The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby - Things we're doing differently postpartum

Episode Date: June 24, 2026

This episode is sponsored by Zocdoc, Sleep.me, Unreal & Cash App Insurance. Stop putting off those doctor appointments and go to https://zocdoc.com/UNPLANNED to find and instantly book a doctor you love today. Visit https://www.sleep.me/UNPLANNED to get up to $255 off your Chilipad 2.0 with code UNPLANNED, plus free shipping and a 30-day sleep trial for Unplanned Podcast listeners. Visit https://unrealsnacks.com/UNPLANNED to get $4 off a bag of Unreal. Terms and conditions apply. Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/kssum24w #CashAppPod. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card, and Bancorp debit flex card. Savings provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Why do moms hear babies crying when no one is crying? Do lactation cookies actually work? And is childbirth amnesia the only reason people have more than one kid? In this episode, we’re sharing the funniest, weirdest, and most unexpected parts of postpartum life, and talking about how we're going to do things differently this time. Follow The Unplanned Podcast: https://www.instagram.com/unplanned__podcast/ https://www.tiktok.com/@unplanned_podcast Listen to the pod on Spotify/ Apple Podcasts: https://open.spotify.com/show/1ToDA4ufQuWuEgMq07zN6t https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-unplanned-podcast/id1669604504 Follow Matt & Abby: Abby's Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/abbyelizabethoward/ Matt's Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/_matt_howard_/ TikTok | https://www.tiktok.com/@matt_and_abby Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/mattandabb YouTube | https://www.youtube.com/@MattandAbby Chapters: 03:10 - Trip to Turkey 06:44 - Pregnancy update 13:34 - Postpartum prep 18:06 - Postpartum Factoids 27:12 - Sleep deprivation 36:54 - What we're doing differently this time 47:30 - Audience postpartum non-negotiables 01:08:50 - Our Postpartum Non-Negotiables Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Are you one of those media strategy people clicking through slides, scrolling spreadsheets? Yes? Good. This is for you. Because on Spotify, there's an audience that's different. Locked in. Loyal, invested. They're called fans. Fans don't just listen to music. They feel seen by it, like it belongs to them. So when your brand shows up on Spotify, that's who you're talking to. And you're right next to artists like me, Lizzo. So, are you ready to talk to fans? Spotify Advertising. You're among fans. Are you team granny panties after giving birth?

You think I'm putting a thong on after everything that's happening down there? Probably not. Probably not. Oh, God. And I ran into our neighbors that just had their third, and they're already scheduling the vasectomy. Don't even say that word. Why not? So sad to think about the baby factory closing.

That is wild, that my body is just perfectly accommodating this new life. And visually, I'm just not as concerned about any of those things. I can't say that I feel hot and spicy. Intercourse can cause your contractions. I didn't know that. I don't know if it's necessarily intercourse. I feel like it's... Is it the O? It's the O? It's the O. What's up, dudes? I'm bringing it back. Poo-poo-poo.

Oh, see there, you took it a step too far. I was a pew-poo. Should we just redo that now? No, it's part of it. Okay. We are back with another episode. And I'm looking at myself in the viewfinder and I just am going to barf because my hair is so dark. You guys, Abby is extremely pregnant. She is so pregnant. The bump is bumping. You look so cute, though.

See, I'm delusional. I feel like my bump is so tiny. You've got, your hips are like wide now. I know. You've gotten a whole, you look good. I think I have new stretch marks. And I'm actually happy about it because I'm like, maybe this means a baby can successfully vacate there. I feel like I can say this because this is just like all women basically listening to our show.

But you've got a big butt. You got a nice, you have a nice. booty I do feel like my weight gain has been different this time like it has been more like hips and thighs and like my booty more so than other times it's kind of fun it's like it's a new version of you I'm having a great time personally

super hot I like your hair right you always know my hair is bad I just said it's so dark it's just making I need I need it to be blonde it's summer now and I have a hair appointment coming up this next episode my nipples are bigger You know, there's a lot of changes going on. We don't need to talk about that. Yeah, that's too far.

We need to edit that out. You've had a few. Just kidding, we could keep it in. Okay. How do you feel about me taking my younger brother on a hair trip to Turkey? That is, I'm scared. I feel bad leaving you, but it's also, it's quite a bit before the birth, you know, so I'm only going to be in Turkey for a little bit, going with Josh.

He's excited. He's getting some new hair. Can you tell them what you mean by this? Yeah, so for everybody that followed along as I went to Turkey and got a hair transplant, it was a great experience. It was so much fun visiting the country and just the whole team of doctors and nurses at the hair clinic, Estanova, that I went to. They took really good care of me. They've also taken really good care of all the guys at bar stools that have gotten hair transplants. Anyway, my younger brother really wanted one. And I thought, you know what, I should reach back out and see if they'd want to run this back. And they did. So now they're doing it. for Josh. I'm going to be documenting his journey of getting a hair transplant. Josh hasn't even been on very much content. Oh, no, yeah. So if you guys don't know, I have a younger brother. His name's Josh. He is like pretty fresh out of college, I would say. But yeah. It's crazy when I met Josh. He was like a child, child. I know. But now he's got a big boy job.

I know. He's like a full adult. Yeah. He has like a long term relationship. So he's just like he's a grown man. He's a grown man. And he asked me so many questions about the hair transplant. He was very interested in it. And I'm really happy. Like I basically what I told them, I actually took a video of this at Christmas time. I was like, Josh, I want you to know that if it doesn't work out for Sanovae to do the hair transplant for you, I'm just going to pay for it for you. Because like I wanted him, I just wanted him to have it. And so I'm really glad that it worked out. And I'm actually really excited to go back to Turkey again because it's just a beautiful country. Like the people there are so nice. The food's really good. The history is incredible. I'm a history nerds. The fact that

the Roman Empire was there for like a thousand years, ridiculous. And I know Josh is kind of a nerd too. So we're going to have fun talking about like the Romans. Wait a minute. How far is Turkey from Rome? So Rome, actually I have no idea. Okay. Is it close? I mean when the Roman Empire split because it got so big, you had the Byzantine Empire that, like, that lasted longer than the, the northern, like, Roman Empire. And Constantinople became the capital of... The amount of times I've heard you say that word. Constaninople. Well, because Istanbul is Constantinople. Like, Constantinople got taken over. It got taken over by the Turks. The Turks went in and took over, and when they did, they changed the name. And they turned all the churches

and cathedrals into mosques. So there's like a bazillion mob. in Turkey and you know I've just I've never seen that many mosques in my life until I went there it's like the Bible Belt in reverse but like for Muslims you know like you know when if you're in Missouri everywhere you go there's a church I don't probably say it's in reverse that's but it's exactly what you get if you're if you're like in the Midwest the Bible Belt and there's a church on every corner that's that's like the that's Istanbul like everywhere you look there's so many in reverse but for a different religion you know what I'm saying

and they take a very seriously. They pray five times a day. This feels like a sensitive topic. I'm scared. Sorry. Okay. I hope I didn't offend anybody. No, I think, no, you're fascinated by it. And it is really cool. And it's really cool that you were like able to visit mosque and like you'll probably go again with Josh. Yeah. I think we're running back the tour again. I was just thinking about that because I was scheduling my doctor's appointments because they're every two weeks now. And I have a scan

because I had a doctor's appointment today. Have a scan in two weeks. And so then the next week after that, it won't be a scam, but I'll have to go by myself. I'm sorry. No, it's fine. I'm just a little overwhelmed with the fact of being so pregnant and alone for six days. I say alone, but we have like a lot of family and friends. We've got a great community. We'll be fine. They're easy, but I was just like, oh gosh, I'm scared. I just, we just had to fit in that, that hair transplant trip before baby. That's better. It's better now than after baby. I would not want to leave you freshly postpartum

with a newborn and two toddlers that sounds can you imagine single parents who do this like people that just don't I guess there's probably not a ton of people that go through postpartum without a spouse no happens a lot

but I guess it does happen yeah so if that's you and you're looking to our show a lot of guys don't get paternity or maybe they're deployed or and there can be all kinds of reasons their husbands in poor health like yeah that's true especially yeah military spouses, that would be very hard.

That would be extremely hard. Yeah. They're all... Goodness. But about my baby appointment today, it was very quick, and I was really grateful for a quick appointment. Yeah, why was the appointment so quick today? Because it was just standard.

It was just routine. It was great. It was so chill. The boys even went with me, and it was actually so funny because they burst into the office and they were like, we need help. They're like saying, baby so-and-so, our baby's name, needs help. he's naked. They're like shocked that he's going to come out naked.

They're like very concerned about that all of a sudden. They do not have clothes on in the moon. They think that's funny, but they're like, wait a minute, at the hospital, are they going to have diapers and clothes from him? I'm like, yeah, we need to pack him an outfit because he's going to come out. He's going to have no clothes on. And they're like so they think it's hilarious, but also they're concerned. I love that our kids got your confidence.

They have no fear going up and talking to anybody and everybody. because they went and directly said that to the receptionist. They'll talk to literally anybody, which is why we felt like a little bit the importance of having a stranger conversation. Yeah. And so, yeah, that's why we've had stranger conversation. I tread lightly because I don't want them to be fearful.

Yeah. But, like, it is an important conversation to have, like, for safety. Yeah. So shout out to Berenstein Bears. I'm helping us with that one. I love how respectfully they asked to pet everyone's dog. Anytime there's anybody that has a dog, They're not afraid to ask to pet the dog.

But we did teach them that dogs can be dangerous. There are mean dogs and nice dogs. And then there's working dogs. We don't ask to touch them. Exactly. And we got to talk with Matthew and Paul about that. So that was very fascinating. But yeah, the baby appointment was very routine and quick.

