The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby - Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public

Episode Date: January 29, 2025

Shauna Rae joins Matt and Abby to share her journey of overcoming challenges shaped by her rare condition, pituitary dwarfism. She opens up about facing discrimination, struggling with infertility, escaping an abusive relationship, and why she’s keeping her boyfriend’s identity private. This episode is sponsored by LiquidIV, Acorns Early, Beam and AdoreMe. LiquidIV: Get 20% off your first order of Liquid I.V. when you go to https://LiquidIV.com and use code UNPLANNED at checkout. Acorns Early: Head to https://acornsearly.com/unplanned or download the Acorns app to get started. Beam: Try Beam’s best-selling Dream Powder and get up to 40% off for a limited time when you go to https://shopbeam.com/unplanned and use code UNPLANNED at checkout. AdoreMe: For bra and panty sets for as low as $19.95, head to https://AdoreMe.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Get groceries delivered across the GTA from real Canadian Superstore with PC Express. Shop online for super prices and super savings. Try it today and get up to $75 in PC Optimum Points. Visit superstore.ca to get started. I was in a very abusive relationship and it happens to like one in four women. Oh, it's fine. No, it's not fine. It's not fine.

Nothing's fine about that. It's fine now for me. It's very easy to be prey in this world as a tiny little girl. My parents taught me that from a very young age. Any guy that's interested in you, you have to read into them because there's a chance that it's about your size.

How do you feel about not being able to have kids? It's a little hard with TLC because they reopened it. Then after they found out how much it was gonna cost, they could not do it unless I paid for it myself Today on unplanned we sat down with the 25 year old star of the TLC show I am Shana Rae at just three feet and 10 inches tall Shana's life has been shaped by her battle with pediatric cancer Which left her with a rare condition called pituitary dwarfism the condition significantly stunted her growth as a child and now as a woman She faces discrimination.

We dive into her struggles with predators, infertility, keeping her boyfriend's identity private and how she escaped an abusive relationship, all on today's episode. Shana Rae, welcome to the Unplanned Podcast. Woo! Yay! Thank you so much for being here.

Yeah, thank you for being here. I love how your Instagram bio is, I listened when my mama told me not to grow up. Yeah. Whose idea was that? Oh, it was mine. I think I was looking for a stupid bio when the show started because I wasn't on social media. I took a whole social media break. And then when the show came out and I was looking, I was like 19, I was like, what do I do? I'm short. And my mom was like, you listened to me!

To Riley or something. Oh yeah, I listened. And then I was just, I listened when my momma told me not to grow up. And I was like, mom, look at my thing! And she's like, I like it! I like it! I was like, I'm in it! She's like, I made it!

I made it to the captions! She didn't know what it was. That's funny. I was like, my mom is not social savvy at all, but she literally, when I made my new handle for people to find me easier from TLC, she made her handle the exact copy. I was like, mom, why'd you do that? She's like, because you did it. That's so cute.

That's like what we were doing. I was like, yeah, you could have just kept it at Patty's Wrinkle. She's like, no, at the real Patty's Wrinkle. That's funny. So that's like what we were doing. I was like, yeah, you could've just kept it at Patty Shrinkle. She's like, no, at the real Patty Shrinkle. I was like, okay. Oh, that's funny.

I was like, I did that for a reason, but okay, you're cute. Aw, I love how spunky you are. Aw, thank you. Like, you have to be so resilient, and I just like, I don't know, you're just so powerful. Thank you. I think it really just stems from the fact that like,

no matter where I go, for every good thing that happens in my life, someone's like, oh, you're so amazing, you're so bright. There's also a little bit of discrimination behind it. So you have to build that resilience or that backbone. I could walk my dog and they'll be like, oh, look at you go, honey. I'm like, you're only making it a show because you think I'm a child walking my dog. Yeah. Yeah.

Like we were walking in Garden City because my mom works around the area, so we were in the mall, and someone was like, oh she is so cute, and like, she's like, she's just so intelligent and bright, and my mom's like, yeah, it's my daughter, and she's like, like how old are you? I'm like, I'm 25.

She's like, no. She's like, she's she's like, how old are you? I'm like, I'm 25. She's like, no. She's like, she's joking, right? I'm like, no, I'm not. I'm like, that's why I'm bright. That's why you're getting a weird feeling from me. Like, I'm not a normal child, because I'm not a child. You're like, I'm an adult. Yeah.

That must be so tricky to navigate, too, because it's like, most people, right, they see someone who looks younger, right, and they have certain stereotypes, certain ideas in their head. And so they're not trying to be rude, but then from your circumstance, right, like you want to be treated as an adult woman because that's what you are. You're 25 years old, you have a boyfriend, you want the same things that any other 25 year old woman would want.

So how do you navigate that? Because that must be so tricky. I don't know what I would do. Like how do you correct people? I think you evaluate the person. I think we all have a little insight on to if a person is okay with being educated or not. I think you evaluate the way they ask you a certain thing. Like if someone says, what's wrong with me? I'm like, nothing. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, that's just, I'm like, what are you talking about? They're like, well, then why are you short? I'm like, cancer. Yeah. And then they're like, oh, okay, I'm gonna go now. Like, yeah, that made you feel uncomfortable, didn't it? Because you were an egg hole about it. But when people are genuinely asking, they usually like

walk on eggshells. They're like tiptoeing almost, actually physically, and then they're like, can I ask you a question? And I'm like, yeah. And they're like, so what happened? Like, is there a reason you're short? Like, because like, you're obviously not a kid. Like if you've watched me work or do anything or talked to me, like you can evaluate. I feel like if you're smart enough or you have enough common sense, you can realize I'm not actually like eight or 10 or whatever. And I mean, even kids can do it. So adults can do it. Yeah.

It's not that hard for them. It's just some brain power. Kids are honestly probably better at it because they like don't have the judgments. Yeah. It's not that hard for them. It's just some brain power. Kids are honestly probably better at it because they like don't have... The judgments. Yeah. Yes. Wait a second. Okay.

So do kids treat you in a way that you like to be treated more so than adults do? In a sense, they still want to color with me. They still want to play games with me. Okay. They think like I'm just a mature kid almost sometimes and then there's sometimes like I'm like they're like no I'm older but they just think I'm an older child. Okay. Like probably like 12 to 14 like they I don't think they can quite grasp the concept that

I'm a full-fledged adult like on a one-off. My neighbor when I moved to New York my neighbors had two boys, young, four and two, like four, six, like around that age. They lived next to us for a bit, and the one boy fell in love with me. Fell in love. And they were over our house all the time. I was basically babysitting them. They were like hanging out with my bunny and my dog and they slowly grasped the concept that I was not a child child and when the mom was moving she saw me on the back porch she's like it's gonna be so upsetting for her kid because he like is in love with you. I was like oh okay that's weird I mean it happens but yeah I mean I don't, oh, okay, that's weird. I mean, it happens, but I mean, I don't

want to be like your kid's first love. That's really bad. He's leaving. Because I've been kids' love situation. I took care of a kid in child development. He's like, you're my girlfriend. So I was used to it. And I was like, that's just really weird. But I look for you to tell me, the mom, and she's like, yeah, it's just gonna be really hard He he knows that you know you're not a child like him though. He knows that you're older He just thinks that like you're perfect for him because I don't think he crafts the concept that he's gonna grow And I'm like so he just thinks we we're two munchkins in a pod. I was like, how cute.

How adorable. So I feel like they have to grasp the concepts of themselves a little bit before they can understand a disability fully. Because you introduce a kid to someone in a wheelchair or someone who's an amputee, they only understand fully because they're not in a wheelchair. They have another arm. They see other people with other arms. They don't see people on a daily basis in a wheelchair or something.

And you know, they're not going to see me on a daily basis so they're not going to fully grasp it. But the ones that see me on a daily basis see change happening to other people, see change happening to themselves. They're like, you're not changing. That's hard. Like age is a very hard concept for kids I feel like in general like if I were to ask my son how old I am he'd be like four like yeah well you can't even ask a kid if they're okay with them grasping the concept fully they were just like no I have to cry.

