The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby - Relationship dilemmas that make you think

Episode Date: May 14, 2025

Matt & Abby react to wild relationship stories from Reddit — from hidden debt and surprise divorces to cringey confessions and tough family drama. Some are hilarious, some are heavy, and all of them will leave you thinking. This episode is sponsored by Bobbie & Hiya. Bobbie: Visit https://hibobbie.com for an additional 10% off your purchase with code UNPLANNED. Hiya: Go to https://hiyahealth.com/UNPLANNED and receive 50% off your first order. Get your kids the full-body nourishment they need to grow into healthy adults. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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My boyfriend slept at a girl's house and ignored me for 20 hours. In his defense, she's just a friend. Any advice? Oh my god. No! How do I, a 21-year-old male, tell my girlfriend, a 23-year-old female, why I won't get a vasectomy? She is super against tying her tubes.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, she's against tying her tubes, but he has to get his tubes tied? Is it stupid if I break up with my boyfriend because he told me you're only the third prettiest girl I've dated? Leave this guy. Leave him. Leave him. I'm actually disgusted by this guy. Why would you say that as a man?

Welcome back to Unplanned. We are your hosts, Matt and Abby. And today we are reading relationship stories from Reddit. I have no idea what to expect with this. We got this idea from Smosh, by the way. So if you're about to comment like you guys are copying Smosh, we are copying Smosh. We downloaded Reddit just for this. Like literally.

Okay, let's hit me with it. Okay. So the first one we have is I found out my spouse was hiding a huge debt. This is a 39 year old female who's married to a 37 year old male. We've been married for 10 years and together 12. The other day I watched on our video camera as my husband was served papers for a lawsuit.

He told me it was for a loan he had received and things have just spiraled since then. I've always trusted him to do the finances. I make a low six figures and turn all of my money over to him to pay the bills. He also makes good money, but we struggled during COVID with job loss and he had to take a job paying very little.

He now makes the same as I do. I thought she was making six figures. So she's making in the low six figures. Okay, but he's still making good money too. He's making good money, but wait for this. I found out we are $130,000 in debt. I had no idea. I knew we had to put a few things on credit cards,

but I didn't know we had 12 maxed out cards. I don't even know what all this money was spent on. I feel so absurdly betrayed. I'm scared that we will never recover from this and I can't trust him anymore. What's the best thing I can do for myself and my three kids? All three kids, I didn't even know that was three kids. Married with three kids, $130,000 of debt.

My first question would be like, what did you spend this on? If she doesn't even know what he spent it on, that's so eerie. Like, is he buying stuff for somebody else? Like, is he also having an affair? That's what makes me wonder. People make fun of Dave Ramsey's money plan with like the envelopes and the cash and using Cash to pay for everything because I like Dave

I'm so silly well people will make fun of it And it's like this is the reason why that exists because people will spend money and not even realize how much money they're spending 137 thousand dollars like what is he buying like I'm with her I'm like what did you get one of the top comments underneath the thread. Yeah, what are people saying? First step, get your own account and immediately have your salary routed there. You will now be paying all bills

that involve the household and children. He needs to figure out how he plans to fix this mess he has created. Maybe a second job or a different job paying more. He needs to come clean and give you the full picture. Statements, transactions, balances for all these accounts are you on all of these credit cards i don't know if there's coming back from this financial infidelity would be a deal breaker for many otherwise rock-solid relationships this is a

giant hole that may be hard to recover from but it can be done that was a really good response it was a really good response honestly she has she has a point. Financial infidelity is a thing. If someone is going to ruin your life financially, I think there is grounds for divorce there. If somebody is consistently wrecking your finances, that is a huge stress on raising kids, on marriage. Yeah, I would feel really, really betrayed, especially with children, because it's like, we chose to have these kids and to provide for them together and you just squandered not just your own earnings but my earnings and that is going to affect our children because of your poor decisions. I will say this though I want to know what her spending is if they did an audit of their finances and they look at how much he's spending and how much she's spending

who knows maybe he's the one spending a lot or or maybe she's one. We don't have a clear clue of what's happening here. It's clear that they need to read Ramith's book. But they definitely need to cut back. A money conversation needs to happen here. They need to have a money conversation. We interviewed Ramith a couple months ago on the podcast. I'm gonna defend the woman for a minute. Because I feel like, not just women in relationships,

there's usually a partner that feels like they're in control of the finances and the other one that's not. And I don't think she's necessarily wrong for being like, I was kind of hands off in this area because that's how households work, right? It's not like you tag team every single duty, like we both do the same duty 50%. You just allocate specific duties usually almost 100%. Yes.

Where it's like, you do this task, I do this task. I don't think anyone should be like, well, why does she not have any eyes on it? It's like, well, you know what? That maybe wasn't her job, and how they just decided to split things up. And I think that's totally fair. And if he was the one handling all of that, that's on him to figure it out.

Totally. But then if she is also excessively spending, then she needs to take accountability for that. It was his job though, if she, let's pretend for a second that she was excessively spending money, it's on him to have that conversation with her. Ah, I cannot imagine being put in that position.

That feels, that feels really, really hard. Next one. Can we read it? You read this one. I, a 29 year old male, was warned not to marry my girlfriend, a 28 year old female by her best friend. What now? I've been with my girlfriend for three years and I've been planning to propose

in the next couple of months. Recently, we had a group of her friends over and I decided to share my plans with one of her best friends. When I told him about my plan to propose, he looked a bit uncomfortable. He said, good luck, while glancing around like he wanted to leave. I asked him directly what was bothering him, thinking I could handle whatever he said. That's when he told me he had concerns not about me but about my girlfriend. According to him, she has a pattern of being emotionally distant in relationships.

He said she's dated people more for convenience and genuine affection, and that she only ever seemed truly excited about one guy in the past. He also mentioned that she hasn't been single for more than a year since before high school. While he admitted that might be hypocritical since he's been with his boyfriend since high school, he said he believes she sometimes confuses romantic relationships with emotional support systems. That hit home for me because during our first year together, I actually wondered if she was in love with him. school he said he believes she sometimes confuses romantic relationships with emotional support systems. That hit home for me because during our first year together I actually wondered if she was

in love with him. I eventually dropped that thought after spending more time around him and realizing how committed he is to his boyfriend and quite frankly he is very gay. What surprised me is that she's never been overly clingy with me. If anything she's independent and sometimes distant, but with him she had a strong emotional reliance. What started as me sharing exciting news turned into a conversation that left me feeling uncertain. I love my girlfriend, but her friend made some valid points that are now weighing on me.

