The Vault with Financielle - Being Frugal Won't Make You Rich | The Vault Episode 11

Episode Date: May 8, 2024

Send us a textThe Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money. Welcome to The Vault with Financielle. Hosts Lucy, Laura and Holly delve into the world of money dilemmas from leechy friends, getting the money ick, the benefits of budgeting and much much more! Nothing is off limits but everything is safe in the Vault.In this episode of The Vault, we talk about being frugal vs being rich, the awkwardness of owing someone money, overpaying mortgages and supporting a friend with money worries.-Visit https://www.financielle.co.uk to join our community! Chapters:00:00:00 - Introduction00:04:38 - The Controversy of "Paying Yourself First"00:08:38 - Being Frugal vs. Being Rich00:13:26 - The Awkwardness of Owing Someone Money00:18:14 - Cash Isn't Real00:23:01 - Overpayment and Mortgage Fees00:31:43 - Supporting a Friend with Financial Stress00:35:47 - Power Dynamics and Fun Money The Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money.Visit https://www.financielle.com to download our app.Watch the podcast on YouTube.Follow Financielle for more:▶︎ TikTok▶︎ InstagramAbout Financielle:Financielle is a female focussed finance app helping women to take back control of their money, ditch debt, increase savings and invest in their future.Recorded and Produced by Liverpool Podcast Studios▶︎ Web ▶︎ Instagram▶︎ LinkedIn

Two months ago, I lent my friend £100 cash when we were on a night out. Oh, see, sorry. Now I'm back in the room, I still can't believe that someone needed to borrow £100. Never mind, I need cash back. I'm a one drink wonder, I'm so cheap. That's my drink budget. Welcome to The Vault with Financial. This is a safe space where we talk all things life and money and no topics are off limits.

How are we feeling today? We're back. Are we feeling today we're back are we ready we're ready do you know what i'm so annoyed with the rain and i know like maybe by the time people are listening to this it's not rainy anymore it probably is but it is relentless and so i forget that we're being filmed and i forget that your hair needs to be nice and northwest rain i'm over it so if we like if we can make it to episode 15 can that be in spain like is that is that in the budget like if it's sunny you'll know any sponsors that fancy approaching this program it's literally to fly us to our location it's not for any commercial benefit oh so yeah

i'm okay but i'm over this rain let's start a overseas podcast sinking foot yeah done okay I've got a controversial opinion again not probably controversial in this room yep listeners maybe

being frugal will not make you rich not controversial not controversial correct why do you think I don't know

it was a big trend wasn't it I feel like COVID and lockdown everyone was like we're coming out with the frugal tips like people had loads of time to be like extra frugal yeah like looking after the pennies and the pounds would look after themselves and like there's big trends on tiktok isn't there and big like influential people on instagram and stuff that

and youtube that um have live a frugal life and want to help people live a frugal life but i do one thing I would say from a controversial point of view is it's very much directed at women. Like all these accounts are like, females, listen up. Like if you don't spend this on this, like, I don't know.

I'm going to think of a really silly example now. Look, here's your, oh, if you do this and do that, do that, you do a survey. I mean, this is not frugality, but you could do a survey and you might, a 9P and you're just thinking, oh dear Lord. Is that what time is worth yeah and then like discount hacking so

you know if you're good on programs in america oh my god you slept i love it and i literally when you get into the front of the queue and they're stressful we actually owe you three dollars do you want to pay me more can you it's stress though they have the emotional music the dramatic and probably about being like we owe you four bubbles yeah right but if you think about

the comment you made so being frugal will not make you rich it's absolutely true because the biggest thing, and the reason why the financial budget is done like a P&L, which is a profit and loss account, is because you've got what comes in, which is your income, and then your expenses is what goes out. And the bit that's left over, your excess, is like your profit. So the big problem is you can cut expenses only so far, especially in today's cost of living crisis, especially with inflation still rising, even though the rate's coming down, prices are still going up, which is a little bit confusing, I know.

