The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby - Reading Reddit Stories (relationship edition)

Episode Date: June 18, 2025

Matt & Abby are back with more wild Reddit relationship dilemmas—and these ones really make you think. From fiancés hiding financial struggles to boyfriends following OnlyFans models, they weigh in on love, trust, and dealbreakers in today’s episode. This episode is sponsored by Zocdoc & Hiya. Zocdoc: Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://Zocdoc.com/UNPLANNED to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Hiya: Go to https://hiyahealth.com/UNPLANNED and receive 50% off your first order. Get your kids the full-body nourishment they need to grow into healthy adults. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We hope you're enjoying your Air Canada flight. Rocky's Vacation, here we come. Whoa, is this economy? Free beer, wine, and snacks. Sweet! Fast free Wi-Fi means I can make dinner reservations before we land. And with live TV, I'm not missing the game. It's kind of like I'm already on vacation.

Nice. On behalf of Air Canada, nice travels. Wifi available to airplane members on equipped flights sponsored by Bell Conditions Applied. SierraCanada.com. My husband was disappointed about the sex of our daughter. Wait, are you saying like he wanted her to be a boy? That is crazy. I want to do that thing that like Edna Bowe does.

Wake up! Slap that man across the face. That's crazy. I found arrest records for the man I have been dating. How can I safely end things with him? Crime junkie rule number one. Be weird, be rude, stay alive. You don't owe this man an explanation. My boyfriend won't commit to me.

Do I leave? My boyfriend and I have been together for 15 years. Yeah, get out, oh my gosh. Hey, if you're listening with little ones near you, in the car with you, just be forewarned that some of the subject matter is a little bit more adult in this episode. We'll try to keep it as PG as possible,

but just wanted to give you that little warning in advance. Welcome back to the Unplanned Podcast. Yay! You guys enjoyed the Reddit relationship stories so much that we're bringing it back once again, and boy do we have an episode for you guys today. Thank you so much for liking it. I think your takes are really good Abby. Really? I think you are, you could be a therapist. You know I was asking Abby, you sweet, sweet friend and sister

in law, listens to all of our podcasts. Okay. And she said that I was being a little generous to people. Really? Yeah. She thought you could be a little bit harsher. So now I'm gonna lay down the hammer a little bit. Well, I'm really interested to see what you're gonna say about this one because I think you're an expert on this topic. I am no expert. Let's just put that out there. This question comes from a random person on Reddit.

All these are random, by the way, which I think is so good. I love that it's nobody's actual name. Yeah, and it's all anonymous. This says, I, a 28-year-old female, have been reading books with scenes and am starting to resent my husband, 30 year old male. Has that ever happened to you before? I know you like to read a lot of them.

Present, I'm wondering what's making her resent her husband. Probably because there's some pretty amazing stuff going on in the book. Well, let me hear some more details. I've recently absolutely fallen in love with series like ACOTAR. I don't know what that is. At Guitar, Matt. What's At Guitar?

A Court of Thorns and Roses. Oh, A Court of Thorns and Roses. Oh, A Court of Thorns and Roses. Yes. I know. Wait, you told me about that. Yes. That's where people, it's like humans and like, and these fairies are like making love. Why is that a thing? Not really.

It's not, no, you've missed the- Aren't people like fantasizing about literally these love scenes with- No, no. Well, I mean, maybe this lady is. I don't know. Anyway, uh, and fourth wing. So fourth wing is mentioned. Okay. I know. I've heard of fourth wing. So fourth wing is mentioned.

I've heard of fourth wing, I know what that is. I have a super high sex drive and a lot of the scenes in these books literally play out my fantasies. My husband and I have been doing it once a month because he has a low drive. And also, why did you just, I just saw your face. Your face just went, oh.

Once a month? Once a month, how would you feel if it was only once a month? I'd probably be. You'd probably be in the same situation as this lady. Maybe, I don't know. I probably would be too, honestly. I mean once a month is...

Just keep going, you can't judge, you never know anyone's life. We can't judge them, we can't judge them. I'm just thinking. Okay, once a month because he has super low drive and also has Adderall, which he says lowers it more. I don't think Adderall, does Adderall lower your drive? Not for you, but... Definitely not for me. Okay. Definitely not for me. It probably can. Maybe it does and he's also less experienced than me and very vanilla when it comes to SCX. This is so rude. I believe that he is a hundred percent my soulmate

but I'm realizing that I really want more from our sex life. Is this normal? I'm scared I'll eventually cheat. Okay, honey. The books aren't making you resent your husband. You don't think so? Is this a husband or boyfriend? It's a husband. This is just the catalyst that's making you realize that something bigger is going on. Oh.

Where you're not at. Like, she doesn't, these books. I mean, I'm a little spooked if she thinks that's what she needs. You know, I really was blaming the books, but now your opinion is that it's her. Like there's something missing in her life. No, I think this is a relationship issue.

It's a real, so you think the issue is already existing, which honestly, I have a good point because they're only doing it once a month. Yeah, I don't want to judge. If that works for both people, then that's fine, but it's clearly not working for her too. I want to say there's a statistic that all, like the only amount you need is like once a week. I'm not a doctor.

Do not quote me on that. What? You don't need it. But I want to say from the studies that I've seen, I want to say that there's something about having relations once a week is all you really need to keep a romantic relationship alive. Other than that, it's all up to your personal- Honey, you don't need that once a week to keep a romantic relationship alive.

Well, I think resentment can build up if people are only. What is this study that you found? Well, look, I mean, like resentment's building up here because they're only doing it once a month. No, here's all you need. If you are literally, if you're married and you're doing it 12 times a year, that is so sad. Wow, that is pretty crazy.

Okay, but it's, no, it's not so sad. We double that number in a month sometimes, babe. Yeah. Yeah, I think I mean look we are unique. Okay, we are in our 20s Okay, we we love each other very much But like if you were if you're truly doing it 12 times a year, like I feel like something's wrong. No, okay I'm gonna let me just give this disclaimer. We are not doctors. okay? This is all, the purpose of this is purely for entertainment. We're just a couple of best friends chatting it up. So if there's anything we say in here that you're like, that's not correct.

Yeah, no frick it isn't. Cause we're just, we're just too. Matt, I want to pause you right there. We're just a married couple, okay? Let's get something straight. Thanks everybody. There's no doctor that's going to say you need to do it once a week.

There is no, I don't know where you got this study, Matt. Here's's gonna say you need to do it once a week. There's no, I don't know where you got this study Matt. Here's how many times you need to do it. Okay. You need to do it as many times as both people agree is a good amount of times. I don't know about that. Matt, what would be the, you need to evaluate what need means.