And it feels crazy now getting like the last appointments on the books, which is wild because we are booked now through 35 weeks. Goodness. And that's not that far from now when you really think about it. So it's crazy. I keep saying that this time from like 30, 31 weeks, 32 weeks to 40 feels like so long and so short at the same time. Like it's kind of like people are like, oh, like how do you like do you feel ready? I'm like, I don't know. Yeah.

Like I'm just so ready for him to be in our arms. But also I'm like, I actually need to physically get ready probably. Now that I grill, I'm kind of a grill master now, should I like just grill all that? the time when you're postpartum and make like steak and salmon burgers terriaki chicken i could just do a whole i could just make us grill food all the time um yes i definitely think that you should grill i actually like think that postpartum i like having healthy foods yes like i don't want comfort foods that's why i like necessarily that's also one yes but i like eating healthy afterwards because your body like needs nutrient i've been on like a health kick and and so that it's also easier

to like notate what's in my food like if I'm if I'm putting into like the apps yeah how many macros or whatever I always mess that stuff up but that's really helpful for me too are you tracking I'm trying to I'm so bad at tracking food I just try to not eat dessert and eat I try to eat vegetables less dessert or no dessert and then replace that with fruit because because it's pretty hard to like overeat fruit I'm not game for that there's fiber every night but see like if I eat enough fruit it kind of takes way my sweet my sweet tooth. Disagree. It really does. It doesn't work that way for you? No, I needed to say so. If I eat an entire container of strawberries, my sweet tooth is gone. I would never sit and eat an entire container of strawberries. Why? That's a lot of strawberries.

But they're so good. They're so tasty. See, when I was a kid, I thought it was a million dollars for a carton of strawberries, especially blackberries and raspberries. Like, whenever we got those, my mom was like, all right, everyone gets two. That's funny. I don't blame her. Yeah. They can run a steep price. Yeah. Hey, you know, and I respect it.

You know, she's a, my mom's a frugal queen, but now, now that we're a little bit more laps. She's not going to like that you said that. Sorry, mom, I love you. But actually, you know, I think she probably does identify with that. She does. She does identify with that. Yeah. I didn't call her cheap.

I called her frugal. That's right. That's fair. But the thing is, though, like, it's like a delicacy to me to just sit and eat a carton strawberries, you know? Like, you're talking. talking about a pound of strawberries. I'm a fan of the fruit. We're in the, we're in the final stretch, I would say. Yeah, almost getting there. We're in that awkward phase, honestly, where it feels

like a long time, but it also feels like if I blink, it's going to be here. And so we've been having a lot of conversations about postpartum. Postpartum. But there's honestly, I feel like we don't even have room for that exactly yet, because I'm like, there's so much that has to get done before then. Because first of all, both of our kids have summer birthdays. You have a summer birthday. My dad has I feel like there's been so many birthdays going on and we love a party so we're throwing parties for all of them. And you know Father's Day and my birthday's coming. Father's Day cannot forget Father's Day. Cannot forget it. And we can't celebrate Father's Day and my birthday on the same day. That would be a huge problem. That's so niche. People don't even know what you're talking about.

That's way too niche. But only the people that like just consume way too much social media, you don't know what we're talking about. But we have been having to plan in advance for these parties because we We don't know now. Like our birth plan, like we talked in the last episode, since we are now planning on a V-back, it can kind of, there's more flexibility on like when this could be happening. Whereas like a scheduled C-section, you can almost count on the fact that it's happening, like right at 39 weeks and you can set that date. But right now, we're kind of up in the air. And so we have to make a plan because one of our son's birthday is a day before this baby's due date. So that is not a good bet to I we definitely don't want to do it after the baby arrives and so we're going to have to move it up

But then our other son's birthday is in July so we're gonna have two Birthday parties in July we're just figuring out the logistics it's gonna be really really fun What's your do you have any hot takes on joint birthday parties we're not doing it because I feel like that some parents probably get very Bothered by that I hate that idea personally Yeah, I think I think especially when they're if they're if they're like a baby you know like if they're like they're like brand brand new to the world. Like if you have twins, I think having like a joint birthday party for twins. Yeah, but even for twins, I feel like there's a time where that splits.

True, true. Like Lauren and Ari, they did separate birthday parties this year. Okay, that makes sense. I think it makes a lot of sense, especially for a girl, boy party. But then also it's like they still want their individual time to like be celebrated. Even though I think our boys like, they love each other and they are attached to the hip. They wouldn't care. But for me personally, I'm like, I want to celebrate each of you separately and, like, make a big deal about it.

That's my hot take about why you shouldn't have too many kids, because then if you, if you have, like, you know, seven kids, how in the world do you give all those kids undivided individual attention and have a good birthday experience for us? Maybe that's maybe not their priority. You're throwing a birthday party every other month. Maybe that's not their priority. No, more than every other month, you know? You don't know because they could all be like March babies. It's a lot of birthday parties. That would be so crazy.

Gosh, I wonder how Octobob does it, you know? I'm sure she has a system in place. Yeah, they probably do. Anywho. But we're planning both those birthday parties, actually three, four birthday parties. Your dad is screwed. Everyone says to forget about your dad. No, we can't forget about my dad.

Yeah, because, oh, that's the other thing. My dad's birthday is this baby's due date. Yeah, literally the due date. So, gosh. We are screwed. We did not, this did not go well. He's not getting celebrated. Honestly, I think he's totally fine with that.

He's over it. We'll just get him in case of Heinekins and call the day. That's not true. But yeah, we're getting a lot of things ready around here. Hopefully we can nest soon and get the best in that set up. We've been, honestly, ever since we found out we were pregnant literally last year at this time, we have been having conversations about like what we want to do differently. We're not experts at Postpola.

Partum by any means. I know we are. We kind of figured it out. I think we have a system. I think we've learned a lot through failure. And I think now I feel probably overly confident. Yeah, I think we failed so much in postpartum that we kind of know how not. It's only up from here.

Yeah. It's like, you know the movie kicking and streaming with Will Farrell? I wasn't allowed to watch that. Okay. Well, he, in the movie, he tells the kids to do the opposite of everything that he's, that he said, and that's how they end up winning the game. Spoiler, that's the end of the movie. So I think for us, we just do the opposite of everything that went wrong with postpartum before.

No, I do think we have a good plan, though. As we approach postpartum, we have some shocking facts that it's like I know these things happen because, I mean, heck, I've experienced this firsthand. Yeah. But then when you actually think about it, it's like, wow, postpartum is longer than pregnancy. which is a little overwhelming because postpartum is considered 12 to 18 months after your baby is born.

Goodness. I actually was 10 years old when I realized that postpartum was longer than pregnancy. Of course. Yeah, because, I mean, think about it, whenever they were like, if you have anything,

anything come up literally under the sun as far as I'm concerned, like mental health-wise or physical health-wise in the first year after you have your baby, your first stop is the OB. You know what I just thought of the other day? What?

The fact that, you're having a V back now means that we could have these, like we could potentially have babies really close together. You just crank them out. You know? I know. I was kind of. Which is like exciting but also terrifying.

Right. I feel that way. I'm like, maybe we need to see how this goes. Yeah. And then we'll, like it's, it might happen. It might not happen. Like maybe we'll just see what our capacity feels like after this because we've never been parents of three before.

True. So. And if there's anything that I have learned since becoming a parent is that, I will consistently be humbled. And as soon as I, the best laid plans will be upended. I was taking the kids to the park the other day and I ran into our neighbors that just had their third and they're already scheduling the, the, uh, the, the, the, the, the, the septectomy.

Why not? That panics me. Vasectomy. Stop it. Just freaks you out. I don't want to think about that. Why? Why?

Matt, it's so sad to think about the baby factory closing. Oh, okay. Sorry. You know how I feel about this. Okay, well, they can be reversed, you know. That is an option. Yeah. But you're right.

I hear you and everything you're feeling and thinking is valid. I respect that. Thank you to Zoc Doc for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. Abby, did you know that I just did a Zock Doct appointment like 10 days ago? You booked your own? I booked my own. Very proud of you. Took it on my phone.

It was so quick. 15 minutes, I was able to get a refill for my Adderall because I was having trouble focusing. that's embarrassing to admit but i have ADHD i'm so thankful for how easy zoc doc makes it to get refills and i'm able to talk with a trained medical professional from the convenience of my own home seriously having no time to make doctors appointments is no problem with zoc doc doc is a free app and website that helps you find and book high quality in network doctors so you can find someone you love we're talking about booking in network appointments with more than 150 000 providers across all 50 states Whether you're looking for dermatology, dentistry, primary care, eye care, or one of the other 200-plus specialties offered on Zoc Doc,

you can easily search by specialty or symptom to build the care team that's right for you. I use Zock-Doc, and you should too. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to Zock.com slash unplanned to find an instantly book a doctor you love today. That's Zoc-D-O-C dot com slash unplanned. Zock.com slash unplanned. Some facts about postpartum that you might not know, Matt Howard, is that the wound left behind by the placenta, gosh, the placenta alone is the size of a dinner plate. Crazy, right? I mean, our dinner plates are pretty big.

And then you factor in the fact that you've had a C-section, and so then you're not only, like, recovering from the C-section wound, but then you've got a dinner plate wound as well. So the dinner plate wound is inside our uterus. It's inside your body. I don't remember feeling pain there, though. But that's why you're bleeding for, for days, like multiple days after getting birth. I have deja, or not deja vu. I have amnesia. I don't remember much about these things.

I think that was part of the plan. I think that's some sort of evolutionary trait, like, for getting traumatic times. Because that, like, for us especially, like, we're having another kid and we've been through some crazy stuff. Like I'm even scared to go back and watch that old content because of how dark. You know, some of the stuff hard. You know, there's hard times in postpartum and pregnancy. So it's cool that we, you know, we're doing this again and it's going to be great. Yeah.

