The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby - Sleeping in separate beds, loneliness & making friends as an adult

Episode Date: February 5, 2025

Matt and Abby open up about their decision to sleep in separate beds (again) and what it means for their relationship. They also dive into feelings of loneliness, the challenges of making friends as adults, and how their social lives have changed over time. This episode is sponsored by Rocket Money, BetterHelp & Nutrafol. RocketMoney: Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to https://RocketMoney.com/unplanned. BetterHelp: Visit https://BetterHelp.com/unplannedpodcast today to get 10% off your first month. Nutrafol: Visit https://nutrafol.com and enter promo code UNPLANNED for $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Abby and I are sleeping in separate beds. Does this mean that you're separating from me? What? Let's take that out. I love being married. I want to die in that house. Here you are talking about death and you always get on me about talking about death. You talk about it in the context of like dying with me still here. That's probably going to happen. Please stop saying that. That's going to happen. Loneliness as an adult, it is an epidemic in our society. Everything was handed to us in college, but then we leave and we're like lonelier than

we've ever been in our entire lives. Welcome back to the Unplanned Podcast everybody. Thank you for being here. How are you feeling right now? I'm in a really funny mood today. Welcome back to the Unplanned Podcast, everybody. Thank you for being here. How are you feeling right now? What? I'm in a really funny mood today. It's cold out today, so every time I touch a microphone or the camera,

we get shocked. It's been so frustrating. What is the science behind that? Trying to set up all of our gear. I just kept getting zapped. I feel like I've gotten tased multiple times today. Yeah, I was making you really mad. You said a couple not good words.

You're looking good today, baby. Thank you. You're still looking so hot. You know, have you ever heard of the winter uglies? No, I don't even know what that is. Well, I was just talking about it with my friend and it's a real thing. Like, you know.

The winter uglies? Yeah, like, you know, summer you're feeling tan, you're feeling like your hair's brighter. Well, you got the winter sexies. No, I don't. Cause the other day I was like, I literally didn't do, we had a kid was like, I literally didn't do it. We had a kid sick and so I literally didn't do anything

to myself all day and I just felt like I might not be able to look at myself in the mirror without self-tanner on one more time before I was gonna physically gag. You've been looking so good. That was so dramatic but I do feel like I'm experiencing the winter uglies, you know? I wouldn't actually disagree with that. Well, you're just being kind. I think you've gotten more attractive since we started dating.

You know, I will, I will agree with that. Yeah, I think you, I think you're very hot. I also was a child when we started dating. Yeah, can we just like, dude, we should like, throw a picture, throw a picture of us like when we first started dating. We were children. Be honest with me. We were children. I feel like my face has slimmed down a little bit like I had the kid chubby cheeks I mean you so got to be honest. They're so cute. They're cute though. I like them. They're cute I don't think there's a way for me to not have them be chubby. You're cute. I really like you. Thank you I think you're beautiful. How do you feel? About what I just launched a couple of days ago. I've mixed feelings

what I just launched a couple of days ago. I have mixed feelings. Why do you have mixed feelings? I mean, for being completely honest, I'm like, this feels like, I think we know now what a big project, something like this is, like what this undertaking is. Oh yeah. So that's why I'm like a little nervous about it.

We've been doing this show for two years now, babe. I know, so I'm like, wow, are we really gonna, this has been a lot. I know, well, I think that's the funny thing is you think of a podcast like I just have to talk for an hour That's so easy you do a podcast and you're like oh Like if you want to do it well, there's yeah, there's a lot that goes into it anyway I so I'm like man will I ever see my husband you're so you're oh you're so you're worried that I'm gonna just like Never spend time with you anymore because you're oh

Wait, I'm so sorry. I'm gonna spend a lot of time with you anymore. Oh, wait, I'm so sorry. I'm gonna spend a lot of time with you. Don't you worry. Don't you worry. No, okay, so I realized this, you guys. I call this, there's a concept that I like to refer to as creator hell. So it's when you're a new creator

and you do literally everything yourself. Cause it's almost like you're a small business owner. Like say you open a taco stand and you are the sole owner. So you have to clean everything and cook everything and do all the branding, do all the marketing. You are the entire team. Being a creator is the same way. When you start off making content, you are the analyst, you are the marketer, you are the on-camera person.

So where the heck was I going with that? Oh, the reason I'm saying all that is because I'm saying screw you to that whole idea of doing everything myself and I have someone helping me edit the show. I have someone helping me produce the show. So it's not complete. Like, okay, I still, let me be honest.

I'm still doing a ton of stuff myself. But- It's mostly like your brain space is being, your brain real estate has been taken up. Because it's like I can be in person with you but my brain is thinking about all the stuff I have to do. Exactly, I've already even seen that one. Ah, you want more real estate. Your brain real estate is very...

Like you want real estate in my brain? Yeah. I want real estate, yeah, I like that. I want real estate in your brain too Yeah. I want real estate. Yeah, I like that. I want real estate in your brain too. You got it. Okay, okay. I already planned.

I got stuff in my head for you. So I mean, if you guys haven't seen yet, I went ahead and I launched a new podcast. It's called The Night Shift or actually, no, I think I changed it to Night Shift just to be like cooler because it sounds like way cooler. It's called Night Shift with Matt Howard. Oh, I like that better actually. Is that, you like? Yeah. Oh.

Oh. And the whole idea is really, I was talking to my sister-in-law's dad, who's been in the radio business for 50 years, and I was like, holy crap, you've done radio for 50 years? She's like, yeah, you know, I love doing it. And I'm like, wait, so you don't have to do this anymore to pay your bills?

He's like, oh no, we're good, we've got enough savings, but I do this because it's fun for me. And it kinda like, something clicked there where I was like, wait a second, I don't see myself doing music forever, I don't see myself doing TikTok forever, but I can't see myself literally podcasting and interviewing people when I'm 80 years old because I genuinely love doing this so much. So I'm very excited. I'm so excited to see where that show

takes me and takes us. And yeah, it's going to be, it's going to be a really fun time. Does this mean that you're separating from me? What? What? No, the unplanned podcast is here to stay. I think people think that this might be because we're separating because you're sleeping separate from me again. Oh yeah, that was episode one. So episode one is me talking about why Abby and I

are sleeping in separate beds, which you can watch the episode to hear about. I talk about it for almost an hour. So there's a pretty good explanation. But I wanna get your thoughts though on how you feel about sleeping alone though. No, I don't like it. You don't like it?

No. Sleeping alone. No, I complain about it every night. Don't I? You do. I'm so sorry. I'm a lonely gal. See, here's the thing.

Say what you want. I am codependent. And I, Say what you want. I am codependent and I like went from being a kid in my parents house to being roommates with people in college to sleeping with you and I shared a room in college it wasn't like I ever like even had my own bedroom. Even your brother you still to share beds sometimes too. Yeah. Probably should not put that on the internet, but too late.

No, it's fine. He's my brother. Too late, yeah. He's my brother and he didn't, he wasn't, I was just like, I hated being alone at night. Yeah. And I have that thing where I have to say my last words out of my mouth have to be good night, I love you. Yeah.

And sometimes I'm like, what if I say something else just on my own? Yeah, I guess, you know what it probably is is I saw my parents, like growing up, my parents did not share a bedroom really. They would just sleep separate. When you were a kid even? Yeah, actually, yeah. I didn't actually know that.

I hope, I'm not like trying to air, like they're open about this, everybody knows that. But like my dad just has sleep problems and then my mom also gets sleep problems. So they just, they sleep better if they sleep separately. Because they wake up, they wake each other up in the night. And then they wake. Maybe that's why it's so much more normal for you.

