The Vault with Financielle - "Do we stay for the pension or leave for the life we actually want?” | The Vault Episode 122

Episode Date: June 25, 2026

We asked how much you've spent on a wedding that wasn't yours… and some of your answers were shocking 😅💸This week's dilemmas:💸 "Do we stay for the pension or leave for the life we actually want?"💸 "Is this lifestyle creep or self care?"Got a money win or a dilemma that's been living rent-free in your head? Share it (totally anonymously 🤫) in the Financielle app community or email us at [[e-mail]] 💌You don't have to figure this out alone. More honest money chat at financielle.com 💖💸

Welcome to the vault with finance child. This is a safe space where we talk all things, life and money and no topics are off limits. Howdy guys? How are we doing? Very good. I just had four mint imperials and I put all four in my mouth at the same time. Is your mouth burnt? Do you not love it when you see the reels of the kids, when you give you kid mint toothpaste and they're like...

It's spicy. Yeah, it's spicy. The red eyes. Yeah. They were fine until I then had a glass of water. Oh, look. Nothing was worth. Good job you didn't have Coca-Cola.

Oh, yeah? That, like, explodes. I don't know why I need... I'm still up. Fresh. Nice and fresh. Okay, I've got a really good community question this week. I've been excited for this one.

What's the most you've ever spent on a wedding that wasn't yours? Hang on. I remember when we asked this and it went a bit crazy and Lydia was all hands on deck, weren't you? Do you remember everything popping? I can't see notifications and notifications and notifications. Yeah, it's mad. There's some stories.

Yeah, people have a lot to say on this one, don't they? Just us to answer first? What's the most we've spent on a wedding that wasn't ours? God, I always share this, but I'm the destination wedding bitch. I think maybe... I probably spent the most alloras because I did... And you're made of honor, like, you do the hendoo. You do the holiday and then you want to get a nice gift and all that kind of stuff.

So I think... Did you get me? Took you for a really nice, expensive... Expensive meal. Really expensive. I pictured gift. So you're arriving at my wedding with a gift. No, no, absolutely no gift.

So I think that would have been my most expensive one. Yeah. Only because as well, I want it to be most expensive one. It wasn't like a... It's the most expensive one. It was like, you know, and you probably for me, I would imagine a little bit with the Hendo and... Yours probably.

You put more effort into it, don't you? It's important. It's your sister. Or your best friend. It's the ones where you are... dragged kicking and screaming and you don't want to go and you have to pay a lot of money that you probably feel a bit of resent for that many

really. I feel like all my friends now are already married. Good tactic. Yeah. So like... Made friends with married couples. I really like, if I think like Sam's was amazing but it was in Manchester and I was pregnant. So it was like

cheap. She provided the room and the dress and the make. I did nothing. Hopefully I got her gift. She's not listening. She's too busy. but she absolutely, that's probably, maybe there's someone I'm missing. I think you're right. All the ones, I don't think we've done destiny.

Our best friend got married, but it was years ago when you had it, I had no kids, so it probably didn't feel like a big financial. That still might have been it because we went for a holiday. Yeah, and they paid a lot to a lot of the stuff as well. So a lot of the weddings that have been to a UK base,

so they've been a hotel night. So we've probably got off quite lightly. I don't think I've ever been on an overseas hendoo. I don't think I have. I don't think I've been on that many hands. I think I've been to like, so I went to Belfast. We were talking about that earlier because Dylan's from Belfast. We went to Sam's there.

He's from Northern Ireland. He's from Northern Ireland. He's not from Belfast. Sorry, yes. He's like, I'm not. I'm from County, Toronto. Toron. Which is the opposite side to Belfast.

Yeah, he's like this. Literally nowhere near. So that was on a plane, but I was pregnant. So didn't spend a lot. Always pregnant. Not a lot of, I did have three. But what else? So then I.

I went to yours, I just don't think... No. We're getting up very lightly. Oh, I went to Australia for a wedding. Well, there you go. She's an OG though, so it's been quite a while. So, like, she were talking 17 years ago. That's a good one.

How old I am. I'm a wedding 15 years ago in Australia. No, I'm a good friend. That's a good one. I've only done local ones, really. Not too bad at all. I managed to dodge. What do people say?

Well, we've got £500 to go to Sorrento. I was a bridesmaid. We are no longer friends and she's divorced. That just adds salt to the wound. I heard £500 to rent and was like, deal and being honest. Yeah, that's not bad. That's not bad. We spent about 1K between Stagg, Hent and Bridesmaid's duties.

Yeah. It's not even the wedding. Or maybe. Currently up to about 1.5K as a couple for a UK wedding. Mostly my partner. a bridesmaid. That's not acceptable. That's absolutely...

A UK, where is that and what is going on? That's mental. Yeah, it's into, yeah. Not finished. Still rolling. That's crackers. Sorry, that is absolutely mental. Even 50 pounds felt like an obligation.

