The Vault with Financielle - Age 34 with £27k debt and no pension! | The Vault Episode 129

Episode Date: September 10, 2026

What do you do when you're the only person who knows how much debt you're actually in? 😳This week, we're diving into these money dilemmas:💸 "I'm 34 With £27k of Debt and No Pension — And My Partner Doesn't Know"💸 "Buy, Rent or Stay at Home?"Plus an update from Michelle (ep128) — she put her big girl pants on, brought the budget up with the group, and the girls holiday chat went so much better than she expected 🎉Got a money win worth celebrating? Or a dilemma that's been living rent-free in your head? Share it in the Financielle app community or email [[e-mail]] 💌You don't have to figure this out alone. Head to financielle.com for guides on debt, budgeting and money stories 💖💸Connect with our Partner🫶 Protect yourself and loved ones with our friends at Lifesearch**The above is a tracked link, which tells our partner we sent you and may in future result in a payment or benefit to our site.

From morning hockey with a cup of coffee to Timbits and road trips, Tim's and Canadian Tire have always gone together. Now it's official. You can now earn Canadian Tire money at Tim's. Link your Triangle Rewards and Tims Rewards accounts to earn twice with every Tim's run. Terms and conditions apply. Visit timhordens.ca. Slaggle for details.

Trade ice skating at Nathan Phillips Square for ice cubes in your umbrella drink. Let Porter Airlines fly you from Toronto Pearson non-stop. to 10 top sun destinations in Mexico, the Caribbean and Costa Rica. Enjoy award-winning Porter service Toronto has loved for 20 years and start your vacation as soon as you're on the plane. Book your sunny getaway today at flyporter.com and actually enjoy economy. Welcome to the vault with Fan and Shell. This is a safe space where we talk all things, life and money.

Welcome, good morning. Hello. Hello. Happy Vault day. I'm going to jump straight in because we last week, I don't even remember, but the dilemma was about girls' holiday, 40th. We've all been contributing for years. And then there's lots of controversies about what this money includes.

Does it include hotel and flights and all drinks and all food or not? Anyway, Michelle, who was our dilemma writer-in-era, extraordinaire, has messages. We've got an update. So she says, I actually put my big girl pants on after writing in and talked it through with the group. You brave girl, Michelle.

She did it, she bit the bullet. We gassed her up. We're like, go on, do it. Can we join? When the budget came up, I'm the holder of the fund at the moment. She's got the power. She's got the cash. Your, whatever you say goes.

When the budget came up, she's the holder of the fund at the moment. I mentioned that I would love it to cover flights, meals and drinks out so we can have a great time without being a killjoy on split-wise when the spicy margaritas are flowing. I also sent some amazing accommodation within budget and offered to wait a bit longer before we go. It gave some opportunity for reflection and others to set boundaries and expectations and non-negotiables of what we want from the holiday. Many thanks again for taking the time to read my rant stroke dilemma and everything on the pod so helpful. So it sounds like she has basically positioned that this is for the holiday.

It's to obviously include accommodation which we talked about last time, but it doesn't cover flights and meals and drinks, but managing expectations. And if some people want to back out, if some people say, actually I want that, but I want to save longer, they can. Yeah, obviously you're out. If you feel like this is too much,

this is what the trip's looking like. Speak now or forever hold your peace, which I quite like. Because it gives everyone permission. You know, we need to give people permission to not do things or say yes to things or, you know, have an opinion, it's all welcome. But you don't want to get there and everyone be feeling like, or after the fact, be feeling resentful or regretful or regretful that.

You've scrimped and saved on that holiday when you've got a bit more to spend and you, you know, are you running a busy life? You're successful. Like we always do it from the perspective of someone that's not got a lot of money, but what about from the perspective of someone that has that's got that money to spend? It's so excited for that holiday to just relax and they had this ideal of a holiday in the head. And we've all been there sometimes, well I have, when you've been with a friend.

It was mostly at uni, and I understand why, because budgets are so tight, but that one person that's constantly, no, we can't go there. No, we can't do that. Like, that's hard as well when you've got the means to do so. And you don't want to spend a fair amount,

and it would not be what you expected for me. You'd rather not go. Like, you know, you don't want to compromise too much of yourself. Yeah. And so sometimes, like I said, it's about being the big girl and saying, this isn't for me.

Take one as well sometimes. So, Michelle, you were the one. Just takes one person. Hopefully you can get a nice balance holiday. Like I said, with compromise, we're relevant, but positioned exactly as the thing that you intended when you all set the group up. Yeah. Well done, Michelle.

Amazing, amazing. So thank you, Michelle, for that update. Again, we want your updates. If you have been someone that's written in and we've answered your dilemma, tell us how we did, tell us how it went, tell us where you're up to now, like your money updates, life updates, because they really help, I think, whole people listening, people go, oh, like there was a continuation of this story. and I always wondered what happened to that girl.

Well, it's easy for us to give the advice in inverted comments, but to practically then go and do something with it is a different thing. So when people do it, it's like, no, no, like Michelle's out there doing this. We're not just, you know, do this and do that. No, Michelle's gone and done that. Like, she put a big girl pants on, like, you can do it as well. She did. And I like it when people also messaging to say, I wouldn't have said that.

