The Vault with Financielle - Am I his Sugar Momma? | The Vault Episode 1

Episode Date: February 29, 2024

Send us a textThe Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money. In this episode of The Vault, Lucy, Laura and Holly dive into the world of money focussed dilemas from the Financielle Community. The team debate the power of f**k off funds, career ambitions, money icks, balancing social lives and your bank balance and Wayne Linekar. EP1 is not to be missed!Visit https://www.financielle.co.uk to download our app.Follow us on Tiktok and Instagram @financielleChapters:00:00:00 - Financial Freedom and Personal Choices00:02:47 - Finding Happiness in Unemployment and Job Change00:05:33 - The Norm of Job Hopping00:08:33 - Unequal Financial Contribution00:11:25 - Navigating Income Differences in a Relationship00:14:22 - Celebrating a Debt Paydown00:17:17 - Financial Struggles and Social Pressure00:19:54 - The Temptation of Spending Money00:22:52 - The Fear of Losing Friends on a Money JourneyThe Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money.Visit https://www.financielle.com to download our app.Watch the podcast on YouTube.Follow Financielle for more:▶︎ TikTok▶︎ InstagramAbout Financielle:Financielle is a female focussed finance app helping women to take back control of their money, ditch debt, increase savings and invest in their future.Recorded and Produced by Liverpool Podcast Studios▶︎ Web ▶︎ Instagram▶︎ LinkedIn

Right, let's go get sorted. Oh my god, that's a really good brew. Sometimes people make it as a bit milky. Is it latte? Is that much milk? I probably could. Also, I don't want to spill on this nice sofa. Welcome to The Vault with Financial. This is the safe space to talk about all things life and money

and no topics are off limits. I feel like we need a bit of a dramatic vault opening sound. We need it, we do. We need to find a vault door. Definitely. We'll look for one of those. I feel like I love the safe space. This is a safe space, no judgments. But again, because there's no judgments, nothing's off limits. So true. You're locked in. We're ready to go. go right lucy what have you got for us so first up i've got a little tiktok we like to talk about tiktoks all the time so i thought laura is our resident city girl she's lived in the city um it's a tiktok about new york living in new york and how

different it is for everybody so i'm gonna have a little goggle box moment and watch this okay i've been unemployed in one of the most expensive cities in the world now for a month this realization of how subjective money is as a concept the amount of money that is like keeping me able to not have to take a job i don't want right now which is to me life-changing to not have to take a job i don't want that i can pay my rent is such a privilege and such a blessing because it allows me to wait for the job that i do really want that amount in my account not enough to buy a car not enough to buy an apartment but it's changing my life allowing me to frolic around the city have fun and be networking for a job i really want instead of picking a job

that like if i'm being honest with myself doesn't make me happy or fulfilled you know it'd be so easy to compare yourself financially you just see people flexing their money in different ways if you have enough money that allows you to make a decision in your life that makes you feel good i think that's a form of wealth i think you're rich like regardless of what that is like this seven dollar coffee is this a responsible decision no i was responsible and took public transportation instead of an uber even that was pouring rain walked in the pouring rain so i was like you know what i'm gonna have a seven dollar little coffee to treat myself my point is that money is a subjective thing do not let other people tell you how to spend it do not make other people feel bad about you for your savings your lack of savings decisions you

make it's such a personal thing you have to do what's right for you piper cassidy phillips on tiktok i am here i want to be a friend i want to go buy a really expensive coffee with her and frolic she used the word frolic. That's such a British word. Like, what do you think? In Central Park. I agree. Money is super subjective, but there is something,

I loved how she said, you're rich. Like if you can make financial, if you can make these decisions. Yeah. It's like a. It's freedom, isn't it? Freedom.

