The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby - Postpartum Depression w/ 3 Under 3 ft. Ken Cradic & Triston

Episode Date: September 30, 2026

Ken Cradic and her husband Tristan open up about what life really looked like behind the parenting videos while having three boys in three years. They share the postpartum experience that changed everything, the moment their son’s birth took a terrifying turn, whether Tristan plans to retire after Ken’s success online, and what they never expected parenthood to do to their marriage. Ken's insta: @kencradic Triston's insta: @tristoncradic Cash App: Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/kssum24w #CashAppPod Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card at cash.app/legal/us/en-us/card-agreement, for the Sutton debit flex card at cash.app/legal/us/en-us/debit-flex-card-agreement-sutton and for the Bancorp debit flex card at cash.app/legal/us/en-us/debit-flex-card-agreement-bancorp. Savings and Offers provided by Cash App, a Block Inc. brand. Offers may not be affiliated with third party merchants. Parents and legal guardians can open a managed account for kids 6-12. Cash App will pass through a portion of the interest paid on your savings balance held in an account for the benefit of Cash App customers at Wells Fargo Bank, N.A., Member FDIC. To earn interest on your Cash App savings balance, you need to have sponsor approval. Exceptions may apply. Savings yield rate is subject to change. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. NOBL: NOBL gives you real travel peace of mind — security, design, and convenience all in one. Head to https://NOBLTravel.com for 46% off your entire order! #NOBL #ad Zocdoc: Ready to be seen? Check that appointment off your to-do list with Zocdoc: https://zocdoc.com/unplanned #sponsored Follow The Unplanned Podcast: https://www.instagram.com/unplanned__podcast/ https://www.tiktok.com/@unplanned_podcast Listen to the pod on Spotify/ Apple Podcasts: https://open.spotify.com/show/1ToDA4ufQuWuEgMq07zN6t https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-unplanned-podcast/id1669604504 Follow Matt & Abby: Abby's Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/abbyelizabethoward/ Matt's Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/_matt_howard_/ TikTok | https://www.tiktok.com/@matt_and_abby Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/mattandabb YouTube | https://www.youtube.com/@MattandAbby Chapters: 1:37 - Transition from 2 to 3 3:34 - Meet cute 10:12 - ASU 12:05 - Proposal 16:34 - Starting our family 18:21 - Our wedding 21:27 - Wanting a big family 27:37 - How having kids changed our marriage 37:16 - Becoming an influencer 39:00 - Our son's clubfoot diagnosis 40:31 - Protecting our marriage online 48:38 - Postpartum journey 59:00 - Splitting up the workload 1:04:18 - Breastfeeding 1:06:48 - Miscarriage 1:14:28 - Pregnancy after loss 1:15:16 - Episiotomy 1:20:21 - Breaking up with my oura ring 1:21:32 - Tristan retiring 1:23:36 - Career goals 1:25:22 - Agree to Disagree Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I didn't want to be a mom anymore. I didn't want my husband. I didn't want my baby. I just wanted to make it all disappear. That's when I knew like, okay, I'm really not okay because this isn't me. Today on Unplanned, we sat down with Ken and Tristan Craddick. Best known for their TikToks about raising three boys

under the age of three. My heart's pregnancy mentally was for sure my baby after loss. And it wasn't truly until he was put on my chest that I felt like I could breathe because yeah, you do know what you lost. Behind the parenting vlogs, they've navigated the public eye and open up about what it's like having their marriage picked apart online.

I don't care what people think about me. So it's literally never once even hurt your feelings. No. My job is not to please a million people. Yeah. My job's to please my children and my wife. We talk about Ms. Carrot, whether Tristan plans to retire given Ken's success and how postpartum impression has impacted their relationship all on today's episode.

You guys, Ken and Tristan, welcome to Unplant. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you guys for being here. This is awesome. Yeah, so awesome. fellow Arizonans. I know we are. So cool. We have a lot in common though. We don't just live in both live in are all living in Arizona. We also both have three young boys.

Which is crazy. When I found out you guys were having your third boy I was like oh my gosh like this is so exciting. Why is I know so many people that have three boy families? Yeah. Maybe we just have to stick together because it's a special type of wild. We're only one month in so we need to learn a lot from y'all. Oh I mean we're only six months. So I feel like we don't have to So much is so different though from one month It is I mean when I look back to month one I'm like oh my gosh

I can never go back there Like getting to the cruise control stage Yeah we are six months plus is like Okay we're kind of cruising Okay that's good to hear Yeah we don't have our We don't have our up from our down Has this been the hardest transition so far

Do you think it's easier Oh no this is for sure been the hardest Oh it's been the hardest Yeah Because our middle child's 15 months Yeah so That changes things the gaps. Yeah. Yeah. There's so many mixed reviews on it though. Yeah. Our middle child was just super

hard. So it was hard to like, he was still a baby. Yeah. We had our next baby. So like it, you just had essentially two infants and controlling. It's, it's tough for sure. But I wouldn't change it for the world. So you think two to three was your hardest transition? Oh, one million for a cent. Really? I remember when we came home from the hospital. He only took a week off of work, which for all three, he's taking a week off, which is fine. I feel like, you know, when you are a stay-at-home mom, you're like, okay, well, it's going to be the inevitable. So, you know, one week, two weeks, three weeks, like, I'm going to be on my own at some point.

But when we came home from the hospital, our two toddlers were just like, you know, being toddlers had thrown a tantrum and everything was crazy. We looked at each other and I'm like, you can't go back to work. You can't leave me. Like, there's no way. And we also were like, what did we do? Like, it was just chaos, which I'm sure you guys have had all three crying at some point or no, For us, that was when we had the two back-to-back, 30 months apart.

Yeah. Which, what's the closest age gap with your kids? 15 months. But that's their second to their third. Yeah. So that makes sense. That might be the thing that determines the highest chance. That's what it is, because with us having a third right now, our third, you know, is the only one in diapers.

Yeah. There's a three-year age gap. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's definitely. Yeah. Totally different.

Yeah. It's definitely that age gap. Because, like, we have 18-month age gap or 19-month age gap. And then we have a 15-month age gap. So it was 300-3. That's crazy. Yeah, it was. Should we go all the way back to how you guys met?

Because I feel like there's people here that haven't heard that story or maybe they have heard the story, but they don't, there's probably bits and pieces that they haven't heard before. We met on the cheer team at ASU and I'll let Tristan tell you guys how he made it as a cheerleader in college. A man leader. A man leader. Yeah, spirit leader is what it's called. So I'm from Yuma, born and raised in Yuma.

Wait, no, that's like the farming area. It's farming area. Yeah, lettuce capital of the world. Yeah, lettuce capital of the world. Yeah, came from Yuma, graduated high school, and I wanted to leave super bad. I was supposed to go to, like, U of A my whole life. Okay. And then AASU just presented better scholarship opportunities.

Went to AASU for a year. None of my friends went to ASU, so I decided to transfer back to U of A. Anyway, long story short, somebody asked me to join the cheer team. AASU right before I was about to leave, decided to try out for a cheer team. I played football, ran track, did everything all throughout high school, then asked me to the cheer team. I was like, sure. She came in my sophomore year, met her.

I was, we'll go into that. I was dating somebody else on the team. What? Always happens out. Yeah. I was dating somebody else on the team. I'm not getting into all that. Anyway.

But then you threw her in the air and you were like, so she was a dancer. She wasn't a cheerleader. So like ASU has like an umbrella. So like the Spirit Squad, and the Spirit Squad has like the cheer team and then the dance team I was on the dance team he was on the cheer team his previous relationship was on the cheer team but we all practiced like together in the same space so that's like yeah how we met was through

that like you know we were on the same team but not directly like he wasn't throwing me in the air I don't I don't go in here I don't stay on the ground yeah but no we met through there which is like I feel like we had different intentions in the beginning I went into college like I will find my husband in college oh yeah I thought I was going to find my husband in high school, didn't find my husband in high school. I've just like always wanted to be like a wife and a mom. So I was searching for that. And then he was just getting out of a relationship and, you know, he was just like a guy in college. But I swore it was like love at first sight, which is so cheesy to say. But when we had our

first conversation, I was like, oh my gosh, I think I'm going to marry this guy. And he probably was not thinking that at all. I was just, you know, like the new girl on the team. But yeah, I mean, we literally met my freshman year and then we got. engaged the month after I graduated college. Holy cow. Yeah. So college got up for two years? Yeah.

Did you break up with this girl to then start dating her? Did she break up with you? So I broke up with her. The summer before. Yeah, the summer before I actually, she even joined the team. We probably started dating like, I don't know how much longer later. Like six months. Yeah, six-ish months.

I didn't really, I wasn't looking for a relationship. I just got out of one and I was like. I was looking for her. She's here. Like, wait, but I am looking for a little. Anyway, she, like, she was, I guess, pushing the issue pretty hard. And I was just like, I don't want to do this. Like, I just got out of relationship.

I just want a friend. Yeah. She stuck around. We just, we had, like, a little friend group, and we just hung out literally. We were friends first, which I feel like is really important to be friends before. For a solid six, six months. Six days. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Six days of friendship. Yeah. Yeah. She finally, like, was like, all right, he doesn't want to date. Yeah, I just had to play hard to get for like a little bit. Yeah, so you did.

You played hard to get him to notice you. And then she started going in the direction of elsewhere and I was like, hold up here. Yeah. And then I started pursuing her. So it works. The hard to get method really does. Apparently it does. Yeah.

What did she tell you that that was the method she used to get your attention? Oh, I think you caught on to it. Yeah, I kind of feel like I caught on. I just didn't want to lose my chance. Yeah. He was never losing it. I was just like playing hard to get, but I was definitely in it for. I knew he was going to be my boyfriend and my husband.

Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah. It's pretty competitive to do dance at the college level. Like, did you guys, did either one of you ever have, like, aspirations to take it beyond college, like, professionally? No, I, my senior year was COVID. Like, my senior year of college was COVID. Okay, same. Oh, wait, really?

When did you graduate high school? When did I graduate? Oh, wait. Same. Okay. Okay, yeah. Wait, so how old are you guys? I'm 29.