They also go to bed at different times. They wake up at different times. So it's not, it doesn't mean that they're like, you know, them not sleeping together has nothing to do with the health of their marriage. It has nothing to do with that at all. It can, it can be a marker of like an unhealthy marriage or it can just be like, you have different schedules, you have different sleep situations.

Which is our case. I feel like me sleeping in a separate room, which is technically the closet, has actually been really good. We're in the same room, but not in the same bed. I've literally been sleeping in the closet. I've actually been sleeping in our walk-in closet And I have a couple other gripes about this. It's hard to put my clothes away and get to my clothes That's true. Cuz there's a there's a queen size mattress in there because I moved that from a big closet

Don't get me wrong, but not that big. I mean I moved the queen mattress from our guest bedroom to the closet Yeah, because okay. Here's the thing and I talked way more about this in the episode If you can't tell I'm really excited for you guys to go listen to it, so you should check it out. Okay, I'm going to stop self-prominent now. But the closet though, it's so dark, it's so quiet, and I have a tiny little AC unit in there that makes it really cold. I've got a portable humidifier as well that makes it very like, just that the air is so

good and humid. You guys, as I'm seeing more and more gadgets into the closet, the more I roll my eyes, because I was like, man, he's really settling in here. Like, why don't you just get a freaking mini fridge at this point? I honestly, that's next on my list. No, no, please don't. That's next on my list. I could have some beverages in there, you know.

You're kidding. I also even got these, a friend of mine got me these noise canceling headphones with this device that touches your vagus nerve on the side of your neck. I hated that. And it kind of massages your vagus nerve to calm you down so you can get really good sleep at night. It was like the sleep paradise. Like I created my own sleep paradise in this closet.

I have no words. Oh, and essential, I also have been using essential oils. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you forgot to say the lavender. I freaking love essential, guys, essential oils are great. You're so high maintenance. Let me just say this, okay, I don't believe, sorry if this offends someone, I love you still, I don't believe in the whole essential oil crap, I just don't, but it smells so good. A bunch of people just clicked on it.

We just lost about a thousand subscribers. I believe in it because if you like it, it will. Well, I think the placebo effect is real and I think if something makes you feel awesome. Okay, then that's great. So then it works. Yeah, so I think it's just, it's kind of like a feeling, you know?

Okay, well, I haven't done my research on that, so. Yeah. I'm not supporting that, so do not just come from that if you are an essential oil person. My buddy at the gym was like, dude, your skin looks amazing. And I was like, that's probably because I'm getting more than two hours of sleep at night now.

Your guy friend noticed your skin? Yeah, he was like, bro, your skin looks better than it used to. And I was like, thank you, homie. No, but I think my skin was looking horrible because I just wasn't sleeping. I think like stress and yeah, just like insomnia. Insomnia was freaking screwing me up, dude.

Screwed me up. I feel like, speaking of the winter uglies, that's when I was really noticing, I was like, I feel like I'm getting the earliest signs. What is the winter, you don't have winter uglies, babe. You look so hot. I was getting the first signs of wrinkles. You look so hot.

And I'm feeling like I know that they're not severe, but like I'm recognizing them. And I know feeling like I know that they're not severe. You don't. But like I'm recognizing them. You don't have winter of age. And I know people my age do stuff about them. But then I'm like, am I going to be the type of person? I'm always in this battle, right? Am I going to be the type of person that embraces my body signs of aging and like almost like wears like a trophy?

Like these are like laughter lines from all the times that I have belly laughed with friends and like these are You know, I think it's a good thing though. Like I said bracelet Should I just like try to fight it, you know, maybe I I don't know what it is about me But I think that you as a mom is really hot really. Thank you. Yeah What gave me the wrinkles I think like a mature looking Abby is a really good looking Abby. Thank you, that's very nice. And I'm excited to see you change over time

because I'm gonna get to love every different version of you. That's good. It's gonna be like you're a different, it's just gonna be kind of fun. It's gonna keep things interesting, you know? And bilby, you never know who you're gonna get. I know. I've changed way more in our relationship than you have. Yeah, I mean especially like with how women

can dye their hair and you know, cut it. Yeah dude, when we started dating I was you know, cut it like your hair. When we started dating, I was so young, I had never highlighted my hair. Yeah, your hair's changed a lot. And I like I've liked that every stage. Like for a while you had your hair really short and blonde and that was really hot. And now your hair is long and blonde. And I like that too, actually. Yeah, here's the thing. I think I'm going to stay blonde for a while.

I like I like you blonde. I like it too. You do look really good blonde. I feel I feel like it suits me more honestly that when I dye my hair my hair is the exact same color as art as our first time Which is hilarious like our kids look nothing like us I mean, okay, they actually they're carbon clones of Abby but their hair color and eye color isn't the same as Abby's I don't know where they got the blonde hair I don't know where they got the blue eyes because neither one of us have that.

I don't, I have no idea. Dude, I have like tan skin, dark brown eyes. I was told as a kid, like people would literally tell me, dude, your eyes are so dark. It looks like you're staring into the depths of my soul. Like some people would tell me that and then hear my kids pop out. Yours aren't though. Yours are, I mean, they're dark, but they're chocolate brown. But people are like, dude, your, your son, like blonde hair, blue eyes, like who's, who's the father, you know? That's kind of rude.

I'm just kidding. What I was going to say is the reason why I think it bothers me more than you, because like learning this about your parents, like I knew they slept in separate beds now, but I didn't know that was a thing growing up. Oh yeah. My parents have never, ever, even when my mom was throwing up in the night, my mom was like, why don't you go to the guest

bedroom? And my dad literally said to her, not sarcastically, said, well you know, in sickness and in health. Oh yeah. And he stayed in the bed with her when she's vomiting and he had to wake up early for work. That's the type of, that's the background I'm coming from. I'm not saying they're better at all, but like, we'll be together even if it's the most inconvenient thing. That's hilarious. Yeah, no, for for me, I guess we've just seen things, we've seen things modeled for us differently in our in the houses we grew up in. And you know what?

Both of our parents have healthy marriages. Yes. It's not a commentary on your marriage, although it could be because there are some people that aren't sleeping in separate beds because they just don't like each other. Dude, we've been having some really great times now that we sleep in separate beds. Like I feel like I have so much more energy now. We're still very much married.

Still very much husband and wife. It's been great. Yes, I would agree. It's been wonderful. I love being married. I would agree. So yeah, I mean, I'm hoping this is a temporary setup. Is the end in sight? Is the end in sight?

Yeah, for this closet. You know, I think it is because we're finally getting blinds in our house. We're finally gonna have blackout. Like, I can finally have darkness. They're taking a long time to ship and then we still have to get special ones for the doors. Thank you to Rocket Money for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. I am a person that will avoid a phone call with a stranger at almost any cost. And it has had hefty costs for me. Like, when it comes to ending subscriptions, I'm like, who's gonna answer at the end of the line

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It's only been three months? Wait, since October, November, December, January. Oh, I guess it's been almost four months. Yeah, we've been in that house for almost four months. Yeah, and it's finally kind of coming together. You know what's funny is that I gave a bunch of people tours of our house and it's just still like, so some parts look like we freshly moved in

and I feel like that's just gonna be how it is. You kinda just get used to how things are and but I don't want it, I wanna feel more established and organized, I just really wanna be organized. And we're getting stuffs sent to our house, we're ordering, we're just trying to get it figured out. And then also getting our backyard on, which is what I'm most excited for,

because we have kids and we live in Arizona. We want to be outside, especially now that it's like nice weather out. And like, I just need to be able to let them free. Yeah, right now our backyard is literally just dirt. It's dirt and since it's Arizona, there's not been rain, it's dust. And so it's really not good to let, like be in that

because if you breathe that in, you can get this thing called valley fever, which my grandma actually had. That's spooky. She was really, really sick. She was on a prescription medication for that. I don't want to say it was an antibiotic, but it was something else.