I'd have said, do this. Like, you are in it, you were in the group chat. You are allowed. Yeah, sometimes in the community, I remember a couple of times we've given advice and someone's been like, actually, I've been here. And I think it was around a divorce and someone was like, this is my advice when it comes to divorce. And I was like, well, thank God you said that because that's not been,

that's not something that either of us have done. You've not a lived experience. We're not qualified to answer that question. Like, we can give a view from a money perspective, definitely. But I think hers was more like, from an emotional perspective, like put this in place, do this. And it's so practical and helpful from a lived experience. So if you've got alternate views or you can add something, put it in the community.

Put it in the community. Come in on the dilemma on Instagram because usually they're on Instagram. You can write a comment. Liddy's always reading the comments and write it back to people on there as well. Send us them. Okay, we're going to jump straight in with the first dilemma.

If you're stuck in consumer debt, listen to this. One financial user said budgeting the financial way helped her clear over two and a half thousand pounds worth of debt and finally feeling control of her money. If you're ready to do the same, download the financial app and join our community today. Age 34 with 27,000 pounds of debt and no pension. Hi girls. I have recently found your podcast and binge listened to most of the episodes

and you have honestly changed my life already and very much put things into perspective for me. I'm nearly 35 with two boys aged 5 and 1. Oh, you're okay. Sending good vibes your way. I am currently paying off a large sum of debt which was £33,000, an accumulation of loans, credit cards and store cards that I didn't add up until I found financial. I have now got it down to £27,000 and I'm doing the snowball method. I'm self-employed, work weekends and evenings and earn good money when I work. The baby still doesn't sleep well, which makes it hard for my partner to have the kids at night

when he's working the next day, which limits my working hours. Realistically, I think I could have it paid off in about 18 months. I have ADHD, which is one of the reasons why I have spontaneously and frivolously spent a lot of money, mainly clothes, bags and cosmetic procedures. I am so lucky that my other half pays for our mortgage, two cars and everything else the family needs. He's also sorted out my life insurance. My money is just extra for me and a few of my bills, which are mainly debts. I know I sound very privileged, but I don't like being reliant on someone. My main worry is, I have no pension and have no clue where to start regarding how much to pay in to catch up and what companies to use.

Also, would it be best to pay off my debts before I start putting money into a pension? Or am I wasting more years with no pension? Even though I'm in a happy relationship, you never know what could happen in life and I'm in an absolutely terrible position with my personal finances and very much behind at my age. I've made a good start with paying off my debts and I'm very much hyper-focusing on it. My partner doesn't know I'm in this amount of debt. He knows I'm in some, but he's never asked me how much. And I can't tell him because I have a track record of being awful with money.

But this is the start of a new me. Thank you so much. Oh. She's just finished on this is a start of a new me. And part of me wants her then to, if this is a start of a new me and you've already paid off, I think it was about six grand maybe since from when she first added up her debt. She's on 27,000 now, could be debt free in 18 months. I think that's a great story to share with it.

someone, like you are carrying the burden of this. And arguably they're carrying a burden as well. And you've acknowledged that. Like that person is paying for the home that you live in, the cars that you drive. And he's taking that responsibility. It sounds like with no sort of, there's no edge to it. There's no, well, I pay for this. And it doesn't sound like there's any money tension whatsoever with him taking on this responsibility. And with all due respect, you're not just sat at home with your feet up. Like you've gone and got a job. You're working as many hours as you possibly can. It's so difficult with a one-year-old who doesn't sleep and a five-year-old. You are making the moves that you need to in order to get to be debt-free. I would say that's

like you've really put your stake in the ground and gone, no, no, this is the time that we're going to change. I understand the ADHD. Like, you'll see a few articles on financial dot com. So many women come to us when they've had an ADHD diagnosis or can see themselves behaving in that sort of way. Bipolar disorder is another one as well. A couple of people. We've got community stories on them whereby people you don't realize how much it impacts the way that you spend your money. She says she's hyperfocused. I'm like, no shit. Yeah. Highly. Like it's like you find something, you focus on it. You're all in. And it sounds like you've gone the other way now, which is great into paying the debt off, getting better with money.

You're so right. Like six grand is not to be sniffed at. Like that is. So intentional. Especially for part time work. I appreciate again. Her bills are different. And I think that's a Probably a good place to start actually is she says partner. She doesn't say husband, you say he pays for the majority of. I don't think you said husband. I keep seeing partner. Yeah. Assume that they're not married them.

And so I just want to acknowledge how you're probably feeling right. Where one partner is not actually the breadwinner or works part-time or does more child care. and where the main breadwinner, you know, no matter what gender, pays for, feels like everything, pays for the core things. That's really hard mentally. There's kind of an imbalance and it brings with it feelings of guilt. And then when you are human and overspend on something and go shopping, have a cosmetic procedure, whatever it is, you feel the shame. Like there's a sense of shame that not only did I not bring the money in and he takes care of that. bit or she takes care of that bit. I am now spending over here and making it worse and not

helping. And I kind of just want to acknowledge that because for anyone that has been in that position, it's so much more about how you feel the emotions rather than the actual monetary contribution, don't you think? Yeah, that especially, you know, looking at the symptoms of ADHD, that that impulsiveness is actually out of your control a lot of the time. So whether you have, whatever you've bought with it or however you've spent it, I do want to acknowledge that it's proven that it can make people spend impulsively and create some sort of dopamine hit that just makes you want to go back for more.

Arguably can make you quite chaotic in the way that you manage money as well. So getting into debt can be very easy for people that have this condition because that's exactly what it is. It really can. I think you said there's no red flags in terms of money with your partner.