So, I mean, at the moment in the UK, we've got council tax going up. We've got utility bills going up. We've got mobile phone contracts being chatted about in the community today because a lot of them are linked to the retail price index. And so they've just got a clause in there that says, oh, stuff's going up. So we're increasing your price. Things are going up. So there's only so much you can cut. All of us have probably got a bit of fat we can trim in our budget. Then that's it. So when it comes to being rich or wealthy or being like really financially stable, you need disposable cash to put into things that grow so that's the whole point about the way we do our budget is because

um we thought you don't pay yourself first like people say pay yourself first i what does that mean i don't i didn't get what pay yourself it's actually quite a privileged way of talking about budgeting i think it's like a bit of a money bro, like get rich quick kind of concept. The pay yourself first is more. If you don't allocate something for you in kind of like the top bit of your budget, you'll spend it all and then you'll go, I'll just save what's left. And everyone goes, you shouldn't do that, right? The reason we do do that when we're the only brand that talks about budgeting in the way we do,

which is what's left over is your excess, is first it's quite a privileged position to go, oh, I'm going to save a grand this month. No idea what my expenses are. Like uncalculated decisions. Just a nice number in your head. Yeah, like what if there's not enough? What if there's not a thousand?

Then where'd you go? So it's teaching someone, just like in business the other way, which is what are the absolute necessary expenses what are the nice to haves what are the sinking funds and what am i left over with and then you sit and look at it and go am i happy with that is that okay as a percentage and you get your lovely donut like pie chart as a percentage like how much of my income is going towards things that grow which is either paying down debt because it does take you forward. Is it savings? Is it investing? Is it buying property? If that's small,

you need to look at yourself and go, I am never going to move forward financially. I'm never going to be rich. Like unless you win a lottery, it's not happening because that's the bit of the budget that does it. And so I guess what's more of a controversial opinion is our thing of paying yourself first sucks because people just would give up. they would just oh you'd not pay your bills that you need to pay it so that's why I end up relying on credit because you're like I deserve the amount of money am I saving so I'm gonna go that's so true I've saved a grand but now I'll just put the shopping on the credit card yeah with the frugal thing are you gonna do that forever like every single month of your life you're gonna cut everything to the bone and say no to social events.

Like you end up seeing people that go very frugal for a long time being quite insular and they live a life like on social media, they don't necessarily have much going on outside because they're just scared to say yes to stuff because they're like, that's an expense and that money could be going to my savings. And I'm like, well, what's the savings for?

Like, what is it that you're doing? It has to be balanced. Do you want to like get, encourage people to think bigger this is obviously caveated with frugality maybe a necessity yeah but that's not what you said that's that's not the comment so caveat before you come at us this is not saying that oh it's like a nice thing if you don't have to be frugal lots of us have to be frugal at different points and actually when we do our little no spend challenges and stuff and you lean into frugality for a little bit can sometimes help with the like brain switch about yeah it's like cycling frugality like if you can yeah i think that's a good way to like okay this

this these few months of the year are normally quiet i've got lots of birthdays in june so i'll have like a quiet may and that's kind of like the cycle that you follow like before summer just figuring out how it works you've done a couple of no spend challenges how did you feel on them did you were you like impressed with yourself that you could be so frugal and was it that bad I think so and it wasn't bad at all like it was you're like me gearing yourself up it's like gearing myself up I'm like I'm not gonna have anything this month and I'm like I'm so lucky like I've got so much like I've got a roof over my head I don't need all of this shit like you used to make a list of things that you would wanted to buy yeah every

time I would literally like go in my food shop and I would stray from the list when I say stray from the list I don't mean like buying some other food I'll end up like buying a whole new cutlery set yeah yeah for no reason when I've just bought one two weeks ago in a different supermarket um just things like that and it would added I added up at the end of the month and I'd be like this was this is what I'd all this is what I would spend throughout a whole month like mindlessly yes and it makes you realize yeah it's ridiculous but to the point of the question saving that money won't make you rich. No, it won't make you rich. What's going to make you rich is upping your income and making sure that there is enough left over

to put towards things that grow. And whilst you can enhance that by not getting the extra cutlery sets or whatever, it's not going to move the dial. Actually, we can encourage you to be debt-free and not have loads of payments going out all those money going to payments could be going to your investment part yeah it's like switching okay yeah everyone's obsessed with rounding their money up yes and like people are obsessed with that but

people love spending money in small amounts and it really does add up yeah so take that money at the end of every week or every month invest it into something then that can grow and you will see a benefit from it yeah not because people stop at the bargain people that's where they start to go i saved i've got a discount code oh i've searched around the internet for a discount code on the air fryer 10 quid yeah 10 quid so what how long did you spend three hours but then what did you do with the 10? You probably bought a delivery. So it's just this kind of, you know, it helps. Like, I love the little phrase, you look after the pennies, you look after the pounds.