All submissions were anonymous. As I may never get married, I may never have all of these opportunities to celebrate anything in my life. And it makes me feel salty that I'll have to spend on others. We did actually talk about this the other day, that you do have a pass. Especially as a female because you get invited to more shite. I'm going to put it out there, shite things like baby showers.

I don't believe in them. Naming ceremony reveals. No, that's christening. Organized Laura's baby shower and just got everyone to have a drink in a good time. Because Laura was the only person that was having a baby at that time, weren't you? Because you were quite young and we were like, should we just have a party? That was great. don't like normal baby showers or any christenings.

Like I'm just not into any of that stuff. But there's an opportunity for women of a certain age that don't want to have children or aren't had children yet or don't want to get married or aren't getting married yet or never planned to have their own little celebrations. Didn't someone have a promotion party? Yes, I saw this. I don't know it was on TikTok or on Insta,

but someone had a promotion party and invited all the people that she, that had invited her over the years to christening's and weddings and baby showers and all, you know, then it's like my children's birthdays and there's this and there's that. I would want gifts. I thought it was a great idea. I would like, here's my register.

You can buy me nice pens. Pens. notebooks. Yeah. Sheik briefcase or backpack. Yeah. Could craft fun for like a nice work wear. Work wardrobe.

Do you know what? And I would be like, do you know what? Fairplay. She has been to the kids pastes. She didn't want to come to. The christening. Yeah. The wedding.

the bride party, whatever it is. It can change across cultures as well because in some cultures, the wedding is like paid for and it's like, do not dare put your hand in your pocket. And so the size of the wedding or the size, you know, the amount of people invited is dictated by how much the family can afford

and we had separate ones, haven't we? We've talked about how much you should be spending or not on a wedding. But they do stack up these like formal events. Like Christians don't come at me. a christened Christian. What the fuck of christian's about? It's not about the bit in the church. There's a white outfit that the woman has to wear. I've done this by the way, only with one child and then I realized what a waste of time so I can't say it. Like just like what is that?

It was a great part of it. Again. Nothing to do with the actual ceremony of why are you doing it. And I also look, I love celebrations and I love being with people. So it's bringing the people together, but it's when there may be this obligation to spend to come from far and wide to stay in a hotel, to provide presents, females to get new outfits and to look good for it. And it's disproportionately skewed towards where that have children. I went to a memorable christening. It was in Liverpool and we're filming Liverpool and we love Liverpool. We were just literally having a 20 minute conversation about before coming on and it was fantastic and it did show that it was all about the after party because everyone was enrolers

in the church. No. So it was kind of stating. Yes, Liverpool. This is the pre. This is a pregame. This is an inconvenience. I will come and show my face.

When I leave the church, I will take my rollers out and do my hair. That's so good. That's epic. I was like, fair play. This is a good one. I probably spent 2K on my sister's hen and wedding. I wanted all the hens to think it was great value, but I actually paid for it. So she kind of secretly paid for it.

Farageal jail. Yeah. Bring them back. Bring them back jail. That is a very kind and caring thing to do, but you are not a charity. Another crazy one. 6K to go to India for my now ex-husband's cousin's wedding on a credit card, first class flights, etc. And let's not mention spending 30K on my wedding and honeymoon now divorced.

I don't know what to say. I don't. I feel a bit sick. Wow Because you were married to She's not even going to be like He could have paid If he was his family

Because You probably did pay together On the credit card Oh wow Yeah that's scary The first class ticket To someone else's wedding Like sorry

You're like I'm gonna call you out At that one Maybe she's gone I'm only going If you fly in my first class I mean she didn't want to go all that way So they did

But they didn't have the cash to pay for it Wow My God It's a touchy subject isn't it Just a little And it's when you're, like you say, like on the cusp. And it's like, well, we don't need to go to this wedding. And it's abroad.

Yeah. And it's like... If you're a cusper, that's a really interesting one. Like, Holly's always about you're not the main character. Like, they won't miss you. If you, some do. We've had friends fall out, actually over going and not going to weddings and stuff. But I think we outgrew it.

I think it's also when you've had your wedding a little while ago, like we've had, you become a bit jaded about different, like, you guys are both. planning weddings, like, about what you do and don't need. And we have to have a balance between giving you our perspective as old married hags and letting you have your Cinderella moments because we were you once. And it's a very fine line. Is it like, sometimes I think you'd have wished someone had said it to you, but would you have listened anyway? Yeah, and like, you don't need favours. You don't need to invite these people, blah, blah, blah, it's all well and good because we don't need a dress. You don't need a venue. We've sat on it for years

and kind of reflecting and gone, no, but at that moment in time, would I have maybe be, behave differently if someone had said, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't have you were. I don't have too many regrets around spending the wedding, probably spending too much time worrying on things like the favours that now aren't really a thing. They were a thing back in the day. It's like, well, what are we going to leave on the table for people? It's like, what do you mean? Like, what do you mean? Yeah. Because you get a table and there's no place settings. Yeah. And it's like a free-for-all

you're going to say, where you like. Yeah. Not for a meal situation. Yeah, like the flowers, what the table, what the flowers built like on the table, now I'd be like, well, I'll put a candle on there. Like, no one gives a shit. Yeah. They really don't.