So it's crazy. Like we said, pregnancy lasts 40 weeks, but many experts now describe postpartum recovery as a process that can take 12 to 18 months or longer. Or longer. I mean, here's the thing. Like, you can be recovered, but your body is just forever changed after having kids. You want to know how I know that? How? It's from true crime.

So, like, if they find skeletal remains, they can tell right away if it's a woman, if it's a woman, if it's a female. Well, first of all, they can tell right away if it's a male or female, but they can also tell if that female has had children before or not, just by the skeletal remains. So you know that the changes of pregnancy are, I mean, they're permanent. They're lasting. And you know what? That makes sense. It feels like a life-changing process for sure. I believe it.

You can see it in your hips right now. I know, but does that go back a little bit? Some of it never goes back, I guess. I think you're right. I think it can go back. But yeah, I think you have enough kids. I think your body's permanently changed. Yeah.

And also on this third baby, I care less and less about the changes that happen in my body. I'm amazed by them. I generally, I'm like, wow, that is wild. That my body is just perfectly accommodating this new life and, like, everything it has to do to bring it into the world and to nourish it. I'm like, that's amazing. Yeah, it really is. Visually, I'm just not as concerned about any of those things. It's just, yeah, and that's a blessing because I feel like I definitely couldn't have said the same for our first pregnancy.

Like, I feel like the first time I was, like, kind of freaked out by everything. And now I'm just like, wow, that's amazing. that probably was pretty overwhelming to do that for the first time i can't say that i feel i can't say that i feel hot and spicy like you are like so nice and flattering i'm like oh really you think that right now right about now okay because i saw this thing it was like my husband walking forgetting that he now has a pet whale and that's how i feel because you're walking at your normal pace and like me just a whale i'm trying to keep up and i can't i can't keep up with you we do we do We did have to, we did go on a walk the other night and we had to walk ridiculously slow.

Oh, you thought I was slow the whole time? I thought I was going so fast and then I just needed to sit down halfway through. I took pretzel on a walk last night and we probably went triple the speed that we went. I am averaging 24 minute miles. There's no way. I feel like you're doing a 35 minute mile. Shut up. We were crawling on that walk.

Well, we went four miles. That's a long time. That was a four mile walk? Yes. Oh, wow. I did not realize we walked that car. I'm going to slow. start slowing down after mile two.

We were slow on the first like quarter mile. I try my bed. Which is okay. You're obviously, yeah, you're carrying a human in your belly. No, I know. We were, yeah, we were slow. And you know what? I really can't go faster.

So it's just going to keep getting slower probably. Here's another little factoid for you about postpartum. Sleep, hormones, pelvic floor function, metabolism, and mental health can all still be recovering a year later. Goodness. No one's surprised by that.

I mean, no woman's surprised by that. That's gone through it. You're like, yeah, something's still. And you're right. You definitely turn a leaf, I feel like, 12 months. Yeah. A major leaf. I mean, you've turned leaves throughout the whole thing.

But it's really just dependent on when you stop breastfeeding. Like, if you're breastfeeding and it's 18 months, like I feel like you're still, your hormones are still crazy. Mm-hmm. You know? Oh, for sure. Did you know that breastfeeding can cause contractions? I did know that.

You told me that. You actually were the person that taught me that. I was taught that when our son latched and it hurt my nipple and my uterus. I was really shocked by that. Yeah. Intercourse can cause your contractions too. I didn't know that. Because you told me that there was couples that like have to abstain so that the baby doesn't come early, right?

I think. And people that are trying to get the baby to come out, we'll just start doing it. Yeah, no, I think it's, I don't know if it's necessarily intercourse. I feel like it's, um, oh, it's the, uh, the, the finish, it's the seed. No. Oh, it's not? I don't think it's that. Oh, is it the, is it the, is it the O?

It's the O. It's the O. It's the O that causes it. And potentially the stimulation of the nipples. Oh, yeah. That can do it too. Sometimes that can come in tandem. Oh, I see what you're saying. So, um, making me uncomfortable that your hair ball is to our podcast. Oh, yeah. Well, she loves me. Yep. Um, I'm not talking about, personal experience. So I'm just talking about, I'm just talking about science. This is just, this is a scientific conversation. Um, yeah, the reason that breastfeeding can cause contractions is because when you're, when you nurse, your body releases oxytocin. Actually, oxytocin is the thing that eventually

causes you to go into labor. So a lot of people's advice for going to labor is to just relax basically, like feel good, be happy. But also oxytocin is the same hormone that causes, which causes the uterine contractions is the one that helps your uterus shrink down. So we talked last episode, wait, how much times, 500 times? Yeah, no, yeah. Last episode we talked about how the, or the last solo episode that we did without guess on, we talked about, I think it's a 500 time increase in the size of your uterus. So you kind of need those same contractions that sometimes they give you like medicine to like afterbirth just so it starts contracting back down. Yeah. Because it's got a lot of work to get back down to be one 500th of its size. So I'll

oxytocin also helps you do that. And yeah, a lot of people experience surprisingly painful cramping while breastfeeding in the early weeks. I never had surprising. I feel like it was just like the first day I experienced that and I didn't have like anything crazy afterwards. But I also don't have a very clear memory in general,

but specifically postpartum. That is just a fog. Shall we move on to facts about sleep deprivation? Yeah, fill me in. Partum. So parents lose hundreds of hours of sleep, obviously, in the first probably minimum year of their child's life. And I remember with our first, I was like terrified of that.

I was like, how will we possibly function? Because we had uninterrupted sleep. We had that, we had that bliss for so long. like the thought of like being woken up throughout the night multiple times and it can being completely out of our control was like terrifying now this being our third time around i have to say it's a lot less scary yeah yeah oh for sure it's less scary i'm like oh man that's gonna be tough but we've we've done this whole process two times now and we survived we survived we have those badges fully evolved and acclimated to having kids that need us 24-7 and you know are is the newborn going to be quite a bit needier than our current children in the current state we're in of course like we almost have two kids fully potty trained now that's pretty awesome to not need to change diapers anymore i mean that's huge that's a big deal um but you know we'll just go back to the diaper changes and it'll just be it'll just be one kid that needs constant diaper changes

and that's needs to be fred from my body that's manageable you know manageable for sure yeah um But here are some of the top five most shocking mental health effects of sleep deprivation. Okay, fill me in, babe. Because I think a big part of the postpartum conversation is mental health for sure. But mental health and like your quality of sleep, there's like a direct correlation there a lot of times. Hallucinations, which I've had friends that have experienced these postpartum, which is really scary. Like they saw spiders crawling up the walls. Like that weren't there like crazy stuff.

Um, Phantom baby syndrome, which is when many new parents think that they hear their baby crying or wake up convinced that they're holding the baby when the baby is safely asleep elsewhere. That is real. I get that. Yes, you do. I get the phantom baby crying. And I'm telling you it did not go away for like two years. Constantly.

That. You'd be like Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, go. Griff, he's crying. Go get him. And I would run over and I'm like, he's just asleep. Yeah. No, seriously. I feel like that does not go away.

I get that so bad. Do you not get that? No. I know. Oh my gosh. It's the worst. Like when you're in the shower. Well, that's why.

Oh my gosh. I'd have to turn the shower off like a thousand times and like listen. That's why we would always sleep with the baby monitor. That's why we'd sleep with the baby monitor on my side of the bed because it would, it would wake you up way too much just to hear. Yeah. That's the other thing. Like I would if I thought I heard a baby crying, I would go from being like from what I was

perceiving as deep sleep to like wide awake. And then I would take me forever. to go back to sleep. Yeah. Because I'm like, no, I think I heard it. Like, it would really mess me up. Increased anxiety and catastrophic thinking, which is where, like, postpartum, like anxiety, like, happens a lot.

Emotional overreactions, been there. I think a lot of this could be related to breastfeeding. I feel like I had a lot of overreactions around breastfeeding. It just really feels like life or death at sometimes. And I think you need to know that. I think all husbands and dads need to know that. breastfeeding can feel like the most high stakes situation. Like it's not rational,

but it feels like, feels like life or death for your baby, and you're the only one that can make it happen. I don't know. Yeah. It's not the case, but you don't know that when you're in the moment. It says impaired judgment comparable to alcohol intoxication.

So being awake for 24 hours can impair cognitive performance. similarly to being legally drunk. I believe that. I went on a trip with my buddies in college to go snowboarding in Colorado. Where is this going? And we drove through the night to get there. And that was definitely dangerous. Like being that tired trying to drive, you're just like, fall in.

And you're like, oh. That's scary. Right? So scary. Don't ever get that again. I know. these are the most shocking physical effects so those were the mental effects these are the most shocking physical effects increased hunger and cravings really i'm kind of surprised by that actually

maybe it's just because i'm always hungry no that's an effective sleep deprivation oh no that makes sense really you've never stayed up super late and then gotten the munchies where you just need to eat food because you're up really late oh yeah yeah yeah yeah that's true and it's like your body just needs fuel and you're tired so to help fuel the how you feel you just need you need to eat something i guess that's true and also i feel like i definitely did snack throughout the night when we had newborns yeah oh for sure weakened immune system which that just makes sense yeah higher risk of accidents because your reaction times slow dramatically mm-hmm that actually that's how you hit your parents car oh my gosh Your rights.

Our Tesla even has a camera and a ton of sensors. It has everything to keep you from hitting a car. A parked car. And Abby hit in the driveway. Her parents parked car in our driveway. Luckily, only our vehicle was damaged. I think that was because you took a unisome the night before and it had really quite worn off.