So I noticed you said the word munchkin and I don't know if that's, like, I've heard from the show before or is that a word you're supposed to say? So, I, when it comes to stereotyping words, like, the M-I-D-G-E-T word, I don't say that. Tommy from TLC, who was on it, says it with pride. Okay. I find no power in that word because it was used in freak show days. Munchkin, I don't view really as a term for my disability or people who are have dwarfism. I feel like if you call someone a munchkin, you're being an a-hole no matter what. If you do it directed towards someone with a disability, that is a bad move. But talking about it in the fantasy context, like munchkins, gnomes, dwarves, it's hard to say I have dwarfism when there's dwarves in the fantasy world. So talking about it in that concept I feel like is fine, but directing it like saying, oh, you're not like an average human,

you're a munchkin, you're a dwarf. Then it's like, okay, no, because I'm still just a human. Like, we're not going to someone who's a wheelchair-bound person and be like, you're wheelchair-bound. No, they're still just human. Like, you might just be like, yeah, you're disabled. And I don't think there's anything wrong

with the word disabled either. I think abled people put a bad connotation on the word disabled because abled people think since someone's disabled they can't do other things. I can do everything you can do. You're two people of me. And I can get on that counter, I can do all the mics, I can do all the lights, I can do anything. It's just going to take me a different avenue. And that's what I feel like able people miss concept when it comes to disabled. And that's where those words come from when it comes to like the minorities and the bad connotations.

It's because it's fine in a concept usually, like talking, civil conversations. It's not fine to direct language. I mean, I was raised the same way with cursing. My dad was like, there's nothing wrong with cursing. They're just adjectives. They're just additional words. But if you use it in a certain context, then it becomes wrong.

Yeah, directing at somebody. Yeah, you can say it two ways and it'd be fine. But you say it at someone, it's not okay. I think there's a lot of people out there that want to be as respectful as possible and they never wanna say something that could offend someone or hurt someone in any way. The best way is to say human.

Yeah, and so human, right? Yeah, I think if you wanna come at someone respectfully, no matter their difference, disabled, minority, different ethnics like LGBT, whatever, you want to be respectful about a situation. You approach them like a human. You approach them like a matured human. Even if they're emotionally or mentally handicapped and you know maybe they won't respond exactly like a mentally aged human that age, still treat them

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using promo code UNPLAN unplanned at liquidiv.com A big conversation that comes up with me is grooming and predator Um, you know pedophiles are a big topic with me, especially now that i'm dating How do you approach that? It's very easy to be prey in this world as a tiny little girl um And my parents taught me that from a very young age. And they were like, look, any guy that's interested in you, any person that's interested in you,

you have to read into them. Because there's a chance, even at a young age, like they could have a little tingle feeling, that it's about your size. So I grew up knowing that and that was scary. I think there could have been a little more cushion in that because I was scared to date. I was scared to like flirt with anyone. I was scared to even be asked out. Like when I was asked out on the on the cafeteria the first day, I was like, are you a predator? I was like, I can't say yes. I can't say yes. I was like,

those are the thoughts that go through my head. What was the conversation like with your mom and your stepdad about dating? I feel like when the conversation happened, I already knew what was gonna happen. I already knew the concept because my entire life, I have older sisters, they're like, what are you gonna do when Shana dates? What are you gonna do when she gets older?

And they're like, well, anyone she dates is a predator. That's concerning, I'm gonna have to bring some brass knuckles or something. I'm gonna have to go to like a store and find something to hurt them with or something. I'm gonna put a tracker on their car. And I just overheard this my entire life. So when it finally came to having the conversation, they were like, look, people view you differently.

People, when it comes to romantic things, are going to potentially view you differently. But what you want to look for is building a friendship. Building a base because at the end of the day, it's not about looks. Yeah. You're gonna get old. Yeah. You're gonna get ugly. You're gonna get grouchy.

You're gonna get crotchety. And so you have to love that crotchety humor. And crotchety, I've never heard the word crotchety before. Crotchety, it's like, like an old person, it's like grouchy and like, you know, kind of, I don't know, it just, I just smell mothballs when I think about it. It's just like that, that final stage in life when you're like, no, I've done everything. I don't want to do anything more. Yeah. And just.

Then you're crotchety. Yeah. Crotchety. Okay. You don't want to be crotchety. Yeah, crotchety. Like legit, you don't want to move your crotch. It's even different than those terms.

But yeah, so they were like, you want to find someone who you can build a base bond with. And it's probably going to end up, you're probably going to end up with someone who was your friend for a really, really long time. And then they finally decided that they like you. And that's going to be your situation. I was like, well, that's boring. I was like, friends first. then I can't have any fun. But then I learned that I could because I'm pretty,

I guess, in guys' eyes sometimes. And I'm like, yeah, they wanna take it for a spin, but I don't wanna take you for a spin. I'm like, there's definitely a bunch of people out there that are like, yeah, no, I'll have fun with you, I'll be your casual hookup. And I'm like, oh, I don't want that. You're boring.

Like, I don't do the casual hookup either because of, I think, the whole friendship thing. Like, even if I was to do a casual hookup or like a friends with benefits thing, I'd have to be a friend I've known for a very long time. And then I'm also one of those people, I'm like, you're gonna get tested. Because I am not getting anything.

If I get something, I'm gonna die. Small body's not gonna handle it well. So I make anyone get tested before I even date them. I'm like, yeah, I'm like, you're gonna get tested emotionally, you're gonna get tested physically, and you're gonna get tested sexually. And I gonna get tested physically, and you're gonna get tested sexually. And I'm like, that's just how it is. And most people know my family before they date me,

because my family's a whole different test. They're a whole different test. I'm sure they're hardcore. Yeah, my boyfriend walked away from meeting my parents and saying, I think that's like the worst situation I've ever been in. It's worse than I'm like a PSA test, like a state test. Oh my God.

The anxiety your mother gave me. It's like she just was like basically like, okay how well are you doing in life? Like what do you want from my daughter? Like I'm like do you want his bank statement basically? His middle name is this, like what do you need? She's like I need to know that he's stable. I'm like, grandpa already did a background check.

I remember at the bar episode for TLC when I did the bartending gig at Jamesport and Dan was there and Tommy was there and I was kind of in this fling with Dan. My grandpa comes up to me, he's like, I don't know if I like him, but I did a background check on him. He is being honest about who he is.

And I believe that quite honestly. I was like, yeah, no, I know he is who he is, but I mean, and he's like, but we have some things to talk about what he does. I was like, oh no, I know what he does. I was like, it's okay. And with Dan, it was so interesting. I listened to an interview that he did and it was so interesting hearing his perspective

on the fling that you guys have. Because from his perspective, you know, as someone that like fully looks like in a most adult you know adult males Yeah, people were coming at him and saying you're a pedophile. You're a groomer He was getting a ton of hate his family was getting a ton of hate All from you know the the fling that you guys had and it was very publicized on the show Did you expect that to happen? Oh, yeah, you knew it was going to happen? Dan and I met, well not met, met, but like we met before season two filmed physically as well. Okay.

And we met after season one like socially. Yeah. And so he, when I was talking to him I was like, look, would you want to be on a television show with me and go on some dates? Because we were kind of interested in each other. And he was like, well, I'm in England. I'm like, I can get you here if you want to go on some dates.

And he's like, OK. And I was like, but we've got to be honest. I'm point blank saying we're not in a relationship. I don't want you to ever point it like we were in a relationship because that's unfair. Cause if this comes out and we don't work out, that's unfair to my next thing. Or like starting something out.

I was like, it puts me in an unfair advantage and it puts you in an unfair situation to think everyone think you're booed up. So I don't ever want to point it that way and I want it also to be, you know, we're just friends trying to test this out. Cause that's what we were. I didn't want to ever make it seem like,

no, this is a guy I want to be in a relationship with. I'm definitely committing to because he lives in a different country. I'm not stupid. Yeah. I'm not paying that ticket every time to see him. I don't want to do that. And then he wants to go traveling. I don't have a passport yet. I mean, I do now, but I didn't then. And so I was looking at it more like casual fun. And I told

him that. And I think TLC took it and was like, okay, let's just send them on dates and let them go. We'll make it seem like it's gonna be her relationship. And did TLC have a conversation with Dan about, hey, by the way, dude, you probably will get people on the internet calling you a groomer and a pedophile. Yeah, when that happened and he released that message, they actually provided him with therapy. Oh, they did? Yeah. So he went to therapy after everything that happened. Yeah, and he continued with message. They actually provided him with therapy. Oh, they did. So he went to therapy after everything that happened.

Yeah, and he continued with that therapist after their provided sessions. Gosh. Yeah. What was that conversation between you and Dan about? So legally, I was basically told not to speak to him. Really? Yeah, because I can't say anything

that he's confirming or going against. I can't affiliate with it because of my contract. So it was really hard. My dad reached out to him and was like, she can't talk to you right now. It's not that she's leaving you to hang dry. She just can't talk to you. She's literally being told she can't speak to you

because if this goes sour for you, then it's sour for TLC. And I think they just never wanted to attach with the word pedophile. And I told him, I was like, look, if you go out there in the world, just don't say the word. The minute you say the word is the minute everyone on the internet's going, oh, he said it, he is it.