Well, that's the absolute fuck off. Like that's what she's describing the ability to especially in an expensive city she still feels that she's in a place where i don't have to take the first job that comes along i can wait and network she's like actively trying she's not like avoiding the situation but i can just imagine how that feels and that feels a lot better than having like whether it's $10,000 in your account or $50,000 or like something specific, it's actually a feeling and you can see it in her face. Like I mean, it's probably the skincare as well. She looks amazing, but

she's just in a happy place and she's not got the weight of the world on her shoulders and she's unemployed in a really expensive city. I left an unhappy job literally like that. And people, because I had the fan, I had like an emergency fund. I had a fuck expensive city? I left an unhappy job literally like that. And people, because I had the fan, I had like an emergency fund. I had a fuck off fund and I only realized that that's what it was now. But I remember I literally came home to my husband. I was like, so, um, I'm going to quit my job tomorrow. And he was like, what? We just, I think, yeah, we just got married. Um, it wasn't a very well paid job. It was a really good job. It was a really, really, really good job, but it just wasn't paid very well. job it was a really good job it was a really really really good job but it just wasn't paid very well and I was like I've had enough of feeling like undervalued I'm

not happy it definitely was impacting like my mental health and I was just like I'm not doing it anymore I feel like different people especially kind of like the older generation are kind of like I have to stick this job out because I've got it never they would never leave they never back down but I feel like kind of the younger generations were like, I don't really like this. So I'm not feeling it. Yeah.

But in a safe way. It should be like that. It's a thought out, like planned structure. It's not just splitting from job to job. It sounds like she had a plan in her head that she was like,

I'm going to have an emergency fund, which gives me the freedom. And yeah, she looks really happy. And also the power of little treats. I need my treats daily yeah and and she's unemployed so she's not going oh i need to go into like you know start like um yeah i need to go either splurge money or i need to save it

she's just kind of cracking on as she always does i do wonder whether she did what you did though and came home and over dinner and you're just cutting the steak and you're like so i've quit my job like it's such a thing for people I have seen people especially in the financial community spend months if not years in jobs they absolutely hate for lots of different reasons for security obviously and being able to put food on the table for fear of telling the boss that you're not sure you know and it's a bit like Stockholm syndrome if you've been in a place for a long time it's really difficult to leave but when people save like a couple of months worth of savings and they realize actually they can survive on a lot less we have seen people do that actually

just what piper's done yeah some people like it's not always about a financial win it's like definitely not it's more of a feeling and i feel like this generation is more about balance yeah we're not just work work work yeah gen z's, Gen Z's get a hard rep. For the money. Yeah, maybe a little bit extreme the other side, but... Moving from job to job. But I think there's something in our generation, you're right,

or a little bit older, whereby you just stick with a job. And if everyone was terrified on the CVs saying, oh, you've had a lot of jobs, haven't you? You're a hopper. Like the worst thing.

Whereas I think now, you know... It's the norm. Literally. Don't take any shit. I love it. Honestly i wish and everyone i feel like the world is just going to be a happier place because everyone's going to be doing what they like doing yeah exactly it's going to be forced what was it just need to hope that people want to be engineers and all of those hard jobs what were the reactions in the comments to her was she getting obviously it's TikTok so it's the wild west

were people here for it or were they thinking she was being quite being a privileged situation because that apartment was not small by the way so one thing I would say

yeah it's alright for you yes she is not coming from a box apartment in a basement in New York she is living in a penthouse obviously quite

doesn't look like she's got children from the apartment by the way not from you it's teenage probably I could be wrong but again the way she was not saying oh i've got more time with my kids now so that was a good one lucy let's see what you bring next next week yeah you have to wait and see what's next so we've got a little dilemma one of our community members has written in and i thought you two are the perfect people to give us an answer, give some guidance, give some advice. Yeah.

So, buckle in. Are you ready? No. I'm scared. So the title is, I've got the ick over money. Strong start. Straight off the bat. I'm liking it.