But I think that's more about being conscious. Yeah. So, no, being frugal doesn't make you rich. Definitely does help some scenarios. Okay, I've got a dilemma. I lent my friend money when she was drunk tell me more so two months ago i lent my friend 100 pounds cash i feel like that's important so bougie isn't it now who's carrying 100 pounds i'd be terrified five euros in my purse

how many five euros oh god watch yourself I've been walking down the street doing people like when you go

when you do the pin number don't look I'd take my purse anywhere like I've no where to put the cash if I had the cash I'd knock it

out of my pocket bra it stresses me out I'm like I'm not grown to put the cash if I had the cash I'd not have a pocket bra it stresses me out I'm like I'm not grown up enough to have this 100 pounds cash responsibility isn't it

all my money's in pots everywhere if you said if someone was behind me with a cash get 100 pounds cash out now I've got 3.60

wait a minute I just need to open my styling and get it out my hair and beauty fund and put it into the main account. And then you've got your TV license spot.

Even then, I don't know my pin code for my styling. So nobody, basically don't rob me because you'll be pissed off. My tote bag. It's the tote bag. It's like, give me your wallet. Just one second. I've got...

It's in here somewhere. I need a tote bag. We've got a tote bag as well. Yeah, don't rob me because you're not getting anything. Or if you are, it's going to take a long time tote bag we've got a tote bag I was like yeah don't don't rob me because you're not getting anything or if you are it's going to take

a long time it's not worth the hassle is it I've got no wifi wait a minute let me just can you hotspot me can you hotspot me

I'll transfer it you two I don't want to touch the cash machine it's not very nice once I request you'll send it have you got any

hands sanitised I don't want to throw any cash so another thing at the cash machine I knuckle it yeah I'm a knuckler I don't want to

see my peanut at them do you know how good a sister I am do you know how good a sister I am I press the button on a lift

yeah she's not touching she holds my hand on the escalator because I won't touch the thing don't fall just hold me

just hold me put braces on me me and my sister used to fight over who got to push the button on the lesson board yeah that's pre-13 and then after it

it's apparently well we're in our late 20s but okay post-covid do you leg each other up on the way to it leg each other up

like just so you can get there first trip each other yeah sorry anyway who was drunk was someone drunk someone's got cash someone's rich and bougie so let's follow them home Sorry Anyway, who was drunk? Was someone drunk?

Someone's got cash Someone's rich and bougie So let's follow them home Two months ago I lent my friend £100 cash When we were on a night out Oh see Sorry

Now I'm back in the room I still can't believe That someone needed To borrow a hundred Never mind in cash I'm a one drink wonderer I'm so cheap. That's my drink budget.

Yeah, a hundred pounds on a night out. Can I borrow your money? You're like, for a meal? And they're like, champagne, sparkles. Okay. Sat there in the booth like, oh my God, that was my food shop.

I know. That was my food shop. So someone needed a hundred. Had that out for my dad's birthday. I'm just going to put it in a goal tomorrow. That's the only reason we have that. Yeah. We were both pretty drunk,

but I remember giving her the money. Since then, she has never brought it up. It's now been two months and I don't know how to ask for it back. We've been out multiple times since for food and drinks and we've always split any costs. Is it too late to ask for the money back?

Never. No, so boring. I think it is. But, what if she didn't? What if she was drunk? What if she's getting hangover? What if she can't remember

and she's like, I just remember like I would have done? Maybe you actually didn't hand it to your friend, you handed it to the bar staff as a tip. Yes!

Oh my, I'd like, she might not, okay, so that's one element. I'm going to give them an opinion, because this would never happen to me. First of all,

I won't be on a night out. I'm not qualified to answer this question. Secondly, I don't have £100 to give, in my, in my current account. What for? No.

Yeah, I want to know what it was for.ie night out if it's food i totally get it like no questions no but just just on a night out to give 100 why would you do that i would never be like can you sub me under a quid on the night there and then people just boys do that quite a lot though boys have expensive nights out yeah they do they've got to pay for all the girls they've got to pay for something we need some gender equality the other way around

somewhere shall we we're hacking the system look at us I'm paying £1 on a night out I think they definitely

didn't ask if it actually happened definitely did I did I give you £100 cash it was in my wallet let's workshop it let's workshop it so did I stand up come you £100 cash it was in my wallet let's workshop it

let's workshop it so yeah did I stand up stand up come on let's act it out so it's the forensic