And it was cold medicine. You were still asleep. It was cold medicine. Yeah, probably because I had a freaking weakened immune system. I took NyQuil. NyQuil, yeah. And then I hit a parked vehicle. just tapped it but it's that that was true we still have that little indent on our test yeah it's just

a good memory at this point along with all the different dinged rims of our car from you hitting curbs yeah it's so bad everybody comments on that by the way anytime somebody sees our car they're like oh you hit some curbs recently like yeah that's my wife oh shut up like you've never hit a curb i've hit maybe one curb oh i hit them like daily See, like, I'm like, we should get it fixed and we're just going to mess it up again. No, never get that fixed. Never get that fixed. Because I literally, I see this bumper sticker that says hot girls hit curves.

And I was like, I need that. That's going to hurt when we get your hot girl mom car with three rows this month. It's going to hurt. No, it'll be taller. So I don't think I'll hit them as much. You don't think so? Okay. It's going to hurt.

I mean, I can't promise that it's not going to happen. It's certainly going to happen. elevated blood pressure and cardiovascular strain. I got to be honest, whenever they take my blood pressure at the doctor's office, I never know what that reading means. And they're just like, that's good. And I'm like, great. Yeah, I mean, I feel like it might be a concern for me down the line because I feel like high blood pressure runs in our family. Thank you to ChiliPad for sponsoring this portion of today's episode.

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but yeah heart strain yeah that I believe that slower healing and recovery which that's such as such a bad combo because your body has so much healing and recovering to do postpartum yeah but then the combination of sleep deprivation it's just it's it's a difficult combination that's right having to physically postpartum with also getting no sleep or very little sleep or just fragmented sleep. It's just it's a tough ride. It is a tough ride. But you know what? We've gotten through it twice before.

And I have delusional confidence about this third time around. I feel like we're really going to learn from our past. The thing that amazes me about you, Abby, is I mention bisectomy and you're like, oh, I hate that. And then, and then you reading all of this, like, crazy stuff. Oh yeah. You're just like, yeah, it's just, you know. Well, I talk a lot about the cost of things. Yeah.

And for me, I'm like, it's worth all those costs. Like, and then some, I would do it. I would do it. That's right. I'd do it. And you know what? We didn't have necessarily the easiest postpartum because the first time around I had to get a major surgery. Yeah.

I don't know about major. Does that, is that major surgery? I mean, a hernia surgery is pretty major. It was a double hernia repair. Yeah. And that one, that definitely was difficult with a three-month-old. Yeah. And then the second time around, we just had two babies to take care of.

And so, you know, there's just, it hasn't been, you know, a walk in the park, anacolic-y baby. But I'm feeling like this baby's going to be so calm and everything's just going to go great. That's how I'm feeling. I'm feeling really confident about it. I have a bonus fact for you, Matt Howard. Bonus fact. Researchers have found that after enough sleep deprivation, the brain can experience micro-sleeps, which is brief periods lasting a few seconds where parts of the brain essentially fall asleep.

sleep without you realizing it, even while your eyes are open. This is one reason drowsy driving can be so dangerous. I think that's happened to my dad. You're telling me that parts of your brain can fall asleep. My dad does that for sure, you know, and I hope that I don't get that. Because that's, it's just weird. He's always falling asleep at family functions. You just like look over and there's my dad in a chair. I posted on my Instagram story about this too. There's so many times. There's been so many moments. Everyone has a family member that does this. Just falls asleep. Like there's so much going on. Kids are screaming and there's there's John over the corner of sleep on the sofa.

It's kind of sweet. Yeah. It is sweet. It's just, it's just who he is. You're definitely going to turn into that. Oh gosh. You definitely are. You have, you already have some of the same sleep habits as him.

So buckle up. Thanks. When I think about our postpartum experiences, I have, I can't go through, go on without giving you mad props though, because you carried the team. And, and that is something I'm like. I like actually still to this day feel guilty about. Really? Yes.

Because I like obviously I was recovering postpartum, but I literally had the princess treatment and I feel like less of a mom because of it in some ways. You know? You're not less of a mom. Because you literally did all of the night shifts for the first six weeks for both of our kids. Cheryl would get up to pump, but like you were up every single night. And I think that's also why you are definitely more like a little bit more overwhelmed at the thought of being of like having a newborn than I am.

Because for me, I'm like, oh yeah, like it was hard. But like I was sleeping in the master bedroom by myself all night. You're like, yeah, it's scary. I know. Yeah, we were talking about all this like coming up all all this crazy postpartum stuff. And I was like, more comfortable and chill with it. I know. Yeah. It's kind of, I'm, I'm just kind of like, and now I know why. It's scary. It's because you were in the trenches. You were doing it,

and you were doing it solo. And so, I mean, like, I think you're probably part of, like, one percent of dads that would even consider doing that. You think so? Oh, maybe even less. I mean, that's a big deal. I wouldn't want to do that all alone, even if I was in full peak physical capacity, you know what I mean? Capability. So, like, That's just one of those things where I'm like, I'll think about that for the rest of our marriage, like just like how you showed up for me and like showed up for our baby. Our kids have such a good bonded relationship with you even as like little tiny babies because you were just there.

And like thank goodness to our job that you were able to be, but it doesn't make it easier. Like the fact that like what you were going through and it'll probably look different this time around. But that is just something that I'm like, yeah. I honestly do feel like, oh, little bit less of a mom because of like those nights. I wasn't in the trenches like you were you were crushing it. Thanks. Yeah and you're so good with babies now. I think it's my like favorite thing. Honestly this is probably one of my all-time favorite things. One of our friends has a baby and the baby's like upset. I'm like give the baby to Matt. He knows what to do and you are so natural with them.

It's the football hold. That's the whole I mean that's your signature. You know if you got a colicky baby. I can't do it. My arm is like literally not long enough. You do need a longer arm to do it. But you you put them on their belly they feel a lot better on their belly it kind of soothes all the you know indigestion or whatever it's going on inside their belly um and then you just give them a little tap tap tap tap yeah and you always are pacing you're always walking around you know what to do and we also have talked a lot like whenever we bring up conversations a postpartum you're like I'm just going to wear that baby you like you're the king of baby wearing where yeah I wore our kids a lot that solely wrap which it shocked me I was holding our friends baby the other day and my back started to hurt

I forgot. I forgot about that. You're out of practice. I know I'm out of practice. So it's like we're going to have to get used to that again. Got to strengthen those muscles again. A sore back from carrying a baby around all the time. You know, and they're not that heavy, but, you know, you hold or wear a baby for a couple hours and that strain, you know, it adds up. Try breastfeeding, dude. I feel like I got the hunchback of Notre Dame going when I was like trying to figure that out. Oh, yeah, this is a good question, Matt. What do you think postpartum teaches you? about marriage that pregnancy doesn't. You know what comes to mind for me? What?

Is like, I don't think there's another time in your marriage where you will have like less time romantically one on one with each other. Like, just you two in like a romantic atmosphere. Like there will probably be a never, you're always with that baby. That baby's always present.

Yeah. And yet, There's something so romantic about that whole experience, about like you two first meeting the child that you created out of your love together and going through something difficult together and overcoming it as a team. And just like that teamwork and companionship and just also that aspect of vulnerability, like with the mom being freshly postpartum and like stroke. I mean, that's a very vulnerable humbling time.

Like you're bleeding, you're changing. like bandages, you're changing pads, you're changing, you're, you gotta get squirt bottles for crazy parts of your body, you got stitches, you got, like, there's just so much going on and you're so vulnerable, but in a way, like, that was, that was so sweet that we got, like, you, that, like, I feel stronger because you've seen me in that state. You know what I mean? Twice. Thanks. And I kind of, like, I think that's really special. And I also kind of think that, maybe I'm wrong, but maybe this is part of the appeal of some people having unmedicated birth is like the benefits to your marriage, like going through that together.

Yeah, maybe it's a trauma bond. We're trauma bonded together, babe. We've been through hell and back. We literally, we've been through the sleep deprivation. We've been through the psychosis or whatever you call it, the hypnote, the seeing spiders on the wall. I never saw spiders on the wall, but got pretty freaking close probably at times. So, you know, I think we've, uh, yeah. Going through the dark stuff kind of just brings you together.

Well, that's also just like a fact, too. It's just like overcoming obstacles together, like grows a bond. We actually got the offer today for someone who is wanting to do a daddy dula class. Really? So you. What is this? I think we'll still hire a dula, but then you could also be trained to be a daddy dula. You're kidding me.

Yeah. There's daddy duolas that. No, like you can train your own husband to be a dad. Like for me. Okay. Okay. I don't know what this entails. All right.

Probably like, I don't know. I feel like it includes back rubs. Yeah. And maybe you'll learn coaching things to say. Okay. About like breathing and stuff. Okay. Yeah.

You want to go to Daddy Dula training? Sure. Let's do it. I'm sure it would be helpful. I was like, I feel like Matt would be so down, but I'll ask him. Like, I'll make sure. I won't commit for him. But am I pushing,

am I pressuring you too much? I'm fine. I can do it. You're going to be a daddy doula? I'm sure. I mean, I might as well. I mean,

you're doing a V-back, so I think you could probably use all the support you could get. Yeah, that was something else I was thinking. Like, I feel like a lot of our postpartum plans changed because I've had a vaginal delivery

and I've had a C-section. And, like, I feel like those postpartum experiences are very similar, but also I would prepare differently for each one of those. And so now it's like kind of changes some things about our postpartum plan. This next list is postpartum things nobody warned us about night sweats being at the top of that list.