It used to be almonds. Oh, yeah. There's like, chugged almonds. In like a bag. They were from like 20 years earlier. Yeah. Organza bags. Like how many women listening to this

bought a job lot of 200 organza bags for the wedding name. And then they feel like. them. With chocolate or almonds or some shite that nobody cares about. Genuine. Like, don't overthink it. Should you lend money to family and friends?

What is an F-Off fund? How do I build my emergency fund? Well, we're so glad you asked. Head over to financial.com where we tackle the money topics you actually care about. Okay, time for our first dilemma. Do we stay for the pension or leave for the life we actually want? Hi, Finaniel. I have a dilemma about future planning and would really appreciate it.

your perspective. My husband and I are planning to move overseas and we are both in the armed forces. Our issue is that we are in what I can only describe as a career pension trap. If we leave in the next three years, we will walk away with 200k invested for a house and 45K saved for the move and settling in costs. No debt and our daughter would be still under five. There's a lot of numbers in this by the way, so lock in. I know I was like, do I get my phone back somewhere? It's really So basically, if they move in the next three years. So they've saved up 200. I know it's invested, but it's for the house.

Yes. They're able to buy a house in cash and fund the move. Yeah, 45K, save for the move, settling in cost, no debt, daughter would still be under five. But if we stay for another seven years, we walk away with 400K invested and 100K saved, including a 50,000 lump sum plus immediate monthly pension payments of around £800 a month from the day that we leave. Essentially a supplemental income for the rest of our lives. But our daughter would be nearly 10 by then and we'd both be nearly 40. We'd want to move earlier because of the lifestyle we'd be moving to. It's so much better than the current one, especially

for our daughter. And then there's another factor that's really weighing on us. My husband is away a lot with work, often overseas for months at a time, meaning he misses so much of her childhood. When we leave the military, we'd both be in regular jobs and actually together as a the family properly for the first time. But the potential of an early semi-retirement, a lump sum and enough savings to potentially buy a house overseas in cash makes walking away so hard. What would you do? Oh, I totally, I can't empathize because I've not been, had that done. Yeah, never done the military thing. Like, we do actually have quite a few people that follow

us that are in the military and sometimes feel trapped by some of the... Yeah, the benefits and the carrots that are dangled to stay. They're like the golden handcuffs of like a private job. They're designed for a reason to keep people in these jobs. So I can't empathize with that. And they're working away for months on end and all that kind of stuff. And the pull of finally wanting to be together as a family. And you keep coming back to that.

And it's much more than money, like is the answer. And I feel like at the core, you know, we've talked about the last few pods, actually like nothing's promised to say like we'll move in seven years. That's a long time. That is a lifetime for some people. Like you actually, that's not promised either. You don't know if you're going to get seven wonderful years together. So it's actually not a money question.

It's like, what do you want your life to look like? And you've pretty much said that you don't want it to look like what it looks like right now. And it is a lot of money. But are you willing to compromise on seven years of life of your husband being away from your little girl growing up and missing all those precious moments and whatnot? What's the difference in, it's a seven-year option, or what your option? Three, yeah.

Three. Because I think in this scenario, it's a very niche career in terms of not a lot of us know what it's like to have a partner not only work away, potentially in danger at times. You know, we've got some amazing community members who experience that. They have partners that work away and it's what they've always known in some cases. And it's the life that they've chosen. Some people do that in terms of like oil rigs and some people do it in terms of, you know, flight attendants. different kind of disruption, you know, shift work. There's lots of sacrifices or life sacrifices we make with careers and that's like an extreme one where there may well be

your months at a time and or danger involved. And hence, just as you said, all like, that's why there's a financial upside. And on the, you know, there's something in the middle here because for me there's the extremes are, you know, we can't all like I just, my little boy at the moment is so clingy. It's the last one. So he's like, you know, three and a half. He says, can I just stay at home with you, mummy? Like, can I come work with you?

Or I want to be together all the time. And it's so adorable. But, like, I want to work and I have to work. And so I can't sit at home and just cuddle him on the couch all day every day. But I would love to. But in the same respect, I don't think I would want a really well-paid job with a really well-paid pension that takes me away five days a week. You know, I don't think I'm.

do that. Now I have the life I have and our life is structured in a particular way. I just feel so, so lucky because it isn't promised that we don't know what's around the corner. I don't want to compromise on that because of experience that. So I have to work hard financially to make the numbers work, but I know I'm not willing to go there. And so if you're already living this life, that you've chosen to be in a particular place on that spectrum, you're already sacrificing, you already know what it's like. And you also are in a great community of people that have probably done both that have made it work with the longer, you know, seven-year-weight and to get that kind of military pension and that uplifting kind of cash to buy a house.

