The Vault with Financielle - “15 People to Buy For… and I’m Still Paying Off Debt” | The Vault Episode 90

Episode Date: November 13, 2025

Send us a text“There’s nothing wrong with saying ‘my budget’s tight this year” - we unpack this week’s controversial opinion, then dive into your dilemmas:💸 ”15 People to Buy For… and I’m Still Paying Off Debt”💸 ”I’ve fixed my money situation… but I still don’t trust myself around sales”Got a money win or (totally anonymous) dilemma? Share it via the Financielle app community or email [[e-mail]] 💌You’re not alone in figuring this stuff out. Get honest, helpful reads at [financielle.com] 💖💸Connect with our Partners*🫶 Get life insurance with our friends at Lifesearch. Speak to a female advisor here.✍ Write a will that is tailored to you with Octopus Legacy.🏡 Meet our Financielle approved Mortgage Brokers.*The above are tracked links, which tells our partners we sent you and may in future result in a payment or benefit to our site.Chapters:00:00 Welcome to the Vault00:14 Wardrobe Talk00:40 Prepping for Christmas01:22 Budgeting and Financial Awareness02:43 Family and Social Dynamics06:01 Gift Giving Challenges09:38 Christmas Shopping Strategies15:04 The True Meaning of Christmas16:10 The Voucher Dilemma16:58 Thoughtful Gifting Ideas18:16 Charity Over Gifts21:54 Secret Santa Strategies24:51 Handling Black Friday Temptations34:59 Conclusion and Final ThoughtsThe Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money.Visit https://www.financielle.com to download our app.Watch the podcast on YouTube.Follow Financielle for more:▶︎ TikTok▶︎ InstagramAbout Financielle:Financielle is a female focussed finance app helping women to take back control of their money, ditch debt, increase savings and invest in their future.Recorded and Produced by Liverpool Podcast Studios▶︎ Web ▶︎ Instagram▶︎ LinkedIn

Welcome to The Vault with Financial. This is a safe space where we talk all things, life, money and no topics are off limits. Hello. Hi. Good morning. Very autuminal. We are, really. Accidentally, really.

I know, yeah. I mean, all my wardrobe is this brown colour now. Browns and wines. Do you remember brown used to be like, I got brown? Yeah. Trousers. No brown. Yeah.

And now it's like, it's chocolate. It's like, it's been busy. Obviously, it's been marketed now. Like, everything gets marketed. Yeah. Galaxy chocolate. Yeah. Sorry, said that out loud.

Okay, today's controversial opinion. We've got a kind of a Christmas theme episode, but more of a prepping for Christmas because we've got a month and a half. But we're in the throes of prepping, like, the minute you step into November. November, sorry if you're birthday's a November or you have a wedding or something very special, but for the general public, for the rest of us, you're in season mode. You're in like Christmas season mode, aren't you? When you get into November, like, what are we looking forward to in November, really?

It's Christmas. Christmas things. Yeah, especially once five week nights gone past. Yeah. Oh, that's my favourite holiday of the year. Really? Holiday. Holiday.

Holiday. That's quite I'm very good thing to say. Guy Fawkes, holiday. Okay, controversial opinion. There's nothing wrong with saying, my budget's tight this year. It's not. controversial at all. But it is if you're not in the financial community. Like, I imagine pre-financial would I have said that out loud to someone or already I've made something up as to the reason why

I can't buy a gift or go in for, you know, the Hendoo fund or the night out or something? Would I genuinely? And would I have been so insightful of my own budget and limitations? Do you know what I mean? Would I have gone, Holly, you can't afford. I don't think I would have done. I don't think I realized. Yeah. Oh, I wouldn't have had a clue. I just used to go for a month. You'd have said yeah. I'd have said yeah. Or if I don't, I'm very good at saying no to things. I also would have just said no, but it wouldn't have been budget related just. I don't want to go to that. But now in my financial era, I would much more be like, we've got money goals that we want to hit and I've got to cut back on something. And unfortunately, my going out fund is the thing that's kind of like going to be cut a little bit.

But how easy is that for people to say when they don't have that mindset or they're not in the same group of friends? Like we surround ourselves with people like you where we're all having these discussions on the daily about what our money goals are and what we can and can't afford. And it's quite natural and normal, non-judgmental, but outside of this like safe space and outside of our community, like, would we really be saying things like that? I'm not sure. I feel like the older you get, the more like, give a shit you get as well. So you don't care as much of what people think. But I do think when I think back to my early 20s before I started the financial journey, like I was definitely bothered about what. people thought and I wouldn't have wanted to not do something, not because I thought it would be connected to what, whether people thought I had money or not, but I wouldn't have had the confidence to say, well, that's probably why I ran up so much debt. I wouldn't have had the confidence to say my budget can't take that, or my budget's a bit tight this year. I think nowadays a lot of people are more understanding about budgets being tight. It's in the press. It's like,

I love a cosy-living, don't they? Yeah, that's been cost of living crisis, like forever.com. And it's because it is, it is the new normal, but it is. And so people do, lots of people find things tight. And it's more acceptable to say that when everything's expensive, when mortgages are expensive and when rent's expensive and when, you know, cars are expensive and utility bills are expensive. It's a leveler. Like even for higher earners, things are tight.