A steroid? I don't know say it was an antibiotic, but it was something else. A steroid? For 90 days. It's like serious, serious. And the most susceptible are really little kids, like toddlers and the elderly. So that's why I don't really want our kids in there. Yeah, it's spooky. Like you go out there in our backyard right now,

cause it's all dirt. I feel like there's valley people out there. No, there's still like nails and stuff in the dirt. Yeah, well because it's a new build. Yeah, because our house is a new build, so we just have to be careful. But we're getting it done. I think we're gonna put in a pool.

We can finally get rid of those paper blinds soon. I know. They're like ripped because our kids just ripped it like it's a Christmas present. Yeah, we've got paper blinds up everywhere, but you know, the house is coming together though. I'm really loving it. Yeah, I think Abby said this before.

Abby goes, I want to die in this house. I do. I want to die in that house. Do you realize how morbid that sounds? You know, if you only think of it that way. Like I want to live a long, full, happy life, but just have my roots right there in that house. Here you are talking about death and you always get on me about talking about death.

Yeah, because you talk about it in the context of like dying with me still here. Oh, that's probably gonna happen. Like statistically that's gonna happen. Please stop saying that. Statistically that's what's gonna happen babe. That's why I've been trying to run more. Did you know that I've been like running a lot more?

Yeah. I, guys, I've been running like five and a half miles. Matt, I know everything about you. At once. And I run, and it's such a new thing for me that it's kind of hilarious. I get like a new record every time I go running because my phone's like, hey, you just set a running record.

I'm like, no way. You finally did it for the first time. Yeah. And like one time I set a 5K record, I set a fastest mile record, and then I set the longest run record all in the same run because I just never run. So, yeah, but it's been good though because I've been using AI like crazy. I love chat BT.

I use chat BT every day. It's my most used used app on my phone. And I was asking AI like, hey, both my grandpas died in the early 70s. How do I live to my 90s? And it said, well, your heart health is one of the most important things. I'm like, okay, bet. How do I get better heart health? And it said cardiovascular activity.

And one of those activities is running. So I've been trying to get my 150 minutes in per week. And then there's a certain threshold too with where I need my heart rate to get up to. So I'm a 26 year old guy. So my heart rate is supposed to be between 150 and 170 when I run. Oh, that's like high intensity. So it's a, you know what mine gets to in a cardio workout?

What? Like 205 205. Yeah. What? Yeah. You're like a little hamster. You're like a little squirrel. You're a bunny.

It gets higher. How did you, I don't think it's actually that spooks me out that your heart rate gets so high. Trust me, I know. I asked my doctor about it. What's your resting heart rate? Like my average? Yeah. Like including when I'm asleep.

Because my resting heart rate, like right now, it's oh, it's 94. Why is my heart rate 94? My seven day average is 60. That's crazy. I love having a smartwatch, by the way. I love like being able to track my sleep. I love garment.

My heart rate, everything. You should keep your garment. I've worn it for years. No, my resting, my seven day average is 60. I feel like that's really good. Yeah. What's your seven day average? Seven day average is.

Go to your heart. You told me I don't even know how to look for that to be honest. Turn your wrist. I don't know why my heart rate is at a 98 are you anxious right now I guess I am a little bit making a podcast between broadcast for millions 54 is that good that's really low oh good hey I have a decent heart rate you guys it did tell me that my biological age decreased to like 22 what

mine does not say that my watch told told me that. Mine says like 25. So maybe I'm actually gonna be able to live to 95 like my great grandpa. Cause yeah, both my grandpas died in their early 70s. My great grandpa lived to be 95. So that's the goal. I wanna be around to see our grandkids grow up, our great grandkids.

How sick would it be to meet your great, great grandkids? How sick would that be? Did you great, great grandkids? How sick would that be? Did you know that there are going to be 21, two-year-olds and under at our house? You were telling me about that. In two days? I don't know. Did you think to ask me about this before you planned this party?

I really did think about it, but you were out of town and I was like, you know what? If I'm going to do this, I have to act now and I just made an invitation and I sent it out and I figured that you're the type of person that you'd be stoked about this. Yeah. Are you stoked? I am stoked.

I think it'll be fun. Other parents are coming too. I love that you love to host people and Yeah, I love it. Have a good time and throw some good parties. We're having a Valentine's Day party for two year olds and it's gonna be, okay, so Matt, get this. Yes.

I got, I bought a huge toddler table. Okay. That they can all eat their little food on. And I figured we're gonna decorate for Valentine's Day, but we're also gonna have like little heart hopscotch. And they like jump on the heart letters. They're gonna have white paper like laid out with a bunch of arts and crafts things

so they can color. Their take home gift is a little, I got a bookshelf for kids, like a fabric one that's just like simple. And I got a bunch of Valentine's Day books. So like the Valentine's Day version of like all their favorite books, like Pete the Cat, Good Night, Construction Site, Bluey, like Mickey Mouse.

A bunch, they're all different, so they can all pick one out on their way out the door, and it's a little Valentine's Day book that they can read. And there's just so many more fun activities I'm so excited about. I'm so excited. And we're gonna have just like pizza and chicken nuggets and just make it fun times.

You're so good at making a house at home, Abby. Really, cause I feel like, that's such a nice compliment. That's what I want to be. But I feel like half the time. Put your feet over my feet. I feel like half the time when I host our house is a disaster. But you know what? This is my rule. It's more important to have people over than to say no,

because your house isn't like picture perfect. And you know what we were talking about? That was Ginger, too too on the podcast. Yeah, you gotta just have your friends over and not give a frick if your house looks like crap. Relationships are way more important than appearances. We just had some friends over yesterday, actually Devin and Hunter, if you guys know that couple.

They saw our, they even saw our bedroom. Yeah, and I think we had, I think we had position cards out on our countertops. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. They might have seen that, now you just said that. Not the flashcards. Anyway, they came over to our house and it was a mess. And it was like, you know what, we don't really care.

It was like, you guys can, you know, just enjoy it. Who cares, whatever. Yeah, you know, I mean, if you get right down to it, some people might be a little bit more tidy than others, but we all got our, we all got our mess. We'll hide them. You are actually not like you act like our house is messy all the time but I feel like it's no it's really not I feel like it's fairly clean. No but I but I'm saying like I'll still host people without like being like oh I have to clean up everything. Yeah. In fact I do that all the time. You're a good host. Abby's been hosting book clubs at our house.

Yes, book clubs have been really fun. And just, you have a good community going. You have a really- I'm so thankful. I've been inspired. I'm like, Abby has so many friends. Maybe I should make more friends too. Like Abby goes to the gym all the time. Maybe I should take good care of myself too.

It's like that thing. My mom said, choose your friends wisely for soon you will see that who you are with is who you will be. And I chose my wife wisely and now you're influencing me for the better. That's so good, I'm really glad to hear that. You influenced me for the better in a lot of ways too. You're my best friend.

Thanks babe. Didn't you have your book club read a book where there was like a sex scene every other page and then everyone rated it a bad read? It was not, no, no, no, no. That's not true. Do you have any hot takes on that? Like, do you think that's like, what, what do you, cause that- It's called smut.

Smut? What is that? Smut is like spicy scenes in books. Is this something that you learned on book talk? Probably. Wait, okay. Hold up though. Smut is a word though. But you don't have TikTok. So how are you learning about book talk?

YouTube and Instagram. Oh, you're on YouTube book stuff. Okay. Okay. Sorry. I explained you're on YouTube book stuff. Yeah. Okay, okay. Sorry, explain it to me. Smut, what is this? Smut is like the spice level in books. People will rank it like on based on like jalapeno peppers.