But you will also know people that have gone earlier. I would firstly speak to them. Everyone's different. But if you are sure of yourself, getting other people's perspectives, just like your best hours, is really good thing. And they know more about what it's like than we do. But like I said, having said that, you want a money podcast, money isn't everything. and you're telling me like, you know, the difference between a 200 and a 400-ish,

you know, there's going to be a life next and you're going to have to work. What does that look like? You know, we've done it all the time. Like, you can, you know, spend and splurge 400 and go through it on a big house and big cars and this holiday. And suddenly was that really worth four years extra work in a particular way? Maybe not. Maybe that's what you need to live in the place that you want to live with your family and set roots with this. seven-year-old. I wouldn't be, I think I'd be driven by the people in the military and what it's like

being around kids or not around kids. Because, just because I feel like I couldn't do it, doesn't mean that kids could have an amazing upbringing with parents that may be a bit more transient and they may not see them all the time. And so a really, another thing to think when you do something like this is really picture each option and go through it and go, how does it make you feel? So we've someone forced you and said, you have to say, you have to say the seven years. year one. Okay, well, we'd make it work and this is how we'd do it and this is what it would be like, how does it make you feel? And if someone gave you an out, would you take it? Because if you're like, actually, we could make it work, then there's a balance where the money makes sense.

I guess what I want to lead with is over and above a certain point, like, this isn't all or nothing. You're going to get something on the lesser one. So if it's something that actually is a family, you want to end it a bit earlier and go make your own money somewhere else but in a place where you see each other every day it's not you're walking away with nothing it's not a deal or no deal. I think if you were to move in three years

and then by the time that seven mark year would hit if you were to look back and be like oh we should have just moved now you wouldn't do that because you've like well we've got four years of gorgeous memories all together in a new environment with a lifestyle that we love

would you're not going to regret that. Probably not. That's what it is at the end of the day, isn't it? No. I think would you feel, like I said, would you feel so resentful? When it got to the third year amount, would you be like, we should be moving now?

Do you're like, if you think, it's like we've got more, we've still got four years to wait. Yeah. If you can see that that conversation would be being had, would still hear three years, like we should have gone.

Like, would you feel resentful? Would it cause tension? Would it cause you to not go? Yeah. It's a fact, we've never had one like that before. That is such a, it's a, She's gone.

It's so delicate, isn't it, that one? I absolutely empathise. I was watching a programme with Woody because he's into like, I don't know, boats and ships and... Boats and ships. It's to boats and ships. Yeah, well. And it was about the Royal Navy and stuff

and people going away. And this woman was like, oh, she worked in payroll on a warship. Oh my gosh. Queen Elizabeth Warship or something. That's cool. She worked in payroll. I was like, oh my God. And then she was earning extra money sorting through recycling.

You could get paid like seven pounds a day or an hour or something for helping with this. It was only for a little bit of time. I think it is. It was like after her 95, you could go and do extra jobs and get paid for them. And she was talking to a guy next to her and he was like, oh yeah, I've just had a baby like three weeks ago. I'm not going to see her for seven months. So next time we're going to see, because it was going on a world tour, this. Yeah.

War shit. I was going on a world tour. I'm picturing. For my fans. I'm sure it is. I know what you mean. You need to go. A tour around the world.

You do have military tours as well, but I just pictured one direction. I did. It's like Taylor Swift. Like, going on a tour. You see it. Seven months. You see it on cruise ships. A lot of, you know, a lot of people.

from poor countries, you know, that don't have a lot of working opportunities. Philippines is a big one. Yeah, yeah. You see a lot of workers that go work on the cruise ships. Amazing in the service industry. And they go and travel and they leave their children behind. And they tell it when you, if you've got a baby on a ship, they're comfy because they just miss the nieces and nephews and their children. You're often children and they're sending money back home.

And it's such a sacrifice. So lots of people actually have to do it. Like we're actually such a privilege, we are privileged massively. But it's a very real thing. Very real thing. and it's not something that... It's not right or wrong either. I remember when I met that lady on the train to Newcastle

and it was snowing. And she had the trolley. And so we were like, come and give us a food. We're here for it. We are your friend. We're going to always make high contact with you. Biscuits are being brought. And she stopped and we're like,

well, she's stopping out. I wanted the biscuit. And she was taking a video and we're like smiling with her and laughing because we were doing the same thing. And she said, oh, I've sent it to my daughter. She's never seen snow before. Where is she? I think she was in India.

I think she was in India. She was five, wasn't she a little girl? And she was like, I'm sending the video back to her. What sacrifice that lady's making? We were like, oh my God, so you work here? She was like, I work here. I send money back to her. I see her on FaceTime.

I don't really get to see her. We were like, I'm like, I've had a shit mom this morning. I'm showing up my kids. Get to school! This woman's like FaceTiming a little girl. Never seen snow like it was lovely. But yeah, it's very real for a lot of people and there's no right or wrong. This isn't like a judgment thing like, oh, you chose to take the money and not spend time with your kids.

It's not like that. Nothing is clear cut as that. But yeah, what will you feel? Model it. Yeah, model it. Literally get in the headspace of you in seven years time and you in three years time and be like, what will I do? Is there any decisions like this?