It sounds like you are very much on same page relationship-wise. But hear me out, let's imagine this goes south in two years. we should always thinking it's not worse case. I heard a better way of describing it and I can't think of what it is. It's not planning for every eventuality, surely. It's having, it's optionality and having that optionality.

So at the moment, you are not learning how to contribute to the household and to your own basic needs because the way money is being split and this happens quite a lot like, you know, here comes to the mortgage and she does the stop in. And sometimes financially, one person earns way more and one person is less, and it just works out in the household. And that's okay. But have a little think about what's happening. Because your money is not going into the central budget, because you're not contributing to the running of the house, the paying for the lights, paying for the water. And then because you're also not saving into a pension for you, you're not financially independent.

I feel like a bit of a lodger. Do you know what I mean? It's a favour. Yeah. or you're being gifted a lifestyle or, and it's just to be mindful of it because it doesn't sound like you're married. And so legally, you know, if things were to fall apart, you may not have any rights to any assets or anything.

And you've also not been building up something for you. So that's just to bear in mind because I think that this could be an opportunity to combine the management of finances with your partner. without necessarily like throwing money in and doing all that. Because at the moment, you sound like you don't have any savings and you've got this debt and you're not building up assets. And to turn that around on your own, whilst you are effectively raising the children primarily,

you know, it sounds like you look after the children during the day. One might be at school, five and one. It sounds like you look after the kids and then you work at weekends to make this extra money and work in evenings. Yeah. But it's kind of not being banked. just going straight off to the debts of which I understand you know you've accumulated you want to pay those off but there isn't an element of being potentially financially vulnerable should

the relationship break down in the future and we only come from that position because the amount of dilemmas that come in where it's the facts don't lie yeah I've never paid into a pension like I gave up work to look after the kids like we can you know you know the story like it can happen but the same time I was flip it on its head if this was you writing about a part writing in about your partner that you've just found out is in 27,000 pounds worth of debt, and you have been paying for the mortgage and for the expenses in the house and this and the other. You'd be annoyed. We'd be having a very different conversation. Like, I have to acknowledge that. Oh, yeah, 100%. And I get no read Fred Flags from this guy at all. But another

thing that is important to consider it is whilst he is employed, presumably, could be self-employed, but presumably you've not said, but does he have a pension? The family decision for you to be self-employed and work part-time has surrendered your opportunity to have a full-time job. So you could work full-time and he could have kids or kids could be in childcare. And you would get pension contributions from your employer. So I think it's really important for all couples to consider this. In the setup that you have, if you have children, have your decisions negatively impacted the other partner in some way. Yeah.

Because a lot of women are in this position, a lot of women don't realise in what they're sacrificing. They think they get a good deal. And the partner doesn't as well. It's so funny. Because they're just auto-enrolled if you're employed. It's just happening in the background. And you worked full-time all your life

because you're never taking time off to look after children. You'll never see a dip in anything. And it's, you know, for some people, it may be seen as a win that you don't have to work during the day and you can work part-time. And a win that you have a partner that take care to the main expenses. But there's compromises. there and the sacrifices that are under the surface. So just bear that in mind. So have a little

think about this because you are doing really, really well. I know that your question is specifically in relation to the debt overspending and pension. So we'll handle this in a few different ways. You're smashing the debt. You're doing the right thing. You're doing the snowball method. Sounds like you've got your system under control. Did she mention whether she's got an emergency fund? No. Hopefully you've saved up that £1,000 emergency fund. Like if you go back into the Fan and Shell play but you can get it on the home screen

of the Fan and Shell app it is for premium users but you can take up a free trial and have access to it for 30 days but the first and foremost is to have that emergency fund then you don't get back into credit because it's okay it's all well good paying off the debt

and getting that dopamine hit and being hyper-focused but actually something's going to go wrong because it always does I'm not talking big, I'm talking broken washing machine I don't know, school shoes are a big hole in the school shoes

first week if you've got a five-year-old you might have a cab somewhere last minute Like there's some travel emergency. And it's a good exercise to have money put aside not for something. So you're not saving up for a cosmetic procedure or this. It's not going to hopefully not get spent. It's a really good learning lesson for you. So yeah, absolutely smashing the debt.

You've already got a debt-free date. I'm happy that you've got that nailed. And so when I'm asked about a self-employed person, regardless of debt or not, what should I do about pension? I always say mimic what it would be if it was a job. Yeah. So for you, and if you do have a job and it's a small part-time one and it's you are P-A-Y-E,

so even if you're not fully employed, but if you're a worker, as because it's called a worker, you can ask your employer, like, can I be put into the pension scheme? I didn't know that, that's good. And I think, I didn't look at the technicality. I think sometimes they can say no,

and I think there's certain thresholds, but when any small job I ever get, like my husband's got a part-time job that's a hobbit, like he really just doesn't get out of the house. and he's always been in the pension. You know, he didn't, since he met me, he didn't initially. And I was like, no, no, get in. He was like, it's only a little man.

But they contribute. I'm like, it's free money. You're contributing. They're contributing. And it builds up in the background. It's a nice little part. You know, it's not to be sniffed at. So even if you're in a part-time role, don't underestimate the positive impact,

not just financially, but emotionally of contributing to that. But if you are part-time, I always say try and mimic what you would do if you're employed. So whether that's you contributing 5%, for example, or whether it's you going up to the full, you know, 7 or 8% whatever it is. And you can do, pensions, don't have to be through an employer, pensions, there are so many different companies. I suspect your bank has one if you opened your banking gap.