Ah. So like the max spice you could get is like five jalapeno peppers. What are people's qualms though with reading intimate books? Because doesn't that just make you wanna explore with your spouse? Matt, there's a lot. Some people just don't enjoy reading that. Oh, it just makes them feel uncomfy. Yeah, and some people have like,

moral reasons for not reading that. Oh, yeah, okay, okay, that's fair. It's not really like, at that point, it's not really literary. Like, it's more, it's a different, it's entering a different category. You know what it is so interesting? It's like pornography in a book. Okay, what is so interesting though is how uptight America is about sex. No, I don't like it though. Which is fine, like you don't have to like it, but it's so interesting. I'd rather read about thrillers. So I was talking to my friend Garrett, he's traveled the world with his family, their YouTube channel is called The Buckles family. And something he was telling me was by traveling the world, he's learned a lot about how different cultures view intimacy and you know, relationships,

marriage, all that. And he was telling me about how when cinematographers and you know, editors work on product for like natural National Geographic, filming animals in the wild, right? So they're seeing animals eat other animals, mate with each other. You know, he told me that they do. You already told me this, but I can act like it's the first time you told me. Okay, pretend pretend we actually do talk off the podcast. Yeah, we actually have conversations. I was on the toilet when you told me. Okay, but pretend you're not on the toilet. Pretend you're there hearing it for the first time. What do cinematographers do? What they do is they cut out all the sex scenes for American audiences because Americans are

so taboo when it comes to sex and then they keep all the violence in. But then for European audiences, they keep all the mating and sex scenes of the animals but cut out all the violence because Europeans are like, whoa, violence, like that's not OK. It's just so interesting how different the cultures are because like growing up when I was a kid, if there was ever an intimate scene in movie my mom would be like skip it skip it skip it Which is fine. I'm not saying you know, that's the way she chose to raise me, you know It's just it's weird how Americans are like, oh violence is chill

But oh intimacy not okay and Europe is completely different completely opposite like I wouldn't have thought that though I can I will tell you I am shocked by the violence and Stuff nowadays, but I wouldn't have thought that I feel like there tell you I am shocked by the violence and stuff nowadays, but I wouldn't have thought that, I feel like there is a lot of sex in our stuff. You think so? But I guess I feel like it's all behind like, I feel like I'm thinking about like OnlyFans or like websites online. It's not really like as much in ads and movies and stuff too though.

But it's just not talked about in our culture when that's literally how everyone got here. Like, your parents had to do something to make you be here, and their parents had to do something to make them be here. I don't know, I don't know how I feel about all that. And I think it really leads, this is my theory, I could be completely wrong, this is me just using my, an educated guess, but because America, people that came to America were fleeing religious, fleeing for religious freedom from Europe and we had a very Puritan, very extremely strict religious society

back in like the 1700s. I think those ideas still affect our culture today to where we're very different than Europe. Because in Europe they're like, oh, the body is beautiful. We can celebrate the human body. I see that. They're all like, oh, the Renaissance. And they have naked statues of men and women up in Europe.

But here, we're like, oh, that is. I'll be honest with you. I feel like we're far from Puritan nowadays, though. We are. We are. But still, the intimacy stuff is taboo when it's like, that's just kind of, it's like part of the circle of life. It's like part of's just kind of, it's like part of the circle of life, you know? It's like part of the, you know, everybody mates.

Every single animal does every, I don't know why I'm talking about this right now. But so is violence. Yeah, violence is normal too, but I'm like, maybe Europe and the Americas, I guess North America, can learn from each other and be like, hey, maybe we recognize that both of these things exist. That's actually a really good point.

You saying that kind of stuck with me. I've been thinking about that. So anyway, so back to your smut. Let's talk about smut though. I like a little bit. You like a little bit of smut? A little bit. Why a little bit?

I don't know. I think if it's done romantically, I like it. Yeah, so. I'm an adult. I'm a married woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it just makes you think about your husband. I guess. Yeah.

Oh my gosh. Okay. Wait. So this is the smut level. It's like one through 10 and it's just like little jalapeno peppers. Yeah. Like I probably like a two. That seems like extremely low to me. You Matt, you would be shocked by what's in the books. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

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what's the smut level of that one? That would probably be a five for me. I mean, there's this, there's a scene that is like 30 pages. Oh my gosh. You did read me a paragraph from that book and I was- I had to Google things. I was scarred.

See, that for me wasn't romantic. Oh yeah. That was, that was shocking. See, some couples are into that stuff, man. You know what? And then they'll probably love that book. That's what I truly believe. Me writing a book means nothing

because what I like in a certain time of my life, in a certain season, might be totally different. Wait, this was the other thing I wanted to say. Last thing I wanted to say about intimacy across the world. Cause I just went on this trip with a bunch of different creators. It was a bunch of dads and we just went surfing in Nicaragua.

But some of these people on this trip went on missions in other countries. And again, with how uptight America is about sex and people seeing each other's bodies, just like modesty, like these missionary, like these people, you know, they're LDS, they went on a mission for two years. They were telling me how when they were just serving a

mission in Latin America, women would just like take their top off, be completely topless, and then have a baby, like pop on their, pop on their boobs. And that was just like really normal there, which is like, it kind of makes you rethink, like, why is that? Why do we make that such a weird thing here? You know, why do we make that? Yeah. See, I have to feel both ways about that. Because like, as a woman who's nursed two babies, I feel like I would get so frustrated with the freaking covers and like things just getting like, the baby would get frustrated and be hot. Just like a hassle.

And as a dude that's always, I've never worn a shirt. Like I literally walk around shirtless all the time. Probably because of the culture and just like personal reasons too. Like I really don't wanna be exposed. Yeah and I'm not saying that I want you to walk around like that but I'm just saying like the fact. It's also, I feel like it's actually illegal here.

No it is. Even if you're nursing? I'm pretty sure it is. Which is. No one's gonna actually press charges if you're nursing a baby. Which is, but it's crazy though. Like it's crazy that, like why are we.

Like feeding your child should never be a crime. Yeah. Yeah. I don't, yeah we definitely got some problems up in this country. I think people have just got a little too uptight, you know? Maybe. But also, if people want to cover up and be modest, then that's alright too. Nothing wrong with that at all.

I think I'm a pretty modest person. Yeah, you are. Yeah, and there's, again, there's nothing wrong with that, but it's just, it's like why, hearing those stories made me think, why is our culture so vastly different? And it's okay for cultures to be different, right? Like we don't have to, just because in Latin America, they do things differently than we do in North America, does not mean that we need to change.

But I think- But it's good to have that perspective that like, this is not the only way to do things. Yes, I think it's really important to learn from other fields of thought. Yes, I would agree. So, cool. Well, I was today eight years old and I learned about SMUT. Yeah, I would say. So cool, well I was today years old and I

learned about SMUT. Yeah, I would say I like a two, maybe a three. Can you teach me a little bit more about book talk and the whole world of books? I can give you some lingo. Okay, yeah. Teach me. So TBR, do you know what that is? Absolutely no idea. To be read. So I have like a pretty decent TBR right now, but I haven't had as much flexible time in my mind to read. You know I get frustrated when people say I don't have time to do that. Okay. That bothers me. Oh yeah. You don't like that. I'm like we all have the same amount of time in the day. Yeah. I choose to say I didn't choose to spend my time that way. That's good. Now I understand with like

kids and work these obligations feel like they're not flexible but that's why I said I didn't feel like I had enough flexible time to spend that way. Yeah. But we all have time to do things. TBR, to be read. So are you when you say TBR that's like a you have like a list of books that you're going to read? Yeah that I want to read Gotcha. So some people if they're being very specific they have a physical TBR and then they're uh like what like a digital TBR. Okay. So physical TBR would be like the books I have physically that I have yet to read that I want to read. Interesting. Mine are all digital basically because I read on a Kindle. Yeah. Do you know what a DTF is? Down to Frick.