I actually don't know forensic accounting so first check that you had £100 so did you withdraw cash at any point or was it from work did you get given anywhere

did you get given £100 for your birthday just check this because this could be really awkward if you've got this wrong first of all you need to check

your bank account don't you and be like you know the date that you went out it'll be like 3am Liverpool Lime Street

£100 cash yeah and then if you did do you know I've got a funny story actually it's not about withdrawing cash but when

it's going to be an Ibiza story so when when my husband because my husband used to is from Lytham it's going to be an Ibiza story so when when my husband because my husband used to is from Lytham and like

used to be close to Blackpool close to the Blackpool airport and it was really cheap because it was cheaper than Manchester from Blackpool yes it used to be

like 20 quid imagine that Blackpool had an airport does it anymore I mean it's there I'm not sure Jesse would go from there anymore

so they used to go he's been to Ibiza a lot because actually, genuinely, it would be cheaper to travel. Oh my God. Yeah, and so they used to go a lot. And he tells this one story. So if you're any of his friends,

you probably tell it much better than me or you know the actual details. But someone, one of his friends, took his card and paid for a gray goose, like a liter, two liter sparkly big middle of the night thing. Didn't tell him. So like this vodka comes over and he's like,

wait, like, I'm making this up because I wasn't there. Yeah, this is great. Someone again, wasn't there. Best friend ever. Who bought this best friend ever

who bought this and then the next morning wakes up and there was like a phone call from like the bank and like

was this like this transaction has gone through we think it's been it's like it wasn't me fraud fraud so he reported it as fraud

and then they were like we've got CCTV of you in the nightclub yes yes it goes to state dig in with a drink oh my god

imagine working in the bank that day I would have loved that don't even offend me every time so they have to investigate stuff where it's like I didn't buy that

I never bought it wasn't me I didn't buy that rabbit hat evidence but yeah so then eventually like how did he address it

with his friend one of his friends remember and it was I think remember and then was like and I think I think the friend

paid him back like too good rightly I know but imagine if you were that so I'm gonna go and the other like it was a shame

for my husband he sorted it all out and then because it was like over a thousand euros like it was a lot of money, a thousand euros. But imagine if you were that friend that was like,

guess what I'm going to do? I'm going to steal his card for banter. And then the joke's on you because you've got to pay it back. It's like a week's work. Yeah, you could have at least been like,

oh, come on guys, there's seven of us. We all enjoyed the vodka, let's split it up. Yeah, because they did all like the fact that you took it.

I know, but I, like I said, ask him later but there is a story about the bank checking that they were there and he was like can we have the footage please can we have the cctv so yeah yeah sparklers make it rain yeah i bet it wasn't even grey goose and it was it was probably like a spanish that's better for him because he would have enjoyed it more. Yeah. It was actually free for Carl. Because he was gifted. He had a great time.

He had the best night ever. He had a great time. Yeah. So life has a little fun. But I guess my point is there's investigation. Forensics needs to be done. Like, how can you look at

and did I learn? I think I learned a hundred quid. Or if you're confident about it, do you just say, do me a favour? Like, could i have a hundred when we go out this weekend what yeah that's the thing she might not remember oh i i which i'm assuming i call bullshit when people like people black out though do they though yeah do they yeah do they conveniently black out?

I'm forgetful. And then remember every single detail of the first night of the lives, but then they black out on the last. Selective blackouts. I blacked out on, oh, I ate six chicken nuggets. I hate the feeling of owing someone money. That would stress me out.

Oh, they might be mortified. They genuinely, I'm joking. But they've been out for drinks. They've been out for food. So, like, they can. I think you've got to talk about it. You've got to bring it up. You've got to bring up, like, even just saying

if you're not completely sure that you did because that cash might not have even touched their bank. Yeah. They might have got it from someone. And it never, there was no friction. They didn't see it coming out of their bank account. So they don't remember. Exactly.

It was literally given in the hand and then spent straight away. I think you've got to really be honest, be upfront. Make a bit of a joke about it. But like, I really, I think I gave you a hundred pounds cash. Like we had a great night. Okay. And then she goes, no, I didn't. No, you didn't.

Yeah, I didn't. Or she goes, you had a great night on that hundred pound cash. Makes up a big story actually don't ask her just leave the country cash isn't real anyway so at the end of the day

it's fake money what's wrong with you it's monopoly money good luck with that one I'm stressed like the deer I hate stay in

stop going out and having a good time that's your advice never have fun ever again because you're keep your five euros in your pocket

so this community so this is actually about our community this is like a community this is a community win about

the community oh not like not like we're from a different community like she's from a different community well It's just from a different community. I stole it.