Yeah, you hear conversations much more. Obviously, we stand and watch so much kids sport, like, or dancing or whatever. And back in the day, I genuinely don't think my mom would have sat with someone and been like, oh my God, the mortgage. like really stressed that the rates are going up. Like I don't ever recall my parents speaking about that. But now it's all I can hear people saying. And I'm like, oh, I know they've got a good job.

Like they've got a nice house. They've got nice cars. They've got nice holidays. And they're literally going, everything's so expensive. Like everything for school is expensive. You know, I'm in the PTA. So I'm constantly putting events on to try and raise money for the school. But consciously at the same time going,

it's going to be another thing that someone's got to pay for. So it's just constantly on your mind. So we've all been there as well when people, when you think we talk. talked about us earlier. How do they afford that? Yeah, it's my favorite game. Like, fair play, but how did this happen? Like, what, what don't we know? Like, we need an autopsy on... We did the, like, imagining and didn't we have what said person we were talking about do to get that additional income. I'm like, they must have a side hustle. I was like,

their job probably brings in. And you can go and find these things out now. The funny thing about, you know, chat GBT or like, indeed or whatever, you can just go, like, what does a X, X, X, X, X, X, and then you go, this doesn't make sense. It's fascinating when the math's not math, you're like, must be, only fans are drugs. There's something going on there. But it is to you in nature to be like, if I'm like this, how can she or how can they or how can, you know, other people? So, yeah, the being, I think people are more open nowadays to say, my budget's a bit tight,

full stop and then not have to explain why you not have to be like again I think it might be a bit of millennial thing where you like over-explained and a female thing because where it's just yeah no but just a bit tight I feel like it's a female thing I think lads would just go all but he's a bit tight it's month I'm not coming all right no worries whereas girls like I don't even think they're saying that no yeah they'd just be happy I can't remember what it was recently and I remember hearing myself saying something like it might do you know what I was chatting to um to a really good friend of ours

about balls and um one of our um the fact that people sometimes gift us tickets is so nice i was trying to her and i was saying i don't think i'd pay it for that for that particular one maybe that one but the um it's a value thing and it's sometimes it's not necessarily whether you can afford it but you can't afford everything yeah yeah so you kind of go it would be nice to go and i love being with my friends but i also can see my friends here so when i choose between A, B, C, and D, that thing wouldn't be the thing that I would particular buy, but someone else might be like, oh my non-negotiable, that one. My non-negotiable is going to that thing and wearing that outfit and doing this.

You know, we, so we, I'm trying to think of different things where you go, like, I'm not a big family activity payer, like I don't, you know, first of a lot of, that's our thing, isn't it? First of we've not got a lot of time, but usually like, my husband works weekends already. So then you're like, it's a big deal to be able to do something altogether. And then when the cost really stacks up, as a family, sometimes we like just doing more simple things. But it is, Hollies. And sometimes I wish I was doing stuff that she was doing because then I get family

memories rather than like, oh, right, another football match. Oh, right. But we, like, accommodate for that. Laura and Carl might spend money on, like, different things that I wouldn't as well. So it just shows you how personal budgeting in, isn't it? You might really value something else that I go, I'm really not bothered about that. Like, I don't care. We probably spend a lot more money on, like, eating out and staying away.

Yeah. But, again, I think a lot of that's your Cali did. calendar more so than funds. My calendar. Do you know what I mean? Like I do have more free time at the weekends and stuff. So we will be like the little one who like, which just do like, there's a lot of things that you don't like, he'll hate it, he'll ruin it for everyone.

Yeah. That used to be us. And I think when you get past a certain age, you can then go, you can lean into it more. And that might be something that you do as Ava grows up. You don't need to accommodate her because she's off doing her own thing. And you've got two kids that are a good age. But that is something like I said I was chatting to our friend about. And I was saying like sometimes we have the confidence, especially because we're older,

but to say, no, we're not doing that. because we have a just three-year-old whereas he's the youngest out of most of our friends who've got a couple little babies but generally he's a good four years younger than other people's kids so other people's mindsets about oh they're going to stay out here

and they're going to do that whereas we've got like a babysitter we're going to get back for so when we're deciding to do a night out it's like... It's got to be the best thing in your life because you've got to pay for the babysitter and you've got to do all the prep

literally people don't understand how much I value their friendship when I'm doing something them because of the stuff that it takes to get out of the house and crucially that goes to the budget because when we when we do a night out we need the babysitter fee and then we need the transport free unless we one who one of us wants to drive and even then you pay for quite expensive car bagging then there's the thing and then there's the outfits for the thing so it has to be an amazing thing to have all that line up and if you were only half and half about it if you didn't

really want to go then your poor budget's taken quite a chute a hit when it could have been Delivated to Sunday lunch as a family and that was something you think, you know, or. I think that's, and it comes with time older and wiser. I think now I've done too many things in my youth where I've just been polite and been there because I felt like a person really wanted me to be there. And then I always remember that I'm not the main character. No one gives a shame if I'm not there. They actually don't.

So I'm much more comfortable now being like, no. So, oh, please. I'm like, no. And you'll be fine. I think I've said that to people. I go, you'll be fine that I'm not there. And they are fine. I don't want to go there.