His comments echoed some things I have noticed but hadn't fully processed. Now I'm left wondering, why would he bring all this up? Was he trying to protect me or was this crossing a line? Do I talk to my girlfriend about this? If I do and she finds out what he said, what does that mean for her friendship or for mine with her? Does she have a right to know what her friend shared with me? It sounds like to me there could be two, one of two things going on here either her best friend, this guy, is trying to like manipulate

her life and like keep other people out of it or this guy truly is looking out for the boyfriend who wrote this. What are you thinking? I think he massively overstepped. The friend? I think that's completely inappropriate. Yeah. Like for a friend to be like, don't propose, like that's between them. Like that decision for marriage is between them. You can give insight if people are asking for it or if you see major red flags. Mm-hmm. Like she's cheating with somebody else. Like something that she has no reason to be honest with. This is just beyond... that's not a true friend either. Because I feel like he would go to her if he's like,

hey, like by the way, I don't think you've given enough time, if he thinks she should be independent for a period of time, or if he thinks that she's becoming too emotionally reliant, or like things like that, that's for him to talk to her. It's weird that- Like why would he let her be in that, sorry. It's weird that he went to the boyfriend.

Why did he not go to his friend? Yeah. Why is he going behind her back to talk to the boyfriend? It's almost making me wonder if he like kind of wants to get with that guy. Or maybe he has a complex because he's been with his boyfriend for years and he wants to get married.

And so that's like a little like jealousy reaction where it's like, oh wow, you're ready to like lock it down and it's only been three years where I've been with my partner for eight. I could see some like envy even like playing a role in this decision to like be like and also I don't like how he was so passive about it. He was like good luck and like yeah that just seems like someone that just wants to stir up some drama and I just feel like that's never really a good... I like your take. I think you're on to it.

I think he's the problem. I think that's bull honky. I think it's bohongky. I like it. I love how you just immediately jumped to that conclusion. Really? Yes. I mean, it might not be in the popular opinion with that. I love how decisive you are. I usually just, I'm like, oh, I can't make up my mind. What's- See, I feel like you're like that boyfriend in that situation. Because like for, like, you gotta be able to be like, okay, wait, wait a minute. I'm looking for people that are going to speak life into this relationship or like if they're not saying positive things, like what's their motive? Is it because they really want the best for me and for our relationship or could there be another reason that they're bringing this negative thing up? I'm someone that's like fiercely loyal. The thought of like a best friend speaking ill of you behind your back to your boyfriend, that's just so nasty. That doesn't feel like a good friend.

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with code UNPLANNED. Visit www.hibobbi.com for more details. That's h-i-b-o-b-b-i-e dot com. How do I, 42 year old female, tell my husband, 42 year old male, of 15 years I want a divorce now that he's less of an A-H? I don't know what that is. Well I can read it and see if we can figure out what A-H stands for. My husband, 42 year old male, and I, 42 year old female,

have been married for 15 years and together for 20 years as of this month. TBH, we both sucked at various points in our marriage. The first year was great, years two through six were rough after we moved for my job and he became unemployed and had years of on-and-off work. He was lazy and entitled and I was mean and emotionally volatile. We fought a lot, we both handled it poorly in early 20s. Things stabilized when he found a good job and matured a bit. Still he's always been a bit entitled.

Financially, I make more. I do 80% of the housework. He does his laundry, I do mine, plus sheets, towels, and everything joined. He thinks he takes out the trash because he takes out the kitchen garbage and thinks I'm unreasonable for asking him to empty the bathroom because I'm the one who uses that garbage can. I spent years planning vacations, doing all of Christmas. I'm a different religion, but I love our nieces and nephews and his parents. It's really most of the work.

He does mow the lawn and snow blow. I help shovel snow, and that's it outside. I do maintain my own car. I believe he thinks his big contributions to our relationship are tracking and managing Netflix and other shows, driving, and being fun. I'm not kidding. Some of this happened because I was too particular

in controlling, and I have a higher standard than he does, which sometimes is bad on me, sometimes bad on him. I'm controlling, he's incompetent, bad combo. Probably around 2019, he started becoming rude to me. It started small, but I addressed it regularly. The most annoying part was when he blamed me for everything. The tiny example is when we couldn't find the TV remote. Where did you put the remote?

The rudeness increased after his best friend died by suicide. I gave a lot of leeway and stopped pushing back on his rudeness. I told him multiple times he needed to go to therapy. After a lot of excuses he admitted he didn't want therapy because he didn't want to do the work. I stopped asking. In 2022 I got sick. I was scared it was cancer but all the tests came back clean. The ninth doctor I tried helped me clean up my diet, get active, start meditation and motivated change. I'm not cured or diagnosed but I'm much better. But it's a daily practice to work on my health.

I'm now training for a 5K. I've stopped watching TV and I read. During that process, I moved into the guest bedroom to get better sleep. He refused to treat his apnea and blamed me for not giving him a sleep clinic number. I stopped hanging out with him because I wasn't watching TV anymore.

He said no when I asked him to go for a walk. Always an excuse. I ended up creating a separate life in our home. Eventually, I think he realized it and finally stopped being rude and stopped the blame. He did blame me for the remote about two months after I stopped watching TV. It's been better for about six to nine months, but once it got better I realized he only treated me with any respect once I forced him to by removing myself from him. Now I'm happiest when he's out of the house. I don't miss him if we're apart for a week.

I am sometimes annoyed if he's in the house because he watches TV 100% of the time he's awake. I don't want to do our normal summer plans, which are fast approaching, so I think I need to tell him ASAP that I want a divorce. I'm thinking after an upcoming trip he has next week so I don't ruin the trip. How do I start the conversation? How do I avoid getting sucked in a vortex of trying to justify, explain, convince him it's not worth saving? I don't want to work on the marriage. He's had four years to start therapy alone or with me so I'm not willing to accept that as an option. I don't hate him but I don't really like him anymore. I'm done." That's so sad. I still have no idea what AH stands for. I

don't either. I think the first thing I think of is- That's a lot right there. I think most marriages end when people decide they don't want to put in the work anymore. Yeah. Totally. Like that's truly what it is because a lot of people, nobody gets married thinking that they're gonna get divorced one day. Nobody does. Why would you have a big celebration, spend all this money?

And yet there's so many that do end in divorce. You know, it sounds like they've been through a lot of hard things. I mean, with her sickness, that must have been awful. With him losing his best friend to suicide, that must have been awful with him losing his best friend to suicide That must have been awful. So That sucks But I hate that they haven't been able to find a way to you know Be there for one other one another my first question would be have they tried therapy together?

It sounds like they haven't I feel like they could do really well from therapy I can tell just the things that she's reading or that, think about the things that she's really brought up multiple times. She's like the remote. Like that is such a like basic silly argument that is deeply rooted in other beliefs that she has about her husband. Like he's irresponsible, or you know, something much deeper than that.

I like you, I wanna hold your hand. Okay. And so I feel like there's a lot of things here where they could go and like That's kind of weird that we're holding. I know I'd like it Okay, so I feel like there's a lot of things and like her just being so specific like she really went on it listed every Single household chore and like who does it really did break? I feel like she has like first of all, you're not supposed to keep score. It's contempt. She has contempt for her husband.

