The Vault with Financielle - ”Do I Blow Three Months of Savings… or Risk Family Drama?” | The Vault Episode 99

Episode Date: January 15, 2026

Send us a text“My long term partner doesn’t know I have a f off fund” … jail or no jail? 🚨This week, we’re diving into these money dilemmas:💸 “I’m Covering Everything Alone While He Dodges Child Support”💸 ”Do I Blow Three Months of Savings… or Risk Family Drama?”Got a money win or (totally anonymous) dilemma? Share it via the Financielle app community or email [e-mail] 💌You’re not alone in figuring this stuff out. Get honest, helpful reads at financielle.com 💖💸Connect with our Partner🫶 Protect yourself and loved ones with our friends at Lifesearch* The above is a tracked link, which tells our partner we sent you and may in future result in a payment or benefit to our site.The Vault is an entertaining yet thought provoking podcast that answers our community’s dilemmas and confessions surrounding women and money.Visit https://www.financielle.com to download our app.Watch the podcast on YouTube.Follow Financielle for more:▶︎ TikTok▶︎ InstagramAbout Financielle:Financielle is a female focussed finance app helping women to take back control of their money, ditch debt, increase savings and invest in their future.Recorded and Produced by Liverpool Podcast Studios▶︎ Web ▶︎ Instagram▶︎ LinkedIn

Welcome to the vault with finite child. This is a safe space where we talk all things like for money and no topics are off limits. Hi guys. Hi. Good morning. How are we doing today? We're good. On this fine January morning.

I know. Fresh. Feeling fresh. Ready to go. I've got my paddle ready. I know you start with jail or no jail. So I've got it ready. I hope people like it.

I'm going to enjoy it. Oh, do you want to have done? Do you remember traitors back in the day when they used to write? Like how it's spelled. J. Oh, yeah. Jio. Love traitors.

It's all we're looking at obviously at the moment the past few weeks. Obsessed. Do you think you'd be good on it? No. I'm too, I don't like the guilt. I don't like lying. But after Alan Carr won the celebrity won

back in November, anything's possible. It was the worst trait that ever existed. It was the worst. He was like, I am a... He was a faithful. See, I'd be shit.

Yeah. I'm a traitor. Okay, time for jail or no jail? I got a pay rise and instantly started living a nicer life. No jail. I've got no jail. Lucy's gone hard. Lucy's gone jail.

Why being tight? Because instantly it sounds like she's not even thought about it. Like, yep. Cachia. Goals, Royce out. Right, okay, yeah. Upgrade the house, extension. Girls always get a handbag.

Yeah. What is it? That's what I'm picturing. I, and I get that I'm, again, we need more information. But this is the game. You're meant to just take a punt. You have permission when you have more money to live a better life, if that makes sense.

But you can't have lifestyle creep because you get to a point where should that money be taken away and you've not got all the strong financial foundations in place and you've been just going out for dinner willy-nilly and getting a bigger car and getting a bigger house and going on nicer holidays without having the financial foundations behind. You should one of these things fall away, as in the income.

If you're left then struggling, like, we've got a problem. And this is where the budget donut can really help, because percentage-wise, you shouldn't spend the pay rise. You should increase, or you can increase your spending proportionately. So if you've got a 10 grand pay rise after tax for easy, well, easy numbers, you can't suddenly spend an extra 10 a year just on stuff. You should spend proportionately. So your excess should increase and you're spending Maying.

increase. But if you have loads of debt, no, you should be hammering the debt. If you've not got an emergency fund, you should be doing that. Like, those are priority before increasing your lifestyle at all. So yeah, maybe it's a caveat that if you're in survive, any pay rise is all going to things that get us out of debt and stuff. What happens is people do, I'm immediately getting a new car. I'm really going to buy a holiday. And it's big stuff rather than, do you know what, I've taken my lunches or I've done slow cookers for like weeks and months and even a year, I'm going to start buying my lunch once in a while from Pratt. I'm not sorry.