You don't want me there. miserable like you like that i don't like that yeah like when all our friends went to the races it's not our thing i really don't like the races but i love all my friends my feet hurt i'm cold i'm getting barged left right and center i don't really drink so i can't black out and be like it's fine because i'm sober as a judge like she's like i'll meet you for tea afterwards yeah yeah or i'll go for the breakfast first we're like it's a very different experience and if you're so on cold sober in a taxi home people who drink and people are sober will not appreciate how painful it is to sit at the end of the night one in the morning and you've got people

people just right right right and you're literally like please just get my home I wish I'd driven and I could have like taken myself off to when the whole day could have been avoided and a lot of money avoided yeah yeah but with the same group of friends you do something else right up your street like you know it's the confidence to say on budget's a bit tight I think it has got easier to say maybe because we're older but to think with time do you think with the what do you think for you personally I think I don't know because I doesn't do anything either I'm just like key excuse maker and like everyone knows that as well and like so you're a polite invite because they know you're going to say no they don't not that I'm

I don't say no to everything but it's just like I don't know that your friends get to know each other and like you know that person's not going to want to do that like you know this person's not going to I think your generation's a bit better at that though because I don't think ours was in 20s no it was like cut throw that to be in or you were like a shit friend Yes, that was it. Especially with that old, like not the friends we've got now, but the friends are you really 20. Why are you not coming?

You never come to anything. And if you were there and someone wasn't there, they'd be talking about that person that wasn't there. Yeah. I don't know people do that about me and you, that we don't go to some stuff. No, I don't think they do. No, because sometimes you go to stuff

that I go, don't go to vice versa and look out for each other. But I think everyone's at peace. I think everyone's at peace with who they are. They really are. And I love Lucy that you said that about you and your friends, which is like there's just a vibe for, I might even be within the family, who would and wouldn't like something.

And a respect for it as well. Like respect. I think we've got there with mum, Trish, we know you always listening, so we're going to talk to you. Something she just don't want to do. She doesn't want to do. And there's no part of being like,

don't be miserable. She's not being miserable. She doesn't want to do that thing. And that's fine. That's her, she will please herself and absolutely quite rightly because we don't want to have to encourage you

to like activity A. And she doesn't want to be activity A. But then she'll like, we'll do something else that is right up her street that's up hours. I just think there's a lot. I think there's more appreciation

for what people actually like and want to do nowadays than there was, I think the budget thing is probably a bit more universal generally that it's not as shameful. Do you know what you could do? You could like score it. If you're struggling to be like, what do I actually want to do or should and you like, oh, and you do that effort versus reward? Like, oh, it's a nine effort. Yeah. And how much am I not going to like it? But putting cost in as well. Like how expensive is it versus how much I actually want to do it? And you'll come to like, oh, it's a five. Yeah. It's a five, I want to do it. It's a 10 expensive.

That's a no. That's a no. Oh my God. That's such a good idea. It's a 10, it's a zero expensive and I really want to do it. No brainer. Or it's a 10 expensive, but it's a once in a lifetime of opportunity. Like the band that I really like are coming.

It can be a 10. 10 on both. Yeah. And, you know, it's going to be very expensive. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. I think there's a blog in that.

I think we need to dissect that a little bit more like how to score. Would you really want to do something versus how much it is. Yes. Okay, well, this leads us nicely onto our first dilemma. Ladies, welcome to the great lock-in of 2025, a time for you to intensely focus on goals and self-improvement. With the help of our friends at AJ Bell Doddle, the next few weeks will be dedicated to helping you lock in on your investing goals. Everybody talks about the importance of investing, but it can often feel overwhelming, not anymore. With Doddall's low-cost, low-effort investing app, there's no better time to start, and the financial team will be holding

your hand every step of the way. The lock-in investment challenge will help you pick an investment goal and set a plan to hit it, teach you how to practically invest using the Doddle app, improve your money mindset with our habit stacking techniques, and create a plan of action for 2026. What's not to love? If you want to join the financial investing challenge with Doddle, download the financial app now. And just remember, investing comes with both risk and reward. 15 people to buy for, and I'm still paying off debt. Stop it. now you held this back that whole chat lucy this is hilarious let's talk for 20 minutes and you've been sat on this i could really do with some help christmas is quickly approaching and i'm still on my

death-free journey after that i'll be focusing on saving for a house so christmas will be very tight this year i've been saving some money into a sinking fund but it still won't be as much as i'd normally spend i have i have i have a split family so i have four parents to buy four plus other members. In total, I'm buying for around 15 people, and I could really use... No, she's not. She's not. The interesting thing is, by the end of this question, she will not have 15 people. She went, she's buying four parents and I nearly went, she's not! Oh no, she's not. Go on, carry on, but we're fine, she won't be. And I could really use some advice on how to do that without spending hundreds and hundreds

of pounds on gifts. In total, I'm buying for around 15 people, and I could really use some advice on how to do that without spending hundreds of hundreds of and pounds hundreds of and pounds on gifts this is really easy this won't take long she doesn't need to spend hundreds and hundreds because she doesn't need to buy 15 next yeah done next next dilemma honest to god this is like a universal problem this is not unique like it's not I've been there we've we've got a big family, you know, we would have, and big groups of friends and friends with kids and you just... Back in the day when you first, like, when you first got a job, I think it's even like when you were a teen, like I remember we would, like, it's exciting to get your wage and