Oh, totally. That's the number one predictor of divorce is contempt. Even Dr. Gottman's Institute proved that. It's like when you see contempt in a relationship at that level, you're usually headed for divorce. And I think that they've prioritized being individuals over how they can be individuals within their marriage. And so I feel like them sleeping in different rooms, getting different, like, you know, doing different evening, like her just being like, I'm not going to watch TV anymore.

I'm like, I wonder, it would be so, so hard if you got into this place where you just feel like you're utterly removed from your spouse. But I wonder if one night she'd be like, hey, what are you watching? Like take any interest in something. If he watches TV all the time and you don't like that, but just like try to step into that and just give an inch and see if he gives an inch. But don't test, but just, you know what I mean?

Like just see if there's any place or say, hey, like I know you're not feeling comfortable with individual therapy. I mean, I think it's okay to say like, I'm considering, it's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm considering divorce. Yeah. I am wondering, given that information,

if you would be open to therapy. And I think if at that point he's not open to therapy or not open to even a conversation about like, areas that you can agree that your marriage is like, kind of, you've kind of separated, I feel like she's already so set on this where I'm like, I feel like there's some things we can do here.

Like, I feel like they let the trials of life separate them, rather than bring them together. And like, it's like life, life can be hard. And also, like, I feel like she's just, she's done a lot of labeling in this. Like, she's like, I mean, she does seem self-aware. She's like, I'm mean and emotionally volatile. He's lazy and entitled.

Like, she has like a lot of like, what do they call that? She has a lot of things decided in her brain. Yeah. That like may not be like, she has this narrative that's really strong for her. I'm like, I'm wondering if you could like crack it open a little bit. So much of their life is set apart from each other. It sounds like they're not doing anything together and they need to just try to be friends again.

I mean, look, it sounds like they're probably at this point where they don't even wanna work on their relationship, but I would beg them, hey, you guys have been together for so long, can you maybe try, give a week of trying to have intentional time, do something together, go on a walk, go see a movie, just even be in the same room as each other,

try to play a card game. I mean, I've been amazed at how many good times walk, go see a movie, just even be in the same room as each other, try to play a card game. I mean, I've been amazed at how many good times we've had come out of just playing cards together because we're just doing something together in the moment, being fully present. It's so light. And that's why we would joke about how if we were ever arguing, we would just play a game of cards because it kind of forces you to be amongst one another without division. I agree. I don't think there's anything in here that I'm like,

this feels like they can't move forward. Yeah, like there's no fight. I feel like these are things that 90% of marriages deal with. There's no infidelity. Any marriage at a certain point, you're going to find resentment for your partner. I think that just happens in marriage, period. I think it's easy for life to pull you two separate directions. It takes work to stay a unit. I think that with some work you could make this happen. But the advice we're saying is very contradictory to what's in the comments.

No way. Here, I'm gonna, let me go grab a beverage. And while I'm grabbing that beverage, can you start reading the comments? The top one says, have you talked to legal counsel yet? Maybe do that before breaking it to your husband. If you're sure it's what you want, start the process, then start the news with him. I do it before the trip or a few weeks after.

It's going to ruin the trip for him in hindsight, regardless if he knows you've just been waiting for the opportunity." I think that's fine. I mean, I think they're just thinking practically, honestly, probably about her finances. But like a lot of them say, like, talk to a lawyer first. This one says... Okay, oh, actually, do they have kids? They don't have kids. They don't have kids.

They didn't mention kids. It doesn't sound like they have kids, so if they really did wanna split, like it wouldn't be. Oh, get this one. This one's actually crazy. This is the top one. It's the top one.

How many up votes does it have? 1,500. You just tell him you don't love him anymore. You've changed a lot and you're fundamentally unhappy in the marriage. If he starts telling you he'll change or whatever, you tell him it's too late. You're beyond wanting to spend any time or money

fixing the relationship. You're happier when he's gone and you're done. While he's away, you do well to meet with a lawyer so the wheels are already in motion. The attorney can also tell you what to do in the short term to protect your assets in case your husband feels a bit vengeful and decides to drain the accounts. This isn't a negotiation.

You're telling him it's over. Geez. And a lot of people are saying that same thing just to be blunt and just say it's done. Like this one says literally just say I'm not going to be your wife anymore. I will be moving out on X date. That's so sad. You guys you're acting like this man freaking cheated on her. I feel like this is something that-

This man lost his best friend to suicide. Yes. Like is anyone? I feel like this is just so common that it's actually like actually frustrating to me. Like there needs to be more people, I'm thinking about internet culture specifically, that are speaking positively about marriage. And like, you know what's hard? Being single is hard, being married has challenges.

Life is hard, dude. Life is hard. Life is hard, so why don't you do it with your best friend? And you're not meant to do it alone. Like obviously there are really, really great, amazing reasons for being single, and sometimes it's not by choice, and there's like some really things that are like

not possible to move forward, obviously. I'm just talking about in general, I'm so sick of the narrative that's like, girl, you lead him, you deserve better. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's like, wait a minute, can we be a little self-reflective here? What areas am I falling short as a wife

that I can step up on? What resources can we look to? Like, let's quit going to this resort because guess what, you're gonna find yourself in another relationship where you're like, well, you know what, they're not perfect. Shocker, I really thought they were perfect and now I'm mad that they're not perfect,

so I'm gonna move on again. When you look at the stats of how many people that get divorced end up getting divorced again, it's staggering. Yeah, because it's like you're no dip. You're not, there's no perfect person out there. You're going from being married to a human to another human. We all F up. We all screw up.

Obviously there's things that you should not, I'm not saying, there are horrible situations. Like divorce is the only option for you. You have to, you have to do that. That isn't, that is the option. But I just, it's just a really frustrating thing because I think we're setting up so many people for just an unhappy, unfulfilling cycle. If you're looking for your spouse to fulfill you

in every single way and to meet all of your needs and to always do the most for you, because if he wanted to, he would, you're going to be disappointed. And you know what? That's also not very self-reflective of you to be like, hey, in what ways am I showing up for this person? Yeah, this is where I would recommend people

to have friends that are other couples. I love having friends that are couples because it puts everything into perspective. Any single little thing that could, you know, maybe bother you at any point in your relationship, you talk to another couple and you recognize the similarities. If we were friends with a couple, I'd be like, you know what? The thing about the remote happens a million times in our household. I could be like, oh, you know what? Yeah, this is, this is a common thing yeah this is

just something that like my husband's maybe not the devil like he just can't find the freaking remote sorry I just disagree with all the advice so I don't know if you should go to reddit for relationship advice because you're gonna end up single honestly go you're gonna end up single you're gonna end up single the reddit if you want someone to tell you to split up with your person just go to just go to reddit You want to validate every single thing you feel about that's negative about your partner then just probably go to reddit Yeah, that's actually crazy But I do I do totally feel empathy for the for the things that they're finding themselves in I feel like they're every long-term

Relationship probably gets to that point where it's like, okay, wow, we have drifted apart and now we gotta actually put in work to be together. What's cool is we're gonna put links to all these in the description so people can go and actually look at the comments themselves if they want to. Oh no, what if they're like-

But these people are all, I mean, these are from like- A non-mister, right? Mr. Jingles and Tacos and Sushi. Like all these names are so random. I hope she hasn't already had this conversation because of the people telling her like, tell him right now you're not gonna be his wife anymore

and you're moving out on X date. I'm like, oh wow. I just can't imagine that user feeling like they had everything they needed to know to just encourage someone to get a lawyer and move out. I love you Abby, I love your taste. This is where I get so spicy and I'm like, but for what? Like I don't know these people.