I was thinking in my head, I'd get the cleaner. I have it every week. I'd be having the cleaner every week. Little things like that rather than, so we're going on a luxury holiday. It's the car thing for me. People do car. People do car when they get a pay rise and stuff. So, yeah.

Ish. I make a budget, then ignore it as soon as the weekend hits. Financial jail. It's like a financial diet. You're not allowed to do this. that. You can't go crazy. I do this with meal planning though. Yeah, I do. I think we've all, I do Monday to Thursday very well. Yeah. Friday hits. What we're doing for tea. Like I just purposely don't buy anything in the shop because if I buy something, I'll then like guilt

and I've not eaten it. And I'm like, oh, but I want to go out for dinner tonight. Yeah. You want the flexibility. Just make sure go around the same's reason. Don't go in it. Like, I need milk. I'm going to win just for milk. What I have for dinner? I said, no. I didn't My delay is I have like a gaslighting war between me and Alex and make him say, should we get a takeaway? Who can say it for, who can get the other to say it first? It's their idea. Because I don't take any convincing to get a takeaway.

Okay. It's me that has to convince Alex. Right. What's the takeaway of choice? Could be anything like, oh, we do like a five guys. Okay. Because we can walk to it. It's like five, ten minute walk.

So we get a nice little fresh air. Yeah. And one time I saw this guy on Instagram He was like his health guy And he was like if you're going to go to a fast food place God's five guys Five guys is like the cleanest out of a bad bunch So I was like well it's really that bad

Yeah And like just one portion of small chips Will do you all night Yeah literally It's not actually take away I have to be it has to be said I've got hacks They'll do a hat like Nando's like what do

Children's meal Right Because you get the same burger that I would get anyway, the little cheeseburger. You get a small milkshake, you get a small fries. And like, you actually get a normal size portion of fries. Small fries there is literally like. How much is it for a small kids meal? I think when you upgrade with a milkshake, I think it's like 10, 12 pounds, which is really good. That's not a kid's meal. That's very expensive. But it's good for me. Yeah. Not a kid.

For an adolescent. It's fantastic. But then like Alex kind of ruins it because then he gets like quad bacon cheeseburger, two milkshake, large fries. So out of interest, your takeaway sinking fund is it a joint one or does Alex pay proportionately into that because he eats a lot more? Oh yeah. All of our joint syncing funds are proportioned. Yeah. No, okay.

Fair enough. I know what you mean. And I feel like it's definitely, I think that's why I really like the financial budget plus I use Stalin, but Stalin ones or what or stuff, because why would you do all that work and then not benefit from it? So don't do the budget if you're not going to follow it. is one of those things like just don't do the budget if you're not going to follow it. But you can do a budget where you track every penny

and you're really, really like prescriptive about it and specific. But you can also do it where you decide everything, you decide what your pots are, you move the money to sinking funds into flexible and crack on. And as long as you are keeping an eye on, oh, how much is in the takeaway fund or how much is in the groceries, that's all right. But there's just no point doing it and not looking or doing it at all

because don't trick your brain into thinking it did something. thing, it didn't. You may as well list have just gone. I've been paid. Oh my God, can you I've said this before right? Can you imagine being paid and just being paid? No. And they're not being a budget. You always want to do it though. You're just like one social experiment

for herself. I think we should all do it one month. I couldn't possibly. I just try it. It would be new content. It would be funny. Dylan, do you always get paid and enjoy life? Oh no. Budget. Yes, he does. He's in the right. You need, she needs to. Dylan. Oh, no.

jail. Oh, not in jail. No jail. No jail heart. She needs a weekend sinking fund. Yes. In the budget. Yeah. That you're going to stick to. Okay. I dip into my emergency fund every month for bills. What the jail? Jail. Your budget is too tight. You're being too harsh on yourself and making too tight and then you can't stick to it. True? Yeah, what's the point? Or wrong. Just incorrect. We always say, everyone's, you know, you're allowed a bit of leniency with a budget not going right, but to continue to do it every single month something's got to give. You're either putting too much into savings and you're having to scrape it back out again.