to go and spend that on family. Yeah, and I get that. It's like such a lovely thing to be able to do a bit of, like you said, first bit of like responsibility or adult grown when you want to be able to like gift that at Christmas and it's lovely, but there comes a point you've got to stop that shit. I'm sorry. Like in our family, we did. decided a long time ago, my parents were no longer going to buy for anyone that was over the age of 18 or 21 or something. Do you remember all the cousins, we used to go to nans? Oh, I think it was more like 16. Yeah, maybe. It kind of just was like, shall we stop? Because there's actually still quite a few younger kids. And I'm not going to buy, there were, my mum's one of four. Yeah,

and then they decided they weren't going to no longer buy for each other, because you used to buy for each other and their partner. Yeah. Every sibling had a partner. If you're one sibling, you're buying for six. So that's six adults. Everyone had two kids each. Yeah, apart from Ruth. So then she'd be like, you have to spend more on me. Yeah. And then it's like, and then we'll buy something for Nan and then it'll be for Auntie Malvee, my nan's best friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And her husband, like, it just got out of control and I remember. And my mom could afford it as well. But I think even more like, as a woman you take on the life admin of it all. Like I used to be like, I couldn't think of that many presents. It's impossible. There's not that many good presents.

It's not. Well, what's changed in the past 20 years as well, and this is where Holly and I definitely show our age but consumerism has gone crazy so I remember and I you know I'm sure mom and Ruth would agree that years ago you didn't buy this much stuff all year round no so like you wouldn't buy a candle in June you just wouldn't I mean like Yankee candle came out and then you did but before that it was a gift for a present for a birthday you wouldn't buy one for yourself whereas nowadays we're in a shop and we've got a nice candle I go and buy a candle like once a month There you go. We're buying it.

We're setting fire to money. We're smelling nice. Literally. But we can do that. It's accessible. Things like, I mean, we've talked about dressing gowns in our group. Yeah, you'd only get that for Christmas present. You wouldn't go and buy.

And people might find that hilarious. Pajamas. Yeah. People would buy not just Christmas themed ones, but because they didn't even have them really. But you would buy a new set of pajamas at Christmas. And so they were really good gifts. They were classic Christmas gifts. And so it wasn't hard to support.

prize someone with a gift and know that they probably don't have that thing. Whereas fast forward now, like a handbag or something like, oh my gosh. Whereas now, if you see a handbag in Tesco that you like, you'll pick up the Tesco handbag or we just buy for ourselves. So then... Are you feeling seen? Yeah. But I think you have to remember a time with it.

That wasn't a thing. And so come back now, when you're trying to buy family stuff, it's really hard because they've taken all the good idea. They've got everything. But he bought it with the... My dad's the worst one to buy for. It really is. Did anything.

He's so content. If he wants to get something, he gets it. I know. Do you know what I mean? And my mum makes sure he's like always got like nice shoes, nice jeans, nice jackets, nice coats. So that's the thing that you would typically years ago have gone and bought. And like it's like where it gets really annoying when it's buying for the kids' time. And they have been bought for all year round.

Either they've been giving stuff like, bless it, like Amy gave some more, had some popperatured stuff and we'd put it in the attic. And we went into the attic a few weeks ago when we were getting the Halloween. stuff down. And I found more Paul Patrol stuff. It was like Christmas Day for all right. I was like clearing out. So now he was like, I got new presents. And it was just two things that we'd actually been given a year ago and put up in the attic. But they get so much stuff that it's hard to say this

but toys aren't a big deal. So when people were going to you know, when the mother-in-law are saying, what should I get? We used to go to Toys R Us and get the magazine or like walk their house. Oh my God, it was just the best. Whereas now kids are just like, can I have this? I'm like, yeah, go on then. And you do. Because it's so accessible. It's accessible. seven quid to shut you up for two hours take my money like it's absolutely fine no problem you're so

right though it used to be candle for christmas for christmas dressing gown and they were nice things to get they were affordable they were easy to pick for someone because now it's like what do you want for christmas what people get stressed yeah my mum get stressed I'm going to call it about trish you get about the kids as well every five minutes she's like what the kid what the kid what the kid and I'm like well I've got my list I don't want to give you anything off mine because it took me three years to work out what to get them and I if I give you things off that list and they have to think of more for you. I know,

and then Father Christmas needs a list. So you give him a list and then we have a list then you get a list. But, but the, so that's another element to it

that it's hard to buy because everyone's already got stuff. The 15 thing is just a bit crazy because this is going to sound really harsh but because of what I've just said where everyone gets everything they want anyway,

no one's going to love the present you buy them. No, they're not going to miss the bath. Once in a while there's like a heartfelt felt, oh, this, like, butter dish that you spotted. Oh, my God, I got really, last year. All right, so there's this thing in my family. My brother is, like, the most nonchalant person. Yeah.