Okay this next one. Me and the sister-in-law should do this episode. Yes. I feel like that would be really good. Thank you to Haya for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. Typical children's vitamins are basically candy in disguise filled with five grams of sugar, unhealthy chemicals and other gummy junk growing kids should never eat. That's why Haya was created.

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I'm a black woman currently engaged to a white man. I met my fiance three years ago while in college. He played basketball at a nearby university outside of Chicago. When I met him at a nightclub, he stood out for a couple of reasons. He was the only white guy in his friend group. LOL. He had a country accent. Not common in Chicago, obviously. Even though he was the opposite of what I usually want, I gave it a shot and the rest is history. This is a 26 year old female and a 25 year old male. He's everything I've ever wanted in a partner. Both our families get along great and I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. Growing up in the inner city Chicago, my family, especially my dad, rarely spoke

nicely about white people. For that reason, I waited a while to break the rules to my family. After a year of dating, we decided to move in together. I ended up sitting down with my mom and told her about him. She was very hesitant at first, but once she met him, all her worries disappeared and now she loves him. He's always over at her house fixing stuff lol. My father, who separated from my mom when I was 16, is a different story though. About a year and a half ago, my dad showed up, unannounced, at my mom's house, while my fiance was there changing the oil in my mom's car. My dad asked who he was and introduced them to each other. Needless to say, he was really upset and refused to shake his hand

He ended up cussing my mom out for allowing it and hopped in his car and sped away I tried to call him for a week, but he refused to answer turned out He blocked me on Facebook and posted hurtful things about me my mom and my redneck cracker I'm allowed to say that on the internet boyfriend Boyfriend. Since then, we have not spoken. Fast forward to now, we recently found out that my fiance is inheriting his grandpa's beautiful home and ranch property down in Oklahoma. With us getting married in June and plans to start a family, I informed my family we will be moving soon.

Ward got around to my dad and he reached out to me through Facebook last week and said he's sorry for everything and wants to meet me and my fiance before we make the move. I told him I would think about it. My fiance said he's open to it which I figured because he forgave my dad a while ago but it's hard for me to forget the awful things that he said about us and my mother. With plans to have children soon I realize I will have to decide on whether their grandfather will be involved in their lives or not. I'm really torn. Do I accept his apology and meet with him or choose to continue to ignore him?

Have any of you ever chose to cut a close family member off from your life? If so, did you regret it down the road? You go first. That's really, really tough. Did you gather from that whether or not she had told him that she had a boyfriend or was he just introduced at the mom's house? When he was changing the oil see that's where I'm kind of confused regardless. It was completely His reaction was completely inappropriate I'm rereading this right now and it looks like she introduced her fiance to her dad So maybe he was a little hurt that she hadn't told him. That's true

Doesn't justify the reaction or the racial comments or anything like that. But like maybe there was a part of that, a piece of that where he was like, wow, you already told your mom about this and you seem to be really close if he's changing your mom's oil on the car. Like it also seems like he's kind of like,

maybe there's a little bit of resentment that he's filling a role that he's like, I'm not able to fill because we're no longer married. This top comment is really interesting. It says, did you ever have a relationship with your father worth saving? He didn't know about your boyfriend until well after your mother did

and seems pretty happy dipping in and out of your life. Is he actually a good or decent person or is it just vague family ties? Honestly, they make a really good point, but at the same time with her dad, He said sorry. With her dad apologizingizing I feel like you need to accept apology. I think you need to have boundaries though. I don't think you just

willy nilly you know yes you're all the way back in my life. That's amazing that he apologized. It doesn't you know take away from the bad things he did but I think if you do have a family member who eventually you know when you have children would be a grandpa I think you do want to have them involved in some way, but I think with boundaries, that's what it seems like needs to happen. I feel like if it was a friend, I would say, absolutely, there's no reason to continue. Yeah. Having any kind of discourse with that person. I agree. Since it's a dad and he initiated by saying, sorry, and I want to try to make things better, entertain one more conversation. And literally just let it be one conversation,

and then you can go from there. You can kind of evaluate, I would say obviously tread very carefully. I wouldn't even, you said you have to accept his apology. I don't even think you have to do that thus far. I think you just say, I'm open to hearing what you have to say, and you can kind of just see if they're like truly like,

sorry for how they acted, and that they like want to make things right and I agree with you you need to have a lot of boundaries with that and here's the thing you don't have to be like Seeing each other all the time You don't but like just to completely close that door when he's wanting to make things right doesn't feel right either Yeah, I feel like obviously have a lot of boundaries and also just like tread wisely like you don't need to just like let him in on every single detail of your life right away but at least allow that conversation especially since your fiance is open to it. If your fiance was like super super hurt by that.

Her fiance seems like a genuine guy. Yeah. He seems like he... Totally. Because I even read something in there about her fiance forgiving her dad. Yeah, it says that. It says he forgave my dad. He seems like an awesome guy and I feel like it'd be different if your fiance's like I'm really really like I think that since he's open to it too like you both just entertain one more conversation. Okay, this is really interesting. Okay, how do I, a 21 year old male, tell my girlfriend, a 23 year old female, why I won't get a vasectomy? My girlfriend and I are extremely close.

She's my best friend, we've been together three years. Eventually we're getting married, but it's not a huge priority right now due to college and other situations. She's very innocent and therefore believes it's impossible we would ever split up. I admire her enthusiasm and don't see it happening either, but coming from a divorced parents, obviously I know rational people don't get married expecting a divorce and that anything is possible. Neither of us want kids, but especially not her.

I could do it just fine if she really wanted them, but I prefer not to. Now with that being said, if we were to break up and I ended up with another woman who really wanted kids, I'd like to be able to have the option. I've never been a fan of burning bridges and I consider my balls a fairly good bridge lol. My girlfriend has been cheated and has had rough relationships in the past with other people, so she's struggled with trust. I'm worried that if I tell her this, she'll have the thought in the back of her head that I'm planning to leave her for someone who wants kids. Obviously, that's not true, but why create unnecessary stress? Therefore, I'm not sure how exactly to tell her this, or if I even should.