I swear there was a study about how, like the only amount you need is like once a month in marriage. I don't think. Obviously there's times where there's there's like Pregnancy and you have to stop especially postpartum like you literally cannot do it There's a range of health issues that could influence the number of times that that's happened the frequency that this is happening Let me look this up. I swear Well, let me just say my opinion is that you need to do it as many times as you both agree is a good and healthy

Number for the two of you. If that is once a month, fine. But clearly, she's not thinking that's a good enough number for her. The issue here isn't the books. The issue here is that you guys need to have a sit down, honest conversation about this area of your life. Matt is really believing that there is a study

that is going to prove that you need to do it at least once a week. Why did you ever? I swear I saw a study about this. I swear I saw it at some point. Someone back me up in the comments. I'm gonna tell you something. Someone find the study.

I'm gonna tell you something that's gonna blow your mind, Matt. It's not a need. It's not a need. Maybe you can say in a relationship that this is an important aspect. It's not a need. You know what's a need is food and water. Okay, but clearly she is not satisfied in a relationship that this is an important aspect, it's not a need. OK, well clearly she is food and water.

OK, but clearly she is not satisfied in a relationship. And that's why she's reading books about fairies doing it. Oh, like, like Akatar, whatever the heck that is. I think that romance novels have the potential to bring you and your husband together. This is the top comment. It says, my wife sends me snippets of the fourth wing books. You can't manifest lightning bolts during an orgasm no matter how bad you want to. Is

that a thing? Are there like lightning bolts going off? I don't know, I never read that book. While they're, that's just, that's bongers. Can I just sum this up by saying, you guys need to sit down and have a conversation about frequency and also like, hey, like to be honest, I feel like we could introduce a couple more things. I feel like we could spice it up a bit. Maybe get some cards. Some cards, let's go.

Get a fun little game, get a fun card. You're going to the extreme because you feel so lacking in this area, but I think that the answer is not to think about animals. And I don't know, I only read the first and second Akitar books. I can't speak too much to those series in particular, but I think that there's more going on here

and it's not the books. I can already see the comment section being like, wow, this is so toxic of Matt to say that doing it once a week is in need. I can't believe that. That's not toxic, it's just're you're clearly a man saying that. Would you like to go ahead and do the honors of reading the next one? You started off with a zinger right there. That was a zinger right? That's what I thought.

Oh guy, right. All right, next question. This one, you know that this is one that I chose because it's something that gets me riled. This says, my boyfriend, 31 year old male, is spending Memorial Day weekend alone in a cabin with a friend, 31 year old female, which is triggering for me due to past experiences with inappropriate boundaries in my last relationship. Wait, holy frick, that's actually a little out there.

Is it just the two of them? Yeah, just the two of them. It's just the two of them? Let's see what it says. He says he doesn't want to go and suspects she may have romantic feelings, but he's still going out of guilt and some vague obligation. Guilt for what? You have a girlfriend and you're going to spend Memorial weekend in a cabin alone with another woman. That doesn't make any sense to me. I feel excluded, disrespected and confused. I want to support him, but also need to feel prioritized and emotionally safe. How can I express this without being controlling?"

I think you just say, what the actual frick is wrong with you? Like maybe something like that? I mean, this is like, this feels, I have so many questions. Why does he feel like he needs to do this? He feels obligated to go spend the weekend? He feels a weird sense of obligation. And even though, okay, here's, there there's so many problems here because he also thinks that she might have romantic feelings for him Sorry, can you give me more context of what's going on here? Because this just sounds like there's an update I read the update. That's all it was the update is I offered potential solutions. I offered compromises

I was clear with what exactly was bothering me and that I would never put him in this position I told him he would be so incredibly hurt and rightfully so if I did this to him. I told him he could decide for himself what he wants to do and I told him what I wouldn't be tolerating from a partner. He acknowledged and agreed that everything I was saying was true. Oh, then he went, like he went to the cabin. He actually did it. Because he wants to get out of the habit of being so flaky and made a commitment so he has to go. I texted him that I'll always love him, now only as a friend, like I told him from the beginning.

Now I'm not even sure I can or want to. Love is a choice, the opposite of love is indifference, and he's all but told me he's indifferent to me, both as a partner and as a friend. She ended the relationship. Yeah. Man. I mean, from what? Okay, she, yeah, go for it.

No, you actually seemed like you had something really important to say right there, and I don't wanna interrupt you. Thank God you broke up with this man. Yeah, that. I mean, from what? Okay, she. Yeah, go for it. No, you actually seemed like you had something really important to say right there, and I don't wanna interrupt you. Thank God you broke up with this man. Yeah. I mean, this is beyond even anything that you can rekindle, you can work on. There's probably so much more complexities

to the situation that we don't know about, but just off face value. No, it's not. No, it's not. I'm guessing. You're not going to another cabin with another girl that you even actually suspect has romantic feelings for you. Sorry, I'm trying to be a devil's advocate,

but yeah, this is pretty out of time. This is pretty out of time. I mean, this is beyond crazy. You know, he could be a good guy. He clearly likes this other woman. No, he's not. He clearly likes this other woman. He clearly likes this other woman.

Oh. I've seen this. I've seen this song and dance. We need to pray for this man. I've seen this boat floating. They this song and dance. I've seen this boat floating. They're gonna get married. He's gonna go marry this girl? Yes! You think he's gonna go? Why marry her? Of course. He's made every excuse in the book why he still has to go even though she told him that this is, she basically said you either go or you hurt her or me. And he's like I don't want to be flaky. It's like what the f-

The best gift you can give a partner that's not a spouse that you're just like in the early stages of is the gift of removing question. Just make it clear. And that in itself is sexy because it feels safe. People- I feel like you could be a life coach. I've been listening to a lot of John Delaney.

After we interviewed John Delaney. Yes, I've been obsessed. I love it. I want to be a life, I need to be a lot of John Delaney. After we interviewed John Delaney. Yes, I've been obsessed. I love it. I'm going to be a life coach for myself first. Would you like to be my life coach? Honey, I am your life coach. Thank you. I already am.

Sometimes I can give a really good pep talk, right? You really do. But I just think that men just seem so not masculine when you're just like, I'm just going to keep all my doors just slightly ajar just so I have all these opportunities. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're gonna miss out on so much more if you don't define things. Agreed. I don't like that.

I don't like that for the men, and I especially don't like that for the ladies. This next one is going to You're not allowed to have, blow your mind. Let me just say it. You can't have friends of the opposite sex when you are married and your spouse is not a part of that. Let's just say that right now.

And I feel like people are afraid of saying that, like, oh no, we're seriously just right, no, no. Like, let's not. Let's not do that. Maybe if it's somebody like your childhood friends and they're also married, that's different. I feel like there's colors to that situation, but still gotta tread so carefully.