Is that the right way? Yeah, nonchalant. Like, we've got videos of him, like, unboxing an Xbox when he's like, when he's said young and he's like, oh, thanks, Dad. Like, he's like, that's like, that's great. And I'm there in the corner, like, tearing one tiny piece. like, oh my God, like overreacting. And last year, every time we get Jack something, we're like, oh, that's what you, is this

good? Like, what's his reaction? He's like, oh, yeah, nice. We'll get it again next year. Like, I got him this olive oil last year. Did he lose his mind? And you're really excited to give it to him as well. If anyone knows this guy called Bamba Baklava, no, lost us all. This, like, foodie guy. And I think he's from New York or something. I ordered this olive from New York. I was like, I'm getting a reaction this year. He opened it. Best reaction ever, literally ever. It was worth it. What did you do? Give me an impression. He went, oh my God. Did everyone? I mean, everyone was like, oh my God. So I think, my view on those type of gifts are it. It's so hard. You couldn't possibly do that for 15 people. No. No.

You possibly could for one or two. Not every year. You're not going to go out. Like it might be a sentimental thing. You know, it might be a photo frame of them when they were little, it might be with a parent that's passed away, it might be, um, hey, I'm trying to think of something sentimental that were thought, went into it, or like, they mentioned something once and you remember it and they don't buy it, they don't buy it, because likelihood is they buy it. And then suddenly you've bought it and they go, oh my God, yeah. Yeah, because if you said to my nan, you like something she'd, like, like, right the next day. My auntie's ex-partner said one time that he liked Marmite and then every time she saw

something Marmite themed in a shop, it was bought for him. I did that food, do you know, the Lotus Biscuits. Oh, yeah. And for literally. Since primary school to uni, my nanny, a lifetime supply of lotus biscuits. Yeah. And you're like, I like them, but now I hate them. No, I actually still love them. Oh, keep me coming, nanny. That's the art of, that's the old-fashioned art of someone, like, we don't pay attention

like that. We don't. We're in a fast, we've got so much in our brain. We're so fast pace. Like, I can't remember what you said at the beginning of a dilemma half the time. Never mind. Like, if, you know, if you've said you've liked something and it doesn't mean that I don't like you or that I've not cared for you.

So for you to pick up on that or to think something for your brother and, like, connect it. Yeah. She's not going to do that with 15. No. Because not only the effort involved in that, the cost, the time. And so what happens is you get 15 gifts and everyone's like, oh, thanks. You just go.

You'll forget it. Let's give you some else. You don't even know that you've left it behind. So, okay, let's go through some scripts. What's she saying to everyone? If you've just got a really busy Christmas, just like, don't acknowledge it. It's when everyone sits around in a circle and they go, right, it's my turn. These are my gifts.

Lucy. Lydia, Calvin, Laura. I would just like keep going to toilet. It's about the gift. And that's about the gift giving. Like, I've got a bit of a be in the bonnet about when, yeah, I think someone makes it about them. Main character energy.

Sit down. I think, mum and dad are really good with that. I say, Mom, dad, you aren't done anything. You've just turned up. But she's, she just really, she does care about what they actually want. They all get at the same time and she just sits. She sits back. Sometimes she helps because they'll open it and go, oh my God, it's a helicopter.

It's not actually helicopter, but let me just show you what it. She's got a bag each for the kids and she just lets them go and they just sit and open. Like my kids actually don't care that much about what I give them. They're like, so when are we seeing Nanny? Because they just like know that she's got it nailed on. We still do that now. Yeah. We're like to 26 to 29.

We want to go to Nanny's house. That's about picking the relevant people, right? So let's work through first how she can not look. You, this person, you're amazing and you asked how can I buy 15 and not spend hundreds. And the answer is you don't buy 15. And once you've done it, wants, it's really easy to do. So have a little thing about the dynamics of the 15 that you buy for because Christmas

is about children. And only children that are in your immediate family. So when people buy like for the friends, dogs kid, dog can't have a kid. But do you know what I mean? It has to be niece and nephew, grandchildren, your children, super super, yeah. But Christmas is about children. It really, really is. And so focusing on the core children, if there aren't any children, then who's next up?

And you're the children. Why not losing? So you are the children. So having a look at that, I think we definitely, I think it's really nice to buy for parents, especially they do a lot for you, which you get. But it doesn't need to be lavish. Lavish. If you do get them stuff, get them something joint together.

Yeah, we get a voucher. Don't get it yet, actually. Yeah, but this is the thing we've vouchers. That's another problem. We're now all panicking and using our vouchers that we got each of the last Christmas in preparation to then get. Yeah.

So vouchers used to be a thing and now I think we're all vouchered out and experience dayed out. Like we get my mum and dad an Ivy voucher. They got an Ivy bottle of champagne. They still not drunk the bottle of champagne. They've still not gone to Ivy.

Did they use the voucher? From mine last year, yeah. That is going to run out. But they're like, mom and dad got this special ivory so you can get like a gift voucher for the Ivy for a meal and then you get a bottle of Irish champagne. So what I loved.

That's what I loved. That's what I got. Yeah. It's such a good gift, apparently. But they're not drank the champagne, they're not drank the champagne. They're not being, but they've also not drank the champagne like it's super special. But then they'll open it. Yeah, crazy.