I had no idea about that happening. Like it is crazy. I'm not like a very, I don't sweat in the night normally. I'm a sweaty person. I don't know. Do you think I'm sweaty? Not really, but I mean, thank goodness ChiliPad sponsored our podcast. Seriously.

because now we have this cool pad underneath our sheet and it keeps us cold all night long. You can like change the temperature to make it warmer, cooler. And I think our friends when we were living on Oahu had this because like nobody in Hawaii has AC and they were telling us, oh, you got to get this thing. And we never did. We ended up moving out like before we could ever buy one. But I think that's going to come in really handy now that you have that, you know, chilled sleep pad right on the mattress and you can control the temperature to whatever you

want it to be. Yeah, I definitely was not prepared the first two times. This time I feel prepared to address the night sweats. But that was shocking. I think it has to do with the sudden change in hormones. But, like, I mean, I was just waking up. I needed multiple showers a day because of just, like, soaking through my clothes. Plus the milk leakage.

Like, you just need a lot of showers. And that's just a humbling aspect. Hair loss, also a big one. Especially, like, right at the front of your hair. Lost my hair. I feel like it starts at, like, four months. definitely experienced a lot of that that's always like kind of a sad time of

postpartum because you physically starts to feel better and then you're like reminded that you're like still in the thick of it like you brush your hair and there's like a wad coming out postpartum rage oh baby did I get that that's the thing I'm like I feel powerless to like really

do much different but I know there's some things I can control to like help with that and so I put that in my postpartum plan But I'll have to report back to you if any of these methods work. Weird body changes. I mean, yeah, we can, I think the top of the weird body changes I experienced postpartum was probably my boobs. The single most dramatic change.

So dramatic. Everyone's seen the video. It's honestly incredible. It's just an tribute to Abby's boobs. And it's remarkable. It's remarkable. That's just one of the many weird body changes. Intrusive thoughts.

that's scary, but yeah, also very real. First postpartum poop, very spooky, very scary, but I'm not as scared about it this time because I just know that I'm going to do what I did the last few times, which is take a lot of Mirlax and a lot of school stuff every day. Matt's like beautiful, amazing. Yeah, that stuff works. That stuff works. And then the first period postpartum, I wonder when I'm going to get my period back postpartum.

I feel like I'm always like really late to getting it back. Yeah, yeah. And I also went on birth control. And we know what happens if you think that breastfeeding is a contraceptive, you know. You got to do it right and we didn't do it right. Yep. So we're not going to rely on that. Even once.

You think you can slip by one time? Wrong. Can't do that. We actually slipped by once and we got away with it. And then I think that built some confidence. Yeah, we got this. We're fine. But it's such a blessing.

It really is. Okay. Now moving on to your guys's postpartum. non-negotiables, which we polled you guys actually because I'm still trying to make our plan. And I definitely think there's some areas that could use revising. And I'm getting new ideas every day, especially from you guys. By the way, I think it'd be fun to have you all submit questions for us each and every week on the podcast. I think this should be like a recurring segment that we have. If you've listened to Abby's new show with our sister-in-law, Abigail, they have, wow, that's crazy.

they have all these all these cool hip name all of our segments branded segments gosh can it put me on the spot ask abby's ask abbe's is one the hope and the hard yeah you're hoping the hard always hungry i don't know the always hungry was one oh my tune in next tune in one of these times i'm sorry okay i talk about you a lot so thank you positive or negative a little bit of both okay hey that's fine Hey, I'm a human, so. But yeah, if you guys have an idea for what our segment could be for when you guys submit. If anything comes to mind, if any of you are creative, let us know. Thank you to Unreal for sponsoring this portion of today's episode.

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As a special offer for our listeners, visit unreal snacks.com slash unplanned to get $4 off a bag of Unreal. That's unrealsnacks.com slash unplanned. Terms and conditions apply. So Stephanie says, mom takes care of baby, dad takes care of everyone slash everything else. Yeah, that's a good one. That's a good take. That is a good take. I feel like that's something that I got wrong in the past. I think I was so overwhelmed with a baby.

Like you did the baby. Like I kind of took care of baby a lot. And then I think I probably could have, you know, I was my fault. It was my fault. I think, no, it wasn't your fault. I think I just thought like, oh my gosh. I need to take on this responsibility when I think, I think the more natural way of doing it is, yeah, mom takes care of baby. Dad takes care of mom.

Yes, I like that. And that way you feel like supported and you feel everything that you need to feel. But then you also gain the confidence of taking care of baby yourself. Yeah, because I did because you took over so many things. I do remember like lacking a lot of confidence. I got over it quickly, but like that was like not a good feeling. Like I didn't like that feeling. I felt really out of control.

Whereas, like, I think it'd be really good to do it the other way, you know? Yeah, yeah. Like, I don't think I was being a bump on a log during that time, but I don't, I don't really think that we had our roles well defined. Yeah. And then you were just, like, in Mr. Fixit mode. Yeah. And so helpful and wanting to take care of me by taking care of the baby. But then I was kind of like, like, I was just in a weird state, too.

Totally. So I think that's really good. That's a great idea. Good, good take. Macy says, ice pack, pack. They saved me. I don't know if I ever used ice pack pads. Yeah, I don't, I don't know, no.

No, I use that foam. Wait, maybe one time you did. I think I did. Maybe with Griffin. We should get some ice pack pads. With our first baby. I think, I think that was a thing. But not for very long.

I don't think maybe just like, you know, day one or two. Yeah. I think they did give me an ice pack pad in the hospital. Yeah. Once again, such a blur. I don't remember. this is so crazy, but I remember it hurting that, that bad down there afterwards. This one, this one was pretty spicy.

Things I'm doing differently postpartum. This one says, my husband. So I'm guessing this person has a new husband. Is that what that means? I thought, I think so. Who said this? This is from someone named Hannah. Hannah, we need some explanation.

We need to know if you have a new husband. Or maybe. No, maybe she's just saying the same thing, too. Like her husband is going to do a different role. I feel like she's kind of making me think that it's a new husband. I think she has a new husband. That seems drastic canon, but maybe that needed to happen. The thing that makes me sad is when people don't make it through the postpartum, you know, craziness.

No, you should never be allowed to make any big life decision. I stand up. This is a hill I'll die on. You should not be allowed to make any big decisions one year postpartum. Okay. For 12 months after having a baby, you should not make any big life decisions. No big life decisions. Including having another baby.

Which we did do that. Yeah, I mean, I'm not saying we did everything right. It was a fun surprise. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so maybe we shouldn't do two back, two more, two more close. I know. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Big gang. Big gang. What? Elina says, my snacks are mine and mine only. This is true. Postpartum hunger is worse than pregnancy hunger.

Oh. And I don't even think it's because of postpartum. I think it's because of the early breastfeeding. You're just making so much milk. Oh, yeah. The hunger is unquenchable. Yeah. And it's not like cravings, like pregnancy.

It's like literally whatever I can fill my stomach with. Yeah. I remember that. And also the thirst is insane. Aaron Schweitzer says, don't kiss my bab. Don't kiss my bab. Don't kiss my baby. Oh, don't kiss my baby.

Mom gets a hot shower every day. That is good. Yeah, I think. I think if you like go up to somebody and just start trying to touch their baby. No one really should kiss a newborn baby except for mom and dad. Yeah, you need to ask for permission first off. No, no, don't ask to kiss my baby either. You're right.

Yeah, don't even do it. Don't even try. Don't want kissing my baby. Unless it's offered. If a parent offers for you to hold their baby, you know. To hold, yes, but not to kiss. Yeah, I feel that. We don't, we don't need extra germs spreading around, especially when they're that fragile and, you know,

We don't need them getting sick. I wouldn't want anyone to kiss my other kids either. That's true. No one, I don't want anyone kissing my kids. It is fun to kiss a baby though. Yeah, you're the dad. You're acting like you've kissed a random person's baby. You've never done that.

I've never kissed random person. Yeah, I've never done that. You've never even come close to that. No, I kiss my kids. I kiss my babies. Matt's secretly a baby lover. Are you serious? You are.

I feel like I have PTSD. No, you are always drawn to babies. I feel like. I, I personally love two and three. I think that's my favorite. I love that age too. Because we can have conversations.

Her other one was mom gets a hot shower every day and I'm like, yeah, that's good. That's really good. That's the bam, in my opinion. You got to shower. That's just basic hygiene. There's a lot coming out of you at that point. Kelbell says lactation cookies for 2 a.m. feeds. Me personally, I'm kind of afraid of lactation cookies.

See, why did I find myself also eating the lactation cookies? I don't know if that's good. Did they even do anything? Because, like, I wasn't lactating. I don't know. I feel like you should just eat regular cookies. What makes lactation cookies so special? Well, there's ingredients.

Usually, like, brewer's yeast. Brewers yeast? Fingugreek, right? How do you even know what that is? I don't know. Because I've had two babies. I've breastfed, and I also had to intentionally avoid it because I had an oversupply. And that stuff was messing me up.

Any lactation product, I can only have at least once my, like, honestly, six months of breastfeeding. Then I feel like then we can supplement because it was making things go crazy and I got mastitis and I'm not doing that again. Micah Morgan says you can leave the room if you don't like seeing my baby eat especially in my house. Oh so she's just saying, yo, I'm going to

breastfeed my kid. Yeah. I think that. And I don't need a cover up. You know, which hey, you know, totally. At least for the beginning. Like it's naked feeding's only. It's just too confusing. That's so hard. especially if you're a new mom trying to manage a freaking like breastfeeding cover while you're feeding your kid and it's a that's tricky. The baby's just like lost and confused and so like

and here's the thing about breastfeeding for me I didn't feel like it was easier the second time but I still felt like there was just such a learning curve and it's because the baby you and the baby have to learn together and that's starting fresh every single time. Yeah. So I'm already prepared to just do naked feeding only for the first at least two weeks. I like it. Um, I mean, I'll keep my pants on. Okay, okay. This is, that's good. I'm glad you're keeping your pants on.