One of the most overwhelming parts of adulting for me recently has been doctor's appointments. It seems super overwhelming to find the right doctor and then to figure out do you take my insurance? How do I get this information to you? Is this the right doctor I'm supposed to be going to? It's all very confusing and that's why we're so thankful to ZocDoc. We personally have used them many, many times. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network

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I also use ZocDoc literally two weeks ago. So I've been using it quite a bit. It's so easy to use. Appointments made through ZocDoc happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. You can even score same day appointments. I use ZocDoc and you should too. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments

and go to zocdoc.com slash unplanned to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash unplanned, zocdoc.com slash unplanned. This next one is, I'm a 40 year old female contemplating leaving my 37 year old male fiance because he may lose our house. Okay, first of all, just based off of that,

I'm like, you're just leaving somebody based off of finances right now? That just kinda, to me I'm like- He may lose our house? He's about to lose the house for them. And so she's considering leaving him because of that. I need so much more details. Backstory, December 20th,

my fiance dropped a steel crossbeam on his toe and was out of work for approximately three weeks. He received workers' comp, but it was not enough to be able to pay our mortgage. He told me he called the mortgage company to get some kind of forbearance for just one month, and they gave him three to come up with $3,500. Today, he tells me that he spoke with the mortgage company

about paying this Friday, and the person he previously spoke with About the forbearance gave him misinformation Apparently with an FHA loan you cannot have a forbearance and the most they can do for us is that we pay what we owe Which is a total of around fifty one hundred dollars or do a payment plan for twelve months on this we cannot afford this I'm an effing medical assistant in Florida making $17.50 an hour, and he makes $26 an hour installing hurricane shutters. We also have two small children together.

He has told me that he's going to speak with a friend of his to possibly get a loan for this money, but I'm not sure if this friend will actually do it. I'm not even sure if we could afford the 12 months pay over time, because he didn't, for whatever reason, ask how much it would be. I'm at my wit's end with him.

I'm not sure what to do. Do I leave him and move in with my narcissistic mother? Do I sell the house? What are some solutions to this problem? And I have been with him for 13 years. Okay, here's my thing. Here's my thing. Before we get into a little bit more details,

what I wanna say is- You shouldn't have bought that house in the first place. You're talking about leaving your person based off of just like a house situation. Like I understand that's probably very stressful, but you have two children. You can't just leave your person that you've been with for 13 years because they messed up with the payment on the house and that all happened because they got injured at work. No, Holy dropped a steel bar on his toe.

He got injured, bro. He's trying to make this work and he got injured, but okay, let's start back for a minute here. Like look, if he would have, say, gone off gambling or had a drinking problem and it's like, you found out that he spent $20,000 on a credit card, okay, if you're talking about leaving, that's maybe a different situation

that we could actually potentially talk about because if this is an ongoing thing in your marriage, there might be some leverage there, right? You might need to protect yourself and get out because he continues to have financial infidelity. But this is simply a workers comp injury solution, which I feel like there should be more support for him and getting injured on the job.

So I'm a little confused by that. Here's my thing. They should not have bought this house in the first place. If just a few months of him being injured is going to put them into financial ruin, they're losing their house, their X-Binds. I understand you're in a tough place and you have two kids. This house seems like it was a bad decision

in the first place if it was that hard to make your payments from the beginning. Well, you know the data on that, babe. I forget the statistics, but it's staggering. Most of America, I wanna say, is living paycheck to paycheck. A lot of people in this country live paycheck to paycheck. So I would say their situation isn't that unique. I mean, there's a lot of people that live paycheck to paycheck,

but I do agree what could have prevented this awful situation they're in right now. You needed a board of a bumper. Yeah, it's having an emergency fund. Emergency fund, like at least like three months. Well, I guess that's kind of what he's had, but see, it's not like they have no income. She still has an income and he's receiving workers. Come here's the thing here. Lady, you cannot choose your house over your family. Yeah, this is she's literally valuing this house over literally

blowing up their entire family. Yeah. And and from what this guy's trying, he's trying to get a loan. He's talking to mortgage company. He've got workers comp. He's trying to get better. He dropped a steel bar on his foot. Like it's not like he's like over here, like I don't want to work anymore.

Peace out. This is too much work. Obviously with Reddit, you know, people can be a little bit on hand. Did they say to divorce him? Yeah. I mean, let's get into the first comment. Top comment is, wait, you make roughly $2,800 a month

and he makes roughly 4,200, meaning about 7,000 total. And there's no way you can cut spending in other areas for a while to pay it up. Like if you have two fancy cars, sell one, cut eating out, fancy dinners, theme parks, vacations, everything, keep the internet, but go for the most basic plan. Switch cell phones to budget plans like Mint Mobile,

where you can pay very little for basic cell service in my case $120 a year instead of a month all these things add up, but if you really want to keep your home Sacrifices have to be made at least for a while. I agree. I mean it sounds like they're making you know decent money together I need to call Dave Ramsey. Yeah, I think I think these people need to pick up a copy of Financial Peace University. Yeah, what is it called? It's called a copy of Financial Peace University. That's a program. Yeah, what is it called? It's called, yeah, Financial Peace University, whatever, because it sounds like they're just spending way more

than they. I also think this woman sounds a little selfish. She does. I mean, and look, if you go into her edit, she does. He dropped a steel bar on his foot. Yes. The poor homie. In her edit, she says,

I know I sound like a bad person for wanting to leave. I know it was not his fault that he dropped something on his foot, but he has made other bad financial decisions without my knowledge. To get this house, he said he needed five lines of credit. With those credit cards, he bought porn. I found out he apologized, then decided to go again behind my back,

take out a loan to fix that problem. So I have trust issues with him. I've been trying to work things out with him, but I feel like this is the last straw. I could've told you that there was more going on, because I don't think you go from this happening December 20th to being in May and being like, I'm ready to leave this man

without more going on. But in general, this is not grounds. You need to... I think she's just getting really scared. I think she's panicking. I'm sure there's a lot of fear. You're worried about housing your children. That's a scary thing, but you can't...

This is why... Brother dropped a steel bar on his foot. This is why it's so important to have community in your life to speak truth into you when your brain is going haywire. When fear takes over and you're making emotional decisions, you need somebody in your life to say, hey, let's think about this rationally.

I know you, you don't wanna leave your man because he dropped a steel bar on us, but you just need some people to speak life into you. You know how they say sometimes you feel like you're drowning and you're treading, but then once you start having a steel bar on us, but you just need some people to speak life into you. You know how they say, like, sometimes you feel like you're drowning and you're like treading, but then once you start having a little bit more perspective, you realize that the water is only nine inches high. Like, I think she just needs to realize,

like, this is something we can overcome. It feels like you're in the most unstable situation that you could find yourself in, but you're gonna get your feet on the ground again, it's gonna be fine, his toe will heal. Yeah, and something that always gives me hope is hearing people's stories who have been in horrible situations and come out of it.

I was talking to somebody that's working on our backyard and the company he owns has done very well, but at one point he lost his house during the 2008 financial crisis. He was talking about how he lost his home, him and his family had to, like really had nowhere to go and thank goodness a good Samaritan

like let them live with them for free for a couple months while they were getting their feet on the ground. Like think about how embarrassing that would be if you literally are like homeless and somebody says, hey, come live with me, like I got you. And as a man, when you're trying to be the provider for your family, that must be so humiliating. But he got through it, and now his business is thriving.