Hi girls, please help. I'm getting the ick over money. I've been with my boyfriend now for around eight months. We were friends around for a year before we became a couple we met through work and instantly clicked before this relationship I had an ex-husband who I who I have a four-year-old daughter with but he was financially abusive and contributes very little to her life now so when I met my current partner at work I actually didn't fancy him I genuinely just saw us as friends so i'd always stop but the more i got to know him the more attractive i found him however my main concern

before getting together which we discussed in detail before making anything official was money as always with i'm 10 years into my i'm 10 years into my job i'm senior management i'm a high earner and i'm really proud of that preach yeah whereas he has retrained to move into his current role and took a pay cut okay he definitely has the potential to be where i am in the next three to five years but i've said to him that for our relationship to work realistically he needs to be earning more she went there okay for reference he is currently earning around 25 000 pounds a month and i earn around four times that a year a year yes a month i was like she's got high standards by god no i'm here okay he's on 25k she's earning three to times that. Okay. We both work in a commission-based environment,

so the opportunity is there for him to make good money fairly quickly. But he'd need to work super hard to be successful. At the beginning, my success seemed to motivate him to work harder. Great. But the further into the relationship we get, it seems he isn't doing what's necessary to earn more money. The motivation just isn't there. He has very little disposable income i find myself

naturally paying for things like holidays meals out he always stays around at mine i even have paid for lunches with his parents why his parents pay i mean let's put the bill the oldest people pay do they not it's another rule like forever but now i've noticed his work ethic dying off i'm beginning to get the ick it's super hard because he's the most lovely kindest person fantastic with my daughter all of my friends and family love him but i'm really work but i've worked really hard to come back financially from the ruin my ex-husband left me in is it right that i feel so strongly about things being 50 50 in a relationship what would you do in my situation my head is saying run for the hills but my heart

is begging him begging me to give him a chance oh my god there's so many layers to this there's so many different things and i really feel for her because what must be really difficult is what she went through with her ex she will have had times where she dreamt of a time where she wasn't with a partner like that that she dreamt of maybe being looked after you know not even just financially but but practically but one thing that i wanted to throw out there was there's definitely nothing wrong with one partner earning less especially like so for example there could be for example creative field which pays not a lot but but it's something that someone is really talented at, really good. Really rewarding.

Yeah. And so they're doing their best at their job. And I think it's very, very attractive to be with someone who is like. I've got this. Yeah, just like flourishing. Ambitious. but it may be in that field, there's still a cap on the money, but you might still find that like, if they're trying their hardest, that's really attractive, even if it caps out the salary.

What she's saying is, we work in a commission-based field. It's kind of not trying. Yeah. Because it, which is what I mean. Well, she's flourishing and they're in the same job role,

effectively. So that's why I think this is a bit of an issue. It would be an issue for me, actually, because this isn't saying he doesn't earn enough it's he's actually not

putting the work in at work does he want to and I am putting the work in at work is he maybe a bit comfortable yeah he's coasting is he maybe got a bit of a sugar mama

maybe maybe he's having a great time I feel like but I would say if it was the other way around and this was a man writing in with this dilemma I feel like we would all

feel a little bit different they would be like oh day literally so what like gender comes into this quite a lot of someone being

potentially why is it so uncomfortably I think with a lot of people when the woman earns more yes there's a little bit more background there's transparency

in their jobs because they've both got the same one and she knows that he's not working hard enough la la la but that I'm paying for things I mean paying for your parents that her parents-in-law meal is unforgivable i think i would be harsher on hit on on her sorry i would be harsher on her if she just

was complaining he didn't earn enough and she had to pay for more because that's bullshit and and you should be you don't have to be 50 50 in a relationship there's different periods where either partner like same-sex couples as well where you have health, you don't have to be 50-50 in a relationship. There's different periods where either partner, like same-sex couples as well, where you have health issues, you have job changes. Yeah, ebbs and flows and you just kind of go with it. And so you can't complain that you're paying for more things because hang on a minute, like what's wrong with the man

earning less than the woman in this scenario? It's the ick. And I'm like, is the ick the number or is it his work ethic? What do you think, Lucy? Definitely the work ethic. Who went to the dentist yesterday? No, you did really well. You wouldn't even know

you went to the dentist yesterday, actually, Lucy. It's definitely. The work ethic. Yeah, the ick. I think him not willing to put that in and he's kind of talked about potentially being there in the future, and he's just maybe relying on that a bit.