Oh, your budget's wrong. Yeah. And that's just upsetting. Yeah. Like, I reckon Lydia, that's, you've said that before. Like, you hate taking money out of your savings. Like, if you have to take money at the savings, you feel like upset with yourself. Yeah, that is locked away.

Yeah. Yeah. It's never to be used ever again, ever. So the idea of doing it every month. Oh, my God. Yeah. Mentally, this is more of a mental thing than a... Yeah, we need to change.

It was only a little bit. The brain chemistry is also in there. You need to do... I know this, she didn't do a dilemma, but I'm like, I've already given advice, but do a boogey budget. Yeah. Make it big. Yeah.

Make it big. And see how you feel. My long-term partner doesn't know I have an F off fund. No, Jail. Ooh. Holy. Jail, sorry. I was holding it up.

The camera like we're on jail. I think if you're in a long-term relationship, that signals to me that you are, not always, but you're in a happy, stable relationship. So why would you not be open and honest? But what bad could happen in sharing what your financials are? I know what she's saying. She's twisting it around and saying.

Because if they can't get access to it, I might go, I've got a, just so you know, I've got training two on two with 10 grand in it, they can't get access to it. they're not going to steal it from you. Like, it's just having the, just so you know, I've got it. If we're going through money goals, can we flip, if the boy in this situation, if this was a dilemma, had kept money from them, would be like, why would you not tell,

why would you not? But is it no one, but it's like, it's an F of fund. But you're a loud one. It doesn't have to be a secret. Why does it have to be a secret F off of fun? Why can't it be, I've got one and you ain't touching that pal. That's fine. I feel like a juror and like I've got them for the defense.

and the prosecution. I just think if we'd have switched it around and this would have been a dilemma and a girl's gone and I found out that he's got 10 grand a day, we'd be like, why is he keeping it a secret? Why would you keep it secret? You're in a long-term relationship or should we not have all that card on table?

Yes, you're correct. The only way you would not be in jail is if part of that confession was because there's a dick. Yeah. So I'm gonna, you know, like. Obviously. He's done this before.

He's got past performance and I'm protecting my... And therefore, you shouldn't be with him. If you've got these, like, alarm bells in your back pocket. If there's something inside you, you saying I shouldn't tell him I've got an F off fund you shouldn't be with that person. I arrest my case.

She said, that's it. All right. All right. Oh my God. Okay, time for our first dilemma. Quick financial win. One listener said speaking to Chelsea at Life Search made sorting income protection and life insurance so easy. And she finally feels like a boss with her cover sorted.

Want the same peace of mind? Head to financial.com forward slash protection to get your free quote to Today, I'm covering everything alone while he dodges child support. Hi ladies. I joined financial five months ago and have slowly been binging my way through every podcast and doing everything I can to improve my money situation and grow my net worth. I have a child maintenance dilemma and rant that I'm hoping I might be able to get some help with. Me and my daughter's dad split up when she was a baby due to a multitude of failings on his part. She is now 10. I have sole custody along with her wonderful stepdad and her dad has not seen her for several years.

years. He has rarely paid the child maintenance he is supposed to, despite being on the collect and pay service. He has now amassed nearly £5,000 of arouse. He has submitted multiple claims to the CMS to try and get out of paying, and they have all been rejected, until the most recent one. He has now claimed that his annual income is £0, and this was accepted, meaning he is now exempt from paying anything. I don't know his work situation, but last year he was earning nearly $50,000. and was supposed to pay £97 a week in maintenance, which he rarely did. I just feel so disappointed that I have mounting costs of school uniforms, school trips, and the general cost of raising a child while he provides nothing at all.

How can someone claim their income is zero when they are not on benefits either? And is there anything I can do about this? Firstly, hats off to you. Yeah. My God, an absolute piece of shit. In like an ideal world, we would all fund. private investigators to work for... Oh my God, yeah.