That was almost 20 years ago. And so I always get encouraged by those stories. Because whenever life feels like there's no hope, and there's nothing good that can come in the future, if you just hold on a little bit longer, it's all gonna turn around. You gotta realize that, you gotta have that attitude. I think she needs a little bit more empathy

for her husband as well, because he's probably feeling bad about everything. It's probably taking his pride pretty hard. Oh, I'm sure that has been awful for his pride. Okay, this next one is coming from a 28-year-old female. My husband, a 29-year-old male, was disappointed about the sex of our daughter and now that she looks different to our other daughters and unlike either of us he seems displeased

with her and he can't interact with her very much. Wait, are you saying like he wanted her to be a boy and she was a girl? How can I deal with this? Here's the details. Is that what you're saying, right? Yeah, I think he wanted a boy. Okay, okay. We've been married for six years and have been blessed with four children, all of which

are girls. Our most recent daughter is eight months old before she was born during the third ultrasound where we normally told the sex of the baby They were unable to tell because of the position she was in this had not happened with any of our previous children This did not bother me. I didn't really mind because I think every child is a gift regardless of the sex They said we could have done it later if we did want to know, but we decided it was not needed. It was quite a difficult time to have her. While having my first child was difficult, the other three had been quite easy, but she was not. She was unfortunately very large, so that was not a nice time.

But we were both fine, and it was quite good because it meant her sleeping was much better because she didn't get hungry as quickly. So it was worth it after all, but I was very happy after I had her, but my husband was not. I asked him what was wrong and he said he thought she was going to be a boy. That was quite annoying to hear after I literally gave birth to his ginormous child and she was very perfect in my opinion.

I didn't really want to hear that he didn't think she was. But I could see why he might have been disappointed because we didn't know and I suppose if he wanted a boy, he might have seen it as a sign that he was finally having a son but he hadn't told me he wanted a son. If I had known I would have just gotten the ultrasound done again later so we would have known and he wouldn't have had any false expectations. But he seemed to get over it and things felt like it was fine but we have another problem now. All of our babies so far their eyes have faded to brown or green and they have dark hair and curls. Our children tend to have a lot of hair as babies, but our youngest daughter is looking very different.

She has hair that is sort of reddish blonde and very straight and her eyes are blue, which is definitely surprising mostly because all our children have looked so similar to each other as babies. We have to label the photos because otherwise you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. And I should say it so clear, she's definitely my husband's daughter. I would never do anything. I love my family and love my husband and I think she's beautiful. She looks very unique but my husband he's acting strangely. He seems disappointed with her which is very wrong. One of the biggest parts of our religion and my favorite part is the view of children in people's lives. They're a blessing, a gift, and just something that should be appreciated and valued and he

doesn't seem to feel that way about our daughter. And we have everything we need to be happy. We have healthy beautiful children and it makes me upset seeing to feel that way about our daughter. And we have everything we need to be happy. We have healthy, beautiful children and it makes me upset seeing that he seems to think our daughter is not good enough. I will be fair and say that he is very stressed at the moment and he is in the military and it's not a good time for us at the moment and it is very understandable he may be having trouble expressing his emotions properly, but he is very distant to her. He was always very involved with all of our other daughters and he just doesn't seem interested in her in the same way. He comments on how she looks. He calls it unattractive,

which is just unfair. I think she's gorgeous. We have never had any issues with our other children when they were babies. He adored them. But for some reason, I feel like this maybe is my fault that if she was a boy, maybe he would like her more or that I should have done the scan again. So he doesn't become disappointed. I really don't know. I think it's completely normal to have an expectation or be excited for a certain gender or sex with a baby. But at the same time, you need to completely wipe that away when reality hits. It's like wishing that your life was someone else's life. like wishing that you could change this, that and the other. You need to just love the children that you have so much, no conditions. It doesn't matter what they look like. It doesn't matter if they're a boy or a girl.

So it's really sad to me that he is just living in this, oh, poor me, I never got my boy sort of world. He has four beautiful daughters that love him and a wife that has gone through so much to bring these girls into the world and him living in this universe of, oh, I just wish I had my boy. That's not gonna do anything for him.

There's nothing to be gained from that. Yeah, I mean, also, can we pause for a minute and recognize the fact that he called his own daughter unattractive? That's horrible. that's horrible. Like I know she's eight months old, but get it together dude, because your daughter is going to be looking to her father

as such a prominent role for how she views herself as she grows into an adult. And like through adolescent, everything, like that can never come out, that can never ever, ever, ever, ever come out of your mouth again. That is crazy. Fix that.

I can't even imagine what that would have done to me as a child if I thought that my father viewed me that type of way. I feel like kids base so much of their own self-value and worth based off of how their parents value them and view their worth. That's good, that's really good. Like, I cannot even imagine.

Like, he needs to get himself fixed, this is crazy. Yeah. And like, it's not your fault as the wife either because it's like, you didn't think it was a big deal. Like, she was just prepared to love the baby either way and he didn't express that he was really, really longing for a boy. If there's ever a parent that is seriously longing for a certain gender, I think that's

normal and alright. But my advice would be to find out ahead of time so you can process that, whether it's what you want or what you don't, what you weren't wanting, quote unquote. So you can process that and then be prepared to fully embrace and love that child exactly as they are born before they're here. That's something that's gotta be sorted out beforehand if that's gonna be a major disappointment for you. 100%.

I wanna do that thing that Edna Moe does in Instagram where you're like, wake up! Yeah, slap that man across the face. That's crazy, like, come on. That's one of those things that you just don't ever say. I mean, there's certain things that you can think. I don't care if he's in a stressful time of his life, you don't get to say those things. Yeah, you don't say that. He needs to ever say. I mean, there's certain things that you can think. I don't care if he's in a stressful time of his life. You don't get to say those things.

Yeah, you don't say that. He needs to get help. Get therapy, sir, because you're not leading your family well, you're not loving your children well. This is F'd. Wow. Next. Next.

This is me having a hammer. I like feisty Abby. You like feisty Abby? Yeah, I think you're funny. Thank you. I think you're really funny when you're feisty. At other people, not me. Ha ha ha ha.

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including Lion King bottle and Lion King stickers. We've worked out a special deal with Haya for the best selling children's vitamin. Receive 50% off your first order. To claim the deal, you must go to hyahealth.com slash unplanned. This deal is not available on the regular website. Go to H-I-Y-A-H-E-A-L-T-H.com slash unplanned and get your kids the full body nourishment they need to grow into healthy adults. My boyfriend won't commit to me. Do I leave? My boyfriend and I have been together for 15 years.