But he's definitely getting a bit too comfortable. Ooh, he's riding on her coattails. The thing is, how do you raise it? Like, what does she do? Does she sit him down and talk about the it? Like, or do you just... I'd send Monzo requests. I'd be like, Neil, i thought we took your parents so i think i picked the bill up for that i love that that's your answer send a monzo request i think there's definitely more of that

because i feel like we love seeing where there's differences in income but where you have a really good solid and stable relationship you you navigate those different eras it could be returning to leave era it could be job loss it could be mental health it could be job change yeah studying we see people like come out of a career and study so I would like to think that it's not the number and maybe he's lost a bit of passion for what he's doing maybe he needs a career change like if you if you're in sales and you're not selling you're not enjoying what you're doing. Maybe they need a money date night. I love a money date night.

And especially one whereby you set money goals together so then you're held accountable. Like an M&S deal though. Who's paying for it? Who's buying it? But imagine like

sitting down together and agreeing in advance where do we want to be? Where are we going to be in three to five years? And if he's not willing to, he said he was going to but words are words. Yeah. But actually sitting down together and agreeing in advance, where do we want to be? Where are we going to be in three to five years? And if he's not willing to, he said he was going to, but words are words, but actually sitting down and going,

right, by this time, we agree that we're going to, I don't know, buy a new house, go on holiday. There's going to have to be financial contributions for both of those people. And then that's an easy way to be like, oh, we're only going to hit this if I maintain my salary. Like, that's not going to work for me you need a goal that goal gives you a healthy kick difficult isn't it it gives you a

healthy kick up the bum to be like i've got something to work towards if you're just coasting sometimes it might be because you've not got a goal that was a really good one lucy yeah let us know um listener how you got on and what you did yeah and if you followed any of this opinion or if you thought it was full of rubbish so to balance it out a little bit I've got a nice community win for you oh I'm here for these go on who've we got so this is from Beth and she says I've paid down a good amount of my debt over the last couple of months using financial but have moved into my own place this year and bought furniture and gone a bit overboard with Christmas we've been there we've got the vibe I mean you just get carried away when you get you've like

you've you've you know she said you moved into a property she got all the feels yeah but feeling a bit rubbish about it now I'm just kidding um I've gone a bit overboard with Christmas I'm feeling a little bit rubbish about it now so I'm setting myself a restart for 2024, adding no more debt and getting it paid off once and for all. Go Beth. I like the goal is no more debt. It's not like, oh, I've got to pay off like 25,000. Yeah, there's no guilt. She's just like, no, no.

Like I had a great Christmas. I have bought a new place. I'm patting myself on my back. Well done Beth. It's not even guilt. We're all like, you get the feels when you're moving to a new place like I want to furnish it from top to bottom

and then literally the fatigue sets in because it costs a lot more money than you think it's going to life gets in the way life admin occurs and then you're like

oh I need to get my shit together now so I love that she's like celebrating it as a win yeah me too she's excited for 2024 she's not going to

add any more debt which again is really when you're in a new place it's really tempting to kind of do that and use the finance but if you can kind of she's like i'm good how i am and she's she's gonna be paying off the debt provided for she's had a great christmas yeah 2024 is your year go on you're gonna be debt free manifest okay so i've got another dilemma for you a little bit of a different one this time okay so the title of this one is i can't keep up with my friends okay buckle in for the second time so i need some serious help i feel like i need to choose

between protecting my future self and keeping my friends juicy i'm 27 a nurse and renting in the city as you can imagine it's quite a struggle financially i have just about money to cut just about enough money to cover my bills let alone get to payday but i love my job and i love living in the city so i wouldn't change it for the world good balance i have a lovely group of girls around me who unlike me have high paying jobs we hear this a lot living in gorgeous apartments one of them even owns their place something i feel like i'll never do at this rate we're a very social group which i love but sometimes i struggle to keep up they love going to new restaurants shopping trips holidays which until now i've