Like, that's just how it is. The minute you go, oh, I'm not this. I'm not a pedophile. I'm not a racist I'm not you know, I'm Not a bad person. You're a bad person If you have to defend yourself then people view you as that and that's just what I didn't want for him And it did happen a little bit it got a little worse But it did get better for him eventually. And that's the thing about the pedophile predator comments. Like you just have to laugh it off. Yeah. Because I wanted

to ask you, like how does that feel as like the woman in that situation if any man that is romantically interested in you like is being called that? Like how does that make you feel? It's upsetting as a person and the fact that I have to live my everyday life and constantly battle FBI watchlist comments and stuff like that. But I don't look at it. I try not to look at it. I tell my current significant other to not look at it.

I told Dan to not look at it, but he did. And I think at the end of the day, it's more sad because I'm just looking at the lack of education. None of them on the internet wanna listen. And it's just the fact that they haven't met me in person to understand that I am just a human being. You know, I'm just short. Yeah, you're an adult. Yeah, I'm just a human being. You know, I'm just I'm just short. Yeah, you're an adult

Yeah, I'm just a tiny person, you know Like there's women who are three eight out there that get the respect and I'm like, but they maybe have more Boobs and butt and the hip area and I'm like, I'm a skinny stick. It's my body type. I'm sorry I'm a skinny stick. It's my body type. I'm sorry." Like, and it makes me more upset knowing that Tommy or a male person in my situation could go out there and be like, look at the model I'm dating. She's six, five. And everyone would be like, yeah, you go. You get that girl. Look at you. And then it's reversed for females.

I think for females and a disability, it's reversed for females. I think for females in a disability it's a little worse just because as a male we always expect them to get more and like improve their lives and as a female we're only as good as our significant other or what we look like and what we can provide for our significant other more likely. I think people are looking at me and like, oh she can't provide anything, she can't have kids, what is she gonna provide to do? And I've had that question when it comes to dating,

oh what is she gonna do for you? She can't cook for you, she's not gonna be a good wife. And I think that's where a little bit of it comes from is that societal stereotype of they can't do as much as we can. So why would someone in an abled body choose them versus another abled person who can provide them more of what society expects to be provided by a woman? Have you had a legitimate, you know, scary situation with the pedophile before?

Yeah. What happened? Um, I, so my uncle worked at a bar, um, and he always watched me. Always made sure. He knew. He knew bars were creepy. Yeah. And so, um, he wasn't working, but my dad, um, and some family members and I went in and I went to the bathroom and some guy followed and It was it was just really uncomfortable for a second like I just I wanted he go in the bathroom Yeah, he followed you into the women's restroom. Yeah, I mean the

Bar bathrooms were split. So he just took a left or took a right instead of a left. How old were you? I was like 10 This is when you were 10. Yeah, and I just, I dealt with a lot of onlookers at first, like just watching, and I'm like, at first I was young, and I was like, maybe they're just making sure like I come out of the bathroom, okay, and then I was like noticing that like they're not people talking to my uncle, they're creepers, and you know, I- Did the guy that followed you into the bathroom say anything did he approach you what what happened he tried to test my intellect

like my understanding of what he was trying to do and this is when you were 10 year old so you had a 10 year old brain it's not like you I mean but I've always been a little more mature I would say yeah I knew what could happen already my parents had that conversation with me and You know, I kind of just was like looking around to see if there was an adult and I saw like my sister and he was like Asking like weird questions like about like my skin like is my hand soft enough? Like do I need lotion? Yes. Yes lotion. I just want me to like do I want to get him a soda? Like does he want me to go in the back and get him stuff cuz he has stuff in the back

He can give me he said that yeah, and I was going the back, but yeah, this is your uncle's bar though So yeah, I'm like wait. You don't work here. I know all the workers here. I'm like I'm like I I'm okay. My dad's at the bar with the beer. He can probably get me like a Cherokee Red because that was the soda I drank. And I was like, I can get some Hawaiian chips myself. Thank you. And like, I mean, there were situations

where it progressed because I was a regular at that bar. Maybe there was a couple guys that were like leering and like there was a couple times They grabbed me or something Did this guy did this guy ever touch you the person that followed you into the bathroom when you? I Don't think so maybe on a different occasion like on the dance floor was a dance floor This is the same guy or different guy same guy same guy. How was he allowed back in the bar? I don't think anyone notices that stuff.

It's also low town P.A. Gosh, I feel like if I were your uncle, I'd have his face like plastered on the front of the restaurant and be like, if this dude comes in, he's getting kicked out, he followed my niece. I'm sure my uncle did bunch behind the scenes. Like, he never let me see, but he always had an eye on me. But that was the day he wasn't there.

Oh, okay. Yeah. So it kind of happened on the days he wasn't there. And do you think this guy, this individual that followed you into the bathroom, do you think he knew that? Do you think he was aware that your uncle wasn't at the bar? I think you're very aware that there's eyes on a child or eyes on a young adult or a female at all times.

Like someone who's looking to hurt someone is very aware socially. They're looking at the exits, they're looking at cameras, they're looking at all the people and if they're paying attention or not. That's terrifying. They are checking everything out beforehand and they pick a vulnerable child that doesn't feel safe. Yeah. And that's where a lot of grooming happens.

And thankfully I had the education, I had my resources there, and I knew that I was safe with my home people. You know, it makes me very scared for kids that don't have an education in those situations now, where sex education is being limited or taken out of the libraries and stuff like that just because as

Someone who wouldn't have had that education in that situation. I would have been like, oh, yeah, you got a soda cool Like we all know stranger danger, but that was a very like homey aspect Like that's a bar. My uncle works at he's worked at my entire life. Everyone knows us. Like, it's a very comfortable aspect. And that's where I feel like predators and groomers tend to go. They go where a child is somewhat comfortable. If it's a kid at the park,

they've been watching them for a bit. And they know their mom's routine, where the mom looks at her phone or something, or the mom goes by the carousel, or whatever the situation is. He knows when the child's alone, she knows when the child's alone, they know when the child's alone. And they go up to them in a comfortable situation where kids already know strangers are going to come up to them. That's why I'm like, it doesn't happen as much in schools except when a kid is vulnerable from home life and that teacher is their safe haven and that teacher takes advantage of that situation.

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I'm sure that's like a very interesting atmosphere for other people. Like have you been questioned so many times? I'm more questioned from the public than the people that check your IDs and the bartenders and stuff. You know I have a New York ID. It's hard to copy. They put so many things on it. Everyone's like these New York IDs I can't even scan them. I gotta like type you into the system sometimes. I'm like yeah yeah, I get that. I'm like, but that's fine for me because you pulling up the system, that means you can't deny it. And I mean there's been situations where I was like at a

restaurant bar and they kept checking my ID. Like it was like, like everyone come check the disabled person's ID. It's like, you won't believe it. Yeah. Um, but I've had more instances where I'm like sitting at a table or I'm drinking and then you can hear like people over, is she old enough to have that? Like Susie, it's not your business. It's not your business. Drink your Shirley temple and talk to Bill and have a great day.

Like leave me alone. Like so it's a lot of other people being invasive when they don't have the right to. How how uh how old were you when you started drinking? Um I think we had like samples of things when I was younger. There was a couple stories my mom says where I stole her Mike's Heart lemonade, like straight out of chemo. And it was just down and then. It was like, they smell sweet, they smell like a lemonade. And she's like, where's my bat toddler?

And I'm just running with the Mike's and she's like, Shauna, get back here. And she's like, give me my drink, you can't have this. I'm like, I'm gonna take it again. That's so real though. Like we've, uh, we're always so careful with alcohol because our kids will just touch anything. Don't just take anything. Because like, for example, we've, my, uh, my mother-in-law, um, live with, lives with us and she drinks Diet Coke. And there was one time where she left her Diet Coke, like too to like sitting out too low and you turn your back for five seconds and you look and there's her two-year-old chugging a diet coke. I'm like whoa whoa whoa and like go

and grab it. So you just have to be very careful with kids. And they grab and chug because they know they're not supposed to have it. Yeah. Like let me get as much as I can as possible. It's just like when your kid sneaks out after you go to bed and goes to the fridge and like loads up. But when you were 21 though, was that, were you like really looking forward to that? Because as, you know... I think I was and then the pandemic hit. I turned 21 in quarantine. Okay. So I took shots with my dad. First time I've ever seen him drink.

What type of, what type of shots were you taking with your dad? Whiskey. Whiskey? What type of shots were you taking with your dad? Whiskey. Whiskey. What type of whiskey do you like? Honey whiskey. Okay. Yeah. I think I'm more of an Irish whiskey person than a Scottish whiskey.