Up until now, I've just been telling her that I'm just afraid of the operation but I hate lying to her. For some more context she has major anxiety around doctors and related fields and she is super against tying her tubes or something similar which I definitely understand. She also doesn't do well with- Wait, wait, wait, wait. She's against tying her tubes but he has to get his tubes tied? I'm confused. One second. I have a rebuttal for that. Oh, there's more.

I have a rebuttal for your comment. Okay, okay. I'd like to hear it. She also doesn't do well with over-the-counter birth control or hormones don't agree with them, unfortunately. Okay. Let me say the first thing, I know what you're gonna say, is getting this nip is way less invasive than the tubes tied. That's not what I was gonna say. That's true. That's not what I was gonna say. I will say this though, getting a freaking uterus removal, whatever that's called. Getting your tubes tied is a huge operation. Isn't that called a hysterectomy? Is the hysterectomy when they get-

I think it's when you remove everything. I'm sounding so dumb right now. I'm sorry. No, no, no. I don't even know either and I have these parts. It's all good. I'm embarrassed that I don't even know. Anyway, the snip is like not that invi- It's invasive, but it's not that crazy.

Yeah, okay. I have a couple of things. Go. First of all, you're like, she has to get her tubes tied, but he has, doesn't want to get an ep enough a second. I see what you're saying, but also Life is freaking unfair women are the only ones that can get pregnant. She's the one at risk It is unfair of this happening. He's not gonna get pregnant. That's not gonna happen I do see what you're saying So if you can't like be like you can't even try to make it equal because we're not dealing with

We're dealing with apples and oranges here. And this is why we need male birth control other than cotton. I agree. Okay Well, I actually it doesn't it blows my mind that still doesn't get working on we're going to Mars people They're about to go to freaking Mars and we still don't have Perry went to the moon and we can't have no why has Katy Perry gone to the moon before we have male birth control? That doesn't make sense. You know what? I think it's great. The thing is, though, if they're not married,

you can't ask your man to get a snitch. Exactly. It is not OK outside of marriage, in my opinion, to request that your person get a permanent change to their body. And also, they have to be on board for that. But can I give a rebuttal? This is why this is a hard issue. They're reversible.

Vasectomies are reversible. But they don't, it doesn't always work. So once you get a vasectomy, you can reverse it, but there's like a significant chance that it actually doesn't work when you reverse it, which is actually kind of scary. So you can't- You know what, there's the number one doctor

for vasectomy reversals in Arizona. No way. Why do you know that? Because your friends that did it. Because our friends just got it. Okay, wow, this is actually really tough. This is the tea. This is a tough one.

This is the tea of the day, people. And also think about it, they're so young. He's 21, she's 23. He's 21?'s 23 he's 21 yeah he's 21 he's not getting a 21 year old man they're like yeah I want a baby right now look if you're 30 years old you have a fully developed prefrontal cortex and you're like I don't want to have children okay sure get a vasectomy at 30 do not do it at the 21 no no, no, no, no No, you're so young too young

They're reversible your child also understand where she's coming from where she's like, hey I don't want to have kids and I'm the one at risk of becoming pregnant. Yeah, but that's doing this deed Sorry, and I don't want to mess with my hormones. I get that. Here's the thing wear condoms. Sorry Yeah, I'm sorry. You just gotta wear a condom, guys. Yeah. I think it'd be a really big shame. Not even if it's like, oh, I'm preparing because I could meet another woman. Say you stay together and you guys both change your mind at some point. That would be really hard. Yeah. That would be, I know that even like they tell women, like when you get a C-section they can just like they can finish the deed

For you, I think they can tie your tubes in an operation They don't even let you do that They make you sign a ton of paperwork if you say that's what you want to do Because you can have a lot of regret if you're like wait Yeah, I want to go back and do this but you can't I also will say there's so many ways To prevent pregnancy that this just feels very unreasonable Yeah And honestly the common the comment section is agreeing with us.

One of the top comments is, you're 21 years old. Things change. Don't make any decisions that could affect your whole life. And then the comment below that from Flowered Violin is, I agree with this. Some people know at 21 they don't even want kids and that never changes. Some people at 21 don't ever want kids

but then they change their mind. Exactly. Some people at even want kids and that never changes some people at 21 don't ever want kids But then they change their minds exactly some people at 21 want kids But then change their mind later and don't What we want in our 30s is often different from what we want in our 20s because we become different people and I think I completely agree with that Did she ever even ask him to get a vasectomy? Oh, no, I think she did she did I bet by the time our kids get married There will be male birth control. I can see it happening. This is actually so funny. Can you read, can you read this one?

But then you could just use a replacement word instead of saying the actual word that's in the title. Ah! Boyfriend, 31 year old male, called another girl's name while I, a 31 female, was giving him a b****. How can I be intimate with him again and have him quit denying what he did? That's so bad. That's just the title.

I feel sick to my stomach and I don't know how to navigate this situation. Been dating for four years. We have a great sex life and have lots of fun together and always get along. I don't know if I can look at him the same ever again or feel comfortable in sex with him. He's denying he said anything but my name, but I clearly heard another woman's name. Wait, he's denying it?

Give it a second. If he would admit what he said, it would be easier for us to have an adult conversation so I can move on, but he's denying it. So here I am looking like the crazy lady who misheard and making something out of nothing. I truly know he said a name that isn't anywhere near mine. He treats me well and we get along great. How do I get him to admit he said it so I can take the right steps to move on?

If he doesn't come clean, I don't think I can ever trust him. That's really weird that he won't admit that he said it. Let me just say, I don't feel like I'm the right person to be giving advice about this because we have only been with each other so I can't imagine what it would feel like to feel like your partner is talking about a past partner. It is pretty hot when you say my name though. I thought we're gonna be a little bit more private that's yeah we're moving forward we are yeah that

feels really private sorry next what I was gonna say is, I am sure that can feel, I'm sure it is invoking insecurity in you, is what it is. And I think we need to evaluate that for what it is and to not view it as a him problem, as like, okay, the reason I feel so upset about this, which I can also understand, I can also look at the situation and be like,

oh, it's a situation where she wants to be right, where it's less about the fact that he said someone else's name, but more about the fact that he's not admitting that he said it. That can, that can drive a woman crazy. Yeah. And the thing with being right in a relationship is if you are always focused on that, you lose. You both, yeah, there's no winning.