Can you open a pension? I only noticed that working with like, before financial, I'm like, what's the sip? I don't even know what this is. Can you get it off the screen? Whereas now I'm like, oh, I can open a sit with Halifax. There's some mainstream banking providers. There's some really big investment.

platforms. You know, we've talked about pension B, we've talked about A.J. Bell. We've talked about wealthify, money, hope. There's so many ones. You can go search online and go find, make sure it's regulated by the FCA, make sure it's a credible and genuine website. Other than that, it feels like a bank account. No, just treat it like a bill. You always say treat it like a bill. And so either, and this is a tip for self-employed people, if you're self-employed and you want to set up a pension, you open a SIP, a self-invested personal pension with a really basic online digital provider. You either set up a direct debit like a bill and forget it, or if you have fluctuating income, you just every month when you put money side for tax,

transfer money into your pension on a percentage basis, pick 5%, pick 7%, 8%, just start somewhere and mentally you're going to make a big step because you'll have learned to kind of defer gratification and put it away and save. But also you're in control of it and it'll build up in the background. So I would say, do that. It's your asset. It's your asset, you know, especially have to do in your emergency fund. I would say do that because I think you'll get a lot of confidence from doing that and I think you'll you'll feel like you're not behind. It's kind of less about the figure for you now at the beginning. It's about making sure that you just start. So I would definitely say consider doing that. Look at having an emergency fund. But then finally, you know,

because you say, even though we're in a happy relationship, you never know what could happen in life. I'm a terrible position with my personal finances very much behind. You've already accepted that, you know, what if this doesn't last and what would be the best thing I would advise, especially when you've got children together, is one, you can sit, like, look at, and you've done this with life insurance, either marriage or replicating it. So what I mean by that is, what do your will say? So if you are not married to this man and you have a five-year-old and a one-year-old, then what happens is, if he was to die tomorrow, they would get the kids, would get the house and you wouldn't, unless he has a will and it's stiff.

in there. So have a look at getting a will. Have a look at our website. Oh, on the will front in October coming up. It's free wills month. So we're doing loads on that. Come back to us then and have a little look at it. But have a look at that if you don't want to get married again, you don't have to. Again, marriage is about, it's a contract, but you're already in a contract. You're already living with kids together. You're already parenting together. And you're already having like an imbalance in finances. And so, you know, you are sacrificing in some ways. You should have a wider benefit contractually is from either from marriage, civil partnership or something that replicates it. Like I said, you've got life insurance at least. So again, do you,

if something was to happen to him, do you have a, would the policy go to you or does it go to the children? And is there a policy on you for him to have protection should anything happen to you? So those like the boring, boring, like, adult bits and the admin bits. But ultimately, I just think should we be being brave enough to have a money day? night and sit together and be vulnerable and share about your debts and show the progress you've made but say, you know, and play this episode like, well, we can say it for you. Having all the income going together at the top stops you over spending, by the way, because it's a budget and there's some treat money in there.

It's not your money that you can just go and do whatever. We've all been there. It's like, you know, I, it's our money. You go to the petrol station, get a cheek of cheeky, chocolate bar. You buy it. It's a fortune because it's overpriced. My auntie must have got a pay rise. She came with five different bars of chocolate the other day. She did like, I've got to pick a mix for or you can all pick one. And I was like, where did you get these from? And she was like, we call it the garage. I don't know if anyone else has got like a, do you say garage as well? My husband was like, what do you mean? Do you mean the petrol station? I was like, the garage.

You call it the garage. And yeah. And she was like, pick. And I was like, did you buy this shit? Have you got a pay rise? What's going on? You come into money? Because I was like, that would been two pound, two pound 50, two pound 70. She's definitely stolen there. Yeah. We were talking about the price of fuel before. Duos. Not just like, duos,

snickers, duo. That's a thief. Yeah. But we were talking about the price of fuel before, just whack it on the bill. You may as well. It's so expensive anyway. But if you have the opportunity to keep something for yourself,

you will. So I, my husband doesn't listen to the pods, so it's fine. I are my children because I will go and pay for petrol. and if I want that chocolate barrow pocket of crisps or a coffee because there's a cost of machine in there, I'll get it at that time. And that's not, that comes in the bill as fuel. Yeah.

So, like, I'm not purposely doing it, but they can't see that I've got myself a coffee. Now, you don't care. I can get myself a coffee, but mentally, I've snuck it. It's like, it's a secret eaters. Carl thinks that fuel is through the roof. He's like, stop go into the garage. Can you go to Rasta, please? It's cheaper.

But it's the same mentality, right? It's your little, what they call it, slush fund? If it's not central, you don't have to take accountability for it. It can be sneaky spending. And we say, sneaky spending is fine. Just say, I want to spend £200 a month for me. I'm not telling you what it's on. I want to spend a grand a month for me.

I don't want to tell you where it's for. That's okay. But I think you have benefited from your money. And that's what leads you to spend because it's not accounted for. I think if you were willing to sacrifice that, and put it into one pot and if your partner was up for it, all the money would be at the top of the budget.

You budget together for what everything costs. Then you wouldn't feel bad about him covering the mortgage, because it's not him covering the mortgage, it's you both covering the mortgage, you're both covering the debt, absolutely. But also you are providing childcare. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It sounds like, she doesn't say there's any child care here.