Yeah, and I'm 27. And I'm 28 and Abby's 27. Cute, look at us. We're all like the same age. Same life. Yeah. So yeah, my senior year of college was COVID. And so it was kind of like an easy like transition from like being a cheerleader in college

to like, okay, now I kind of need to figure out like what I'm going to do post college. Because that COVID year, I think the football team still played and I think sports still went on. But like. It's just empty stadiums. Yeah. Yeah. There was no like we were kind of like. you know the first to go which was fine honestly because it just gave me like time to be like okay

what do I want to do with the rest of my life because my identity in college was being a college cheerleader and so then very quickly I had to be like okay wait who am I outside of being a college cheerleader but no I never really wanted to pursue it outside of college like I said I just wanted to be a wife and a mom so I was like I did my time and you know when you get to that level of being a collegiate cheerleader dancer you had a lot of you know experience prior to that I danced my whole life. So I was ready to be done for sure. In retirement. Yes. Yeah. Okay, does it does that make you guys feel old that it's been my 10 year high school reunion is coming up and I'm like yeah I already went to mine that's crazy. Yeah, I went to his last year. That's crazy. It was weird. Yeah. I don't know if my high

school's having one but I need to like look it up if they are. Yeah, how do you know if your high school is having a high school reunion? I was in student council so we're like part of like the planning process of it. That's kind of the only way I know. I think you just stay connected with people who were in High school with you and then maybe like word gets out. You was also a lot smaller. Yeah Nice. I don't know. I probably should reach out to someone from a high school. I do like don't keep in touch with you. You guys were born and raised out here? No. No. Where are you guys from? I'm from Missouri. Oh gosh. Okay. So God even from yeah. We're transplants. We're the people that move to you. What's a problem. Yeah. As long as you're not the slow drivers. No, the drivers here are crazy. I think the drivers here are crazy. Yeah. Because you guys are both native Arizona's right. Yeah. Yeah. Or not Nate like you're not yeah.

Morning and raised. She's part of the crazy drivers. Yeah, I am part of the crazy drivers, but that's okay. I did get yelled at today. Do you drive really slow? He drives really slow. No, I pulled down for his stuff. Oh, no.

It was an accident. No, he literally goes, what the? I was like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't sleep last night. I'm going to be thinking about that tonight when we're up feeding the baby. Also, talk to me about like the party scene at ASU because I've heard that's like a party school.

Were you guys the partiers? Yeah, we definitely went through a phase. I mean, neither of us were in like fraternity sorority so that's a totally different experience that kind of partying um but so we like spent a lot of time with like athletics like you know different teams like it's like it's own sorority fraternity yeah for sure um but we definitely yeah went through a phase of for sure partying and then like like i said 2020 was covid so it kind of just like put a lot into perspective like okay we're not party anymore we got to figure out what we're going to do for our big girl job he was already graduated and like

you know moving on with his life so kind of took me down but i turned 21 during COVID so that was like a huge bummer because I was like looked forward my entire like college time to like getting to go out go to the clubs and like they just didn't exist when I turned 21. What did you do on your 20th for further? We got to go alcohol drinks, didn't we? We got what? Yeah. Oh yeah, we did.

To go alcohol? Yeah, Mill Avenue, which is like where Tempe and ASU is. They were serving like alcohol to go but they would just like tape it on the side. So we went and did that. My friends threw me a little party but it was really lame. It was like, you know, anti-climatic, but it's all right. Like, I could care less now. Are you guys pretty close with that college group or is everybody kind of moved on?

Yeah, we actually have a wedding to go to this weekend for one of my friends. Fun. Yeah, it was fun because we like grew up, like, we like were in the same friend group. Okay. Because we were on the team together. So like all of my friends became his friends and vice versa. I feel like you are less in touch with friends from college. Yeah, I mean, it's just part of once you have kids get married.

and other people don't have kids and get married. It's just like you have completely separate lives. You also have a lot less time in your life. It's like when you have free time, you want to either spend it with your wife or your kids, not somebody from college. Nothing against someone. But you want to spend your free time with your family.

Yeah. Okay, I got to know. How did you propose? What's the story of how you proposed again? Kind of a crazy unraveling events. We propose, I propose in Coronado. Coronado? Yeah.

That's a cool place. the movie star Coronado there's like a movie about Hotel Del Marlon what is it called Marilyn Monroe she's in that movie right Matt has history knowledge that I don't even yeah it's a lot of history of the little town oh yeah it's a super cool town I bet he's right obviously but I'm like cool I think you're probably right okay for sure there's a famous hotel Dell it's Hotel Del it's Hotel yeah that's where it's like a super I don't know you've never watched it's a famous hotel we never been there that's where I propose though in front of it um

her grandma has a house in Coronado so thankfully that helped but anyway I got an Airbnb for all me and her friends because she wanted her friends to be there along with some of my friends oh so you knew it was happening no I didn't he just knew that like if you were to propose like this is like what I like she wanted there when we were dating we were like oh like oh fun set engagement how would you want that to look and I'm like well I would want my family to be there and my friends to be there to like celebrate with us afterwards like he had known that that was something that I wanted but yeah so I set up the whole thing we got an Airbnb in like this apartment area um we got there and I you know how when you get an Airbnb you have like the long terms and

conditions nobody reads them I didn't read it properly I guess nobody reads anyway so I go to the front desk I'm like hey I'm here to stay in my Airbnb I don't know where to park it says that I can park in the garage but I can't get in the garage what's the code and the lady was like you're here for an Airbnb and I was like yes and she was like what's the address or you know I was like, illegal airman. I was like, uh-oh. So anyway, I'm like, this is where I'm staying. And the terms and conditions at the bottom literally says, do not go to the front desk. And that's where I went.

That Airbnb got shut down. So that late, the lady calls me and just starts cussing me out. Oh, the owner? The owner of the air, just starts ripping me a new one. Finally, I had just hung up on the lady. And I have no idea what's going on. Yeah. So I was like, crap.

Like, this is Proposal Week. and I don't know what to do. So I had to call her dad and be like, hey, dude, can I stay at Grandma Susan's house? So he, like, calls her, because they were supposed to stay at Grandma Susan's house, hiding there to show up for proposal day. So they had to all get a hotel,

and I'm, like, trying to coordinate all this without her knowing. I'm just like, oh, that sucks. He's like... Got it all coordinated. They came. We, like, walked down to the beach, did, like, a scavenger hunt. She got X things.

And then once she put a blindfold on, then obviously, like, she knew what was happening. Yeah. walked her down to the beach and proposed. And I was so nervous, I put the ring upside down. Yeah, he opened it upside down the box. Proposed and, yeah. And the ring went missing.

Yeah, right? And the sand. I feel like that has to happen. That would be. Yeah, that would be horrible. I would just take you on top of the weekend. Ken, how long did it take you to realize you were getting proposed to? Well, I kind of, like, had a feeling a little bit.

I really thought that he was surprised me with a dog. So he, like, he, like, texted me, like, a couple months before was like, hey, I'm planning this, like, trip. to take all of your friends because I was graduating that next weekend. Okay. So, yeah, it was like a graduation gift. And I was like, oh, he's going to get me a Frenchie. I really wanted a French bulldog, like so bad, like all leading up to that.

And so I thought for sure, like, we were going to meet the breeder in Coronado and that's where the dog was going to be. And obviously it was not a dog. But so like that was kind of what was going through my mind the whole time that we were getting a dog. And I was like, oh, the scavenger hunt is leading to the dog. And then once he put the blindfold on and I sat down the sand. And then this is a bit dramatic.

for a dog. And then like this song that we had loved started playing. She's a Frenchy waiting at the end of the beach there. The song that we loved started playing, I was like, oh, he's proposing to me. And then I was like, yeah. So it was great. It was perfect. Had you guys talked about getting married?

Or was it just like a dog conversation that had happened so far? No, no. We for sure talked about. I think I probably rushed it a little bit faster than maybe because she wanted to like wait a little bit until out of college. But I had, she was in college while I was graduated. So like I was ready to move on. settle down, start having kids, start getting to it. And I propose right of literally right as she

graduated. I said, I just need to be graduated from college in order for us to like be engaged the week later. Yeah. Why not like get married while you're in college? That's what all the, that's what like the cool kids are doing. Oh yeah. No, that honestly, we were the first to get married. And I think my friends now are starting to get married. But like we have three kids and they're like, yeah, you guys are doven head first. Yeah. Yeah. I think we were married for three months before we got pregnant with our first baby. Oh no what? Yeah. Was that always the plan to just start having babies right away? No. No. We were like, let's wait like a year, year and a half before we start having babies. And then I was in a job transition like when we had first gotten married. So I was

kind of like, again, it went back to like identity crisis thing. Like all in college. I was a cheerleader. And so that's what I knew. And then I was a wedding planner after college. And so I gave like, that was like everything consumed my life. And then. I could see you being a great wedding planner. Really? Okay. Yeah. I feel like when I think it. I think, about, I think about people like Addy, like organized on top of it. Yeah. We would be terrible wedding planners. Horrible. I'd be so bad at that. Anyways, so that was like my whole identity. And then I started to travel a ton for weddings. And I was like going to Cabo, which like sounds really fun and it was really fun. But when you're traveling every single weekend, he was working Monday through Saturday.

I'm like, wait, but we just got married. Like our marriage is going to like fail if we never have time to spend with each other. We were just both so career focused. So I'm like, okay, I need to, I need to change. for my career and so I was in a career change and I was kind of bored and I was like well you know maybe we could like try to have a baby and we thought maybe it would take you know you have no idea how long it's going to take to have a baby you could try for a year you could try for one month one month and it's been one month yeah yeah and then we um got pregnant with our first baby that's so wow so that was fast three months in probably we're not expecting for that to happen no no but I mean it was great I mean obviously we're here now three three later as you like you look back on

your first kid and you think you're in like the thick of it and you think it's so hard. Yeah. But then you have the perspective of having three kids and you're like, wow, I wish I would have the same mindset then that I have now. You just grow and grow. Working as a wedding planner, did you guys have a really cool wedding? I mean, I think that I think we had a cool wedding. We got married at night, actually.

So our ceremony was at like 7.30 p.m. Oh, wow. And so it was like pitch black. So when did you do photos? At night. It was like all flash photography. No way. Why at night?

I went to, I planned a wedding. on New Year's Eve. So we got married in April and I planned a wedding on New Year's Eve and it was at night because obviously like they needed to stay till 12 to like celebrate it. Because this was COVID year. So you couldn't have everybody together. It was when we get married? 2022.

2022. But because they were having a New Year's Eve wedding, they like wanted to like celebrate at night. So like okay, the ceremony has to be way later in the day. Because usually wedding ceremonies are like 4 p.m. So like to keep guests, you know, rallied and hyped until 12 when it started at 4. So I planned this wedding on New Year's Eve. It was like pitch black during the ceremony and it was so like romantic and different. That does sound nice.

Yeah. And because I was a wedding planner, I had seen every wedding in the book, you know, and it was such a different feeling. So I texted him that night. And I was like, oh my gosh, we need to get married in the evening. He was like, no way. Why would we do that? Like what about our photos? What about our like grandparents who are old?

You know, like that's, you know, we got to weigh a lot of options here. But I loved it. And I was like, no, we were doing this. And so we did. We got married at night. And honestly, it was so fun. That's so cool. And because we were, like, kind of fresh out of college and we had similar friend groups

in college. It was that we were the first to get married. It was just so much fun because, like, it was most of our college friends' first weddings that they've ever been to. So we had, like, 13 bridesmaids and 13 groomsmen. Wow. It was a party. It was a party.

That sounds like a blast. Yeah. It was so fun. That's cool. Yeah. So fireworks for a part of the wedding? No, I wish. Honestly, fireworks are really expensive.