been joining in with but i've racked up a hefty credit card bill of 18,000 pounds and it feels like it's eating away at me I don't know how much longer I can go on like this I love spending time with my friends but I simply can't afford to keep up with them anymore I'm scared to bring up the topic of money because it seems like that's something they don't even have to think about help they're all booking a girl's holiday to Ibiza for 2024 oh my god I really want to go but i don't want to keep adding to my debt i feel like we need a crowd fund she's on gofundme for ibiza 2024 just like the wardrobe the lady that did the gofundme for the birkin like she was like put

on tiktok she was putting like posters around she's putting qr codes for the gofundme around new york i think it was a joke i don't well i hope it was a joke posters around like. She was putting QR codes for the GoFundMe around New York. I think it was a joke. I don't, well, I hope it was a joke. I feel like I want to check in as soon as she got it. Oh, this poor girl. Give her a hug. And it is definitely, you know, when everyone's in the girl group

and you're coming out of uni, you kind of tend to be on a bit of a par. Everyone struggled a little bit, you know, well, generally at uni, people struggle differently, obviously, but you're all starting on a similar playing field when it comes to the first jobs and salaries and stuff it really does but then it starts to kick up for some people and obviously I remember we were speaking to an amazing community

member last week and she worked in the museum sector and I think she shared something similar that she's so passionate about what she does she's accepted that that's kind of her trajectory for earning but it's what she's passionate about it and that that's kind of her trajectory for earning, but it's what she's passionate about it. And so she's having to navigate that. And, and whereas if friends are starting to earn more and more and more, it must be really difficult. And, and you don't want to miss out. You don't want to, but I feel like she's realized there's a bit of a tipping point that her like wellbeing is going to be at risk, like like to build up consumer debt just to keep up rather than like you're because you're buying something that you need it's just going to tear out a waiter isn't it it's so difficult because you don't like she framed it as like

i might need to lose my friends and you i know how she feels i can imagine her thinking if i don't go on this dinner they're all going to be like laughing and joking behind literally she's trying to keep up not only financially, but socially as well. If you don't go to these dinners and these nights out and holidays, you know, when you go on a girl's holiday and you get the bond and all they talk about. Yeah.

I've turned down a skiing holiday this year and I'm like, Oh yeah, I'm going to miss out on the girl's trip. But because I set my goals at the beginning of the year, I knew exactly how much I needed for the holidays that I'd kind of pre-agreed to, having a bit of work done on the house. Like you do literally, it's so difficult to have to sit down and make these decisions.

But I really want to urge her, you don't have to like sacrifice your friends for it. And I think a bit of honesty goes a long way, especially when you're working in a sector whereby it's a care sector, that it is going to be capped. Sharing that with your friends, they're not stupid. they know what like your salary could be and just a bit of honesty they might need to be reminded about that I mean Lucy like you're you're you're

good than us and you're of that stage where people are getting different jobs and living in different places how do you feel about what she's going through like what would you do I mean I'm not gonna lie I love canceling plans so you're asking is your plan. You ask the hermit of the group. Stay in again. Don't give your advice. The hermit of the group. She wants to go out. I can't afford this.

Yes. Excuse. Stay home. She says in a dressing gown and slippers. Yeah. I'd definitely say just talk about it because even though it seems they don't think about money, everybody does.

It touches everything. It's impossible to not think about money, whether you're earning a lot of money or not. They are probably living payday to payday. They're spending like this. There's probably someone else like that. That's so true. There's definitely someone else in the group like that.

Who's waiting for someone else to say it first. For sure. Why do we keep going to the tree looks for the group? Take one for the team. I'm the poor one today. Let's go to the lake district instead of ibiza i think that's so true you never know how someone else is feeling like because everyone is struggling with this cost of living crisis and yeah living centrally especially if you're in the city that's way more expensive and and but naturally you do go out for more dinners you do go out for more lunches there's more temptation like sometimes in our little village i'm glad that we're not it's not on our doorstep

because there's no i'm not even kidding i think you have to walk to get a takeaway i save so much money because i'm lazy like there is no app that will bring you food in our village and so i think that being there is just so much more tempting that um yeah maybe lydia what would you do i don't know would you hide and just not go out you'd hermit but a beef, you would be like, no, thank you. That's tempting. You know how expensive it is, though? It's so expensive. But like you say, a lot of people on that trip,

that are going on that trip definitely can't afford it. So you kind of want to say to her, like, you do know that people aren't paying for this in cash. Yeah, realistically, guys, who's putting this on their credit card? Literally. So really, she wants the actual receipts. No, you don't want the receipts.

