then.

And so that, and I asked my mom again this year, I'm like, is that still what's important to you? Is Thanksgiving Day with everyone? And she's like, that's what we would like. And I'm like, okay, we're also gonna have a newborn baby. She's gonna be three months old at that point. Not sure if we're gonna feel comfortable traveling and she's put no pressures on us at all for that.

Even though I know she wants us there. And so kudos to my mom. And my dad just goes along with everything and he knows that he wants. He always just subtly says, he's like, oh, there's this flight these days. I'm like, okay, I know you want us there. You know, he says sweet of not putting pressure but I know you want us there. You know, like he's so sweet of like not putting pressure,

but I can tell he wants us. That's sweet. I think it's just everyone wants the effort. No matter how the effort's positioned or split up or not, the people just want to feel loved and like they're important to you. Something I love that you also like pointed out too is like giving the options.

And I think that's also like a way of being clear of like, okay, this is what our capacity is. Now it's in your hands, which one do you choose? So they also feel like they have a say so and input. But the fact of the matter is we're all in the situation of life where we have the highest needs on our time. There's the most expectations with having little ones. And so I feel like when we're older,

now we have to remember this. Keep this in the back of our mind. Remember like, okay, our calendar does not look like their calendar. And, cause otherwise I'm like, I would also like it on the receiving end for if it was like, hey, I know you can't do everything. Here are these two things that are really important to us.

Like, if you could make it to one of them, that would feel really like, we would really appreciate that. I think that's a good way to communicate those types of things. Here's everything in front of us, let's look at it above, bird's eye view, what can we prioritize? Yeah.

A unique situation with all of us is you guys have joint family events, we have joint family events, so if you're gonna go back to Quincy for something, do we also need to go, if she's gonna go home for Christmas, do you guys need to go home for Christmas? And so we kind of have to all have that conversation too. I'm like, are you going?

But here's the thing, guess what? This year, you went back and they had Christmas and St. Louis, we didn't. We said we weren't gonna travel and we didn't end up traveling. And so kind of sticking to our word on that a little bit is also important so that people know that that's like what you're gonna do but we also could have traveled we were but the finances

part of it we were like we also don't have the finances to do both so choosing one of those is hard too totally mm-hmm that's tough that is fun having to be like so are you gonna do it are you gonna go are you gonna what are we doing? I love that you guys are willing to do this and this was like a really fun conversation. And I feel like there's gonna be a lot of follow ups to come. I'm so excited for the babies. That really changed things, guys.

I know, it'll be weird. You guys look great too, by the way. Aw, thanks. Thanks. The glow. Yay, the pregnancy glow. I think this one is a girl, cause my skin is crazy. Ooh. Stay tuned. Wait, my skin is crazy. Ooh. Stains, wait your skin's crazy?

Yes, it's so dry. You guys, be rooting for a girl, but we'd love a boy too. But we would love a boy too. Wait, also before you leave, make sure you subscribe to Caleb and Abby on YouTube. Is that what it's called? Yeah, that's it.

Okay, I've subscribed so they come up. But Caleb and Abby, the goal is 100, you said it's 100,000 by the end of the year. Put it out there. Let's do it. I just roped out. She's like. It's a girl.

Indigestion. Follow us on YouTube at Caleb and Abby and me on Instagram at Abigail G Howard. Addie, shout it out. Addie Biswell on Instagram. But really go subscribe to her. Go subscribe. That's my push. Go subscribe to her.

If you do anything for us after listening to this, subscribe to Caleb and Abby because their goal is 100k by the end of the year and I really think that they can do it. That's sweet. Put the goal out there. The goal is 100k. Awesome. Well, thank you guys so much for listening and thank you so much again for being here. Thank you for letting us.

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