And this is the same with like job changes and pay rises, right? I always say like play the game where if that amount was put in front of you and this lifestyle, what's the turning, tipping point? What's the tipping point where you go not worth that? Like if you are, you know, someone that is absolutely struggling and you're not on a big salary and there's a game. changing amount of money for you and your family. And we're talking about peace of mind, building emergency funds,

be able to buy your own home, you know, moving from a dangerous area, all these different things. Finally, we're down to take your kids on a holiday. And then you go, okay,

well, what's the sacrifice of that? Oh, actually, I need to commute a little bit. I'm going to have to work away a couple nights a week. I'm going to do one week, one week on,

you go, right, okay, how does that look? And there's different. So playing around with that, you'll, there'll be a tipping point that makes you go, not willing. It's like stick or twist.

Yeah. Yeah. And you go higher. Yeah. Higher. And then what did you always stick with in, what's it called? 21. 21.

Well, of course you stick with 21 because that's the game. Isn't it? No, I thought you were asking that. Would you stick with the 19? Yeah. You might go, I'm going to stick with the 19. I thought you were asking the number in the game. Oh, sorry.

What would you stick with? You'll never see us in the casino, guys. I'm not allowed in because obviously they're worried about me now. The word see me coming. What's it called? Hope that hell. Tell us what you do if you have to choose it. You might not have to choose yet

but I would love you to message back and give us your thoughts on what we've said and like I said if you do ask other people what do they? And tell us well. Before our second dilemma Lydia's got something to tell you. Yeah, if you've ever wondered

how you can support the podcast I'm going to put my bank details in the show now. I'm only joking. What would really help us is if you follow the show It shows the algorithm gods that we're worth listening to so it'll put the vault in front of more people

which means we can help more women get the money shit together which is our main goal. Also if you leave a review you can tell us what you like, what you want to hear more of, what you want to hear less of, but be kind because we're sensitive little souls. So yeah, if you can make sure that you're following and leave a rating or review, we'd be very, very grateful.

Thank you very much. That was fantastic, Lydia. Thank you. I don't think I've done a review. Oh my God. Is that cheating? No, I have. I haven't.

Lucy's hair is fantastic. I don't know. Lucy is the best. I think you can only leave one in the world. The person who reads out of the dilemma. She's got great hair. She's got great hair. That's what everyone says about Lucy.

Great. The girl with the hair. Like if we meet anyone and they're like, Lucy's the host, isn't she? Great hair. Great hair. They're not wrong Lucy. Oh my God. The roots right now.

No. Look at that. When are you having your hair done that? Next week. Oh, okay. This time next week I'll be. We call it WFH, working from hair dresses. Yeah, that's what I always put it in my calendar.

Yeah. WFH. Yep. Good point. Lydia on the reviews. Only five-store reviews, though. Yeah. It is, what's it called?

Not a democracy. Yeah, it's not a democracy. Dictatorship. Dictatorship. Five-store reviews, only. We actually have a 4.9 out of five. Spotify. Who was that? Who didn't do it? Yeah, actually. Who goes down? Scroll it down. I don't even who got us a 4.9. I was like, I'm pretty sure it's like an average. It's not one. Susan in Manchester.

We can't see. We can see. We can see. I wonder what we did wrong. Yeah. Some people are vicious right. Sometimes small businesses, I saw a girl do it the other day. I think she was from a bakery in Manchester and someone just gave a one star for this amazing bakery. I've been to it. Busy Bees, I think it's called, or something in the Northern Quarter. It's amazing. If you get the chance to go, you have to go. They gave a one star review and just said, expensive. Nothing else didn't like, and she was like, you don't know how bad that is for a small business. So then she went on to show you how expensive things were. So she was like, this is what we go through in a day or a week. It was actually very good marketing. A bag of cocoa was like, I

I don't know. 80 quid or something. She was like, it's eye watering. The amount of butter they go through. I think they go through like 20 blocks a day, if not more. Then she was like, sugar's this much. Staff is, I think she said her staff and the national insurance and all that kind of stuff. It was like 40,000 pounds a month. Like she was going through all the stuff.

And this lazy person, horrible person, just put one star. You didn't want to spend four pounds on a cookie. Yeah, put expensive. What do you expect? Div. Anyway. I don't know who didn't give us a five-star, but... Div.

Remove that right now. Please. Please. Struggling to make it to payday, the financial app helped me track my money, pay off debt, and finally feel in control. I've built savings, I've started investing, and I actually feel financially well. Download the Fanichel app and start your money comeback today. Okay, time for a second dilemma. Is this lifestyle creep or self-care?

Hi ladies, I love the pod. You've helped me so much over the last 14 months. I am debt-free and we are in the process of buying a house hoping to move soon. I have a question that might start a debate. I'm not sure if I'm spending too much on my health or if it's justified. I've struggled with my skin all of my life. I've had eczema since I was a baby quite moderate to sometimes severe if not well-managed. And it's all over my body.