Yeah, get out. Oh my gosh. My boyfriend and I have been together for 15 years. Yeah, get out. Oh my gosh. Immediately leave him sis. He's never going to. I'm sorry you've had 15 years. I'm sorry, keep going. When we got together, I had a newborn and he decided he wanted to be a part of that so he has been raising her as his own since the beginning. We also have two boys together. Oh my gosh Sorry, I understand that it's normal. Okay, the kids really reframe it Yeah, it does reframe it but like for me to think about people having kids with someone that like they're not married to is still Just like that's so crazy to me like marriage protects you yo like Yeah, I think y'all if you're gonna have kids with somebody you really should consider

marriage you really should like lovingly it's gotta happen for so many reasons because it protects you it protects the kids there's issues that can arise if your spouse were to die and then you you know you're not together on all the assets so then you potentially might not get them and then you could go into some sort of dispute with their family. Like it just, it protects you, it protects your kids. If you wanna be with somebody for 30 years and you don't get married and there's no kids involved,

okay, whatever, fine. But I think if you're gonna make the decision to have children with somebody, I think you really gotta consider marriage. You really should. And I say consider because we've had people on this podcast that have kids and they're not married, and I still think they're wonderful people. I think they're amazing. I think they're so kind. I would love to be best friends

with them if we live next to each other, but I would still say this to them too. I just think marriage protects situations when children are involved. Yes. Right. Yes. When there's children involved, I just, anyway, okay, I'll get back into it. I mean, I wouldn't suggest it, but I mean, f around all you want if there's no other like, what would you call that? It just changes things. Collateral damage. Yeah, when you have kids, it really changes things.

Totally. Okay, so we have two boys together. We bought a house, did all the things a typical married couple would do, except I don't have a ring. I made it known in the very beginning of a relationship I wanted to get married. He always told me someday we'd do that. Now after 15 years, he just tells everyone he'll never get married.

I don't feel like I'm good enough or something is wrong with me because after 15 years and two kids, a man shouldn't want to marry you. I don't want to break up my kid's family because I grew up without a dad. But I deserve to be happy as well. Ooh.

Okay, this is really hard because if you did not have children, I would say like head for the hills. This is, this man is not shiz. I think it, I think it really changes things that they have kids. Yeah. Because if she left right now, that would affect their kids. The fact, here's the thing, hold up there's three kids. There's three kids because yeah, there's a newborn to start and then they had two boys. Holy cow. So that mean this is a the thing. Hold up, there's three kids. You're basically married. Hold up, there's three kids, because. Yeah, they had two boys too. Yeah, there's a newborn to start, and then they had two boys. Holy cow, so I mean, this is a family thing.

Okay, my guess is that there's something going on in this man's history, where marriage is not safe in his mind. That's what it always is. And marriage will ruin it. So he probably is coming from a divorce household, is my guess. 100%.

Maybe it was a brutal divorce too. 100%, yeah. I mean, here we are again, but I just think this man needs counseling and it seems like you've told him how important this is to you and he's still not responding to that. Yeah. And I can see where that would be really, really hurtful. If you're saying like, it feels like I'm not enough for you to marry, like I've done this, I've had the children, we have the house, we have everything.

It's like we're playing marriage. But like you don't, you still don't want to commit to me. And that, that can be really, really hurtful. And that's a valid feeling. She shouldn't feel like she needs to just keep the peace for the children because I mean that's, he's not being a good example to them. Do you know what's interesting is in America we romanticize marriage so much we expect it to be this magical fairy tale you know rom-com situation and in other countries people understand what it what it is yeah it's almost like a business deal they're like hey we got our

assets together we kind of we make a good match on paper yeah you know it's it's like a bit yeah it's all a business deal i mean back in back in the day, marriage was like empire building. Like if you if you wanted a formal life bad for women, it wasn't. Yeah. Well, you know, actually back then, maybe we shouldn't talk about that. It really was bad for me back in the day. But like the point, the middle ground, right? I'm making is it wasn't supposed to be this whole lovey dovey romcom. Yes, movie that you go see in the theaters, right? I think a lot of the reason that people start to despise their spouse and despise certain situations they have

in their marriage in America is because I think we're comparing it to the rom-coms. We're comparing it to the romance novels and that is just not real. That is simply not real. And I think the only thing that can make your marriage look a little bit more like the rom coms and the romance novels that you read is if you have a change in yourself.

Because if you expect for your partner to be some incredible fun person to be around, maybe you should first be the incredible fun person to be around. Control what you can control. Right? Because it's way easier to change yourself than to change other people. That was good. That was facts right there. Can I get some snaps for that one? Yes. I didn't come up with that quote by the way. This is not to that woman specifically because also she's never going to watch this podcast.

But I'm saying this to anyone that is considering moving in with your boyfriend or girlfriend. If marriage is something you see down in your future or if there's even a chance that you might see that in your future, or even having a family, full stop, don't move in with that person until there's arrangements for that. Because I just see this happen so, so, so, so, so much where you're like, we're going to move in and like, and then down the line, it's like, then that's where this resentment builds. Because it's like, you already kind of without saying Gave that person permission to just pretend play marriage with you forever. That's a good take You know what I mean? That's honestly a good take because there's no what's gonna change what's fundamentally gonna change about your relationship

Once you get married if you're already living together. Yeah, I mean It's kind of lost its power at that other. Other than a legal document, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's a fair take. So for this woman, I would say I would recommend counseling. I feel like that's just such a cop-out answer, but like he really needs to come to this resolution that like he needs to fully understand how not committing to marriage is making you feel. This is one of the top comments from what's my password 73. Okay, thanks for the username.

You're welcome. This person said, as someone that lost their husband, I need everyone to understand the legal protections you get with marriage. In my grief groups, you would be horrified at the number of women who ended up in very vulnerable positions because they didn't have a marriage certificate. And for the love of all that is holy, everyone get a proper will done with an executor and power of attorney and medical directives. Not executor. Oh, an executor.

When I get a proper will done with an executor and power of attorney and medical directives, many horror stories without these as well. Currently you're not safe. He's not protecting you. How is your money? Retirement accounts. How much of your career did you sacrifice for your kids?

You need to do what you need to do to protect your future, be wise. But then I think there's also the emotional aspect that she's going through that's very valid too. Like she doesn't even really get to be called his wife. Yeah, I know this is kind of a cop out, but they should go to couples therapy and talk this through. That's what I just said.

Couples therapy, snaps for couples therapy, baby. Woo, woo. My god, this is interesting. What do we got, baby? This is a 23-year-old female. She and her boyfriend, who's a 23-year-old male, went to the university together. We've already graduated and have been dating for almost a year,

while being official for almost five months. He's sweet, kind, and caring. We support one another in our careers, and he even goes the extra mile to pick me up from work all the time, even if my office is completely out of his daily route. We also share a lot of values, one of the most important being family. From the onset, I introduced him to my family early on and my parents and siblings love him. They love having him hang out for family birthdays and parties.

It took a while for my boyfriend, but eventually I got to meet his siblings and cousins, but his parents live out of the state. I think it's also important to note that he's a really shy guy. I'm a Leo and he's a Scorpio, if that would help provide more context as to what our relationship dynamic is like. That doesn't actually do anything for me, but no worries. He's serene and introverted while I'm outgoing and friendly. And the entire duration of us being together, his parents have flown in a lot of times for a multitude of reasons, business, leisure, layovers. Not once has my boyfriend initiated the idea of me meeting them. I'm worried and really insecure about this. I've had three past boyfriends and with all of them,

I've never been introduced to their parents. But they go so far as to post in social media, brag about me to their friends and coworkers and the parents know of me, but I've never gotten to the point where in I've gotten to actually meet them. This has been looming over me for weeks. I even turned to ChatGBT for advice on how to navigate this.