I hate to say it, Scottish whiskey just tastes like pure alcohol. But I'm a tequila and a whiskey person. Do you like bourbon? Sometimes. Okay. Sometimes. I don't know what it is. Like I don't like most alcohol. I don't really like beer, but bourbon, just like the flavor of it is so maybe it's like the smokiness of it. Yeah, it's like it's the richness. Yeah. It's got to be the right bourbon. And you kind of feel maybe it's just the all the alcohol

commercials that are somehow allowed to be advertised on our on TV. Like the fancy glass. Do you realize like as kids we're all getting exposed to these alcohol commercials that are somehow allowed to be advertised on TV. With the fancy glass. Like, do you realize, like, as kids we're all getting exposed to these alcohol commercials to where in our brain it's like, drinking alcohol is cool, drinking alcohol is cool. Yeah, and then also- And so you turn 21 and you're like, yeah, I want to have a bourbon. Yeah. So maybe it's that, maybe like when I have a bourbon every now and then, maybe I feel cool because as a five-year-old I was seeing alcohol commercials on TV.

Yeah, my boyfriend drinks gin and tonics, well doesn't anymore, but he got a gin and tonic and he's like, I haven't drank this since college. It used to make me feel so cool. I feel cold again. Yeah. It's like it's that vibe and I mean if we really want to pour it like that's why I'm so open about everything. Yeah. Because other countries, you know, are less open about the alcohol and the commercials. They're less open about, you know, even the funny commercials are less open about the alcohol and the commercials, they're less open about, even the funny commercials are less violent. There's not a lot of violence going on,

but they're more body positive. My dad lived in England for a bit, so as kids, we always heard, something that I find funny about America now that I've lived in England is you see a lot of violence and alcohol and violent, infused commercials commercials while in Europe and England They showed a lot of like the body like nude

Wait, what do you mean? Like nude like no clothes like shower commercials in Europe. That was a thing. Yeah Oh, yeah, it's very common knowledge. Like you can go to Italy and see boobs on TV as a very young kid What? Yeah, I was like you've never seen the movies like to Italy and see boobs on TV as a very young kid. What? Yeah. I was like, you've never seen the movies? Like, we get to see boobs on TV. I was like, those were always in the Christmas movies we watched. But like, yeah. So like in the soap commercial, it's just like a body. And they do have statistics of having less sexual assault issues. Maybe it's more of a celebration there.

Like, I know in the Renaissance Renaissance you have all these sculptures of naked... I mean look at like the statue of David, right? That's in Italy, right? I mean maybe there they celebrate the body more so it's less taboo. And then you have in America teachers not allowing their kids to go to a museum for a field trip because they don't want them seeing David and stuff like that. Oh really? Yeah. Seeing like the naked school trip of David. That's what I'm working with the, I forget their part, the democracy place that I'm working with. We're funding them for the holiday season. They fight these kind of things for kids to have equal education, understanding, you know. I'm all for religious understanding on all ends, but I grew up on a very religious aspect, like take and choose what you want from each

religion. You don't have to just be Christian, you don't have to be Catholic, you don't have to be Muslim, you don't have to be Jewish, you can be your own person, and that's okay. You don't have to follow religion 100%. and they're fighting the fact that they're trying to put the holy Bible in Florida and schools and you know make the curriculum less LGBT friendly, less drug awareness, less sexual education awareness. Okay. For me as someone who's open about everything and went to school for those things and learned so much because of those things, that's really hard for me to see because you're taking a safe learning space away.

Yeah, I'm sure as somebody that has a disability that's grown up being looked at differently, you probably empathize a lot with people in the LGBTQ community. Yeah, gay people that have experienced different treatment or people of a different minority that have been different treatment or people of a different minority that have been treated different because you've experienced that same thing. I'm sure you relate to them a lot. Yeah. And that's where that relation is and that's why I fight so hard for them and I'm fighting

so hard against the book bannings and the segregation of certain things like an LGBT club being removed from schools after-school programs and stuff because if we don't provide that safe place for the for our children they're going to go out and rebel against it and go for you know the hard drugs and stuff anyway you know I never did hard drugs because my family was like look if you're gonna try anything there's things out there in life we know this we We've been there. Your teachers have been there, we've been there. Like, everyone's done something.

But if you're gonna do it, talk to us. Come home, we'll provide a safe place and you can try it out. Don't ever go out in the wild and do it. And that was the best advice we've ever learned. Tara took advantage of that and was like, yeah, I wanna try drinking at like 16. And they're like, yeah, I want to try drinking at like 16. And they're like, okay, you can have a sip,

like a couple sips. And you know, my sister and Riley and I never took advantage of that. We never did drugs. We never did alcohol out or inside of the house. And we told our parents mostly everything. And I feel like that kind of parenting experience is going down the drain with the book banning and stuff because your children are going to go home with less questions.

Talk to me a bit about different medications you took growing up. I know I read somewhere that you took hormone blockers because you were, I'll be honest, I don't fully understand why you took hormone blockers so could you educate me as someone? Yeah, okay. So it goes back to what happened with my chemo, my surgery, the brain cancer. So the pituitary gland went almost dormant and that controls seven hormones. And one of those hormones is your growth hormone. One of them is also your fertility.

And another one is also your emotional balances. Those are the three of mine out of the seven that it controls because the hypothalamus has the pituitary gland in it and that controls all ten and that's where the aging is and that's why people think I don't age but that's not the pituitary gland. So I'm gonna age, I'm gonna get old. But my fertility was affected where I have low egg count and I probably can't have children, like from my own eggs, and my growth was majorly affected. How do you feel about not being able to have kids?

It's okay. I decided at 16 it wasn't gonna happen physically. It's a little hard getting the wound opened again with TLC because they reopened it. And then they kind of ditched on the situation when they found out how much money it was gonna cost to freeze my eggs. So I went kind of through a depression of like,

how the hell am I gonna do this? I'm so sorry. Oh, it's fine. And you know, I recently went through the situation, spent a couple thousand dollars to figure out if I can do it and I'm too low that I feel I'm safe enough to go under and it be worth it So the chances of getting like one egg or like I'd have to have three surgeries So they were thinking that for the show it would be interesting

They wanted to freeze my eggs and then after they found out how much it was going to free cost to freeze my eggs with that medical company that was not covering my insurance because there was another hospital that wouldn't let them film that would cover my insurance but they couldn't go there. And they needed to make their money back with TLC they needed to be able to document it., they needed to be able to document it. Yeah, they needed to be able to document it. And they said that they could not do it unless I paid for it myself and I was not given the funds to pay $10,000 for a surgery. Oh, so it's $10,000. It was $10,000 without insurance for the procedure. Medicine is another $7,000.

At this place specifically, the place I went through, I did have insurance coverage lately, I had to go through fertility therapy. I had to go through a exam to see if I can physically carry a baby. I had to test my proteins in my urine. I had to go and get my blood tested. I had to go and get my ovarian reserve tested, which is where your A count is. And I had to go through all of the tests that I had to do. And I had to go through all of the tests. I had to go and get my ovarian reserve tested, which is where your egg count is. And I had to go through all of these little gynecology appointments to make sure that I was okay and that we were all ready to start with the freezing egg process. And that's when I found

out through that testing that I wasn't a 0.4 anymore. I was a.16. And the chances of getting an ache from that is like, zil, in my opinion. Oh, so even if you did do the procedure. Yeah, the doctor I was working with didn't wanna work any lower than.4. So once I hit.1. What's that number coming from?

It's an ovarian reserve count. Okay. So basically how they measure your egg count is, through blood at least is called your AMH hormone, your anti-malarion hormone, and that basically gets tested and there's a number and from what they told me one to four is our average age range. Anything lower than one is considered low and you need to do something about it.

I was a.8 at the beginning of TLC's journey with it. After TLC's journey with it and I gathered enough funds to maybe cover it myself, two years later I was.4. And we really had to get started on it. And then I found out I was.1 after the second testing with my doctor. And I was still gonna go through with it.

But then I was waiting on anesthesia to clear me. And it took a month and a half. And I was like, I'm probably infertile by now. Cause I had dropped from.4 to.1 in three months. And they're like, so it's been two years since this drop I was like, no, it's been three months and they're like, oh That's not normal. I'm like, yeah cancer baby Hello, I'm not normal back to your experience with stony Brook with fertility when they did all the checks for

Like you physically being able to did they say that you were physically cleared to carry yeah I've always been physically cleared to have a child it just be high alert watch yeah I would be on watch the entire nine months my doctor was like so typically when we do watches we come in once every three months or once every month to three months depending on the pregnancy for the first trimester. And then it's twice a month, you know, once every two weeks for the second trimester. And then the third trimester I wanna see you every week.