So then, sorry, we're not getting you that this year. But I think people are experienced out. I think it's this desire to give and to get a reaction that makes someone feel better. But maybe it's about keeping things simple about, you know, a thoughtful message on a bottle of wine or favorite biscuits that you've gone out of your way to order. or in enough time, not in a rush from the petrol station the night before. There are ways that you can make gifts. Once you've narrowed your criteria and you've only got a handful,

then I think you've got the capacity to put effort in. Agreed. And the budget can mirror that. But I think that when you are, it's not really, scripts is next, I guess, whole. But it's strategy, I think, because is it a broader family? Because then you get other people on the side. Well, just to say, we always say that someone else could literally be sat there going,

I really don't want to buy it for 15 people. This is getting ridiculous. Who wants to do that? Probably someone with a lot of money and a lot of time and there's not many people that have both of those things. That's where we have a job.

Do you know what I mean? That's a rarity. So I just someone might be desperately going Someone said it. Thank God. Yes. And it could be for money. It could be for time.

It could be for fatigue. And what I've realised as well is money doesn't buy you a lot for gifts nowadays. You can have a pathetic stocking filler that's a tenor. It's the same for like children's birthday and you're like, oh my God,

it doesn't stretch far. But we did it. know who we did it first um we did the refuge oh just about to say if you drop in guys no one can say no to charity right so this is your this is your out and you do a good thing to have your moral compass in the right place and if they're not going to do it then they're you can point out that their moral compass may be of course therefore directing redirecting the attention from yourself onto them at how shit of a person they are so the thing is the thing is you can do is drop in the WhatsApp group. Guys, I've been thinking, I've counted up how many

presents I would generally buy for. It's 15. They all buy for 15 as well. That might be like 50, 60 gifts. I work it out. I propose that this year, the funds that I would usually, and you don't have to sell them how much, would put to that, why don't we club together and do a donation to the food refuge? I want everyone to come and do it, to participate, whatever you want to do, because we've done it before. This refuge is, what's under the brick in Wigan? We'll do the brick and we're doing. We, I've done it with a work colleague two years in a row when I used to work at my old job.

We'd get donations from everyone in the office like tins, toys, selection boxes, like everything and go to the brick. And then we'd pack up parcels that'd be like, you have to get a bit of a veg, bit of turkey donated, like toys, chocolate, blah, blah, blah, toilet roll, kitchen roll, fair liquid, whatever, put it in a parcel. And then we went and delivered it to people's houses. And it was the most wholesome, fulfilling. rewarding thing that we could possibly ever do. And now as a family at Christmas time, we go, right, everyone give however much each you want to give and we'll go. So we used to each go off to like home bargains and buy 50, 50 quid or 100 quids worth

of stuff, but now we make mum and answer to Ruth do it. So we just give them the cash and they go shop on our behalf. But it gets given to the refuge. It might be like, you know, you might want to donate to save the children this year or something like that and go, as a family, let's do that. But having that, I think helps alleviate personal guilt. you know it definitely helps with other people but it can also help personal guilt

and so like you've rationalised you just bring it and you say this is what I think we should do going forward once you've done it once I'm going to buy for the kids which might be four of them and my mum and dad but I'm not buying for anyone else this year

and I'm going to donate for me I don't want anything I'll fall out with you if you buy me something if you get me something it's getting donated to the charity just like use it as the lever and you know what if so think how good we could do

if so many families went we're not going to buy shit for each other we're going to donate to charity that has a knock on effect because someone else hears that and then they go, we should do that as well and then people that actually need

stuff at Christmas for their kids that can't provide on Christmas Day because let me tell you, there's plenty. Oh my God, yeah. You don't need another boot smelly's set. But some people do need shampoo to wash their kids' hair

like I've been there where I've said, and the guy's like, yeah, these people don't have shampoo, hand wash, toilet roll. Like, let's have some perspective. Listen, a lot of us aren't really just generally when we're celebrating

in Christmas, but it is a reminder about the season of giving and people less fortunate. But not from TK.K. Max to each other. That wasn't like what Jesus wanted. I imagine when I've read the gospel more recently, but Jesus did not have TK. Max in mind.

They didn't want, or any of them. Deborah to give me a bag with dogs on it for Christmas. No, but he, you know, he, I just, Jesus, I don't know why he pulled Jesus around, but Christmas. Yeah. But, um, but it is the season of like thinking of others and you can you can create an environment where that is able to happen and then it literally ticks so many boxes so once you've done it once you've

done the work and if in doubt secret Santa that's whatever we've talked about this dilemma and the community and everyone just said we used to do this and someone suggested Secret Santa and we actually do an Amazon wish list so the person doesn't get tapped and it gets thrown away you actually buy something off that person's Amazon wish list that they actually want to want, so it's not wasted. So you'd get, like, we'd all put something on our Amazon wish list. Oh, gosh. You might buy some, I don't know, dry shampoo or...

Oh, yeah. Gutter, draught. Shelf, yeah, shelf clip. Oh, look, I've really wanted this. I'm like, his Amazon wish list is not a wish list. Neil has wanted something to do with, like, making his sour dough. He's like, last year we got a salt pig. This year I got a Dutch oven.

Get it on the list. Next year, I might get a spoon rest. These people get what they want. If you're lucky, if you're lucky. Before we move on, I want to tell everyone what my family are doing for Secret Santa this year. My dad's side of the family, we all get together on Boxing Day. And this year we decided to go out for some food and drinks in Ormskirk, the town where I grew up. Which means everyone else will be there that I grew up with.