Like the CMS, but like for like these men and women that are on the other hand of someone not being accurate. I think like rich females and males that have like paid for their kids the whole time should all club together and start weeding out. Where did this idea come from? Just weeding out the absolute shit. Because the amount of chasters that claim that they don't have any income

or can't meet the minimum criteria to pay child maintenance, it makes me sick. Absolutely makes me sick. I would love to, when you see in the newspapers and like, man who's been claiming, like, health benefits for 20 years, seen on a jet ski, like, and they take a picture of them,

and then they cancel everything. I'm like, why are we not doing that? Yeah. We're literally letting these men just walk around, not paying any sort of child maintenance for the kids. Living's expensive, so imagine paying for a kid on multiple children and not getting paid.

Yeah, and it's like, even more heartbreaking when like is the kid that suffers. So it sounds like in this scenario, kids not suffering actually. You have done an amazing job. You've got, it sounds like an amazing stepdad. And that's not okay.

But credit to you for doing that because what you have had to do is hustle and work hard and put food on the table. You've like in a relationship where they obviously look like they're being supportive as well. So thankfully, your daughter's not going to miss out. I think so often children have to. go without because one parent doesn't help but then they're living their life and they're enjoying it and whether we like it and or it happens and it's really really tough and I feel like I'm very

happy for you that at least you have this gorgeous family unit and even if you didn't have a partner but you you and her are okay and you've got soul custody and you'd never see him and like it sounds like he would add little in fact would be disruptive to her life so fair play um I think on the money side there's two ways of looking at, let's look at the factual side. The factual side of it is he is in arrears of £5,000, that's a debt. Like, and that does not go away. So he will, you know, possibly plus interest, I don't know the details, but he will always owe that money.

And so keep pursuing that via CMS. And so even if at the moment he has been viably or like formally declared he doesn't have to pay anything, he does still have to pay that. That is still a debt. It doesn't disappear. So make sure you stay close to the CMS with that. And the technicalities of when someone suddenly doesn't have to pay. It's all connected to like HMRCEU related income.

So what it would suggest is whatever he's earning, he's not declaring it. Cash in hand. So he's breaking the long. It would even cash in that. Yeah, cash in hand you meant to be. It's like he would have to. So this is, I'm going to go a bit rogue here, but she could report him to HMRC. There's like a line of people that are not paying tax that should be paying tax.

I would pay the private investigation. Yeah. Well, you don't need, you can just take, if you've got a suspicion of someone working and not paying tax, you can tell HMRC, I think they are working and I don't think they're paying tax. Because what would happen is if that was the case and if they investigated it and they can look at things like, is there any money coming in at his bank account? How is he, how are you paying for rent? How are you food sir? And listen, if it was found that he was living at a girlfriend's or a friend or a mum and dads and literally was making no money, then good luck to him. miserable life, you're not going to amount to anything. But if it does, if they do find out,

actually, we can prove that you probably earned about 50 grand, then they will say, right, so you owe tax on 50, but then that goes to a self-assessment system and then he's earned 50, so then you go back to CMS and it adds to his debt. So I definitely, you know, look at doing that. But also if for this period of time, he technically isn't earning, you can still revisit it. It's a living and breathing thing. So regularly keep it in contact with CMS saying, can you recheck, you know, I believe his lifestyle's changed. I believe he is now earning. You don't have to wait the full year.

Especially the time where he was earning up to 50 grand here and he was meant to pay the 9-7. In what world? It wasn't being collected and taken. Why isn't it direct debit? There's no option. Why do you have to opt in? Well, it's just, there's just so many nuances.

But yes, I think it is not going away. That five grand is earned and then don't sit still with, if there is a period of time where he isn't earning, then keep it. on things and if you ever suspect that he is earning go straight back to CMS. But in the meantime, it's like keep, don't overthink that bit and don't dwell on it and don't fester. You've got a right to, but it'll only affect you. He's fine. He's cracking on. And actually, it's not fair, but you and your daughter are fine as well. So we've always said, like, protect your mental

space and focus in you and your family and do the best for them. But keep your eye on the legal stuff that you're entitled to because you should never not get that. And you should, in a least stay like invasive or what do what do I mean they're like passive like make it as passive a way it's possible so it doesn't detrimental to impact you don't get like emotionally entangled in it yeah don't be obsessed because you need to look after you but keep like once a month might be a month of email hi just checking in yeah if you think he's earned I would report him to HRC I'll do it for you yeah she will actually just give me a list she be the private investigator she sounds like she keeps doing this with the eyes like she wants some bin off