And you know, maybe twice a week. And you might be on bed rest, so it might be a house call kind of situation. And you know, we're gonna make sure that you're on everything possible, like if the right medications, she's the one that's like, I need you to go and get your urine tested to see if you have the right amount of proteins in your pee

to carry a child properly, to make sure I have dental issues, that they're not taking my proteins that I need to function as well. Because I mean, that was something I was concerned and my mom's been pregnant many times and each pregnancy hit her hard. She got diabetic, she went anemic, and then she lost like the vitamins in her teeth for her calcium and stuff.

Cause Riley just took it all and it happens with kids. They say the third kid hit kills you. Oh my gosh. They say it hits your heart. just took it all and it happens with kids they say the third kid kills you oh my god but I think that they wanted to evaluate to make sure that I was just normal enough on the scales that I could actually carry a child with no risk to myself other than the obvious physical risk. Thank you to Beam for sponsoring this episode of Unplanned. If you follow me on Instagram, you've probably seen my stories about not getting sleep. Like there's been nights where my watch has told me

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You would be on watch we would have someone come in and check on you if your house it and are on bed rest and you would probably be on specific prescription prenatals because I can't take a one a day without having an overdose of calcium or vitamin E or something and I've spoken to that with them at Stony Brook. I've been on prescription vitamin D for a very long time because I couldn't take a one a day. I was just puking.

And I'm like, I think I have an overdose from the symptoms, my doctor, and she's like, yeah, sounds like it. I'm going to just prescribe you the right amount for your body and that's gonna be the same situation for when I'm pregnant. I mean, I'm sure they would up it a little bit. Like, I've always been low on iron, so they'd probably give me a little boost of iron

for the child. But honestly, I've kind of just thrown it to the wind because if I do decide to have a family, it's going to be adoption or surrogacy or something because I value my life enough in a way which is weird like I would probably get an abortion if it was gonna put me at risk just because I don't want my child to grow up without a parent I think that's a bigger hole in someone's life then deciding to have a child at the right moment. You know, I am pro-choice in that way because if I got pregnant myself, I'd probably have

to get an abortion. Like, there's a very high chance of it. And you're saying that would kill you? Like basically like... It could hurt me, it could kill me during the birth, it could kill the child. And because I've always known there's a medical risk to me being pregnant, I've always been poor of course with that because there's a lot

of unfortunate situations that can happen with anyone with pregnancy. And we have to evaluate her health and my health and the woman's health and it takes a lot out of the body and that can be scary and I feel like sometimes that's not worth the risk of bringing a child into this world when there's other children in this world that can be loved. As someone with with a smaller body due to the disability that you have you probably have to be very careful, you know, if you're sexually active to make sure that you're protected, right?

Like to make sure that, because like you just said, if you were to get pregnant, it could kill you. How do you protect yourself? How do you make sure that you like, don't end up in a situation where, yeah, I guess you could literally die, right? Yeah. Well, I mean, I use contrac could literally die, right? Yeah. Well, I mean, I use contraceptive, of course. That's number one.

But I'm not active with anyone I don't trust. I think that goes back to dating a bit. I make sure they get tested physically. They go through tests emotionally. And they come back with a blood scan saying they're clean and they get their protection and I make sure they're a responsible adult. I am in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to bring his own children into this world, who wants to adopt if anything, just for mental health reasons.

I understand that. My family has mental health issues I don't want to bring into this world. You know, when you have a lot of depression and you know, those really harsh mental disabilities on your family side, it's really hard to decide to have a child or not. But back to how I protect myself. I know my body, I get my period, I go through my monthly

I know my body, I get my period, I go through my monthly, and I make sure that I'm safe doctor-wise. We're always checking things. If I'm active, I know if there's a slip-up or something. But it's really just about having a conversation with your significant other or your boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever, and being like, look, there's always risks when it comes to sex, no matter who it is.

There's always risks when it comes to pregnancy. But as a disabled person, it's different. And it's going to be a little different sex-wise anyway, but it's going to be a little different for what could happen if it happens. And my boyfriend and I are on a clear space. going to be a little different for what could happen if it happens. And you know, my boyfriend and I are on a clear space, you know, like if there's a chance, plan B. Just because we don't want to ever have to go through that mental decision of

like choosing my life for a child's life. I want to be super careful with how I ask this question because like I respect you so much and you're totally like, I'm so impressed by you just with all the, everything you've faced and how you've come out on top and how you've been confident and really been, I think you're like a voice for people that are minorities, you're a voice for people that have disabilities, it's really cool to see you do what you've been doing and being on the show on TLC. I guess the question I want to ask is, how do you approach this whole dilemma of you're clearly a very smart, very intelligent adult woman, you're 25 years old, so you have the intellect of an adult woman, you have like everything about you is an adult woman, but

physically you're on the younger side. So then how do you approach that from a dating standpoint because it obviously would make sense with your parents being worried about you being in a relationship with someone that could be into younger looking people. How do you navigate that? I think you take it day by day with anything like building friendships or anything. You have to be worried. Someone can be just using you because you get a lot of attention. Some people can be using you because they want a disabled friend.

It's like having a gay best friend. You know, it's like it's like a little quirk. Do you like being friends with people that are disabled because you can like you can understand each other? I do. And I don't sometimes. I feel like sometimes with disability people, some people, because they've been brought up differently, they view it as a competition. And I don't think it has to be a competition. I think that a lot of people are just competitive.

I think, you know, you have... Competitive in which way? Like there's jealousies, there's you know it's the same kind of thing you'll go through with high school with the pettiness and stuff like there's it's we're human you know that happens in the disability community but I think at the same time it's harder to keep touch with people in the disability community because you're not always interacting physically. It's a lot of social because we're not like down the street as common you know. You can go down the street and probably find some dude that would like

to watch football with you if that's what you like to do. Yeah. But he doesn't watch football. I actually, I literally don't care about football. I don't care about football either. I was like, I'm not a big football fan. I was like my family that not a big football fan. I was like, my family, my significant other's family is now college football people, and I'm like, now I gotta get a sweatshirt. I don't know anything. But, it's the same kind of high school mentalities.

I think people are always looking to be better than someone else or have something someone else has. We're never happy in our situations. So I feel like a lot of disability, like for the people that are happy in their disability, happy to be alive, it's easier to make a friendship with them. For the people that are coming to grasp

with their disability and the life they're living in their disabled life, it's hard because they're constantly sometimes like, well, it's easy for you because you're pretty in short, or it's easy for you because you're pretty in short or it's easy for you because you're not in a chair and I'm like No, it's easy for me because I put myself out there as I am vulnerably and I tell people to not fuck with me and It's hard for you because you're just sitting there behind a screen not putting yourself out there You know I have a friend who I met

after I'm Shana Rae season one and she's like, I wanna be able to do what you're doing with the activism and stuff and I was like, hey, you have to do lives. You have to, you know, be there. You gotta put yourself out there socially and she's like, well I do, it's just like no one's there. I'm like, well you have to build it up.

You have to post your videos, you have to build it up. You have to build up your brand in a sense. And I feel like as a disabled person, becoming confident, I feel like this stands for everyone, becoming confident within yourself is building your brand. And with specifically the disability community, until your brand is somewhat built, you're always gonna look at other people's brands

or other people in the community and be like, why can't I be like them? So I feel like that comes a little bit though from the abled societal community where you're always pressuring the disabled community to be better than they are, you know? She's in a chair, well she could walk and do this and get this for me. Like no, she can't, this is how she lives. And I feel like the abled community, unfortunately, is always thinking that they have to bend to us to help us and adapt us.

When we're adapted to you, we were raised in this world. You weren't raised in a disabled world. We were raised in an abled world. We're adapted. And some people aren't adapted and they're learning and we have to be okay with that. But most of the time, eight out of 10 times that person you're seeing as a disabled person

is lived with it mostly most of their days. It's not like their first rodeo on the, it's very slim that you'll find someone who's newly disabled out in public and ready to go out. And that's because of the way society views them. And I think that puts a hindrance in the disability community, making friends with other disabled people and other abled people, because they always feel like there is going to be an automatic judgment and

there is going to always be an automatic jealousy on their end. You know? I think I thought of a better way to ask the question I asked earlier, which I was stumbling over my words. Go for it. So, let me ask it this way. As someone that appears to look like a young girl, how do you navigate romantic relationships? When it comes to romantic relationships and navigating as Someone with dwarfism that is perceived young I don't say I look young when I look in the mirror. I think I look 25 but perceived young I see you okay I'm not saying you offended me. Sorry. Yeah, I really don't I'm just I'm just saying that's my perspective of it

I know people think perceiving and like looks are the same thing But I think that's another thing with the disability community is like you perceive us a certain way. So I've built up being perceived as a young kid and that's why I let people get to know me. That's why I tend to date my friends. That's why I tend to date people I've seen on a more than a one chance that actually know my personality and I can feel their personality out because I don't want to give you my time if you're some loser guy that doesn't have anything in common with me. So I need to get to know you a little bit too before I give you my number or something.