To do like a 30 second firework show, it's like thousands of dollars. You're kidding me. Because we spent like 300 bucks on fireworks and we had some epic fireworks at a wedding. It was also the... It was two days after the four. We got married on July. Oh, okay, okay. Get a little discount on fireworks. Yeah. And the place that we got married,

they do fireworks and also is a small town. They're not. Yeah. Well, that's, I think we got a good thing. They could have charged a lot more for them. Abby's parents paid for it, but I think there was a good, you know, we got a good value just because It was a small town. Everyone knows everybody. Yeah.

No, we got married to my parents' backyard. Like, to do it legally, you know, you have to like, you know, all of that. Because bad things could happen with fireworks. Sparklers, though? Sparklers, though? Sparklers. You guys do sparklers? We didn't have sparkler exits.

What? We didn't have sparkler exit. Because everybody, I think people started leaving at like 3 a.m. You know, because we, the wedding started so late. So it was like, people just trickled out. Yeah. We slept at my parents' house. Like, we, yeah.

Well, you spent the night at your parents' house on the wedding night? Yeah. Yeah. I was, nothing was happening. I had way too much fun that night. We just went to bed. We just went to bed. See, we were like, we were like nine o'clock. We were headed out. We were on our way. Yeah. That's awesome. Well, that sounds like a really fun wedding. It was. It was. So it sounds like starting a family was like, a, well, it happened a little earlier than you had maybe anticipated. It was always like a high priority for both of you guys. And I heard that you come from a big family. Six kids, yeah. Six kids. Yeah. All boys. Boys, three and three. Three and three. Three boys, three girls, one boy. Three girls, all a year apart.

Yeah. I'm the youngest. That's insane. So my oldest brother is, wait a minute. 36 and then I'm 29. Holy cow. Yeah. That's crazy.

And she homeschooled. Yeah. She homeschooled? Yeah. We're homeschooled. I like look back at it and I'm like, how? How?

Yeah, I don't know how my mother did it. So is that part of the motivation of like also wanting to have kids really quickly and like close age? Yeah, I've always kind of. had that mindset of wanting to get married and have kids super young. I even I feel like expressed that to you early on. Which is why I was like oh my gosh he's my husband. I want to like be married and have kids too so so that's how you don't meet that in college you don't really meet that at ASU so I was like you got to get a guy from yeah found the one yeah that's cool six kids though that's like

not super common but I feel but I feel like it's more common in the LDS community like were you raised LDS? Or you weren't okay I mean I grew up with pretty much a lot of LDS kids. Her family's almost pretty much all LDS. Um, we aren't, we aren't LDS though. Yeah. I was raised like, I was raised Baptist Christian. Um, okay. Then kind of like transition into like non-denominational. But yeah. Big family fun. All to close together. Yes. That's sweet. And kid, do you have a lot of siblings? No, I'm one of three girls. Okay. Yeah. And now we have three boys. That's crazy. I'm one of three boys. That's crazy. I'm one of three boys and we have three boys. So to me it makes sense but you're probably like what the heck.

Yeah. This is not how the kids have like issues. Yeah. I'm like these are just how boys act. Yeah. I don't know how boys are. Yeah. I'm like you wouldn't want to know the stuff me and my brothers did when you're young. Oh my gosh. Like the wrestling like did you and your brothers ever try to kill each other. Yeah. They do like wrestling night like every night and I'm like oh my gosh take this into the like borderline. You and your sisters never did that. No. My older brother did I wouldn't we met doing theater. I was literally, I was doing ballet. My older brother was doing football. He wanted to impress his girlfriend. So he, he was like, Matt wrestling. So we wrestle in front of his girlfriend, who's, he was married to now. And he like body slammed me, like, full body weight into the ground.

I couldn't breathe. I'm like, I'm a ballerina. And then, this isn't what I signed up for. No, but yeah, like you just trying to show off. Bro, yeah, you, you, you send it with your brothers. You definitely fight and stuff. But it's all for, and then you love each other still. That's what brothers are for, in my opinion. No, I want them to be, you know, like, I want them to, like, wrestle and be whatever, but it, it stresses me out a little bit. We had, like, our oldest son the other night. I was putting him down for bed. And I was like, all right, give each other hugs.

And he, like, gives him a hug. And then he kisses him on the forehead. Then he backs up and then he just punches it. Oh, whoa. I was like, why did we have to go to that? You were just, like, hugged him. Was that the middle child? That was camp to key.

Yeah. The oldest to the middle child. Oh, the oldest of the middle child. Yeah, just decked him out. It's like, hey, whoa, we don't do that. That's what happens all the time. Like, they started by hugging, and then it's just like, they don't like go. And then someone starts pulling someone to the ground and like, oh my gosh.

Bro, one time this happened in the middle of Disneyland. Our kids were playing, like, wrestling, just being boys. And we weren't going to stop them because they're just having so much fun. They were cracking up. They were going, having so much fun. But then our oldest tackles our middle child at the time was our youngest. and bro just like I could feel the vibration and the concrete when his head made contact with the concrete I just immediately jumped up picked him up and went straight master already running he had no phones

well I was I did not have my phone for some reason and I was just like freaking out of the stroller and I had our other son I thought I thought for sure he was concussed and the lady at Disneyland at the first day dude you ran like half a mile because we ran cars and the he went to the entrance oh my god he like She's left the place. Yes. And then she just like, looks at his eyes with the light. And she's like, oh, he's good. And I'm like, well, I'm like, you did not see what happened.

He's not like, we need to call the ambulance. And then he was fine. And Abby's like with the shoulder like, where did Matt go? I'm like, I can't call him. Yeah. Like, I just went to the front. I was like, sure he's at first date. Thank you to Cashat for sponsoring this portion of today's episode.

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Savings and offers provided by Cash App, a managed account, a Bloc, Inc. brand. Parents and Legal Guardians can open a managed account for kids 6 to 12. Visit cash.app slash legal slash podcast for full disclosure. How do you feel like starting your family changed your marriage? I feel like we don't even really know what it's like to be married without kids, which I feel like comes with its own challenges. Yeah. And I feel like when our kids like, you know, graduate and they move out,

then we'll have that time to like, you know, be on our own. But I think right now we're just like head down, you know, like this is our calling right now is to be mom and dad. But we've had, we've had to like figure out how to prioritize us while having kids in the last last. First child was probably the hardest marriage wise. Yeah. Just because it's your first time. Yeah. You just, you have to learn how to. Obviously the first kid is like, is this kid breathing? Is he sleeping? Is he going to wake up? Like, you're just stressed about that. first kid the whole time. But that's when we kind of, I feel like struggle the most with our marriage and realize that you have to like really emphasize making time for each other. Because we were just

heads down in our career, trying to make it to where we wanted to make it and had a kid along the way. But then we realize like we have to literally, you have to dedicate time. Like now we dedicate we dedicate, we wish we could probably even do more, but we dedicate one day a week for just date night to like recapture a week recapture where we're at in our marriage talk about each other don't have our phones um but yeah focusing on marriage is probably just as important as parenting just because if your marriage isn't a good place you're not going to be a good parent in my eyes i agree with that yeah you can't really be a great parent if your marriage isn't in good standing just because you have a lot of animosity i would say if you're not in a good place in your marriage

but yeah it was hard for our first kid then we transitioned into two got easier transition into three and I'd say it gets easier as we go. Just realizing that we're on the same team. That was like really hard with our first baby. We were like head budding a lot. Like, you know, as the mom, you feel like anger because you're doing so much and they don't understand your role and you don't understand their role. And so we just really weren't on the same team with our first baby.

And then, you know, you get to a breaking point where you're like, oh my gosh, like we need to prioritize us because if, you know, like he said, if we're not. on the same page, like we can't be, we can't parent together. I made a mistake of doing a competition first child too. Yeah. For like bodybuilding slash physique. You did a bodybuilding competition? And it was just, that was a terrible idea.

It was peak. I had like, I had committed to it prior to us even being married, committed to it prior to having a kid. So I was already like so far into training that we agreed that I should finish it and not quit. Little did we know what it entailed, but how much time commitment was that bodybuilding? Probably I mean, it took me almost a whole year, year and a half, but you're working out what like six days? I was working it. It was legit. I'd wake up at 3.30 in the morning. I'd go to the gym Come home. I would eat and I'd go to the gym again. Oh my gosh. I'd get home at like 8.30 get ready for work. I'd leave. I'd come home and then we'd go to bed pretty much immediately like when you got when work was done you just came home with the bed. Not. Not.

No, I would help with the kids going to, or just the kid camp going to bed. But like once you get to like your later phase of competing, I guess like the last two months, your brain is just shot. Like you're on minimal calories. You're just like, you're not there at all. It was lights on no one's home. Yeah, you're legit and just like almost like la la land. You can't think straight. You can't do anything physically.

You're dizzy. And we had like a two month old baby. Two months. did win the competition. No way, he did. I won the competition. No, we have to go back a little bit though. Okay, go back. So he was training for this competition. So my entire pregnancy, we did not eat a meal together for almost a full year. First kid. This is first kid? Yeah. So like my entire pregnancy, we hadn't eaten a meal together for a full year because he has a very, very strict diet. Obviously when you're pregnant, you want to like, eat in Cheetos. Eat whatever you want. And then

I'm postpartum and he's in the best physical shape of his entire life. Now talk about a rift. Yeah. Matt's like trying to get in such good. shape right now. You're like, not now. Yeah. Yeah. So he's in the best physical shape of his life. He's like in front of the mirror like working on his poses. I'm like, you know, I just had a baby, my first baby. So I'm having such a crisis in my own brain about how I look. And then he'd like wake up at like he said 3 a.m. And his first meal of the day was rice and tilapia. So I would wake up. I'm nursing our son like at 3 a.m. I just smell tilapia and rice. And I'm like. That sounds like fight. Yeah. Yeah. That sure. Right? And so, and like, you know, like, yeah, that smells like, yes, exactly. Exactly. So like, and like he said, he was really lights on no one's home, which is fine. I was so, it took a lot in me to be like, okay, I committed to supporting you in this. I do support you. I have to like put myself aside. And this was a dream of his. It was a bucket list. It was like, you know, something that he'd want to do his whole life. Very, very bad timing. Like he said, we got pregnant after he committed to it. So it was kind of one of those things.

things where it's like, okay, you know, we got to kind of just see it through. But yeah, our baby was two months old at show day. So he was at like the peak of his diet and exercise. And I'm like, please whatever you do, just don't say anything about having to like microwave tilapio while I'm like pushing. Like that might be like the end for me. But but yeah, no, he, he won the show and then he was hospitalized for 10 days afterwards with Rob Do My Out. I'm going to butcher how you say it. You said it, rabdomyalysis. Yeah, something like that. What the heck is rabdil myalysis?

Sounds serious. People are probably going to listen to this and think I describe it horribly, but it's like essentially like a, I guess just like a toxic protein that gets released into your body and essentially just like starts eating away at your muscles. That's terrifying. It's like, it's more common in like firefighters or stuff like that, but it literally just like attacked my whole body. It was in Houston.