I love that this one is actually real. What? This community really helps me keep focused on paying. Sorry. Keeps me focused on paying off as much debt as possible. So much so that I've just paid £14,000 off my mortgage to bring my monthly costs down. Whoa!

That's a mortgage? Wait. Wait for this. Bougie. I've turned around £25,000 worth of credit card debt to a £14,000 overpayment on a mortgage in four years. I'm feeling so proud of myself, although it's tough to see my savings go down.

Yeah. Let's pretend. Don't Yeah. It's pretend. Don't worry. It's pretend. If it's going on the mortgage, it's still, yeah, still counts.

You'll reap the rewards. That's amazing. Why haven't I seen this? She's kept it to me now. She's kept it under wraps. You went by actual reaction. That's incredible. Wow.

You don't, you've, it's nice to get the mini, mini wins, isn't it? And we get those a lot and people love sharing those. But that's a big win. That's a bougie, big bougie big win big life-changing win but knocking that off your

mortgage at the moment I love hearing people talk about mortgage overpayments because the big thing with a mortgage overpayment is it's such a slog that's why I like the debt snowball works so well because it's little wins and we need those dopamine hits we need that progress the mortgage is like like we've got like ours is just about to get under a big figure do you like these like big round numbers and um we actually decided for the we've never we've never overpaid this mortgage um we we invest instead but it just was getting closer to that number that was like i want to get a different digit at the front so we moved some money and overpaid it and um it was like we've not quite got it under the number so we moved some money and overpaid it and it was like

we've not quite got it under the number so we'll do it again next month but it's such a slog it's a big number it's delayed gratification it really is

that is the ultimate delay it's delayed gratification it's like you're going to hang around like that 14 grand off your mortgage people don't celebrate enough when they go

mortgage free do they people don't go mortgage free that's why yeah that's true i don't know i feel like when we were yeah when we were in our teens i felt like families were starting to pay off mortgage but now they don't much grandparents i would oh imagine being mortgage free by the way i was talking to my grandparents the other day and they're they paid to their house was two thousand pounds yeah i think the mortgage for it you need to get like walk yeah my nanny was saying she got a water bill for two pounds and she cried it was probably a lot of money but obviously the houses were a lot more affordable versus income back then i think our nana paid like 64 pounds or something for her house yeah little nice little beautiful 64 pounds yes yes oh my god

it was that long ago obviously like imagine that now hotels mortgage free but what's that monopoly wait a minute i've got 64 pounds sometimes a really random thing to do on right move is like what's the cheapest house you could buy have you ever done that it's normally burnt out and like full of needles yeah and a lot of times me and alex have convinced ourselves like should we just buy that burnt house and like do it and do it up rent it out to students but like it's literally falling down but i think there's something that like i always say it's it the biggest purchase. It's the biggest debt. It's such a big number that even,

imagine putting 14 grand on it and going, I'll just go about my day. Didn't really move the needle that much. But it will. It will and it won't. Will that make a big difference in monthly payments? Capital, paying off the capital is the big thing. Usually, so it will.

Sometimes you have a fixed payment. Sometimes it brings down the the payments it depends how they structure the overpayment and obviously sometimes there's an overpayment penalty so usually you can overpay up to 10 percent of your outstanding balance always depends on the mortgage so check obviously your terms but it's because they have priced that mortgage like let's all remember how like a really really sickening thing to do is to look at your mortgage statements and look at how much of your mortgage payment goes to pay off your debt and how much is interest and i don't like the term interest i like bank fees because we all forget that interest is just oh it's the interest no no no no so what does interest actually mean so interest

is um why is it called interest i don't know why it's called interest but it's their profit well it's not their profit it's their revenue so i lend you 100 grand for a mortgage and so we'll charge interest on it and we just hear interest ago oh and the interest is five percent which is five grand but that five thousand pounds is basically the bank's fees for lending you that money because why should you get it for free so you could have a mortgage payment that's like let's pick round numbers a thousand pounds and maybe 400 of it chips away at the debt 600 could go to the bank every month that's just going to them it's not paying off the debt and so when you can pay chunks off it, like the 14, you will bring your big total down and the interest is calculated on what's left.