And that's kind of always been my dating life. I've never dated someone like on a whim. Like yeah, I've had some guy like ask me out and ask for my number. Be like, so are you an adult? And I'm like, yeah. You didn't have to stare that long to figure it out though. And he's like, well, then how do I go about getting your number? And I'm like, you'd be respectful in the beginning.

And he's like, well, can I still get it? I was like, fine, I'm bored. And I was like, and we talked for a bit and he could have had that potential, but he just didn't show up physically when he needed to, you know, like we don't date. And you know, he just wanted to hang out on the phone and I was like, no, I want to physically go out somewhere. Like, take me out. I want to see how this is physically, like in person, and that's part of the test,

is testing them to see how they do in public. Yeah. So, they have to go through a lot of tests, you know? Yeah, you've said that a lot, you said like there's a physical test, what's the physical test? So, the physical test is when I'm out in public with them and we're being affectionate and you get stares

and how you deal with that. Do you get mad and explode, because I don't want that. Do you laugh at it, that's good. Or do you get shy and embarrassed and let go of my hand. And that's bad. The physical test is like the physical boundaries, you know? Okay. Will you hold my hand at the zoo?

Will you like, canoodle and like cuddle me? Or are you gonna treat me like your child? And the emotional test is going through that emotionally and figuring out can you handle it. Like my significant other, my boyfriend, we were at the dog park with my dog and someone was like, is it your dog or your dad's dog? And he's like, I'm not her dad, I'm her boyfriend. And she's like, oh, he's joking, right? He's your dad. I'm like, no, I'm a woman. I just have dwarfism. And she's like, oh, and she got uncomfortable and left. And so that's

an emotional test for him is seeing people react to it and how he deals with it. And is it gonna weigh on him? Is it gonna be an issue? Is it gonna constantly come up? Or is he gonna shrug it off? So there's that test, there's the physical test, and then there's the sexual test, is where they get tested for any diseases.

Because that's very important to be open and honest about in the beginning, especially with a medical situation where we don't know what anything can happen to me. I could get a disease, I could get COVID, I could get the flu and it could react to my body differently and I'm out for the count. We don't know, we genuinely don't know. I have a great, great system, I'm very grateful for it. I'm

very strong in the immune system area. But if I wasn't, I could be in and out of the hospital sick all the time like my one friend who's disabled. How often do people respond in a way that you appreciate whenever someone assumes incorrectly that you're a young girl and then you say, no, I'm a 25 year old woman. What's the response that you have appreciated when you, when you say that? Well, I think there's always the, oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that's, that's a good way to start it off to know that you did something wrong.

Acknowledge that. Yeah. It's the thing that we have an issue with nowadays is acknowledging when we're wrong. Yeah. Acknowledge when you're wrong, and then after that, have a casual conversation. If you wanna ask about my disability, that's fine,

but make it casual. Yeah. Don't try to be like, oh, I'm so sorry, so then what happened? I'm so sorry, that's terrible that that happened. Do you mind explaining why you're short? There's a different approach. Yeah. And the gentle approach is, I don't like to call it like

the gentle approach in a sense because I feel like gentle approach is babyish and talking down to them. But the humane approach, I think is the proper word. And remembering that this person is not just a book of information for you to peel through. That they are a human being. They have boundaries. They have levels of comfortableness and you may be bouncing on those lines. Thank you to Adore Me for sponsoring this episode of the unplanned podcast. This might be TMI, but when my wife wears lingerie, it is the absolute best.

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It just gets crazy expensive. But with Adore Me, you can actually get a lingerie set for as low as like $19.95. And because they have so many different inclusive sizes with AdoreMe, it just will fit your body. And my wife's able to find stuff that look, she looks incredible. It's actually the best. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to stop talking before I say something that I'm going to regret. Okay. Head to adoreme.com where new customers can get bra and panty sets for as low as 1995. Exude confidence and sexiness without spending a fortune. Again, that's adoreme.com where new customers can get bra and panty sets for as low as $19.95. Wow, that is a deal. It must be really frustrating to have to explain yourself like every single

day of your life to everyone. Yeah, I explain myself to my dog's bed. I explain myself to my dog's vet. I explain myself to people at the grocery store. I explain myself to the gas station people. It's hard, but I mean, you have to look at it as like, maybe that person's gonna walk away differently, and the next person that comes in, they'll be a little less harsh to, and they'll be more respectful to. Is it ever easier just to stay home?

Oh yeah, isn't it easier to stay home away from everything? Yeah. I feel like it's the best vibe, just stay home, don yeah! Isn't it easier to stay home away from everything? Yeah. I feel like it's the best vibe just stay home don't have to deal with anything but if we don't go out then the world shuns us. Do you find yourself wanting to stay home or do you go out because you want to make a difference? I want to go out to make a difference. I don't want to go out to have to go grocery shopping and stuff. Ah so you probably probably like door-to-ash your groceries. I order my groceries and pick them up. Yeah, I was like, I don't like to have to put myself out in public more often just because

like if I'm not with someone it is a vulnerable situation. Yeah. But I like to go out with a purpose. And I saw on your show you're living alone now. Is that, are you still living alone? No, I live with my boyfriend. Oh I saw on your show you're living alone now. Is that, are you still living alone? No, I live with my boyfriend. Oh, okay, okay. And it's technically alone. How has that been? I mean, away from your parents, like you're no longer living with your parents. Yeah. How does that feel to be, yeah, independent of your parents?

It's weird. I mean, I was already very independent in that house but it's weird not having to take care of the things I took care of for my parents and like do their dishes and cook at Riley from work and stuff. I think the biggest thing is like we were in that house together for eight years with all those dogs, that entire vibe. So my house is just very quiet and that's strange for me. I'm so used to noise. My family's entirely so loud. Like my dad's always doing something, whether it's music or watching something

or like in the kitchen banging pots around. Like there's always so much noise. So it's been very quiet. And then I was actually shocked. My mom hasn't called me that much. She's like, I wanted to give you space. I'm like, like yeah but this amount of space makes me feel like you don't care. This is a lot of space. I was like you haven't checked in I've called you twice that's it. That's the amount we've talked in a month and a half and she's like I know

but I want to give you space. I don't want to cry. I was like okay and then when she picked me up to come to this, on the way home, she was like, welling up in tears. I was like, ah, here come the tears. And my mom, until I am Sean, didn't shed a tear. Didn't shed a dang tear. And now she's all welled up at any moment now. I think it's something to do with age, honestly.

As you get older, you get more sentimental. So. You guys seem to have a really sweet relationship. We do. We're very close. I mean, we've gone through a lot together. I mean, I was the sick kid and then on top of it, I went through issues with family and being different.

I went through issues with my friends. I was very much a homebody. And my parents always made it very clear to us, family is the most important thing. At the end of the day, guys, girls, even our cousins will go by the wayside sometimes. They'll stop picking up the phone. But your sisters, your sisters are not, they'll stop picking up the phone. But your sisters, your sisters are not ever supposed

to stop picking up the phone. They will always be there. And you know, we've always had that family mentality that like if I call them and I need them, they may not pick up the phone, but they'll call back. You know, they'll, my mom sucks at the phone, but she'll call back. And you know, if I wanted, like once my parents are like,

we're not always gonna be here. We're gonna pass away. When that time happens, you have to go to your sisters. So I feel like when times get hard, you can see that in my sisters. But at the same time, we're very antisocial ourselves. So we're also like very okay being away from each other. But then every once in a while we get together and my mom's like, I miss this. I want to move everyone close together. I'm like, I don't want to be a village.

I don't want to be a village. That's too close. Do you think that the TV shows made your life better? Yeah, I think the fact that it's helped with pituitary dwarfism being more on the medical field awareness, but the personal awareness, I think disability activism, I think that's all become better. I think on a personal scale, when you look at it as someone who is like an influencer or something like that, I wouldn't say my life is better like privately,

like that kind of stuff, the stuff that you wanna keep private, that's non-existent. Yeah, there's no- Yeah, everything's out there. Yeah, there's nothing to hide. But the opportunities I've been given, the opportunities I've allowed to have happen for other people in the disability community,

they make everything worth it. You know, I went into this, I signed that contract, and I said, if I can make one kid go, look, I'm not alone, it's worth it. Wow, you're certainly doing that. Thank you. To build on how you talked about how it's difficult to maintain privacy in this space,

and like how you had kind of made that trade off. I noticed that you keep your boyfriend's identity private and I didn't know if it was because of previous bad experience with an ex-boyfriend or if his wishes or why you chose to navigate it that way. Honestly, I mean neither one of us care if his face is out there. I'm more worried because he has a nice work job.