Over the past few years, I've also had acne, which has left me with horrible scarring. After being fobbed off by my GP for a dermatologist referral many times, I went to an aesthetics doctor for a consultation. She looked at my health and lifestyle and gave me a full report with lots of recommendations. I haven't implemented everything she suggested, as it would cost many thousands, but I've changed a few things. These include diet changes and increase in protein and good quality protein powder, probiotic vitamins and other vitamins she recommended online, not from her own company, so there's

no sales pitch involved here. I love skincare and have always needed a good routine to stay on top of my exma prone skin, so I was already spending roughly £200 a month on prescriptions and skincare, with the addition of good quality vitamins and extra private prescription skincare, that £200 a month has become 500. And that's not including the acne treatment, which I'm hoping will only be short term for the scarring. I know I could buy vitamins from Tesco, but from my research, not all vitamins are good quality and actually improve your health. So my question is, is this justified? Or is it lifestyle creep wanting to spend more money on something? Or should I be taking it from another pot somewhere to make it feel more justified? For context, I have 12K saved as an emergency fund,

no debt, a new car fund for when mine eventually breaks, and have about 6K saved for furniture and house items when we move. I know that won't be enough to go from nothing to a full house, but I don't mind doing small bits at a time. Please can you help? It feels like a huge increase monthly, but it's something I'm keen to improve for my mental health. Well, this hits home for me, because as you can see, I don't have the best skin. And I've never had the best skin from being a teenager. And I had really bad acne in high school, which caused scarring. And it can if you have like really big cystic acne. And I still get it. I've got adult acne. It's never like gone away. It wasn't a thing that I grew out of

that dermatologists will tell you like oh it's just hormonal you're a teenager like once you get through had so many bits of prescription from doctors nothing really has ever worked like I've done diet changes I've done vitamins I've done things that I've seen on Instagram

where I've bought into and I think one day I must have just kind of gone well I'm not doing it anymore because I've tried so many things and my poor mum when I was younger I probably spent hundreds on I found this thing like I'm going to help like wanted to do anything she could to help build my confidence and try and fix it.

She's always a really beautiful skin, hasn't she? My mom's got great skin. Like anyone that goes near her is like, it's like a pillow. Her skin is like so beautiful. I'm like, thanks so much for passing that. Wonderful gene to me. And it just doesn't happen like that. Like that's a fairy tale.

She's like got a fantastic skin. Always looked after it. Always bought really good products and made sure that we had them as well. And I think just I've become disillusioned along the way because nothing's worked. my next port of call is a friend who a lot of our friends goes to see, Laura goes to see her for her skincare, I think I know what I need, but because I've become so disillusioned and I've kind of resign myself to the fact that I've got bad skin and nothing's going to fix it because I've tried the vitamins and the treatments and the skincare and the pillows and everything

that you could possibly imagine, I do have a bit of resistance towards doing it and I've got a sinking fund ready to go, but I think I'd just, like I said, checked out. Yeah, I've checked out. Can't pull the trigger. Yeah, because it's been there over a year. And the nothing's going to be a miracle, yeah. You're like, it's not a miracle worker. You're never going, whether you like it or not, I don't believe so. I don't think I've ever seen a person that's kind of gone and I went and did microdermil or whatever, and I am a new person. Yeah. So I think I'm very aware that this isn't going to change my life. But at the same time and then it's sat there waiting. I'm not doing anything about it because I'm kind of in denial that it's ever going to get fixed. So I have so much

empathy with this person. The vitamin point's interested in I've learned a lot from you working with all the like doctors at the BBC and stuff. It's such a predidate predatory industry. Yeah. Like collagen bullshit. Absolute bullshit. And I know lots of you listening to this, love using it. So I find it really hard to contradict exactly what you believe in and what you have a subscription in. But there'll be an influencer that you follow that you've, that you believing that tells you about it and there's so much science. We record in a studio where a very famous brand operates out of seven figure brand selling things like collagen and supplements and they're just absolute bullshit and I want to be strong in it because I really get really angry

at how they target women and the target aging women. Target women of like typically get our ageing up and just we want to look and feel good and our aesthetic is our currency for lots of things, whether it's because you're single and you want to meet someone or you want a good job or you're on podcasts and you know, you see your skin every day, you know, and it's something that I can imagine is super tough when you struggle with it. And you do want the miracle cures. This, this listener spends £6,000 a year now. Yeah, if it's £500 a month. Yeah, it's a lot, isn't it? And it like, you know, I pay for good skincare at the moment and, you know, my husband and I've decided it's part of our budget,

but it's like limited. And it's, I wonder what we spend probably across two of us. Maybe it's 150 on SP, on cleanser SPF per month. Cleenser SPF, something else I don't know it does. And something else don't know, it does.

Clemsor probably. There's a, no, I said cleanser. There's a retinal serum thing. An I-1, which we don't always have to top them up. And it's one of the only SPFs, actually, that doesn't go in my eyes and my eyes sting and stuff. And I'm really big on obviously SPF and covering up. And someone else might see that as, for God's sake, you don't need that. So I appreciate that we have to be able to judge.