And when we go out, for our Secret Santa person, we have to get something for them to wear out. Oh, no. And I would just like to say that I'm very scared. maybe I'll give you an update like last year I did with my dressing gown on Instagram stories I'll do an update with what oh yeah we updated everyone with what we got because you did you manifest a dressing gown and were like well did she get it or not oh yeah we did I think we posted on boxing day maybe of what we'd all got for Christmas yeah yeah because I got this yeah yeah yeah I got the H necklace yeah we did a hole

and I knew what I was getting I asked for this yeah so it was like proof specific yeah I don't know so everyone used to look out in arms on Go to arms skirt. I'm botching there. You'll finally do with some god-awful outfit. Okay, time for a community win. I finally managed to get my partner to sit down and discuss our budgets and money. After managing it all solo for the past 10 years, it felt so good to sit, discuss and plan in an open and non-judgmental way. They've never been on board to talk about money. They've never been one to talk about money after feeling shame for not understanding personal finance from previous. debts. Some quick playbook lessons later, we're aligned and ready to hit some big money

goals in the next 12 months. Yeah. Good couple win. I love a couple win because that's two people that we've helped, not just one. Takes a lot of convincing to get someone on board. Not always, we're not always aligned or we've got different priorities or like, you know, we never want people to fall out if one person's on board or ahead of the game, the person's not quite there. So when you can see two people coming on board and tackling it together. It's super impressive. Mm-hmm. If you'd like to tell us you'll win, head to the community in the app or email it to the vault at financial.com. Next dilemma. Did you know that over a third of women in the UK

have no protection in place compared to just 16% of men? We've partnered with Life Search so you can chat to an advisor for free and get the cover that you deserve. Head tofinchelle.com for slash protection to get your free quote today. I've fixed my money situation, but I still don't trust myself around sales. Last year, Black Friday completely derailed me. I told myself I was being smart and saving money, but really, I was just giving myself permission to go wild. I bought things I didn't need, maxed out my credit card and ended up carrying that debt well into the new year. I remember feeling sick when I saw my statement in December, but also embarrassed, because I'd convinced myself it was justified since everything was on sale. Fast forward to now, I've had a full financial makeover.

I actually know where my money's going. I have sinking funds for Christmas, but I'm birthdays and everything. My Christmas fund is already full and I've been feeling really I've been feeling really proud of myself for the first time ever when it comes to money. But I can already feel the Black Friday panic creeping in. My inbox is filling up with early deals. TikTok is full of people showing what they're buying and it's making me anxious. I keep thinking what if I slip back into old habits. I used to be such an impulsive spender. I'd shop when I was stressed, bored or just wanted to feel a bit better about myself. I don't want to go back there. but the temptation feels real.

How do I handle Black Friday this year without spiraling again? And how do I stay in control when every ad, influencer, and email is telling me I'll miss out if I don't buy something? This is like the age of consumerism, isn't it? And I totally empathise as well. Like we've always taught, like we're human.

Like we feel that too, that pressure when our sales come in, are we going to miss out? Are we not going to get a good deal? We don't want to pay full price for anything. That's just not being savvy. Like that's the opposite of what we preach to people. I think the best form of, like, defence is just being organised and prepared

and really giving yourself this time now before the sale actually starts. What is it that I want to buy? You've got a Christmas Sinking Fund, so that's tick number one. You've already mentally spent that money. That money is for spending and permission to spend, which is what we always say. So there should be no guilt attached to spending that Sinking Fund. But it's all in the prep. Like, what is it you want to buy?

How much is it? I have spreadsheets on the go for Christmas. I know how much I'm spending on each person. Generally, children we've talked about this and the last dilemma, very organised with that. You should know what you're going to spend. You're going to know that the discount for Black Friday is going to probably be between 10 and 20%. So you can have a good idea of how much that item is going to be once it's in the sale. And once you've got the things off your list, you remove yourself from social media,

you unsubscribe from the emails and you get off the internet. The big controversial thing I want to say about Black Friday is I think more people buy for themselves. Agreed. For gifts. So like what you say is right, especially if it's something that's for other people, but I would say it's like electronics that's for them.

Like the Dyson Air App is the classic or it might be a new TV that's for you all at home, but you've got one and it's working fine, but oh, they're reduced and it might be outfits. It might be, you know, so much of it is, for us, it's quite, it's selfish. I mean,

in a nice way, like it's for us. And then it's, we can convince ourselves of anything. So a deal is going to convince ourselves of it. And I thought about this a bit more recently. Like there's a real interesting study about, and I think it was hiding the times about how social media use for the first time

in a long time has started to decline. So, and it was, it's a great graph and it shows you by generation. You've got like Gen Zs, millennials, Gen X and Boomers. and it shows the rise of it

and actually the more steep decline is with Gen Zs and whatever the one is below that. Yeah, they've like had enough already whereas we're going, oh, there's more and more and more. If you think about that, it makes sense because people, our age and older, are discovering TikTok and discovering more things whereas they're kind of peeks and on,

oh, this is a bit overwhelming. And I just had this thought, which was, imagine if you had, because you guys, you and Lydia, you both have the things on your phone that limit your screen time, like help make it into a brick phone. You've not all got brick, but imagine if from now until the 1st of January, like a six-ish week period, you didn't go on social media or emails. So you didn't see an ad.