I don't want anything going bad to the job. The job knows who I am, they know what I do for my living. They love me. They sent me a gift basket because I was really, really insecure. I was like, no, don't tell them you're dating me because they're gonna be like, no, she's a TV star. You can't be affiliated with that.

And so they sent me a basket and they're like, you know, we think you're great, like, we'd love to meet you. So that's really comforting, but with everything that social media is, and everything I know my boyfriend isn't, I just don't want him to be labeled something and him not be my partner forever.

At this point, unless I'm marrying him or spending the rest of my life with him, his face isn't going to be shown. Because if we break up tomorrow, his face being out there, his life is still ruined. It's still different and that's not fair to him. How is living together? How is, yeah, now you're living with your boyfriend, how, like, do you like that more? Did you like life before you guys were living together? How is, yeah, now you're living with your boyfriend, how, like, do you, do you like that more? Did you like life before you guys were living together? How is all that? I miss being alone a little bit, like having my own space in that sense, but, I

mean, he works in IT, so my Wi-Fi is amazing we're safe as can be. It's all the newest gear is like in our house and he's like, here's a laptop. And I'm like, yay. But I think like the hardest thing adapting to is the fact that I'm probably more relationship mature than he is. Okay.

I'm definitely his longest relationship. I'm the first big step relationship he's made. And that's been the adapting part is like, I know how relationships work. I'm like, no, we split bills, like we do all do groceries, you do this, that kind of stuff. And he's very old school vibe. Like, he's like, I feel bad that you're covering this portion or you're paying for groceries I'm like paid for bills like calm down and so he's very much adjusting to having to take care of someone as well he's also adjusting to having a dog he's only had small dogs

and Sahara is not a small dog yeah she's bigger than me she weighs more than me and she's loud. And I mean, today is a real test with him being alone with her. But he, I think the biggest adjustment is yeah, the fact that we came into this relationship knowing what we wanted, knowing we wanted the same things, but with different experience. Because he's just a little more immature in the relationship area. Like he's not as prepared for it, but he's more mature in the sense of adulthood. He's lived longer on his own. He lived with a roommate. He did all these other things that I didn't do. So we- Is he older than you?

He's two years older. Okay. Yeah. He's 27. Gotcha. Yeah. I obviously like you're keeping a lot of information about him private, which I totally respect and I can totally understand from how crazy it can be when you share all the intimate details of your life with the world. We, we've been there, but I know that you have experienced that on a completely different level than we have. So I guess like what, what have you shared about him or

what are you able to share about him? Because I'm genuinely curious who this person is. Well, I mean, his name is Ben out there. His name is Trent. He's the sweetest guy I've ever met. He's 27. He's got like those Midwestern morals. And he just, he literally, he works in IT set up most of my gaming systems and got me started there he's the reason I actually started it and he's he's really intelligent he's really anti-social he's just he's not as common sense smart, I will say. He's a little, they're like, I had to teach him girls are going to come on to him and flirt with them. I didn't know that happens. Like, yeah, you may be a nerd but girls are still gonna come on to you. Like, he's just like, he's such a cute little nerd

and he's just the sweetest thing like I can scream for like something like we're out of toilet paper and he's running towards me like if I drop something he's running into the kitchen he's like I'm gonna take you out of the kitchen because there's glass on the ground and I'm gonna take care of this like I feel like if I was abandoned on the side of the street and I didn't know where I was he would come and get get me. And that's, that's what I've always wanted. I've wanted someone that was going to give me that safety. And also his family is always what I've wanted. They're close.

They do things with their significant, um, or their son's significant others. They like want them to be a part of the family. And like, that's what I've always wanted. I've always dealt with moms that are like, oh well, you know, holidays are just family and you know, what, they're not, she's not gonna stick around. You didn't get the invite. So in past relationships, you never got the invite to family Christmas, family Thanksgiving. I mean, I feel like past relationships, it was always a little more hush hush. Okay.

Even with my ex of five years, I feel like his mom didn't know as long as we were dating. I think she knew about like three years. And we didn't, I didn't meet her until like the end of our relationship. And it was always like hush-hush, like my mom's around and stuff like that. Like, and it, past relationships, I didn't feel like I was enough for the family. And that's what I've wanted. I've wanted a family to look at me and go,

no, she can still be a good girlfriend, a good wife, and be everything our nephew, son, grandson wants. And that's how his family looks at me, and I was really concerned because they are a Midwestern, and I didn't know how the censorship and viewership is there. It's a little more open for disabilities in the East Coast than it is in the South and the West, or the Midwest. The West is open.

But, so I was a little concerned, but they embraced me with open arms and they really never questioned anything. They did watch a couple episodes of the show before meeting me, which was weird because my boyfriend came into me not knowing who I was. He just found me on Instagram and was like, she's pretty. And then he found out about the show and he watched it for the first time with his family showing them who he was dating. He's like, it was weird watching you dance with Dan.

I was like, yeah. But you were kind of around when I was talking to Dan. Like, I was like, we were friends then. That's funny. What's been the toughest part about living together? I think the toughest part about living together is the fact that he goes away for work and a lot of my work is at home or, you know, around home. So I'm home a lot more and he hasn't found the boundary for when I'm working and when he's just home and we're just home together. He lets me do my video streams and stuff and he loves watching me do that but if I'm not doing that and I'm

like doing editing or I'm doing content making and stuff he's like coming into the room he's like you want ice cream? I'm like, I'm working. He's like, oh, oh, I'm sorry. So he has to adjust to the fact that I work partially at home, because he doesn't do that. He can work from home with his IT, but he goes in almost on the daily basis. So he has that ADHD mentality of like, I'm at work, I'm focused, I come home, I'm relaxed,

I get to have fun. And when I can't have fun with him, he's like confused. How did you know that Trent, right? You said Trent. How did you know that Trent was a good guy? How did you know that he was safe and trustworthy and someone that you were comfortable spending lots of time with? Because yeah, you guys are dating.

So how did you know that? Well, I think so Trent and I started out as friends. And then about three months into our friendship, I started developing feelings and I was like, no, I'm not getting into a relationship. I just got out of this five year relationship. I just want to have fun. You know, I just want to enjoy fun. I just want to enjoy myself. I had the fling with Dan that was kind of like at that point at its end.

I told him that I just wanted to be friends because I didn't want to do distance and I honestly didn't see much of a romantic forward with him. I didn't want to string him along because I was just looking for something casual and I didn't want a relationship. And so I was very honest about that. And I was honest with that about Trent. And he was chill. He was like, I'm chill. I just want to be friends with Pretty. But there's obviously a distance between us so it's not possible right now. And I started talking with like seven other other guys after and I just went through this routine of talking to them on and off and then when it came down to him and Trent and another guy I was going to go with this other guy but then he did a no call no show or he did

a no show and I was like, meh, next. And then I started just hanging out with Trent more friendship wise, I wasn't talking to anyone. And then I told my friend on Halloween, I was like, I think I'm in love with him. And she's like, no, I thought we were trying not to do this. I was like, I know, but like he's really nice, he's funny, we have the same humor.

She's like, no, I love Trent, he's just really far away and you don't wanna date. And I was like, yeah, but I think I love him. So then we went out and I drank a little and then I texted him, I was like, I think I'm in love with you. We've kind of been dating ever since. Because he had told me he loved me before then,

but I was like, I'm not there. I'm not ready for that. I was like, casual. Casual. So we started casual and we just grew. Do you have any strict boundaries for dating? Any rules given your disability? Is there something like a rule that you've set for yourself that's unique or is it typical to how most people?

I'm kind of a one strike person. Like if you do me really bad now I'm one strike. As a 25 year old I've decided that. In my early dating I would do three strikes. What's an example of a strike? Um, cheating. Um, physical violence. Even if it's just like you get mad and you shove me. Um...

That's happened before. Oh yeah. I was in a very abusive relationship. I'm so sorry. Oh, it's okay. Life is life. And it happens to like one in four women. So. Gosh.

What, if you don't mind me asking, what happened? How did this happen? It started with physically grabbing my wrists and then getting mad at video games and going to punch the couch that I'm like right next to. And then next thing I know is it escalates into grabbing my wrists further and pulling me. And next thing they know they're not taking the anger out on the couch, they're taking it out on you. And this and they know they're not taking the anger out on the couch, they're taking it out on you. And this, and were you ever punched or was the...

Yeah. You were punched? Yeah. Oh. Oh, it's fine. No, it's not fine. It's not fine. Nothing's fine about that.