I think I've been quite good at that if you're in Kim Kardashian or is like hacks into like voicemails and stuff. We've grown up watching the Kardashians. Like you just feel like a long lens camera. I would put nothing past a millennial woman with access to Facebook. Like we will tell me. I can find anything out. Neil's worse than me.

Neil's like, do you know that person that's wrote on the village chat? Well, they're related to and they went to school with this person. And then they're the ones that did the cheating. And I'm like, Neil, that's amazing. Honestly, it's amazing. Two and two, you get four, you don't get seven now. You can literally ties them together.

Yeah. Can't get away with any. Which is probably why she knows he's earning money. And that's why I'm so surprised that like establishments like the CMS I haven't caught up with the shit. You're like there's ways of means. Well, the worst thing about this is the volume. Yeah.

Like there's not one guy doing it. There's men and women up and down the country. Constantly doing this and, you know, but HMRC especially more than CMS have got the systems to stop the tax judges of people getting cash. now and the people, it was not as easy, like, wasn't there a funny stat once that, like, all the taxi drivers in London all aren't the same because it was like the amount that you could just declare it and everything else was cash. And it was, you know, we're in a cashless society now, so it's much harder. But they are using AI. It's like when you, like, people,

people have said to me before, like, oh, I can't believe you pay tax on your rental, especially because it's my ante. I'm like, okay, one, it's the right thing to do. But two, like, I collect rent. It goes into a bank account. Yeah. Like, it is, the tax trend's virtually done for me. What am I going to do? And it's, and it's, and at some point, especially the AI development, you are all going to get caught out. So it's just easier to do it properly and crack on and not worry about it. But they are using things to catch people. So I would, yeah, I would hop along to HMRC and tell them.

But well done. You're doing amazing. Yeah. Okay. Community wind time. Hello. Just an update to say I've paid off my phone finance in full today, which means I'm officially debt-free. Thank you to Financial and the Volt in particular. I listen every week to you all and you inspire me to keep pushing.

Now to finish off, saving for my house deposit and a larger emergency fund. Thank you. Well done. And like we've talked about this before. Like Holly's husband was like, if I get this phone on contract, it's cheaper. And I'm like, mm. Slippery slow. You do what you want to do.

Yeah. But like, you know, it's the, we've talked before about like car finance. Like there's no right or wrong. It's understanding the impact of it. And sometimes it can be cheaper. I saw, I think I saw Ron, who's really bad. it, the you man, sports direct man, Fraser group. Yeah, Mike actually.

Discounts for buying, I'll pay later. Very group. I was looking for a particular top. Didn't end up buying it, obviously. But saw it. And if you paid through very pay, you got 20% on. Yeah. Bullshit. Yeah.

But like, so mathematically, and I'd have to do that as well. And as to do it. Mathematically, sometimes it is the right thing. But there's a lot more at play. And the phone is massive. Like to be like, because people are so tempted to. get the newest one and this and just don't get involved and the fact you've paid it off you're legend

you've now got some really excited things to go after that's usually the first one to go on the debt snowball isn't it people pay off the phone contract first yeah she's done it last but you know exciting if you'd like to tell us you'll head to the community in that but email it to the vault at financial dot com okay next dilemma i really like this dilemma personal finance let's face it can be boring but at fanshell we do it differently from guilt-free spending to the perfect payday routine our blogs help you feel confident and in control of your money. Head to Fanonchelle.com to get informed, entertained and empowered today. I feel like we've got some good answers.

Do I blow three months of savings or risk family drama? High financial team. I've got a bit of a dilemma I'd love your take on. My cousin is getting married this year in the South of France where she lives. It's over a four to five day long weekend and once I've added it all up, it's about £560 pounds for flights, £480 for accommodation and £200 for transfers for just the two of us before spending money. All my spare money this year is going into my savings. We bought our house last year and it needs work.