There's no winning in a relationship. The relationship wins when you put that over being right. I'm trying to think about, I feel like us, I would immediately stop and be like, what the freak? Like what the freaking heck? It seems like this was after everything. Like it was like after everything that she like addressed it. Yeah, why would you not address it in the moment? Like, I feel like in the moment I'd be like, what the, that she like addressed it. Yeah, why would you not address it in the moment? I feel like we would just laugh. Yeah. This comment says, please take this with a grain of salt, but I'd be on his Instagram slash Facebook slash X so fast searching that name high and low. Your feelings are already hurt. Hurt them a little more by finding out who she is before you leave. It'll give him. It'll give

you peace of mind afterwards to know you were right. And he's a big a effing liar. Why is everyone online telling people to leave? Oh man, people are so crazy. Everybody has this complex online where they are perfect, they are they are so right they can do no wrong yeah you're so right and everybody else is awful you know nobody nobody has any sort of freaking foot in reality on they just yeah okay he'll tell you take it take a drink of a glass of a reality I would be I would be if I were in her shoes I'm trying to imagine this for like we both had other partners I think it would probably make me feel really insecure and so I can understand where you're like, this is something that feels hard to move on from,

but then you gotta deal with that insecurity internally, and it's not really like a us thing. Like we can talk about, or you could be honest with them and just be like, hey, that happening, it's bugging me that you're not admitting it because I know it happened. I don't know, that's hard.

You know what, I think more than anything, I feel like it might not be insecurity. I think it's she wants to be right. Like you said this and you're not admitting it and that's probably what's bothering her more than anything else that happened. Yeah. And so he genuinely might not remember saying it or maybe you miss her. I don't know. I think I've cracked it. It has nothing to do with insecurity or another girl or anything like that. It's literally like she just wants to feel right. And it's making her feel crazy that he's like,

I never said that and she's like, I know you said it. Like I didn't see that like making. Yeah. So it's like. There have been, yeah, I can relate to that. When you feel like you're going crazy, it's like, this clearly happened. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. It's about being right. And that's when you have clearly happened yeah you know yeah yeah it's about being right and that's when you have to say you know what this relationship is more important than being right yeah and then in your head you can just write in your journal like i know i'm right and then just move on yeah and just pity the poor guy for being wrong yeah i thought all these stories were gonna feel made up but they all all feel so real. Okay, this is really interesting. Okay, so this is from a female who's 23 and her boyfriend that's 24. My boyfriend slept at a girl's house and ignored me for 20 hours.

Any advice? Oh my god. In his defense, she's just a friend. No! Hahaha! Hahaha! Literally no! I've heard this story before.

I've heard this story before. I've heard this song and dance before. But wait, she has a boyfriend. I'm sweating right now. She has a boyfriend. I'm actually sweating. Your reaction is so strong. His response was, she's just a friend.

She has a boyfriend. There were other guys there too. I wasn't doing anything so I didn't think I needed to text you. Okay. Now, from my point of view, three weeks ago he disappeared all night and didn't reach out until noon the following day. I asked his sister if he had come home and she said no. He had everyone worried about him. Turns out he had just gotten too drunk and fell asleep at a friend's house. He promised me he would not do this again and if if he did, he would keep me informed so I did not have to worry.

This morning I had my police entrance exam and was incredibly nervous about it. I was hoping I would get good luck or something from my partner. Instead he said he would be back around 1 and then change it to 2 and then when 3am rolled around I was still awake and called him asking where he was and why he would stay out so late when he knew I had an exam the next morning. Normally, it wouldn't matter, but he has to crawl through my window now because he lost the only key to my building within a couple hours of having it. He then told me he would be staying at Josh's friend's house and that he would see me

later. I don't hear from him the entire day despite having tried to call him. Nuh uh. How did your test go? Hey, still at Josh's friend's house? I'll be back around. Blink. Radio silence for 20 consecutive hours. He finally calls at 11pm to let me know he's pulling up to my apartment. I asked him who Josh's friend was, and he told me it was Sarah, but he didn't want to tell me that because it would sound weird. For background, just 3 weeks ago he told me it was Sarah, but he didn't want to tell me that because it would sound weird. For background, just three weeks ago he told me Sarah was a huge flirt and that she hits on everyone.

Now Sarah has a boyfriend so he doesn't see an issue. There were other people there, but I don't think this makes it better considering he broke the promise he made me. Ignored me for 20 hours until he needed to use my bed and intentionally concealed Sarah's identity because he thought it would sound weird. Now I am being irrational because they didn't do anything. I didn't think he cheated. I was upset that he broke his promise, ignored me and did something he presumably knew was disrespectful to the relationship otherwise he would have just been open and honest about where he was going. What am I supposed to do with this one? Okay.

Uh-uh, uh-uh. Yeah, that's not good. That's not looking good, buddy. You can't pull that crap. I am so. You seem livid over there. He's very immature. Yeah.

I think that you need to let him grow up on his own and I think you need to move on. You're taking your police entrance exam, you're a woman, you got your own apartment. He has so many milestones he needs to hit before he can be on par with you. It's like, let's not stoop. Let's not, this guy, no.

No. You don't get, okay, it does make it a little brother that there's other guys there and that she is in a relationship. I will admit that. But no, it's a no. Here's the thing, even if there's no romantic interest at all between each other, why can't she be there too? She's your girlfriend. Yeah, I don't understand why he's going to hang out in a coed environment alone. Without her. That's weird.

Take all the other things aside, why would you make your partner question or feel like, hey, this is a little bit, making me feel a little insecure. Why would you ever make your partner question like that? That's disrespectful. And to go 20 hours is insane. He's just getting drunk,

his family doesn't know where he is. Like, look. He lost your apartment key. He's crawling in through, his family doesn't know where he is. Like look. He lost your apartment key. He's crawling in through a freaking window. This guy's a mess. He's a dud. Here's the thing. He could turn into an amazing boyfriend and husband one day. Yeah. He just has a lot of growing up to do and maybe he'll reach maturity at like 40, but at 23 you're already light years ahead of him. Honestly that's a fair point I do think that women mature faster than men. Yeah. It's actually like a scientific fact. But also he's not even thinking about like the adult life you're

living. Like you're doing a big thing that day and he's just out getting drunk with his other buddies and like crawling in through your window, lost your key, not disappearing. It's just like okay.. Now, if they were married, I would probably recommend that they go to therapy, that they try to work this out. If you're dating somebody and they're doing all these red flags, just go ahead and peace out. Just let him go like a stray dog. Just say, get it. Don't come to my window. Like a stray cat that jumps in your window. You're just like, don't come to my window anymore. One of the top comments is definitely cheating. Even if he's not cheating, you know he had his phone

and chose to ignore you. Best thing to do is to move on. I wouldn't even say that he's cheating. I just think he's just really, I wouldn't go there even. I'm gonna assume the best. I'm gonna assume that he's not cheating. Even if he's not cheating, you gotta let him go. Yeah.

You're gonna be a freaking police officer. You're baller. You're doing it. You don't need him. I know people will jump to conclusions about him cheating, but honestly, my mind is just going straight to how unbelievably inconsiderate he was being towards you. Total lack of thought or care about an event that was important to you coming in and waking you up,

not bothering to remember to do the bare minimum to be supportive. That alone is enough reason to leave. Also, he lost your key. I think this person said it perfectly. That was from Kali Baby with two Y's at the end. Reddit's cracking me up dude. Like all these all these reddit people. These are bringing up really good juicy points here. This is some juice. If you guys can't tell we're really having fun doing this so I hope you guys enjoy this episode and if you haven't liked it or commented or something do that please if you want us to do this again because this is actually really fun. I like doing this. It feels like we're just hanging out with the gals, you know? We're just having some gal time right now. This does feel like my normal girl talk. This is what you and your friends talk about?