And the consensus is that I need to confront him and ask why he hasn't asked for me to meet his parents. Any perspective from real human experiences, please. I love how ChatGBT told her to confront him and have a conversation. Yeah. Like sometimes the most obvious answer is right in front of your freaking face and you're

like, I need to go to AI to tell me what's the situation. It's like talk to him. Here's the thing. I feel like I understand at least what's keeping you from having this conversation for fear of what he might say. He might say, I don't view this relationship as seriously as you do. You know what I mean? Because I feel like meeting the parents is kind of like an understood, like,

this is a big step forward in a relationship. It's kind of viewed as like, our families can mesh, i.e. we could get married and become a family ourselves. Hearing this now, I'm like, holy crap, did we rush that process? We were meeting each other's parents within weeks. We were children, we needed to meet our parents. Weeks, dude.

No, honey, we met our parents, I met your parent before I. We were even, yeah, before we were dating, we knew each meet our parents. Weeks, dude. No, honey, we met our parents. I met your parent before I- Yeah, before we were dating, we knew each other's parents. That's actually fair. Okay. Our parents were friends before we were. That's true. Your mom was trying to set us up

before we were even dating. She was trying to set us up when we were in middle school. So that was a different situation. But do you hear what I'm saying? She's scared of what he might say. Basically, our marriage is arranged is what Abby's trying to say.

Okay, in a way, I mean, I feel like she would love that credit. She would. Matchmaker Lori. To this girl, she's afraid that he might say, I don't feel the same way about this relationship as you do. And honestly, he probably might.

Why am I getting the feeling that he's actually gonna say that? I think that's probably 90% what's happening. There's a 10% chance that his parents are pretty out there and he's a little nervous that you meeting them might push them away. That's fair. Yeah, there are situations where people aren't proud

of their family, maybe they come from a family that they no longer relate to, and potentially that is what's going on here. Maybe they're a little out there. Either way, a conversation needs to be had so you're not wasting your time anymore on something that's like not going to be a good fit in the long run. Remind me, how long have they been together? It's only been official for five months. Oh. But they've been together for a year.

Okay. But I think it's probably time or at least to understand why not. When you're 23 and already graduated, you know. I wonder if there's a way for her to just subtly ask about the parents, like not make it this big ultimatum. Yeah, we don't need to use the word confront, maybe. Yeah, if you've only been together for five months, you don't need to make it this big ordeal, but you can still have a conversation about, hey, who are your parents? Maybe you bring up the topic of his parents,

if you haven't already, and see if you can move that in the direction of meeting them. Oh, shoot, this is so interesting. Okay. I found arrest records for the man I have been dating. How can I safely end things with him? What would you do in that situation? I can't even tell you.

What were the charges? I'm a 28 year old female and I started seeing a 42 year old male a few weeks ago. First of all, that's a pretty big age gap. That's a little bit scary. That is concerning a little bit. We met at his job and instantly hit it off. I haven't really connected with anyone lately so I was super excited about this man. I really like him. However, something has felt off and honestly felt like

he was love bombing me. I thought he was just a cheesy guy or desperate but he does everything excessively like non-stop compliments and talk about how I'm his girl. Flowers, gifts, loud displays of affection in public, literally yelling out loud how much he adores me. Plus he has needed to have constant communication. If I don't respond to a text, he will spam until I respond. That is concerning. Okay, here's the thing. Very concerning. Crime junkie rule number one. Be weird, be rude, stay alive. You don't own this man an

explanation. I like that. You don't owe this man an explanation. I like that. You don't owe him actually anything. I like that. If something feels off, this behavior of not giving you any kind of space, the love bombing, the odd behaviors in general, you don't owe him anything.

I know it can feel like, I feel like women a lot of times feel like they need to make sure everyone's taken care of, they're being respectful, they're being this, that, and the other. You don't owe this man anything. Cut ties, cut it being respectful, they're being this, that, and the other. You don't always spend anything. Cut ties, cut it all, and let someone in your life know what's going on, out of pure safety. But Abby gets even more interesting.

They work together, oh gosh. Aside from love bombing, he is coming out of a divorce. I haven't asked for details about it because he doesn't know why my last relationship ended either. All I know is they were married for 20 years. She left him, and he was very depressed for a while but he keeps talking about me as if I'm a blessing that entered his life. He verbatim says when a door closes a window opens and this window has finally opened. But first I

thought he was excited. I mean after the second date he said he was going to tell everyone he has a girlfriend. He did not ask me out. Okay, that's weird. Well Matt, actually you did that to me, but you were also 18. I was a youngin', okay? I was a youngin'. And I loved it because I was like, I wanna be your girlfriend, so I didn't care, but.

Oh my gosh, okay. He and I took a selfie together. On Thursday, he sent me a cropped version of just me that had my nose piercing, Photoshopped out, and it was enhanced by AI. It really creeped me out. That's weird. It really creeped me out.

I had been having a sinking feeling in my stomach, so I canceled our plans for Thursday and Friday. On Friday night, I started telling my neighbor about how weird that guy has been. She asked if I had a photo, and I didn't, so I deep dived to find him. Like I was working off his age, first name and last initial.

I found his Facebook which confirmed his divorce. Something still fell off. So I Googled him and a mugshot, where he looks rough popped up. The charges listed were violation of protection order. Oh, he's a freak. He's a stalker. I liked him, but now I'm kind of scared of him.

Maybe I'm being dramatic. I just don't think I would feel safe around him. Honey, that sinking feeling in your stomach is called your instinct. Yep. It is a built-in protection device in you. You're allowed to trust that. You're allowed to trust that protection device inside yourself, and you owe this man literally nothing Literally nothing. So like I don't know what you probably do need to tell him like Hey, I'm no longer interested in seeing you. Please don't contact me. Yeah, don't please don't contact me have that maybe so it's just like He knows and then if he goes beyond that I think you have grounds to like call the police get them involved and tell people in your circle about what's going on. Do not be alone. How do you end things? Do you call like, do you have a friend with you and you call him up and basically explain, hey,

I don't feel comfortable moving forward in this relationship. I really wish you the best. Yeah. How do you do that? I guess. Would you, would it be a phone call? I feel like you couldn't do it. I would say send a text really this guy's creepy I understand he's creepy, but I think it would almost be better to do a phone call I don't know I'm I think you do whatever you're comfortable with because you're already in a really hard position I'm thinking from the perspective of

Someone who isn't a criminal. I mean you never would want to break up over text with somebody. This guy does a mug shot. But at the same time, there's people that, there are very normal people that get mug shots. Like you'd be surprised at the amount of people in your own life if you really did some digging who have a mug shot. But this lady's already had alarms going off for her.