The supplement thing is that on the doctor's on morning live, especially Dr. Zand, there's a big one on it. If you go listen to him and his brother's podcast, it's on Operation Ouch, but is a bit silly on that. You don't have to watch him talking about farts if you don't want to. It's great. but he does a lot on, he hates brands coming up with supplements to target women, target vulnerable people, but especially women,

he did a series where he like made up his own supplement and put it on the shelf and he's like, literally may as well be water. Like that's what it's like. So collagen, you know, even like Grace Beverly with the super greens and the stuff, we just wear it all out.

That's literally what I'm paraphrasing. I'm not, you know, citing the reference. references here, but there's so few supplements that are heavily studied. Creatine is the most heavily studied supplement in the world to be shown to be effective and to be helpful. But so many other things aren't. The other things that are... I see magnesium and creatine are the things where people say...

Yeah, but the big thing about magnesium, which is something between magnet... It claims can be extreme versus what it can actually do. So, yeah, exactly. It made me, Paulie, don't take it. Yeah. It really did for like six months. But we didn't know what was wrong with you. Yeah, yeah.

But we're messing with all these things, and so many people don't default to a really good diet, going to sleep and drinking water. Like, Dr. Zandoah says, think of yourself like a plant. Like, you know, you put a plant. You can give it all the superfood you want, but if you put it in direct sunlight

or out of direct sunlight on top of a radiator, don't water it every day. It's going to be like, I've got a headache. Yeah. Or my skin, maybe not as best as it can be and all these other things. So trying to look at what you spend, you know, if you've got a particular type of expert,

then maybe things that you need. And that's a no brain. Like you've got a medical condition there. 100%. You have to do it. Like you have lived a life of coping with like you said, mild to severe asthma like no one would judge. And it's not matter what anyone says anyway.

You should always invest in that. Like that's a comfort. That's a health. That's a mental well-being. Like I 100% anything that you found that works for you on that, you just keep doing it. Like there's absolutely no one. This is all about trade-offs.

I always think about it's like look at your budget and look at like your budget donut in the house. and have a real think about, you know, she sounds amazing with her money. So, so, so diligent. So having a little think about that and going, as part of my life, if I want to spend 500 a month on essentially my skin, really, I think it is skin. I know it's health, but it is, it's aesthetic. It's in the same thing as beauty.

How does that fit in with my budget? Because someone else might spend Botox, someone else might spend it on clothes, Some else might spend it on facials and massages and hair and hair dye. Some people couldn't comprehend what I spend on my hair because by the time you get it done and blood dried and stuff and someone else on fitness, there's so many things that we do that are what we call discretionary, right? And so long as it doesn't derail, you, you know, you earn enough, you can build up emergency savings, you can invest the difference and any excess cash in your budget and you can live your life. So like, you know, I've got this amazing skin, but it can't see, you know, Spain. or you can't see that nice restaurant because I can't do anything or you're not using credit to do it,

then absolutely no judgment. It's all about as a proportion of your budget, can you make it work? And then secondly, and this is true of all big expenses, we check it in with them and going, do I also want to pay this? Yeah, that's okay. Can we de-influence you a little bit on the supplement point? I would be happy to pull that down

and you know that you're going to maybe spend quite a bit. I'm assuming you're having some sort of aesthetic treatment on the skin bit, i.e. microdome abrasion, like the pen thing that I'm going to get done. And that's not cheap. I think it's about £400 for three sessions maybe. And I think I would probably need more than that. I think I'd probably have the six sessions or whatever. That's like a once one-off thing.

Yeah, it's not a recurring spend. To consistently pay that £500 a month at the end of the go, what is it in a year? What can I pull that down by half? And what can I do that? $250. Can I invest that? What will that look like?

I feel like if you can model it and see where else it could go to make you feel better, but not pull down on the skin being treated. A big tip for me is this is that much money. It's worth your time to research, right? So I think you've seen somewhere a criticism of some supplements, and so that you've gone for more like designery ones. What I would definitely say is anything I've learned from the doctors, like I said, look at doctors and especially because it's just really big on supplements

and people doing the basics first and absolutely doing the basics. You know, like, it's like the person that's like, what we talked about, you're Botox Queen that's like, oh, God, I could only have organic, like, fish. But it's like, you're putting toxins. You know, I have a collagen shot. I have a collagen shot. And then I have my Botox. It's like, oh.

Yeah. You know. What are we? What are we? Yeah, what are we deciding today? But going one by one and looking that, because there are some supplements that are just absolutely useless, but some really basic vitamins, like whether it's your vitamin C is a massive one. We use it obviously as an ingredient in some skincare and something that you can take vitamin D,

big one, vitamin B, whatever your deficiency is. Household names and own brands can be really, really good. So I would say, I would go one supplement at a time and go, right, what's the best? Do you like when you go to like, you're going to go to an own brand? You're going to go from a brand to an own brand thing. There's some that you like, no, I don't like. What's a good example of one? Diet Coke.