So coming back to your question, when we think about overpayment fees, it's because if banks forecast that, OK, we'll lend you that. And then we're going to make across this term of 30 odd years. I mean, I just will look at it one episode. I think we'll look at it and i will show examples because a whiteboard yeah we're talking hundreds of thousands of pounds hundreds of thousands of pounds that they all make across an average mortgage like it's crazy it's not tens of thousands it's hundreds it's almost as much as the loan itself usually especially it's over 30 35 years so because they forecast that they don't want you to suddenly pay off the other thing about

suddenly pay it not off is you could just move it to a different bank. So the way that they restrict it is there's an early repayment charge. And it's still not, it's still, if you've got the money, sometimes worth paying it off and cracking on. But that's why 10% is kind of a rule. So our community member will hopefully see a reduction in mortgage payment

or absolutely a massive reduction in the amount of interest she's paying. And those chunks really make a difference. They also make make a difference when like I've done it before with um like a work bonus and I've put it in my pension and we did that around my second maternity leave where I was really screwed over uh just being like the female not not by work necessarily just that I wasn't having as much money going to pension and got a bonus and it was really hard at that time to take that bonus and whack it on my pension now I benefit from it when I see the compound interest

but at the time you're like this is a slog all the things it could go towards oh yeah I've seen a lot we're talking about houses and paying off

making mortgage overpayments because of the interest rates are so shitty they're high you're making more I mean my partner already thinking

we're going to remortgage in 2026 i know they're so lucky the timing we've really locked in when everything started to get very spicy in the mortgage market and we're very lucky but already planning for 2026 we don't know what the market's going to be like hopefully it'll be better everyone's saying it will be hoping that might be the case but in case it's not and to start chipping away at the capital more so than the interest um we're going to start overpaying the mortgage um just because when we remortgage we want it to be as low as possible we want it to be as low as possible yeah and at the moment like i said it's obviously we all we all continue to

invest in our pensions so we're still in the market it's really important when you're investing that you keep doing it at the right rate but, usually you may have put extra money into the stock market right now, but actually given you, the stock market like will increase seven to 10% year on year on average, which means some years it could be 15, some years it could be five. And so over a longer period of time, you get that growth. But the interesting thing about a mortgage payment is it's a guaranteed return. What I mean by that is if your mortgage is like 5%, overpaying your mortgage is mathematically the equivalent of investing at 5% or getting a savings account. So if you get a savings account with a 5% rate and you've got a mortgage with a 5% rate, if you put £100 pounds in one or a hundred pounds in the other, the mathematical impact is the same. It's different with investing because obviously you don't know, it could be up, could be down. And so if you are someone, and we generally don't like debt, we don't like the pressures it brings. We don't like the stresses. We love the idea of

weight off our shoulders. So interestingly with extra money that's lying around in your excess, when you do your budget, it's a funny environment for people to go actually right now as long as I've got my basic pensions kind of kicking over and I'm investing I want to get that number down because I get a guaranteed return because it's definitely five percent so I feel like Laura's gonna go on one of these journeys where she's gonna be like I'm gonna pay them all as soon as it gets I can feel it the way she's talking about it gets to certain numbers you're just gonna be like right that's it it's a long slog though

it's a big one I know I need some bonuses better speak to the boss oh shit he's in charge which man's in charge can't possibly be

two females well done yeah I'm sure you did well at the beginning of the long mortgage rant okay dilemma number two i feel like this is a tough one okay to navigate so we need some real help is my friend's girlfriend stealing his money i have a friend who's always done really well for

himself he works very hard and earns a substantial six-figure salary, around £150,000 a year. However, since he's started seeing his girlfriend, he constantly complains that he's got no money and I'm really concerned as he appears quite stressed.

Meanwhile, despite having no stable income, his girlfriend has made some flash purchases in the last year, including a luxury camper van. Oh, I thought you were going're gonna be like nice handbag she told me she'd sold her bmw to buy the camper but a few months later she pulled up in the same

bmw shady the other day my friend told me that he sold his three properties but is in tens of thousands of pounds worth of debt he said he's looking forward to being able to do nice things again like buying clothes and going on holiday which made me feel so bad for him i'm so concerned about his financial well-being but i don't know how to bring this up any suggestions on how to approach this delicate situation i'm so worried she might be taking advantage of his money this is like the behind the closed doors thing there's so i have so many questions this is where like can they come in can we get more info because the questions come to my mind are uh does he still have that income it sounds like it because it doesn't sound

like he's lost his job and it's difficult um was he really poor at managing money because if you were in tens of thousands of debt and you had various properties that you know there's mortgage um mortgage squeezes we've just been talking about mortgage rates so like i do want to caveat whatever we say with there's a lot of stuff that like what is he kind of doing and what was the situation but so the dilemma was a lot longer that's been cut down and they are they have still got that high paying salary. So they have. Yeah. What has happened to make them lose so much control?