Yeah, so I don't wanna just jump to this conclusion as if he's this crazy psycho person. He AI'd her face and chopped himself out of it. That is weird. That is weird. This guy is weird. There's multiple red flags, but I think it's like we need to basically act as if we're in a in the worst situation. I don't know. Why am I resistant to this? I feel like so many women have tried to be polite. Oh yeah. And have gotten themselves in even worse positions

because of it. True, but there hasn't, I mean, at least in her situation, there hasn't been anything that he has done other than the AI Photoshop thing with her nose ring. No, that's not true. She said things have fell off. I mean, he's just been overly complimentary of her. I'm gonna tell you, I would drop kick that man

out of your life. I don't think you owe him anything. That is creepy. That is creepy. And you're already, Matt, here's the problem. You're already at a disadvantage being a female and a male and that kind of thing. You're at a disadvantage.

Fair. I'm telling you, this woman's instinct is valid. You can break things off over the phone. I guess since it's creepy you can break off things with as... 5,000%. Through a text. But if you were ever to meet up in person with this person ever again, which I don't know if I would recommend doing that. Never do it.

You probably, I mean not probably, you would need to do that in a very public place. No, don't meet up with him. Definitely do not have him come to your house and go to like you. Be very clear over the phone. If you do call, be very clear. But like, I am not interested in seeing you anymore. You are not invited to contact me. Here's my question. Okay. When is this mugshot from? She didn't specify. Is the mugshot from 20 years ago? Is it from a month ago? Because that is a huge, huge difference. If he had this mugshot from when he was in his 20s

and he's now a 42 year old man, people change. I feel like he'd be forthcoming with that. Yeah. If there was nothing to hide. I wanna have empathy for people. I want to assume the best in people. Totally. But you do need to protect yourself.

Especially as a woman, you need to protect yourself. You don't wanna take chances. I think this man should be hired and a job I think he should be able to hold a job. I think he should be able to get a loan I think he should be able to have a house. I would love for him to be able to get married again, but You don't think so, you know, we don't know the whole situation. He's stopping creepy Fair, but we don't know the whole situation I don't know. I have a different perspective on this. Matt, imagine you had a daughter and she's like,

dad, everyone deserves love. Of course I'm gonna be the most protective person in the world over my daughter, but at the same time- Dwaada. My Dwaada. But think about if this was your son. Think about if your son made some really dumb decisions and you know your son, you know your son's heart, and let's pretend that your son effed up bad.

You would still hope that your son could one day- I feel like if he was, if he had truly evolved, he would be forthcoming with this. Also, why are you just now seeing his Facebook? You didn't know his name? You didn't have to look him up. Yeah, that is really weird. It seems like this- There's so many-

This moved a bit fast. No, this guy was trying to keep you from this. Yeah. Because he's you from this. Yeah. Because he's not healthy still. Yeah. He's not changed. He needs a different, he needs a character arc. Okay, I, a 29 year old female, am not a morning person.

My fiance, a 31 year old male, knows this. I tell him good morning, I give him a kiss more often than not, but it may not always come with a smile. So, we get into an argument because he says I always look like I'm angry in the morning and I'm kind of annoyed by that. I smile and laugh throughout the day, but in the morning it may take a second to get out of the grogginess. We are generally very happy, but lately I've been feeling a lot of pressure from him to

be the future wife he wants me to be. I'm a bit outspoken, can be direct, and sometimes he calls it aggressive. He expects breakfast every morning and dinner to be cooked four to five times of the week. Some of the things I understand and I do them but to be asked to smile in the morning when I first wake up kind of frustrated me because it's another tiny detail of being his wife that just adds pressure. It's not that I'm not happy to see him in the morning. I love him to death but darn it it hurts my feelings that he doesn't think I'm not a happy person for simply not smiling first thing in the

morning. I'm trying my best and I'm really getting tired of it. I'm also wanting to talk to his parents about it. This sounds like a very newly married couple. This sounds like a young couple that just got married. They're not. They're engaged. I'm just looking for some insight because I'm overwhelmed and feel like I'm not wifely enough or something. Married men and women, can you explain? Yo, that's just how it happens, man. That's just how it works. This dude needs to recognize that you can't expect your person to be like, hello, good morning, everybody. That's not how women are in the morning.

No, you cannot say women. You can say that's not how my wife is. From my experience, that's not how this works, okay? Abby needs a cup of coffee first. Like, hey, maybe if you want your wife to smile at you in the morning, maybe wake her up with like, hey, I made your coffee order, you know? Yeah, I feel like this is an easy fix. I think that this guy's being a little bit demanding.

I think he has a picture of marriage that is not realistic. Yeah. And if you're already living with your fiance, nothing's gonna magically happen when you get the title wife that's gonna make this some storybook. So if these things are a thing now, I think you say to him, hey, you're having this standard for me that feels suffocating.

Like this feels like pressure, this doesn't feel like real life. I feel like you don't love me as I am. If I'm wake up, I need a little space. If you wanna see a smile on my face, where's my coffee? I feel like you can be playful about this and if he doesn't take that hint, then more conversations need to be had.

It's very clear that they are new to their relationship. I mean, if they're engaged, I'm guessing this is just one of those little hurdles that you overcome with living with someone else. I guess they're living together right now. So that's just not how marriage is. You don't wake up and just have the joy of a butterfly on your face.

I mean, not that a butterfly would have joy on their face. I don't even think butterflies have faces, but, or maybe they do. Do butterflies have faces? I don't know where I'm going with that, but you're not gonna just like wake up with this joyful look on your face, okay? That's not how... That's that's not how this works.

I feel like the comments are kind of right about this. What are they saying? I think this dude might have a little misogyny in him. Interesting. Like you just want your wife to smile and make dinner for you. I don't think... That's kind of what it's sounding like. Okay, okay. Let's be the play the devil's advocate. He

maybe just has some things that he needs to work through. Like he maybe had this maybe he's comparing her to his mom. Could be. Yeah, he probably is. Honestly, he's probably that's actually a really holy crap that was good. He probably is comparing her to his mom. Yeah. His mom probably woke him up in the mornings when he was a kid and was smiling like, good morning. Good morning, sunshine. And like made the dinners five times a week.

He's comparing her to his mom. Probably, but here's the thing, he's not allowed to do that. Yeah, I would say, hey buddy, you wanna see a smile? I wanna see you work for that smile. I think you can be lighthearted about it honestly. I feel like this could just be a simple fix.

Just say like, you want to see a smile on my face? Come with a coffee. Come with, let me see the bed made. Like, and that's a surprise or something like that. Give me a back massage. You know? Yeah, because it is kind of a back massage in the morning. I don't know. I guess you prefer those at night.

It's airing on misogynist a little bit. True. I just know that the Internet loves to jump to misogyny basically 99% of the time. She also makes his breakfast every morning. Oh, frick. And she said he expects breakfast every morning. What? That's what I'm saying. Wait, he expects. Sorry. That's what I'm saying. Wait, he expects... Sorry, I... That's what I'm saying.