Plus I'm trying to build a maternity fund since we're hoping to try for a baby this summer. I feel really torn though. My cousin was a bridesmaid at my wedding before lockdown and made such an effort to fly over and be here. I don't want her or my family to think I don't care and I don't know. And I know if I don't go, it's going to cause drama in the family. But if I do go, that's around three months of savings gone. And that money is meant for when I'm on maternity leave in 2027. It would mean I could only afford six months off work instead of nine.

So what would you do? Skip it and stay focused on savings or find a way to make it work given I'm not pregnant yet and woe be for a while. Oh, this is a fascinating one. Yeah. This is absolutely fascinating. And I do have sympathy because when I was like one of the first to get married in my group, so then when everyone else got married, I couldn't be on the, so I'm going to save for a baby and I'm going to, and I'm not going to come to anything because I've had my turn now.

Like there is a vibe of like you don't want to turn into that person where you're like, you've all give up your time, energy, Hendo, time, annual leave money to celebrate mine. And now it's my turn. I'm too busy. I've got my own shit going on. So you don't, I understand. Usually I would be like, oh, if you don't want to do it, don't go. But I do get that there is a little bit of give and take.

That's relationships. Some rules. Yeah, it's like relationship maintenance as well. Like if you love your family and you don't want to cause problems. And I'm not about the so when mum's going to fall out with me and my auntie's going to see me in a bad light. No, you don't like being the pleaser. Yes. I think that's such a good point about us and family is a big one for it.

Like if this was a friend, it's the same thing. It's like, how is this relationship going? and do you see it as part of your future? Because if you don't, and it was just because they did yours, friendships change, people evolve, you can be an adult and you can say, like, do you want to go?

Yeah. Because if you really, really don't want to, and it's a friend, and then, you know... It's her husband. And she was a bridesmaid for her. So you're obviously close, unless you were forced

with your arm behind your back, because some people are, they are, whether we like it or not. You know, you made to feel guilty. like, oh, you have to have your cousin. You have to have your cousin. It's my niece.

You know, you can hear the mother. I'm sorry. But like Laura said, there's a choice of like, do you still have a relationship with this person? You might then be a bit more distant than you were when you got married. Like, relationships change. But I hate the fact that you're hanging the, like, maternity leave, like, saying or... That's too far away. So what I was going to say about that is super proud of you.

Well done. But it's not an impending, like, I'll be on maternity leave this year. And we are the question. Queens are telling you, get prepared for that time in your life, enjoy it, you know, make sure you have the time of work that you want, try and contribute to a pension if you can. We are all about that and we wish you all the best. It's just not as immediate that you couldn't try and build it back up again. Yeah.

You know, and again, we talk about so often on here about frugality and about the idea of three months savings. I don't think she gives, she didn't give the amount, did she? Did she give the amount? She just said like three months with a savings. Three months. Yeah. It's not like.

It's not. and it's not like is that three grand yeah what we're talking is it 50 hundred quid yeah is it 10 grand like what does she mean by three months and i don't think she mentioned that i think she just talked about like that's three months that i'm going to have to give up kind of thing but you've talked about putting money and your savings to do the house up like you might have to pause house like like if maternity's more important then house and the wedding's more important the house stops you can't have it all yeah we talk about this all the time you can have you can't have it all just order it all at once yeah so you can do waterfall budget stuff on the house

else, like, is everything absolutely necessary? Do we need to build those savings up straight away? Whereas a wedding is like once in a lifetime thing and it is an important, you know, family experience. I just, I do think the cousin, I'd like, this is where I have to pay attention because I'm like, I'm already picturing what's happening. And for cousin, I, it depends on your family and it depends on a few things, and there's some things I can't say. So I'll, well, again, sorry guys, there'll be some chat at the, we get a coffee afterwards and so, but so I will say what I want to say, but I won't say specifics. people will get over that you didn't go to something. And so this is why it's so personal to you,

but the things that you have to think about is, yes, they were at your wedding. And so they did it. And so sometimes there's a quib pro quo, especially if it's close in time and proximity, and that was quite recent. And you know, what were you like and how demanding were you and how much did you make it about you?