He's looking forward to be able to do nice things again. So he's clearly like going through something. And it says since he started seeing this girl, like things just seem to have gone downhill. He sold three properties can you get how much debt are we blaming the female

for getting that like are we thinking that she's the bad influence in this situation it sounds like it from the dilemma yeah

because it sounds like it was fine and then he met this girl and she's lied about selling her car yeah but he sold three houses how have you got

like you said that's not cut and dry as in... The females arrived and then suddenly... And she doesn't have... You have to be in hell to have a debt to sell three houses

and still... She doesn't have a stable income either. I've got to say that. And they're not going on bougie holidays, but she's bought a camper. They're going camping. I need to know more.

It's definitely... It's a really interesting one because it does feel like she has been the trigger so if he has had a particular way of managing money and manage his life like for example you know i mean poor man on a lot of money like he's done the struggles you know i can imagine lots of people listen to this are going he earns 150 grand a year he should like get his act together and and not to defend like that salary massively but so much of that is taxed that i promise you he's not walking home with 10 grand and like kind of

you know um flashing the cash and if he has been strategic but tight with his money diverting it into properties which is great like for anyone whenever you can do that and you can grow your wealth and grow your assets it's admirable but it does come with a certain level of not only stress but responsibility a responsibility to responsibility to keep expenses tight. Because if you're deciding I am going to save up for deposits and then maintain these houses and then take mortgage products and stuff and become a landlord, you are sacrificing that money for that

rather than loads of excess in the budget for just disposable stuff. So if suddenly a spender has come into that environment and may know things like the salary and the properties and, oh, like the kind of this, this like wealth, it's not as much wealth as you think because it's all tied up in places. Yeah, there might not have been that much disposable income

to start with because like you said, the restriction of giving this money out to properties. Yeah, but it feels like it is. And so I think if we're, but this dilemma isn't from the boy, it's from the friend. Yeah, he can see, they can see that he's quite stressed.

So I think how would you approach someone when you don't know the complete ins and outs? Well, you can't go, first of all, you don't go accusing the girlfriend as in in front of that person. You don't go in with that. Is she taking advantage of you?

You definitely go in with, is everything okay? I've noticed that you're stressed. Is it money that you're worried about? Like try and get to the bottom of it. Even though if you're seeing something that they're not, when it's like, you know, it's the person that's come into the life that's causing the trouble.

To go into it from that angle, your friend could just end up pushing you away. Yeah, and you have to go into it from from that angle you could be a friend could just end up pushing you away yeah and you have to go into it judgment free because definitely like i said it's behind the closed doors like none of us know but like i feel like you're a really good friend because you've noticed comments about money you've noticed noticing people don't talk about money so to pick up on men especially men definitely like i think especially if you know whether it's the male or the female um or whatever your gender in the relationship if you're taking the i guess actual strain and the provider because it sounds like with an unstable unstable income in this scenario he has been like holding down the fort the responsibility has been with him um you're

gonna have to be quite careful speaking to me about it but but see if they'll open up because you will get to learn more about and it might be if let's for argument's sake say her spending is quite high she thinks that there's like an unlimited pot of money we can do this we can do that we're buying a camper van i mean like just for anyone buying a camper van unless you've got the cash for that camper van yourself do not buy one rent one play with it there are loads of fun but like they're a big commitment it's a pinterest thing like it's a it's not real life like we've all looked and gone oh i could have a shower outside the back of the van but i've got friends that have them that are amazing but they can like it's they've just they've decided to get one and they can afford it so like side and it fits in with their lifestyle people do it that like you know they're never gonna do it and you're like like i'm wearing a caravan i'm like have you ever

been in one have you ever slept on one do you just want to renovate one like a little bill on tiktok but i feel like um if that's the case you need to support your friend to create some structure and some boundaries and so boundaries around the budget what's the budget and what's to play with and what i mean to play with is the disposable side so what is non-negotiables this is for keeping a roof over our heads making sure we've got the bills paid making sure we've got like basic foods saving up for things in the future paying down debt if he's kind of still struggling with debt um and then go this is the fun money and but also get to a point where are you comfortable supporting the lifestyle is there a reason she's got income? And can he support her to bring in stable income?