I'm confident she's looking after the one-year-old. And then going to work. And she's looking after the one-year-old, and this is an interesting one. He can't cope with the no sleep, but you've got a coat with the no sleep and they're working at night and then look after the next day. I heard that and I just was like,

do you remember the World Cup? Everyone was like, suddenly all these men were able to stay up in the night with the newborn babies because England were playing at 1 a.m. I saw like giving the kid a bottle, like buzzing that they were awake in the middle of the night. And then impact of loads of bosses going, you could come in late.

And everyone's like, my kids up through the night and I come to work. LinkedIn went to shit. So many like professional women were like, oh, I'm sorry, are you tired from watching the football? I've been up for like three years, for the past three years. I've had broken sleep and my boss has never said, take it easy today.

Don't come into work late. You're right, a public email saying you can come in late. So it's, you know, it's really important that we recognize that is it unpaid labor? That's what we call it, for men and women. And that, that carries a weight. It carries a weight in the conversation. And so when we're willing to appreciate that, again, it's another thing with, with, um, with pensions. So I've said to her, you know, do a percentage and start it. When it's all together,

one may look at the budget and go, I think we should be putting more into your pension as well because I get this. But this is really bad. But imagine him as her employer as being, you know, you, the family being her employer, not her. The family should pay into her pension because she is working for free, well, she's a slave actually because she doesn't get paid for it. She gets accommodation. She gets accommodation. She gets accommodation. Food.

In a uniform. What are you saying? I love a uniform. I always like paying devil's advocate. Let's call a spade a spade. At least if you know it, your eyes wide open. Yeah. I think that putting everything together on paper,

it doesn't have to be combining actual bank accounts. It means you have to sacrifice because you're going to be giving up some of your spending money. And it also means you're going to have to be, about your debts and you may not want that. Just think you would move through this so much quicker if you did. Otherwise, you know, how many more years of paying this on your own is it going to be? You know, if you can miraculously, we've had people do it. We know lots of you have not told partners about debt and you've managed to have it.

And if you do, do you know what? I know. But honestly, if it was the way around, I'd be like, he shouldn't be doing that. He should have been honest with you. That's not very transparent. You meant to be a team and you're covering this cost. You should be honest. You should have told.

Not watching or just slap my wrist. But, yeah. I just think it makes her, it can make you more accountable. Imagine if he shouts at her though and then they... He probably will shout her. Imagine he leaves her. That's awkward silence. But imagine we tell her to do this.

That might be next week's dilemma. I think if he's going to shout her and leave her, then they shouldn't be together. Yeah. You better off without him. Do you know what? This is the greenest flagged man with Ad and now I like. I hope, no. I just, I think.

Because of the headway that you've made, I would hope that to go with it and be like, you know, I used to be really bad with money. Well, I definitely wasn't here's what I've done. But I put, you know, made a decision however many months ago. I've had a revelation. So if he, if we had a dilemma that was that, that was my partner's come to me and said, I've got something to tell you. Yeah. I've been embarrassed about it.

I've been a bit of a spend. It was some of it was before we're together. Some of it's because we've had children and I've had to earn less money. And I really want to pay it off. And I've already done six and I'm on a roll. And I just think I want you to know about it. That's agree. We'd be all right with it.

I think I would. So that's what the Dalem would be. It wouldn't be secret to it and I find out. No. He's come to me and been open and honest but already made a head start and is proving to me that you're in a very good place. Like you're in a good place. You've cracked on. But I think, yeah, I just can't keep a secret.

If you tell me your secret, I'll keep it. But I can't keep my own. No, no. Like it would. weigh on me. I think that's like a big burden in itself, especially when that person is financially supporting the family, like they're carrying a burden and weight of responsibility without knowing that. And we get this a lot sometimes, like some dilellums we've had, I know people that kind of share, I, like my partner's got debt and I haven't like, what,

you know, there's an imbalance and that's okay. It's not a reflection on you. Sometimes it's because of behaviour. Sometimes it's because of previous relationship, illness, lots of different things. And there's something very special about tackling debt together. I think so. When you're on the market page and when you're aligned, you know, we are obviously very, very pro financial independence on financial. We want people to have their own bank accounts. We want people to have access to their own savings. We want people to have access to their own assets. But sometimes combining money is demonised and in the right circumstances it shouldn't be. I reckon, I don't know where Neil and I would be if we didn't have joint finances, as in...

Because of the imbalances that have happened in the past 10 years. Yeah, like, I've had two kids done two lots of maternity leave, and he's always earned more than me in the job role that he has. It's just notoriously that his profession gets paid a lot more than anything I've done. I would, you know, I've winged about holidays last week and the cost of them. It would be like the food shop that I would just be in a state of distress, I feel like, or I would feel very guilty for spending money on things when I should be contributing more, you know, to the household.