Have you ever heard of Alphalit, like Christian Guzman? Yeah. Yeah. So it was his show. So we were in Houston And I had like started getting cramps And I was like, okay, what do you do? I'm probably just cramping from like the show

And then the cramps got worse I was just trying to drink as much water I was eating pickles I was doing everything I could And then we got home that night And it was like 11 o'clock or midnight And I was like, I think I need to go to the hospital Because I was like, it was like

I was wanting to cry, it was hurting so bad Anyway, I went to the hospital We like went into triage And the lady comes in and she was like yeah you have ribdomyalysis and I was like what is that? Like do I need a prescription? Yeah so I like Google it immediately and it like starts talking about like dialysis and like kidney failure and I was like

Oh my gosh. Anyway yeah so we ended up being in the hospital for they just plug me in to an IV And we're giving me uh they were checking my CK levels CK whatever it's a lot of terms we don't really know but it was serious yeah yeah Yeah I was in hospital for 10 days. 10 days. Was that because of the bodybuilding? It's because yeah I they so I just was on if I were to do I want to do it again

not obviously in this let's do it together let's do it it is so much fun really it's like a place that like mentally you have to like I like think about it now and I'm just trying to do like a regular routine

I'm like how the heck did I do that can't even wake up at seven anymore like if I but yeah I literally was in the hospital and we were like what the heck is happening but yeah I like went into the hospital weighing like 174 pounds from Show Day, I left the hospital weighing 2.30 because of IVs.

They literally like... Ten days? But that's how much you cut. Like you cut that much body fat, that much whatever. Yeah. And you were 2.30 because they were just trying to get nutrients to your muscles. Basically all they do is just plug you with IVs and just keep... You're just literally have IVs pumping you with fluids.

I have never heard of anything like that. And my, I wish I could show you the pictures, but like you see me on Show Day and cut for Showday. And after the hospital, I'm like... A balloon. A huge. like water weight was a lot of water weight no like my face was like imploded my legs were all swollen I had like a gut and it was it was nuts but yeah it was like all that work and I was like all right back to school yeah yeah yeah he won't did you get any money for winning or was no you get like an

invitation to go to like nationals and compete for your pro card do any one doing that my wife was like no shot absolutely but yeah did you stay in the hospital with a baby I did well no our son thankfully stayed with my parents and he like came and visited twice maybe yeah that was really hard because i was really his show itself was really hard for me mentally being postpartum and you know all the things and then to like win it was like this high like okay it was all worth it like we did it he won you know and then it was like to go to the hostel afterwards it was like oh my gosh like we thought this was over like i was so excited to have our life back and like have him back and then yeah but honestly it was like a really it really taught me

like how grateful I am for our health because that time that we were in the hospital was so depressing. I'm like, I can't believe that people spend way more than 10 days in the hospital. So, yeah, it was definitely not the like result we wanted in the end, but it taught us a lot. You know, we know now what to do if he ever does it again. But yeah, it was hard. Our baby, thankfully my parents just jumped up and took care of our baby for those 10 days. but yeah, he came a visit a few times. At that point, were you creating videos on TikTok?

Were you posting on social media? I had just signed with my management probably like, I want to say a month before that. So it wasn't something where I would, I mean, I was sharing what was going on on Instagram, but I wasn't really like working fully yet. You didn't just like get signed by management overnight. Like I'm guessing you've been posting consistently. Yeah, I had been posting consistently. consistently. I mean, honestly, I say all the time, like, my management really took a chance

on me. Like, they saw potential in me when I feel like I didn't see potential in myself at all. I honestly was really just posting online because I felt so alone in motherhood. Just like, I called my mom one of the, like, when I was, I think three weeks postpartum. I was like, I think I'm going to get a job at, like, the local gym. I just need like an outlet outside of being a mom. I'm like feeling so lost in motherhood. He was working six. days a week at the time. So I was just feeling so lonely. And so I started posting, yeah, on social media just as like an outlet to relate to other moms and something to do with like my free time. You know, they're napping like three times a day. And like I said, he was working so much.

So yeah, I just filled my time with that. And then yeah, I guess by management, like I said, saw potential in me and we signed. And then here we are, went from there. Is that the whole, the whole like tilapia and rice at 3 a.m when you're resting the baby? is that part of why you had some people online that didn't like your husband? I would say that was probably even prior to prior to why they don't like me. I don't think I ever shared his bodybuilding. I wasn't really sharing at that time, like our day to day.

Like I do now. It was more so like Camp's club foot journey. Yeah. So our son was diagnosed with club feet at my 20 make anatomy scan. And so I started sharing that journey. And I feel like that's what really kick started like my social. media journey was that. Got it. Yeah. Thank you to Noble for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. When we go to an airport with our children, our entire family, what I wouldn't do for an

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After you purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. I saw a clip, like it popped up for me of, you went on a podcast recently and we're talking about how, yeah, there were some people that just were, you know, not being very nice to your man. Yeah. And I just, I found it so interesting because, like, I mean, I want to hear what you have to say about this, Tristan, because it's, it's cool that, you know, this is your first podcast. We're, my honor to have you.

But I feel like there's not, there's not a whole lot of social media husbands that, like, people love. No, yeah. And it's so true. I really don't feel like men are loved online. And he is not the center of my content. He doesn't want to be the center of my content. And so you don't see him a lot in what I post in my day to day. So what I was kind of describing on that podcast was about mainly, like,

because you're not seeing him, I feel like people think that he's really like absentee as a dad. Whereas like if you're seeing me clean the house, it doesn't mean that he's just like sitting on his hands in the bedroom. He's like putting our kids to bed. And so I feel like a lot of times he is misunderstood online because I share my struggles in motherhood,

in life in general. And it's always like, well, where's your husband? And it's like, it's not that he's not there for me. He's just not, you know, he's doing other things he's 1,000% yeah, leading our house in other ways but

people like to fill in gaps yeah how is that like for you like with your wife like choosing a public career that also like that obviously has implications for you as her husband

I don't know how I'm trying to put this in like a nice way I genuinely just don't like I don't care what people think about me that's dope yeah I just like that's those people don't matter to me it's there's a lot of people she could post something online whether it's a good thing or a bad thing people are

still going to have bad things to say about me that's just the nature of social media you have her doing this like when she first started was just like a little fun thing she did it as like a hobby then she like got her first i remember she got her first paycheck from something and i was like oh cool like that's cool and she turned it into a full-blown career you're like keep doing this yeah i was like cool like yeah keep doing this um but as far as what people say like i genuinely just I don't care. I'm not, she's,

this is like her career, so maybe she's more censored in certain areas, but like, maybe that's why I'm not online. I'm not censored. Like, I'll tell you how I feel.

I just, that's not. So it's literally never, never once even, like, hurt your feelings. No. Not even a little bit.

No, you could say whatever you want about me, honestly, online. I just like, I know, I know she loves me,

I know my family loves me. I know at the end of the day that I, I mean, I think I'm a good husband, I'm a good father. I work. I don't work like they think I work. They think I work seven days a week and I'm literally never home.

I literally work four days a week. Then I'm home three days of the week with the family. But I do read them. I read the stuff that people say and I do fire back sometimes. Yeah, and I get really that. Sometimes she's like my burner account. Wait, give me. I don't really have social media, but like when I do get on sometimes,

I literally have TikTok to like watch her stuff. Okay. Because like if that's really sweet. If I don't, because her TikToks are literally like recapture. or the day of when I was at work. So I get to go watch her video and I literally get to watch my whole kid's day without like I guess talking about it.

But like I get to see it all and I get to see what they're doing. That's why I have TikTok to watch her stuff. But like obviously some people you doomscroll at nighttime. I'll like go in the comments and read her comments and like I see the stuff people say. Did you know that he was firing back?

I always delete his comments. She deletes my... She deletes. I delete him with such good comebacks to people. Like I think they're going. come back. And I just like, then I see that she'll delete my comments. I'm like, you suck her. Like, screw that person. He'll text me and be like, wait, where'd my comment go? And I'm like,

I don't know where it went. Like, I don't know where it went. He must have just went to like the reviewed and filtered. I don't know where it went. He's like, you're deleting them. I'm like, yeah, I'm deleting them. Like, it's going to cause me more stress. Like, just leave it alone. Please. But like, like, he is so unfiltered, which was like, not to say why I was like a little bit nervous for him to come to this today. But like it is such a great quality of his. Like he will say it how it is and he will tell anybody how it is, whereas I'm a little bit more reserved in that way. And my job is not to please a million people. Yeah. My job's to please my children and my wife. Yeah. Yeah. So he will comment on people's things. But yeah, I don't know. But the username is not

your name. Sometimes it's your public username. And then I'm like, my gosh no like delete it was so I used to like to have like a fitness account when I wanted to do yeah bodybuilding so it's that account but like that's the only one is it just you and like a like a little speedo yeah literally yeah it's everything she ever dreamed of but yeah no I I fire back for sure I'm sure you guys what are they saying what are they saying I'm curious that he's not like really present in our family that all he cares about is working and I You know, I've talked a lot about postpartum depression on my page. And so people kind of want to like pin that on him.

Like, oh, you, like, where's your husband and all of this? Whereas, like, if you've ever gone through postpartum depression, you know it's not something that he's going to be able to fix overnight. And it's not something that I can fix overnight either. And like I had said previously, you're not seeing him be that like comfort source for me because I'm not sharing it. but that's because I keep what we have very, like, safe between us and I don't share it. I think that's also to, like, please some of my preferences, too.

Yeah. Because I like, I mean, I like some of our life to be private. Like, I don't want certain stuff online, which you'd probably be more open to that, but I... We've had to navigate that a lot in the last three years. We've shared a lot, or I've shared a lot less just to, again, protect like that. So, yeah. Which is really wise, honestly. That's like totally a learning curve.

Totally. We've done the same thing. Yeah. I think in the beginning you share everything because you're so excited and it's so fun to share your life and then you realize as you grow, hate grows and then you kind of like pull back a little bit and just you won't want to keep what you have outside of, you know, social media a little bit more private. And honestly, like he has helped me so much with the hate and realizing that like if I lock

my phone, none of this exists. Like, 1,000 for it all goes away. And all that really matters is how my kids feel, how he feels, and how I truly feel, like, inside. And so, again, that has been growth, too, because I used to let that consume me. And there's definitely days that it still does. But I remember, okay, if I turn this off, this doesn't exist. You know, what really matters is what's in front of me. Like, yeah, tell me what's something that you used to would have shared about?

And then now you're like, I don't share about that anymore. I think a lot of like personal details about our kids. Like he said, I shared a lot about our son's club foot journey in the beginning. And I was, that was so fun to share his journey because so many people online, I didn't know there was a whole community of people who were diagnosed with club fee, who, you know, have recovered from having club feet. And so I got to meet so many people online and build this community of moms who are currently receiving their diagnosis or their child has gone through this.