Because as we've talked about here, there's nothing wrong with like different levels of income earnings. But you've both got to come to the table and help. Because ultimately it's just not going to last like as a solid relationship. It's not going to be pleasant for, he will resent her forever. Money is like the biggest reason of breakups, isn't it? Yeah. It's just because it's connected to so many things things like if you can get on the same page as your partner and it's not a quick fix like it's don't worry if you don't you have to put the work in yeah power dynamics as

well isn't it yeah i when especially if you're not the earner as well like when i was on maternity leave i always felt like oh would you mind if, you know, constantly. Can I go for a coffee? My husband never made me, he was like, please stop asking me. You were the problem. I was the problem. It's me.

Hi. I'm the problem. It's me. It was. You know, and I know a lot of people on maternity leave in our community

that the language that the females are writing in our group and when we've had interviews with people. You're carrying a child. Literally, it's your job like oh it's not your job but they should be apologetic yeah yeah you should be you should be

sorry i want to be a therapist i change that nappy i would like a tip yeah i went to aldi for nappies swing it around yeah you pay me that is power dynamic power struggle power dynamic and yeah you have to be on the same page i love that let's talk about fun money because you're not going in with let's talk about the budget you've got a spending problem and i'm paying for everything like no no no no no position it gentle this is the fun budget now yeah because we've got shit to do and i think going back to the person who's written this in their their aim is to talk to their friend i think being open about like it's not normal to be open about money opening up yourself and like being a little bit vulnerable

just really does actually create a space yeah it opens it up for people to be like oh my god yeah thank god you said that and also might actually make them realize that they might not know that it's the money that's stressing them out he might have a stressful job he might be he's just sold three properties yeah properties he's just sold three properties he's playing Monopoly and he's stressed yeah

he needs to get to Mayfair but he's on Piccadilly Gardens is that a layup what's that Piccadilly Gardens Park Lane's up there but I don't know

Piccadilly Gardens I had the Disney version so 101 Dalmatians was the prime real estate I played Wigan Monopoly before and I don't think anythingcadilly Con I had the Disney version so 101 Dalmatians was the prime real estate I played Wigan Monopoly before and I don't think

anything's up there with Park Lane I'm on Premier League Monopoly and I bought Erling Haaland the other day oh my god

that's a good one oh you didn't Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dragons I have no idea I couldn't pronounce anything on the

the thing with Monopoly as well so I'm like a big fan I am a fan of Monopoly as well. So I'm like a big fan. I am a fan of Monopoly. How long is that game? It's always getting flipped. There's always a family argument.

My granddad absolutely annihilated me once. And he had me writing like, I owe you. I was in so much debt. Swap the debt. A repayment plan. But the thing with Monopoly is there is like, people think that you could like it's just all about ability but there's so much luck to it because i in my defense in my family

was coming last by a long time but i kept i landed on nothing i could buy that's true like i couldn't invest it brings out your inner donald trump property mogul i'm gonna buy but i was like you need to start off with a small loan of a million dollars don't you you need to land on something to buy it the key to monopoly always be the banker yeah

yeah because then you can steal under the table that's why my four year old always wins I get it now well that's why my husband like so what happened

in the end is Carl was doing that well that meaning the girls joint ventured and he still won I gave my properties to Avery partly because

we were a bit bored because it went on that long in fact it went over two nights and so wrap it up now I'm done

I lose interest I kept looking at the rules going how does this game finish and we all have to go bankrupt and one person wins

is that how you finish has anyone ever finished a game of Monopoly is there an end no no no I gave up I gave my properties

away my properties were actually just like the equivalent of the stations and I never got an actual card has his family still

got cobwebs on it from 1999 because the game was still going strong this is Jumanji don't touch the board well back to our dilemma friend who who is i think that's right i think go for a coffee away from the partner yeah really i think your point lucy is so important

show your vulnerability like make it a really safe space just like don't make it like an intervention a big thing no because they'll just push you away see if you can give them space to talk because it'll give you more more guidance more context to the guidance and if and it does seem like it absolutely

has been impacted by this partner help them create structure and boundaries like you said give space to spend and give space to have that fun

and if she often goes because she doesn't like a big budget then she probably wasn't the person to hang around anyway see ya that's all for this episode.

I'm going to close The Vault. If you have any dilemmas, please send them to thevaultatfinancial.com. Just a quick disclaimer, The Vault is just a chat around life and money topics and we are not giving financial advice.