Because there is giving, taking a relationship. How close are you to your cousin? and some people are super, super close, but some aren't, you know, some cousins don't get invited to weddings. Like that's the kind of, that's fine.

Mine didn't. Well, they didn't. And if they were invited and didn't come, again, it's hard because there's a quid pro quo, but you'd be fine, it's your wedding.

You're having a great time. It's not about you. And so it's worth thinking about all these different things when you write in your little list of should I, shouldn't I? You do have permission not to go. go if you understand the consequences of not going, like, could it cause a big rift in the family, or would it not? Imagine, like, from the cousin's perspective, it's like, oh, if we can't really afford it.

And then a few months later, it's like, oh, yeah, we just started our extension. Yeah. Like, it doesn't, like, it doesn't, obviously it's, like, you've been saving up for that. That's one of your goals. But from an outsider's perspective, and that's what will impact relationships. Yeah. And we've always said this before. Sometimes it's not an either-or.

Is there a wedding where just you go? no one else goes. Less days. You do less day. Like, can you, can you do them all and what are the different options? Does everyone know that you're saving for this big renovation? And is it like a bougie extension or is it like we're living in a 1960s kitchen and like we have to, every penny counts. And so we unfortunately have to not do some things. And so again, someone's wedding day, they don't always care whether you went or not. It is about you. So like think about all those things because what you don't want to do, And I know people that have done this and maybe they don't regret it,

but people don't go to something, they choose something else. And at the time ago, you regret that. That's the wrong decision. Especially when it comes to family, it's the wrong decision. You do you, like, you will not change our day. But people sometimes don't make the right decision and they do regret it later. And, you know, I think the proximity of maternity leave is super, super interesting. It's not right now.

You've been really organised. What would it take you to catch back up again? Yeah. I think you could do it. I think you could. I think the amounts that you're talking about for how expensive the wedding is inverted comments because it is, but not for four or five days in France. Arguably, it's not that too, it's not so ridiculous that you couldn't make it up in other ways. Like a bank switch, like a bank switch. Like if you really want to do something, you can make it happen. And it might be that the house account is lower than it, than it was. And that gets pushed further down. And that's fine. That's not a life or death situation. But like maybe. And we've not got maternity to leave next year. Definitely happening. It is in the future. You are super prepared for it. But you can slow that down. a little bit. Sometimes we've, I worry we've made financial monsters. You're like, I know, I'm not doing anything. We've like, girl boss too hard, like all of us where we're like, girl boss too close to this. Yeah, we've made it so, I've got to make a decision whether I do this or this or this and I can't do it all because we've kind of give that impression that like you can't

do that. But life's not so black and white sometimes as much as we would like it to be. And it's a yes and a no. And it's going or not going. Like, it's extension, not extension, materially not. It doesn't actually have to be that way. It can be a. bit more grey. We're going to give you permission. Life's too short, a bit more complicated than just saying yes or no, it has its complications and therefore implications. Like, just take a minute. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. And I don't sometimes worry with like, created. I'm just trying to think like, where else have we done that and we go? And people expect us to answer one way and we go now. I always use the debt one about going into debt for the little boy,

about whether they go on the school trip. The single mom and everyone was like, you know, You're obviously going to tell her she can't go into debt and we're like, go into debt. For this, you're allowed, you'll work it out. Like, we have faith. I don't know. Where else do we do it? Well, the F off fund, I think people will always think that I will be like red flag. Like, we can't let the man like know about our F off funds because I'm very like pro winning and this like and other.

But actually, why not? Yeah. So I think that might have shocked you both when I answered that at the beginning of this pod. I think so. There's much more nuance is what I would say. We can't just give these black and white answers because life isn't black and white. I think it's this realization as well that how fucking expensive life is. And so a lot of the times we are talking about either or sometimes people want permission not to do something.