This next one is from Marie. Which ones did you find? This is right on, this one's great. It says, nipple butter laughing face emoji is what she said. But, and that's like right in the same realm as, as the breastfeeding. You never really used any nipple butter, did you?

I did use nipple butter, but then when I started using nipple shields, I didn't need it. Oh, that's right. Yeah. I'm team nipple shield. Gosh, there's been so much time that's traversed. since we traversed. Since we were...

We have forged ahead in many years. It's been three years. I know. I do feel out of touch a little bit. I think it's going to hit us really hard. Don't say that. I think we're going to like... I'm only speaking positive things.

Yes, positive. Let's put out good energy and vibes out into the universe. Abigail Bruce says, Kendall had awful postpartum anxiety and reading on a device that's not my phone helps so much. I totally agree, Abigail. That you'll see that's part of our plan as well when we get to our. non-negotiables. Olivia Nelson says seeing a therapist for at least the first three months. That's good. I should honestly try that this time. I'm all for that. I think that would be great.

Okay. Maybe you should add that to ours. Bring some couples therapy. See, I'm getting good ideas. I already have a therapist, so. Yeah, I think let's get, let's schedule. She just texted me. Let's get therapy scheduled for ride, you know, within the first week of having the baby. You're kidding me. Maybe the first month of having the baby. I'm not leaving the house the first year of having the baby. Yeah. the first year. That's all postpartum that as we're learning. Riley Alexander says after a C-section, leave the hospital ASAP. I swear I'm in more pain when I'm there. Yes. But how are you leaving ASAP if you had a C-section? They make you stay longer. I honestly really, the hospital was mental health health. Hell. Hell for me. Yes. And I see these videos that are like me and my husband

on vacation. I mean in the hospital to have our baby. because we have toddlers at home. I'm like, this is... Vacation? This is vacation? The hospital is like my worst case scenario. I feel like a caged animal in there. I feel bad for the parents.

I feel like I'm gnawing on the jail cell bars in the hospital. I spoke to the nurses last time we were in the hospital for birth, and they were telling me that some parents, like one parent just stays home with the kids, and then the mom will just go and give birth. A lot of people have to do that. They don't have child care. And I think that's...

That's so sad. I never would have been capable of. That would be so lonely to give birth by yourself. Oh, to give birth by yourself? Yeah. For the birth? Yes. Oh, no, no, no, no.

I can't do that. That's scary. But some people just don't have the support system to have somebody with their kids. That makes me sad. Really sad. It makes me really sad. J.M. Seeger says the fridge in our bedroom for milk and snacks. You are on to something.

We did that our second go around and I think we're bringing it back this time. It's so nice, especially if you have a two-story house. Yeah, mini fridge. Oh, just. makes it so nice. Yeah, got to refrigerate that stuff. K.A. Brecht says burp rags, diapers, wipes need to be in every room. It's actually a pretty good idea. See, I would just burp our kids over the sink because they would, they had so much, it had so much indigestion. Every time I burp them, there was just tons of stuff coming up. So the sink was the place to do it.

I think it's because I had just shot so much milk. I have no. Yeah, maybe you, I think that that's probably what it was. I've never seen kids puke as much as ours. Then they weren't fine with it. Especially her first, yeah. Yeah, like projectile. Yeah. Maybe he had acid reflux. Mrs.

I don't know if this is Weiner or Weiner, but I'm going to say Weiner because it's funny. Mrs. Weiner said Granny Panties, so comfy, L.O.L. Granny Pannies. Are you team Granny Pannies after giving birth? You think I'm putting a thong on after everything that's happening down there? Probably not. Probably not. Oh, God.

That reminds me. We need to add that to my turn. target pickup because those those underwear's cannot be repurposed oh god or shouldn't be i swear by the kindred bravely ones though they are amazing and i will be restocking on those for sure good especially because you're going through multiple a day probably that's right um merm faith says paper plates no dishes will be washed that's a good idea that's really good why have we just now discovered paper plates by the environment forgive you you're having a kid you know no you know i actually heard okay someone can fact check me on this. That the environmental impact of running a dishwasher is actually more

like harming to the environment at large than a disposable paper. You heard it right here folks. Everyone should get rid of their dishwasher. I hope I'm not spreading misinformation there. We should only use paper plates and plastic forks. That's what I heard. Your aunt told me that. Your aunt did. I don't know about that babe. That sounds a little that sounds like it's not true. We're going to have to put a disclaimer on the episode now. That's like disclaimer. Misinformation. This is misinformation. Please be good to the environment. Gosh, paper plates are great, though.

One of my college roommates would exclusively eat off paper plates. I think a lot of college students do that. I think a lot of people do that just like on the regular in their own household. And look, there are ones that are compostable. But then how many people do you know that have a compost? We need to get a compost. I want one. Yeah.

I want that. But where are we going to put that in our yard? No, you can get a countertop compost. That sounds disgusting. I don't want that in my house. Matt, we're going to do some research. okay. Oh gosh.

The last one is from Emily Hobes. She says paternity leave. That's so nice. Yeah. That is so nice. That is nice. Speaking of paternity leave, here's a couple facts about paternity leave.

Fun facts. Hit me with the baby. The United States does not have a federal law guaranteeing paid paternity leave. Nationally, the only legal protection for fathers is the Family and Medical Leave Act, FMLA, which provides eligible employees up to 12 weeks of unpaid job protected leave for the birth, adoption, or foster placement of a child. But I mean, if it's unpaid, that is not an option for a lot of, for most people.

Yeah, that is, that's, uh, yeah. Well, in contra, so if we're comparing the U.S. to other countries, we, we know that the U.S. is not favorable in this area. Yeah. And in Spain, fathers are entitled to 16 weeks of fully paid leave, matching the length of maternity leave. Okay. Is that, my question, though, is that for small businesses, too?

It makes sense for a corporation. You know, they got the deep pockets to fund this stuff. But if you're a small... I have to imagine it's everything. That must have to be for companies that have more than like 30 employees or something. Instead of traditional paternity leave, Sweden offers 480 days of shared parental leave. That's crazy. I mean, that's awesome.

Some of these European countries... That's actually really good. It's pretty crazy. I mean, we are fortunate to have the pockets to pay for some of the crazy. medical bills we've gotten hit with over the past couple years. But, you know, that's like, that for a lot of people that puts you into debt, that puts you into so many, so much stress and anxiety dealing with, you know, medical bills that pile up, especially when you have something that happens. You're not going to, like, not take your kid to the doctor if they have some

rare disease or rare disorder. You're not going to not, like, take care of yourself if you get diagnosed with cancer, right? So I think. I think it's dope that some of these other European countries have a lot more benefits. No, they definitely. Health-wise, right? They definitely have their perks in other countries compared to the U.S. It's true. Rapid Fire do a few more these because these are really good.

Okay, go. Silverettes is what Amanda says. She swears by silverettes. I've never used silverets. What is a silverette? heard some of our friends. That does happen. Yeah. Um, this one is from Lee Solaranzo. So it says shopping spree at six weeks postpartum. Six weeks feels a little soon, but I do, do agree that you do need a new wardrobe early postpartum because it feels like, actually six weeks isn't a bad idea. Because you want to feel, you want to get stuff that fits your body at that stage that you feel comfortable in and you feel confident in. Yeah.

Because it's a hard time. Yeah. Um, the closet needs a refresh. Any excuse to get a closet refresh. honestly. Jessica says, hear me out. We got a bidet toilet seat. Life changing. I'm terrified of badees and especially at that time I do not want any water shooting up that area. Why is it kind of a nice little, it's a little cleanse, you know? I'm terrified. Something that bothers me. Like something, and I don't know if this was just because I grew up with brothers and a dad. I think you see a therapist about this. And, and, you know, at one point in my life, there might have been hand me down undies at one point with poop streaks hit them and that freaked me out like you like I love my tushy's got to be clean yeah you do it our kids you wipe them so much I don't want them

clean anyway we don't need to get into this you don't want doo-do down there that's um that's gross an alarming amount of people responded to our poll on instagram by saying jimmy john's postpartum someone explain what this is about because we didn't have jimmy john's postpartum well it's it's it just tastes amazing oh cold cuts Cold deli meat. You can have cold cuts again confidently. Which is awesome. I love that.

Gosh, that sounds so good right now. Rallying behind that. And Jersey Mikes. Jersey Mikes has never had a listery outbreak. I'm just going to say my OB told me that. She did say that. And I still won't do it because I'm paranoid this pregnancy. What did you get last minute Jersey Mikes?

You got the cheese steak? I get the chicken cheese steak. They keep that meat past 165 degrees. Maybe also Jimmy Johns too because you can throw it in the fridge and eat it whenever it's a convenient time, it stays good. Cat says freezer meals seriously make the biggest difference. I don't know why I have a weird relationship with the freezer, but I see where that's a really convenient option.

See, frozen food sometimes can give me the ick. Yeah, see, we both get the egg from frozen. Especially with how I know how quickly you can grill fresh meat, why would you spend just, why would you spend more time heating up a frozen meal in the oven? I guess it's technically easier, but it just there's so much so

yeah I don't know no I'm talking about no they're talking about making homemade meals and then freezing them oh that's good yeah that's good that's a good idea well we probably won't ever be that much of a planners to make that happen

but I think that's a great idea and we are team leftovers we love leftovers we love leftovers I am the least diva I'm eating leftovers from like three days ago I ate leftovers today I ate leftovers yesterday and I'll eat leftovers tomorrow we always eat leftovers we always eat leftovers

it's great Okay, finally, here are non-negotiables for this round postpartum. And we're kind of, I'm not going to say we're experts, but I'm saying we've been around the block a couple times. So we've learned some things. We're dropping some things and we're taking on some new things, this lap around the block with baby number three. This is a very new rule for us and very contradictory to what we did previously.