It just, I feel like it's such a level. If you're in such a solid relationship, we've talked about making sure that you have those foundations like having your own pension, your own assets that you're building up in the background, but then to have the money that goes to the roof that you both live under and the food that you both eat and for it to just be combined together,

I think it just creates some sort of equality in the relationship. Massive equality. it. I think the, it's a very, it's a very religious, it's a very religious, and that it's not yours. There's very religious for you and I'm not a religious person. I respect anyone that is and I think there's actually consistency across a lot of different religions about this, which is like encouraging to give, encouraging that you don't need everything, that someone else is, you know, needs more than you. There's something incredibly selfless, especially in a relationship and in a family. I think people do it with kids, for example, where you become.

self as and go, it's not mine, it's ours. And like I said, I've had the flip where I've been the breadwinner. We've had moments where, like, Carl didn't have a job and was in between jobs. And he never had to come to me and say, I can't contribute this month. I can't pay my half. Yeah, there's not big revelation. Our budgets adjusted this month. Absolutely. What do we do? We're a bit tied to them we usually would be. So we don't need to, we can cut that out the budget and cut the, it. It removes the emotion from it, I think. It's very like utility driven. Well, no, it removes the guilt, but what it does, the emotion that does go in is love and respect

and that you're not on your own. And, you know, a lot of, you know, for marriages nowadays, like so many don't work out for lots of reasons. But when you're very, very selfless and when finances are selfless and they're very combined, I just think it can only help. If it's been that way and you do, then split up, there's no, what's yours, like, that's mine, blah, blah, blah, you know, like, could make it easy on the transition, whether it doesn't work out.

There's a more transparent and amicable, you know, separation of them. But at the moment, you are behind. It's not all because of you. And you're making good progress out of it. And what a good outcome here looks like to me is she thinks she could pay it off in 18 months. If you go do that great, think about doing a pension. But for me, the left field thing is, why not tackle it together? Get it done in half the time possibly.

And then imagine where you could be and have that money goal set, have that money date night with your partner. and so where could we be like if we continued on this basis, once this has paid off, we could build up investments, we could build up a big cash emergency fund, we could do X, Y and Z with the children. There's loads you're going to be able to do. Separate, fuck off funds. Separate independent, but built together.

Yeah. That's what we've got. It's fun. It's like, how much have you got in yours? It's like, well, Neil's like, we needed it for the car. And mine's down. I'm like, oh, that's a shame. Neal's just a bit smaller because we were going to do the same contribution

into this to get a car because it, broke down and it was a surprise. We hadn't saved enough in our sinking fund. We knew it was going to break, but it wasn't big enough to buy a new car, so we had to deplete our emergency funds. But I wasn't answering the phone, so I couldn't transfer it. So Neil's fuck off funds gone. Literally. You can't fuck off anymore. But Holly's got hers. Because I didn't answer the phone. He's like, you didn't answer the phone. So all my emergency phone's gone. I was like, oh, I'm sorry. I was probably on the pod. You probably were here. Oh, well, listen, I hope I hope that helps.

and gives an update on how it goes. And on that basis, if you listen to this, if you like what you hear, please do. Subscribe, comment, like, interact. It is the way that pods get discovered by more people. And we need more dilemmas. We want more variety. And we want more people messaging in with their views on what they would do.

So if we've said that before, make sure you tell us. Let's do our next dilemma. Did you know that over a third of women in the UK have no protection in place? compared to just 16% of men. We've partnered with Life Search so you can chat to an advisor for free and get the cover that you deserve. Head to fanashel.com for slash protection

to get your free quote today. Buy rent or stay at home. Hi ladies. My boyfriend and I have been together for just over three years and are starting to look at moving out. We're both 27 and currently still live at home with no issues or pressure to leave.

At the moment, we have around 30,000. thousand pounds saved between us, and our parents have kindly offered to gift us approximately 25,000 pounds in total. This would give us a house deposit of around 38,000 pounds. Ideally, we'd like to build a larger deposit before buying, especially as we live in Essex, where house prices certainly aren't the cheapest. Because of that, we've been considering renting for a few years while continuing to save. We've found a three-bedroomed house for rent for £1,700 per month, and there's a zero deposit option available, meaning we'd only need to pay one week's rent up front.

If we split the bills 50-50, my budget would be tight. It wouldn't leave me with a huge amount to save each month, but I would still be able to put a little bit of money away. My boyfriend is self-employed and earns around £3,200 per month on average, so he would still be able to save a fairly significant amount while renting, which would help us to continue growing our deposit. In terms of finances, we don't have any credit card, debt, I do still have car finance, which is one of the reasons I'm considering renting first,

as it would give me time to clear it before applying for a mortgage. My boyfriend doesn't have any car finance or other debt. I currently have a thousand pounds emergency fund, and my boyfriend also has a financial buffer of around the same amount, if not more. Renting would also give us the opportunity to experience living together before committing to buying a property. I'd really appreciate your thoughts. Does this sound like a sensible plan? Would renting you? Would renting a, for a few years makes sense in our situation or would we be better off staying at home a bit longer

and focusing on saving a larger deposit? Thank you in advance for any advice. Molly? Well, Molly, you are a sensible Sally. Wow, like, what an incredible set-up they've both got. Like, great that they've got that gift because that's what it is, like, from the parents, that 25K gift.

And that's a wonderful thing that you can give your kids and I hope one day that, like, I can do that for my kids and that's something that we're working towards, like, investing for them. You'd rather do that than say, live with us forever while you're safe. Go. Because that's what she's asking. Should we say or should we go? When she was describing, like, we both live at home with no issues, blah, blah, blah.