You didn't see an influencer promoting something. You didn't open an email that said sale, sale, sale. I think you'd still be okay. I don't think you would miss out on some groundbreaking offer that you couldn't possibly live without. And if you really wanted, I'm going to use the Dyson Air app is our favorite. If you wanted the Dyson Air app and you get 100 quid off at Black Friday,

but you miss it. And so if you wanted to buy it on January the 2nd, you spend 100 more. I still think you'd have spent less than if you'd have been on it. And so it's very triggering. It's like there's so many things triggering us to spend. And I just got this feeling of why is it suddenly a thing, like, why is this Black Friday? Suddenly we have to spend because we couldn't possibly do without the deals.

Again, it's real, like some strategies are having that list of things you needed. So, you know, we did, last month there was the Amazon Black, it was on Black Friday. It was like the big deal day. And our air fryer had just broken. I'm talking the day before it. And our friend shared on her social, oh, this airfire is half price. so that was a scenario where I was so grateful that at that moment she'd shared that because I've got a much better one and it was broken like it was unsafe and my our teenager

uses it she's always hungry so it was a good way to help her cook for herself so we got one a better one and that'll then do us you know for whatever and at the same time I decided to get a microwave because our microwave is probably oh my god I'd say eight or nine years old like I'm don't know how long you meant to have them but it was it was even when cleaned it wasn't right and at the same time so I was like oh well I'm there house fund by those two things So a bit selfishy things, but for the family. But if I'd not bought them, we would survive. So if I didn't replace that air fryer at half price,

I could have got one and I could have afforded one at full price. The deal isn't the deal. Like the deal is the smoke and mirrors. You know, we didn't win anything. Like, so what? If I saved 60 quid, well, wherever I put that 60 quid, I've probably just bought the microwave with it, you know? So I want to kind of just enough.

challenged the list thing as well I actually meant for yourself like you debt what is it that you really want I want a track suit I want a coat I want a scarf right that's my list I know they're going to be that's going to be 20% off that's going to be 10 that's going to thing bam bum bum done get off the internet I honestly think the only way to cope with black Friday is to go dark mode yourself it's an invitation to go dark mode you go blackout like literally just take the temptation away it's so you can scratch the must sorry you can scratch the itch, but you can also like make this a muscle right. So when I am on social and something even half interests me, skip.

Yeah. It's a great game. Like a little bit. When you feel your heart rate rise, like I am very in tune with. This is trying to get me to buy something. Yeah. Or I'm feeling a bit excited looking at this. And I'll end up going, I'm the worst shopper in the world.

Like Grace Beverly can put something on like a little puffer jacket. I'd be like, love that puffer jacket. Go on to the website, 150 quid. I don't like that puffer jacket. She hates your abandoned car. Like, literally. She's here again, literally. Teasing me with the purchase.

Because it's more, the fun is more, that outfit looks great. Go down a rabbit hole. Oh, I don't want to pay that. Go back out again. Yeah. Like, that's the dopamine hit done. But I worry about myself. Like, how many hours do I spend oming and gnarring

and putting stuff in my basket and scrolling, scrolling, and never actually buying a bloody thing anyway? Yeah, you're just wasting your time as well. I literally are my God. Time wasted versus money spent is really weird for me. Like, whew. But for our person that's written the dilemma in. She already knows this is a problematic time for her.

So I kind of want to empower her and say, you don't need Black Friday this year. It's not going to change your financial life. If you have to buy something full price, I promise you. We've talked about this before. It's a 10 pound decision, not a 10,000 pound decision. The risk of you engaging with sales and in this way is spending 500 quid suddenly

on stuff that wasn't on the list. so if you end up needing something at some point and you've missed out on that deal in fact a lot of time they prove that they put the prices back down again in there I think if it's a Friday to Monday thing which it generally is let's plan a bloody busy weekend of social activity with your pals

going to the gym phone away going for walks going for a coffee it's going to be cheaper than buying all the shit online delete Instagram Webber will link to Frime stuff especially TikTok just get off it for the weekend and I honestly It's a game changer.

Unplugged to dark mode. Yeah. Just for the weekend. You're not alone. This is very, very common. But try and beat the system. Try and think, what is it for them? Why this is not, you know, you don't even one of those people fighting over TVs in

Astda, like we saw back in the day on the news. Like, everyone loves a good cue. It's not going to change your life. That deal is not going to change your life. Sometimes, paying full price makes you win in the end anyway because you didn't buy shit you didn't need. You didn't get stressed. You didn't feel bad afterwards.

You didn't feel guilty. and you might not have needed the thing anyway. So good luck. But everyone, you need a Black Friday strategy, especially if you are vulnerable to impulsive spending. You know, get in the community, chat to others, have an accountability person. If there's something that you want,

get something else to shop for it for your partner. Because you don't get sucked in. Yeah, I need this. If you see it, great, get it for me, but I don't want to look. Yeah, give a list to someone. That's a good idea. Yeah. My dad, you won't be bothered.

You won't get, you know, I'll be like, Dad, can get me these three things. You won't get sucked in. to Tarla. He would probably get mum to get something to Tarla and be like, oh, I like this track too.

I'm going to get that. Make it like non-emotional, transactional. I like that. Okay. That is all for this episode. The Vault is now closed. And just a quick disclaimer,

The Vault is just a chat around life and money topics. We're not giving financial advice.