But now I don't really share a lot about that. So just a lot of things about our kids and then just like, again, just like marital things. And our like families, both of our families, they used to share a lot about our other, you know, like his parents, my parents, our siblings. And I don't really share anybody anymore because I don't want to subject anybody else to any kind of hate or criticism. I'm choosing to put my life online. You know, they're not. So I kind of have found that. boundary as well. That's good. Yeah. It's taken time though. You know, like it takes a few comments

to be like, oh, okay, maybe we should pull back a little bit. I admire your like vulnerability in sharing about postpartum. And I think you've shared that your experience postpartum has been pretty similar with all three. Kind of just give a little synopsis for people that don't know your journey about postpartum. Like what that looks like for you. Did you receive like a diagnosis or was it just like something that you kind of piece together like these are the symptoms i'm experiencing this is probably what this is yeah so with our first baby obviously as a first time mom my mom had told me prior to having my first baby that she had experienced postpartum impression with me and so there was like a little bit of my brain that was like okay like this is something that could happen but you don't know

what postpartum depression looks like until you are living it i feel like even if you are somebody i cry on literally every single fuck i'll cry with you it's okay Even if you are somebody who is postpartum, but you haven't experienced post postpartum depression, it's really hard to understand what that feels like or what that even looks like. And so when we had our first baby, I was really not okay mentally. And I've never been somebody who struggled with any kind of mental health my entire life. So I knew that something was definitely wrong. And at the six-week visit, you know, you do that little like post-partum depression screening.

And it kind of seems silly to be like not just. doing well most of the time some of the time you know whatever it kind of just feels like this silly thing that you're just like checking through and whatever and so at the six week postpartum visit i was doing totally fine and then it wasn't until around like four to five months that i had realized i really wasn't okay um and it's like it feels embarrassing to say but like i wanted my old life back i didn't want to be a mom anymore i wanted to just like what my current life i wanted to run away from it i didn't want my husband i didn't want my baby I just wanted to like make it all disappear.

And so that's when I knew like, okay, I'm really not okay because like this isn't me. With all three of them, so with my second baby and my third baby, it was something that I kind of just recognized. I knew like, you know, what my triggers were and I knew what postpart depression looked like. So when I had started to feel those feelings again, I was like, okay, this is what this is. I've experienced this before. I know I can come out of it. I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. so it made it way more manageable second and third time,

but I still experienced those feelings, those dark thoughts, you know, just feeling really like not myself, feel like a stranger in my own head every single day and just feeling like flight or flight. I would wake up every day and I'm like, okay, am I fighting today or am I flying today? And a lot of the times when you're in that thick of postpart depression, you are fighting every day just to like even make it through the day mentally.

And you're trying to like talk yourself off of the, this ledge while you also have three you know humans who are depending on you to like get them through the day so yeah postpartum depression has been something that you know i don't wish upon anybody but i know so many women experienced it so sharing it has really um been helpful for my own journey to know that you know i'm not alone there's so many other women who experience this but yeah i feel like that's That was kind of like short term roundabout of postpartum depression. What I think is so cool about that is like, first of all, kudos to your mom for like saying to you like this is something before you have a baby.

Like this is something to look out for and to know about. And I experienced it too. I think there's so much power in that like woman to woman, but especially mom to daughter. Like I remember my own mom even saying like she had like talking about having baby blues. Like and she was like even though it was everything I ever wanted. Like it was so weird. And she even like said like a certain time of day.

always hit more. And like, so then when I experienced like the similar feelings and baby lose, I was like, mom, like, this is happening. And so it's like she'd already open that door for me. And she already had been like vulnerable. So then I could also like share in like that vulnerability. And so I think it's really cool that you were like an online motherly figure per se for people that maybe their moms didn't have that conversation with them or maybe they didn't experience and didn't know. I think that's really, really powerful and like good for you. for sharing in that. What would you say, like, your timeline looked like for, like, postpartum depression?

So I had stopped breastfeeding all three of our babies around that, like, four to five month mark, like three to six months has always been, like, the tip for me postpartum. Oh, like stopping breastfeeding? Yes, yeah, because you know your hormones go crazy after you stop breastfeeding. And so that has always been, like, I remember with our third baby, I was like, okay, I'm starting to, like, feel like, I thought I was making it. out like, you know, it's, it's going to be okay. And then around that like three to six month range, I was like, okay, these feelings feel very familiar. But, you know, it is so common. There is,

I feel like with my first baby, I felt so much shame and how I felt and how I was thinking. And like you said, it is everything that you've ever wanted. But sometimes you can't like shove down how you're feeling because it's something that's incontrollable. Right. Being like mental health, being depressed, it's something that you can't control you. You just have to like live in it and work through it. But with my first baby, I did feel so much shame and embarrassment in feeling like, oh my gosh, this is everything I've ever wanted.

I prayed for him. I wanted to be a mom so bad. And now I want it to all go away. I want my old life back. You know, it sounds horrible to say, but I didn't want him. I didn't want my husband. I wanted to just like go away. Like I wanted everything to go away.

to sleep for however long I could sleep. And, yeah, I mean, understanding that that was postpartner depression helped. And, you know, I got on the side of TikTok that was like all these other moms were filling that same way. And so I'm like, okay, I'm not alone in this. And then with two and three, I knew, okay, we're in this season. He understood way more with baby two and three, you know, because he's trying to navigate to, you know, I'm like, I'm not myself.

And so I'm sure as a husband, it's hard to navigate like, okay, how can I be there for my wife? How can I show up for her in this season? And like he said, with our first baby, it was our first time experiencing that. It was my first time, his first time. And so it was definitely a transition. You know, when you have the first baby, your life flips upside down. And so. Yeah, I'm curious, Tristan, what was that postpartum phase like for you?

I'm sure it was not easy seeing your wife go through all of that. I guess I don't know how to explain it as much. It was definitely difficult for sure just to like watch somebody that obviously you love so much and care so much about and just to see him not in like an okay space. You obviously as a husband like I'm just very logical and straightforward and my idea is to fix or come up with a resolution. But like there's not really a resolution to it. it's more so just leaning more on just like praying and communicating and talking and it is it's just it's hard overall for everybody um i think what i did wrong initially on like our first child um it's even hard on our second and third children but first child like i just was like okay like let's come

up with a resolution like let's fix it like why aren't we fixing it why aren't we fixing this like why can't we come up with something but like it just was what I needed to do is just sit and like listen to her listen and be an open ear and just get through it with her together um obviously you just like you have good days you have bad days I'd come home from work maybe I had a bad day at work and she had a bad day mentally and it just it doesn't doesn't turn out great um but I just think overall it's like a husband You just have to really learn how to be patient and just be a listening ear and just be more loving versus I feel like most men are here to want to try to come up with a resolution to fix what's going on. That's just how that's how my brain operates. Yeah, me too.

It's not how women's brain, not all of them, but in her eyes, like, it's just that's not how operate in a night. It took me a long time to learn that. And it's hard. It's just hard. There's no way, I guess there's no sugar-coating it at all. You're so smiley. Like even talking about this, like your smile is coming out. He's so positive.

He is like such a positive person. Like our world could be crashing down around us and he's like finding the good in it, which is so helpful, which has been so helpful for me in this season is seeing the positive through it all. Like, you know, telling me like we're going to make it through. We're going to get through this. Like we've done it before. But yeah, no, he is smiling because he is so positive. and which obviously I need that, especially in the season of being in postpartum, you need,

you know, your support system. He goes through a lot, I'm sure, you know, in his workday, but he never brings anything home because he knows that when he steps through the door, I need him to be like our rock. And he is that for us. And so. Thank you to Zock Doc for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. You guys, as somebody that got diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood, I feel like Zoc Doc was made for me. I can take my doctor's appointments same day on my phone in the Zoc Doc app. I'll realize, oh, shoot, I ran out of my medicine. I need a refill.

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and they have more than 150,000 providers within 200-plus specialties across all 50 states. Plus, like Matt said, appointments happen fast, usually within 24 to 72 hours. And you can even score same day appointments lots of times like we have. Your health matters and taking care of yourself shouldn't be complicated. Ready to be seen, head to ZockDoc.com slash unplanned to get started and check that appointment off your to do list. That's ZOCDOC.com slash unplanned. Yeah, I want to talk about that dynamic a little bit of like you being gone like in the workplace and then you being home with the kids. I feel like people talk a lot about like those initial moments of like being reunited after the day.

Like where sometimes I feel like in the past like our parents generation like dads kick up their feet. Oh yeah. Like and then the moms are like, um, I have been working all day too. Like how does that hand off work in your household? Like I feel like he is way more involved than even like I feel like traditionally like even your dad will be like oh my gosh Tristan does. like so much. And it's not because I expect that of him. He has always wanted to be a dad. And so the second that he comes home, he has like a fresh mind. And, you know, all he wants to do is he jumps right into dad mode. It's never like, I had a long day at work and I've been working all day because he

knows that I've been working all day too. Not even social media aside. He knows that I've been working as a mom. So we just with, you know, when you have more than one child, you have to divide and conquer. you have to be a team. And so when he walks through the door, it is literally like go time to bedtime. You know, like we are working together to get to 8 o'clock. Yeah, I'm so curious when your kids go to bed.

Oh, gosh. It's, I mean, well, our oldest son is, that kid's all over the place. We, our other kids go to bed, like, right at 8 o'clock, 7.30 to 8 o'clock. But our oldest one is, so he obviously wears, like, boots and bars. Well, they might not know that.

For his clubbed feet, he is in a device until he's four. So basically they kind of describe it as like when you have braces and then you get a retainer, they don't want your teeth to go back. So same thing with his feet. They don't want his feet to go back. So he wears this, you know, device at night that he's been wearing since he was two months old. A little guy, yeah. Yeah.

So it's all he's ever known. But now he's three, almost four. And he's like, wait, but I don't want to wear this anymore. It's like in the understanding phase of like his brothers don't wear them. but he wears them and it's just like It's uncomfortable Yeah they're uncomfortable It's a hard battle

And you literally like He finally learned how to take him off Which like we cannot let him take him off Because if you re-reelps Essentially like if you stop wearing your retainers If he has to redo it all He has to get surgery again Which means he's gonna be in

CAST for six weeks Three year old who moves around a ton You can be bedridden So like it's super serious Anyways It's really sad but like you have to, we had to get locks to lock his boots.

So, even when you said, it's really sad, you're like smiling. Like, it's sad, but it's funny. It's inevitable.

It's what has to happen. It's life. Yeah, it is what it is. But this little guy, he can stop when he's four? Yeah, how much longer?

So it's like seven months? Yes, we're close. We're on the countdown. He doesn't know that he, you know, that there's a timeline, but obviously we know there's a timeline.

We don't want to tell him there's a timeline because, you know, we ask every day. Yeah. Then kids, have no concept of time. Yeah, they have no concept of time. And so he just knows that it's something that he wears every single night. But anyway, sorry, you can go on with the locks. He just like,

he won't go to bed. He won't go to bed. He comes out. He crawls out and you hear his little boots clacking. He's like, take my boots off. And I'm like, you got to keep him on, buddy. You take him in there. Walks right back out. Anyway, the little locks we got, I just left him on like zero, zero, zero. Because like, this kid's not going to learn how to take these locks off. I would spin him. he learned to put him to 0-000-0 take off his locks. Are you kidding? And I was like, what the, why did you, like he watched me, he's been watching me, put him on 0-000-0 to unlock them.