No, no, no. Down to Frick. DNF. I'm so sorry. Down to Frick. I'm down to Frick today if you are. That's a different acronym. After this podcast, are you down to Frick after this podcast?

No. DNF. The fact that you actually texted me that five and a half years into our marriage. I did. I did. Frequently. It's kind of hot. No, frequently.

Doesn't that kind of, doesn't like when you see DTF in your messages from your husband, aren't you like? I'm just shocked. I'm just shocked that that's my husband sending me that. Dnf. Dnf. What does Dnf mean? Do it now for.

It means did not finish. So if you start a book andF mean? Do it now for, sorry. It means did not finish. So if you start a book and you did not finish it. Got it, got it. For like, cause you did not like it mostly. Do you think I'm funny? I think you're hilarious. Actually?

Yeah. Have I gotten funnier? I think you're funnier when you're not trying to be funny. That's right. I think you're right about that. I found that I'm actually funnier when I make fun of myself, cause I'm actually not. But I don't want you to be self-deprecating.

I want you to be. I think self-deprecating humor is hilarious though. I think it's one, because I'm actually not. But I don't want you to be self-deprecating. I want you to be having... I think self-deprecating humor is hilarious, though. I think it's one of the best forms of humor. Really? Yeah. Okay. It's not my humor. Yeah, I'm working on it. I feel like my humor is like what would make a two-year-old.

I think marrying into your family has helped me understand. Family is sarcastic. Comedy more, because your family is sarcastic. I literally, all that went over my head as a child. But sarcastic does not always equal comedy. Because my mother is, she could not be further from sarcasm. That's fine. She's.

And she's a sweet woman. So sweet. And she's just in her own world. And she'll probably never understand sarcasm ever. And that's OK. And that's OK. But I feel like. It's better that way.

But understanding sarcasm has helped me see the world in color now, you know? Well, because you used to think that when people were sarcastic with you, they were being mean to you. I did. I really did. I mean, I will acknowledge sometimes there's overlap there. There is.

Yeah, you can be too sarcastic to a point of being mean. Yeah. But a lot of times it's just lighthearted. Yeah. So DNF means you did not finish it. That's something I don't do. I always see it through. It's part of my personality.

I'm loyal. Which why do you do? You read some crappy books though. I don't. Or like if you're, like when you scroll on social media, you will watch everything from start to finish no matter what. I'm gonna see it through. Why? Because I'm gonna see it through. I'm loyal. I also don't want to over stimulate myself. You're hilarious. I'm gonna make it as slightly stimulating as possible. Oh my gosh. But so here's my other thing about me as a reader. I'm just here for the fun of it.

I'm not gonna try to like predict everything that's gonna happen. Yeah. I'm not gonna like look for plot holes. I'm not gonna be critical. I just wanna be in, I wanna, I'm just here for the experience. And so I'm gonna rate books based on that. It's actually pretty impressive.

You've read like 20 books since I started the Harry Potter series. I'm still on book number four. I started Harry Potter back in like, That's all right. I think I started Harry Potter back in July. I think your problem is trying to attack a series and like not switch it up a little bit.

True, maybe I need to take a little break from it. Yeah's fine yeah I'm like halfway through book number four yeah that's great um but anyway for book club we read a thriller and most of those girls really just are there for the romance like the light-hearted sweet books yeah low stakes if you will and I was finally stoked, because I was like, everyone's loving this. They all read the book within the first week. And then get to book club, time to pick another book, no one wants to read another thriller. I was like, dang it, I thought we were gonna be

a thriller book club, but that's fine. Yeah, no, that's totally- We're reading another romance. So we read Rock, Paper, Scissors, which actually, they all really liked it, but I was like, I just feel like you haven't read enough thrillers because it was a very mid thriller in my mind.

I love that you have such a tight community of gal pals now. I do. You seem so much happier. I am so much happier because I am, we're meant to not do life alone. And like motherhood is specifically can be such an isolating time.

And I have so many mom friends and it just makes everything so much brighter. meant to not do life alone. And motherhood specifically can be such an isolating time. And I have so many mom friends, and it just makes everything so much brighter. Like it really, that's just the best way to describe it. Like, and it's not because you're not enough and my kids aren't enough, it's really just because it enhances the experience so much more to do it with others.

I think that's a mistake that I've made in marriage is expecting you to be everything. And I like, I can be very content alone. Like there's part of me that really enjoys creativity. And so I can like create art all by myself. But, you know, then if I'm alone too long, if I hyper-focus on a creative task and then I'm alone too long, then I feel this desperate need to just connect with other human beings and I can't. And

it's hard to just pick that up in a moment. Yes, yes. Like friends friendships and relationships or something you have to invest in. Exactly. And something that like I'm so grateful for and the people that we have in our circle now, or like me and the kids too, it's like people that are gonna show up when times are great and when times are tough. And even if it's not even that big of a deal, like if it's like, you know, we had a kid sick this Saturday, was not in any kind of way like desperately ill or anything.

But I had so many people just checking in on like, how's he doing, how's this fever, how's this, how's X, Y, Z. And then people dropping off snacks for us and Griffin's favorite snacks. Offering to drop off meals and giving little popsicles and handwritten cards. It was such a minor little bug that he had Yet there were so many people that just wanted to show up in any capacity and that just meant so much

And I feel like I was as I was sitting in the bathtub that night like thinking about it I was like the fact that so many people care about The little people that we love the most they don't't just care about us. The fact that they care about our children, that was like so meaningful and so sweet. And you know, it goes both ways. I care so much about their kids. I would fight for their kids. And we didn't have that in Hawaii.

No. We didn't have that in Hawaii. And it's not Hawaii's fault. That's the thing. It's a difference in me. Like I think I had always, friendships had always come easy for me. So easy. Because I had the same friends since I was literally a child and so I just took them with me and then I had a lot of those same friends too in college. I had

you in college and then all of a sudden I was picked plucked up and put on an island and I was an adult that didn't have an establishment to make friends for me. And I know that there are so many other people that are in this exact same stage of life. And it's especially more challenging if you're pregnant or have little ones. And it's so embarrassing. It's so embarrassing when you're an adult

and you have no friends. It's extremely embarrassing. It shouldn't be embarrassing though. But it is, I don't know why it was embarrassing for me. Like I feel like I'm finally at a mature enough spot and I'm not trying to act like I've got everything figured out now, but I'm mature enough to be like, yeah, I haven't been good at making,

oh, okay, not making, I'm actually very good at making friends. I'm very bad at keeping friends because I am out of sight, out of mind. If I'm not seeing you every day... I think that's an ADHD thing. I think it's an ADHD thing too. Like, it doesn't mean that I don't care about them,

but if I'm not seeing you every single day, I kind of forget about you. And that's also why I forget to call home to my parents. Like, I feel bad, but I do. And it doesn't mean that I don't love my parents, but it's like I need to see you every day in order to remember to remember to like talk and check in on you and see how you're doing. So it's almost like I've learned when it comes to making friends, you have to make a change in yourself first, which is so hard, especially when you're coming from a place like we did where everything was handed to us in college. Like we came to the school, nobody had friends already, everyone was new to making friends. And we got plugged into a community

that made it really easy to make friends in that community. We were in dorms where it was easy to make friends. Like everything was just kind of handed to us. And it was almost like the school knew that if they make making friends fun and easy and quick, people won't drop out. People won't drop out. And it makes the school money, which is actually really smart that colleges do that.