It's fine now for me because I've gone through my therapy. They've, I don't know, I think they went to a church and got better, but I don't believe that. But I mean, I think I was very used to being in abusive situations because I've been neglected a lot by the public and I've always been told that I was less than and told that I deserved a lot of the bad things that were happening in my life, you know. I was told at a young age that the cancer should have killed me. So I was very, I personally was very vulnerable to those situations and

you know, I dated the wrong dude. Did your parents know that this was going on? They found out after and almost. After you broke up with him? The day I broke up, they found out that he was a horrible person. How long did that go on for then? That relationship was two weeks and it was like. Two weeks? It escalated to get, he got physically violent in two weeks. We were best friends for six months and he escalated in two weeks. Did you know him in person or was he like an online best friend? No, we were best friends like he lived down the road

For six to eight months. And this was, were you a teenager? Were you early in your 20s? Yeah, I was like in, I was 17, 18. Okay. And um, so he lived right down the road and he had another girlfriend and then when they broke up we started dating and it just escalated and I mean, it started with threats on text. What did he threaten you? What did he say? That he was gonna hurt me or that he was gonna tell people things about me

and I think that's kind of like when your significant other starts putting your best out the wayside and starts looking at it as a way to threaten you, that's the time to leave. What did you say when he started sending you those threats? I was just really confused because we were just having conversations about, you know, how I was not okay with it and he's just sitting there threatening me more.

And I'm like, okay, well, I'm gonna go to bed and like I I've always been like an avorter in those situations like with the confrontation and that's why like as I've gotten older it's a one strike because I put up with you know getting hit getting cheated on getting told I was the worthless and see when you said strike like I thought you were referring to oh he just like Chute he chewed loudly or like I didn't like the way he smacked his lips when he chewed bubblegum like you're talking about Cheating physical violence like those are really really like yeah, of course. That's a one strike like those those are really bad Those are one strike. I like I think you kind of just shocked me there

I guess what I'm what I hope I love how you're an advocate for people who have disabilities, for minorities. I love that. And so I guess my ask right now is, what's the, what's a warning sign? Like what should people do if in the relationship someone starts to be verbally abusive? What do you wish you would have done in that situation? I think I wish I would have gone to my family and my friends first. I think I did talk to them pretty early on in the second situation, but it's happened before. And like, that's the thing, it's a repeat thing.

It's a repetitive thing. And it's, I'm trying to break the cycle as an older adult. And so I think the best thing is, don't let yourself get cut off. You know, don't- Cut off my family and friends. Yeah, don't let people get cut off from you.

Don't let them tell you you're less than. Once you start hearing anything that is somewhat not uplifting you, because a relationship should make you a better version of yourself. Bingo. And if it's not doing that, then you should really walk away. But if it starts to get to the point where the other person is being emotionally, physically,

in any way, scaring you, you start talking to someone and you start learning to walk away. I love how you said if they cut you off from your friends and family, that's a red flag. It's the first sign. Yeah. It's the first step because they want to isolate you. The step, that's the same thing with kind of grooming and guys that isolate or humans that isolate you.

It's the same kind of thing. They try to cut you off from your safety, from your places you would go to ask if this is okay because they know it's not okay, and they don't want you to ask it. So that's the first sign in grooming. It's the first sign in becoming in an abusive relationship. I mean, grooming is a form of abuse, and they have the same tactics.

So I think I've always been very aware of that, but I've let myself be in an abusive relationship because I admitted defeat and said, yeah, I am worthless. I don't deserve better than this. If I do leave, a guy's just going to cheat and beat me too. Being in a horrible relationship like that, I, the statistics are horrible. I know like people get stuck in these relationships and they don't leave and they don't think there's a way out. They they blame themselves.

Yeah, I was like, my on and off one was exactly that I kept going back to an abuser. Mm-hmm. For those situations, you, it almost takes someone else. Yeah. Or takes a revelation, whatever you want to call it, to realize your worth. Yeah. And I mean it's why I'm such an advocate for self-love and positivity because no matter the disability, no matter the situation, minority or whatever, these

feelings we all feel. We all understand. We all can connect with and that's what it's really about, you know. It's knowing your self-worth. So when I'm preaching self-worth and self-love and all this stuff, it doesn't just go to the people with disabilities. It doesn't just go to the abled people that follow me. It doesn't just go to the minorities. It goes to everyone. And who knows, maybe, maybe Amanda just scrolling on the internet needed to hear that that day and it helps her.

That's why like using social media in that aspect is really important if you don't have anyone and you are isolated because that is someone you can use to help get you out but you also have to start building your foundations yourself. That's another thing that happens with abusers is they take away your own foundation you know they isolate you from your job or they take you out of your career or they change your lifestyle. So when you're ready to leave, you're like, where am I going to go? And so you have to be able to pick up on those cues and each change that happens in your life, you have to go, is this the best thing for me? When you're in a relationship

with someone, you are skeptical of being an abuser or being someone that's taking advantage of you You have to go is this the best decision for me or is this the best decision for them? Yeah, and and I think like I'm Thankfully, I've never been in like the situation like yours like that's I mean we have been I've been like so lucky just to have dated Each other. Oh my gosh I just like I hear these horror stories of dating and I'm like, this is like really really scary I guess like something something that People in those situations need to be aware of I think is there's hope for you. Like it I feel like you

So I can just see how someone in that situation could think, oh, there's nothing I can do. I can't get out. I, I, I, it's going to work. They're going to get better. All this. And I think instead they need to realize, you know what? I can build a better life after this. And it seems really scary and it would probably be really, really scary to leave.

But I think, you know, having, having that realization is, is what needs to happen. And thankfully it sounds like you had your family and had your friends to help you, you know, having that realization is what needs to happen. And thankfully, it sounds like you had your family and had your friends to help you, you know, come to that conclusion. It may be the scariest things an individual does is leaving that situation, but I feel like a better happiness is always around the corner. You know, I wasn't so sure with leaving my ex that I was going to be okay. But I was and then I found Trent. And I've never found anyone that's made me happier. And that's the important thing is I feel like after going through such a traumatizing situation,

yes, anything can be better and you can go back into another traumatizing situation But when you find that person that's not gonna traumatize you it feels weird It feels uncomfortable. It feels not normal And I feel like that's the feeling you have to get used to is not being in a relationship That's not gonna hurt you. What does he do that makes you so happy? Um Brings me food bring you food. Yeah, it brings me food. Brings you food? Yeah, brings me food. What's that the food? Does he know your order? He knows you're like... Yeah, I was like, he's IT for a coffee shop and I can't drink coffee so he makes me drinks and stuff and he comes home with that stuff. He takes care of Sahara, my dog. If my dog didn't like him, I wouldn't be with him.

Sahara, my dog. If my dog didn't like him, I wouldn't be with him. Is that one of your strikes? My dog doesn't like you, you're done. Oh yeah, my dog doesn't like a lot of people and if she didn't like you, you're done. And then he's very family oriented and that's important to me because I wanted that family vibe. Like my immediate family, we don't have much beyond that. We've had a lot of deaths or we just don't talk to some people or we've lost contact. And I wanted a closeness with my significant other's family. I wanted that, if I have kids, their cousins or their best friends kind of feel. And his family has that feeling, has that

vibe about them and the fact that he's so about them and you know he's a little bit of a mama's boy but he's not a mama's boy enough that like he has to be next to her every second and that I feel like is a healthy amount of mama's boy that is something I was looking for. Because if you respect your mother, if you respect your family, that shows how you're gonna treat me as a woman. Mm. That's good. Aw, I'm so happy for you.

Thank you. I hope everything continues to go amazing. Same. Where can people follow you, like stay up to date with you? Because I know you're very active on social media. Is there a certain platform that you like to connect with people on? I think I connect with people most through Instagram which is at the real Sean Aray 99 with a couple underscores in there, it pops up though.

And then Facebook is Sean Aray, that's where a lot of the older crowd come in or actually a large part of the disability community is on Facebook because sometimes their parents get restrictive with social media. And then TikTok is my biggest community. Oh, cool. It's just Shonere99. And then of course I do have my Twitch community, which is more personal and get some more personal conversation. We talk about disabilities while I'm streaming and stuff. And that's Shroneray1999 on Twitch. Okay, so, so cool. Well, thank you for taking the time to come talk to us.

Thank you so much. I admire so much about you and I feel like I didn't, I didn't talk enough, but you guys are having so much good questions and back and forth. It's okay. You talked first. I talked really good behind camera, apparently. But no, I just wanted to say that I respect you so much.

And like Matt said, you're an amazing advocate in the fact that you are able to articulate big topics so casually in an understandable manner. And your advocacy for women in general, but the disabled community and minorities in general like it's really commendable. So thank you for having this conversation. Thank you for letting us ask questions that like maybe we didn't phrase in the best way being so receptive and kind and I think a lot of people could have gained a lot from your episode. Yes.

Thank you. I appreciate you guys having me and having the conversations with me because not everyone's open to those conversations. Thank you. See you guys in the next episode. Thanks for being here.