And so, yeah, he takes off his locks. So now I had to literally last night reset all the locks to like random codes so he can't know how to take them off. They're so smart. Yeah, it is really hard for us to see him not want to wear them and to see him uncomfortable and to see him sad over them. Why am I so emotional? You're way more postpartum than I am.

I'm about to cry thinking about his first night that he gets to sleep with no. Yes. Yeah. He's had nights where he doesn't. You just like your heart breaks for your kids. You have some nights where it's just like you're taking these dang things off.

Like you can just come sleep. Because you just want to sleep. Yes. Yeah. But we know that we are doing what's in his best interest by putting them on, by keeping them on, by doing the locks. Like it sounds really aggressive to like put locks on these boots. But it's like,

You know, in the long run, we don't want his feet to relapse and have to do another surgery and do casting and do these boots all over again. So we have to do what we have to do now to, you know, make sure that his feet are corrected. And tell four, we put, you know, we were four years in. We don't want to go backwards. So. But yeah, all that to say, getting into bed. Yeah, getting into bed is tough. They know, they know that like, you know, if they work and work and work enough, I'm sure your kids do it too, that you'll break.

And there's been times where we've broke. I mean, for sure. Sometimes you're just tired and you're like, I just want you to go to bed. You're like, yeah. So, but it's okay. You know, like we'll get through it. We have seven more months. We've already, you know, we're three and a half years in.

But. That's a long game. Yeah, it is. It is. Okay, so bedtime's not really like. Not set for that. I kind of want to circle back just a little bit because out of curiosity, why did you choose to stop breastfeeding around that point that you did every time with your

babies? Honestly, it was literally. And I think, you know, looking at, now that I'm outside of it, I have a really hard time taking care of myself. So like when he went back to work, which obviously, you know, he went back to work one week in all three times. And then like people kind of start to check in less and, you know, like as time goes. And like I said, I'm just really not great at taking care of myself. So I feel like my supply drops. You know, I'm the first to go. So like, you know, all three kids have eaten. And now I'm like, I just want to go sleep.

And, you know, when you're breastfeeding, you have to, like, really keep up on your water intake, on your food intake and all of those things. And so, like, around that, like, three months is when I think that, like, my supply dropped significantly. Our third baby had a horrible latch from the very beginning. And there was a lot of issues there. But, yeah, that, like, three to six month mark is kind of where, like, tapered off from me all three times. And honestly, too, mentally, I told myself, like, if this becomes, harder than it is easy. Like, I'm just going to, like, not give up, but, like,

we're going to have to resort to formula because my kids deserve, you know, a happy mom before breast milk. Like, at that point, fed his best. And so, yeah, all with my first baby, it was for sure, like, okay, I'm not doing okay mentally. I need help. And so I need him to take a shift in the middle of the night. I was pumping and I was exclusively pumping and exclusively pumping is like, oh my gosh.

Like, nightmare. Yeah. Forget it. We didn't even have a bottle washer when I was exclusively pumping. And so we were like hand washing every single pump. And, you know, I was like not doing okay mentally. And I was like, okay, I need to just, I need to like find some bit of like ease or normalcy. And, you know, giving up breastfeeding was that.

And so, yeah, with all three, it's been around that time. Yeah, the reason I ask is because I feel like breastfeeding is like such a mental game. And then I'm like, I didn't know if there was like a connection between that too. Yeah, for sure. It's just you're always on a timeline. Mm-hmm. You're like, mm-hmm. Not to make things too dark, but I want to bring it up because I know like last year,

when we went through the horrible, horrible, unimaginable, you know, miscarriage, um, late term, Abby mentioned to me that like you guys ran into each other and you. We did. We cried. I cried. I can't remember if you cried. I'm shh. I know I did.

We ran into each other at, what was it? Pumpkin patch. Yeah, the pumpkin patch. And I had just. seeing your guys's post before then. And it was kind of one of those things where I was like, oh, do I, do I say hi? You know, maybe you're just trying, because I, you know, I know, I know, sometimes you just want to like be and you don't want to, you know, have to be on or feel like people are watching you or always feel like you have to like give someone a certain type of energy.

So I was like, you know, maybe she'd just here with her kids at the pumpkin patch and she just, you know, wants to do her thing. But something in me felt like, oh, I should, I should go say hi to her. I did and we talked about your miscarriage. It was something that I was hesitant to bring up, but we had miscarried between our first and second baby, you know, not to 20 weeks. And so I was actually just telling Tristan because he's not on social media about your story,

I think, a few weeks ago. But yeah, we, I feel like as a mom who has walked through miscarriage, you, it's something that nobody can really understand unless you've walked through it. So that's why I was like, you know what? thing was just pulling me towards you and I was like I'm just going to go say hi give her a hug if she doesn't want to talk about it you know she doesn't have to talk about it I just want to say like

I'm praying for you and I'm thinking about you and your family and yeah that's so sweet yeah I feel like yeah I think I don't know if you feel the same way but like navigating there's such a complexity to the emotions you feel after you've had like healthy babies and then you experience a loss like that it's such like a it's a uniquely devastating thing in a way because you know it's I say uniquely because it doesn't mean that I'm not comparing like other

people's stories because I truly believe that everyone's like you know you're dealing with what you have uniquely but um all that to say you know how how special it is to see like you know to grow a baby to full term to give birth

then to like raise a newborn and then to like go through the other side of that. I don't know how you felt like during your miscarriage, but it was like almost like this hurts so much knowing what what could have been. Yeah, I definitely, my hardest pregnancy was for sure. My hardest pregnancy mentally was for sure our second baby. I'm sure for you as well, your baby after loss, your rainbow baby. One thousand percent.

Because, you know, those thoughts are constantly in your brain. but yeah I sorry I can't even remember what your question was well it really wasn't a question I guess I got to just like longed it back over to you but I guess you kind of answered my like my thinking in the sense of like so your pregnancy after loss was difficult mental yes yeah for sure until we got to I think the anatomy scan then I felt like we could be like okay we can breathe a little bit and too you know our only experience before then at an anatomy scan was really receiving his club foot diagnosis. So to know, you know, to get to the anatomy scan, I was so anxious because of that.

Like, is this baby going to have club feet as well? And then also, you know, just like knowing that everything is going okay, you know. But yeah, no, the pregnancy after loss definitely is just every single week is like, okay, you know, we're getting there. And it wasn't truly until he was put on my chest that I felt like I could breathe and like just like let out a big sigh of relief because yeah you do know what you lost you you understand now because you have another baby but um yeah no it is really difficult and I definitely like sympathize with you so much and that's why I was like I just have to give her a

hug even if I appreciate that even if she doesn't you know want it even she doesn't want to talk just give her hug and tell her I'm praying for you guys Kristen was it hard to come up with the words to say to your wife at that time just knowing yeah being guys like it's like we just want to fix it and it's like we can't like there's nothing you can do to fix a miscarriage it was definitely tough i mean i i don't want to belittle the situation but like it doesn't affect doesn't affect a man the same way as it affected her so like i'm not as emotional or as i guess attached as you could say to the kid yet because i feel like a lot of your attachment as a man comes to the kid when it's like when they start kicking when they start oh yeah feeling the kid something something that like really

stuck out to me was, I mean, just understanding what Abby was going through when this happened to us a year ago was like, she is lit, like every waking moment she's aware of the baby in her belly. And it's like, we just don't feel that. We don't have that same experience. And so there's no way for us to understand, which, you know, it's, it's just, and it's, it's awful. And so it's just, you got to be there and like not, yeah, not try to fix it because there's, you just can't, you know? Yeah, I guess just the difference of a man and a woman. We all have our easier and harder things. But yeah, that was definitely just another learning curve in our life. I'd 100% have to, I'm probably not as soft as I should be sometimes. Like I was saying, I'm just a lot more logical. But everything happens for a reason. And we got to where we're at now. And now we can't imagine our rainbow baby. Like, I cannot imagine our life without him. So, yeah, it is a true testament to his plan. but he really just was like the cherry on top yeah he was just like the little guy yeah he's perfect

but it was hard for sure i remember when she told me i just didn't even yeah i didn't know the word i didn't know what words to say i didn't know what to i just tried to i guess hug her and make sure that i was there yeah i did feel for him because he didn't know how to feel you guys don't feel the sadness because the second that you are pregnant you have this attachment to this baby you know no matter how many weeks pregnant you are you are immediately you know like this baby is a part of you yeah um and so for us it's you know could you feel it way more maybe than than you guys do and i feel that and it's not to say that you don't love you don't love your baby that you lost totally it's just harder for you to understand that emotional attachment right from the time you don't love you don't love your baby that you lost totally it's just

harder for you to understand that emotional attachment right from the time that you see those two pink lines you are that baby's a part of you and a part of your family for forever and I think again as a man it's I feel like for you you didn't really feel attached to any of our children until they were born and you were physically holding them um so yeah like you said like when you're pregnant you're physically aware of that baby at all seconds of the day so maybe I mean I know know it's mainly women that listen to our show, but this could be something that I think wives could share with their husbands. I want to ask you ladies, like, what is it that men can do in that horrible, horrible situation of miscarriage? Like, what is the best thing like Tristan did

or I did or what is something that we could have done better to support at that time? Like, what is it that you need? Oh, that's like an impossible. Yeah, I think it is too. Like, it's just impossible. I don't know. Do you have any great advice? No, I only. don't, I think just... I don't think anybody knows. You're not putting a timeline on it, I feel like. Or like expect, because that's the thing about it is that like, you talk to a mom that's been through it and you're like right back to the day it all

happened, you know? It goes back. Like, and so it's like, even though we're X amount of days away, it still feels like, it was just happened. Yeah. Yeah. You know. Yeah.

My question for you, being on, having had two health. pregnancies after loss. Was it easier the second time or did you feel like it was just as hard? Oh, with our third baby? Yes. Oh, I felt like it was way easier. Okay. Good, good.

Yeah, yeah, way easier. His pregnancy was honestly so great up until the end. I mean, you know, you have two toddlers and you're massively pregnant and you were pregnant in the thick of the heat. Yeah, criminal. Yeah. Never do that again. Yeah.

Oh, my gosh. Something that like literally gets. me just chills. I was like, I cannot imagine what that would be like. I, you know, again, heard you opening up about the craziness of the most recent birth. Oh, yeah. And correct me if I'm wrong, but like there was an episiotomy or something. That was my second baby. Second. Okay. Yes. What was going to your mind? Every man is like, all right, here's the, we're getting out the scissors. Are you just like, what the, like, can we not do that? He was actually so calm because I looked at him, I actually like, you know, apisotomy isn't like the normal practice. It's only in the case

of an emergent situation that they're doing an episiotomy. And when the doctor pulled up the scissors, I said, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's going on? And I looked at him and he said, just like, like, looked at me with like a face that was like, just, it's going to be okay. Like, you need to like calm down. Because like he could tell that something was going wrong. I did not know that something was going wrong. So I'm like, wait, why are we resorting to an episiotomy right now? And he looked at me, like, very calmly and was like, just like, we got to just keep pushing. We got to keep going. So, but yeah, I don't know like what that experience is like, I mean, I just, watching that happen. In my eyes, like, ignorance is bliss. Like, just let them do their jobs and

trust him. And we love, we love, well, we didn't have him for our third baby, but we loved our doctor. Um, he just was like somebody who could trust and was very straightforward and blunt, like he knew what he was doing and just had to trust him. Like, you could tell, you picked up on the energy in the room. Like, everybody's calm. You're just having, like, a standard. You're having the baby. But then, like, the, like, things started beeping super fast.