Like, I've said it before. Like, when Neil and I were in between houses, when we'd sold our house, I was pregnant with our first moving to another, there was a stop where I had been between, probably about four weeks. I had the best four weeks of my life living with my mum, dad. We had a little top floor like apartment thing in their like townhouse and meals cooked for us and like I don't know. I remember it being, I think it was like winter time and it was just so cozy and had the best time. So I totally appreciate that if you are happy and settled

living with your parents, I get what that feels like and rocking the boat of either buying or renting would cost a little bit of... You did four weeks. I know, but I could do it wherever. You do talk about that like it was months actually. It was the best time. When I used to live with mum and dad, like manifesting it back sometimes. Um, great. dilemma because I think a lot of people feel like this. I'm very mixed emotions about it. I love the fact that she's so sensible. She's like, should we rent together? So, you know, we've never lived together before. She didn't say it might not work out, but she's, she's processing the fact that they have never lived together. Buying a house is such a big financial commitment. Much difficult

to get out of the marriage, a lot of people would say when you're trying to split a property if things don't work. Do you remind me of the numbers again? I think, well, so they've got 38,000, It sounds like they'd need much larger. I mean, for me, it might even be not double, but maybe another 50%. It's expensive, isn't it? And she acknowledged that. Yeah, I don't know what the Stamter situation would be and stuff, and the different fees. But it sounds, she's not like saying another year, the thinking about a three-bedroom house to rent.

And so I don't think, oh, she said, she said, because of that we're considering renting for a few years while continuing to save. And one of the problems is, she said, she said, because of that, she said, because of that we're considering renting for a few years while continuing to save. one of the problems is she really can't save much more he could. Again, fine, but it's my boyfriend and I, not married. And so if this is 50-50 splitting, she will be supplementing, kind of supplementing, because she's nothing left over by them choosing to go here, whereas he has. And so I think that's a big consideration. On the flip side, though, is I think at some point you need to get out an adult.

I agree. I was thinking in my head. You need to take the leap at some point, and I would want to rent with someone before I buy with someone. So I think that's definitely in the stars for you. I just worry that because they've not got that house deposit saved or she could get so squeezed in this situation. She ends up miserable. Yeah, because she would be paying a bit of money that would have gone to a house deposit, basically. So she's slowing her journey down.

He might get to a point where he's like, all right, I'm done. And then I'm thinking, I'm already planning it in my head that he's like, oh, let's go out for dinner. And she's like, oh, I've not got any money left. She said if we split all bills 50-50, and what would be interesting is, oh, how does your boyfriend's feel about proportionate bill splitting? Yeah, 100%.

We've got some really good articles on that as well. Does he like it? Does he go, oh, no, no, we'll do 50-50 because you have to, if you're playing house, play a house, this is the, these are the real company. Even the fact that they're considering renting is helping to force out conversations, that are adulting conversations.

Whereas when you live at home, you know, we play it being adults and for me if it's about time frame so if they're going to buy in a year stay put just stay put like I do still like renting I love try and get out but not a three bed house for two people as well by the way I'd be like apartment life for a little bit if it's not for a long time yeah we found a three bed house for 1700 I don't know but I what I know considering house price is there I'm shocked that they've been able to find a three bed house in the Essex area yeah and they're not going to get something so much cheaper no no problem no I don't think you're going to get something for a grand No, probably.

No. Or 1,200, maybe. I don't know. Half of me is like, that's a three, just from a practical, in the north, you'd be like, well, I'll go for an apartment and it'd be half the price. Yeah, a starter. Can you optimise that and bring that down so that it can help to improve how much you can save your house deposit, but still give you the nice lifestyle that you want.

So it's a little flat. Yeah. We also go back at home. Absolutely. When you're first meeting together, though, you want to go for, like, nice dinners and, like, get your MNS picky bits. and all that kind of stuff and go on your little weekends away

and buy a couple of things for the apartment to furnish it a little bit for me it's time frames I love the idea of you staying where you are if you're planning it in a year now she talks about

wanting to clear her car finance before mortgage not essential it helps but it's not essential but you will recognise it is a big chunk of your budget and so this is a perfect example of why we say it's really important

to clear your car finance and to not rely on it because she because she's got a car in finance, he doesn't, he earns more. If they do 50-50, she's got not, if she didn't have that car finance, she would have more. Because minimum car finance now is minimum 200 quid, surely. If you've got anything less than that, then you've got some sort of steel

because it's... Yeah, or it's just more of a loan, it's not proper car finance because the cars are too expensive, aren't you? Yeah, so you talk, imagine £200 extra month in your budget, especially if you pay in 50-50 and so on gets paid more than you, £200 is not to be sniffed at, to be cleared. So when you're thinking about, if you're saying, thinking about buying a house in the next few years, really think about whether you want to

take on car finance because it will just squeeze your budget every month. You will get peed off, especially with mortgage increase rates go up. You're going to be squeeze, squeeze, squeeze. And that's another thing as well for them to consider when they're looking at a house in what price bracket. I looked at someone who wrote a really good thing on LinkedIn the other day about do not look at the highest you could possibly afford right now. You need to look at if the mortgage rates go up between two and five percent from what it is. change what could you agree and what does it do to budget? Nobody thought when we were getting the mortgage rates at 1% that it would ever get to

anything like a 5 in such a short amount of time. You've got to stress test that budget. Like do not go at the top end because if it increases by 2 to 5% can you afford that monthly bill? Possibly not. 100%. I feel like there's the given the timeframe that she's talking about, I like the idea of moving out because I think life is important.

It's not all about money. with a week to hear about live updates. It's not all about, you know, yes, a financially savvy scenario is staying home. And again, by the way, if you're absolutely fine, if you get your own space and time, you are playing house a little bit, that's all right as well.