Some of these details... I think my ADHD got the best of me there. Some of these details pass me. He expects breakfast every morning. The quote is, he expects breakfast every morning and dinner to be cooked four to five times out of the week. I would like to hear his side of the story,

but that does sound like misogyny to me. And he just wants her to be smiling all the time. You just want your woman to smile, to not put up a fight, cook your meals. Based off of this, it's looking very bad for him. Looking poorly. He looks like an a-hole. And I think that she said in the comments to other people that she also works. Yeah, it's not looking good for him, I would say.

Also here's the thing. Here's the thing about love and marriage. They need to love you when you're not picture perfect, when you're not smiley, when you're not firing it all cylinders. Because you know what? Life is gonna happen, right where you're at in a relationship is potentially

the most picture perfect, easy part of your marriage. Potentially, who knows? Who knows what else is going on in the background? Who knows what the rest of your life is gonna look like? But if this is where we're at and we're having these types of conflicts, it's like, I don't know if this guy is ready to weather challenges of life with you. Yeah. Because life's not always going to be breakfast on the table and smiles. Things can get hard sometimes. 100% agree.

I don't know. I don't know. I feel like this could be a little deeper. We have a birthday party to go to. Okay, we have a two-year-old birthday party to go to, so this is our very last one, and I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. If you did, hit that like button. This one's good. Because we'll do more.

Hit that like button. Okay, I, 25-year-old female, found out my boyfriend, 29-year-old male, follows a lot of OnlyFans models on Snapchat. I recently borrowed my partner's Snapchat to try out an AI filter that turns you into a 60s virgin of yourself. While using it, I accidentally-

Why'd you say virgin instead of virgin? That's how you did it. You just say virgin. Keep going. Oh my gosh. While using it, I accidentally opened his feed and it was only filled with half naked women, 100% of it.

Some of them he was following and I'm pretty sure they were promoting their OnlyFans content. They didn't seem local. This really threw me off. It seemed local. Okay, this really threw me off. I immediately felt anxious and unsafe in the relationship and I haven't brought it up yet because I needed time to calm down. We've been together for three years and this isn't the first time something like this has come up. Early on our relationship I noticed his Instagram was full of similar content. He followed a lot of half naked women. I expressed that this

made me really uncomfortable and he unfollowed them, which I thought was a sign of respect for my boundaries. But now I wonder if he really respected my feelings at all, since it seems he just shifted the behavior to another app. I asked my single friends to show me their Snapchat feed and it was not half as bad as my boyfriend's. I do plan on talking to him about it, but I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or if this points to a deeper issue about values, respect, and boundaries. I'd really appreciate advice from

people who've navigated something similar or have thoughts on how to approach this conversation. I am really, really hurt. I have two things to say off the bat. You're completely valid for feeling the way that you feel. This naturally would make you feel self-conscious, hurt, angry, like so many, so many types of things. This is not something that you need to just like shrug off and move on from. On the other side of things slightly, I feel like your boyfriend is in the same boat

of so many other 20-something, 37-year-old males in our country today, where they're like inundated with sexual images on their phone. And that can be like a drug. Where it's like this addictive thing where he's like, I don't know why I keep finding myself like seeking out ways to see these things, to view these things and I'm in a relationship

and it's just really confusing for me that I'm still willing to go this. Because those types of sexual images are like a drug. It's been proven that there's hormones released that are the same types of things that you see in addictive substances. Yeah. And I don't think the fact that it is a drug doesn't make it okay. No.

But I think I think you 1000% need to have a conversation. Yeah. And I think maybe the conversation maybe looks like him getting rid of Snapchat. Yeah, getting rid of Snapchat. Maybe he needs to get rid of Snapchat because it sounds like Snapchat is his crutch. It sounds like there's something that he needs to work through on his own end that's leading him to use this drug. A lot of my friends' husbands don't have any social media and I wonder if it's because

it is such a... I've actually heard of men... It's an avenue for this type of stuff. I've heard of men that have flip phones because they don't wanna be distracted by those provocative images on social media. And I think that's super admirable. Like if you, and some people are like,

oh, you can't control yourself, it's a drug. So if that's a decision you need to make for yourself. I admire that. I think that's very admirable. I don't think we should make fun of people that go to having a flip phone. Choose to have extreme boundaries. Exactly. I don't think there's anything wrong with that and I think that actually shows a lot of self-control and self-awareness too.

Yes. It's like they've realized okay, if I'm going to have a regular phone, I'm going to find myself looking at half naked women or naked women. Oh, maybe not. I'm not gonna find myself, but there's a chance I might. Yes. And this is, I'm building a hedge for myself and for my family and out of respect for my wife, that I don't want to go anywhere near that. Yeah. So maybe look, like if you decide that because of what you've discovered, that you're not okay with him having Snapchat. It's like, hey, I need you to believe-

You're allowed to have that. Yeah. And you bring that up to him and he says, no, I wanna continue in this behavior and I'm not gonna delete Snapchat, I'm not gonna change anything for you. I don't think that's somebody that's worth sticking around with. Yeah.

Because then that shows that they're putting themselves above you. It's a lack of respect. And I think in a relationship, you need to make sacrifices if your partner is asking you, hey, this Snapchat thing needs to stop. I'm not okay with it. I'm not comfortable with it. And you can't come to an agreement on that.

Then I don't think this is somebody that you should stick around with. I think a big piece of this also is her finding this out on her own. Like she was just like casually going to use like a fun filter on there and finding that, that feels like, oh my gosh, what else do I not know? How deep has this issue gone without me

even being aware of it? And I think that that's also a part of the hurt here is like the almost like dishonesty of it all. I think that your boyfriend, there's a chance that he's just addicted to this thing and he's not like an evil, disrespectful guy. I think that his response in this conversation will be very telling for you.

And he should let it be very telling for you. 100%. And he should let it be really telling for you and not continue to be convinced that something else is different because also we are noticing a pattern here. Yeah. That's tough. And I feel like there's a lot of people in this exact situation. Yeah.

I think that there is a path to recovery, but it probably looks like taking counter-cultural aggressive measures. Yep. And you just have to decide what's most important. Like they have to decide what's more important. Yes. And also as the female you need to feel like you're being crazy. I feel like so often that's like oh my gosh your girlfriend's crazy she's making you delete snapchat like that's crazy. No no no don't let anyone tell you that because of that. Yeah. Like you're allowed to have a standard. I mean in a similar way if you're a woman who is comparing your relationship to romantic novels

and your husband says, hey let's put a pause on reading these romantic novels. Totally, you should be open to that. I don't think there's something wrong with that either. Well also women have porn addictions as well. Fair, yeah. Should we say corn instead? Maybe we'll have to mute our voices and say corn

or something, maybe we'll have to throw in like a corn emoji on this. All right. I don't know. We're gonna go to a two year old birthday party. It's weird that you can't say the word, but you can show it on all these platforms. It's crazy. We are going to go to a two year old birthday party. So thank you so much for listening in once again to the On Plan Podcast. Thank you everybody. Squinting through bright days? Back to no. Struggling with glare? Also no. What about sunglasses over regular glasses? Big no.

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