Then people started, like, more so running. And, like, everybody just started to be in a little bit more panic mode. And she just, like, looked at me and I was just, like, holding her. And that's, that's all I could really do is just hold her. And I don't know. I just go into those things for some reason. I don't go into it thinking anything. bad could ever happen. Like I just, I always think like we're just going to come out of this like we always do.

Yeah. And we did. Yeah. You were probably a little bit more pain. I feel like every relationship has to have a warrior and a non-warrier. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you feel, do you relate to that? Yes. For sure. Yeah. No, he was definitely way calm in that situation. He could tell me immediately be like, wait, what's going on. And he was like, we're going to get the baby out. Like we have to trust the doctor. And I was like, because his heart rate was dropping. Yeah. His heart was just. Yeah. His heart is, dropping like significantly and they yeah it was in a pieceiotomy and um the vacuum oh wow yeah yeah yeah i've never seen anything like yeah what does that look like it's like a literal plunger they literally like plunger baby out just like put it on the head and yeah crazy yeah it was but

your third birth was too easy yeah it was like weirdly easy we were like it was so easy for you it was so easy for you we're gonna get ready to push and all of a sudden babies here i was like yeah oh what it was like okay we're getting ready to push And it was like, happy birthday. And we're like, wait, wait, I didn't even push yet. What do you mean happy birthday? You didn't even push? I pushed like half a push.

Yeah. I don't even know if she, it was literally just, it was a, yeah, it was a crazy. Versus key was like literally, we were almost having birth and triage. Yeah. How many hours was the labor? Oh, I don't even think it was. There was no hour of labor. Yeah.

I think I only labored with our first baby. With second and third, it was like, you know, just epidurial. water break pushing baby like really quick births for those two how does that even happen i'm like wow how did you figure that out having a child is such a like unique thing it's just like crazy like how everything comes together for this kid to just like were you induced with your first i was induced with my first and my third okay yeah just your second just happened yeah i got a membrane sweep okay yeah i got a membrane sweep and then that night at like three a m i woke up and i was like i think i've been leaped Raman. Yeah, and spicy ramen, I think did it. And then, yeah, we woke up and I was like,

I think I'm in labor. I was having back labor. I've never had, I've never labored in my back before. So, but yeah, we got to the hospital. I was like seven and a half eight and then broke water, epidural push a couple of times and he was here. It's crazy. Do you feel like your boys follow the traditional birth order? Like as far as their personalities? Yes, one million percent. I mean, our third baby, he's six months old. Like, we don't really know yet. He's still a question mark. Yeah. But like the first and second. second for sure. Like our son camp yesterday he has a ninja warrior class and um his coach gives him a sucker at the end of class and he's like well he needs a sucker as well like you know very like

aware of his brother and you know our second child is just like a little brute like he's just like that's really funny because our our boys did a ninja class as well. Oh really? Yeah they're they're they're also ninjas yeah they're trained black girls they're also trained ninjas yeah you don't want to get in a fight with them. Oh, gosh, it's so funny. Is yours an actual, like, is it actually at a martial art studio? No, it's just like, the obstacle course. Okay, that's an art in too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, if they, they do like the same techniques as like what the, like, you know, they swing from rope to rope and like, do the little, like, walk on the thing that rolls and things like that. I think it's the same thing. Okay. We might be going to the same place. Yeah.

Something, Ken, that I really related to you on is not wanting to have wearables on. your body to monitor your health at certain times. Oh, yeah. You, like, mentioned something about, like, your aura ring messing with your brain. Yes. Like, seeing your sleep score. Yes. Like, now, look, I, I love my garment for when I go on runs.

I want to track my run. I want to track my workout. Track my steps during the day. But, like, I've been purposely not wearing my watch at night because if I wake up and I see that I slept for three hours, then it just makes with my brain. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'd rather not know.

I'm like, ignorance is bliss. Like, if I slept two hours, if I slept seven, like, I'm probably going to feel the same at this point. When did you start doing that? When did you realize you needed to take off the wearable technology? The aura ring was telling me that my stress levels were like way exceeded what they should be for like a certain amount of time during the day. And I was like, this thing is stressing me out more than it is helping me.

So then I was like, I got to stop wearing this. Like this is not good for me mentally. Because I was like being obsessed with it like, okay, how can I like, you know, make it happier with me that, you know, so the stats. So then I just was like, yeah, I can't wear this thing anymore. Have you ever Tristan considered like, you know, retiring in a way? Like now that, now that Ken's social media has exploded, or you ever like, hey, maybe I...

It's been a topic of conversation. People ask you that a lot? No, more so her. That's just like, I feel like it's kind of standard in the industry of like all these women that like do social media. They like retire. They retire their husbands, the husband's a stay at home dad. I just told her from the beginning no matter how far you take this,

that just will not be me. I think it's good for our marriage, too, to be separate. Yeah, I agree with that. I just, that, I don't work a whole lot. I work four days a week. I feel like that's a fair amount, but I like to also have like my own career, my own goals and whatnot.

But the whole me working six days a week while she was doing that, that was when we hit a phase of like, what the heck are we doing? Like, why are you making money? I'm making money. Then why are we still like, miserable here.

But then I transitioned to four days a week and it's been honestly amazing since then. You guys have found like a good balance then. I respect that a lot. Nothing to anyone that decides to do something different but I think that's really great. Like you both are like contributing

and have your own things. And he doesn't like if he were to retire he doesn't want to even be on social media. So I feel like that would be different if he was like okay I'm going to retire and then like we'll do this together. That's not something that like like he wants to do. And it's nice for us to have our own things.

You know, like I have my own thing. And he has his own things and he has his own career goals within his career. And I have mine within mine. And then, you know, we get those three full days, which is such a blessing. Because, you know, when we had our first baby, we only had one day a week together. One day is not it. Yeah. That's tough.

Yeah. Which I know a lot. That's a lot of people's experiences. That's just life. You know, somebody has to be the provider. But to be able to, you know, be in a career, both of us. us and then get that time together the same time has been has like honestly changed our life to yeah this was like recently too yeah within like the last six months so what would you say your

career goals are honestly i said this to somebody the other day i think like my only goal and this is where we're at now is to be able to like make it to every single for the two of us to be able to be at every soccer game be at pick up and drop off and you know send our kids to school if they want to go to school and just be able to be as present as we can, we'll still be able to, like, financially provide for them. And that's kind of really my own goal. I'm not somebody who wants to, like, take this to the point of, like, walking red carpets and going on these, like, crazy brand trips.

Like, I really just want to, like, stay home with my kids, be able to be a stay-at-home mom and still, you know, have an identity that is me outside of motherhood. So I feel like we have, like, gained this perfect balance of that in this last like year I would say but yeah I don't really know if I have like major career goals um but just yeah work life balance I think is was like my goal in January was to find that and I think that I found that because I think that you guys could probably say it's hard to find balance when you're like your job is sharing your life and so it's like okay what is social media and what is real life?

because sometimes those, like, lines can really blur. That's why we started this podcast. Yeah. So we could talk to other people about their life. Yeah. It is, like, a world of, like, I couldn't comprehend when she first started this. Like, it was obviously just, like, a little side gig thing. And then she turned it in what she did.

I just was like, this is mind-blowing. I had no clue, like, what this could entail. But she, or she is now. Yeah. It's nuts. Okay, well, we have some agree-to-disagree questions. These are actually really fun. Some really fun ones to play a little game.

Are we answering these, Addy, or is it just... No. Okay, you guys are just going to agree. But are you guys... You guys can have some, like, banter with us. We can venture with us. We'll participate. Okay.

Okay. The first one, agree to disagree. Couple should share household chores equally. Agree. Three, two, one. Oh, shoot. So sorry. We were both going to agree. Were you going to agree?

I was going to disagree. Oh. I don't know. I just feel like be a team. Like, if you have time, do something. If I have time, do something. Oh, I guess I wasn't interpreting the question. Oh, that was how I was interpreting.

Okay. No, like... Say the question again. Agree to disagree. Couples should share household chores equally. Oh, no. I mean, it's like whoever's home. Like, if you're home, the dishes are like, need to be unloaded, then like unload the dishes.

But yeah, no, okay, disagree. Oh, see, I was thinking that, but then I was going to... I thought the answer would be agree then. I'm lost. I think you all agree. But I feel like you got... Yeah, you got to work as a team. Yes.

Yeah. And also... tab though like I took out the trash you better clean the counters yeah that's hard not to do though sometimes sometimes I'm like well my tallies are looking you're like wait a second it is hard to not keep tabs but I feel like you got to communicate especially when you have a new baby oh yeah yeah yeah I feel like it also is maybe different if you're both home you know what I mean because like when he comes home I've obviously obviously been doing the house chores when I'm home but then like when he comes home honestly I love doing the house chores when he's home because I'm like I get a break from

the kids and like I can do a mindless activity and you can knock it out yeah that's what we do a lot like I'll hold the screaming baby and then she'll be the one picking up yeah because because she's like she's also you're way faster at picking up than me yeah I'm like I can't sit here and hold the baby and watch you do this so slowly yeah yeah that is so true and partially wrong yeah yeah oh yeah that's the worst they tell you to do something no but I've got it I'm like okay I'll go do it and she's like well I'm like let me just do it then you got to let me do it or you do it Someone gave me the advice that was like, if they choose to do it, or if you, if they like, if you want them to do it, let them fully own it then. And I was like, so sometimes I'm just like, my eyes like twitching a little bit.

I'm like, okay. That's like the middle of the night with our first baby. I remember. We were like trying to switch off like diaper changing. And I was like, okay, it's your turn to change a diaper. And, you know, obviously as the mom, you're laying there, but you're like still fully awake. Like I'm listening to everything that's going on. And like, he's like slowly like grabbing the diaper and like going to the changing station and like walking back and grabbing the wives.

I'm like, just let me do it. It's just like, just, I'm already awake. Like, let me just do it. But yeah, no, household chores, we definitely both pull our own weight. He does the dishes way better than I do. I do the laundry, how I like it to be done. We have our different things. I like it.