So I think it's also just for the general well-being of course. But I but yeah, but then but then we leave and we're like, we are lonelier than we've ever been in our entire lives. I think being several years removed from that, I just like, my perspective is so different. Like I was kind of pitying myself in a way, like without, I probably wasn't consciously doing it, but subconsciously pitying myself. And then I just recognize that like now there are probably so many other people around me that were feeling the same way, but we all, it takes a certain level of humility to be the first person to be like, hey, you want to

come over to my house for dinner tonight? I feel like that's the easiest thing to do now since we have kids and obviously also finding people with kids is easier to make our schedules align, but like to be the first person to just like, hey you want to do this? Like it can feel a little weird But I can do that with confidence now knowing that most people are feeling the same way Thank you to neutrophil for sponsoring this portion of today's episode If you guys are watching like a visual platform for this you're gonna see that my hair is Getting long some of you may know that my goal is to grow my hair to my butt and I can't do this on my own I've been on the neutrophull game for over two years now.

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and enter promo code unplanned. Find out why over 4,500 healthcare professionals and stylists recommend Nutriful for healthier hair. Nutriful.com spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L.com promo code unplanned. That's Nutriful.com promo code unplanned. I feel like this podcast quickly turned into making friends as an adult. Well Matt, I get DMs like that all the time. Navigating loneliness as an adult. And I feel like we should really like dive into this because it is an epidemic in our society. I really think it is.

Like I find myself going to listen to other people's podcasts to feel like I'm their friend, which I love podcasts. I feel like listening to podcasts is a much healthier form of social media than TikTok or Instagram Reels. But still though, it's not a substitute for real life friends. And so not even close.

And so I love that we're talking about this because for myself included, like we need to be making ourselves aware of, hey, reaching out to people to hang out should be a weekly thing that we do. Right? Because you can't expect, you cannot expect other people to always invite you. You cannot expect other people to always be the one to coordinate, but if you want to have friends and if you want to have a good community, you have to make some sort of change

in yourself, which sucks. Like, it's hard. Something that's beautiful though about the friends that I have now is that, yeah, we're not 21 and single, and every hangout we do can just be like, what do I say, like a mountain top experience. It can't just be like, we're going out or getting drinks. It can't be like late nights,

but it's just showing up for people. And that is also very fun. And it just feels so much richer, that type of community. I'm not saying you can't have that when you're 21 and single. You can have that same thing, but I noticed it so much more in the season of life. Like we're going to a friend's house to help paint her nursery for her.

And like, yeah, and people like put our coffee table together. Whose house? Caitlin. That's so sweet. Yeah, and like, it's just like showing up, like making meals, like people did for us, like dropping off medicine and handwritten cards. And you're so good at that, by the way.

No. I, no, you are. You make meals for other people. You actually, yeah, making meals is like your love language and you're good at it and you make amazing food And so you've you've always been good about doing that Even in hawaii, you would do that for like friends of ours at the gym Now we didn't have the deep community that we have that that like you have you have deep community I'm still working on forming my deep community. I have more friends now than I have had in the past

Four years like it's the you, stuff is looking up for me. I literally, this is embarrassing. I'll expose myself. I literally have a note in my phone that says friends and I write down the names. I write down their names though because like I love meeting new people. I kind of get this high off of meeting new people and learning from them and it just scratches this creative itch. Probably why I like podcasting so much. But because I need to remind myself to follow up, schedule hangouts, all those things, because

I can't expect other people to do that for me, I've been writing down the names of the people that I want to be intentional with about like calling, FaceTiming, texting, seeing if they want to hang out in person, stuff like that because, you know, I don't wanna fall into this slump I did before where I don't have friends and it's depressing. And I can't expect you to fill that void for me. Well, and I even had a friend reach out because they knew that it was a anniversary

of a tough time for me. And just to feel known in that capacity is so so meaningful just a text it's it's really i'm so so so so so so so grateful that's really sweet yeah who texted you sarah k that's so sweet yeah because she also had a loss at that same time so we kind of can talk about that together and she she just knew, she just knew the date and she reached out because it was the date. Yeah. Wow. That type of stuff is so meaningful.

But um, what was I saying? See I wish I was, I suck at dates. I should, I probably, I suck at dates too. So don't beat yourself up if you're a bad date person. I even forget people that I like love deeply's birthdays and I'm like I gotta stop doing that. I'm horrible with birthdays. It makes me ill. But you know the flip side of it and I'm like, I gotta stop doing that. I'm horrible with birthdays. It makes me ill.

But you know the flip side of it is I'm not a fan. I'm not like making a spreadsheet of who tells me happy birthday on my birthday. If people don't tell me happy birthday, it really, I'm like, no big deal. No big, it ain't no thing, you know? But like yeah, just talking about community in general, like is the single, single you what's crazy

Because I've talked to like they're like even people are like, okay We might not be staying in Arizona as soon as they get plugged into a community. Yeah, they're like I can't imagine leaving Yeah, because home is not about the place. It's about the people that surround you Yeah, and that's what makes a place feel like a home. And so, and I also feel like your family, you can choose your family too. If you don't, if you weren't born into a huge family, you can still make your life so full

with the people that you choose to, you know, invite into your circle. And that's something that takes time. It takes work. It takes sacrifice and it takes communication. And also people will come in and out of your life and that's totally fine too. There doesn't have to be any hard feelings about that.

I've found, and look, I'm giving advice here, but you're the one who's way better at making friends than me. So let me just make that clear. You're kind of the expert here. But at least for me, I've found that hanging with people that are in a similar stage of life to you is the move. Because I can schedule a hangout with some other dads on like a Saturday at like three o'clock

and we'll go to the park. It's cute, I love it. Because all of our kids can play with you, like play together and you know, go on the swing and the slide and all that. And us dads can just socialize and chat. So I like that. Or just like taking the kids to the park

and like talking to other adults at the park. And I don't, it's not like I have to be like super close friends with those people, but it's fun just to be out of the house and have a conversation with another adult human that doesn't poop their pants, you know? So that's been, I've found that to be super helpful. And people often DM me, they're like, how do you do this?

And like, I feel like I explain like, bring, say you wanna come over for dinner, or you wanna take the kids to this place together, or there's this event going on at this time, like, just like, find reasons to do things together with other people, but also find yourself in places where you're gonna find people that are in the same season of life as you, whether that's the gym, the park,

the library, like, they're so, you're neighbors, honestly. Let's not forget about neighbors. Yeah, I actually want to be better about reaching out to our neighbors, because we had some neighbors that baked us bread, baked us cookies, gave us gifts, and I never did anything for them back, which I feel bad about. Like, now that I'm saying that out loud.

Well, it was nice because we moved in. Yeah, we did move in. But we have some really great neighbors. Like our next door neighbors wrote us like a letter about how they wanted to form a relationship to be like, you know, close friends for a long time. And they just seem like really genuine nice people, you know? Yeah, we're just so,

we have so many good people in our life now. Yeah, I'm so thankful for that. I'm very thankful for that. Yeah, me too. And that's why I'm so excited for this two I'm very thankful for that. Yeah, me too and And that's why I'm so excited for this two-year-old Valentine's Day party And that's also why I want to start a preschool But how cool is it that when our kid gets something as simple as a fever that all your mom's friends reach out about like Oh, I'm making you this food and I'm dropping off

You know this these like lollipops that kids can suck on to help with, they have zinc in them and they help them to fight off sickness. It's just so thoughtful that all those people did that. So thoughtful. And there's so many people that was like, hey, don't worry about it. We got it, everything's better.

Even being able to contact people and be like, oh, he's experiencing these symptoms, should I take him in? That are like doctors, like that's so cool. But I think something that I'm gonna try to commit to being better about this year is, like not having surface level relationships.