Yes. Do you know what me and my friends talk about when we get together? Stupid business stuff. Business. Eww. We're like, have you guys heard about this new investment opportunity? Wait, I don't even know how to operate this. Just scroll and then you click on a thread that looks interesting.

Okay. Is it stupid if I, a 25 year old female, break up with my boyfriend, a 29 year old male, in part because he told me you're only the third prettiest girl I've dated? Simple question. Basically, what happened was is I said I had, that a friend of mine said that she thought he was one of the most attractive guys I've dated and then He said that responds that you're only the third prettiest girl. I've dated Interesting. However, why would you say that as a man? Why would you ever tell a woman that she is the third prettiest?

Not even like why? That is so dumb. Sorry. However, this is not the only degrading comment he has made about my appearance. There was another time where we were kind of going back and forth about something kind of riffing and he said I was the prettiest girl in the room. I was the only girl in the room. So I said, well, I'm probably the prettiest girl in most rooms. It wasn't something said in a very serious way. And he said, well, that's definitely not true.

He has also let me know multiple times that my boobs are too small for his liking He basically said that if I didn't get a boob job He would constantly see other women and feel upset that he'll never have that because I refuse to get a boob job He follows a ton of half-naked Instagram models that look nothing like me. He usually picks apart my appearance It's either he doesn't like the makeup. I'm wearing or oh no makeup today. That's an interesting choice He complains I wear too much blush and it looks ugly I've asked multiple people if I wear too much blush they all say no he's very critical of the outfits I choose to wear saying some of them are so ugly

They should be burned all of this and he also knows I'm insecure about the way I look because of all of this And I sent him a reel on Instagram, and he said the girl on the reel was cute However, he is frustrated by this and doesn't understand why it's a problem that he doesn't think I'm the prettiest girl he's dated, that I should just accept reality and it shouldn't be a problem because it's unreasonable and unrealistic to think that.

However, I didn't have to know and I didn't wanna know. I didn't ask for this information, he just shared it with me. There are also other issues within the relationship beyond this area, but I have never had any boyfriend make me feel insecure about the way I look or make me feel like I wasn't the prettiest girl in the world or at least the prettiest girl they've ever dated and if that wasn't true they definitely didn't let me know

I feel like sheet and I've been crying often because of it I think it's just a straw that broke the camel's back am I being ridiculous I love how you just said sheet right there should like not say the word cheat Yeah, no Dude sounds like an artist. I'm gonna give a message to the men out there All right, let's hear baby. You are going to see the most beautiful version of your spouse When they are the most confident version of themselves. Oh, I love it So saying this stuff maybe in there I'm gonna give this guy the benefit of the doubt. Let's say he's a very logical like literal person. Yeah. Maybe he's like as literal as it gets. Yeah. It's still almost unforgivable. If I'm even like he

just really has no social skills it's still almost forgivable. Yeah. Unforgivable especially because it sounds like she's brought this up before and then like hey by the way. Yeah. That makesgivable, especially because it sounds like she's brought this up before and then like, hey, by the way. Yeah. I don't know. That makes me feel like sheet. I don't know why he brought it up. Like why would you just tell your-

You just need to accept that. Why would you just tell your person that they're the third most attractive? And you know what? If you want some bigger boobs- Again, this is a boyfriend. I'm actually disgusted by this guy. This is a boyfriend, right? This is a boyfriend. This is a boyfriend? by this guy. This is a boyfriend, right? This is a boyfriend. This is a boyfriend!

Leave this guy. Leave him. I'm sorry, this is just, this is just something that you just don't have to deal with. Let me tell you. Let me tell you. I'm gonna give you a message to this 25-year-old woman. You're probably the hottest you're ever gonna look. I don't wanna be that.

I don't wanna be... I'm not trying to say this in a, like, degrading way, but, like, if this guy's already being this shallow about things, the boobs aren't gonna go up. If you're... Yeah, if... Look, okay, this would be... They're only gonna go down from here. This would be one thing. This would be one thing, right? If, like, you've been together for freaking a long time and I don't know like it just it bothers me that he's telling her to change her appearance Yeah, no, I feel like that's not a dumb reason at all to break up I feel like you should also know that it's not because he said that it's because the person that you're with

Should make you feel like the best version of yourself when you're dating especially like it's like this Yeah, this should not be someone that's implanting more insecurity in you. They should be your safe place. Like that person should feel like home, where you're comfortable, where you're safe, where you feel recharged, not where you feel drained and worse about yourself and just. I feel like it's a no for me.

Okay, I, a 26 year old female, want to come clean to him, a 27 year old male. How can I come clean? I'm looking for general advice on how to approach this. This is embarrassing and the guilt is eating me up. I met this good friend in college, he's 27, and our connection has been strong ever since. However, when we first met, I lied about my family. I grew up extremely poor, sharing my bedroom with three siblings, zero dollars in the bank

account, no money to buy toiletries, to give you an idea. When we met, I was extremely ashamed of this, so I hid that part of me. I told him my family was better off than we were, that my parents had good jobs. Basically, I lied about my parents having jobs that they never had and had money that they didn't have, giving him a fake impression of me, a lie.

Fast forward to the present, I graduated college and got a good job, so I'm doing pretty decent financially. I know he likes me and I like him too, and I'm considering taking the first step to try to start a relationship. But it feels like I don't deserve it and that I should just stay away because of my lie. But another part of me just wants to come clean and see if we can try a romantic relationship. I'm extremely ashamed and I don't know why I lied.

So please please be nice in the comments. I know I messed up. I know I was terrible for lying. I feel disgusted at myself every time I think about it. I regret this so much. I think I was just younger and stupid. What do you think I should do? You gotta tell him.

Well, also like, honey, you're not the first person that's ever like exaggerated or stretched the truth to try to appeal to the people around you. Yeah, it sounds like though he's never met her family. He very well could have. And just like, she just wasn't like. If she acted like her family was loaded and all this, then if they showed up to.

When they were loaded, she said like they had better jobs than they had. Oh. And they were like well, more well off than they were. I don't think it's. You never know people's financial situations. So you could just look at someone and just be like, yeah, I have no idea.

I think this is one of those situations where you just be completely honest and you say, look, I was dumb and naive, and this is so stupid that I did this. I really wanted you to like me, and I acted like my family had more money. I feel like this is a really understandable thing. Like, I don't think that he's gonna think

you're some evil person and not be interested in a romantic relationship because of this. Like if this is a deal breaker for him. Like I think it's really easy to see like yeah this was a really hard thing for you. Like not feeling like you could make ends meet as a kid. Like maybe you felt ashamed and like ostracized from your peers and so that's why you just wanted to just like feel like you could even the playing field and having conversation with him.