And we are not allowing any people to stay the night at our house for the first month. That's a brand new one. Yeah. We're laying down the law. kind of scared to say that one, but everyone received it super well. I know. And I think that was a great call. I'm glad that you made that decision and I'm all on board with it.

I think that I am generally someone that loves having a lot of people around. Postpartum is a unique period of my life where that is extremely over stimulating to me. And I didn't really realize it until poop at the fan last time around. And we have great family and people that were saying us were so nice and easy and accommodating and like helpful it was just too much for my brain well i think i think you're such an amazing host and you care so much about other people and you're always thinking about other people's needs to a fault though to where it's like you you have at times like done it so much to where it ends up like seriously negatively affecting you and so i'm glad that you were able to recognize

that and recognize hey i need to prioritize my needs while i'm postpartum with a baby yeah that's probably fair because I feel like men other people were around it wasn't things that they were doing it was more so I'm putting on myself like oh I want to be able to do this for them since they're in my house like I want to do these things now if a family member is like hey I want to come to your house anyone can come during the day while you're yeah during the day or like do something of course my gosh or even just to hang out like we can still hang out play some cards or something probably during the day but yeah we're not we're not hosting dinners we're not hosting people spending the night yes yeah

Yeah. People can come during the day. People can come, yeah, play cards if they want to do a chore for us. Amazing. Like things like that, but we're not going to do overnights or hosted meals. Yeah. Along similar lines, we had decided that our older two kids are going to stay the night at Grandma and Grandpa's house for the first week. And so we'll see them all during the day similarly and hang out with them. They'll meet their baby brother. They'll spend. all that good quality time just for when they sleep they'll sleep elsewhere so we can focus the two of us on like those early night shifts like those early night shifts will be really hard even if we have a successful V back like it'll be hard physically to just get up and out of bed to breastfeed they'll be be will both be very tired and um they'll already be there from when we're in the hot from our hospital stay so then just from like when the baby comes it'll be a week and then we'll see them during the days

and then at night we'll have that time to bond and really like just have that quality time with our new little baby boy. What do you think you'll do this time? Do you think you'll be pumping in the night? Yes, I plan to pump in the night. Okay.

Because I feel like that actually really helped us get the baby back to sleep as quick as possible, which then made our second a really good sleeper. Because, like obviously if your kid's going to be a difficult sleeper, they're going to be a difficult sleeper, but I do think that helped. So you're going to do breastfeeding during the day, pumping at night. a plan. And then if I'm, I think our, the game plan that we discussed is I'm, you know, the toddler,

the toddler man, I'm, you know, doing nighttime routine, doing the morning routine, doing all things toddlers, you're doing the nighttime with the baby this time around. Yeah, that's number three. Okay. So I guess my question for you is, are you going to have like a bottle ready for when baby wakes up and then give the, give baby the bottle and then when baby's back asleep, then you're going to pump? No, I'm actually thinking I'm going to wear a wearable pump while I feed the baby a bottle. Oh. And do that.

Wait, that's kind of cool. Yeah. Are you to get one of the ones that you can walk around with? We've never had one of those. I've never had one of those. That's exciting. I know. Do a wearable pump with a bottle, which seems so dumb.

I understand where people are like, why don't you just nurse the baby? But if this baby is anything like our other two babies, really slow nursing experience. And then they would always fall asleep because it took so long. And they were just so comforted. And they just like, it just made it really, really, really, long and it made our night like i'm telling you anytime they'd wake up we'd be up for at least an hour yeah so we're like no we'll just pop them a bottle and both of our kids absolutely guzzled bottles and we don't need you seeing spiders in the wall we need you get we need you get in your

sleep yes so that's good so yeah like you said once we're like i feel physically more better i'm gonna fully do the night shifts so then you can rest up because there's no point both of us being tired. Or there's no point in both of us. We'll both be tired, but there's no point in both of us getting interrupted sleep. Yeah. And you wake up with our two hyperactive toddler boys and put them to bed. You'll do the morning and night shift with them and then I'll do the shift with the babies throughout the night. And then obviously I feel like if I can just like maybe I need a Hail Mary, you'll be there for me. Yeah. Of course. I'm assuming. Of course. I need a Hail Mary, which I'm sure will happen a few times. But really,

want to work on my newborn confidence this time around. And then, yeah, that is kind of how we'll do things. We also talked about having a nighttime station while we're on the topic of nights. We have this area of our bedroom where we have this big empty counter. And I have this vision for it. We actually do need to get electrical moved. I'm contacting an electrician. Really?

Because a lot of these things require electricity. But we want to get, like I think we're going to just get all the gadgets that we can get that we never got the past couple times for whatever reason. Bottle warmer. This is the big ticket one that I'm, but I've heard it's game changing is a bottle wash. I love it. So I can put the pump parts and the bottles in there in our room upstairs.

And then that can all get washed while I go back to sleep. Nice. I said bottle warmer. A mini fridge for breast milk and for snacking during breastfeeding in the night. Diapers, obviously. fresh jammies like all I make that whole station all decked out and perfect and I'm really looking forward to that setup I think that's me great oh yeah I'm gonna make it just it's gonna be so fun because that's the other thing oh I want to get a little lamp so I don't have to turn the overhead light lighting

lighting really influences my mood like if it feels really scary and daunting and all the overhead lights on it'll just make it so much more scary when the baby wakes up the night but if I can just set some nice mood lighting maybe get some fairy lights over there wait now I'm wondering am I gonna Am I going to sleep in our boys' room? Am I sleeping? Like, have we, am I going to sleep in the, do you want me to sleep with you or do you want me to sleep with our boys? No, I think you should sleep somewhere else. Okay.

So the baby's not waking you up constantly. Okay. They would love if you slept with them. Maybe we're all going to, maybe me and our boys are going to. Yeah, we're having to the guest bedroom. I guess we could all cuddle together in the guest bedroom. Well, your parents will eventually be staying with us. Yeah.

So then you can sleep with the boys. Okay. I might need to get another twin mattress then. Yeah. true. Yeah. We'll have to figure that one out. Yeah. Thank you to Cash App for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. When it comes to parenting a money lesson that I'm trying to pass down to our kids is to spend less than you make. Honestly, now is the time to start those conversations and start developing that financial literacy in our children. And that's also why

I'm really excited about what Cash App is launching for when they get a little bit older. They're developing something really cool for all the parents out there with teenagers. So we know you're already trying to keep a million different things under control and so does cash app. That's why cash app is here to help make sure your teen's money and their spending isn't adding to that craziness. It's never too early for your kids to start saving. Like we said earlier, small steps today can build strong habits tomorrow. Cash app is now offering teens interest on savings so they can grow money faster all under your guidance. You can sponsor your teen on cash app to set them up today. There's no hidden or monthly fees and no minimum account balances. Teens can

start with as little as $1 and grow from there without paying any extra. You can also manage everything directly from your own Cash App account without having to switch between the two, making it simple to stay connected to your teen's financial activity in a way that's both efficient and empowering. If you're ready to give your teen access to interest on savings, start by downloading Cash App and sponsoring their account today. New Cash App customers can earn $10 if they use code Family 10 in their profile at sign up and send $5 to a friend within 14 days. Terms apply. Cash app is a financial services platform, not a bank. Bank. Bank Partners, prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, member FDIC, cash app,

FeeICC, cash app, visa debit, flex cards issued by Sutton Bank, FECD, N.A. Pursuant FECDN, CET, Clause, Inc. Cards, Cards, Claims for Suttain-Card and Bank Caird, savings provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. Brand. Visit Cache.com. Visit Cache.com. Okay, this one is more along the lines of, like, working. Now, obviously, there's a lot of disclaimers here. We don't have a conventional job. We do not. take it like it's probably one of the biggest blessings the flexibility that what we do for work gives us it's like i'm so grateful it's like literally one of the biggest benefits but um

our plan this go around is no posting anything at all for a week once baby's born so that week is like just fully focusing on baby us healing and just really soaking in those moments i think now like after two other two other babies we know how fast that first week goes and it's like I just want to be fully focused on that and not all these other elements

so this doesn't mean we're not going to film things it just means there will be no posting there'll be no I won't be visiting the platforms like there just won't be any of that and so yeah be prepared for that in case you're wondering if we do go dark then that probably means that a baby has come we'll probably say like okay

bye guys it looks like it's baby time or we could post that video that's like if you see this and that means baby's coming yeah we've done that before in the past too

we kind of went dark yeah we'll have I guess you know what I don't know if we went dark on our podcast though because I think we had stuff pre-recorded so there were still there were clips going out

do you want to know what my friends told me today what did they say when we went to or had a toddler played it they were like I was like well what am I gonna do about going dark

with all the podcast I was like I guess I'll just have to film a bunch in advance. That seems crazy. And they're like, no worries. We'll do your podcast for you. And so they might do it. I don't know.

They might hop on do Always Here for us. Maybe that's when a Val could make a cameo. Everybody, everybody on Always Here was asking you like. Or even Caitlin was like, I'm going to go. I'll bring you a meal and I'll just make sure you're tucked up in bed. And then I'm going to go do your podcast for you. And then I was like, that would be great.

Oh my gosh. And here's a thing I know about that. my friends is that they will do it. They literally will. None of them do social media. Like, I mean, they all have personal accounts. But they would certainly do that for me. And I really appreciate that for them.

So I don't know. Maybe just look for that. Maybe Matt will be doing some solo episodes of unplanned. You never know. Or maybe I'll pop in here just with a baby attached to me and then maybe we'll just leave early. Well, just, there's going to be a lot of flexibility in that time. Oh, for sure. We'll just see what I'm capable of.