Because I feel like I'm really good at having a lot. You're so friendly. At having a lot of surface level relationships. And it's better, I think, to just have like three people that you talk to every day and that you're super tight with than to have 30 people that you have a like kind of, you know, casual, you chat with every once in a while. Like that isn't deep and you can't,

when you're going through a really hard time, you can't really open up to people like that because they're gonna be like, whoa, we're just kind kinda casual friends, dude, and now you're trauma dumping on me right now, you know? Yeah. So are you down to start a preschool now? Well, how do you?

In such a big community? So apparently now we're starting a preschool. Apparently that's happening. I've kind of always wanted to homeschool, I've said that. I've always wanted to homeschool our kids. But we're getting close to that preschool age, and like I said, we have such a big community now and I'm realizing it's a really big need

and our child would learn better amongst peers. So I'm like, do I just get our curriculum and just do this thing? I think you would actually be really good at that. Or eight three year olds? I think you'd do a great job. How long would that take though out of the day? Two hours, twice a week. Oh yeah, you can knock that out. You good at that. Or eight three year olds? I think you'd do a great job. How long would that take though out of the day? Two hours twice a week.

Oh yeah, you can knock that out. You can do that. I mean they're little. Would that be after, like what time of day would you? 10 to noon. 10 to noon, yeah go for it. That's what I wanna do. Are you gonna get these kids AI?

We have a name for it. Are you gonna teach them Chatchviti? No, not their three. Let's start working on the numbers and the letters and the colors and the shapes. And I feel like it would be, it's gonna be called One Smart Cookie. I don't know, I'm just brainstorming here.

How fun would that be? Okay, One Smart Cookie, tell me more. And I would buy a curriculum because I'm not a curriculum developer, but I did get my degree in elementary education and my mom was an elementary teacher for 27 years And i'm sure she would Love to be a part of this as well And heck we could even invite my grandma

Have gg in there She was also a teacher for several years and own an educational supply score Educational supplies store gg would be great. So I feel like she would hook you up with all the supplies One smart cookie has a good team and your mom has all those books left over from when she was a teacher. We have so many books. I love reading picture books. You're really good at it too.

I go horse reading picture books sometimes. I give it my all. But sometimes all I have is just reading it just plain. But you know, so I think it can be really fun. And two hours twice a week, like I feel like that would just be a really good chunk of time to just be intentional and just do it. Cause a lot of people are looking for this.

So question for you, how was it single parenting with me gone Monday through Friday in Nicaragua? I was tired, but it was a lot of fun. Honestly built me some confidence. Yeah, I bet. I was like man if Matt were to get in a freak accident I could hold on the fort. That's amazing so you just felt like a super powered like you felt like a super mom. Yeah I feel like it kicked into like some type of

I had to meet all their needs. And so I didn't think, I just did. I just did. Was it hard to cook and clean and change the poopy diapers? You just kept it kind of simple? Kept it simple. Do you do any trips to Chick-fil-A and let them play at the play place? I feel like that's our go-to.

Whenever we're really tired, Chick-fil-A and let them play at the play place? I feel like that's our go-to whenever whenever we're like really tired Chick-fil-A play places. Yeah, I didn't do that this time No, why are those not more of a thing? Like I feel like not every McDonald's has a play place. They are germ fest. Okay, that's true They are maybe that's why our kids keep getting sick so much. I know that's why I didn't take them We should stop taking them to the Chick-fil-A play place I mean, I don't take them that much. Like we did like once or twice a month. Like it wasn't like a ton of times. Also, I think our kids just like, dude, I've caught our youngest like licking the floor before.

You know, you should have to be careful. Like they see, they see like an M&M on the floor and like, oh, this looks delicious. Yeah. And I'm like, well, I couldn't even just use your hand to pick it up. I know. It's like, really? We're just gonna lick the floor right now? Yeah. And it's okay. They're learning. your hand to pick it up. I know it's like, really, we're just gonna lick the floor right now.

And it's okay, they're learning, you know. I'll try to correct it every time I see it. Kids crack, honestly, kids are so funny. They're so impulsive. They crack me up. Just like watching little kids, doesn't even have to be our own kids. They're just so freaking funny.

I love them. Yeah, and you're so good at being a mom. Like I had no doubt that while I was gone in Nicaragua, you know, quarter of the way across the planet that you were gonna be just fine, and you were. It was fun. Did anything crazy happen though while I was gone? Like did any like, May Day?

Yeah, several May Days. Wait, really? Several May Days? Several May Days. Enlighten me, what happened while I was gone? You know, just screaming for... Yeah, several May days. Wait, really? Several May days? Several May days. What? Enlighten me, what happened while I was gone? You know, just screaming for unknown reasons. Oh no, like the kids being up in the night, like not wanting to go to sleep? Um, that happened a couple times.

Shoot, was it our oldest or youngest? It's always our oldest. Why is it our oldest? I don't know. Is he getting nightmares, is that why? Yeah, he's getting some nightmares, some night terrors. But then also like, I don't know, sometimes he just like, he just says to me,

I need you mom. Aw. I need you mom. And that problem, like when he says that, you can't even tell him no. No, there's literally no way I'm gonna tell him no. Yeah. I'm gonna get him out and he says, one more cuddle mom.

One more cuddle. One more cuddle mom. And his little deep voice. One more cuddle. And I cuddle him, He's like my whole body length. Especially in that sleep sack. I'm like oh my gosh buddy. He's a big kid now. So yeah but no it was great. Honestly being their mom is like it is the greatest honor of my life. It's so fun and there's just something about parenting them that I'm like, I'm never gonna run out of energy for you.

Like, I'm going to be so tired, but I'll still peel myself out of bed and go pull you out of your bed and hold you, and then I'll still wake up the next morning and do it all day again. Like, it's just, there's something that happens, and you don't even feel as tired as you would've thought before you had kids

Like there's levels of exhaustion that we've reached. I just didn't think were possible Did hanging out with your mom friends and you know? being with other people helped make it more manageable totally because being around them it just gave me another boost of energy and like Inspiration yeah, you know so many of them are always like I'll take, like, just drop them off at my house. They offer that all the time. I thought it was funny that when I came home, you weren't able to pick me up from the airport because you were having book club.

I'm sorry. Don't be sorry. I thought that was hilarious. Book club always goes late, you know, we get rowdy. But my favorite thing though is when I came home, it gave me flashbacks to when we were dating. I was nervous to see you because we hadn't seen each other

for five days and I don't know when's the last time you've ever done that. That was a long time. It's been years. I got all giddy because I forget, like Abby, you're a little lady. What do you mean? You're so cute, like holding,

I was like, this girl is so fragile. Like you're so tiny and it just kind of felt, I felt like I was back in high school again, you know, seeing you after not seeing you for two weeks, cause that's what used to happen. I would go a long time without seeing you. And then when I reunite with you, it was just like all this dopamine, all this serotonin,

just like this rush of feel good chemicals, cause I was so happy to be back with you. Yeah, I was so glad to have you back, but then I felt really bad that I didn't pick you up. That must be fun. Like if your spouse travels for work, I guess it's not the most fun that you don't see them that often, but reuniting.

There's perks. Reuniting, like that was awesome. It's always exciting then. It was so exciting. You're like, I haven't seen you in five days rather than like I haven't seen you in five minutes. And I was just like kiss attacking you on the couch with your friends all around us,

and they're like, all right, well, we're gonna head out. Yeah, that was sweet, but yeah. I really felt like a teenager again. Me too. Yeah. I liked that feeling. Now I'm like, maybe I need to take more trips so I can feel that feeling more.

It felt so good. Well, the one problem is that Griffin, when you got home, he said, no like data. I was like, bro, I was gone for four and a half days, dude. Chill, we even FaceTimed. I'm like, I FaceTimed you while I was like bro, I was gone for four and a half days dude. Chill, we even FaceTimed. I FaceTimed you while I was gone. Every day and he said no like. No like dada.