Equally, agree, disagree. Holidays must be split equally between both families. Oh, this is, this was really hard for us in the beginning. This, can I give a backstory to this answer? Agree to disagree. Okay. Three, two, one. I don't know agree but that's not the case for us the women they win dude like we can't

there's nothing we can do we got a miss household what what trustin is very like I said he's very fair he sees it very logically everything is like logical has to make sense like your family got Christmas my family gets Christmas a lot of families though like top like typically some families have like the family they're closer with the family they're not but like we're pretty equally close with both families but yeah she literally I remember when her engaged? Were we engaged or dating? I don't know. I think we're engaged. And I was like, what are we going to do about holidays when we get married? And she was like, what do you mean? I was like, like Christmas, you're going to go to my families and we're going to go to yours.

And she was like, no, we're not. I was being a brat. She was vina brat, yes. She's come a long way. But literally was like, yeah, we're not going to go to her families for Christmas. And I was like, that's a deal breaker, Kennedy. Like, we will go to your families. And, you know, We will go to my family. Using the full name. What did I just now learn that your name was Kennedy? Oh, really? Yeah.

Do you call her Kennedy? Yes. Only when it's serious? That's adorable. Kennedy is, yeah, I feel like. It's really funny because growing up, only people who were really close to me called me Ken. And then when we got married, my handle, my maiden name's Brown's, my handle when we, you know, when we were engaged or previously was Kennedy Brown.

And then we got married, Kennedy Craddick was taken. So I just made it Ken Craddick. And now everybody calls me Ken Craddick, because that's. my handle but yeah my real name is Kennedy yeah but he calls me Kennedy all the time I don't really call you Ken ever yeah no okay agree to disagree so did it get it got solved or still it's solved yeah we solved it we split holidays for sure that probably should be a premarital counseling it probably is a premarital counseling thing how to do holidays it is hard to navigate you know it it was the idea of like giving up what was my Christmas for 20 plus years to then like spend

Christmas with somebody else who has totally different traditions is like it was a little bit of a like come to reality for me where I was like okay like we're sharing this yeah we're sharing yeah so but now like that you have kids everything changes because you have you know a lot more pole like we his family does Christmas at the very beginning of December my family does Christmas the weekend before and then we get to spend Christmas just us wow you guys really figure that out yeah all Christmas Christmas three Christmases in one month he's a lot of Christmas but it works it works because we get to spend Christmas with just our kids and we still get to do both of our families and we don't have to like be running all around Arizona on Christmas morning. You guys really

figure that out. Yeah. Yes. Matt's looking at you like I like it. I like it. We still haven't figured it out every year every year we're like what are we doing? Yeah. Sometimes we try to like put our foot down and then it never works near each other. We have a good chunk here in Arizona but a lot are back in Missouri. Oh and a little tiny bit in Illinois now. Holidays are hard because I feel like until we had kids, we were just trying to make everybody happy. And then when we had kids, we're like, okay, no, like, we need to be happy. What do we want to see our Christmas like every year? And we're like with our kids, just us five now.

And so, yeah, I think our last Christmas before doing that, our kids, we were at his parents' house. And like, our son ran out to, you know, his parents' Christmas tree. And there was a moment where we were like, okay, next year we want our kids to be in our home and running out to our Christmas tree. And yeah. So we're kind of moving to like doing Christmas here like at our house but then we then we got sad but then for new years we'll go or like actually what we did two years two years ago. Yeah we're like where's our family? We pretended like Christmas morning was actually the morning of New Year's Eve. I thought you were saying New Year's I was like wait why? Yes on the 24th like Santa came to the 24th and we're

like oh it's Christmas. They don't know and then we flew out later that night that's what we did two years ago I thought that was good but might have to go back to that I don't know we'll figure it out. They're like 13 and we're like, no, it's the 24. Yeah. Agree to disagree. PDA with your spouse is weird. Agree to disagree. Agree.

Yeah, we definitely don't. We definitely don't. Honestly, it's not even as much as like I think it's weird. It's just like uncomfortable for us maybe. I'm definitely the more like physically touch. Like I like physical. But like what is PDA? Like are we making out in public or are we just like holding hands and hugging?

I mean, you could. I don't know. I mean, I'm just kidding. I feel like PDA, no, not holding hands, but like kissing in public. Not making out. Hold, I like to wrap my arms around Abby. And it's like, you know that awkward like prom pick where like it's like, like I do that. And I'm like, oh, I love.

I do that. I don't think that's weird. I'm thinking like when you like look over and you're in the Disneyland line and someone's like making out. Oh yeah. It's like, okay. There's like a timer place and that's like definitely not it. That really is six flags type of stuff. Yeah.

That's what happened to me at Disney and I'm like, this is a family place. Not that I'm like a prude or anything. but it's just like all the time you have to do it. Okay, next is soulmates are real. Agree to disagree. Agree. Yeah. Oh, that's so sweet.

Would you not agree? I actually... See, I would have said yes until Matt was like, no, and I was like, well, my answer is no too. But I, wait, what? That makes you feel... I'd always heard him. She is my soulmate. You were not saying.

No, you're just, he's so logical. He's like, there's gotta be someone else you could be married to that, that, that would work out. If you guys never went to ASU and you were raised in London. I could agree with that. I mean, just the way I was like raised and grew up, Kennedy is not the kind of girl that I thought

that I would have married the way I grew up. In a good way or bad way? I mean, in a good way, she's just a different, like, I grew up like hunting, fishing, camping. Not her. That is not.

That's not Kennedy. You were more attracted to like the girls who like played sports. Like a tomboy. Yeah. And like I am. I am not that. She was, yeah, complete opposite. She's like, I will not camp.

Yeah. I didn't. He just took our son and I did not go. Have you taken her hunting? Have you shot a gun? I took her camping and we literally made it back to Phoenix in time to watch the movies. Yeah. Like we like fully, I was like going to surrender to the camping and like when we were dating, you're trying to impress.

Yeah. And I was like, oh, I'll go camping with him like this will like impress him, you know? Like he loves camping. He wants a girl that's going to camp. And yeah, we like literally got there, set up the full campsite. And like we laid down in the tent. to like go to bed because I guess we have to like go to bed like when the sun sets that you can like wake up for the sunrise I was like not even close to tired at all and he's like fully like

snoring and I'm hearing like sticks move and like there's no fire it's pitch black he's in the background yeah and I was like in my head like oh my gosh do I wake him up like this is going to be so embarrassing we were like newly dating and I was like no I have to wake him up like I'm terrified I don't like this. And I was like, hey, um, like, I don't like this. Like, I want to go home. We literally packed up the whole campsite and he took me to the movies. And I was like, yep, done deal.

Like, you are my husband. Like, he was dead asleep. Yeah, he was fully sleeping. Yeah, he packed the whole thing back up in my car. We had it unpacked for maybe an hour and that we went back. And I was like, okay, well, I guess I broke the ice. I'm not a camper at all. But, yeah.

That was like me pretending to like superhero movies for Matt for a little bit there. She acted like she liked Guardians of the Galaxy and she hates it. I literally hate them. When did you break the news? When they kept showing up in Swiss sequels. You're like your sixth Marvel movie in like, okay, this is done here. Like 15 hours of showing. I don't see an end of this.

I don't see an end of this rate. Yeah. I can't do this anymore. That's so funny. Agree to disagree. Married couples should not have close friends of the opposite sex. Agree. I love how decisively.

You guys, yeah, you guys are like unified in these. I want to know, do, okay, wait. I gotta go feed the baby. Let me go know. What's the best one? I really want to know this one. You say it. Parents should take vacations without their kids.

Agree. For sure. Ooh, why do you say that? I like it. I think you deserve time away from. Just like undivided attention for each other. I feel like even our little one-on-one date nights. Like, it's like a couple of hours.

I don't feel like we really like get to connect the two of us in that like. What do you call the little vacations we go on before we have babies? Oh, baby moons? Baby moons? Yeah. Those are honestly the best. We leave for two days, maybe three days, with no kids, and it like just rekindles your marriage. So good.

It's so healthy. What's the perfect amount of time, though? Three days, for sure. I agree. After three days, I'm like, all right. We're like, tapped on our, we want to see our kids. And, you know, we love each other, but we're like ready to just like. Yeah, we went to London last year and that was like four days too long.

Really? I've just you too. Yeah. And here's the problem is that it takes a. day to get there. So you guys were there for two days. Yeah, three. Maybe it was like four and a half ish. I don't know. I did freak out, but yeah. Have you guys been on a trip since you had the third? Oh, you haven't. We haven't even been on a trip since we started having kids. We went. No, they said yes so quickly. You guys? You haven't been on a trip just the two of you?

Yeah, we have before tell her. What? Where? We literally went. Oh, I mean, we didn't go on a trip. We went a staycation. But baby moons have been with the babies. No, baby moons are without the babies. We haven't gone anywhere, like, outside of Arizona, just us to for longer than, like, a staycation, like, two-day situation. Oh, okay. I'm saying, like, even, I'm counting the two days, though. I'm counting that. Oh, okay, yeah, then, then, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Where have you guys gone? Wait, I want to know. Literally. Literally to Scottsdale. Let's go. Just stay-cation. I kind of think I know how you're going to answer this one based off of our earlier conversation,

but three kids is easier than two. Disagree. Okay, I feel like, but now it's starting to get way easier. But, yeah, disagree, for sure. Like, two was way easy. because, you know, I have one baby, he has one baby. And now once you're outnumbered, it definitely changes things for sure. And the two I feel like gang up on, they at least gang up on me.

Like they like inspire together against me. The two oldest ones for sure, bully who's lightly? Yeah. Who's the stricter parent? Oh, easily him. But he's not with them all the time. So it's like kind of like I have to let things go just to survive, you know? Yeah.

Sometimes I just close one eye. Yeah. close the other eye. Or you just hear something, you're like, no, everything's fine. No, our two kids the other day were sharping our wall. I was changing the baby. And I like come down the hallway and I hear our oldest camp being like, hurry, hurry, she's coming.

And I'm like, what could possibly be happening right now? Like, what are we hurrying for? And my second child has both sharpies in his hand and he's like this. And I'm like, okay, yeah, for sure he gave you the other Sharpie and you guys were sharpie in the wall together. But now it looks like only he was sharpies. But yeah, no, they definitely, they get away with a lot more when I'm there because, again, I'm just like trying to survive with three kids by myself. But when he's with us, you know, we're together.

So there can be more of that like parental role. But yeah, when it's just me, a lot, a lot goes out the window. Survival. Yeah. Well, thanks for coming on the pod, you guys. I know, I have no idea what time it is with Dave. Yeah, I'm like, I just can tell that it's been a while. The let down, you're like, oh, no.

Help. Abby just had her milk. come in. So I think that's her signal. But where's the best place for people to keep in touch with you guys? Oh, just my TikTok and Instagram, Ken Craddock. I'm like, Tristan is. My name's bodybuilding.

I'm going to find your body building. Burner account. Yeah. Yeah. You'll see him in my comments a few times if I don't catch them before you post them. Just delete them really quick. But yeah. Well, thank you guys so much.

This is so fun. We have so much in common. So we can talk for hours. I know. I know. Yeah. Thanks guys. This is fun.

Thanks for having us. We'll see you guys in the next episode. Peace.