You wouldn't want a... Roller cola. You wouldn't want a peps. But you might swap your... Wheatibix for an Aldi. An Aldi one, an own brand, Sainsbury's one. Ketchup. My daughter will not have anything other than Heinz.

I've tried. She really doesn't like it and she likes ketchup. So in our budget, she has ketchup. Yeah. Which is happy to have own brand A, B, C and D. So go one thing at a time through your treatments. See what you can have a break from and see if it is even making...

Not treatments, but like... See what you can get in your food. Like Kiwi, vitamin C. Yeah. More than an orange. Oh gosh, you meant to have the furry bit as well. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

That's like a bush took a trap. Yeah. Yeah. But I think Dr. Zand's like all about gut health is connected to your skin as well. Like I say that I eat really well and it just still doesn't help. So ignore that. But you know what I mean? It can't get worse.

It can show yourself that you've tried everything. And then when I think do that audit. It's like an audit of your expenditure. If there's some that you can switch out for a period of time, test that out for you. I love the idea of one-offs because you build up to it and you pay for them but you're not like committed to it. And if you can get like, let's say if that 500 goes to like 300 and you still feel that you're getting everything you need. You've just given yourself an extra two and a half grandish per year in your pocket and but you're still doing something about it. Like this is,

there's not an all and off in here. Like laser for me was like a big investment but if you said to me you've got to pay £100 month to keep on top of it, it's been that game changing for me that I would pay it monthly as well. even though you pay for, now we paid for, I think I had like 12 sessions all together. And then they say, oh, like, you can just go back once a year now for a top up. If you said to me,

you need to pay £100 a month to stay on top of the laser instead of shaving my legs every day and my under, I would pay it. Really? Yeah. And that's a good test of like whether something was a good investment or not. Like it's changed my life that much. Yeah.

That I would, and I'm not a girly girl, like we all know, I'm quite more of a tomb by the name. I'm a girlie girl. I would still pay, take my money. Whereas some stuff like you say, she can pull back on it and go, did it make me feel any different? Like I was paying all this money for collagen. I'm going to stop taking it for six weeks just to see. I'm going to eat drink bone broth without actual collagen. Which you can do. Yeah, as we well know. It's like,

we're on that train. Yeah, we are on that train. Love it. Good for your gut health. Good for your skin. Loads of collagen much more than you ever probably getting a sachet or a tablet. It tastes good. It tastes much better. It's yummy. You get to eat a roast chicken before you boil down the bones. But test it. Stop. The to collagen for six weeks, do you feel any different? Do you want to think at a time? And make a note of it. Be like, this is my cheque in.

Yeah, yeah. I like it. But very savvy with the money. Have to give you. Yeah, you're in a good place for that. You're doing really well. Yeah. So, like, this is a two-part thing.

That's pretty well. This. Well done, everyone. What's she called? Clock it. What was the girl called? Haley Peeba. No.

Hila. What was that girl called? Of Mass. Ruth. Ruth. Julia Ruth. Julia Ruth. Yeah.

I'm sitting awkward because I got cramp Oh Shut out I probably need a vitamin or a supplement You need water I was listening to We talked the other day about

What podcast do we like And I love my therapist ghost And me with Jerome McNally And she was like She's in Australia New Zealand Like doing a tour and travelling And she said

I was so ill She was like I was exhausted I felt like My show was horrendous She was like I just felt awful So tired

And it makes sense She's travelling the world and up at crazy times and trying to do podcasts in the UK and like a body clock must be everywhere. But she's like, no, no, I felt genuinely awful. I went to get my nails done. And this woman was like, do you think you might be thirsty? And she was just like, that's it.

I'm dehydrated. She was like, I'm not drunk water for like six days. In Australia. She's just drinking like Red Bull and then going out for a wine. Coffee. Like going to Melbourne, I'm in great coffee. She was like, I'm just fucking dehydrated. And she gave me three lint chocolate bowls.

She was like, I ran out of there. I was a new woman. And sometimes you just need water. Oh my God, I always need. I am literally the worst. Hello. I've seen Tics. I've got a comfort bottle, Lucy and I.

And I've not. There's a cactus. They about have exercise. Laura does. She'd be like, oh, I'm really tired. I've got a headache. I'm like, I think you might be thirsty. I had to force myself to down a big glass of water before leaving the house because I knew

I'd be going from a coffee to a diet cook. Yeah. And I just don't want to. sometimes go, I'm not going to. And I know I'm going to, like, I'll show you. And I've seen TikTok before where it's like when I'm complaining to my husband about feeling poorly, but I threaten him not, don't say I need water. And it's like, I know I do need water.

It's always water. I always say to Laura, just pop a little electrolyte in there, make you feel better and don't you feel better? Always. Just drink more water. Okay, that is all for this episode. The Vault is now closed. And just a quick disclaimer in The Vault is just to chat our own life and money topics. We are not giving financial evidence.

Bye.