And I feel like just be totally honest about that and be like, you know, I feel ashamed for ever feeling ashamed about my financial status like with my parents. I wasn't honest about this and this is the reality. And like, I'm gonna be honest moving forward. Yeah. I don't think this is a big deal.

Not a big deal at all. Well, and I'm guessing people are agreeing with us in the comments. They're saying they say first don't beat yourself up too much It's totally normal to want to protect yourself, especially when you've been through tough times But honestly, but honesty is key Just sit down with him be vulnerable and tell him what you told us be real about why you lied about and how you've grown People make mistakes and then owning up to them shows maturity He'll either appreciate your honesty or not But at least you'll be free of the guilt. And if he likes you,

it'll probably make him like you even more. Yeah, I don't think this is a big deal. I feel like, okay, this is a great example of like, if someone would be like, I would be like lying is disgusting, it's never acceptable. And then you hear a story like this and you're like, well, you know what?

I view it differently because, because like she probably grew up as a kid. Maybe she went and she had free and reduced lunch or she had to do things that made her feel less than compared to her other classmates. And this is something that she just wanted to feel like she fit in or was normal or like, you know. But if he ends the relationship because she lied,

she deserves it? No. Just kidding, I'm kidding. I mean, it just means that he didn't feel romantically inclined toward her. Yeah. You know, but if he ends the relationship because she lied she deserves it. No I mean, it just means that he didn't feel romantically inclined. Yeah, like that's just I don't think this is this is not like a Make or break this is a make or break thing. Oh Boyfriend 39 doesn't want babies. Oh crap. So this this man is 39 years old. The female is 33 years old Okay, I'm 33 years old my boyfriend who's 39 and I've been together for a year and a half now. He has two beautiful girls, 16 and 13 to a previous relationship. I get along with their mother and the girls really well.

Very much a loving, extending family unit. However, I have no children of my own. I am now leaning strongly towards wanting a baby to the point of starting to resent the girl's mother because she got there first which is unfair of me to think. My boyfriend has expressed that he is content with his life. He is happy. He has older kids now. He enjoys his free time and enjoys me playing stepmom which let's face it gives him more free time. I thought it was okay to not have children but I think I'm now at a point where I would

like to. I don't have many, but I think I am now at a point where I would like to. I don't have many healthy fertile years, so I again approached this with my boyfriend. The response was as expected. He doesn't want to do it again. He would do it if he knew it's what I wanted, but in the same breath he said he would resent me for it. I think it would be the end. So I don't know what to do or how to feel about that

It feels incomplete and the fact that he has children with another woman and we were all so close It's a constant reminder that he doesn't want that with me Has anyone had a similar experience advice would be appreciated as I feel I may need to choose between the relationship and my own needs This is really hard, but can I say something that stands out as weird? Yeah, he's like if you want to do it we can but I will resent you for it and my own needs. This is really hard. But can I say something that stands out as weird? He's like, if you wanna do it, we can, but I will resent you for it. It's like the assumption is like, can we do this?

The assumption is can we do this and you not resent me for it? Like that's so weird that he's like, we can do it, but I fear I might resent you for it. It's like, what the heck? This is tough because it seems like when they entered the relationship, they were on the same page. Yeah.

And now they're not. And I think that her desire is totally valid. I think she seems very self-aware in like the way that it's making her feel a certain way about the girl's stepmom. Like I think, but I think it's valid. And I think it's just coming from her own like maternal desires. It's also interesting too, they're grown. She's 33, they're grown. She's 33, he's 39.

They are very much established in their ways and it's not like they're young and newly married. You know, they really do understand their wants and needs and I don't see her desire to wanna have kids and his desire to not wanna have kids changing, which makes this extremely complicated. And the people in the comment section are feeling the exact same way.

I can see exactly. He doesn't want more kids too, because it'll affect his relationship with his current children that are already 16 and 13. Yes, he's already had his kids. It would be hard as a kid to see your dad be a parent to a baby again, like to start over. And he probably really likes his relationship

with his girlfriend. He probably has thought about, you know, marriage. It seems like, well, I mean, yeah, they've been together a year and a half. So I don't. This is tough. The top comment is he is not wrong for being done having babies.

You are not wrong for wanting babies. Exactly. Do you really want them with someone who has to be pressured into it though? If having your own children is a priority for you This relationship is not going to work exactly and that that's so true I mean, it's it's it's a battle though, because if they really want to be together They're going to have to find some sort of compromise

So somebody has to compromise and that's like it's either you cut one person compromises and you stay in the relationship Or you break it up and that's she's 33 and like she said she doesn't have a ton more fertile healthy years Like healthy fertile years. So like she could leave him. Yeah, start at square one with another guy And maybe she doesn't find the right match and the next few years You have to understand this guy's almost 40. Like if he has another kid right now, he's going to be like 60 years old, basically, when this kid's leaving the house. Like this is a big decision for him too.

So you can't blame him. He just feels like he's done. You just have to do a deep dive of your psyche girl. Yeah. And just think like, am I gonna feel like my role as a step-mom isn't satisfying enough? Yeah. Or is this guy, like my person for the rest of my life, that I'm willing to make this compromise for?

That is so hard. That's hard too because she isn't super young. It's not like- Yeah, exactly. It's not like you have your whole life ahead of you. If she was like 23, I'd be like, let's just shop around. Yeah, let's go ahead and end the relationship when you're that young and you know you want kids.

Yeah, don't lock yourself into something at a young age when you have your entire life ahead of you. But once you're 33 and you're more established and it seems like they really do like each other, that. But here's the thing, because she didn't want kids before she met him and fell in love with him, maybe it's not that she wants kids, maybe it's that she wants kids with him.

So her leaving him and trying to find somebody else, she might find herself back at the same place where she's just like childless and single. Because she changed her mind, it makes me think that what she really wants is kids with him and not just kids in general because I feel like that's a different desire. Yeah. Like I, ah, that's so hard. This is another response from bright pink zebra. The only thing I would add to this is that you need to rethink how you view it. It's not that your boyfriend doesn't want your babies. It's that he

doesn't want more babies. Period. Please don't view it in the sense of he had kids with someone else but won't have them with me. He's simply at a point in his life where he doesn't want another kid. That is very fair. I mean there's nothing wrong with a person being content with where they're at. It is just unfortunate that in life oftentimes people have to make compromises and one person has to make a decision that isn't ideal for them. You guys let us know what you think in the comments. Also, let us know if you enjoyed this episode.

We had a lot of fun doing this. And yeah, maybe one time we could bring on guests to do this too with us. That'd be kind of fun if our friends put their input in. I don't know. I want to do this with Devin and Hunter. Yeah, that would be, oh my gosh, that'd be a blast. That'd be so fun. All right, thank you everybody, and we'll see you in the next episode. Peace dudes!