I feel like what she could possibly do as well is, even though she's probably on a lean budget, trying to make sure that there's a little bit for eating out, a little bit for a coffee, a little bit for clothes, whatever the little things are, because she's going to allow herself that at least once a month, especially if you want to start paying down this debt and but being quite creative with idea suggestions so like as it's coming like the spring and summer going to like Hyde Park or Regent's Park for a lovely walk and a coffee you've paid for the coffee you've not done lunch and it might be

do you know what I'm not going to join you for dinner but I'm going to join for pre-drinks and then I'm going to get on my nice little tube I'm going to go get warm and I'm going to get nice cozy feet and not have heels on and so I feel like my ideal man my nice little tube and I'm going to go get warm and I'm going to get nice cosy feet and not have heels on. So I feel like she... It's like my ideal man. Exactly. I think if she can feel like she's part of it. Reframing it for herself. Definitely.

But I think her priority is definitely her financial wellness in that debt is weighing heavily on her. But I think not having to choose is one thing that our community don't... And that's why so many people don't start a money journey because they're like, if I go down this path, I will community don't. And that's why so many people don't start a money journey. Cause they're like,

if I go down this path, I will have no friends. And no fun. Yeah. Whereas you can have, like Laura said, you can have both and it's all about balance. But I think being honest with her friends,

look guys, just so you know, in the group WhatsApp chat. I've seen this on TikTok. It's loud budgeting. Did you see it? So I've seen this. It's this concept of 2024 is about loud budgeting.

It's not saving in secret. It's saying, I can't afford that. I'm on a budget. I've got this goal and you all know about it. I'm doing it loudly. Keep me accountable.

You can get your friends on board by being like, will you do me a favour and help keep me accountable? And then you've got everyone else looking after you as well. Definitely. And I'm sure they have money goals as well

that they want to hit that they're probably not moving towards if they're going to Ibiza and going to all these restaurants and everything yeah like you said whether you're on

100 grand or 25 people live to their means their level of spending absolutely their rent will be higher they might have a lease car everyone could do something

usually yeah do you know what tell us what you do and if anyone else is listening from the financial community and has a similar experience

you know let us know we'd love to hear more about it and if you've any suggestions we're here for yours as well i like it okay well done when i give her a hug yeah me too i think it also depends on whether she actually really wants to go or she's just going to keep up appearances do you really want to go to yeah in the age of instagram i want the stories want the... You need that private jet that's in a hangar that doesn't go anywhere.

I don't want to be on a group picture with Wayne Lineker. I don't want to be touched by him. I don't want to selfie with him. So I will forego a B4. The first time I went to Ocean Beach and I was told we're wearing heels, I was like,

I thought it was a pool. We're not playing mermaid in the pool. We're not diving with our goggles. No, I was like horrified of what Oh this is a night out but a day out This is way too much effort I usually have to

make up my face I have to make up all of it No thank you Can we normalise saying no to Ibiza Done I'm actually enjoying

mechanical bull Mechanical bull That's the motto for 2024 Normalise saying no to Ibiza Yeah To Ibiza cheers who actually enjoys it no i wouldn't no definitely not the touching whaling

that is all for this episode we're gonna close the vault now so any final words anybody you can close it the vault is closed so don't forget to invite your friends into the vault the more the merrier so don't forget to invite your friends into the vault the more the merrier so don't forget to share this podcast send your dilemmas over email or voice notes we love voice notes to the vault at financial.com and just a quick little disclaimer the vault is just a chat around life and money topics we are not giving financial advice