I don't know. There's a lot of unknowns. Along similar lines, this is not for like, you know, work-wise. This will be more just like for personal enjoyment-wise. I'm going to extremely limit my screen time. I already do this, but like I think it's extremely important for me personally, postpartum to not be scrolling. It's so easy to because you're sitting a lot, you're nursing a lot, you're alone a lot.

Like, it's easy to just scroll, but mental health-wise, that's just, I'm too vulnerable at that time to just be doing something that makes my mental health go to trash. So instead, what we'll be doing is healthy screen time, which is TV. I call this healthy screen time. TV. Isn't that funny how back in the day? The TV is like the healthy version? When we were kids, I remember how my parents told me TV was bad. And so I literally thought that if I looked at a mirror at the TV, that it wouldn't be bad for me because I thought the act of looking at the TV was bad. Oh, wow. That funny? Yeah, you certainly had some OCD. Yeah, I did. I've 100% and I do. But yeah, that something about TV just seems so much more,

it seems more wholesome, more healthy. Yeah, it's slower. Then the algorithms, all the apps, right? It's all optimized around retention. And there's a lot of negative things too. Yeah. Also, when there's a potential that you can see something negative about yourself. Yeah.

That really does through an extra loop. Yeah. An extra loophole in there. But my mom actually has one of those portable TVDs, those portable TVs. that I'm going to, I've already said, I would love to borrow that postpartum. So, because you don't have a TV in our bedroom. Yeah.

Because I don't normally want that. I think it's kind of cool. But it's so nice. I'm like, I'm going to probably watch Gilmore girls. I've never seen Gilmore girls, but I thought that that would be an excellent postpartum show. That's so fun.

Because it's so happy and light and just like, it's like mindless but not like brain rot. You know what I mean? You can just roll that thing around. I've never, I've also never seen friends. No way. I know.

I would watch friends with you. I've actually never. I've never. watched a season of friends. I'm thinking that's the time I'm going to watch friends, Gilmore Girls, like all the Great British break baking shows I've never seen. The new season of House of the Dragon is coming out soon? No, that's the most triggering show for a birth and postpartum. That did trigger you because there was a there was like a late term. There's a lot of graphic birth scenes and terrible. Oh yeah, there's a birth where the

mom and the baby died in the birth. So that would be not good at all. Don't watch it. Don't watch it. It's really triggering. I'm actually so serious with that. That show is crazy. So maybe I'll be watching that show by myself. Yeah, I will not be tuning in. Okay. Well, not at least in that fragile time period. Yeah, yeah.

That's what we got for our new non-negotiables, except I'm going to take on some of yours. If I was having a C-section, my other non-negotiable was going to be that I was going to take the pain medication. Okay. Because I didn't do that last time. And I really think that that didn't serve me well. Yeah, also I'm going to go to bed early. I don't know why we stayed up so late, like with newborns before.

I think it's because we were scared to go to bed because we knew that they were to wake up. But I don't, I just think it was a bad cycle. Yeah, go to bed early. Give yourself as much time in bed as you can, so then when you can sleep, you can't sleep. Should move to agree to disagree? I think we should.

Okay, agreed to disagree. Postpartum edition. A postpartum plan is more important than a birth plan. Yeah, actually. Yes, agree. Because there's more you can actually, there's more certainties with a postpartum plan than a birth plan. Yeah, postpartum is 12 to 18 months and the birth is a day. And also most people, I'm assuming, are going to a hospital where if you have a whole birth plan planned out, I know so many people that they have.

It's so good to have a birth plan. Yeah, it's a good, it's great. and it's good to attend the classes and everything, but so many people it's sad I hear will come in with this like perfect idea of what's going to happen and then none of it goes according to plan and it makes them so down. So I think, yeah, probably preparing a little bit more

for postpartum is probably the move. Yeah, there's more within your control, I would say postpartum wise. I will also say that this is something that I quickly learned after having both of our kids, having a game plan between you and your spouse for nighttime wake-ups makes for way less conflict. And also it's just way less stressful

because it's like, okay, when the baby wakes up, you do this, I do this, we do this, and then we give back to bed. Like having that plan just streamlines everything and it just makes for just a lot less like resentment, bitterness, like things like that and just like a lot more confidence because it can be so stressful, but like a lot more confidence. It's like, okay, this is how we handle it when the baby wakes up.

We do this, we do this. And if they don't go back to sleep, we do this. we do this. Like there's just like, it just makes it so much more peaceful in my mind. The next one says the newborn stage is easier than pregnancy. NAR. Not for me. No.

I mean, yeah, for the dad, obviously the newborn stage is harder. And I would say for, as a mom, I feel like the newborn stage was harder to. It's okay to prioritize your own sleep over household chores. For sure. Not even just postpartum. For sure. Entire life. Yeah.

Sleep is more important. Yeah. We're sloppy pigs, apparently. Yeah, I'm always team, like, go to bed with the messy house and figure it out the next day. Well, no, I actually, I really believe in the importance of putting the house together at night. That's where we're different. Yeah. That's we're so different.

But I'm saying if it's coming at the cost of your sleep dramatically, then, yeah, no. Especially postpartum. Visitors should wait to be invited after a baby is born. Yeah, you don't want to just show up at someone's house. Don't show up randomly. But also I don't want the job of being like, hey, come over today. Like, I like it when people check in. Yeah.

And then you can be like, hey, I guess that is still waiting to be invited. I think it's good to check in on a mom. Yeah, you can shoot a text over to a new parent and say, hey, I wanted to pop in and drop off a gift or I wanted to drop off dinner or muffins, you know, whatever it is. And that's the way to do it. Usually I just say, is it a good time for a visit or do you let me just leave it on the front porch? that's a good yes yes that's perfect every mom should see a pelvic floor therapist postpartum that's a big statement um i can't say that they're wrong because i do have some pelvic floor issues wait really i mean i pee my pants a lot i think that's just part of being pregnant well pelvic floor

therapist would say otherwise probably may be pregnant but they said postpartum i can't speak to personal experience on that i've only been once and it wasn't a great experience but I see the value for other people. I won't be back, but. Everybody was stitching. I'm going to have to have more difficult. I'm going to have to have more. Wait, we should talk about this.

Every pelvic floor specialist on the internet was stitching Abby's video talking about going to pelvic floor. But I don't think they were mad at me. I think they were saying that I had a bad experience. Yeah. It wasn't the typical experience. Yes. Yes. Yeah.

Just so you know, a pelvic floor. floor therapist is probably going to stick their fingers up there. I didn't know that, just so you should know. Moms put too much pressure on themselves to bounce back. Yeah, but I do think our culture is changing where there's like a really good message behind like you don't need to bounce back. Like, you're a completely new person now. Your body's going to be completely new. Yeah. I just feel super lucky because I'm married to someone that like really prioritizes fitness to a point where like If I'm not going to the gym, I'm like, okay, I got to go to the gym. And the reason I prioritize fitness is literally for my mental health.

So, which is also, I've learned that from you too. Because the gym for me was never about mental health, but it's made a huge impact on my mental health. Seriously, there's something to it. I'm going to take the iPad for a couple of these. That's all right. Agree to disagree. Your relationship changes more after having a baby than after getting married. A hundred percent agree.

I agree. 100% agree. I feel like we had a really smooth transition into marriage. Yeah. And there was a lot of learning moments going into parenthood. I think that's why you should never have kids with someone unless you're married to them. I agree. I think that's, having kids with someone is...

Ideally. I think it's happening. Ideally, ideally, yeah. And you can make it work. But I'm just saying that there is just, I think that's, yeah. Yeah, having kids with somebody is by far a much bigger decision than getting married. like a million times bigger. You're talking about raising another human.

You're creating another human. There's no rewind on that. Yeah. You can rewind a marriage. You'll be a parent. You'll be co-parents together for the rest of your lives. You can kind of rewind a marriage. I mean like divorce is awful.

You can. Yeah, you can. Yeah, but if you've had kids with that person, there's not really. You'll be bonded with that person forever. Unless you want to be like an awful parent and never see your kid ever again. Yeah, that's not an option. I mean, some people think it's an option and do that.

That's messed up. And then we have agreed to disagree. The second baby is easier than the first. I'm going to say agree. Yeah, me too. I think the first is the biggest change. Cool. I think I and I do, it does kind of bother me when people tell parents of one kid,

they're like, just wait. Like with two, it's a whole different ballgame. Like, of course it's different. But don't be so intimidating like that because they know. exactly what it's like, but it's just slightly different because it's times two. You know what I mean? You also have a toddler. And we're going to end today's episode by reading a review. This comes from Linda. She says, my happy place. This is a review she left on Apple Podcast. So thank you, Linda, for writing this because I think Apple Podcast is the only place you can actually write a review.

But it says, my happy place, such a clean and safe space on the internet to hear about well-rounded and diverse topics. I think I've listened to 98% of your interviews and love the variety. Always entertaining X-O-X-O. That's so nice. That's so sweet. Thank you, Linda. Linda, thank you so much, Linda. Well, technically it's spelled L-I-N-D-S, but I want to say... L-I-N-D-S, but I want to say... Lins, she was probably Lindsay. Oh, thank you, Lindsay. Thank you, Lindsay. And another fun fact, apparently we've gained 28,000 new subscribers in the past month. So thank you everybody who has subscribe to unplanned. We're on the road to a million. We're really hoping that that can be a milestone that we hit this year. So if you're not already subscribed to the show, please

subscribe. It's free. It takes, it's like the one, it's a free way you can support the show. So thank you everybody. That's a huge accomplishment. I know. I'm proud of us. Yeah, that's awesome. We're not there. We're not there yet. We're still, we got over 100,000. I'm already celebrating in my mind. Okay, that's awesome. I love that. Well, thank you everybody. And we'll see you in the next episode. Thanks, guys. Peace. Peace.