Like you've said, if you're not on top of each other and it works, there's nothing wrong with it. I do like the idea of staying at home and just stock piling cash, but that's just me and my money personality. But if it's for another three years and you are on top of each other

and you're not properly playing house, then maybe it is a good idea to move in with each other. But can you get that down? Do you have to pay $1,700? Can you optimise that? Can you hammer and get rid of that car finance, which sounds like you're trying to before the mortgage anyway?

And not 50-50, proportionately, because otherwise you're going to back yourself into a corner. And like I said, maybe you go, if he says no to that and go, yeah, yeah, okay, let's find a cheap house then. Because I need something that fits my budget, but allows me to go to the gym, go on holiday, save. Because you're going to want to go on holiday. and I'm going to say, well, I can't afford it.

Are you going to be happy with that every time? Well, I can go, I can't go there, but I can go here. You don't want to live on that compromise. I've got a question. You have to email the vault at financial.com. You can't just ask. I'll answer in three weeks time. About the splitting of a mortgage,

so if it comes to a point whereby they don't give 50-50 to the deposit in order of them to be able to move in somewhere quicker. So if she's not going to be able to save up the same amount of him in the same timeframe, which it sounds like it, because he earns more. can you put some sort of agreement in your mortgage whereby should you ever sell the house that you get a proportion of it? So she pays 30% towards a deposit, he pays 70.

You can have that. So you don't have to wait for the 50. Yeah, you can speak to a lot of people give different amounts to deposits. And sometimes it's, and I don't care, I'm fine. But you can't, the solicitor can structure the way that you buy it in a particular way. Or, and it's called joint tenants or tenants in common. Or you can just put an agreement, which is, you know, if we were to sell the house, like this is the, either the equity proportions or like this is

the deposit section, this is what we put in. So yeah, you can do. There are ways. It means if it got to a point whereby someone earns a hell of a lot more. Yeah. Because it will, it does happen. So nothing's 50-50. You can protect your interest. Some people have like a big inheritance or some people have came in with a property and sold it. And yeah, there's ways you can do that. I was wondering what you thought Liddea because you yourself were thinking about buying. You then moved to. in with your partner, you know, you're now engaged. But what do you think, and you're also like your independence, like you don't live

with family, if obviously you don't live near family anyway, they're in a different place. But what would you do? I agree with like having to go at living together before you buy together. I think that's really important. Yeah, I don't know, I think 27, I think. You're not like 22 are you? Yeah. You need to grow up, not grow up a bit, but you need to play a house.

Yeah, go have fun. Go play house. With no legal commitment, like I said, if you get the mortgage, it's really difficult if it doesn't work out. And we're like, I actually don't. And we're not saying that's the case, but we're just going, why don't you just try and live together a little bit? People slag off renting. And I've never really understood it. I always say to people, I think, because Brits were obsessed with property ladder and the idea of equity and property and owning property.

And we have this conversation because, you know, you at one point could have bought. And I am of the view that as long as if you're not buying, you are investing. And so whether it's into stocks and shares, whether it's into pension, as long as you are growing your money, you're just participating in a different asset class. All these are asset classes like properties, one asset class, the stocks and shares market, cash savings, they're all asset classes. And so if you are someone that goes, I'm just going to rent, but then you blow everything and you don't put any more towards something, then, you know, you're not really making the most

of that money and therefore maybe you should be directed better to mortgage to buy in. But you can, lots of people rent forever. Yeah. And as long as you're doing something else, it's not, a waste. And like I said, renting, Lucy would talk about this as well, you know, gives you patience. It helps test out the areas you want to live in. You know, the first house that people buy isn't necessarily the one that someone would rebuy again because you've never done it before because it's a big deal. It's a hard thing. So it's not to be sniffed out, but sometimes people overrent the first thing and they go a bit overboard and they don't need to rent, you know, the level of thing that they've rented. But also, that's a beauty of rental. You do a six month

rental. It's expensive. 12 months rental. You, you know, crack on and move out and change that after so. I think we're all on team rent, aren't we? We like the options. It's a practice run for like ironing things out. Yeah. Like if you get a mortgage together, that's kind of hard to get out. Yeah. Such a big commitment. More stressful as well. If it's renting doesn't work out. It's like it didn't work out. It's fine. All the money conversations of should we split, should we not. It's like a good trial run. You know, if I'm struggling on a £1,700 to split that 50-50 rent, I'm assuming the mortgage is going to be a hell of a lot more in Essex. Like, what would we do then? So it kind of just get a bit of reality check.

It also, you know, when you buy, you are then cemented to that property in that area. And so what renting does allow you to do again, as long as you're being sensible in the background is, like, you know, what if one of you got a job somewhere? Come up north. Come on. Come by a house up here. You're still expensive up here. But, you know, there's, there are a lot of benefits that you can't quantify in exact, like I'm paying down a mortgage, but it could get your pay rights because you can go at a job at the other side of London. You might go overseas.

You know, you might set up a business and have not the commitment of a big mortgage, but you've got not the pressure of a big mortgage, so you can be a bit more risky with your money. So, Molly, it was a great question. But I think we think you should have a go at renting, see if. that debt, see if that is right for you with that amount of money, don't do 50-50, do proportionate. And it might still be very similar, by the way. They might earn similar, but she's just got its car finance and that's what's impacting her budget. Or maybe give it a year and try and pay her for your car finance. I'll have you do that. Yeah, well, we'll see.

Let us know how you get on, Molly. That's all for this episode. The Vault is now closed. And just a disclaimer, the Vault is just a chat around life and money topics. We are not giving financial advice.