I know like, oh, this is a question. 90% of the dilemmas are. This is what I want to do. Tell me I can. Literally that. You know the answer to the question. But this one, you've got a lot of goals at any one time. and sometimes as in house, wedding, baby,

there are a lot of goals all in one time. Let's like spread them out. We don't have to get them all in the same day. Yeah, and that's where like when we are super intensive when it's people in survive and she's not in survive. So we are like do everything you can. And there's a couple of reasons of this. Like one of them is because we want you to obviously progress and do well

and we don't like you being in debt. We want you to be in control. We want you to feel better. There's also a second reason I want you to be quick. There's a danger that you stay there and you don't finish this. We want you to feel what it feels like to be debt-free. Because especially when you've been in debt and then you become debt-free, it is one of the most freeing moments of your life.

And something changes in you, something switches mentally. And it sets you up then for a lifetime of not going back into debt, trying to pay off your mortgage, wanting to build up savings, starting to invest. Lots of things come after that. And if we don't get you to that, that moment quickly enough, there's a danger that you go, this is fucking miserable. I don't like, I don't like this payoff debt, Malang.

I hate budgets. And so there's got to be some intensity. But then what we then have to do is ease you out of it and gently show you that actually that this is also what life is about. And life is about experiencing weddings and experiencing trips and renovating your home and spending a stupid amount of money on a tap. Like I always wish I did the tap that holiday, but we didn't have the money. And I'm still glad I didn't use credit for it, but then maybe I should get a new tap.

But like it is about the spending as well and the enjoyment of it because what we do is we teach you about proportions. And so we love being intense. But then there's beauty and the balance later and there's beauty and they're doing one thing at a time. And some of these things cost an awful lot of money. Like she's on about attending a wedding. But imagine if it was I want to have a baby in a good maternity leave. I want to get married. And I want to have a house.

Those are real. We've had those. Crunch points where you do have to make a decision. You can't have everything. I think maybe there's a little bit of fan and shell monster here and it's a healthy thing where you super organised for this. You've got this goal and you want to hit this goal. And then there's this trip and that trip is a bit of an inconvenience.

Yeah, it wasn't your plan. It wasn't in your... Yeah, that's what it is. We talk about planning all the time. It's not in your goals. Yeah. But sometimes life isn't about you. You're not the main character and you can take the foot off the gas a little.

bit. Especially if you want to go. Yeah. And this makes sense for your future relationship with your family. Yeah. Yeah. If it doesn't make sense, crack on. Yeah.

But if it does, we are giving you permission to go. Yes. This won't derail you. You're not in jail. You get financial permission. Yeah. Because you've got all your other shit sorted. Someone else will come to as in like, you've got your shit together.

You're allowed. Someone else could come to us so scatty with like not much financial stability going on. Well, you saw the girl on TikTok that was like, I'm not financially responsible. but and I'm I'll look at I managed my money well but I'm in debt and I and then I need to go to Dubai and you're like yeah and she said if something if something happened to my car now

I couldn't afford to fix it but she's but I've got money I've got money but I'm fine it's denial you are not come in come into the fall darling I'd imagine we could bring her she would hate to sit between us oh my god put my arm around I'd be like so yeah what we're doing got some home truths to go through here with you

on that note this is going to be a little bit left field. But if you've anyone like that in your life that you're like, do me a favor, give us their dilemma where maybe you guys are, we're not running out. We've got a whole awful lot to get through. We're very excited to help you all. But have you, feel free to ask a dilemma that's for a friend, which is my friend is in denial. She thinks that Klan is cool and she is going like dance through life like willy-nilly. Give us your friends' dilemmas. We will roast them in their absence. And then just go FYI. I think that's talking about you. And change a couple of details if you don't want us to reveal it. It was about them. Like the plane driver or the train driver.

Was that this one? That's sweet. Okay. That is all for this episode. The Vault is now closed. And just a quick disclaimer of the Vault is just a chat around life and money topics. We're not giving financial advice.