No like dada. No like dada, he's so mean. He's in a deep mommy phase though right now. Like deep, deep mommy phase. Yes. And even when he's sad and I help him in the night or in the morning, which I know you've been doing the most of that recently, but he always asks for you.

Like he really likes you. And like in the mornings, like I woke up with him. He asks for you sometimes too. I woke, okay, that makes me feel better. But when I woke up with him yesterday, we were having such a good time. And then I think I mentioned your name and then he was like, want mama.

Like he forgot, he kind of forgot. Like we were just having a good like dad and lad moment. And then once he remembered that you weren't around, then he was like, oh, want mama. Like he forgot, he kind of forgot, like we were just having a good like dad and lad moment. And then once he remembered that you weren't around, then he was like, oh, want mama. Oh, that was so sweet. Recently he's been saying like in a big boy sentence, I want mom. I want my, no, he says I want my mom.

I want my mom. How did it make you feel when I texted you though, while I was in Nicaragua, can we move to Maui? I'm not surprised. I've been your wife for five and a half years and I just know how you are. No one in our family was surprised either. Hear me out. Okay.

Did you tell the whole family that I told you that? No, I told some of my friends though. Hear me out. The people that I was on the surf trip with were all so awesome. No Matt, I get it. They're so genuine. Remember how we just had this whole long conversation about community?

Yeah. And look, I guess part of me, half the guys on the surf trip all live on Maui. They have an existing community on Maui. They surf together every day at sunrise. And so we surf together on this trip every day at sunrise. And I was like, dude, if I could surf every day at sunrise with my friends, that to me is my dream life.

Dude, I feel like you're more of a sunset surfer. That's true. I don't like waking up early. But so yeah, I would surf like I would do sunset surf sessions in Hawaii. But you know, it's just like, there's something about surfing where you combine, which I feel like surfers are gonna hate that I'm talking about this because surfers hate when new people take over the surf spots.

Surfers like having the spots themselves. If there's more than three surfers at a surf break, it can quickly get overcrowded. So sorry if you're a surfer. I'm not gonna shout out any surf spots though, I'm gonna keep that private. But there's just something about being social with your friends out in nature,

especially when the sun's rising or setting, it is beautiful in the ocean, stunning. And then you're doing an activity, like you're doing a sport. So your lungs are pumping, like you're getting that cardiovascular exercise like I was talking about earlier it's just so healthy and it just it I just was on this like this high the entire week and like

You know, there's a few guys that while we were there I think had maybe had a couple beers here and there while we're hanging out But like I literally didn't drink anything I was just eating healthy and just surfing every day with these guys and it was an unreal experience. It was unreal. So I do want that, but it's a little tricky because in Arizona we don't have a beach. So I don't, you know, yeah.

We'll have to visit. You really want to move? I don't know, I don't know. It's so tough because we have now we are like finally getting community here and I'm like, oh, we just bought a house. I know maybe we'll have to like visit but not like for a week like visit for like an extended period of time, you know, that would be awesome. Fair.

Because I really do. I really enjoy the sport and it's it's really fun to like I've made all these connections with other people that like to surf. So it's fun that I have friends now that like to surf that I can go and do that sport with. That's awesome. I'm so glad you had such a good time. I mean, it really was.

I kind of, I got like coming back from Nicaragua, I kind of got post vacation blues a little bit because it was just, it such a a high it was such this like me over here I was like he's sitting on a plane by himself for hours that sounds incredible I just want to sit off and have nobody touch me or talk to me and all the dads all the dads on the strip were so good like Garrett from the bucket list family who organized this trip thing he dads on the strip were so good, like Garrett from the Bucket List family who organized this trip, the thing he said on the first night was,

my goal on this trip is that all of us husbands return to our wives and they go, wow, what happened on the surf trip to make them such incredible, loving, caring husbands? You have been a really good husband post-surf trip. Thank you. So it worked. Maybe this means I can do more surf trips?

I'm down. Let's go. Maybe that's what I need. Maybe I should need like do more surf trips. I'm down. Let's go. Maybe that's what I need. Maybe I should need like a quarterly surf trip. There you go. A quarterly surf trip to like, you know, somewhere tropical. Do it. Yeah.

I'm all for that. Thank you. What's weird though is I have all these, I think I got bit up by- Yeah, you got attacked. Dude, I got attacked. There's a, if you guys see my arm, if you look at my arm, it's kind of gnarly. I don't know what that is on my arm, but I did get attacked. I'm not gonna take my shirt off right

now, but I have all these, I got all these bug bites on my chest. So I'm like, am I going to be okay? Like I look like I have freckles all over my chest because I got bit up by mosquitoes. Apparently some people do get malaria in Nicaragua. I don't think that's a very common thing, but it is sweet though. Nicaragua is a developing country. And so because they love tourists coming to spend money and pour money into the economy, they're a huge fan of people traveling there. When, you know, in somewhere like Hawaii,

they've had tourism as part of their economy for a very long time. And some people aren't the biggest fan of people traveling to Hawaii, but in somewhere like Nicaragua, they're like, no, come, we want you to travel we want you to visit and uh everyone was so like all the locals were so nice you know every person that we ran into whether it was on the beach or our taxi driver you know Mario Ali like they

were all so so kind um and also helped me brush up on my Spanish. My Spanish still sucks. How is it gonna have been there listening to you? Yeah, my Spanish does suck. One time I had to tell someone I was like, uh, espanol un poquito, uh, yo hablo espanol un poquito. Wouldn't it be oblo? Oblo. Yeah, see, you should have been there with me. You would have helped me out. I don't really know anything. I just kept saying, uh, muchas gracias. I would say that all the time. Muchas gracias. Muchas gracias.

That was like my go-to. And they'd say, de nada. That's hilarious. I could totally picture you doing that. But it does kind of make me want to learn Spanish, though. Going there, I kind of realized, I mean, you're surrounded by all these people that that's their main language, and it would kind of open up a whole New world of people you can meet and talk to if you learned their language. You do Rosetta Stone

That's the that's the key. You're like sinking into the couch right now. I know I'm getting really sleepy. Are you okay? I'm getting really sleepy Well, thank you so much. You shouldn't have moved me from like chair to this couch. I know I just I like that my hand's on your leg. I think you're a really pretty woman. Oh wow. Well thank you for tuning in.

I mean, is there anything else I'm gonna say? Am I starting this preschool or what? Open enrollment today for one Smart Cookie. Well I thought you said it's only for our friends kids. It's only for our friends kids. So it's not really like a, we're not opening it up to the public. So, yep.

We're starting a private preschool just for our friends. Oh yeah, I'm just friends. I am just kidding. I'm totally kidding. But I am gonna make t-shirts. It's really not even a preschool. What if they have little polos with a patch of like a little cookie with a little pencil in his hand, like ready to do school at once.

Okay, that's so cute. Ah, it's happening. Okay. That's so funny. Thanks so much for listening, guys. Yes, thank you. And if you have checked out my new podcast, thank you so much. It's on YouTube. If you haven't subscribed yet, that would mean a lot,

because it is a new show. And drop a comment who you would like me to interview on the show. Put me on. I want to interview some cool people. No, I'm just kidding. Okay, alright. I know I will if you want me to, if you have an open slot. I'll consider it. Okay. I'll consider it, yeah. I'll go to the closet.

For sure. Is that where you're bringing guests into our closet? I haven't gotten that far. So far every episode has been filmed in the closet. Have your dad, he's coming in town next week. Yeah, that's a good idea. I can interview my dad on the show. You can talk about his life.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, he would love to do it. My dad is hilarious. He's funny. He's what he's the ultimate jet dad joke emotional. Yeah, he might cry Anyway, love you guys. We'll see you in the next episode. Bye